The Naked Week: Ep3. Trump, Traitors, and RIP Tim Davie

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Speaker 4 Hello, I'm Andrew Hunter Murray.

Speaker 5 Welcome to The Naked Week.

Speaker 7 Imagine panorama, if you know what, under no circumstances, imagine us as panorama.

Speaker 11 And I want to make it very clear to Donald Trump we do not have $1 billion.

Speaker 9 Coming up on The Naked Week, in a week where BBC News has come under intense scrutiny, the Today programme's Emma Barnett goes out of her way to be transparent.

Speaker 2 You won't believe what I just did in the toilet.

Speaker 17 Come on, Emma, it's only three hours. Go in a bottle bottle like Humphreys used to.

Speaker 21 And as with every scandal that becomes my end, the BBC's own reporting on itself, as usual, kept making things worse.

Speaker 23 Those accusations arose from a report by a former independent BBC advisor, Michael Prescott.

Speaker 13 In fact, one could say.

Speaker 8 Your letter was only the start of it.

Speaker 8 One letter, and I'm a part of it.

Speaker 11 I said one could say, but we absolutely would not.

Speaker 15 Well, what a week it's been here at the Biased Broadcasting Corporation.

Speaker 6 When the institution as a whole came under fire for having a blatant liberal left-wing agenda and was accused by White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt of being a leftist propaganda machine.

Speaker 28 Mmm, a leftist propaganda machine.

Speaker 4 Run, of course, by former Conservative candidate for Hammersmith and Fulham, Tim Davey,

Speaker 5 and BBC board member Robbie Gibb, ex-Conservative Party spin doctor, former editorial advisor to GB News, and answer to the question, yes, but what would a necromanced potato look like?

Speaker 17 So what's happened?

Speaker 21 Well, the main problem was Panorama taking a different part of Trump's notorious sore loser January 6th speech and editing it onto an earlier part of the same speech in a way that could be seen to misrepresent a speech that everyone knows led to what the edit suggested Trump was calling for it to lead to.

Speaker 8 Clear?

Speaker 15 And so the BBC did what it does best, endlessly, mindlessly self-flagellate like a monk in a Dan Brown novel with BBC Chairman,

Speaker 33 with BBC Chairman Sami Asha apologising for the footage, saying...

Speaker 24 The apologising is for the way

Speaker 39 the team edited President Trump's speech on January the 6th.

Speaker 33 And quite right too, because it made it look like Donald Trump's speech to the Capitol rioters had something to do with the Capitol riots.

Speaker 18 It just goes to show how easily we can all be led astray by biased news reporting, as well as by our own memories, eyes, and ears and facts.

Speaker 15 In truth, Trump was as appalled by the riots as the rest of us, which is why he refused to condemn them on the day and later pardoned most of the people involved, just to show how angry with them he was.

Speaker 35 Trump said BBC editing created a wholly inaccurate impression of what happened, saying that if you view all the footage from January 6th, you can clearly see him winning celebrity traitors.

Speaker 28 To be fair to him though, it was a mistake.

Speaker 33 The Panorama clip was cut badly, just like all the police officers during the riot that nobody incited.

Speaker 29 For his part in Etikate, BBC Director General Tim Davey said this.

Speaker 44 I think we've got to fight for our journalism.

Speaker 42 Yeah, which he did by resigning.

Speaker 34 Now, we know he's had a busy week, but on Tuesday, the Naked Week did email Tim Davey directly, inviting him to come on the programme.

Speaker 12 Genuinely did that, and it's fair to say we did not expect a reply and yet reply he did.

Speaker 22 He politely declined our invitation but did write.

Speaker 17 I have the email here.

Speaker 7 I will be listening.

Speaker 30 Hope all is well and thank you, Tim.

Speaker 28 Really nice of him to get back to us.

Speaker 21 It's just amazing how the time to go through your inbox opens up.

Speaker 5 Honestly, of all the sentences you never thought you'd hear, the President of the United States is threatening to sue the BBC is right up there with, these new Epstein emails don't implicate Trump at all.

Speaker 46 Here is the president talking about it on Fox News.

Speaker 47 They actually changed my January 6th speech, which was a beautiful speech, which was a very calming speech, and they made it sound radical.

Speaker 15 A beautiful speech, a very calming speech.

Speaker 18 And the problem was just three words, fight like hell, being edited into a different part of the same speech.

Speaker 18 And adding those words, fight like hell, to speeches where they don't belong, can change the whole context of what's being said.

Speaker 15 Now, obviously, given this week's news, it would be a very foolhardy BBC comedy show which re-edited Trump's speeches.

Speaker 8 So let's have a crack.

Speaker 17 Let's have some examples.

Speaker 30 So for instance, here is Donald Trump.

Speaker 34 In 2023, he said this about a protester at a rally in Las Vegas.

Speaker 47 Like to punch him in the face.

Speaker 18 Perfectly peaceful words.

Speaker 28 But editing those fateful words out of context.

Speaker 47 Like to punch him in the face. We fight like hell.

Speaker 8 He sounds like a thug all of a sudden.

Speaker 20 And then there was the time in Iowa in 2016 when he urged the crowd.

Speaker 49 So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of him, would you? Seriously.

Speaker 18 It's about as far from a direct call to violence as you could possibly get.

Speaker 28 But edit it misleadingly.

Speaker 49 Knock the crap out of him, would you?

Speaker 47 We fight like hell.

Speaker 50 It completely changes.

Speaker 38 It completely changes the meaning.

Speaker 29 And look, he's clearly a nice guy because he added that if someone did knock knock the crap out of someone on his behalf...

Speaker 23 I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees, I promise.

Speaker 10 Which is surely music to the BBC's ears this week.

Speaker 10 Now,

Speaker 30 as you know, we at the Naked Week like to help.

Speaker 28 And as the world's most powerful man has been threatening a billion-dollar lawsuit, the big question is, where is the BBC going to find the money to fight it or pay him off?

Speaker 12 At time of recording, Thursday night, it's still not settled.

Speaker 12 But as luck would have it, at time of first broadcast, Friday night, the nation will be settling down to watch the annual much-loved cycloptic bear charity-thon that is Children in Need.

Speaker 12 For so long, Children in Need has been a BBC institution.

Speaker 35 It just takes one glance at that grubby old bear somehow still moping about the place to say, hang on, isn't Hugh Edwards banned from this building?

Speaker 28 So, to help the BBC raise money for Donald Trump rather than disadvantaged kids, welcome to the Naked Weeks Corporation in Need.

Speaker 46 It's Corporation in Need.

Speaker 7 Music, fireworks, newsreaders performing songs from cats.

Speaker 19 We've got it all.

Speaker 33 Apart from the newsreaders performing songs from cats, because that wouldn't be impartial unless they also perform songs from dogs.

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 10 to be honest, we don't even think children are really that in need at all this year.

Speaker 43 Rachel Reeves has hinted she'll lift the two-child benefit cap and kids these days have Roblox and 6'7 to enjoy.

Speaker 38 What does the BBC have?

Speaker 28 Paedophiles, the trans debate, and to deal with BBC board member and haunted potato, Robbie Gibb.

Speaker 10 Who sounds more in need to you?

Speaker 28 It's time to go around the country to find out what community groups are doing for corporation in need.

Speaker 20 I'm joined now by the Naked Weeks going around the country to find out what community groups are doing, correspondent Milo Edwards.

Speaker 30 Milo, where are you pretending to be for the purposes of this tortured premise?

Speaker 52 Andy, I'm here at a number of community centers around the regions to find out just how people here are raising money to help the BBC.

Speaker 52 So if you're a WI group with a cake sale, a community choir with a sponsored swim, or a mudlarker with a tragic backstory, we want to hear from you.

Speaker 43 And we're aiming to raise $1 billion.

Speaker 45 And more.

Speaker 52 This corporation doesn't just need money. Right now, the BBC is in need of pretty much everything from a new series of top gear to a spine.

Speaker 38 Okay, well.

Speaker 45 We don't have very long to fundraise.

Speaker 52 Well, let's concentrate on the big asks. A new Director general.

Speaker 22 Okay, do we really need one of those?

Speaker 28 I mean, couldn't we just let the thing run itself?

Speaker 11 Belgium had no government for about three years.

Speaker 52 That's Belgium, Andy. All you really need to keep that show on the road is to carry on dishing out the mool freight and hope no one asks why Tintin spends so much time in the company of sailors.

Speaker 51 It's a fair point.

Speaker 52 Next, we need a solution to declining viewer engagement in the age of streaming. We need bold, aggressive, creative ideas that are going to make serious waves in the attention economy.

Speaker 8 Hmm.

Speaker 18 Call the midwife Christmas special?

Speaker 9 Yeah, might as well. Great.

Speaker 28 So, time to find out what's going on in your area.

Speaker 7 Let's cross to Scotland now, where we have our reporter, Milo Edwards.

Speaker 52 Hello, Andy.

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 52 People up here are really getting into the corporation in need spirit. I've just been talking to Edie McCready from Balamory, who's been...

Speaker 52 Who's been spending 24 hours sitting in a bath full of... Can you guess, Andy?

Speaker 5 Baked beans.

Speaker 52 No, that would have been a good idea. No, it's actually a bath full of printed-out allegations of BBC bias against Israel.

Speaker 42 Great stuff.

Speaker 10 Let's see what's happening in Wales.

Speaker 38 Out there, we have. Just let me check.

Speaker 51 Oh, yes, it's our reporter, Milo Edwards.

Speaker 52 It's all happening here in Wales, Andy.

Speaker 52 A local choir is singing Manic Street Preachers' Songs in a hot air balloon to remind us of the hot air that isn't being trapped beneath the Earth's ionosphere because we check with critics of the BBC and climate change isn't a thing.

Speaker 38 Very relieving news.

Speaker 51 How about Northern Ireland?

Speaker 35 In Belfast, we've got Rita Chakrabartic.

Speaker 7 No, we haven't. We've got our reporter, Milo Edwards.

Speaker 14 Hi, Andy.

Speaker 52 I'm here with a great spectacle. 2,000 local majorettes twirling their battens and marching up and down on a potato, they've dressed up like Robbie Gibbs.

Speaker 8 Ah!

Speaker 41 So good they could join us on the last ever edition of The Naked Week.

Speaker 51 And in Birmingham, our reporter Milo Edwards is standing by.

Speaker 52 It's a fantastic atmosphere here in the Midlands, Andy. First time for everything.

Speaker 52 And what a night to help the BBC.

Speaker 52 There's a group of model train enthusiasts here who've spent all day pushing the captured ideology of the trans debate inside Broadcasting House up a hill with their nose.

Speaker 46 Brilliant.

Speaker 29 It's so wonderful how Corporation in Need is bringing everyone together.

Speaker 50 I think it's time to have a look at our totalizer.

Speaker 35 All your donations have been flooding in for the last two minutes we've been doing this bit.

Speaker 36 Let's see how close we are to reaching that billion dollar target.

Speaker 35 The official corporation in need total currently stands at

Speaker 38 £1.33.

Speaker 37 Okay.

Speaker 20 But there's plenty of the nights still to go and it's all down to you, the great British public.

Speaker 43 So we'd like to welcome to the stage some actual members of the Great British Public.

Speaker 50 It's an Amtram group.

Speaker 35 Please welcome the BNC Oxford Players.

Speaker 35 Hi, everybody.

Speaker 10 Guys, tell me what you're doing for Corporation in Need.

Speaker 54 Well, ordinarily, Andy, what would happen on Children in Need is that you'd have some BBC News readers singing a song from a musical.

Speaker 54 So, for Corporation in Need, we, as the sometime cast of a musical, are going to together read out a completely unbiased BBC News report.

Speaker 22 Fantastic. Okay.

Speaker 31 Can I just check how much have you been sponsored?

Speaker 55 £1.33.

Speaker 7 Who have you been sponsored by?

Speaker 16 The Naked Week.

Speaker 46 Yeah, I know a bargain when I see one.

Speaker 28 And look, we've even managed to find a BBC news report for you to read.

Speaker 14 The only truly unbiased one we could find.

Speaker 36 It's a traffic update from this morning on BBC Radio Cumbria.

Speaker 9 Take it away, guys.

Speaker 19 Two, three, four.

Speaker 19 Traffic remains slow on the left-hand lane.

Speaker 46 Or right-hand lane. Careful now.

Speaker 55 Or the A7 approaching Carlisle. Motorists are advised to head east or west, north, or south.
Onto the A689 to avoid delays.

Speaker 27 Or arriving too early.

Speaker 55 On the A66 near Penrith, things are now moving normally in both directions.

Speaker 28 Lovely, nice and even-handed.

Speaker 55 Following an earlier incident where a lorry shed its load, causing tailbacks.

Speaker 28 Guys, just because a lorry shed its load, there's no reason to believe the tailbacks were connected in any way.

Speaker 34 Do not fall for the misleading editing.

Speaker 55 However, you're after doing Cambria.

Speaker 16 We hope you have a great day.

Speaker 55 Oh, and before we forget, Donald Trump is an artist.

Speaker 8 Okay, thanks, everyone.

Speaker 17 Time once again to lie back and relax in the healing waters of quiet current affairs contemplation. Come bathe in the soothing stream of the news in haikus.

Speaker 1 Peter Mandelson

Speaker 25 caught peeing up garden wall.

Speaker 25 Yet another leak.

Speaker 46 The news in haikuz

Speaker 33 this week the number 10 special advisors put Wes Streeting into an impossible position, forcing him to say how well Keir Starmer is doing.

Speaker 28 But on Sky News, the health secretary managed to laugh it off with an amusing topical reference.

Speaker 53 Whoever's been briefing this has been watching Too Much Celebrity Traitors, and this is just about the worst attack on a faithful I've seen since Joe Marla was kicked out and banished in the final.

Speaker 19 Yeah, not bad.

Speaker 4 I can't wait to hear what quip he came up with for Good Morning Morning Britain.

Speaker 53 What's happened to me overnight is the most unjustified attack on a faithful since Joe Marla was banished in the final.

Speaker 18 Seems a bit familiar, doesn't it?

Speaker 42 But I'm sure he came up with something great for LBC.

Speaker 53 The most appalling attack on a faithful I've seen since Joe Marla was banished in the final.

Speaker 40 I know, it's hard to believe West Reating repeated himself three times because he didn't.

Speaker 30 He did it seven times in total.

Speaker 9 Adding the Today programme, BBC Breakfast, Channelful News and an NHS providers conference in Manchester.

Speaker 53 The most unjustified

Speaker 8 jokes have to get it finished on the violence

Speaker 8 final.

Speaker 29 They do say if you keep repeating something, it does start to lose all meaning, much like the phrase, we promise not to increase taxes.

Speaker 28 But surely, Wes Freeting's aide managed to watch one other program he could talk about.

Speaker 53 Whoever's been briefing this should spend a little less time watching celebrity traitors and a bit more time watching Country File.

Speaker 46 Ah, yes, Country File.

Speaker 9 If there's one group that absolutely love labour, it's farmers.

Speaker 16 Hey, audiobook lovers.

Speaker 56 This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with musician, producer, and walking encyclopedia, Quest Love. We're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir, Night People, How to Be a DJ in 90s New York City.

Speaker 56 All right, like we talked about before, Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth. What's a tool or piece of equipment in the studio or on stage that gives you the most control?

Speaker 57 So I have two microphones on stage.

Speaker 57 We have the microphone that you hear as the audience.

Speaker 1 Then we have a second microphone in which we communicate with each other.

Speaker 57 I feel like that second microphone kind of saved all of our friendships.

Speaker 57 No band likes each other after 20 years or 25 years.

Speaker 57 The Beatles broke up in seven and a half years, and we're going on 35.

Speaker 19 Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 The ocean moves us, surfing a wave or savoring the view. The ocean delights us as playful otters restore coastal kelp for us.
The ocean connects us. Visit Monterey BayAquarium.org/slash connects.

Speaker 29 You're listening to The Naked Week, in the the week when Wes Streeting also denied having anything to do with the kidnapping of a champion racehorse.

Speaker 53 That had nothing to do with Shergar.

Speaker 29 Now, I may have a very suspicious mind, but I think there's no way you'd say that unless you definitely were involved in the kidnapping of Shergar.

Speaker 38 And speaking of glue, it's time

Speaker 36 once more to take a big huff of investigative journalism.

Speaker 32 And to help us do that, please welcome The Naked Week's chief huffer and observer, Whitehall editor, Kat Nealon.

Speaker 30 Kat, what is this week's voter concern?

Speaker 59 An all-time classic, Andy, immigration.

Speaker 16 Ah, yes, play the hits.

Speaker 28 None of these new voter concerns like AI deep fakes or whether there's an underlying health cause for Celia Emery's flatulence.

Speaker 8 Exactly.

Speaker 59 A recent YouGov poll found that immigration and asylum is still the number one issue for voters. And this week, the Home Office has been gauging support for a shiny new approach.

Speaker 23 The government is due to announce a major shake-up of immigration rules, with Denmark's system seen as a model.

Speaker 61 Hmm.

Speaker 12 Denmark, bit ironic bringing in a foreign immigration system instead of employing a good old-fashioned British one.

Speaker 46 But

Speaker 22 all right, the system is broken.

Speaker 34 Clearly, some do take advantage of it, but presumably there are also innocent people caught in the middle.

Speaker 59 Well, yes, if employers know the loopholes, they can exploit the rules about migrant work visas.

Speaker 59 Last year, a BBC investigation found that a Cambridgeshire branch of McDonald's was employing victims of human trafficking.

Speaker 4 Bet they weren't loving that.

Speaker 46 I know you're thinking that joke is in poor taste, but so is the new pineapple McSpicy.

Speaker 4 Obvious question then, Kat: Has the Home Office done anything to combat this sort of thing?

Speaker 59 Yeah, they revoked almost 2,000 visa sponsorship licenses from various organisations in the 12 months up to June this year. Great.

Speaker 59 However, the Naked Week has uncovered another example of flagrant abuse of migrant workers in the fast food industry. And seeing as tonight we're trying to raise cash for the BBC, let's play another.

Speaker 62 Papa John is not interested in quality, he's obsessed with it.

Speaker 23 Better ingredients, better pizza, pizza, Papa John's.

Speaker 4 Right, so Papa John's, I believe, named after its founder, the late Pope John Paul II.

Speaker 59 Sure, nobody's fact-checking at the BBC this week. Great.

Speaker 12 What has His Holiness been up to?

Speaker 59 Well, technically, not Papa John's itself, because it runs a franchise system.

Speaker 59 So, an individual or a company buys the rights to Papa John's name and sells its products while operating semi-independently. It's the same system used by Dominoes.

Speaker 25 Ah, Dominoes, the David Williams of food.

Speaker 46 It's not the official slogan, but it's there if they want it.

Speaker 59 Our investigation identified a former owner of 13 separate Papa John franchises in Devon and Cornwall, a man named Jabber Muntas. Now, the Home Office granted him a visa sponsorship license.
Witches?

Speaker 59 No, it's nothing to do with witches.

Speaker 8 But it does allow him to...

Speaker 59 It does allow him to recruit foreign workers for his pizza shops via a WhatsApp group. The advert was titled, Papa Jones Work Visa Available.

Speaker 19 Jones.

Speaker 16 Okay, not a great start. No, but it continued.

Speaker 64 All over UK, sponsorship fee required, no experience required, no qualifications needed.

Speaker 46 Interesting.

Speaker 13 Tim Davey, we know you're listening.

Speaker 4 Start buffing that CV up.

Speaker 31 Did anyone apply for these jobs?

Speaker 59 Lots of people, including one we've spoken to, an Indian student studying in the UK whose visa was about to expire.

Speaker 59 Jabba Mumtaz said that he would employ him at Papa John's and sponsor his work visa, but the student told us he was later forced to pay £14,000. Okay, for what? Well, Well that's a good question.

Speaker 59 Normally the fee is a couple of grand and covered by the employer in any case.

Speaker 59 On top of this multiple sources told us they were still owed thousands of pounds in unpaid wages and that they were often forced to do extra days work without any pay at all.

Speaker 4 And for legal reasons Kat, how confident are you that that fits the definition of modern slavery?

Speaker 62 As confident as I am that Papa John is not interested in quality, he's obsessed with it.

Speaker 40 Did the student confront his boss about the working conditions?

Speaker 59 Yes, but when he and his colleagues messaged Mr. Mumtaz to ask for the money they were owed, it didn't go too well.

Speaker 60 Let's be very clear about something here. I don't like the tone of your message.
If you're unhappy, I can request the department to cancel your visa and you can work elsewhere.

Speaker 25 Right.

Speaker 7 So the person at the home office gave a green light to organise visas for migrant workers, threatened to cancel those visas instead of paying the workers what they were legally entitled to.

Speaker 59 It seems that way.

Speaker 65 We were also told that Mumtaz would ask staff to sell out-of-date stock and that Most of the stores are disgusting and rarely get cleaned.

Speaker 4 Okay, so presumably Papa John's was onto this like a rat on a pepperoni.

Speaker 59 Well, they commissioned what they called a thorough review and ended their working relationship with Jubba Muntaz, resulting in the closure of all 13 stores.

Speaker 59 Although our sources say this only happened after Mumtaz had done a runner.

Speaker 12 Well, he just disappeared and nobody noticed.

Speaker 4 Like maplins.

Speaker 8 Wow.

Speaker 4 So, Kat, surely, surely Papa Johns have some kind of vetting process for their franchise owners.

Speaker 59 Not really, Andy. Remember?

Speaker 62 Papa John is not interested in quality.

Speaker 28 Fair enough.

Speaker 33 But again, this is someone who the Home Office decided could be trusted.

Speaker 15 So who is Jaba Mumtez?

Speaker 59 Back in the early noughties, he was running 18 franchises of Subway.

Speaker 16 How did that go?

Speaker 59 Well, in 2012, his sandwich empire folded after incurring debts of over £2 million.

Speaker 4 If a sandwich empire folds, does it become a flatbread empire?

Speaker 28 I presume the the Home Office has revoked his visa license.

Speaker 59 You would indeed assume so, Andy, but it was only as a direct result of our reporting this week that those licenses were finally cancelled.

Speaker 31 Well, we've got something done.

Speaker 43 It looks that way.

Speaker 27 We will take action as soon as a Radio 4 topical comedy show gets in touch and asks us about it.

Speaker 59 A Home Office spokesperson said, We have taken action against all three companies and revoked their licenses.

Speaker 60 And Jabamant has told us, All these allegations are false, misleading, and damaging to my personal and professional reputation. I categorically reject each and every one of them.

Speaker 60 I have operated in full compliance with UK employment and immigration law at all times.

Speaker 31 And did we ask Papa Johns for a statement?

Speaker 59 Yes, but it took longer than 30 minutes to arrive, so they also sent us some free garlic bread.

Speaker 58 They said, Papa Johns does not tolerate any form of worker exploitation or breaches of UK employment or immigration law.

Speaker 58 The individual in question was an independent franchisee and his actions are entirely contrary to Papa John's values and standards.

Speaker 48 Well, fair play. That is a quality response.

Speaker 62 Papa John is not interested in quality.

Speaker 9 Sorry, I was forgetting that.

Speaker 48 I'm sure there won't be any repercussions at all for how we've edited that clip.

Speaker 50 Cat dealing, everybody!

Speaker 29 You're listening to The Naked Week.

Speaker 28 Still to come, the Today programme reveals that while Trump is furious at the BBC, he will still honor his agreement to be a guest on the next series of Radio 4's Just a Minute.

Speaker 64 He has an obligation to sue.

Speaker 18 And we don't hesitate to say to Trump's lawyers with repetition that those newly released Epstein emails in no way suggest deviation.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 65 So, in her interview with The Telegraph this week, the White House propaganda machine, who called the BBC a leftist propaganda machine, Caroline Levitt, had this to say: Every time I travel to the United Kingdom with President Trump and I'm forced to watch the BBC in our hotel rooms, it ruins my day.

Speaker 29 I doubt she's the only woman whose day has been ruined in a hotel room with Donald Trump.

Speaker 46 You know what, never mind. Never mind.

Speaker 16 Two billion.

Speaker 16 Now,

Speaker 28 luckily for Caroline Levitt's viewing habits, The Naked Week has managed to get hold of the BBC's newest listings magazine, The Impartial Radio Times.

Speaker 28 Milo Edwards is the Naked Week's newest listings magazine correspondent.

Speaker 52 After this week, the corporation has had no option but to go nuclear on neutrality. This is indeed the new Impartial Radio Times.

Speaker 52 63 pages of equality and balance, plus another five of adverts for walk-in baths and river cruises.

Speaker 20 Okay, so could you take us through some of the BBC's new programmes?

Speaker 52 Here's one I'm looking forward to. Wednesday night, BBC One, race across the world, but not one race in particular because representation matters.

Speaker 46 Here's one from the Home Office.

Speaker 14 Mondays on BBC One, Escape to the Country of Origin, where your asylum claim will be processed in due course.

Speaker 52 And for balance, Saturday night, a new series of Doctor Who came here legally.

Speaker 17 Very nice.

Speaker 50 Sunday at 10 past one, songs of praise.

Speaker 52 And for balance, that's followed by songs of criticism.

Speaker 33 What about children's TV?

Speaker 30 Surely that's free of bias.

Speaker 52 Quite the opposite, Andy. Riddled with imbalance.
Take Bluey, an incredibly popular show for under-sevens, but the clue's in the name, Bluey, blatantly conservative.

Speaker 52 So Labour are offsetting that with a new kids' programme called Sesame Streeting.

Speaker 52 That's looking likely to replace Starmers in pajamas after the local elections in May.

Speaker 7 Reassuringly balanced Milo Edwards, everybody.

Speaker 32 So, in the week the BBC pushed other news off the front page, you might be forgiven for wondering if there's actually anything else going on.

Speaker 46 Scroll far enough down the BBC news feed, past pictures of a sad Tim Davey and what one weirdly of a cursed potato, and you might, if you're very lucky, have stumbled across this.

Speaker 1 The United Nations Climate Change Summit, COP 30, opens today in the Brazilian city of Belém.

Speaker 26 That's That's right, COP turns 30!

Speaker 36 Happy birthday, COP, you sexy climate conference!

Speaker 29 30 and feeling flirty.

Speaker 18 Unfortunately, what COP is flirting with is totally irrelevant, as exemplified by this headline from Channel 4 News.

Speaker 64 COP 30, what is the point?

Speaker 28 Cheer up, Channel 4.

Speaker 12 At least you've still got a news division.

Speaker 8 But

Speaker 29 it's a fair question, given that many countries sent only low-level delegates, while the US government didn't send any officials at all.

Speaker 12 Still, crisis or no crisis, the beleaguered beeb did actually send its boys to Brazil.

Speaker 28 Here is climate editor Justin Rowlatt reaching the limit of the human brain's ability to process numbers.

Speaker 66 It's always chaotic. You know, I can't remember the actual number of world leaders.
It's like 57 or something.

Speaker 49 Hard to count.

Speaker 29 It's not that hard to count, is it, Justin?

Speaker 63 57?

Speaker 29 I mean, Heinz can manage that, and they make catch-up.

Speaker 36 Part of the problem is that, unlike previous cops, which produced the Paris Agreement, this one doesn't have a stated aim.

Speaker 15 It's a meeting meeting that really could have been an email.

Speaker 26 So what is the hook? What is the narrative?

Speaker 13 There are only so many times Ed Biliban can look sad in a Pac-Amac.

Speaker 66 How many times, Justin? It's like 57 or something.

Speaker 49 Hard to count.

Speaker 48 Watch out, Rachel Riley. Somebody's after your job.

Speaker 15 COP30 has been being largely ignored by everyone.

Speaker 20 COP needs help. It needs to attract people's attention.

Speaker 7 No one's talking about COP at all.

Speaker 27 But what they are still talking about, especially where streeting, is traitors.

Speaker 48 And that is how you bag yourself an audience these days.

Speaker 28 And it's not just casual viewers.

Speaker 11 Where would the Guardian be without wall-to-wall coverage of the traitors?

Speaker 18 Well, it would be where it always is, spread out on the floor for the dog, but

Speaker 8 the point stands,

Speaker 13 to get in the news and stay in the news, you need to craft a compelling narrative with compelling storylines and shocking twists, heroes and villains.

Speaker 44 How do you traitors up?

Speaker 22 a boring old climate conference.

Speaker 29 Well, to find out, please welcome from, you'll remember he was stabbed in the back by Harry in series two, it's Paul from Traitors.

Speaker 37 Hello, Paul.

Speaker 7 Hello. Paul, you were a traitor.

Speaker 22 Remind us what happened to you.

Speaker 3 I was,

Speaker 67 you know, I worked really hard and I gathered my team together and I thought I'm going to go through to victory and then I was stabbed in the back.

Speaker 67 Pretty much what's going to happen to Kirstarma in the next couple of months, though.

Speaker 31 Paul, we should get down to business. How can we turn COP into the traitors?

Speaker 67 Well, it's quite easy.

Speaker 67 So instead of a summit, we just need to lock all the global environmental ministers in a castle in Scotland and then they just need to work out which of them are faithful to the cause of climate change.

Speaker 67 Very simple. And then you just have to sit back and work out which three of them are going to betray the rest.

Speaker 4 I'm guessing the USA, Russia, and China.

Speaker 37 I can't comment on that. Okay, all right.

Speaker 4 Well, I'm going to ask you a few quick questions about how this might work and flesh it out a bit more. Okay.

Speaker 10 Would you trust Claudia Winkleman to ensure India and China phase out unabated coal power?

Speaker 67 The way I see it is, you know, she's got some good fringe policies. I think

Speaker 61 there you go.

Speaker 28 All right.

Speaker 4 The world has made very slow progress on climate,

Speaker 28 on all sorts of things, partly carbon emissions, but also methane emissions.

Speaker 31 How much of that is down to Celia Rimery?

Speaker 67 Yeah,

Speaker 67 it's a new part of the crisis. Yeah, it is a crisis, isn't it?

Speaker 4 What if Alan Carr was an electric car?

Speaker 67 I mean, we laugh, but I think he would never break down and have just an unlimited range.

Speaker 46 Well, that's great.

Speaker 40 Is there anything else before we wrap up?

Speaker 67 Yeah, so I've got one thing for you. This is your very own shield.

Speaker 31 Oh, thank you so much.

Speaker 19 Oh, thank you, Paul.

Speaker 29 That's wonderful. And it says something on the back here.

Speaker 28 It says, this shield gives the Naked Week immunity from being murdered by BBC board member and everyone's favourite potato, Robbie Gibb.

Speaker 51 I am, and has always been, Andrew Hunter Murray. Goodbye!

Speaker 63 The Naked Week was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guest correspondent Milo Edwards, the BNC Oxford players, James Acker, Holly Skinner, Amy Small, and special guest, Paul from the Traitors.

Speaker 63 It was written by John Holmes, Katie Sayer, Gareth Koretic, Jason Haisley, and James Cuttle, with investigations team Kat Nealon, Cormac Kehoe, and Freya Shaw.

Speaker 63 Additional material by Sophie Dixon, Ali Panting, Darren Phillips, Cooper Bulwini Swirt, and David Rifkin.

Speaker 63 The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes, and it's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4.

Speaker 68 Dashing through the store, Dave's looking for a gift. One you can't ignore, but not the socks he picks.
I know, I'm putting them back. Hey, Dave, here's a tip.
Put scratchers on your list.

Speaker 1 Oh, scratchers, good idea.

Speaker 68 It's an easy shopping trip. We're glad we could assist.

Speaker 31 Thanks, random singing people.

Speaker 68 So be like Dave this holiday and give the gift of play.

Speaker 8 Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day.

Speaker 48 Please play responsibly.

Speaker 46 Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

Speaker 24 Be our guest at Disney's enchanting musical, Beauty and the Beast. Fill your heart with joy and Disney magic.
Brought to life like never before.

Speaker 24 Coming to the Orpheum Theater July 14th through August 9th. Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.