521: God of Wonders

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You know, Jesus values you at multiple sparrows, right?

The exchange rate.

What a weird unit.

Multiple sparrows.

We are worth more than many a sparrow.

Yeah.

The Bible has lots of badly improvised compliments.

Like somebody was fishing for a compliment and the Bible was

like eight sparrows, you're better.

Five I don't know about nine, but like eight for drill.

Okay.

God awful

movie.

Movie movies.

Welcome back to the Gamecast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema until their God stops us.

I'm your host, No Illusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath Edward.

Heath, welcome back.

We're gonna learn about evolution

or

is it?

We'll see.

Exciting.

And Eli is off this week, so it's just the two of us.

I hope we can be trusted.

Two wait, that bit doesn't work when I'm

here.

Yeah,

all right.

So, tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?

We watched God

of Wonders.

It's the story of

nature's really cool.

You're a Christian now.

It is.

That's just the movie.

They just name stuff and they're like, this is fucking, that's fucking cool, right?

Jesus.

Right?

Like, God had to be really

detailed with this shit, right?

Yeah.

All right.

And Noah, since Eli's not here, why don't you tell us how bad was this movie?

All right.

Well, I smoked too long to do the high-pitched well.

So let me, let me see.

Well, well, thank you.

If you love refuting the apologetics of Christian movies, but you don't want to have to bother with multiple arguments, you will love this movie.

I swear, this movie presents just look at the X over and over again until they looked around the room and couldn't find any nouns they hadn't used yet.

Over and over.

It's a big list.

It's just a big list of like, here, oh, here's an actor.

Look at the trees.

Oh, well, look at the leaves.

Well, look at the veins on the leaves.

The The body.

The seeds cause the tree.

Let's switch it.

Let's do seeds first and then we'll do this.

Hole in the bottom of the seat.

Yeah, right, right.

Adams, fuck, we're going backwards.

Quarks.

So is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst,

ending every section, like all those ones we were just talking about, ending every one of those sections by...

declaring a win, like declaring a winlet.

Like, all right, well, that we did seeds and seeds are God, and we have one.

The seed part.

Obviously, the atheists are cowering, moving on over and over again.

It's like a collection of middle school essays that have the little conclusion thing, but they don't do the concession statement, of course.

They're just like, and the preponderance of evidence, we win.

Yep.

Boom.

So, and I'm going to go with, of course, Besswer's sports coat.

We'll get there.

I just, I don't want to spoil it just yet, but man, it's,

sure is something.

Somebody sailed onto set, is all I'm going to say.

It's a normal size.

Well, then he isn't.

Yeah.

It's just Shrink Ray accident before the record.

All right.

Well, we've got a lot of stock footage on the other side of this break, so we're going to pause for a quick how do we make and then we see more Seahorse's funny strategy meeting, but we'll be back in a flash with all the shower arguments that are.

God

of wonders.

Please respond with brevity, crucial information only.

Hey, Heath.

What you doing there?

Is that a flip phone?

It is, yes.

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He's not even using all the available characters for each one.

It's killing me.

I'm sorry, your phone plan has a text limit?

It does, yes.

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All right.

Thanks, Noah.

So

why do you still have a flip phone?

I like being able to close it dramatically.

Hmm.

Do you get lots of angry calls?

No, no, but I like the option.

Sure.

Welcome, everyone.

Thanks for coming to the debate union's kickoff event for the year.

Today's topic is creationism versus evolution.

Representing creationism, we have Mr.

Jason Lyle.

Dr.

Dr.

Jason Lyle.

A Ph.D.

astrophysics.

Yes,

very sorry.

Yes.

Dr.

Jason Lyle.

And representing evolution.

Astrophysics.

I'd like you to say the whole thing, please.

Of course, of course.

Dr.

Jason Lyle, Ph.D., astrophysics.

Astrophysics.

And representing evolution, we have Mr.

Dave Smith.

We flipped a coin to see who presents first, and we'll be starting with Dr.

Lyle, PhD, astrophysics.

The floor is yours.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So the universe obviously came from God, our eternal creator.

I'd like to begin with just one simple question for my opponent.

Mr.

Smith, just Mr.

Who's not a doctor.

Where did the universe come from?

Okay, so that's actually not really relevant to the question of evolution's existence.

Oh, so you can't answer my question?

Okay, fine, fine.

You mentioned God as the eternal creator, but what if the universe is what is eternal?

Dibs on eternal.

I call dibs.

I'm sorry, what?

I called dibs on the word eternal just now.

Only I can use it.

Dibs on eternal.

I'm sorry, are we playing with dibs?

Oh, yes, most certainly we are playing with dibs.

Okay, well, that's absurd.

But okay, whatever.

Regardless Regardless of the original.

Jib tips on English.

The language.

Independiamente de la Historia del Origen.

Dib is on his mic.

Oh, come on.

Oh,

it looks like we can't really hear you anymore.

And I think that was English just now that you said something like, oh, come on.

Formos.

No, too late.

Doesn't count.

Doesn't count.

I'm pretty sure I win.

Yes, yes.

I'm afraid he's right.

It's too late.

It doesn't count.

So that's going to do it.

Be it resolved.

God is our loving creator, and Jesus Christ is the way, and the truth, and the life.

Okay.

Vale.

And we're back for the breakdown, and we're going to open up on a quick montage of fucking God's wonders, I guess.

Yeah.

It's like, look at all these designed frogs.

And I was like, okay,

they're fine.

Yeah.

Not a real bold story.

Well, the opening move was finches, which I was like, that's bold, man.

But yeah.

We see the fucking tides going in, tides coming out, never a missed communication, right?

Sure, great stuff.

And we get a quote from Psalms that says, come and see the works of God.

He is awesome.

And I was like, okay, I forgot about that one.

It's the Carnival Barker

at 60 Psalms.

Come and say the works of God.

Only a nickel.

Yeah.

He's awesome in his doings towards the sons of men.

It's a lady finch with a beard.

Well, and then the quote ends.

He is so awesome in his doings towards the sons of men.

And I'm like, oh, well, except for the leukemia and shit.

Try not to look at those parts of those works.

They do show us a seal who can surf.

And I was like, okay, that's a pretty good argument for design.

That's way better than frogs and finches.

Yeah, you should have, yeah.

And they show the bear making the catch in the river.

Yep, that was cool.

I'm not going to become creationist, I promise.

Okay, good.

I was starting to worry.

So, yeah, look, this opening montage is so random, it could be an advertisement for their stock footage provider.

And it is so long that no shit, YouTube put an ad in the middle of it.

In the middle of the opening montage,

we also

got some ridiculous music because they're very dramatic dramatic about their

stock footage.

Yeah.

So at one point, we just see a peacock and the like 04 tuna is playing, but it's like a ripoff of that.

So it's like

a peacock doing the like, bring out all the plumage thing.

Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, that's pretty cool.

But again, not the most intelligent of design.

Like there must be.

plenty of moments where a peacock does the big plumage thing and it's a false alarm and they're just like oh hey, that's kind of

awesome.

I thought I'd put this back.

I thought you were.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Don't sneak up.

I got to get you a bell.

Well, we should point out that fucking PQ or R Fortuna that was playing, that starts playing because they ran out of their first song.

The montage is so long, the first song runs out, and they're like, fuck, anybody got a ripoff of O Fortuna to play?

Damn.

And then, like, it is literally, it is two minutes and 45 seconds of nature, random nature montage before we eventually get the title,

which is followed by more stock footage of nature.

This will not be the end of that.

And a second Bible quote, right?

It goes on so long that they're like, we should probably put another Bible quote.

That was Romans 1.28.

It was too long for me to transcribe in my notes.

I just wrote the short version, which is just look at the trees, right?

Yeah, and it has the word Godhead in it.

And I was like, all right, well, I'm going to stop listening to everything you say because everybody I've ever talked talked to who said the word godhead it was absurd whatever happened after that

something about the fed being a ponzi scan

yeah so and and then we're gonna meet i guess the main character he's not the narrator but he's like going to present everything he is dr quote unquote john whitcomb And more importantly, we're going to meet Dr.

John Whitcomb's sports coat.

His dad's jacket.

I just,

he's like 90 and he's wearing his dad's jacket.

It's very funny.

It feels like he used to be a much larger gentleman and then got old and lost a bunch of weight or whatever.

And he's like, this is still a perfectly good jacket.

I have, I have a couple jackets.

But yes, okay, but he explains to us, he's like, you know, as a building demands a builder, creation demands a creator.

And I wrote in my notes, I'm like, nope, those are just different words.

Watch, I'll do it.

Just like a run needs a runner, a pelican needs a pelicaner.

See, it doesn't, I'm still allowed to say it, even though it's stupid.

Fucks need a fucker.

Yep.

Yep.

See?

Yep.

It works.

So, yeah.

By the way, he's a doctor of divinity.

Yes,

doctor of a thing that doesn't exist.

And it's not even, it's a bachelor of divinity.

The degree is called B.D.

I looked him up.

He got it at.

Grace Theological Seminary or something.

Oh, so he's not even a real bullshit doctor?

So it's not even like really the word doctor.

It might be a doctoral degree, technically, according to Grace Theological Seminary, but it's a bachelor's.

I'm buying one of those too.

Of divinity.

Just so that I can just like whip mine out when they whip theirs out.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm a doctor of divinity too.

Yeah.

So, all right.

But he says, like, you know, obviously our universe has an awesome creator.

Otherwise, how would it be so awesome?

And I wrote that as a joke in my notes, but that's literally the entire argument of the film, right?

Yep.

So, okay.

So now we get our next.

So this movie is going to be, it has like a series of chapter titles.

They're all God of blank, but I kept forgetting the generic name of this movie and thinking that they were just giving us the title screen over and over again.

Yeah, it says God of power here.

And I was like, you already used that title card.

Oh, okay.

No, no, power, not wonder this time.

Yeah.

God of other stuff.

Cool.

And of course, that leads to more nature stock footage.

And I thought at that moment, I'm like, okay.

If Eli's doing a prank where he just made his own movie that is just an endless loop of nature footage followed by a Bible quote, followed by a title screen for like an hour and a half i'll do a whole fucking episode on it just because that's such a good prank i just looked behind myself to see if

he's not but maybe he's he's biding his time but then we meet our narrator who's actually pretty good right like he's so i think what this movie was intended to do is to like trick people like like people imagine somebody flipping channels and they just come across on this on a christian channel like for the for any random three minutes of the movie you'd be like oh it's a a nature documentary.

I love those.

And then we get to one of the, and therefore Jesus is the real deal, you know, moments, right?

Right.

Yeah.

It's just David Attenborough as like a pump fake and then Jesus at the very end.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

So we meet our David Attenborough, who again, he's got a fantastic fucking voice and the kind of guy I'd love to watch a nature documentary narrated by if it wasn't bullshit.

But he tells us, he's like, wherever we turn, the creator's energizing power is unmistakable.

And I'm like, well, it's, it's at the very least mistakable.

Yeah.

And they mentioned that God guides the stars.

I was like, yeah, all right.

I mean, that's, it's, again, it's, it's not very intelligent.

The design, there's so much extra work to that.

They run into each other all the fucking time.

He's doing a terrible job.

Just or don't make any of those.

It's, you're focused on your son going to earth, right?

Just like, why are you making all the stars?

Right.

It's just, it's nonsense.

It's fucking nonsense.

Again, like they do that over and over again in this fucking movie where they point something out and we're like, okay, right.

But if your story is true, it would be insane for God to make that many fucking stars, right?

But before we get to the actual point of this sub chapter here, we're going to meet our first talking head.

This is Jason Lyle, Ph.D.

Christian astrophysicist.

Right.

Also, planetarium director

at a creation museum.

At a creation museum.

Not an asterisk.

Yeah.

Right.

But he explains that the universe has a beginning, therefore it requires a cause.

That's the cosmological argument.

And I just, but we've pointed this out before, but I just want to remind everybody what a lazy argument this is because everything has a beginning, right?

Like except for the imaginary thing that they've exempted from this rule, right?

Everything except the thing that they're trying to prove the existence of has a cause.

And they go so hard on this dumb thing.

They do the argument from dibs on eternal.

Right.

So this guy mentions, he's like, yeah, well, dirty atheists will argue with me and be like, okay, but who began God?

And then he goes on to be like, well, fuck you.

God is eternal.

Eternal beings make sense.

Everything else can't be eternal.

We called Dibs on Eternal.

Dibs.

We have eternal.

They did the Dibs thing.

Right.

So, and then we meet Dr.

Gary Perfect, who's going to Dibs even more, right?

I don't know if he's really a doctor or not.

That's what they say on the fucking screen.

I didn't look him up.

But he says, he starts off.

He's like, you know, a famous evolutionist was once asked, like, no, no, you're telling a fucking lie.

Right.

But he lands on this same thing.

He's like, look, either mass energy is eternal or God is eternal.

And mass energy can be shown to fuck.

It exists.

Can we start again where I do a different thing?

But they're going to do that over and over again in this movie, right?

Where they're like talking head number one will say, well, it's unexplainable without God.

And then talking head number two will explain it and then say, But also God, right?

Yeah, I feel like they got in some fights upset here.

So, also, okay, so Dr.

Gary has one of the greatest bullshit science lines in the history of bullshit Christian science documentaries, where he says, Well, you know, science teaches us that energy wears out.

I don't think it does.

No, the fuck it doesn't.

This is a pretty day one.

The law of the law of conservation of energy is some day one physics shit, bro.

No, the fuck it doesn't.

Yeah.

PhD?

So,

yeah, but so, but he's saying this shit because the argument they're trying to make is you need a god because there's so much power in the universe.

Where would all this power come from if you didn't have a god of power?

So, as soon as they admit that energy cannot be created or destroyed, right, the argument falls apart.

So, they have to be like, well, the law of the sounds like energy might be conservation.

and oh, god damn it, yeah.

So, and then we also meet Roger Oakland,

just Roger, yeah,

he does not have a degree, and he got roasted so hard on the set for not having some bullshit degree from a seminary or whatever.

Oh, you couldn't even buy a degree online, huh, Roger?

Yeah, give me, I want my Chiron to say something, author.

I author, well, I, it's a guy, I wrote the Chiron.

Put author.

I'm authoring this.

Fuck you.

So, and then he says, and this is such a great fucking line.

He goes, who hasn't felt the rumble of an approaching storm and not considered the power of God's might?

I'm like, well, atheists, man.

And probably a lot of theists.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, I don't think that's the source of like God's love for.

plenty of Christians too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, but this leads us to the argument from what about thunderstorms, though, where they're going to point out that there's so much energy in thunderstorms.

Where would it all come from if there wasn't some pissed off God behind it?

Yeah.

And I mean, I don't know what the volume of water is from a storm, but that might change my views.

You know, my age.

What if I told you?

Is it a big number?

Well, so here's the thing, though, because they keep doing this too.

They keep fucking up their analogy.

So they're like, it's 275 million gallons of water that pours out of the average thunderstorm.

And they're like, to visualize that, that's the amount of water that flows over Niagara Falls every six minutes.

And I'm like,

how did you just make 275 million gallons of water seem like not that much, guys?

Yeah.

This is a terrible analogy.

That's an analogy about how much water flows over Niagara Falls, not over how much water there is in a goddamn thunderstorm.

Yeah.

And now I'm just picturing like a spot with like a gift shop next to it.

Like the impressive, you know, majesty of God is a little bit

degraded there in the image.

Right.

But yeah, so, but then we're also going to meet our new talking head, Larry Vardaman, PhD.

And he explains the water cycle.

He comes in like right after they're like, yeah, and how could all that rain get up there in the sky if God didn't put it there?

Larry Vardaman explains the water cycle.

And then Roger kind of comes back in, like sort of edges back in, goes, well,

sure, but they are also God's wrath.

It can also be God's wrath.

God damn it, Larry.

Yeah, the lightning, like if there were zero storms full of death rays, I'd be more according to the God, I think.

Right.

Yeah, they're like, how could there be so much lightning with no God?

And I'm like, why would it kill people if there was a God?

That makes no fucking sense at all.

And they're like, right, but, but hey, but lightning sometimes tears apart nitrogen in the atmosphere and then that falls to the ground and fertilizes our crops.

And I'm like, so God couldn't think of any other way to get nitrogen to our crops other than death rays.

Yeah, he's and he mentions how lightning makes the smell of nitrogen and that's fertilizer.

I was like, okay, I don't, again, not intelligent.

So God was sitting there being, that's ozone, by the way.

That smell is ozone.

So God was thinking about how to design all this stuff.

And he's like, all right, I'm going to make oxygens.

That's good.

I'm going to make, fuck.

Okay, they all paired off.

Ah,

need pairs.

Shit.

I need triplets to do ozone so that my sun thing works.

All right.

I'm going to ramp it.

I'm going to get some lightning going and have the sun zap it into some twos and ones, and then some of the ones will combine with some of the twos.

This will take like millions of years, but eventually, eventually

it'll all work.

So I gotta,

you gotta play the long game.

So yeah, the entire point is storms are awesome.

So the guy who created them must have been awesome.

And I'm like, fuck that.

Neil Gaiman created all kinds of awesome shit disproved but they are pretty impressed yeah this was the first of many like and in conclusion storms are fucking sweet we win next thing yeah moving on right and and then the movie goes like and if you think storms are impressive wait till you get a load of the sun do you have any really big numbers that would impress me oh i didn't i didn't write them down what's it's what's the big number they give us here 27 million degrees fahrenheit oh that's too many degrees for anything but a god to create right

also god designed like mercury and venus to sock and a bunch of other ones yeah yeah yeah well and so and they also i have to ask because they've got this like terrible cgi sun for this segment and i'm like

NASA footage is public domain, guys.

You can just use a picture of the real fucking sun.

I love that when they first introduced the idea of the sun just being fucking sweet because it's big and hot or whatever, they're like, you know, the

sun.

And then we get a visual

sun for a second.

For those who aren't familiar with it, and then they say, and I love this fucking line because this is the most somebody get me a thesaurus quick adjective I've ever heard in a movie.

He goes, Energy leaves the sun at the ferocious rate of

ferocious?

Okay.

Aggressive the way the photons leave it.

Okay.

The speed of light is real fast, ferociously fast.

Like if God made timid photons, I'd be less like.

It's so weird.

So yeah, then we're going to meet Dr.

Don B.

DeYoung, PhD physicist and author of Dumb Shit.

And very importantly, owner of a very large collection of grenadine in his

that he's put some into some flasks to be sciencey.

He's a scientist, so he has flasks behind him.

It's amazing.

You know, because when you're a physicist, you have to have a lot of flasks around.

Name a physics experiment you're doing with red liquid.

Just anything.

Right, yes.

Always

dying my

mixology.

Fuck.

Yeah.

So, okay.

And again, their argument is working against their point here, right?

Because the larger point that they're trying to make is God is so energetic that he can make whole stars that blow out all this fucking energy.

So the thing that Dr.

Don B.

de Grenadine makes it here is he's like, and think about all the sunlight that reaches the earth, all the power we're able to harness from that.

And then consider that we only get like one trillionth of the sun's power, the sun's energy.

So it has that much more.

But it's like, all right, but then

then your God is an idiot, right?

Like, it's like, that's so much extra fucking work, right?

Like, that doesn't help your overall argument of intelligent design.

Yeah.

And Don B.

DeGrenadine, by the way, is the first of several of these talking heads, quote, scientists who are going to come in hot.

They're already angry at me somehow.

And they're yelling a Bible quote and then talking about how that relates to the science that they don't know about.

Yeah.

And then they do the whole scale of the universe thing.

They're like, think about how big our sun is compared to the earth.

And then here's our sun compared to an even bigger star.

And here's that star compared to an even bigger star and an even bigger star.

And we did literally not bother to look up which is the biggest star.

So we don't know how to analyze this.

Now do things that are smaller.

See, you got to do it smaller.

Name things a big and then a small.

Spoiler alert.

But yeah, Dr.

Jason Lyle, PhD astrophysicist, he comes back at this point.

And he says, you know, when you think about how many stars God can make with a single word, you should be scared of him.

Okay.

And I'm like, that's a weird therefore man i mean i guess right like if he's mad at me sure

i suppose yeah he has a uh a bible quote that he wants to tell us about too and he describes it as like a beautiful phrase in the bible

god made the stars also

i was like okay again

Seems like a lot of extra work, not an especially beautiful thing.

Okay.

Yeah, exactly.

Not particularly poetic.

Yeah, right.

I also made stars.

Okay.

All right.

So yeah, so we're, so we're zooming out to a universal scale to see how many stars that God created that we can't even see, right?

And then we get fucking Psalm 147, 4, and 5.

Again, I'm just paraphrasing.

God named all the stars.

Feels like he'd have more important shit to do, but here we are.

God, I created so much extra work for myself.

Why did I create all the anime?

Why did I agree with myself to name each of them separately and memorize it?

And why didn't I just stop doing that once I realized how many of them I made?

Right.

So many fucking names.

Which,

like a Catholic dad yelling up the stairs.

Fucking Beetlejuice, fucking Arcturus, Kevin,

Johnny.

Fuck, what?

Maureen, what are the other names of our kid?

Well, and then this is one of the dumbest versions of like biblical prescience we've ever come across too.

Because he goes, even before the telescope, the Bible predicted that there would be more stars than people could count.

Like, you know, and sort of like, how did it know before it had a telescope to see?

But like, that was already the, like, because in the pre-industrial world, of course, there were a lot more fucking stars in the sky.

That was already the cliche for uncountably high before that fucking shit was written.

Right.

More than there are stars.

It was like right there with grains of sand on the fucking beach.

Yeah.

And the whole point is like, well, the humans couldn't have known a number but then they tell us that in the bible god definitely he says he knows the number but he's not telling yeah anybody but he knows it he knows he told us that he knows and why he's being coquettish yeah okay

so whatever

Yeah, and then he talks more about the God having the wisdom to maintain their stellar courses.

And I'm like, they're on autopilot, man.

I mean, he just did gravity is all.

And then we meet, I think my favorite talking head, this is Dave Hunt.

And Dave Hunt will do all of his stuff as though, like,

as though the interviewer turned out to be a half-transformed werewolf and he's just trying to play it cool the whole time.

He looks oddly terrified and like he just woke up from a nightmare throughout this whole thing.

Yeah, just panicky, be like,

if I name large numbers about stuff, will you think I'm cool?

And

will you think I'm smart enough?

Not eat me.

He says, God's, this is a direct fucking quote.

He says, God's thoughts are as much bigger than ours as the universe is bigger than the earth.

And I'm like, what are big thoughts?

Right?

Like, so, like, between, I bet it'll fit in if I turn it sideways and I hope there will be parking, which is the bigger thought.

Pivot the thought.

You got to pivot the thought.

It's like a big couch.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah.

So, oh, oh, they get an even dumber biblical prescience kind of thing here, right?

He goes, you know, the astronomers say that the universe is expanding.

And the Bible says that, quote, God stretches out the heavens like a curtain.

Like a curtain?

Pretty much the same thing, expanding like a curtain does.

Okay.

Feels kind of stretchy like a curtain

you just said in the movie.

So,

right.

And so, but Jason Lyle gets this in a couple of other examples of like scientific foresight in the Bible.

But to be clear, nobody recognized this so-called foresight until like science already figured the shit out.

So, it is by definition hindsight,

right?

Right.

And biblical hindsight isn't that impressive.

Although, I don't have any elastic curtains that I stretch.

Nope, they're all the same fucking length.

Yeah.

Tend to be.

You'd have to have like things to anchor them and stretch them out.

All right, whatever.

So, and then John Witt comes back to shift gears to the very small, i.e., him in that fucking jacket.

But he's like, you know, well, if you think stars or universes are impressive, wait until you see the, you know, the microscopic.

You know how many atoms are in this fucking jacket?

So, but this is where we learned that, as it turns out, surprise, surprise, Einstein is on their side.

Is he?

Yeah, E equals M C squared.

That proves their thing.

Huh.

So,

Jason Lyell will explain.

He says, now, the fact that E equals MC squared, that does not mean that energy can be converted to mass,

which it does

mean, though.

Where the fuck else would the mass come from?

Oh, well, yeah, I guess I know where he thinks it comes from, but yes, that's the whole fucking point.

That's what the equals is there for.

What would you say the equals is doing there, man?

Perhaps you've heard of the god particle.

Okay, that's that was neat.

All right.

Yeah, but he makes more strained analogies about how much energy there is in a single atom.

They make this point like three times in an effort to get closer to their desired feature length run time.

Yeah.

So that guy says it can't be exchanged for mass, energy and mask.

And then Don DeYoung pops in and he's like, actually, you can take mass and convert to energy.

This was definitely another fight.

I was like, guys, you got to pick a side.

And I don't think either one helps you.

Well, what's amazing is that the fucking movie doesn't even seem to recognize that, right?

Because the first guy says, well, that doesn't mean that energy can be converted to mass.

But the next guy's like, well, that means that mass can be converted to energy.

Right.

And they're like, nope, two different things that they said there.

So those are, those are not in conflict.

It's amazing.

He goes, the energy and matter is incomprehensibly vast.

And I'm like, nope, you're bad at comprehending.

And then they start doing analogies.

And I'm like, you just said it was incomprehensible.

Why are you doing analogies?

You've already admitted defeat.

Just just show us picture of the sun again i don't know yeah right and then the narrator goes it is now undeniable that the almighty has created a universe with unlimited energy and i'm like it's at the very least deniable though you have to i'm denying it right now it is now established hands down please it's established

All right.

Well, now I'm strangely craving grenadine.

So we're going to pause for another quick break, but we'll be back in a flash with even more God

of wonders.

Hey, folks, I'd like to take a second to let you in on a little secret.

While I like to present myself as an intelligent person on the show, that's a sham.

And my ability to do so is mostly due to the fact that I looked stuff up beforehand and edit out all the parts where I say dumb things.

It's true.

Eli likes to call Noah the smart one, but it's tied with me at best, I'd say.

Exactly.

For example, I'm so money dumb that Lucinda and I were double paying for two different streaming subscriptions, and I didn't even notice until I signed up for Rocket Money.

Oh, that's nothing.

What about the time you declared the step-and-repeat display, quote, impossible to figure out?

And then I figured out how to put it together in like 12 seconds and put it on.

I feel like we could stick to the subject of the end.

Or when you asked me which Kurt Vonnegut book had the sirens of Titan in it, I wasn't looking for additional examples.

What about the fact that you've signed into the same DD website for multiple years and still managed to screw it up like

one in five times at least?

Do you want the point or or not okay what's rocket money it's a lot of the reason that i was able to make that big trip to alaska rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills to grow your savings how does it do that rocket money shows you all your expenses in one place including subscriptions you forgot about which was a lot in my case.

And when you see subscriptions you don't want, Rocket Money will help you cancel them.

But is it more than that?

It sure is.

Their dashboard lays out your entire financial situation.

I'm talking bills due, due dates, pay dates in a way that's easy to understand.

You can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

And it didn't just work for me.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million and canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they're using all the app's premium features.

All right, I'm sold.

How do I sign up?

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash awful movies today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash awful movies.

Rocketmoney.com slash awful movies.

By the way, you don't have to sign in to the DD site every time.

I don't want to talk about it.

Because, you know, you can just click the remember me box.

I'd like to be welcomed.

Sure.

Like, obviously, I should at least just tell the listeners, I wrote that ad.

It's really a mean ad if you wrote it.

Yeah, I was like, I'm going to say, I wouldn't say these things.

No, I know, I do.

okay.

So, um, Gary,

Harry,

uh,

Jerry.

Hey, God,

what you doing?

Oh, hey, uh, yeah, just naming the stars.

Oh,

wow, all of them?

Yep, yep, uh, all of them.

All right, let's see.

Where was I?

Uh, oh, yeah, okay, so Jerry, uh, Carrie, uh, Larry

Mary.

Hey, God, why are you why are you doing that?

Okay, I'm going to lose my place if you keep asking questions.

I'm trying to.

Oh, I thought you were omniscient.

My bad.

Okay, you know what?

No, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just, we still have all these viruses on Earth.

The head of QC at Human Fabrication told me we've been putting the eyes in upside down and backwards this whole time.

There's still that whole problem of evil to take care of.

Okay, your point.

Well,

I mean, there are an estimated two times 10 to the 21st stars just in the visible universe alone.

Okay, no need to estimate.

I know exactly how many stars there are.

Oh, well, how many is it?

It is.

It's a secret.

Yeah, okay, that I have.

So, but I'm just wondering why you're taking the time to name all these stars when there's all this other stuff that really needs your attention.

Because eventually, I'm going to say he counts the number of the stars.

He gives names to all of them in my book.

And you got to admit, that sounds pretty awesome, right?

Okay, all right.

So you're naming two

sextillion stars so that one passage in a book that's already about how awesome you are will have another sentence about how awesome you are?

Okay, well, when you say like that, it sounds like I'm petty.

Well, I'm sorry for saying it like that.

Apology accepted.

Now,

who was I?

Mary.

Right.

Right, Mary.

Okay, Mary,

Neri,

Perry,

Mary.

And we're back for more of this shit.

And we're going to rejoin the action with Whitcomb showing back up here to usher in the section where we talk about biology.

And also water, which is the same subject.

Yeah.

Right?

God made like so much water.

Super smart.

Very smart.

Water's pretty fucking awesome.

So he's like, you know, creation reveals God's omnipotence, but there's much more.

And I'm like, more than omnipotence, huh?

He goes, yeah, cells and DNA and shit.

And I'm like,

but then we get the title that comes up.

It says, God of wisdom.

And again, the name of the movie is God of Wonders.

I'm like, that's, are we just, are we just now getting to the title of?

No, oh, okay.

No, that's a different God of.

Okay.

So, but then we, we get the fucking getting high with college kids section of the movie, right?

Where they're just going, like, you think about it, water is some crazy shit, man.

Like, why does ice float?

You would think it would sink, right?

It's just like, it's like, every water is love, right?

And that's the whole movie.

This isn't the section where they do.

This is the whole movie.

Right.

He goes, water is perfectly designed to support life.

And I'm like, oh, that must be why there's no such thing as drowning and there's never salt in any of it.

Fucking idiots.

Give us some fucking gills.

I know you invented gills, you asshole.

Yeah.

He goes, every single insect is more impressive than anything man-made.

And I'm like, strong disagree.

There are at most nine bugs that are cooler than a high-end VR headset.

Okay, at most.

Right.

And they say that, like, bees are geniuses.

I was like, okay, there's like cool stuff that bees do, but also.

Honeybees die if they sting you once.

Yeah.

So like, doesn't feel like the best design.

Design, yeah.

Like a

gun that you can shoot once, but it also shoots towards you once at the same time.

And that's the gun design.

Not great.

Well, and then they're going to make, then they start talking about snow.

And this is so fucking funny.

Because, again, it's the same stupid argument, right?

The same argument.

They're like, look at all these different snowflakes and consider that God has to go in and make each one of them different.

How does he keep coming up with different ideas?

That's the whole art.

And he named every every type of snow.

No, no,

he named every flake and he counted them.

Yeah.

Do you ever like really look at a fractal?

Like, really look at a fractal.

Yeah, man.

That's what the movie's doing.

It's like, look at all these snowflakes.

I'm like, yeah, they're really pretty.

And then it goes, in contrast, man-made snow when looked at under a microscope is some fuggly bullshit.

And I'm like, well, no, it is some fugly bullshit.

You, you got us there.

The skier gets it.

Past the joint.

So, yeah.

So they drone on this for about this for so fucking long.

And then the narrator goes, there is also a spiritual application.

And we both perk up and go, is there?

The spiritual implication is that we are all unique snowflakes.

Think about it.

If God put that much effort into each snowflake, how much effort did he put into you?

Yeah.

It felt like the narrator was reminding the movie that they're a Christian movie.

And it was like, hey, guys, is there also perhaps a spiritual thing?

Because right now you're just naming things that are cool.

Yeah.

So, okay.

So, but now we're shifting back to biology.

We're going to talk about DNA, right?

We get Psalm 104.24.

Once again, I've paraphrased it in the notes.

Wow, God, great job with Earth and space and stuff.

The narrator comes up to go like, okay, and if you think water molecules are awesome, just wait till you get a load of DNA.

Yeah, the best hard drive in the universe.

Yeah.

Pretty cool.

Their analogies are so fucking, this is another one of their stupid ass analogies, right?

He goes, the information in just one pinhead full of DNA could fill books 500 times higher than from the earth to the moon.

And I'm like, well, neither end of that analogy is comprehensible.

What the fuck?

What point is there of even saying it?

But only like 250 times higher if you make the font size half.

Like, I don't understand why this is so you do least drop arguments.

Is the books

book stacking?

But then somehow somehow 31 minutes into their hour and 25 minute documentary, they bring out the superstar.

We get Ken fucking Ham.

Kenneth Ham.

Yes.

Yeah.

Weird to bury the lead like that.

Exactly.

So yeah, Ken Ham is here to say that, you know, DNA is a code.

And all codes, we've never seen a code that didn't have like an intelligent designer behind it.

Unless you count DNA, which

he started off by having dibs he kind of called dibs against dna yeah no they they did call dibs yeah so his argument is like just a random pile of stuff never

created a computer code that's god and i was like all right ken ham whatever do you think when ken ham shows up on a set for something like this he's like the a-lister and the other ones are like oh my god this gets this creation music we get a can we get a

selfie i know you get disaster this all the the time but you go sorry i don't know what happened to my voice just now i'm not sure what that was all about

all right relax no i think it's probably more like the bitter like you know just more like i'm i'm a better fucking creationist than this kiwi bastard i build a big boat

it took you so long to build that local government

look stupid tax fraud

insurance for floods So yeah, but and so, and this is the fucking thing.

This is the problem that you have, right?

Because the argument they're trying to make now is that DNA is miraculous because it has all the information it takes to create an incredible human body.

But as they're making that argument, we're looking at Ken Ham and we're going, meh,

I know, so maybe

we give RNA a chance.

I don't know.

Yeah.

And then it seems like the movie almost notices that.

And again, the narrator jumps in.

He's like, yeah.

DNA can replicate.

And well, I mean, there's

errors.

God made a debugging program for fixing the errors, like the guy you were just looking at named Kenneth.

So yes, right.

God made a fucking, he made it self-correcting to fix the errors that he made.

What?

We get a different guy, a zoologist this time, who's like, yeah, enzymes proofread God's code for typos.

And I was like, I don't think you guys know what point you're making.

Right.

Yes.

That's Frank Sherwin who shows up at this point, our latest talking head.

And then he said, or sorry, no, Jason Lyle comes back to say the same thing that the last five people said.

And then he adds, quote, he says, information never spontaneously comes about.

And quote, I'm like, what could that possibly mean?

Right?

Like, I mean, so, so, like, in a deterministic, nothing is actually spontaneous way, it makes perfect fucking sense, but that isn't what he's saying.

So, what could it mean from his perspective?

Dibs on spontaneous.

Our thing only.

And then the narrator's like, and if you think DNA is impressive, wait until you see cells.

And then he's like, and if you think cells are impressive, wait until you get a load of seeds.

God, this is so fucking tedious.

But yeah,

luckily for us, because they keep just making the same argument over and over again, right?

So it makes it hard for us to, because we don't need additional refutations.

We're like, you know, see previous refutation.

But luckily, they do just randomly say wrong shit to keep us awake, right?

Like when they do the 2 Corinthians quote here where they're like god supplies seed to the sower and bread for food and but he doesn't though right right

we do answer the age-old question which comes first the chick no the seed or the plant which is apparently the age-old question and the answer is and okay yeah it is the plant and the chicken i'm pretty sure but

I think day three of God's big creation thing was plants.

Day four was the sun.

So I don't know that they have a coherent structure.

Yeah, I probably fucked it up a little bit there.

Yeah, so and then also, so they're talking about all these seeds.

They're like, you know, look at this tiny little seed, and it has all the information to grow a giant sequoia tree.

And I'm like, why aren't you guys bringing up mustard seeds?

Isn't that kind of your go-to seed?

You guys don't want to talk about mustard seeds.

The smallest one.

You guys love talking about things that are bigger and small.

Arcturus next to a mustard seed.

Right?

Yeah, right.

Come on.

And then, so the narrator.

Different.

The narrator goes, you know, and scripture actually called the whole life is in the seed thing, even before we had modern science.

Like, yeah, I think that was pretty easy to know, right?

That wasn't a, yeah.

And then the narrator hears me and he goes, can you build a fucking seed?

I thought that fuck you.

Fuck you and science can't build a seed.

Yeah, he's mad at us now, too.

The narrator was pretty cool until now, and he's like, You scientists, you fucking atheist scientists tried to make synthetic seeds.

Idiotists couldn't do it.

First of all, I think we have made synthetic seeds.

It uses pieces of seeds, but like, whatever.

The point he's making is that seeds have like natural intelligence inside of them.

And

the example they give, my favorite one is seeds naturally know about the up and the down.

Yes.

Somehow.

Yeah.

How would they know?

In fact, the way he phrases the question is, Who told the stem to go up and the root to go down?

I'm like, who?

Who told?

Like,

when did you stop beating your plant way to phrase that question?

Also,

bees, I think, were made on day six and plants day three.

And these days are like a long time, according to the thing they have to do.

Thousands of years, sometimes millions.

Yeah.

So, and, but if we thought seeds were impressive, wait till we get a load of flowers.

Right.

And we get Matthew 6, 28, which is, again, paraphrased, if God likes fields enough to give him flowers, just think about all the shit he's going to give you.

Right.

And the narrator's like, imagine a world with no plants.

That would fucking suck, wouldn't it?

God.

Right.

Yeah.

It's all just like long pause.

There's no ergo there.

Ergo, God, fuck you.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Apparently, flowers and seeds know what time it is also.

And they respond to them.

Well, because God told them.

Oh, right.

God let them know.

They got the memo.

Okay.

They respond to conditions plants do.

So plants like

know

they knew, they understand the concept of top right moons.

They know the atmospheric pressure that day.

They actually mentioned that.

Yeah.

Like plants know it.

Like plants are sitting there being like, guys, guys, check this out.

I'm going to grow that way.

This is called positive phototropism.

Photons are fucking cool, by the way.

Anybody have a barometer?

I need a barometer.

These photons are coming in ferociously.

I'm going to go to that.

So, yeah, he's like, you know, he's like,

you got to admit this whole oxygen cycle was a great idea of God's, right?

That they breathe the stuff that we breathe out, we breathe in, stuff that they breathe out.

That's pretty, that's pretty smart that God thought of that.

Sure, worked out.

Also, fucking leaves rule.

Leaves are awesome.

Oh my God, they have fucking solar cells in them.

That's impressive as fuck.

Yeah, it is.

It is actually.

It is.

Why did God create Republicans then?

If he was such a big fan of solar panels.

Yeah.

Also, maybe design some people with a fucking panel or two and some gills.

Right.

Yes.

Give us some fucking photos.

Look, that's the other thing, too.

It's like they keep showing us things in nature that other things have that we don't have that would be really useful for us to have.

And they're like, therefore, God.

They're like, no, that's like God could have just made us photosynthesized, and then we wouldn't have had to fucking eat other animals or plants, right?

We could have just lived.

That would have been way better.

That would have been great.

Don't worry, they're getting to that.

He was busy shooting O2s to make O3s and naming stars.

Yeah.

So, but then if you think flowers are cool, wait till you get a load of fish, right?

So, fucking Whitcomb swims out of his sports coat long enough to introduce this section for us.

He goes, you know, all the animals were good before we started all that sinning, right?

Noah, who just asked.

And now we have, you know, what we've got.

So, but then the narrator does his whole like fish, am I right?

And we get like another, you know, because like we're not even mentioning what we're seeing on screen up to this point, right?

Because what is not a talking head, it's just generic nature stock footage that almost never is even related to what we're talking about.

Yeah, we just see like, look at all the cool fish.

Fuck yeah, yep.

Fucking fish.

And then the narrator has to be like, guys, guys, spiritual thing or whatever.

Weren't you doing a God thing?

Yeah, right.

We learn about the octopus here, though.

That's they finally get into one of their arguments.

And the octopus, of course, has jet propulsion and suction cup tech.

Technology.

Suction cup tech.

Technology.

They actually say technology and they say advanced camouflage technology too.

Yes.

Which is kind of cool.

I didn't know this.

They show squids that are about to fuck.

And apparently on a male squid, they're going to do that.

They start doing their courting.

And one side of their body can change to like a scary color.

And the other side is the nice colors.

So dude squids are like, hey, lady,

my left side is to don't worry about that.

That's to scare away the other dudes.

This side right here is for the loving.

Yeah.

And they have like, it's split right down the middle.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah, no, it's, it's very cool.

Octopuses are fucking awesome.

Like, they don't get wrong.

Yeah, I'll watch your nature footage all fucking day.

It's pretty fucking sweet.

It's just absolute horseshit to be like using this in service of, you know, the opposite point that the people who collected the goddamn footage were trying to make with it.

Right.

Also, maybe make the squids or the octopus

so that a bunch of them don't try to side-tackle other squids and octopus while they're fucking.

Well, they just have that be what is the design.

I don't know.

Yeah.

And so, and they start talking about like these poisonous anemones and clownfish and how clownfish are immune to this poison.

And the narrator says, it's impossible to evolve immunity because

I don't know how that would work, right?

The implication being that, like, apparently they think that it would be like Mithridatism, right?

Like, the only way that you would evolve it is to have a little bit at a time.

Yeah.

Not that, like,

some fish would have an immunity to it and therefore would be more likely to reproduce, which is what fucking happens.

Yeah, they actually, I think they say you can't inherit that type of thing, like immunities,

and I'm pretty sure you can.

You sure can.

Like, this happens with humans.

Like, there's people in the Andes region in Argentina where there's a bunch of arsenic in the water, and a lot of the people have a metabolism that gets rid of arsenic really fast.

That happened with inheritance and evolution.

Right.

You inherit a tolerance for lactose.

It's, yeah, it's fucking, it's an insane argument to make.

But again, like the, the argument is basically like, hey, I'm a nature commentary sounding guy who said millions and billions a number of times.

Therefore, anything I say must be true, right?

That's the argument.

So, and and and then they they have this whole like and think about it there are different fish at all the different levels of the ocean how could that happen without God and we're just like what

then dr.

Gary comes at now so we haven't mentioned yet that dr.

Carry Dr.

Gary wants to fuck a lot of the animals that we talk about here right

this is where dr.

Gary and introduces us to his pet pearly nautilus shell yeah he's smiling way too much and he's like all right everybody let's name name our favorite fish.

Like,

sexually or however, just name, I don't know why I said sexually.

Let's name our favorite marine thing.

Mine is Pearly Nautilus.

And he shows us.

And not just because it has naughty right in the name.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, uh, but and and there, so he does make a point with this fucking Nautilus.

It takes him so goddamn long that I'll save you the goddamn trouble.

But ultimately, where we land is, and when we first see these types of shells in the fossil record, even from the very beginning, they have this level of complexity, right?

So the argument being that they would have had to been made all at once because that's how they appear in the fossil record.

Now, the reality of that, of course, is that hard parts evolved later in evolution, right?

We didn't start off with bones and shells and shit.

That shit had to come afterwards.

And therefore, when shells start showing up, they show up in relatively advanced forms.

But that's it.

Of course, they can't admit that because it would ruin their stupid fucking movie.

It's just a casual Google would help you out on that one.

A lot of

people claiming to be doctors, zoologists, biologists.

I forget what Gary was.

Gary, until this spot right here, they put his name on a chiron again, but all his other appearances between the first and this one, I was like, old white guy back.

Okay.

And then it was like the movie heard me and was like, Gary Parker, biologist, asshole.

I remember Dr.

Gary because he was teeth guy.

He had a lot.

He had like very prominent teeth.

That's how I remember.

Big smiley teeth.

And he also mentions that the pearly nautilus has one eye.

That's one of his favorite parts.

And I was like, okay, I think that hurts your argument.

The movie just like accidentally reduced the irreducible complexity of two eyes displaying one less complex eye.

Right.

Okay.

Right.

The narrator's just like, just look how beautiful ocean shit is and tell me it wasn't a god that created all of that.

And like, that would be such an easy argument to make, except for the fact that as he's saying that, they show a shrimp and a sea slug, like the two grossest things in the ocean.

You're not helping your argument at all.

Fish are really cool.

Wait, also, look at this.

Look at this tilapia from Applebee's bonus menu.

Then also delicious.

Super 20.

That's cool.

And God is a master artist.

Yeah, the narrator comes in to do that clothes thing again from the middle school essay and was like, master artist.

Also, Applebee is apparently.

We won fish.

Boom.

Next.

Mark it.

All right.

Well, I think it's safe to say we're all teetering on the edge of convinced here.

So it's probably best that we take a quick break and read some science shit.

But first, let me give Act Three the hard sell.

Okay, but what about birds?

Okay, but what about butterflies?

Okay, but what about morals?

Find out the answers to these questions and almost nothing else when we we return for the If You Talk Slower, It'll Be feature-length conclusion of God

of Wonders.

Okay, I think that's everyone in the Zoom except Gary.

He should be hopping on any minute.

So let me start by saying, congrats.

You are the elite squad of intellectuals.

We're going to present the scientific arguments.

for God of Wonders.

Woohoo!

Yeah, thank you, Donald.

Just Donald.

Love the enthusiasm, Donald.

Good stuff.

So, in terms of format, we're doing the talking heads thing.

You guys are going to be giving little speeches from your office, and we'll sprinkle in clips throughout the movie.

But, like I said in the email, you're all old white guys, like nearly identical visually.

So, you'll need some kind of prop so people can tell you apart.

Um, Roger's doing the old standard, the bookshelf.

So, that one's taken.

Um, Donald, what about you?

What were you thinking?

I have

grenadine.

What?

Like a big collection of grenadine.

The cherry syrup?

Well, it's technically pomegranate, but yes.

And you have a collection.

Okay.

Can you science it up a little bit, though?

I could

put it in beakers and flasks, I guess.

Yeah, okay, fine, fine.

Donald's doing grenadine in

beakers and flasks.

Okay, so, well, obviously John's doing the insanely oversized jacket.

What?

And

nothing, bud.

You're all set.

You're all set.

Cool.

Okay.

Oh, Gary's hopping on now.

Yeah, baby.

Oh,

hovering slow.

Yikes, what is happening?

How are you, dude?

Hi.

Hey, fellas.

Dude, what is that?

Is that?

Is that a plush hummingbird suit?

What?

Yep.

It is.

Yeah.

For the movie that I'm with the hummingbird part.

Yeah, no, no, we're not.

That's not going to be your problem.

I'll figure out a prop.

We do have a hummingbird part.

That's not your prop.

All right.

You know what?

We're done for today.

Everybody hang up right now, please.

Beat those wings.

End the call.

End the call.

End the call.

I'm ending the call.

And we're back for still more of this shit.

We're going to rejoin the action by making the same argument we just made 11 times, times, but this time with respect to fucking birds.

Birds.

Okay, birds are your best shot of making me Christian.

Like, they're pretty valuable.

What?

Dinosaurs.

Hollow bones.

They fly.

Obviously, flying.

That's literally a superpower.

That's huge.

Vibranium beak, which they actually will mention.

Yep, they do.

Yeah.

They do.

So, and, and so I love the Bible quote that they start here with, too.

It's Matthew 6, 26, but they only use the first few words, right?

They say, look at the birds in the air, dot, dot, dot.

Right?

And it's, and the reason that they do that is because, A, they've run out of shit that's relevant to what they're talking about.

But also, B, it's a stupid fucking quote because the whole quote is Matthew going, oh, look at all them birds working their asses off.

But can anybody add even a single hour to their life by worrying?

But, but, yes, obviously you fucking can.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yes.

Yes.

That's just such a stupid fucking.

Anyway, sorry.

Also, somebody was like looking at an emu being like, boo, can't even fly.

Look at the ones in the air, the air ones.

Yeah.

Oh, there you go.

That's what he meant.

So, yeah.

So the narrator's like,

just look at their fucking colors and shapes and shit, man.

Duh.

And, of course, we contrast that with all the old, like, you know, that classic montage of bad efforts at airplanes, you know, pre-wright brothers attempts to fly.

Yeah.

And now we have good ones.

It's, it's fine.

Well, right.

Wait, it goes, and he even says, like, and when we, you know, when we make airplanes, we use God's designs.

And I'm like, oh, is that why airplane wings wings flap?

Yeah.

Right.

There's no, there's nothing.

Can hummingbirds deliver something in two days guaranteed on prime?

No.

He goes, Dr.

Gary comes on and he goes, well, feathers were designed for flying, which, well, what makes it weird that God gave them to terrestrial dinosaurs first, but he was probably just trying them out.

Right.

And then we meet David Menton, PhD biologist, creationist museum, probably,

and he tells us about bird lungs, which are also miraculous, apparently.

Yeah, they have back doors, which I think is sort of true.

What?

Somehow they can breathe because the air is coming in while they're flying, but also there's back doors, whatever.

The fact that God didn't give me any of this flying stuff and bird stuff makes me less Christian.

Well, exactly.

Well, and he's like, to like demonstrate how awesome birds are.

He's like, think about it.

Birds are able to do all this flying shit.

They don't need all of those doohickeys they got up in the cockpits of them airplanes.

They don't need a ground control tower to tell them when to take off and when to land.

They just all do that themselves.

I'm like, well,

if birds were carrying 500 people at a time, 97,000 times a day, they would also need fucking control towers, man.

Right.

And this is where Gary.

with the huge bird kink being exposed, you're like, way beyond my bird kink.

This guy is fucked as a bird today, for sure, at every moment in this movie.

I have never been more sure that a man fucked a bird since I read about Audubon the first time.

Yeah, yes, right.

And so he says, when people say, you're a bird brain, I say, thank you, because that's awesome.

Anyway, back to my costume stuff.

I'll be back in like two hours.

He's like, he's like, yeah, next time somebody calls you a bird brain, I'm like, that happens to you more than it happens to us, Gary.

We don't need go-to responses from that.

Yeah.

But he, but the narrator reminds us that A, as cool as birds are, you know, Jesus values you at multiple sparrows, right?

The exchange rate.

What a weird unit.

Multiple sparrows.

We are worth more than many a sparrow.

Yeah.

The Bible has lots of badly improvised compliments.

Like somebody was fishing for a compliment and the Bible is

take you over fucking

eight sparrows.

You're better.

Five.

I don't know about nine, but like eight for sure.

Okay.

And of course, the narrator explains that, like, you know, birds are all only here to do shit for us in the first place.

That's why it's okay that we eat them, right?

You know, they're like, oh, these ones are to control rodents and these ones are to control bugs.

They're like, what about the ones that eat our crops and grain and shit?

He's like, ignore those ones for now.

We'll talk about some other shit.

And now, look at these boneless wings from Buffalo Wild.

Yeah.

But if you think birds are impressive, wait until you see

specifically hummingbirds.

Oh my fucking, there is a goddamn 40-minute section of this movie that is devoted to how bad Gary wants to fuck a hummingbird.

Yeah.

And on YouTube, it's broken up into sections.

It has those little markers.

And if you hover over a certain section, it tells you the title of that whole section.

This one, when I hovered over it, I was like, fuck, they have 40 minutes on just the hummingbird now.

That's the movie from here.

It's not, they're going to do some other stuff, but they have a lot on the hummingbird.

A lot of hummingbirds.

This is like the comedian with one bit.

The hummingbird is like, you might be a redneck for creationist movies.

Yeah, exactly.

They got, they did all of this just to get to the hummingbird.

So we get Psalm 145, 10.

All your works shall praise you, O Lord.

And I'm like, well, except for us.

I mean, we don't.

And then he's like, the hummingbird is the smallest of all the birds.

And I will say, there is like no fact in this movie that I didn't fact check because these guys were so full of shit that when they were like, 275 million gallons of water pour out of a fucking storm on the average, I'm like, is that is that right?

You know, I like double check that list.

They're right on that.

There are apparently like insect-sized hummingbirds.

That's awesome.

Look them up.

They're called bee hummingbirds, I think.

They're the cutest thing imaginable.

They got like pictures of them landed on little erasers, pencil erasers.

Two fucking cuts.

Okay, just focus on that.

Show me an hour and a half of that, and I'm like, way closer to Christian than what you've done here.

Right.

Well, so, yeah, no, again, the hummingbirds, there's like, I I get why they wanted to spend so much time.

This is a strong argument for them.

They're fucking awesome.

Hey, how many hummingbirds am I worth?

You said like eight sparrows.

That's not

afraid of hummingbirds to sparrows.

You don't want to know, man.

You don't.

How about a fish?

Wait, why don't you name a fish?

And I'll tell you how many of those.

I don't like fish.

He goes, the narrator's like, the hummingbird is more agile than any man-made flying machine.

And I'm like, that's been declassified as of the writing of this movie.

Yes, right.

We see some baby hummingbirds, fucking cute as hell.

Yeah, and then he's like, and if you think hummingbirds are impressive, wait until you see hummingbird nests.

I'm like, oh my fucking God, man.

Yeah.

We also see

the specialized long tongue that hummingbirds have for getting the nectar.

In slow motion.

And clearly they were like, hey, can we get Gary on the set for this part?

No.

No, Gary is not camera ready.

Not camera ready.

Gross.

Wrist injury.

He's got another wrist injury.

Yeah.

They actually show a long shot of a hummingbird like going in and out of a flower.

Like, I was expecting Gary from off-camera to just be like,

get the nectar fall.

I've ruined another reel guy.

I'm not camera ready.

I'll clean up.

Why didn't we do these on reels?

So, yeah, but I'm not cleaning up.

They talk all about how hummingbirds, like, how would they know how to build nests if God didn't explain it to them somehow?

And if you think hummingbirds are miraculous, wait till you get all the fucking butterflies.

And okay, hey, here, again,

fucking caterpillars turning into all sploosh and then coming out as butterflies.

That is by far the most miraculous thing they've mentioned so far, right?

That's some weird, crazy shit.

I'll give them that much, but you know, it's the same fucking argument again, regardless.

Yeah, it's just like they have colors and stuff.

I don't know, they have sweet colors.

Look at the sweet colors.

Zoologist guy comes on, and this guy has a butterfly kink for sure.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Frank.

He's saying it's biophotonic structures instead of pigment.

That would be a normal way to say it, but he's like, biophotonic structures instead of pigment.

So good.

And the narrator explains it.

He tries to explain what that means, but he explains it in a way that would also be true of pigment.

So he just describes color.

You know, he just describes like how color works.

He's like, they have these special things that absorb all but one part of the visible light spectrum and bounce back only that one thing.

I'm like, that's just color, man.

Photons are coming in ferocious and then they come out

regular, and you can see them.

It's God.

Yeah.

The narrator also accidentally says something way too sexual.

And zoologist guy freaks out because it was like the caterpillar convulses in rhythmic jerks jerks to shed its outer skin because of the

butterfly transformation cycle.

Jerks.

Hey, now, okay, we can't get him and Gary there.

They will not be camera ready for a while.

They also have to use somebody else.

They have this zinger against evolution where they're talking about metamorphosis.

They're like, this metamorphosis takes just a few days, not millions of years.

Who are you digging right there, man?

What does that even mean?

But yeah, he's like, you know, clearly the creator programmed caterpillars to, and I'm like, clearly?

Programmed?

What?

Yeah.

Also, the millions of years happened because of your God.

I don't understand.

This keeps happening.

Their God that they're worshiping, according to their story, was like, all right, I made oxygen.

Fuck, it's doubles.

I got to zap it into triples and singles and then get that.

All right.

I've got squids.

Hey, bud, Jesus, Jesus.

Yeah, I told you you could go down to that planet and be king or whatever.

It's going to be a minute.

You got to sit tight.

I'm doing a thing.

I got to get these squids to fuck.

Just wait in the car.

They keep sidetackling each other.

What if we did half?

All right.

Oh, this is going to be a whole big fucking thing.

Then I'm going to turn the slime things into like amphibious slime things.

And then we'll get, it's going to be like a couple million years, bud, but I promise you'll get down there.

That's your God.

That's your story here.

Yeah.

Right, right.

Otherwise, how would all this starlight have gotten to us so fast?

So, yeah.

And this is also where we're going to meet creationist Mr.

Rogers.

This is Ian Taylor, the British host of Creation Moments.

Yeah.

This guy's all vest.

Also, butterfly kink.

Oh, yeah.

And a lot of vest.

Yep.

Yep.

He explains how the caterpillar just eats all day, gets fat, turns into liquid.

But butterflies.

He's a little too shaky on liquid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Butterflies, on the other hand,

they're down to fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He actually says that too.

He's like, yeah, Caterpillar, that's, I mean, liquid is sexy, but butterfly, they eat, but also they fly and they fuck.

They fuck.

Butterflies also fuck.

Imagine that.

Can you imagine if you were a caterpillar and then suddenly you like pop out and you're like, oh my God, I can fly and fuck.

I shouldn't have imagined that.

And the movie is like, cut, dude, relax.

God damn it.

Now, Ian and Gary and Frank all have to go to the shower.

So yeah.

So, and then, God, I don't even remember.

The quintessential Baptist guy whose name I forgot starts talking to us about Job as though that's going to help out his argument.

Yeah, he's got a Job quote, which basically just says, like, hey, look at all the animals.

Come on.

You're Christian, right?

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

And he's like, you know, and Job had all this stuff figured out in the fourth century BCE.

When now it's, that's how up to date my worldview is.

Congratulations, man.

Well done there.

Yeah.

Didn't Job get tortured also?

Isn't that like famously what happened with Job?

Neither here nor there.

And then, okay, so then they quote Genesis 1.26, which is, this is the quote, then God said, let us make man in our image according to our likeness, a quote that clearly preserves the polytheistic root of the Hebrew faith.

I just thought it was really funny that they accidentally throw that in as often as they do.

Hey, tell Kenham he can take off because we said the God's image thing.

We're going to have to have him be done.

He's not

on camera anymore.

He's demanded.

His contract says that he gets to yell a lot more in our movie.

Sorry.

But now, so Whitcomb comes back.

I think the sports code is getting bigger somehow, right?

Like it's feeding off of his life force.

It's getting stretched out like a curtain.

Oh,

that's it.

Yeah.

And he goes, you know, and if you think

fucking butterflies are cool, humans have spirits, which is even better.

And I'm like, I don't know, man.

They can fly, right?

Like, I would give you the spirit if I could fly.

I feel like I would trade that, you know, even.

Yeah, that's a deal breaker for me.

Yeah.

He's like, well, okay, all right.

Wait, don't answer yet.

Humans also have free will.

And we're like, and he goes, well,

it's indistinguishable from not having free will if we do have it.

He goes, well, it is, they have knowledge of good and evil.

I'm like,

I've seen the way they vote.

Don't really care.

So I'd rather not have that.

I'd probably be happier.

He goes, plus, only humans have

composers and poets and shit.

Get the fuck out of here.

Books?

Boo.

That's our special human thing.

Give me the hummingbird shit.

Well, and then this is the most they trip over their own testicles in the entire fucking movie, right?

Because he goes, and now is the part where there's like, and if you think butterflies are cool, wait till you get a load of human eyes.

Okay.

Right.

They have this whole section on how miraculously designed the notoriously stupidly designed human eye is.

Yeah, that's a weird pick with the upside down backwards thing, but they point out that the human eye is self-cleaning with built-in wipers and washer fluid.

Well, there's that.

Cool.

Cool, man.

Maybe go back to Job, talk about your intelligent designers' war crimes.

Would that be good?

Yeah.

Maybe better for your argument.

Look, fucking, we like, we have like the 147,000 millionth best eyes in the animal kingdom, right?

Like our eyes fucking suck.

What a stupid thing to bring up.

But they're like, no, no, think about it.

Your eyes are always pointing in the same direction.

What are the odds?

Oh, yeah.

This is where we get that guy, David, whatever, PhD.

Menton.

Yeah, David Menton.

And he's like, yeah, so eyes are amazing.

It's like somebody with a pair of six guns that can.

fire the guns and everywhere we shoot the two bullets make one hole and i guess he's talking about eyes looking at stuff.

Binocular vision.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So eyes are cool.

You got, you know, gun murder by cowboys.

You know, efficient gun murder by cowboys.

Gun murder is so cool.

Atheists have no excuse.

This is another one of those times where somebody's like angry at you because you don't believe their thing and they're yelling at a Bible quote.

Yeah.

Well, and then so Dave, the fucking, like, the mentally ill Terry Bradshaw guy, he comes in and he's like, like, imagine if your eyes didn't always point in the same direction, you wouldn't be able to see anything at all.

And I'm like, there's all kinds of people whose eyes don't always point in the same direction.

They see.

One of them is one of your talking heads that you use multiple times on video.

The moment I saw him, I was like, that's bad design.

Those eyes are facing in crazy different directions.

He goes, at this point, he goes, even more impressive, all of our various senses work together.

And I'm like, what would it look like if they worked separately?

Just show me that as an imaginary world.

Yeah.

And then they give three examples, right, of the way that our senses work together, none of which involve our senses working together, right?

They're like, you smell food and your tummy rumbles.

I'm like, your tummy rumbling isn't a sense.

He's like, you smell grandma's cookies and you remember memories of grandma.

I'm like, that's not...

That's not your senses working together, though.

Those are just different.

That's one sense working.

Smell in both cases.

I don't know what to do.

Show him a steak from Applebee's.

We did the tilapia last night.

Right.

Yeah, right.

Show us that for a second.

But the narrator says, mankind is self-conscious and able to contemplate himself.

And I'm like, yes, man is both of those two distinct things.

Well done.

And then fucking Baptist Bob, as though he's still yelling consolation prizes at Heath for not being able to fly and have a vibranium beak or whatever, he goes, well, humans can make trumpets and shit.

fucking

birds can't make trumpets yeah like some some sound like trumpets also we get emotions

yeah that goes great amazing the whole section feels like that that shitty consolation compliment from a coach you know yeah like

you're losing you're losing to the hummingbirds so fucking hard because they can fly and they're amazing and you suck in particular you're worse than the other humans who are losing to the hummingbirds and the coach is like, hey, but

what?

You're really good at the vibes on the bench emotionally.

You're bringing up the mood of the bench, yes.

And also, what an amazing unforced error this is right here, right?

They're talking about what it's like to be a human and why being a human is the best.

And they're like, only humans can appreciate a beautiful symphony or rejoice in the beauty of a sunset.

There are so many fucking examples where you wouldn't be wrong right there, but you pick two where you are.

Like all kinds of animals appreciate symphonies this

bonobos appreciate a fucking rejoice in the beauty of a sunset like that you pick two of the like few

things that would actually be incorrect as the end of your goddamn sentence you idiots yeah you actually had a section where plants know about sunsets and they love them because they were designed intelligently exactly right and then and then they're like and also justice only humans can get arrested fucking seagull takes your Doritos and nobody does a goddamn thing about it.

Okay, human justice.

You're going to go to human justice movie?

Do you think that's going to work out?

All right.

Let's see what happens.

Yeah, right.

We get another one of those titles.

They forgot they were doing them for a while, but we get the God of justice title.

Right.

And then fucking Whitcomb billows back onto screen and tells us about how God is always holy and always righteous.

Yeah.

He also says God can't lie, can't sin, always faithful, always true.

And I was like, okay, well,

can't lie.

I prefer gods who are omnipotent.

I would love a God that could possibly lie if that was necessary or to sin.

God cannot lie, cannot sin, is omnipotent.

Fuck, I disproved our thing again.

Yeah, right.

I like gods who don't die.

Who don't get captured, yeah.

So, yeah, so, but he's like, you know, well, how do we know God is just?

The Bible says, says so.

Also,

look at these Ten Commandments.

Like, four or five of those are just, depending on how you count them.

You got to really squint if you want to make sure they're just.

Yeah.

Right.

But then we start like fucking man on the streeting some random people about whether they have consciences.

Oh, Ray Comfort should be suing this segment of the movie.

It's just straight up his thing.

But he's not there.

Absolutely.

Because they do the whole you're lying, blaspheming, adulterous thief bit and everything.

Like word for for word, yeah, yeah, which to be fair, Ray Comfort didn't come up with.

They're all stealing their own the same bullshit.

Fair enough, yeah.

I like the one guy.

One question was: Have you always obeyed your God-given conscience?

And I was like, All right, you're leading the witness there a little bit.

But a guy in a Yankees hat, very clearly in like, you know, Brooklyn is like, No, no, are you fucking kidding me?

I have not.

Do you want me to tell cut?

Yeah.

well yeah so but what we have here of course is the fact that if you go out on the street and you just ask a bunch of random americans all this you're probably going to get christians most of the time so you just get a bunch of christians agreeing with themselves randomly about nonsense sentences right but the argument that they're trying to make here is that there must be a god because otherwise how would we have morals how would we have a conscience if there wasn't a god whispering the right thing to do to us now i we have to be clear here babies and toddlers don't have morals, right?

We're not born with this.

So like that, that by itself disproves.

My fucking two-year-old niece just jumped on our three-month-old sister's head.

Morality is, she's fine, by the way.

The three-month-old is fine.

But morality is so clearly fucking learned.

We've all been through the experience and watched others go through the experience of learning what morality is.

Yeah, if that head-jumping baby had hummingbird hovering power, probably less of an injury.

Therefore, God is immoral for not allowing my niece to fucking hover like a hummingbird.

Yes.

Yeah.

Clearly.

I like that they do that stupid speed round technique for a second.

Like when you were a kid, remember

somebody would set that thing up to try to get you to mispronounce the number two as two by being like, what's T-W-A?

Two.

What's T-W-E-E?

Twi?

What's T-W-O?

Two.

Oh, it's pronounced two.

They do that with, is guilt real?

Yeah.

bad is bad right so conscience means we need a savior yes

and right yes but again they're all christians right so like yeah so jesus christ is our lord oh jesus christ is our lord and savior that that follows logically from what i just said oh yeah no it follows logically from what you just said

so stupid Yeah, and of course, they do the whole, they spring the whole, so by God's standard, you're, you know, a lying, blaspheming, adulterous thief.

And once again, I feel the need to point out that, yes, if, if by your system of morals, everyone is immoral, that's a problem with your system, not the people.

So, you know, again, I've said that a thousand times because Ray Comfort does this bit in every one of his fucking movies, but there's the entire refutation for that.

So, okay, and then at fucking, at one hour, 15 minutes and 55 seconds, Whitcomb sails his way back on screen and admits that sometimes

God's perfect creation is neither beautiful nor miraculous.

Yeah, I was shocked.

I was like, really?

You're going to talk about the problem of evil.

Okay, let's see what you do.

For 11 and a half seconds, right?

Because

then he's like,

yeah, no, a lot of people think that DZ and death and decay and shit would disprove our thing, but a lady ate an apple.

Wasn't hers to eat.

We deserve it now because of that bitch who ate the apple.

It's actually a solution of evil.

We're done with that.

Boom.

Solved.

Let me cue the narrator to give us another victory slam, right?

But don't, you know, good news for the low-low rate of 10%,

we can join his religion.

Can't afford not to.

Is the God also a God of love by any chance?

Then we get our final title, God of Love.

And we're like, oh, yeah, remember the genocidal God?

He's all about love, too.

Stop selling.

I was just asking rhetorically about the love thing.

I don't care.

I'm on board.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ken Ham comes comes back.

He's like, I'm back, bitches.

And he's like, it's your fault that groaning and ugliness are in the world.

And I'm like, oh, I guess it is probably my fault.

My bad.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, they're just giving each talking head their final rantlet that they all demanded to have at the end.

Yeah, right, right.

Gary closes off by explaining that God is only responsible for the good stuff, never the bad stuff.

Gary's the anchor of your relay here of rights.

That was oh he was cleaning up okay yeah i know i'm the anchor all right

so yeah but i the actual anchor those uh witcomb he pops up at the very end to wrap things up he's like god is love i gotta say it quick before i'm devoured entirely by this sports coat

he is love even when he's genociding goats and cows and

okay answer yet oh my god it's consuming me like the bed who eats fowl

yeah

and then we get the credits, which are entirely filled with the rest of the stock footage package that they hadn't used yet, right?

Because if you buy two, you do in fact get a third one for free.

Yeah.

So more music and stock footage of nature.

One little moment I enjoyed at the end.

The music.

The music wants to have one of those dramatic moments where the drummer drops the beat.

You know, there's a pause and

in the 80s like power ballad spot, it would be like,

you know, like in the air tonight, but this happens like Christianly.

So it's like, all right, I'm going to drop the beat, but I'm going to do it respectfully.

Tap.

I'm going to set the beat

down, actually.

I'm just going to

set the beat right here on a coaster.

I'll put it on a coaster.

All right.

Well, that's going to do it for our review of God of Wonders, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to trick ourselves into doing this again.

So Heath, tell us what's on deck.

We're going to be watching the Buttercream Gang.

Oh, really?

And I believe it might have a musical element.

I believe we've been teased with that before by Eli.

I don't think we've ever actually watched it, though.

So let's hope this one works out.

So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 521 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go.

If you'd like to hit yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash godawo and thereby early access to an ad free version of every episode.

You can also help us on by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on all your various various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, The Scathing Adias, Citation Data, DD Minus, and the Skeptic Card available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodAlphemovies at gmail.com.

Tim Robertson takes care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slot and Boo Bu Trafts on Mars.

All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week.

For Heath Eric, Neli Bosnick, I'm Nolish's promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with the American Graffiti Close.

Very much finite monkeys went on to literally write Hamlet and design a Swiss watch.

Sure as fuck happened.

Because of evolution.

Gary was eventually killed by a jilted cassowary.

The jilted cassowary has Cecil Boston voice in mind

forever now.

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