Clearing Sexual Energies, Negative Energies & Attachment Styles I Stefanos Sifandos DSH #398

You feel like a lot of people have childhood traumas?

Most of us, if not all of us, experience some level of trauma, whether it's big T, capital T trauma or little T trauma.

And mum or dad ignoring you, not because they're not happy with you, but because they're really busy doing something else or they're attending to something.

And how you make that one moment feel can change the rest of your life.

That can be interpreted as trauma, so to speak.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Stefano Safando is here today.

How's it going, man?

Good, man.

I just flew in.

I'm happy to be here.

Yeah, where'd you fly in from?

Austin, Texas is home.

Oh, why'd you choose Austin as home?

Wife's family is based there.

Okay.

And that and, you know, we've got a good community there.

The community is great.

Yeah.

Dude, I really love what you teach on your YouTube about, you know, relationships, dating and everything how did you get into this whole world

man you know dr john d martini often says our greatest void become our greatest values right so for me growing up relationships and life was very hard very difficult relationships challenged relationships with my mum and my dad you know a lot of violence and volatility a lot of uncertainty a lot of unknown and so growing up i craved what would it i also craved the the familiarity which was the volatility and the violence and all that only because it was familiar and familiarity feels safe but i also crave what does it feel like to be in a really healthy relationship or what's the opposite of this and so i tried to find that for myself but couldn't quite do that because i had so much trauma still stuck in me from being a kid and i thought well maybe this is this is the the ignorance of humanity but i thought well maybe if i work with other people and I teach them and coach them and help them and maybe it will help me.

But without actually doing the work, it doesn't really work that way.

So that's sort of where my journey began.

That's relatable.

and do you feel like a lot of people have childhood traumas

i think man i i'd say most of us if not all of us experience some level of trauma whether it's big t like capital t trauma or little t trauma right even even just coming home one day and being really excited about something and mum or dad ignoring you not because they're not happy with you but because they're really busy doing something else or they're attending to something and how you make that one moment feel can change the rest of your life right that can be interpreted as trauma so to speak right yeah it's not this acute, chronic, intense trauma, but it can impact your self-worth.

So I'd say the answer to that is yeah.

Yeah, I just figured out I had some and I didn't even know because you're so used to it, I guess, that

you just act that way as you're an adult, but you don't realize it's not normal.

Well, you're used to it, and we also have psychological coping strategies that block that stuff out that's too intense to look at when we're kids.

So as adults, if we want to address it and close that trauma loop, which is a big part of my journey, we have to look at that stuff in some capacity.

We have to expel it from our bodies because it's stuck in our nervous systems.

Right.

So what's that process look like?

Say you identify it.

How do you go about expelling it?

Well, for me, it's we're relational beings, right?

What you do in the world doesn't exist without other people.

Same as me, too.

That's what we, we're here to grow with each other, right, to learn from each other.

So the first thing is, is we often can't see the forest through the trees.

So find someone to work with, a coach, a counselor, a therapist, a spiritual guide, whatever it is, someone that can help you navigate the difficulties and the challenges that come with addressing our trauma.

So you need to be met with curiosity and compassion and non-judgment, because often when we experience trauma, there's a bunch of judgment that comes with it.

And because we have so much judgment around it, we have this push-pull relationship with it.

We can't actually touch it in the way that it needs to be looked at so we can actually heal it and feel whole again.

So working with someone and having that experience of, oh, this person's really seeing me.

This person gets me.

They understand me.

I never had that growing up.

They're rewriting stories.

Now, at the beginning, we may push that away, but if we stay consistent and the practitioner that you're working with is still compassionate, still curious, asking questions, not going anywhere, not reacting to you.

I don't know about you, man, but I had a very reactive, volatile father.

I'd say one thing and bang, like I'm either getting hit or I'm getting screamed at.

Wow.

So to be met with someone.

If I say something that is maybe socially unacceptable, if I do something and someone says, hey, I'm going to set a healthy boundary, but I'm still here with you.

I love you.

I care for you, or they show that by not going away or not getting angry.

That's a really big thing for that person to experience.

That's where healing comes in, man.

Yeah, we just need compassion and love.

That's the first steps.

Wow, yeah, my grandfather was like that with my father, you know, physically abusive.

So, my father took the opposite approach with me.

So, hyper-passive, hyper, like, wouldn't lay a hand on me, but at the same time, that's not good, also, right?

He was detached as well, yeah, pretty much, yeah.

So, because he was so traumatized, and he never got the right help for it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, so that's tough.

Did you, were you able to repair that relationship with your father?

Oh, absolutely, man.

I remember the day that I did, I went to a seminar and it was a three, four-day intensive of really deep shadow work and somatic exploration, right?

Which is, which is part of your original question of how do you start moving through this stuff, right?

Yes, it's retelling the stories in different ways, relating to them in different ways, being met with compassion and curiosity, but then moving this stuff through our bodies through trauma release release exercise and emotional release practices as well.

And I remember leaving that seminar, it wasn't really a seminar, it was more like a workshop.

And I just felt this, this forgiveness in my, like this spaciousness in my body.

I felt light.

And because I'd released a bunch of feelings that had been trapped and stuck around my father, particularly

that moment, I was able to call him and just, I didn't, he'd never understand the stuff that I was doing.

I mean, he doesn't even speak English.

He speaks, I'm half Greek, half Italian.

So he speaks Greek, speaks a little bit of English.

But he just, he wouldn't get it.

It's very foreign to him.

He's in his 80s now

when he was a little later.

So all of this, this personal development work and self-exploration, it's new to him.

Not that it's new to us.

It's been around for thousands of years, but new in this context.

But I just, I rang him and I just said, I love you.

I care for you.

And just thank you for being the father you were.

I was able to equilibrate and collapse all of those moments.

And then there was more work to do after that.

And he received that.

He really did.

And that was helpful that he received that.

He said, oh, thank you.

love you too and that's all it was it wasn't i how i did all this work about around all the things that you did to me and

there was no need for that that was my journey some some people may have a need for that and there's ways to express that in in in in healthy healthy communication that can help relieve you and relieve the person that you are projecting hate towards yeah so you're a big fan of forgiveness right yeah but absolutely but not without feeling because we live we live with the resentment we live with the anger we live with the rage right and so why wouldn't we want to practice forgiveness or be on that journey of forgiveness yeah it's not for the other person it's for us yeah when you hold it in it really affects your health big time man i i i think there's in you know i think his name is john uh dr john sano he speaks of the mind-body connection very eloquently he's passed away now but he's written many many books on this on how repressed emotions and

dense psychological states they impact our physical health and they and it manifests into cancer or stomach ulcers or whatever it may be wow that's crazy yeah so i guess disease is somewhat caused by mindset

i think there's a i think there's definitely a correlation at the very least man right we're a whole being again look at um dr joe dispenza's work right and and and how he has been able to articulate this profound spiritual, psychological, physical connections, this whole being that is us, that they play with each other.

It's like the baseball player player can't really play baseball unless he's on a field.

This is the interrelationality of life.

And it's the same with the mind and the body.

What he's been able to do, man, is insane.

Joe Dispenza.

Yeah.

I mean, he's curing diseases with just mindset.

He's doing great work, man.

You know, the interesting thing, I've been to two of his advanced long retreats.

The interesting thing is that he really pulls from a lot of ancient wisdom.

And I love that.

I love that because for me, I like to go to the source of something or as close to the original source as possible, if that makes sense and where he pulls from is from a lot especially his breath practices and his somatic practices a lot from um the sanskrit tradition and the vedic tradition as well

so what are those retreats like are you just meditating the whole time not the whole time there's a lot of education And there's some downtime, but there's a lot of meditation, man, like hours and hours every day.

Jeez, I don't know if I could.

I mean, I don't want to say that because then I'll manifest it, but that sounds tough.

It is, it is.

And then you get, you know, accustomed to it just towards the end when you're about to leave.

Yeah, because I can, it's tough for me to meditate, man.

How did you get good at it?

Because my mind is all over the place.

Well, me too, man.

Me too.

My mind, I have a very fast mind.

I learned that it wasn't about quietening the thoughts.

It was less about having less thoughts and more about being the observer of those thoughts

with non-judgment.

That was a tough part because I would make the thoughts mean something.

I'd either make the thoughts mean that I'm not good enough because I can't have less thoughts

or I'd make them mean something in terms of going down a rabbit hole with them and then getting frustrated with myself.

And so then I'm releasing cortisol and adrenaline because I'm experiencing frustration and anger.

Right.

And so once, it's still a practice, man, but it's really about allowing the thoughts to just be.

And if I do 20 minutes of thinking or 40 minutes of thinking or five minutes of thinking, that's okay.

Let me just keep coming back to it consistently.

Consistency is key.

Interesting.

So you'll have a thought and you'll look at it objectively.

I attempt to look at it objectively.

And usually, yes.

That's cool.

And just let it be.

So have you ever heard that adage of,

you know, go through to get there faster?

And so the buffalo, when a storm is coming, instead of running away from the storm, they huddle and they move into the eye of the storm to get through the eye of the storm in greater pace, right?

So our mind is very similar to that.

Facing problems and challenges is very similar to that.

Don't avoid the thing.

Don't run away from it.

Don't suppress it or repress it.

Be with it.

Feel it.

Feel it to move through it faster and to actually gain some wisdom from it and grow.

I love that.

What's been your journey on the dating relationship side?

A lot of people these days have issues there.

Have you been in successful relationships?

I'm assuming yes.

Many unsuccessful ones.

So the interesting thing with me, so I keep, because I play in the realm of relationships and intimacy and dating,

I have to, I choose to keep my finger on the pulse of things that are going on.

So I haven't dated for a few years, obviously, because I've been married for a few years.

However,

what I'm seeing is that more and more people, this is anecdotal, and there's some empirical evidence for this.

Like, you do some research and there's some latitudinal, longitudinal, cross-cultural studies done on dating and relationships in today's day and age.

We're seeing some problems, man.

We're seeing men say,

you know what?

I don't really, it's too much trouble dating.

Let me just stay at home.

Let me have my gadgets.

Let me do my thing.

Let me look look at

we're we're distancing ourselves from intimacy yeah and it's it's an epidemic because what's happening is when we're not intimate with each other and we're not close with each other we don't trust each other and when we don't trust each other we don't collaborate and innovate in deeper ways i'm not just talking from a business perspective i'm talking about sex magic i'm talking about into creating intimacy and creating families and creating and i'm not saying that everyone's path you have to create a family you have to have a child not at all it's not about that but if you're avoiding that because you're scared of rejection or abandonment or being hurt because you're not looking at your trauma, or because you're taking the easy way out of convenience of not doing that, you know, the sometimes difficult work to be in a relationship and the effort that's required and to be challenged, that's a problem for humanity, man.

Because one of the reasons why we're here, why you and I are sitting here today, is because our ancestors were resilient.

Right.

When we start to avoid difficult,

guess what happens?

We become less resilient.

That gives me a dismal hope for humanity, man.

Yeah.

Just from that perspective.

You saw it with

everyone got sick as soon as it ended because their bodies couldn't handle it.

Yeah, we all became weak.

Yeah.

There was a couple interesting YouTube videos you had.

I want to go through them, take a deeper dive.

One of them was called, Should You Masturbate If You're in a Relationship?

Yeah.

Walk me through that.

Well, the answer is

yes and no, or yes and whatever.

So my thought around this is it's less about the thing and more about your own integrity and the agreements that that you have in any relationship.

Like here's an example.

You and I have an unspoken and spoken agreement that I'm going to come on here.

I'm going to be professional and I'm going to honor your physical space.

And in return, you're going to ask me questions and we're going to have a conversation.

I may ask you some questions.

And we're going to trade our time for something.

And you'll at some point put me on the podcast on your platform and then I'll receive an audio and blah, blah, blah.

You get it, right?

Most relationships, it goes back to the question around dating as well.

they start their relationship in this honeymoon period, in this limerence phase, and they're all excited and all they can see is

beautiful.

This person's the best.

I can't believe they love the same things that I love.

The sex is great.

They live here.

Oh, that's where I want to live.

Oh, they make their own money.

Whatever the thing is, right?

They have these blinders on.

And the whole person isn't presented because we're in this hormonal flush.

So we don't really think about, the majority of people don't think about setting agreements.

What are your highest values?

What are the things that are most important to you in relationship?

How do you want to do conflict?

Where do you want to live?

Do you want to have a family?

What are your sexual fantasies and desires?

What are your deepest wounds and fears?

People don't ask themselves really big questions and ask each other big questions.

As a result of that, the relationship drags on and drags on.

And then when there's conflict, they either avoid the conflict or they're hyper-aggressive.

So either way, the conflict's not really, there's no real deep conflict resolution.

They're hyper-vigilant, they're hyper-triggered, they're dysregulated in their nervous systems.

And so what do we do when we experience a lot of pain?

Well, we need pleasure.

Because the greater the pain, the more pleasure we require.

What do most of us do?

Food.

Masturbation, orgasm, sex, right?

Whether it's cheating on someone or just masturbating, whatever it may be.

Adrenaline,

success.

So we want to build success.

We want to define ourselves by the things that we do, our accolades, our achievements,

shopping you know we feel bad so we want to shop and we feel good then then we get guilty about it so the cycle continues but we need more pleasure in our bodies right so it's very convenient in the day that we live day and age we live in i don't have my phone on me but get your phone out.com and you're there.hub whatever it is right

but you're there immediately yeah instant instant and you can just masturbate and instant pleasure yeah but what you're doing is in that avoidance is you're not healing or or rupturing you're not healing that rupture in the relationship

and that compounds and stacks and it becomes more and more challenging and guess what well it's very convenient to go masturbate it's very convenient to go be with my friends when i don't want to be with my partner right but you're not addressing the issues and so in relationship back to your original question let's say you have a healthy relationship where you have open communication And let's say masturbating is something you enjoy doing.

Can you go to your partner and let them know that?

Can you make requests?

Can you forge agreements?

Can you talk about the issue without being shamed?

Like that could be an agreement that you have.

Hey, when we bring stuff to each other, we've got to do our best to not shame each other, to not judge each other.

And if that stuff comes up, let's have some space.

Let's come back to it until we're more neutral.

But that's part of relationship, man.

Like we come into relationships to heal old wounds, particularly around shame, around judgment, around insecurities, around abandonment, around rejection, around just not feeling enough, low self-worth.

Relationships, intimate relationships have the capacity to do that if we allow them to, but we have to put the effort in.

I love that, man.

That was bars.

There's another video called Eye Contact During Sex.

Is that something that you recommend people doing?

Yeah, man, because yes, because it's fing uncomfortable.

Yeah.

And it's been uncomfortable for me.

And sometimes it still is.

If I'm in a funk, right, and my wife wants to connect to me

and I'm not present.

i don't want to make eye contact but i know i need to to get present because then she you know not just she but whoever you are whoever you're with they can feel when you're not present eye contact drops astrain there's something about looking into each other's eyes it's very uncomfortable yeah humanly uncomfortable for a reason let's think about that but also deeply deeply healing if you can move past and beyond the challenge of it and actually instigate it wow and how long are you making this eye contact for?

A few seconds, few minutes, hours.

Minutes?

Yeah.

Bro, you're wild.

And not just, man, not just his sex.

So there's deep men's work that I do as well.

And we'll have men gaze into each other's eyes

for 20, 30 minutes, maybe more.

Two guys?

Yeah.

Whoa, most guys wouldn't want to do that.

No, most guys don't.

And while we're running them through, while I'll be running them through, we will be running them through a particular prompt or program.

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Or thing that they need to be doing while they're maintaining eye contact that's bringing up a lot of stuff.

Wow.

Emotional stuff.

And they have to hold that eye contact.

Interesting.

But there's something special that happens, man, when you're witnessed and seen.

There must be some studies done on this to

I wonder what's going on there between the eye contact because I guess you're forming a deeper connection somehow.

So

absolutely.

So for me at least.

So symbolism for me is the oldest language we have access to.

Think about one of the core wounds that we carry as humans is not being seen, not being understood, not being respected, not being heard, not being appreciated, but not being seen is a big one.

The symbolism of actually looking at someone and seeing them without needing to do anything with that and to hold.

And a lot of people will laugh through this as well.

It's a coping strategy.

It makes you feel a little bit more difficult.

Yeah, they go with laugh.

Because you're uncomfortable.

And that's okay.

If you're new to it, that's going to happen.

But after all that settles, you start to just see the real person.

You start to see not only their trauma, but their joy and their aspirations without words needing to be spoken.

Something really special happens, man.

Wow.

You're able to see their little boy or girl.

That person, that part of them, that part of their psychology that resides within them that is full of wonder and curiosity and innocence.

You start to see all of that.

You start to see the humanness in the man like it's very difficult for me to talk about this without getting emotional because i've been in so many spaces where i've been witness but i have witnessed the humanness in people man i guarantee you you know we'll often hear hey if if if most of the world just did some lsd or or some or some psilocybin you know we'll probably be in a more peaceful place right because we you know or md uh mdma and or dmt

man if we just all looked in each other's eyes for a little bit and did some some really specific kind of breathing

man

i think the whole world would change would be a catalyst just from that yeah i'm gonna try that out man what kind of breathing do you have to do during it uh it depends it can be very slow calm regulated breathing or it can be more of a holotropic style breath which uh activates a dysregulated nervous system which you may think well that's not that's not good yes and but you come back from that into regulation and the oscillation between that the pen it's called pendulation neuroscience it can be very helpful for helping you see aspects of self that you couldn't see before.

That is cool, man.

Really cool.

Last video, and then we'll move on, it was called

clearing sexual energies of past partners.

Is there

so basically when you have sex with someone, you're basically saying there's energy transference?

Yeah, so there's something called

microchimerism, which is

some will consider it a pseudoscience.

So it's not necessarily full of empirical evidence and science-backed.

But

the essence of this theory is that when we exchange bodily fluids, we're exchanging DNA and we're also exchanging the energetics that are associated with that, the emotions, the thoughts, not all of ourselves, but so much of ourselves.

Similar to the Joe Dispenza conversation we're having a few moments ago.

So with that said, if your

intention really matters in the world, I think it does for me.

Like you said earlier, you know, you've built multiple businesses.

This one you're really excited about.

Yeah.

You know, your level of intention must be pretty dialed in.

I'm dialed in.

Dialed in.

Yeah.

I can see it when you just talk.

I feel it when you talk.

So intention matters, right?

So if we're drunk and we're,

you know, on drugs and we're just all over the place and

I'll tell you something actually on that.

So I heard something really interesting the other day and I need to research it a little more.

But this lady, this author was talking about casual sex and she was actually talking about the hookup culture because I think casual sex is is more than fine.

I think it's it's healthy.

I think it can be healthy, I should say.

I think it's part of our evolutionary drive and our evolutionary history.

But she was saying hookup culture is not really quote unquote normal and it's not healthy for us.

And then she said, oh, maybe that's why so many people need to drink alcohol to then engage in this

reckless hookup culture.

And I started thinking about that.

And I thought, yeah, okay, alcohol is part of our culture, especially part of Australian culture.

But then I started thinking about, well, yes, and

what if that is telling us something?

We have to be so disassociated to give ourselves in that way.

Right.

Right.

But

back to

your question.

So,

oh, sorry.

Remind you.

Clearing sexual energies.

Clearing the sexual energies, yes.

So with that said, and the intention.

That we hold if we're not very intentional with who we're spending time with.

We may be at a certain phase in our lives.

I have a client of mine.

He's moved through, he was

very much a, call him a player, right?

Just use a terminology that everyone's familiar with.

And he's turned it at three, he's a young guy in his late 20s,

turned it to 360 in the sense that he's very clear on the type of relationship that he wants.

And he's clear that he doesn't want to partake in that hookup culture anymore.

And so for him, he's being very intentional with the type of...

relationship and the kind of woman that he's bringing into his life.

So his whole world has changed.

However, as he's reflecting on his past experiences, he's reflecting on the casual sex that he's had and the casual encounters that he's had, it's bringing up stuff for him.

It's bringing up grief.

It's bringing up guilt.

It's bringing up frustration.

It's bringing up feelings of inadequacy because he's seeing that so much of that was just, let me get a notch on my belt.

Let me get a notch on my belt.

And so what's underneath that?

What's underneath the reason to get a notch on your belt?

There must be something driving that behavior.

And so when you unpack that, it's low self-worth.

When you unpack that, it's pain that's suppressed and repressed and undealt with trauma at some level, right?

And so when we're clearing partners of the past, if we haven't been intentional and we haven't been clean, we haven't known ourselves fully or we haven't known ourselves enough, I should say,

in that point in time, we've been just reckless with our bodies and reckless with ourselves.

We're carrying imprints, at least psychic or spiritual, at the very least imprints, if not biophysical at some level of those individuals, of that relationship dynamic, of that experience.

And if it wasn't a healthy experience or it was a challenging experience, we're carrying that in our psyche and in our nervous systems.

So, being deliberate about clearing that, and it's just practices, maybe it's meditations, maybe it's seeing an energy clearer, maybe it's visualizations,

maybe they're cord-cutting practices, maybe it's somatic work, like deep, deep breath work to really dislodge that guilt, that grief, that pain.

And it's a process, it's not necessarily just one session, it can be multiple sessions over a long period of time.

For me, I felt complete after about eight or nine months of doing work multiple multiple times a week.

Oh, you had a lot of

trauma.

Yeah, I had a lot of shit.

I just wasn't dealing with

nine months.

Wow.

How does the energy healing work?

What does that process like?

Depends who you work with, but and again, it's some of it's a little, I mean, it feels, it can feel very abstract and feel very fringe, you know, because you're not working with something that's tangible and material.

Right.

You can see it.

You're working with the immaterial.

And psychology is like that as well.

However, we can connect dots in different ways when it comes to to psychology.

But with the ethereal, the spiritual, that energy, if you like, it requires an element of faith as well.

I think people are walking around with so much trauma, but they're just so used to it, they don't even know if they need to clear it.

Yeah, you're absolutely right, man.

I think we're walking around in such a highly, well, a low, dysregulated state that that's the norm now.

And so we're in this fight or flight response constantly because of the world that we live in and because of, again, undealt with trauma.

Yeah.

What's your take on this toxic masculinity red pills kind of movement i guess so for me the toxic masculinity as it's as it's shared in the in the mainstream is

in in the sense that if toxic masculinity exists which it does by the way yeah toxic femininity must exist i haven't heard that before

toxic femininity

and i'll tell you what i mean so firstly masculine feminine energies are a dual way it's a it's a polarity right it's a duality and the these are expressions that live within us First and foremost, we're human.

The human expressions first, we split them into a duality to help us understand ourselves in a more rich and empowering way.

That's all it is.

So masculine and feminine is not exclusively connected to male and female.

Number one, it resides within all of us.

The second part to that, if that's the case and they're expressions, then one can't be toxic and the other can be.

Because all you're doing now is just, well, if we're saying, if parts of our society are unconsciously or in hidden ways saying, well, males and or masculinity is superior, and And then we're saying, well, there's toxic masculinity, but there's no toxic femininity.

Now we're just saying the same thing for the feminine energy.

And the pendulum's swinging and extremes don't do well.

So we have to come back into homeostasis, greater harmony with ourselves.

So from my perspective, do unhealthy expressions of masculinity exist?

Yes.

Do unhealthy, unsustainable expressions of femininity exist?

Absolutely.

Manipulation is a

an expression that is unhealthy for femininity or feminine expression.

Coercion or oppression is an unhealthy masculine trait.

That doesn't mean that a woman can't be oppressive and coercive.

It doesn't mean that a man can't be manipulative.

We get confused.

And so we can use other language.

You can use do and be energies.

We can use go and flow energies.

We can use active and passive energies that reside within us.

Again, active.

How many podcasts are you doing today?

Five.

Five.

You're going to be active.

You get up.

You can't just be passive.

Yeah.

But a full week of work, maybe you need to be passive on the weekend for the rest.

So these are just energies, man.

That's all it is.

Right.

Yin-yang.

That's it.

So if we look at it that way, there's less controversy less judgment less separation and more how do we make the whole human better yeah so you believe we're basically all energy yeah for sure and i think a lot of people have some negative energy for sure and i'll also say on the masculine feminine piece right is that i also my belief is and what i've seen in in the thousands and thousands of people that i've worked with facilities workshops i've facilitated and research i've done and so forth is that most men will carry a more dominant masculine set of energetics.

And most women will will carry a more dominant set of feminine energetics or feminine expressives.

I do see that.

And then I also see females that are very strong in their masculine orientation.

Most men want to be in more of a dominant masculine posture within.

And most women in more of a

dominant or active feminine posture within.

And is that like something to keep in mind in terms of balancing?

Like you said guys have feminine energy too.

Is it important to tap into that a little bit, you think?

I do, but what I usually

see, I have a lot of

women will come to me and they'll say, oh, how do I make, how do I help my man or make my man be more feminine?

Or men will come to me and say, hey, I need to tap more into my feminine.

And then that may be true.

So if the feminine is represented by the emotional body and men

struggle to be in healthy emotional posturing, not because they're unable to do so, because socially we haven't been taught, or we haven't been shown how to be healthily masculine in our emotional expression.

We miss rites of passages.

Men need rites of passage, or we need cultural rites of passage because when a girl goes from being a girl to being a woman, she has her menstrual cycle.

It's very definitive and clear.

Men don't have that.

So we need a cultural rite of passage to help us

go from boys to men.

So when we're speaking to, when that scenario happens, I say it's less about being in your feminine energy as a man and more about activating your healthy masculine energy.

Focus on that and you'll find that you'll be what you need to be.

You'll relate to others as you need to relate.

Often that comes from a place of, this is how I relate in the world through my emotions.

I want you to relate like this with me.

I love that.

There's a lot of

guys scared to open up emotionally.

For sure, man, because they haven't been shown because it's been dangerous as well.

Dangerous meaning emotionally unsafe, right?

So when a man does open up, he's then perceived as, well, hold on a second.

Well, you're meant to be tough, but you're crying and you're not tough, but I want you to open up, but you shouldn't open up and it's confusing and then what yeah no for sure because when you lay it all out there and the world responds in a certain way you're scared to do it again yeah yeah what's your take on psychedelics

man i'm a massive advocate of psychedelics and comes with a caveat right a couple of things i'm very opinionated on this subject

um

firstly i think we're in a very different world Firstly, I think there's a bunch of charlatans out there and shamans that shouldn't be holding space or administering administering sacred sacrament or plant medicine because they just don't know how they understand the fracturing of mind they don't understand the human condition they don't understand you know our soul's journey they're just they're so disconnected right that's not everyone but many in my opinion and we live in a very different world now we have far more pollutants in our atmosphere in our waterways the earth holds a different energetic a different frequency right

hundreds of years ago pre-industrial era and and when you're deep in the cult in the culture and the nature of that wisdom of those wisdom keepers of that those indigenous tribes it's used very differently

so we either need to adapt to using it in a different way or we need to respect the tradition that's that it's being used and many do of course yeah but I think it's overused it's replacing other addictions I think that People are unaware and they're just they're going in for a quick fix because we live in a society of convenience.

And that's not what this is about.

This is about insight.

Some of the deepest work that I've done done has been outside of psychedelic medicine or psychedelic sacrament, right?

Or psychoactive ingredients that alters my familiar state of consciousness.

And my recommendation is do deep inner work, exploratory work of consciousness of self, of the cosmos, whatever, in familiar states of consciousness, meaning just like this now.

And alter your state, not through a substance, but maybe through breathing or through meditation.

But that requires a lot more effort.

It does.

Yeah.

But for people that are willing to to do psychedelics, where do you find the proper shaman?

Because I've been offered some in Cali and I'm like, sounds weird to me at least.

Oh, man, that's a really, it's a really good question.

And one, I don't know if I can comment on because it depends on so many variables, like where you're at in your life, how you relate to that individual, how they can relate to you, the immediate trust that's felt.

So when I talk about trust, man, I'm talking about a physiological function that's happening in the body.

This here is our enderic system.

This is our nervous system that is unconsciously constantly, as our eyes are, our greatest threat funnel, constantly scanning the world.

Really?

Yeah, for danger.

Wow.

And giving feedback through the vagus nerve into certain parts of the brain saying, safe, not safe, safe, not safe.

Like, right now, if a gunman came through or a big lion came through, we would start feeling unsafe.

That would be recorded through here that punched information and through here, of course.

That's cool, because I've had two near-death experiences, and I never understood why something kicked in into me

to survive.

Your body knew.

It was probably that.

Yeah, your body knows.

We're made to survive as long as we can.

And so there's all these variables that are going on with respect to the question you ask.

Also, what is the medicine?

What's the sacrament?

Where are you at in your time of life?

And there are so many different plants out there, man.

So many different plants.

Like, is it a Baha'i faith sort of, you know, many, many roads to the top of the mountain?

Possibly.

But

I think what's more important to ask is why are you doing it?

What's your purpose?

Right.

And

what do you, what's your intention with going down a path like this?

Yeah, for sure.

Stefanos, it's been a pleasure, man.

Where can people learn more about you and your coaching?

Yeah, appreciate you, man.

At Stefanos Sefandos for Instagram or Stefanosafandos.com for our coaching or coachwithsteph.com.

Love it.

We'll link it in the video, man.

Thanks for coming on.

Thank you, bro.

Killed it.

Thanks for watching, guys, as always, and I'll see you next time.