Texting Secrets: How to Turn Matches into First Dates | Benjamin Seda DSH #1297

A lot of dates, or you know, with girls, I feel like my game could be better.

You don't want to jump into this weird subculture of

guys that you don't really relate to.

On the other hand, you had very generic advice, like ask men style advice, where it's like, just be confident or

get a better haircut.

And that's not very practical or actionable.

Okay, guys, Benjamin Seda here.

We're going to talk about dating.

Yeah.

Let's do it, man.

A lot of dating issues right now, right?

Very much so.

Yeah, it's kind of like, where do you even start?

It's funny because I notice after COVID, it got way worse.

I've been making dating content on YouTube specifically for almost 10 years now.

And after COVID, there was a very noticeable difference, I think, because people were stuck inside for so long.

And it really destroyed third spaces for people.

Like, are you familiar with the concept of third spaces?

No, what is that?

So, basically, the way most people used to meet, right, was some variation of social circle, whether it's I go to work, I go to school, I go to class, and I go to church.

These are all third spaces where you're not just at home.

But now, with COVID making remote work super, super popular, most of the guys that I work with or take on as clients.

It's not that they're ugly or virgins or, you know, never been on a date, it's just that they're professionals.

In fact, they're honestly usually making a lot of money, but they're working from home all day 24-7.

And their routine is go home or work all day, go to the gym, come back, repeat.

That's it.

So if you're not really in a third space, which is maybe the gym these days, people don't go to church anymore.

And there's all sorts of laws and bad stigma with meeting people at work.

It makes it really, really hard for people to date.

And then they jump on dating apps.

They don't get any results.

Right.

Never in a cycle.

Do you think the gym is a good spot to get girls?

Because I've heard conflicting things on this like some girls feel creeped out right yeah i think

with anything right it's if you do it the right way then it can work and i think the easiest way to to make it work in a way that feels okay in the gym is number and this goes for all types of approaches when you're approaching girls that you always want to do it in a way where it's very easy for her to exit the interaction gracefully right so the wrong way to approach a girl is to cat call or be like hey mama you look so hot or you're so sexy or something very abrasive.

It's always better to start off with something.

You can give a genuine compliment, but even if something as simple as like, hey, I saw you, I wanted to come meet you really fast, right?

The intent is implicit there.

You can compliment as well.

But that way, if a girl isn't really interested, she can gracefully exit.

The same is true at the gym, right?

At the gym, the only difference I would say is that your social reputation is potentially at stake when you're there.

So meaning if you go up and you're super aggressive or you give a very direct compliment and it goes poorly,

you're going to have to see that girl again, or maybe she'll report you to, you know, the gym staff or whatever.

So generally the best way is to, I find just be generally social at the gym, right?

And you don't need to be like a dancing monkey, but if you see people, just make it a habit to smile and nod so that when you do smile and nod at the girl, she'll know, oh, this is just the guy who's always talking and social with people.

And then if she seems open and receptive, then you can go for it.

I think you can directly approach a girl at the gym too.

It just has to be done correctly in terms of like your body language.

And again, do it in a way where it's not invasive.

Like the worst way is when she's bent over with her ass out on the machine and you come over and you're like, hey, by the way, I thought you were really cute.

I wanted to meet you.

And she's like, what?

I can't hear you.

The headphones in.

So it requires a good amount of social calibration and awareness to do it.

right the right way but i think just being social in general talking to everybody so that if a girl sees you talk to her, her guard is going to be down because it's like, oh, that's the guy who talks to the guy at the front desk.

And I see him talk to everyone else.

Right.

So, and just generally speaking, I mean, you live in a big city.

We're here in Vegas.

Just having that ability to make conversations with people.

I mean, dude, I talked to someone in the sauna and then we end up doing business together or some random guy on the street who asks for directions.

You never know where they're going to take you.

I always talk when I'm in the sauna.

I go to Lifetime.

I'm going to hit the sauna tonight after this.

And you never know what will happen.

Yeah.

100%.

You've done a lot of interesting social experiments.

I wanted to talk about some of these.

Picking up 24 girls in 24 hours.

Yes.

Was that in all one setting or how did that work?

So I actually did it in 12 hours.

So I did this challenge on YouTube last year for the year of 2024, because like we talked about, the idea that there's none of these third spaces and people are overly reliant on dating apps.

I thought it was important for guys to

tap back into that initial.

healthy masculinity and the ability of going out and creating these opportunities for yourself, given that the dating landscape has changed.

So yeah, I did a challenge where every day for 30 days straight, I had to film and upload a successful approach.

And every day of the 30 days of January, there was a different challenge.

So one, I had to do one where I was in the middle of jogging.

One, it had to be at the grocery store, the gym.

So literally any situation you could imagine yourself in.

And if I didn't successfully complete and upload 30.

full approaches, I'd have to give away 10 grand to a random stranger on the street.

So the stakes were there.

It was 100% real.

Like the whole thing, I didn't sleep.

I was super sick throughout the whole thing.

But the last day's challenge was picking up 24 girls in 24 hours.

So that one was interesting because there was a lot of logistics that went into making it happen.

So what's the best time to do it?

I was in Miami, right?

So you think

there was a couple of stipulations.

It couldn't just be at a nightclub or a festival where you can just

be too easy.

And it just ruins the

spirit of the challenge, which was to meet people day to day, to not have to go to a nightclub or do something that's super invasive to your day-to-day because a lot of guys who are successful and you know like i talked about who are working 24 7 i mean you're going to the sauna tonight it's a friday night in vegas you could go to a bar a casino a club you could do anything but if you're busy working and you have goals you don't want to spend three hours at a nightclub, wake up hungover and drunk, right?

You want to be able to do it in a way that's day to day.

So yeah, it was all during the daytime.

Obviously, it spilled over a little bit at night, but it was all approaches on the street or at different locations during the day.

So yeah, I did 50,000 steps that day, over 50,000 steps.

I mean, my cameraman.

Yeah, that's insane.

Yeah.

Like our feet were hurting.

We brought five different batteries, three different SD cards, and we literally were at like 7% or 6% battery by the end of the day.

We had to stop in the middle to go and recharge everything, but it still wasn't.

enough.

And I did it in, I believe, 13 hours.

If you see the video, I timed the whole thing.

I showed the step counts.

What was considered a pickup, getting their number?

Yeah, you had to get their number or their Instagram successfully, some sort of contact info.

So I believe I was 24, 438.

Damn.

24, 44.

That's really 40, something like that.

So were you targeted or were you approaching randoms?

Like, was it

a really good ratio?

Yeah.

So there was a couple of things, right?

Like to keep the integrity of the experiment, I only wanted to approach girls I would actually be at least somewhat interested in.

I mean, when you're approaching someone, it's usually just a vibe thing or a physicality thing, someone you would actually be attracted to.

I'm not going to go, you know, approach a grandma and get a number like, you know, it counts, right?

So yeah, like the stipulations were it had to be girls that I would at least in a normal setting consider attractive and

approaching.

But yeah, it was crazy.

You know, it was, it was almost like the universe gave it to me and like rewarded my effort because at the end, the very last approach, I was talking to my cameraman.

Like I was, there was a segment in the video where I was talking to the camera and a girl just come walks right in and like starts talking to the camera as well.

So then I started talking to her and then she was the 24

the last approach.

Wow.

But I got that one just came to me as like the universe rewarded

the effort.

Yeah.

But the interesting thing about that experiment that I found was was most interesting was that

you can get a lot like ironically committing to a really big goal like that made it easier.

Because if on any given day, and I actually recommend this with clients or people i work with i'm like instead of just trying to approach one girl a day why don't you just go out for three hours one day four hours one day if you're especially if you're really nervous and just start a conversation with 10 girls today right

because if it's a bigger number you start you stop overthinking every little one where it's like if i have one girl i need to approach and i need to get her number today you're going to start thinking oh like i have to approach her if i don't do it and you can hype it up and build it up to be something in your head that's a lot more difficult whereas if it's a huge number now instead of thinking from a place of fear like can i even do this now you have to start thinking logistically and tactically of like okay where am i going to go how am i going to open what am i like you have to think about the actual execution of how you would conquer such a big goal and i mean the best place to start is like when i work with clients i'm not saying hey dude you got to go get 10 numbers this week.

Like it's like, no, dude, just start a conversation.

Just say hi.

And if after you say hi, if you feel comfortable, you can ask a follow-up question, but just start by saying hi, or I like your shirt, or I like your XYZ thing.

Just to get, you need, guys need to

remove the mental programming that if I talk to a girl or start a conversation, that I'm going to have some sort of bad reaction.

So the way you do that is by you remove all the pressure.

It's like, listen, I have no expectation of you getting a number.

All you have to do is go up and just, just say hi.

That's it.

Just say hi, give her a compliment, anything, because then they start to realize I can initiate conversations with a stranger and you're only ever going to get three reactions, positive, negative, or neutral.

That's it.

And when you know that you're going to get one of those three, it kind of removes the uncertainty and the fear.

And then you start to see, whoa, like I said hi or I told her, gave her a compliment, and now she's talking to me.

And like, all of a sudden, these guys are getting numbers when they weren't even trying to do it, right?

Because they start to understand that sometimes luck can play on your side the more repetitions and positions, opportunities you give yourself.

Yeah, it's almost like a numbers games once you're doing the reps, right?

Yeah,

I think the whole thesis of game, right, or the skill of dating is so that it's not a numbers game.

But very much in the beginning and the biggest problem with guys I see today is that they're just not meeting enough women, period, right?

Like dating is a math problem.

And

the formula is really simple.

It's like leads times conversions equals dates, right?

You only ever have two problems.

Either you're not meeting enough women or the women that you are meeting, you're not turning into a date.

For example, you get zero matches.

you're not going to get any dates on the apps, right?

But if you have 100 matches, even if your text game is awful and you only get, 10% of those girls out on dates, that's 10 dates, right?

So there's a conversion aspect of this and then there's a like a just a volume and lead generation aspect of it.

So in a perfect world, you do want to get to a point once you develop the skill set after a lot of repetitions and after lots of volume where you can just go up and approach a girl and with pretty high confidence, know you can lead that to at least a date.

Not every girl is going to love you.

You're not going to be the right fit for every girl, but at least know that I can get this to a date or make it progress into something where there's a possibility there.

So, in the beginning, it's definitely a numbers game, right?

Like most guys, they're just not meeting enough women, whether it's on the apps.

Most of the guys I talk to who approach me to

for coaching or for private consulting is most of them are just not doing approaches at all, right?

Or if they do, it's very infrequent.

It's like, okay, when was the last time you did an approach?

I mean, guys go out to bars or clubs with their friends, and then you're like, okay, how many approaches did you do?

You went out last Friday.

How many approaches did you do?

None.

Like, okay, so you just stayed up late all night and drunk

to drink.

I'm like, come to you.

It's like,

what better opportunity did you, did you want?

You know?

Yeah.

So in the beginning, especially if someone's early in the skill set, volume and the numbers game aspect is really important in my mind.

That makes sense.

The text game is important.

Now, I've heard mixed messaging on this.

What's your approach when it comes to texting women?

Because some guys are like, you should ignore them.

Some guys are like, you should text them every day.

Is it case by case?

Yeah.

So this is a great question, right?

So texting is really important because even if you have 10 out of 10, you have a 10 out of 10 dating profile, you can have a 10 out of 10 approach skills.

If you don't, if you can't convert that phone number that you get from the dating app or from in-person, if you can't convert that into a date, like the text conversation is going to determine whether or not she agrees to the date in the first place.

So in a lot of ways, I say this to my guys all the time, texting is one of the most important dating skills, period.

Because you can ruin a great first impression with a text conversation, or you could potentially repair one.

So in terms of how to do it in the most effective way, I find a lot of the gamesmanship or the trickery around like, oh, ignore her or wait X amount of time to do it.

What guys are really trying to do is they're trying to create fake scarcity or they're trying to create like an inflated artificial sense of value.

Like, oh, he's so busy he can't do it.

Where it's like.

It doesn't really make a lot of sense because a lot of times, especially on a dating app where there's max distraction and she's getting new matches and new messages every minute, if anything, you want to reply fast.

You can get her off the dating app as fast as possible.

And you want to get her in front of you on a first date as quick as possible.

So if anything, I tell guys, I mean, I respond to a message when I see it.

Obviously, if you're a man, high-value man, and I cringe saying that, but everyone knows what you mean when you say that, right?

But if you're a guy with

a good life

to bring a woman into, you're going to have stuff going on.

So it's a self-fixing problem.

If a guy's like, should I wait to respond or let her, you know, kind of ice her out a little bit?

It's like, you probably don't have enough going on anyways that you want to be playing these, these tricks in the first place.

So, you have a very different approach from the red pill movement then.

Honestly, yeah, I would say, in my experience, I think,

so I think the red pill movement

has probably made guys worse off with dating in a lot of ways.

Yeah, so the red pill is an interesting thing because I've been, like I said, I've been making dating content for 10 years now.

So, when I started making dating content, a big reason why my original channel blew up and the original branding that I had blew up was because back then the way guys would consume dating content was you either had these pickup artists who had these very niche subcultures where they used all this complicated words and jargon and it was just very cringe, right?

So it was a high barrier to entry.

If you're just like a normal guy who's like, hey, man, I'm not really getting a lot of dates or, you know, with girls, I feel like my game could be better.

You don't want to jump into this weird subculture of

guys that you don't really relate to.

On the other hand, you had very generic advice, like ask men style advice, where it's like, just be confident or

get a better haircut.

And that's not very practical or actionable either.

So

where the content that we made on YouTube stood out was it was very direct.

It was very actionable to the point, but it wasn't,

it had a low barrier to entry to consume.

Like anyone could watch it, right?

Like you could watch it and learn something from it, even if you knew nothing about.

pickup or dating.

The thing with the red pill movement is I actually think the, it's not a coincidence that it blew up the way it did during COVID, right?

Because the red pill movement, I started seeing the first kind of inklings of it in 2018, 2019.

There was a few niche YouTubers that were making red pill content.

I saw them starting to gain some traction, but it really hit escape velocity.

during COVID because everyone's inside, right?

So if you did, if you were meeting people out and about, you're not anymore.

Now you're inside, you're relying on dating apps where you're getting terrible results because dating apps are photos based and the average guy has no idea how to take photos of himself because the average guy doesn't even own a full-length mirror.

You'd be surprised at the number of guys where I'm like, okay, we're going to get you a photo shoot done.

We're going to get you a photographer.

We're going to completely revamp your profiles.

Just send me your five pictures of you wearing your five best outfits in a full length mirror.

Half the guys don't even own a full length mirror.

Right.

I don't think I do, actually.

Yeah, right?

You're a guy, right?

You check for two seconds for a hygiene check, make sure you look presentable, and then you're out the door.

But when it comes to taking photos, all of those little details matter, right?

So, the average guy doesn't know what they're doing on the apps.

They don't have good photos.

They don't know how to precisely package themselves in an attractive way.

So, you're, you also have this like very politicized era during COVID, right, where everything became super political.

Right.

And I think you created this perfect storm for the red pill movement because it's more political than it is actionable.

Because, for example, like

what you're familiar with with red pill content, every guy is.

Like, what would you say are the main advice their main red pill advice for improving your dating life a lot of them say to date multiple women at the same time um they say put men on a pedestal like you're you're superior to women right so i'd say those are the two main things what about you yeah like those are great right the i think like the main point that encompasses all of that is all about raising your sexual market value, right?

Becoming a high value man.

Because when you're a high value man, women chase you.

I don't know about you, man.

Like I've coached, I actually coached a lot of guys who are in the crypto space, guys worth eight, nine figures.

They're rich, super successful, in good shape, and they're all young.

So it's not like they're old, 50-year-old millionaires, right?

Girls don't just fall from the sky.

You're not walking around with your bank account on your forehead.

Yeah, yeah, money alone isn't enough, I think.

Even status and value alone isn't enough if you want a relationship.

Now, if you want to buy tables at the club and hook up with hoes or whatever, very short-term casual stuff, no judgment there.

Then, you know, status can work for a day, two days, a weekend, a week.

But ultimately, a woman is going to be attracted and want to stay based on how you make her feel.

And your status could make her feel something initially, but eventually the emotional connection is going to be about much more than just the status, unless you're, you know, dealing with very vapid.

uh surface level women and it's no coincidence that a lot of the guys who espouse this red pill philosophy are in you know very very

aggressive subcultures that are status-driven hierarchies like Miami, right?

Like Miami is kind of the hub of all of that.

I mean, if you walk down Brickle, everyone's trying to flaunt or flex their status.

And if you think about it, like, do you really want your relationship to be kind of this power struggle between you and your partner when you guys are supposed to be in alignment on the same team?

So I think generally speaking, there's not a lot of practical advice that the red pill gives aside from, you know, just make money or just increase your status, which are all great.

But the thing is, is that if you don't know how to to communicate that status in a way that's compelling, in a way that's charismatic and socially calibrated, then it's just not going to work.

Have you seen that meme?

There's some of these like interviews where guys

or guys will ask a girl, like, oh, what do you bring to the table?

And the girls never know what to say.

It's because like a relationship isn't meant to be discussed overtly like that, like certain aspects, of course, but like, It's a value exchange, but it's a value exchange much more on an emotional level than on a logical level.

Whereas the red pill train of thought is more so about like girls like me are going to date me for my resume, which is

generally not the case.

Like you even think about this in I imagine you have an insane network.

You've had literally everyone,

anyone with

a very impressive background on here, but the people that you're really, really friends with and you'd like to spend time with, it goes beyond more than just their resume or who they are.

With men, it's a little bit more

transactional relationships.

but I mean, I'm sure you're still friends with some people that you knew before you were very successful.

For me, it's an energy thing.

It's how do they make me feel?

Like, are they taking or giving me energy?

Exactly.

Right.

And that can be a friend who's funny or because you have a lot of shared history.

So you understand each other in a very certain way.

Right.

It's the same thing with women, but on steroids, because women are operating much more emotionally, generally speaking.

So yeah, I think the red pill falls short in that there's not a lot of practical advice.

Like if you ask me, what's the best texting advice?

Okay, if you're on a dating app, you want to ask for the date within the first one to three messages.

You want to get her off the dating app as fast as possible because there's a ton of distraction and a lot of things pulling her attention away from you.

You ask, okay, what's the best way to meet a high, high quality woman?

I would say usually during the daytime approaching women in day-to-day scenarios, because if a girl's out at a club very often, she's probably in a more casual, short-term, fun phase of her life, which there's nothing wrong with that.

But if you want something long-term, you're probably going to want to approach a girl at a cafe or coming out of a yoga class or the mall or somewhere day to day where you would find someone who's in a more regimented routine and has their life in a more stable, secure place.

So you don't really get that from the red pill as much.

A lot of it is just like buy Instagram followers, get a blue check mark, have a Lamborghini, get a nice watch.

And I think it's this caricature of masculinity that

tends to fall short when it comes to actually building a longer term relationship.

because out of all the guys I work with,

99% want the same thing.

I want to improve my pool of options.

I want to date lots of women.

And then I want to, of that pool of options, now that I have the abundance, I want to choose the right one to spend, to settle down with long term.

Like a lot of guys, they prefer to be in a relationship longer term, but they want to make sure that they're choosing that from a place of abundance rather than scarcity.

And most of the time, they're operating from a place of scarcity because they don't have choice.

So guys are more so just dating women who pick them or the women who are convenient.

That makes sense.

Have you ever had, you mentioned a virgin client earlier.

Have you ever had a virgin client that you helped out?

Yeah, I've had, I've had quite a few over the years.

I would say on average, the guys that I work with, anytime you're, you're going to do like a personalized coaching or consulting with someone, I'll be really honest, like

So much of the success is on the person that you're working with, right?

Like as much as my system and my way of doing things works and I stand behind it 110%, and I have insane results for guys who we've been able to do it for us,

it will only work if the person is in a place in their life where they're actually going to implement it, right?

Like I can't approach the girl for you.

I can't text the girl for you, right?

There's things we can do.

I can build your profile.

I can build your Instagram.

I can, you know, coach you on what to say and how to say it and why to say it.

So we can teach you how to fish.

in addition to giving you a fish.

But at the end of the day, like they need to be the right person to execute it.

So generally speaking, that's why with my more intimate private coaching, I work with guys who are a little bit older.

The average client is in their 30s.

I would say between 25 and 50.

I've worked with quite a number of guys in their 60s.

That's a wide range.

Wow.

Yeah, I've worked with quite a number of guys in their 60s post-divorce.

They're like, I haven't been on a date in 30 years.

Where do I start?

Now, that's, is that different advice based off the age, though?

Cause the market changes, right?

Yeah.

So it's slightly different, but it's, it's pretty much the same, man.

Wow.

It's pretty similar.

There's obviously nuance, right?

Like if you're dating a woman who's probably 30 and older she the way she's going to want to text or interact on a first date is going to be different than a girl who's 21 and still in college or fresh out of college in a new city right but i find that i don't usually work with guys who are under 25 and the reason for that is because to a little bit to the the credit of the red pill philosophy is that usually their life isn't fully in order.

And if I'm going to work with someone and put in a lot of time to help them develop, I like to see that they already have a career or some other thing.

I actually worked with a lot of guys in the military, just some other thing that they've accomplished and done in their life, because that shows me, okay, you can follow a structure.

You've gotten success in other areas.

That shows me that if we actually get intentional about this area, you're very likely to get success and it'll be a win-win for both of us.

Cause it's not like

it depending on how you're coaching someone.

If it's just a course, it kind of doesn't matter.

Like it's fully up to them.

But when you're coaching someone, you really have to choose the right type of person.

And I think that falls on the coach to make sure you're choosing the right type of person, because otherwise you're going to end up in a situation where you bring on someone who you can't really help.

And then you're spending it, wasting a bunch of time where they're not satisfied.

And you're wasting a bunch of time that could have been spent with someone else who you could actually help.

So generally speaking, I think if you're a younger guy under 25, you definitely want your main focus to be getting your life in order, whether that's physically, obviously financially, it's always a great idea to get a head start there.

But this idea of the self-improvement monk mode, like don't talk to girls, don't talk to anyone until you've kind of become

into your prime.

I think that's a dangerous philosophy as well, because I mean...

I hear that in Red Pill.

If you're financially broke, you shouldn't even talk to women.

Yeah, I think

that's the wrong message, right?

Like it shouldn't be a main focus and you shouldn't go out of your way or, you know, prioritize women over your finances or what's going to put you in a successful life life position.

But I think you miss out on a lot of opportunities as a young person.

Let's say you are in college or just being young in general.

There's a lot of unique experiences around dating.

And I've worked with guys who are in their 30s or late 20s and they're like, I haven't had a girlfriend ever.

I haven't been on a date in five years.

And then you get to the point where, let's say you're 29 and you go on a date with a girl and she starts asking you about your dating history or you guys start going over stuff and she starts to, or she just realizes that you're very inexperienced dating-wise.

That's going to be a red flag for her because she's going to think, okay, he's successful.

He's 29, but why does he not know what he's doing?

You're going to be like, what's he hiding?

Yeah, what's wrong with him?

Right?

Like, why is no one out?

Like, how has he not fixed this yet?

So, the older you get, the more successful you get, the higher the expectations on you get as well, right?

Which is something that a lot of people don't realize is that I also find that a lot of times guys will put off women and dating as a whole as as kind of a way to kick the can down the road because it's like, I'm afraid to approach the girl.

I'm afraid to go for what I really want and kind of put myself out there and take some risk and be vulnerable, put myself in a vulnerable position.

So it's easier for me to just go focus on making more money or going to the gym or whatever it is, because at least I can buy, buy into the idea that if I do that, then girls are eventually going to chase me at some point, which is just not really true.

I mean, you could stand outside on the Vegas Strip with a Lamborghini all day.

Probably not going to have any girl come up to you and throw themselves in what's going on.

A lot of those videos are fake, actually.

Oh, yeah, most of them are.

Right?

Like 100%.

Bold bigger ones.

Yeah, 100%.

Plus, you don't even want that girl anyways.

Like, they're attracted to you for a car.

Like, that's not going to be a real relationship.

Yeah, of course.

What do you think of the Dambazarian approach where the woman, he funnels the woman to him.

He doesn't pursue any woman.

It's like the opposite to yours, actually.

So.

I wouldn't say it's opposite, right?

I wouldn't give a prescription of every guy should do this.

It's always very personal to you, right?

Like, I don't believe in giving blanket prescriptions to anyone because I don't know your life context.

I don't know your strengths.

I don't know your weaknesses, right?

So, for example, the Dan Bilzerian approach is, I mean, the only way you could replicate that as a guy who isn't worth nine figures or whatever Dan Bilzerian is worth is by creating like a very strong social circle.

So I would say that the Dan Bilzerian method, a lot of times, it's very time heavy in that he has to have a staff i mean i don't know how much you yeah the parties and yeah he has like a full staff of people who are coordinating these parties he's managing his assistant who's like getting girls or contacting modeling agencies to bring girls in or whatever it is right so if you want to live that lifestyle but most guys i know who are successful and do have a lot of money they don't even drink right that's true these days especially yeah like most of my like dude 90 over 90 of my clients don't even drink right like a big thing we go over is like if i go on a first date with a girl and i don't want to drink but we're going to like how do i handle that or i want to approach girls but i don't want to go to a bar or club so if you're going to be throwing huge parties you're you're basically living the club nightlife lifestyle and that's just not a fit for most guys it sounds like it works for him and for certain guys like if you're young or you you you you have a lot of fun in that scene then that's great you should definitely do something like that have a have an extended social circle have a network of promoters have the good spots where you're well known so when you go in there is that little bit of extra status and oh this guy looks like he owns the place, he looks very important.

That definitely helps create an initial impression.

But again, beyond that, you gotta, you have to, you have to follow that up.

Status will get your foot in the door, but it's not going to take you to the finish line.

That's that's really what I've seen from working with, I mean, over a thousand guys in a very private, intimate, hands-on setting now.

You said you worked with a lot of crypto guys, a lot of crypto guys are introverts, right?

Yeah, and that's a big thing, too, right?

Like, if a guy, for example, like going back to what I said, I don't prescribe the same thing for everyone, right?

Like a guy who's peak bull market, he wants to just go on one date a week, he's probably doesn't need, he probably doesn't have time to step away from memescope to jump to

go do cold approach, right?

He is probably better off.

maximizing the dating apps, paying for the top tier subscription, paying for boost 24-7, getting a really good photo shoot done, getting lots of photos tested 24-7, because he can be on MemeScope and texting a girl back on tinder he can be on meme scope and messaging a girl on hinge right or dming girls on instagram so that makes sense if you're like locked in in that monk mode lifestyle where you're very focused on work and maybe you're not leaving the house for that period of time but when the market dries up maybe and you're going out a lot and you are seeing women day to day when you're just out and about why not take advantage of those opportunities so there's a time and place for everything right there's a time and place for the dandibles area and social circle approach time and place for cold approach instagram dating apps it's just about what's going to fit your lifestyle and where you feel you tend to get the best results.

Is there any specific apps you're seeing the most success with?

Hinge by far.

Hinge.

Yeah.

So Hinge is the best because the prompts make there's less of a social stigma associated with Hinge, right?

They did really good branding with like, oh, it's meant for relationships and it's designed to be deleted.

So they did a really good job with that.

Bumble kind of tried to rebrand the hookup stigma of Tinder, but the problem problem is that

the main core feature of the app is completely antithetical to how female-male mate selection works.

Right.

They have to message first.

Yeah, the woman has to message first.

Like, in what, like, where in history ever have women been the pursuers?

It's just not very common, right?

So a lot of guys have bad experiences on Bumble, but generally speaking, across the board, most guys are getting the most results on Hinge by far.

And I think it's also because it's prompt-based, right?

So beyond just the photos, like they force the prompts in between.

So the girl is forced to see a little bit more personality.

And if you have a little bit of game or you can package and present yourself well with words, that really helps along with the photos.

Also, you can just like have more info there.

at once, whereas it's a little more fragmented on the other apps.

But I do see with guys,

generally speaking, guys who are maybe like 30 and 30, 35 and up, they tend to do well on bumble as well, especially if they're dating slightly older women, let's say women like 28, 29 and up.

Bumble tends to do better for that demographic and that crowd.

And then Tinder is kind of just at the bottom of the list generally.

Tinder does work well in less populated places.

So if I'm in like Indianapolis or North Carolina, like smaller places outside of big metro cities, then Tinder works well because it's still the most popular and most downloaded dating app out of all of them or if you're overseas tinder is really good like hinge isn't used much in place most of europe it's used a lot in

parts of poland uh some parts like uk ireland but most of western europe uh or europe in general hinge is just less popular so tinder and bumble are still wow you got clients everywhere i love how you know that i have client i've worked with clients in every single country except antarctica wow i mean there's only like 100 people there so that makes sense

I would pretty much say you've done every continent at that point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've coached some guys in South Africa.

I even had a guy in Egypt

way back when.

You kind of got to learn other culture dating styles too at that point.

Yeah.

So generally speaking, it's largely,

I would still say the general principles still apply.

But for example, the way I would text a girl or approach a girl, if I'm in Eastern Europe, like Poland or Kosovo or Albania, is going to be different than a girl in New York or Vegas or Miami, right?

More traditional cultures in Eastern Europe or maybe parts of like

Asia, depending on where you're at.

If it's a more conservative culture, there's definitely some things to keep in mind, but I haven't had an issue where it's like, oh, this guy's from a different culture.

I can't help him.

It's just, okay, we got to just adjust stuff based on that specific culture.

And I do have some other coaches who help me.

So I have a coach who's out in bulk area.

So he's very well aware of like Eastern European culture and dating those types of women.

So that definitely helps as well.

That's cool, man.

Benjamin, this was fun.

Where could people get coached by you and find you, man?

Yeah, the best place to find me is YouTube and Instagram.

And once you're on there, you can find out about all the stuff that we do coaching-wise.

I love it, man.

I'm gonna check out that video, 24 and 24 hours.

Dude, it's actually

if anyone ever

should I watch the 24 Girls in 24 Hours, it's it's very, very entertaining.

I love it.

We'll link that one below.

Thanks for coming on, man.

Cool, man.

I appreciate it.

Yep, check them out, guys.

I'll see you next time.