Episode 257: Elon Gold: The Truth About Achieving Greatness in the Showbiz

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, crush it.

So I have Elon Gold on my podcast.

So excuse me.

No, no, I'm serious.

I mean, to go from Chevy Chase to Elon Gold, this must be just the thrill of a lifetime for you.

First of all, legend in comedy to, didn't we go to camp together?

That's my level of fame.

It's, we went to camp, right?

No, I was on Curb Your Enthusiasm and many other shows.

You should know me, but nobody does.

Nobody knows me.

Nobody does, and they should, because you are the most hilarious.

If anyone check, you want to check out Elon Gold's comedy, his clips, they are.

Follow me on Instagram at Elon Gold, E-L-O-N,

like the other guy.

He's Elon Musk.

I'm Elon Musk do corporate gigs to pay mortgage.

But anyway, yeah, follow me.

I have good, good clips and good things on the YouTubes and the specials and the Amazon.

You should be like Sebastian.

That's so nice.

And I love Sebastian.

And I started with Sebastian.

And the interesting thing about Sebastian is that, wait, put a pin in that because I want to just address something to the fans at home.

Jennifer, as I come here and she's so lovely, and we met once before, right?

Once.

Jennifer, as I sit here, I sit down.

She goes, you know, you blew me off.

And I went, I'm here.

We met once.

How is the blow-off between the first meeting and the showing up?

Where's the blowing?

I want to know.

Where's the blowing?

And I've been married 29 years, so that's a big big question of my life.

Where is the blowing?

Where's the blow?

I got to know how

you blew me off.

I went, no, no, no, no, because you were like, oh, you're this, you're that, whatever.

And I remember when I first met you, I came up to you, and I was so elated to see you.

So nice.

I was so excited.

And you were kind of more like, yeah, yeah, thank you.

Like, we're very pleasant.

I'm a pleasure.

You were very pleasant.

But

I was actually pleasantly surprised how nice you are that you came over.

You were such a nice guy, you know.

You were very pleasant.

Yeah, and then I, no offense, didn't know you, even though I know you're huge.

I'm not, she's huge, and she's doing so well.

She's doing probably better than anybody.

And you look at all these podcasters, and they're not doing well.

They're not doing well.

They're fakes, they're frauds, and they're total disasters.

But Jen is doing so fantastic.

And, you know, she reminds me when I think of Jen, I think about my wife, Bellanoma.

What is it?

Meladia.

Melania, Bellanoma.

Either one will kill me eventually i will tell you that but my wife melatonin what is it it's meladia meladia bellatonin they both put me to sleep i gotta be honest but

you know you're even more beautiful than my own wife and you're doing so well anyway um can we get back to so so here's the thing i didn't know you because i don't listen to podcasts did you just make it up on the spot i had a couple of those in the bag i uh you did you know you always either pull things from your act or you just improvise the blowing joke earlier was improvise i didn't know i I was going to say that.

You know, and some things you pull from here and there.

And some Johnny Carson famously said, you're going to use everything you've ever had, everything you got.

You just use it.

You use what you have.

And when you work on things for, listen, I've been doing this 30 years, you've got a bag of tricks and

you pull them out every now and then.

Here's my point.

So I didn't know you, but I immediately took to you because you're like, cool, you have this energy and this aura that's very cool.

Also, you're a fan of mine, which is rare for people.

So I was excited.

So you're like, do my podcast.

My initial thing is, no, I don't want to do podcasts because I don't, first of all, I don't listen to podcasts because I have four kids and four jobs.

I literally am a comedian, writer, actor, producer, just produced this roast of anti-Semitism.

But you were at, we'll get into that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We'll get into that.

We're still not, we're three subjects behind.

Yeah.

So I don't listen to podcasts.

I don't let, so I don't know you, but I'm like, There's something about Jen.

She's got it.

She's got it.

Jen's got it going on.

I'm showing up to this.

And you know know how many podcasts I turn down?

Even at my low level of nobody cares about me, I still turn down podcasts.

Because what's the, what's the, here's, here's the question with podcasts.

What does anyone have to gain from them unless you're learning something, which we might today?

Hopefully.

Unless you're really being entertained, which could also happen today.

100%.

But what do I get out of it?

Well, what do you get?

Exposure to an audience that doesn't otherwise know you.

Thank you.

I'm glad I'm here.

The interesting thing that you bring up about Sebastian, so nobody sees the years and years of struggle.

Sebastian, for years, we like started out together, four years struggling.

And I'll never forget about maybe just five years ago, like maybe a few months before he popped.

No, it was more like six, seven years ago, because it was like two years before.

And he said, I got nothing going on.

I got nothing.

He was like fetching to, I don't do a Sebastian, but that's kind of the way sounds.

And he goes, I don't know what to do, man.

And I was like, dude, dude, relax.

Everyone will know what we know, we being the comedians, we being the comedians like me who don't want to follow Sebastian.

Sebastian, as an unnamed no one, nobody, nobody, would go on stage at any club and destroy.

And then when you look at the lineup and you see you're after Sebastian, you go, oh, that's going to be tough.

He's a tough act to follow.

So when you're that good,

eventually

it'll catch on.

Bill once said to me,

he's my other favorite.

Yeah, Bill Burr, if you're funny and you stay funny and you keep being funny,

they'll figure it out.

So eventually, that's why you can't give up.

If you believe in yourself and you have some little level of talent or a gift and you're working hard at it, things tend to go your way.

If you have a goal, if you have something that you're aiming towards and you're working your tuchas off at it and there's some innate talent, it usually happens.

Now, it hasn't happened for me yet, but everyone else I know, almost everyone, Chappelle, everyone I started with is like a superstar now, except me.

Why is that, though?

You are, you don't, you do very well.

I do a lot of people.

You're a great working stand-up, right?

And your stuff,

your stuff is honestly laugh out loud, funny.

And when I send it to people, everybody says this.

They all laugh literally out loud, not just like, oh, it's okay, you know, move on.

And they're like, how come I never heard of this guy?

Well, that's my favorite compliment because my, my good friend Larry, not Larry David, who's another friend.

Whoops.

My good friend Larry, Larry the gynecologist, I do have a gynecologist.

I'm not kidding.

Not for me to go to, but because he's my friend.

And I introduce him at parties, whatever.

I go, this is Larry, my gynecologist, because he is a gynecologist.

And to me, he's like my gynecologist.

And I am a bit of a pussy.

But anyway, he,

so Larry.

Larry and I have been friends forever, but the crazy thing about Larry is he was a fan first, but we had a mutual friend and he was like a crazy fan.

And then we became very close.

And he said, I would always, every Saturday night, I would put your special on.

At the time, it was on Netflix, now it's on Amazon Prime.

And he goes, I put your special on.

And everyone would be dying laughing for an hour.

And it would end.

And they would turn to me and go, how have I never heard of this guy?

How is this guy not the biggest comedian?

How is he not doing arenas?

And to me, I go, that's such a beautiful compliment.

And maybe one day, and maybe one day, no.

But it's nice to hear that at least people don't look at the stuff and go, oh, yeah, he's no good.

Yeah, but for you being the comedian, doesn't it like that?

How does that feel to know that all these other people frustrating?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, seriously.

You know what it's like?

It's like everyone else is graduating college and moving on with these great jobs, and you're in summer school going, what's happened?

Hey, where did everybody go?

Yeah.

But also, I have all these little successes in between all the failures and the failed sitcoms and the failed pilots.

And the little successes keep you going and compliments keep you going.

Two weeks ago, Mel Brooks, does it get better and bigger than Mel Brooks?

I got to meet him backstage and he said, I said to him, I sat down and you always have to have an opening line when you meet a guy like that.

You don't want to just, you know, wing it.

So I go, oh, I know what I'll say to him.

I sat down, they introduced me and they go, Mel, this is

coming.

And I go, well, let me just say this.

I go, Mel, you and I have two things in common.

We're both comedy legends.

And he laughed and like gave me a little potch on the cheek, which was nice.

And I go, and we both did a few episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And he turns to me and he goes, you did a good job.

He goes, I remember watching.

I don't do a male either.

He goes, I remember watching thinking, they should give him a raise.

They should give him a raise.

He did a good job.

And I was just like, oh my God.

That kind of compliment.

takes you, it just lasts years.

So every day of life is rejection.

It's every day.

In show business, rejection, rejection, rejection, many times a day.

And a compliment like that takes you through.

Chappelle, who's an old friend, he was at the comedy cellar and he was on stage.

And I walk back and he sees me and he goes, Oh, hey, man, he goes, Elon Gold is here.

It's great comedian night here at the comedy cellar.

And I was just like, whoa, he just put me with him and said it's great comedian night because I'm here and he's here.

That compliment in a sea of rejection and bad, terrible, like just nose and everything that passes that you that frustrate you, that takes you through it.

And whenever a fan, a rare fan, comes over and says, and especially Jews like to do this, they always give it a little caveat.

They go, I don't want to swell up your head, you know, but it's always that, I don't want to give you a big ego, but you're my favorite comedian, or but you're hilarious.

And I always say to them, I go, I just want to tell you something that is so nice, and I really appreciate the compliment.

You don't need that opening part because nothing will give me a big ego and nothing will swell my head.

I live in a sea of pain and suffering and rejection.

I daily, daily, my life is just full of no and never and we don't like him.

So this actually helps get me through all of that and it doesn't do anything to my head.

If anything, it, you know, prevents me from going into a deep, dark depression.

I don't understand how this is even possible.

Why doesn't Dave Chappelle or these people help you?

Well, it's a whole thing first of all we as a community we're all sort of competing with each other but in a way we do help each other you're not competition for dave no no no no well we do go up for the same roles but

yeah i was gonna say i don't think so so why can't he include you on his tour because it is an every man for himself thing and it is like uh and sometimes look his closest friends we're friends we're not close close like his one of his best friends one of my best friends jeff ross the great yeah i think he's very funny he's amazing he's brilliant and he's the greatest guy and i just told him this i said because he did this roast of anti-Semitism, which we'll get to.

And I just told him, I said, you know, the thing about Jeff, he's not just like the funniest guy, but he's the kind of guy where in the worst times, and I'm talking about like death, what he did for our mutual friend Bob Sagett, what he did for our mutual friend Gilbert Gottfried, he is there for the family.

He's the, he was at, his best friend is Sarah Silverman.

He was on Sarah Silverman's father's deathbed with him in bed, making him laugh in his last few days.

Like, that's the kind of guy Jeff is.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the point is, Jeff and Dave are best friends, so they're on the road together all the time.

I'm not as close.

But we do things for each other.

During the pandemic, I had a stupid show called My Funny Quarantine, where I went on Instagram Live and I would interview comedians and everyone from Jeff Ross, Jeff Garland, to, I mean, huge people, Jay Leno, Judd Appetow, Bill Burr, Tiffany Haddish, Howie Mandel, all these people were like, oh, sure, I'll do it.

And that's how they help.

When you ask, when there's an ask, Howie Mandel closing the show at Sabantu Nights.

Hilarious.

Hilarious.

Got a standing ovation so well deserved.

I admire him so much.

He's amazing.

I told him my whole act used to be doing him and a few other guys.

All right, okay, what, what?

And I used to just do him with jokes that I would write in his voice.

And he said to me backstage, he goes, I go, I can't believe you're here.

This is so, he goes, when you ask me to do something, I'll be here.

And he goes, and it's for our people.

It's for a good reason to fight anti-Semitism and hatred.

And he goes, but just for the record, anything you ask me to do, I'll do.

And I was like, what a meant.

Who says that?

That's so nice.

I almost didn't do this.

I was going to say, I know.

I got lucky.

Yeah, you are blessed.

But then I get the, what'd you say at the beginning?

You let me down.

No, I didn't say you let me down.

I just blew me off.

That was the best.

I didn't mean that.

I met more likely.

By the way, did Chebbie Chase show up to this podcast with his son's tefillin bag?

No.

That he just got fixed

by a Chabad rabbi?

No, is that we're tefillin people?

Do you know what tefillin is?

Of course.

Is that why you brought it?

No, I was at a lunch with a guy and a thing and the rabbi showed me go, I have your job.

Great.

You are like a legit observant.

Are you an Orthodox Jew?

We call it modern Orthodox.

Okay, modern Orthodox.

And I even have a joke, you know, which only like sort of Orthodox or conservative or Reformed Jews would get.

And I say, like, I don't do this in my regular act because I have like two acts.

I have a secular act and then I have like a Jewish act.

You do?

That goes really deep that you wouldn't even get.

Really?

Yeah, like I'm talking like sukkah jokes that like, you know, you might not like, what's a sukkah?

You know what a sukkah?

Of course I do.

Okay, I didn't mean to insult you.

But anyway, I'm more of a conservative.

But you don't know what a skach is, which is the roof of a sukkah.

I do so.

Okay, fine.

Sorry.

I went to

I went to a private Jewish school my whole life.

I speak Hebrew.

Fine.

Good.

Good for you.

I'm not a Noah Tishbi yet, but I mean.

Who is?

Anyway, so, so, so, but I'm very.

And I I saw she had first row tickets and I didn't.

So just so you know,

not through me.

Okay, just so you know.

Another kvetch, by the way, when I just walk in, I sit down.

Again, I don't do podcasts usually, so I'm like, yeah, sure.

I get nothing but kvetching.

She goes, hey, those nosebleeds were really great.

I hook her up with tickets.

Now, let me just say this.

You know what my response to her was?

I said, you mean you were sitting in the row with my parents, wife, and my children?

Those nosebleeds.

Like, it's the Saban theater, and yes, I'm producing and hosting it, but I'm not working who's sitting where in the 1900 seat theater.

That's beyond my pay grade.

But anyway, I have a joke, and I say, I am modern orthodox, right?

And after all these years, I finally figured out what modern means in modern orthodox.

It means not so.

You know, it's the nicer way of saying, I'm not so orthodox.

Then I have the punchline is, it'd be great if there are other areas in life where we have the nicer way of saying things, like you go on a blind date.

What's she like?

Oh, she's very smart and she's funny.

What does she look like?

She's modern, pretty.

So anyway, that's me.

That's a great joke.

It's a good joke.

Well, you know, it's a good joke.

It's a good joke.

I'm doing Leno now.

Anyway, it's all right, all right, right, joke, tell joke, get checked.

You know, that's basically it.

But anyway, I

do,

but I do love keeping a lot of the tradition and heritage and customs and rituals of our people.

I think it's important to keep that alive.

I think without observant people, which I really consider myself just observant, because I keep Shabbat and I keep kosher, but I go to restaurants that aren't kosher, but I don't eat kosher not like meat you wouldn't have that coffee because it may have had a milk product because I just had a kosher steak for lunch I wouldn't follow it with before three hours waiting with with this if this had dairy in it turns out it's all not right so you are kosher like full-on very kosher full-on wouldn't go to a sushi restaurant have sushi that's not kosher or go to a pasta or pizza that i do i'm not the perfect chew that's why it's modern not so but i am observant and i love the traditions that's why i was coming here also pitching to you.

I was like, it's almost Shabbos here.

Do you, do you keep it?

The thing about Shabbos, it is the greatest gift that God ever gave us because it is, I call it connecting by disconnecting.

Everyone's phones are off.

So my kids, I have four kids.

They're all like teenagers or 20s.

This is them at any dinner table.

Hell, what's up, Dad?

You know, it's just like, oh, it's funny.

Or just whatever.

And then Shabbat, Friday night, sundown, everyone's phones, not only off, but just away, not in their pockets.

And we are just connecting by disconnecting.

We are connecting.

We are laughing.

We're telling stories.

It is a beautiful Friday night dinner.

I look forward to it every single week.

And sometimes we have guests.

We had a few big shots.

I'm not going to bring it up.

No, tell me who you had over.

Well, it's not important.

No, no, it's my.

I have some big people.

Tell me who.

Tell me who you have.

I can't think of you.

Jeff Ross.

Of course.

Always.

Jeff Garland.

A lot of big, big people.

Jeff is supposed to be on this podcast.

Well, he should do it.

He's supposed to.

Don't ask.

He'll do it.

But anyway, I always say my three top, I only care about three things.

That's life for me is three things: God, family, and comedy.

That's everything to me.

And someone asked the other day, why is God before your own family?

I'm like, because without God, I wouldn't have a family.

I wouldn't have me.

We wouldn't have the world.

We wouldn't have anything.

Like, I'm a real believer.

I have major faith in God.

I mean, there's this thing called the Revelation at Sinai, where 600,000 people witnessed God giving the Torah to Moses.

And people witnessed this, not just one or two or three, but like 600,000.

And when that goes down generation to generation, you tend to believe it and you go, okay, this was actually a real thing.

And if you really look at, you know, the Bible and everything, there is so much beauty and truth in it.

And I know there's so much issue, so many issues with organized religion and all that stuff.

And I hate that crap too.

But again, the rituals, the customs, like Shabbat, like all the stuff that can putting on Tefilla Every day, it's a meditative, I take 20 minutes every day and just meditate.

And some people do the whatever meditations and

I just say hi to God a little bit every morning, 20 minutes.

You wake up in the morning saying hi to God and you thank God that you woke up again because so many people don't wake up in the morning.

Yeah, it's so true.

Cut to tomorrow morning.

And it's crazy because he died the next day.

He was talking about how much he loves God and God and he dies.

This will be a podcast for the age of that.

You should actually hope I die just so this podcast will blow up.

That's 100% true.

It's already big.

You don't need me to die.

No, no, no.

God forbid.

Chas fashalum, as we say.

But anyway.

Is your wife?

By the way, hold on.

I'm married?

No.

Were you?

Were you?

I don't wear a ring, by the way.

You know what I say about my ring.

No.

Here's my theory on rings.

And I've been married 29 years last week, June 5th.

29 years.

29.

Okay.

But if I wear a ring, if I like advertise that I'm married, how am I ever going to find my soulmate?

Anyway,

I know she's out there somewhere.

That's a little joke.

29 years of high school sweethearts.

That's a whole other podcast.

We'll get into that in a minute.

Really?

So, did you grow up?

I'm happily married.

By the way, you know who isn't?

My wife.

Yeah.

I tell you, folks, it's rough in here, you know, and it's hot.

I tell you, it's hot as balls.

Oh, my God.

You are.

Oh, now I'm doing Robin, Mr.

Happy.

Yeah.

And I'm all over the place.

You're so quick.

I'm okay.

No, you're not.

You gave me me this juice that's juiced up now.

No, honestly,

you're taking this.

What is this?

You took the ketone IQ.

Ketone IQ.

Get your IQ higher than high.

Yeah.

What?

And you're drinking the...

And I'm drinking this.

Oh, this is going to be a real wild ride.

Oh, my God.

I mean, honestly, it's crazy.

What are we talking about, though?

God?

Yeah,

it's nice to like God.

By the way, if I'm wrong and there is no God, what do I have to lose?

I had a better life that was more spiritual and meaningful and connected what's what's the downside of believing a god that's a good point

so did you grow up modern orthodox was my question so great question so yeah i did but my parents never enforced it they never forced it in fact both my brothers went away from it younger brother was gay not saying was because he's not gay anymore Sadly, he's not alive anymore.

What happened?

He died of leukemia.

Yes.

Horrible thing a few years ago.

So still trying to process, get over that.

But he he was gay and a proud Jew, such a proud Jew, but grew up in the 80s when the gays were like not totally accepted by, especially Orthodox Judaism, by the community.

It was like sort of shunned.

And so he always had that conflict about like, hmm, I love being Jewish and I'm so proud of my identity, both my identities.

And, you know, it's interesting because I always used to talk to him about like being, he was more gay than Jewish.

His gay identity took was one step ahead of his Jewish identity, even though he wore like a Jewish star and all that.

And I said, I figured out why, because in your life, you faced more adversity and hatred about you being gay than you being Jewish.

This anti-Semitism that's been rearing its ugly head over the last few years, we got to talk about the roast, is

it was almost on pause for a bit.

We almost had a good run between, you know, the Holocaust and like the recent few years where it's sort of rearing its ugly head again.

So he didn't face a lot of Jew hatred, but he faced a lot of homophobia.

So he had to fight against that by being more proud of his gayness than his Jewishness.

And he agreed.

But anyway, he left religion, but again, stayed connected and would still come to family seders and Shabbat dinners and all that and loved it, but just wasn't for him and had that conflicting, you know.

How old was he when he died?

Oh my God, he was only

44.

So I'm going to ask you the obvious question.

Yeah.

So you believe in God like you do.

Yes.

So in your mind, how do you reconcile?

Oh, that's easy.

Okay.

There's one thing.

First of all, there's two things.

One is you could never figure out God and why bad things happen to good people.

One day we will all understand

why all these terrible stuff, hunger and wars and famine, all that stuff.

But there is a Talmudic thing that sort of explains it, but it's too long to get into.

That makes me realize, oh, yeah, that makes sense.

The The short end of that is it's about how, like, a beautiful loaf of bread is made, and it's first with like this wheat field, but then you have to chop down the wheat fields.

Like, why are they chopping down the wheat field?

And then you have to burn the and you have to burn the grains.

And why are you burning the grains?

Those are good with it, burning.

And then what comes out is this beautiful loaf, but you don't see the loaf when you see all the negativity.

So we don't know what the loaf is, whatever.

That's number one.

But number two is, you know, Ari was his name.

Ari, like, was a blessing, and even for 44 years, and it was a blessing that while he should have and could have lived till 100 whatever he really did fulfill his purpose on earth and he was a singer songwriter he was a pioneer and and um billy porter even said who was his boyfriend for two years billy porter said we're all standing on the shoulders of ari because ari was like the first to ever do love songs with a man another man that was never been done even elton didn't do those really so yeah so it was like he was the first recording artist that came out and he had a big gay following he never broke in mainstream and you don't know who he is but he had a following following in that world, in that community.

And

I mean, everyone from Boy George, Billy Porter, you know, RupPaul was a good friend of his.

And oh my God, he would introduce me to trans people before I knew what that was.

And it was like, he was such an eye-opener.

He just taught me so much about love and acceptance.

And

he fulfilled his purpose.

And he even one of his songs was called Leave the World Changed.

And that's what he did, meaning he left the world, he himself was changed.

And he changed the world by, you know, with his music and his work and his life.

So, anyway, so you don't go, God, why did you do this to me?

But then again, I can't speak for everyone.

There are so many tragic cases of people losing children, Godfrey, and all this stuff, where there are no answers.

I would never give that person an answer.

You know, your child was a, but no, there's nothing you could tell that inconsolable parent.

But we just don't know.

We don't know anything.

We don't know why we're here, little why we leave here.

Why are we here?

Why am I doing this podcast?

I mentioned it's almost Shabbos.

You're going to be here for a little bit.

So, God Family Comedy is everything.

Who's your other brother?

You said you had two.

Stephen is my older brother.

He's another brilliant musician, and he does composes and produces music for TV shows.

Won a Grammy for Cobear Christmas special that he did.

He works on SNL.

He did Chappelle's show.

Are you serious?

Yeah, he does everything.

And he can't help you?

No, it's not.

Again, let me tell you something about show business.

You know who my biggest fan ever was, even bigger than you?

No, even bigger than you.

My biggest fan ever.

Steven

Spielberg's mother.

And Steven Spielberg.

I always wait for the

serious.

And Steven Spielberg's mother, may she rest, was my biggest fan.

And we would hang out all the time and with Steve to a point where, like, they hired me when the dad had a hundredth birthday.

And literally, Steve Spielberg introduces me to his father, goes, dad, this is the funniest comedian on earth.

And he was just trying to like be nice to me and then show his dad that he knows funny people, whatever.

I think his dad knew.

But anyway, and I was just like, oh, that's so nice and everything.

And I'm just like thinking in my head, like, if I'm the funniest guy, why haven't I not even like, give me an under five role, give me something, throw me a bone, but show business doesn't work that way.

And I understand that.

And I have no ill feelings towards Steve or anyone that I've

Steven.

We call him Steve.

Shmuel.

Anyway, because here's how show business works.

It's a microcosm of how life works.

It's a give and take.

I will offer you something, but it has to be beneficial to both of us.

If I am perfect for a Steven Spielberg movie, he actually will consider me.

He'll bring me in for a read.

But I am probably not the best actor that Steven Spielberg knows.

I have a feeling.

So he, who is the best, has to work with the best and the most perfect for the part.

So that's what Steven Spielberg has.

Now, if I am the best for the part and I nail the reed and he's like, well, then he'll be happy to help me because I'm a friend of the family, his mom left.

But it has to be mutually beneficial.

It has to be.

There is no, I'll help you.

I got you.

I'll help you.

It's all, what can we do for each other?

What have you done for me lately?

What can I do for you?

What can you do for me?

It's just a give and take, but so is marriage.

So is friendship.

So is life.

We don't even realize it, but everyone is just in a constant, you know, you do for me, I do for you thing.

It's a constant, if you're in a relationship where the other person isn't giving anything of themselves and you're not benefiting from them, that relationship ends quickly.

That's 100% true.

However, so you're saying, okay,

even with the mom loving you, he loved you.

He could, but there are times in people's lives when something happens and something shifts.

Like Sebastian, you told us, like two months prior, he had nothing going on.

Right.

What happened?

Someone has to give him a break somewhere.

You're right.

Well, first of all, he gave himself a break by working so hard.

You too.

Yeah.

And running around the country.

And then he too.

Yeah.

And okay, and here's the thing.

Here's where I'm at, the difference where he was at.

He did one special, and I said, once people see this special, they're going to figure out what we all know.

They're going to see it.

They're going to get it.

The special comes out.

Nothing happens.

And even I was in shock.

Which one was it?

It was his first one.

I think it was on Comedy Central.

Did it stay hungry?

No, it wasn't.

No, it was before that.

Okay.

And only now are people watching it and going, oh my God, this is an amazing special.

But nobody really watched it.

And I'm sure that made him even more miserable.

Then he comes out with another special.

And meanwhile, he's on tour and still making more and more fans by the by the comedy club before it became theaters.

By the second special, things were starting to tip.

Then Seinfeld sees him.

And like you said, Seinfeld goes, I love this guy.

I'm going to put him in comedian in cars, which was a big bump.

Like, who's this?

Jerry likes him.

It's like being called to the couch, Johnny Carson's couch.

Like, this is a big deal.

And then by the time he had his third special, it was like.

Boom.

And everything.

It was a confluence of events that just and you just said Jerry Seinfeld liked him and he was powerful enough to make a change.

Absolutely.

So Steven Spielberg has that power too.

So I'm one and a half specials in now and it really does take Burr also, not till his third.

John Mulaney had a special or two before anyone knew him.

And now he's like the biggest and most respected guy.

So it does take a few.

John Mulaney, you know, oh, yeah, I know, no, I know.

I'm just, I don't think he's in my top.

You know who's exploding right now or exploded?

Theo Vaughan.

Theo Vaughan, who I'd known for years, and he's such a warm, funny, and he's just naturally hilarious.

Yeah, he's not.

I could listen to him just riff.

But anyway, but then you look at breaks.

So, okay, who gave me the recent break?

The great LD, the king, the guy.

Gary David, he put you in the.

Yeah, he put you in.

And that's a whole literally our podcast that we're not going to get into

how I got on that show.

What do you mean?

I want to know.

No, I know, but it's too long and boring of a story.

But again, the short version of the story is for...

I don't know, 15 years, I just wanted to be a part of that show.

It's the greatest comedy in the history of television.

There is no one smarter, brighter, funnier.

He's a comedic genius to the highest levels.

And I just want to be some small part of it.

So I woke up on my birthday one day.

How long ago?

Like six years ago.

When's your birthday?

September 14th.

Don't start giving me this sign crap that I'm a.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not going to say anything.

I'm a Virgo, but what is it?

No, I'm a Virgo, too.

September 16th.

This is why we're meant to be together.

I'm telling you, this is why we're here.

I'm here for an hour and then it's over.

So I wake up on my birthday.

Now, mind you, not only do I admire this show for years, and not only, you know, and I met Larry before and blah, blah, blah.

It's too long to get into.

And my son, who became like obsessed with Curb when he was like 15, 16, and just said to me, Daddy, Daddy.

I have a bit about that, by the way.

He's 22 now and he's taller than me, taller than me, he's 6'4.

He still calls me Daddy, which is adorable.

But usually when you hear daddies from like a little, like you have, you know, looking up in my house, it's like, daddy.

Yo, daddy.

And I'm like, what?

Daddy, can we get ice cream?

Anyway, so he said to me, Daddy, Daddy, you should be on that show.

I was like, oh, that's so nice, Brandon.

But

maybe one day.

And in my head, I went, that's never going to happen.

And then in my head, I said, but it could happen.

And if you will it, you know, you never know.

So again, one day, I just, the short version is I wake up on my birthday and I turn to my wife, Sasha, and I said, I was getting all these emails and texts and very nice.

It's nice, but I'm like, oh my God, this is so much work on my birthday.

I just want to relax.

And I'm like working, returning calls and emails.

and thanking everyone for saying happy birthday.

You know, I got more work than on an average day.

And I'm like, what kind of birthday is this?

And I realized that's Larry's observation.

He put that in a movie.

I hate birthdays.

It's like work.

I got to work.

And I went, I love that guy.

And I went, Sasha,

I'm going to go say hi to Larry David.

She goes, what?

I go, for my birthday.

My birthday gift to me is 10 minutes with LD.

Were you friends with him?

No, no, not at all.

And she goes, How do you know where he is?

And I go, well, I know where his office is because the two idiots, Jerry and Larry, when they did their comedians and cars, Jerry picks up Larry in front of his office that is such a recognizable building on Bundy with a big three.

They moved out, so I can say it now, with a big three in front of it, a big number three.

And I go, I know that office.

It's like eight minutes from my house.

So I go, I'm just going to go there.

Well, how do you know he's there?

I don't know.

I'm just going to go.

Sasha goes, okay, you're going to get arrested.

Have fun trespassing Larry David's office.

See you in about, what, six, seven years, eight years?

So I go, I don't care.

I'm saying hi to Larry David this is my birthday gift and I gotta say hi and I just whole long literally it's

hours of it but thank God when I finally got there and I was telling everyone from the guards to everyone like I have a meeting with Larry and they were like okay it's right this way and literally everyone's like what are you here for you have a meeting with Larry yes I would just go yes you know like security oh where's Larry David's office you have a meeting with him yes it's right there in the front it's on marked or in it and then finally barge in and luckily as i'm ready for the cuff you know, Jeff Schaefer, who's a showrunner, the brilliant Jeff Schaefer, goes, Elon, what are you doing here?

Because I had known him from Seinfeld because I worked on a terrible sitcom on the same lot.

And I used to just go from my terrible writer's room to the brilliant geniuses at Seinfeld and just hang out and do impressions for them and make them laugh.

And Jerry and everyone loved me.

So Jeff knew me from there.

And I would just,

you know, whatever.

I would always try to be funny.

And then Jeff goes, What are you doing here?

And I go, funny story.

I woke up my birthday the day.

He goes, Come on back.

Cut to, I'm riffing with Larry and having the best time.

And he was like, he was like, he loved the fact that I had this and I'm crazy enough to do, like, it's a crazy person, but it's also tenacity and all that.

Look who you're talking to.

Yeah.

And I just, yeah.

And I just said to him, I go, you got, I go, I'm such a fan of yours that I just want some sort of mutual admiration society.

So I want you to watch my special.

He goes, I'm not watching your special.

I'm going to figure out you were here 10 minutes from now.

And he was just busting my balls.

Just playing with me the whole time.

Cut to a year later.

I went back on my birthday.

They were in New York.

Waited another year, year three.

And again, a whole other long story, but hit it off so well.

And finally, in that meeting, I said to him, I don't know how much longer you're doing the show, but I need to be a part of this.

And I said that to Jerry when he was doing his last episode.

There were no speaking roles, so they just threw me in as an extra in the diner in the final episode.

So I was in that.

But just to be a part of it, I go, I'll be a waiter.

I'll just want to be on set.

It's like rarefied air to be on a set like that.

It just comes once in a generation.

Like, it's just, I just want to be a part of it.

And he goes, oh, well,

I know what you could do and I know what you can't do.

And I go, what can't I do?

He goes, there's things you can't do.

And I was like, whatever.

And I leave and I find out he's talking about me.

He's literally trying to find something for me.

And like another year goes by.

Cut to, he throws me a bone.

So you ask, do people help?

He actually.

The cast director goes over to him and says, we have this big actor that wants to do this role.

It's one scene.

And he goes, I want Elon to do it.

I was like, what?

Yeah, Elon.

Go, He's really funny.

I want, I like him.

Get him.

So I do it and kill it.

And it's two hours back and forth improvising.

And improvising with Larry David is like tennis with McEnroe.

You hit the ball to him, he hits it back much harder, and then you hit it back harder.

Then it ups your game and you're just playing the best tennis of your life.

And it was just like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm on curb.

And then I get the call.

This is what a men she is from Larry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm like, what?

No, no, I'm sorry.

No, it was cut.

I'm like, I'm in physical pain.

And he starts laughing.

It was cut for time because when you have an episode that runs long, you know, any scene that doesn't move the story forward, it's gone.

And he goes, we were both so funny in it.

And it bothers me that it's cut, but there's nothing we can do.

He goes, but I'll find you something in next season.

And I go, how likely is another season?

He goes,

likely.

And he does another season, hires me for two episodes.

My manager goes, you know how you were cut from one?

You're in two this season.

Killed it, brought brought me back for a third, and it was the best time of my life.

It's my favorite thing to date that I've ever done.

I'm so proud of it, but that's years in the making and years of just willing it and working it and going back and showing up and not waiting.

Can I get an audition for Curb?

They don't want to see you.

Again, rejection.

They don't want to say they're not interested.

Come on, just get me in the room.

No.

All right, I'll get myself in the room.

You got to do that sometimes.

You have to do it all the time.

Yeah, all the time.

So you basically, you were bold enough to go there in his office, meet him personally, and that's how you ended up on the show.

But again, going back to what I said before.

Someone does give you a bone once in a while.

But also, I have to do something for him.

So what am I going to do for him?

Deliver.

Be funny on the show.

Be good.

Because if he didn't recognize that, oh, this is a guy that I could riff with on the show, he doesn't care.

It's my birthday.

He's put random people on the show.

Jeff said, oh, Elon's a really funny comedian.

He's been on this and that.

He's so talented.

And Larry's like, and then when he saw it for himself, he went, I could see what you could do on the show.

I get it.

I see it.

So that was my audition.

But I couldn't get the audition.

So I had to go in and audition by being funny, just on the couch with him.

But if I didn't have something to offer him, if I didn't have that rapport with him,

he never would have.

But it was, again, a two-way thing.

We both mutually beneficial.

I kicked ass on his show and he did, you know, did me a bit of a solid.

How has that changed your trajectory in the comedy world?

Not in any way, sadly.

It hasn't really moved the dial.

Larry asked me that.

I go, not yet, but you know what?

It's given some nice recognition to like, you know, casting people and network executives.

Like, oh, he's really good.

Like, I got so much positive feedback from being on that show.

And it was just like, he's like, weren't you the Hulu?

Were you the Hulu exec?

He was the Hulu exec.

I called it Julu.

Welcome to Julu.

Yes, I remember that.

Yes.

And so, wait, so it hasn't moved the needle at all.

But the other thing is, because he's a fan of yours and he saw what you can do, can't he tell other people?

And he does, and who knows what happens, and who knows what it would lead to and when.

The fact is, it's its own great moment in my career and life that even if it doesn't lead to things, you know, and you make new opportunities for yourself, whatever, it's its own thing.

I can't believe I had a recurring role on Curb Your Enthusiasm to this minute.

So, it's its own thing, whether it leads to things and people see it and go, He was good in that, he's funny.

I don't know.

We'll see.

So, how do you make your

money now?

Like, what's your main income

generator?

Male prostitution.

I offer handies.

I do really well with my

lefty.

Okay, I'll keep that in mind when someone asks.

No,

if someone comes to me and is looking for someone like you, I can always recommend.

I do stand-up and I do projects and I sell scripts and I, you know, I'm always working and developing shows.

How often are you standing up, like doing stand-ups?

I mean, like, almost nightly.

You saw me Wednesday night at the Sabant Theater sold out.

Not important, 1,900 people.

Anyway, and those gigs pay, you know, and I do.

Did you get paid for that?

I get paid.

I don't leave the house without getting paid.

Although, this was a mistake.

Yeah, I do gigs and fundraisers and corporates and Jewish gigs.

And, you know, I do.

What's the price range?

Like, how much are you making when you leave the house?

Like, what's the price range for someone at your level?

You're so Jewish.

No.

This is like what people say to me when they say, we saw you on curb.

You were fabulous.

What do you make for a show like that?

I'm like, no non-Jewish fans come over and ask that second part.

They just go, you were good on on the show.

What do you get for a show?

I mean, it's a recurring role, but it's not a series regular.

Now that my agent negotiating what I should have made,

it varies, but it's good enough that I have a nice house, thank God, and four kids to support.

But it's a struggle.

Life's a struggle.

You know, I'm not a multi-millionaire, but I'm doing okay.

I'm paying the bills.

But you're constantly, consistently working.

Constantly.

I'm working right now.

This is work.

You think this is fun?

Yeah, I was going to say.

I could be napping right now.

Because you're on all.

Are you on all the time?

I ask my kids.

So my kids get this question.

Is your dad funny?

No,

no.

But again, if I'm scared of it.

Because you're funny now.

I'm okay.

No, you're pretty funny.

I'm all right.

But I'm also trying to speak truth here and maybe give a lesson of life or two.

You are.

Listen, I'm thoroughly enjoying this.

By the way, so much better so far than Chevy, right?

Oh, you are the best.

You're one of my favorites.

I told you.

I was looking forward.

I couldn't sleep last night.

Wow.

You were that excited.

Yes.

Wow.

I was thinking about you last night, too, but in a different way.

Anyway, I was just scrolling through your Instagram going, oh, I get to see her tomorrow.

It's exciting, though.

You are so funny.

Thank you.

I try.

So, wait a second.

My wife doesn't think so anymore.

Well, wait a second.

I was going to ask you a couple of these questions.

So, okay, was she brought up to be Orthodox?

No, not at all.

Like, conservative.

And she, like, you know, maul every Saturday.

She's like a Scarsdale girl.

I did well.

Beautiful, smart, funny, and like, came from a wealthy family.

Oh, that's why you're okay then.

No, because they pretty much lost everything.

So thank God I didn't marry for money.

Oh, God.

Because, and let that be another lesson, kids.

Don't marry for money.

Money comes and goes.

Do not marry for money.

I married because I fell madly in love with her the night I met her when I was 15 years old on the eve of my 16th birthday.

And I turned to my friend Leon Lowenstein after spending spending three hours with her.

And I said, I'm marrying that girl.

And she was like, no, you're not.

Really?

And you actually ended up marrying her.

Yeah, and then six months of best friends and courtship.

And she's like, you know, you're ugly and stupid.

And then,

which I am.

And then finally, you just keep working it.

And then one day she just woke up and went, yeah, I like you and you're kind of cute.

And let's go out.

Did she work too?

Is she a comedian?

No, no, no.

She raised the four kids.

Yeah.

Oh, and I would not marry a comedian.

Oh, no.

I was going to say, are you, are you, do you you have depression?

Because I find like a lot of zero depression.

I get down.

And I, you know, when showbiz and rejection and life gets you down, I get down.

Yeah.

But I always get through it.

And my kids make me so happy.

And I'm a happy person.

Yeah.

Genuinely and generally, I'm happy.

I'm not one of those tormented souls.

I don't do comedy.

And a lot of my heroes are like that.

Billy Crystal, Martin Short, Eddie Murphy.

These are like Howie Mandel.

These are not people who are just depressed.

You know, and then I have a few heroes that were like Richard Lewis comes out of depression.

Gary Goleman is one of the guys now who's like, you know, talks about depression in his specials and everything.

But that's not me.

So, by the way, so does Howie Mandel.

Yeah, yeah.

And he has, yeah, definitely issues.

Yeah, Howie was a bad, yeah, but he's very depressed.

He's got a lot of anxiety.

He is one of those that has that.

And he has to do that.

And OCD and healthy.

And OCD, but he has to distract himself constantly.

Mencius, sweetest guy.

But also,

also, just generally happy and

just wants to make other people happy.

But I have no, I was making my dad crack up last night.

He's in town.

They're both in town, my parents, and they're staying at our house.

And I was doing like these funny voices for him and making him crack up.

And I literally had the thought, it's so nice to see my dad laugh, but I'm not one of those comedians that grew up going, I just wanted to make my parents laugh.

And once they laughed, I said, this is what I have to do.

I always made them laugh and they always laughed at other things and other people and they weren't depressed and I wasn't depressed.

And it was a happy childhood you seemed like you had a really nice life such a nice life yeah and i gotta say it's weirdly being passed on because my kids are so thank god happy and mentally healthy it's crazy how much people point out your kids are unbelievable and the perfect example is last week at my daughter emily's graduation from eighth grade We were in this school.

What school?

Maimonides.

It's a private Jewish school called Maimonides, or as I like to call it, My Money Dies, because it's expensive.

Anyway, these private schools are crazy.

So we spent 20 years there, and every parent gets like a, it's like a tank top that has the number of years their kids were there.

So my first son, who's 23 now, was there at three, and then another daughter, and then another son, and then Emily.

So, yeah, we spent, what, 800 grand, get a freaking t-shirt.

But anyway, so the head of school stopped this ceremony.

and said,

you know, we're going to honor the parents who are the 20-year parents.

We have a 19-year parent, and then we have a 23-year parent.

But I just want to say, he goes, I don't usually do this, the gold family, Sasha and Ilan, I don't know what you did, but your four kids are like the sweetest, happiest, near-perfect kids I've ever seen.

I was bawling.

Really?

The Nachus, I was sitting there like this, just shaking, like.

So happy tears of like, I can't believe he's saying this about nothing makes me happier than a compliment about my kids.

When people come over to me and they go, you're the funniest guy.

That makes me happy.

But when they go, your kids are the best.

That's the best.

I totally, as a parent, I totally agree.

But you have a beautiful energy about you.

I'm trying.

No, you do.

I mean, like, that's what's so unique about you being a comedian because most of the comedians I know.

Yeah, have a dark side.

You know that I don't know.

You don't know this.

I'll tell you this.

Remember, I did tell you when we were like back and forth with Dean Prime Minister.

Before I blew you off?

Yeah, well, in the middle of the blowing off, yeah.

Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah.

I was telling you, I was from Canada and I came here and I I worked for Three Arts and I was working in the comedy area.

And it was so interesting to me because I was always a huge fan of comedy.

And when I started meeting all of these people who I loved so much, and they were so miserable and so down, and they were like these clinically depressed, every one of them was more clinically depressed than the other.

It was so sad to me that like the other end of the pendulum was the comedy.

But it's so much of that is chemical, biological, you can't control it.

So I take no credit for it.

But why do they go into, why is that, Why is comedy the because what gets you out of depression more than writing jokes and telling jokes and laughing yourself at what you're working on all day and making other people laugh?

I mean, that really can get you out of depression.

But it does it because it's also the nothing gets you out of depression but good medication and some therapy and all that.

But it just helps.

Yeah.

It just helps.

Who do you find to be really funny?

You.

Right now, it's

Rock is my favorite.

Chris Rock, and I get to be friendly with

absolute favorite.

Just like of all time.

His energy and his master Chris.

He's brilliant.

Brilliant genius.

Of course, Dave, also Chappelle.

Can I ask you a question?

I don't be.

This is going to be like, I wasn't going to be down, like, screaming at me.

Yeah.

But I never found him to be so hilarious.

Dave?

Yeah.

I think he's like clever.

Okay, no.

So have you seen Chappelle's show?

Back when.

I wasn't a huge fan back then either.

Okay, so Dave is also

masterful at sketch comedy.

Yeah.

At being, you know, the Rick James characters he does.

Sketch comedy I got.

But then his material, his writing is phenomenal, and he has a cadence and a rhythm that is so original, unique.

And he also sort of doesn't care, so he takes his time.

And those kind of comedians, Cosby was like that too.

Me, if I'm not getting a laugh every second, I'm like, nerve.

I start freaking out.

And I'm so relaxed on stage.

My nerves are before.

Oh, once the nerves are before.

You should have seen Backstage at Saban.

You were at the theater, but you weren't backstage.

Backstage, it's Michael Rappaport just pacing, going, oh, I can't, I can't do this.

Like, just everyone's a wreck and we're going over our stuff.

Eli Leonard was like, I don't want to go.

Like, everyone's going, I don't want to.

We all just want it to be over.

We all just want it to be over before.

But the truth is, the second you get out there, for me at least, my nerves completely calm.

I'm in a zone.

I'm having a great time.

And I'm just like, especially when you're rocking it, it's the best thing in the world.

But there's no nerves.

I'll never forget hearing Frank Sinatra was nervous before every show.

And I'm like, why?

You're the most iconic legendary singer that ever lived.

So everyone there is dying to see you.

You could stand out there and fart and they'll just applaud and go nuts.

You just have to sing a few songs, which you've done 80,000 times.

You don't have to.

come up with stuff and make people laugh.

Just sing your stupid songs for crying out loud.

What are you nervous about exactly?

If he was nervous then i could be nervous right and i am nervous before not during and then after it's euphoria when it's good when it's bad and i never get depressed it's like you're never as you sometimes you come off stage and you just say i'm the worst comedian in the history of comedy and sometimes you come off stage and go is anyone better than me i don't think so it's not possible who's better than with that what what just happened that hour of just destruction and standing oh nobody so you're wrong on both counts you're not the worst you're not the best best.

You have a good set, you have a bad set, and you're usually good.

Like, I was born good.

That's the thing.

People say you do these impressions.

I don't take credit for that.

That's an innate God-given talent.

Oh, you know how to tell a joke, you know how to write a joke.

I don't take credit for that.

I work at the craft, but I don't take credit for it.

It's talent that's God-given, like, you know, the guy that can nail the violin or the any talent.

Any talent is God-given.

But then you work at your craft and you become good.

So I was born good.

I really, really worked hard, hard on being great.

Really worked hard on being great.

I think right now I'm at the cusp of great, and the goal is to be one of the greats.

And whether or not I ever achieve that, who knows?

But that's what I'm working towards.

So you start with this, okay, I have a little talent.

I'm already funny.

I know how to do an impression to make people laugh.

That's easy.

That's easy.

And I didn't work hard in my first few years of stand-up because I had this natural gift.

I would just get up on riff and do impressions.

People are like, ooh, this is so good.

Because it's like a magic trick.

You do impressions.

Like, how does he do that?

So I just did that and then coasted.

And then I went, and then Chris Rock and Seinfeld actually inspired me to work at the craft and go, oh no, every word is important and everything you say and bits are everything.

And let me work at this a little bit and stop doing voices and impressions and get a voice of my own and have a point of view.

And that's when, and that's when, after 10, 15 years, I became where I'm at now, almost great.

And now I just want to hit great, pass great, and maybe one day in another 10 years, be one of the greats.

Yes, but you are great.

But I know.

So, how many

credits go long?

How many hours do you work a day on new material?

I try to do a few hours a day.

It depends.

If I just did a big thing like that, roast of anti-Semitism, which we still haven't discussed, you know, I thought you were a good interviewer, and you still haven't asked me.

I've been trying to.

Okay, go ahead.

No, I know, but like after a thing like that, which is just a bollagon of I'm producing it, I'm hosting it, and you want to take a day of like i'm not writing a joke today and i want to relax or like thursday and today i'm not i didn't do any work because wednesday night and leading up to wednesday night for weeks of preparing for that big show and it's a tv taping and all that where's it going to be aired by the way they're going to try to sell it to a streamer oh they haven't sold it yet no they they put it up they we produced it and and put it on but no now they have to edit it and show it around town it'll never sell

but that's weird because don't don't jews run their you know the whole thing is jews in the media yeah and that's and because of that we're not it's not.

As I said in my act, if the Jews ran Hollywood, don't you think I would have hosted the Oscars by now and not the Chabad telethon?

If the Jews ran Hollywood,

wouldn't I have had a series regular role in the last nine years and not these little bit parts?

That's what I just said to you.

I mean, if not for Larry David, I wouldn't have health insurance, okay?

So the Jews don't run anything.

Nothing.

Again, Spielberg, yeah, he's a successful guy.

guy, but there's also Scorsese, who's a successful Italian.

100%.

It's like Jews don't run anything.

There's no cabals.

There's no meetings.

There's no nothing.

Because if there is, where I got to get in on that shit.

I agree.

Get me in on that banking and Hollywood.

Where is all that?

Well, why am I not doing that well?

Also, I feel like because of all the anti-Semitism, it's going to be harder now to even sell it, to be honest.

Well, that I disagree with.

Because it is so zeitgeisty and popular, it really is in the culture.

So pop culture has to reflect culture.

And we have to show that, listen, it's been a lot for us.

And I mean, Jews have been now beaten up on the streets.

There was a hate incident against my family that I wrote about in 2004.

In 2014, or something?

Yeah, where we were like threatened.

I hope you die and a whole thing, a car full of guys.

It was, it was rough.

And when it hits home, you go, oh, I've heard about this anti-Semitism thing.

Well, it's hit home for a lot of people now in a lot of places from Pittsburgh, where so many people were murdered.

Terrible stuff.

There's a lot going on.

So we needed a night to take a break and to laugh and then to get back.

We called it, you know, we punch back at hatred with punch lines.

And that's what we did.

And everyone in the room, there was just under 2,000 people there, feeling that like that sigh of relief of just, oh, we needed to laugh about ourselves being hated and laugh at the haters and how ignorant and biased and dumb they are.

So who did you try to get?

By the way, did you hear my, you know what my favorite joke of the night was?

Which one?

I said

it's you or moody i said no my favorite joke of myself i'm not going to quote his joke you're good friends with him though aren't you we're best friends we're comedy brothers he's very funny he's hilarious yeah he killed it that night too killed it that night he was like him howie it was him and howie yeah and jeff were good that's it let me tell you the truth you're excellent thank you modi was excellent thank you jeff was good really good yeah howie was really how he was excellent thank you anyway so

oh my favorite joke of the night?

Actually, there were a few.

One was,

so I started by saying, Welcome to the Rose of Anti-Semitism.

We're celebrating 5,000 years of

fighting, hatred, and allergies.

It was hilarious.

Yeah, and then I said, and then my favorite, I go, but I go, why is this night different from all other nights?

Which is just a famous thing from the Seder.

And I go, because tonight, we're not roasting a brisket.

Tonight, we're not roasting a flankin, which is a piece of meat.

We're roasting a farrakin, you know, and I go, and we're going to take a page out of Jesus' book, but except we're going to walk on Roger Waters, which is such a great joke because, again, Roger Waters is out there doing concerts in Germany wearing like Nazi stuff.

Talk about Ann Frank.

This is insane.

Can you believe this is happening?

This is absolutely insane, and it's acceptable, and there's 30,000 people cheering, and it's like,

it's crazy.

So, again, fighting back with jokes.

Was this your idea to put it?

No, no, no, not my idea.

I got a lot of credit, incorrect displaced credit that I produced.

I was hosting it and I produced it.

So whose idea was it?

Stand-up comedy?

There was a

guy that you don't know who just said, we got to do something, and he raised money.

I don't know what it was, half a million, whatever it was, not a lot of money.

And most of the comedians did it on the, you know, on the cheap, as we say.

And we just put it together.

quickly and and as best as we could how long did it take to put it together like five six seven months yeah i didn't see much advertising for it no we just started we just knew who was doing it.

I like got all my friends I called in favors, Rachel Bloom and Howie Mandel, and all these people that I've known.

Did you ask Sarah Silverman?

Did you ask me?

Yeah, but Sarah's grieving.

So Sarah said, I wish I could be there.

I was doing another benefit with Sarah and Jeff Ross, and I go, so you can't.

She goes, I'm grieving.

I shouldn't be here tonight.

But, you know, this was a commitment and I keep my commitments from months ago.

So Sarah would have been perfect.

I wanted her to host also.

She's the perfect because she does all that stuff.

Yeah.

Who else did you ask?

Next time, when we do another one, who else did I ask?

So we did.

Oh, Deborah Messing wasn't available.

I wanted her to host.

She's a big, outspoken comedian.

Right now, she is for sure.

She's doing great.

And we didn't even need a comedian.

We needed a figure to just host it, and the comedians will make the jokes.

Yeah.

But who else did you ask?

You want my.

This is, aren't these podcasts usually about like, what's your to-do list?

Didn't you just have a podcast?

What's your bucket list?

Now it's the, who is your rejected list?

No, I want to help you.

Who hates you so much that they said, we don't even want to help you or your people.

I want to help the people.

People like to know the nitty-gritty.

We want to fight anti-Semitism.

I want to know

who else was on the list.

Honestly, most of the people that said no, great people like Billy Crystal said no because Billy's in New York, so he can't do it that way.

I love him too.

He's the reason I'm doing comedy.

I said on stage, it's him, Eddie Murphy, and Howie Mandela.

The reason I'm on the comment.

Did you ask Eddie Murphy?

No, I'm joking.

I'm joking.

Yeah.

But Eddie's like, you know.

To me, Eddie was the king.

When I would watch Eddie as a kid, I would just be like, I know I'll never be that good, but i could strive to try to be almost as good what happened though he was hilarious and then people lose their

i still think he's hilarious and when you see him he'll he'll never be that kid again because of age because fame and money just gets into your head and you just can't repeat that level of greatness and he knows that and that's why he keeps saying i'm gonna go back to stand-up but he never has in what 20 years yeah because he knows he'll never be as great as that some people get better with age.

He was at the top of his game, the most brilliant, amazing, powerful rock star comedian in the history of comedy at 19, 20, 21, 28.

And he knows, like, can't recapture that.

So, but he's still hilarious.

He still goes on like Kimmel, and all of a sudden he starts riffing.

You go, oh, there's Eddie.

He just doesn't need to be funny anymore.

He's got nothing to prove.

So he's just much more chill and relaxed.

But when it comes out, you just go, oh, Eddie, you're just the best.

He's just the best.

I think Eddie is, to me, top five most talented humans that ever walked the earth with like Prince and Sammy Davis Jr.

and like,

who else is the most talented humans on earth?

Now Jamie Foxx also is one of the most talented humans on earth.

Jim Carrey's up there.

Robin was up there.

Like there's like top 10.

These people aren't even human.

They're just talent in a human form.

Yeah.

They're just talent.

That's why some of them lead these sort of lives that are mysterious or oil.

Well, because they're so domineering in one area that it leaves your other other stuff to be blind spots in a way because you're so good correct you know so who else like me yeah you are but you really but you maybe not take it easy you're very not that level but i'm all right okay who else would you say right now is your favorite stand-ups or top i love sebastian like you love him and uh i love mulaney john mulaney Gary Goleman, who I mentioned, Burr.

All these guys.

Burr's amazing still.

He's been consistently good.

He's consistently great because he works his tukas off.

He's amazing.

Yeah, he's amazing.

He's hilarious.

And Louie, I know we're not allowed to say we love him.

No, I think he's, he came, he's back with a vengeance.

He's back with a vengeance.

By the way.

Never touched anyone but himself.

Okay, I was going to say he never, well, no, but he never did.

He never assaulted himself.

No, listen, what he did obviously wasn't right.

It's also, to me, I'm not going to defend what he did, but I will say you can't conflate the Weinsteins and Cosbys with Louis.

These were rapists, and he's a guy who was raping himself.

He's a guy who did this really weird thing to women that he shouldn't have done.

By the way, he did ask, what a mensch.

Do you mind watching?

I mean, this is a mensch.

Anyway,

but again, it's not assault and rape, which is unforgivable and inexcusable.

There's no like sympathy for Louie going, well, maybe he has this weird sexual piccadillo.

We should try to help him.

Instead, we just went, cancel him.

But he wasn't assaulting.

He was hurting those women, doing a lot of trauma to them, but not the kind of trauma that, you know, a rape victim, God forbid, experiences

the rest of their life.

And that's why he came back with a vengeance.

Yeah, way easier to get over a guy going, want to watch me jerk off than being raped, which you never get over.

1 million percent.

Okay, who else do you like?

By the way, you want to watch?

All right.

Anyway,

why are we talking about other comedians?

I want to know.

Aren't I one of your favorites?

I want to know who your favorites are.

Yeah, it's all rock and it's,

yeah.

Again, I get to go and it's weird because I get to go and hang out with Chris backstage.

Are you friends with him?

Yeah, and he's doing an arena.

I'm like backstage with him for an hour and just going over bits with him.

And he's looking at all the bits.

And it is amazing that how much work he puts into and how he still cares.

Again, you would think after 30 years of being a rock star, you don't put that much work.

You don't care that.

This is what he's doing before a show.

like this and then he's cracking some jokes and talking to people and then studying the list and he's going who's going on the bench tonight who's sitting on the bench tonight he's picking bits that he's not going to do and bits that he is going to do and he's going over stuff And that's how you have to do it.

Did you do that too?

I'm made fun of for my obsession with just, I have my, I literally have a bullet point on an index card and I bring it up on the stool with a drink.

And anytime I take a drink, I'm cheating and just looking at where am I and what's next and whatever.

It's like a little safety net.

And I'm always studying it.

I'm always going over.

And also some of your best jokes come come to you right before you hit the stage because your mind is on hyper focus.

And Steve Martin famously said, like, never talk to a performer just before they're going on because they're in such a zone where they're going over things and they're trying to, you know, psych themselves up and remember jokes.

What am I going to open with?

People who come over to me before a show and I'm standing back there and like, hey, Elon, I just want to tell you, there's a funny story.

I go, no, no, I just got to go over this sorry.

And you come off as rude almost.

I'm like, I got to work.

I got to work.

I'm about, there's 2,000 people.

I got to work.

And you have to focus before you go on.

And if you don't, but again, then there are guys like Chappelle.

And I've said this about Dave.

Chappelle transcends comedy.

He's almost like a poet with punchlines because he doesn't even have, and he puts in a lot of work, but he can just walk up and riff for four hours and it'll be like the funniest show you've ever seen.

Surprised that you have such good taste.

You love me and you don't like Dave.

That's surprising.

You can do a deep dive.

I don't dislike him.

I don't, he's not one of my absolute favorites.

He doesn't make me belly laugh.

He's just not my style.

Well, everyone else is calling him the GOAT.

Everyone thinks he's the best thing in the world.

And, you know, it's his cadence, it's the style, it's the delivery.

Yeah.

Like, I don't think he even holds a candle to Chris Rock.

I don't, I think, I think different styles, but yeah, they're both to me the goats.

And getting to see them both doing an arena tour like a few times the last six months is just so fun.

So you got to get on the tour.

Yeah, it would be nice.

Guys,

I'm around.

I'm doing this.

I'm not doing much.

Come on.

I love it.

So then, what's your look at?

You look very unhappy with that mask.

I'm not unhappy.

Is it 2021 again?

Yeah, he has some.

No, No, it's okay.

I never mask shame.

I never mask shame.

You do what you got to do.

But just thank God, no, most people aren't.

I mean, that theater, 2,000 people, I don't think I saw a mask.

I know, not one mask.

I don't think I saw a mask.

And listen, masks, I'm not anti-mask.

I wore them and they helped.

And I don't know about vaccines, although I'm triple vax.

I have no evidence whether they worked or not.

We do know that people stopped dying, but what we don't know is did the virus become less and less deadly?

So no one knows, anyone that says they know for sure whether vax or not are crazy.

So I'm always, that's why I'm a moderate in my politics.

I see both sides of everything.

Me too.

I'm the same way.

The vaccine, I have noticed something, though, in my, in like around,

in people's, in their 40s,

people are dropping dead of heart attacks.

That's weird.

You have vaccines.

That's weird.

So then you go, is that vax?

And by the way,

I have a doctor friend who, and every doctor says take the flu shot.

And we all take flu shots, but it's like my good, smart doctor, not Larry gynecologist, not the gynecology,

the heart, the surgeon guy, the general surgeon friend, even smarter than the vagina doctor.

Oh, is he the one in the first row that you put in there?

Or no?

I didn't put anyone in the first row.

My family was with you in the back.

Even my mother said to me, I mean, that's what you.

I go, do you think I put you there?

I said, hook these 38 people up with seats.

And the truth is, I never like anyone I know, especially know and love, like you and mom,

in

the front or front.

Once I see a face I'm familiar with, I'm now thinking of them and I'm thinking, what are they thinking?

And I'm thinking, or it's a sea of strangers, that's all I want.

I never want to see my parents, my wife, my kids.

I never want to see her.

Who were in the first few rows?

I have no idea.

I had no control over seeing them.

She can't get over the fact that this big macher big shot, who's got her own podcast, half a million followers, why was I in the back?

That's not true.

I didn't control that.

You weren't in the very back, were you?

I was really, yeah, I had to move up.

Did you not see the balcony?

On the rear balcony, I was in the back, back, back.

I had to like finagle to get to the second.

Finagle is Yiddish for

push

to the front middle of the balcony.

And it was very difficult.

Someone came around and they're like, I think, Miss, you're in my seat.

And I was like, really on the balcony?

And they're like, Jennifer Cohen.

And I'm like, oh my God.

It was someone else I know.

well when I am backstage again going over jokes that I've never done before which is the hardest thing which one the Roger Water yeah so the first few minutes were just roast jokes yeah and I can't go try it out and then you integrate other stuff yeah and then I did bits that I'm used to and that's just fun and fun yeah yeah but people love when you did Donald Trump thank you yeah and we did very well but when you do like jokes that you've never done before I just apologized to Howie.

I said, Howie, you killed it.

You got the standing ovation you deserve.

But my one regret of the night is when you were in the green room, which is so gracious, is he had his own dressing room, but instead he sat with all the comedians and just hung out.

Oh, with Jeff with that.

That's so nice.

I go, when you were in the green room, I didn't get to hang.

I would pop in, but I didn't get to hang.

All I wanted to do was hang with my comedy brothers and sisters.

And I couldn't hang because I was so, I don't know these jokes and I've never done them before.

And if you go out unprepared, you're just going to die.

You're going to flubby.

Jokes that you've never tried.

The whole point of doing comedy is you hone it for years and then you go out and tape it or whatever.

But if it's a big deal and they're taping it, you don't just try out new jokes.

But I had to because it's a different thing than my act.

It's a roast of anti-Semitism.

So I was just so folks.

I said, I'm so sorry I didn't get to hang with you.

Can we hang it?

He called me into the office.

We're going to come hang out next week.

You are?

Yeah.

Yes.

You're not invited.

He is, though.

What's your name again?

William.

Williams invited.

I can't go.

I was going to ask him.

By the way, he'll appreciate the mask thing.

You would actually.

I would.

One joke I'd into about Howie in the intro.

Howie Mandel is a well-known Germaphobe.

You know, he's afraid of Germans.

Anyway,

folks.

Does he live in LA?

He does.

You want his address?

Maybe.

Yeah.

4932 Burton Way.

Yeah.

I don't know his address.

Could we be friends?

He just gave me his number.

You know how exciting it is to have a number.

Well, how did you get his number in the first place?

It's so weird to he gave it to me.

No,

not his number.

I mean, how'd you get his number?

Not his number, but when he good question.

He was on your quarantine show.

He was on your quarantine show.

Yeah.

You didn't connect back when he's on your quarantine show.

Correct.

I found out through an agent friend who his tour manager was and emailed him.

And then he goes, how he's a fan of yours, and you guys have worked together.

And we did like Just for Laughs in Montreal together, but we weren't friends at all.

I was just an admirer and we got to work together.

He hosted this big gala that I was one of the young comedians on.

He was very nice, like from day one.

How did I get Larry David's number?

That's a question.

You want to hear that?

I know it.

No.

How?

You don't know it?

Yeah, I do.

You're on the show with him.

It doesn't matter.

You think he gives out his number to every guest star schmuck that comes on?

He liked you.

I don't care.

He's not giving me the you developed a relationship he's never giving me his number what do i need to do to get his number from you

that's what i want to know and the howie mandel we'll discuss after when we stop bro howie mendel is honestly my favorite also yeah i'll make it happen he's my what the you have such good taste in comedy i'm not just saying that because you love me other than the chappelle thing You really get it.

Like, Howie is so genuinely funny.

Beyond.

Right?

And that's why when he riffs, a lot of it's just improv.

Did he improv on the stage?

About 40% of his stuff.

Because when he did that thing with the surgeon, the woman, and the sleeping, I was on.

And he had bullet points.

He knew what he was going to do.

And then he veered off and just that was his whole act.

Larry David's number.

Larry made a critical, what's the word?

Crucial mistake.

What's the biggest kind of mistake you could make?

Big?

No, like

critical?

Monumental?

Monumental error.

He called me.

Oh, his number was on it.

And he called me.

This was weird because he was on Christmas vacation with Chevy Chase?

No, with his friends.

And he calls me.

And the phone rings, I see a 310 number.

What was the rest of the number?

555-5555.

So he calls me up, 310, and I go, I don't know this number.

Usually I just hit ignore.

I don't know why.

I answered it.

I don't know the number.

I just went, hello.

And he goes, Mr.

Gold?

Yeah.

This is Larry David.

And I go, no, it isn't.

And again, I'd already worked with him, but he just, he doesn't call other comedian.

He just doesn't call anybody.

He golfs with Obama.

He does?

Yes.

He doesn't seem like he'd care about Obama.

Right.

But my point is, he's, what I said to him, I go, at lunch on curb, I said, you know, you know what you are.

You're the Godol Hador, which in Hebrew means the great one of this generation.

And he didn't know what it meant either.

I go, he goes, what is it?

I go, well, like in every generation, there's a rabbi that everyone admires everyone goes to and everyone follows you're the great one of this generation so the great one doesn't give out his number to the okay to good ones of of their generation that's me

but you know what i mean you just don't give out your number and he's a he's a recluse he doesn't he's a i thought he is a recluse yeah so he calls he goes I'm here in whatever and vacation with a few friends.

You mind if I put you on speakerphone to do your Howard Stern for us?

We were just talking about how good your Howard Stern is.

And I go, absolutely.

And And then just right away, oh, well, this is very exciting, Robin.

Let me tell you something.

This Larry David, he's got some hot wife on him.

What is she?

A D-cup?

Anyway, so I start doing that.

They're all laughing.

And then, and then he goes, thank you so much.

Sorry to bother you.

Bother.

Call me.

I'll entertain you and your friends whenever you want.

Who are your friends?

Who is he with?

He wouldn't divulge.

Probably like Howard Stern, maybe even Howard Stern.

Yeah.

So I hang up.

I go, three.

This is Larry.

I'm saving this.

And then I'm very careful on the text.

It's every few months.

It's a, I'll send him like I just did a James Cordon set.

And I went, I think you'll like this.

And he's quoting it and going, great set, which again means the world to me.

Again, back to our original.

A compliment from Larry David quoting my jokes and saying, great set.

cuts all the depression and not depression, the rejection, and just makes everything go away.

It lets you like ride for like three or four months.

It gives you more time.

Yeah.

More than that from a guy like him or Dave or yeah.

Like he's like, to me, the best ever.

I mean, there's no, I mean, he changed changed the way people talk on television.

Oh 100%.

Seinfeld no one talked about minutia and little observation.

Exactly.

How much of it you think was Larry David versus Jerry in that?

Because Jerry is very much about observation.

It is and you're, I'm not going to discredit Jerry.

It's a yin and yang.

So are they friends?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I would, I would put it at, and this is just my guesstimate, which I don't know why people add the mitt when you could just go, this is just my guess.

Maybe to sound smarter.

Yeah, I don't know why you're not.

What an idiot I am for saying guesstimate.

This is my best guess.

That's also, you didn't need the word best.

65% Larry, 35% Jerry.

Because

when you watch Curb, you go, oh, I think it's all Larry.

Yeah.

Because that's it.

Exactly.

It's Seinfeld.

So Larry ran it.

He was the showrunner and co-creator, but the two of them wrote it together.

And again, that is Jerry's act.

And

without Larry and Jerry, without the two of them, there wouldn't have been Seinfeld.

So they'd helped each other and there wouldn't have been Curb.

Okay.

Again, mutually, we're all beneficial.

Yeah, it's all full circle.

This could be your best podcast ever.

Oh, easily.

How about women?

Which ones do you like?

Women aren't funny.

That was a joke.

Imagine if you just took that clip out and it went there.

I would never.

Allie Wong.

I hate people who say that.

It really makes me sick to say that because I grew up on Carol Burnett, like hero worshipers.

Ali Wong is very funny.

Allie Wong is a genius, and I remember she.

Tomlin.

Lily Tomlin, of course.

No, not Lily Tomlin.

I'm talking about Tampa oh yeah she's very good I know you're talking about so Allie Wong I saw at the Laugh Factory again another months before she popped not just her yeah

but her special came out I had never seen her in my life and she comes on laugh factory and I'm watching her going and the audience is dying and every joke is just perfect and the way she hits it and her timing comes with i go to her how have we never met she was like i don't know ilana oh hi good to see you I'm like, you're amazing.

Like, you are so top of your game and already, and I've never seen you or met you.

She goes, yeah, well, I have some things going on.

I'm writing on a show, and I have a Netflix special coming.

Oh, you do?

I didn't even know that.

And then the special comes out.

And again, the whole world recognizes what you see at a laugh factory in one minute.

Yeah.

You go, that's greatness right there.

Well, it's hard.

So there's so many funny women, Sarah.

I mean, there's so many.

I mean, I think there's, it's harder to find.

Yeah.

I think that Tamlin, what's her name again?

I always forget her name.

I'm literally blanking on it now.

She was Sam Morrell's girlfriend for years.

She's very good.

Eliza's really good.

Yeah, very talented.

I called her up after using her.

I was going to say,

well, she's also a Jewish girl.

I thought you'd ask her.

I called her up after, I did.

She was unavailable.

I did ask her.

She's filming something.

I asked my good friend Tiffany Haddish.

She was filming.

And, you know, again, when you're filming...

Scheduling, yes.

It's like you got to be up at four or five.

You're not going to be working until 11 at night.

It's going to mess up your whole shooting.

Yeah, I get it.

Okay.

So, and Tiffany also is someone that says yes to almost anything i ask of her and she's so sweet and she's amazing eliza it said filming can't focus

i went fine but i called her up after her special and i said that special made me angry that i'm not that good that's how good she is so yeah women are good she's good but you're

stop saying that you're you're just as good if not i think maybe even that's so sweet she's really good you like whitney cummings yeah she's also someone that's like

she's funny uh yeah i'm not gonna say anything i can't you can't get me to talk shit okay no i'm trying to think of

i like comedy comedian to comedian i'm trying to by the way there are there are comedians male and female that i have disdain for both as people and as comedians there are super successful comedians that i think aren't funny at all who and i would never say that because i gotta run into them at the comedy store and the lap factory and the comedy cellar and i'm not gonna be the guy that that i don't want i don't like confrontation i know it's true do you like do you do you think michael Rappaport's a good stand-up?

Anyway, we're going to be back after these.

No, the truth is, Michael is new at he's a fantastic actor who learned how to do stand-up well.

Is he a better comedian than an actor?

No way.

He'll tell you that.

He's been acting for 30 years, doing stand-up for, I don't know, five years.

Oh, he's been doing stand-up?

Yeah.

He didn't just get up there and wing it.

Oh, I thought he just, that was his first time.

He's a big actor who's been hitting the stage for, I don't know how long.

Four years at least, eight years maybe, nine years.

And he's getting really good.

But it takes a good 10, 15 years to get good.

Unlike me, he was born good.

Right.

That's the whole other thing.

We've established that.

So, what's up?

What's coming up for you?

Nothing.

This is coming out soon, I think.

This is coming out very soon.

Coming soon to a podcast near you.

Habits and Hustle I've got going on.

Of course I would.

We didn't even scratch the surface of my life, of my comedy.

I didn't even do any fun impression.

I did Howard for a second.

Who else did I do?

A little Trump.

I didn't do my my repertoire.

You know, I'm exhausted, by the way, because I had a big lunch and this didn't help me.

This gave me a mental boost, though.

I like this.

Do you want to have it?

I think this kept me a little sharp.

I'm not sure.

This is better than the lion's mane mushroom from Whole Foods that I get.

Yeah.

Do you want to have it?

Do you want to?

See how old I am?

I'm 52.

I know I look amazing, but I literally do.

I'm at the age where I have to do this.

Do you wear glasses?

Remember?

I can't.

I can't.

You cannot admit.

You cannot admit that you have them.

Let me tell you something else to the people at home.

Listen to older people.

Listen to older people.

Everything older people tell you is true and follow that advice and live by it.

When people said to me, and I have four little kids at home, savor every second, it goes by like that.

I go, no, it doesn't.

It's torture.

It's painstaking.

It's endless.

And then like that, they're out of the house and they're taller than you and they're going 30.

And it's a nightmare that and again now i get to hang out and i'm smoking cigars with my oldest boy and whatever it's a whole different thing playing golf whatever but listen to them it does go by and when you're in the thick of it you can't even imagine that this is going to go by in a second when every second feels like a lifetime and an eternity but listen to older people because then now looking back i went oh my god it's over i have no little kids that that's it that's life that's that's the whole being a dad thing and of course you're always a dad but not a dad to little kids.

Listen to people and they go, you know, when you're in your 50s, you're not going to be able to read anything.

Like, what are you talking about?

My eyes are just going to stop working.

What are you nuts?

I will always be able to read.

And then you're like, wait a minute, but I'm not getting glad.

What is it?

Listen to people when they tell you, and you especially, Jen, one day your penis will have some issues.

Now,

that day has not yet come for me.

Thank God.

Baruch Hashem, as we say.

That day hasn't come for me.

But now that I know that the sage advice from my predecessors and my elders, that that day is near.

And one day I'm just going to go, hey, what's happening?

Hey, how come this isn't working?

And it's like, you can't imagine your 20s and 30s that that's just not going to work.

Listen to people.

Your eyes, your penis, your kids.

It's all gone.

It's all gone.

Eyes, penis, kids.

Gone.

Uh-oh.

No, no, I'm kidding.

Not yet, thank God.

And again,

they're there, and they're all home right now for the summer, which is the best when they're home from college.

My daughter did a year in Israel.

The best is having all your kids home.

But again, they're not little kids.

I know.

My little one's going to a sleepaway camp for the first time.

Yeah.

But that you get over.

That's like a month or two ago.

It's a week.

Oh, God.

What are you fetching about?

You are a kfetcher.

I will know.

I love them.

He's 10.

But anyway, the important thing is my penis still works.

Okay.

And

I wanted to ask you more questions about the beginning of the penis.

You know what it's like in your 50s with the penis?

Well, go ahead.

I'll tell you what it's like.

I just thought of this recently.

It's like, you know, because your 20s and 30s, you wake up with it going on, you know, what are we doing today?

You know, it's so different.

In your 50s, it's not like dead.

But it's in sleep mode, like a laptop that's in sleep mode.

So it's still on, but you have to tap it for it to really wake up.

That's a great analogy.

Yeah, but it's not like, and then like probably in your 60s or 70s, it shuts down where it's a reboot or something.

You have to reboot it.

You got to restart it.

Restart it or something.

In your 20s, 30s, it's always on.

It doesn't sleep.

So it sleeps now, but it wakes, it just tap it.

And it starts up again.

Yeah, it's not a problem.

Is this a bit that you do?

I'm thinking of it.

It's some

almost a bit.

Oh my gosh.

That's a good analogy because it really is.

Is that what you're working on right now?

I don't say I'm working on it, but it's a thought I've had that I wrote down somewhere and I'll figure it out.

That's been great.

I don't usually like to talk about my penis in my act.

No, but that's a really good bit, though.

Can you think of another bit or talk about another bit that you're working through?

Yeah, do another bit that you're working through.

Oh my God, there's so many bits that I'm working through.

I'm always working.

How do you get your ideas?

Just by life?

Life and observing.

The best way to get ideas, though, is like before a set.

At least for like an hour or two, I'll go over stuff, especially when you're doing an hour.

If I'm doing like like 10, 15 minutes or a new bit or something you have to get in your head, whenever you go over it out loud, like people go, do you look in the mirror?

I never look in the mirror, especially when you're doing impressions.

When you're doing impressions, you really feel like the person you're doing, you feel their aura.

And it's like, it's weird to do impressions.

You're channeling them.

So the second you look in the mirror, you just see you.

But if you're doing this and you're feeling it, you know, and I feel like him, and it's not a good guy to feel like you don't want to feel like this, believe me.

But for a minute, it's okay.

And if I looked in the mirror, I'd say, oh, that's Elon.

It's not Donald Trump.

And the same with like going over material.

I go over material, not in the mirror, but I pace in my office.

I have a back office detached from the house.

So it doesn't, they don't hear me talking to myself like a lunatic.

And when you're saying things out loud and going over them, new thoughts always pop in.

Once you're in funny mode and you're saying funny things, then, oh, and I could add this or a separate, completely new observation.

And sometimes it's just like you're talking to an Israeli guy and they're literally saying every word that's plural they're saying

in the,

what's the opposite of plural again?

I don't think this stuff works.

Yeah, when they say something plural, no, because my mind went somewhere else.

When they say something plural, a plural word, they say singular, and a singular word, they'll say plural.

Like they'll say to you, you know, I heard a lot of story about this, but it reminds me in particular of this one stories.

like one stories today in los angeles it was 83 degree but on the same day in Chicago, it was only one degree.

And I'm listening to this guy like switch every plural and singular thing, going, that's funny.

I'm going to talk about that.

Oh, Israelis do this plural, singular weird thing.

So sometimes it happens to you when you just go, oh, and then you have to write it down, write everything down because you forget anything.

And sometimes it's just while riffing or while, you know, whatever.

But material is, good material is not easy to come by.

And when you have a gem, that's why I love having like classic bits.

And some of my viral bits, like the accent bit about the English and their T.

You ever see that bit?

Which one?

Sometimes they overpronunciate the letter like that and sometimes they ignore the letter completely.

So what happened?

Where did the letters go?

And there are two T's in the word letter.

And yet they're nowhere to be found.

So that observation that like, oh, the English, they have this weird thing with letter T.

Sometimes they overpronounce the letter and sometimes they ignore it.

That's a good observation.

I just heard it one day and that's a good observation.

Talk about that.

Yeah, I heard that a bit before.

Sometimes it's like something that goes on between you and your wife.

She tells you to take out the garbage, and then you go and take out, which I do every day, by the way.

You're welcome.

And I take out the garbage, and then I open the front door, and I hear, she says to the kids, oh, great, he let a moth in.

And I'm like,

how am I the best?

I'm just taking out the garbage and I get blamed for the moth.

And I like, I'm going to this crazy place.

I'm like, imagine if one day, God forbid, someone comes in and just kills our entire family.

God forbid.

I promise you, my

death, dying moments, I will hear, oh, great, he let a murderer in.

It'll be my fault that I opened the front, you know.

But anyway, so things happen and you go, oh, that's so funny.

I just got blamed for letting this moth in.

I got to write that down.

And you try to make it something.

But then sometimes it's just analogies, like my parking bit.

You know,

I say, I don't like to say that I'm married because that's not socially acceptable, politically correct.

And I go, I apologize, I'm not married.

I am sexually impaired.

And I go, being impaired is like having a disability, except instead of being able to park anywhere, you only get one spot to park in.

And on most nights, there's no parking allowed.

And then it goes on, the difference between single guys, married guys, single guys just looking for a spot.

They just go around looking for some.

Oh, I did hear that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On the other hand, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I heard this.

And then married guys, we have a spot, but you gotta, you know, it's a legal spot, but you gotta, you gotta read the signs on her face.

You never, you know, like, what is it?

No, Monday to Thursdays, 8 p.m.

Anyway, go Google the bit.

Those are good bits.

I also like a bit that I I do.

But those bits take months and months to craft and write.

It does.

Sometimes it takes 20 minutes, sometimes it takes months or years.

The Jewish bit with the one, I have like a thousand.

I know, I know.

The sex, I know, the sex, the budget.

Sex, money, and food, yeah.

That I did on my first James Cordon, and it killed.

And that's

killed.

And that's a bit that I love doing because it dispels a negative stereotype about our people.

So if I could teach while making them laugh, Jews love money.

No, you idiots.

We love food.

Food is number one.

You ask any Jew if they'd rather have a hot brisket sandwich or the cash value of a hot brisket sandwich, they would take the cash, buy a hot brisket sandwich at a cheaper place and keep the profits.

That's how we do it.

But food is our number one.

And it's like a teachable moment too, where it's like, oh, we thought they loved money.

No, dummies, we only need money to buy food.

That bit to me.

Yeah, because it's true.

That's why.

But 100%.

And when they go to the counter and they're looking for

it.

I say, no, I say, and I go, it goes, sex, money, and food is, for the rest of the world, it's in that order, sex, money, and food.

And then I go, for us, number one.

And I literally take the mic and I go like this to the audience.

And on the James Gordon show with like 250 people in the audience, pretty much all non-Jews, at the same time yelled, what's number one?

They yelled, money.

And I go, no, you're wrong.

It's food.

And then I go into the bit and I go, food is our number one, then money, because we need money to buy food.

And then sex is last.

I go, you know, if you see a Jewish guy, be like, damn, I got to get me some of that.

He's standing over a deli counter.

You know, we're obsessed with cold cuts.

But anyway, listen, I'm not going to sit here and do my act.

Why?

Did Chevy do his act?

Did Chevy Chase do his act?

Actually, he did a few bits.

Can I tell you something about Chevy Chase?

Sure.

Top 10 heroes growing up.

Me too.

That's why he came on the show.

Yeah, Chevy Chase.

One of my favorite me, like

Fletch and three amigos and anytime he hosted the Carson Show, anytime, obviously, SNL.

Vacation.

And vacation.

I worship Chevy Chase so much because his screen presence, he's just funny without saying anything.

He's funny with a look.

He's so funny.

Did you talk to Chevy about how he stays funny if he is still funny or is he not still funny?

I can't tell you.

I know that.

Chevy's one of those guys that you reference, Eddie, you were referencing Eddie Murphy.

Did Eddie Murphy lose it?

I don't think so.

Do you think Chevy Chase lost it?

I can't tell.

Well,

I mean, he was a guest.

He was in your home.

Last week.

Yeah, I know.

I saw it.

And I didn't watch the whole thing because I don't watch podcasts.

No, no, no, no.

I i haven't aired it yet oh that's why that's why i didn't watch it well yeah i distinctly remember not watching it you know you know who that is woody allen i like woody allen you're not gonna you're not gonna like you're i'm gonna get every single one of these people

we can play this back and forth game i like all of and i know you have shabbat okay you know i will wrap it up because i know i can talk to you literally

we could talk for hours we should date i mean

we should just go on a few dates i mean tell our spouses and go listen we have a lot to cover.

We didn't cover it in the podcast.

We're just going to go off for a few days.

Do you want to?

No.

I don't cheat.

Could we be 29 years?

No, could we be faithful?

Of course, we're already friends.

Okay.

Isn't it crazy to be faithful 29 years?

Don't you think after a certain amount of time, you get like a get out of jail?

Yeah, that's a long time.

It's a little too long.

That's a long time.

What are you doing tomorrow night?

Yeah.

Your face is so funny.

I think you like him, right?

I always turn to him because it's like you have to get the reaction from the audience.

I know.

What do you think, Will?

Because you're not Jewish.

Will?

He's a little too Jewish for me.

That's what Will's saying.

What do you think, Will?

You know what he hears when I'm talking?

He hears Jackie Mason.

It makes me docile.

I love that a place such as myself has to sit here.

I'll blow it a besque, but I don't have to spell my own breath.

This is a dozy, disgusting.

You did a great Jackie Mason.

By the way, he is very funny.

Top 10 that ever lived.

I think he's one of my favorites.

He is so, was, so brilliant.

You know who else?

Gilbert also.

Gilbert just passed.

I know he discovered.

Gilbert was like, it's like that.

I'm not going to just do impressions.

I didn't love him.

It wasn't one of my favorites.

Oh, if you ever saw him live doing that work.

I never did.

Oh, you know what's good?

Oh, Jim Gaffigan's good, though.

Hilarious.

Yeah, excuse me.

Sweet guy, too.

Hilarious guy.

And Brian Regan's good, too.

Oh, my God.

Brian Regan's.

See, you have great taste.

Thank you.

I do, actually.

You know what doesn't have great taste?

This Super Espresso triple show.

Is this a, this is a, who makes this?

Is this one of your products?

No, it's not.

It's not one of my products.

Isn't it fun being an influencer and people just send you free shit every hour?

Not every hour.

I mean, but a lot of things I don't like, if I don't like it, I'm not going to allow it to be promoted.

You don't even allow it in your house.

No, no, I give it away.

But some sort of things I love, like I love True Niogen.

True Niogen, by the way, is it?

It's an NAD precursor.

I'm going to give you some.

You better.

Because you're not paying me for this.

I'm going to give you a bunch of it because you're 52.

It's amazing for you.

Say my age.

It's amazing.

You just said it.

I know I'm joking.

Yeah.

For your energy.

Yes, I need energy.

It renews your cells.

It's amazing.

I'm going to give you some of that.

Lots of stuff.

I've got a lot of stuff to give you.

Oh, have you heard of Therasage?

The portable sauna?

I'm going to send you.

Have you tried?

Do you ever have, it's red light.

I would love that.

Have you not had any type of stuff?

No, and I don't do the cold bath thing and cold plunge.

Oh, wow.

You really do it all.

I do a lot.

How do you learn about all these things?

It's what I love.

So it's like, how do you study it?

Yeah.

And I also.

You research stuff.

Yes.

I mean, I'm a big, and I also am a big fan of anything for optimization.

So well, whatever you're doing,

to me,

from my perspective, you seem to be in, let's just say because nobody's perfect, near perfect mental and physical health.

So whatever it is you are doing, keep doing it and then teach everyone else how to do it.

Are you joking?

That was the, I was dead.

I've got serious here a few times.

Okay, well,

you're probably just making fun of me.

William, can you back me up here?

Why would I know?

That was a genuine moment where I'm like, you have all this nourish kite that seems to be working, all this

Fakakta things and products and all this shit.

And it turns out you seem to be in great mental and physical health.

Thank you.

Keep sharing it with the world.

You know what I don't do?

What?

I don't drink alcohol.

Crack?

You don't?

Nothing.

You want to hear something interesting about me?

What?

Didn't drink in college, didn't drink in my 20s, and then finally my mid-30s, someone said, you got to taste this.

It's scotch.

And I go, I don't like alcohol.

To me, it's like rubbing alcohol.

Everything, vodka.

It's all goes, try it.

It's McCallan 18.

I was like, oh, this is like chocolate milk.

This is good.

And then I got into that a little bit.

Then I got into wines and great wines.

You don't have good wine every now and then.

I don't like wine.

I don't like the taste of alcohol.

See, I agree, but then I started having good alcohol.

Like, I won't just drink vodka or I don't just drink.

I don't like drinking.

Yeah.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

And then getting drunk is the worst thing.

Do you feel gross after it's just not great?

But now a good glass of wine and a good shot of whiskey and this, there's good things.

There's good tequilas out there, but in moderation, I rarely do it.

But I don't live by it.

You know, my vices are cigars.

I love cigars.

I love cigars.

See, really?

See, I

oh yeah, Jerry.

What?

Yes.

I've never, you're so funny right now.

Well, okay, these are a couple things.

You don't like cigars?

Your husband doesn't smoke cigars?

No, but I'll tell you what I love.

Then we're not hanging out.

Okay, well, sorry about that.

I mean, me and your husband, we'll hang out.

Okay, good.

That's what I'm saying.

Any man that doesn't smoke cigars, I'm not chilling with.

Yeah, no, he.

I'm not vibing with.

If you don't like cigars, there's something wrong with you.

Cigars are the greatest gift besides the Sabbath.

Cigars also, it's also.

Is that war?

You said it's God, family, comedy.

And cigars.

Could be.

Cigars also, like Shabbos, it just relaxes you.

Everyone goes, this is is dangerous for you.

And who knows?

But Milton Burl and Sid Caesar and all these guys that I admire smoked 10 cigars a day till they were 98.

But cigar, I go, you know what kills you?

Stress.

You know this.

Stress kills you.

Cigars is a de-stress.

You know what's crazy about me and my wife?

What?

You're supposed to go, you're married?

Anytime I'm talking to anyone, it could be a man or a woman, and they'll go, you know, my husband.

You're married?

Like as if some, you know, because I like to do that.

It's fun.

But anyway, me and my wife, I got one of those lucky women who, you know, many women detest the smell of cigars.

So now I'm having cigars and they're like, get away from me.

She always loved the smell.

So she'd be like, I love the smell.

Then listen to the progression of this.

Okay.

Then she starts going, I want a puff.

So I give her a puff.

That's how much she likes cigars.

Cut to about a year ago, I want my own cigar.

Absolutely.

Now, a few times a week, we smoke cigars together.

Do you know how nice, and with friends and whatever, or just us, you know how much fun it is to go out on vacation or just on our backyard?

Just have cigars with your wife.

It's relaxing.

It's fun with friends.

Cigars are everything.

Why don't you smoke a joint?

Are my kids watching this?

We may have just gotten into that as well.

By the way, 50 years and no weed either.

50, no weed.

And all of a sudden?

You waited this long?

I didn't inhale.

I'm not a drug guy.

I'm just not a drug guy.

No, I'm not a drug.

I'm so anti the main big drugs, but I'm not anti-weed anymore.

I used to be a little bit judgmental because I didn't know about it and also was worried about the gateway drug thing.

Is it going to lead to more drugs?

I was worried about, am I going to become dependent, reliant on it for my comedy, which is like my work?

I'm also trying to raise kids.

I just want to be stoned all day.

I'm not raising kids anymore.

I'm not raising anything.

Right.

I'm trying to raise a penis is all I'm trying to do.

is keep raising the penis until I hit, what is it, like 68, it goes down?

What happens?

Well, how do I know?

I'm not a guy, nor am I dating at all.

I'm so not looking forward to being older.

I'm telling you what to do.

I'm not looking forward to being older.

I'm giving you some biohacky anti-aging.

Are you doing the song?

Well, no, I'm not doing the song.

Okay, this, by the way, this is the best one.

If you're going to have a portable.

Oh, do you have any aches or pains yet since you're old for 40?

No, I'm not trying to be a good one.

Do you work out?

Yeah, I try to hit the gym once or twice a week.

I do running and I try to eat right.

That's why, you know, I look so damn good.

Where do you eat?

Where do I eat?

What?

Usually in the kitchen or the dining room.

Sometimes I'll eat at a restaurant.

There's There's a lot of places you can eat.

You can eat anywhere but the bathroom really I eat.

I don't eat on the toilet, but most places I eat.

I eat at a, even at like a

diner, I will eat sometimes.

I will eat at.

What's your favorite restaurant?

Moishes, Pat's.

How dare you, you anti-Semitic.

No one's a restaurant called Pats.

I know.

I love Pat's.

But why do you have to say Moishes like that?

That's where he...

I bet you eat it like a place called Moishes.

I don't even know what Moishes is.

It doesn't exist.

And you just made it.

Do you eat it at Chayim Schmuchls?

Is that where you go for your Jew food?

Is that where you enjoy your gefilte fish?

You're a kosher.

Yeah, I know.

I like all rest.

I like Nobu, just Malibu, just like you do.

Just can't afford it like you can.

Have you seen this house, ladies and gentlemen?

I'm looking at a pool.

You know what I look out at my backyard?

A pool table.

That's great.

Ping pong table is what I have.

Do you play pickleball yet?

Love it.

Pickleball is Jewish tennis.

You don't have to schlep too much.

You stand in one place, you're hitting it.

It's so amazing.

I play with the kids all the time.

I love pickleball.

Oh my God.

Okay, you're hilarious.

And it has pickles in it.

Well, in the name.

In the name.

I don't want you to be late for Shabbat.

Thank you.

The Shabbat is to you.

Guys, no matter what you believe in, take one day a week.

Turn your phones off.

Not one hour.

24.

We do 25 hours because it starts an hour before it's not and it ends at dark.

So what do you do the whole 25 hours?

Are you kidding me?

Pickleball.

Ping pong and basketball and reading and napping and laughing and talking and eating.

A lot of eating, eating, eating, and snacking, and fun, and hanging, and going to for tonight.

We're going to friends for Shabbat dinner.

So, we're going to be with 20 people hanging.

No one's house.

No one famous.

So, now you don't care.

No, I do care.

You shall.

I want to.

You know, I thought you were deep and I thought you were real, but all you want to know is what stars, house.

No, I want to know where you're going.

So, are you familiar?

Are you familiar with.

I thought maybe it was David Suisa.

I love David Suisa.

Well, I'm going to show you something.

Are you familiar with Tom Cruise?

We're going to him for Shabba's dinner.

Really?

No.

He's not Jewish.

I know he's sometimes dinner.

Anyway, no, it's just a friend in the neighborhood.

Can we have a chance to do that?

Have you had dinner?

You are, I'm not kidding, open invite.

Unless you're going to say, is this sincere too?

Like, my compliment was so sincere.

No, I hope I'm going to come over for a while.

Which doubts a sincere compliment?

From a comedian?

I know who does.

The same person.

Oh, here we go.

The blow-off.

The same person who meets you once for four and a half minutes and then shows up two weeks later to your podcast and goes, you blew me off.

That's the person that goes, this compliment is disingenuous.

You got to work on that.

I said you're near perfect, but we have what to work on.

And you know that.

You know your homework.

I love you.

I love you too.

Not in that way.

Yeah.

Are you doing anything that people can look at?

Just follow me on Instagram and go watch.

You know, I did a special.

It's on

no, Amazon Prime has chosen and taken, which is what I did years ago, but still holds up and still fun.

I did a new special.

I shot it at the comedy cellar one summer just by myself.

It's a half hour.

It's like a mini special.

Yeah, I went out and it's called Sets in the City instead of sex.

And it's Elon Gold's favorite people, and it's kind of a journey of who my favorite people are.

And it opens with me talking about Jews are my fourth favorite people.

I remember.

And it's all just a joke, and it's all just

a way to make fun of my people, other people, and with love and no hatred and racism and all that.

And you want to hear something super funny?

I can't wait.

You were on Adam Corolla's show like the day after me.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, not funny.

By the way, never preface something with want to hear something super funny and then just state a fact.

That's not really humorous in any way.

It's just interesting.

It's coincidental.

Coincidental.

You want to hear something coincidental?

We did the same show and it was the day after.

Super funny.

I'm primed.

I'm like, oh my God, I can't wait to fall off this chair.

This is exciting.

Hey, you want to hear something hilarious?

I was at Whole Foods yesterday and I ran to a friend of yours.

Wow.

You want to hear something hilarious?

This keto.

What is this?

What am I having?

I love those things.

I got to send it to you.

Can I send some of them?

I'm going to give you some.

I'm going to get them to send you a bunch.

I swear.

Yeah.

Because you.

I think my mind worked sharper.

I mean, not usually this funny.

Also, I got four hours of sleep last night.

You thought you were funny?

I thought I was for a minute.

I got four hours of sleep last night I need eight to really be sharp so this was helpful I'm happy four I'm gonna give you some yeah I got four and I didn't even get any last night it was very upsetting why

you know sometimes you just fall asleep a lot of nights you fall asleep but we were out late but then we came home and you know what what anyway it's not important am I getting too personal now no I will cut before that part or my wife will never get me action again why she'll please this is you you're so polite and lovely with your wife's life I am I feel like I know her yeah we're We're high school sweethearts, which is like, and the joke about if I'm not wearing my ring, how am I going to find my soulmate is even more meaningful because I actually did find my soulmate.

We're one of the lucky few that found each other and we're soulmates.

So it's like it's a life for it, no matter with the fighting every now and then and the disagreement, whatever it is, like you have to know, okay, so you're in this for life, so you got to just get past this, whatever this is.

But if you know you have your soulmate, you know to work on it.

And if it's not your soulmate, get rid of it and start again and find your soulmate.

That's why I love that ring joke because I found my soulmate.

But the fact that I'm not wearing a ring because I'm looking for my soulmate.

I also think that I don't necessarily agree that there's just one soulmate for everybody.

Oh, I didn't say that.

I think there are lots of people who there could be.

And I'm right now thinking about opening up my marriage.

So, are you my other soulmate?

I told you, 29 years of a closed marriage is a lot.

It's a long, long It's a long haul.

It's a long haul.

You want to know the secret to a good marriage?

Sure.

Three ways.

Anyway, I got to go.

Yeah.

You are so funny.

Okay, listen.

Actually,

I was going to go.

Let's wrap it up like Howard Stern.

Oh, well, this is very exciting.

We've said it all.

We've said it all.

Jen, we've done it all.

There's not much more to cover, Robin.

But this Jen, let me tell you, she's got it going on.

All right.

Why don't you just end it?

We should end it.

You should end it.

Thank you all for watching.

I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.