Episode 224: Tips On How To Be a Present, Working Parent

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Gresham.

All right.

Okay, we're going to talk about something.

We just changed topics of what we were going to talk about because it was happening in real time, which is working and being a mom, working and being a parent that is a present parent.

That's what I want to talk about.

Wait, this hat looks so cute on you, by the way.

Thanks.

I was about to say that.

You look great.

I feel like because I haven't seen your face all day, this is wonderful.

This is great.

Thank you.

The only reason why we're talking about this one today is because, so let me just give you a backstory.

Shawnee comes over and she's like, let's, we got to like do some solos.

And I'm like, yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it in my kitchen.

And she's like, don't do it in the kitchen.

We can't do it in the kitchen because if we do it in the kitchen, the kids are going to come home.

We're going to have to do this.

We're going to have to do that.

It's going to take five hours to do like three 10-minute episodes.

And I'm like, giving her a hard time.

I'm like, don't be ridiculous.

It'll take like no time.

We're going to knock it out.

We fine.

And this went on for a bit.

And lo and behold, what happens?

My kids come home from school and it is like becomes mayhem.

Mom, I want to watch the iPad.

Mom, I want to like watch do this.

And it was really like kind of like, it was like not World War III, but it was like a, it was like a whole thing in the house where like

where the kids are going to go, if I can watch an iPad, about the sports, when they're gonna go to the sports, the timing of everything, how I'm gonna like fit in certain things that I need to get done for work, then balance that out with what I'm gonna have to do with my kids for their schedule.

Let me tell you, it is, this is not an easy job.

If you want to be a good parent and have a thriving career, it is hard.

That is all I'm gonna say.

This is not really for it for, I'm not gonna like go and hype and philosophize all the other stuff, but I just want to say for people who are listening, if you are somebody who is a working parent, God bless you.

It is not easy.

I am with you.

It is hard.

And I think people who don't know don't know how hard it is to do both well.

And you need a real great support team, which is kind of what I really want to talk about, which is I'm, I'm amazed that more people don't give credit where credit's due.

I think that nobody is self-made in this world.

I don't think anyone can do a job on their own without having really good support people around them.

That's family, friends, workmates, whatever it is.

It's really hard, especially when you have a family.

And that's really what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about it.

I think that

we have to give ourselves a break.

And the guilt factor is something that is real.

And if it's not guilt, it's about figuring, constantly trying to like trial and error how to do it well.

I know you're only like 12, so you don't understand this yet.

I love how young you feel.

You make me feel so young every time I come here.

It's great.

Well, you know, you're young.

Like a middle schooler.

Well, kind of.

But you don't know.

People, like I said, people who don't know don't know, right?

And so

you also choose to do the podcast in the kitchen when you have a perfectly fine office downstairs.

Like we're on hour two and a half, and we've done two and a tiny bit of another hour.

And this is why, because Dylan, Dylan, God bless him, keeps on asking me something about the iPad or a snack or this.

This is what happens.

This is my point.

But if they're downstairs, that was a different story.

This is my point.

You went two and a half hours straight without getting interrupted during your interview.

And you do that consistently because you're downstairs.

You choose to do them inside of the kitchen.

I choose to do it because I want to be visible to my children.

This is the part that I'm telling you.

If you don't know, you don't know.

And if you're not a mother, you don't understand.

Sometimes it's really a good idea to be visible.

Tell us about why you like doing it in the the kitchen.

Don't lie.

Well, no, that's why I like to do it in the kitchen.

Oh, that's another reason.

I like that.

I think it's better here.

My office is a dungeon, but that's a whole other story.

I'll take it.

Not a dungeon.

That's like a okay.

That is the main.

Jen never tells me so she can be visible for her children.

She only ever says because of the lighting.

Had you said be visible for the children, I would have been more understanding.

So this is the first time I'm ever hearing a liar reasoning.

What do you talk about?

Okay, well, that's one of the things.

The truth of the matter is, that's the point that the point that I'm trying to make is it's very difficult to do both things really well and so you do a lot of like self-talk in your head like well if i'm working at least if i'm visible and i'm

they can see me around it's better but is it if you can't pay attention to them it's probably not that that much better it's better to maybe be more efficient well i guess which is leading me to my point more efficient and being not visible and doing it quicker and then then you can become more available and present because at the end of the day it's about having time that you are very present and focused as opposed to fragmented and fractured and then only spending, you know, 30% of your actual

brain capacity on being around.

Anyway,

no, that's good.

That's important.

No, I think it's, I think what happens is I think it's constantly, it's like a work in progress.

It's like, I don't have all the answers.

I'm just now just riffing with anybody who maybe understands what I'm talking about.

And maybe if you can relate, great.

And if not, well, then you could just fast forward this episode to the next one.

But this is what's going on in my head right now.

It's just really hard.

And I do the best I can like everybody else.

And we should be a little bit easy on ourselves, you know?

Like, that's the bottom line.

Like, sometimes it's okay that you're not fantastic every day.

And it's hard.

So that's all.

I think every single mom who has a career can understand that that.

I think even if they don't have a career, like getting just regular tasks and errands and stuff done when you have kids is like so difficult, especially when they're not of like autonomous age where you have to actually like look out for them and make sure that they don't get hurt or fall or, you know, if they need to be fed and things like that.

Well, I think it gets sometimes I think it gets actually people.

When my kids were babies, I actually thought that it was...

it was really hard then because they were not mobile like they you had to stay cold 24 hours you know you you couldn't just leave it's actually more difficult as they get older because their wants they it's their wants may be different and they may change but they're just as demanding on you like i'm not talking back to you Talking back to me.

But more than that, you become like an Uber.

Like basically, my schedule now is not my own.

It's like, what can I do around the schedule of my two kids, right?

One has to be at dance at this time.

My other one has to be at basketball.

Then he needs to be at soccer.

Then this one needs to be at gymnastics.

It's like, how do you navigate around the Uber?

That's literally what it is.

And then, like, what happens is you have to create a situation where you are way more efficient with your time, actually.

You got to be way more efficient with your time so you can actually knock out the things that you need to do for yourself to accommodate your kids' schedule.

So, you know, which is kind of funny because of this whole where am I going to do this podcast solo upstairs or downstairs?

Because on that one-off moment where I'm like, you know what, let's do it upstairs so I can be visible and I like it better up there because it looks better and all the other stuff.

Like at the end, it's become the antithesis of what I was trying to accomplish, which is efficiency.

Go figure.

That's what it is, right?

So anyway,

that's what what it is.

Most importantly, I guess the message of the day is: don't be hard on yourself.

Give yourself a pat on the back if you're trying to do both well.

It's hard.

I hear you.

I got you.

And I'm commiserating with you.

Wait, really quick, I think that you should, oh, well, this will segue into the next episode, but I want to give you your flowers because I think that what you do with Dylan, for example, is so valuable and important, and you never really give in.

And I think that that's really essential.

Like a lot of parents just throw their devices, and not to blame them by any means.

I'm sure I'm going to be quite the device parent myself.

I'm going to give them like an AI nanny.

But as in like the fact that you hold out on that and you really like force them to be creative and be outside and be active, that's really commendable.

And you never like relent,

no matter how hard or how much harder it is on you, you know that you're doing what's best for them and you stick to your guns on that.

And that's really freaking cool.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's really nice.

I appreciate that.

Let me say that.

That's what took all this time.

That's why these two,

that is why two and a half hours to do 10-minute two episodes has taken that long because I refuse to give in to this iPad mania.

Mania, which drives me crazy.

But it does, it is time consuming to do it better, to do it better, not to do it right, because there's been lots of times when I have to actually like give in.

I'm a human being, but yes.

So with that said, the actionable item, the takeaway for today, is don't be so hard on yourself.

Balance is not a real thing.

What you do learn is efficiency, and you do learn patience because you need tons of them.

That's it.

So go discuss it in the Facebook group.

In the Facebook group.

Or the mastermind.

Or leave me a review and tell me how you're coping and managing and doing.

That's it.