473: Infinite

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Here's what I'm saying.

If you want to fuck my corpse when I'm dead, more power duty.

Jesus Christ.

It's like being an organ donor.

Yes.

Right.

But look.

No, it's the opposite.

Yeah.

An organ receiver.

Yes.

Don't if you if you no, if you give me an applause break, I'll keep that shit in the show.

Don't do that

They're trying to cremate me, but I won't like because I'm wet

God awful

movie movie

Welcome to God Awful movies live from Boston

I will say,

so far this city is way better than New Yorkers make it out to be.

So

this is, of course, the podcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because otherwise I'd have suffered through Boston traffic for nothing.

God, can one fucking road go straight to anywhere in this fucking city?

Anyway, I'm your host, No Illusions, and joining us from stage, right?

Please give it up from a good friend, Heath Enright.

Hello.

Yes, Boston.

Awesome.

Feel comfortable.

Racially

a lot of way people.

A lot of racist guys kind of like smiling at me, like, we got the same phobias, right?

Made me feel uncomfortable, but comfortable.

All right, all right.

And of course, also joining us also from stage right, please welcome my bad friend Eli Boznick.

For the listeners for the Red Sox,

this is the advantage to not being a sports fan is I'm a Red Sox fan tonight.

Yeah!

I have never been more Red Sox

Red Sox.

Red Sox.

Super Bowl of 2003 or whatever that thing is that makes you sad.

No, that was not the

Red Sox.

So for the listeners at home that can't see, Eli is wearing very little, but there are red socks on it somewhere.

Yes, please go put clothes on.

He's changing.

So

wonder what sexual Yankees thing he did.

Right, right.

So, okay, so I wanted to, while Eli was getting dressed, I wanted to share with you guys the most Bostonian thing I saw while I was here today.

A listener by the name of Will was gracious enough to give us a tour of downtown Boston.

Thank you so much, dude.

It was very cool.

We saw a lot of old graveyards.

We saw the Boston cop slide, which was fun.

But the most Bostonian thing I saw, we walked by this store and there was a sign on it that said, and I quote, this establishment will not be responsible for patrons exiting through the windows.

So that's like fucking Hemingway's six words right there.

What a story that tells.

Holy shit.

Some weird shit happened there.

Yes.

And they had to put up a sign.

We keep getting sued because people keep falling through the fucking window.

You know what we need?

A sign.

Okay, real quick.

Most Boston thing I saw.

Yes.

Driving in to Boston with Anne.

We're on the highway.

See a highway billboard, one of the ones, the digital ones, the changes.

So it says some, you know, Red Sox or something like, woo, like 500 record.

It's going to be great.

Something like that.

And then as we're passing it yeah they're they're doing great they're one game over it's awesome jersey over there okay so we pass the sign right as we're passing it it switches from red socks to the word auschwitz oh jesus christ it does

it does so our life experience was

Red Sox, something, something, Auschwitz, wow, and we're past it now, and we don't get the rest of the context.

You can't have a rotating billboard

that has Auschwitz.

I feel like the Red Sox should get a discount, right?

Like, there's like a refund, partial, a rebuke.

The thing before and after should be like, hey, there's about to be an ad for Auschwitz.

Thank you.

I don't think it was an ad for Auschwitz.

We'd like to apologize for what you just saw, which was Auschwitz.

What?

No, no, no, no, no.

So tell us, Eve.

Wait, no, that was a good intro to the Sparkle Donkey ad.

Sparkle Donkey.

Tequila.

The only tequila.

Sparkle Donkey.

We stopped advertising with y'all motherfuckers for a reason.

So, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

You are still, they're not advertising on this show, but they still love us and we love them back.

So tell us, Heath.

Wait, they didn't give us a fucking thing.

That was just for Tequila in general.

But yeah.

Hey, get on your fucking game, Sparkle Donkey.

So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?

We watched

Infinite.

We did.

Who also watched Infinite?

Oh,

fuck yes.

Okay.

More exciting than normal for our movies.

This was awesome.

It's the story of us wanting for our live show in Boston to do a movie starring the amazing model slash actor slash white rapper Marky Mark.

Obviously for Boston, right?

But then having to convince Eli that we can't do the one about the marathon bombing.

Any other one.

We had a fight.

A fight.

It was long and protracted.

I said some things I'm not proud of.

I know you did.

Morgan?

Yeah.

But that's how we found this gem.

of a movie.

It was like, look up Marky Mark movie.

No, not that one.

Any other one.

Great.

Yep.

And here we are.

Yep.

And it was great.

It was pretty fucking good.

And Eli,

how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love Marky Mark, but you wish you spent more time repeating the beliefs of your Wooi Aunt's last Facebook post before she closed her crystal shop for those health code violations.

You will love this movie.

Yeah, this movie wasn't very Christian, but it was very religious.

We'll get there.

But before we do, is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm going to go with best, worst.

Extremely dangerous message.

Yes.

So the message being, medication from your mental health professional is preventing your superpower that you have.

Yep.

Yep.

And

they may say it's a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but they also just might really be after you, too, is the subtext of all of it.

Maybe they're part of a dark enclave of evil immortals.

Right, yeah.

Right.

The only way to tell is to chew off their face.

So I was going to go with best, worst, Frankenstein's monster of shit from other action movies.

Right?

Like, there was not an original thought anywhere in this film.

Yeah, Fast and Furious.

It's so many of them.

Total Recall, Matrix.

It's every action franchise from like the last 30 years being reincarnated.

Yeah.

Thank you, people who saw the movie, which is like most people.

Yeah.

By like an ancient magical process, it's called copyright infringement.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you go.

That's how they did it.

And I'm not going to spoil it.

I'm just going to say best, worst, plot-destroying sci-fi thingy.

It is it is no Thanos' glove.

No.

I'm so excited to talk about this.

Me me too all right well we've got marky the mark on the other side of this break so we're gonna keep it brief and we'll be back in a minute with all the dangerously rendered cliches that are

infinite

okay what about jay crimmons and associates oh yeah that's that's my lawyer oh so keep that one hey eli hey boston lady what are you guys doing here Eli's helped me with my money stuff.

Yeah, she stole my credit card again.

So I thought at least I could do, right?

She has a lot of subscriptions she's not using.

No, I just, I just sell them to the kids dad at the Boeing Alley.

No, those are prescriptions.

Yeah, I'm saying.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, if you want to get rid of your old subscriptions without the hassle, you should try Rocket Money.

What's

Rocket Money?

Really?

Boston Lady is on the sheet?

That's what Heath gets for missing a show.

I guess so.

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And all it costs is a baby you found.

They ain't asking questions.

No, no, it's not that.

Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you by up to 20%.

All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill, and Rocket Money takes care of the rest.

They'll deal with customer service for you.

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's features.

Wow, that sounds great.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash awful movies.

That's rocketmoney.com slash awful movies.

Rocketmoney.com slash awful movies.

All right, Noah, thanks.

And sorry, did I hear you say you had a subscription to your defense attorney?

Yeah, trust me, it's way cheaper that way.

Yeah, I guess I believe you.

All right, everyone.

Welcome to the first ever Writer's Room meeting for the new Marky Mark vehicle.

Um, it's Mark Wahlberg, guys.

I don't go by Marky Mark anymore.

Uh, sorry, you can't once be Marky Mark and then later expect anyone to take your name seriously.

Yeah, no, that's true.

You can't.

You guys sound like the judge.

Can I say that?

Now, I think we can all agree that the most important thing we can do for this movie is try to set up a sequel that doesn't actually have to have any of the expensive actors in that one, but can still trade in on the name recognition that this film creates.

No, I think there's one more important thing than that, guys.

And what's that, Marky?

Mr.

Wahlberg.

I'll meet you halfway at Mr.

Mark.

Fine, I'll take Mr.

Mark.

But I think the most important thing we could do with this movie is remind people that sometimes when psychiatrists say you're crazy, you're not.

And you really do have superpowers.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm just saying, sometimes the shrinks are all like, oh, you have violent ideation.

You need to take your medicine.

And you're like, but medicine interferes with my ability to bend space-time with my mind.

I'm going to go out for coffee.

Dude, don't you dare leave me with hip kick.

What?

Didn't hear you?

Sorry.

Also, I feel like our movie should emphasize that sometimes the person who's saying, I'm not schizophrenic, I really do have superheroes, is right, you know?

Yeah, sure, man.

Hey, what's that button you keep pressing under your desk do, anyway?

Not a goddamn thing, apparently.

You pot Chinese,

and we're back.

All right.

Thank you so much.

And we're going to open this movie up in Mexico City where an entirely superfluous voiceover is going to explain the premise to us quick before we dive into our car chase.

Keep in mind, there are three separate voiceovers in this film.

Two of which are kind of explained because they're characters at certain points.

But this first one is just like, the other two didn't make sense for this part of the movie.

Oh my my god, so we should point out to you right away that like 75% of the dialogue in this movie is exposition any fucking way.

So there's never a reason for any of these voiceovers.

Yes, we will have exactly this explanation speech later in the movie.

Like they weren't watching dailies and they were like, ah, fuck, did we do this already?

So, but what the P.O.

explains is that there are people in this world that have perfect memories of all of their past lives and they're called infinites, right?

And there are two kinds of infinites, the good guys

and the bad guys.

The believers and the nihilists.

That is so dumb.

Christian movie.

It is a Christian movie.

That counts.

I have a question.

Yes.

I have so many.

I have a question that the movie I don't think will ever answer.

Why the fuck would that be a superpower?

Okay, so yeah.

So we will spend the rest of this movie exploring all kinds of unforeseen benefits of having perfect recollection of your memories.

Like you'll be able to do magic tricks and superpowers and fly.

And see into the future.

Yes.

Using your past memories.

There's like fight choreography at one point that they have memorized because of their past lives.

And then, because this movie is this fucking stupid, at a certain point, even the past lives bullshit doesn't work.

So they're like,

And also,

this one guy is just fucking magic.

I don't know, man.

Yes.

Yep.

He's just got it.

So now we'll get there, but first they have to introduce us to the dumbest goddamn MacGuffin that you've ever seen in your life.

They're like, also, also, so good guys and bad guys.

Bad guys want to destroy all life on Earth.

And of course, we're all like, wow, that doesn't, why would they want that?

But then they say, but they have a new technology that'll allow them to do it.

It's called the egg.

It's shaped like an egg.

I feel like if you're making like world-destroying technology, you're not going to be like ergonomic with it, you know?

They will theme it later in the movie, which I deeply appreciate.

We could talk about it when it comes up.

But here at the beginning, when they're just like, what do we call our everything destroyer?

The

eggs.

Are you saying that because I'm eating eggs right now?

No.

So, okay, so then the title card comes up and it says Mexico City, The Last Life.

And we get what I have to admit is a pretty fucking sweet card chase

for like a while um now we do see and this is going to be important later as we're driving around in this in this lamborghini we see the main character he's got a big slit in his tummy and he's cauterizing it with the cigarette lighter which apparently lamborghinis have that same cheap ass cigarette lighter that like chevys have I thought they'd have something fancier.

But he's doing...

Yeah, like a fucking laser or something.

Right.

Little cigarette girl who pops out.

Can I get that funny hat?

Butane torch.

Yeah, you're right.

Something.

Something.

So, okay, so he's on the run.

There are cops chasing him that have machine guns mounted on the tops of their cars like cops do, right?

Well, actually, cops fucking do.

Yeah, they do.

They do.

You're right.

No.

But there's also, now there's a helicopter chasing him, too, right?

So he has to drive backwards.

Oh.

Because of the helicopter.

The flip backwards move.

Yes.

So I was like, oh, he was in a bad movie in a past life.

Right, right.

Yeah.

Nice.

Nice.

Then he does the brick thing.

Okay, the brick thing, which was like awesome.

It was fucking awesome.

Okay, so one of the benefits.

Oh, he was in a fantastic movie in a past life, too.

Yeah, so one of the benefits of having perfect recollection of memories, as you might have guessed, is that it gives you the ability to slow down and then speed up when on brick roads in just such a way as to throw the bricks.

into the police officers chasing you.

Like, it goes into slow time and we watch him kind of calculate it in his head okay so if I'm a sort of 30 degree skid there okay I got this

that's a sweet pile of loose bricks too I'm gonna circle back and grab

how are those there

is my dad not taking them you know in my past life I hit a bunch of bricks around all the cities

so I could throw them a cop right you never know that's gonna be useful so but this takes care of most of the cops but the motorcycle cops get by right so he's still being chased and damn it if the fucking bridge isn't out.

But don't worry, he's going to jump it.

I want to see a movie universe.

There's no bridges that connect in movie universe.

No, never.

That would be boring.

This one's exciting.

150-foot gap.

Yep.

He's just going to go for it.

Well, so he's, but he's not actually going to try to jump the gap.

That would be unrealistic.

So

what he's going to do is he's going to skid sideways just as he reaches the end of the bridge.

He's going to throw the door open.

He's going to chuck his samurai sword out of the car.

That's going to make sense, ladies.

Yes, that's right.

Don't worry.

We're going to explain.

Take it serious.

It's going to hit a crane that just happens to be the height that he is.

And then he's going to leap out of the car, grab onto the samurai sword, and he's going to save himself as the Lamborghini falls below him.

Obviously.

So

watch this with Ann and Kai.

As this was happening, Kai began singing, Jesus Take the Wheel.

Oh, nice.

Nice.

Very nice.

It's a thin, thin

black sheet of glass, yeah.

So, and we should point out that while he's doing this, he's on the like the radio with his two partners, right?

A man and a woman that are also driving around going like, you'll never make it.

You know, whatever, whatever.

They're going to come back later too.

But just at this point, as he like grabs onto this crane with his sword or whatever, somebody comes along and T-bones that couple, right, and knocks them out.

And they have an accident that would be fatal if it wasn't a movie, but it's a movie, so they're fine.

Also, their vanity plate.

I don't know if you noticed, it said Infinito.

Oh, nice.

Because they're in Mexico City.

Yes, right.

Seriously.

Honey, we need to get the Spanish vanity plate.

I don't want to do Infinite.

Well, I don't want to seem like tourists.

Do you want to?

Should I put Unos instead of us?

Dos Infinitos.

Dos Infinitos.

I will say, I almost went with best, best branded group of immortals.

Yes.

These motherfuckers.

I put Kanye West to shame in terms of just like,

got to let people know we're the secret society of immortals.

Not enough secret societies are this good at their branding, yeah.

And the anti-Semitism was similar to Kanye West.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

So, okay, so, but, but the couple that just got t-boned, they're fine.

They're, it's, I mean, mean, not fine, right?

They're, they're banged up a little bit.

But then the bad guy gets out of the car he just t-boned them with, and he pulls out this amazing, awesome, old-timey grenade launcher.

Oh, yeah, his steampunk gun.

Yes.

That he knows how to make.

Hedgehog past life.

Right.

Yes.

And he fires, and it goes into slow motion so we get a good look at it.

A glowy porcupine bullet.

Yeah.

It's a cyberpunk bullet and a steampunk gun.

It was kind of a funny thing.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Pick a punk, I guess.

What do you get?

Why does past memory give you future-y bullets?

I don't understand.

There's so much future technology they get from their past memories.

So fucking weird.

So yeah, but then the car explodes.

And then we get fucking Marky Mark waking up out of a nightmare by sitting straight up.

Hooray, Marky Mark.

This is such a jarring segue to Marky Mark because it's like they die together in the truck and you know they get hit by the truck and they're like you know love conquers all you ever get fucking deja vu yes all of a sudden Marky Mark cut because he takes over the voiceover that's the weird part right yeah he sits up and we've had a human who can talk the English language right

no offense to your people right but he's been like

He's been like the infinites man against time and now it's like hey everybody it's me marky fucking Mark

He might might as well let you shut that fucking dog up.

Like while he's doing these.

So yeah, but he starts doing all this dumb.

In this movie, he's going to do a lot of this, but he does all this dumb like, have you ever had a dream that was so real, it felt like a memory?

And he does a bunch of that stuff.

And then the title card comes up and tells you that we're in New York City in this life.

And he's going for an interview for a job at a fancy restaurant.

He's going to interview for the Maitre D at this restaurant.

This is how we learned some backstory about him.

The guy interviewing him says that, or tells us that he attacked a customer at his last job heroically.

He says, didn't you attack a customer?

He's like, yeah, but he was messing with a waitress and I was just defending her honor.

And he goes, oh, well, if you were defending her honor, then obviously that's fine.

He says, don't you also have a mental illness?

And he goes, yes.

And he's like, oh, I can't hire you.

Well, not only.

Hey,

the most realistic the movie will ever be.

Yeah, no, I'm with you.

Not only we can't hire you, but like this whole meeting was a sham so that I could shame you for your mental illness and sit back in my chair and cross my legs and be like, really?

Mental illness in this day and age?

You'll never work at this Bennigan's, Marcus Mark.

I don't think even the snootiest of snoot people arrange meetings during their lunch break just so they can be like, I don't want to hire you.

I really wanted to see the scene after Marky Mark leaves that meeting where he just turned, where his friend turns to him and is like, hey, sorry, why did you take that meeting?

It's just, we only have, I did this for lunch.

Like, now I have to eat while I'm doing my roll-ups.

I thought I could do a power move for Ben against.

No, I can't do that.

But right, so, but Marky Mark threatens to break his arm to show how mentally stable he is and then walks out.

So, and then of course the fucking the VO comes up to explain what just happened to us.

But while he's the VO is explaining that, the character is making himself a samurai sword.

While talking about how broke he is.

Yes.

He's like, oh, I can't afford my psychological medicines.

And I'm like, well, maybe cut down on your fucking smithing lessons?

Like, hoping.

Well, no, but see.

Do you have a free Smith at the Y that you're using?

No, but see, that's just the thing.

He remembers how to make samurai swords from it.

So it's only the raw materials that he's out for this sword.

He remembers back when he was a Chinese guy.

Yeah, right.

He starts beating himself up.

That's how he's lost like half of his past lives.

He wakes up Asian and he's like, oh, I gotta do it again.

Bap, bap.

Bap, bap, bap.

Bap.

And the VO is going, as he's doing this, the VO is going, have you ever been good at things?

Maybe it's because you're past lives, right?

And look, yeah, right.

Like, if you just suddenly knew how to make a fucking samurai sword, maybe, but, you know.

Yeah, I feel like a few things, maybe samurai sword could be useful, but

like 99% would be extremely distracting if you were just constantly remembering past lives.

Write how to castrate a pig or something.

News and nothing but stone.

Or you're just like remembering dying during birth like most people in history.

Yeah, right.

Or like dying of rickets or toothache or whatever the fuck.

Taking a difficult cholera shit.

That's like all of history.

Yeah, especially because they seem to have been doing this for like all of history.

All of time, yeah.

Right?

So

I feel like the infinites for the first thousand years of their history were just like, guys, we gotta figure out toothbrushing.

We gotta get this down.

You gotta wonder how embarrassed they are when they think back to their Australia Pitha scene days.

Like, man, I threw a lot of shit.

Oh, my God.

That's so embarrassing.

Jesus.

So I wrote my notes here, though, like, how hard can making a sword be?

I know a Mormon guy who figured it out just from looking at one real hard.

So now, okay, we're going to get to my favorite scene in the whole fucking movie because now he's going to take his sword and he's going to trade it for anti-psychotic medications

at the movie drug dealers.

I love movie drug dealers so goddamn much.

And I love that these ones have fucking antipsychotic medications.

Yes, too.

Yes.

Which I love, too.

It's a Stormy Decisis, who's here with us today.

Hi, Stormy.

Thank you so much for all your help.

Somewhere around here.

Stormy Decisis actually came up to us at Platinum Night last night and explained that they also used the dumbest possible antipsychotic medicine.

So if you know anything at all about this, as you're watching the movie, you're going, well, why the fuck would they be using a generic medicine from 1972 that gives you all these blood clots and shit?

So fucking dumb.

So I didn't know that.

All I knew was this drug dealer is buying like legal drugs with his fucking blue cross blue shield that he has.

Yeah.

And then selling them to swordsmiths, bartering them with swordsmiths.

And I was like, this is the most American thing.

This is way too realistic.

This was like the most realistic thing in the movie after I thought about it.

Yeah, no, because the girlfriend says, well, why don't you just get him at Dwayne Reed?

And I'm like, because he's buying them with a fucking sword.

Right.

Right.

But then I realized, I'm like, there is no way in fucking hell that at some point in his life, Marky Mark hasn't tried to buy pharmaceuticals at Dwayne Reed with a sword.

So actually, yes, this is very realistic.

Puts it up on the big high desk.

Do you have any of those good RX coupons?

Also, why do I have to ask you for that?

What hellscape has been created that I have to be like, could you you please boop a beep and then my medicine's less expensive?

Oh, you don't take hosts.

Okay, thank you.

So, but the drug dealer here, the drug dealer, he's got his henchmen who, so apparently, one of the benefits of having perfect memory, of course, is that you know the fucking capital of Burkina Faso, right?

Or whatever.

So the guy keeps asking him random trivia, but he knows everything.

Right?

Because Burkina Faso always had a capital.

And it's like really weird.

They keep calling him like Wikipedia because it's just the dumbest stuff to know from a past life right

he's like what's gunpowder made of and and Marky Mark gets it wrong I just

doesn't he he says like it's 74% this 13% that end of sentence and nobody's like

that's how many percents do you think there are

that was 87.

They just skate right past it.

But while he's doing this drug deal, deal, the drug dealer's girlfriend is looking at him and she's checking him out because he's mocky fucking mock, you know.

And the drug dealer's like, are you looking at Marky Mark?

And she's like, what?

No, I wasn't looking at his dick.

What were you looking at?

And so he's like, I'm going to chop your arm off with this samurai sword that I just got.

Now, I'm going to say, I just,

because drug dealing, like it relies on repeat business.

Yeah.

Right?

So I feel like this is not good for his bottom line.

Okay, here's the thing, though: best drug dealer I ever had.

If he cut off someone's arm and I was still getting 50 bags, I'd be like,

hey man, this time when I come over, don't cut over.

Yeah, just let me know because I will leave beforehand.

Yeah, we'll meet at my place and don't cut any arms.

But like, what was this drug dealer's plan for the rest of the night, right?

Assume

because there's going to be a

and there's blood everywhere, and you're like, ah, God.

And she's not dead, so she's just like,

and then you've got to meet with Tito from the Hell's Angels.

Sorry, there's blood everywhere.

My girlfriend looked at the guy from We Bought a Zoo, and I...

I cut off her arm.

I mean, I murder her eventually, but she, like, made it all over the place.

It's like when a cat has diarrhea in here, I'm really.

Jesus Christ.

I did not think through my evening before I did this.

The fucked up thing.

Do you take swords?

No, you don't take swords.

Okay.

The fucked up thing is that the reason we're going to get emails is because it was Matt Damon and We Bought a Zoo, not any of the other shit that he just said.

Not a case.

Noah told me that he saw that in my notes.

He was like, hey, just so you know that's wrong.

And I just generated Marky Mark in the poster of we bought a zoo.

And that alone is a reason why AI should be stopped.

I don't know why anyone gave it to him.

So anyway, so Marky Mark, because of course he has perfect recollection of his past lives, also has super speed.

So as the guy goes to chop his girlfriend's arm off, Marky Mark dives in between, grabs the sword, cuts the finger, the trigger finger off the henchman who's been asking him trivia questions up till now, you know, because of the perfect memories.

What memory was that?

Where it was a sword fight, but you got the trigger finger of a gun gun yeah yeah i feel like you spend a few lives learning that right it's like you're an accountant in wisconsin and you're like okay this life i'm just doing karate

and your wife and two kids are like you got to spend more time at home and it's like yeah see you later yeah

yeah oh this is gonna be so good when i need this someday yeah

So yeah, so he cuts the dude's finger off and then he holds the drug dealer hostage long enough to get out and then they start shooting at him.

But luckily, one of the advantages of having perfect recollection of all your past lives is that you can cut goddamn bullets in half with fucking samurai swords as you're running away.

So you can see behind you and cut the bullets.

He cuts bullets in half multiple times while if you can cut bullets in half, you don't have to run away.

He's like, yeah, meh, meh.

Now you don't have bullets.

Or you get shot with twice as many, twice as many bullets.

Maybe that's what it is.

Realistically.

Yes, honestly.

Someone comes at you with a smaller caliber than you're prepared for.

You're just like, ah, bullshit.

Snipples.

Bitch.

You're running around with the girlfriend.

Some guy comes in for his usual crank.

I'll come back later.

But he runs around.

Between the lines of Advil and antipsychotics together.

I'm here for my insulin.

No, no!

I brought none, Chuck.

So,

but Marky Mark is running away.

He goes to climb this wall and he's almost away, but then he has this flashback because he hasn't had his antipsychotics in too long where he remembers that time he was in the opening scene of Cliffhanger, right?

Yeah.

And that causes him to pass out, fall in a car, and get arrested.

Okay, the fact that he did badly in this flashback was fun for me.

Because I was like, okay, if he keeps flashing back to like embarrassing moments of failure, sure.

This is my favorite movie.

That's how this power would go for me.

I was going to say, Heath already has this superhero.

It would just be me like holding a door, but then they don't use it.

And I'm...

Fuck!

And I have to go, or like saying, you know,

it didn't make sense.

Heath's in a hallway with the bad guys, and he's like, I've got this.

Oh, sorry.

No, you go left.

I'll go.

Oh, no, you're left.

Just getting some

Stupid.

Podcast.

There's a puppet of me in Canada Star.

If you have a kid, I'll be its dad.

I'll have an

unofficial stepdad relationship with her.

Tell him I don't like labels, though.

Tell him I don't want it to be like

I don't want to make it weird.

So then we cut.

I didn't want that.

Fuck.

So then we cut to the secret good guy library where they're reading a police report about Marky Mark, right?

And basically they're like, you know, they picked up a guy who had a sword that was forged using a technique that, first of all, you can get

hot enough fire for in a trash barrel in your fucking garage, but also that hasn't been used in in a thousand years.

It must be an infinite.

Well, no, you know why he can't do that technique.

It's because he used to be an Etruscan.

That was the most respectful of the Etruscan references.

I appreciate it.

So yeah, so now also the guy who's, so there's this guy in this library who's talking to someone on the phone about this.

And this guy, for some reason, has Star Wars hologram technology, right?

Because of the past memories that he can remember.

Right, but for no reason.

It doesn't help at all.

Like, it's just

a sword.

He's alone.

He's showing it to nobody.

He's showing himself what a sword is while he talks on the phone about the sword.

If my notes were 3D letters right now that I had to walk around in a semicircle,

I wouldn't be like, uh-huh.

And then, oh, he looks weird, right?

Big head on that actor.

That's weird.

He plays a Nazi in most movies I've seen him.

is there a button to make it stop spinning?

There's not.

So, yeah, so he's telling them all about it.

And they're like, I think this is Treadway.

And the person he's talking to on the phone lady's talking to says, well, if we know it's Treadway, then the bad guys know it too, right?

So.

Yeah, right.

I was nervous too.

So we cut to Marky Mark.

in the interrogation room.

And this is where we're going to meet Choital Egypor, the bad guy in the movie.

The bad guy's name is Bathurst, which I'm gonna try to call him without ever saying bathhouse.

I make no guarantees.

He's the head bad guy of the nihilists.

And honestly, being bathhouse forever, I already get it.

Like, I'm getting his motivation.

So, yeah, so, but, but he's an infinite.

He comes in with the sword.

So, one of the advantages of having perfect recollection of all your memories of a past life is you have inns with the police.

They just let you talk to their people

and you get to have swords,

which is nice.

So he walks in and he turns to Marky Mark and he's like, Hey, you

remember the Battle of the Siege of Syracuse during the Second Punic War by any chance?

And Marky Mark's going, like,

no, I don't.

And I only point this out because later he will realize that this is not a normal police investigation, interrogation type situation.

So much later than that question, he'll be like, wait a second.

You're not a cow.

Yeah, right.

You're black.

Jesus Christ, dude.

Okay, here's, I need, can we talk about it?

We need to talk about it.

I don't think we should talk about it.

Bathurst.

Bathurst is black.

And based on this movie,

I think he's always black.

Well, okay, because all the men are always men.

All the women are always black.

And we see a couple of

flashbacks of Bathurst, and he's black every time.

Yes.

And in Bathurst's defense, he's had like two lives where it hasn't absolutely sucked to be a boss.

Like, I get where he's coming from, right?

He's had like one life maybe where he hasn't been like, ah, damn, again.

Jesus Christ.

Marky Mark's had way more time to practice karate.

It's what I'm saying.

Jesus.

So yeah, so, so, but then Bathurst exposits a little bit, tells us about Marky Mark's history.

Marky Mark was diagnosed as psychotic when he was 14 and carved the word.

Oh, we never mentioned this, but right before he died in the opening scene, car chase scene, he says to the guys, he's like, if I don't make it, look inside.

Right?

That's the big clue he left.

And when he was 14 years old in this lifetime, he carved the words look inside in his chest with a box cutter.

There will never be a fucking reason why he would have done that, right?

Like, it's not explained to me.

Get a tattoo.

What are you doing?

Well, and the infinites don't later go like, and by the way, the way you first remember your past life is you carve it onto yourself.

No, God.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Everyone except for Marky Mark appears to just be born and go like,

I'm not an accountant anymore.

Right, yes.

Yes, exactly.

So, okay.

I guess I shouldn't have cut off that semi-truck, huh?

So now.

I'm a baby.

Yep, I gotcha.

I got you.

Bring me some metal.

I'm going to make a sword.

Some little baby with his forge.

Yes.

Sitting there with his arms crossed.

I can't wait for rectal control.

Takes like a year for it to develop.

Nope, I'm kidding right now.

There's nothing I can do about it.

And Bathurst is like, trust me, it could be worse, man.

It could be worse.

So, okay, so now

Bathurst is going to start setting out some SM gear in front of Marky Mark, and they're going to do the Dalai Lama test.

I love how excited you got when I said SM gear.

This guy right here just lit right up.

He's like, I don't remember this part.

Fuck.

So he starts setting out all this stuff, and he's like, which of these was yours, you know?

And one of the things is an old six shooter, which he's allowed to bring into the police department because, you know, he has perfect recollection of his lives

And he takes all the bullets out but one and he spins it and he starts doing Russian roulette and he's like you know unless you can tell me which of these belongs to you I'm gonna shoot you and this is where Marky Mark starts going hey wait a second

I've seen some I've seen some TV before where they do this.

This is not how it goes at all, right?

So he's like yelling at him making him pick up things.

He's like does this belong to you?

And he's just like I don't fucking know man.

And then because he's so stressed out he starts having memories of the time that like he used that sling when he was a generic Native American.

Yeah, no, it's problematic.

Whatever you're picturing, it's worse.

Yep, no, it is.

Because it's definitely what Marky Mark was like.

And then I'm an Indian.

Yeah, right.

No, it was 1930s Disney movie.

Yeah.

And so, and then he made the noise in the writer's room.

He did the, he made the noise.

And they like brought him outside and they were like, hey, you can't make that noise anymore.

If you want to describe a Native American person, just like keep your hand completely away from your mouth, okay?

Jesus Christ.

Completely.

So,

but just that.

This was the first time they stole from minority report

of a hate crime.

Yeah.

Right, right.

He was very confused what they meant by minority reports.

He was like, oh, I got a few of those.

Yeah.

I apologize.

We're cool.

So then, okay, but they're having this big breakdown, and he's starting to remember that he is, in fact, the one

when suddenly

the girl good guy reincarnation from the beginning of the movie crashes her car through the interrogation room's wall.

Think about the logistics of that for a second.

She was Paul Walker in a past life.

That's the logistics, I'm pretty sure.

So, yeah.

So, she crashes through the wall.

Bathurst disappears.

He's just gone now.

She shoots Marky Mark's handcuffs with her machine gun, so we don't have to worry about them anymore.

How did she know to smash through that wall?

Past lives.

She had a past life in her past life.

It was a past life?

She was the architect for this movie.

She was the architect.

All right, all right.

Well, then, in which past life did she know where in the room the table was situated, right?

She's like, if it was against that wall, she was the interior designer.

Can you imagine, though?

She crashes through the wall, she gets out, and both of them are under the tires, and she's like, well, fuck.

Fuck.

I got to find a baby, one of which can make a sword.

I'm going to start this all over again.

Honestly, if this movie had just been people accidentally dying and everyone being like laser tagged levels of frustrated, like, oh, you got me.

Great.

I got to go back to base and wait for six seconds till my vest power's back up.

I can't believe I'm the only adult at this child's birthday party.

But that is the stakes of the movie.

Oh, I know.

I know.

It'll never be more obvious than when like good guys start dying and the movie expects you to give a shit.

Yeah.

None of this matter.

Every time I was like, this is matter.

So they're infinite.

So

she rescues him.

He gets in the car and they start driving.

They don't go through the hole she just made in the building.

She's going to make a different hole.

And they're now going to have a chase scene because apparently Bathurst has a giant Humvee made especially for driving through walls.

And so they're now going to have a chase scene through the police department.

And Marky Mark is giving driver's seat directions on where to turn to get through the walls of a police station and then leave.

Yes, no, he's like, okay, so in the next, use the second from the left lane to make, so nobody, but here's his directions.

He goes, at one point he goes, turn, turn!

And then,

as if to make that look useful, at one point he goes, Go, go!

Yeah, this is where I learned my wife was Marky Mark in a past life.

I wonder why she was always making samurai swords, but

the alternative is having sex with me, so I got it.

She was trading them for your mental health medication.

Hey, I'm here for some Lexa Pro.

I just got Ninja Stars this week.

Yeah.

People were mean to him on Twitter again.

So she crashes through the window of the police department.

My wife.

I don't think you get to make fun of your wife's driving, dude.

So then, so she crashes through the window of the police department, and Bathurst does, too, and they land in just chicken position, right?

The best.

And then she goes, all right, you're going to have to drive.

And she hits a button, and it is the steering wheel disappears from the driver's side and folds in and then reappears on the passenger side and folds out.

Yes, yeah, right.

Now, there's so many questions, not the least of which is, what about the pedals, right?

But also, like,

you could just have a second fucking steering wheel.

The one doesn't have to disappoint pier.

I mean,

what's the advantage to all that?

They're just fighting each other with fucking steering wheels.

It's just that shitty driver's ed car.

Okay, we need this one to collapse because this looks silly.

So, but he drives.

He's like, okay, cool.

And then she's shooting while he's driving.

She shoots her tiny little in-car grenade launcher at the police barricade and perfectly times it.

Because when you have perfect recollection of your memories, you can do this.

Perfectly times it so that she can drift through the explosion as the police cars are exploding over top of her.

And I love they do this in slow motion so that you can see Marky Mark go.

It's the best.

He looks like a dog with his golden retriever nose out the window.

Just.

Marky Mark's dumb face does make this movie so much better.

Oh, yeah.

Because truly, if you had a Reese's monkey playing the part of Marky Mark, you wouldn't have a more confused, non-sentient animal just in the background of every scene being like

her car made the wheel come over to my side

so but then of course as they drive through I bought a zoo

no he didn't

so but of course as he drives through the police cars you know that fly over top of them fall on Bathurst as he's going through now this is just gonna slow him down I so wanted him to die right so that there would be a baby chasing them for the rest of the fucking movie if the next time they had seen him right he had just stepped around the corner and there's a toddler in his suit just

Hello, my friend with his with his little grenade launcher cyberpunk grenade launcher.

This is my favorite movie, right?

We could all agree.

Yeah, right

So, okay, but but they get away and we have this like post-car chase conversation where where the the girl that rescued him introduces herself.

She is Nora Brightman is her name.

And this is where we first see the infinity symbol seat covers they had made for their car,

which again means they're decking out their super car, right?

And they're like, and I need a button where the steering wheel goes over to him in case I need him to take over.

And I need the special thing so I can shoot the car over that thing.

And also, like,

I want to brand it, you know.

I want it.

Yeah, yeah, let's reinforce the, yeah, like the upholstery?

Yeah.

You want to do like an infinity sign up?

Do you have a guy for that?

Are you like a superhero group?

Not in Act Two.

We're at war with one African-American gentleman.

We'll do it.

Okay, hang on.

So, okay.

So then she takes him to the private airplane hangar that the Infinity crew guys.

The airplane is also branded, of course.

Also branded.

Yeah.

And so they get out and he starts walking away.

Now,

the reason they're doing this is because they want that movie thing where he's walking away and she has to convince him to join the team and he he turns around or whatever.

But she just broke him out of a prison and he knows that Bathurst is trying to kill him.

So like, what is the plan before he decides?

He's like, no, I'm just going to leave this

airplane hangar and walk east.

Like walk the earth or whatever.

She just lets him leave, waits a while.

All right.

Yeah, no.

No, there's like nothing I could do about this.

It doesn't make any fucking sense.

I realized I'm actually pretty far outside of town.

Got no cell signal here.

Can't get an Uber.

Can't get an Uber.

So.

An Ubernet.

But this is, of course.

This is, of course, the first time in the movie where it really spells out the stakes of the film.

She's like, and she basically says, but what if your schizophrenia diagnosis was really superpowers?

And he goes, that's actually a really good point.

That's a great point.

That's what I've been saying this whole time.

I'm Marky Mark, the real person.

Yeah, yeah.

But ultimately, he decides he's in, and the the reason is because this writer isn't good enough to come up with a reason.

So, like, Marky Mark's just like, ah, fuck it.

I'm in.

It's the end of Act 1.

Yeah.

Marky Mark joins this movie for the same reason I did Ketamine, which is like,

I mean, it's here.

Right.

Right.

I don't want to talk.

So, yeah.

Yeah.

So, Marky Mark just was swayed by the argument that he was going to join the team because it was time for us to take our first break.

So, I guess we're going to take our first break, but we'll be back in a minute with even more Infinites

And now Noah tries to buy drugs from movie drug dealers

Yeah, who are you?

Yeah, I'm Noah usually get my stuff from RJ, but he's out of town.

He told me you might be able to help me out with a little something.

I don't know if I like the look of you.

I'm not, I don't know.

Yeah, I'm not fond of it either.

I'm sorry, can I come in or what?

I guess so.

Good, yeah, because for business's sake, it would be really weird if you, if you had said no.

Hey, Pico, there's a guy named Noah here.

Uses a lot of fancy words.

Says he wants to buy something.

Well, what do you think of him?

I gotta be honest, I don't like the look of him.

Yeah, I'm just, I was looking for an ounce of green, but I can just, I guess, go elsewhere.

Let me ask you something.

Are you looking at my girl?

My eyes registered that she was there.

What do you mean, rebister?

I mean, register, verb, properly notice or become aware of.

Yeah, I don't like the fucking look of them.

You guys keep saying that.

Would you hold your hand over an open flame for her like this?

Oh, God, don't do that, man.

Oh, man, that's so fucking romantic.

Not well,

no.

Why the fuck would I sell you my weed?

Dude, you can put your hand down.

Oh, thank God.

Okay, so, I mean, I guess you would sell it to me because you'd rather have the money I would give you for it, and then you would buy more weed with it.

Are you new to this business?

I'm not selling you any fucking weed.

I saw the way you looked at my girl.

Are you sure it's not because you burned your hand too bad to weigh out a bag?

No, it is because of other stuff.

Is it?

No.

I love you, senior cats.

Hello there.

Heath, Noah.

Sorry, do we know you?

Ah, yes, I should explain.

It is I, Eli Boznik, your podcast co-host.

You don't look like Eli.

Yeah, and you're very obviously French.

Indeed, I am, Heath and Art, but that is because I am an infinite.

I have restarted my life in pursuit of the ultimate quest.

And what's that?

Affordable wireless phone service, my friend.

Well, Eli, if you're looking for a great deal on cell phone service without having to restart your existence, why don't you try Mint Mobile?

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All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

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From this life and the next?

Sure.

Yeah.

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Very well, gentlemen.

It looks like my quest is complete and I can once again join your podcast.

Well, wait, just in case,

say something in French.

Mafon balléron.

Yep, yeah, that's him.

Yeah, all right, let's go back to the show.

And we're back live from Boston.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And we're going to rejoin the action in a church, so this counts, right?

With some lady torturing Bathurst in Italian.

Recreationally.

This heavily counts.

Yeah, recreationally?

I believe

that she is waterboarding him with gasoline.

Right.

That's what it appears.

And he's yelt gurgling the whole time.

Yeah.

Which the movie is trying to pretend isn't fucking hilarious.

Yeah, he's a gifted actor, but he does not make gurgle Latin as ominous as he wants it to be.

Because you know, there was a take where they were like, All right, so you get and go ahead and do it.

And he was like, All right, here I go.

And they were like, No, that's way fucking funny, man.

You gotta do.

And he was like, What if I do it in a lower voice?

And they were like, Sure, try it.

And he was like, Okay.

Oh, no, that's

the fucking take they kept.

That's the one they kept.

His assistant, too, I love this so much because we see this and we're like, what the fuck is going on?

And then his assistant comes in to tell him, like, you know, to catch him up on where the movie's at right now.

And he's just like, he's like, oh,

and then they have to late, they have a conversation.

He's like, okay, more, more.

I wonder if they had to do like an HR thing with him later where they were like, hey, Bathurst, can I see you in my office for a second?

We really try to keep the workplace separate from self-torture in the name of nihilism.

I have sort of a yellow card, red card system, and you get a yellow card.

You get to, it's an official warning.

So then we cut to Nora and Marky on the plane having some more exposition.

And she explains all the shit we learned in the VO at the beginning.

Right.

This is where we just have almost a verbatim reminder of the nihilists and the believers or whatever.

Right.

Well, and she also gives us a little insight into the believers here.

She says, we, the believers, want to leave humanity better than we found it.

But you don't.

You're reborn all the time.

Of course you want a sweeter setup when you wake up.

Yes, right.

Right.

It's not exactly selfless.

It's not heavily in our wrath, I arrays.

But ultimately, they land at fucking Jurassic Park Island or wherever the hell they are.

And honestly, I almost left this fucking scene out, but there's this great moment where they're walking through this temple of cultural appropriation or whatever that they live at.

And they're walking by this pool.

And at the pool, there are just a series of little booths where everyone's meditating.

And it's just completely lined with like 45 people meditating, which means that A,

those spots are in such high demand that they're always full.

Right?

Like they have a beeper system at Chili's.

Yeah, right, yes.

yeah, right, yeah, or B, those people are just meditating all day every day, or C, and this is what I think is the most likely, is that they're like, oh, there's a plane coming in, everybody line up and look cool, try to look like we're meditating, folks.

Um, we're bringing in a guy who hasn't quite remembered that he's always been whatever he is yet.

Can everyone get in spooky meditation formation?

That'd be great.

We want to make it look like Chili's buzzer should be going off right now.

We want to justify the expense of this fucking spot, right?

And they have a giant, their base either is or has a giant Buddha statue.

Yes.

Right.

And I know that the people who made this movie are like, Buddha reincarnate, but like in the mythos of this movie, Buddha's like super wrong.

Yes, right.

Yes.

It's not like Buddha forgot to mention, oh, and like six of you remember it anyway.

So, you know, sit in a chair.

Also, there's also a part where as they're walking through, they're like, okay, you know, meditation chamber, giant statue of Buddha, stick fighting dojo.

Right.

No, all the basics are covered in this office.

Why would stick fighting come up in an epic war against an infinite being?

Who has future technology powers somehow?

And why are there people learning stick fighting?

Right.

Have they been having infinite less lives than the other infinite amount of life?

Like, why are there still students?

If you all started out with the first group of monkeys, Why are you still in white belt stick fighting class

when Marky Mark has magic powers?

Do you think these are like the slacker infinites, right?

Who are like trying to...

I spent the entire, like, the first 500 past lives just

cramming stuff up my butt, okay?

I just wanted to see.

And obviously I would cram something too big up my butt and it would kill me.

And I would be like, oh, okay, so that's too big.

But then I'd be like, all right, well, this is the same size, but it's a different shape.

And it would work.

So

anyways, I don't know any stick fighting in a hole, but I can fix 17 Rubik's Cubes up my ass.

If that's necessary in the war, I can fit exactly 17 Rubik's cubes up my ass if there's not an earthquake.

That's what I know.

And can I say, you never asked me how I could help with that skill.

He makes one sword?

I have a gun, and I could fit 17 Rubik's Cubes up my ass.

But here's the thing.

We don't know, because we only walked through the East Wing.

We don't know if you go to the West Wing, there's not a class where that guy's teaching everybody to hold.

Like everybody has a different specialty.

And a logo.

This student is standing up with the 18th Rubik's Cube.

We're writing a better movie.

You feel this, right?

We don't need this anymore.

So he stands up with the 18th Rubik's Cube.

No, sorry.

So, okay, and I have to point out this line.

So now it's now time for Nora to introduce him to fucking generic Cerebro, right?

And when they get in to generic budget cerebro room, she says to him, and I fucking quote, here, well, first she says here we can study anything, which is true of all fucking places, right?

But then she says, space, time, scale, it's all relevant.

Okay.

Okay, wait.

So first of all, they included scale, all right?

They couldn't think of a third thing after.

And of course, secondly, as you no doubt notice, she was obviously going for relative,

but there was no one on this set that was smart enough to know that she just got the goddamn line wrong.

They're like, relevant, relative.

That's that's the same thing, right?

And again, they're always comparing her lines to the ones uttered by Marky Mark.

So it's obviously going to be like, God, someone said something weird.

So they just fucking rolled with it.

And then as I'm writing all my Cerebro jokes into this fucking thing, we meet the woman in the wheelchair that runs Cerebro.

And I was like, oh my gosh, this is so cool.

Like they have someone with a different body in the movie, and they've included it in this reincarnation narrative as long as they don't dedicate, I'm going to say, four minutes of the movie to, eh,

you're still in that thing?

It's really progressive.

Yeah, right.

Right.

So I have this character down as Professor XX.

So thank you.

So,

and

thanks.

So, but she explains that, well, sorry, she can't explain anything.

She has to show him a very thematic hologram, VR representation of what she's talking about.

Right.

So she explains the egg that will destroy all of life.

Now, here's the explanation.

It's shaped like an egg and will destroy all of life.

You guys see how you got that without any VR hologram help?

Yeah, she did not.

If you want, you can put on an Oculus crest, and I can show you kind of what that would be like.

So, why would I want that?

And by the way, in case you're wondering what the visual is like, it's exactly a rip-off of the Thanos snap.

Like everybody exactly.

Here's the thing that's beautiful about it: it's the Thanos snap, and then a grown-up came in the room and was like, Hey guys, that's the Thanos snap.

Disney will sue us.

And they were like, No, it's not, because it's the Thanos but then they're like

like if the Thanosnap only rotted you most of the way away yeah right right yeah

so then but she explains that Marky Mark's past incarnation stole the egg and killed everybody who made it I got the impression they were infinites though, so I don't know why that would fucking matter, but he killed everybody who made it, and he hid the egg, and nobody knows where, except, of course, him somewhere deep in his memories and at this point Marky Mark is like that's a dumb plot this movie's stupid

over and over again his character's line is to say is to like shit on the script right because it's like it's the writer going like I know man my kids need to fucking eat I know Jesus

so we're trying to fight it just fucking don't I know

So, and then we get to another one that I would love to just skip.

In a normal movie, I would just skip it because the character that gets killed in this, we haven't even talked about, right?

This is the guy who was in the library with a hologram of the sword earlier.

We cut to him, and he's going to get killed now by Bathurst.

We don't even know this fucking character's name.

But the reason I wanted to talk about it is because part of the torture, the pre-like killing him torture, is that they honeyboarded him.

The honeyboarding?

Did you want to talk about the honeyboarding?

Here's what I want to say.

And I want to say something brave.

So open your hearts.

I'm not saying you couldn't honeyboard me.

I'm saying on the day you tried to honeyboard me, you would talk a lot about how much honey I ate.

Right.

That's what your day would be about.

How much honey are you drinking?

Your transitions from

torture.

Jar.

Full jar.

Full jar.

Okay.

I'm downing a full jar, and I'm like,

Kobe brought six jars, motherfucker.

So he's got to go out to like the

car.

Yeah, yeah.

One of the infinites is like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Can we plug his nose during the honeymooning?

Because if he gains his breath again and says yummers one more time,

I'm going to shoot myself and just hope I end up a different baby this time.

Because this life is

is sucking and

I have to say too they're just driving back

he ate a lot of honey oh my god Johnny

we have to go back a third time to the soul

I got an Instacart and they canceled it because they thought it was like a weird prank

Well, and what I love is the whole time they're honeyboarding him, Bathurst is telling, like, is talking shit, right?

And that's, yeah, right.

That's it.

It's hard to fucking do.

Kudos to Chow and Al Edgia for the ability to bring fucking gravitas to the honeyboarding shit talking,

right?

So, good acting.

And then, as they're torturing him, right before he gives up where the good guys are, he says, again, this is the actual line in the stupid fucking movie.

The guy that's getting honeyboarded, they're like, why would you help him?

We need to destroy all of humanity.

And he says, and I quote,

you'll never understand friendship and love

and faith.

But friendship.

Friendship.

Well, the power of friendship, Heath, it'll take you anywhere.

But then this is where Bathurst has the first of his several, no, no, I want to justify the gam inclusion conversations about how God was real.

He would show himself now.

I do like that he takes a pause, though.

He's like, God would show himself.

One second.

Okay, then we're going to go on with the honeyboarding.

Yeah.

Back to honeyboarding.

So, yeah.

Don't put on a pimp smiling.

I'm having the worst day.

The transition from yummy to torture is a tricky one.

That's to be like taught in philosophy classes about like liminality.

And like,

you could be the lesson with the honey.

Yeah, yeah.

Yell me to torture the Eli Bosnik story.

Oh, yeah, no, he deserves that.

Yeah, absolutely.

So yeah, but so, but Bathurst finds out where the good guys are, so he pulls out his fucking yee-oldie laser grenade launcher thing.

I thought it was gonna be like a honey bazooka or something.

Oh, like it should have been so much better.

Like thematic, just put a little bit of lean into it.

Pulls a jar of maple syrup out of his bag.

No

It's a different kind of sweet so

So then we we miss butters worth

She's been canceled

so then so okay weird reaction Boston can I say

like maybe there's some history there.

I don't know, but

The

anger with which you reacted to Mrs.

Buttersworth and not I wish we had done Patriots Day, the movie about the Boston bombing.

Real, the vibes are off.

All right, so

in their defense, most of the times you said that we were backstage.

That's true.

So yeah, but so now we're going to cut to the prison from minority report

and demolition man.

And demolition man, right?

A combination of the two.

Well, right, yeah, no, because demolition man too, because this is where we learn that they're keeping all of the past incarnations' corpses in suspended suspended liquid animation.

I have no fucking idea why.

And again, why would you fucking do that?

I know.

And also, also, they're suspended like this, right?

Like, all the dead guys are just like this.

Now, think about the kind of body issues you'd have knowing that any minute you could die and then just be suspended like this, naked.

And.

For the rest of eternity.

Let me say something brave.

We don't see it, but there's probably a lot of babies like that.

And

what?

Babies die.

And so

you can't only keep the grown-ups.

You got to keep the babies too.

And then

the question of: do you have one body, huge body tank for one baby?

Feels wasteful.

Oh, no.

Do you do like you do?

You do a card catalog.

You do four babies.

I think it would be a card catalog, like later.

Yes.

Okay.

Maybe they're in drawers.

This is what I'm saying.

What is this for?

So,

welcome to the cutting room floor, folks.

So, yeah.

So, but they bowl that out and they're like, Yeah, no, we keep all the bodies.

And he's like, Why would you do that?

And he's like, Because after we reveal, you'll get it later.

The cutting room floor is what they call where the card cuts.

No.

So, this is where they explain.

All right, good luck.

So, but this is where they explain that the guy who he is a reincarnation of, in addition to having the perfect recollection, also has,

quote,

the ability to manipulate the energy of the world around him.

Noah is infinite.

Such a stupid fucking line.

Yeah, he can manipulate the energy of the world around him, meaning, you know, just generic, whatever superpower we need him to have in Act 3.

You're all relevant.

Oh, yeah.

Marky Mark probably just paid him to keep telling him that.

You know, just you're, no, you're relevant.

You are.

I got it mixed up.

So, okay, but then.

You made the departed better.

Yes.

We gave him a fucking Oscar for that.

That's so stupid.

So then we get to, he's like, well, how do I get my memories back and how to use my superpowers?

And they're like, a stick fighting montage.

And he's like, really?

That would not have been my fucking guess.

So he's like, just stick fighting?

And they're like, no, you'll have to do some inverted sit-ups.

No, sure.

He was like, I will need to do some inverted sit-ups.

Fucking shirt.

I'm going to do my fucking dangle sit-ups.

You have to let me do three or else I'm not in the fucking movie.

So

hey, look, I was not upset at having to take a quick look at the abs there.

Also, this is where he gets, they put him in the,

I have it down in my notes as rotating electric face acupuncture machine.

Yeah.

Acupuncture shock therapy combo.

Yeah.

Okay.

I had goalie mask acupuncture honeycomb cereal.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah.

I was just like shouting him out.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

So that's it.

That's exactly what they were being shouted in the fucking writer's room.

Yeah, so there was a big fight.

There is an there was a very expensive idea jar policy in the writer's room of this fucking movie.

You got in trouble.

So yeah, so, but ultimately, and we haven't mentioned this character yet because who gives a fuck?

But the way we can tell that he's winning the montage is that he's doing better and better at fights with Axe Guy,

who will never get a name beyond Axe Guy.

Right?

I think he might be in the credits as fucking Axe Guy, but ultimately, he is able to defeat Axe Guy, and that's how you know that the montage has been successful.

So then we get this stupid fucking dialogue between Marky and Axe Guy in the middle of the giant weapon wall room that all action movies have.

Yes, but this is where we're going to get our explanation

for hedgehog gun.

Yep.

And my best worst, which is that Bathurst's big shotgun blue hedgehog thingy is a gun that steals your soul

into a microchip.

Yes.

Yes.

So you can't reincarnate.

Yes.

At which point,

Noah wrote in his notes, why wouldn't Bathurst just do that to himself?

The entire fucking movie is Bathurst cannot die and therefore wants to destroy all of life.

And then this at this point, halfway into the fucking movie, they're like, but he's also figured out a way to kill infinites.

It's like, well, then what the fuck is the problem?

Blam, credits.

That could have ended every scene.

Hey, I'll make you a deal, Bathurst.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I just need to reincarnate where I'm friends with Courtney Love.

Interesting, Boston.

Interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

I like how fast they got as they changed.

Buttersworth said the death of Kurt Cobain.

Yeah, just in the middle of the road.

I've always said the death of Kurt Cobain was the average between Mrs.

Buttersworth and the Boston Bonnie.

So then we cut to it.

We have a quick scene.

I'm pushing through with it, with or without you.

So then we cut to, we have this quick quick scene with Marky, Mark, and Nora where we have to establish that, so she has her soulmate that she's reborn with every lifetime.

And up until this moment in the movie, the movie kind of like lets you believe that Marky is her soulmate.

This is the first scene where we establish that, no, actually her soulmate has been hit with the steal your soul into a microchip gun, which we did not mention.

The dethroner?

Is that what you mean?

The dethroner.

Why is it fucking called the dethroner?

Because that was the dumbest name they could think of.

Nothing to do with anything.

Yet another instance where they say it's the dethroner.

And Marky Mark's like, who's coming up with these stupid fucking names, you know?

And the writer's like, it's me, I'm sorry.

But yeah, but they explain that.

It's what a zoo.

Yes.

So, okay, but now they go back to the electric face needle machine to unlock the secret behind his cryptic look-inside clue from the beginning.

And he can remember the crane fight scene that they stole from Casino Royale, but he can't remember where he put the egg, right?

This is where we established.

I think it's in his memory, maybe?

Somewhere.

Okay.

But yeah, but he's remembering like cutting some bullets in half, because that's how bullets work.

He's remembering getting hung by a chain at the end there.

But it turns out, but he can't remember exactly where he put the egg.

So it turns out that they're going to need the even better brain unlocker that they know and didn't start with for some fucking reason.

Right?

He is called the artisan.

Yeah, right?

Get excited.

So then we cut to some bad guys.

Shouldn't he have been like the builder of thrones or some shit to go with the fucking artist?

Sure, yeah, there you go.

There you go.

The throner.

So

then we got we got to a couple of bad guys squirrel suiting their way into the temple of cultural appropriation.

I just, I cannot imagine any military operation where, like, you know, they're like, you know what, it'd be the best way in.

Squirrel suit in.

I was just like, there's no way to slow down.

Can't you guys design?

But also, like, we're nihilists.

Like, it's a special ops team of nihilists.

Okay.

Squirrel suit flying into a waterfall meditation karate laboratory.

Yep.

Here's the thing.

So I said, I wrote, I typed that, and Anne was like, Did you just type special ops team of nihilists?

Squirrels in fly at the waterfall meditation karate.

I was like, yep.

That's part of my job today.

But see, I wish they would use that more in the fact that it doesn't matter when they die, right?

Like they put some babies in some hyperbolic chambers where they're going to go and then they all just like shoot themselves in the plane and wave.

Ha ha!

Surprise!

So yeah, so the nihilists land in the temple and they go and they kill some extras.

But ultimately they take over.

They get a bunch of prisoners.

They arrange the prisoners in a really, really even circle, right?

You got to figure somebody had like a string and like did the crop circle thing or something to get them like that.

It's very even.

What the fuck happened to the front hallway meditator people though?

Right?

They were not being aware of their surroundings at all.

Clearly.

Yeah.

So

this is where we learned that.

You don't need to sense the squirrel suits flying past.

Yeah, right, right.

Or landing in front of you?

Yeah.

Catch the eye.

So no, this is where we learned that Professor XX and Bathurst used to be love interests back in the day.

This is going to be entirely irrelevant to everything that happens at all points.

No, the only purpose of this scene is so that he can be ableist and be like,

oh, it looks like you got a bum one this time.

You didn't...

You didn't want to hop out of that thing and maybe, you know,

roll those dice again?

And she's like, I'm a real actress who they paid to play this part.

And he's like, I know.

I'm so sorry.

This is weird.

Because then they said, cut, and you were still here as a real human being.

A real human being who they'd paid to say the line, you're the one who's crippled.

You're crippled by cowardice.

Yeah.

But the vibes on set that day?

Awful.

Yes.

Crafty was doing everything in their power just saying, Taco Tuesday on Wednesday.

Hey guys, we got a magician today.

He's going to come and do a little balloon animals for everyone.

And then we'll have Remember the Titans tell a woman in a wheelchair that her body's a dud, huh?

How's that sound?

Jesus Christ.

And then maybe we'll get an ice cream truck.

What do you guys think?

I'm so glad that you mistook two white guys before you mistook two black guys in the movie.

That was Denzel Washington, but okay.

No, he's in Remember the Titans.

No, that's Donald Feiser.

It's a different one.

I'm dead.

So,

because the accent would have been awkward.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

But he gives the I have to get out speech that Agent Smith gives in The Matrix almost verbatim.

Eli's looking it up, trying to check and see if Denzel Washington was in Remember the Titans.

Archivental Edge is.

He's not in Remember the Titans, man.

He might be.

What if he is, though?

Yeah, he'd be 47th build.

He might be 49th.

Yeah, just keep scrolling.

While you're scrolling, I'm going to do the show.

So we're going to start the podcast.

Well, so things are starting to get pretty final confrontation-y in here.

So I think it's about time for another break.

But first, let me give back three to the hard sell.

Why would they be looking for the egg?

Isn't it being lost better for every fucking buddy here?

Why do I keep paying more attention to the fucking movie than the fucking movie does?

Find out the answers to other questions in last when we return for the marky mark tacular conclusion of

Infinite.

Don't you see?

You've been an infinite this whole time.

Oh, wow.

That would explain all those visions and memories that have plagued me for so long.

Right.

Now, as an infinite, you must choose between two sides: the nihilists who want to destroy all life on Earth and the believers.

Well, I'm the believers, definitely.

You didn't let me finish.

Right.

Well, I don't see why I would have to.

If one side wants to destroy all life on Earth,

that would include me.

Yes, it does.

But the nihilists actually have the coolest vehicle.

It would also include my dog.

Hey, hey, does my dog get infinite lives too?

No, your dog doesn't.

But also, the believers have a very lame infinity symbol logo.

So

yeah,

but if one side is against continuing to exist in the universe, it...

Doesn't fucking matter who has the coolest logo and vehicles, dude.

Okay.

Well, I haven't even told you what the believers believe yet.

So

does it involve life continuing to exist on the planet?

That is a part of it.

Well, then I'm in.

I don't think you're even considering the benefits of life not existing in the universe is my thing.

All right.

Well, name one.

Name a benefit of all life, even bacteria, being wiped out of existence.

Okay.

Sorry, people don't usually do like follow-ups when I do this.

Yeah, so you've got nothing, do you?

No, give me it.

Just give me a minute.

I'm sure I wish you.

I would think you'd have one one ready.

I have one.

Humanity.

Aha.

Humanity could have stopped doing daylight savings time at any time, and it still hasn't.

Yeah, shit.

That's a good one.

So, what does Arsenal look like then?

Come on, man.

Give me a minute.

No one says yes.

And we're back.

And okay, so we're gonna rejoin Marky, Nora, Axe Guy, and Stick Fighter Lady.

What I love about this movie is how they develop these great characters.

They were on the so while the temple was getting taken over, they were on the

private plane with the Infinity logos going to see the artisan.

So they're about to go see the artisan, and we, again, I would have skipped the scene on the plane, except before they go, they all have to get armed up.

So they go to the goddamn gun lazy Susan.

Now, so imagine this.

So there's no way to use this device without a gun pointing right at you, right?

It's a gun spice rack.

Yes.

Yes.

Because they have to, it's not...

Lazy Susan would actually be better.

They have to like, okay, so I grab it from here.

Oh, right.

Blam.

I should have to remove the whole thing.

This is very impractical.

So, yeah.

So, they get their guns and they're like, wait, isn't he a good guy?

Why are we getting armed up?

And they're like, yeah, you know, fucking

probably going to be an action.

There hasn't been an action sequence in a while now.

But infinite, so nothing matters.

But this is where we learn, right, that the artisan made the right choice for what to do with infinity.

The two choices for infinite are not bad guy or good guy.

There's also, have you tried putting your dick in stuff, the lifestyle choice?

Sure.

Sure.

Which means at one point, right, Bathurst must have come to the artisan and been like, we must end our eternal tournament.

And the artisan was like, but have you come with a dick in your ass, though?

I know you've put a finger in there.

I'm talking a dick.

Have you come with a dick in your ass?

And Bathurst is like, you're making it weird.

And he's like, okay, well, why don't you suck my soul into a computer chip?

So,

yeah, so they go to see the artisan.

You got to go to a casino to see him because he's a hedonist and whatnot.

They make it there.

And, of course, the artisan is played by none other than Jason Manzukis.

Manzukes, indeed.

So exciting.

And that's how Manzukis spends the entire movie being like, he's not.

I'm in a bad movie.

They did an audition and I showed up.

I was like, oh, Paul, June.

I'm going to go to the Marky Mark audition.

And they said, yes.

And now I'm here.

And sometimes they say cut.

And Mark Walbert comes over and he's like, oh, Bucky, why do you work out?

And I'm like, oh, yeah, sure.

He's staring directly into the camera, being like, if you want to make fun of this movie, you absolutely can.

Yeah.

I'm making fun of it in my mind right now while i'm sitting

he's doing all my lines like this

and then my character probably says this huh

boat money so yeah yeah he hates this movie in real life this he's done he's done a couple interviews where he had to like hint at hating it but not really say he hits yeah and so the person in the interview is like are you saying it seems like it seems like you didn't like this movie and he's like a bad movie?

You mean the one where I'm referred to only as the artisan?

He hates it.

I'm pretty sure his contract said he can't do

it on having this command.

The 100% that they thought he was going to name.

So this one's for you, Zeus.

We're doing this for you, buddy.

This is, but you understand for him, this is like if we got to be in the next God's Not Dead movie.

But then they like couldn't fire us right like because at some point someone called Zeus' agent and they were like make him do it real and they were like no

So yeah, so they meet him he's busy shocking a cadaver, you know, because he's wacky.

It's a wacky Act III scientist like an Independence Day

It felt like he was winning bets throughout.

He's wearing a velvet purple shirt.

It's very real.

It's beautiful.

He's got a golden vest and like a hostile smock on.

And

he rejects the gender binary justice and Marky Mark uncomfortable.

Yes.

I promise you, that wasn't in the script.

Because Marky Mark is like, ah, this guy.

And he's like, you would still be a guy after thousands of lifetimes.

And Mark's like, what?

Jason's talking big words again.

So, but the important thing is that the artisan has a consciousness reboot memory regain closet.

You know how your life flashes before your eyes right before you die?

I do know that scientific fact.

This machine does that,

but slower.

No, okay, all right.

Now you might think to yourself, well, how does it achieve that?

Well, it kills you.

At what point do you think?

Because it's a drowno-matic, right?

It just kills the water.

Right, that's it.

It's futuristic looking, like it has a dentist chair effect, but it's just a pod full of water, which means at some point, special effects was like, so we got to put Marky Mark in a pod full of water.

And then it was someone's job to be like, how safe do we need to make this to make sure Marky Mark doesn't drown?

And then after like six or seven suggestions, they had to be like, come on, guys, take it serious.

Because just speaking from my heart, from my truth, I would have been like pot full of water.

That's what I'm doing.

Yep.

Yep.

Absolutely.

So, okay.

So then we see, so they're getting ready.

He has this conversation with Nora and he's like, hey, do you think I should get in the mental reboot drowning closet?

And she's like, oh, it seems like a fucking bad idea.

How amazing would it be if she had been like, no, this is fucking weird, right?

Oh, okay.

What's the movie about then?

I don't know.

I guess we want the.

Jason doesn't want the movie to keep going.

Yeah.

He keeps looking at the camera and saying, I don't care if the movie keeps going.

Yeah,

he keeps saying, if only I had the egg, yeah.

So, but he says, and he says to her, he goes, could it work though?

And she's like,

I mean, yeah,

obviously.

But again, I just have to point out, there's no stakes.

They infinitely reincarnate.

Right.

So if it doesn't work, she's just like, fuck, okay, sword making baby.

Yeah.

Right.

Luke's good to see you.

Stop advertising that.

Right.

At least nobody will know for, you know, quite a while yet where the goddamn egg thing is.

It's probably the best thing that can happen, right?

If I was an immortal, I would prank people with that machine, but it would just drown them.

And it'd be funny as shit.

Remember, you guys remember three lifetimes ago when I was like, no, no, I'll wake you up after you drown.

I would do that every time.

Every time my fellow immortals had a problem, I'd be like, here, please step into my fit these 18 Rubik's Cubes up your assinator.

This will totally fix it.

So

you must do this every time you're so stupid.

We get this amazing scene.

So they're trying to decide whether he should get into the drowning anator.

And Bathurst, we cut to the casino outside.

Bathurst is kind of

his phone.

He's at a blackjack table.

He's got his phone out and he's looking at a camera that he's got hidden in the room where they're doing this drowning.

He's watching the movie.

Well, yeah, now how is a great question, but there's an even better question here.

He's at a casino looking at his, openly looking at a screen that's taking him to a secret camera that's hidden within the facility.

And the security guards are like, yeah, no, I'm sure that's fine.

He's probably

probably a bad guy in some kind of a bigger, larger thing.

probably has nothing to do with the black they let you just sit at a blackjack table and watch a movie

let alone one you're in yeah

sir are you watching our lived experience right now

you got a bid out of every three hands

no more free sodas

so yeah so but but marky mark is now he's in the thing he's drowning he's remembering the opening car chase

but then he dies and so they open the thing up, and the chick has to like try to CPR.

Nobody else helps, right?

Like they open him up, and she's like, Oh, let's give him CPR.

And they're like, Yeah, you first.

Here's the thing: if you give Marky Mark CPR, there's a reality where you're giving Marky Mark mouth to mouth.

Well, really, like, honestly, the humane thing to do if you come across Marky Mark is to not give him CPR.

It's like he needs

to close that pot up and fill it with pickletups.

Stuff him into one of the chambers full of babies.

Yeah, exactly.

Just baby, Marky Mark in too tight a corner.

Yes,

three babies floating near him.

Weird.

So yeah, so but then he dies.

Marky Mark dies.

But then while he's dead, he remembers a time when he was a mermaid?

I think that's what happens.

I'm not making that up, am I?

Do you think they meant that he was like from Atlantis?

I think that's what they meant.

Like a history thing?

Because Atlantis is a real race from history.

I think that's what it was.

But Marky Mark was okay with me.

Somehow, though, wait, well, look, look, the fact that if

he was from Atlantis, like, otherwise, like, that's the best possible explanation for how remembering all your past lives would allow you to undrown yourself.

Yeah.

Like, I remember how to not need to breathe.

I guess.

Yeah.

So

he undies and he sits up and everybody's like, oh, you're undead.

Do you remember where the egg is?

And he's like, yes, let me tell you out loud real quick.

So

first we get the great acting where Marky Mark thinks really hard.

It's not very convincing.

Mine is...

Yes, right.

You see him be like, think, think, think, think, think, think, think.

And then you watch him be like, ow, ow.

And then he's like, I am Treadway.

And I also have to point out that this is supposed to be a very serious scene, right?

This is supposed to be the I Know Kung Fu moment, right?

But Jason Manzoukis' big smiling face is one-third of the frame.

And in the only proof of God's existence you ever need,

right after he says, I'm Treadway, Jason Manzoukis looks directly into the lens and goes, cool.

Cool.

So he's like, do you remember where the egg is?

He's like, I do remember where it is.

Remember earlier when there was a cut in my side and I was cauterizing it with the fucking lighter from the Lamborghini and you thought, wow, that's going to take a really long fucking time, right?

It turns out that right before that, I had stabbed myself in the stomach and shoved the egg into my gut.

That's where I hit it.

And then somebody goes, why didn't you put it in your butt and he goes oh fuck fuck

fuck

Rubik's Cube guy steps out from around the corner

do you know how many eggs I could have helped you hide

kept telling you we needed a fucking glass but you were like no more stick fighting Yeah.

Oh, did you stick fight the egg?

No, you did.

Just when you needed me most, I was fitting 17 and a half Rubik's cubes on my ass.

Give me the egg.

I will hide this where Bathurst will never find it.

He'll never solve 16 Rubik's cubes to get to it.

This is his Da Vinci code.

So then, okay.

So they're going to leave the artisan's place to go back to where they keep the corpse, you know, to look inside of it.

But just then, a mediocre sniper attacks them and shoots Stick Girl,

the stick-fighting chick.

And Marky Mark, a little bit.

It's a mild shooting.

So the artisan does a security lockdown, right?

And he's got a secret exit that they can run through, but they have to action fight their way through a little bit in his secret exit.

I also forgot to point out that everything that Jason Manzuka slash the artisan does in his lab is voice controlled.

And I really wanted him to have the same trouble with voice control that we do.

Yeah.

Right?

Where he's like, Siri, lockdown.

And it's like, looking up the lockdown, starring Dwayne, the Rock Johnson.

No, not.

Siri, Siri, play Apple to IJ.

Ah, god damn it.

Lights are flicking on and off.

So, yeah, and so they're running away and they stop in this room for just a second, and they have this like sad moment where they realize that yes, stick lady is dead.

Right?

And again, Jason Manzukis, literally just in the third of the screen, being like.

And can we, and can we just

Here's the thing: if you're an infinite, you can absolutely fuck your friend's corpse when they're done with it, right?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Like, I understand why it's impolite now,

but if I am

a t-shirt,

is impolite the word you want there?

Here's what I'm saying: if you want to fuck my corpse when I'm dead and you don't do it in front of my family,

more power duty.

Jesus Christ.

It's like being an organ donor.

Yes.

Right.

But look, it's the opposite.

Yeah.

An organ receiver.

Yes.

Don't.

If you, if you, no, if you give me an applause break, I'll keep that shit in the show.

Don't do that.

They're trying to cremate me, but I won't like because I'm wet.

We got to put some Doritos under your husband.

I'm sorry.

Oh my God.

All right.

So

a couple of campers in the audience.

Josie knew to use Doritos for a candidate.

Desperately moving on now.

So, but so, okay, so the stick lady dies.

They go to leave.

And they're like, one of us has to stay behind and die.

And Marky Mark's like, I'll do it.

And they're like, no, you're the fucking main character.

So Axe Guy decides he'll stay back.

Do the rear guard action here.

So the bad guys come in.

There's like 12 soldiers along with Bathurst.

And then as they're walking in, Axe Guy deploys these like 11 explodey drones to kill all but one of the soldiers in Bathurst.

So

now you can leave, I guess, your rear guard action.

You want feels like that did most of the stalling for you.

Yes.

Also, are the guys, the soldiers with Bathurst, are those also infinites?

And are they also nihilists?

And if they're nihilists, are they like, yes, we want to bring our painful existence to living to an end?

So

do you need someone to like move some chairs around?

Yeah, right.

Lower levels.

Well, it's even weirder if they're not fucking infinites, right?

And they were just like, well, no, we're team end all life on earth.

It's it's paycheck.

Yeah.

So

we used to work in an Amazon warehouse, right?

This is way better.

I was about to say you're describing capitalism.

Yeah, no, you're right.

You're right.

You are right.

Yeah.

Starbucks gives you free college, but these guys teach you to put 17 Rubik's cubes up your ass.

So, you know.

It's a different skill set.

So, yeah, no, so, so, oh, I love, too, the one remaining soldier at this point turns to Bathurst and he's like, watch out, sir.

I wanted him so bad they'd be like,

You're the worst, Chris.

Chris, when I destroy all life on Earth, I'm going to start with you.

I just want you to know that, Chris.

I want you to be the first thing to die.

Whoa.

So Axe Guy comes barreling out with what else?

An axe, right?

Obviously.

Gun would have saved the day here, but he's Axe Guy.

You got to stay in your fucking lane.

I was hoping Bathurst would have something thematic to fight Axe Guy.

Like,

the honey thing he did because the guy was like a honey gatherer.

Yeah, that was the excuse.

Yeah.

Some sort of, like, like the body spray or something to like fight this guy.

He gets right in the eyes.

Right.

Or he's got a big stump.

No, not like a body stump, like a stump.

Right, because an axe.

Yeah, no, I apologize.

You could also have a stump, though.

Yeah, sure.

Sure.

No, that's fine.

He's just grabbing one of the soldiers' arms, flipping the bibbit to bibbit to bibbit.

Deadpool did that.

So, yeah, he did.

He did it.

It was great.

They did that joke in in their movie.

So they get Axe Guy, and then he pulls out his dethroner.

I'm moving on.

I can mute it later.

So he gets, Axe Guy gets shot with the dethroner.

I can't say that with a straight face.

And then, so,

sorry.

There's nothing in like the wisdom of millennia that says don't bring an axe to a literal gunfight.

He's infinite life.

How many times do you think he's died because of that?

It feels like he's just kept dying from better weapon over and over and over.

Yeah.

Or maybe he started off with just like, you know, like symbols, right?

And then he's just been upgrading his weapon ever since.

An axe is really way up.

He's doing science like Rubik's Cube guy, but like

200 lifetimes ago, he was like, do you think it's silly that I always fight with an axe?

And they were a little drunk, so they were like, nah, man, I love that.

It does a great thing for you.

And now you've got to take it back and be weird?

Yeah.

All right.

No, I'll spend infinity with you fighting with an ancient weapon.

Thank you very much.

So, okay, so everybody gets away from the fight, but now because they had taken the temple, they also, the bad guys have Marky Mark, the previous incarnation of Marky Mark's body, right?

So they get the thing, the world-destroying thing.

He's finally got it in his hand.

He can finally destroy the world.

And he's like, check it and make sure that it works and stuff.

And he's like, do you mean turn it on?

And he's like, no, I mean just, you know, do the diagnostics.

He says, but what's the down?

It's just, it's like a button, right?

Yeah.

It's like an egg with like doomsday.

Like, what's the downside of pressing that if you want doomsday?

What happens if it doesn't?

There's no risks if you want doomsday.

Just press all the buttons.

I don't know.

Oh, no.

Are you checking it?

It didn't work and it only killed a third of the planet.

Like, shit.

Yeah.

He also says, clean it.

Yep.

You don't want to destroy the world with a dirty body.

I don't want it to be sticky.

Right.

You spent a day doing honey torture recently.

Yeah, but that wasn't on the end.

A lot of it got on you.

Yeah.

So yeah.

And hopefully it wasn't Mrs.

Buttersworth, am I right?

Oh man.

And his Boston associate is like, fuck yeah.

So yeah, so Bathurst is evil monologuing at the court.

Email us why Boston hates Mrs.

Buttersworth.

I'm sure we'll get some emails.

That's like not the racist one, right?

Isn't there like a racist one?

That is the.

Of the syrups?

Yeah, it's the not racist.

Let's list the syrups in terms of

ranking.

I think that's we're not ranking the syrups.

Do you want to check in for your flight?

What we're doing?

You keep asking me that.

Golden syrup.

So, okay, so

they're taking

the egg back to Scotland for some reason.

They need to end the world in Scotland.

I guess that makes sense, right?

So, I'm kidding.

I love Scotland.

No, Eddie Borough after our experience, I get it.

And that's why people will notice the slowest.

Yes.

So he gets the McGuffin.

And now we cut to the artisan.

Now, what we didn't mention that the artisan had to like patch Marky Mark up because Marky Mark got shot in the last scene.

So now we have him waking up and he's like limping away from the bed because he's just still so wounded and everything.

But he's so determined to be in the final action sequence that he's going to make it happen.

And he has to talk the artisan into helping him.

And Manzuka's is like, F in for a penny and for a pound what the fuck so here's my theory zooks's feelings are hurt in this scene i think after he went cool really loud after the treadway scene he got yelled at

and so for this scene he was like no i'm taking it serious hey welcome back from the fucking whatever

So, all right.

No, it's fine.

I'll be there in my helicopter for the final part of the movie.

So then we get, okay.

So then we get my other favorite scene in the fucking movie.

So the Nora has gone ahead.

She's going to try to stop the world from being destroyed, right?

So she's now outside of the evil lair where Bathurst lives.

And she's sniping at him.

So he's inside.

With a gun, not like shitting shitty texts.

Thank you.

Yeah, for the clarification.

So she shoots at him.

Now, because he has perfect recollection of all his past lives, he knows how to see a bullet coming in in a reflection of a spoon and therefore dodge it, right?

As you naturally would.

So he dodged, right?

And luckily, he was eating a breakfast

that was thematic with his

foot.

No, he was eating an egg.

Yeah.

He was having a soft-boiled egg in that weird holder.

And then he was like, hold on.

And the nihilist chef.

probably did that as a fun thing.

Right.

Because there must be a nihilist who's the chef, right?

Yep.

And he's like, you know, this is the last time that I'm going to give you breakfast.

And this is the best.

And he was like, no, no, no.

Check this out.

Check this out.

Bethverse.

Look what I made.

Oh!

Tuesday breakfast!

I love it.

I love it.

It's a Scotch egg.

It's a Scotch egg.

Cause Scotland.

Because Scotland.

Amazing.

Can we?

Do you...

Do you want us to

destroy the world?

Oh,

keep going.

What did you say?

Let's do some honey torture up here.

you want me to waterboard you with the gasoline while you yell and gurgle in latin so okay so but nora shoots at him so now he needs to use his very best defensive weapon which is a series of drones that are operated with the gloves from minority report

which luckily he was in the same room as yeah these gloves These gloves are my so first favorite detail about the gloves.

I have many.

They're all the favorite.

Go yeah.

The first, though, is that these gloves act, the evil drone gloves activate by

steeple steeple.

Double steeple.

Double finger steeple.

So good.

Yeah.

I think he has them in every room, though.

Okay.

I think he's got a set of gloves in every room so that, you know, you can

be attacked by believers.

who's a bad person.

Okay, but what if you're in the shower?

Does he have waterproof ones in the shower too?

Or like i bet he has like a shitty one that he's kind of mad about if it ever happens in the shower it's like uh you know like an off-brand n64 controller sure yeah yeah power glove kind of a thing yeah oh that was the submarine filled with my buddies oh no

so

yeah so so he's

i really got either that one

but the best part is because here's the thing right this actor is brilliant right he has an oscar nomination he won a lawrence olivier award right oh yeah so he kind of really does the hand stuff oh right he's not like

he's like

he like really tries oh yeah yeah yeah i think zeus got up to him between takes and he was like hey man we can just sort of coast on this

Like, you know how you did in Doctor Strange, how you were just sort of mailing at home?

You can mail at home with Marky Mark Sen.

All right.

So then we get.

It was in Doctor Strange.

I checked backstage.

And then I checked again right before I said the joke out.

Yeah, I see it.

It's up on your up on your screen.

I don't have my notes on my screen.

He doesn't.

He doesn't.

That's real.

So,

so, okay.

And then, so he sends out his drone.

So, so, okay, so he's, the drones are attacking.

And Nora,

the chick that's sniping, she's like, uh-oh, I better get away.

Luckily, I've thought this through and I have a plan.

I'm going to use my harpoon grapple

to shoot one of the drones and then swing from that motherfucker like Tarzan.

It's so spectacularly stupid because, of course, the drone would just come down when you...

Suddenly put like 140 pounds of extra weight on the fucking thing.

But also, like, if you can hit the drones with a fucking harpoon that easy, why would you even run away?

You had to just hit the three fucking drones, and then you would snipe at the guys some more.

Use the dethroner on the drones, and now the drones are off their thrones.

Oh, nice.

All right.

Bones.

All right, I was trying to hurry along for you, for your sake there.

I was really hoping there was, like, some kind of hand motion for, like, Bugs Bunny scissors that come out of the, so, like, he's, like,

and, like, snaps her, her and she sure yeah right right or what maybe if only there was a uh a hand motion for down

right and she just

like just dragging a little bit the whole hand motion thing is insane just a controller would be better oh yeah clearly this is like tilt steering on cart you know what i'm saying it's worse awesome it's not going well it's instinctive all right so you feel that tilt steering is better it's instinctive it's just it's in your head whether you want it to be or not

so hey everybody

right now.

So, okay.

So then, okay.

That's impressive if you're good at tilt steering.

So he mobilizes.

Now he mobilizes his team of the bathers, mobilizes his team of fucking henchmen.

And she's running through an exploding forest, you know, like in the Hunger Games.

And now, so

she comes across a couple of bad guys.

So she's like, all right, well, I better take these guys out silently so that the drones don't notice her.

So she does a spinning

swing kick.

Corkscrew kick.

Yeah, corkscrew kick.

And then grabs a machine gun and shoots the other guy.

And I'm like, well, what was the quiet thing about?

You had a gun.

I like that she did a branch swing in between for

a while.

She grabs the branch and swings it.

Like, if this is me, the branch snaps right away.

Yeah.

And I'm like,

I'm like right in front of

her like weeping with laughter.

And I'm which last time do you think she worked out the corkscrew kicking?

She demoted.

Medieval present just being like,

Give me 40 more years.

I'll get that.

I don't know if you nail this shit.

So, but just then, as she's got noise, so she's got the death squads after her, and the drones are after her, and there's a Humvee after her and everything.

I can't say Hummer because then you get the wrong idea.

So I'm just going to say a Humvee

or the right idea.

You know, it's up to you.

but just then though Jason Matzukas's helicopter shows up and takes out all the drones so now like Marky Mark is there to help out so he drops out of the helicopter in his weird little ATV

right

and it's got no windows it's tactical it's

it's a tactical ATV

insisted on that everybody's shooting at him though I feel like something with windows would be great at this point like the bulletproof windows from earlier

just a thought it does have a button where the steering wheel goes out the other side, though.

Wanted him to accidentally push it.

Shit, shit, shit.

So, okay.

Not all the vehicles need them.

So they're driving away.

So now Bathurst is all pissed, right?

Because he runs out of drones and he's like, wait, I have the world-destroying device.

Why was I sending henchmen out to attack somebody?

I understand the world now.

They would be part of the world.

Why was this movie at all?

I had breakfast.

This has been ready.

And I was like, but first, eggs.

So, okay.

But now he's putting the egg inside the egg pudding in machine, right?

So they don't have much time.

And he pushes it.

It's got a big fancy skull button.

Yes, it does.

Because again, you had to know that there was a moment where he was working with his bad guy, Q, right?

And he was like, and then we just pushed this button and he was like, hold on, hold on.

Can we put like a

like an evil-looking insignia button?

I mean, because they have their infinity symbol on everything.

I mean, like, they're out doing us on customized car stuff.

They have an upholstery.

I'm more of a science guy.

I could go buy something at Halloween Adventure and sort of

glue it to the top.

That would be perfect.

You want me to glue it to the top?

Something that's like the opposite of infinity.

I don't know what that would be.

Four.

Yeah.

I can only do animals.

That was pretty good.

That's why you paid me the big bucks.

So now

Marky Mark is getting in there.

He's picked up Nora.

They're driving in their little Doonbuggy thingy.

And the henchwoman from before that came in when he was, you remember when he was getting waterboarded with gasoline anyway, she comes in, she hits him with a rocket launcher.

It's a light rocket launchering.

Don't worry, they'll be fine.

The dune buggy, it explodes, it flips over three times.

They land, and Marky Mark turns to her.

Goes, You okay?

She's like, I'll be fine.

I'm like, Of course, you'll be fine.

Yeah, why would you not be fine?

So they get out, they're running off.

Marky has, I should point out that at this point, Marky has a sword strapped to his back.

That can only be a good thing.

There's no way this goes bad.

That was just true onset to every single thing.

So, so

all right.

So, now, but at this point, Nora realizes that they're in the room or they're near the room that has all the microchips where all of the good guys that have been trapped in microchips are.

She's like, Oh, if I break all of those, they can reincarnate.

So, I'm going to go do that for the rest of the movie.

You have to finish alone.

And Marky Marks is like, Fine, fine, no problem.

The bad guy just took off on an airplane with his world-destroying machine.

That should be no problem because I have a motorcycle.

He sure the fuck does.

That travels 600 miles per hour, apparently,

off-road.

In a past life, he was in a non-Euclidean space.

And he figures it out.

We'll get there in a second.

We'll get there briefly.

Yeah, you would know.

I should also point out that, like, Mensuchus is still in the fucking helicopter, right?

So if they were like, oh, who should go after the aerial vehicle?

Well, a guy on the fucking motorcycle should probably

do it.

There's actually a deleted scene on the DVD where they're like, quick, artisan, you must chase him down.

And Manzukas is like, nah.

I hate being in this movie.

Yeah.

So

the plane takes off.

You want to go make more Big Mal.

Now,

luckily for Marky Mark, the plane takes off, but it doesn't doesn't take off very high.

It decides to go a little lower than the surrounding cliffside.

That is where we're going, y'all.

For those of you who haven't seen it, yes, that's where we're going.

Marky Mark.

There's like a line where he's like, fly

like cliff height.

Yes.

I don't know why.

But

he's hide behind the cliffside.

Below the radar.

Airplane.

So Marky Mark is motorcycling along as fast as he can, which is airplane speed, of course.

And he gets to this high cliffside, and he jumps his motorcycle off the cliffside and lands on the wings of the airplane

fuck yes he does i was so i stood up and i was like oh

like i had an involuntary noise while i was watching this movie but i was so excited but you might think to yourself wait wouldn't he just slide off the wing of the airplane No, he has a samurai sword.

He's got a fucking samurai sword.

Stabs Stabs it into the back of the airplane.

It's also an Allen Wrench.

It's perfect for a lot of scenarios that are about to happen here on this fucking airplane roof.

Here's the thing that's true.

At one point in the making of this movie, Marky Mark was like, you guys know how Tom Cruise does all his own stunts?

Yeah.

And it was someone's job to explain to Marky Mark why he couldn't really do

a samurai sword into an airplane wing.

But some people's job to be like, yeah, man.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah, you bought one.

One lawyer nerd ruined it.

Yeah, everybody.

Yo, I want you to just take a second and consider just how hard it is to be too stupid for an action movie.

Right?

Because

we live in the universe with fucking fast and the furious.

Right.

And we have for a really long fucking time.

And we're all watching this movie.

We're like, give me a fucking break.

So dumb.

I love that there was a brief delay here, too.

They were like, it'll be 16 more minutes before we get to the whatever end of the movie.

Yeah, right.

Other Scott Lake.

He makes him put his laptop away.

Yes.

I wanted to see a supervillain get delayed by fucking Southwest.

Like, CSA.

Like, we're going to have to gate check your egg, dude.

Machine.

No, no, no.

I paid the extra so that I can take it on.

No, it's not.

Can you fit it in the rectangle area?

Can you fit it in this?

It fits.

See, it fits.

It does fit.

Oh, why are you lying?

You're lying.

You're lying about it.

I'm fit at all.

You're lying.

This is why I'm ending the world.

So

Spirit Airlines.

So then Bathurst, he runs up to the cockpit of the plane and he's like, I'm going to start like...

I'm going to steer myself.

I'm going to shake him off like a flea on a dog's back, right?

So he's trying to shake Marky Mark off, going back and forth.

To make it difficult for for the guy on the roof of

well and what's great is at this point in the movie they realize like okay even with the yeah he can't like get inside the plane so I have to call back to wait wait wait that guy was magic yes yes it's literally just so he can stand up on the plane wing and be like that's how I fucking did it

He does.

He just like stands up from his sword and he just walks down the airplane.

Now, earlier one of the engines like ripped a hole in the side of it so he leaps into there

you know because he's not he's the one now or whatever and he's he's he's got his sword and he's looking at the

world destroy inator yeah this is an important detail he doesn't just get inside there's like a samurai sword flathead screwdriver allen wrench scenario

Where it's per and he's like I wanted the I wanted the Allen wrench moment where he's like fuck and he has to like take out a set of different samurai swords and like figure it out.

How am I missing the one that fits?

Right.

But it's that's what it is.

It's like a flathead samurai sword.

So there's just a slot and it's like open top of airplane now.

Four heroes only.

Right.

Well, that's the thing is that all airplanes actually do have accidentally tightens it at first and he's like right lefty.

So

it's because I'm on the top of the airplane.

So it's reverse.

Also the last time I used it I used the reverse thing to get to

So, okay.

So, like, he gets to the world destroyingator inside the airplane, and he looks at it and he's like, all right, how do I open it?

You know what?

I'd probably just stab it with my fucking sword, right?

I'm going to stab it with my sword.

So he reaches his sword up to stab it, but just then, Bathurst shoots him in the back of the head and kills him.

With the dethroner, no less.

Yes, with the dethroner, right?

That's going to like suck his soul in.

Now, this is so fucking dumb that we haven't mentioned it yet.

But Mark E.

Mark's character, one of the reasons why, so this movie is desperately throwing excuses why he wouldn't have all his memories.

One of the excuses they've thrown out is that he has a metal plate in his skull.

Yes, that's where we're going.

The bullet

bounced off the metal plate in his fucking skull.

He might as well have a Bible in his skull.

Like right.

King James motherfucker

so he grabs

so he falls down you know and then Bathurst's like ha ha I got him and now you know when he's a you know I'll be able to enact my master plan and then he goes to the world destroyinator and Marky Mark stands up beside him holding the bullet

She's like, you forgot I have a metal plate in my skull motherfucker

So does that mean that Marky Mark pretended to die so that he could do a dramatic rise-up?

Yes.

Like he felt himself get hit in the back of the head and he was like, you know what, this will be good.

I'll get him.

I wanted him to like stand up too quick and the actor's like, oh shit.

I got the front.

Do a lifetime with acting practice being dead.

I got to carve that into my chest so I remember.

Take acting classes somewhere good,

not from Jason Manzoukis, who's super mean

and keeps looking into the camera and saying, I can't believe they're paying me for this.

Also, it's only 17

milk, butter,

big blueberries, not the small ones.

I'm so curious what body motion you're going to do next.

So, okay.

So.

Listeners at home, yeah, that's probably best that you don't know.

So, okay.

So, so now that the airplane is barrel rolling about and they're fighting inside of it, it's a cargo plane.

They barrel roll pretty easily, as it turns out.

You wouldn't think so, right?

With the six engines on either side or whatever it has.

So, as this is happening,

they're trying to steal the inception fight.

Yes, exactly.

For sure, that like you know, no gravity for walls and floor and ceilings inception fight, but it doesn't work because it's a plane crashing, right?

And what we're watching, to my delight, is Marcus Mark

getting tumble-dried for like a minute.

It's, I could not stop, I had to pause and spend like five minutes recovering It was the best so and and as they're as they're fighting of course the because he's got his sword now They're slowly cutting the four straps that are holding the destroyer nator in they fight they cut the last strap and the destroyer inator flies out of the airplane and they're like ah fuck we have to stop doing inception and start doing point break.

So they jump out

They have the fucking free fall fight or whatever where they're all trying.

He's trying to stab the thing and and Bathurst keeps stopping him.

Can you catch up to stuff when you're falling?

Is that like a thing?

Yeah, I think you can just like

turn like a turn.

Like, down, down, down, down.

Yeah, I think so.

Okay.

I think you can do that.

Pretty sure you can do that, right?

Yeah.

So, okay.

I have no

pretending I can see somebody out here confirming what there's lights.

I don't know.

What's going on?

So, okay.

So, but they're flying towards the ocean.

He stabs the thing.

The World Destroyinator is destroyed now.

How ironic.

And they're falling towards the ocean this whole time.

When they hit the ocean, because of the physics so far in this movie, we're like 60% sure they're going to be fine because water.

They're not.

They land on surfboards.

Yes.

Fine a little bit.

So they die.

We cut back to the artisan who's blowing up all the soul chips.

Nora's going to stay inside with the soul chips as they get exploded so that she'll be the same age as her.

Soulmate.

You got to keep the age gap reasonable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you don't want a Bill Belichick situation where it's like

you said meet and anchor what, so here I am, hot stuff.

I think one of us needs to kill themselves.

That's what Bill Belichick's girlfriend says every night before bed.

I love you, honey.

I love you, Bill Belichick.

And just a reminder, one of us needs to kill himself.

Our couples therapist made me stop saying that to my wife.

All right.

So we get an explosion.

And then we get just what you've all been waiting for.

We get the idiot writer who wrote this movie trying to get the idiot actor who started in this movie lines to say that make it all seem introspective.

So he goes, this is the actual opening line of the voiceover now, as he he said, he's like, so what did I learn by being Evan McCauley?

In Marky Mark's voice.

Yes, right, right.

What did I learn?

Yeah.

So we watch him be reincarnated.

We watch him be a fetus and then a newborn.

And I guess like Nora and her love interest always meet in Angkor Watt.

They've established that earlier.

So we see them meeting.

I feel like one of these lifetimes they should have picked a more accessible city, right?

Yeah.

For sure.

Lifetime 216, you just tour into her and you're like, hey, babe, can we start doing Dallas?

Because everything flies this way.

Let's just do a hub.

Let's do a hub.

Hub city?

Yeah, absolutely.

Paris is nice.

Oh.

It's nice and romantic.

Can we also move the age up?

One of us needs to kill.

Yep.

But that's the lore of this movie is that like at 13,

you get your memory and then you're in love with whoever from before and you both meet at Angkor Watt.

Yes.

So

this is bad parenting that's happening.

For all of the history of all these characters, 13-year-olds were like, hey, mom, here's what's going to happen.

I need to go to Cambodia.

I'm going to stop you right there, kiddo.

Not once.

That good parent right there.

So the rest of that was I wanted to find eternal love.

So, all right, so while they're talking about that, no, mom, I'm a 13-year-old.

No, my love lives in Camp Boggle.

You have to take my relationship seriously.

Call.

One of us needs to kill himself.

We have to both.

He's just trying to make sure I can't edit it out, guys, is what's going on here.

Okay.

Do you think once in a while throughout the history of this whole canon.

Preach King.

Do you think this is cool?

Let him cook.

Let him cook.

Can I be vulnerable for a second?

Talk from your heart.

Talk from your heart.

Open your heart.

These people keep getting reincarnated.

Just statistically,

these soulmates must occasionally be brother-sister.

All right.

Right?

Inevitable coincidence that the person who brought that up would happen to be just out of randomness heath.

I'm just saying that had to have happened.

And you don't want to see each other at Anchor One.

Or what about first cousins?

We both have to kill ourselves.

I bet you one of them was like, okay, yeah, we'll definitely kill ourselves so we can do it where we're not related, but first.

Okay, so.

Nope.

On three, we say?

So Marky Mark says,

there are 48 seconds left in this movie, and we will not let no illusions.

I'm trying so hard.

I'm looking over.

I'm looking apologetically at the bartender in the back.

I'm like, are you seeing me trying, though, right?

So.

The bartender in the back is is like, no, those cousins would fuck, right?

Nah, bro, you fucking, you film it.

That's what you fucking do.

All right.

So, but you never use Mrs.

Buttersworth as loop.

All right.

I don't know what your issue is with the syrup lady.

I don't know what you don't like about her.

So, okay.

So, you know what it is?

It's the fucking, it's the molasses flood, man.

They're still like they that was here

That was here.

I am so sorry.

Wow.

Oh my god.

I am so sorry Bostons.

So it's marathon

Molasses flood

Okay,

I get it.

Okay, so so Marky Mark voices over and he says what did I learn that there's gonna be a sequel?

I'm like

this movie so the true story this movie was supposed to get a theatrical release and then they saw it and they were like how about about Paramount Plus?

That's also good though, right?

So, okay, and then we cut to, like, because this movie is, like, wouldn't it be funny if the movie was infinite, though?

So, the movie refuses to be over for yet another scene because Marky Mark's newest incarnation is stick fighting.

God, he should have been shoving Ruby's cubes up his ass.

That would have been so much better.

The artisans watching.

Yeah.

Yep.

So he's like the old good guy now yeah so his job now is to like

fly around the world going to like the all valley tournament to find johnny lawrence or whatever the fuck like kids karate tournaments is this guy's this guy's eternal job now wolf just wolf at least he probably gets 13 years off after this starts that's nice um so yeah so he sees this kid win this stick fight and he comes up and he's like here's my card you're obviously an infinite the guy's like yeah no we're gonna get a sequel and this yeah yeah, we're going to get a sequel.

I love that.

Infinite two.

Infinity plus one.

So, all right.

I like when the kid sweeps the leg, though.

Literally.

He does.

Literally sweeps the leg in this scene.

He does.

All right, so, but look, so obviously there's a lot of great sequel possibilities, but there's also a lot of great prequel possibilities.

Infinity negative one.

Yes, there you go.

So, given what we know of this movie's universe, to close off tonight, I ask the two of you, what other historical character are you pretty sure was also Marky Mark?

Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Good answer.

John could not.

Oh, God.

All right.

Well, that's going to do it for this episode.

Just yet.

That's going to do it for the live show.

The listeners at home, that's going to do it for them.

The live show, they still get more Anna Bosnik.

They have that to look forward to, right?

But this is where we wrap up the recorded part.

So huge thanks once again for Tim Robertson for all the work that he does putting these things together.

Tim, you always do an amazing job.

We love having you at these things.

We love having you working these things.

This is the best job I think you've ever done.

This place has just been amazing.

Everything's been great.

A huge thanks to everybody here at the Crystal Ballroom for making this, making us look as good and sound as good as reasonably could be expected.

Thank you.

Thanks to Anna for keeping the crowd entertained during the interstitials.

Thanks to Lucinda for helping out with the merch all night long.

Thanks to Davios

for taking such great care of our Platinum Night guest last night.

And once more, an even huge thanks to Tim.

I wrote him in the notes twice, so I'm going to thank him twice because he's that fucking good.

And on that note,

and with one last reminder that the live audience still gets another ana-song that the podcast audience will sadly miss, should it come to the live show,

we'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

Paul Walker

got reincarnated into the crossover universe of Infinite two

and fast and the furious fucking 19.

It's called...

What's it called?

What's it called, he?

It's so stupid.

What's it called, he?

It's called Carmaged.

Marky Mark went on to burn in Catholic hell for promoting reincarnation.

I don't make the rules, Marky.

Jason Manzukis bought something really nice with the money he made from this movie.

Thank you, Boston.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

So,

as you know, if you've been to the live shows before, when we say that we're leaving during these interstitials, we don't go anywhere.

Now, to hear the interstitials, you will have to listen to the final show.

But while we're on the break, I did want to introduce you to two very important new members of the cast.

If you were at the Toronto show,

you may have had a chance to meet Puppet Heath.

Well, it turns out that Puppet Heath was joined this weekend by Puppet Lucinda and Puppet Noah, who you will see right over here in the audience.

Made by friends of the show, Dee and Kevin Wright, who have been with us since the very beginning.

I think I first

emailed with Dee on like episode three of Scathing Atheists.

So our first Canadian listeners, I do believe.

It was very depressing for me to realize how much white they had to put into the hair of puppet Noah

to make it look like Noah.

But I absolutely fucking adore them.

And thank you guys so much for making those.

Those are awesome.

I should also let you know while we're here that in the next interstitial break, you won't get an interstitial.

You won't get the sketch, but you will get an Anna song.

If

you're on your best behavior.

Starting with clapping really loud when we come back here.

Here we go.

You guys ready to come back?

All right.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2024.

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