Embracing Non-Traditional Relationships with Dj Vijayjay and Chathan | Digital Social Hour #60

What is this solar charging your

what is up?

It's a very important thing we do.

Solar charging your it's like you know you plug in your phone if you do downward dog f naked towards the sun you solar charge your hole and it just supercharges your day.

So you mentioned earlier what is this

revolution?

Oh my god.

You guys do.

They're a professional bottom.

They've had four f ⁇ ks at one time.

What?

I had never f or wanted to f,

but like, okay, so I got them and get more comfortable with it.

You're looking at, you know, the arrows like when you're playing Dance, Dance, Revolution, and you're fing them.

Your right hand is like up and left and your left hand is down and right.

And so punching in their b to read the sensors and play the video game.

And I got a pretty high score.

Not gonna lie, I did.

Girls just wanna have fun.

Welcome back to the Digital Social Hour.

I'm your host, Sean Kelly.

I'm here with my co-host, Wayne Lewis.

What up, what up?

And our guest today at Chaithin.

Hello, good.

How are you?

Can't complain.

Doing great.

Part two.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't hear part one, but I'm excited to listen later.

Intense.

So, how did you two meet?

So, we're both big Burning Man attendees, and I really love regional burns which are the smaller affiliated burns and much smaller events, more community oriented.

So I wanted to go to Love Burn in Miami and I didn't know anyone going so I just looking for a theme camp posted on the page and Chathan got a hold of me and was like, it sounds like you would be a good fit based on who you are for our camp.

And the first time we ever talked on the phone, I mean, we were both in tears talking about the like sacred event, that event that he throws and how much we both value consent and open sexuality and just who we are as people.

We were like, what is this?

And it's like instant family.

Like it's an amazing group of people.

So talk to me about this event.

What goes on there?

Well, it's...

Let's call it a s celebration or a body empowerment event.

Okay.

Yeah, it's a really sacred space.

So Faith and his partner created this event.

They've done it at lots of regionals.

I'm the only person, to my knowledge, that they've let me join in and host and be the MC of this event.

I've MC'd a lot of different things.

I do do a lot of weirdlesque and burlesque and things like that, and I'm a s myself.

But it's a really sacred event where the owners can go up and experience whether they know how to or not, being cheered on in their own bodies.

And it's not a destination-oriented event.

Some people do get there, some people don't get there.

We have help that can get them there and help teach them, or they can work with a partner, or just solo.

And I mean, that year, I think we had maybe 16 people who

live in front of about 400 or 500 cheering audience members who are just giving them support and love.

It's not about the audience and what they're getting out of it.

It's about just a really wonderful, vulnerable, like gratitude for their vulnerability in showing this part of this.

It's like the trust ball.

Wow.

Whatever shape, size, color, menstrual status, body hair configuration, we have somebody who every time they've done it, they happen to be on their period and their diva cup will literally shoot into the audience.

And it's so beautiful.

I was in tears.

It's all about just embracing whatever your body is and looks like.

And because it's so brazen, it's like really taking ownership of your body.

So like,

everyone can't survive.

They can.

They can't.

Technically, I mean, maybe not 100% of people, but probably around 99.99 can.

So it's a liquid produced by the Skeens gland.

It's not P.

They have studied it.

It's not P guy.

It's not.

Technically, about 10% of urine will absorb through the bladder wall, and they've tested it chemically.

But it is a totally different liquid, comes out a different hole.

And

it's usually from intense

and G-spot stimulation at the same time, but different people do it in different ways.

There's no reason to think that people couldn't do it.

There might be someone out there with a particular shape of

or cystic fibrosis or something that really can't.

So I wouldn't say 100%.

The first woman ever filmed doing it was actually Annie Sprinkle.

She's an amazing worker.

And

Annie Sprinkle.

She does a breast ballet.

She's fabulous.

Look her up.

She's an ecosexual.

And she did a breathwork organization while I was in college with me.

I had a crygasm.

She's incredible.

It's a crygasm.

It's a release with tears instead of orgasm.

It's just a full-body release.

No, no, just breath work.

Oh, breath work.

Just breathwork.

Yeah, crygasms.

Never had that.

I highly recommend it, especially for men.

It's such a good release.

Oh, okay.

But she was the first woman ever filmed doing it.

And they were like, what is this?

And it's still been very

not studied.

Horses do it too.

I've seen a horse do it while living in Israel.

Yeah, horses will swim.

Like pre-evens just turn around, like turn their to the other male horse and just

gallons of it.

It was nuts.

It was nuts.

So what is so?

What is so?

To teach men how to prepare women to s

from a finger stimulation standpoint,

what is the art when it comes to the

foreplay aspect of it?

Yes.

So first and foremost is the mentality.

No one makes me s.

No one makes a woman s.

A woman s.

That is her job to be.

Misconceived notion that we have.

You can be an assist.

You can help a woman to s, but ultimately I have to participate in my own orgasm if it's ever going to happen, especially with s really with any kind of orgasm.

And that's kind of a thing we don't talk about, right?

It's really us allowing that to happen.

So technique, I mean, mean, first you take on that attitude.

You listen to each person's individual body, pay a lot of attention to how they moan, move, things.

I recommend use of toys.

I'm a big, you know, proponent of toys.

Like, vibrators will get the stimulation so that they don't have to worry about fingers, things like that.

But the G-spot is about an inch and a half to two inches inside your

and at the roof of your.

So, middle finger is usually best, a little bit curved.

And depending on the woman, it could either be going in and out, it could be a kind of come here kind of motion.

It depends.

And they make specific toys with which can also curve towards the G-spot that can help as well.

Sometimes you want to push the G-spot in the way if it's up, tucked behind a pelvic bone.

Occasionally, some women like pressure on the top of their stomach as well, which can help.

Because for the woman, pressing down gently with the stomach.

Yeah, if you press the link here, you'll feel your fingers from the inside on the outside.

Press on the stomach and just kind of right there.

Yeah.

So the shape of the is everyone thinks of a this big.

It's not.

It's actually,

it looks kind of like this.

It has two feet along the l

and it goes down underneath and the bottom of the f is what we call the G-spot.

So it's really all the same organ.

And I taught myself how to in a bathtub when I think I was 16.

I was like, I want to see if I can do this.

And it's messy.

So I do recommend a bathtub.

It can be a lot.

And, you know, I just kind of played around.

Anything you're going to try and f ⁇ , I highly recommend.

Do it yourself first.

You haven't tried.

Play around with it.

Before you're like, hey, partner, stick that in there.

Like, you want to know what you like like and how to teach someone else to do it how you like

So but I mean one time I got bored after a

day at home and I was like how many times in a row can I

and after 28 times I got fucking bored and I was just like I'm dehydrated and bored.

That's like when you have a sick day and you're at home from school and you're just like

28 times.

Yeah, and it will just keep going forever.

Your bed was soaking wet.

Well, I use a lot of towels.

I knew.

Wow.

Plastic mattress covers are your friend.

That's got to be a world record, right?

No, I'm sure it's not.

I mean, it gets less and less liquid each time.

You do have to be pretty hydrated.

But yeah, it just is a, and they don't know why.

They don't know why evolutionarily, if it's a cleaning out process or,

oh, but before I forget to mention, back to teaching, because for women to learn how to do it themselves, teach the man out there.

When you're about to fing and have a c

orgasm, it feels like you kind of have all this pent-up energy.

It's a pushing down like you're peeing.

It's almost feels exactly like you're trying to force yourself to pee.

You do have to push down rather than pull up during that orgasm.

Otherwise, your muscle spasms, there's kind of a pulling up and you probably just have a orgasm.

But it's a pretty intense use of your muscles to actually make it.

So as the man, how do you know when she's pulling up like, no, no, no, baby, you got to push down?

You could hear it.

You could hear it?

Yeah.

Well, you can see it in the body too.

There's kind of a clenching versus a like, yeah.

Like, and, you know, if you're pulling in your stomach to look cute, probably not gonna work, you know.

You gotta really relax.

Yeah, yeah, just relax.

And the most important thing is that it's non-destinational, you know.

If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen because the number one thing that's gonna stop any orgasm is pressure, especially on women.

And you making it about you, and I wanna make sure I made you c.

It's like, no, this is an experience you're having together.

If you don't get there, that's totally fine.

Then it makes it easier to maybe get there next time instead of next time being like a traumatic, like, even me, I'm very very comfortable with.

But if there's like a timeline or a pressure, like, baby, I'm gonna make you.

I'm like, no, instantly.

Turns you off.

Instantly.

Like,

because, I mean, that's the, I mean, women say, make

or I'm a, or you just made me.

So we kind of take that, like, yeah, I did that.

Yeah, linguistically, it's very in our culture, and that'll be a long time before that shifts, you know?

Yeah.

One person at a time, because it does give credit.

It's, it's a boldness.

You're a partnership, hopefully, if you're caring, loving partners, not discounting the role of the man at all.

It's very, you know, or woman, any partner can do this, obviously.

Right.

It's not organ-dependent.

So.

So you mentioned earlier, what is this

revolution?

Oh, my God.

You guys do.

So one of them.

Oh, my lord.

Wait, who's that?

My lord.

But revolution.

Mist revolution, alternatively.

Yeah, but I like to call it punch revolution.

Punch revolution.

Speaking of which, I do know the person who has a world record for the most mass,

so we should bring them in here.

Oh we should.

So yeah, people ask me, one of my favorite, I am an

a dancer and one of my favorite people, like things to ask people is like, what's the craziest thing you've ever done?

And then they always ask me.

So I've done a lot of crazy things, you know.

We'll talk about my DJ

and things later, but this was literally the craziest thing probably I've ever done.

And I've been to 48 countries, gone around the world by myself, backpacking, like, but We have a beautiful human in our community named, well, I won't even name them for their privacy, but they're a professional bottom.

They've had four f in their ass at one time.

What?

I had never fed or wanted to be,

but they did a workshop and they asked for a volunteer and I was like, okay, so I got to f them and get more comfortable with it.

Later that night.

Yes.

So I was like, okay, I'll figure out the mechanics.

I knew I'm not going to hurt you because you know what you're doing and I just really wanted to figure it out.

Later that night, it's pouring rain.

We're at a festival.

We're all just huddled around each other in our camp.

And this person starts setting up wires and computers and things.

And I'm like,

yeah incredible insanely brilliant genius brilliant genius

and I'm like what the hell is going on and they bring out they basically took freeware dance dance revolution software hooked it up to sensors on your wrists so you you're looking at you know the arrows like when you're playing dance dance revolution you're looking at it and you're

your right hand is like up and left and your left hand is down and right and so it's kind of a mind as well and you're literally punching sorry I'm hitting the mic punching in their to read the sensors and play the video game and I got a pretty high score not gonna lie I did girls just wanna have fun

yeah like you like you're talented with oh that's their

that they can like you just punch and they just I mean I've seen them get irritated when two people were

their ass and they're just like harder they literally grab one of their arms and they were like and then they just plunge their own Yeah, and they'll tell you, they'll be the first to tell you, like, I'm just programming my s to f me how I want to be fed.

Like, they really enjoy it.

At Burning Man, I ran into them.

They're like, Do you want to f me?

I'm like, I mean,

you wear gloves.

It's a combination of Crisco and X Lube, which is the best abrupt, and they call it Spackle, which I find hilarious.

And it's so viscous, it's like a wall between your fingers.

So I wasn't about to get into that like Burning Man.

Oh, it's so thick.

It's like,

like, it's like.

Okay.

Oh.

Like.

It's almost like silly putty.

But

yeah.

It's just really viscous and goopy.

Like slime.

Do you ever make slime as a kid?

Yeah, I make slime.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It should be on like Nickelodeon.

This should be a Nickelodeon.

Nickelodeon

friendly, is it?

Yeah, this should be nice.

I'm in.

I'm in.

How to teach kids about ⁇

where's Nick Cannon when you need him?

Making kids.

Yeah, dude.

He's got like what, he's at 12?

Yeah, for sure.

Was that your craziest sexual story, or is there other ones?

Oh, I have so many funny ones.

I got into an I dated identical twins in Israel.

I've had an accidental Kevin threesome in the orgy dome at Burning Man where they both were named Kevin.

He's like, hi, I'm Kevin.

Hi, I'm also Kevin.

Like, wow, wait, there's an orgy dome?

Oh, yes.

There's a whole camp run for consensual and communicative consent-based play.

Wow.

And that's not usually my thing.

Everyone assumes I'm kinky because I'm like very comfortable with my sexuality.

Honestly, the things that get me going are intimacy, light touch, and I'm a humor sexual.

The funnier it is, the better.

And a uniqueophile.

I love people who are just really uniquely themselves.

But I don't need my motto is I'll try anything twice.

But I don't need all that.

Most of the time, I'm like, tickle my back, and I'm like, I'm s

so I occasionally will do a group thing or that.

I've certainly had my share of experiences.

Like, I own my own cave at Petra in Jordan.

Pretty proud of that.

What's a cave?

Like, an actual cave.

Like, Petra's the, you know, in Indiana Jones, the Seventh World Wonder, the giant caves carved into the rock

met a Bedouin guy may or may not own a cave there with him oh nice had a little experience with him there like moving ski lift with skis on that was probably the most acrobatic impressive one

being on a ski lift that sounds I still want to go back to these identical twins

yeah we got to touch on that wait so wait you said the identical twins I still want to hear about the identical twins identical twins oh that's not even an interesting story it just I happened to

could you tell the difference between them or not I could yeah Some people can't, but I very much could.

I was into one.

The other one tried to kiss me, and I was like, I'm into your brother.

And he's like, So we have a threesome.

And I was like, What?

I was like, We've done it before.

I was like, No.

Okay.

But you did.

No.

I didn't ever have the threesome.

I just dated them.

And I only one of them.

It was so close.

Oh, okay.

It was so close.

Okay, we're calling them after this.

We don't talk to them anymore for other reasons.

But yeah.

But the no.

I've certainly had my share of interesting, like, you know, fun story.

Now, the thing about fun stories is they're rarely good.

Best s of my life, not a fun story.

Just casual.

But the stories are always, you know.

Fascinating.

They're good.

Sometimes you do it for the story.

Yeah.

And what is this solar charging your

what is up?

It's a very important thing we do.

Solar charging your b.

Yeah, yeah.

Solar charging your phone.

It's like a recharge.

It's like, you know, you plug in your phone.

If you do downward dog, f ⁇ naked towards the sun, you solar charge hole and it just supercharges your day.

Yeah, it's like like

downward dog.

Which one's downward dog?

It's like a V with your hands on the ground.

Oh, yeah.

It's the one where you get horny during yoga because you look up and you're like, oh yeah.

Yeah, I've seen that one.

Spread the cheese.

We'll do it all in a row on the road at a festival so that everyone else gets a show while we solar charge our ass.

You guys will make it though, right?

Yes.

And how long, how many minutes?

I recommend three to five.

If you're not wearing sunscreen, like a ginger, like me, you can't.

You can't do it too.

And what exactly does that do for you?

Supercharges your day.

Okay, because I do grounding.

I like to go barefoot.

It's not medical science, but you know.

I mean, it's like...

You got to let the light in.

Yeah, you got to do your own research.

It's very important to be silly in life.

You know, so many people want to be normal.

And I'm like, one, that doesn't exist.

Two, that's such a tiny cage to put yourself in.

Why would you?

Life's too short to not get weird with it and experiment and just try something for the sake of trying it.

Can you be in a relationship, though?

Me?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm Polly Amorous.

I actually currently have two partners.

I want to have kids with multiple partners.

I don't do s for s'sake.

I find it very boring.

I need intimacy for s.

So they're very loving relationships, and it's honest and open with everybody involved.

Currently, two guys.

I occasionally date women as well.

I'm pansexual, but

I'm mostly straight-leaning.

But yeah,

they're very loving relationships.

They've met.

Oh, yeah.

They have not met yet, because one is a new partner, but they will meet and they know about each other, and we're very, you know.

So you're open with them dating whoever they want to, right?

Yes.

Oh, okay.

It's called ethical non-monogamy.

E-N M is the term you'll hear a lot of the time.

Your kitchen table, right?

No.

There's lots of different kinds of poly.

No, I was just asking.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's a kitchen table?

Kitchen table means all your partners can sit down together at the same kitchen table and have a talk about it.

They know each other.

Yeah, you could all eat dinner together.

That's what you do, right?

You do that?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's more kitchen table than my partner.

Oh, so you got all your chicks just chilled?

Well, if I'm dating, like, if I've got multiple relationships at a particular moment, it is important to me that anybody who enters my life enters my life.

And every person who is in my life, whether they be a lover or a friend, is an expression of who I am.

So to, in any way, separate that is...

denying a part of who I am.

Gotcha.

And you can't pick and choose when you love someone.

You have to love the entirety of them.

You can't say, well, I love this part about you and I hate that part about you.

That's the fact.

Because I hate when people can't do that.

You have to love all of them.

It might annoy the shit out of you.

But you still got to love.

You got to love.

This is part of it.

Or at least accept it.

You may not love like it, but you accept it.

See them as a whole person.

I don't ever want any separation in my life.

Gotcha.

Do you believe in marrying multiple people?

Do you want to marry multiple people?

I mean, I think you can have multiple life partnerships.

Like, I mean, marriage as a legal construct doesn't like,

like, I have a wife

that, like, I mean, like,

we've been too lazy to go to the courthouse just because we don't, like, like,

what's important to me is that we've made a life part, like, a love bond.

Right.

Yeah, and she's the best.

Yeah.

I mean, there are some interesting, we could go into a whole other podcast about the implications of polyamory in the future and how marriage will come into play because it is a power dynamic.

If one partner stays home and doesn't work for 12 years and there's a divorce, only marriage is going to protect you financially.

So there are some financial and economical reasons, but marriage, in my opinion, kind of came from capitalism and patriarchy and passing your,

honestly, your property,

your land and things to your male heir and was a transactional thing.

And then we made it about love, but it was a it is about love these days, but it's also really more of a legal thing.

So, if you love

it,

some people want the label, some people don't, some people want to do it.

But you can always sign everything over.

I can still put you on my life insurance, even though you're not my wife,

domestic partner, yeah.

But you couldn't go put you on my life insurance, yeah, and then you kill anybody on your life insurance, but you couldn't go visit them in the hospital.

And if you had kids together, they wouldn't necessarily recognize them as the parent to make

decisions.

There's a kid, no, you the person you get the insurance policy on, yeah, clearly, right?

You are a dog, but you guys don't know anything.

You can put anybody on the banks.

Let me teach you your next business thing.

You can put anybody on life insurance, though.

Yeah.

Really?

You can use key man insurance

corporations.

Percentage-wise.

Because, like, if you have a, if you have a, like, a large corporation, you need life insurance in all of your partners, C-level people, because if one of them dies, it deeply affects your business.

Absolutely.

Wow.

Yeah.

So you can get any corporate insurance.

Keyman insurance is important.

But I still wanted to talk about your DJ.

Oh, true.

Oh, yeah.

Let's dive into the

DJ in the beautiful.

Beer beer beer.

DJ Vajj.

So that's my Instagram, the DJ Vajjay.

Just spelled out DJ VJJ.

And

so I've done a lot of weird things with my including juggling with my

giving head massages with my vajk.

It all started from hosting the Naked Olympics, which is my event at most regional burns.

And it evolved

to this year, I joked about being a va DJ since everyone in Vegas is a a freaking DJ.

I was like, My visit would be a DJ.

And everyone at Burning Man lately is a DJ.

And my friend was like, Oh, we're making this happen.

And I was like, What?

He builds props for Katy Perry so he can make this shit happen.

So he made me a custom dildo that has a Bluetooth speaker.

My butt plug has a laser show that goes along with the music.

And there's a built-in three-foot flame from my

three-foot butane flame.

So I wrote a whole show that's actually very wholesome.

Very wholesome, surprisingly.

Extremely wholesome, moving to the point of like I remember tearing up during it and I was sitting in the front row just like weeping wow and just like yeah I talk about the their power and all the weird things that they can do that some of you may know some of you may not know and what are some of the things

well I mean we've talked about a few of them

they can be very creative

but you know everyone thinks of birth

obviously but you know hurting there's a huge potential for healing and release

you know this this show is still light-hearted, but I also talked about

consent.

I have a one-woman show as well that was my senior thesis in college about culture and consent that very much aims to invite men into the conversation and not re-traumatize traumatize survivors because that whole culture needs to change.

So it talked a lot about many different things.

And then I wrote, eventually my video pipes up and is like, hey, hey, can I talk?

You're talking for me.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

And I wrote a whole musical for her that she sings.

And yeah, she sings a musical about,

and then we play songs about

while people come light joints and cigarettes off of my.

And

we've made s'mores.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

The overall thesis that I took home was that when you don't lay shame on your child, they are able to survive through the difficulties of being a person with with a vagina or with a volume in an extremely shame, you know, laden culture, much more helpful.

Right.

My grandmother was

a sex educator.

She started a tradition.

You give your daughter her vibrator at 16.

Like, you talk about sex.

My mom continued this tradition, was very open with me.

So when I was assaulted, which I have been three times, my first response wasn't shame.

My first response was, wow, if this happens to someone like me, it really can happen to everyone.

And I started talking about it immediately,

pulled my, you know,

with someone I knew into a therapist's office to talk to him about what happened.

My mom had a similar story that I read in secret.

My, no.

And that's another thing.

There's a lot of, we could do a whole podcast about victim blaming and how you need to give the woman whose experience it was the power to decide how she handles that situation.

I wanted to tell him my experience with a therapist in the office and,

you know, give him my peace.

But beyond that, his healing is his journey.

This wasn't a very, four percent of are a stranger jumping out with a knife in the bushes.

Almost all of them are people you know, you're consensually kissing or maybe hanging out with, but you make a boundary and they push it too far.

So, I don't want him to be in prison.

I think it's about re-education on both sides, about how we were socialized from babies onward to not really make strong boundaries, to not really hear and read strong boundaries.

And I had friends literally unfriend me because I didn't want to press charges.

And that's unfortunate because it should really you need to give that person the power back, even if it seems like they're not doing what you think they should do.

It's a totally different person.

Give them back their power back.

Yeah, I've heard no woman my whole life speak like that.

My partner will always say that

she'll say, if you just cancel people every time something happens, then all that they do is go to the next community and perpetuate harm.

So you have to like create processes as a community leader.

And

we're very active in this positive and polyamory

communities as she is.

And like you have to create processes for people to like rehabilitate.

Just like with prison, just like with all any sort of

anytime you f up, like you got to learn.

That's the fact.

Well, prison doesn't always work, though.

It doesn't work.

No, it doesn't ever work.

They're just now

programs and stuff right now.

Yeah, evolution, especially making smarters with your busy.

Yeah, but I mean, it's so important.

I really just want to like double down on that.

That for me, the point of life is to evolve as much as possible in your life that you've been given, this body.

And we don't allow people to do that when the go-to is punishment for one deed.

We're all socialized.

And I've literally interviewed murderers who I could put myself in their shoes and been like, yeah, if I had been raised like you and in your genes in that situation, situation, I could find myself justifying that.

Wow.

No one does things maliciously unless they can justify it in their brain.

I really don't believe in people, you know, it doesn't come from nowhere.

So it can also be re-educated and uneducated.

And that, I've...

I'm different from most people in that most people value comfort, and I've always valued growth over comfort.

And yes, growth is uncomfortable.

I didn't go around the world by myself to 48 countries because it was comfortable, but I grew 30 lifetimes in that amount of time.

It's not always always easy to have those hard conversations and to, you know, look someone who hurt you in the face and say, this is what happened and this is what it did to me.

And like, let's work on how we can make sure this doesn't happen to other people.

And that's what my show is about, is like, stop the blame game.

It doesn't matter who's going to prison.

Let's talk about the culture.

Let's zoom out and use humor to go, wow, we've made a perfect recipe for one out of three women to get

why.

It comes from both sides.

You know, Disney on, I was trained to acquiesce to men's needs first before my own and not speak up, even coming from a very like vocal family around my sexuality.

So

it's important to look at it from all aspects and give people chances to see their behavior.

It doesn't condone the behavior, but to say, look, that behavior is wrong, not this person is wrong.

Wow, one in three days.

It's crazy.

Yeah, well, no, no, no.

Yeah.

I mean, I know.

Some of my homegirls as close as that.

Like, I know a lot of women that's been through some crazy stuff, and I'm like, damn.

And probably most of them haven't told you yet.

It's almost normal.

And yeah, that doesn't include the ones I think.

50% go undisclosed.

Parts of this world where you'll get

for having.

Right?

And men too.

One in ten men are and they are even less likely to disclose because of the shame around what that weakness means in terms of masculinity in our culture.

So masculinity in general and femininity need a rewrite.

It's like gender binary doesn't really exist.

There's XXY chromosomes.

There's so many scientific things that say that we do not live in a gender binary.

You can literally on a scientific level not be man or woman.

That's why I'm very pro-trans.

And we're all on this spectrum, and we all have masculine and feminine energies inside us.

There's no like thing that really dictates this is a masculine trait, this is a feminine trait.

It's just culture.

And culture is so malleable.

We have to start realizing that culture is completely malleable.

All these truths we've been fed are literally things just humans made up.

So we can remake them.

Do you feel like trans men can compete with women in women's sports?

That's an interesting hot topic.

Yes or no?

I don't think it's, I think it's like a conversation that gets blown out of proportion because we're talking about so many, like so few people.

I will say that I don't think that's a comment that I can do justice in a sound bite of two minutes.

I think that's a whole conversation.

I do, I'm very pro the identity of those athletes and identifying how they want to.

However, I do see the other side of how physical ability can, you know, it's very different men to women.

But at the same time, I'm not Serena Williams.

She's way different than me.

Would it be unfair of me to compete with her?

You know, there's a lot of different problems.

Serena Williams,

she do get beat by other women that aren't as good as her.

She just catch her.

I was saying there's many different frames you could look at that argument for, and that's kind of why I am who I am, is I look at all the frames, and I don't take one side because I believe in duality.

I believe two truths can be true at the same time.

And you don't need to always have one right, one wrong, one right, one wrong.

There's a lot of rights in the world.

There's a lot of things we can hold as true, and it's called dialectics in DBT therapy.

I like your perspective.

I mean, I'm in training to, I'm in my master's program right now to be a marriage and family therapist and eventually a sex therapist with a PhD.

And I really do believe in like helping people through their shame and

people know people write me off because I DJ with my vision I'm also out there and weird but honestly the two are not in in conflict like it because what you choose to do outside of what you do is what you do not just that life's too important to take so seriously

if if you like i was saying before like it

Everything in life is easier when you're having fun doing it.

And humor is such a useful tool to be able to talk about things that otherwise are too painful to talk about.

Right.

There's a lot of humor in my show for that reason.

Like, it's really hard to talk about a lot of things that really fucking hurt

without being able to just joke about it.

And that's why I'm an I'm I bring I weave social justice into every art I do.

I'm a body painting artist and I do real therapy on people to make themselves see themselves as beautiful when I body paint on them and feel powerful in their body.

Any like performance I've done, I've done an immersive show about

divorce and healing from that.

I used to run the immersive theater department at MeowWolf in Santa Fe and even those characters and things I would want to see like where's the humanity in this?

Where's the social justice?

Because the fun tools like I learned so much being a theater kid growing up and gained so much confidence.

Like we can use art to tackle something that's taboo and hard and difficult and make it like easy.

That's that's how brain chemistry works, new pathways.

You can't just always you know use the hot button press word, especially like the sports issue.

Oh, this is what the pundits repeat over and over.

Like, it's not even in the same league when you start talking about these topics with a holistic and systemic perspective, where it's like, how's the network contributing?

How does the whole family integrate?

Like, what is the sociocultural impact?

And how do we get here?

Man, we got deep.

I like it.

Yeah, well, I like it.

That's the thing about humor.

That's what she said.

You're not going to, that's what she said.

We got deep.

Come on.

I didn't.

It's your go-to.

I mean, I saw one.

I was going to give it to you.

I was like...

But, like, you know, I'll say, like, it is, that's, like, the importance of humor, though.

Because, like, especially, like, like, uh, with circuit partner therapy, like, my tool, everyone's got a different style.

My tool is.

humor and fun because if you get someone laughing, they get out of here.

They stop thinking with their anxiety brain.

You can't, like, I've never, you're not, like, anxious and laughing at the same time unless you're like, unless you're like,

real laughter is anxious.

Real laughter and anxiety do not go together.

Absolutely.

Trauma as well.

That was a great episode.

Any closing comments, guys?

I just really appreciate you guys, you know, letting people come on this show that can spread messages that hopefully will, you know, change that malleable culture and allow people to be the biggest, freest version of themselves and realize that life's so much bigger than you probably even know, than I know.

I'd like to point out one other thing, which is

she was requested to come here like 30 minutes before she showed up.

I had no idea.

I said, listen, I want to do this thing with you.

And

there's nobody on planet Earth remotely like you.

You've got to come here.

And

this is just like

who they are as a person.

And also, again, what's your Instagram handle?

So, at DJ, the DJ Vijay.

So, the DJ VJJ.

And it's a brand new account we just made today.

So, you know, like it'll get stuff eventually, but follow that.

And when I do start doing more workshops, TED Talks, things like that, well, it'll be through that channel.

Yeah, but we're boomers, so it took a while to put it on.

Such

plans.

Thank you guys for watching and make sure you tune into the DJJJ.

Yeah, you got it.

You got it.

Do it again.

Do it again.

The DJ Vajj.

I'm a firecracker.

The curtains match the drinks.

Real flames.

DJ for JJ.

I'm the one.

Thanks for watching, guys.

See you next time.