Commentator's curse conspiracies, homegrown stewards & Lee Hendrie's "highgevity”

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Speaker 12 brilliant!

Speaker 12 But jeez!

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Speaker 12 Absolutely incredible! He launched himself six feet into the crowd, and Kung Fu kicked a supporter who was

Speaker 12 without a shadow of a doubt giving him lip. Oh, I save!

Speaker 12 It's amazing! He does it tame and tame and tame again. Break up the music! Charge a glass!

Speaker 12 This nation is going to dance all night!

Speaker 2 Gary Weaver storms the barricades once again. A commentator's curse turns into a mini saga with no winners.
Teammates getting a 10 and a 1 in a newspaper's player ratings.

Speaker 2 Tantalizingly audible and tactically implausible fake football commentary in the background in East Enders. Saudi Pro League expert Lee Hendry invents a new word.

Speaker 2 Ben Chilwell on 19th century Alsatian architecture. Some very funny content about stewards.
And Richard Keyes casually slandering the 2019 PFA Player of the Year.

Speaker 2 Brought to your ears by Goal Hanger Podcasts. This is Football Clichés.

Speaker 2 Hello everyone and welcome to Football Cliches. I'm Adam Hurry.
This is the adjudication panel. Joining me first of all for his 350th appearance on Football Clichés.
it's Charlie Eccleshare.

Speaker 15 How does that sound? That sounds great.

Speaker 16 I can't quite believe it.

Speaker 15 350. Wow.

Speaker 10 What a run.

Speaker 2 Yeah. In Premier League appearance terms, do you know what that makes you? The only player to have played 350 games in the Premier League exactly.

Speaker 15 The one player who's made exactly 350 appearances.

Speaker 16 I mean,

Speaker 2 that's quite a lot, isn't it? It's not the best quiz question in the world, I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 15 No, I like it. David Silver.

Speaker 2 I'm not a million miles away, to be fair. You are Sesqu Fabregas.

Speaker 10 Ah, okay. Yeah,

Speaker 10 Yeah. That feels about right.

Speaker 2 I'll take it. Alongside you, David Walker.

Speaker 17 How are things? Things are good. I think if I was a player, coming towards the end of my career, I would try and engineer a nice round number like that.

Speaker 17 It'd be nice to go out on 350. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Either that or just one off, because that sort of gives your career a frisson of

Speaker 2 mild tragedy.

Speaker 15 Darren Anderson has at least 299 Premier League appearances or something, which I think would be a bit annoying.

Speaker 2 Yeah, must play on his mind. Dave, classy touch from you and I to to attend the Career We Go quiz on Friday night.
Just hours of being vanquished in the clichés quiz. Just showed no hard feelings.

Speaker 2 Quizzing is the winner.

Speaker 17 Yeah, kill them with kindness. That's what I say.
But it was great fun. Really good night down at the volley.
And it was just me and you and our team.

Speaker 17 We've been before and we had Nick with us and we came second that time. This time, we were really solidly mid-table fodder.
It was tough.

Speaker 2 Upper mid-table.

Speaker 2 Let's be honest.

Speaker 15 You could have done with a man who was just 41 appearances out with David Silver.

Speaker 16 He was 309.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Glad you looked it up. That's the main thing.

Speaker 15 Did you, while you were there, make lots of sort of pass-ag comments about the quiz? I hope, from

Speaker 15 Thursday, I hope so. Because if not, that's just pure class from you guys.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I'm well out of my phase of being gutted about losing. I just really want it to be a good quiz, and it was.
And you can always rely on Career We Go. So they can have it.
They'll be back.

Speaker 2 They'll be back. We'll do best of five.
It's fine. Elsewhere in the clichés universe, Cricket Cliches is officially finding its feet, according to the feedback from listeners.
They're loving it.

Speaker 2 So get in touch for episode three, which will be out, presumably after the next test, I think. Go to cricket.football clichés.com.
Daniel Norcroys and the boys.

Speaker 2 Ready to hear from you.

Speaker 2 Other matters to take care of. The Nord VPN question from last week's quiz.

Speaker 2 I made my international debut in 2002 at the age of 19, won the Premier League in my first season after arriving in England, won the FA Cup with two different clubs, was voted my country's Player of the Year nine times in the space of 12 years.

Speaker 2 I speak seven languages. My son has just signed a professional contract with the Premier League club and I'm still playing but in a different sport.

Speaker 2 Well, Andy Pompey, Stephen Radcliffe, Mike Hull84, Shomak Chakrabarty and Tom Spavins, you all got in touch very early doors to say that was pet a check. So there you go.
Well done, all of you.

Speaker 2 Football clichés Christmas quiz on that note. In aid of shelter on the 28th of December, we're going to be live streaming from 8 p.m.
GMT.

Speaker 2 If you want to join us, go to footballcliches.com slash Xmas and pay your £6 to enter. Fully interactive quiz.

Speaker 2 You can play at home on your device of choice or you can just watch the whole thing on YouTube if you don't want to play. It's going to be six rounds of very niche, multiple choice football trivia.

Speaker 2 So, Dave, it's going to be fun to play. There's not going to be, you know, endless deliberating, is there?

Speaker 17 No, yeah, I think it's going to be pretty fast-paced, actually.

Speaker 17 And I think it'll be, yeah, I'm interested to... We were talking to Bobby from Career We Go on on Friday, and he's planning to join.
And I think he's going to potentially play alongside Doc Brown.

Speaker 17 And they're going to go around each other's houses.

Speaker 17 One of their houses to play.

Speaker 10 Doc Brown's, I assume, Pat. Yeah.

Speaker 17 But yeah, I'm interested to see whether it's going to be individuals or whether people will join up with each other.

Speaker 2 Approach it however you wish. £250 in cash on offer for the first prize as well.
So we are not smucking about. Football clichés.com slash Xmas.
Right, adjudication panel time.

Speaker 2 I'm delighted to say, Charlie, that the great Gary Weaver is back to his medieval best.

Speaker 20 Pickford getting involved on his goal line there and he's beaten to it.

Speaker 20 It's a blistering start from Newcastle United. Malik Chow making that count

Speaker 20 and Newcastle have walked into Everton's Newcastle and seized control of this game.

Speaker 21 Textbook Weaver, but we just almost too perfect for you.

Speaker 15 Yeah, too pre-planned, I think,

Speaker 15 for my taste. Interesting, though.

Speaker 15 I mean, Gary Weaver getting the Saturday night Premier League game just hours after we'd recorded me commenting on the fact in our Premier League years' Dreamland episode that he was very prominent.

Speaker 15 He was a lot more prominent a few years ago. And I suggested that

Speaker 15 he might have been downgraded. Well, one in the eye for me and the doubters.

Speaker 2 Local one for Weaver, Dave. So I suppose that's why he gets these gigs, I guess.

Speaker 17 Maybe, I don't know.

Speaker 17 He's worth his place, let's be honest. But yeah,

Speaker 17 you've got to get the emphasis right there, haven't you?

Speaker 17 Newcastle have gone to Everton's Newcastle.

Speaker 2 The repetition was lovely. But yeah, seizing control.

Speaker 21 Ah, just a panic weaver.

Speaker 2 Great to see that he

Speaker 2 hasn't shed that skin just yet. Right, next up, commentators cursing Charlie, a frequent theme on this podcast, but a little mini saga about this particular topic.
PSG vs. Tottenham in midweek.

Speaker 2 The hosts have a corner at the end of the first half.

Speaker 17 At the end of the day, they're playing in front and they've taken shots, but Spurs have been quite happy with that.

Speaker 23 Another stroke and this time it's it.

Speaker 23 What a hit that is from Betinia.

Speaker 2 So Charlie, I mean a textbook.

Speaker 2 commentator's curse as as with many of the recent examples we've seen right instant impact as well for it so it really kind of enhanced the whole thing so one for everyone to enjoy right yeah exactly and former england manager heritage what was steve mclaren being the sine qua non of this phenomenon

Speaker 14 i mean this is this is yeah

Speaker 2 bit of latin to end the year and why not

Speaker 2 but it's christmas we're all familiar with this and it's uh and it's great so Yeah, so it's, I don't think Glenn Hoddle or any commentator in this situation, Dave, should be ashamed of what's happened.

Speaker 2 It's an occupational hazard, but no one's embarrassed by the commentator's curse. It's bigger than that, isn't it?

Speaker 2 It's, I mean, like, it's all like all predictions. They're not worth the paper they're written on, are they, really?

Speaker 17 If anything, it might even be a badge of honor. It might be, you know, nice to get one every now and again.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah. So, yeah, I agree.
Everyone should take it in good humour. The story ran on, though, Charlie, because in the highlights of this game, TNT did this.

Speaker 2 another strike, and this time it's it.

Speaker 2 I mean, is that necessary, Charlie? No, who's whose skin needs to be saved?

Speaker 15 And from what I have been told of Glenn Hodl, everyone speaks of him, you know, they really like working with him, and he doesn't give the impression of being precious.

Speaker 15 Or so I'd be surprised if it did come from him.

Speaker 18 And otherwise, yeah, like you say, it's just like a bit of fun.

Speaker 15 No, no one's going to be like, oh, Glenn Hodl doesn't know, but well, actually, some dickheads probably would, but it doesn't need to be taken seriously.

Speaker 15 Like, it's, yeah, it's just a funny quirk that happens.

Speaker 2 But Dave, not massively unexpected that a broadcaster might do that just to smooth out the broadcast, just, you know, take out that talking point and just get the focus back on the goal.

Speaker 2 But the story didn't end there because the Daily Mail got wind of this and their headline was, TNT Sports remove, in capitals, Glenn Hoddle's commentary from PSG vs.

Speaker 2 Tottenham highlights after fans mocked his poorly timed remark. Poorly timed remark.

Speaker 22 It's a commentator's curse.

Speaker 2 It's not that deep.

Speaker 17 Ridiculous. I mean, look, the boys at the mail have got to hit their targets, haven't they?

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Every little helps.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. It's such a shame that, you know, a straightforward commentator's cursing has turned into a story, Charlie.

Speaker 2 But amidst this story, it was a classic situation where they had to quote people off Twitter, which is always fun for these situations.

Speaker 2 So, commentator Adam Summerton's words remained, and one fan quipped on X. Hilariously, TNT have purposely scrubbed Hoddle saying this from their YouTube upload, but kept the main commentator in.

Speaker 2 Another added, noticed this yesterday.

Speaker 5 What is the point of that?

Speaker 15 Also, that first bit is not a quip.

Speaker 2 It's just a very straight description of what's happened.

Speaker 15 There's no quipping going on there. But yeah, noticed this yesterday is amazing.

Speaker 2 If that's your another added, Dave, you're in real trouble with your story, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 17 Barrel being firmly scraped there.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I can't believe it. A commentator's curse has mushroomed into this situation, but there you go.
Modern life. Right, let's move on.

Speaker 2 Sam Chedzoy writes in next, Dave, and was reading the Liverpool Echoes report of Everton's chaotic 10-man win over Manchester United last week and the player ratings.

Speaker 2 And Sam sort of realises there's an incredible range of player ratings for Everton's team. Adrisa Gay gets a one because he slapped his own player and got sent off after 13 minutes.

Speaker 15 Fair enough.

Speaker 2 Kinner Dooshby Hall gets a 10 for a great goal and presumably, you know, spearheading that win.

Speaker 2 And he asks Sam, can you think of any other circumstances where you could have had a player rating of one and ten in the same team?

Speaker 15 There's a game that jumps out, which is the England-Argentina 98 World Cup game, because

Speaker 15 that was the, I think it was the Sun's headline, or the mirror, no, there's the mirror, wasn't it? Ten heroic lines, one stupid boy.

Speaker 2 Right. Well, there you go.

Speaker 15 And I seem to remember, and maybe I'm conflating it with that, but I seem to remember there was one really spiteful player rating where they basically did give everyone like a nine or a ten, and just so they could give Beckham a one and really hammer home how much he'd let everyone down.

Speaker 2 Owid would have got a ten in that game, wouldn't he, Dave? It doesn't take much for an overreaction in the player ratings in the tabloids.

Speaker 17 I guess so. Yeah, just because of the spectacular nature of that goal.
But is David Batty getting a 10 for that game?

Speaker 15 Still heroic. He stepped up.
He was brave and took a penalty. Anything to just clamor Becks more for that red.

Speaker 15 But yeah, I mean, I think that is, it needs a red, it needs this sort of scenario like this Everton game. It needs a red card, a really stupid red card, and then everyone else just really digging in.

Speaker 2 I undertook the most futile Google search for this, Dave, which was to Google England-Argentina player ratings, the mirror, 1998.

Speaker 24 You're not going to just get something popping up there.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 2 So, my only point of call was: who scored? Who scored have their official player ratings for this game?

Speaker 2 I can tell you that David Beckham got the lowest of 5.45 because he got an assist, which boosts his score right up because he set up Owen's goal, of course.

Speaker 17 Yeah, theirs is based on data rather than spite, unfortunately. Yeah.
You'll have to pop down to the British Library, Adam, if you want to get those. I think

Speaker 15 the new state library in Collindale.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll do it. Alan Shearer, by the way, 9.04 was England's man of the match in that game.
No Argentinian got above 8.08. So who were the real winners? There you go.

Speaker 2 But yeah, not unprecedented when we imagine. Right, next up, this came from Leo Robson.

Speaker 2 Here's Kelly Cates on Five Live, putting it on an absolute plate for Stephen Warnock while discussing Manchester City's Champions League squad rotation.

Speaker 25 Making so many changes, albeit with a really really strong bench, what do you think Guardiola is trying to do?

Speaker 25 Is he saying the players that played against Newcastle weren't good enough and don't deserve to be in the line-up?

Speaker 25 Or is he saying, I think actually, we can probably beat Labor Cousin with this much-changed side, and if not, we've got strength off the bench?

Speaker 26 Yeah, I'm not sure he's sort of saying either or of those. I feel like he's he's thinking, obviously, we'll come back up international.

Speaker 12 Didn't entertain it.

Speaker 10 Didn't entertain it one bit.

Speaker 9 I like that from Warnock. Yeah.

Speaker 18 No, fair play.

Speaker 10 But after that build-up. What a build-up.

Speaker 17 I was disappointed.

Speaker 2 Bit of both really has been the breakaway hit of 2025, hasn't it? I think we'll leave it alone in 2026. It's about time.
We're not leaving this alone. It's Footballers' Names in Things.

Speaker 2 A little trio for you. This first one came from Rich Openshaw.
This is from chapter four of Tony Robinson's The House of Wolf.

Speaker 19 The priest scuttled from the room, followed by the guards. The official bowed and closed the door behind him with a click.
Father Assa, the cardinal smiled.

Speaker 19 Balafucking Telly, replied Assa faintly. He would not grovel at Balotelli's feet after all he'd been through, even if he was a cardinal now.

Speaker 2 Cardinal Balotelli?

Speaker 16 He can't do this.

Speaker 17 Why always him?

Speaker 18 Balafucking Telly.

Speaker 24 Balafuki.

Speaker 10 As many fans presumably have exclaimed.

Speaker 14 Exactly. I think that's great.
Yeah. That's bang on.

Speaker 17 Letting off fireworks in the turrets.

Speaker 2 I was also distracted by Tony Robinson's very keysy voice as well, Dave.

Speaker 21 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 17 Good point, actually.

Speaker 2 Next one comes from Dan Bonington, who was listening to Elaine Page's Radio 2 show on Sunday.

Speaker 7 Let's go up to the news with a show tune from Oklahoma, which had the longest run with 2,212 performances. This is Lee Dixon as cowboy Will Parker and Kansas City.

Speaker 9 Yee-haw!

Speaker 2 Can you imagine Lee Dixon in a musical giving it gusto?

Speaker 15 How much he would despise everything to do with it?

Speaker 15 The silly costumes I've got to wear.

Speaker 2 Danny Murphy is his standing game.

Speaker 17 I had a dream about Lee Dixon last night. Did you? Yeah, bizarrely.
It's just come back to me now.

Speaker 17 It was one of those sort of slight sort of fever dreams where I was supposed to be calling him up to interview him before an England game.

Speaker 17 And I couldn't find the number and I couldn't do it, and everything was going wrong. And then I finally did get hold of him.
He was really pissed. Oh, but there you go.
I don't know why.

Speaker 17 If I read into that, what you will.

Speaker 2 Good to talk about dreams, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Right, third one comes from Visual Cantaloupe on Reddit. This is League Two Stadiums in ludicrous, viral New York City delis.

Speaker 27 I'm about to try New York's most expensive new grocery store, Meadow Lane, and the line wrapped around the block.

Speaker 2 It would be so good if it turned out to be like a Knotts County themed deli tie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and they're just like the sort of semi-ironic kind of fixation for New Yorkers now, Dave.

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah. Well, Knotts County lent the original cooks their kits in 18, whatever it was.
They wear famously black and white striped aprons.

Speaker 2 $15 chicken nuggets at this deli, Charlie.

Speaker 16 That would be a good 50 strand if they...

Speaker 15 If Meadow Lane did do a tie-in at Meadow Lane.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine? More on that later, actually. Right, finally for part one.
This comes from Black Jesus and Jacob Drew.

Speaker 2 Here's a scene from EastEnders last week as Lauren Branning returns home to find Peter Beale asleep on the sofa with the football on the telly.

Speaker 2 Now, quite why the commentary is so prominently audible in this scene, I have no idea because it's completely irrelevant. But let's try and piece together what the hell is going on in this game.

Speaker 28 It's a surprise really, but with the relatively new signings, you've got Solomon and Rossi playing left. He played left wing back, right wing back.
Really,

Speaker 28 they need to get their heads up and look around.

Speaker 28 Ramos usually playing as a winger, but today he's part of the back three.

Speaker 28 Mendes

Speaker 28 under pressure from Brady

Speaker 28 and free kick is given.

Speaker 28 Mendes not having a a particularly good form, but he's, I mean, he's still recovering from a knee injury, of course. I wouldn't be surprised to see him back on the bench before too long.

Speaker 28 Mendes took the kick, and it's gone straight to Hussain.

Speaker 28 I think some of the fun has been given Mendez a hard time lately, and he's never really delivered on his promise this season, has he?

Speaker 28 Whittler's taken this one and found Lamotte.

Speaker 12 Oh, that was a very clumsy challenge in the vintage.

Speaker 28 Yeah, very very clumsy, very lyric.

Speaker 2 It goes on for ages, Dave.

Speaker 2 It seems completely unnecessarily detailed for something that quite obviously has to be crafted to be realistic.

Speaker 2 So I don't think anybody, anything sort of stands out here as the winning kind of situation at all.

Speaker 17 Yeah, so they're obviously not going to go down the route of paying for real commentary or, you know, opening that can of worms.

Speaker 17 So they've clearly could tried to construct their own game here with some actors doing the voices.

Speaker 16 Which, fair play.

Speaker 17 Like, they've kind of got the rhythm of it quite nicely but um

Speaker 17 it's still the the mishmash of names the problem is we can't help but well when i say ramos you're thinking of sergio ramos yeah and he's saying he he's a normally a winger but today he's in the back three who is this manager

Speaker 17 Brady's in there, Hussain, Mendes, Solomon, Rossi.

Speaker 15 One of them just back from a knee injury, of course.

Speaker 2 It's very pro-evo, isn't it?

Speaker 15 Yeah, that pro-Evo default team, the Master League team.

Speaker 2 Mendez getting a right slagging as well, all round from the Geordie Cocom and the fans. He's got a lot to prove.
Who's Mendez in real life, do we think?

Speaker 21 Is he Florian Vietz, maybe?

Speaker 16 Wow.

Speaker 15 Mendez 007, of course.

Speaker 10 No goals, no assists so far.

Speaker 17 At the end, they talk about like a corner or a free kick about to be taken, and then literally half a second later, somebody's flown in with a terrible late challenge.

Speaker 10 How's that working?

Speaker 2 There's some speculation, Dave, that this is sort of AI

Speaker 2 that's done this, but it's incredibly over it.

Speaker 2 Either way, if it's AI or they've got actual someone to record this fake commentary, either way, it's a massively overengineered way of just getting some football commentary in the background of a scene that didn't need it.

Speaker 15 It is really weird.

Speaker 2 So to give, yeah, to give listeners a sense, so there's a character who's sending a text message.

Speaker 15 That's what we're seeing. She's kind of mulling over whether to send it or not.
And this is pure, yeah, this is pure kind of background. But yeah, it is a weird thing to have in the background.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 15 Is it just to make it feel very natural and

Speaker 15 give you something else to sort of be focusing on?

Speaker 2 It's quite odd. But it's loud enough to tempt to bait us, Dave.
That's the main thing.

Speaker 21 That's what I'm thinking.

Speaker 2 Come and get me, please.

Speaker 17 The thing is, it's not like

Speaker 17 Coronation Street, where they've got,

Speaker 17 as we've covered many times, they've got the, what's the team, Weatherfield County.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 17 East Enders don't have a local team that they talk about, do they? Because they talk about, you know, West Ham have featured in it and England.

Speaker 18 Water Town.

Speaker 2 I think it is, isn't it?

Speaker 16 Right, okay.

Speaker 17 But it doesn't seem as notable as the Coronation Street examples. They've gone for like a a generic game here rather than it being Wolford Town play or whatever.

Speaker 2 It's annoying that they didn't throw in a team name there because

Speaker 2 that could have really either helped matters or completely destroyed it completely. So if it is AI,

Speaker 17 we could be miring the BBC in yet more scandal here if they not declared it.

Speaker 2 Oh no, we can't go down that avenue anymore. Well look anti-BBC, it's terrible.

Speaker 10 Right.

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Speaker 2 Welcome back to football cliches. This is the adjudication panel.
Episode 12 of Dreamland is out now. Dave snuck it out before the December deadline.
Well done to you.

Speaker 17 Yeah, really went right down to the wire, this one, but we got there.

Speaker 2 Yes, this latest Dreamland episode, Charlie, is all about Premier League years. Probably the longest record we've ever done, and rightly so, because an issue very close to our hearts.

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 15 it had to be a. You know, we wanted to go properly in depth.
And yeah, I think we managed it. I think we did an incredibly important topic justice.

Speaker 18 Yeah, exactly right.

Speaker 17 In many ways, I view this episode as the Charlie Eccleshare origin story. You'll learn a lot about him.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 2 A real insight to his brain.

Speaker 15 And the long summer of 2002.

Speaker 2 Well, if that tempts you, for just $5.99 a month, you can sign up for Dreamland and get ad-free listing of all of our episodes, plus two episodes a month of Dreamland, our exclusive show.

Speaker 2 Other things as well, just go to dreamland.football cliches.com. Right, this next item came from Aaron Moss.

Speaker 2 It's from the highlights of the Saudi pro league clash between Al Nasser and Al Khalij, Lee Hendry on Co-Coms, of course.

Speaker 32 And it's a straight red card.

Speaker 32 And I think it's been

Speaker 12 well, this

Speaker 32 that one might get renewed, but that's the one where

Speaker 32 I think it's a high foot. And then looks,

Speaker 32 I mean, yes,

Speaker 32 it's going to be a red for the

Speaker 32 hijabity of where he actually...

Speaker 2 That actually might be my favourite ever made-up word in co-commentary, Charlie. Hijevity.

Speaker 15 Hi Jevity is so good.

Speaker 2 The mental gymnastics to get to hijevity, Dave, are incredible.

Speaker 17 What's he trying to go for? What's he doing?

Speaker 22 He wants to say...

Speaker 2 Longevity, but just deploying it as a universal kind of device.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I think it's because he...

Speaker 15 What he wants to say is just height, but I think he goes high and then thinks there's something else. I think he's going to say that highness, but then realizes that highness means something else.

Speaker 2 And so he's kind of searching

Speaker 14 and sort of alights upon hijabity, and it's just absolutely incredible.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can't just chuck a highness around in Saudi Arabia with you,

Speaker 16 yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So he's got the hijabity, which I, it has bounce back ability potential, Dave. This, I can see it being introduced into Merriam-Webster's dictionary in the next two years.
Hijevity.

Speaker 16 Oh,

Speaker 17 hijevity. Look at the hijabity.

Speaker 24 Yeah,

Speaker 15 how would Rebels start using it?

Speaker 16 It will enter the lecture.

Speaker 10 What's the cat here?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's hijevity in the tackle.

Speaker 2 Brilliant word.

Speaker 2 Right, next up, not a Euro snob on Reddit. I took issue with something on the athletic the other day.
The phrase runaway leaders deployed for Arsenal and Bayer Munich in their respective top flights.

Speaker 2 This was before the weekend, Charlie. So Arsenal were six points clear going into the weekend.
Would you accept that after 11 games?

Speaker 15 I think that is a little bit, I don't think that's a big enough lead.

Speaker 15 I can't remember if we discussed last time as well whether there's like a sliding scale, so you know, where the number of games comes into it.

Speaker 2 Oh, I vaguely remember this. Yeah.

Speaker 10 So

Speaker 2 after 11 games, you want to be looking at a minimum of eight points, I would say, to be runaway leaders.

Speaker 15 Runaway, yeah.

Speaker 2 Up till that point, you're pace setters, right?

Speaker 15 Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's tricky, though, isn't it?

Speaker 15 Because like you, you're obviously just trying to make the point that they are both kind dominant leaders, isn't it? It's not quite runaway, but you want something just to make the point,

Speaker 15 you know, if you're structuring it that sentence in that way, that they're very much, you know, that they are,

Speaker 15 they're really in a strong position.

Speaker 15 Right. But it's trying to find that right word.
And I don't know if we have like an accepted one like runaway that conveys that.

Speaker 2 Bayern extended their lead to eight points after the weekend. So that 12 games gone in the Bundesliga, Dave.
I think that pushes them to the brink of runaway leaders.

Speaker 17 Eight points after 12.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I think that is.

Speaker 15 I think that's all right. Yeah.

Speaker 5 That's a lot.

Speaker 17 But also, it just, it does sort of feel when it's a team like Bayern, it feels less remarkable. Yes, it does.
That they are running away because it's sort of, you know, it's what we expect, I suppose.

Speaker 2 I do think it's broadly sort of team-proof.

Speaker 2 It doesn't really matter who it is, but I think Bayern are an exceptional case because, you know, 10 times out of the last 11 times, they would have been runaway leaders at some point.

Speaker 17 It's sort of like you're going, look, look at them running. They're running away with it.

Speaker 5 And it's like, yeah, well, it's Bayern, isn't it?

Speaker 15 Yeah. They've got permission to do that, to run away with it.

Speaker 10 See the stats at them, do it.

Speaker 17 Coventry, 10 points clear in the championship after 18 games.

Speaker 15 Run away. Yeah, run away.

Speaker 15 They are now running away.

Speaker 17 And they have the last few weeks, a couple of the teams beneath them have sort of fallen back.

Speaker 5 So they've never established

Speaker 17 the 10-point buffer that is running away. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You can't be done too many favours by the teams sort of you know floundering beneath you.
You do still have to be gathering.

Speaker 21 They keep winning.

Speaker 18 They keep doing it. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 Right. World Cup draw this Friday, which annoyingly coincides with the Football Cliche's Christmas Christmas Do, Dave.
We'll cover all the necessary and unnecessary bases next week on that.

Speaker 2 But it'll be good something to talk about in the pub, though, won't it, eh? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 17 Once I've finished doing my England pod live stream, I think, on

Speaker 17 5 p.m. on Friday.

Speaker 17 But yeah, I'm really deep in permutations this week. We're going to be recording a pod before the draw to try and map out all the various possibilities.

Speaker 17 And FIFA are doing all sorts with the seeding and all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 2 One specific permutation, Charlie, is what the opening match of the tournament is going to be.

Speaker 2 Mexico will play in the opening match as the hosts, but they can play one of a handful, a big handful of teams in the first game.

Speaker 2 Norway, Egypt, Algeria, Scotland, Paraguay, Tunisia, Ivory Coast, Uzbekistan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, or South Africa could all be their opponents in the opening game.

Speaker 2 Who would you want? From a televisual perspective, who's the one to you?

Speaker 18 Two handfuls.

Speaker 24 Scotland or Ivory Coast for me.

Speaker 15 Scotland would be...

Speaker 15 For me, I'd have the most interest in that. Like, I'd really I'd care about the outcome in a way I don't think I whereas some of the others are, yeah, they're they're kind of fun.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I definitely would I think an African side, if not Scotland, like Norway, eh, Norway, I guess, would have the kind of Haaland aspect.

Speaker 2 Mexico-Norway would be good, actually. I would take Mexico-Norway.

Speaker 15 But I think Mexico-Scotland would be my first choice.

Speaker 17 Watching Haaland potentially wilt in the uh in the heat, the dry heat of Mexico City.

Speaker 10 I'd back him not to wilt in the first game, game, Dave, personally, specimen that he is.

Speaker 21 A speakable wilt threshold for you.

Speaker 15 Just so cold in Norway, they're just not used to it.

Speaker 17 Scotland would obviously be good from a British point of view in terms of our interests. But I think from a FIFA point of view, I think they'd love it to be Egypt with Salah probably

Speaker 5 against Mexico.

Speaker 15 That would be good.

Speaker 2 Mexico-Qatar seems probably one of the sluggiest combinations, both in terms of just like not an attractive football game, but also we've done that. We're moving on now.
So, but Keys will love it.

Speaker 2 We're handing over of the back.

Speaker 15 And wishing good luck to the boys.

Speaker 2 Look after it. Look after it in Mexico.

Speaker 17 South Africa and Mexico would be a rematch of Sweaty 10 Opener, right?

Speaker 21 Is that right?

Speaker 17 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 2 South Africa, Shabbalala, was against Mexico, wasn't it?

Speaker 15 That's right.

Speaker 2 Don't mind it, but also don't want it.

Speaker 15 Don't want the retrospectives. Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Mexico, Algeria, Mexico, Tunisia. Not for me, but yeah, some possibilities there.
But we'll get stuck into the full draw and what it means for England and others next next week.

Speaker 2 Ben Chilwell, exiled from Chelsea and their bomb squad, now at sister club Strasbourg in Ligon, gave an interview to the BBC at the weekend, Dave. And his little excerpt from it.

Speaker 2 Chilwell is learning French, even though all but two players in the squad speak English, and reeled off the fact that Strasbourg's Cathedral was the world's biggest building until 1874.

Speaker 17 Do you think he's found that out via Wikipedia or he's actually gone to the cathedral and done a tour?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's read a plaque at the cathedral, surely.

Speaker 15 He's been to lots of 19th-century buildings.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was disappointing at Chelsea. You know, they were honest with me.
They just didn't seem to be.

Speaker 22 But did you know?

Speaker 14 Just can you get this in?

Speaker 18 Well, we're on the subject.

Speaker 24 On the record.

Speaker 15 Just there, by the way, Adam, you're mentioning leaving the Chelsea bomb squad. Have we discussed how bomb squad has been used as like finishers for Tuchel's England?

Speaker 18 Weird.

Speaker 22 Yes, weird.

Speaker 14 Like, where's that come from?

Speaker 15 Like, it's so established in football, the language of football, as being how you've used it there. And then all of a sudden, it's just sort of going unchallenged by Tukul.

Speaker 15 People just talking about it as if that's totally normal.

Speaker 17 It became a real thing in the last camp.

Speaker 17 Gabriel Clark sort of

Speaker 17 ran with it. I think Tukul was asked about it in a press conference, yeah, about the subs and stuff who, you know, coming off the bench in the first game in particular.

Speaker 17 And the reference was made to the South African rugby team using it, because obviously Finnish

Speaker 5 team is

Speaker 5 a thing.

Speaker 17 and the South African rugby team refer to that

Speaker 17 group of players as the bomb squad, which obviously is very different to the way, as you say, Charlie, we would use it in football.

Speaker 17 But then, all of a sudden, yeah, it's like everyone was just chucking it at Twickle every

Speaker 17 and he sort of, yeah, had to sort of go with it.

Speaker 18 But I was sitting there as well, Charlie, going, No, that's not the bomb squad.

Speaker 24 It's not

Speaker 14 exactly

Speaker 15 Hadabayora Spurs under Poch or something.

Speaker 14 It's very different.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could you that could have been your Rob Shepherd moment with Graham Toner, couldn't it?

Speaker 10 it?

Speaker 2 We are waiting for that to happen, so that could have been it. But yeah, keep your powder dry, perhaps.
Next up, this came from David Smith.

Speaker 2 Here is Ipswich Town Chairman Mark Ashton talking about a very unexpected conveyor belt of talent in Suffolk.

Speaker 31 And safety and security is of the utmost importance. And we're not perfect in that.
There's challenges because I think, look, if you look at... the stewards that are ITF C stewards.

Speaker 31 Neil McCluskey does a great job, runs the teams really well. And I get umteen messages per game say how good, how helpful they are, how they fit the culture.

Speaker 31 But we are in an area in Suffolk where there is one football club, which means there isn't a huge pool of homegrown stewards to recruit from. So at times we have to go out to other agents.

Speaker 10 What an incredible way of putting it.

Speaker 2 Where are the next generation of homegrown stewards going to come from?

Speaker 15 This is amazing. I just want to say to David Smith and others how much I'm loving these types of videos are being sent like the Sheffield Wednesday stuff.
This is this is amazing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is exactly the sort of level we want to be pitching at. Dave, I suppose it, I mean, I suppose it is a problem.
You do want your stewards to know the club, right?

Speaker 2 It is better if they know the club, you know, the exits.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I guess so. Certainly in that area, you don't want any stewards coming over the border from Norfolk, do you?

Speaker 17 That famed Celtic side of the 1960s when all the stewards were born within a few miles of Celtic Park.

Speaker 16 United hadn't played a game without How Grey Stewart.

Speaker 2 The jokes are in themselves and it doesn't matter.

Speaker 17 Goldbridge is fuming.

Speaker 18 Stewards!

Speaker 2 Not one homegrown steward. Chelsea in 1998 were the first Premier League club to have an entirely non-homegrown set of Stewards on the perimeter of the pitch in the 89th minute.

Speaker 17 Glamorous cosmopolitan selection of Stewards.

Speaker 2 A League of Nations.

Speaker 17 Next up,

Speaker 2 Henry Price was watching the Only Scrands YouTube channel the other day. The latest episode visited Bradford's Valley Parade and the eateries surrounding it.

Speaker 2 And he says, Good to see Dave subtly spreading the cliché's gospel.

Speaker 19 Here we go.

Speaker 33 The lamb chop.

Speaker 1 Smells delicious.

Speaker 34 It's probably true.

Speaker 34 That's really good.

Speaker 33 It's not that spicy.

Speaker 34 These are delicious.

Speaker 33 You know they're good when they bring a smile.

Speaker 33 to my weathered face. A real lamb chopman.

Speaker 1 This

Speaker 14 is chicken donno just chucking it in babe the fact that he just moved on

Speaker 17 doesn't miss a beat just keeps going completely washes over him that's really i'm glad someone's finally noticed

Speaker 24 chopsman is great i've been chucking them in

Speaker 2 just tremendous good to know good to know that we are the top priority in your brain at all times speaking of speaking of mutton dressed as lamb

Speaker 15 That does remind me a bit like with my wife, I will often say stupid things like that that will completely what like she's just learned to just completely ignore it or almost doesn't hear it.

Speaker 15 So yeah, relatable content there. I still don't know what that way is.
But if you want to do it like, and speaking of marriages or dysfunctional relationships or something like that.

Speaker 22 No, just keep all this in, Dave.

Speaker 2 There's no way in. It's time for Keys and Grey Corner.

Speaker 2 Right, a couple of clips for you from the great man. Here is Richard Keyes right at the start of a big weekend of sport over in Doha.

Speaker 35 That's Doha,

Speaker 35 capital of the state of Qatar.

Speaker 35 And all eyes

Speaker 35 are on us this weekend. I mean all from all over the world.

Speaker 35 It's amazing isn't it? Andy down here

Speaker 35 I think it's just coming into

Speaker 35 Sheraton. The Sheraton Hotel which at one time was the tallest building in Qatar.
I think it's seven stories high.

Speaker 35 Look at it now. Magnificent.

Speaker 35 Full of celebrity this weekend and

Speaker 35 yeah, we are the capital, the sports capital of the world. And

Speaker 35 different parts of the world are not going to like me saying that too much, but it's true.

Speaker 2 My favourite bit is just the way he delivers that first line, Charlie. Really odd, really sort of stilted manner.

Speaker 15 Yeah,

Speaker 15 I quite like the Andy Gray, yeah, at one point, just not really knowing what he can add, chucking that in.

Speaker 17 Keesy going a bit Ben Shoewell in the middle there.

Speaker 17 At one time, the Sheraton was the tallest hotel in the world.

Speaker 2 A little dig into the doubters, of course. Why wouldn't there be?

Speaker 2 In the unedited version of this clip, Dave, Keese's running through all the sports events that are happening in Doha in and around this weekend.

Speaker 2 The Formula One, the fact that the Under-17 World Cup had just finished, both of them congratulating Portugal, which is a nice touch. And then he says the Arab Cup is about to start.

Speaker 2 And then Andy Gray just pops up with Algeria won it last year as well, didn't they?

Speaker 2 Just chucking in the one bit of knowledge he has about the Arab Cup and the look on his face having delivered it was just so good. Fair play to him.
They love it. They love it over there.

Speaker 2 Absolutely love it. But Keesy next on Liverpool's midweek issues and casting some serious aspersions on Virgil Van Dijk.

Speaker 35 That's every game they've played this year, including the Community Shield against Crystal Palace. Now, I'll repeat what I said.
I think if they lose tomorrow, he's gone.

Speaker 35 Yeah. I think he's got two big problems.
Going. Van Dijk and Salar have stopped playing for him.
That I get that.

Speaker 35 Have stopped playing for him.

Speaker 35 Not since Keith Curl, and you'll understand this. I'm not going to say too much about it.
But go all the way back to 1992.

Speaker 35 We went to Aston Villa in Manchester City in a race for the title that Villa and Manchester United were in.

Speaker 35 We heard before the game started from the Villa dressing room, sorry, city dressing room, Villa would win the match.

Speaker 35 And if you remember, Keith Curl went up late on handed the ball

Speaker 35 just like Van Dijk did the other night. That is

Speaker 35 impossible for an international defender to do that

Speaker 35 if he's concentrating and thinking about what he's doing. Maybe he was and there was an intent.
But

Speaker 23 that's ridiculous.

Speaker 18 Wow, quite the accuracy.

Speaker 9 Just incredible. Just like Keesy.

Speaker 15 I mean, it's quite a serious thing he's accusing them. Also, I love the Van Dyke pronunciation that he's going with.
He's really, you know, put something into that.

Speaker 2 He's really big on his Dutch pronunciations at the moment, actually, Dave.

Speaker 21 Yeah, Peyersch Vey.

Speaker 16 Yeah, the hot on the heels of Peyish Vey.

Speaker 10 Von Dyke.

Speaker 10 Von Dyke. Von Dyke.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 17 that is an amazing allegation from Keesy. I don't know if it has been reported or talked about elsewhere, but

Speaker 17 we heard before the game that

Speaker 17 Villa would win.

Speaker 17 You mentioned that on Super Sunday, did you?

Speaker 2 I feel like not since Keith Curl is going to become an undercurrent Keesy catch race, because that was completely unexpected.

Speaker 2 In Keese's defense, and I don't say this lightly, Charlie, the defender sticking his arm in the air at a corner to handle the ball is one of the weirder hand balls.

Speaker 2 One of the weirder transgressions in football.

Speaker 2 It's so weird that I feel like it shouldn't be given, because there must be an extreme reason for a defender to do that, and usually it's because they've been fouled.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, why would a defender put their arm in the air and handle the ball?

Speaker 15 That was very much Van Dyke's argument that

Speaker 16 he had been pushed.

Speaker 15 It is a really odd offence.

Speaker 21 Yeah, like, is it quite unfortunate?

Speaker 15 Yeah, unless they just panic sometimes, which I guess probably does explain some of them. Forget what they're doing.
Yeah, you're like, oh, shit, I'm not playing in goal.

Speaker 10 Probably can't do that.

Speaker 2 Now, that is too much of a defense of Richard Keyes there, actually, isn't it? Yeah, completely spurious claims, which we do not endorse on this podcast.

Speaker 2 Right, that's everything sorted. Thanks to you, Charlie Ecclesia.
Thank you. Thanks to you, David Walker.
Thank you. Thanks to everyone for listening.

Speaker 2 We'll be back with a bumper midweek adjudication panel on Thursday. See you then.

Speaker 34 Nava comodarto un gustaso por tam poco. Los extra value meals están de regreso.

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