Body Image | Girls Gone Bible

Speaker 1 Hi guys, I'm Ange. And I'm Ari.
And this is Girls Gone Bible. We're a faith-based podcast where we talk all things: spirituality, mental health, everyday life, everything to do with Jesus.

Speaker 1 And we're so happy that you're here. We hope that you stay.
We always like to tell our audience, come as you are, just don't stay that way. You killed it, that intro.

Speaker 1 Finally!

Speaker 1 What's up, man? What's up, Var? Not much.

Speaker 1 Man, we've had a funny past week. We really

Speaker 1 slayed some demons.

Speaker 1 We gone in a poop pool.

Speaker 1 We'll take you one by one, but guys, we're so happy to see you. We love you so much.
It's been an eventful week, like Ari said.

Speaker 1 We went to Vegas to do a conference and we spent a couple days out there and truly had one of the nicest weekends of our lives, I feel like.

Speaker 1 And it was only two days, but we were just so happy and just really relaxed.

Speaker 1 We want to talk to you guys about something really quickly because

Speaker 1 I don't know what she's about to say. GGB gang, we love you guys so much, and this is for you.

Speaker 1 Everything we do is for you, and we care about you guys and your happiness, and like we're at your mercy, truly.

Speaker 1 And Ari and I have noticed that recently we don't laugh a lot on here because we've seen a couple of comments of people being like,

Speaker 1 you know, they start talking about the Bible at 20 minutes in.

Speaker 1 So we have been, we will like take the first 20 minutes of the podcast and like laugh and talk and just like tell stories about our previous week.

Speaker 1 And the past few episodes, we'll literally just scratch all of it. Like we'll just delete all of it because we're like, what if no one cares? Or like, you know?

Speaker 1 And so we want to know from you guys truly, what do you want? Do you want to see us talk about about normal things sometimes?

Speaker 1 Do you only want to hear the Bible stuff and hear us talk about hard-hitting topics? Do you like when we laugh? Does it bother you? I don't want to feel insecure anymore.

Speaker 1 So just like honestly, like truly, we read every comment. So speak into that for us and tell us genuinely what you want.
And yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we don't, we think, I don't know, we love our funny stories, but we know that you guys really enjoy our friendship and stuff. So, but yeah, we've gotten in our heads a little bit.

Speaker 1 We don't want to be too much or be annoying. So, I know.

Speaker 1 It's so sad. I mean, and then also, I think sometimes we're afraid of making jokes too, because things like sarcasm does not translate well on camera, something that I've learned.
I understand.

Speaker 1 And from someone who has somewhat of a dry sense of humor and sarcasm, it's just like I've learned to kind of be like, okay, that doesn't look right sometimes. And so that's okay.

Speaker 1 And I don't, that's okay. That's not what we're here for.
But yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Angela, I'm like, we're keeping this in. She's like, no, we can't.
It's mostly me because I'm just, I'm, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I've gotten genuinely insecure about it recently that I don't want to be annoying and I don't want to give people what they don't want, you know? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Anyways. Anyway, so.

Speaker 1 But today we're telling some stories because we are out of our minds, not okay. Literally are.

Speaker 1 You know what I realized, Ange?

Speaker 1 I think we need to just relax a little.

Speaker 1 I think that's a really good idea. I think so just relax.
Like tonight, I think we should go to a comedy show.

Speaker 1 Well, we did. We did try to relax in Vegas.

Speaker 1 Angela said, I think maybe we get home and we get back to work. I said, no, you know what, Angela? No.
I want to enjoy my day together and we need a little bit of a break. Let's go take a dip.

Speaker 1 Let's swim together. Flow in the pool and talk and maybe have a couple laughs.
I don't know. Okay, yeah.
She just wanted wanted to wear her big shoes. I'm walking around in this massive hat.

Speaker 1 I don't have sandals at the pool, so I'm wearing these big sneakers and my big hat in this bathing suit. We're walking.
We are so excited to just relax a little.

Speaker 1 I swear, we spent all day fighting the demons. We just wanted to hang out at the pool.
We haven't been outside in months. We haven't seen the sun.
And so we go to the pool.

Speaker 1 And of course, oblivious Ari and Angela in this massive hotel pool. We don't notice that there's not one person in this pool, and there's lifeguards everywhere.
Like, oh, looking around.

Speaker 1 We set our stuff down. By the way, we try to take three different reserve spots.
We're getting kicked out of all. We think we're so slick that they're just gonna let us sit.

Speaker 1 And they're like, you guys can't sit here. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 dude,

Speaker 1 I'm in my big hat. I get in the pool.
We're so excited. We get in the pool.
We plop in the pool. We plot.
You're lucky I didn't freaking do a somersault and get my hair wet.

Speaker 1 Cannonball.

Speaker 1 All the lifeguards start running, blowing their whistle, screaming at us, saying that there's a biohazard in the water.

Speaker 1 There's poop!

Speaker 1 It takes me a second to realize what that even means. And I go, you mean there's poop in the water? And me and Ari literally run out of the thing.
It is the most embarrassing thing.

Speaker 1 Everybody is watching us and they're like, no, it's throw up on the other side. And I'm like, well, that's a little better.

Speaker 1 I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 And we literally left. One time we wanted to just take a dip.
There's throw-up and poop in the pool. I don't think there was poop either.
I don't know. Okay.

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Speaker 1 Guys, we are going on tour June 27th in Austin, and then we will be in Houston on June 29th. We are literally counting down the days till we get to meet you guys.

Speaker 1 Tour is so fun. I can't believe we're going on tour.
I know. It's so fun, you guys.
Please come. We want to see you.
We want to love on you. We want to worship Jesus with you.

Speaker 1 We're so grateful to God that he did this for us, that we get to meet all of you guys in person.

Speaker 1 I can't tell you what it felt like in Atlanta being with all of you, seeing all your faces, getting down there and hugging you, hugging you afterwards. I mean, seeing your stories.

Speaker 1 Guys, I mean, it is the most beautiful thing that we've ever been able to be a part of. And I think that the people who attended in Atlanta felt the same.
We all had so much fun together.

Speaker 1 So please don't miss this. As Ari said, Austin, June 27th, Houston, June 29th.
We have a link to the tickets in the bio description.

Speaker 1 We can't wait to see you there. Please, we're just so excited, and we love you.
So what are we talking about today so today we're talking about

Speaker 1 body image

Speaker 1 i have been so nervous today i took a little nap earlier because we're filming a little later in the day today and i just i just lay down for like a 20 minute nap and 10 minutes in i i called you afterwards i went i like shot up from my nap because i had this like overwhelming like sense in my body that like i need to shut up and not talk about this today and i felt so embarrassed about the conversation that we're gonna have today and i just couldn't believe that i was getting attacked like that but it makes sense what did you do in that moment when that happened because it's good because the thoughts yeah for people to hear it what did you say get out of here devil get out of here devil that's all you need to say that's really what i literally was like shut up i'm

Speaker 1 i swear my my friend noelle heard I think it was you say it in one of the first episodes.

Speaker 1 And she literally declares that every single time says she starts to hear the enemy and she said you have no idea how much that's free me that little just saying that get out of here devil yes flee right away oh my gosh you have they have to they literally and even acknowledging them you're fighting half the battle because they're lies and either you believe them or you don't like that's how the enemy attacks you by making you believe lies so upon

Speaker 1 This like saying to them get out means that I don't believe you and I don't want you, you know, but

Speaker 1 let's get into it. I don't know where to start, but body image, I guess we can start with reading a psalm because

Speaker 1 who's that?

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 Body image is something that

Speaker 1 body image issues. And that doesn't just mean body.
That can mean face. That can mean self-image.
Yeah, just

Speaker 1 I think that this is something that

Speaker 1 most people, probably 99% of people deal with and struggle with is a negative body image and self-image and not loving or being critical of what you see when you look in the mirror.

Speaker 1 And God has a lot to say about it, but I think it's also important that we have a genuinely honest conversation because we are going to read all of the scripture that tells us that God created us so intentionally and we were created in his image and we have to believe that we're beautiful because he says that we're beautiful.

Speaker 1 That's all true

Speaker 1 and it's also really hard at the same time and I think it's important that we hit both of these.

Speaker 1 First I think we can start by reading

Speaker 1 Psalm 91. I'm sorry, Psalm 139 verses 13 to 16.
For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully wonderfully made.

Speaker 1 Your works are wonderful. I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Speaker 1 Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Speaker 1 This psalm is so beautiful in that it paints such a perfect picture of how intentional God is with every single one of us.

Speaker 1 He created the stars and the moon and the sun and the heavens and the earth and everything on it. And he thought that we were so special that he created us too.

Speaker 1 We are of infinite value, and we are not defined by what we look like. We're not defined by how much we weigh.

Speaker 1 We are not defined by how old we are and how many wrinkles we have or how young we are and how unqualified we feel.

Speaker 1 Like we are defined by the blood of Jesus and we identify with the cross and what Jesus did on the cross.

Speaker 1 You and I have

Speaker 1 different stories, but both have struggled in certain ways.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go first in? No, you can go first.

Speaker 1 Let's get into body image because

Speaker 1 I think it's really important and I'd love to hear. I know it's going to free a lot of people.
I know a lot of people that really suffer from body image.

Speaker 1 They look at themselves, they see them, they look one way, and then they look in the mirror and they see a whole different image. I personally don't have that.

Speaker 1 I just, I have my own set of, you know, image issues. But I know that you are as his body and you've touched on it, but I'd love for you to get deeper and really get down and talk about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know where to start.

Speaker 1 What, can I ask you, like,

Speaker 1 when did

Speaker 1 have you always had body image issues since you were does this take you back to a little gor girl?

Speaker 1 I honestly remember being

Speaker 1 such a small child and like having weight and being aw as like a concern in my mind and being aware of my body.

Speaker 1 Like I remember being really, really young, like too young to be thinking about about these things.

Speaker 1 And as I've gotten older,

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess I just have to

Speaker 1 take it

Speaker 1 being diagnosed with OCD and dealing, and I've touched on it before about how I have

Speaker 1 not had the best relationship with food in the past.

Speaker 1 I haven't always looked at food as fuel for my body. I've looked at it as like the enemy or just something that that is unsafe.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 so I have this story that you actually don't know. Oh, I love this.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 so when I was,

Speaker 1 I want this to be more about body issue than body image issues than like about relationship to food and like eating disorders, but

Speaker 1 because that could be a whole other episode. But when I was,

Speaker 1 I just have this all or nothing mentality. I have struggled with severe restriction in my eating for as long as I can remember.
I've been going on extreme diets since I was like 14 years old.

Speaker 1 Just really like testing myself and testing my body, seeing how little I can eat, how long I can go.

Speaker 1 So often,

Speaker 1 this led to, so it would be like extreme periods or periods of extreme restriction that would lead to ultimately binging, of course, because your body is so depleted of nutrients and so weak that you then turn the other way and then you find yourself in these cycles of like massive restriction to then binging and then binging become like just leads to unbelievable shame and distress in your own body and it's just it's the worst thing ever and so when i was in college my

Speaker 1 i didn't have jesus at all at this time I was in college and my roommates, I had like just gotten into the acting world.

Speaker 1 I'm seeing myself on camera all the time and I'm noticing, I'm like placing more emphasis on

Speaker 1 how much I weighed than ever in my life. And it got to the point where it was so unhealthy what I was doing.
And I probably got, I got down to a weight that I had never been in my life.

Speaker 1 And the restrictions were so bad.

Speaker 1 And at this time, I had roommates who were my closest friends and it was very obvious like when you're in such close proximity to people it's not as easy to hide things it was very obvious how much I was restricting and how unbelievably unhealthy my relationship with food was

Speaker 1 and i just obviously wanted to keep it a secret i didn't want anyone to know but then at the same time i was also living in this this world

Speaker 1 especially of like acting and all this stuff where like being uh like sickly thin it was so glorified and almost having an eating disorder was like a good thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, it meant that you like had self-control and you, it was just, it was such a toxic mentality. Hollywood will do that to you.
Um, yeah.

Speaker 1 And it got to the point where one of my best friends actually went to my like head teacher. It was like a small school, it was a conservatory.

Speaker 1 So they, she went to my teachers and like told them about what was going on. and they had to have like an intervention

Speaker 1 with me and i remember sitting in this room and looking at these people who

Speaker 1 were like who wanted to help and like wanted to

Speaker 1 they were there for a good reason and trying to speak sense into me and being like you need to fix this relationship with food that you have like this is not healthy it's odd like you can see in the way that you look that something is wrong and i remember looking at them, these beautiful women who clearly cared about me.

Speaker 1 And I'm looking at them like, you guys are the enemy right now. Wow.

Speaker 1 Because I'm like, anybody who struggles with like addiction or any sort of...

Speaker 1 any sort of even like disorders like anxiety can become your companion depression can become your comfort for people who struggle with disordered eating it's like that is actually my relief it's like the world is so my i'm under so much stress that my my eating disorder is the only thing that brings me comfort.

Speaker 1 And so in that moment, it felt like my friend, my comfort was being threatened. And so, and at this time, I was just like, yeah, yeah.
So I had these people try to intervene in

Speaker 1 just this relationship with food in my body that I had.

Speaker 1 And then this, I've been dealing with this my whole life, like literally my whole life. And

Speaker 1 I don't even know where to go because I don't want to jump too far. Because I want to talk about the fact that it's

Speaker 1 something like disordered eating and struggling with body image and putting so much emphasis on weight will literally rule your life, like actually rule your life and take away from all of the good things that God has to offer because you're so focused on how much you weigh and how much you're eating and what you're eating, and it is absolute torture.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you something?

Speaker 1 So, when you like in the school that day, did you have Jesus at this time? No. So, did you have your epiphany on that you need to change after Jesus? No.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I didn't try, I didn't begin to take control of

Speaker 1 this part of my life until last year. Wow.
For the first time in my life, I never one time prayed because again

Speaker 1 I knew like this is not good but it's also all I knew and I think disordered eating and body image issues is one of the most helpless and hopeless things that you can have in your life like strongholds that you can have in your life because I've said it before but it's like with alcohol God delivered me and I don't have to be triggered by it I don't need to like taste alcohol every day

Speaker 1 to survive, but I do need to eat three times a day to survive.

Speaker 1 And so it's something that you have to work through

Speaker 1 this disorder while being faced with it all day.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's the most, it's, it's something that I always thought I was going to live with for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you know this, but I reached out out to. So basically, what it looks like for me is just I,

Speaker 1 and it's a weird thing because I love my body while also having this very weird relationship with it. I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 1 It's like how you said earlier, sometimes, you know how sometimes this is really bad, but

Speaker 1 we, you know how sometimes I have you take photos of me

Speaker 1 and I'm kidding. I'll like be, I'll literally be like, hey I need you to take a photo of me and it will like as annoying as the things I do to you you know my

Speaker 1 vices so

Speaker 1 we I'll be like hey I need you to take a photo of me and we joke about it in the moment and you'll be like okay here we go again but really it's because I probably just looked in the mirror and I know that what I just saw doesn't make sense I know that that's not what I look like and it's something it's truly like The enemy will actually go into my brain and warp what I see in the mirror.

Speaker 1 And for some reason, when I look at myself in a photo, though, I do see what's actually there. I don't know what the disconnect is or why that happens.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 so over time,

Speaker 1 it got really bad.

Speaker 1 When did it get really bad?

Speaker 1 It's been bad throughout my, it was bad in college. I think for the past few,

Speaker 1 for the past few years, before this last year, before the past few years it really amped up a lot you know what's funny is I wasn't aware that this area was something that I needed help in

Speaker 1 and so when I became a true follower of Jesus when I look back this is what amped up the most it's like I was getting delivered left and right from all these things but my disordered eating and negative self-view of my body and OCD like tendencies got a million times times worse.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I just wanted to ask you, I'm curious, like when that happens to you, when you feel like you got delivered and then you're taken back,

Speaker 1 do you like feel

Speaker 1 that sense of like, God, where are you? I thought you took this away. Do you feel like that hopelessness? It is the most hopeless place to be.

Speaker 1 You know? It is the most frustrating thing to be like, but you did it in all these areas,

Speaker 1 and I know you can do it in this one. Why am I going back? It is, and I think it's even harder to be doing what we're doing and being like,

Speaker 1 but I believe in this. I do, I believe in what I'm saying, so why am I going back? Yeah, I feel the same way.
I know.

Speaker 1 It's so, it is the most hopeless feeling in the world,

Speaker 1 but Jesus. Yeah, but Jesus.
But Jesus.

Speaker 1 And you literally have to say that in those times of feeling hopeless. But Jesus.
Exactly. But he is going to come through.

Speaker 1 Fasting and prayer, praying and fasting has changed the course of my life forever.

Speaker 1 When I started praying and fasting. Last year, so it got really bad.

Speaker 1 I would say I was in such a violent cycle of restriction and binging for the past like four years of my life where I had an all-or-nothing mentality, and I would drive myself into the ground to truly feel like I'm withering away.

Speaker 1 And then, to then end up, you know, binging and not and like losing control in these moments.

Speaker 1 And it is the scariest thing to lose control like that and be like, How do I not have control over my own brain right now?

Speaker 1 And it was violent, and I dealt with it silently. And I don't tell, I wouldn't tell anybody about what I was going through.
Finally, do you remember a few months ago?

Speaker 1 It was earlier this year, I called you, and I was like,

Speaker 1 I called, I'm so, I like, don't know how to like say things. I called you and I was trying to be so nonchalant about it.
And I was like, hey, what's up? Yeah, what are you doing? All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm in a therapy appointment and I'm going to go to the end.

Speaker 1 Please, sometimes I wish you guys could be just fly on the walls in these moments.

Speaker 1 I'm sitting there because me I bleed out my whole life she calls me trying to be like yeah she didn't want to say it like I had to I'm like what what are you doing yeah so I just I just did this therapy appointment but it's

Speaker 1 it was like I was like and I'll never forget I was writing in my journal and

Speaker 1 I had started praying probably around when we started the podcast is the first time that God showed me that this was something that I need to that I needed to handle

Speaker 1 and I didn't know how and I'm like but God this I didn't know how and then I prayed and then I prayed and I spent about a long time probably a year praying my heart out asking God to take this away to heal my relationship with food to heal my relationship with body that I could indulge in a meal and not feel like I just ruined my life over it like I just wanted to be normal and I just wanted to be healed and I felt like the healing wasn't coming and I kind of surrendered to the fact that I think this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 And then maybe like six months ago, I reached out to a Christian therapist because I was just so unwell and I was like, this isn't normal and I want to be normal so badly and I'm suffering so much and it hurts so bad and also it's such a massive distraction and it's a sin.

Speaker 1 I've made an idol out of this. I've put it above God.
This thing takes up more space in my head than my relationship with Jesus does right now.

Speaker 1 And so I reached out to a therapist and do as I say, not as I do. I'm not the best with therapy.
I've tried it before. I don't know why I can't, but I will say,

Speaker 1 I know that therapy is good. And I met with a specialized Christian therapist who specializes in.
disordered eating and all of this stuff. And

Speaker 1 I did a couple of sessions and it was great. For me,

Speaker 1 what really mattered was that I reached out to somebody.

Speaker 1 It was a moment of surrender, of being like, even just me calling a therapist meant that I was taking a stand against this thing, that I didn't want it anymore, that I wasn't going to identify, that I wasn't going to hang on to it like it was mine.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 I have been praying and fasting for

Speaker 1 about a year year now. And I remember when God started to tell me,

Speaker 1 I remember when God started to tell me, And you need to, you need to pray and fast about this, and you need to fast. And I would be like, But God, like, why am I going to fast?

Speaker 1 What if that adds to my disordered eating and I just want to, you know, I'm doing it for the wrong reasons? Like, aren't you telling me to not be on a diet?

Speaker 1 And Lisa Bevere said the greatest thing that I've ever heard. She said,

Speaker 1 No, this is different. A diet is so that you can look good, Fasting is so that you can see clearly.

Speaker 1 So good. And so I started praying and fasting, and I have had such massive breakthrough healing that I never thought was going to happen.

Speaker 1 I truly surrendered to this, that I was going to struggle, and it's okay. We all have our thing.

Speaker 1 And I just want whoever is watching, because I know so many of us deal with this. I want you to know I'm going through this in real time.

Speaker 1 and Jesus is actually doing what he promised he's going to do.

Speaker 1 He really is.

Speaker 1 He really is. I know.
No, he really is. I know.
I see it and it's, it's the most incredible.

Speaker 1 It's the most incredible gift that I can, that I have.

Speaker 1 You hide so many things. Thank you for being so vulnerable right now.
I guess it's so hard to talk about when I don't have the answers yet. I don't know.
I couldn't come on and talk about it because

Speaker 1 I didn't know if I believed that God would heal it because it wasn't happening. But through

Speaker 1 praying and through fasting, it did. And it is.
And I have a long way to go. But I have come so unbelievably far that I can't even believe it sometimes.
And I know. I know.

Speaker 1 that this is going to be something that I keep under my feet the way I do everything else. I know one day I believe him.

Speaker 1 I really believe him so much that one day I'm going to be fully delivered from this like I am from alcohol and everything else. That one day, like sometimes I watch you, R,

Speaker 1 I watch you intuitively eat and I'm literally like, that's so crazy. Like I can't even imagine how free you must feel, you know?

Speaker 1 I.

Speaker 1 As I watch you and hear you right now, I can, like, I know sometimes life isn't easy and I have my own vices that I deal with.

Speaker 1 But as I hear the words coming out of your mouth, it's like God's glory just speaking through you. And sometimes we have to go through things so God can do that through us.

Speaker 1 And I believe that's what he's doing through you so you can help these people. And I'm so proud of you.
And I have seen

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 I have the leaps I have seen you make. And you are so in this place where it's

Speaker 1 because I when I first met you it was obsessive but I see you in this place of like health and fitness and you know you're not shying away and you're like no let's go to dinner and you're being so bold and I'm just really proud of you and you're gonna help so many people thank you and sometimes you know

Speaker 1 we we hate the suffering, but sometimes it's almost worth it because of how many people you're gonna help. I know.
And thank you for being so open and vulnerable right now. I'm just so proud of you.

Speaker 1 This was,

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 this was probably the, I mean, you could have seen my whole body right now.

Speaker 1 This is like probably the best, this is gonna be the best episode I think we've ever done because I've never seen you open your heart so much. And I'm just so proud of you because I know it's hard.

Speaker 1 And I know sometimes you can be so embarrassed. I know it's not easy.
I'm really proud of you. I love you so much.

Speaker 1 you're so crazy i know it's yeah it's you're so you're so right i know that what that's

Speaker 1 i used to watch i've watched so many sermons on like disordered eating and body image and relationship to food and i remember i've always watched them and been like okay but I've almost been like, are you guys faking it?

Speaker 1 I'm like, because this is so helpless. This is so not like, this can't happen for me.
So I'm looking looking at them like, are they lying? Like,

Speaker 1 are they just saying this because they have to?

Speaker 1 And that's why I never wanted to come on here and talk about disordered eating or like a negative relationship with food to be like, this is what the Bible says and everything's great as long as you read this because then that is true and the Bible is very true.

Speaker 1 And Jesus is the only reason and the only healer and the only thing that ever healed me. But I remember being like, I can't talk to them until I have the answer, until I've seen healing in my life.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, I'll feel so hypocritical.

Speaker 1 So I just want to speak to whoever is dealing with this. I'm telling you firsthand, someone who has gone her whole life,

Speaker 1 from the moment that I probably had an awareness of food in my body, I've struggled in this area and I am healing from it. God is rewiring and you and I talk about this all the time where

Speaker 1 there are things that you get instantly delivered from. I was instantly delivered from alcohol.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 There are things that you can be, we're instantly delivered from living a life of impurity. It was just one second done, never went back.
And the desire is gone, the triggers, and temptation is gone.

Speaker 1 There are some things

Speaker 1 that, yes, God will deliver you from,

Speaker 1 but also, I think there are things that

Speaker 1 there's a rewiring that has to happen. A renewal of the mind has to happen.
If we've been a certain way our whole lives, it's gonna take a second for that to heal.

Speaker 1 I have to rewire my brain and he's doing it right now and he's been doing it.

Speaker 1 But it's not, it didn't happen overnight and it's not happening overnight and it's taking time.

Speaker 1 And I have days where I resort back and there are moments where I'm weak, where this area gets attacked, like we always say, if I'm tired, if I'm not feeling good, if I'm in a certain part of the month, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 These are all factors that can play into it. But God is healing my mind.

Speaker 1 He is changing it because I'm allowing him. And I told him, I believe you, that you will.
And I invite you into this and I take a stand against it. It wasn't until I...

Speaker 1 Yes, I surrender, but I also got up to fight. And I was like, actually, no, no, no, no, I can't keep living like this.
I just can't. And it's not normal.

Speaker 1 And we've normalized it so much for us to have, especially as women, but men too, such a negative mentality with food and with our body and our weight. I mean, like.

Speaker 1 I just, this isn't a conversation you can just have in one day, but healing is available. It's ready.
I've seen it in my own life.

Speaker 1 I will forever testify to the good news of God's grace that he is a healer, a miraculous healer, that we can be set free by the blood of Jesus. Every promise in the Bible is true.

Speaker 1 Everything, just the promise of fasting. Fasting, please, if you're struggling with food in any way or body image, I want you to fast and I want you to take it seriously.
Fasting

Speaker 1 showed me that I do not live on bread alone, but every word that proceeds from the mouth of God, that it is Jesus who sustains me, that it's his grace that sustains me.

Speaker 1 And food can literally become an idol in your life and your weight. And so I'm begging you, the number one way I think that I've been able to tear down idols in my life is through fasting.

Speaker 1 Honestly, fasting has literally changed our life. I just want to finish this off by saying, it's funny because I deal with body image

Speaker 1 from like the neck down. But when it comes to my face, I don't like...

Speaker 1 struggle in

Speaker 1 I just like don't care like this weekend God bless her a beautiful young lady, cut me some bangs. It's my fault.
You don't let random people cut your bangs.

Speaker 1 I know you guys are going to be really nice and tell me they're the most beautiful bangs you've ever seen and I appreciate it, but no one's going to pretend like these are nice.

Speaker 1 And I've gotten them cut since. We were about to go on stage.

Speaker 1 And this wish you guys could have been in the room. She's flying around like a bat out of hell.
This woman, God bless her, she was just giving me a blowout. It's my fault for letting her cut my hair.

Speaker 1 Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 It is not her fault i take full blame for it i let her cut my bang she wasn't prepared for it i see

Speaker 1 they like got cut this i don't know what happened but it was atrocious it was scary i'm telling you guys it is the worst thing that i'd ever gone through and we were about to go on stage and we're flipping them upside down we're straighten them this way this way i have three different people trying to fix these bangs and ultimately i cry i did i'm not gonna pretend like i cried i call my mom.

Speaker 1 I turn on the sink because I don't want anyone to hear me, even though everyone knows what's going on. I FaceTime my mom going, mom, look at my hair.
I hear her too. I made me get the

Speaker 1 go, how do I get it? And then I come in the room and I go, and

Speaker 1 she goes,

Speaker 1 She does this thing. Every time she like whispers and yells, she's like,

Speaker 1 She's like, get out.

Speaker 1 No, because you know when someone's talking to you, I just got my makeup done. I didn't want to start crying.
And when someone talks to you and you start crying, I'm like,

Speaker 1 get out, get out, get out. I was like, you're like a little kid.
No, I'm so sorry. But anyways.
Put on the photo.

Speaker 1 Come on. We'll have the people laughing after.
I know. I am so depressed in this.
It's so, I never want to see myself like this again. It is sad.
Where is it?

Speaker 1 I can't show this.

Speaker 1 Look how sad I look. I look like I'm dead.
It's so sad. I'm sending photos to my mom.
Anyways, my point in telling you all this is after I had a little bit of emotional breakdown, I literally said,

Speaker 1 it is what it is. And I went out there with these bangs that were sideways and I just let it go and I didn't let it affect me.

Speaker 1 I didn't let it affect me. I haven't thought about it since.
I think it's funny. I hate my hair.
I literally look like a little boy with a bowl cut. It's okay.

Speaker 1 Very, very confident in who you are. And it's been a great gift for me to watch that because it's helped me a lot in my journey, actually.
I love you. You're very secure.

Speaker 1 You don't let anyone, you know, put you down. You stay on your ground.
You're very strong. It's a beautiful thing to be, honestly.
Thank you, R. Well, you are.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I don't want to take a compliment.

Speaker 1 I don't want to take a compliment.

Speaker 1 Well, you are. Just kidding.
I was just going to say that for some reason, from this point forward, I will go out without makeup. I'm not saying I'm confident because I think I look good.

Speaker 1 I'm saying I'm confident, but for some reason, I don't care. I will go out.
Ari sees it, and she calls me out and she says, you got to stop going out like this.

Speaker 1 You really look unwell. I don't care for some reason.
I'll post all my stories, no makeup. Like, I don't care at all.
You're beautiful. No, it's a pleas.

Speaker 1 Oh, the photo I just showed the family is please. It's beautiful.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Anyway, so what are your problems?

Speaker 1 Like, I don't talk talk about them every week. Broken heart.
I'm just kidding. No, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm healed.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, first, I just wanted to say that,

Speaker 1 no, because

Speaker 1 we're on the topic of body image, and I'm sure that people want to know, because

Speaker 1 we got asked questions on, like, how do I feel pretty and all this stuff.

Speaker 1 Angela and I are very feminine. We are girls, like we're girly girls.
I love fashion. I love it.
I love putting on a new outfit. It makes me feel good.
I love getting my hair done. I love makeup.

Speaker 1 I love, if it's one thing that I like to, um,

Speaker 1 I like to invest in, it's good food. I like to eat really good food.

Speaker 1 Um, and so yeah, that's just something. Oh, and I, and I take really good care of my skin.
I like to get a facial every month. I love to get my nails done.

Speaker 1 Like, these are things that I love to do that do make me feel really good although you know you can wear all the makeup in the world and you can wear the nicest outfit and if you just don't feel good inside it's not you're never gonna feel good on the outside um

Speaker 1 so yeah i mine's a little bit different from angela i suffered internally i suffer i mean i have a lot more issues i think than you do i'm like not only with you know my appearance but i suffered with um just not overall not thinking internally I was good enough.

Speaker 1 And this goes back to when I was just a little girl. I mean,

Speaker 1 I never felt safe growing up. So to feel safe to me is very important.

Speaker 1 You know, I I grew up in a lot of chaos and so I never had peace. I always talk about peace because I never had it.

Speaker 1 And I think when you don't feel safe and you don't have peace, it's really hard to feel good yeah um and so you know when I was in school it was really hard for me to learn like the average kid to learn it took me a lot longer to learn I really struggled with paying attention and I tried really hard I would study for for days and I still wouldn't

Speaker 1 you know do that well and so I felt really ashamed and I felt different

Speaker 1 and I didn't know how to deal with it. I was really embarrassed.

Speaker 1 And so, when I got into, so this started in middle school, and then when I got into high school,

Speaker 1 you know, I started getting validation from the boys and

Speaker 1 from just people at school. And that's where I thought I could find my sense of love and you know, security and validation.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it almost made me feel even worse because

Speaker 1 I didn't feel good inside and I almost had to put up this facade that I was, you know,

Speaker 1 like just looking good and things like that. So I became obsessed with it.
I became obsessed with my looks.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 it got to the point in high school that if I didn't get that type of love or attention,

Speaker 1 I would almost think I was doing something wrong. So I was really really kind of messed up.
And then I got into my adulthood,

Speaker 1 and I obviously was in the entertainment industry, and I had found my identity in that when I would work. That's where I thought I was loved.
And so,

Speaker 1 and then, same thing with my relationships. That's where I had my identity, my safety,

Speaker 1 my self-worth. So, all of these things were in my, in men, in my relationships, and then in

Speaker 1 my career.

Speaker 1 And then social media, of course. I had made a living on social media.
And so

Speaker 1 I always say that, you know, social media is such a blessing, but also such a curse because

Speaker 1 we're online and we're seeing everybody's. perfect life and their perfect pictures and I was one of them.

Speaker 1 I had this, you would have thought I was,

Speaker 1 I had never suffered a day in my life. I had my perfect photos and good outfits and I'm trying to keep up this facade and I'm acting like everything's okay.
But really, I was suffering,

Speaker 1 suffering. And I'm just, I'm chasing these things and, oh my gosh, they don't like this photo.
And it was just, so

Speaker 1 I just always suffered with my looks because To be honest with you, that's all I thought I was good enough for.

Speaker 1 I didn't think I was capable of being anything other than my photos. I didn't think I was smart enough.
I really didn't.

Speaker 1 I truly believed my whole life up until very recently, until God showed me the truth, that I was just not

Speaker 1 smart. I was just not capable.
And so

Speaker 1 one of the biggest blessings, honestly, was him completely stripping it away from me. And he did it all at once.
Thank God he did it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 at the time, so he had taken away my

Speaker 1 relationship that I had my identity in, the career that I had my identity in. And when he took it all away,

Speaker 1 I was left sitting so broken. I'll never forget looking in the mirror and just being like,

Speaker 1 Who are you? Yeah, I didn't know who I was looking at. I was truly disassociated i was confused i didn't know who i was i didn't know what i was supposed to do i thought without these things

Speaker 1 i might as well just die because i am nothing i i my life is over now the the the

Speaker 1 what else am i gonna do i don't have a college degree i'm not smart enough to do anything else what am i gonna do this and and and rejection too i mean

Speaker 1 when you

Speaker 1 I mean, that's a whole other thing we'll get into, but man, when you don't know who you are and Jesus, and you can't see yourself, and the person that you had put all your safety and identity into

Speaker 1 leaves,

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 feel like, oh my gosh, like it's, it breaks you. It like I

Speaker 1 was just broken.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then

Speaker 1 that's that's when I met him. That's when I met him.
And

Speaker 1 it was almost like he had just taken me into his arms. And he was just like,

Speaker 1 I need you to see yourself how I see you.

Speaker 1 I can't have you see yourself anymore the way that you think the world sees you. I can't have you be this perfect person anymore.

Speaker 1 I can't have you put the facade up anymore and be this REL that is all about your self-image and the makeup and the hair. I couldn't do it anymore.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 I was honestly so broken that I couldn't even put my, I couldn't even, I was so broken, I couldn't even put my identity into a man. I couldn't even look at anyone.
I couldn't even have a career.

Speaker 1 I was, I was, I was too, I was, I was dead, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so,

Speaker 1 yeah, and so then that was, that was, I went on this,

Speaker 1 oh, I went on this beautiful journey with Jesus. I

Speaker 1 learned so much. That is when I learned the truth.
And I look back and I am just like,

Speaker 1 although, yes, it's beautiful. We're girls.
We love to take photos. I'm not going to sit here and say we don't like to take photos and

Speaker 1 do things like that. But

Speaker 1 I look back and I can't believe I had put so much

Speaker 1 of my identity into these things,

Speaker 1 into my looks, into my into being so consumed about what everyone else thinks of thinking that all I could do is this and that.

Speaker 1 It's just so funny for you to think that you wouldn't have anything to offer except your outward appearance, which is

Speaker 1 the best, absolutely beautiful, but literally this much compared to all the goodness that's inside of you.

Speaker 1 You are one of the smartest people that I've ever met, the most, one of the most intuitively intelligent.

Speaker 1 You might not have a college degree, but my girl is street smart. And I'm sorry if I'm biased, but I think that that is really, really useful and important in life.

Speaker 1 And you have emotional awareness and intelligence. You have social intelligence.
You have an emotional capacity for others that can only come from being intelligent.

Speaker 1 You can know what somebody's feeling upon meeting them. You got to be really smart to do that.
You also can't be as funny as you are. I think humor and intelligence are directly linked.

Speaker 1 You cannot be as funny as you are without being really smart. Okay? Yeah.
And I thank you for saying that. And that's what Jesus showed me.

Speaker 1 And that we only inherit true identity and security through relationship with Jesus. I laid it down.
I said,

Speaker 1 I lay it down. How do we feel confident? We sit there and we play all the old tapes in our head about what our teacher said, about what

Speaker 1 our parents said, about

Speaker 1 what the enemy has said about us.

Speaker 1 And then, but what about what God says? That we are lovable, that we are valuable, that we are capable. That's what he says about us.

Speaker 1 And then when you started reading the Bible with me, that's when my eyes opened. That's when the healing began.
That's when I didn't have to suffer and

Speaker 1 feed into the lies and I could combat the lies with the truth, with the Bible that God says we are worthy, we are lovable. Some girls said, how do you feel pretty? You take what you get.

Speaker 1 Do sometimes I lack confidence? Yes. Do sometimes you lack confidence? Of course.
None of us are perfect. We're human beings that live in the flesh.
Of course we're not always going to feel confident.

Speaker 1 But I'm telling you, I used to wish and pray that I was somebody else. I didn't want to be myself.
I had no identity. I was always trying to be like celebrities.

Speaker 1 I showed her a couple of videos from when I was younger. I truly did not know who I was.
I had no identity. And so I would always try to be like somebody else or be like the perfect person.

Speaker 1 that's always traveling on social media and thinking they have all their money when really they're suffering probably more than us.

Speaker 1 The celebrities that I used to look up to are have are suffering immensely. So I think when I started reading the Bible and reading about Jesus, that's who I want to be like.

Speaker 1 This man could have been, he could have came down to earth as a as a king, and he didn't. He came as a humble boy that grew up in poverty, that washed the homeless's feet.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's who Jesus was. Forget about, you know, nice things and achievements and in our hair and our looks.
Forget about it, you guys.

Speaker 1 I know it makes us feel good sometimes, but do you know what makes me feel good? Honestly, I think about it. I really do.

Speaker 1 And I say it, and I might sound repetitive, but it truly is what set me free, reading the truth. But then

Speaker 1 when I go into these homes, when Angela and I go into these homes, and we see these children who come from nothing, that don't have mothers, that don't have have fathers, that

Speaker 1 just are suffering because they have no one and no money to be able to sit with them and pray with them and

Speaker 1 be an heir for them to listen to.

Speaker 1 See someone that's on the street suffering, to go and say, Hey, are you okay? Do you need anything? I can go home and feel fulfilled. That's what brings me confidence.
That's what makes me bold.

Speaker 1 And that's what makes me feel good.

Speaker 1 Forget about the makeup and the nice cars and posting these good, these nice photos on social media. It's fleeting you guys.
And

Speaker 1 it's a dopamine hit, but then when it goes away, you're left with the same feeling of

Speaker 1 just no peace.

Speaker 1 It's that what I always talk about, it's the no peace. You want to feel good.
Start. having the nature of Jesus.

Speaker 1 There's a reason why he writes all this stuff in the Bible about how he was so intentional and how he was so humble and how he didn't care about all that stuff.

Speaker 1 And so I believe that true confidence comes from knowing who Jesus is. It's the only way.
Aside from that,

Speaker 1 I don't care who you are and what you and what you believe in. You don't have peace if you don't have Jesus.
If you don't have your identity in Jesus Christ, you have no peace.

Speaker 1 And that's it. It's very simple.
It's so true. And so, guys,

Speaker 1 I just want to speak to you guys for a minute.

Speaker 1 Because I was one of them. All I did was bash myself all day.
All I did was let the enemy have a chokehold on my mind. So much so, honestly, I almost didn't make it because I was so severely

Speaker 1 in wraps of the devil, just all day beating my mind, mind, beating my mind to the point where I was pleading on my hands and knees with my hands over my head, begging for it to go away.

Speaker 1 It simply wouldn't because I just didn't know any better.

Speaker 1 He knew my struggles. He knew my insecurities, and he literally had me in a chokehold.
And I know

Speaker 1 some of you right now are probably in one too. I know that life is difficult.
I know social media is not easy. I know being in this world right now is so difficult.

Speaker 1 We are watching people live these extravagant lives. They're not working regular jobs anymore.
And it's confusing.

Speaker 1 Even for me, I couldn't understand. I'm sitting there.
I have no money. I'm suffering.
I have no idea who I am.

Speaker 1 I had just been rejected. I was lost.
And then I had to go on Instagram and watch

Speaker 1 people in Barbados living these lavish life. It was really, really difficult.
And I can imagine it's probably difficult from you.

Speaker 1 But I want to speak to you guys and let you guys know, life and death is in the power of the tongue. We need to be so careful on what we were saying.
Do you know that someone had said something to me

Speaker 1 as a little girl, they said,

Speaker 1 You better just hang it up because you're never going to be anything. You're just not smart enough.

Speaker 1 I thought about that, what that person said till I got up, till I got into my adulthood and it never went away. You have to be careful what you say to your friends, what you say to your children.

Speaker 1 It is so important

Speaker 1 and more so what you say to yourself. I don't want to hear any of you guys speaking negatively about yourself.
I don't care how you feel. I do care how you feel.

Speaker 1 But when you feel that way, you combat it with the truth about what God says about you and says, no, no, no, I'm not stupid. I'm not unworthy.
I'm not unlovable. God loves me.
I'm a child of God.

Speaker 1 I am worthy. I am capable.
I am confident. And this won't wipe me out, whatever I'm going through.
Amen. Amen.
Preach. I love you guys so much.
I really do.

Speaker 1 I know my biggest battle in my whole life was my...

Speaker 1 myself. I used to wear a hat that covered half of my eyes.
I couldn't even look people in the eyes for so many years of my life. I stuttered.
I stumbled.

Speaker 1 I was a complete shell of myself.

Speaker 1 I never, up until this year, you know, and God revealed to me how valuable I am. I wasn't qualified for this, but he pushed me into this to say, hey, yes, you are.
And so aren't you guys.

Speaker 1 I can assure you of that. We all are.
We are all children of God. I want you guys to understand that.
Don't let your insecurities ruin you from living the life that God intended you to have.

Speaker 1 He wakes you up every morning because you have purpose. Your life isn't meant for sorrow.
It's meant for purpose. You guys have purpose.

Speaker 1 And so many of you guys are having that's why we have suicidal thoughts. That's why there's more suicide than ever because of the enemy.

Speaker 1 Because we let him take control of our lives, he'll have you thinking that you don't want to end your life. He had me thinking that too.
Thank God I didn't let him rule my mind, and I ran to Jesus.

Speaker 1 And I want you guys to do the same, please. Amen.
Amen. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
The truth is that God created us, He literally created

Speaker 1 the stars, the moon, the sky. He created the birds.
He created the

Speaker 1 animals that live on the ground. He created everything, the fruits, the trees, and everything.
And he created us and said, it is good.

Speaker 1 He

Speaker 1 loves us just the way that he created us.

Speaker 1 And honestly, I know that God would look down at us spending so much time worried about what we look like, worried about our outward appearance, and just be like, that's not what I created you for.

Speaker 1 That's not what you're on earth to be thinking about.

Speaker 1 I truly believe that our negative self-image of our outward appearance, it is one of the main distractions that the enemy uses to pull us from God's actual purpose on our lives because most women and men spend probably, especially women, most of their day looking at other women, comparing themselves to other women looking at old photos of themselves comparing their own self to past versions of their self and I just know that for me and for Ari and for for all of us we are so much more concerned with what is on the inside than what is on the outside.

Speaker 1 We care so much more truly no matter how much we love hair nails and makeup we care about being kind way more than looking good. That's right.
We care more about being intelligent.

Speaker 1 I will never care about what I look like more than I care about what I know. That's right.
I want my mind to be filled. I want to learn as much as I can.

Speaker 1 I would rather, if I had to, people ask all the, you know, when people ask, like, would you rather be smart or pretty? Smart. Always, I a thousand times over, because there's nothing like it.

Speaker 1 Being intelligent and kind and compassionate and just being good, truly. No, but, and the thing is, too, God created us diversely on purpose.
He wants us to all be different.

Speaker 1 That's the point. Some of us are shorter, some of us are taller, some of us are darker, some of us are lighter, some of us have blue eyes, some brown.

Speaker 1 And we're all sitting here being like, But I wish I had that, and I wish I had that, and I wish I had that. And trust me, I get it.

Speaker 1 But God, He could have made us all the same, but He didn't because He actually takes pride in how diversely He made us.

Speaker 1 He is a creative God, and he delights in our differences while we're sitting here comparing them instead of celebrating each other's and our own differences.

Speaker 1 And so just remember, you guys, that your body head to toe is meant to glorify God and not yourself. Ari touched on it earlier, how you and I both used to take a lot of photos of ourselves.

Speaker 1 And I'm not saying that we never take photo of ourselves, but truly, I rarely take photos of myself because god worked in my heart so much he stripped truly any most of

Speaker 1 i would say like it feels like any vanity out of me i feel like uncomfortable taking photos of myself sometimes because i'm like who cares yeah like We say that all the time. Who cares?

Speaker 1 I'm like, we even had a moment recently where we're like, dude, we got to start taking some content again because we are truly so concerned with what's out here instead of what's going on here.

Speaker 1 We love you guys so much and we're going to be praying for all of you. And I ask that you really put your prayer requests in the description.
If you're dealing with any sort of body image,

Speaker 1 food issues, disordered eating, or anything to do with your outward body or struggles with vanity or anything like that, please put it

Speaker 1 in the comments and we'll pray for you. You can be freed from this.
I know that you can.

Speaker 1 You know, something that I've been thinking about a lot recently:

Speaker 1 there are some things that God will speak to us privately that you obviously

Speaker 1 share so much when we're on here, but there's so much that He shares privately that we don't express to people. And there's like words from God that we get constantly.

Speaker 1 I know for me, it's like it's every day, and there are things that God is like, I want this to just be between us.

Speaker 1 But I know that He's been speaking to me so much recently about just my future kids, They're on my mind so much. I'm serious all the time.
And I think about

Speaker 1 just the way that my life has gone and the deliverance ministry that he's had on my life to where he has been breaking things off of me one by one.

Speaker 1 And this issue of struggling with body image and struggling with

Speaker 1 disordered eating and all of these things. These are things that are oftentimes for people hereditary and they're learned.

Speaker 1 So you could have a mom who you watched the way that she ate and the way that she thought about her body and it influenced the way that you do as an adult or she may have even spoken into that area of your life in a negative way and now it's affected you for the rest of your life.

Speaker 1 I believe that these are

Speaker 1 not to over spiritualize it, but generational curses because it is hereditary most of the time. It does pass down from generation to generation.

Speaker 1 And I know that for me, God has been speaking so much because there are moments where I'll just break down and be like, I can't believe you're healing this area of my life.

Speaker 1 And he will always speak to me and be like, you're not going to pass it down to your daughter.

Speaker 1 It ends with you. That is really cute.
My daughter is not going to struggle the way that I have. Oh, no, she won't.
You know, you guys, I want you guys to be the end,

Speaker 1 the last one.

Speaker 1 It ends with you, whatever that you're going through whatever curse has been placed in your family on your life that's been passed down i know that it can end with you and i know that it will and i know that you'll take authority over it in jesus name that was great we love you guys so so much

Speaker 1 so much you have no idea And Jesus loves you so much. If you knew how much he loves you, you wouldn't beat yourself up as much as you do.
He loves you so much.

Speaker 1 Read the Bible and see what he says about you. He adores you.

Speaker 1 May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May he turn his face towards you and give you peace. So much peace.
We love you so much.