Quitting Weed, Making $25M & Waking up at 5 AM I Kamal Ravikant DSH #419

What pain they're doing, what pain they're in.

Immediately you can't help but feel it takes away that anger like, you know, hey, you should treat me better or whatever.

It's just like, oh, it's their thing.

Why should I actually add to my burden from their burden by being, by reacting to that?

So I don't carry their burden.

I don't add their burden to mine then.

That's powerful.

People need to hear that because they get very combative, I think.

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All right, we're back, guys.

We got Kamal Rabakant here today.

How's it going, man?

Good, man.

Thanks for having me.

I was going through your Twitter, and I noticed you're practicing some self-defense stuff right now.

What's going on there?

It's actually more than self-defense.

It's combat shooting.

Okay.

So I trained with a former SEAL Team 6 operator, Steve Sanders.

The guy's a really legit, you know, silver star, bronze stars, you know, and SEAL TM6 is about as, we would say the best soldiers the United States produces.

So I would say the best soldiers in the world.

And did a full career.

And

I started training with him a couple of years ago out here in Vegas.

And just, first I thought it'd be kind of like fun, you know.

And what I quickly discovered was when you study something with a master and the guy, if you think about it, is a modern day samurai who's literally been in the wars, has been against the worst of the worst, and has lived and come through it all, come back, hung up his sword, and now takes on students once in a while.

And I

lucked out and became one of his students.

Wow.

And I fell in love with it because it's a craft.

It's an art.

And you're learning from someone.

who had to do this day.

It was his day job, his night job, and he had to use it to survive and to take out some very, very bad people.

And to learn from him has been a real honor.

And I just, I thought it was going to be like a cool little thing I was going to do for him and I fell in love with it.

Yeah.

And shooting is really interesting because

in our country, it's either like, you know, everyone and every baby should have a gun or no one should have guns.

There's like no healthy, there's no healthy common sense middle ground, at least in the public discourse.

And you take someone like myself, who's from California, who moves here and falls in love with shooting, starts to understand like what this,

why people love this so much and what's what's what makes it actually important like now I'm the I'm like I don't want to live in a state where I can't have my guns I love having my guns I love

I love the feeling you have that no matter what happens as the fan you're fine your family's fine your loved ones are fine you know like it's it's a very empowering feeling it's also very American you know America was built on you know the frontier go out yeah go wild go west young man and I absolutely love it.

It's meditative, you know, like when you're shooting, you have to be in the moment.

It's a very dangerous, as far as activity to, to take on, especially the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah.

Because we are running and gunning.

We're shooting at each other.

We're doing all this, like really high caliber stuff that he's got me to that level.

And so you have to be completely present, completely in the moment.

It's so meditative.

And then you get the dopamine hits and the serotonin hits because you get immediate feedback.

You know exactly where the round went.

Did you hit your target or not?

Where did you hit your target?

You know, did you get the time right?

You know, did you screw up?

Did you get a jam?

Were you able to clear and get back on target?

You know, you get the immediate feedback.

And you're also growing because you get better and better and better.

And you start like, there's no like, oh, now I'm good enough because there's the next thing.

Okay, I'm going to go learn how to clear buildings.

I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do that.

I'm going to take a sniper course.

It's like, it's a martial art.

It really is like, you know, old, olo kung fu.

you take on the different weapons and the different styles.

And that's really what it is.

And I've literally fallen in love with it.

And I do it.

I have zero desire to use it against anyone.

Let's be honest, right?

I do it, and it's become a very,

I didn't expect it, but like a personal improvement journey.

Like the level of confidence has given me as a man, to be honest.

Really?

Yeah.

That's fascinating.

And I'm not someone who used to laugh for confidence, right?

But I went through some severe stuff.

I went through some severe physical trauma in 2019, lost about two years of my life.

And when you're in severe pain, anyone who's been in severe pain will tell you, it just wears you down every day, day, and that just wears you down.

And I didn't realize until I started doing it just how much it had worn down my confidence, my sense of self as a man.

And doing this rebuilt it in a really beautiful way.

Nice.

And I find this has come, this has helped me.

in business and life where you just kind of like you understand that look i am powerful if i wish to be i'm dangerous dangerous.

And you know that by yourself.

And it actually makes you very calm and peaceful, like the, like the deadliest warriors, always like the, the ones that I've met, always the most calm, peaceful, chill, happy guys you'll meet.

Yeah.

Because you just have this knowing.

I highly recommend it.

Any martial art, anything, for me, I fell into this.

That's cool, man.

So I love, I don't even think of it as personal defense.

I think of it as just like personal improvement.

using this art.

I think it caught my eye because I've had on a lot of spiritual people and most of them don't do any sorts of violence.

You know what I mean?

So, when I saw that on your feed, first thing, I was like, that is interesting.

I need to ask about that.

But, look, I mean,

so much is Zen Buddhism.

If you look at Buddhism back in the day and the monks, you know, where did Kung Fu come from?

You know, the monks came up with it.

You know, like, I think Wing Chan is from like, at least the story goes, it's from like a Buddhist nun.

You know, it's like learned how to fight.

And so Wing Chun is good for like smaller, close, close quarter combat.

Yeah.

You know, there's this

whole thing of being spiritual,

like it's just, I'm being human.

I don't even know if this is spiritual or not, but I'll tell you what, this has made me a better human and made me more calm, more centered, even more at peace knowing that I have this skill.

Yeah, that's cool.

And you mentioned a physical battle for two years, physical trauma.

What was that about?

I had a, in 2019, I had a bot surgery where I basically almost died really horribly.

And,

you know, multiple surges later, two years later, just extreme pain.

And then I finally surged to fix everything.

In late 2021, I got my health back.

And my God, let me tell you, you start to appreciate life.

And all of a sudden,

when you're in pain for so long, you basically learn how to put on a game face.

The world sees you certainly because you're just keeping it.

The world does not benefit from you just sharing your pain all the time.

And I'm that way.

So you just learn to put on a game face, get through it, get through it day in, day out.

And I'm someone who really works on his mind.

You know, I really do believe everything starts from here.

So

it made me really dig in deep and continue to work on my mind, the stuff that I write about, right?

The inner game.

And what was interesting was because I had to work so hard to get through what I was going through that when I got out of it and was no longer in pain, it was like, oh my God, now without the pain, the way my mind was running.

It was amazing.

But man, those three years sucked.

It really sucked.

So it was a botched surgery.

What was the original surgery about?

Just details.

Now there's a lawsuit because it turned out there was all sorts of, excuse my language

going on.

So there's not, I don't know if I can talk much about it right now, but I will after it's over.

Dude, that is crazy.

And how were you able to treat it?

There wasn't.

There wasn't any way I thought that was going to be my life.

Wow.

And, you know, that's pretty depressing when you're a guy who's just used to doing stuff.

My entire life, I've always been, done some pretty crazy and outrageous things, but that's what made me who I am.

And

then you like, basically, you're almost like hobbled from living the kind of life that you know you can live.

It's very, very hard.

And

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Yeah, it sucked.

And I'm glad to be on the other side.

Yeah, not feeling like you had control is a terrible thing.

It's awful because, you know, it's like, it's one thing losing your health, right?

It's another thing losing your health, but no,

no fault of your own.

You know, that's, you know, it's like, but look, it's like, who was that, Rabbi Kushner?

He wrote this book,

Why Bad Things Happen to Good People.

You know, it's an incredible title.

And I remember, like, I really came across it years ago i don't remember the content but i remember being very thoughtful and it's like when you go through something like this you know when you go through any trauma hardship in life

you're bound to think why me

you bound you know that's the humor and thing why me or like for me i was like man i didn't deserve this i'm a good man i've done real good in the world i didn't deserve this you kind of get stuck in that but eventually get out got to get out of it's like well okay it is what it is what am i going to do now yeah and all you can do is get up and work in yourself.

Get up, work in yourself.

It's not easy.

There were times where,

you know, I wanted to give up and like give up, like check out, right?

It was, it was that's life.

I have a whole new appreciation for people who are in pain, you know, like I,

and I sometimes wonder about them when I meet people.

And, and, you know, because you get crankier.

You get like a friend of mine, we were talking the other day.

He just had a ski accident.

Wow.

And he's, he's like, actually texting me earlier.

He's at an orthopedic surgeon right now getting his shoulder looked at.

He's like, man, I have to talk to someone.

I think you don't understand.

He's like, I'm really cranky.

People have been telling me, like, you're not yourself.

He's like, yeah, when you're in pain, you're just fighting pain.

Like,

it's like that part of your mind that's more letting things slide by is too busy occupied with that.

So you're like of a shorter fuse.

And so I sometimes wonder when I'll see someone or I'm somewhere and someone's like not very polite to me.

And I ask myself, I wonder what pain they're in.

And that literally immediately like drops whatever my internal drama about how they were was.

That's deep.

Right.

That's so true because I'm thinking of people that I've dealt with with severe pain or severe inflammation and it's hard for them to be happy.

It's because a part of your brain non-stop is working on just dealing with that.

So then you'd have your tolerance is much, much lower for anything.

Right.

Right.

And it doesn't have to be physical pain.

Think of emotional pain.

Emotional pain sometimes, you know, it's even harder.

Right.

Yeah.

It can be, right?

Bring it into that.

Yeah, pain is pain, man.

Like, I never discount anyone's pain because it's like, you know, the scenery differs, but the human mind is the human mind.

The human heart is the human heart.

Right.

And so I have a lot more empathy for people now in the sense that I just ask myself that question when I see someone who's not being how I wish they were to me.

You know what?

That's a good question to ask because when someone gives me attitude, I never think about where it's coming from.

yeah I just asked them so I wonder what pain they're you know what what pain they're dealing with what pain they're in immediately you can't help but feel it takes away that anger like you know hey you should treat me better or whatever it's just like oh it's their thing yeah and and that's literally the basic the the secret of dealing with anyone in human in life it's their thing

i'm gonna be me it's their thing You know, and you kind of don't carry, they're carrying their own burden.

Why should I actually add to my burden from their burden by being by reacting to that

so i don't carry their burden i don't add their burden to mine then that's powerful people need to hear that because they get very combative i think right and all you're doing is taking that person's rock and taking a piece of it and adding into your pile of rocks yeah why so you're very good at just mitigating stress well i don't sit around try to do it that way what i've come what i've come to is like ways just to

how to be inside

and the like my books books, you know, they come from that, you know, how to be inside.

And so all of this just comes from how do I want to

react to the world outside, especially when it's, you know, it's great when everyone loves you, everyone's like singing your praises or whatever, everyone's giving la vi de loca.

When people are not, is when the real, when the work, you got to do the work.

Because just like when I was in pain, I was doing the work.

When you're no longer in pain, when you're no longer in that situation, things are running so smooth.

And you're like, oh my God, this is amazing.

You know, I will never say I needed to go through what I went through.

I didn't.

I don't wish that anyone.

But

what I did to myself and my inner self going through has made me so much better.

And that is the only choice we have in life anyway.

So that being said, you think everything happens for a reason?

I don't buy that.

Okay.

I know a lot of people do.

A lot of people say that.

I've been through enough in life that I know what I do believe is that as within, so without.

You know, you'll find that in all the mystics, you'll find that in basically all the religions, as within, so without.

Is there a grand plan or reason for it?

Was this all written?

Is there no free will?

I mean, like, look, that's above my pay grade, you know, honestly.

But

I just think when people say, oh, oh, there's a reason why you went through a really shitty two years.

Well, that's a shitty reason.

I could have learned that lesson way better ways.

That's an optimistic point of view.

You know what?

There's way better lays.

There's way more fun ways for me to learn these lessons.

Yeah.

So I don't buy that.

But what I do buy is, regardless of what happens,

forget the reason.

It's the choice.

And the choice is who am I going to be through this?

That's the only choice we got.

And look, we're human.

And there are days where I didn't want the choice.

And I was sh ⁇ and I was.

victim and feeling sorry for myself and miserable.

There were many days of it, right?

But then there were days where I was like, okay, well, I hate feeling this way.

And what is my choice?

I'm just going to make myself feel better.

Why?

Not for anybody else, but just for me, because I deserve to feel better.

I need to feel better.

It's very selfish, but it's actually beautiful because when you're that way, like you don't, you don't take your rock and put it on other people.

Yeah.

Right.

So you're not like, you're actually better to the world when you lessen your own weight.

I like that.

And a lot of people see selfishness as a bad thing.

See what as a bad thing?

They see selfishness, being selfish, sort of in a bad light, you know what I mean?

Yeah, and I used to be that, and I've learned, you know, like, look, I'm the guy who wrote the book on loving yourself, right?

And I've learned that a level of selfishness is needed when you love yourself.

For example, saying no.

I've gotten really good at saying no to people.

People I love dearly, I would do anything for.

But like, if it doesn't feel right to me, I just say no.

And I'm very honest.

I say from a place of love.

You know, I'm like,

and this is why.

And they can accept it or not, but it's coming from a pace of love, love, right?

And yes, that is selfish, but that's being real.

That's being honest.

And you know what?

Like people appreciate it more.

And the ones who don't self-select themselves out of your life, which is a beautiful gift.

So I don't think of being as selfish.

I think it was being real.

I think a lot of times, you know, we're conditioned by society.

you know, be the good kid, be the nice guy, be this, be that.

But what you're doing is you're tapping down honesty

by trying to be the nice of this that's just ego through the back door building that personality the nice guy or always the the whole the bendo or whatever that's another form of ego you know I think the best thing we can do is just be real from a loving place or from an honest place and it is what it is yeah

so

I think if that's selfish I guess but I think it's healthy selfish I like that and yeah speaking of your of your book about how to love yourself how do people watching this know if they actually love themselves

honestly honestly i don't think most people do i mean look i didn't and i'm not someone who set out to be uh the love yourself guy you know i used to laugh at that's that kind of stuff

i swear to you man i am not that guy i think that's one of the reasons why my work does so well is because I arrived from my experience from a guy who was never wanted to be that guy and I still don't.

I'm just a human being who works really hard himself and shares what he's learned.

So, I mean, loving yourself, one of the things is, are you really honest with your decisions with your choices with others to yourself do they serve you if you you know there's a very simple question I like to ask myself when I'm faced with choices if I love myself and the if part's really important if I love myself truly and deeply what would I do

two choices forking the road if I love myself what choice would I make So just ask yourself, are you making

the choices that if, if, the if is great because the brain likes to say, but, but, but.

But, you know, if you say, you know,

what would I do because I love myself?

Your brain will say, well, you don't.

Or whatever.

The brain will come back, right, and say these things.

But the if confuses the mind because the if is an open-ended question.

It's theory.

If I love myself, what would I do?

And so if you ask yourself that question, choices you're making, and the answer is you are doing the things if you love yourself, then you are.

Wow.

It's a very simple question.

And it's a very trans that question alone, making a habit of asking yourself that and choices, you know, will transform your life.

Wow.

I can't wait to start implementing that.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

And it's,

yeah,

it changed my life.

Just starting to ask myself that question.

Yeah.

Are you big on stuff like that, mantras, affirmations?

Well, the whole concept of mantras, affirmations, what I ended up doing was when I started doing the inner work of myself, I started telling myself things.

And I realized, so that is affirmations, right?

But

I never looked at it.

All I was doing was I was, what I would realize what I was doing was I was just creating mental loops within myself.

Because our brain's always running loops.

You know, you could sit there quiet, but your mind's not quiet.

It's just flashes of memories, sounds, thoughts, insights, or a lot of drama, right?

And it's just like running an autopilot.

And if you just really watch it for a while, you'll see the same patterns, the same themes.

It's not even original.

There's not much original happening in there, right?

So what I decided to do when I was when I made this about a love myself in a in a hard place was I started working on creating a new loop that that was going to override everything that I was just going to focus on with feeling with emotion with gratitude with light coming in just started doing it and what I found to that was to be very very transformative because you start running that loop Consciously and it's very uncomfortable in the beginning because anything especially for the mind anything that goes against our normal sense of self is very uncomfortable.

And as you know, like doing anything, like starting a podcast or whatever, you got to go through the fear and do it again and again until you're comfortable.

No one starts a podcast day one being comfortable, being a great interviewer.

It doesn't happen.

Same thing with the mind.

And so

running this loop, you know, so I guess you would call it an affirmation, but it's not just wrote.

again and again, like,

no, no, like really make myself feel it, whether I believed it or not.

And that's really important because eventually you'll, it's just your mind, and they'll start believing the show it's running.

And what I found over time was the, my patterns, my mind changed.

They became, I started to come from that place of loving myself.

So, and also, like, when I would see the patterns, and I still do, I'm very, very much a human being.

I have a very healthy ego, right?

I catch them because I'm like, this doesn't feel good.

And I go back to what feels good.

And it's all the inner game.

Because, look, we're born, we live this whole show, and then we die.

But as someone who's almost

died in a, you know, with like hospital staff running around screaming and yelling and realizing just how

lonely it can be, that moment, right?

It's a journey of one, n equals one.

You know, we may have all the people that are around us, but in the end, we're in our head.

So that is the the one place if you improve it.

Yeah.

You know, and so to your question, the affirmations, I think if you do them with like consistently, with feeling, with

belief, whether you believe it or not, making yourself believe it, eventually they start to run the show.

So they do work.

I mean, they've existed through different cultures or whatever, through history for a reason.

That is cool.

So you found a way to almost control your subconscious thoughts.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I was layering in the new pattern.

And you don't just think a thing once.

It's like you go to, you don't go to the gym once and say, all right, I'm done, dude.

I'm like fucking going to go to Mr.

Olympia.

No, you go day in, day out, day in, day out.

Same thing with the mind.

And the mind is trickier than the body.

The mind is more elastic.

The mind bounces back to old patterns.

You know, we're not even used to actually trying to...

We just think the mind's us.

We're not used to actually looking at our minds and say, actually, no, that's just these patterns running.

And and i'm gonna take charge of the patterns yeah and i'm gonna decide what the patterns are gonna be and i'm gonna work on it and i'm gonna decide who i'm gonna be

you know if we were i've man i was never taught that i had to like figure it out man i wish if i'd been taught that younger man holy

the trajectory of my whole life would have been like yeah like none of this rocky stuff it just would have been like this i don't think schools want people knowing that information honestly i i don't even well i don't think the teachers the people teaching know that information right that's true too um

No, I found that when you, when you find this kind of information, it transforms your life.

Like,

and I, and, you know, I can see that from you.

It's like you, you want to share it.

Whatever you learn that makes you successful inside out, whatever, it's like fun to share it.

Yeah.

So I think the more people start to do this, the more they actually share with others.

Because people will say, hey, you're, it's like if you go to the gym every day or you get a personal trainer, a great personal trainer, and they see you six months later and you're like jacked.

They will say, hey, what have you been doing?

I want to do it same thing with a mind they'll they'll be like hey you seem very different you seem calmer you seem happier you seem this that what are you doing and then you pass it on and some will do it some won't and they improve and they pass it on and so forth absolutely yeah that's what I think this modern um

not media but this modern uh you know writing books podcasts all this is part of that you know sharing yeah it feels great honestly

and you get instant feedback too which is cool because you can see the comments you could see the messages.

You're really changing my life, and it feels amazing.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, it's it's hard to replicate this in ancient times, honestly, because I can't think of any methods that could do what we're doing these days.

There weren't, I mean, forget ancient times.

Um, go back a decade or two ago, you could you had to be chosen

to show up in Good Morning America or do this or do that, do the sound bites.

You know, it was all sound bites.

And what was long form was like what Charlie Rose and

Larry King, but you had to be a celebrity.

Yep.

Right.

You couldn't be like a, like these days, look at how modern celebrities come from.

Like David Goggins, former Navy steal, dude of like crazy, incredible dude who just runs nonstop.

Right.

But look at the lives he's changed.

You know, look at Jocko, look at like Rogan.

Look at all these like modern day celebrities.

And they never would have passed.

any of the tests in the past.

And we're not talking, we're talking our lifetimes.

We're not, you know, pre-podcast, you know, not even pre-internet.

Let's go to pre-podcasts, right?

Social media, Twitter, whatever, maybe some, but this level of people get to learn from you, know who you are, did not exist.

No.

Right?

And so this is like incredible time.

It's a little crazy because it's very noisy and it's dramatic.

There's so much, you know,

social media is, you know, is

at this point as a reflection of the human mind.

It's so much drama.

Yeah.

And it's addictive.

And the algorithms are designed to take your attention.

The algorithms are not designed to improve your life and your mind.

And I used to watch all those drama videos

and I had to stop because it was affecting me.

It does.

How can it not?

Like, I get sucked into that stuff sometimes.

And I literally will take breaks and I will delete all social media apps from my phone.

And then if I want to use it, I have to go to my computer.

Wow.

That little shift alone actually makes a big difference.

Just, I got to go open my computer or go on there because then you think about it.

That's right.

But in that, all that drama and noise is a lot of honesty and truth and people who

never could have shown to the world, you know, outside of their immediate small circle of community are now shining to the world.

It's amazing.

It's absolutely amazing.

It's cool to see because you no longer have to be a good-looking person to be famous.

Before it's just the elites and

you have to be chosen and

you had to have the sign bites and you had to be like, have your agents and your managers and your PR, you know?

The celebrities were chosen.

chosen.

These days, you can create your own celebrity.

You can be your own, quote-unquote, celebrity.

And you could be yourself before celebrities were just

know the person.

You know what I mean?

I think, honestly, that's one of,

for example, Rogan's appeal.

He's himself.

He's very,

very

uncompromisingly himself.

And that's refreshing.

Where do you find that, like, say, in traditional media?

It's very, very, you find that here and there, but it's very hard.

Just Tucker Carlson, honestly.

I I can't think of many people.

Yeah, there's not, it's like,

and here's the interesting thing, right?

The people who are, they do shine, but for some reason,

using that as a model, it's actually not used as the model.

You know?

Also, they're harder to control.

Yeah.

Right.

That's something I think about a lot because now I have sponsors approaching me and stuff, but I want to maintain control.

I don't want to be influenced, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Because I don't want them telling me who I can have on, what I can say and stuff.

I want to just be able to speak freely.

You know, something I've learned, and actually, is like, you just say no.

You just say no, that's not for me.

And the right ones, that opens up the space for the right ones.

Yeah.

Like,

I've really learned that.

And that's like, you know, if I love myself truly and deeply, the choice would I make, right?

And you would not silence yourself.

And you know that already, right?

You would never compromise yourself.

Chappelle has a great bit on that, why he left, you know, disappeared from comedy.

You know, and I think you've read

Iceberg Slim's pimp, like a section from that.

It's that talk about that's the game, that's the Hollywood game.

It's brilliant.

I don't know if you've ever seen it.

I got to watch that.

He escaped their grasp.

Yeah, but I think it's one of his shows from the last series, especially did like 2017, 2018.

And he reads, and this is a classic in American literature, pimp.

Iceberg Slimp was an actual pimp, like a full-on pimp, who wrote his story.

And it's a brilliant writing.

He wrote it like his voice, which is why it's an

uncompromising, like, trust me, none of us want to be that guy.

I've won his life.

It's brilliant, though.

And he just reads a section from it.

And this is in a comedy act.

This is at the end of a comedy act.

And he's reading it for like five, ten minutes, and you're spellbound.

And he just explains to you how that whole game is.

It's incredible.

That's cool.

It's incredible.

Man, I could talk talk to you for hours we'll end it on this because i saw you on a podcast talking about seeing a sex witch

and a sex witch sexual energy

a sex witch where did i say i forget which show it was but you were talking about sexual energies i was yeah okay what's the question i'm curious well i saw on your website also you you talked about meeting a few women or something

I've met quite a few women in my life.

It was in the paragraph, but your thoughts on like relationships, like right now, are you in one?

And how has that evolved as you've gotten older?

That's a great question.

I used to be Mr.

Monogamy, always looking for the one,

right?

Finding falling in love and having kids and all that.

And I've had a few great relationships like that, but they never worked out.

And, you know, actually, when I was in the hospital room,

here's a very interesting thing.

When you're in a hospital room, and

hospital rooms are the places in the world.

They really are.

You have no privacy.

No matter how rich or famous or powerful you are, you bring that down with those needles all in you.

But you have no,

like, you know, forget your, like, people are coming, poking and prodding you, lifting up.

Like, you know, you have no...

all the sense of self is just taken away from you, right?

Whether for good or bad.

And then also the doctors are telling you really stuff, right?

And

you have some very honest conversations with yourself.

You have the most honest conversations with yourself in those moments or foxholes or whatever, but it's just like

you have no choice.

And one of my things was like, look, Kamal,

you've had this long and illustrious history of, you know, of looking for the one, falling in love.

Falling in love and then it not working out and being heartbroken and then, you know, getting up again and going and falling in love.

Where did that get you?

And the answer was in a hospital room all by myself, alone, almost dead.

I was like, well, what's the definition of insanity?

Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting the same result.

So what I did was, you know, I dropped the desire.

And it's actually a very Buddhist thing, but I didn't realize at the time I was doing.

I dropped the desire because the suffering comes from attachment to desire.

It doesn't come from desire.

It comes from attachment and desire.

And when you don't have it, we suffer.

All that drama.

Like, I want this, I don't have it, so I suffer.

So I dropped it.

And what I did was, I'm just going to open myself up to life.

Whatever it wants from me.

Whatever I draw to me when it comes to relationships.

I'm just going to open myself up.

And that's what I did.

And honestly, when it comes to relationships, you know, I'm a single guy, I date, I have fun,

and it's been great.

It's been absolutely great.

You know, what comes, it'll lead to one of those will, you know, something will eventually lead to something, but I'm no longer looking for it.

Yeah.

And you know what's really funny when you're no longer looking for it, when it just starts coming.

Yeah.

It's the grand secret to life.

You know, drop the des drop the attachment to the desire.

Yeah.

You know, and be free.

Yeah.

And then just be and then and be you.

Day in, day out.

Choose who do I want to be today and be that, be that.

And man,

life's so much better that way.

I like that.

There's There's an interesting debate on social media as men, you know, we're programmed to spread our seed, right?

And we're not built to be monogamous.

Do you agree with that take?

I mean, that's just evolution.

Yeah.

We are.

I mean, you just look at the male, just how we're designed, including how we think.

Yeah.

I mean, that is evolution.

Though I don't think, I mean, the whole family unit existed.

because we had to to grow as societies.

You needed stability.

Modern day, I don't know.

I don't know what's ahead for the the future.

You know, it's for the next generation to figure out.

It's tough, and with divorce rates over 50%, it's scary.

You know,

those are the, and that doesn't count in.

And I'm someone who's lived long enough, was very deep friendships with people, and I'm someone people tell everything to.

You realize, and in those 50% or 50%, less than 50% that are still married.

Let's cut down to happily married.

That actually cuts down a lot.

It's like people living quiet, lives of quiet desperation because this is a life they've chosen.

Right.

You know,

I think, but I know people who have some incredible relationships, but honestly, it's like rare and rare.

It has to, like anything, it requires full-on commitment.

You really have to make it the number one priority.

If you're not going to do it, do that, don't do it.

Wow.

So number one over everything.

That's what I've seen with the ones who've made it work.

And none of them ever said it was easy.

They all say, oh, it was hard, but it was worth it.

It's like they say with kids.

It was hard, but it was worth it.

Right?

You can't go, you can't half-ass a relationship.

If you wanted to stand the test of time and you want to be happy and fulfilled and grow in it, you can't half-asset.

You can't half-ass anything you want to be great at.

Think about that, right?

So, if you want to have a great relationship, you can't half-ass it.

But, yeah, like, I mean, as far as how we're wired, I mean,

it's biologically we're wired to, you know, we are wired to run around and you know

be boys.

Boys be boys.

Boys Boys be boys, yeah.

All right, Kamal, that was fun.

Where can people find you and anything you're trying to promote?

You can find me in the usual socials, you know.

Instagram, Twitter, AirChat.

Anything I'm trying to promote.

Look, my book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It.

It's changed a lot of lives.

It's saved a lot of lives.

I'm kind of like a marketer, but I'd say

if you're going to do something for that social media, go buy that book.

You'll be better for it.

And by the way, HarperCollins, thanks you for that.

Awesome.

Yeah, we'll put it in the description.

It's on Amazon.

It's on Amazon everywhere.

All right, sounds good.

Thanks for coming on, man.

Thanks for having me.

Yeah, great.

Thanks for watching, guys.

See you tomorrow.