513: Gay Rights, Special Rights

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I don't think they can imagine that somebody could be in two different minority groups at the same time.

They think that would you would like shrivel up.

I don't know.

That's like DC Marvel.

That's DC Marvel.

They can't explain.

Right.

It's impossible.

I actually, I know a gay, deaf, Latino little person.

The movie would explode like scamming on television.

They would have to look at that person's reflection in their their shield.

God awful

movie.

Movie.

Movies.

Movies.

Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because counterfeiting is hard.

I'm your host, No Illusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and Wright.

Heath, welcome back.

We got a 90s political documentary.

Very excited.

Are you?

Is excited the word?

Okay.

It is not.

And sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick.

Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir?

Hello, No Illusions.

I'm so happy to be here.

Okay.

Dennis Prager, ladies and gentlemen.

We have Dennis Prager.

That didn't sound nearly Jewish enough to be Dennis Prager.

I appreciate the wokeness of your interest.

That is how Dennis Prager sounds to me, a non-Jew, correct?

I don't hear Judaism.

I don't hear Prager you.

All right.

And of course, that laugh that you heard in the background, we're excited to welcome back one of our favorite guest masochists, documentarian, and former co-host of the How-To Heretic back from the podcast grave, Uncle Mark.

Mark, welcome back.

Thanks, fellas.

So glad to be here.

But look, Uncle Mark is my father's name.

Just call me.

Just call me Mr.

Mark.

Mr.

Mark,

all it took was me texting you every 26 seconds for the last 11 years to get you back in.

I've got to make the noise stop.

Yeah.

So tell us, Heath, what did we drag Mark out of retirement, Mr.

Mark out of retirement for?

We watched gay rights, special rights inside the homosexual agenda.

It's the story of how it's racist to be gay,

I think.

Because

there's a very small pile of equal rights in America, and the gay people are stealing it from all the black people.

Yeah, so exactly.

There's only so much to go around to be gay.

It's like the beginning of the hungry games, but with rights.

Yes, exactly.

It's so great to be able to finally admit it.

Yeah.

That's why you chose to do it, right?

Yeah, like

I gotta get this on my chest.

And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love when an old song comes on the jukebox,

but for bigotry, then you

love

this movie.

I mean, correct me, and I'm sure we'll talk about this throughout, but like the overwhelming thing that I experienced in this movie was like, oh, they've been making that argument for 30 years.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And Mark, on that subject, I'm so very sorry.

I had no idea the level of,

I can't say I had no idea, right?

Because I lived through this era, but I did not remember the rancid bigotry we were about to expose you to.

So isn't it sweet?

And you know, it's, it's, first of all, it's good to be here to be your guest fig leaf.

Yeah, it's important.

I'm happy to provide.

But, you know, the other thing is I just happened to have been, spent the last three months working on a huge documentary project about the Mormon kind of anti-queer policies of the past 70 years.

So, my torpedo tubes are fully loaded.

This is perfect.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Yeah, when we were talking about which movie Uncle Mark would make his incredible re-debut from the grave for, I was like, hey, it's about to be Mormon movie month.

We could do animated Book of Mormon or the world's most vicious homophobia.

I chose this.

Easy.

Yeah.

Okay.

This is the 90s.

It was jokes in the 90s.

Vicious homophobia.

It was just jokey jokes in the 90s.

Right.

Yeah.

There's a lot of goofs in this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, it was every sitcom in the 90s for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so, and for the listeners, hey, I can give you the trigger warning that I should have given.

Mark, you, like me, may have forgotten just how nakedly bigoted our culture was to gay people in the 90s.

We're about to make you remember the fuck out of it.

So just be ready for that.

So on that subject, is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm going to go with a propaganda-based one: best, worst, additional title on YouTube to get better,

I guess, bigot SEO

is what they've done.

Keith, they literally added your extra title since I entered that movie into our, like, they saw a couple of views come in from me and

they were like, oh, let's double down on this title.

We're going to make this happen.

Wow.

Might be an algorithm thing.

Yeah.

So, that additional bigot SEO title is LGBTQ rights and the gay/slash transgender agenda

full documentary film, special rights in the bathroom.

Yeah.

Right.

Now that was added like the fucking extra scenes in Star Wars, right?

There's nothing in this documentary about the bath rights in the bathroom or anything.

No, it's 1993.

They hadn't like honed their bigotry on that yet.

So exactly.

Also, no, I'm sorry, I don't like like to like argue back on air, but this is significantly less offensive than the ecstasies in Star Wars.

And I just don't want people coming with the wrong attitude.

All right, fair.

You compare an entire version of people to like predators and that they're going to kill your children and stuff like that.

That's one thing.

But come on, remember when they just had those big lizards walking around in the backyard?

Come on, come on.

Yeah, so okay.

So, I was going to go with best worst.

Okay, so throughout this movie, the bigotry is just kind of assumed in this.

So they'll just keep showing gay people and playing that sound.

Actually, I brought a clip.

It's this sound right here.

That's the sound.

So the entire movie is just like a fucking leather daddy hugging a stuffed unicorn with that,

walking in slow motion with that sound.

Or it's just like two happy people walking with a flag.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or yeah, family.

And as a with a with a pops scare sting.

It's a lesbian eating a sandwich with a John Carpenter score.

It's a major adult.

It's a major death.

Look, I know the size of our audience.

I know how many of you have gay moms.

This is some of your home videos with

so often it's a family on a picnic for their rights, right?

Some kids like, I'm hot.

I want another popsicle.

And they're like, can you see the darkness right?

Yeah.

At one point, it's just a guy like drinking a soda, and then the evil narrators like David Attenborough, being like, Look at him, he drinks the gay, probably soda.

Probably, you think that's a fanta?

That's a gay one, right?

Gay rights, the revenge of Michael Myers, yeah, right, truly.

I felt like Skeletor was waiting off screen the whole time.

Do I go now?

Do I go now?

It feels like you're trying to get away from the girls.

Yeah,

thank you.

Thank you, by the way, for uh calling out a gay villain, Skeletor.

Appreciate that.

It's the OG queen.

The first representation in cinema.

Cobra Commander, too.

So, Mark, did you have a best worse for us?

Well, you know what?

I got to say, guys, this actually uncovers a really, really deep gay myth, and that is that homosexuality equals good fashion taste.

We were all victims of the 90s, Mark.

Why did

1993 have to happen yeah there's a lot of things they want you to be ashamed about in this movie and none of them are the jackets and they all should be the jacket yeah i'm very ashamed guys thank you did you own z cavaricis be honest owned or owned

currently wearing as i record this

unanswered no comment maybe i can't hear you over your pleats but i'm assuming that's a yes

and i'm gonna go with best best x gaze So, as I'm watching this movie, right, I'm like doing my research and I'm finding out.

I am pleased to announce for those of you who are watching, not a single vocal ex-gay who is named in this movie is still an ex-gay.

They're just gay now.

Everyone went back to gay.

Awesome.

Good to know.

All right.

Well, I'll tell you what, if we're going to 90s, I need to change into some cargo pants and a flannel.

So we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be back in a minute with all the rank homophobia of gay rights, special rights.

Dude, dude, that was nothing like a dance.

Don't you think I know that, Heathelton?

Hey, guys, what you doing?

Yeah, did Eli bet Heath he could reenact the entirety of the black swan again?

Okay, first of all, Marcus, we are tied on that bet.

And second of all, no, we're getting ready for our live show in Cleveland, Ohio on July 19th.

What's so special about a trip to Rock City?

Detroit is Rock City.

I'm pretty sure it's Cleveland.

I will not be gaslit gaslit about this, people.

No, Noah, we'll be reviewing Leap 3.

Leap 3, wasn't Leap 2 like, oh, 10 years ago?

Yes, it was.

And I can't wait to see what a decade of planning has done to this franchise.

Honestly, neither can I.

Well, then you better act fast.

There are still just a few tickets left at GodAwfulMoviesLive.com.

GodawfulMoviesLive.com?

GodawfulMoviesLive.com.

Hoopa!

Wow, did you mean to land in a split just now?

Do you want me to call an ambulance?

Yes, please.

All right, everyone.

Welcome to the first ever planning meeting for gay rights special rights.

Yeah, now, obviously, here in 1993, every take we have about gay rights is going to hold up to history.

This will not be wildly shameful and universally regarded to be untrue in less than two decades.

No,

I would say that.

Timeless.

Which is why it's important that I think we get all of our best arguments right out here at the start.

So, what are we thinking, folks?

Oh, well, obviously, giving gay people rights makes them special,

right?

And

we can't do that.

Absolutely.

I love that.

It's a great argument.

Yeah.

Also, gay people already have all the rights.

Okay.

Now, Chris, do we think there's anything tricky about putting that section

right after we say they don't need rights?

No, not a a problem at all.

Okay.

I also didn't think that, but I just wanted to make sure.

So next question.

What would be the harm in gay rights?

It would destroy my family.

Sorry, did you say your family?

Yeah, if guys

don't get married, I mean, my whole family, it would just be destroyed.

Say no more.

I completely understand.

So church would be illegal.

Probably.

Yeah.

And then finally, do we have some ex-homosexuals who could stare with just incredibly wide eyes into the camera while explaining how happy they are right now?

Oh, I can find a couple.

For sure.

You'll do it.

Yeah, I'll do it.

And how wide will their eyes be?

So fucking wide.

Great.

They're doing awesome.

Happy.

I'm so good.

And we're back for the breakdown.

We're going to start off with a content warning because shit's about to get pretty gay up in here, right?

But first, we're going to start off with Martin Luther King having a dream.

This was insane as the starting point, right?

These people were making their bigot documentary, and they're like, all right, well, letting gay people have civil rights.

That's a

big problem.

Let's start with MLK.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

How do we do with MLK?

Do we treat him real good?

How's we doing?

How's he doing?

Do we have, for instance, a long-distance race to celebrate the man who who killed him?

Yeah, I like it.

It's the benchmark for when we stopped.

See?

Civil rights mission accomplished.

Yeah.

That's where rights, everyone got it then.

That's all we need.

Deck in the box.

Seriously, I saw this.

I was like, okay, are they going to argue with MLK?

And then I was like, okay, it's very possible that that's what they're going to be doing.

Well, right, but what we're doing instead is they're like, let me open up with a few groups that I'm not bigoted towards, right?

They're like, Black people's civil rights, I'm all for that.

I think they're lying about that.

This is 1993.

It's still with us today, the white Christian pornography of the, you know, the color of their skin, not the content of their character from people who have neither color, content, or character.

Maybe they could give it a rest.

And, you know, Dr.

King said a few other things, like, if you can believe it, like injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

listen translucent is a color technically

clear is a color it just doesn't say that quote on your white innocence medal from the franklin mint

well yeah yeah let's to be super clear martin luther king was in favor of gay rights like this movie is not yeah yeah and his best one of his best friends bayard rustin was a completely out gay black man that organized the march on washington oh wow yeah for instance yeah don't introduce facts that's going to confuse their documentary yeah objection but then the documentary starts right the narrator kicks in and he's kind of stammering through a clearly unwritten opening line of his documentary and i'm like oh no

and then okay so but we cut from that civil rights march welcome to the line yeah

welcome to the line really

we're gonna have to change the name now but okay so but we cut from that civil rights march to a different one in April of 1993.

It was a gay civil rights march on Washington, like 30 years later.

We know that because it introduces Larry Kramer as Larry Kramer, homosexual.

And I wrote in my notes, I wonder if he had business cards made up with the civil rights.

I have it on my LinkedIn.

So, yeah.

Well, I mean, like, mine says Heath Enright, podcaster, I've had sex with a woman.

That's on my LinkedIn.

Well, yeah, it's true.

It's true.

Yeah, exactly.

No, it's so, I love these homophobic chirants right because every gay person it'll say that it doesn't say you know dave heterosexual later

no there's no and i i'm worried that that's going to affect you know our sense of the kind of the veracity that we've come to expect from jeremiah.com films yeah but you know larry kramer homosexual was a hero he and act up his organization once covered jesse helmshouse in a giant pink condom oh was that fantastic?

Yeah, yeah, that's okay.

So, you know, keep his name at your fucking praise nozzles, you assholes.

Right?

Yeah.

Right.

And then so, and then he paraphrases Larry Kramer during the speech that they show, he paraphrases Martin Luther King.

And he says, you know, men and women will not be judged by their sexual desires, but by the content of their character.

And then the narrator cuts in and goes, you know, a lot of people didn't notice that that isn't actually the line.

He has substituted sexual desires for color of the skin.

What?

And I'm like, those are called deaf people, man.

I wrote in my notes.

I think they did notice.

I think that was the point.

Right, yes.

He also says he misquoted Dr.

King, and it's actually a fucking paraphrasing, which they would know if they'd gone to a school that wasn't preceded by the word home.

Yes, right.

Homophobia is what MLK would have wanted.

He just didn't have time in that speech, but that was what was in the drafts next.

So, yeah, and so then we're introduced to my best worst, right?

We have this montage of gay people marching gayly, and it's slowed down to make it look ominous, and then there's the ball

over top of all of it.

We will see, there is so much footage, by the way, of this march throughout the movie.

I guarantee you that oppressed, gay, Christian children.

jacked off to this movie at some point.

So

the cameraman

oppressed gay Christian filmmaker.

Yeah, right.

Yes.

Yes.

I don't know which bad universe Uncle Mark raised his hand a little too fast.

Oh, yeah, I can push Dolly on this.

I can push the dolly.

No, no, no, I don't mind.

I don't mind.

You know, I'm going to pick up some B-roll.

We need about 20, 23, 23 and a half hours of B-rolls, I think, for this movie.

We're just a wrap.

No, I'm going to stick around.

You guys go.

Yes, sir.

These fellas are giving me a ride.

So, okay, so now we're going to meet Emmanuel McLittle.

Hey, hey, Eli.

Hey, guys.

Eli.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Eli, be good.

Can we do a timeout

on how much better we've gotten?

How would you describe Emmanuel McLittle?

Not McLittle.

No.

Emmanuel McBig.

Oh, I thought it was Emmanuel McGrittle.

Look, here's what I'm saying.

Here's what I'm, here's

what I'm saying.

Please don't make it a super size me joke.

Here's what I'm saying.

If I looked like Emmanuel McLittle and I were going to talk about a group of people, I would sit up all the way in my chain

so that I didn't look like a head princess Leia on a chain just as a frame.

Yeah, so, and of course, like this, I put in my notes, hey, weird, this fucking Chiron doesn't doesn't point out his sexual orientation, but

he says, this is his actual line, quote, homosexuals are using not only the language, but they're beginning to insist that the statutes, the laws, all of the advantages gained by civil rights leaders such as Martin Luther King be now applied to homosexuals.

And we're like, yes.

Right.

But the movie's like,

can you believe it?

Yeah, yeah.

Apply to anybody who needs them.

Yes.

that's the point of equal protection under the law.

They have to keep doing this.

They say, like, equality, and then there's a pause where there should be like a therefore or something, and then they have to be like, oh, we didn't have anything.

Equality is scary.

Right.

So that's the thing is that for this movie, their bigotry is self-evident.

Over and over again.

And then they're just like, and then gay people will be married.

And we're like, yes.

And we can't have gay people doing this thing that we're 40% successful at.

Yes.

This is where we meet Lester James, the regional director of the Traditional Values Coalition.

Which region?

Yeah, right.

He chimes in to say that the gay people are going to use up all the civil rights and then black people won't have any, right?

This is where we introduce the idea of the pile of civil rights we're all fighting over.

And I wouldn't really put a lot of emphasis on Lester because he's just sort of one of a legion of bigots, except the woman on Lester's right seems to have become self-aware that she's on the wrong side of history

the second the word action was said, right?

Because you could see her be like, oh, no, oh no,

she's she is gently trying to scooch behind Lester and out of this film throughout the rest of the movie.

She's like putting up a mustache to me.

Yes, but you're completely right in their, in their,

how they surmise like the scarcity of civil rights.

It's, you know, it's like a speaking stick.

There's only one civil rights to go around.

Yes, right.

Pass it around like a twink at a pastor's only retreat.

They get to use it until they're done.

The concept of harmony is a zero-sum game in their head.

Yes.

Right.

And then, so just to let you know that they really mean business on this we're not bigots thing, we bring in Senator Trent Lott.

Now, for those of you who don't recall, Senator Trent Lott, he's the guy who had to step down from Republican leadership because he praised Strom Thurmond's fucking segregationist platform.

He was at a, he was on fucking camera talking into a microphone, and he looked to Strom Thurmond and he talked about him running for president on the segregationist ticket and went, boy, it would have been great if he'd won that, huh?

Whoops, there goes my career.

Because back then, the Republicans were, you would lose your career over that.

At the end of his career, they made a law that you can't become a lobbyist right away.

And he retired like the day before that new law kicked in that would have been a two-year window

where he couldn't do that.

And he literally, like the next day, opened a lobbying firm next to the White House, like a block from the White House.

That's literally.

Well, you know, and can I just have a gay corner second here, fellas, as the token gay on the show?

Unless things have changed, it's been a while for me.

Heath, checking in with you, buddy.

Little you're good, you're good, Mark.

Uncle Mark, it's all you.

All right, so I will seed the floor.

Thank you.

There are going to be several examples of this throughout this piece of cinema.

But Trent Lott is like so many Christian conservative white men who went into battle with the sword of faith, the shield of gospel, and the helmet of

hair,

speaking as a decorated homosexual,

having a full head of hair and yet asking to be styled like a 1982 JCPenney menswear mannequin with a nylon wig

is a choice I find endlessly mysterious, but I'm here for it.

Yeah, the full armor of God should include Trent Lott's hair for sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

And the other men in this movie.

Well, yeah, but Trent Lott explains that gay people don't want equal rights.

They want special rights.

And we all wrote such as, and the movie said moving on, right yeah

over and over again we're gonna get that so okay so then we get our hilariously convoluted title screen which reads I shit you not

citizens united for the preservation of civil rights presents over

Gay rights there wasn't room on one fucking screen for their entire title gay rights special rights inside the homosexual agenda tell me you can't find find an editor without telling me you can't find an editor.

Just someone popping their head into Tyler's office.

Hey, Tyler, is 19 words good for our title?

Oh, yeah, it's great.

No, no, no, exactly.

Title link.

Well, also, look, I mean, this is also, this title screen is what happens when there are no gay people in your life, right?

Yeah.

This is the worst goddamn title screen I have ever seen.

We could have done an episode on this title screen.

Yeah.

They needed the Star Wars credit scroll, but they couldn't afford single point point perspective

no they were on print shop and they maybe tried to do that and they're like that's not gonna work but we did learn about fonts today we will use three different ones oh boy yeah

i i think they went to shitsplat.com which is the online random font generator so they they had for some reason the gun smoke spur serif yes font for some reason the times new homo bold

and a startling cursive comic sans and clear real narrative tension that made me feel like anything could happen in this movie.

It's so it looks like the title is having a fight with itself in a font fight.

I wrote down saloon gay varsity my first cursive.

Interesting.

I had western saloon, gay block letters, and girls trapper keeper.

It's fucking nuts.

And then the narrator kicks in and he's like, hey, gay people don't as a protected class.

And here's why.

There's three things that you need to count as a protected class.

This is all complete bullshit.

This is coming from his asshole, right?

Because the first one is immutable characteristics.

But minority religions are a protected class.

Now, like, I'm not saying, like, sexual orientation is an immutable characteristic, right?

But even setting that aside, that's not even a requirement.

Like,

Jewish is not an immutable characteristic.

Fucking Muslim is not an immutable characteristic right like tell that to dennis prank

yeah it's funny that people screaming about how i made a choice are people who very clearly made a choice and i used to belong to a religion that sends about 60 000 handsome young men out into the world every day to help people make a different choice yes

right exactly So, but that's the first one, and we'll drill into how bullshit that is in a second here, but he gives all three of them.

The second is financial discrimination, which again, that's why the fuck would that be a requirement?

Well, yeah, and we'll drill into why that's bullshit.

Also, there is.

Yes, exactly, exactly.

And the third is political, you have to have political weakness, right?

And now we're going to tackle those one at a time, right?

Starting with the unchangeable characteristics, right?

Again, I just age is a protected fucking class.

Mark, did you have a lot of government power when you were living in Utah?

It was really amazing how much subsidizing I got for my choice of bullies.

Yeah.

My abuse of parents.

Yeah, that was really incredible.

That was all covered.

That's covered under the plan.

Oh, wow.

Pretty nice, huh?

Socialism.

So our parade of historical evil people now will land on former U.S.

Attorney General Edwin Meese.

Fucking yikes.

Yeah.

This guy tried to ban porn in 1986.

Sure, holy spent like two years doing a report on that.

And then he's like, yep, it's evil.

We should ban it.

Oh, you guys want to hear a sad story?

This guy's still alive.

He's like 93 or whatever, and he's still alive.

Well, I think they did a good job of stacking this movie with a bunch of totally unsuckable men.

So

it kind of worked as conversion therapy.

Truly, yeah.

No.

I'd give women another shot after watching this movie.

Let me take a look at

PTSD Kristen Wigg.

We'll get to her.

Yeah,

Emmanuel

McLittle.

If Emmanuel McLittle was the option, I'm going to try it one more.

All right, here we go.

So, okay, so, but then, so Trent Lott comes in one more time here, and I just, I have to point out this line because it's so chilling, right?

He says, quote, homosexuality is something that can be dealt with, can be controlled.

Yeah.

Apparently, he he thinks he's got his under control, I suppose.

Right.

Right, exactly.

So what he's saying is that homosexual urges are something that you can tamp down, but it also sounds like, well, you know, we could just take the motherfuckers out.

You know, like there is definitely a double meaning there that is like that he's aware of.

So, okay, so now it's time to meet Lou Lopez, Hispanic man in a suit, right?

That's his qualification.

to be in this movie, apparently.

Yes, and apparently he's the assistant to the regional manager of some school school district whose other underclass qualification other than being Hispanic is being only able to talk through his nostrils.

I thought he would understand

what it is to be a hated minority.

Yeah, right.

But see, that's what they're trying to do at this point in the movie, right?

They're trying to show you, like, hey, look, all the minorities have homophobes in it, right?

Therefore, we're not racist because this is where we meet Raymond Kwong of the Chinese Family Alliance.

What's the opposite of intersectionality?

The whole movie is like the argument from separationality that's what you're dealing with

they're doing a terrific job of assembling a wonderfully diverse coalition of frothing bigots yes yeah

and there's also i believe it was mclittle at the very end he cuts in here to go like you know homosexuals despite what you know literally every one of them self-report choose to be gay

it's like no matter what everyone that we've ever asked tells us on the subject

they're wrong yeah so right yeah exactly because said so otherwise why wouldn't they be here for a little bit of emmanuel mclittle in there right

they keep saying no to me proof in the puddings

i'm the pudding

so okay so we've taken care of immutable characteristics by sticking our fingers in our ear and yelling la la la.

So we move on to made up point number two, which is that the group has to have suffered economic discrimination and so now they're going to try to argue that gay people in the 1990s didn't suffer from economic discrimination right and they open and look hey that seems like a hard point to prove but don't worry they open with i mean sure you could be fired for being gay and i was like oh that i feel like that's not what you want to open with right

and just i'll i'll i'll put a little summation on this about the financial discrimination thing real quick so you know it was like eli said until very recently, legal to fire people for suspicion of homosexuality.

And then it wasn't.

And then, you know, now they do it anyway.

And teachers and daycare workers are routinely persecuted for the crime of being queer.

Teenagers are thrown out of their houses and disinherited on the regular for the sin of wanting love and companionship.

They often don't even finish high school.

Sometimes they turn to sex work.

They may never make it to college.

And then they get stuck in American wage slavery.

So, yeah, no financial discrimination whatsoever.

No, no, nothing, nothing.

And keep in mind, all that is right now, these guys are fighting against the before times, right?

Right.

So, here's a disturbing statistic, right?

Like, so household income amongst gay couples, I think, is higher than amongst heterosexual couples.

Congratulations, right?

But that's largely because people who are in that low-income bracket, if they're gay, are way more likely to die, right?

Whether it's by suicide or

be murdered or what have you.

So, like,

you know, that's one of the most terrifying of all the American statistics.

And they're just like, yeah, look, they have plenty of money, these gay people.

Right.

And also, queer people are sometimes high-income people because we have to start supporting ourselves at fucking 14.

Right.

I don't think we'll ever find the stability of a partnership or a marriage, you know, and life companionship.

And we're, and we're very often doomed to childness, childlessness by hysterical bigots, even if we want them.

And, you know, that creates a cash surplus sometimes assholes yeah and black people have statistically lower incomes because that's the world you made yeah don't blame it on the queer eye guys

exactly so because that that's the next thing that they do right is that they start putting up statistics of gay people versus black people in america right yeah i genuinely think this movie might not know that there are gay black people.

Yes, it's amazing.

I don't think they can imagine that somebody could be in two different minority groups at the same time.

They think that would, you would like shrivel up.

I don't know.

That's like DC Marvel.

That's DC Marvel.

They can't.

Right.

It's impossible.

I actually, I know a gay, deaf, Latino little person.

The movie would explode like scammy.

They would have to look at that person's reflection in their shield.

But yet, you know, Noah, you're totally right.

The casual casual statistical comparison of black agonies to gay ones,

they demand we all compete in the Discrimination Olympics.

Sure.

Yeah, until you score high enough in the centuries-long American hate scape they created.

White Christians just can't award you any rights.

Sorry, fag.

Fourth place just doesn't make the podium.

I guess, yeah, you just, you haven't crossed the finish line until you've been enslaved or whatever.

Yeah.

And of course, as they're doing that, I'm like, hey, why don't we compare compare gay black people to straight black people?

And they're like, what?

That doesn't compute.

And when we move on.

I didn't understand the sentence.

So, but then Jan Rice, she shows up to point out that, like, again, that, you know, we only have so many rights to go around and black people aren't done with the speaking stick yet, I guess.

Yeah, Jan makes a really important point in this film, which is that even if being gay sentenced you to hell, there are worse fates.

And it's being married to Jan Rice.

So, like, you know, it's there's sort of a positive side.

So, okay, so then we move on to point number three on their imaginary list of made-up protected class requirements, and that is that the group must be, quote, politically powerless.

Which, can I say, I was deeply impressed that in a movie where they just established that there were laws against these people to say there are no laws against these people.

It's bold.

It's a bold argument.

God, let's see how it works out for them.

And I was going to say, you know, the political weakness thing.

So, this is

1993, right?

When this movie was made, there were at least 50,000 queer people, mostly gay men, from a disease epidemic.

30,000 of us were dead before their sainted Ronald Reagan could be bothered to even mention it.

We're service members were tossed out and denied pensions and VA benefits without recourse.

Cops returned a handcuffed naked teenager bleeding from the ass to Jeffrey Dahmer because they didn't consider gay

domestic abuse to be a thing.

And in 1973, someone set fire to the upstairs lounge, a gay bar in New Orleans, burning 49 gay people to death.

And no one was convicted after a, quote, investigation.

So, yeah, maybe we just hired a shitty lobbyist.

You got to put in the money.

Thank you, Mark.

You got to open yourself up to that criticism.

We need the K-Street first.

We should have hired Grover Norquist, who will be introduced later as a good guy

by the movie.

Well, counterpoint, counterpoint, you were on Newsweek.

Yes, right.

Well, okay, my favorite moment in this entire stupid fucking movie is when they're trying to make the argument that, well, if you think about it, gay people have plenty of political power.

They say there's even a lesbian as the nation's top fair housing official.

Look out.

That was, yeah, right.

Yeah, you guys are set the world on fire now.

And to be clear, she was the assistant.

Yes, the assistant to the top fair housing official for the regional Clinton housing sector for two years.

It's so funny because they call this woman a militant lesbian activist.

And then they cut to her and she's just like, I got these little blue paper clips that I put on my best friend.

And I'm like,

these people have never met a fucking militant lesbian because if they had, they would not be alive to fellowship.

They would not be, they would not.

No, they would be a jacket somewhere.

She's awesome.

Roberta Actenberg, she integrated an all-white fucking KKK town in Texas, you know, kind of like MLK might have done.

Yeah.

She didn't like turn Odessa into like a like a woke lesbian condo town by force or anything.

She did a bunch of good stuff.

Yeah.

And that would have been good too.

And I love that, you know, they're super, super mad.

They're like, look at these people.

They're engaging in the shitty normal political process in this country of raising money and hiring lobbyists and campaigning for sympathetic politicians.

It's like some kind of Freemason fucking Illuminati wizard people plot that David Icke tripped over at the Celestine Ruins.

Yeah.

No,

he goes like the movie goes like, well, you know, gay people say that they're politically powerless, but they also claim to have donated $3.4 million to Bill Clinton's campaign.

God.

$3 million.

Remember when $3 million was like a big number for a gay?

I don't.

I actually don't.

When I was a boy playing hoop and stick,

but also I was like, hey, I wonder how much like money like all black people put together donated to the Clinton campaign.

I feel like it's more than $3.4 million.

So by your own standards, right?

Like, no one's politically powerless in this country, I guess.

Yeah, his campaign had like almost $100 million in donations, by the way, in 92.

So yeah, so yeah, right.

Oh, whoa, 3% is a pretty good, pretty, 3.5%.

That's pretty much it.

Yeah, that's 7% less than our representation in the population.

So

let's shake those cups a little harder.

So, and then like the not like that, Tyler.

We got to stop bringing in places.

So, yeah, so, but then the narrator quotes from a Supreme Court

selectively quotes from a Supreme Court decision that says, well, you know, gay people don't have rights.

And I'm like, hey, do we really want to use shit the Supreme Court used to think as our metric on rights, African-American narrator guy?

Yeah, and the way, the way that he so selectively says there is, in constitutional terms, there is no such thing

specifically as a right to commit acts of homosexual sodomy.

Yes.

Okay,

but there are not specific granted rights to like eat guacamole or love the wedding crashers or to own a ladybug print umbrella, but people assume it's a risk they can take.

Right.

Yeah.

So fucking dumb.

All right.

So then Edwin Meese cuts in to conclude that gay people should not have civil rights, actually.

Sorry, lost, lost my boner when his face came back on the screen.

Yeah, yeah, no, sure.

I was so close.

You can see why he wanted to get rid of porn, right?

Like he just gets rid of it as he walks into a room.

Yeah.

So, oh, and this is also where we meet Ralph Reed, who looks like his dad is trying to shut down the teens center.

Yeah.

Ralph Reed of the Christian Coalition.

and he says that nobody should have special rights or privileges.

And I wrote in my notes, really, Christian Coalition?

Are you sure that's your opinion?

I could smell the poppers through the years

when he appeared.

And he is throwing a lot of hobo hating shade for a guy who had his nose sculpted to look like queer icon Morgan Fairchild.

Exactly, yes.

All right.

Well, there's only so much of this we can take at a time.

So we're going to give ourselves a quick break, but we'll be back in a minute with even more of Gay Rights, Special Rights.

Dearest Martha, I write to you from the front lines of the gay civil war.

Our side has suffered heavy losses and our spirits are nearly broken, but we will remain strong.

General Hoarenthower managed to hold back their cavalry with matching gene outfits, but it was only a matter of time till they cut the asses out of them and turned them into chaps.

Did you know that all chaps are assless?

I did not, not until this terrible day.

Dearest Isabelle, another bad day here in the gay civil war.

Our boys were read filth on our way up Mount Goodmeyer, and there's hardly a one among them without a trip to the library.

Our spirits are as broken as Back Mountain, and I do not know how long we shall endure.

Dearest Jethunda, it is with a heavy heart that I inform you today that we offered our surrender to the homosexual army.

General Horenthauer tried to keep his head high, but when their Admiralty performed that choreographed version of single ladies in celebration, I could tell he would never recover.

Pray for me, pray for us all.

And we're back for more of this shit.

And we're going to rejoin the action by delineating the four basic myths of the gay agenda.

So this stupid fucking movie has to be doing a list, right, at all fucking times.

So we just did the three, whatever.

Now we're going to do the four myths.

Am I being gish golloped by a movie right now?

I'll just pause you, movie.

I was like, okay, I'm going to go ahead and guarantee they get all four wrong.

They do.

I think they should just don't make lists.

It goes badly for you.

What is a hat trick plus one?

Yeah.

Yeah, we haven't even bothered to name this yet.

As a new Canadian, I should know a hockey term, but I don't think there is

one for that.

Double brace.

All right.

But these myths, of course, they come from the, quote, militant homosexual leaders.

Mark,

who are the current militant homosexual leaders right now?

Or can you not tell us?

Well, I think there's probably Andy Cohen.

Okay.

Pete Budigesh feels like he's in the mix.

Yeah, not militant enough, I think.

No, okay, yeah.

Too nice.

No, I think it's Katy Perry wants to be, but she's not queer.

She went to space and they took all her gay ways.

She didn't stay.

But I do love, you know, they keep throwing around this word myth.

And it's like, all right, guys, if you want to have a conversation about what believing in myths entitles once to,

I'm here for it.

Yep.

Like, to be clear, all the talking heads so far are religious leaders.

leaders so okay so myth one is that homosexuality qualifies as a minority status movie's already dealt with that to its own satisfaction right we don't have to spend any time on that the movie doesn't ibbit here for real yeah

it's established we did that it's crazy we put it in our movie we could have just not included it if we felt like we addressed the point but here we are yeah and to be clear myth one gay people are a minority and then very next thing myth two gay people are 10 of the population And I was like, less than 50 is a minority.

That would be a fucking minority.

Yeah.

Yeah, but that's myth number two.

And that comes from,

sorry, where does that fucking come from?

Well, originally, I think it was kind of based on

the Kinsey study,

which they then go on to say that the guy who did it perfectly.

The guy who did it with Kinsey completely disavowed it, which he did not.

No.

He just admitted to all the standard difficulties in statistical sampling that every statistical sampling survey has.

Right.

That's it.

But like, according to what I saw, the current Pew surveys show that 9.3% of the population identifies as LGBTQ plus, which, which is pretty fucking close, right?

Because what changed since the 90s is the identifyingness.

Right.

Right.

Not the gayness.

That's right.

And also remember that it is often dangerous.

and scary to identify yourself as this thing.

Right.

Well, of course.

Yeah.

I believe personally through just life and my experience and being around a lot of conservative people who hit on me that the 10% is kind of an undercount.

Yeah, right.

Look to your left, look to your right.

Both of those people are having sex with Mark right now.

Yeah.

So, okay.

So

now we're going to go back to all of these myths in a second, but they delineate them all up front, right?

Myth number three is that people are born homosexual.

Myth number four is that gay people cannot change their behavior, right?

So like I said, we're going to go back to all of those, but the movie drills in on myth two, right?

The 10%

number.

And they point out, oh, well, you know, this guy who co-authored it, he, he disavowed it.

He didn't disavow it.

Like you said, he said that the number might be wrong.

And I'm like, I write in my notes, hey, what did he think the number was the movie?

And they just,

they say, we think it's 1%.

And that's based on like, I guess in 1993, when Pew asked, only 1% of people, only 1% of men were willing to admit that they were gay.

Sure.

And if it's only 1%, then they're taking way less equality from the pile of equality

so it's also a problem just relax yes and it's still three million people at the time right that's a lot of people yeah yeah

and then they show us jerry studs he was the the first they misspell his name by the way but they show him show us him he was the first openly gay person in u.s congress in 1993 right again they're trying to say that they though there's they're not politically powerless look one person in all of history in you know obviously there were more gay people in in congress than just jerry studs at the same time but the only openly gay person in all of the fucking history of the institution yes and and remember anytime they say openly that word is doing a fuck ton of work man like there have been so many queer people at in the seat of power for so long yes including even my paul lind was not open

yeah was not openly gay which is crazy neither was liberace but the safest place.

Center Square.

The safest place in the 1970s for a gay man was in front of a fucking television camera.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But of course, they show Jerry says they do the horror movie music and make him move in slow motion again.

And then we move on to myth number three that people are born, that people are born homosexual.

Now, I want to point out, when they put these myths, their myths on the screen, it'll say myth number whatever, and then it'll say the myth, and then below that, it'll say not true, right?

Like the question marks in Spanish.

It's got to be at the beginning and the end.

We do not endorse this thing in case somebody just glances at the screen for a second, I guess.

I don't know.

And this is where we meet, oh, God, our first former homosexual, right?

This is John.

His image has been blacked out to obscure his identity.

He's in witness protection from the gay mafia.

Gay gay was was so expensive, he couldn't pay his power bill.

That's what's up, guys.

Yeah, oh, okay.

Yeah, it gives a whole new meaning to Deep Throat.

So I've been doing a lot of research these days into the X-Kay world, and this is like actual fact.

There are two conclusions that I've drawn from it.

And conclusion the first is that it's deeply fucking sad.

Like all the orphans went to the circus and the tent burned down sad.

Conclusion the second, there are no X-Ks.

There are gay people traumatized into lives of total desolation through the cleansing barbarity of Christ's love, or there are liars, and that is it.

Yes.

Yep.

Yeah.

Right.

It's not a coincidence that every single one of these people that claims to be ex-gay in this movie, that when you drill down, they're like, and my family was really Christian and wouldn't accept me unless I did this, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, so this is where we meet our conversion therapist, Joseph Niccolosi.

Yeah.

Niccolosi, by the way, is like a very, very famous force.

He's the one who really started the practice of ECT for young gay men to convert them.

And so what I'm saying is sometimes I'm sad hell isn't real and Nickelosi is a really good example.

Like if God came down and was like, but it's just going to be Nickelosi, I'd be like, okay, I'm being hell.

And you're saying it's not even taking any space up in this universe.

Guys, let's hear him out.

Okay, I feel like that guy at some point was like, okay, but I got to watch out.

If I zap a straight person with electricity, it might add to the game.

It might turn them kids.

Oh, no.

Yeah,

he was one of the founders of NART, which was kind of the umbrella organization for the whole quackery of what's called conversion or reparative therapy.

And it's now

in the 2010s, the whole thing imploded.

You know, Journey into Manhood and all these different things completely imploded.

And if you just want to give yourself a treat, watch the Stephen Fry Out There episode where he sits and talks to Niccolosi and at the end he's like, you seem very gay to me.

Niccolosi looks like he just got slime.

Beautiful.

Can I say my favorite fact about Joseph Niccolosi?

Oh, please.

He no longer has a grave in the city that he was in in California because it has been destroyed 11 times.

Oh, really?

They just, whoever cares about him, and it's nobody, has to go to a particular piece of grass and be like, I'd put a rock here, but Uncle Mark keeps coming.

So now we have to shit somewhere else.

11 people got in.

That's cool.

In death, he got what he could not get in life, which is active scat play.

Well, okay.

And I just, I have to point this out, right?

Because he comes on and he says, well, you know, there's no conclusive evidence that that you're born, that people are born gay, right?

That's his entire purpose at this point in the movie.

And then somebody else just comes on and says, well, I'm pretty sure they choose to be gay.

That's like, you know, that feels like that's a different standard than conclusive evidence, right?

Than some lady wandering onto camera with a fucking dole whip and being like, I think they shoot it.

Also,

let's give it up for drunk, topless, bisexual girl who just said the words gay and choice in her sentence enough times that they were like, I think the footage of this goes.

Guess what?

Can I take a camera outside of any fucking straight bar in the world at 3 a.m.

and just ask questions about hot political topics?

That's called TikTok, yeah.

Well, right.

And, well, and be like, and this is what the straights think.

Yeah.

Right.

So, okay.

And now we're going to tackle myth number four, four, which is that you can't ungay people, right?

And this is where we learned that, well, where I learned, I guess, that Niccolosi was a conversion therapist.

I guess some of us already knew that.

And he's like, oh, yeah, no, I can totally torture a gay person into pretending to be straight.

You want to watch?

You want to see that?

Oh, yeah.

And this is where we're going to meet

our parade of former homosexuals, right?

Alan, who I think gayness kicked out because of the mustache, but he says he chose to leave.

not in the 90s, they didn't.

No, that was

the uniform du jour in the 90s.

That mustache.

Is he the one that was standing disconcertingly close to a wall?

Yes.

He is pressed up against a wall.

I'm like, is he trying to get out of his Berlin?

What is fucking happening?

Yeah, see, Alan introduces himself.

He says he was a practicing homosexual for 17 years, and I wrote in my notes, okay, how good did you get at it, Alan?

Yeah, you must have got pretty good.

And then Luanna, she says she's been, quote, out of the gay life, and quote, for about eight years.

Yeah, I don't believe you and neither does your top Luanna.

Yeah, yeah.

But then you pulled me back in.

Right, yeah.

Then we meet Sean, an AIDS patient and, quote, former homosexual.

We meet him and he goes, God has healed me.

Not of the AIDS.

Interestingly, you don't think if he's going to heal me of something, that would be the thing.

But no, it's of knowing love

before I die again.

Yeah.

And I was sorry to see that the captain of the captain and Tenil had fallen on such rough times.

Such hard times.

Yeah.

I guess we didn't keep them together.

Question: Does anyone over 55 listen to this podcast?

Because that was.

Oh, I sure hope so, man.

You're probably going to listen a little later, right?

I feel like I'm listening right now, but I could be wrong.

Yeah, maybe.

Play it at the old folks' home.

Make them turn the big TV that usually has prices right on into this podcast we listen to it right after mr roosevelt stuff speaks

when the president takes that blanket off his lab oh boy i'll tell you

so yeah so but then we meet a couple more like the one guy goes he goes god has healed me of of the need for and he pauses for a really long time because he wants to go dick come together

really felt for this kid he's like the young corky st.

Claire Yes.

He's talking with such yearning about the blood of a youthful Jesus making him ex-gay.

He's like, babe, the blood ain't working.

Your life is on the stage.

Yes.

Yeah.

No, he's going.

He goes like, and I'm a heterosexual man now, smile.

I mean,

I don't say the word smile.

Oh, I love vaginas.

Sorry.

I had some tacos in 1989 and they're just.

I was thinking about about Jan again.

I was thinking about Jan.

They're like sand.

She looks like the tree that's friends with Kirby.

Don't make her go.

No.

All I hear when a gay, ex-gay guy is talking about like loving vagina.

My friend Ken, when he was coming out of gay as a $3 bill, Kentucky boy, when he was coming out of anesthesia after surgery, he looked at a nurse, never seen a woman naked in his life.

Looked at the nurse and said, I'll bet you have a beautiful pussy.

I hear that every single time that she went.

There you go.

Me too now.

Apparently, yeah, right.

And then there's also a moment where, because this movie just cannot pass up on a double entendre that it doesn't notice, right?

Because Nickelosi comes in and he goes, don't get sucked into the gay agenda.

Why you keep thinking about sucking, man?

So, okay.

And then the narrator tells us about the gay marshes' attendance numbers over more ominous tones, right?

They tell us gays, lesbians, sadomasochists, and transgenders were attracted to Washington in the hundreds of thousands.

Yes, it's a catch-all word for those people.

They're called citizens.

Yep.

Yeah, right.

And they even say at this point, he goes, like, organizers resorted to full-page advertisements and gay publications.

I'm like, resorted to?

Yes.

You mean advertised?

Look, fellas, I don't want to invite everybody, but I've got a credit at the Village Voice.

Yeah, it's right after the once-a-century meeting of the Elders of Zion was over in the Prague Cemetery, the gays got together and said, So, which one of these papers y'all want to put the advertisement in?

Dennis, are you staying for our meeting too?

Okay, Dennis is staying for our meeting.

Now, we can double up in rooms, T He.

And okay, so, and because this movie, again, can only exist in in numbered bullet points, they're now going to tell us about the seven demands that the gay marchers for this, this March on Washington had.

And they are going to lie about seven of them.

Yeah.

It's like they use ChatGPT from 1993.

It's just all made up.

It's all made up.

It was which is all the crazier because they actually show us

the document that has it.

Like we can read the first three that they're going to lie about.

Yes, exactly.

The first thing is like they demand a removal of the age of consent laws.

And I'm like, okay, hold up.

Yeah.

And then I was going to research it.

And then I was like, oh, I can just pause.

Right.

I can just read it off your movie.

I can just demand in their movie under that voiceover.

And there is not a single word saying that.

It only says between consenting adults.

Yes.

Sure does.

I was like, okay, well, they're lying.

And then I was like,

I'm going to check what this is.

I didn't realize it was actually on the screen.

I just looked it it up on Wikipedia.

But Google was like, dude, what?

Yes.

No.

Yeah.

It's like Kevin Spacey in the first fucking scene of visual suspects being like, don't tell anybody I'm Tyler Sosa.

Yeah.

Spoilers.

But yeah, so to be clear, the first demand says,

they demand, quote, repeal of all sodomy laws and other laws that criminalize private sexual expression between consenting adults.

That's in there.

They specifically don't.

And then the the lies, after they say that they want to rape children, it says they also want to remove the laws on like dress codes, like all dress codes.

Dress codes.

Right, which A isn't in there.

And B, they've just now put on par with child rape.

Yeah.

And C, I've never seen anyone enforce a dress code more strictly than the gay population.

Have you worn white before Labor Day in front of a gay man?

Well, that

only started, Eli, after this movie was released.

After this, that's interesting.

I'm ramped up.

But, you know, also in researching my documentary and kind of getting to understand what the specifically Mormon panic is around sexuality and gender, it is really that they believe it is performative, that you have to perform gender and sexuality, and that we make choices.

We've made this choice because deep down they think they have, right?

Right.

So straight guys, you know, think that, sorry i'm i'm i'm lumping you guys in with this they they have no clue that their punisher t-shirts and their ar5 hundies with and their their f-150s with punisher stickers on them are as gender affirming as a trans girl wearing makeup yes you're making your exterior present how you feel inside it's kind of funny but it's a hundred percent true absolutely absolutely they they put testicles on their pickup trucks and don't realize it's gender affirming.

Yeah, fucking nuts.

I do feel like a testicle inside, though.

So, but then, okay, so then we get demand number two, which according to the movie, quote, diverts defense budget funds to cover AIDS patients' medical expenses.

It says none of that.

Specifically just for AIDS patients.

Well, and specifically from defense budget.

So the actual demand, again, quote, we demand massive increase in funding for AIDS education, research, and patient care, universal access to health care, including alternative therapies, yikes, and an end end to sexism in medical research and healthcare.

That's what they demanded.

None of a fucking defense budget in there.

Well, again, it's in the movie.

The demand is on screen in the movie, and it doesn't say anything about that, but I will to fund the fucking Defense Department to come

for fucking health care.

Everybody, dude.

It's a great place to find the money.

Nice big line item.

Yeah.

And then also it says, like, the second demand would call for taxpayer-funded sex change operations.

Again, no the fuck.

I just read the entire thing to you.

It said it would call for the supply of needles to IV drug addicts.

Again, nothing like, like these are both good ideas.

Stay on task, though, gays.

Come on.

Yeah, come on, guys.

Single payer, not single prayer.

Single payer, not single prayer.

So then we get demand number three, which it says would legalize same-sex marriage.

Again, it actually stopped short of that.

Yeah.

Right?

The actual demand doesn't even go that far.

And it's so they're so mad about sharing a word, and it fits with this whole movie.

They think a word is like it has a small pile of meaning, like the concept of equality.

Right.

Multiple people are using it.

Like the gay people are stealing units of word value from the miscegenators.

And now we can't have mixed race.

They're stealing mixed race marriage so they can have same-sex marriage.

And again, crazy.

Just let us have the 60% you fucked up.

We'll just take the cast off.

Sure.

Every time a straight couple gets divorced, there's one more wedding for a gay couple there in the pile.

It's like a table at a restaurant.

That's good.

It's like an understudy.

You should just have that red.

So me and my husband have been, you know, 27 years together, love the shit out of each other.

It works beautifully, despite one of the people in the marriage being me.

So we didn't need a ceremony or a ring to say that we love each other, you know, for life,

but we did need the civil protection as queer people, a legal contract of marriage to make sure that he could come to my hospital if I got sick,

which lordy, I did, and so that my estranged Mormon family couldn't swoop in and take what was, what little we built together because America is a fucking living hell, right?

Right.

That's what marriage is a contract that protects people.

So I'm personally ambivalent about forcing churches to do it.

If you want your fucking snake handling double-wide to be fucking tax and fact-free,

go with God.

You're cool with me.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I hate to disagree with you, Uncle Mark, but I absolutely want the snake handlers to be forced at gunpoint to do a kick wedding.

And I think you're not picturing it when you say you're open to it.

I think we need to increase the defense budget to make that happen.

Yeah, there you go.

I'm seeing it.

I'm seeing it.

So, right?

Yeah.

Just Bernie Sanders with the muzzle of a gun next to someone's temple while he goes, and now pronounce you sissy that walk.

I mean, there's a lot of opportunity for comedy that you're passing on here.

So, yeah, so, but then we, okay, and then we show a person, like a gay couple saying, hey, we just want the same benefits for our marriage.

And then I'm like, hey, there's evidence of that economic discrimination you were looking for earlier, but they move on.

They get the demand for, the demand for is the only one they get remotely right.

Right.

It says it would require inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexuals, and transgender people in education and childcare, which doesn't demand childcare specifically, but that's more or less what that demand actually was.

Right.

And to be clear, that was just stop firing us for being gay.

It was not a mandatory hiring.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

There wasn't like, yeah, a certain quota of gay people in each child care facility or whatever.

Yeah.

And then

Demand 5, the movie presents it as, quote, requires contraceptives and abortion services be made available to all ages.

And they show a bunch of seven-year-old girls playing ring around the fucking rosy as they're saying that.

Right.

And it isn't, it is like yay human rights generally, but is it an odd thing to bring up in a gay anti-gay documentary?

Right, right.

Yeah.

Again, that's not at all what their actual demand was, even.

Right.

The worst, though, is demand six, right?

So the movie says that demand six, quote, provides taxpayer funding for artificial insemination of lesbians and bisexuals and forbids religious-based concerns regarding homosexuality from being expressed.

That's an amazing one.

Right?

That's not what it says, but I love that.

Here's demand number six.

This is a real fucking thing that you can look up.

It was literally in its entirety, quote, we demand an end to racial and ethnic discrimination in all forms.

Oh, dear.

End quote.

That's the whole fucking thing.

Where are they going to steal it from if that happens?

It doesn't make sense.

so and then they say that demand number seven requires organizations such as the boy scouts to accept homosexual scout masters has nothing to do with that it's just again just it's insane how far apart what they're saying and what the demands actually say are but okay so then we meet david mixner he is a gay advisor senior advisor to bill clinton is this just the guy who's is this the guy who talks about the aids crisis helping galvanize the the community Yeah, I believe so.

Yeah, super articulate and just super normal guy.

I'm like, yeah, villain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he explains that, don't worry, Bill Clinton's going to take care of all the gay rights.

Then they've got this shot of like some people at this march.

They're chanting, we're young, we're queer, we're going to rule the world.

And they're in the movie goes like, right, rule the world, like Lex Luther.

Think of the outfits they'll make us wear, everybody.

That's now.

We have secret footage of their meeting.

We found out when they want it.

It turns out it's now, guys.

Oh, no.

Now we're coming right now.

Damn it.

We get the guy at the speaker who's yelling really loud and they're like, huh?

That guy's pretty yelly.

Okay, that's a good idea.

Dude, I love Duke Komedes so much.

First of all, if you haven't looked up Duke Komede's speeches, I am convinced Duke Komedes is a time traveler from like 2047

who was forcibly time traveled back to bigotry times because all of his speeches are like, How do you not see you're the bad guy?

This is so obvious.

Yeah, I guess I'm feeling a crazy person right now.

Who am I even arguing with?

And the movie, the movie's trying to make a pop scare out of that guy's crowd, but he's a little too futurey and yelly, and they're a little confused in the crowd.

So he screams for a while, and then they show the crowd, and the crowd's like,

I think we're clapping.

I mean, I agree.

That guy's, he seems like like he's from the future and he's angry about he's i had him as gay charlie day it's like if patty

so okay so then the narrator scaremongers about the gay and lesbian inaugural ball for clinton right they're like for the first time there was a gay and lesbian ball for the inauguration gay icon william jefferson

yeah

that was scary to the movie well and to be clear the clinton administration didn't put this ball gay people had a ball and they are allowed to theme it however they want yes

and and i look i got to tell the haters that this was not the first gay ball at an inauguration

right

all your weddings and parties and balls so they don't suck more than they already do every ball ever has been a gay ball that's true yeah the offerings you do without our help are called church yep

So,

yeah.

And then they're like, you know, Clinton even thanked the attendees by video.

He wasn't actually there.

Are you fucking with me?

He said the McCameos.

Yes, right, right.

Yeah, I think these people were worried that he was going to get HIV via VHS.

And then they show this actual goddamn headline.

God, what a terrifying time capsule of how bad it was 30 years ago.

They show this headline that just says, Clinton to meet with gays.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, and then there's the girl that's later.

Yeah, right.

But then the woman comes in and she says, you know, don't worry, I think Bill Clinton's going to take care of the gay rights.

And I'm just like, oh, guys, don't tell her.

Don't ask and don't tell her.

Don't ask.

So, okay, so now we need a new bulleted list.

So we're going to talk about the impact that gay rights would have on various institutions, right?

So we start with impact on business.

For some reason, all of these are in this like solid gold, like, you know, pawn your title, keep your car fonts.

Yes, it's very much like the book of Lehigh

font.

But hey, podcast is true.

Remember that funny jape I made earlier about forcing businesses to hire a gay person?

They're actually going to make that argument.

Yes.

Yeah, Trent Lott of Mississippi is like, well, what would happen to Nile if a homosexual came down the Mississippi and sued a business?

I'm like, dude, I will buy you a fancy new hair hat

to back your lobbyists gangbanged if you just show me this

in the Delta.

They got shut down for not making their wedding cake.

Yeah, he says, if a gay person wants a job and for whatever reason you don't hire that person, and I I wrote in my notes, nope, it's just the one reason you don't hire him that you would get in trouble for, right?

Yeah, exactly.

He's like, Well, you know, if it's illegal to discriminate against gays, you could get in trouble for discriminating against gays.

And I'm like, oh, yes, no, that's a very good point, U.S.

Senator Trent Lott.

It's a real catch-22.

You see, I don't care.

Well, it's a catch-11, it turns out.

They tell me it's a catch-11.

That sounds pretty bad, too, though.

And this is where we see see fucking baby grover norquist

unbelievable yeah he he says the same thing basically like it's going to be too many lawsuits if discrimination counts as discrimination yeah and i was like oh lawsuits are about do you mean like the lawsuit about your lobbying firm defrauding native americans but yeah secretly then lobbying against them to hike up your lobbying piece with jack abramoff that one woof is that what you're talking about why would you put grover norquist in your movie he's like the most evil it's so perfect as an evil character.

It's insane.

True origin story.

You guys probably know this.

This is his whole thing.

When he was a kid, he asked his dad for change at the ice drink to buy a candy bar.

His dad gave him the money, but he said had to share it with his little sister.

And on that cursed day, a pale, chubby, handful-taxed and civil liberties supervillain with asthma and a skin condition was born.

No.

Never make your preteen children share treats.

Yeah, clearly.

Clearly.

And he tells that as if, like, huh?

How about it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, Republicans in the room get it.

There's probably like they start to, a tear wells up in their eye when they hear the word share.

He had to share a nickel with his sister.

And then he was like, no taxes ever in any society.

That's actually, wow, that's the original.

Literally true.

That's what he said.

Guys, his Chiron lists him as former economist.

I think it's accurate.

They found out about the lobbying group.

Right, right, yeah.

So, but And he says they bring on like this quintessentially evil person who's nothing but a former economist just to say, well, you know, the problems this would cause are just unimaginable.

And I'm like, well, is that why you weren't able to imagine a single one for the purposes of this fucking documentary?

Guys, being a bigot could get pricey.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

But then we're going to get the impact on education and we're going to see like the shockingly resilient claims in the anti-gay playbook, right?

Oh, boy, aren't they, though?

Everything old is new again.

Yeah.

So, yeah, to be clear, most of the arguments here, even the anti-gay people of today would kind of wince at and be like, ooh, we don't admit that we think that anymore in public.

But these ones just sound exactly like you're trying to run for fucking governor of Virginia, right?

Yeah.

So first, they quote a satirical fucking piece that sounds really terrifying about we want to seduce your, we sodomize your sons or whatever the hell it is hey bigots I'm sorry to ruin your little rant and of terror they're still your sons when they're consenting adults man you know that

just because you kick them out of the house doesn't mean that all sons by definition are children yeah and the way that quote is presented unless gay community news is an official vatican newspaper and that quote is not being translated from latin i call bullshit yeah well right So, yeah, that's the other thing.

Hey, look, hey, man, a straight guy once wrote Mein Kampf.

You know, well, we think.

You know, what the fuck are you trying to even prove?

And again, it was a satirical fucking piece.

It's a clearly satirical piece if you read the whole goddamn thing.

And then they talk about Project 10, which was a thing back in the 90s, I guess, that it was like an effort to bring gay inclusivity into schools.

Yeah.

They're scared about like the teaching of gay sex in schools.

So obviously sex ed has heterosex in it at the very least.

So like there's a group of bigots that is in a weird place.

They're cool with sex ed class, but they start to panic if like two penis diagrams get too close.

Yeah.

Oh man.

Exactly.

If you do that thing where you try and cross over the projector and then it doubles the image, they just

run screaming from the room.

I got to recuse myself from this, guys.

I grew up in Utah.

So this whole sex ed thing, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Yeah, Yeah, right.

One of my favorite tenants about Project 10, because I was doing some research into it.

So Project 10, one of their goals wasn't actually just about teaching like inclusive sex education.

It was about getting misinformation about gay sex.

out of sex education.

Yes.

And one of the pieces that I thought was so funny, and I could not find like an original source on this, but Wikipedia is pretty good about it, said that apparently in some parts of sex education, it said that anal sex damages the anus irreparably.

Yes.

Yeah, I know that because I was taught that in Sex Ed.

Wait, what?

That's how I know that.

That's what's wrong, Mark.

That's what's been wrong this whole time.

Hey, guys, I got to run.

Do you mean run?

Not run.

Waddle.

But right, but like they show this clip of this woman who started Project 10.

She goes, we demand accurate information about homosexuality in sex education.

And the movie is just like,

right?

Because obviously that has to be terrifying.

And then we meet fucking Foghorn Leghorn's sugar daddy, Marlon Maddow.

I had a Miss Marlon Maddow cantaloupe hypnotist.

And before

we

get into him, I just want to preface everything that's coming by saying that nobody thinks or talks about gay sex sex as much as straight people horrified by gay sex.

Yes.

No one other than Christians are obsessed with what children know and think about sex.

So, you know, this whole thing with schools, if you hate pedophiles, stop being them, leave our gay asses out of it.

Also, they always scream about, well, there's just no room for that kind of talk, sex and sexuality in our schools.

And I'm like, you motherfuckers have problems.

Yes.

Yes.

It's not just gayness queerness it's not just about sex it is it is about attraction and companionship and fun just like being straight in high school is right yes hey quick question for you guys does the movie think masturbation is gay because they have a whole section about that

yeah they have a whole it was the the playbook for kids about sex was one of the like scary books they show us yeah it's going to teach kids how to masturbate yeah but there's no pairs or more of people in it, so it was confusing.

But I enjoyed this book.

We see a little bit of it.

It's like how to masturbate on the toilet, how to masturbate in a tree.

It was like Soucian, how to masturbate on a rocking horse.

What the fuck?

There was a suggestion you shinny up a pole or slide down a banister.

And I was like, okay, this is an amazing book.

It was a good idea, actually.

Yeah.

Right.

I never used my math training.

I could have totally used that.

Tell us, is it gay to slide down a guy bannister, a man bannister?

I also like there's a guy who pops up at this point and he goes, well, you know, boys are particularly susceptible to this because there's a phase of your life where you really like

other boys a lot.

Like a lot.

I'm like, no, you're just gay, man.

You're just gay.

Hey, because the only thing that straight people like to talk about more than how horrified they are by gay sex is how fucking gay gay they are.

Did you see his eyes just kind of become distant when he was talking about

an age where boys just

want to be with other boys?

Rubbing bare shoulders against each other.

You know, we've all been through that phase.

So, yeah, so but then Leo shows back up, the nose talker from earlier.

He's worried that they're going to use taxpayer dollars to promote the homosexual agenda in the schools.

Right.

He says they're taking authority away from the parents, and that's yet another timeless homophobia classic, obviously.

But hey, unpopular opinion: almost all of the parents I know should have at least some of their authority taken away.

You should entirely bypass all parents in edge.

All parents are idiots.

There's like a couple that are teachers, probably, so like they can be in charge of stuff.

And even then, they shouldn't be in charge of their own kids.

They should have to do a swap season with another person's kid.

I would have been so much better off if I was adopted by the lunch lady.

And then, so we see William Bennett, former secretary of education.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

Hey, if I was the former education secretary, I think in the first sentence where I was describing my agenda, I would not mention that we were last at math and science.

God, I'm awful at my job.

Anyways, here's what I think about the Moe's.

I think he was boasting.

Yeah, right, right.

You would believe, we were way up there when I took over.

I got us up to last place.

He's also doing it from like the back office of a grocery store where he works.

That is weird.

Yeah.

He might as well have a noose with a little post-it note that says Ford later just hanging gently back and forth.

No funeral.

Yeah, you know, it's not enough that he was Reagan's education secretary, which tells you what a piece of shit he is.

But let's take a real quick gander at this guy.

that is the author of a piece of children's Christian propaganda trash called The Book of Virtues.

And while he was writing that, he was blowing through millions of dollars as a compulsive gambler.

And when he got exposed, he's like, oh, I'll stop.

Then he said, not really.

And then he said this on his conservative radio show in 2005.

If you wanted to reduce crime, you could.

If that were the sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country and the crime rate would go down.

That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down oh but i'm talking about it i don't know just i'm saying it again

sentences that aren't questions mother i forgot to take the pill this morning and so i'm talking about

extinguishing the blacks again wait a minute your movie started with what footage okay let's go again yeah right right hey he had a dream not me

so but then oh i also i love this they show like a drag show for a second and there's a title that comes up immediately it says male transvestites 1993 March on Washington, because they have to put that up because they're like, don't get turned on by this.

I know it's

like you're only seeing them from behind, and it's super fucking hot right now, but these are guys.

Read the caption before it moves.

Yeah, right.

So, but then they show kids watching the drag show and they focus it.

There's like one kid is crying.

Oh, I love this.

Right.

So they focus up on like his one single tear.

Well, right before that, they show a bunch of kids laughing and smiling and having

at this like burlesque-ish dancing show, whatever.

And then for one second, they get one kid crying, but he might have been, it might have been tears of laughter.

It wasn't clear.

It's a quick shot.

And then right back to the dancing.

I was just like, who's shooting that video?

Yeah.

You set it up to like show a kid crying with like a huge 90s camcorder right in his face and then go back.

Crazy.

See, my take on it as the, as the gay correspondent, my take on it was that, you you know, obviously he's crying.

You've got a 60s Liza next to a 90s Madonna.

What a train wreck.

Smart kid.

Good for him.

I'd cry too.

Amazing.

So, okay.

All right.

Well, one thing that we've learned is that those gays sure are impacting.

But before we see what they're going to impact next, we need to take a quick break.

So I'm going to give Act Three the hard sell here.

Did gay people's rights increase after 1993

did black people's rights decrease after 1993

okay but it was unrelated though damn it so stick around to see if they've broken clock their way into any other correct predictions when we return for the wince juice conclusion of

gay rights special rights

I gotta say, Mr.

Miller, I really appreciate the opportunity at this job.

I thought you weren't interested, honestly.

Well, Johnson, if I'm being honest, I wasn't.

Oh, um, what

changed your mind?

It's these darn civil rights laws.

Turns out, now you have to hire a gay guy.

Oh, no, I don't think you, like, had to.

No, no, don't try to comfort me.

I can see the writing on the wall.

These new laws gave me no choice but to hire you.

Now, about your accommodations.

Um, accommodations?

Yeah, for your lifestyle.

I did a little research on the internet last night, and I understand you'll you'll need to kiki like a smoke break every couple of hours.

Kiki?

Or Kai Kai, whatever you prefer to call it.

You don't have to clock out.

If you just make it around 15, that'd be Mr.

Miller.

I really appreciate you getting with the times or whatever, but none of this that you just said made sense.

Oh, hey, girl, you must be the new hire.

Greg here is really getting on board with the new laws that make him hire us.

Did he tell you about the mandatory raise for Pride Month?

We get a raise for that?

Yeah, please don't sue me.

Okay, I'm off for my cakey break.

Again, you just went, Clyde.

Pride month.

Yeah, Pride Month.

You know what?

I think I'll stay.

And we're back for still more of this shit, and we're going to rejoin the scaremongering with the impact that gay rights is going to have on the church.

Which is.

Yay.

Yeah, right, right.

It's the same thing, though, right?

Because they just said the impact on business would be that you couldn't fire people for being gay.

And the impact on church is like, you wouldn't be able to fire people for being gay, but it would be even worse because it would be a church.

Yeah, sadly, all their scaremongering about the church is not true in the case of gay rights, but I would like to say for the record, I wish it was.

That sounds awesome.

I know.

I don't know who it was.

Was it the,

it wasn't the Timu Morgan Freeman narrator.

It was the,

something else was saying the impact being devastating.

He's like, Well, what if a Sunday school teacher, youth director, a choir member?

And I just automatically assumed he was going to go to, you know, what if any of them had to pay a price for their constant sexual abuse?

No, that's not where they were going.

Nope.

It's a different concern that they had.

They're like, we'll lose our tax exemptions for refusing to do gay marriages.

And I'm like, all right, well, all this footage already had me hard.

Come on, you know.

Yeah.

And as a gay person who kind of doesn't give a shit about that, it's like, you know what?

I'm going to go ahead and say

this can be number 700 of the reasons you should lose your tax exempt status.

Yeah, sure.

Right.

Exactly.

Sure.

Yeah.

So, okay, but apparently that's it for the church, right?

They have two seconds on impact for the church.

And then another title card ushers us into a discussion about the impact on the family.

So the one guy, I could think it's me, so I can't really remember at this point, although white guys start to look alike at a certain point.

But he goes, now instead of family being man, woman, children, it'll be

whatever people want it to be.

And we're like, yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Is that like a self-evidently bad thing to you?

It's so good.

And the movie didn't know what to do.

And so they're like, and also,

I wasn't done.

Wait, give me some fucking

carousel.

This is a carousel.

Is it a gay one?

Probably.

I don't know.

Hey, guys.

Gay carousels.

We're trying to make that section about our movie about how scary it would be for gay families.

Should we show, I'm going to say 10 straight minutes of footage of perfectly happy queer families existing in complete bliss with each other?

Is that what we should do?

Should we show two lesbians with two incredibly lucky adopted children that they very clearly love the shit out of, who otherwise would not have that much love in their fucking lives?

Should we show

that?

Yes.

Loving people

taking in unwanted children that straight people made.

Yes.

Yes.

And also, like any of these, like you said, these fucking white guys, I lose track of them.

I am one, and I've lost track of myself in this thing.

But

to come on, like these guys talking about who should have what rights and how they are the paragons.

And, you know, it's like, I may be named after four different Confederate generals, a slave ship and a hickory tree.

But I declare, for me to just let anyone who wants to shack up for a while without my consent,

what will become of this country?

My grandfather took up arms to destroy.

Yeah, right.

Yes.

Yes.

The one guy, he goes, he comes up and he goes, well, you know, homosexuality, it strikes at the very root of civilization.

And I'm like, okay, it's weird that you keep thinking about roots every time homosexuality comes up, but what the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah.

I'm not Trent Lott, but I can see your confusion.

We all do look the same.

We get an ominous pan over someone who has a protest sign that says we are family.

And I wrote in my notes, I mean, that's a song lyric.

They had to know that.

Yep, yep.

It sure is.

Yeah, but they explained that LGBTQ rights are, quote, a total rejection of the basic building block of society, end quote.

That building block being the families that they want to get in on.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

there's there's also a moment where I guess Phil Donahue was at this march

and they show him.

They're like, look at that motherfucker.

That's fucking Donahue.

Gay, gay, gay guy.

We saw him.

Gay, gay, he's right there.

Is this where they start showing that like those groups of poly people kind of all arm in arm?

Yes.

Uh-huh.

There was one where I agree I did get vertigo from the height disparity among that group.

Sure.

It was pretty impressive.

And then, did you notice the one on the end?

Who knew the unabomber was so woke in the 90s yeah

yeah

well so what i love about the height disparity is that two of them were topless women so they're trying to pixelate their boobs but they're such different heights that it's really hard to do without getting that one short lady's head so and she's the one talking yeah one of the guys just ends up looking like the alpha zombie from 28 years later

No, that's her boob.

Damn it.

But yes, okay.

And this is where they're really going to lay in on us, right?

Because this is where they explain that the average American hasn't learned about the dark realities entrenched in the homosexual lifestyle.

Is this Marilyn?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look, hey, podcast listener, bring it in.

Sit, let's chat for a second.

This is not a fun movie, and everyone in it should be lit on fire and then trapped underground.

But I would listen to Marilyn Matt

Marlon Maddow.

Marlon Maddox describes gay sex as an audiobook subscription for the rest of my life.

It's the best.

He's like, when you think about gay men, it's two guys, you know, middle-aged,

strong jawlines,

two days of stubble.

And somebody's like,

they're both sweating.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bunsen don't had a Chris

Chris Kringle twinkle in his eye.

Didn't he?

When he was talking about shit, I heard for the first time from him.

Right, right.

So they're explaining how gay sex works.

And I don't want to encourage Thomas Smith or anything, but I brought a clip.

The ingestion of feces.

What?

That he engages in such things as anal intercourse.

Okay.

He engages in such things that's known as fisting.

What is that?

In which one partner takes his fist and it's inserted in the anus of the other person.

Mylon, focus up.

What were you saying about how often these people think about gay sex?

It escalated so fast.

It was like masturbation, piles of steam and shit.

I'm going to describe fist and now, yeah, no, I said, I heard, you don't have to yell.

I got it.

I'm back.

The one guy goes, you know, gay sex can range from mutual masturbation all the way up to shitting on each other.

And I'm like, that's a a weird scale, brother.

Now, now they call this one the Tasmanian dodecahedron.

I brought a chart.

You're going to need 26 able-bodied men.

The famed puzzle in a thunderstorm comes back.

Yeah.

But yeah, so, but they explain in detail all the different gay sex.

They start talking about,

oh, we bring in Kathy Ray, the RA.

God, Kathy's the best.

Kathy rules.

That'd be some Christian lady in my notes.

Isn't that right?

Yes.

Okay.

Kathy.

So, again, for our younger listeners, this is going to be like such a foreign concept.

But at some point, and I think we can all verify this.

At some point, as a person growing up in the 90s, one of your friends' moms would just say some out-of-pocket, completely bizarre,

untrue shit.

Some Kathy Ray shit.

Kathy Ray is their queen.

She is the one from whom all other suburban moms saying a crazy lie are come forth.

Hey, can I get you all some popcorn?

Gay people lick buttholes.

What?

What?

Popcorn.

And she was, she took.

She took Mayor McCottage Cheese's excitement about

talking about, you know, diaper play

and fucking

golden showers.

There's rimming.

Rimming, you probably

tried to cool off by sitting in that florist refrigerator.

Yep.

Pore gas while she's talking about ribbing.

I was like, oh my God, this woman is about to have like a Saint Teresa levitation moment.

I don't think the movie knows about female buttholes.

Does it seem like that's what's happening here?

here?

It definitely knows.

Yeah, because everything that they're listing is also stuff that straight people do.

I don't know that Christians know that women have buttholes.

Well, that's true.

That's true.

Not these guys.

Fellas, is it gay if my ladywife has a butthole?

But yeah, so then we get some clips of some gay guys talking about S ⁇ M.

And like one guy was like, they're clearly being asked about like the most extreme stuff that they've ever seen.

But mostly they're still like saying But you know, it's, it's like respectful and it's all about drawing people together.

And they're like, and then you can just hear the filmmaker just go, God damn it, stop it.

You know?

Yes.

One guy has such a great take.

He's like, look, we do it in a way that's consensual and happy for everybody.

And you see the camera shake with rage for a second.

Like,

I had to add the stupid.

You're supposed to just say chains.

Yeah.

And I know that the fucking Christians want BDSM and cake to be a sexuality, but it's just, it's not.

Every stripe of the rainbow and yes, and whatever their fucking dirty dish rag colors are in their flag, man.

It's everybody.

Everybody's alone in the kitchen one time making a salad and goes,

yeah, there's one, you know, so-called ex-gay guy, and he talks about nothing but colostomy bags.

He's describing like my experience, it's just fucking colostomy bags.

Thank God I got saved by Jesus.

And I was like, wow.

Okay.

This guy's boyfriend back in the day never told him about non-shit eating versions of gay sex.

And I almost feel bad for the guy, but I don't.

I didn't hear anything he said after he described a spiral funnel.

It was the worst in the physics of that.

What?

He said it's a spiral funnel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's like one of those spiral funnels.

I'm like, is it like one of those?

Yeah.

Why spiral to like aerate it like wine i guess

well okay and then fucking maddow like just like just as i'm thinking to myself like oh i feel really bad that we asked mark to watch this this film with us maddow comes up and he goes uh gayness all over the country it's also a health hazard i'm like oh god damn it and so of course they show us an aids patient now this is dennis who explains that the number of men he's had sex with is uncountable.

They don't make numbers that go that high.

Exactly.

And I, you know, I wanted to feel more for this, but I couldn't really see the AIDS patient that they were exploiting behind the straight woman who just had sex with 100 straight guys in one week.

Well, sure, yeah, right.

And then, you know, I'm sorry, Dennis is dying, but you found the fucking Usain bolt of anal.

Right.

Yes, clearly.

It doesn't mean we all compete anywhere near that level.

And, you know, show some fucking respect when you're in the presence of

right.

He says he fucked 50 dudes in one night.

And I'm like, damn,

you go, Dennis.

In a rush.

Also, no, you didn't, Dennis.

You liar.

Are the dudes all in Canada?

We don't know.

Right, right, yeah.

They are.

So, but then the movie tells us

that gay people are 18 times more likely to rape children.

This is as debunked as the fucking race and IQ shit.

Okay, this is, yeah, all the fucking way debunked.

I think gay children may be 18 times more likely to be raped.

Yep, that's probably true because they are more vulnerable, but this is not true.

And again, pedophilia crosses all colors of the gay and straight rainbows, and it is a crime.

Yes.

What you're talking about is a crime.

So make a documentary about crime if that's what you want to do.

Right.

Yes, exactly.

You're at a church right now, Movie.

I know where you can start with that.

Exactly.

But we could find some crime.

And you know this movie did not have have a legal department because every time they talk about pedophilia, there's one moment where they cut to slow motion footage of what is clearly a man walking down the street with his 12-year-old son.

Yes.

Unblurred or anything and inferring that that man is fucking his son.

Yes.

And it's insane.

Yes, it's either that or it's a shot from the parade where someone's toddler is naked on their shoulders.

Yes.

Again, it's their child.

Yes.

It's not a fucking couple.

God.

So, and then, okay, now then we have to meet the proto-Karen at the park who's going to explain how all this gay park sex works.

Come on, this late.

Come on.

Think about the journey, gentlemen.

Oh, are you all making a movie about the dangers of homosexuality?

Let me show you my gay lookout spot.

Come on up.

I'm here 10, 12 hours a day.

All those men walking down that path are gay.

There's one guy who has a dog.

And look, I'm not saying you can't do gay hookups in the bushes with your dog.

I'm saying it's infinitely more likely that guy was just walking his dog and he got home when this movie came out and he was like, god damn it, Scruffy.

Oh, man.

No, no.

And again, there's no legal department.

These are just regular fucking people walking through the park.

And it's like, he's going in there to fuck the Boy Scouts.

That's right, right.

And that's the, okay, so clearly all the other things, because it shows a bunch of people walking off at the same spot.

Those guys are going to buy drugs, right?

Or do drugs.

It's one of those two things.

It's very clearly that, but they're all wearing different colored shirts.

So she's like, well, the color of the shirt determines their perversion.

I'm like, well, that seems like a system that's ripe for abuse.

This was great.

Yeah.

So lady with the 12-hour lookout spot learned about hanky code, but not quite.

And she was like, I think it's just shirt color.

So like, there's a lot of people in just like a blue shirt.

That would, that would go badly.

Very possibly.

possibly yeah and if if that spot is the case how do I trick Heath into going there wearing a yellow shirt?

That's my question Wait, what's yellow?

Don't worry about it man.

You're just gonna go walk through those woods real quick.

Let's roll those dice the reason that you know poor Karen's standing on her anti-gay DMZ fucking lookout all day

from the police is because the gays have too many rights.

Right.

No, she explains that the local ordinances allow gay people to have sex just wherever the fuck they want.

Okay, but like, let's translate that into realism.

That means this lady saw, I'm going to say four men walk down a path, called the cops, and they were like, Sheila, for the last time, you can't report men for walking down a path at a park near your house.

He had a yellow shirt.

It's not Sheila.

Do you know what yellow means?

He might have just been tricked there by his podcasting partner.

See those tattoos on his knuckles?

Those mean gay sex you know right

yeah yeah but so eventually we leave proto-Karen's gay blind to see Edwin Meese again right he's like well you know gay people shouldn't be discriminated against and they aren't right and I'm like well you guys were just yelling about how you might not be able to fire them for their gayness just now like do you think our memory is that bad Is this a movie for my dad?

He says, nobody bashes homosexual shit.

That's the word.

That's just the term.

I could have used a word that doesn't immediately bring to mind the thing we do.

Doesn't he at one point offer, he's like, well, we let them have the first, they can talk.

We let them talk.

What else do you want?

Yes.

Yeah, right, right.

As, okay, thank you.

Great.

And then the movie's like, we don't know what to do again.

Also, they have whistles sometimes.

And this shows somebody at a parade with a whistle.

And my favorite part, though, is right next to the whistle person, there's one very boring cishet white guy in khakis and a pony

parade, just trying to be a good ally, but like not doing the vibes quite right.

Not reading the room.

Yeah.

And did you guys notice for like prior to this, for about 15 minutes, they forgot to do any X-Files music?

Yes.

They just remembered.

Yep, they did, right?

Because they're like, he goes, the gay agenda is to have sex in any way you please.

And then the guy goes, oh, what the fuck?

Oh,

my bad.

Yeah, bigot Morgan was asleep at the switch there.

Clearly, yeah, exactly.

So, okay, so, and, and just when you're thinking, well, surely the rhetoric can't get any more hyperbolic than this, a talking head says, quote, the whole constitutional understanding in America is based on a biblical heritage.

Yeah.

I was like, all right, I'm going to go take a shit, like a long one, and left for the rest of this scene.

It's actually true because I think we all know that Ezekiel's, you know, hunger and heat-educed, induced full visual migraine of wheels within wheels led eventually to the Louisiana Purchase.

Obviously, obviously.

Yeah, obviously.

Cited as such.

They talk about John Adams, and I'm like, John Adams was a Unitarian.

That's 1700s for atheist.

Right.

And then they throw out this James Madison quote, right?

And I looked up the fucking quote, and I'm not even done Googling it.

And Google's like, the part about the Ten commandments is bullshit right so

so what it is so James Madison are you talking to David Barton right now right yeah right right yeah exactly so James Madison had some quote about how like you know the whole idea of the society of the country is based on the morality of the people right but then at some point some David Barton type added the words according to the 10 commandments to that existing quote and that's just been passed around by christians for clearly for 32 fucking years and counting right But no, that's he didn't fucking say that.

So they have two people that they cite as they're like, it was based on biblical heritage.

They lie about both of them.

Yeah.

Just thought that was important to add.

And then right after those two lies, Trent Lott comes on and he goes, values are very important,

which is such an idiotic fucking statement.

That's like saying, I agree with words, right?

Look,

values are important.

Which values?

Mine.

Yep.

I don't understand why he's out there hunting for values with all that tobacco lobbyist money that he gets.

Yeah, right.

Yeah,

exactly.

He could pay full price.

So, yeah, but we learned that what's at stake here is the future of America.

And then we hear from more gay people who were tortured into pretending to be straight.

Yeah.

Right.

And what's so sad about this is that, like, you know, there's no pathos here because what they think, what the movie thinks is the pathos is the horrifying part, right?

Because like this one guy, he tells the story of like, you know, going to a gay bar for the first time and for the first time ever feeling like he belonged to a group or whatever.

And then, but the end of the story is, and then God scared that out of me.

And now I don't do that anymore because I'm afraid of burning in hell.

He's so happy remembering being in a gay bar.

Like, I was getting super bummed out during this section because everyone's just glassy-eyed staring out.

But he, I mean, the lights might as well dim and disco music might as well start as it seems like, there I was.

I couldn't have left if I tried.

You're at some point.

Is that where under his deep sadness and yearning through his like Hannoi Hilton drama?

The footage looks that they chose is like

a slow-mo of the Windows 95 launch with a stroke light.

It's so awkward and weird.

Well, so what this footage is, I guarant fucking T you, right?

What this footage is, was that none of them was willing to walk into a gay bar and film.

Yeah.

Right.

So they're like, what's the gayest looking thing?

Put a strobe up at the Christmas party.

And yeah.

But we, yeah, we see that footage.

We hear from him.

And he explains to us, you know, he wasn't Christian, right?

So when he went into the gay bar, he wasn't familiar with this rigged and warong that these Christians know about.

Right.

He didn't have the footpath of debauchery or whatever the fuck the armor.

Yeah, right.

And then we hear from a former quote-unquote lesbian as well who decided that she didn't want to burn in hell.

Hey, she's dressed as an American girl doll now.

That's how you know she's straight.

Yeah, right.

Okay, look, I don't want to paint all my lesbians with one brush, but if I asked all my lesbian female friends to dress like a straight woman, this is the dress they would call choose.

They'd be like, lace doily, I don't fucking know.

Yeah, I had her as PTSD Kristen Wigg.

And while the, you know, the other victim's story, this poor guy, and I can go back to him too, but

her story had some fucking drama.

Yeah.

Like it was, it was an irreversible arc.

And I don't know if you've guys seen the 1960s educational film The Long Road Home that inspired Amy Sedaris to make strangers with candy.

Oh, no.

That's how you know I'm a homosexual.

But do yourself a favor and watch it.

It's this in a Laura Ingalls fit.

Okay.

Amazing.

All right.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

I also watched Strangers with Candy for the rest.

Love that show.

So, but yeah, before we move on to her, we should point out that like the former gay guy that we see at the beginning, he has this one point where he's like, you know, I got so into it that I became a drag queen.

And they show a picture of him, and he was such a cute drag queen.

Oh my God, he was great.

Yeah, it was really, really fucking sad.

I'm like, oh, dude, you missed your calling there, I think.

Yeah, and technical gay note here, drag is not a degree of homosexuality like a karate belt.

It's not necessary to pass through that Diana Ross.

I thought that was like a belt system.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, you have to roll with a drag queen, and then you get to be a drag queen.

That's right.

See, and this is where I, that's why I'm here, Heath.

So you don't have to pass through the Diana Ross crucible to become the ultimate gay form,

which, as we mentioned before, is either the center square or the senior senator from South Carolina.

I am all the way gay,

and yet I never did have to get the merit badges for Brittany impersonation or brunch fisting.

Oh, okay.

Interesting.

Britness is not a choice.

Drag is.

There you go.

All right.

It's a confusing system, but I'm learning.

I'm learning.

Okay.

So then we learned the tragic story of this lesbian woman.

She joined the military and she found out that there were a lot of other lesbians in the the military, as it turns out.

And she, one of, like, her lover, like, somebody found her diary where she had talked about being a lesbian, and the military kicked her out.

And, like, you, like you said, with no benefits or, or, or recourse or anything, right?

Yeah.

And so her lover, who was still in the military, burned down a fucking building with a Molotov cocktail.

Fuck yeah, you did, girl.

And she's she's so bad at hiding how cool that was.

She's like, I, I made the terrible mistake of fucking that shit right up.

I took them

straight to Heat Street.

I sure did

to the ground.

The smell of the flesh was not delightful.

I'm saying it wasn't.

You fucking haters, like, you should sleep well at night knowing there are lesbians watching the wall, man.

Yes.

Right?

So, yeah, but, but she's like, you know, so I burned down that building, that Navy building, and I went to prison for seven years.

And I'm like, okay, well, this is not like part of the typical gay experience.

I don't think.

I don't believe.

It's not atypical.

No.

She says, she found Jesus and gave up all her dreams.

I wrote, woof, babies.

Yep.

If she had said that when she got down her knees in prison and prayed and gave her heart and said it was to Allah, peace be upon him.

Oh, yeah.

Found me dead in my apartment the next morning.

So, oh, also, just note to a documentarian that's on the show.

See, you're not just the token, Kegga, you're also the token documentary.

Uh, documentary.

There you go.

So, while she's saying this part about finding Jesus, there is a phone ringing in the background of the goddamn shop.

So important.

So important to cut that.

It's her sexuality calling.

She's not.

Yeah.

And then she concludes their little interview here by going, and I'd love to get married if that's in God's plan someday.

Oh, boy.

To a man.

To a penised man.

With a penis.

Yummers.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

It's like a big old snake.

About two years ago, the lesbian identity totally left me.

One, Mississippi, two, Mississippi.

I still have struggles.

That's right.

I mean, I still want to.

Oh, there it is.

There it is.

She's just slowly picking up a motto.

So, and the guy cuts back in and he goes, like, you know, I always thought that that I was born gay because, well, you know, because I've been gay my entire life.

And I'm like, well, that's

pretty strong evidence.

Yes.

He goes, but I never looked into it, you know?

Yeah, I'd always felt that way.

I, that I was different.

Yeah, that's what being born away is.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

I love the notion

this movie puts forth that gay guys haven't just gone ahead and jumped in the pool of being straight.

I guess.

Right.

Well, and, you know, he goes, like, you know, I was looking for Mr.

Wright to sweep me off my feet.

Well, it turned out that,

well, that Jesus Christ was Mr.

Wright the whole time.

God.

Yeah,

you have a ghost boyfriend.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There you go.

It's not a religion.

It's a gay relationship.

There you go.

Yeah.

Real ones are better, babe.

It's like whoopy needs to run in and tell you that you're in danger, girl.

So, and then we get John 3:16.

Because it's the end of a Christian thing.

Well, it's not the very end.

Appropriately, the last literal word on screen in this magnum opus about hot man-on-man sex is, and I quote, release.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Nice.

Amazing.

Well, good.

I didn't want the movie to get all this way and not actually come.

So I guess we do do have some good news today.

We have a happy ending.

I wasn't expecting that.

So, Mark, thank you so much for jumping back in with us.

We're so excited to have you back.

It was an absolute blast to, I mean, watching the movie wasn't fun at all, but talking with you about it sure as hell was.

Pulling you back into the world of podcasting was fun.

This is the funniest homophobic movie since any Jim Carrey movie.

And well, that's going to do it for our review of Gay Rights Special Rights.

That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to curse ourselves with a follow-up.

So Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Well, Noah, next week is July.

And you know what that means?

It's Mormon Movie Month.

Oh, damn it.

Yeah, we'll be starting out with episodes three and four of the animated Book of Mormon.

And I can't wait.

All right.

And Mark's going to be on for the whole month of Mormon movies.

I'm so glad I did this one.

All right.

So with that to look forward to, we're grouping episode 513 to Immersible Close.

Once again, a huge thanks to Mark and to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go.

If you want to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com/slash GodAfflo and thereby earn access to an ad-free version of every episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scathing, Adeas, Citation Aid, DD Minus, and the ScaffraCode, available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can give me a godaffle movies at gmail.com.

Terry Marcus will take care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slapmeybill with Drafts on Mars.

All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a Trank of Your Life this week for Heath Enright, Neil Lobstick.

I'm an older's promise to work hard to earn on the Trink next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with the American graffiti close.

Grover Norquist went to Burning Man in 2014 as a 57-year-old champion of the Republican Party.

What?

He said, quote, there's no government that organizes this.

That's what happens when nobody tells you what to do.

You just figure it out.

Burning Man is a refutation of the argument that the state has a place in nature.

And then he got beat up by dusty gay hippies all week.

Fuck yeah, fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah, gay hippies.

Almost every talking head in this movie went on to masturbate to gay porn once they discovered the inner.

As this film depicts, America was once a wash in acid wash.

Dappled, robin's egg blue, flexibly pleated jeans that were so high-waisted they acted as corsets.

And one day, people stopped washing their angular chest pedestals in acid.

Exabel was devastated.

And Cheaper imported regular watches, put mop-pop denim acidists out of business.

But a candle that burns half as long burns twice as bright.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Do gay shit.

If you think I'm going to try and follow that, you're fucking up.

No, I never thought for a second.

I was going to cut it anyway.

Yeah, I i was gonna say i appreciate you leaving the air time but if that's not the end of our that should be the end of the podcast we should retire we did it that's it it's the clip that's a wrap amazing amazing release

This content is can-credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountability network.org.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in the Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2025, all rights reserved.

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