The Naked Week: Ep2. Trains, Tice, and Taylor Swift

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Speaker 8 hello I'm Andrew Hunter Murray and welcome to The Naked Week.

Speaker 6 Imagine Panorama after it's been murdered in plain sight by Alan Carr.

Speaker 13 Coming up on The Naked Week this week, Rachel Reeves gathers the UK press to share this game-changing, nay groundbreaking, economic revelation.

Speaker 15 If you spend more on one thing, there's less money to spend on something else.

Speaker 16 Get a grip, man!

Speaker 8 Although, perhaps, David, you should have got a grip on remembering to wear a poppy.

Speaker 18 He does have form with failing to answer questions about prisons like when he went on Celebrity Mastermind.

Speaker 23 Which fortress was built in the 1370s to defend one of the gates of Paris and was later used as a state prison.

Speaker 11 Versailles?

Speaker 23 The Bastille.

Speaker 24 Versailles. The clues were all there.

Speaker 26 He only recently started as Justice Secretary.

Speaker 20 He started and he'll soon be finished.

Speaker 27 Also this week, a leaked internal memo revealed that a BBC documentary selectively edited a Donald Trump speech, quote, splicing his words together in such a way that it made him say things he never actually said.

Speaker 30 Absolutely unforgivable behavior, if true, as Trump himself said in an interview this morning, totally unforgivable.

Speaker 31 I tell you, the team at Radio 4

Speaker 31 would never do that.

Speaker 11 Them beautiful people.

Speaker 31 So beautiful.

Speaker 24 Thank you.

Speaker 32 Thank you, Donald.

Speaker 31 Before adding, you know, when I say that as a big fat orange asshole, asshole.

Speaker 6 We're allowed to say that, right?

Speaker 20 So clearly, there's been a lot of gloomy news this week, but at least there's one thing that's had us all cheering to the rafters.

Speaker 36 Yes, it's now one whole year since Kemi Badenot became leader of the Conservative Party.

Speaker 6 Come on!

Speaker 37 Limited enthusiasm in the room.

Speaker 24 What a time to be alive.

Speaker 38 To all those who celebrate happy chemiversary, or as it's known in Tory circles, binfire night.

Speaker 8 Anyway, I'm sure everyone's getting her anniversary gifts.

Speaker 39 I know that for 10 years you get something made of tin, five is something made of wood traditionally.

Speaker 28 For one year, it's paper, which she is going to get in the form of letters of no confidence signed by her backbenchers.

Speaker 12 Anyway, she's had a fantastic year.

Speaker 14 So to start the show, let's have a look back at some of her her highlights.

Speaker 37 I'm so sorry, that was the wrong clip.

Speaker 8 That was a live link to the inside of Robert Jenrick's soul.

Speaker 14 But.

Speaker 20 Look, Kemi's had a tough time, but it's her first, a lesser comedy show might say only, year as a party leader.

Speaker 10 You have to forgive her a few gaffes.

Speaker 43 I never have gaffes or, you know, apologising for something that I said, oh, that's not what I meant.

Speaker 44 Really?

Speaker 14 I mean, come on, Kemi.

Speaker 8 In the past, you've hacked a Labour MP's website and then you did apologise for it.

Speaker 27 You've said that Northern Ireland voted for Brexit when it didn't. You've said Wales has MSPs when it doesn't.
You've said reform faked their membership numbers when they haven't.

Speaker 14 And that you will not touch moist bread because sandwiches are not a real food.

Speaker 45 Did you mean all of those?

Speaker 9 Are you sure you don't want to clarify any of them?

Speaker 43 I never have to clarify because I think very carefully about what I say.

Speaker 46 Of course you do.

Speaker 10 We only have to listen to you in the commons to realise that.

Speaker 47 I welcome the Prime Minister back from his trip where he has unilaterally made commitments that will make life more experience for everyone back home.

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 48 I don't know about you but I personally think we should all strive to make our lives more experience for everyone

Speaker 16 back home.

Speaker 14 But what's the secret to her success?

Speaker 50 Most people need to stay focused on one thing and then I unravel, you know, unravel the mystery, peeling back layers of an onion.

Speaker 16 Hmm.

Speaker 8 Peel back layers of an onion, which is why whenever she opens her mouth, her colleagues begin to cry.

Speaker 10 Of course, this week began with the awful knife attacks in Huntingdon, a starting pistol that saw our media and political class in a sprint to maintain the scrupulous objectivity and high standards we've come to expect.

Speaker 30 All our thoughts are naturally with the victims, but spare a thought too for the journalists on the ground who had to fill nearly 24 hours of live broadcasting simply telling us exactly what happens at a train station.

Speaker 12 Here's BBC News.

Speaker 54 I've just seen a train pass by me.

Speaker 12 More as we get it.

Speaker 55 Now, this story could have raised some important questions, the funding crisis in mental health, the state of modern policing, but you wouldn't necessarily know it from the response of certain British papers and politicians who seized on the opportunity to exploit the situation as best befitted their own agenda.

Speaker 39 You had the right saying it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for our broken immigration system, the left saying it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for our underfunded public services, and the Greens saying it wouldn't have happened if everyone involved had been cycling.

Speaker 18 Ex-reform, now independent MP Rupert Lowe, in a letter to Keir Starmer, keeping his proposals totally proportionate.

Speaker 49 We must restore the death penalty.

Speaker 19 Ah!

Speaker 42 Ah, Rupert, Rupert the barely coherent.

Speaker 39 Social media also piled in, of course, even before any details had been released about the alleged perpetrator.

Speaker 27 Words like deportation, immigration, and Islamism were popping up faster than a restraining order at Sandringham.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 37 I don't know either.

Speaker 36 And then on Sunday morning, as soon as it turned out the suspect was black, the phrase stop and search joined the party.

Speaker 49 And in his letter to Keir Starmer, Rupert Lowe also invoked illegal migrants, unvetted third world criminals, immigration from backward and harmful cultures.

Speaker 25 Right, except, as it later turned out, the suspect is actually a UK national, and the hero of the story, the train guard, who saved many lives and has worked for LNER for 20 years, was born in the Muslim country of Algeria.

Speaker 20 Honestly, bloody immigrants coming over here, running our trains, saving people with heroic acts of bravery.

Speaker 8 Boom!

Speaker 24 But why let a boring troll like waiting for all the details stop you promoting your own agenda?

Speaker 22 And it's not just politicians and agitators.

Speaker 8 Shoehorning agendas into news stories is what the British press does best.

Speaker 20 Here's the Daily Mail a couple of years ago, somehow forcing their rabid hatred of Megan Markle into a story about farming in Somalia.

Speaker 54 How Megan's favourite avocado snack is feeling human rights abuses, drought, and murder.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Enjoy it, Megan.

Speaker 32 The sweet taste of smashed death on toast.

Speaker 36 And for balance, here's The Guardian using a story about civil partnerships to shoehorn in the evils of white privilege.

Speaker 58 New ways to say I love you without slavery and homophobia.

Speaker 16 Bravo.

Speaker 22 And that's why Guardian Valentine's cards never took off.

Speaker 20 Roses are red, violets are blue, guilt is white, and you should both be ashamed of yourselves.

Speaker 37 But rather than dwell on the moral turpitude of party politics or press, the Naked Week team thought we would make it fun.

Speaker 18 And so to prove that any agenda can indeed be shoehorned into any story, please welcome our political communication and footwear metaphor correspondent, Paul Dunphy.

Speaker 22 Right. Paul, what's the plan?

Speaker 40 Right, okay, so it's pretty simple, Andy. What we're going to do is we're going to get you out from behind this desk here and move you to the Naked Week's bespoke shoehorning area,

Speaker 40 which is just a single chair stage right so that your audience can see your feet.

Speaker 21 Okay.

Speaker 3 I'm really sorry, everybody.

Speaker 40 Down here, I have three pairs of shoes to represent three news stories from this week. And secondly, I have three single socks to represent three political viewpoints.

Speaker 40 Okay, what's going to happen is you're going to wear each sock in turn.

Speaker 32 To listeners at home, my foot is out.

Speaker 40 Okay, okay, and then using this shoehorn, I'm going to shoehorn your foot, the agenda, into each shoe, the news story.

Speaker 38 Is that clear?

Speaker 41 I can't see how we can make it clearer.

Speaker 16 Now, okay, pop this

Speaker 46 union flag sock on your foot.

Speaker 29 I have a vague guess as to which party this might represent.

Speaker 40 Yeah, your foot now represents, shocker, the Reform UK agenda. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 46 This lovely man's brogue

Speaker 40 represents the news this week that saw the biggest supermoon of the year appearing in the night skies. Okay, okay.

Speaker 6 Let's start shoehorning the agenda to that story.

Speaker 19 Here we go.

Speaker 45 Okay, okay.

Speaker 40 So reform condemn the sight of this supermoon, which, while an impressive spectacle, can only mean one thing: Mother Nature expressing her horror at Labour's shattered promises and our broken immigration system.

Speaker 6 Oh, and it fits! Yay!

Speaker 20 Okay, fits a little too comfortably, frankly.

Speaker 24 I don't like this.

Speaker 6 Mind for a different sock?

Speaker 23 Yes. Nice new sock, green sock.

Speaker 40 No prizes for guessing which political party that represents.

Speaker 38 Plied Cymru. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 40 Okay, but can we shoehorn the plied agenda into

Speaker 40 this lovely child's welly?

Speaker 33 Oh great.

Speaker 26 Thank you so much.

Speaker 40 In case it wasn't clear, this children's welly represents the news of the hurricane clean-up in Jamaica.

Speaker 40 Okay, here's how you make it fit, okay? Jamaica are finding it tough, but what would we do if a twister hit Haverford West? The only answer is, of course, independence.

Speaker 6 Beautiful, and I would say it very nearly fits. Yay!

Speaker 33 One more song?

Speaker 46 Yeah? Yeah, come on, one more.

Speaker 38 Oh, beautiful. Yep.
Well, this has a massive hole in the bottom.

Speaker 40 Yes, it represents the Labour Party.

Speaker 40 Okay, now, can you wedge that now-Labour-socked foot of yours into the next item of footwear, which is this flipper, which represents the news that a medieval tower has partially collapsed in Rome?

Speaker 40 Okay, so Labour's agenda is just

Speaker 46 your warning.

Speaker 40 Although the tower might look as though it collapsed on our watch, the truth is it's gradually subsided due to actions taken over the last 14 years by the Conservative Party, and the hole in the sock is a £22 billion black one.

Speaker 59 Yes, we've done it.

Speaker 34 All done be in the Naked Week for a

Speaker 34 Naked Week!

Speaker 18 You're listening to The Naked Week on Radio 4, where it's time once again to take a reflective and relaxing walk through our news-based garden of current affairs contemplation.

Speaker 35 It's the news in haikus.

Speaker 9 Useless Lammy has the Monopoly on Get

Speaker 52 out of jail-free card.

Speaker 48 The news in haikuz.

Speaker 42 Thank you.

Speaker 20 Now, let's talk about Elon Musk, Tesla CEO, and answer to the question, what if Peter Pan did grow up, but in a meth lab?

Speaker 12 This week, Musk went on that bastion of journalistic scrutiny, the Joe Rogan Experience.

Speaker 14 And during the podcast, the cheeky little tech mogul dropped a bit of a bombshell on the population of rural Britain.

Speaker 60 They've been like sort of living their lives quietly.

Speaker 60 They're like hobbits, lovely people who like to, you know, smoke their pipe and everything's pleasant. You know, places like Hertfordshire, Oxfordshire,

Speaker 11 until one day, you know,

Speaker 60 a thousand people show up in your village of 500 out of nowhere and start raping the kids.

Speaker 14 By the beard of Gandalf, that went dark quickly.

Speaker 14 So, yes, what Musk said is clickbaity and race baity and, you know, complete bollocks, but that's just Elon being Elon, okay?

Speaker 10 That's just his style. That's what makes him such a fun podcast guest.

Speaker 27 In fact, he's done them all.

Speaker 8 And we've been listening, so you don't have to.

Speaker 22 Here he is on a recent episode of Fern Cotton's Happy Place.

Speaker 58 I would love to know where is your happy place.

Speaker 60 What you're doing is evil.

Speaker 60 Suicidal to your country or culture.

Speaker 46 Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 61 Nice.

Speaker 13 Also, this week, he dropped by the CBeebee studio to help read the bedtime story.

Speaker 1 Hello, it's me, Mr. Tumble.

Speaker 60 Tonight's story is about a boy who's like totally dead inside, shuffling along down the street with a needle dangling out of their leg. Looks like a zombie apocalypse.

Speaker 41 Sweet dreams, children.

Speaker 46 Hey, audiobook lovers.

Speaker 62 This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with musician, producer, and walking encyclopedia, Questlove. We're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir, Night People, How to Be a DJ in 90s New York City.

Speaker 62 All right, like we talked about before, Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth. What's a tool or piece of equipment in the studio or on stage that gives you the most control?

Speaker 63 So I have two microphones on stage.

Speaker 63 We have the microphone that you hear as the audience. Then we have a second microphone in which we communicate with each other.
I feel like that second microphone kind of saved all of our friendships.

Speaker 63 No, no band likes each other after 20 years or 25 years. Like the Beatles broke up in seven and a half years, and we're going on 35.

Speaker 42 Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 42 This little eye of mine

Speaker 42 in the dark found a hopeful sign.

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Speaker 20 You're listening to The Naked Week, in the week when David Beckham was knighted for services to football and to ninja air fryers, Nespresso, Hugo Boss, Stella Artois, H ⁇ M, Pepsi, and Tempur Mattresses.

Speaker 27 To be honest, there's every chance the knighthood ceremony was just an advert for swords.

Speaker 10 But speaking of shameless peddling, it's time for another ride on the Westminster News cycle.

Speaker 18 And to help us do do that please welcome the Naked Week's chief investigative peddler and observer Whitehall editor Kat Nealon

Speaker 9 so

Speaker 58 Kat remind us what you're looking at this series voter concerns Andy okay voter concerns that's the kind of broad meaningless slogan that you normally see just slapped across the front of a podium yeah funny you should mention that because the political podium's got quite a lot of camera time this week on tuesday we had the chancellor's pre-budget statement and because it involved rachel reeves speaking out loud legally we can't play it in case people are driving or operating heavy machines.

Speaker 64 Very sensible. Very sensible.

Speaker 39 Kat, I thought this speech was supposed to be a huge deal for the Chancellor.

Speaker 58 It was, Andy, but for some absolutely insane reason, she decided to give it at 8 o'clock in the morning, like some sort of one-woman snooze button.

Speaker 58 In fact, one of the journalists covering it was so tired, he just started mindlessly repeating the last thing he'd heard.

Speaker 15 Put that money to good use in our public services. Chris Mason, BBC News.
Thank you, Chancellor.

Speaker 56 Chris Mason, BBC News.

Speaker 58 Sorry, Kat, who was there? I think it was Chris Mason from BBC News.

Speaker 58 And while the Chancellor was sending the nation slumping into its cornflakes, people were still recovering from Monday's big economic policy announcement from Nigel Farage.

Speaker 55 Ooh, so what economic policies did he announce?

Speaker 58 None. He just scrapped pretty much all the ones he'd previously announced.
Ah.

Speaker 21 No juicy reform tax cuts?

Speaker 58 Not anymore. Those policies were described by the party's deputy leader, Richard Tice, as.

Speaker 38 That was a list for the time.

Speaker 42 Good ideas.

Speaker 46 All aspirational.

Speaker 8 Ah, aspirational policies.

Speaker 3 A reform speciality.

Speaker 58 Exactly. Like, we aspire not to have candidates running for public office who have praised the Third Reich.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 6 That's so hard.

Speaker 29 So why is Richard Tice of particular interest?

Speaker 58 Because, as well as mopping up after Farage, Tice is now in charge of Reform's Musk-inspired Doge audit of council finances.

Speaker 58 And since they're suddenly desperate to show how economically responsible they are, this seems like the perfect time to crowbar open their books and do our own audit of Reform's fundraising.

Speaker 58 Okay, great.

Speaker 9 So, what are the headline numbers?

Speaker 58 Since the last election, Reform has declared donations, gifts, benefits, and other payments of £4.8 million.

Speaker 25 Okay, I mean, that seems reasonable.

Speaker 39 They have a quarter of a million members, which is one for every time Chris Mason has had to remind himself where he works.

Speaker 28 Chris Lyson, BBC News.

Speaker 24 Yeah, thank you, Chris.

Speaker 58 But it's worth pointing out that nearly half of that £4.8 million is from people with direct links to the party, most notably the more than than £1.1 million donated by companies of which Richard Tice himself is a director.

Speaker 25 Oh, Richard, you shouldn't have such generosity.

Speaker 21 But alright, reform does appear to be being largely bankrolled by its own deputy leader.

Speaker 29 This doesn't necessarily mean Tice can't be trusted with the keys to the Treasury.

Speaker 58 No, although dig a little deeper and things start to get, shall we say, complicated.

Speaker 58 In June, the party accepted £50,000 from a management consultancy firm called R20 Advisory, a company which, the last time it actually bothered to file its accounts in May 2023, had made a loss of £2.4 million.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 27 So, just to be clear, that is a company that loses money.

Speaker 53 As far as anyone can tell, whose accounts are overdue, and even though their company is millions of pounds in the red, they still somehow found a spare 50 grand to give to Farage and France.

Speaker 58 Apparently, so, but they didn't reply to our request for comment.

Speaker 4 Okay, well, that's it's not great, but overall, I'd say Richard Tice can be pretty confident.

Speaker 58 We did actually find one more thing, Andy.

Speaker 9 I'll allow it.

Speaker 58 In September, Richard Tice took a trip to Israel.

Speaker 46 Oh, yeah, so what?

Speaker 53 I mean, it's lovely in the autumn.

Speaker 18 You know, sun, sea, sand full of anti-personnel mines.

Speaker 58 While he was there, he met the Israeli president and foreign minister. The total cost of the four-day trip was £6,250.

Speaker 4 What, for only four days?

Speaker 55 Should have gone with Jet2.

Speaker 58 But the interesting thing is, who paid that £6,250?

Speaker 58 Who did? The company that covered the cost was only set up two months before the trip.

Speaker 58 It's described as being involved in PR and communications activities and doesn't even have a name, just some letters, RFOI. Witches? No, it's nothing to do with witches.

Speaker 58 At least, we assume it's not, because like I say, we don't know for sure what RFOI stands for. And it's weird that they don't say.

Speaker 58 But there's a reasonable chance the initials stand for Reform Friends of Israel, seeing as the company's only director is the son of a British billionaire property developer with substantial interests in Israel.

Speaker 55 Okay, and presumably we are not suggesting there's anything wrong with any of that.

Speaker 58 Absolutely not, Andy. Then he went on to GB News to discuss his visit to aid depots, and it's fair to say he'd come to certain conclusions about the conditions in Gaza.

Speaker 53 Those who think there was a famine, and when we talk of famine, you think of pictures we see in Ethiopia and Sudan.

Speaker 11 Frankly, that is a lie, and the UN is lying, and it needs to be called out. And I'm calling it out.

Speaker 6 Ooh,

Speaker 3 big man, calling out the UN.

Speaker 8 At least we know what UN stands for, Richard.

Speaker 10 Cat, presumably, Mr.

Speaker 29 Tice has an explanation for why his meeting with members of the Israeli government was paid for by a company that hadn't existed two months earlier.

Speaker 58 Richard Tice told us.

Speaker 49 The embassy organised my political meetings.

Speaker 48 Which embassy?

Speaker 58 He didn't say.

Speaker 58 And notably, he didn't answer our questions about what RFOI stands for, but he did ask us if we were anti-Semitic.

Speaker 34 Oh.

Speaker 10 Well, if you don't have anything Tice to say,

Speaker 53 So we have got Reform's deputy leader preaching fiscal responsibility while his party accepts donations from his own companies and a weird loss-making company, then enjoying a mini-break to the Holy Land funded by another mysterious company that sprung up from nowhere.

Speaker 58 For the lawyers, those are the words of...

Speaker 55 Andrew Hunter Murray, BBC The Naked Week.

Speaker 64 Anything to ask, Chris Mason, BBC News? Chris Mason, BBC News.

Speaker 4 Thanks, Chris.

Speaker 12 Not the first Mason to be employed by the BBC.

Speaker 34 Captain Elenebody!

Speaker 19 Body!

Speaker 42 You're listening to The Naked Week on Radio 4.

Speaker 18 Coming up, a Your Party Insider confirms speculation about Jeremy Corbyn.

Speaker 49 It is, of course, an actor in a costume.

Speaker 38 His little whispery facial expressions are remotely controlled by a second actor who's also doing the voice.

Speaker 20 I can also reveal there are two people operating Ed Davy.

Speaker 61 One does his mouth and the other does the bit he speaks out of.

Speaker 19 And

Speaker 18 we've just got time to solve the the latest case in Radio Falls Uncanny.

Speaker 51 Who is that sinister figure crashing a girly sleepover?

Speaker 3 Andrew Mountbatten Windsor!

Speaker 6 Now, we all sometimes get things wrong.

Speaker 43 I never have gaffes.

Speaker 24 Okay, thank you, Kemmy.

Speaker 39 Most of us sometimes get things wrong, including the Times newspaper, who made a spectacular gaffe in the run-up to Zura Mamdani's victory in this week's New York mayoral election.

Speaker 8 As part of its coverage, the Times interviewed the former mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, except they didn't interview former mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, because who they'd actually emailed was a 59-year-old wine importer from Long Island, also called Bill de Blasio.

Speaker 39 And he took this welcome opportunity to get out of the import game and get into the export business, namely exporting his opinions to credulous British newspapers.

Speaker 20 And what is brilliant about this is that never for one moment suspecting that this Bill de Blasio wasn't that Bill de Blasio, the Times printed all of it.

Speaker 39 But it turns out it's very easy to contact a load of people with the same names as other people and ask them something entirely unrelated to their job.

Speaker 18 And we know it's easy because that is what we've been doing all week.

Speaker 57 We have been emailing famous names at a number of well-known email domains, Gmail, Hotmail, Outlook, Yahoo.

Speaker 8 And we did this just to see if we could get an interview with the wrong David Lammy or Ed Sheeran or Tim Davey or Kiera Knightley, or to pick a name completely at random, RupertMurdock at gmail.com.

Speaker 18 Now, in the email, we asked our same name as a famous person, A, what they did for a living, and also, because, like the Times, we fancied political insight, B, what is your favorite memory of Tory leader Kemi Badenock now that she is celebrating her first year in office?

Speaker 4 And you'll be pleased to know we got loads of replies.

Speaker 13 I'm joined by the Naked Weeks.

Speaker 66 Should have done basic checks, shoddy journalism correspondent Paul Dunphy.

Speaker 14 Paul, who got back to us?

Speaker 6 So many.

Speaker 59 Alan Carr, Fiona Bruce, Tom Hardy, Emma Barnett, Diane Abbott, Chris Evans.

Speaker 46 Oh. Not that one.
Oh. Or that one.
Okay.

Speaker 6 Sam Smith.

Speaker 12 Jennifer Lawrence.

Speaker 40 And many more, but not Katy Perry as her inbox was full.

Speaker 30 I'm calling love messages from the wrong Justin Trudeau.

Speaker 9 To pick one at random, what did Diane Abbott reply?

Speaker 40 Okay, well, Diane Abbott, of course, lives in Colorado and writes, I have no opinion of any of these people.

Speaker 24 Oh, lucky, lucky, lucky Diane Abbott.

Speaker 40 We also emailed an Emma Barnett from Leeds who replied, Dear the Naked Week, don't ever contact me again.

Speaker 40 No, but to be fair, that might actually be the real Emma Barnett.

Speaker 4 Fair enough.

Speaker 8 I'm going to reiterate, we really did this. These are all genuine.
We really did email these not right people and they really did reply.

Speaker 46 Who else?

Speaker 24 Well, the wrong Tom Jones was very keen. Amazing.

Speaker 40 So he's a political researcher from Bardstown, Kentucky.

Speaker 40 We asked, what is your favourite memory of Tory leader Kemi Badenock? His reply, hey, hey, pussycat.

Speaker 40 It's not unusual to get asked questions like this.

Speaker 40 P.S., I have no further comment, and I'm just going to go outside and look at the green, green grass of home.

Speaker 24 Incredible, incredible.

Speaker 17 Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear for the very real but wrong Diane Abbott Emma Barnett and Tom Jones.

Speaker 8 Now, given that it is the week of the first Kemiversary, we've been desperately trying to work out what to get our esteemed leader of His Majesty's opposition as a gift.

Speaker 51 And then we realized, like a British prisoner and an open cell door, it was staring us in the face.

Speaker 52 First year anniversary is paper, so what we've done...

Speaker 25 is ordered this for her.

Speaker 20 It's one of these my first year baby scrapbooks.

Speaker 13 It says on it, Kemmy's first year.

Speaker 8 And we've had put into it all the lovely messages we've received, and it's now full of magical memories for her, all provided by ordinary people who happen to have the same name as a celebrity.

Speaker 39 So that's lovely.

Speaker 12 It's a first year book, obviously, though.

Speaker 18 There's a print of her little feet repeatedly going into her mouth.

Speaker 26 So after the show, we're going to post that to her constituency office in Saffron-Walden as a gift from the naked weak.

Speaker 37 We're not going to write a card, so she won't actually know where it's come from, but you know, she will enjoy that.

Speaker 50 And then I unravel, you know, unravel the mystery, mystery, peeling back layers of an onion.

Speaker 6 We've also bought her an onion.

Speaker 30 But you know what?

Speaker 53 As a final special treat, we wanted to get her a message from probably the most famous person in the world, but not the real one.

Speaker 27 And so that's why we emailed the wrong Taylor Swift.

Speaker 18 Only to find out that the wrong Taylor Swift is genuinely, genuinely a 22-year-old mixed martial arts fighter from Cheltenham.

Speaker 25 Ladies and gentlemen, please give a huge naked week welcome to Taylor Swift!

Speaker 1 Right, Taylor, before we start, I should say that it's me.

Speaker 38 Hi.

Speaker 24 I'm the problem, it's me.

Speaker 16 Oh, nice to meet you.

Speaker 45 Nice to meet you.

Speaker 39 This is so exciting. How long have you been fighting mixed martial arts?

Speaker 50 I was fighting only about two and a half years, but then training for like five or six years.

Speaker 38 Oh, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 29 Has anyone ever noticed before that you have the same name as someone?

Speaker 50 Fortunately, they have, quite a few times, yeah.

Speaker 37 Do you get jokes from other fighters?

Speaker 50 I have actually in the past, yeah. Someone changed the fight poster once to a picture of her.

Speaker 19 I never believed it.

Speaker 37 500,000 people turned up, correct?

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 56 Any sort of any regrets from your parents?

Speaker 38 Yeah?

Speaker 6 Quite a few.

Speaker 19 Ah, I hope so.

Speaker 13 Yeah, there should be.

Speaker 37 Tyler, you don't need to tell me. I'm called Andy Murray and I I grew up in Wembledon, alright?

Speaker 16 I have been there.

Speaker 64 Are there rivalries in your industry?

Speaker 30 Any kind of bad blood?

Speaker 16 Yeah, sometimes.

Speaker 37 We're going to get quite deep into the references now, Taylor.

Speaker 13 Do you ever see red?

Speaker 33 Yeah, a few times.

Speaker 45 Are you fearless?

Speaker 16 No.

Speaker 30 Okay. Do you have a good reputation?

Speaker 42 That's right.

Speaker 16 It's not bad.

Speaker 51 Alright, look, there is one important question that I really need to ask you.

Speaker 8 Have you got a favourite memory of Kemi Badenock?

Speaker 32 Now she is celebrating her first year in office.

Speaker 50 I don't. It's all a bit of a blank space.

Speaker 16 Yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 19 That's fair.

Speaker 16 Telegraph, everybody.

Speaker 56 Just one extra question, I suppose.

Speaker 53 Are there any special, exciting, interesting moves that you can do as part of your fighting?

Speaker 50 There's a few I can show you if you want.

Speaker 6 Well,

Speaker 19 no.

Speaker 37 No, I think we won't do that.

Speaker 50 Make it a bit more work.

Speaker 24 No, I'm sure.

Speaker 45 Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure.
Right. I'm being threatened by Taylor Swift.

Speaker 19 We're going to end it right there.

Speaker 16 That is all from The Naked Week this week.

Speaker 40 Goodbye.

Speaker 66 The Naked Week was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guests Corris William, Paul Dumphy, and the other Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift.

Speaker 66 It was written by John Holmes, Katie Sayer, Gareth Goredick, Jason Hazley, and James Kettle with Investigations Team Kat Neal, and Cormac Kehoe, and Freya Shaw.

Speaker 66 Additional material by Carl Mins, Alec Hanting, Helen Brooks, Molly Punch, Kevin Smith, and David Rifkin.

Speaker 66 The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes, and it's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4. Please don't hit me.

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