Ex-Bachelorette Reveals Social Media's Hidden Toll | Kaitlyn Bristowe DSH #959

I have found this out to be true as well.

I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy.

That week did about 10 years of therapy for me because, like, you just said, like, you learned from your mom.

We all learn so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize.

Like, think about social media, what we consume,

how it warps our brain, and that's as adults.

So, as children, think of like that's all you know.

All right, guys, digital social hours.

Last episode of the day, Caitlin Bristow, thanks for coming on.

Thank you for having me.

I saw your Instagram and I was like, what?

I would like to get there with my podcast.

Congratulations to you.

Work in progress.

Well, you've been working hard.

Yeah, well, when you film, I don't know, 20 episodes a week, you could get there quicker than most.

That's bananas.

That's bananas.

I wouldn't even be able to talk.

I'd be like,

by the end.

Yeah.

You said you were doing four a day some days, though, right?

Some days.

And literally, they had to cut me off at five five because they're like, your podcast sucks.

If it's the fifth one of the day, I'm like, okay, humbled.

Thank you.

That's still way more than most people, though.

That's a lot.

I do love it, though.

Are you drinking on them?

Depends.

If it's like 10 a.m., I'll stay away

because otherwise I'll be sleeping by the end.

But if it's like...

I've got maybe two or one and it's a little later, then absolutely.

Yeah, I drank on my first one last week.

You did?

Yeah.

First time ever?

On a podcast.

On a podcast.

How was it?

I felt better.

Yeah, I know.

Now, that sounds messed up to say, but I know.

Questions float out.

I say that with my guests because I have a wine label.

So having a glass of wine with them, I'm like, not only am I promoting the wine, but I'm like lubing up my guests to get comfortable.

And like, I always make my guests tell me an embarrassing story, and I do it towards the end, and there's a reason for that.

Yeah, because some guests are a little nervous.

Have you gotten that?

Yeah, yeah, some guests get nervous.

I had David Arquette on.

I don't know if you know who that is.

How old are you?

27.

Okay, so David Arquette was like really big into the Scream movies.

He was a big actor in the Scream movies.

And he was, oh, which guy was he?

Dewey.

Oh, he was Dewey?

Yeah.

That's the guy.

Yeah.

And I think he's very much an introvert and very shy.

And, but those are my favorite kind of people.

Really?

Yeah, because I like making them feel comfortable and seeing them warm up.

I don't know.

You'll have fun with me.

I'm actually a massive introvert.

Are you really?

Yeah.

I'm both.

We were talking about this downstairs.

I like right now, I don't feel like an introvert.

I love meeting people.

I love talking on podcasts.

I like hanging out, but I love being alone.

I need to recharge alone.

Crowds of people give me anxiety.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've had a, I didn't know I had anxiety.

So how did you discover it?

I collapsed.

No.

Yeah, I collapsed on my college dorm room floor, had to crawl

to my bed, and I was like, thought it was a heart attack, honestly, but it was just a panic attack.

Panic attacks sound just like if you've experienced one, then I feel like it is just as scary as a heart attack.

Like I, I, the first time I ever had one was on an airplane and I thought I was dying.

That's terrible.

It was probably top three worst moments of my life.

I bet, because there's people around you, you don't know what to do.

Yeah.

And I, there's two very sweet older couple and I like literally stepped on them to get out and was like clawing to get in the bathroom.

It was bad.

Yeah.

What caused it?

Honestly, no idea.

Same.

Really?

I didn't know what happened.

Because I think a lot of people think with anxiety, like something has happened or you're overthinking about something.

And I truly, I I don't know if it was like altitude I was in aspen and I don't know it just I I started panicking and then I couldn't catch my breath and then I just started overheating and then it sound it felt like all the sound went like whoosh past my ears and then I just started like I actually thought I was having heart attack same thing yeah yeah I feel like it's just a compilation of just bad like I was sleeping terrible eating terrible yeah that'll do going through some mental stuff yeah I was in college stressed yeah so just a compilation of everything and we've never been taught till lately what anxiety is.

Like I had it as a child.

And now looking back, I'm like, oh, that was anxiety.

But back then, I didn't know what was wrong with me.

And I remember trying to explain it to my mom.

And she would be so confused.

Then we thought I had OCD or something, but it was just total anxiety.

My parents had no idea.

No, nothing.

That would happen to me when I smoked weed in high school.

I thought that was what being high felt like.

But I was like,

I was having anxiety attacks every time I got high.

Yeah.

Did you keep going?

Yeah, because I was trying to fit in with people.

I did the same thing.

I did the same thing.

I, are we the same person?

I literally would smoke weed to try and fit in, and I would have full, full-blown panic every time and thought that's I'd be in my basement doing the gravity bongs and I would have to go to my bed after like two hits.

You're like, this is fun, guys.

I'd just be like, I'm out.

Like, you guys can keep smoking.

I feel like shit.

And then I went through a phase of, I lived in Vancouver for 11 years where I actually enjoyed smoking weed once in a while.

But the problem was I would line up snacks in front of me.

and i would just make myself sick because i would just eat and eat and not stop and i wouldn't understand i didn't understand like full cues when i was high so i now i don't smoke anymore i don't smoke i had do you have a bad edible story

No, I have great edible stories.

Oh, you do?

That's shocking.

Wow.

You have a bad edible story?

Yeah, I thought everyone did.

Oh, no.

So you've never had a bad experience on an edible?

No,

I think I got, I've been too scared to overdo it.

I've had funny stories taking edibles, but like the other night I took half of an edible.

yeah and it's usually the kind that i'll take if i just want to get it's like mostly cbd and barely any thc and i was like i'll just do half and usually i do a full and i was so high

and i was writing myself text messages as a joke like i was having a full this is i was having a full conversation because in my head i was like this is a really funny joke and so i was writing it sometimes i think i'm a comedian i'm not i was writing myself texts being like this and then in the morning i'm like that's not funny, Caitlin.

It's not even.

Yeah, sometimes I'll be stoned and I find myself deep conversation with myself for like 10 minutes.

I'm like, what the hell?

Yeah.

Which is sometimes kind of nice for an introvert because you're like, you're getting your feelings out and your thoughts out.

But that's true.

That's true.

Yeah.

Because I live such a fast-paced life.

I never have time to reflect.

Oh, that is the biggest thing after nine years of non-stop go, go, go.

I am really making time for myself to reflect and marinate.

And all the hard work I've done.

It's not easy, but I'm trying really hard to do that and slow down.

And my mental health is actually really improving because I got a sauna and a cold plunge, which I'm sure Michael Chandler talked to you all about that.

But it's done wonders for my mental health.

Yeah, saunas are a game changer.

Game changer.

I started using that like three, four times a week.

Oh, it's the best.

Like I, last night I got out of my cold plunge after doing a sauna and I was like, I love being alive.

I said that to my girlfriend, I said, I love being alive.

And she was like, what is happening?

I'm like, cold plunge.

I'll do that to you, man.

Rethinking everything in there.

Yeah.

we wish we had that when we were smoking weed been like let's get high on plunging yeah yeah that should be a new thing you want to hit the plunge later yeah

yeah that's cool to hear though that you've overcome your anxiety and well I don't know about overcome or at least mitigated it I think I've learned to surrender to certain times of like for example I'm a woman so certain times of the month is when I actually suffer really bad from hormonal depression and anxiety so now I at least know to plan for it right um which really helps me and my assistant will actually schedule things around that time for me because otherwise I just go dark.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My fiancé just told me that your woman's cycle is 30 days, right?

Yeah.

And a guy's just 24 hours.

Yeah.

Yes.

Which is crazy.

It is crazy.

And it's, it, it really feels like there's about five days.

It's clockwork, which is really sad.

Five days where I'm like, I don't feel good.

I feel depressed.

I'm anxious.

I'm so irritable.

I'm so moody.

I could make terrible, I could ruin relationships and like business decisions in those five days.

It's

really bad.

Damn.

Yeah.

So I just, in those days now, I cold plunge.

Donna, I say, nobody talk to me.

Give me my five days to recharge the old bats and we go again.

See, that's important to know, though, as a guy.

I mean, yeah.

Oh,

honestly, it took me, I'm 39, and it probably took me till I was 38 to figure out what the hell was going on with me.

Really?

Oh, so you didn't even know?

Not, I didn't realize it was attached to hormones.

Oh.

Yeah.

Until recently.

And now I'm like, how did I not notice this before?

It's like,

I could like get irritated at any.

I'm like, you are breathing and I want to throat chop you.

And then I'm like, oh, duh, it's that time.

Like, it's, yeah, it's, it's clockwork at this point.

Yeah.

Do mouth chewers annoy you?

I, I,

you saying mouth chewers annoys me.

Yes.

I can't, I have severe mesophonia and it kicks up.

Wow, there's a word for this?

Mesophonia.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

I have a whole Instagram page for it for mesophonia misery for the community.

Thoughts and prayers to the mesophonia community.

It's a rough life.

We get very angry and irritable.

And it seems so unreasonable because you're like, I'm just chewing my food.

And I'm like, but it's a thing.

It's a thing.

My mom's a big mouth chewer, man.

Really?

Does it drive you bonkers?

I realized I started picking it up from her.

Oh.

So my fiancé is the one who told me I was one.

Got it.

And then once she told me, I saw it in my mother.

So now it does a little bit.

Yeah.

Okay, but you would know if you had it.

You don't have me Sophonia.

You just, you just are noticing.

I'm just more aware.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

You're aware.

There's things in life people don't tell me until really late, and I'm like, wow.

I have found this out to be true as well.

I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy.

And that week did about 10 years of therapy for me.

Whoa.

Yeah.

And I learned so much in just because, like you just said, like you learned from your mom.

We all learn so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize.

Like think about social media, what we consume, how it warps our brain, and that's as adults.

So as children, think of like, that's all you know.

So it's interesting to learn so much about yourself through how you grew up and why you are the way you are.

And then it.

Not that I was, I had actually a great childhood and my parents are wonderful people, but I still realized, you know, certain things that they did that was generally

generational that their parents put on them, that they put on me.

But I don't know, it's it was a beautiful thing.

But I also said when I got back that I was in awareness hell because I was like, now I'm aware of everything that like other people are doing and my own patterns and why I do this.

But you just kind of learned.

That's interesting.

So, what were some things you realized during that?

I definitely

over-fixate on appearance when I'm anxious.

So I will pick myself apart if I'm, if somewhere else in my life is not going right.

If I'm feeling sad or depressed about something else, or I'm going through a hard time somewhere else, I'll stare into a mirror and start picking myself apart and be like, oh, I need to, like, I have severe body dysmorphia.

I'll literally sometimes tell myself I need to get liposuction.

Holy, you're skinny.

That's dysmorphia.

Like, I, I, and I can realize it now.

So, um, growing up, I grew up, my mom was a professional ballerina, and I grew up in the ballet studio, dance studio, six days a week.

And we would all line up in the mirror and compare our bodies and go, I wish I had your arms, and I would get accepted into this ballet school if my waist was this much smaller.

And it was, yeah, and I, and I learned that, and bless my mom, she's the sweetest angel on planet Earth, but she was a ballerina growing up, so she was body conscious my whole life.

She was very worried about aging, and I grew up thinking aging's bad.

Gaining weight is bad.

Your body has to look like this.

I'm reading cosmopolitan magazines that say,

you know, get your body to look like this so this guy likes you.

And, you know, now we have social media, but back then I had magazines.

It's still all the same thing.

But it was, it really,

it really.

warped my brain into thinking that looks are all that matters.

Wow.

Yeah.

And now these days, women are just overexposed on social media.

Oh my gosh.

And I think about about my like 16-year-old niece and growing up in that generation where, again, it's like all that you're consuming on media is an illusion at this point, too.

And so I, you know, even as a 39-year-old woman, I can look at social media and be like, okay, this is a highlight reel for people.

Like, this isn't real life, but it still does something to my brain that makes me think I'm not doing enough and I don't look good enough.

But then I think about a fragile 16-year-old brain looking at that and what that's going to do to them and i just i i worry about the younger generation so much i definitely worry about i don't even have kids yet but i mean

i don't i just i was joking downstairs that um i'm one of those dog moms that believes that my golden retrievers came out of my womb because they're my babies they're pretty much kids right i treat my dogs like my kids oh i'm i'm embarrassingly obsessed with my dogs but i'm glad you understand but yeah i'm it's it's scary to think about having children and it's it's it's a i feel a little bit of hope because i see my, uh, my best friends do it, and they are raising some really incredible children.

Um, so I, I have a little bit of hope, but then, you know, social media, man.

Social media is ruthless.

You look at the suicide rate in young teenage women.

It's the highest it's ever been.

It's ever been, yeah.

And I mean,

obvious reasons, social media.

You're getting bullied 24-7.

I mean.

Again, I don't mean to keep bringing it back to me, but I get bullied at this age of my life on social media and it does something to me.

And i think it's even worse like some people are like oh you have it on a much larger platform so you have it coming from all angles i'm so sorry and i'm like i actually find it tougher if it's people you know or people you have to show up at school with as a kid or you have a smaller community i actually think that bullying might be a bit tougher to take because i'm just like oh these people don't know me where you know young girls are bullying other young girls and they know them and they have to see them every day

and they're just i always use the word fragile because it just feels like that's what it is.

Yeah, when you're that young, you think the world's ending.

You really do.

And then you got to see them the next day in school.

You really do.

And that's all, I was thinking about this.

A child has a temper tantrum if they drop their cookie.

Because that is truly the worst thing that's ever happened to them in their life.

You know, like they haven't experienced real life yet.

So to them, a cookie falling and them not being able to reach it is the worst thing that's ever.

So they have temper tantrums.

A 16-year-old getting bullied at school,

you haven't lived life yet.

You don't know what else is out there and how, like, this is nothing in the

grand scheme of things.

But that's all they know.

And that's the worst thing that's ever happened to them.

And that's terrible.

Absolutely.

So, where does your bullying stem from?

Is it from the bachelorette?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

It was really bad.

I, um, so I was

not your typical bachelorette.

I think a lot of times they have picked women who are usually girl, all lovely women.

I'm friends with all of them, but like girl next door, door,

all-American sweetheart.

And then I was this edgy Canadian who I came out of the limo and I made jokes about having sex and like I have tattoos.

And it was, I think, America, seeing a Canadian come in there and do that was like, who is this girl?

And so I think producers use that like, okay, let's run with this.

Let's have a different season.

Let's change things up.

And so they really sexualized me as the bachelorette.

I was this sex positive, edgy person that I just talked about sex and I had sex.

And it was so funny to me because I was just treating it like dating in normal real life.

And then, you know, the show airs and I got slut shamed like, like you wouldn't believe it.

Really?

Wow.

Oh my gosh, death threats.

People were photoshopping me in dumpsters and saying that's where I should die.

Holy crap.

And

like all like moms with Bible verses in their in their bios just telling me that uh to shut my horrlegs like it now looking back I can actually laugh and I was like oh my god but it was really like the start of experiencing bullying for me yeah and prior to that you never experienced something like that I I mean I did a little bit in high school like the girls in high school had to have a meeting once if I was gonna come in a limo to the graduation party because they didn't know if they liked me at the time like that's as far as the bullying went for me um

but I've you know yeah it I didn't really feel severe bullying bullying until I came off television.

So you were just talking about sex and you got bullied for that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I don't think that was typical.

Like, you know, I don't know if you know the Bachelor Show at all, but they have what they call fantasy suites.

And everyone knows what happens at the fantasy suites, but I just happened to talk about it.

So people are like, oh, it's too far.

I'm like, you're watching a show where one woman is dating 30 men.

What's too far?

Like, where's the line here?

What's the fantasy suites?

I haven't seen that.

Oh, okay.

It's where you go to, like, you get to go.

Um, it's like a mosquito flying around my face.

Um, fantasy suites are when you get to a certain point in the show where you're down to three men and you get overnight dates with each one of them off camera.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

So you're having sex with three different guys.

Well, you don't have to.

You don't have to if you're not feeling it, but you, it's there if you want to.

What a test right there, right?

It really is.

I'm like, don't, you got to test drive a car before you buy it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine marrying someone in the sex sucks.

Well,

that happens.

I mean, there's virgins out there, and I'm I always say too, I'm like,

Who cares?

Who cares what somebody's preference is?

You know what I mean?

Like, if you decide to be a virgin, I'm gonna celebrate you.

If you decide you're gay, I'm gonna celebrate you.

If you decide you just want to like sleep around and have fun and you want to know what it's like before you get married, I'm gonna celebrate you.

I just don't, I don't really, I don't have that big of a judgmental bone in my body for that.

Okay, so what year was this?

So, that was back in 2015.

So it was before the Red Pill movement really took off.

Yes.

So it wasn't even like the full extent.

No, it was 2015 Bachelor and no, 2014, 15 Bachelor, 2015, 16.

I was the Bachelorette.

Got it.

And then,

yeah.

That's a long time ago.

It is because now the Red Pill movement is ruthless.

Ruthless.

Like, if you filmed during that, it would have been even worse, I think.

Oh, and there's certain things I watch back on my season where I'm like, that does not pass the sniff check anymore.

Like, you can't be doing that.

It's been 10 years, so a lot changes.

A lot, yeah.

It's pretty crazy to watch.

I've wanted to

start a thing where I re-watch my season and record it and do a podcast and have like each guy from whatever date it was on the podcast.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah.

And so I was kind of like digging into watching it, and I haven't really watched it since.

And I was like, oh, that's.

See where they're at 10 years later.

Well, that and just to see what I was saying 10 years ago.

Do you remember, if you were like, you know doing podcasts 10 years ago you wouldn't remember what you said no i barely remember any from my first year same and so it was it's kind of freaky to watch back because i'm like oh i'm kind of proud of her yeah no for real though i'm at the point now where i've had on guests where i forgot about yeah yeah 850 episodes and when people ask you who's your favorite guest you're like uh i never have a good answer yeah there's so many i know i mean it depends on the stage of life you're at and what you're going through That's so true as well.

Yeah.

Like Jay Shetty, I had on my podcast, and that's probably like my top, in my top two for sure, because I needed him at that time.

And Jay Shetty is a wise little man.

You sound that monk mode at nice.

I really did.

You got in touch with the spirit.

I did, yeah.

You big on like psychedelics and like spirituality?

So I've never, I've, the one time I did

mushrooms, it was.

I shouldn't have done it.

I was at a girlfriend's wedding and I had already been drinking the whole night and I took some that my friends were doing doing and the guy that was giving it to us was like this

breath coach and he studied all these things so I was like okay and all my girlfriends were like yeah he's we're trust like he's trustworthy and and he was and I still talk to him to this day but I went and I forgot I had done it so I'm sitting at the bar and I'm like I'll I'll have a rose

and the rose comes in front of me and I was like I'm gonna throw up.

And I was like, no, I'm gonna cry.

No, I'm gonna laugh.

And then he looked at me and he was like, your mushrooms are kicking in.

And then I I panicked because I was like, I forgot I took mushrooms.

I don't like this feeling.

And I started getting super anxious and I had to leave the whole party and go down to the water, just be by myself and like wait it out.

I hated it.

Wow.

But I'm a very spiritual person.

So I love the idea of being like, I want to do a trip and like visit my younger self.

And like, I love the idea of all that, but I'm like, I don't know.

That sounds like a terrible setting, by the way.

It was awful.

At a wedding, first of all, I think you should do it around people you love.

Yeah.

At a wedding, there's like 100 random people.

Second of all, drinking on it?

Yeah, no.

And I heard that you can't mix it with SSRIs.

Oh, really?

Which I'm on something for my anxiety.

And I don't, I think it almost heightens what makes you anxious.

Oh, my gosh.

Or at least that's what I experienced.

And it was awful.

Wow.

Maybe you should try micro-dosing first.

So that's what I think I would, if I'm going to try it again,

I would do that.

Do you micro-dose?

I do.

Yeah.

I've heard wonderful things about amazing things.

I used to be be on xanax i'm off it see that's i don't i only take xanax in like major emergency um

but i'm i'm i take selexa i haven't heard of that it's it's kind of like a um i don't know what's uh

oh zoloft zoloft it's kind of like what you know in that category but it's i'm just on a very small dosage and i think i don't think it's good to do mushrooms while you're on that.

I feel that.

That's how I was with Xanax.

I used to carry it in my pocket.

Yeah.

And if I needed to take it, I would.

And did it help?

Like, sometimes it just helps knowing it's there.

Yeah.

Because once you have one panic attack, I think it really is helpful to just know that there's something there that can actually stop it because it's so terrifying.

Yeah, it kicks in quick, too.

I remember the first time I ever had a public speak somewhere.

I was freaking out.

Yeah.

And it was only like 100 people, but it was my first time ever.

So I'm on the roof of this house fully laid out.

Just freaking out.

I had to pop a Xanax.

A full one?

Yeah, full one.

Or I don't know what one.

Were you able to talk?

And like, that's the thing.

I didn't want to do it because I knew that would affect my talk.

Yeah.

And they ended up pushing my talk back to the next day.

Oh, yeah.

Well, see, and sometimes that does help.

Even if I've, if I'm feeling very anxious and overwhelmed and say I had to take a Xanax because I was freaking out, I'm actually still better the next day just from, I don't know if it like stays in your system or if it's mental, but Paul's probably crazy on it.

Isn't that interesting that you like 100 people in a room, but then you have over 11 million followers on a like that's crazy, but you can't, they're not all sitting in front of you, right?

You can't see it.

I was the biggest introvert.

I had agoraphobia.

What is that?

Fear of leaving your house.

You did?

Yeah, so as soon as I saw Gray's Anatomy episode on that.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Wow.

How did she overcome it?

She did like a kidney transplant or a blood transfusion or something for a sick kid who needed it.

So it like forced her.

Yeah.

That fly loves you.

Yeah.

I'm like, do I smell or something?

It hasn't even approached me i'm like offended yeah no don't be i'm offended i am offending the the smell in here or something um but yeah that's how did you get come over it uh the dog helped i got a dog yeah that helped because it forced me to go on walks but my agoraphobia was so bad that if i walked a certain path i would have a panic attack so i'd walk the same exact path i would leave my house go right for one block walk home if i went left i would collapse i was 22.

And was that your whole life?

Or did this like something you wanted to do?

No, thank God.

I thought it was going to be the way I was living it, but it was like a few months.

I was dealing with a massive lawsuit that would have put me in bankruptcy.

Wow.

While just having terrible mental health at the time.

So that combined.

Yeah, that'll do it.

It wrecked me.

Oh, my gosh.

And so the dog helped you get over that.

Dog helped.

My fiancé helped.

Yeah.

And at a certain point, I did therapy, but that didn't help.

Really?

Maybe it was the wrong thing.

Is it just talk therapy?

Talk therapy, but it was a guy.

I think I should have gone with a girl.

Yeah.

I have a hypnosis appointment.

I've tried that.

Hypnotherapy?

did it no uh i would say it worked i've tried two of them out okay and i've done past life therapy too

did you did that interest you it did yeah that stuff's fascinating it is fascinating i've done that too oh yeah yeah i i'm really into that stuff that i had a past life regressor on my podcast oh nice yeah and she said things where i was like that's literally my recurring dream yeah they say stuff that there's no way they would know yeah casually uh-huh like that you've never told anyone right right yeah that's yeah that's how i I feel.

I'm like obsessed with like mediums and mind readers and mentalists and past life readers.

I just find that so

I've done a few of those.

I have a psychic that I pay just for consulting.

Oh, yeah.

Same.

Wait, have you ever heard of Oz Perlman?

He's been on my show.

Okay, I was going to say, he came on my podcast.

Yeah, I was going to say you should have him on, but you already did him.

Oh my God.

So before we started, he's like, think of the craziest name you've ever heard of.

Right?

So I think of this wild name that you've never heard of.

Yeah.

Her name's daria zor never

end of the episode he says it on the podcast i don't understand it was crazy yeah he guessed my bank pin code what yeah no way yeah i was like i don't understand like but i like not understanding it makes me feel like i'm a kid again because it's like the feeling of magic right like you it's you feel so young and you're like oh there's still things out there i don't understand and it just feels like christmas morning Yeah, I don't want to understand mentalism because I feel like

Well, and I also feel like it would ruin the magic for

yeah, because what if he's like, oh, I just went through the phone while you like I have a software on my computer that just

I don't know.

Yeah, he said he talks shit during marathons.

I mean, he's a beast.

He really is a beast.

Yeah, he's won the New Jersey marathon, I think, eight times.

What?

And he's not even the tallest runner.

Like, runners are supposed to be tall.

Yeah, he is a runner, isn't he?

But he said he'll pass the guy in first place, not even be breathing heavily and compliment him and he gets in his head he uses mentalism during the race oh man in another lifetime in another lifetime i'll come back as a mentalist yeah it'd be a cool skill to have it'd be a really cool skill to have what's your weirdest talent that you have being weirdly good at anything

uh

rapping rapping don't make me do it though but uh like i love styling no i write my own rap style

yeah nice um i feel like a lot of people probably wouldn't know that i would never guess that That's cool.

Yeah, I used to, when I went through a really hard time in my life, where

it's it always sounds silly to say out loud, but heartbreak, like this one heartbreak that I had in my life was like the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Um, but I started writing raps instead because I got this is gonna sound like I'm just glossing over this casually, but I got addicted to Valium.

Wow, and I knew I needed to get out of that.

And so

my friend had me sleep on his couch because I had nowhere to live.

And we just started writing raps and I loved it.

No way.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Yeah.

What a character arc that is.

Yeah.

It's very interesting.

Rap music.

Yeah.

I used to get high and hot box a car and then freestyle.

Oh, no.

Those are some of my best memories.

Yeah.

Just innocent.

There's that fly.

He just got you.

Yes.

Wow.

I wonder if it's a spirit trying to get in contact.

It is, for sure.

You think so?

Yeah.

When I see random animals, sometimes I'm like, is that a loved one?

Oh,

that's part of going to this inner child work retreat I did.

It was very spiritual.

We did a lot of visualizations.

And I went to Hawaii after for two days.

And every like a turtle would come up to me.

I'd be like, it's my ancestor.

And like a whale breached out of the water.

And I was like, I had a dream about a whale last night.

Like, I was like so connected to everything.

It was amazing.

Well, you mentioned dreams like have meanings earlier.

I believe that.

Have you had dream experts on your podcast?

I have.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, Yeah, I've had a couple.

Plus, I have a dream journal.

You do?

I reflect on my dreams every night.

And do they ever, like, do you ever go back and be like, oh my gosh?

Or like, what do you think dreams are?

I think it's different for different people.

Yeah.

So my, my fiancé is like a psychic.

She has spiritual powers.

So her dreams are really scary because those events happen.

So whenever she has a crazy dream, I take it super serious.

Are you kidding?

Because I know there's a possibility it's going to happen.

It's happened almost every time.

But my dreams aren't like that.

Like, I've never had something happen like in the the future in my dream.

Mine are just like hidden meanings.

Mine are such a production.

Like, they're like, I will have a full choreographed like theater presentation.

Yeah, it's crazy.

But I always wonder, like, I saw one time on

whatever it is.

Like, we were joking about this earlier, like a meme that you see.

But it said, are we all just ignoring the fact that we close our eyes, go into a coma, hallucinate all night, and then just wake up and pretend that that never happened?

Like, where did we just go?

Like, are we entering another realm?

Like, and we're all just like, dude, dude, I had a great sleep.

I was like, crazy dreams.

And no one talks about it.

But it's wild.

Wild.

Yeah.

But there's a lot of meanings.

Like, if you just remember parts of your dream and look it up on Google.

Oh,

I have an actual book right beside my bed.

Yes.

I think it's like, I can't remember how many, but dream meanings.

I do it all the time.

I do the same thing.

Like, if I think about it, I'll make a voice note to myself of the dreams that I had.

And they're just, are yours really

like detailed?

pretty much yeah last night I had whenever I travel I have nightmares really because I pick up on the energy of the previous yeah tenants or whatever yeah so no way I'm pretty sensitive to that like last night I had the classic one where I'm naked in school yep classic

all right that sucks wait that's so interesting that you pick up is that did you learn a lot of this from your fiancé from her and my psychic yeah because every time I'm in a hotel even a brand new five-star hotel I'll have nightmares

I got to start paying attention to that because I have the craziest dreams when I'm traveling.

That's what I mean.

You're picking up on the energies of all the previous people that are sleeping there.

So you got to cleanse the room.

I just learned this.

I had on an Akashic Record Girl today.

So she sent me some sprays to buy.

I'll send you them.

Oh my gosh, I would love that.

And you should use it on your podcast set too.

Oh, that's such a good idea.

I'm all about like the other night.

I did a full moon ceremony and I like did all my crystals.

And the Zoom link that I was on where I was attending this ceremony, she said to put this glass of water, and I said all of my like hopes and dreams into this glass of water, put it outside in the full moon with all my crystals, and then you drink the water in the morning.

And I don't,

I don't know, I am like so connected to not that, I mean, you have a fiancé, so you understand girl talk, but like my period will come around the moon.

It'll be like full moon, and I'll be like, there it is.

Like, I'm so connected.

And there have been certain times where I literally have just stared at the moon and had full conversations, and those things come true.

Whoa.

Yeah.

That's fascinating.

Yeah.

Water holds memory.

They're finding out now too.

See?

Well, then that makes sense.

I felt so crazy, but I was like, I don't care.

I'm doing it.

No, they've done studies on it now.

Whoa.

What is life?

Where are we?

Who are we?

It's wild.

The one, one study I've seen was people talk negatively to water and then water plants.

The plants die.

And then other studies talk positively to the water.

The plants stay alive.

I should just, here's my lesson.

I need to drink more water and speak positively to it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to drink the right type of water, not tap water.

Well, my whole house is on a filtered water system.

Same.

Yeah.

Nice.

Reverse osmosis.

Yes.

You know what's up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is my type of podcast right here.

I want to get more knowledgeable about this stuff just because I'm, I'm just starting to like learn and care and like

understand.

Yeah.

You got the shower filter too?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's needed.

Yeah.

Especially because I'm.

I'm even weird about the, like I used to just give my dogs boss water.

Like you're not, you're not having that tap water.

And then I got on a filtered system but yeah no tap water's killing dogs i know i i totally believe that like it's uh i i do way too much one of my the girl that i rescued the dogs from she is very holistic and like knows everything about everything for dogs and the amount of information she'll send me and i'll be like well just throw that out the window like yeah it's yeah it's fascinating i mean they're living way less than normal one out of two of them is getting cancer now i know and um i'm thinking about pulling mine out of like banfield because like i don't want any more vaccines going in them personally.

Oh, Banfield?

Yeah, no.

I go to

I forget you don't live here.

I was going to give you mine.

My vet does a more holistic approach and it's really cool.

I love that.

Yeah, I want to go more holistic with them.

Yeah.

Because

I've got like 25 vaccines.

25?

Yeah, over the years, yeah.

Oh.

For sure.

Because they give a few a year and it just adds up.

Yeah.

I don't even, yeah, I don't know what my.

I should probably know more about it.

I'm like, I don't know how many vaccines.

I know mine have had some.

You and I have gotten more than 25.

We have?

Yeah.

Vaccines?

We've gotten like 50.

From what?

Just over the years.

You had to get them to go to school.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

School.

Yeah.

Now kids are on about 100.

Isn't that crazy?

Oh, my God.

Now I just have so many questions for you, but this is good.

You're coming on my podcast tomorrow because I'm going to ask.

I'm going to touch on it tomorrow.

Yeah.

I'm like, I have questions for you because I don't have answers to this.

Kaylin, it's been fun.

Where can people find you?

Oh, gosh.

So I have a podcast that comes out twice a week called Off the Vine, which you will be on.

And I also, my social media is at Caitlin Bristow on pretty much everything.

Perfect.

And my wine label is at Spade and Sparrows.

I'll be trying it tomorrow.

Oh my gosh.

Yes.

It's so, I'm like, I grew up.

My mom drank wine with every meal and she like, she really like enjoyed pairing it with food.

So then I got into the restaurant business and I was in that for 11 years and I worked under a somalier and then I got into a management position where I had to train servers on wine knowledge.

So I fell in love with like the history of wine and how it's made and where it comes from and all these things that come along with wine.

And then, so creating my own wine label, this is truly the only wine that I drink because I enjoy it so much.

Yeah.

Can't wait.

So 9:30 is a bit early, but I'll drink it for you.

Yeah, thank you.

Got you.

We'll just give you a little glass.

Thank you for having me.

I really appreciate your time.

Yeah, that was fun.

Thanks for watching, guys.

As always, we'll link our stuff below.

Check her out.

See you next time.