Grief | Girls Gone Bible

Speaker 2 Hi, everybody.

Speaker 1 I'm Ari

Speaker 2 and I'm Ange.

Speaker 1 And this is.

Speaker 2 Maybe we should

Speaker 2 appoint whoever's going to say it before we do it. How about you say it today?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hi, everybody. We've done this for a year.
I still don't know how to do it.

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Speaker 1 Just don't.

Speaker 1 Okay. Hi, everybody.

Speaker 1 I'm Ari. And I'm Ange.
And this is Girls Gone Bible. We talk about everything from Jesus to spirituality to mental health to relationships.
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Speaker 2 The funniest thing that has ever happened to us was at

Speaker 2 the live show when we obviously have a little bit of an outline for the beginning at least.

Speaker 2 We're supposed to do this little skit thing and then go into another part.

Speaker 2 And I literally immediately went into this other part and Ari on stage goes, no, no, no, Aunt, we forgot about Mary and Matha.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, everybody, but what would it be without us messing up a little bit?

Speaker 1 When I'm nervous, like when I'm like really nervous,

Speaker 1 my Boston accent comes out so bad. Some of you guys have been like, Whoa, your accent was full-fledged today.
Yeah, because I was so nervous.

Speaker 1 So, anytime you hear me not pronouncing my R's, it's simply because I'm nervous.

Speaker 1 So, I kept saying Martha, literally the week leading up to it, you went full Boston every time.

Speaker 2 You said, Are we gonna read Mary and Martha?

Speaker 1 And I'd be like, Is everything okay, Annie? You literally sound like the guy from

Speaker 1 Family Guy.

Speaker 2 Mary and Martha, it's not okay.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 anything but the Boston accent.

Speaker 2 I love the Boston accent.

Speaker 1 I love it. If you don't want, you'll lose it.
If you could have one accent, like any accent, which accent would it be?

Speaker 2 Probably like from the Bronx.

Speaker 1 Really? I love it.

Speaker 2 I'm sure I would hate it if it was my, like, everyone who has a New York accent doesn't like it, but I love a New York accent. It makes me feel home.

Speaker 1 I could like like Wolf of Wall Street type deal. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 something like that maybe without the drugs before we get into today's episode uh what are we doing next month that's really really exciting okay guys

Speaker 1 we are going on tour

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Speaker 2 In Texas, we love you so much. You know, some of my favorite people live in Texas.

Speaker 1 The Bible Bell.

Speaker 1 I thought I was your favorite person. You are my favorite person.

Speaker 2 You are my absolute, you know that. You know that annoying little sister.

Speaker 1 She thinks that I think she's my annoying little sister.

Speaker 2 No, Ari goes, because sometimes if we get into like a little like whatever, and I'm like, I'll like, she can tell that I'm kind of like refraining from asking to come over.

Speaker 2 And she's like, Ange, you make it seem like I think you're my annoying little sister.

Speaker 2 She has said it so many times and I finally went, by the way, I don't think that, but since you say it all the time, clearly you think I'm your annoying little sister. Anyways, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1 Sue me. Sue me.

Speaker 1 She thinks she's from Brooklyn. Anyways, no, we are so excited to be in Texas, you guys.
Cry with you, hug you, talk to you, laugh with you. Like your sisters.

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We're going to go deeper than ever.

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We want to see you there. Please come.
Please come hang out with us. Anyways.
Anyways.

Speaker 2 So everybody, we love you so much. Happy to be here with you today.
Happy Friday or whatever day you're watching. Today we're talking about something that's such a...

Speaker 2 highly requested topic because as we all know suffering is the most universal thing that we will all deal with at some point and it might not look the same for everyone but we'll all deal with it and so we're going to talk about grief today and grief comes in so many different forms and at different times in your life and I have here the definition of grief Grief is the anguish experienced after significant loss, oftentimes the death of a beloved person, deep distress, an unfortunate outcome, a cause for suffering.

Speaker 1 Do you want to, do you have like, I know you had a really good psalm. Do you want to read it? Yeah, I'd love to hear it.
Definitely.

Speaker 1 Because I haven't, you were telling me the other night you found a good one, and I would love to hear it.

Speaker 2 Grief is mentioned so much throughout the Bible. So this was a great topic to go over because there's just so much to pull from.
It's just the most beautiful prayers.

Speaker 2 I like to take psalms, and I like to do them in, like, I like to read them out loud in first person, so I'm praying them and it's just so powerful we're gonna read from Psalm 31 I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love for you have seen my troubles and you care about the anguish of my soul you have not handed me over to my enemies but you have set me in a safe place have mercy on me Lord for I am in distress tears blur my eyes my body and my soul are withering away i am dying from grief my years are shortened by sadness.

Speaker 2 Sin has drained my strength. I am wasting away from within.
Love the Lord, all you godly ones, for the Lord protects those who are loyal to him, but he harshly punishes the arrogant.

Speaker 2 So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord.

Speaker 2 Wow. This right here, I am dying from grief.
My years are shortened by sadness. My body and my soul are withering away.
Have mercy on me for I'm in distress.

Speaker 1 That's the part that struck me like like a chord. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I think we can talk about how there are a few examples of grief.

Speaker 2 And I'll just read them off of here.

Speaker 2 It's losing a loved one due to illness, death or divorce, the ending of a meaningful relationship such as a friendship, being laid off from work or having a dream fall apart.

Speaker 2 Perhaps you get injured when you were meant to play sports professionally and your dream of being a professional athlete goes to nothing.

Speaker 2 If you're planning on having a family and you realize that that's not going to be a possibility for you based on things that are happening within your own body, these are all things that you grieve.

Speaker 2 It's not just when somebody dies, although that is an incredibly painful thing to go through.

Speaker 2 Are you have

Speaker 2 had a lot of grief throughout your life, and there are a few really significant points.

Speaker 2 I haven't really experienced grief from losing a loved one. My grandparents on my mom's side passed away about six years ago, and that was incredibly painful.

Speaker 2 And they were also in their old age and lived until like 93 and 95. So they were, there was so much peace about it.

Speaker 2 And especially, you know that they're going to heaven and you know they're in a better place. So it's different in your situation.
I think there are two massive three massive times in your life

Speaker 2 where grief has marked you, marked you.

Speaker 2 And so do you want to get into some of those?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I call it like my blowout years.

Speaker 1 It happened. My grief happened back to back to back.

Speaker 1 My stepdad, who I've never actually talked about, but

Speaker 1 he was not only the greatest dad, but

Speaker 1 he was my hero. He was my best friend.
And it's funny. My family would always say,

Speaker 1 God forbid something happened to him. What would Ariel do? Because he was my world, my lifeline, my everything.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 it was the first time I ever really experienced anything like this. He

Speaker 1 so suddenly got diagnosed with stage four cancer.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we found out, and that was a shock. And so then we

Speaker 1 had hope because they said that, you know, there was, we could go through the chemo. And so we went through the chemo for about six months.

Speaker 1 And anyone who, you know, has a family member or has suffered through cancer, you know that's a whole other thing. It's agonizing to watch the person you love even go through that

Speaker 1 because you get really sick and you have to watch them go through a lot and with chemo. I'll never forget it.
I was at this job and I had gotten three missed calls from him. So I called him back.

Speaker 1 I said, hey, what's going on? He could barely even speak. He said, you need to get home right now.
I have about 48 hours to live. The cancer had spread.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 was a different type of shock.

Speaker 1 I don't even exactly remember what happened after that, but I just remember I didn't even tell anyone I left the job. I got in a cab.
I went to the airport.

Speaker 1 The six-hour flight back to Boston felt like five minutes because I was in such a blackout.

Speaker 1 And then I got, everyone was at the hospital.

Speaker 2 And I had gotten to the hospital, and

Speaker 1 he,

Speaker 1 I don't even know who I was looking at. He was just, at that point, he had completely

Speaker 1 deteriorated. He,

Speaker 1 I mean, he was yellow. He was withering away he could barely speak and

Speaker 1 and i just

Speaker 1 i remember just just taking his hand and i was like i

Speaker 1 i i i don't even know what what am i gonna do without you like what how how how is this real right now please what would i can't live without you and um

Speaker 1 he was like

Speaker 1 he just

Speaker 1 his last words to me were just i love you so much and you're stronger than you think And that was the last thing that came out of his mouth. And that next 48 hours were just grueling.

Speaker 1 It was watching him suffer so severely in pain and just me and my younger sister just in that room in the hospital, just

Speaker 1 watching him just deteriorate in the next 48 hours.

Speaker 1 And so that was really tough.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 when you lose someone like that,

Speaker 1 it's different when like you lost your grandparents because you had a peace. They grew up, they were older and they went in peace.

Speaker 1 But when you watch someone suffer like that, and he was young, he was in his 50s.

Speaker 1 And he was really healthy. And so it just was like really quick.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 that was really hard on me. And I think we all deal with grief in such a different we all deal with it so differently.
For me, I I couldn't I had to be really strong for my little sister.

Speaker 1 And I had never experienced this, so I had to be tough. And to be honest, I didn't want to deal with it because of what I had to watch.
I didn't want to face it.

Speaker 1 And the only way to describe the way I felt was it was almost like I was frozen, but the world just kept going.

Speaker 1 And it was, my body was just, it was almost shut down.

Speaker 1 And then I had to go back to LA and I just remember

Speaker 1 just suppressing it, not not believing it.

Speaker 1 I was in denial. I didn't deal with it.
My grief turned into anger. And it comes out so randomly.
I would have days where I could finally get out of bed and then I'd be like at the red light and

Speaker 1 I would just get flashes of him in that hospital just

Speaker 1 in so much pain.

Speaker 1 And I couldn't deal with it. So I just I was in denial and I suppress it for years.

Speaker 1 And then what got me through his death was and I some people you know they

Speaker 1 some who don't have animals can't understand but my my dog was like really such a big part of my life. He was he was my boy.

Speaker 1 He at the time I didn't have God so I was that's when I was had really bad anxiety and panic attacks and my dog was my safe place.

Speaker 1 He gave me the courage to get out of my house and and do things and and he just he gave me a love that made me feel so safe and good and and he got me through my dark days he really did and so then he got he was diagnosed with cancer it was about a year and a half a year and a half after

Speaker 1 my stepdad died and so it started bringing up all those feelings again and I had to go through the chemo again

Speaker 2 and you know the doctor then said he only has four months to live and so then I had to deal with that again and deal with that loss how was it though to have had Mike have cancer and then Riley gets cancer I mean is there any part of you that's like this is so weird that this is happening like this yeah it was

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 the thing with me, the way that I used to deal with things was I was like, I cannot deal with this. I have to be tough.
Like, I have to deal. Like, this is my baby.
I have to be tough.

Speaker 1 I have to fight for him. I always was very tough.
I was not like the way I am right now

Speaker 1 and so yeah so then I lost Rye and I just again it was like a blow and I was like oh

Speaker 1 here we go again what am I gonna do I just but I had my partner which

Speaker 1 I thought to myself

Speaker 1 Riley was ready to let me go because he was ready to give me off because now I'm going to to enter into this new phase of my life of of starting my life with my partner and having a marriage and later on then having my family.

Speaker 1 And so,

Speaker 1 as heartbreaking as that was, I didn't really deal with Rai's death either.

Speaker 1 I did for a couple days, but I felt safe because I was with my partner, and I knew I was entering into this new phase of my life.

Speaker 1 And then, shortly after that, I mean, actually, right after Rai's death, probably

Speaker 2 I would say

Speaker 1 six to seven months later, it ended with my partner. And then it ended at the same time, ended with my career.
And that's when I snapped. That's when

Speaker 1 I was like, job. Like,

Speaker 1 I was done. I, I couldn't, all of the pain that I had suppressed from the, from my,

Speaker 1 my, uh, from my stepdad and Riley, it just, I couldn't, I, I, I, I, something broke. I could not deal with it anymore.
Yeah. And I just was like,

Speaker 1 how, how,

Speaker 1 like, how can this be? How can I, how can I keep experiencing such deep suffering? First, you take away my person, then you take away, then Riley's gone. Now, my future that

Speaker 1 made me feel so safe is now gone. And that's, and when you lose the person that you love, when you lose someone that is still alive, it's grieving, grieving someone that's still alive.

Speaker 1 That's a whole other grieving. yeah, grieving thing.
It's yeah, my

Speaker 2 my God, my God, and you're doing all that, and you are not even as strong as you are now. I mean, with Mike and with Riley, I don't think you're really in the faith at all yet.

Speaker 2 And then I think when losing your partner, you are a little bit, but still, not like you are now. So, you didn't have God to rely on.
So, you were in true survival mode. Yeah.
Like, you were not even

Speaker 2 like you say it all the time. You were, you were dead but alive.
You were alive but you weren't living.

Speaker 2 Like I can't imagine what it was like for you to just try to get through your days when every single cushion that you had in your life, your stepdad who you could call, you can't go to him.

Speaker 2 Your dog who is your little safety, you can't go to him.

Speaker 2 Your partner who is the one that you would go to for everything else, now you can't go to him. So who do you go to?

Speaker 1 Like that is...

Speaker 1 That was the gift in it all, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I'm certain if God is ever with you in anything, it's through deep suffering. Oh, absolutely.
And that was the gift. That was my gift.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And people don't, people, you can either go one way, you can either sit there and drown in the suffering, or you can say, okay, now what? And that's what I did.

Speaker 1 And I believe that's what God did for me.

Speaker 1 My suffering ended up being so profound, and he brought me to my glory. I mean, that's when I found him through deep grief and suffering.
And it was

Speaker 1 the most painful thing I had ever been through, but

Speaker 1 it was the most beautiful. And that's what he does.
Through suffering, he brings you to victory. That's what he did.

Speaker 2 And how do you,

Speaker 2 can I ask, I'm genuinely curious, how do you reconcile with God the fact that You've had to go through all this suffering. I guess it's because you know that he works all things together for good.

Speaker 2 But do you ever have moments that you're like, God, you couldn't have given me a little bit of a break, Lord?

Speaker 2 Like, it just all does seem, and I think a lot of people go through this thing where it's just like they're bombarded with tragedy after tragedy, and it's just like, can you let me up for air just for a second?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's tough. It's tough to reconcile with because

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 It's really hard for me even now like sometimes when I hear stories just how you have to watch your children,

Speaker 1 you know, you go to the sixth floor of the cancer room and you see little kids suffering. And then you have to, you know, you lose your children when they're first born.

Speaker 1 Like, there's just, there's such horrific stories that we can't even make sense of.

Speaker 1 And it's really hard. And it's still really hard for me to understand,

Speaker 1 if I'm being honest. Like, I wish I had the answers to it all.
I really do on why God can't

Speaker 1 save certain people and why certain things have to happen.

Speaker 1 It's where we truly do live in a fallen, broken world, but there is redemption in it all.

Speaker 1 And what's so beautiful in all this pain and suffering is even my even my best friend whose sister who is so close to her who committed suicide, you see the change in my best friend Courtney and you see how you just, it's

Speaker 1 he does something in the suffering. Yeah.
And it's, I believe that suffering is connected to so many things.

Speaker 1 Hadn't I went through the suffering I did and the experience, the losses I did, I wouldn't know what, what, I don't think I would have the empathy and compassion.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be able to understand people the way I do. I wouldn't be able to love as deeply as I do.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 as much as I wish I could take them back, have my stepdad back and have Riley back, I'm able to really understand people in the way that most people can understand, and that's a gift.

Speaker 1 And it's beautiful, and I'm thankful for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Beautiful.
So beautiful.

Speaker 2 I want to talk a little bit about

Speaker 2 people deal with the most horrific cancer stories, whether it's within themselves or somebody that they love. And we're talking about like, how do you reconcile that with God? And it is so hard.

Speaker 2 And there's a mystery about God. If you actually tried to figure God out, you would lose your mind because you can't.
He's mysterious, and there's things we will never understand about him.

Speaker 2 But the one thing that we do know is that we live in a fallen world. God never wanted us to suffer.

Speaker 2 He never wanted us to experience the evil, the supernatural evil that is cancer and sickness and disease. And

Speaker 2 because we live in a fallen world, and because

Speaker 2 these are things that we unfortunately have to deal with

Speaker 2 there are evils in the world that don't make sense and that don't seem fair but God is fair and he does have authority over sickness and disease and illness and all these things

Speaker 2 I thank you for telling all of that you I love the way that you share your heart are and it is i'm so sorry what you went through but it's the reason why you're able to come on here and just bleed yeah it's the most beautiful thing it's why people feel so connected to you you.

Speaker 2 I feel so connected to you because of the way that your heart is open.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank you. I love you so much.

Speaker 2 I love you too.

Speaker 1 I know that, you know, grief comes in all different forms. And sometimes, like, even though you didn't lose, you know, someone close to you, you lost your grandparents.

Speaker 1 But do you have any stories of grief? in a different way?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's nothing like grieving a relationship. Yeah.
Truly. And I say it with a smile because I

Speaker 2 it's I have I never really talk about any sort of relationship on here, but there's one significant heartbreak in my life that I experienced a level of grief that literally upsets me, that I went, that I gave, that I went through something so deeply painful and intense

Speaker 2 as this.

Speaker 2 I was in a relationship with somebody, and this person ended up.

Speaker 2 Imagine I've always had, I've always wanted to be married, obviously.

Speaker 2 I think I have some fears around marriage, some fears around marriage maybe not working.

Speaker 2 I've seen obviously so many, just like everybody else has, so many marriages and not in a happy tale ending, happy fairy tale ending.

Speaker 2 And so I just have a lot of fears around it. And then I remember I met someone, and for the first time in my life, I was like, I would get married tomorrow.

Speaker 2 I literally was like, this person is everything that I've ever wanted.

Speaker 2 everything that I ever wanted. And I'd never met somebody that I was like, I would give it all up for this right now.
It was such a beautiful love. It really was.

Speaker 2 And this person ended up being nothing like what I thought he was.

Speaker 2 I was completely fooled. I went, it was only a few months of this relationship, but it took me three times as long to get over this relationship than I was even in it.

Speaker 2 I was grieving, not only missing somebody that I had never loved anybody like this person ever.

Speaker 2 Granted, there was also ungodly soul ties involved, and that makes things a million times worse because when your soul connects with somebody else,

Speaker 2 it's not natural and it's not supposed to happen.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 2 was in this situation where I had lost somebody. I had to walk away from somebody that I loved so much.
I had to do something because I know that God was calling me to it.

Speaker 2 I knew deep in my bones that this person was not who he said he was and not who God wanted me to be with.

Speaker 2 And while I had so much peace about it from God, that knowing that that's what he wanted, I was also suffering so deeply. And for me, the grief showed up in major anxiety, major acting out, major.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's why you have to be so careful in grief because grief can cause you to do some things you would otherwise never do. Sometimes people act out in ways that are just not like them.

Speaker 2 I was, I lost it afterwards. I lost it.
I was going to any vice that I could possibly find. My OCD amped up a thousand percent.
I was grieving.

Speaker 2 First of all, having this person in my life, I loved him so much. I miss him so much.
It's so painful. I'm also grieving the future that I thought I would have.
Like I saw myself in this situation.

Speaker 2 I saw, we talked about our future. I was grieving what I thought my life was going to be, this idea.
And I'm grieving somebody who never existed. He wasn't even there.

Speaker 2 It was all a lot. You know what I mean? It was, I was like dealing with all this, um, for the first time, I'd never experienced anything like it, and that's why it took me so long to get over.

Speaker 2 Sometimes grief will feel irrational, it'll be like, How am I suffering so deeply?

Speaker 2 I'm embarrassed to tell people how bad I'm grieving over this because it's just like you should be over it by now, but I'm not,

Speaker 2 and I want to be, and I'm doing everything. And I was close to Jesus during this time, and I still,

Speaker 2 the one thing that I know for sure: yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Speaker 2 The only way to get out of something is simply to go through it.

Speaker 2 You have to go through the valley of the shadow of death, coming from someone who always tries to go around, who always wants to get out of it, who wants to mask my pain, who wants to run away from my pain.

Speaker 2 I don't want anyone to know about my pain. I had to go through it.

Speaker 2 And because I fought it for so long, it took me a long time to get over this is just one heartbreak and it was the worst of my life and i remember vowing to myself being like i will never allow myself to feel like this again

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 it was insane can i ask how long it took you the grieving

Speaker 2 almost a year yeah almost to be fully out of it where i didn't think about this person where i didn't get triggered by this person or even his name if i heard somebody else say his name i mean it was like ptsd PTSD.

Speaker 2 And that's what happens, especially with ungodly relationships as well, is that Satan has the ability to just intertwine you with someone that you, God has to literally, I think it's two things.

Speaker 2 Jesus is a healer and he heals and you also need time. You have to give yourself the time.
I didn't want to. I would call Socrates every day and I'd be like, Socrates, when is it going to be over?

Speaker 2 When is it going to be over? But I had to allow myself the time to get through it. Yeah.
You know, and sometimes the time is like irrational.

Speaker 2 And other people won't understand. And other people might even say to you, you should be over it by now, but they're not in your body and they don't know what you're feeling.
Yeah. You know?

Speaker 2 So good.

Speaker 1 It's,

Speaker 1 you're right. And

Speaker 1 there's no,

Speaker 1 there's no timeline there. You can't, you can't.
Grief is something everybody has their own way of dealing with grief.

Speaker 1 And it's messy and it hurts and it's not fatal, but sometimes it feels that way.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it hurts so emotionally that it actually feels so physical.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I just understand what you're saying, where you, you, you, you just, it took you a year. I mean,

Speaker 1 my

Speaker 1 grief was so bad. I, I, I, I literally, it turned physical.
I was physically sick. I was, I mean, my breaking point was, and I told you guys this before, I was, I got admitted to the hospital.

Speaker 1 My body completely broke down. And it's, it's,

Speaker 1 grief will have you feeling like you are just not going to make it. And I, I, I just, I pray for everyone who is in such deep grief of

Speaker 1 the loss. It hurts.

Speaker 1 Loss. It hurts.

Speaker 2 I'm so happy you say that about it being physical because Psalm Psalm 31.9 says, Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress. My eyes grow weak with sorrow.
My soul and body with grief.

Speaker 2 Your soul and body becoming weak with grief. It makes you weak.
Grief sits on your chest. It's not just in you.
It's not just around you. It's on you right here.
And you can never have relief.

Speaker 2 It feels like there is no relief. And it's all-encompassing.
It's all the time. Like you said earlier, it's like you're still, but the world is moving around you.

Speaker 2 Grief, it just feels like it's you and your grief. And everybody's just living their merry lives, going back and forth.
And you're sitting there being like, I'm not, this is not normal. Dead.
Dead.

Speaker 1 I wonder if you'll ever even breathe easy again. I,

Speaker 1 yeah, I,

Speaker 1 because I went through so much grief, I can tell you that

Speaker 1 the, the, the one thing, like, after going through so much and being backed up in a corner to where I couldn't be, I couldn't suppress it anymore the one thing God taught me through that is don't run from it like when

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 I he he he could not allow me to run from it again

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 2 and the best thing I did that's why I can come on here every day and and and be so vulnerable because that's what truly set me free grief is such a natural part of life and I feel like sometimes as Christians we put on this and I'm guilty of it where it's almost like like toxic positive, toxic positivity in a way where

Speaker 2 I know some Christians are like, no, Jesus is the greatest, and so we can't go through anything. Depression can't exist.
Clearly, you're not praying enough. Like, clearly, you're not doing enough.

Speaker 2 Clearly, you don't love Jesus enough because everything is great, and he died for it all. And while that's true, but it's not true because even Jesus.
wept. Even Jesus felt grief.

Speaker 2 And it says in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Speaker 2 So there is a time to weep and there is a time to mourn. And then I love this

Speaker 2 little passage

Speaker 2 from John chapter 11. It's when Lazarus dies and it's the first time that we, and first of all, Jesus showed an array of emotions throughout the Bible.
He experienced rage.

Speaker 2 I don't know, maybe people wouldn't describe it as rage, but he was so upset when people were selling merchandise in the temple that he flipped the tables over.

Speaker 2 And he said, how can you sell merchandise and make it a place of profit, my father's home?

Speaker 2 And he experiences so many things. He literally experienced such anxiety when he was asking God, like, let this cup pass from me.

Speaker 2 And then it says in John chapter 11, When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

Speaker 2 When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. Where have you laid him? He asked.
Come and see, Lord, they replied.

Speaker 2 Jesus wept. And then the Jews said, see how he loved him.

Speaker 2 So Jesus wept for his friends. He also wept with his friends there that were weeping.
Jesus experienced these deep, deep feelings of intense grief and emotion.

Speaker 2 And he knows that we're going to feel these things too. That's why he's in it with us.
That's why we don't have a high priest that cannot sympathize in our weaknesses because he was there. He felt it.

Speaker 2 He knows it. And so we are, it's natural to go through these things.
And I feel like a lot of the times as Christians, we feel so much shame when we feel grief and when we feel sorrow.

Speaker 2 And it's like, but I should be happy. I'm saved.
I can live life with Jesus. Jesus is completely understandable.

Speaker 2 That's why he took on human form to come down here to experience what you did so he could understand you fully. He understands what you're going through, and there's no shame.

Speaker 2 And even if you go through months and months and months of deep, intense depression and sorrow, there is nothing to be ashamed about. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's what set me free. And you know what? Mine took a long time.
Yeah. More than it should have.
But you know what? What set me free was more than it should have.

Speaker 2 But what you know what I mean? We're made to feel that way. But it's like.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, I think when you lose, I think when you lose someone that you love

Speaker 1 it it is

Speaker 1 you you it's almost like you lose a part of you like some some day it's like some days you're you're you're okay but other days it just takes the wind out of you and it all and it's it will always be like that that's that's the that's life of of losing someone you love when you lose someone that you love that is still alive and it's that kind of mourning it's hard because it's like you

Speaker 1 sometimes you get frustrated with yourself because you're like, how long can I allow this person to

Speaker 1 control me, to take my days away from me? And so you do get frustrated with yourself.

Speaker 1 I sure did. I was like, I was so embarrassed at one point because I was like, how can I keep bringing even my friends through this? Like, I am,

Speaker 1 this is, this is going on a long time, but I went from suppressing it to then saying, Hey, I need help. And when I released that pain, and I just, I mean, you should, you should have seen me asking.

Speaker 1 I mean, I know I talk about it a lot, but

Speaker 1 I literally was like a little girl again, like with my friends and family. I didn't care.
I needed help, and I wasn't afraid to talk all day, to call, to to

Speaker 1 go to therapy. And I'm not afraid to sit here and talk about it because that's when the freedom came.
That's when my healing began. And

Speaker 1 I think a lot of people feel so ashamed, especially for the men. I can't imagine what men go through because they have to always be tough.

Speaker 1 And then when they have to lose someone or if they lose someone they love that's still alive, they have to suppress it. And that's why men feel so angry and the bitterness comes.
And

Speaker 1 the way to get through the valley,

Speaker 1 you can't escape it. You actually have to walk through it.

Speaker 1 And what the most beautiful thing is,

Speaker 1 God really does walk through it with you. and you're not stuck in the valley.
He actually walks with you and you get to the other end of it in such a victorious way.

Speaker 1 And that's the beautiful thing about grief.

Speaker 2 That's the beautiful thing about grieving with God

Speaker 2 is that you grieve with hope.

Speaker 2 That's what it is. That's the difference of someone in the world grieving versus a Christian, a follower of Jesus grieving, is that we grieve with hope.

Speaker 2 When I went through that horrific grieving of that relationship, I was in the worst pain I'd ever experienced from from that sort of loss in my life. But I was so close to Jesus that there was hope.

Speaker 2 There was hope. I knew I had an understanding that every single bit of this will be redeemed and restored.
It doesn't take the pain away, but it's His peace that's within me during the grieving.

Speaker 1 Me and my best friend, Courtney, because she, you know, she experienced loss, so we talk about it all the time. And we're like, how you get through grief and stuff.
And yes, of course, therapy and

Speaker 1 you need people to be around. That's That's the most important thing.
My people got me through my grief. Like,

Speaker 2 you have to

Speaker 1 be around people. The worst thing you can do, because I was there, is self-isolate.
We cannot self-isolate during our grief. We will deteriorate.
Absolutely. We will deteriorate.

Speaker 1 The only way to get through it is with the presence of God. And that's what I learned.

Speaker 1 That is the greatest gift I could have ever learned in my life as you get through your grief through the presence of God.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 how do you know when you get through it? You have no idea the things that he showed me. There were a couple moments that I'll never forget.

Speaker 1 And anytime that I have doubts, because I still do, because I'm a human being and I see a lot of suffering in this world and some moments that I have, even when I read you guys' prayer requests, I'm like,

Speaker 1 How could this be? Why do they have to go through this? And then I like, I remember these little miracles that he'd show me during my grief. I had a moment,

Speaker 1 a moment when

Speaker 1 I had no money. I had lost my career, which was such a grieving process for me.
I had to let go of the only thing that I knew.

Speaker 1 I was in the entertainment industry since I was 17 and I simply could not book a job for the life of me. It was over.
I had no job, no money. I was in a really bad place.
I remember,

Speaker 1 and it's when I started my relationship with God and I'd go into this little church by my house every single day for hours and hours on end.

Speaker 1 It is the only place that I found any type of relief and I would sit there and just be like,

Speaker 1 okay, God, I am, it's me and you and I would just ask him, I need help. I I can't book a job.
Like, what am I supposed to do now?

Speaker 1 And I remember being so scared and talking to him and being like, I'm scared, but I'm going to give it to you because you're giving me this relief and I don't really know.

Speaker 1 And because

Speaker 1 I was really reluctant on

Speaker 1 believing in God because I didn't have anyone to mentor me to tell me if it was real or not.

Speaker 1 And when I had left the church, I had gotten a phone call the minute I left the church and he was like, and it was a call from an agency saying, you would just, hey, would you want to, you just book this job?

Speaker 1 And I looked up and it was one of those moments that it's only through Jesus that I knew it was true.

Speaker 1 Even with when I had my real, when I was going through my breakup, my horrible breakup that truly broke me to, broke me to my core.

Speaker 1 There were so many moments where I was so alone and

Speaker 1 and I had no relief. And I'll, and I share this on one of the podcasts, but

Speaker 1 running to the beach and jumping out of my skin and sitting on my hands and knees in the sand and being like, Jesus, I have not slept in days. I have no relief.
I can't even eat anything. I need help.

Speaker 1 I need sleep. And as I'm talking, boom, I hit the sand.
I fall asleep. I wake up two hours later.
I look up and it is all I remember. It was gleaming bright.
I was peaceful.

Speaker 1 I had the biggest smile on my face. I was,

Speaker 1 I had, I had been rested. I had been able to spend the rest of the week with my family in peace.
That's only through the presence of Jesus. And that's what he did.

Speaker 1 He showed me who he was and how real he was. And as long as you draw close near him

Speaker 1 to these moments of being in deep suffering and grief, he will bring you to the other side and he will do something with your pain. I'm able to help you guys because of what I went through.

Speaker 1 And I think how many of you guys that are listening that are going through deep suffering are going to be a testimony to somebody else that's going through deep suffering?

Speaker 1 How many of you guys are going to be able to help people in the grocery store on the street or be a voice for this generation, or just maybe in your workplace, he will bring you to glory.

Speaker 1 And I believe he brings us through sufferings because he can trust us with burdens sometimes. And that's how he reveals his glory through us, is through our sufferings.
beautiful beautiful i

Speaker 2 i i told you recently are that i almost feel like because you and i have been going through some things recently where you and i are so like we'll take it on the chin all day for jesus like we love suffering for jesus we're so dramatic with it but recently i i remember having a moment being like Man, God, I just feel a little bit like,

Speaker 2 I'm just like trying to enjoy myself for a second. Like, can we just lighten up just for a second? Like, it just feels like it's thing after thing after thing.

Speaker 2 And I felt him so gently put on my heart, like, your suffering is actually my grace.

Speaker 2 It is because of your suffering. that you depend on me.
It is because of your suffering that you're close to me. If everything was good all the time, you wouldn't need me.
And I don't want that.

Speaker 2 And you don't want that. Even if you don't know that, you don't want that.
And I realized, and it just gave me so much peace to know that it's true. And it keeps us humble.
And it keeps us gracious.

Speaker 2 And that you can never get like you can never get any sort of way because every single time God reminds you how unbelievably weak we are without him but how strong we are with him and I love the what you spoke to earlier about Jesus' disciple and his mother both going being at the feet of the cross and they're they're weeping and they're they're mourning the loss of Jesus, of his friend Jesus, of

Speaker 2 her son Jesus.

Speaker 2 And he sees them together and he says this is your son and this is your mother now go together and it says that the disciple took his mother in from that point forward and so Jesus made it very clear that we need each other

Speaker 2 and we have to grieve in community a burden shared is a burden lightened we can't and the temptation is to isolate as you said but you can't isolate you guys.

Speaker 2 I know every time I've ever been through something, I am on that phone. Of course, I'm praying all day, but I'm on the phone all day.
My friends, I'll never forget that breakup that I went through.

Speaker 1 You better not ever watch this.

Speaker 2 That breakup that I went through, I'll never forget. It was me, Amy, Ali, and Tiffany.
We're at Tiffany's house, the three of us. It was a Wednesday.

Speaker 2 I drive over there, and it's like the troops all got together. My three friends all rallied around me and we were, it was like the morning.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, my eyes are literally almost like black because of how I have like black eyes from how much I'm crying and I'm looking at them and I was in so much pain but I had three people and my mom on the phone so I had four and Socrates I had five people literally carrying me the troops came in and they were there for me and every time that I went through something and you know this full well that somebody picking up the phone on the other side just to hear your thoughts oftentimes you're gonna feel like you don't know what to say to someone when they're grieving the fact is you probably won't know what to say but if you're there if you're an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on it's more than enough you don't have to have all the right things to say but you have to be there for people and you have to reach out to people so if you are isolating right now I implore you and I beg you to go and to find people one person that you can talk to that you can be honest with that you can be like I'm not okay

Speaker 2 you don't have to have you can't you you don't have to fix my problem but i need you to know that i'm not okay and simply somebody listening and sharing that grief with you is enough i love that you say that.

Speaker 1 And this goes for somebody else. If you have a friend and you don't have to really understand it.
I was just talking about this with Courtney. And she said, you know, R, and I,

Speaker 1 when my sister died, this is what the beauty too is about grief.

Speaker 2 You really see

Speaker 1 who are your troops.

Speaker 2 So true. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And she said, you know, all of my friends that I thought were my friends, not one of them.
All I needed was, I didn't even need anyone to talk to me.

Speaker 1 I just needed someone to sit there with me in my grief and hold my hand through it. I didn't even need anyone to talk to me.
And so, and I, and I, and I get it, and that's all. So, so be very mindful

Speaker 1 of

Speaker 1 people that are dealing with grief because sometimes we don't understand. Most people don't understand until you really go through it.

Speaker 1 That's why the biggest blessing of my life was actually going through the grief because I can now sympathize and understand.

Speaker 1 And there's nothing greater than to be to be able to give that love to someone that's going through such deep pain.

Speaker 1 But I love that you say that because, yeah, you have to be very mindful of your friends and grief.

Speaker 2 It's so true. The thing about grief, too, is like grief can take on new forms.
There's some grief that will mark you forever. There's some grief that is just for a season.

Speaker 2 I know you can have a situation and it's actually healthy sometimes to reprocess grief because processing grief is a whole battle in and of itself.

Speaker 2 There could be a kid who like lost their parent when they were a kid and obviously they will grieve it as a child, grieve that situation and then when they grow up their grief will take on a new form because they have to reprocess their grief.

Speaker 2 Now they're grieving in a different

Speaker 2 sense.

Speaker 2 Now they're grieving like I had to go my whole life without this parent and now I'm realizing all that I missed out on and I'm comparing to other people their life and what they had that I didn't and that's new grief and so it can take on new forms every

Speaker 1 it's crazy grief is insane that's why you have to give grace to people yeah that's why I after going through my grief you go through so much and sometimes people don't won't treat you right and they'll be angry and it's not because of you and most of the time it has nothing to do with you it's because they're grieving yeah and they go through bitterness and anger, and then they self-isolate, and then you don't hear from them, and it's not, and we put it and then we take it upon ourselves that it's us, but really, no, they're actually grieving, they're going through pain, they're hurting.

Speaker 1 There's a couple of Psalms that I really love: Psalm 71, verse 20.

Speaker 1 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again from the depths of the earth, and you will again bring me up.

Speaker 1 And then I love from Psalms 55, verse 22, cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.

Speaker 1 That's why it's just so important to put it all on him, and nothing is ever too much for God.

Speaker 1 You can sit there,

Speaker 1 the greatest gift of my life was being able to sit there for hours and hours and hours and just tell him everything and and giving it to God because it simply just wasn't my burden to carry anymore.

Speaker 1 That's right. And just giving it to him and letting him take care of it.
And boy, he did. And there is nothing more pleasing to God than giving it all to him.

Speaker 1 It's only the power of Jesus Christ that can heal you.

Speaker 1 He is the only way. I think a lot of us, we...

Speaker 1 We believe in God and we, you know, we go to church and we pray and stuff, but we don't really believe him until we see it.

Speaker 1 And like I was talking about earlier, through the suffering, we can actually see the miracles he will do through your life when you really lean on him.

Speaker 1 And I love at the end of Job, he spent every single chapter, it's him just crying out to God, bargaining with him, being like, How can you do this to me? How can you take away everything I love?

Speaker 1 And I'm sure so many of you, because I am myself and Angela too, we both probably bargained, right?

Speaker 1 How can you take away,

Speaker 1 how can you do this to me?

Speaker 1 How can you make someone that I love suffer? How can you take away the person that I love?

Speaker 1 And you feel like he doesn't love you and you feel like he's not there and you feel like he's never going to come through for you.

Speaker 1 And I love at the end of Job when he says, I've heard about you, but now I've seen you with my own eyes. I love that so much.

Speaker 1 And that's the beauty of pain, suffering, and just grief is that you will actually be able to see that he is a good God and he will bring such glory to your life. Amen.

Speaker 2 So beautiful. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just so grateful to God. Jesus is

Speaker 2 Lord, Master, Ruler, King, Savior. He is the name above all names, and he is the only one who has power even over your grief.
Grief will make you feel like you're dying, but guess what?

Speaker 2 You're not because grief died on the cross with Jesus. God not only knows our grief, but he bore it on the cross for us.

Speaker 2 Isaiah 53, 3-5 says, He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief, and as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Speaker 2 Surely he has borne our griefs, he has borne our griefs, it says, and carried our sorrows.

Speaker 2 He was wounded for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace and with his stripes we are healed he bore our griefs and our sorrows everything that we deal with he took it on the cross which means that it has lost its power over you that doesn't mean it's not going to be painful that doesn't mean you're not going to feel it but what it means is even though grief feels like it's going to take you out and it's just going to ruin your life and it's going to feel like this forever It will not take you out because of the power of the cross, because of what Jesus did on the cross.

Speaker 2 It's not going to take you out. And you can put grief under your feet just like everything else.
And I want to encourage you guys that you just keep going. You just keep hanging on.

Speaker 2 You understand that the enemy...

Speaker 2 There's something that Jesus gave to us that the enemy can never take away, and that's our salvation, no matter how hard he tries.

Speaker 2 But what he can do his very best, and I know that he does it to me and Ari all day long is he wants to destroy our joy grief comes the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and he sends grief to come and steal our joy because the joy of the Lord is our strength and if we don't have joy we are weak so I encourage you guys I implore you to not let anybody anything take away your joy and understand that joy is a gift from God a fruit of the spirit that you can have even through your grief.

Speaker 2 So I'm begging you guys to not let Satan do everything that he's doing he's trying to ruin your day he's throwing things at you all day to try and steal your joy don't let him hallelujah thank you jesus through the mess through the storm please i'm begging you it's not always going to feel like this i know it feels that way but it's not it's not it can't because he bore our grief on the cross which means it does not have power over you.

Speaker 2 So just ride the wave with Jesus. Turn to him for everything that you're going through.
Include him. He cries when you cry.
He does. He loves you so much that it breaks his heart to see you hurt.

Speaker 2 So understand that he's with you in it and he will carry you and that joy will just lift it a little bit. It'll lift the grief a little bit.

Speaker 1 And understand that you're not alone. Yeah.
That you're seen. That

Speaker 1 the one thing that I

Speaker 1 and I'm sure you too, Angela, is like you felt so alone through your grief and you are not alone. You are seen and it is not going to last forever.
And I just,

Speaker 1 and I love that you say that, hang on, because really hang on. Because if you knew what is on the other side of that grief,

Speaker 1 it's... It's going to be so profound.
You are going to look at the end. You're going to look back and you're going to say, thank you, Jesus, that I hung on.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that you went through it.

Speaker 2 You're going to rejoice in your suffering I promise read the Bible can I tell you anything just read the Bible and see all the promises the Bible is a book full of promises that God's God gives you and he promises that your mourning is gonna turn into rejoicing and I'm I and I'm I we said it before but I'm just gonna say it again don't worry about your timeline I actually had a moment and this just came to me where recently actually

Speaker 1 I literally got so frustrated and I'm like, Why am I doing this again? Why am I back here? Why am I grieving? And I got that scared feeling. You know what?

Speaker 1 Because that's life, and there's gonna be moments where two years is gonna go by, and then you're gonna be in a red light, and a song's gonna come on that's gonna remind you of that person, or you're gonna be somewhere, and something's gonna hit you, and it's gonna pierce your heart, and you're gonna feel stuck again, and you're gonna feel sick again.

Speaker 1 that's okay yeah that's the part of the process it doesn't make you different it doesn't make you weak it doesn't make you you know it doesn't mean that you're gonna go back and you're gonna go back to that whole sickness it just means that you're having a moment take as much time as you need time it's okay

Speaker 1 there's things that

Speaker 1 still sometimes hit my heart and there's days where sometimes honestly you want me to be honest with you some days it's still hard for me to get out of bed in the morning sometimes it's still hard for me to even muster up the courage to get ready it just is that's that's the whole part of grieving but that's where the dependency on God comes and that's the beautiful part about life and let me tell you I don't even know I sometimes I get

Speaker 1 I just it's it's crazy the strength I have from where I was and like you said early there is nothing nothing more beautiful than dependency on God.

Speaker 1 And that's why there is, that's part of why there is suffering in this world.

Speaker 2 Yeah, absolutely. He, God never wanted us to suffer, but boy, does he use it for good because that's who he is.
It's what he does. He's going to get you out of your situation.

Speaker 2 And I just pray in the name of Jesus that everyone who's in the middle of grief, that we work towards acceptance, that we work toward healing. And like Ari said, healing is not linear.
It's not.

Speaker 2 And it's okay if you have a bad day. It's okay if it feels like you're never going to get out of it.
You're not in it alone. Ari and I grieve things all the time.

Speaker 2 I have to, we even grieve, we had to grieve the life our life changed so, our lives changed so quickly.

Speaker 2 Just going from the world to being true followers of Jesus who wanted to live holy and righteous. We had to grieve our own old life.
I mean, there are little, you have to grieve careers.

Speaker 2 You have to grieve when the life you thought you were going to live just isn't your reality anymore. I pray for everyone who's grieving

Speaker 2 fertility issues. I pray that Jesus meets you in this whole situation.
I pray for total healing in your womb and in your body and that you will multiply just like God promises in the Bible.

Speaker 2 And in the meantime, I just pray that you come to a place of acceptance. Life is, it's rough.
It's so hard. Hallelujah.
Thank you, Jesus.

Speaker 2 We got a hallelujah.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Jesus, through the whole thing because otherwise it'll crush you but no it won't because we have jesus and he loves you so much that he died for you i'd like to invite you guys into a time of

Speaker 2 praying to receive the gift of salvation if you've never prayed this before if you've never invited jesus if you've never accepted him

Speaker 2 You guys, there is a God who will hold your hand through every difficult thing that you ever walk through. He loves you so much.
This gift is free.

Speaker 2 He created you with the intention of having a relationship with you, that you would not go through these things alone, that he would be with you, that he would carry it, that your burden would not be yours to carry, but he literally invites you to receive him so he can carry it for you.

Speaker 2 So please say this with us. Heavenly Father, I believe the scripture that says that Jesus Christ is your eternal Son.
I believe he went to the cross and died for my sins.

Speaker 2 I confess to you that I'm a sinner. I need your forgiveness.
I'm asking you to save me, Jesus. I'm trusting you to do it right now.
I accept the forgiveness of my sins.

Speaker 2 I accept your gift of salvation. I accept you as my personal Savior.
Fill me with your Holy Spirit and be the Lord of my life.

Speaker 2 In Jesus' name.

Speaker 2 Amen.

Speaker 2 If you said that prayer for the first time, hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus.
We're so so happy to have you with us. Welcome to the family.
Jesus loves you so much.

Speaker 2 I hope, I pray that you catch the revelation of how much Jesus loves you because it'll change the way that you move through the world.

Speaker 1 Yes, we love you so much. Hallelujah.
Thank you, Jesus.

Speaker 2 We love you guys so much.

Speaker 1 We love you. We love you.

Speaker 1 Before we go,

Speaker 1 Are you grieving?

Speaker 1 Is your heart hurting? Are you going through something so massive that you can't get out of bed? Put it in the comment box and we will be praying for you. We love you so much.

Speaker 1 We know that it hurts, but you have, again, two sisters right here who have been through such deep, deep grieving that we didn't even think we would be able to make it through. And we did.

Speaker 1 We're standing here stronger than ever. And you will be too.
We love you so much. We appreciate you so much.
God bless you.

Speaker 1 And make sure you put your prayer requests in the comment box so we can be praying for you.

Speaker 2 We love you guys so, so much.

Speaker 2 May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
May He turn His face towards you and give you peace.

Speaker 2 We love you so much. We would do anything for you.
Do you guys want to hang out later?

Speaker 1 Like, we love you so much.

Speaker 1 Really, do you? No, seriously. What are you guys doing? Call us later.