Episode 256: 3 Reasons Why You Aren’t Sleeping Properly

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Gresham.

Welcome to another solo of Habits and Hustle.

We are very excited to be doing this podcast because we all love it.

We all know what it is.

It's about sleep.

Sleep, sleep, sleep.

Sleep is.

Can we take a nap right now?

Just to you could take a nap right after we speak.

Okay, great.

Sleep has become like the hottest hashtag on the internet, the World Wide Web, social media.

It's the number one thing they say for health, longevity, anti-aging, just everything.

That's what the new thing is.

That's the new

top health modality, the number one health tip is to sleep.

So, why is it, if that is the case, why are we sleeping worse than ever when we have a million apps, a million gadgets, a million of everything to improve our sleep?

Do you you know that our sleep is becoming progressively worse

year by year?

Of course.

Screen time.

What?

Screen time.

It's more than just screen time.

It's because we're putting so much focus and attention and thoughts about sleep that it's actually interfering with our sleep.

So I don't think that's the universal issue across the board.

No, 100%.

This is why we're doing this podcast right now.

But because in everybody in America is losing sleep because they're thinking about sleep.

No, what I'm saying is, listen, I'm saying, I'm not generalizing right now.

What I'm saying is we are spending over, well, billions of dollars a year on ways to improve our overall sleep, right?

With apps and technology, of course, and gadgets and all sorts of things.

And the more we do that, it's becoming actually the more we do that, the worse our, not just our sleep is, the type of sleep we're doing.

So instead of sleeping like a deep, restful sleep, we may be sleeping, but poorly, we're not falling asleep.

but it's fast is that causation or just correlation like i don't think that that's

my point okay

no wait till you get to the point

so excited so excited so long-winded but no the point is do you but one of the things is that the less you think about sleep the better your sleep will become so i said to my daughter the other day you can't fall asleep i said you should count sheep and so what happened she counted counted the sheep, came back to my room, and she's like, Mom, I counted the sheep, and I'm still awake.

So, that made me down, that made me go down this whole rabbit hole, which then basically was another proof that the more attention that you put on the idea of you not sleeping, the less you're actually going to sleep.

And there's been research to back the fact that counting sheep is actually a really bad thing to do if you want to fall asleep.

So, number one sleep tip is: A, don't count sheep, and don't focus and think about you sleeping if you want to sleep better.

That's part one.

Part two is that they did a big study, and they found that people whose diet was unprocessed, vegetables, fruit, versus the same people eating a very processed diet of high sugar, high fat, they actually slept the same amount, but the quality of their sleep was exceptionally worse.

So, diet does have a huge correlation to how you sleep,

the type of sleep you have.

And the more focus you put on your sleep, the worse you end up sleeping.

That's my point.

Yes, I agree.

Well, I'm glad you're my foil.

No, I agree.

I agree, but I just don't think, I think that the cause for why we are all sleeping worse has nothing to do with the sleep industry getting bigger.

Oh, no, no, no.

I didn't say that.

Well, I said the cause is...

Right now, there's a lot of causes, right?

There's lots of different reasons why we're not sleeping well, but I do believe that the sleep industry is actually creating more havoc

for our lack of sleeping well versus how it was done 20 years ago.

Like all of these gadgets have been actually making our sleep worse, not better.

And we all know how to sleep.

Do we have stats on that though?

Yeah, a lot of stats.

I'm telling you, there's a lot of research backing it.

But on the new gadgets that have only come out in the last few years, like how hard are they?

How many years?

Like more, five to five to ten years.

The other interesting thing is.

Because I just think that I just, I just don't know how they can make that kind of

causation when there's so many other factors that are affecting our sleep.

It's like somebody who has some, so for example, like if I download a sleep app, right?

Like, and then my sleep is bad, but I...

I'm also still consuming like 10 hours of screen time every single day.

I might not be eating as great.

I might not be doing this.

You know what I mean?

Like there's so many other facts.

Maybe there's loud noise in my neighborhood.

Like there's so many things that contribute to it.

I'm saying apples to apples.

I'm saying if your lifestyle hasn't really shifted and you're incorporating,

or you're incorporating one of those sleep trackers, but yet your lifestyle is not changing.

The two things that I found to be very interesting was how diet does really affect your sleep in terms of the quality of sleep and the type of sleep.

Like I said, people who are eating processed food, high fat, high sugar, they may sleep the same amount of time technically, let's say, as people who are eating a very whole food diet that is like fruits and veggies and protein and all that.

just the quality is very very different but what i think what i i know for myself by the way i did it i did a little bit of an expert an experiment that i did by it wasn't meant to be an experiment but a few nights ago i had it like the worst night's sleep i went to bed let's say 12 30 at night and i woke up at three and then i couldn't fall back asleep and i hate those nights you know when you're like trying to fall asleep i'm i'm turning the pillow over and the second you start turning that pillow over it's like it's the game is over because you get hot on one side and the second I do that, I'm like, oh shit, I'm up all night.

Cause then now I'm getting myself like anxious.

So that's the first thing.

They say the best thing to do when that happens instead of counting sheep is to take a walk, leave the environment, walk around your house, go to a different room, do something different, and then come back to bed versus just sitting in bed and trying to fall asleep still.

When you say counting sheep, can you define that for me?

Like, you never did this?

No, I mean, I grew up with the commercials, so I understand that it's the sea of counting sheep.

I don't know how much sheep, you you know, 99 sheep, 98, like count backwards, like counting sheep.

But no, that would drive me crazy.

But they're saying it gets it.

The idea is it becomes so boring and mundane that you'll fall asleep.

But it just doesn't, that's not necessarily true.

But what I was going to tell you is, I had this, I had a very terrible night's sleep.

So when I woke up and I knew I had a really bad night's sleep, I said to myself, okay, because what happens normally if you have a bad night's sleep, you end up eating way more sugar, high-fat foods, like bad carbs, caffeine.

And even though I knew, and I knew this happened to me, I try to make a conscientious decision to say, you know what, Jennifer, you know, you had a bad night's sleep.

Don't fall into that trap.

Don't eat the shitty food.

Don't, you know, go for those French fries.

Like, don't do those traps that happen when you have a bad night's sleep because now you're thinking about it.

Don't do it.

Right.

And as the day kept on going, it's so true.

Like, even out, even though though I was conscious and doing that this could happen to me, it will happen because of my terrible night's sleep and me knowing that it was, it was going to happen, I did it.

Even

when I ate bad things.

Yeah, like I, my whole day was shot.

Like I ate, I ate terribly.

I ate way more than I would normally eat.

I was like a machine.

I was like a like a garbureator.

I just stuffed and shoved food in me all day.

You're like trying to stay awake by eating, right?

Well, no, it's like you, no, it's like also you're craving salt and sugar so much more.

So even though I knew this was like what happened and I talked, tried to talk myself off the ledge, like, don't let this happen to you because you knew it's going to happen.

Don't do it.

I did it.

even more.

And maybe that is because I was so much more, there's something to be said about being conscious about it and doing it more.

Oh my God.

Wait, that's the craziest thought.

Like you're so exhausted that your brain actually doesn't have the strength for willpower the same way that it would if it was super rested, right?

Like that's actually really interesting.

That's actually so fascinating that when you're super exhausted, you make, you make, you make really bad choices because you are literally so tired that your brain is not at its full strength to be able to be like, no, I don't want that.

No, I don't want that.

It just kind of gives in.

It becomes a lazier, more passive existence of like you give into the craving.

Willpower is a muscle like anything else.

You can't rely on willpower.

You can't rely on motivation.

You could say discipline.

Even your discipline has become weaker.

But it's like you're tired.

Like you don't have to be able to get it.

You're just so exhausted.

So your discipline, your willpower, everything

is working

on fumes because your brain is not firing completely the way it would normally fire.

But also,

because when you don't sleep, and I don't know the proper terminology for this, your body is, there's something it's like you're craving these other things

to

I don't know offset it because like your melatonin hormone is so low that you want other things to

nothing to do with that why don't we why don't you google what it is what am I googling exactly google why do we crave high like processed food high fat high sugar foods when we're so tired you know what's also really interesting is that women need more sleep than men and it's not discussed enough like at all to function women need at on average like one to three more hours i never heard that oh yeah guys can go on like seven eight hours women need like eight to ten what okay first of all that is absolutely

scientifically true go google it when have i ever i've i haven't gotten eight to ten hours of sleep since i was four years old i absolutely got that much sleep okay you don't have two kids and right Let me tell you something.

Yeah, but just because you can survive off of that doesn't mean that your body would not thrive so much better on more sleep.

Okay, but even when I didn't, I was going going to say, even when I didn't have kids, I think eight hours, seven to eight hours, I believe is sufficient.

So you're one people.

You're one female.

This is across the board.

Speaking from a hormonal perspective, women need more hours of sleep.

I beg to differ.

Google it.

Okay, Google it.

That's like, Google it.

Do women, okay, do women.

Do women need more sleep than men?

What does it say?

Women are multitaskers.

They do all at once.

They do use their brains more than men.

It says that sleep research center.

Women do use their brains more than men.

So that, yes, they do require more sleep.

Again, with Google, if I'm not going to be able to do that, I know it's also a hormonal thing.

Jen, I have so many hormonal issues that I have gone down the rabbit hole of hormones and women so much.

Trust me, they absolutely need more sleep than men.

It's like a scientific thing.

We just do.

We function differently.

Our hormones require more recovery time.

Okay, I buy it.

I buy it.

I'm going to get you right.

And I think that actually a bigger problem is like what you're talking about, like being a mom.

I think that's why it can be so draining draining on women: they do so much more of the workload.

They end up getting less sleep than their partners and their male partners,

which is even crazier because they actually require more to rejuvenate.

So it's like the opposite should be happening.

Oh my God.

Let me just make sure you understand.

I don't disagree that women are in a position where they are their hormones and what's required of us and all this other thing.

For sure,

it would make sense that we need more sleep.

I was just saying, I haven't had more than seven or eight hours of sleep ever.

And so, that's if I can get seven hours of sleep, I feel exceptionally well rested.

I wouldn't even know how to sleep more than that.

I think I'm actually okay on seven, seven to eight hours of sleep, actually.

But even like back in college and stuff, where you were always like a, that's crazy.

I could sleep like 12 hours if I wanted to.

I love to sleep.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like

I was born or built, but I will say that is obviously important for

so many, for focus for being alert for energy for aging for longevity for for health overall health sleep is 100 now become known to be the number one health tip that you can do to make your life better in every way possible and so if if you were wanting to have more sleep number one The best thing I think you can do besides buying all these trackers and downloading every app

and doing all these other things that the multi-billion dollar industry tells you to do.

The best thing to do is create a schedule where

it becomes a non-negotiable where you just don't allow yourself to go to bed a certain time later than you're supposed to.

Like, you know, how my non-negotiable is exercising every day in the morning.

Maybe another non-negotiable is going, getting, putting yourself in a bed between the hours of like 9 and 10.

And that should not have much waiver.

You know, like maybe don't go for that dinner maybe not go don't go to that event like whatever it is make that a non-negotiable i don't know that's so hard to do i mean yeah it's so hard to do if sleep should be this real non-negotiable like other things can be like exercise is my non-negotiable how to create not a schedule but curate and design your day where you allow yourself for that allotment.

So like for me, I have two kids.

It's not that easy, right?

Like I have to make sure my kids are in bed before I, of course, I go to bed, make sure that everything's done.

Like, you know what I mean?

That's much more difficult for parents.

So what is the way around that?

Like, I think you have to create a nighttime routine.

Well, you, well, I was going to say, like, but even creating a nighttime routine has parameters when you are a parent or you have responsibilities.

It's not so easy to create a nighttime routine when you have two kids and one kid doesn't want to go to bed and like other, they come into you, they crawl into your bed or they do all these other things that then disrupt your sleep and then you're not able to do all these other things.

So but the solution to that is just not having kids.

Like there's no way around that.

You know what I mean?

It's like that's just like welcome to the contraception commercial of our second.

Like I don't know how.

Listen, after spending two weeks with my sister and her kids, I'm just like, I don't know how.

I don't know.

I don't even know how.

So the answer is, if you don't have kids, don't.

That's

a great, great sleep tip.

If you want to sleep more, don't have kids.

Sleep tip number two, don't count sheep.

Get out of your bed and actually do something different change your environment and number three watch the diet that you eat because diet it plays a significant role so i was gonna maybe tie that into that like the food thing i think a couple things if you want to sleep better the best with all in all honesty if you do have kids i'm you know and if you don't have kids you can still have kids i was kidding

kind of not really um i was gonna say doing other activities and other things during the day that will allow you the best chance of having a good night's sleep.

By the way, that is exercise.

Working out is a huge working out is a huge factor.

Huge.

I sleep way better on days that I've gone in a good way.

100%.

Oh my God.

Diet, huge.

Another big one is the sauna.

So

I use my sauna.

I think, I don't know if I showed it to you.

I have the portable sauna, which I think is my Therasage.

It's amazing.

It's like 100 saunas now.

No, I'm telling you, but that one is like this.

I have this new sauna.

It's a portable sauna that is full infrared, red light.

It's super actual.

Wait, it's infrared?

I thought it was a steam thing.

No, it's infrared.

No.

Right.

Yes.

Like, I have it in my office and I, it really helps me before I go to sleep.

It basically like relaxes my body and my mind.

And I love it.

So that's a really great modality to me to help me fall asleep.

That's how I feel about baths.

I really

like something that I, if I've had a really stressful day and I know I'm not gonna get sleep when I just get into bed, like I'll take a bath and then I'll put lavender Epsom salt in it, which is really great.

And I'll always light a bunch of candles because I love sending candles.

And I'll also put lavender oil on my pillows.

Like that's a huge game changer for me.

Yeah, I love that.

That's what I do.

Super, super calming.

So I have the lavender

essential oil.

Yeah.

It's really good.

If you get a spray too as well, like, yeah.

That's a great tip.

So they obviously say, like, you know, I don't want to bore you with the same things that people say.

Like, you know, to sleep better, like, make sure you're sleeping in a dark room.

Make sure that the temperature as a cold.

Make sure that's all fine and dandy.

But another thing is make sure you actually like create your life before you get into bed that allows you to actually sleep well with quality versus, you know, not.

That's the point.

I think that what you said about the sleep quality being different, like you might sleep the same amount of time, but it might not be as meaningful of sleep.

That to me hits me really hard because I do use a tracker.

I mean, I haven't used it in forever, but I use the Fitbit and it was quite a wake-up call, like how often I'm awake.

See, but that's how often I roll around and how often I, and it did make me, but it does change.

Like I can notice a difference in my sleep when I've eaten right and when I've worked out that day.

Like to me, exercise is a really big game changer for me.

It's the number one game changer.

I find it hard to sleep if I haven't worked out.

Yeah.

I mean, I think that's why I'm so passionate about exercise because

it literally helps with so many things.

Everything.

Like literally everything.

With your physical health, with your mental health, with your sleep, with your confidence.

There's like nothing that exercise cannot cure yeah i kid you not like and i'm not just saying that because i'm not getting paid by the exercise association i am serious the world exercise yes the world exercise association is not paying me i'm not a spokesperson for them but i should be if there was such a thing

because it's free it's free you don't have to go to a gym to exercise you can you can exercise in anywhere like anytime anywhere there's no excuse and it literally is a cure-all for so many things including sleep, including mental health, including self-esteem, including, including, including.

That is literally the, that is why I'm so passionate about it.

And like I said, you've got to create a situation and a platform for you to win in life.

And if you want to win in life, you've got to like stack the deck for you.

And exercise is the number one thing you should start with.

You know, that is basically, you know,

end, period.

That is it.

And it will help your sleep.

I guarantee it.

Wait, let me just quickly read these results from Google.

So we're still on this.

Yeah, wrap the food thing.

No, this is the food thing that you asked me to look up.

It says it comes down to a balance between the hormones leptin, which suppress appetite, and ghrelin, which are ghrelin, which increase, increases hunger.

So, like, you're those hormones get completely off balance.

So, when you're tired, you crave it a lot more.

Yes, you know what?

Actually, I do know that one.

I just, for whatever reason, I just didn't remember it at that moment.

It's fine.

in.

That's the one.

You're tall, so I see you as very smart.

Regardless.

That's a callback to another podcast about

tall and intelligence.

You should listen to that one.

All right, guys.

So good night.

I hope you sleep well tonight.

And don't forget to exercise, eat well, keep your room dark, and keep the temperature low.

And what was it?

Don't have kids.

Don't, yes.

Yeah.

Don't have kids.

Number one top tip.

Not reality.

Number one top tip.

And don't count sheep.

All right, guys.

Have a great day and great evening.