491: Alex's War

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Speaker 2 Dashing through the store, Dave's looking for a gift. One you can't ignore, but not the stocks he picks.
I know, I'm putting them back. Hey, Dave, here's a tip: put scratchers on your list.

Speaker 2 Oh, scratchers, good idea. It's an easy shopping trip.
We're glad we could assist. Thanks, random singing people.
So be like Dave this holiday and give the gift of play.

Speaker 2 Scratchers from the California lottery. A little play can make your day.

Speaker 2 Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase player play claim.

Speaker 2 He goes, I'm asked on a scale of one to ten.

Speaker 2 Who will be the next president?

Speaker 2 Eight, I think.

Speaker 2 Seven, because I'm

Speaker 2 six seven.

Speaker 2 It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 2 Pie, pie.

Speaker 2 Who's the nerd? Get the fuck out of here. Dude got tricked by his own Google format in Google.

Speaker 2 That was the only option that came up with the scale to one to ten. Fuck.

Speaker 2 God awful

Speaker 2 movie. Movie.
Movies.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because literally fucking myself isn't possible.

Speaker 2 I'm your host, No Illusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back.
Alex Jones, let's fucking do it. Let's go.

Speaker 2 We don't have time to talk about anything else. We got to get to this show.
There's a

Speaker 2 lot of gish to gallop past here. All right.

Speaker 2 Eli, of course, is off this week, but we're excited to welcome in not one, but two guest masochists in his stead from the brand new No Rogan Experience Podcast, K-N-O-W-NO.

Speaker 2 Michael Marshall and Cecil Something Italian. Cecil Marsh, welcome to the show.
Thanks for having us. Yeah, it's a pleasure to be back.
Always a pleasure to be here.

Speaker 2 all right and so before we get to the alex joseph i know heath's rear indigo and everything those are the very polite vibes on the podcast you're gonna get

Speaker 2 a lot of long polite pauses you had cecil's name first i was waiting for cecil to come in first but i had your name first before that so i have i've been working with marsh here for about four weeks and i have inherited use the skeptical toolbox to figure out who talks first british politeness thank you very much this is a great this is exactly the rapport you hear on the show it's uh it's it's dynamite stuff stuff.

Speaker 2 It's really dynamite stuff. It's really great.
No, you go. It's all about a pod that was edited out of the show anyway.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jazz podcast. Sorry, Morgan, this will not be 100 minutes.

Speaker 2 Hey, Morgan, at least now you have evidence that I told him, though.

Speaker 2 It's not my fault, man.

Speaker 2 All right. So before we get to the movie stuff, can you tell our listeners a little bit about you guys' new podcast? Absolutely.
Marsh is the smart one, so I'm just going to let him talk.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Marsh, get him. Okay, so it's a show where two podcasters who've got no previous Rogan experience get to know Joe Rogan.

Speaker 2 Because what we thought was like, Joe Rogan, he's absolutely one of the most listened to people on this entire planet.

Speaker 2 And his interviews and opinions, they influence millions of people and arguably, you know, elections and stuff. And he gets a lot of criticism for his views.

Speaker 2 But it seems like a lot of the people who criticize him, they're often people who've never. probably really listened to what he has to say, which seems a bit like it's not ideal for criticism.

Speaker 2 So we do actually listen. And then where needed, we try to correct the record.

Speaker 2 So like if anybody at all is curious about what Joe Rogan and his guests claim to be true, but you know, you want to have to actually listen to Joe Rogan to find that out, this is the show for you.

Speaker 2 We're like five, six episodes in.

Speaker 2 So far, we've already heard Joe essentially just nod along while a billionaire lies to him about how the government can just take away your bank account for no reason at all. Oh, Mark Andreessen.

Speaker 2 Mark Andreessen, yeah. We've had Mel Gibson claiming to be able to cure cancer with ivermectin and anti-parasites.
We've had so much talk about UFOs and UAPs.

Speaker 2 Way, way, way too much detail about what exactly is the right kind of bow for hunting.

Speaker 2 He's such a twat.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 we keep getting this weird aside where Joe genuinely believes that plants have got feelings and are like more sentient than some animals. He keeps coming back to this.

Speaker 2 We're not entirely sure where he's getting that from, but he does keep coming back to it. Jamie, can we check if plants are humans?

Speaker 2 I think the next episode we've got coming out, uh, like the day after this show comes out, is Mark Zuckerberg claiming that the government is persecuting poor little Facebook.

Speaker 2 And then, like, the week after, we're going to be looking at how Lex Friedman tried to persuade Ukraine to stop fighting back against Russia and just accept peace.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff to go through. Wow.
Yeah. And I edit the show.
Oh, okay. All right.
If you guys want to listen, it's also hard

Speaker 2 to do. So,

Speaker 2 hey, are you guys allowed to do a show like that? Did you ask the Knowledge Fight Squad? We'll figure that out maybe

Speaker 2 later on in the show.

Speaker 2 So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Alex's War. It's the story of Alex Jones fighting a war against information in his own documentary and losing that war.

Speaker 2 It's hilarious sometimes and sad most the rest of the time. Prosecutors honestly could have like played this movie at every JSIC's trial and got way more convictions than they actually honestly.

Speaker 2 Not that it matters now. Not that they would have mattered.
Yeah, but you know.

Speaker 2 And Marsh, how bad was this movie?

Speaker 2 Well, if you love true crime documentaries, but you prefer them to be told exclusively from the perspective of the criminal, you will love this movie.

Speaker 2 Like, seriously, like giving someone enough rope to hang themselves, that only works if once they're hung, you stop giving them rope.

Speaker 2 Because otherwise, this movie just lowers lowers Alex Jones gently back down to the ground. It's ridiculous.
Not really. Have you seen the size of that guy's neck? You need a lot of rope.

Speaker 2 That is true. No, that's fair.
That's fair. And Cecil.
Him and Tom should have a neck fight, right?

Speaker 2 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 2 It's like two thumbs wrestling. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Cecil.

Speaker 2 Why the fuck do we let Eli pick movies for the weeks that he knows he's going to be gone for?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 because he wants to start a fight between our podcast and Knowledge Fight. It's pretty simple to see the motivation when you look at the world entirely in prank potential, Noah.
No, you're right.

Speaker 2 You're right. Because he's like, oh, they're doing a Rogan podcast.
I'll give him a show about Alex Jones.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Motherfucker.
We get a bit of Rogan. We do.

Speaker 2 He's a little Rogan in here. Bob said little Rogan.
Bob said. He's little all the time, but he's little in here, too.

Speaker 2 All right, so anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Best, best horse. The horse.

Speaker 2 There's one horse. It's the great.

Speaker 2 This horse fucking hates Alex Jones.

Speaker 2 We watched that hate happen in Alex Jones. I'm visibly angry at him for existing.
This is so good. Alex Jones

Speaker 2 scream crying about the Georgia Guidestones, I think, right before we see the horse. And then they pan over to a horse, a hero of a horse.
The horse just looks directly into the camera.

Speaker 2 And then looks away and walks out of the camera.

Speaker 2 I don't have time in my head. I don't have time for this bullshit.
Disgusted. All right.
So I got to, just a little behind the scenes here.

Speaker 2 So as I'm going through the movie, very often I'll just scroll to the top and I'll be like, oh, this will be a good best worst. And I'll write something out.
And then I'll find something better.

Speaker 2 And I'll be like, oh, this is even better. Best worst.
And then I'll find something even better. Like, I did that more times with this goddamn movie.

Speaker 2 And then I stared at it in the fucking morning, this morning before the recording. I was like,

Speaker 2 which do I want to go with? But I eventually landed on Best Worst Protest Sign. You guys all know which one i'm talking about

Speaker 2 even though even though there are a lot of great protest signs there are there really are

Speaker 2 a lot of them so we'll get to mine we'll get you have to wait almost all the way through the movie to get to mine but but we'll talk about yeah i just love the idea of like manga protester types having to like go to you know a craft store and get oak tag and like put it all together it's the best yeah they got like the glue sticks and it's not sticky quite enough they've got to like the letter back off and put it back put the sticky back on again Not this motherfucker.

Speaker 2 Not the one I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 They had ash on their hands, but yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 So I want to go best, best, roasted by juxtaposition of clips, because the repeated cuts in this movie from young Alex Jones to current Alex Jones, those cuts are meaner than anything any one of us could have written.

Speaker 2 Yes. That is the harshest thing that's ever happened to a human being is just showing what he used to look like.

Speaker 2 Wow. Every time.

Speaker 2 It's like a before and after picture every fucking time you see it.

Speaker 2 Before and after for turning into a neck.

Speaker 2 It's so scary. There's a jump scare every time we come back to him.
Oh, it is what he looks like. It is.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go with best worst Optimus Prime voice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He sounds a little like Optimus Prime, but if he had one too many Energy cubes in his giant bat of vodka that he's drinking constantly.

Speaker 2 So I had it in my notes somewhere here, but yeah, it sounds like it's his voice. It sounds like him doing an impression of us doing an impression of him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 He sounds just like the Megatron at Universal Studios. He sounds just like him.
His AllSpark is a cube of vodka. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, the longer this takes, the longer I have to think about it.
So we're going to keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the self-serving bullshit that is

Speaker 2 Alex's War.

Speaker 2 And some baby bells for the pockets. There we go.
And done.

Speaker 2 Hey, Heath. Is that an incredibly lifelike doll of yourself?

Speaker 2 Yep. Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Okay, why?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I'm faking my death.

Speaker 2 Okay, why?

Speaker 2 No, no, I get what you ask. So, you know, when you sign up for something, but then you forget about it after the trial period ends? And then you keep getting charged month after month after month?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, no, of course. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them.
Exactly. Well, I signed up for this fitness app and it's impossible to cancel.
So faking my death just seemed easier.

Speaker 2 Gotcha. Why don't you just try Rocket Money? Oh, what's

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Speaker 2 Also, I learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused every month. So you might find another one that you're not using.
Okay, but how does it work?

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Speaker 2 They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. Sounds pretty good.
Are lots of people using it?

Speaker 2 Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of over $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. All right.

Speaker 2 I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
Go to rocketmoney.com/slash awful movies today.

Speaker 2 That's rocketmoney.com/slash awful movies. RocketMoney.com/slash awful movies.
All right. Thanks, Noah.
You bet.

Speaker 2 So that doll must have been expensive, huh? You're going to, you're going to return it? Uh-huh. Yep.
Definitely.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 I think I'm going to hit the hay probably.

Speaker 2 2 p.m. Please leave now.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. This is the place.
It says it's supposed to be Knowledge Fight HQ. Are you sure this is it? Well, this is what the guy that sold us the Chicago map of podcasting stars said.

Speaker 2 Hey, why aren't you and Tom on here? Okay.

Speaker 2 Gentlemen, come in. The pod father will see you now.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, Jordan.

Speaker 2 It's Consiglieri.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 Consiglieri, where's Dan at?

Speaker 2 I said the pod father will see you now. Okay, cool.

Speaker 2 So anyway, Dan, Jordan.

Speaker 2 Okay, Conciliary and Pod Father. So yeah, we've started a new show called The Noel Rogan Experience.
Yeah, it's a show where two guys with no Rogan experience get to know Joe Rogan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and, you know, we just wanted to let you know about it because some people think it's kind of a bit similar to your show. But it's not really.

Speaker 2 I mean, both of us are doing the watching and we aren't really trying to explain it to the other guy and it has different segments that you guys don't do.

Speaker 2 In fact, you know, to be honest, I've been doing React shows on clips since, gosh, Pastor Manning and Seaman Latte's. So like almost I feel like, oh, stop elbowing me.

Speaker 2 But we thought we'd let you know that, you know, we've started it. Why didn't you go to itunes instead of seeing me first?

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I mean, we did. I mean, we put it on all the podcast players.
We just, you know, wanted to let you know. Yeah, I'm not even sure why we're doing this.
Simple British manners. That's why.

Speaker 2 You came to ask my permission permission to start this podcast. Is that right? Oh, no, no, not at all.
We've already started it.

Speaker 2 We just, you know, wanted to let you know that we are now in the same iTunes category as you. I shall let you have your podcast.

Speaker 2 Today I am your bright spot, but someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to be my bright spot.

Speaker 2 But until that day, accept this gift as a gesture of goodwill on the day of Alex Jones's liquidation auction.

Speaker 2 Thanks. Yeah, yeah, thanks, mate.
Thanks. You can kiss the podfather's ring of podcasting.

Speaker 2 Nah, I'm good. Kiss the ring.

Speaker 2 No, we're going to go.

Speaker 2 But, you know, if Alex ever comes on the Rogan Show again, we'll give you guys a call.

Speaker 2 Okay, cool. Later.

Speaker 2 Did he just slowly close the door all dramatically on us? Yeah, he did. And what was with that ring? It looked like an old class ring with a single earbud as the center stone.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, anyway, that one Reddit user that was mad about us not acknowledging the knowledge fight guys, they can rest easy now.

Speaker 2 I told you, we shouldn't pay so much attention to Reddit comments. Okay, Mr.
Mark Andrierson is the CEO of Coinbiz. I said I was sorry for that.
You made me look a fool.

Speaker 2 And we're back for the breakdown, and we're going to start off with a terrifying image: young Alex Jones.

Speaker 2 So weird. So jarring.
Oh, God, he is just a walking illustration of what following his lifestyle does to someone.

Speaker 2 A cautionary tale that idiots mistook for aspirational.

Speaker 2 He should be a warning sticker on every like carton of beef that you buy at the store.

Speaker 2 Like Surgeon General warning Alex Jones. Right.
It's Alex's war against his arteries. That's what we're looking at this.

Speaker 2 Young Alex, he looks like a composite sketch of all of the stooges at the same time.

Speaker 2 He does

Speaker 2 brilliant. And that composite's like doing a propaganda PSA video.
Yeah. Right.
Brilliant. I haven't injected shards of glass into my larynx quite yet, like a souped up Nissan.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do that eventually. I'm here to tell you about the peril of the international Jew.
Let's go. Here we go.

Speaker 2 So, okay, one of the many ways that this movie owns itself is the fact that they're showing us like 25-year-old video clips of him saying, any minute now, this is going to happen.

Speaker 2 And he's still saying that shit now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 His vision is like a total dystopian future, but he doesn't realize that we're eventually going to lose to trickle-down economics.

Speaker 2 That's what we lose to. Yeah.
So, okay. And then we get this disclaimer, which might as well be, first promise not to get mad.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
The disclaimer is like basically, he's going to say some shit that's absolutely unconscionable, but that is super not on us if he does. That's what he's just going to say.

Speaker 2 The transition is the best, too. We're just asking questions about it.
He's like, Yeah, this is all true. It's not a conspiracy theory.
It's seriously, it's not, guys. It's not.

Speaker 2 Disclaimer, this might be a conspiracy theory. Yeah, right.
Yeah, this is going to be a whole lot of bullshit. This movie is for novelty purposes only.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the line that he uses is truth is stranger than fiction. It's like, okay, what is this going to be? Yeah, this is going to be quite away.
So then, okay.

Speaker 2 So then we cut to footage of a Trump march and its protesters, and like the protesters clearly outnumber the Trumpers or whatever.

Speaker 2 And I okay, so this crowd starts chanting InfoWars, InfoWars. And it made me honestly think if there are any three syllables that would cause me to respect you less if I heard you chant, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, second only to USA. Yeah, which we hear.

Speaker 2 It starts literally right after the end of the year.

Speaker 2 It's their mating call.

Speaker 2 And this is where we're going to meet InfoWars's very own Owen Schroyer.

Speaker 2 Alex starts showing off his neck like a frog trying to find a mate.

Speaker 2 It's all red to attract a mate. Gay frog.

Speaker 2 So a bunch of dude frogs comes up. He's like, damn the juice box liners.

Speaker 2 So, but Owen Schroyer comes in and he's like doing his walk and talk and he goes, you know, this pandemic, this fake pandemic has given me a real taste of what a communist country would look like

Speaker 2 yeah which is giving me a taste of how little he knows about communism that is what that's what tastes

Speaker 2 he just got pardoned by the way yes yeah he got a pardon what i remember about him is he's a big activist for raw milk he's a big fan of that he had he had a guy on his show and they like cheers raw milk in a jar together and then try to like drink it as a victory sip.

Speaker 2 And you watch Owen Schroyer be like, oh, it's chunky.

Speaker 2 It's Scottish Jesus.

Speaker 2 And then, so we're at this so-called Million MAGA march, which is like 28,000 people. It's like,

Speaker 2 you cut to Monica Cole. No, their math checks out, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But there's like, they're like, oh, there's so many people there. And then we cut to like a series of close shots.
Right? Every shot's from within the crowd.

Speaker 2 I'm like, oh, it must be a really big crowd you've got there.

Speaker 2 So many people with the American flags, not just the flags themselves, but like on all their shits. Yes.
All their other stuff.

Speaker 2 Like the FBI should be investigating everybody who ever bought any item with the flag on it that's not a flag. And also the people who bought flags, to be honest.

Speaker 2 And most of those people just got out of prison. And just in case, like the combination of red, white, and blue.
They should just have that.

Speaker 2 Like you buy anything that's red, white, and blue, and that should come up as a flag. Just in case it's just a case.
We get a few French people. It's fine.
Yeah. I mean, that's fine.
Russians.

Speaker 2 So, yeah. And,

Speaker 2 oh, I love this too because they're trying to convince us that there's this huge crowd, but there's not.

Speaker 2 And so the way they do this is at one point we see a crowd and you can hear somebody in the background say, did you hear that? They said over a million people are here.

Speaker 2 And then it literally cuts to someone saying, it was at least 200,000.

Speaker 2 Yes. It fucking wasn't.
It feels like it was tens of thousands. Guys, I'm just doing a quick head count.
It's like 500, probably. I don't know.

Speaker 2 It was tens of thousands.

Speaker 2 There are sources that say it was 200 000 but those sources are like the people who organized it so you can't really like take that uh too seriously right so according to like the news reports at the time most of them said thousands and a couple of them were generous and said tens of thousands right yeah like i might be like if you gave me 28 000 i'm not sure i'd take the over on that right Admittedly, can I, can I just, there's going to be several times throughout this that I like really enjoyed some of the cinematography here.

Speaker 2 And some of the cinematography in this section I thought was really good. Like, I thought they did a good job of framing some shots, getting some nice, long,

Speaker 2 like, getting a chance to see the all 28,000. So, it looks like 500,000 in a single shot.
That looked pretty good. Cecil, we don't need to be kind to them.
This isn't our show, this is the road show.

Speaker 2 You can see what we're not seeing, like, no, it's fine. We want you to listen to us.
You disagree, but we'd like you to listen to us. No, it's not fine.
Cecil, I'm with you. I'm going to yes and that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say the scary shot of Antifa for a second was fine. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's the front of the Antifa crowd.

Speaker 2 It's just a guy with like an anti-Nazi patch on his bag, just walking out peacefully.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay, that was dumb. But like, if you're an Antifa guy, don't have swastika patches.
Even if you cross it out to the side of the city, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a little hard to see it at range. Yeah.
Just to cross lines up. Also, did you see how quickly everybody else scampers away from the Antifa guy?

Speaker 2 They like push themselves away, like, ah, get away from it.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, so, but we're going to meet Rob Dew here, who I guarantee you flirts with women by encouraging them to do the do.

Speaker 2 This guy, so he's amazing because he's one of their cameramen. And we hear him when we meet him, he's bragging about what a huge crowd shot he got,

Speaker 2 but we don't see that crowd shot.

Speaker 2 He's like, Yeah, you know, I kept backing away, and there were so many people. Trust me on that.
Why would I be talking about it if it didn't exist?

Speaker 2 Next scene: this guy introduces his job like he's a special ops ninja, and he's like, Yeah,

Speaker 2 we're all highly adaptable, we're very versatile. He's a podcaster, I do lots of stuff for well, a podcaster.
I do mic plugging in, but ninja-like micro stuff, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I think he says, like, at infinite at InfoWars, nobody has one job. It's like, yeah, like many of them now have no job, yeah.
Zero, zero.

Speaker 2 He even says, you know, because you've got to adapt very quickly to changing situations. It's like, yeah, because your boss might defame a class of dead kids any minute.
Any minute. Any second.

Speaker 2 It's got to happen. Oh, we got to hire Rob Dew.
He needs a job. We could just make him do weird shit for sure.
Plug stuff in and then just we go back through and unplug it.

Speaker 2 And he even, he says in this film that he takes job interviews without knowing what they're for because they told him in the job interview, like apologetically, you do know this is for InfoWars, don't you?

Speaker 2 And he's like, yeah, no, it's fine. I recognize that.
But like, you could get him for this because he doesn't do the background reception. Yeah, he doesn't interview.

Speaker 2 He doesn't pay attention to the hiring. Great point.

Speaker 2 I do think that's fucking hilarious that he admits that right up front, that he's like, yeah, when they interviewed me for the job, they were like, Hey, look, if you're just going to indignantly storm out, just go ahead and do that now.

Speaker 2 This is Infowars. This is the last question: Do you have standards?

Speaker 2 If you do, stay your job. Yep, say nothing and you're hired.
And then he goes, He closes this little scene off. Rob does by saying, and then they banned Alex Jones, and that makes him even more

Speaker 2 prophetic.

Speaker 2 The same thing in mine. I was like, What does that mean? Well, and I'm like, dude, you're the cameraman.
You can take another try at this.

Speaker 2 So, all right. So then we get our ominous title screen, Alex's War.
And we go to Austin, Texas, which would love to be known for shit other than Alex Jones and Joe Rogan. Right, and Joe Rogan.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And we see this.

Speaker 2 So if you've ever watched Alex Jones' show, he's always like buried behind a bunch of stacks of paper, which is just supposed to like make us think, oh, he's done a lot of research.

Speaker 2 Just look at all that paper. We see what's on the paper now yes

Speaker 2 i love these so much like we slowly pan across the script it's just print some of them are just printouts of pictures that he's seen that's the entire thing is just a picture one of the script pages he's got is eight words long it's just eight words on them

Speaker 2 another is a small paragraph of bill gates wikipedia page that happens to reference alex jones that's the bit he's printed out

Speaker 2 hey alex you want us to get you like a post-it bud just save a little bit of paper it's an entire air sheet, one of them, and it's just the title and no content.

Speaker 2 I'm like, this is what he's referring to. That's his research.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. So,

Speaker 2 and of course, as we're seeing this, this is like him prepping for one of his shows, and we're getting a voiceover where he's going, everything's a war, everything's propaganda,

Speaker 2 except except this. Yeah, right now, this does not seem to be what I'm talking about.
This is not propaganda. It's never what I'm talking about right now.

Speaker 2 His documentary, Alex is a war, is neither a war nor propaganda. And also, that what I said just now after that, fuck.
I'm caught in a loop.

Speaker 2 Rob, I'm caught in a loop.

Speaker 2 Rob, can you nudge me again? Just bump me a little. Dislodge my face from my neck.
Smack me on the side. It's falling in again.

Speaker 2 Rob nudges him and just pops up like Ram Man, that old little.

Speaker 2 I'm exactly the age for the Ram Man reference. Thank you.

Speaker 2 There's like five people in your audience that are this old. They need a walker and a ram man.

Speaker 2 Genuinely, all the way through this, every shot we get of current Alex Jones, he's a little bit wider and a little bit squatter, like there's some sort of spatial dilation going on around him. Right.

Speaker 2 And so, and he goes, I'm perceived as a nut. And then they show these clips of him doing all the most insane shit possible.
And I'm like, dude, these aren't cartoons that someone drew of you.

Speaker 2 These are just, if you're visual examples of you being perceived as a nut is just you, then you're a fucking nut.

Speaker 2 why are you putting this in your movie i wrote that so many times yes these are clips of him being in he's attacking people on the street and then he's like remember when i attack people on the street

Speaker 2 that's gotta go i nailed it do you guys remember when he when he tried to stop the truck in texas of the pastor doing the charity for refugees

Speaker 2 and he like

Speaker 2 i mean like physically tried to stop the truck like did they put they put kids in it and he was like you're a pedophile trafficker and he jumps in front of the truck and goes into a horse stance.

Speaker 2 And he's like, no, it's the wrong karate. I'm going to do a regular karate stance.
And then he goes through a third karate stance. It's the fucking greatest.
It is so dumb.

Speaker 2 And he's like, but I don't mind being persecuted like this. And I'm like, yeah, that's how you make your fucking money, you ghoul.
Yes. At a certain point,

Speaker 2 he's got a sword. This makes me so mad.
He's got a sword in his hand and he goes to swing it and the fucking entire sword dislodges from the

Speaker 2 shoots across the room. And I'm like, bro, get a blacksmith.
I mean, come on, man. Anybody who's into swords already has a blacksmith.
You're fucking ruining all our crad here. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 You're making sword guys look weird. Yes.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 And then we get, and this is such a small scene.

Speaker 2 I barely even want to mention it, but we get this scene where it's supposed to be like behind the scenes with Rob and him like talking about the implications of one of their papers, but it's clearly staged bullshit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like we see like the backstage footage and stuff, but then we see actual footage from his show. And I didn't realize this about InfoWars.

Speaker 2 He's got a giant wall screen monitor, and there's just a guest who silently nods along for so long. He doesn't say anything.

Speaker 2 He's just this pallid, giant head. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, there's a scene here. Okay, so there's a scene here, which I really like, where he he's getting, he's working himself up, like slowly working himself up.

Speaker 2 And the final insult that he brings to the table is he calls like whoever he's angry about chicken neck rats. And I have to say, that could be the greatest insult I've ever heard.

Speaker 2 So there are some moments where I'm actually in awe of Alex Chose. I have to admit that.

Speaker 2 I got to admit it. I lost 15 minutes trying to picture that insult, just trying to map it out.
Yes, thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that's a very weird look for a rat. Thank you.
So, okay. So then we're driving home with this asshole after the show, apparently.
And he tries to get philosophical here.

Speaker 2 He goes, history is just the river that we jump into.

Speaker 2 It's so dumb I couldn't even write it down. The present is just a river also in the thing I set up.
So is the future. Fuck.
Guys, what's a river? Rob, what's a river?

Speaker 2 So amazing. But this is how he introduces us to some biographical stuff.
He tells us about how when he was a little kid, he read all the history books in his house.

Speaker 2 At eight years old, he was reading Plato and Julius Caesar

Speaker 2 and the art of war, obviously. Yeah, so he says there were books everywhere.
I tried to read, tried to read Dostoevsky, kept cramming my face into it, didn't understand a word, but I kept doing it.

Speaker 2 Okay, almost exact quote. He's like, yeah, I read all the history books, didn't

Speaker 2 really get books, but I couldn't quit looking at them. So he spent a lot of childhood looking at unintelligible,

Speaker 2 what he didn't seem to be aware of was words making extensions.

Speaker 2 Oh, this isn't even in English. I don't know what these squiggles are, but.
Yeah, he makes the point that there were books everywhere. I was like, yeah, Alex, but most of them only contained 14 words.

Speaker 2 So they were pretty easy for you to read.

Speaker 2 You flip through the post-its. It makes a fun little thing.
It's like an animation.

Speaker 2 Also, I love this, you know, to set aside the image of the precocious little scamp reading Nietzsche or whatever, but he gives this list of all the books that he was was reading.

Speaker 2 And this list is amazing because it includes, he's like, I read the rise and fall of the Third Reich. I'm like, no, the fuck, you didn't even read it.
I read the Art of War.

Speaker 2 I'm like, okay, well, that takes an hour and 15 minutes. And then

Speaker 2 he goes, The Time, Life, Encyclopedia of the Occult.

Speaker 2 What is the connective thread in this list, my man?

Speaker 2 A used bookstore. Thread an Incarter interactive CD-ROM, the whole thing.

Speaker 2 A lot of CDs. Yeah, I mean, I mostly played the maze game that was on there.
You know, you take the facts along the way. Read the entire instruction book for Ultima Online.

Speaker 2 It's a lot of flavor text. So

Speaker 2 he's telling us

Speaker 2 his biography. He goes at one point, my mom's brother did a lot of clandestine stuff in South America after Vietnam.
I'm like, dude, he worked at Sit Go and you're an idiot. That's what happened.

Speaker 2 Hey, that was was the highlight for me though because the next thing is my dad had a bunch of friends in the john birch society i learned a lot from them

Speaker 2 yep and his mom's friends were on a lot of drugs so he never stood a chance you don't have to put everything you think of in the movie

Speaker 2 if you say it you can cut it then wow yeah man And the flaw in this as well is that Jones is a documented liar.

Speaker 2 So it was just completely useless digging into the veracity of any of this because like the guy's a liar anyway.

Speaker 2 Well, and you don't have to because he says says stuff like, well, you know, when I was a kid, they had all these famous televangelist preachers, but you could go out on the river and you could watch them snort cocaine off of a prostitute's breast on their back porch.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, I don't think you could do that. No, Alex, I call you on that.
Also, he grew up in Dallas and he just saw people being shot and stabbed and beaten up and set on fire.

Speaker 2 Like, aren't these the times that he refers to as the good old days? Yeah, right. No, he specifically says he saw people beaten to death with shovels.

Speaker 2 And in case you couldn't like visualize that, he says it was, quote, like a James Dean movie, but 20 times that.

Speaker 2 And they decided to use like Westside story footage.

Speaker 2 There's 20 rebels without a cause.

Speaker 2 That's the sharks and the jets. What happened? Fuck, man.

Speaker 2 But yeah, so, but he learns about, we learn about his childhood. And then we come to the present day where he's truffle, shuffling at a blimp.

Speaker 2 oh it's so ridiculous because he even specifically says and then you know i never knew what i'd be be in the future what i'd become in the future and then we smash cut to a blimp it's like wow that is a harsh cut

Speaker 2 perfectly round filled with hot air yeah you've nailed him you've nailed him

Speaker 2 if you could levitate him he's in the macy's day parade no changes oh yeah yep and we watch him consider mooning the blimp and then looks he sees the camera and he's like no yeah it was yeah absolutely so okay but we're in Atlanta, Georgia.

Speaker 2 This is right after the election. And we have this weird fucking moment where he's claiming that the Olympic rings were designed by Hitler.
This is so stupid. First of all, he opens this sentence.

Speaker 2 What if I told you? I'll stop you there. I'd say you're a liar.
I don't know how that's an idea. Anyway, what? I'm going to say, yeah.
What if I were to come at you with a karate chop like this?

Speaker 2 It's the same.

Speaker 2 I don't want to hear what you're about to say. But

Speaker 2 he thinks Hitler literally designed the Olympic logo, logo not even had the logo designed he thinks he says that hitler sat down with a pen and ink and drew it and no he fucking didn't it preceded hitler by so long it's from like 1913 you idiots 1912 or something

Speaker 2 also it's just circles everybody uses circles you can't you can't claim somebody invented that And there's this amazing bit because he's standing outside of the Olympic rings in Atlanta where they had the Olympics back when Lucinda and I met.

Speaker 2 And there's this, this dude just happens to be bicycling by and they stop him. And they're like, hey, you know, Hitler designed the symbol.
Do you think we should tear it down?

Speaker 2 And this poor gentleman wants to agree with whatever the fuck they're saying. Agreeable.
So nice. But he can't figure out what they're saying.
So he keeps agreeing with.

Speaker 2 He's like, so you want to tear it down? Yeah, let's, oh, so you don't want to tear it down. Let's not tear it down.
He keeps trying to do it. I love this poor guy so much.

Speaker 2 I want to buy him a soda or something. Oh, yeah.
This southern gentleman is just like, he's just sitting there talking. He's like, yeah, no, do you want to tear it down? We'll tear it down.

Speaker 2 You want to tear it down? Then it's like, no, I think it was co-opted. He's like, okay, it was co-opted.
So we won't tear it down. Then he's like, no, but we should.

Speaker 2 He's like, all right, I'm back on board. Immediately back on board.
Hey, that was amazing. Neck guy.
How do you think this is going for you right now? Do you feel like you're winning your movie?

Speaker 2 Would you put this in your own movie?

Speaker 2 I love that. I love that the argument here is that let's tear down this symbol.
Let's presume. Let's just presume for 10 seconds.
It's totally wrong.

Speaker 2 But like Marsh said, it was written 30 years or something before Hitler. But it like, let's presume it's right that he did actually sit down and draw with his little pencils the Olympic logo.

Speaker 2 He didn't use that as a symbol of terror to kill six million people in an act of ethnic cleansing. He used it to have an Olympics.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 So there's, there's nothing there to connect him to the bad shit he did. Alex is just like, no, if it, if it's related to Hitler, and you're like, dude, such a straw man, you're such an asshole.

Speaker 2 Cecil, you've been listening to Joe Rogan a lot.

Speaker 2 You're getting killed, man. Well, right.
The unspoken bit here, right, is that he's trying to equate this with taking down southern monuments. Yes, right.

Speaker 2 He's trying to take, he's equating this with taking down monuments to southern generals or whatever, Confederate generals, rather. And like

Speaker 2 the equivalent would be a statue of Hitler that existed there because the Olympics were great, right? That's the equivalent.

Speaker 2 And we should probably, if there was one, we would ask to have that taken down. We should have a list of things that we certainly would.

Speaker 2 Maybe before a couple of days ago, I'm not quite sure how the new administration feels about that. I think one might be coming up soon, but like in the recent history we've taken it.

Speaker 2 So okay, so now it's time for we're going to meet Ali Alexander from Stop the Steal. Yeah, Sammy Davis Evenmore Jr.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's not actually Sammy Davis's kid. It must be, right? Oh, man.
No. Wait, it's really not? Not that.
No, I think he just likes the look. Okay.
I just assumed it was a different guy.

Speaker 2 I was like, okay, sure.

Speaker 2 Is he being surveilled at this point by a, like a blimp? is there like a blimp that's surveilling him and chasing him around there is a blimp in the air and they're pretty sure it's spying on them

Speaker 2 they will later seem to think that about a vulture too but uh

Speaker 2 zara man is chasing him or some shit globalist good year people yeah right right but oh and this is where we get cecil's best worst right yeah he's driving around in his tank so alex jones has a tank if you didn't see this movie he literally has like a hummer that's all in flat black.

Speaker 2 That's all decked out. It's supposed to look like Alex Jones' InfoWars tank is going to take the front lines.
But he is driving around with a large cup of vodka in the back. And

Speaker 2 he is yammering about how Joe Biden is not the real president. And then he misses this amazing moment where he...
He should just call himself, and he's called himself Optimus Prime.

Speaker 2 He should call himself Magatron. And he totally misses.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yep. That's sad.
Okay. This is like, what if I was to tell you that? But he's, he's taken it to the next level.

Speaker 2 He's popped his head out of a custom tank hatch that he built into a truck and starts yelling through a microphone. It doesn't matter what you say next.

Speaker 2 If you see somebody pop their head out of a custom tank and a megaphone, they're done. You're leaving.
Yep. And okay, so

Speaker 2 they're going to this thing at the Georgia State House, this protest that they're going to do. And then when they get there, we have to talk about this Trump flag, right?

Speaker 2 This incredibly flaccid

Speaker 2 just because, like, clearly, the poles that they use to hold this up are nowhere near stiff enough to hold up this flag.

Speaker 2 Amazing. They went overboard and they're like, buddy, I think we're going overboard.
And the other's like, no, man, this is good. We're going to, this is going to be great.

Speaker 2 And when it's finished, I think we're doing a little too much. Yeah, it's so good.

Speaker 2 God, it looks like a hammock. It looks like a Trump hammock.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So good. I love that they accidentally start with the flaccid Trump flag and then accidentally show Alex Jones eating a Starburst and having trouble with the rapper.

Speaker 2 Okay, all right. Those rappers are tricky, though.
If you don't have fingernails, literally impossible. So you just have to eat the paper and all.
Starburst out.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 he pulls out a pocket knife.

Speaker 2 So, but also, we should point out because he's like firing everybody out before they go into this protest or whatever.

Speaker 2 And we go straight from Alex Jones giving insane rant to Alex Jones leading the group in prayer, which is fucking amazing.

Speaker 2 Is this where we see his friend is wearing a snakeskin cowboy hat with a stars and stripes multifactorial? Like it can only be more American if there was a maid in China later.

Speaker 2 And then, okay, then we see them rallying inside the Georgia State Capitol building. One of them goes, we're expecting 500,000 people on Saturday because we're allowed to say whatever number we want.

Speaker 2 It's our movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, is this when one of them is like they got christmas lights garlands red bows it's a psyop i was like what

Speaker 2 that's the sign of a festive psyop to you

Speaker 2 dude

Speaker 2 that's amazing what i mean christmas is a psyop but not how he meant it yeah right exactly

Speaker 2 I like that at a certain point they're standing on the on the the stairs and they're kind of like,

Speaker 2 you just recognize that these guys are going to argue amongst themselves.

Speaker 2 And one dude is just like, oh, yeah, let's agree with, let's make, let's let all the hillbillies make up all the ideas if we want to lose the country. And I was like, I agree with that.

Speaker 2 Let's not let hillbillies make up anything.

Speaker 2 You agree with Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.

Speaker 2 And also, so the thing that they're arguing about, one guy's like, hey, we're already in the state capitol building. Why don't we just take it over?

Speaker 2 And Ali Alexander's like, dude, shut the fuck up, you stupid hillbilly redneck fuck. What would that even accomplish? And Alex Jones is like, I think it's a good idea.

Speaker 2 And also, we're literally on camera right now. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Don't say it in front of the fucking camera. So a couple of people are like, we're on camera, man.
Don't say it.

Speaker 2 And we watched them have a messy fight about it for like a minute. It's awesome.

Speaker 2 Well, and then, so they're giving their little speeches.

Speaker 2 And one of the guys comes in and he's like, hey, guys, you know, we're in the state house and people are trying to work and they've asked us to keep it a little quieter here. So can everybody keep.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. We love you, bitch.
Right. We gone.

Speaker 2 I cannot, no matter what, Alex cannot operate at a lower level. He's like Tom.
He just has to scream all the time. That's how Alex is.
So he's just like, yeah, I can't be quiet.

Speaker 2 There's no way you turn this down. I'm sorry.
I think Tom is good universe Alex Jones. I think you're right.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. Fights so bad.
Oh, that'd be amazing. God.
Patreon goal, folks.

Speaker 2 Because we can just, like, there's some amount of money where we could convince Tom to to just walk up and punch him, right?

Speaker 2 Like, we don't have to, there's a certain point where you don't have to have both guys involved in a fight, you know? Oh, yeah. So, okay.

Speaker 2 So, now, since he's in Georgia anyway, they're going to check in on the Georgia guide stones. Amazing.
By which we mean Alex is going to pee on them. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 And we see the mark on them of how much piss. And that is like fight number four, level 16.
Like, he's 45 season. Alex, yes.
Yes. So much vodka and red bull.
And he dried so fast. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, he's a half magic because, like, not long after that, someone blew this up. It's gone.

Speaker 2 It like comes out and it's like paint thinner. It's like stains.
There's a little bit of a mud cloud on top of that. And it was just amazing.
It was amazing.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, so he's yammering about the, and he, like, he comes away. He's just clearly like doing his pants up.
And there's a big piss stain on the thing that he's walking away from.

Speaker 2 And he goes, I peed on it. And then, in case we didn't get it, he goes, I peed on it.
and then in case he didn't get it he goes I really peed on it

Speaker 2 he literally tells us three fucking times guys peepee

Speaker 2 and then oh we have to mention this too because he's like he's filming a thing for his show where he's like and that's when they put up these obelisks Wait, are these obelisks though?

Speaker 2 And one guy says, let's go with a monolith. He's in the monolith.
I thought we agreed two syllable max buddy.

Speaker 2 One of the guys comes from off camera and goes, I don't know what obelisks are. This is so good.

Speaker 2 I want to be clear. They're not obelisks.
No, they're not.

Speaker 2 But one of them does say, no, I'd say they're obelisks because they're all just fucking yes men around.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right, right.

Speaker 2 And then he like reads one of them that's in a foreign language, but don't worry, he does it all racistly. Oh, yeah.
Super racist point of that movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's just a drunken idiot yelling at a rock.

Speaker 2 That's what I was watching.

Speaker 2 Do you guys know what these are for? Do you guys know why they made these, like what they're for? Yeah, it was like a mad conspiracy theorist, wasn't it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just saying, like, do humanity wisely. Yeah, but it's supposed to be up for after a nuclear war.
So they were made in the 80s, very specifically for like after a nuclear war.

Speaker 2 They said it's like a bunch of rules for a bunch of people who just had all of everything blow up.

Speaker 2 So they're, they made these things being like, man, I hope we can restart this shit after, because everybody in the 80s was like, yeah, next week we're all going to die.

Speaker 2 So they're like, well, let's make something just in case we all die. Maybe we can look and once we crawl out of our shelters, we can look at this thing and maybe remember how to read.

Speaker 2 And that's why they invade him. But he's got this insane conspiracy theory that doesn't take that into account at all.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Well, so one of the things it says is to maintain the Earth's population below 500 million or I think that's the number.

Speaker 2 And so the conspiracy theorists have glommed onto that and say, and said, they're going to kill 6.5 billion of us or however fucking many people.

Speaker 2 And so that's been their thing forever, which is why some asshole blew these fucking things up shortly after this

Speaker 2 video. Yeah, that guy didn't piss on them, Alex.
That guy actually committed to the bit.

Speaker 2 Coward.

Speaker 2 And this is where we get Heath's best worst as well, right? This is where we get the good.

Speaker 2 And what that means, guys, and

Speaker 2 fucking correct me if I'm wrong, folks, listeners, go watch this fucking video at 32 minutes and 11 seconds.

Speaker 2 They cut immediately from Alex Jones explaining his theory about the guidestones to a horse's ass.

Speaker 2 That is the exact transition. The horse looks over his shoulder like, oh, fuck you, and then walks off.
But the immediate thing we see is the horse's ass.

Speaker 2 I felt like me and the editor were seeing eye to eye for 20 seconds.

Speaker 2 Horse is just like, yeah, it's an obelisk. It's just a stone pillar.
It ain't sky.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to be your Google guy like Jamie?

Speaker 2 All right. Well, the horse's ass thing was too much for even us, so we need a break.
But we're going to be back in a minute with even more of Alex's War.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm the battery and your smoke detectors. And I'm your air filter.
And I'm your old passwords. Look, we need to be changed out regularly.

Speaker 2 And when we're done asking you nicely about this stuff, I mean, those are some awfully nice kneecaps you got there. It would be a shame if something were to like

Speaker 2 happen to him. Oh,

Speaker 2 actually, guys, I think I'm out. I don't need to coerce anybody.
Are you kidding me, Air Filter? You're the easiest one of us to forget of all. Well, that was before there was Filter Easy.

Speaker 2 What's

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With love, you say?

Speaker 2 I'm sure they use other ingredients too, but yeah, they make remembering to change your filters automatic for you.

Speaker 2 The Filter Easy subscription service delivers the filters to your door right when you need them. Okay, I don't know.
Have you actually tried them?

Speaker 2 Well, for the purposes of the sketch, I'm an air filter, but

Speaker 2 Noah's tried them. I sure have.
They sent us filters to try when they became a sponsor, which is great because I have one of those hard-to-find filter sizes and it's always a pain.

Speaker 2 Also, in a rather strange but nevertheless true endorsement, Filter Easy's filters snap into place in in a way that is incredibly satisfying to my ASMR.

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Speaker 2 Do we still get to bust the kneecaps for our stuff or what?

Speaker 2 Agent Smith, Agent Smythe, have a seat. Thank you, sir.
Ooh, I'm going to have a mint. Gentlemen, you're the best operatives the Illuminati have.
That's why I called you in.

Speaker 2 We've got a delicate problem that needs to be taken care of immediately. Okay, so sure thing, boss.
Yeah. Yeah, it's this public access journalist in Austin, Texas.

Speaker 2 I don't know how, but he's managed to unravel our whole plot, and he's just like shouting about it to to anybody who will listen. The whole plot? You mean

Speaker 2 the one world government? The false flag operations? The juice blocks linings? The whole thing. The gay frogs.
All of it. Absolutely.
And we need him taken care of. I see.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, that could be tricky. Yeah.
I've seen the kind of shape Target's in.

Speaker 2 So trust me on that. It's not going to be tricky.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Secretly overthrowing democracy and instituting a multi-generational plot to disguise the intentions of our lizard overlords is one thing, but killing an out-of-shape public access host in Texas?

Speaker 2 Ah, that's another thing altogether. What are you talking about? We kill people all the time.

Speaker 2 Can't you do it like you did Princess Die? No, no, no. No nearby torch statues to act as subtle clues.
You guys are your subtle clues. Look, we're the Illuminati boss.
It's our whole thing.

Speaker 2 Well, can we like discredit him?

Speaker 2 I mean, that's going to be tough as well.

Speaker 2 Okay, maybe if we can like somehow entice him to flash his tits at a blimp and piss on monuments he doesn't like, chase people who heckle him, and then put all of that into his own movie and exclusively talk like he's just unscreaming until his mom agreed to buy him a bug juice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that

Speaker 2 seems like a long shot, but it could work. All right.
All right. I like it.
Give it a try. I'll give you 25 years to show me the plan can work.
Otherwise, we're going to have to rub him out.

Speaker 2 Don't worry, boss. We'll take care of it eventually.

Speaker 2 Mind if I just take one more mint for the road? You always take all the mints.

Speaker 2 I only ever take two mints. Is that a lot? I mean, when you take them every time, well, why even have them there if you're not meant to take them?

Speaker 2 Social contract two is too many.

Speaker 2 And we're back for more of this shit, and we're going to rejoin the action back in the biographical shit.

Speaker 2 We have now reached the point where we've moved from the mean streets of Dallas to the hippie wonderland of Austin,

Speaker 2 which we visualize through a dude playing hacky sex. Hacky sex!

Speaker 2 Doing no tricks, just kicks. Yeah, I mean, he was all right, though.
It was some outside and some inside stuff. He was better than most.

Speaker 2 I do also like that they punctuate, like in order to do that transition, that cut, they punctuate it with like clips from like little lines from the show.

Speaker 2 And what they have to punctuate that is Infowars going, the most banned network in the world.

Speaker 2 And it's like, it's not ideal when your slogan would equally fit a paedophile ring like maybe it is different

Speaker 2 jesus christ

Speaker 2 so uh so yeah we see some shirtless pictures of young alex back when he was ripped yeah looked like he was doing a little martial arts there yeah not gonna lie definitely looked like he was in a kata position karate

Speaker 2 yes And then he's like, but that's when I first saw public access TV and that changed my life.

Speaker 2 That's my gullible niche, right? Yep, Yep, yep, yeah, exactly. I saw loads of people getting attention for being liars.
And I thought, yes, please. Yes, yes,

Speaker 2 let's get my dad to buy me some time on that network. Yes.
Yep. So then we're going to meet Mike Hansen, who is a descendant of Davey Crockett.
No, he isn't. And is he?

Speaker 2 Because he doesn't make a big thing of it. He doesn't go for his attention at all.
Like, he's even got a prestigious. Post-it note declaring himself a descendant.
Sellot tape to the wall.

Speaker 2 So, but here's the thing, though, is that he's not. We meet this guy and he says, I'm a descendant of Davey Crockett.

Speaker 2 And then he's like, look, my wall has a goddamn genealogy connecting me to Davey Crockett. But he gets all the way back and he's like, my fourth great grandfather was Davey Crockett's brother.

Speaker 2 That's not a fucking descendant, you stupid son of a bitch. Why would you leave that part in? I got to move the yarn on my yarn and push things back.

Speaker 2 You know how crazy this guy is going to be just by the number of pictures that are on his wall and no discernible space between them. You're like, no, this is a crazy person.
Oh, 100% crazy person.

Speaker 2 Yep, this guy owns shackles. Well, it's that and the fact that he makes a point of saying how much he loves MLK out of nowhere.
Zandas also loves MLK, so you know.

Speaker 2 I should be looking at yarn and push pins too. Like, not everybody, but like a lot.
Put them on the list. Yes, absolutely.
So now this guy is Mike Hansen.

Speaker 2 He is Alex Jones' first cameraman, and he he has a room dedicated to his Alex Jones payday, the way I have a room dedicated to retro video games. He is not well.

Speaker 2 Certainly not. Nope.
But he was the first guy that, like, I guess Alex Jones hired with his dad's money when he started doing public access television.

Speaker 2 And he also had a partner back then who we cut to now, and I wrote immediately in my notes, We cut to an insensitive John Lovitz character talking shit about Bill Clinton.

Speaker 2 This man is Jeff Davis. I wrote in my notes, hey, Davis's, don't name your kid Jeff.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Come on. You know, my great, great, great, great-grandfather's brother was Jefferson Davis.

Speaker 2 I think that's true. Actually, every day.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 My dad did a bunch of genealogy and he was like, fuck. Okay.
Yeah, you can't get kept being like the John Birch Society and shit. Yeah.
What are you burning in the backyard, dad? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he's like, yeah, you know, Alex Jones came along and he really outshined Jeff Davis. And I'm like, We just saw Jeff Davis, okay? Yes.
A tea light candle outshines Jeff Davis.

Speaker 2 A three-for-me value menu would outshine Jeff Davis. Come on, man.
I think they actually show the moment it happened because they saw clips of the two of them together.

Speaker 2 And at one point, they're both in like checkered shirts, like they're looking like they're presenting like the folksy checkered conspiracy hour on the local access TV.

Speaker 2 But then one day, Alex is is in a shirt and tie, and Jeff Davis isn't. He clearly didn't get that memo, and he looks so mad.
He's in his foxy shirt. Alex is in a tie.
Seething.

Speaker 2 Alex's chair is so much higher. He's got a giant cigar.
Yeah. And then, like, the next clip, they're both in suit and ties.
It's like, oh, you've got the memo.

Speaker 2 It's too late.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, but I guess we're seeing clips of Alex Jones rising through the ranks of public access television.

Speaker 2 The mean streets of public access.

Speaker 2 We should be clear. It's just you pay money and they let you be on TV if you agree not to put a penis on it.
Amazing.

Speaker 2 It's like if we did a rocky music montage of us like plugging in mics for the hotel. Right.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Uploading things to Libson.

Speaker 2 Well, he says at this point, he's like, I had three different shows. I'm like, on public access television.
That's like telling you how many fucking podcasts I have is a marker of my popularity.

Speaker 2 You fucking jackasses. His cameraman goes, oh, even back then he could draw a crowd.
And they show this video of like 18 people scattered around a fucking fountain. It's nothing.

Speaker 2 We have five, by the way. No big deal.

Speaker 2 Anybody else have as many as five?

Speaker 2 Historically, I've probably got more than that. Okay.

Speaker 2 Don't, it's not

Speaker 2 the current ones, but you know, there are a couple. It's a good thing Eli's off.

Speaker 2 But they're, so no, they're at that site of the Oklahoma City bombing to do a little like, I guess, a little bit for his show.

Speaker 2 This is again back in the day, you know, in his early days of spreading bullshit as a profession.

Speaker 2 And I guess the claim he's making is that there was a second explosion

Speaker 2 when the Oklahoma City bombing happened. What would that mean, though? I

Speaker 2 neither him nor I like a JFK second shooter thing? I don't know.

Speaker 2 A second bomb went off on a grassy knoll nearby.

Speaker 2 And it's a really small detail, but I noticed he says, look, while he's talking about this, look, I'm not sitting here claiming to have all the answers. To be clear, he is standing.

Speaker 2 So, like, that is the last thing we've been going for.

Speaker 2 There's also a shout of like back when George W. was the governor of Texas, I guess he got thrown out of a George W.

Speaker 2 event for yelling at him. Yeah, he totally.
And George, George Bush is just looking at him. A bunch of people are laughing.

Speaker 2 I wonder what George Bush thinks about getting seated next to him at the inauguration.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Also, I have to mention this thing. There's, because we're getting all of these shots of like, because that's like him, his being detained moment right there.

Speaker 2 That, that's like him making a star out of himself. That's him being a rising star, getting thrown out of events.

Speaker 2 And so at one point, they show him at like a fucking, I don't know, like a bus station or whatever, and he won't use the thumb scanner.

Speaker 2 And he goes, he turns to the guy who's telling him to use the thumb scanner. He goes, I feel like I'm being raped here.

Speaker 2 I'm like, dude, you're using the thumb scanner wrong, motherfucker.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'd forgotten he said that. That now makes some other stuff make a lot of sense.
Oh, yes, I certainly did.

Speaker 2 Good rule of thumb, if that makes things make sense in your life, you've gone horribly awry.

Speaker 2 Okay, so listeners, just to give Marcia's comment a little bit of context, in some pre-show communications, Cecil asked me to do something, and I responded, I feel like I'm being raped here. So, yes,

Speaker 2 that's the context we're talking about. So, we get some shots of him like doing his shit with in Waco.
He helped them rebuild their church there.

Speaker 2 Okay, just really quick, they show a clip of somebody that Alex Jones hired to help rebuild the cult's church, I guess. And they show that guy hammering a nail in, and he hits his finger so hard.

Speaker 2 Such a metaphor for all the editing in this film, right?

Speaker 2 So, but then we, all right, so now we're to the point in the biographical shit where we've caught up with InfoWars' existence. And that starts with him going, and Wikipedia says we started in 99.

Speaker 2 That's bullshit. We started in 97.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're doing a Wikipedia edit war in your movie right now.

Speaker 2 And I want to be clear about how important he thought it was. Oh, Fortuna is playing as this is happening.
Yes. It's so good.
He's like, we actually started in 1997, not 1999.

Speaker 2 Citation needed assholes.

Speaker 2 It's so stupid. Yeah, his argument is: we've been lying for very slightly longer than Wikipedia thinks we have.

Speaker 2 Oh, gosh. But he's saying that he's saying it like Wikipedia can't be trusted.
But we've literally already seen in this film, he uses Wikipedia as one of his main sources.

Speaker 2 Right, that's all of the little printouts, all the little fucking papers he had printed out. Any stone pillar can be an obelisk.
Ha, ho, ho, ho,

Speaker 2 so, okay. So, but then we see some news clips of Alex Jones being exposed on real news as a, you know, insane, dangerous person.
Because he is an insane, dangerous person.

Speaker 2 I think that also is important to point out. Very important.
And then John Ronson gets a name dropped that I'm sure he's real happy about. God is such a young John Ronson.

Speaker 2 I remember watching this Secret Rulers of the World series, but seeing John now, God, seeing him that young,

Speaker 2 it's incredible to see him. And I think in retrospect, on that, I think John genuinely went a bit too easy on who Alex Jones really was when you see who Alex Jones became.

Speaker 2 I think you'd want to do another cut to that if you had a chance. Yeah, so famously, Alex Jones and John Ronson and

Speaker 2 this fucking cameraman with the crazy, weird Alex Jones room all snuck into Bohemian Grove, which is like a silly nature retreat thing for billionaires. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's great because the plan was to just walk in, like pretending they fit in. So they even practiced doing the kind of conversation that they did people from Bohemian

Speaker 2 Being preppy is what they called it. Yeah.
They practice being preppy. Preppy, would you say preppy? Because they look like they both work at Bass Pro Shops.
I don't think that looks preppy to me.

Speaker 2 It's so good because it's just Alex like going on this long, weird monologue about nanotechnology is coming and how small it can get.

Speaker 2 And then at the end of this like minute-long thing while they're walking, you just hear Mike go, I agree. That's his

Speaker 2 compliment.

Speaker 2 Well, I love too. They're like, they had to practice talking like a normal person.
And I'm like, why would they have to practice that? And the very next shot,

Speaker 2 the very next shot is cameraman Mike going, pray. They're leaving his house to go do this.
And he goes, pray for us, honey. Keep the evil off of us.
And I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah.
That's nice.

Speaker 2 No, they'd have pegged you. So you needed to practice.
I agree.

Speaker 2 But their plan was just walk in like they fit in. And that was what they were meant to be doing.
And as John tells us, I've seen John like giving talks about this.

Speaker 2 As they were walking down the road, Alex and Mike just gave up and like dive rolled into the bushes and were gone for like half combat roll combat roll combat roll meanwhile john just walked in just really casually walked in

Speaker 2 oh jesus

Speaker 2 well we even see some footage of them sneaking through the woods right like hiding behind trees and ducks god it's so cringe it's so fucking cringe to watch these guys jumping and running through the underbrush so good they finally put a hidden camera inside of i think alex's little bag that he's carrying or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And we see clips of that.
It's just like, it's just a summer camp for old guys. They're like, dudes making lanyards and they're having a barbecue.

Speaker 2 Well, and then you've got Alex Jones lying over top of this going, everyone was trying to fuck me. I'm like, you have a camera.
Why wouldn't that be?

Speaker 2 Where's that footage, Alex? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But basically, it's a silly play, right? Like it's a, this whole thing is a big, weird. Satanic sacrifice.
A satanic sacrifice play. Where you bring, you start it with bagpipes.

Speaker 2 That's how you start your satanic sacrifice. Yep.

Speaker 2 So, and cameraman Mike is like, these are the shoes that I snuck into Bookie Me and Carl.

Speaker 2 He's like, it's like, he's talking about like it's the NBA final shoes. It's amazing.
He's got the shirt framed with a picture of the shirt so you know it's real.

Speaker 2 Like he's selling it on an auction site or something.

Speaker 2 It's just him wearing the shirt, holding a newspaper up.

Speaker 2 That's funny.

Speaker 2 God, it's amazing. That dude is fucking so bad and saved.

Speaker 2 Well, and he goes, I thought they were going to kill us, but it turned out it was just a silly play and we're dumb.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, after the harrowing adventure of snuck into a play without a ticket, I think we could all use a break to catch our breath.
But first, let me give Act 3 the hard sell.

Speaker 2 Will forever enter through solutions of the fading dawn? Can perhaps engulf the simulation, perplexing a stolen promise? Is the deepest loam of absolutions fathom granular?

Speaker 2 Find out the answers to fucking something, I guess. Will we return for the we didn't say no takebacks conclusion of Alex's war?

Speaker 2 Hey, Globalist Illuminati, guys. You want to see me? Oh, hey, Osamba.
Yeah, come on in. Have a seat.
Dude, you're tall. I am tall.
Yeah. So, what's up?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so remember when we told you to do a terrorism on the U.S. in order to spread fear and help us install a new world order? Yeah.
Right. As you know, we don't like to micromanage.

Speaker 2 So we kind of gave you free reign. But you'll remember the light suggestion we made? We said, maybe burn down a building kind of like the Reichstag fire.
Reichstag, exactly. Yeah, yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 Right. And we mentioned how the fire killed like 150 people, did the job.
Blame the communists and the Jewish people. Bing, bang, boom.
Hitler takes power. Coats.
Yep. I remember.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So just a quick question. Did you catch the news at all today?

Speaker 2 I just looked at my alerts for a second. I didn't like click into the articles, though.
You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 2 Are you guys? Are you guys talking about the planes that flew into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon this morning? We are. We are talking about that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 was that you? Yep. Ran the whole show.
I want to surprise you guys. You are welcome.

Speaker 2 Cool. Cool.

Speaker 2 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So, first of all, love the initiative.
Yes, yes,

Speaker 2 great initiative, absolutely. But, like, here's the thing.
Multiple targets, thousands dead. Now it's like, you know, a whole big thing we've got to cover up.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. No, I hear you.

Speaker 2 I hear you. And yeah, I guess I did kind of let that one get away from me a little bit.
I got excited. A little too hard in the paint on that one.
Hard in the paint. Yeah, yeah, no.
Fair enough.

Speaker 2 Fair enough. Basketball thing.
Tall guy gets it. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm tall.
So anyway, just try to stay within the parameters next time. Note, understood.
Totally understood. I am taking that note.

Speaker 2 I get it. Great to hear.
Yeah, like we don't like to scold. That's not our style at all.
So, you know, thanks for being cool about it. Yeah, no, you got it.
All right.

Speaker 2 Now get out of here, you little scamp. All right.
All right, later, guys. Good luck with the Judaism stuff, BT Dubs.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Oh, yeah.
And good luck with the Islam stuff. Thanks.
Thanks. All right, later, fellas.
Take care.

Speaker 2 Nice guy.

Speaker 3 He is a nice guy.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 we're going to murder him, right? Yeah, totally. But let's like wait 10 years.
Perfect amount. Nice.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 And we're back for still more of the shit. And now our trip through Alex's career is going to take us to 2001.
I wonder what he'll talk about. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, something horrible happened to Alex Jones' career. He's right.

Speaker 2 Well, first we have to make him seem prophetic. So we see these shots of him before 9-11 going, I predict that there will be terrorism someday.
And we're like, oh,

Speaker 2 shit.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they show clips of him talking about the World Trade Center. Yeah, Yeah, but he was talking about the 1993 Trade Center, Bombing.
Like, it already happened.

Speaker 2 It's not like we all didn't agree that that was going to be a target. Yeah, the Simpsons had already done it by then.
Come on. Yeah, right.
No.

Speaker 2 And also, he talks about Osama bin Laden, who was also already a known terrorist by then as well.

Speaker 2 Not in the same fucking clip, even. Yeah.
But yeah, and then 9-11 happened, and we have this weird moment where he's trying not to say, and I realized I could get rich off this shit.

Speaker 2 But his eyes are clearly remembering that time when he realized he could get rich off this shit.

Speaker 2 So, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and the thing about this, I wasn't sure whether, like, this movie, was it actually made by Alex Jones or was it made by someone who was trying to like show what he was about, like who was sympathetic?

Speaker 2 Because for them to cut this montage of Alex predicting 9-11, either they had to take his selective edit and not check it, or they had to selectively edit those clips themselves.

Speaker 2 But either way, the the filmmaker is making no effort to see what either they're making no effort or they're actively making an effort to lie to the viewers at this point. Right.

Speaker 2 But this is our first Joe Rogan sighting. It is.

Speaker 2 Right? Because we get the shot of like him just actively spreading misinformation about 9-11 as it was happening. Yeah.
And Joe gives him a call on the phone and they chat about it live.

Speaker 2 And Joe's trying to be reasonable about it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That was terrifying.
Joe Rogan being the voice of reason is a bad sign for you if you're the other person.

Speaker 2 At one point, he says to Alex, but Alex, don't you think this is irresponsible speculation? It's like, you hear that modern day, Joel? Irresponsible speculation. You used to know.

Speaker 2 Alex's response is just like the Reichstag fire.

Speaker 2 And I was like, wow, this is an interesting theory. So, like, the Illuminati wanted to blow up the World Trade Center and they

Speaker 2 wanted to blame it on bin Laden. And they were like, hey, what if we actually just hire bin Laden to do it also?

Speaker 2 But then like bin Laden went, you know, it went a little too hard. Yeah.
And they were like, fuck, all right. That's a big cover up.

Speaker 2 I like, too, that he's also talking to a guy on the phone who 100% is like, you know, I'm an engineer and that building fell like it was engineered to fall.

Speaker 2 Like, just like it was a good, well-designed building. Now it's the explosion he's ever seen.
Are you sure? Are you sure it wasn't like detonated?

Speaker 2 He's like, nope, it looked like it just like got hit by an airplane and then it fell down like it's supposed to when it gets hit. Yep, like it's engineered like that.

Speaker 2 And now it's just like, can I milk this? All right, next caller. Wikipedia says the buildings are actually built to do that.

Speaker 2 Specifically, he said it's the most beautiful implosion you've ever seen. Yeah, I feel like beauty is the attribute you want to call it.

Speaker 2 Maybe we go with a different.

Speaker 2 I mean, not as beautiful as the Infowars company last year's implosion.

Speaker 2 That hadn't happened yet. It's been knocked knocked out the second most beautiful implosion.
So we cut to another Trump rally modern day, this time in D.C. And we keep getting these countdowns, right?

Speaker 2 Like it'll be like, we're in Washington, D.C., 39 days to the inauguration. This would be Biden's inauguration, right?

Speaker 2 And we see Alex Jones trying to do the Reservoir Dogs walk,

Speaker 2 but everybody's marching a little too fast and he's a little out of breath.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was going to say, I think it's just that he's like visibly struggling because he is staggeringly drunk.

Speaker 2 He's not trying to walk in slow motion. motion.
It's just the best that he can achieve. And what we're watching is like the best 10 seconds they could get of him walking down

Speaker 2 on the editing room floor. You're right.
Well, and then Owen shows up and when Hohen shows up, the soundtrack goes, squirrel,

Speaker 2 it's like

Speaker 2 But Alex Jones is walking down with his megaphone and he's like trying to be the Pied Piper of idiots, trying to gather a crowd behind him as he goes. But it's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 He's already the world's most incomprehensible man, and now you've given him a megaphone. I didn't get a fucking word on this.
Maybe one or three words, something like that.

Speaker 2 It sounded like a big bad wolf trying to blow a house down. That's what it sounded like.

Speaker 2 Like somehow his voice was clipping before the megaphone. Like not even on a microphone.
It's just naturally clipping somehow.

Speaker 2 I like that they show us like a long shot of these MAGA people. They're marching for a while.
Alex is having trouble, so they have to cut away.

Speaker 2 And they show him, they stop and we watch them be baffled by an opera singer for a second. Yeah, did they do that on purpose?

Speaker 2 Did where they were like, okay, and then we'll stop and we'll listen to some opera and then we'll keep going. We'll do our

Speaker 2 protests. Maybe Alex just employs those people because it's like, you know, music soothing the savage beast or something.
He just, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll tell you one guy he definitely employs, and that's the guy that walked by and said, Alex Jones, you have opened the eyes of millions of people and the world is blessed to have you among count you among its ranks.

Speaker 2 That guy's walking right up to the camera. He's wearing an InfoWars shirt.
I want him to carry on just like yelling specific compliments.

Speaker 2 And you don't look like someone marinated a ham in the cheapest whiskey they could find and then stuck it into a child's t-shirt.

Speaker 2 I want him to just follow him around with like a WWE belt and hold it over his head and just talk about how great Alex is the whole time. I think you did use Obelisk correctly, by the way, earlier.

Speaker 2 That horse loved you. So, also, when the event starts, right, and they've got that chick doing the opera music, there's a sign in the audience.

Speaker 2 This is not my best words, but it was still pretty fucking good that just said, Fraud equals socialism.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 So, okay, and then, oh, and then we meet Michael Flynn here, don't we? Yes, he runs up to Michael Flynn and he starts to talk to him, but he's still on his megaphone at first.

Speaker 2 And he's like, Oh, yeah, I just use my people voice for this.

Speaker 2 also, Flynn hates him

Speaker 2 much. Oh, my God.
Does Flynn hate every single one? You could just see the disgust in Flynn's eyes as he's having a conversation.

Speaker 2 And Alex keeps on like trying to shake his hand, and Flynn won't reach for it. And then he's like, glad you came.
And Flynn's just like seething and staring at this.

Speaker 2 Most awkward exchange you've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Alex might as well go for the fist bump, get nothing. And then he has to just walk away and they show us this.
Alex being like, Michael Flynn, classic, funny dude.

Speaker 2 Funny dude. He does.
Didn't want to touch me.

Speaker 2 I want Michael Flynn to become a stand-up comedian so bad. That would be amazing.
Oh, after seeing him bomb doing his talk, me too. So he's doing this talk.
Treason, more like reason, right?

Speaker 2 It's so awkward. He goes, he says the whole like, well, you know, they keep attacking me, but sticks and stones will break my bones.
Words will never hurt me.

Speaker 2 And then he pauses like, that's going to be an applause point. That's going to be the hits.

Speaker 2 Then he crossed, then he crosses that off his hand real fast. Yeah, and he moves on to the next beat.
And his next beat, I swear this is a goddamn quote. He goes, I'm asked on a scale of one to ten

Speaker 2 who will be the next president.

Speaker 2 Eight. I'm going to say seven because I'm

Speaker 2 got a lot, TC.

Speaker 2 It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 2 Pie, pie.

Speaker 2 Who's the nerd? Get the fuck out of here. Dude got tricked by his own Google form.
Oh, Mike who made it Google.

Speaker 2 That was the only option that came up with the scale to one to 10. Fuck.

Speaker 2 He's fucking amazing, God. Well, it's a drop down menu.
What?

Speaker 2 All the way. Also, he plea bargained to willfully and knowingly making false and fictitious fraudulent statements to the FBI.
And then he got pardoned. So I just want to mention that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's not a super bright guy, and it shows. Yeah.
Oh, there's a shot of Mike Lindell. Look at all sad and stupid.

Speaker 2 Oh, and like, just as if we're just doing the greatest. It's fucking Eric Metaxas shows up.
He's the MC at this event and he introduces Alex Jones.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Eric Metaxas, he's terrible and he gets everywhere. You could say he's metaxicized.

Speaker 2 Brilliant.

Speaker 2 Brilliant. Yeah.
And also, they pay pay it out to their crowd. And it's so small.
It's like,

Speaker 2 it's like 300 people. I mean, look, if we did this, if we drew this crowd at a live show, I'd be pretty proud of us, right? That's the size crowd that they're working with here.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We do know at least one person who's in that crowd because we know that Liz from Michigan is in that crowd.

Speaker 2 Trish. It's Trish.
Trish from Michigan. Thank you very much.
Oh, it's Trish. You're right.
It's Trish. I'm so excited she was there.
Trish from the milish. That's right.

Speaker 2 Nobody calls her that.

Speaker 2 She wants an autograph for her three-year-old grandson, which sounds grim, but fair play. That will be worth something after Alex Jones is.
Oh, yeah, okay. She's thinking.

Speaker 2 I was like, get that maze and blue out of your fucking mouth, Trish from Michigan. Get out of here.
Fuck you. But yeah, so Alex Jones comes out.

Speaker 2 He signs Trish's tits or whatever, and then he goes out and he goes, This is his opening line. He's like, You look at the Bill Gates and the Mark Zuckerbergs.
they are miserable slaves of satan

Speaker 2 it's so everything he says starts with nobody nothing and then burn in hell nobody is getting right it's crazy

Speaker 2 Oh, God. So that crowd looks like that crowd, that tiny little crowd looks like it's going to be so rude to a Waffle House waitress in like 30 minutes.
Then he's so fucking rude.

Speaker 2 He goes, they want to keep the whorehouses open, but they say that the churches are not essential. Oh, God, what was that?

Speaker 2 Okay, his list after whorehouses got crazy and he realized it. It's the best.
He's like, they're keeping open the whorehouses, the liquor stores, Walmart,

Speaker 2 Target, Yankee Candle was opened.

Speaker 2 I got a Wetzel's pretzel.

Speaker 2 Churches are essential, though. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But also, when he's saying that the enemy wants to keep the liquor stores open, I'm not sure it's in Alex's interest to be arguing against liquor stores being open. I feel like

Speaker 2 his interests align with the enemy there. So we should probably, we haven't really mentioned this, but every time you see Alex Jones, there is a beverage near him.
And

Speaker 2 it's not a bottle in a paper bag, but it might as well be. It's a red solo cup.
Right, right. Exactly.
So very often it is.

Speaker 2 Look, if you took a drink every time you saw him sipping some water in this, in this fucking movie, you'd be as drunk as he is by the end of it. Yeah.
Yeah. Also, this ends with the line.

Speaker 2 certainly towards the end, we've got the line, Joe Biden will be removed one way or another.

Speaker 2 Yeah. In a movie that's trying to argue that Alex Jones is innocent, that is not a great line to include.
I don't think he meant a Democratic election in four years.

Speaker 2 Yep,

Speaker 2 I don't think he did. So, yeah, pin in that.
It'll matter later. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, okay, then our shifting timeline takes us to 2004 at Madison Square Garden, where Alex Jones apparently made it onto some poor networks coverage of the Republican Convention.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's so good because they basically do say, like, and you know, in the interest of balance, here's a deranged liar. Like, God Almighty.

Speaker 2 The media was so unprepared for Alex Jones.

Speaker 2 I feel like that was the downfall of everything right at that moment. So they're like, no, let's do fair and balanced reporting with this crazy person.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, but he yells at their camera. He's like, everybody should get on Google and look into 9-11 and do their own research.
And this is how medicine's going to work eventually.

Speaker 2 And then he tries to convince us that Fox News wanted to give him a job, but he didn't want, he was, he broke up with them. He didn't want the job with them.

Speaker 2 He was too credible, really.

Speaker 2 This is also where we get the weird cartoon. Yeah, they just animated the holes on his face.
That was really weird, man. They're just like, that's all that you could see.

Speaker 2 And then the rest of it was just flat. It was really, very uncanny.
It was just creepy and he just yelled nonsense for a minute and a a half.

Speaker 2 He, admittedly, very, very accurate cartoon because he got redder as it went on. Oh, interesting.
Richard Link later, I think, wasn't it? The filmmaker. Didn't he do Boyhood as well?

Speaker 2 Like, that's kind of, that was a real film that he made to Alex Jones in. Like, the media was not prepared for what Alex Jones was.
They re-enabled him along here. Wow.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, but he explains here that, oh, that makes sense of this because this is the part where he's like, but I didn't want to be in Hollywood.

Speaker 2 And speaking as somebody who's watched movies that he's produced so that he could be in them, I don't believe you.

Speaker 2 Okay, but you're probably being skeptical of Alex Jones at this point. Did you know that Charlie Sheen actually agrees with him? That pillar of sanity and reason, Charlie Sheen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they show him on Jimmy Kimball going, I think 9-11 was bullshit. Alex Jones agrees with me.

Speaker 2 There's a big fucking like shepherd's crook pulls him off the screen real quick. The whole movie, he's like brick on the other side with a grenade and he doesn't know.
It's so stupid.

Speaker 2 We see him on the view, right? Oh my God, what was that? They have him on the view. How the hell did that happen? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like you said, the media just wasn't prepared for the guy. Yeah.
Okay, that clip looked like in five seconds, he was going to have a fist fight with Barbara Walters on the set. And lose.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Even like the conservative person was telling to shut the fuck up. Yep.
Well, right, because he's always making him look stupid. This is also where he explains that Satan lives in California.

Speaker 2 He's like, of all the places I've ever been, the most evil is in California. And then he like specifies the region of California where Satan's betting down.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he said specifically the most evil place in the world is, quote, the bit between Silicon Valley and Los Angeles. So, you know, take that pass of Robles and look at them.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Central Coast Vineyards. You're not quite as good as Napans.

Speaker 2 And then there's suddenly a fucking

Speaker 2 music video promo for Joe Rogan. Yeah.
Joe Rogan's there

Speaker 2 in like masks, like presidential masks, ripping bongs with him. Yeah.
And they just say belly of the beast like

Speaker 2 dirty tie. Oh my fucking God.
While dressed sort of like a nun who's pretending to be George Bush. Why are they dressed like nuns? They're definitely in nuns.
It's so weird. And then that ends.

Speaker 2 And we talk about like, so when Alex Jones first became popular post 9-11, a lot of his audience were gullible liberals because

Speaker 2 he was talking about George W. Bush being evil.
And George W. Bush was evil, right? So it was pretty easy for him.

Speaker 2 But then once George Bush was out of office, all the liberals are like, oh, you're just a crazy person who says that about everybody and left.

Speaker 2 So we're talking about that era of his career when he had to switch to conservative lunatics being his bread and butter. And in so doing, we see an image of him dressed as Heath Ledger's Joker,

Speaker 2 which will haunt my fucking nightmares forever now. Yeah, because somebody photoshopped Obama as well as Heath Ledger's Joker, and then he's dressed as Heath Leather's Joker.

Speaker 2 And then, for a moment, they show the most racist fucking Obama mask I have ever seen in my entire fucking life. I saw that and recoiled from the screen.
I was like, Are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 Someone made that mask? Holy shit, it's a fucking hate crime mask. It really is.
Justin Trudeau.

Speaker 2 Cecil, when you.

Speaker 2 So, Cecil, literally, when you mentioned the mask, my shoulders instinctually drew in towards each other, right? Yeah. It's that fucking bad.
It's that bad.

Speaker 2 Well, and him bragging, he's going like, you know, I was willing to attack Obama in ways that Fox News wasn't. I'm like, that's not the brag you think it is.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 2 So this is where we get his first cry as well. He starts talking about his movies movies getting taken off of Amazon.
Oh, it's so good. It's so good.

Speaker 2 I actually took screenshots just for my own personal enjoyment, and I have like a series that was

Speaker 2 crying.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 2 I was going to skip this scene because it's so useless. The only reason I brought it up is because I saw your little pictures, and I'm like, well, I can't deny him this.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 2 He's gone through the effort to put a triptych in there. Yes, I did make one.
It's triptych. Yeah.
He starts to like not quite cry because his movie got pulled from Amazon. And then

Speaker 2 he really does cry because he's like, I just,

Speaker 2 I just want out. I'm a bad father.

Speaker 2 Oh, cry. Cry now.
Cry. Yes.
He cried. And I took a bunch more screenshots.

Speaker 2 And also, just as a quick reminder of the hellscape that we're living in, this bit where he starts crying about how all his movies were taken off of Amazon. I was watching this on Amazon.

Speaker 2 So I just want to point that out. Absolutely.
I want to talk about his set for just a second. Oh, please.
Come on, man. Like, this guy's set, he has like a weather app on his set.

Speaker 2 So when it's raining outside, it's raining in the studio on the windows in the studio. It's snowing outside.
He's got snow. I'm like, God, this guy's set is so nice.

Speaker 2 I feel just so much set envy, and I wish I had the money to bid on it. It is so amazing, and I hate him for it.
I just hate him for it. I just want to say that out loud.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then we get this clip from 2013. I guess he started a change.org petition to try to have Pierce Morgan deported for not liking guns enough.
Yeah. That is not why you should deport Pierce Morgan.

Speaker 2 Thank you. There's like, yeah, there's so many good reasons.
I guarantee at the time there was a change.org petition over here for you to keep him. No, no, not to him.

Speaker 2 Is Rwanda still available? Dueling petitions, see who gets the most signatures. You just like, yeah.
Right. The British one was also about guns.
It was weird. Yeah.

Speaker 2 but but he i guess piers morgan invited him on his show again like marsh said the media was completely unprepared for this idiot so we just see this weird clip of him berating piers morgan and i'm like man normally i'd really enjoy this but i can't really seem to make it just not really working for me this time it's like when the two villains fight in a movie and you're not sure who to root yeah right right

Speaker 2 But he's going like he's yelling at him as though Piers Morgan would, because Pierce Morgan, basically, after like Sandy Hook, he came out and he's like, hey, you know, maybe Americans should rethink this commitment to the second amendment and he's like Alex Jones is yelling as though Piers is in his home trying to take his guns

Speaker 2 and this is the really shitty thing about it because the thing is neither of them did badly out of this this clip this thing going viral helped both Alex Jones and Piers Morgan because they're both in some ways in the same game of produce outrageous television that gets as much

Speaker 2 outrageous clips that gets as much virality from people who hate it as people who love it. And then you'll, you know, dot, dot, dot, profit.
And they fucking do profit.

Speaker 2 So while this is two villains going at it and fighting each other in, in kind of this clip, they both win. That's the problem.
Everyone loses but them. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Right.

Speaker 2 Speaking of which, right, like that, we see clips of the Benghazi hearings and we do the evil Hillary remix thing, which is a banger. Thank you very much.
An absolute banger.

Speaker 2 There's a great clip in here, too, where they're talking about Hillary and there's just, you could just see Alex Jones is screaming. He's like, Biden is weaponizing the Justice Department as we speak.

Speaker 2 And then they like pause and there's a Hillary for prison panel van that just

Speaker 2 happening. And that's the wrong person weaponizing the Justice Department altogether.

Speaker 2 Whoops. That missed its cue.
It was supposed to come by a little earlier.

Speaker 2 But yeah, but he explains that Trump is president because of him. He made that happen.
Sure. He also said Trump's real crime was trying to actually be the president.

Speaker 2 It's like, no, that is pretty much the only crime he didn't commit. Really?

Speaker 2 It went through him alphabetically. And yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, okay. And then he's like, but we got Trump elected and that's when they knew they had to come for me.
And to visualize them coming for him, we look at some Sandy Hook headlines. Oof.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really brings down the mood.

Speaker 2 And it does feel at this point like the documentary. I thought the documentary was turning on Jones at this point.

Speaker 2 I felt like, oh, okay, they've played the long game, but now they're showing him to be a monster. No, they don't.
They will completely redeem this guy by the end of this, in their minds.

Speaker 2 Okay, did I have a fucking stroke? Or was this thing about New Town starting to happen? And then we get... I don't know, 30 seconds of Alex Jones with a fidget spinner being like,

Speaker 2 anyway.

Speaker 2 That massacre that I now know is. Yeah, right.
Yeah. Yeah.
Very weird tonal shift there.

Speaker 2 And then also the very first clip he shows is like, it's a weird bit about him talking about how much he loves other people's children. He does say that.
Yeah, that is fucking weird.

Speaker 2 He's like, he's like, I love children. I love my children.
I love other people's children. I'm like, dude, whoa, slow to pump the fucking breaks.
At least he stayed generic.

Speaker 2 He didn't get specific, like, I love eight-year-olds or I love, that would have been far.

Speaker 2 I love Terry's kids, especially. Yeah.
Yikes. So, yeah, but this this is like in the immediate wake of the Newtown massacre, and he's going, my gut tells me the White House was involved in this.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, well, then shut your gut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And his excuse for this that he gives us is like, no, I, I, my thing is always when something happens, I always like look for why it could have been faked.

Speaker 2 It's like, it's not a good excuse to be like, oh, it's no biggie, guys. I always lie about completely fresh tragedies.
It's my thing. Right.
When merged happening, I say, no.

Speaker 2 Well, he had a like, well, come on. Everybody was claiming those kids were crisis actors back then, weren't they?

Speaker 2 Just me. Yeah.
Nope. Fuck.
And look, he said, sorry for it. What more do you want? For him to stop repeating the lines?

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, his real argument eventually is, why are you bringing up old shit, right? He's like, I apologize for this five or six years ago. I've said so much more outrageous shit since then.

Speaker 2 Then we cut to reports about his content being blocked. Another scene that I would have skipped had it not been

Speaker 2 for Roger Stone's headwear.

Speaker 2 This is a silly hat on. It was a blue stone.
It comes straight from his son.

Speaker 2 This was a French mind.

Speaker 2 And it's Roger Stone's in the hat. He's arguing that if they can muzzle Alex Jones, they could come for you when you defame the families of murdered kids.
That's his argument. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Honestly, Marsh, I had no fucking idea because I'm with Heath. I just was like,

Speaker 2 I put best, worst hat.

Speaker 2 I can't hear you talking when you're saying hat that loud at the same time.

Speaker 2 It's amazing. Off camera, he had the white gloves on.
And like, just

Speaker 2 before,

Speaker 2 just before this shot, he was like doing the fingers to the eyes for crying and the down, down, smiley face. Right, right, yes.
No, it was very windy in there a moment earlier. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 You're doing the canoe, buddy?

Speaker 2 Cool. So, but apparently, Alex Joe's, the argument that he's trying to make here, he's like, yeah, I was wrong about Sandy Hook, but come on, I'm a reporter.

Speaker 2 The New York Times gets things wrong sometimes, huh? Huh?

Speaker 2 And then we see clips of this deposition that he had to do in relation to the Sandy Hook tragedy.

Speaker 2 And the amazing thing about it is you have to imagine that every other moment of the deposition, he was getting owned harder than this. Oh, my God.
Yes. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 Like, this is the least owned he got in the entire deposition. That's the only explanation of why we we see him just getting repeatedly dunked on by this lawyer.

Speaker 2 And he tries to out-talk the lawyer as well. There's times he thinks he can outsmart the lawyer, and then he absolutely doesn't.
He gets absolutely murdered by him. It's brilliant.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the lawyer's just like, yep, that's the rope. Go ahead.
I know your name's big. It's going to take a while, but go ahead.
Well, and we say Rob Dew is in there as well.

Speaker 2 God, he's such a slimy prick. I hate that guy.
Oh, I know. He's doing the same fucking shit.
Oh. Hey, guys, are there any text messages that would contradict something you've already said recently?

Speaker 2 Any of those? No? No? Cool. No? All right.
So we'll circle back to that. Interspersed with the deposition, we also watch him being assaulted on the streets.

Speaker 2 He just can't walk down the street without people harassing him now. Paul feet thrown on him.

Speaker 2 It's so great because he's so mad because like he's trying to gourd this guy who's like sort of shit talking on the street.

Speaker 2 He's desperately trying to gourd the guy into punching him, but the guy only throws coffee at him. And he's he's so, so mad about it that he then starts to like goad other people into hit.

Speaker 2 And he starts chasing them down the street as if he's almost going to hit them himself. Like he's kind of fallen for his own trap, like Wiley Coyote.
Right.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah.
The guy flips him off and then he just starts running at full speed after him. I'm like, why would you put that in the movie? And he's yelling as he's running full speed.

Speaker 2 He yells at the guy, you're not an intellectual.

Speaker 2 It's amazing because that guy goads him by flip-off dancing. The guy's doing that two-finder flip-off dancing, and he's like cha-chaing backwards, and Alex is just like, that makes me so mad.

Speaker 2 And he just runs right. That's amazing.
My favorite part was the coffee guy.

Speaker 2 He walks by. This guy has a coffee.
He walks by. He's like, hey, Alex Jones, you're trash.
And Alex is like, you're afraid of me. And he starts running after the guy.
And

Speaker 2 Alex is like, fuck, he's coming back. I thought he was going to keep running.

Speaker 2 And then he has to confront him. And he gets coffee poured on him.
Well, and he pours the coffee on him out of his thermos. And then they like Alex is still talking shit.

Speaker 2 And then he picks up the thermos like he's going to hit him with it. And Alex cowers away from him.
Yeah, he does. He takes a step back.
Alex takes two for flinching in his own movie.

Speaker 2 And as he's saying this, like they, you know, they wrap that up. They wrap the deposition.
And he's like, oh, they're punishing me. And, oh, this isn't what I'm going to be remembered for.

Speaker 2 I won't be remembered as the Sandy Hook man.

Speaker 2 No. You will be.
Especially if you go broke. To the extent that you're remembered.
Yeah. And Rob says that as well.
In his deposition, Rob says, I won't be remembered for Sandy Hill.

Speaker 2 Because I'm like, yeah, you won't be remembered for anything.

Speaker 2 I forget you exist the second you go off screen. We literally forgot the moment you're off screen.
We don't remember you.

Speaker 2 If I hadn't written your name down on this paper, I couldn't have told you what it was. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not a gunpoint. Yeah.
And then, and, and Alex is just like all miserable about this at this point. He's just going, yeah, why don't you just put me in front of a firing squad?

Speaker 2 And I'm like, you've got my attention.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Keep going.
I mean, what they actually did was took the money that you made off of telling the lie from you.

Speaker 2 But I like the buying squad thing. I like that you're thinking outside the box.
So then we get an actual banger of an anti-Hillary banger.

Speaker 2 The little folk tune. The little folk song that they, Tom and I got this 40 times a day

Speaker 2 for about nine weeks.

Speaker 2 People sent this to us every second of the day. This and the Glory Hole song by another band that I don't know.

Speaker 2 They send, they don't, and we still get them about, I would say, maybe monthly, we'll get two or three of this. Whether someone's like, hey, have you seen this? I'm like, a hundred thousand times.

Speaker 2 I've seen it. And I force myself to watch it every time somebody sends it because they'd send it.
So I'm like, okay, well, I'll just watch it again. It's a really good song.
It's great. It's great.

Speaker 2 It's taking exact quotes from Alex Jones and his insane rants and putting it to music really, really well. Good shit.
Yeah. I was impressed.

Speaker 2 And it's music sort of in a sort of a Mumford and Sons kind of style, which itself is quite interesting because the banjo player for Mumford and Sons left because he got radicalized into Alex John's conspiracy theory.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Amazing.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, we so we get that, and then we get Owen takes the mic for the war room segment of the show, and they just show him like that, you know, he gets his contractually obligated 84 seconds that he gets for financing one-fifth of this or whatever the fuck he was doing there.

Speaker 2 But the whole time that they're showing him, he's going like he's explaining like how to get to their show, like a like a bad pager contract you got in 1989 or whatever.

Speaker 2 You press two, and then you wait for the second beep, and you press seven, one,

Speaker 2 one.

Speaker 2 But apparently, this is the point of where, like, everybody keeps banning their content. And so every week they have to have a new server or some shit.

Speaker 2 And then we get a quick little clip of Alex bringing in some takeout and opening it up and being like, who the fuck got salads? Yes. What is this? Vegetables? He's so angry.

Speaker 2 That's going to ruin my buzz. It's going to make me shit out all my booze.
I'm going to be sober again.

Speaker 2 I told you more donuts, no salads.

Speaker 2 So, but okay, so we're just pre January 6th at this point, right? We're like the last show he's doing before they go to DC for the Unite the Right. rally.

Speaker 2 And he says, like, you know, they keep asking us not to incite violence. I'm like, yeah, why would they think you might do that? You know, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's a line where he says, we're not planning to go to DC and shoot anyone. And I wanted like a John Ronson narrative going like, but they did go to D.C.
and shoot someone.

Speaker 2 Well, and again, because the whole point of this, as we're getting to at this point, the whole point of this movie is to try to exonerate Alex Jones from his responsibility for January 6th, right?

Speaker 2 So what they're showing is him going like, we're not planning to come to D.C. to overrun the Capitol.
And it's like, see, innocent was not planning.

Speaker 2 So, okay. So the title card comes in.
It's January 5th, 2021. Owen turns to the camera and he goes, tomorrow is the day that could determine the election.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, that was determined back in November. Yeah, I mean, it's also going to determine your jail time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right, right. Oh, we see Roger Storm in another ridiculous hat here as well.

Speaker 2 Do you guys clock this? And it's like, Roger, you'll never be the hat guy when you've got a life-size tattoo of Nixon's face on your back. You'll always be the Nixon's face guy.

Speaker 2 You're always that guy.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, so, but, but apparently, they're doing like a late-night pre-rally rally.

Speaker 2 Alex looks so drunk. Oh my God.

Speaker 2 He looks so wasted. He's swaying in the background.
He's pounding a bud and he's just swaying in the background. And they're taking pictures of him.

Speaker 2 And you can tell he has the alcohol sweats while he's taking the photo.

Speaker 2 And then he comes out on stage and he's just yelling spittle at people. It's just amazing.
He's trying to grab a straw in his bottle of Budweiser that's not even there with his mouth.

Speaker 2 The first thing he does is immediately incite violence. He's been told not to.
It's literally the first thing he does is like, go out there and fight. Go fight.
Go. Like, I think we should kill them.

Speaker 2 I think you should harm them as much as possible. Maybe commit sedition.
I hope not if this is being the goal.

Speaker 2 God. So peaceful sedition.
Peaceful, peaceful.

Speaker 2 Lovingly. Politically.
And then, yeah. And then he ends it by trying to get everybody to chant 1776 with him, but there's literally no cadence to make that work.

Speaker 2 It's like 1776. It doesn't work.
And so everybody's 1776. 1776.

Speaker 2 177, the number six. 100.

Speaker 2 But in the movie, they put in some metal here. So they chant 1776 a few times.
And then it's like,

Speaker 2 so okay, now it's the big day. It's January 6th, 2021.
It's time for America's dumbest attempted coup. And we cut straight to Mike Lindell on a golf cart.
Yeah, hello there.

Speaker 2 He's there. That was Mike Lindell on a golf cart.
Squinting in a hail.

Speaker 2 So yeah, we see him getting ready for the rally. We watch Trump yammer.
Listeners, I watched Trump yammer for you.

Speaker 2 There's this great moment where he's like, oh, turn the cameras around. Show this big, great, big crowd.
And I'm like, yes, anything but looking at this fucking ass oh, please. Yeah, by all means.

Speaker 2 Right. And they're saying like, oh, just a bunch of peaceful protesters.
Let's look at them. The guys with tactical belts and masks over their faces and matching bayonet shirts.

Speaker 2 And there's, oh, there's a great moment where Donald Trump says something or another. You know, they start, they kept counting votes and it's a bunch of bullshit.

Speaker 2 And everybody starts chanting, bullshit, bullshit. While Donald Trump is talking.

Speaker 2 That's the most amazing guy. I cannot believe I've never seen that fucking clip before.

Speaker 2 But yeah, so, but then they march on the Capitol, right? And we hear the chatter from the crowd as they're doing this. Again, this is all trying to be peaceful, peace, fall, peace, fall.

Speaker 2 Yes, right, right.

Speaker 2 One guy goes, they're gassing everyone up front. They weren't at that point.
And another guy goes, lot of instigators up front trying to get us to fight the cops.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but they're your instigators. They are

Speaker 2 the shock troops of your movement. That's what they are here.

Speaker 2 And Alex does look, I mean, it might be the clips that that they're choosing deliberately to paint a narrative, but he does look terrified in every shot.

Speaker 2 Sure, but not because he doesn't want this to be happening, he just doesn't want to be in the middle of it. Yeah, it does.
See the front lines. Sure, look at his people.

Speaker 2 See this violent attempted overthrow of the government in front of them, right? Like it's happening right in front of them. And one of them goes, bad optics up front.

Speaker 2 That's literally like this is their movie.

Speaker 2 This is also where we get my best, worst.

Speaker 2 The protest sign that says, I absolutely shit you not. It just says, China is asshole.

Speaker 2 And it looks like it was smeared with the body. Like the WWE character, maybe?

Speaker 2 But like, they had to, they, they went out, they bought like the card for that and the pens. And then they were like, right, what am I writing? What what message do I go with?

Speaker 2 Like, what I want to know what drafts they threw away. You What didn't make it? What are the cutting room floors of that craft table? You just ruined China asshole.
I'll put is in the middle, right?

Speaker 2 Like off on the margin. Oh, there you go.
All right. Can you make the ass backwards on is? That would be awesome.

Speaker 2 So at this point, Alex realizes what he's done and he tries to take it back on camera, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's amazing. He's like, we have to file the permit.
I put down a deposit, guys.

Speaker 2 We got to do, look, we got to go around the other side. Holy shit, I am never getting this $500 back.

Speaker 2 Has everyone got the lanyards? Can I hand the lanyards out? Do you need to have the name tags? I'll put a little rope up and you have to stand in the rope.

Speaker 2 Can I take a register? Who's got the tap on the empty keg? That's also a deposit that I'm not getting back unless I get the tap for each one.

Speaker 2 In all seriousness, though, this is...

Speaker 2 There's no time code on this video, so you don't know. But this is, I am almost positive, this is after they had already broken into the rotunda.
Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 2 Because there's way too many police officers in the crowd. Because when we saw that, that footage early, there's only a few police officers that are around the sort of the house.

Speaker 2 So they're climbing in and then they got in. But we're seeing the way they cut this.
edit is they show them outside and then they show Alex walking away and then they show the protesters inside.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think that's how it was because they're fucking literally shooting tear gas bombs into the crowd while Alex is talking.
Right, right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is after he saw what happened and everything went to shit. He got video of him saying, let's all be peaceful.
I think we should be peaceful. Yes, yes.
Yes. Also, we have to mention this.

Speaker 2 He's trying to get everybody's attention and he can't. And one of the guys turns to him and says,

Speaker 2 he says, chant at them. And he goes, USA.
And they all have to stop what they're doing. If you're ever being attacked by maggots, God, just start chanting U.S., they have to stop in response to you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so stupid. They're like vampires staring into a mirror.

Speaker 2 Just shake a bag of cat food, chant U.S.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But then we see the media blaming him, even though he told them about his deposit, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he's like, you know, the last thing we wanted was violence. And I'm like, well, except for the violent ones.
He's like,

Speaker 2 a very small number of people. I googled it.
They arrested 1,500 and they didn't get all of them.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And also the guy Schroyer, I think Heath mentioned at the beginning of the program, he pleaded guilty to entering the restricted area near the United States Capitol building during the January 6th attack.

Speaker 2 So like that, like one of his fucking producers was inside. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that guy was already banned from a bunch of areas because he had already breached them on an earlier day while he was being a crazy asshole. Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, and then Alex Jones tries to pull off this bullshit.

Speaker 2 And I've seen this from January 6th Defenders in the past, where he's saying, look, you know, our crime is really the cops' fault for not having enough cops to stop our crime.

Speaker 2 That's literally his argument. Am I not being detained? Yeah.
That is a bold.

Speaker 2 You should be detaining me right now.

Speaker 2 We outnumbered them, and that's their fault. Yeah, that's his thing.

Speaker 2 But he says, he's like, look, we didn't plan this, and the idea that we planned it is disgusting. And I'm like, hey, look, nobody is accusing you idiots of planning.

Speaker 2 Or I guess some people are, whatever.

Speaker 2 But what you do, Alex Jones, is you carelessly endanger people with lies and then pretend that the consequences don't count because you didn't say to someone, go do this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? That's the defense he's trying to offer at this point. Yeah.
He also claims, he's like, okay, here's what happened. It was a beautiful day of love.

Speaker 2 We were doing Zazen together and singing songs.

Speaker 2 And then provocateurs stormed the Provatifa. Yeah.

Speaker 2 To be clear,

Speaker 2 not mentioned. Jones was in contact with those exact provocateurs ahead of time.
Yes. They're called the Proud Boys.
Yup. We know about that from trials

Speaker 2 and from video, actually. There's video of a Proud Boys leader, Joe Biggs.
He got. 17 years for seditious conspiracy and now a full pardon.

Speaker 2 And he says, like, we'll merge with Alex as they're coming in and we'll do our shit. And there's a bunch of very clear evidence of like texts back and forth between Alex Jones and hate group leaders.

Speaker 2 So. Yeah, right, right.
It's important to be able to do that. It could be any Alex Jones, in fairness.
It's a very common name. It could be any.

Speaker 2 You can't be certain. It's this Alex Jones.
This Alex Jones was calling for peace. I mean, he didn't see that.
We did see that on video.

Speaker 2 Well, so that's just the thing, too, is that as feeble as this defense is, it's also a lie, right? Yeah. So, okay.
And then listeners, I'm just going to read the notes directly to you here.

Speaker 2 Normally, I don't do this, but Marsh has written because he was the first one to watch the movie this time. Marsh has written slow pan over dot dot dot.
Okay, I have no idea what city this is.

Speaker 2 You have too many cities and they have too few distinguishing features. Okay, sorry, we don't have a quaint cottage for you to recognize.
It's Austin, yes, okay, it's Austin.

Speaker 2 Cecil wrote that, and I wrote, sorry for having a country the size of your fucking continent, okay?

Speaker 2 God damn it, 1776, 1776.

Speaker 2 Squinting in him.

Speaker 2 It's bald eagle.

Speaker 2 So then

Speaker 2 we cut back to InfoWars headquarters in Austin. Why, though? Why? Why did we cut back the movie's over?

Speaker 2 It's over. It should be done.
It's so done. It's so done.

Speaker 2 They show us this little fucking framed yarn and pushpin map that has the Bilderberger Group, the Council of Foreign Relations, and the Trilateral Commission at the top, and then just lines going down like a Rico chart to media organizations.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it says American Empire and its media. That's the title of this dumbass poster.
I just want to be clear. Part of the evil empire, besides what Noah mentioned, is the cartoon network.

Speaker 2 Also, the Sun newspaper, which is a real blow to the British newspaper, the Sun newspaper, part of the American Empire of media.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so okay. So he's starting one last episode of his stupid fucking show.
And we've left a lot of this out. They've put a lot of clips of him starting his stupid fucking show.

Speaker 2 But this is the day of Biden's inauguration. And I guess he's going to like play Biden's inauguration speech while roasting it MST3K style.
Yes, he says that Biden looks like a corpse.

Speaker 2 And I wrote, Alex, now is not the time to be pointing out who looks like a corpse. Yeah.
You look like they only managed to fish you out of the river two weeks too late to save you.

Speaker 2 That's what you look like right now.

Speaker 2 At one point, Alex says, look at Biden and his fake hair blowing in the wind right and joe biden is an old man who's balding and that's visibly what is happening in the thing we're looking at so alex jones thinks joe biden has a wig that intentionally resembles late stage balding on receding hairline yeah why would a trump supporter talk about another person's fake looking hair

Speaker 2 but that's why isn't it because they have to sort of throw every insult back they have to use every insult on the people they disagree with yeah i guess that is that they, yep, that, that's where fake news came from, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So, yeah.
So, but then, okay, because this movie refuses to be over. Suddenly, we're out in the woods with Alex Jones and his son, Rex.

Speaker 2 We film in the back of a golf cart, and it is the shakiest footage I have ever seen. Whose idea? This is awful to look at.

Speaker 2 This moment in the movie might have been my favorite, though, because he's driving his dumbass golf cart out into his woods where he has a shooting range.

Speaker 2 And the person next to him, I think it's Rex, his son, is like, hey, you're going a little fast. There's bums coming up.
His bum, blam. And

Speaker 2 he slims back

Speaker 2 so hard.

Speaker 2 But not before he says, oh, I've got this. And then, yeah.

Speaker 2 And they cut right from that to the gun range. Well, and then, well, we cut first to Rex.
Rex, who's wearing a bulletproof vest, by the way. I don't know why he's doing that.

Speaker 2 He certainly, it's irrelevant given the gun they're using. Yeah.
Oh, I know. Yeah, the bullets they show us right after we see the vest are, it's like intercontinental ballistic bullets in a rush.

Speaker 2 This is a Barrett 50 caliber. This is a sniper, one of the big sniper rifles that they would use if you're trying to shoot somebody that's like a mile away.
Yeah. And also is an elephant.
Right.

Speaker 2 So, but I also, as they're heading out to their big fucking gun, Rex turns to the camera and he's like, Yeah, that's one thing about my dad. He loves to be in nature.

Speaker 2 And immediately, Alex Jones is like, shut up, Rex. That's stupid.
Nobody ever wants to hear your stupid bullshit again. Shut the fuck up.
Everybody hates you, especially me.

Speaker 2 That makes sense. Now the bulletproof vest makes sense.
Okay. All right.
Fair. All right.

Speaker 2 Got it. Also, so they, they, so they go out, they, they get their fucking cannon and they're firing at their dummy that's like 18 feet away.
It's like six feet away.

Speaker 2 Here's the gun that's made to shoot like a half a mile away and you're shooting it. It's like you're planking cans with a fucking 22

Speaker 2 close to it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous.
Also, just want to point out that gun is moving, Alex Jones, because you saw how big that is.

Speaker 2 I was thinking, God, if Marsh shot that gun, he'd shoot across a road. Right.
Like it would just shoot. It would be like a catapult.
It would just shoot him so far back, he'd wind back up in England.

Speaker 2 He would wind back up there.

Speaker 2 17, 17.

Speaker 2 But also, I want to point out, we get a close-up of the dummy that they're shooting at. Not a lot of bullet holes in that guy.
Nope. Late in their session.
Nope. All right.
So, and then we see him.

Speaker 2 He's like, this is a clip from one of his fucking stupid movies or whatever. He's filming a sunset and he goes, is this the sun setting on democracy or is it rising on an awakened people?

Speaker 2 And we're like, well, you're shooting a sunset, man. Yeah.
Yeah, it's a sunset, you fucking idiot. Well, it's setting on whatever.
You got to start with the verb that's happening.

Speaker 2 It's like he thinks that every sunset is like the sunrise of the next day. Like he's forgotten nights.

Speaker 2 Suns are like rivers that go from the

Speaker 2 front. Fuck Rob, what's a river? What's the sun? Is this an obelisk? So, and then he like at the end, he's like desperately scrabbling for a profound thing to say to close things off.

Speaker 2 And it's like watching Heath try to dance. It's so uncomfortable.
It's the certain point. He talks about what makes him happy, all the things that make him happy.

Speaker 2 And it's like a hair's breadth short of a, so, Alex, what makes your perfect Sunday? It really is.

Speaker 2 It really genuinely is. I love it.
Like, because, like, he couldn't figure out how to end his dumbass movie. And, like, I get it.
How the fuck do you end that?

Speaker 2 goes to the

Speaker 2 improv with the word infinity, sort of.

Speaker 2 And he's like, yeah, my favorite moments in life, my favorite, my favorite little Sunday is feeling that Zen, understanding timelessness, those moments in eternity of endless, weird infinity.

Speaker 2 The end. Can I get a job from the audience?

Speaker 2 Can you guys buy my company for me and hire me? Right. So he finally did have an ending, but then he was like, no, I want to say one more thing.

Speaker 2 I spread lies to millions of people from a place of good. I forgive me.
Now the end.

Speaker 2 And that's literally the end. Yep.
I forgive me the end. All right.
Well, I just had to watch Alex Jones try to do wisdom, so I'm fucking done. But Cecil, Marsh, thank you so much for coming on.

Speaker 2 Oh, so much fun. Thanks, Alex.

Speaker 2 And one last reminder, if you want to hear more from Marsh and Cecil, be sure to check the show notes for links to the No Rogan experience. That's K-N-O-W-Rogan.

Speaker 2 rogan again linked in the show notes fantastic show it really is it's a genuinely fun show too so and of course that does it our for our review of alex's war but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to go back around to the end of the line so heath tell us what's on deck we're going to be watching the earthing movie oh that's That's a thing you can do.

Speaker 2 It's an activity called earthing. Touching

Speaker 2 dirt. It's touching dirt.
It is that. Yep.
The movie. Touching dirt, the movie.
There's magical stuff that might happen. All right.

Speaker 2 Well, with magical dirt touching to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 491 to a merciful close.

Speaker 2 Once again, a huge thanks to Cecil and Marsh for our helping out today, and perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go.

Speaker 2 If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com/slash Godawful and thereby earn early access to an ad-free version of every episode.

Speaker 2 You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.

Speaker 2 And if you've enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scaling Atheists Citation Native, DD Minus, and the Scripture Guide, available wherever podcasts live.

Speaker 2 If you have questions, comments, or send them suggestions, you can email GodOfflenMovies at gmail.com. Tim Robinson takes care of our social media.

Speaker 2 Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotton, people of the drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audience here, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission.

Speaker 2 Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week. For Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick, I'm No Alicia's promising to work hard to earn another check next week.

Speaker 2 Until then, we'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes.

Speaker 2 CTE went on to have the biggest podcast in the world. Fuck.

Speaker 2 Rex would go on to. Nobody gives a fuck.
Never Never mind.

Speaker 2 Alex Jones would go on to serve as Secretary of State in President Donald Trump's third term. Oh, god damn it.
Don't put that in for me.

Speaker 2 Once the fire sale was complete, Dan and Jordan from Knowledge Fight finally got Alex Jones's desk. I like yours.

Speaker 2 I hate March. He did a happy one.
Marsh's is bad. Yours was happy.
Marsh's is bad. You deserve that for the 1776.

Speaker 2 You deserve that. England finally gets their revenge.

Speaker 2 He, thanks for that enthusiastic and great, great show. I've noticed that you've never done that for any of my other shows that I've mentioned on here.
That was really enthusiastic. Wait, have I not?

Speaker 2 Am I not enthusiastic?

Speaker 2 Cognis is awesome. Lawful Assembly is awesome.
Everyone's a critic. Come on.
Season literally is bullshit. Amazing.

Speaker 2 He's never even done it for citation needed, and that's also his show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was interesting. It's weird.
Not a fan, cetacean.

Speaker 2 All right. And interstitial two.

Speaker 2 Are these gangsters too? No, these are Illuminati operatives. I see.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 And I'm like Illuminati boss of two operatives, right? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 But they're uncontrollable. You just, you know, they're rogues.

Speaker 2 You know what? Just play it however you want to play it. All right.
You guys got it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go with gangster.

Speaker 2 Okay. But you got to bring the Maverick gangster energy for sure.
Both. I did write you as gangster in the air filters ad, Cecil.
Oh, okay. Well, maybe I'll just not do that.
Then I'll do there.

Speaker 2 You go. I'll do weird.

Speaker 2 Which is my regular voice.

Speaker 2 The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in the Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.
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