Authentic Confidence: 4 Steps To ATTRACTING What You Want

If you find yourself struggling with imposter syndrome, feeling frozen by insecurities, or overwhelmed with a critical voice in your head, I'm about to give you a four-step process that has the power to shift your entire life for good.

So, if you're ready to become the most authentically confident version of yourself, the version of yourself who takes the vision that you have for your life and turns it into reality, this is for you.

Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast. Today, we're diving into something that affects literally every area of your life: confidence.

And when I say confidence, I don't mean faking it till you make it or coming across as arrogant.

I mean a kind of unshakable confidence that allows you to speak your truth, go after your dreams and set boundaries without guilt, as well as navigate challenges without losing yourself in the process.

But here's the thing, most people don't realize that there is an authentic confidence already within you. And it's not about something that you need to build, create, or even find.

It's just something that you might need to uncover. It could just be clouded by insecure thoughts and feelings of inadequacy that were conditioned from a long time ago.

And so today we're diving into the powerful four-step process that I use with my clients and in my own life to access a deeper confidence that doesn't come and go.

And this isn't about positive thinking or power postures. This is about something much more profound and lasting.

And by the end of our time together, you'll see why so much of what we've been taught about confidence is backwards.

And you'll walk away with a practical framework to immediately transform how you show up in the world. Because here's what I know to be true.

Confidence is the difference between going for your dreams and staying stuck, trusting yourself to navigate hardship or being paralyzed by fear, and taking risks that create the life of your dreams or settling for what feels safe.

But before we dive into the four steps, I want to break down why a lot of confidence advice leaves us feeling even more insecure when we started.

So most approaches are what I call conditional confidence. And this is a confidence that only exists under certain conditions.

And the problem is, is that they're always changing and this is largely outside of our control. That's a confidence that's an outside in approach where we feel confident when we get the thing, right?

We achieve the goal or change our circumstance. And most of society sells us the idea that once we get the job or the partner or lose the weight, then we'll finally feel confident.

But here's the problem with this. If something gave you confidence, then ultimately it can be taken away.

And this can leave us feeling powerless and insecure because we're constantly trying to control outside circumstances to feel a certain way.

And so if your confidence is dependent on an external factor, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of anxiety and comparison. And I see this all the time.

Somebody gets the promotion that they thought would make them feel confident. And for a little while they do, but then they start worrying about performing well enough to keep it.

Or they find the partner that they thought would validate the worth, but then they become anxious about whether that person really loves them.

And so the gratification of achieving what they desired temporarily masks the wound that they were trying to run from.

But when we don't heal from the root, it continues to peek its head up, begging begging for our attention, no matter how much we accomplish or achieve.

And so instead, I'm going to teach you an inside out approach where you're going to learn how to work with and embrace the insecurity so that it stops running your life and you can embody an authentic confidence regardless of what's happening around you.

And to be super clear, this authentic confidence is always here. You don't need to achieve anything to access it.
It's independent of your circumstance, your bank account, or your relationship status.

And when we're connected to this deeper confidence, we're grounded in something that can't be taken away because it's part of our true nature.

We literally wake up out of the trance of being a victim to the goal.

And you're still going to follow your dreams and take action in the world, but it's coming from a different operating system, one that's rooted in freedom, not fear.

And it feels lighter because you're no longer chasing outcomes to feel whole. And that kind of freedom, no one can take away from you.

And part of that freedom is about how you express yourself, how you show up and speak your truth in the world. And I hear this from people all the time saying, I need to find my voice.

But this is one of the biggest misconceptions about confidence. You don't need to find your voice.
You already have a voice.

You just need to stop worrying about what other people think when you use it.

And your voice gets muffled not because it doesn't exist, but because you've learned to filter it through questioning how are people going to think of me.

And so before you speak up in a meeting, maybe you're calculating whether the idea is good enough. Or before you share your opinion, you're wondering if people are going to judge you.

Or before setting a boundary, you're worried about disappointing someone else. But here's what I've learned.

The people that are meant for you, the clients, the partners, your friends, they're attracted to your authentic voice, not your people-pleasing voice.

When you're constantly adjusting yourself to avoid judgment or criticism, you're actually not avoiding it. You're just delaying it.

Because you can't please everyone, trying to do so means you end up pleasing no one and then ultimately betraying yourself.

And your voice isn't something you have to find, it's something you have to free. And so now let's dive into the four-step process.

Before we dive back into today's conversation, I want to share something that can completely change your life.

If you're craving more than just inspiration and you want to actually live this work, then I have something special for you. I'm hosting a brand new five-day challenge called Self-Doubt to Sold Out.

And inside, I'm giving you powerful embodiment tools, some straight from my paid accredited certification program, to help you discover life-changing tools that you can apply on yourself right away, how to embody unshakable confidence and have a waitlist of dream clients, as well as how to heal your relationship with money so that you can attract the abundance that you truly desire.

So imagine feeling on purpose, doing what you love, making a real impact in the world and being financially rewarded for it. This is what this is about.

Since real transformation happens through embodiment work, I'll be doing live demos, group exercises, so you don't just hear it conceptually, but you actually embody breakthroughs every single day.

And so whether you're ready to expand your toolkit, you want to have greater impact or just experience a greater level of freedom, this challenge is for you.

And I'll be giving away daily prizes each day, but all you have to do is click the link in the show notes or go to alistenabriga.com forward slash challenge to save your spot while it's still available and free step one is to become aware of your thoughts and question them so here's what most people don't realize if you're feeling insecure there was a specific thought that created the feeling and most of the time we're so caught up in the feeling that we don't even notice the thoughts that are running in the background but really slow it down and get curious can you start to see the mental chatter that's creating the emotional experience?

And I'll give you an example. So let's say you're feeling insecure about speaking up in a meeting.

If you tune into the thoughts, you might notice yourself saying, everyone else is smarter than I am, or I don't have anything valuable to share. Or if I speak up, people are going to think I'm dumb.

I don't really belong here. It's like, if you're believing those things, no wonder you're feeling insecure, right? Anybody that we're believing those thoughts, they're going to feel the same way.

But here's the beautiful thing about bringing these thoughts into your conscious awareness. When you start to see them more objectively, you realize they're just thoughts.
They're not facts.

They're just old programs, often from childhood, still running in the background. And it's kind of like that refrigerator hum.
You don't even notice it until it's gone.

I remember when I was preparing to share my work on a major platform, and as I was getting ready, this old voice crept in telling me, I'm not ready yet. I didn't know what I was talking about.

And I was feeling like a fraud. And it was familiar.
That old story of inadequacy was really rooted in my past, but it was still surfacing in the present.

But because I had done the work enough, I knew they were just thoughts.

And so once I recognized these thoughts were just part of the old story, they weren't my truth, I was able to consciously choose a different narrative.

That really I was there to serve and I had something valuable to share. Whether people resonated with it or not, that wasn't my business.

My business was to honor my calling, to show up authentically and trust that the message I was there to share was going to reach the people who needed to hear it.

And from that place, I showed up completely differently. I wasn't trying to prove anything or to perfect anything.
I was just simply sharing from my heart. And the response was incredible.

Not only did I feel better, but I feel like it connected more with the audience. But most limited beliefs feel so real, we rarely think to question them.

But when you bring curiosity instead of judgment, you start to see that many of them, they're not even yours to begin with. You inherited them.
You pick them up along the way.

And once you see them for what they are, they start to lose the power that they had over you.

And to go back to the example of feeling insecure about speaking up in a meeting, the thought that everyone is smarter than me, is is that actually true? How could you know if that was true, right?

You're not going to know what everybody else knows. And even if somebody knows something more about the topic, it doesn't mean you have nothing to share that's contributing to the conversation.

Or take the belief that I don't belong here. What is the evidence you have for that? Were you invited to the meeting? Yes.
You weren't just hired for the job. Somebody's paying you to be there.

So the first step to transform something is to see it. And when you become aware of your limiting thoughts, you can start to question them.

This isn't about forcing yourself to think positive thoughts. It's about honestly examining whether the beliefs are actually true.

And psychologist Jane Wood at the University of Waterloo found that positive affirmations don't always boost confidence.

Actually, for people that have low self-esteem, repeating statements like, I'm a lovable person, often backfires, leaving them feeling worse than better.

So rather than saying affirmations to get rid of an insecure feeling, it's better to find evidence of the opposite. And this really grounds your mind in something specific.

So it's harder for it to debate. And here's a powerful question that I love to use.
Ask yourself, can I know without a shadow of a doubt that the belief that I'm telling myself is actually true?

And would I be willing to bet someone's life that I loved on the accuracy of that belief? And if not, why are you letting it run your life?

Okay, so now we're becoming aware of what the thoughts and beliefs are that have been holding ourselves back. We're ready for step two.

And this is a somatic approach that I call secure the insecurity.

It may feel a little counterintuitive at first, but most people try to get rid of insecurity and they push it down to to overcome it with positive thinking.

But what if I told you that the fastest way to confidence is actually to embrace the feeling of insecurity? So here's why this works.

When you're fighting against insecurity, you're giving it your power, trying to push it away, you're feeding it. And so actually what you avoid is what you create.
And so insecurity is just a feeling.

It's not a fact. It's just energy moving through your body like any other emotion.
And it's just looking to be felt and acknowledged. It wants your acceptance.

And so notice in your own life that people and sensations defend and resist to the degree that they don't feel accepted. But when you start to welcome them, then they change naturally on their own.

It's kind of like the game of opposites. But that's not why you do it because then that becomes a strategy to get rid of it.

And so watch out for that, but test it in your own life so that you can experience the power of it because most people don't see this and it is life changing.

And this being the second step would have meant that you've already questioned the stories that create the insecurity.

So now you're feeling insecurity as a sensation, breathing into it and allowing it to be here. And so do this as an experiment, just for one minute and see what happens.

But you have to let go of the image and the story to just breathe into it again as a sensation. And know that if resistance comes up in the process, just embrace the resistance.

But another important thing to make sure that you're successful with this is that when you're feeling some of those harder feelings, make sure that you have a sense of safety as the foundation first.

And if you're going to go into some of those bigger feelings or if you have big T-trauma, make sure to have a professional holding space for you, guiding you along the way.

I remember one time I worked with a woman who was afraid of public speaking, and she wanted to get free of this fear. So I challenged her to book her first talk.

What I love about coaching is that when you're willing to do the thing that you're afraid of, taking action activates the fear so it comes up and you don't hide from it.

And for her before the talk, she accessed a terror. I mean, like a gut-wrenching terror.
This was something much deeper than the talk.

And so in our session, she was courageous enough and willing to feel the deeper fear that this was bringing up for her, which is around rejection. And we had been working together for a while.

So she was pretty attuned. And in one session, after having booked that talk, she went for it.

Like she felt all the things that were held in her gut and deep tears came up and she was able to release them. Something lifted and it was powerful.

It was like she had gone into the belly of the beast and something cleared, helping relieve some of these pent-up feelings that she had been holding on to.

And it just needed about two minutes before it was gone. And she instantly felt lighter, calmer, and she knew it was complete.

It was like this reservoir of unexpressed built-up fear of being rejected had dried out.

And then after that deeper fear was presenced, she actually found out that she loved speaking and it opened up a whole new career for her.

But the most powerful part of this story is that she also didn't need to carry this fear of rejection with her moving forward because she had met and presenced it and it was released.

And so in freeing this pent-up energy, she felt more productive, more creative, and resourceful. This is the power of somatic work.

And so now that you've secured the insecurity, you're ready to move to step three, where I'm going to help you walk through embracing it emotionally, the part of you that feels insecure.

But let me know in the comments after having gone through the first two steps if you've had any insights or breakthroughs. And we still have two more steps to go.

But if you feel like you want to go even deeper and have me support you through this process, I'm doing a completely free five-day challenge that you can join in the link in the show notes.

But I just want to remind you that the insecure part of you is just that. It's a part of you, not the whole of you.
And so how you treat that part of you impacts your life in profound ways.

And so here's what I've discovered that most insecurity comes from wanting something outside of yourself, validation, approval, acceptance, and love.

Maybe we want people in the meeting to think that we're smart, or we want our clients to see the value we provide, or our partners to think that we're attractive, or our parents to be proud of us.

And all of this is normal. There's nothing wrong with it.

And so this is especially helpful in romantic relationships since oftentimes our partners are triggered when we're triggered or if we have an anxious attachment style.

And so learning how to meet yourself emotionally and reparent yourself is incredibly empowering. It's not just a nice idea.

It's a practical skill that changes the way you show up in the world as a result.

You learn to treat the part of you that's insecure like a scared child who's just looking to be seen, welcomed, and accepted.

This helps you not identify with it, but it also helps you learn to be with it.

And so the next time you're feeling insecure, imagine this is a part of you like a little child sitting in the corner feeling scared and alone. I want you to ask yourself, how would you be with them?

What do they need to hear from you? How can you offer them the reassurance that they're looking for from the world?

And some pointers for you to be successful with this, because a lot of people get this wrong, is that you don't want to be a cheerleader.

You're not saying, you don't need to feel this way, because thoughts aren't going to take away an emotion, right? They speak a different language, thoughts and emotions.

So what you want to do is you want to meet this part emotionally. And that can sound like, I'm sorry that you're hurting.
You don't have to do this alone. I'm here.
Tell me more, right?

You're kind of energetically getting on your knees and meeting this part. And you can see that you're not trying to get rid of it.
You're welcoming it and just being with it.

And I promise it may feel awkward at first, but it changes everything. Again, it's not that we don't receive those things from other people.

Of course, we will and we can, but it's about also feeling empowered to know how to give it to ourselves when we don't get it from others. And this isn't isn't about becoming self-absorbed.

It's about becoming internally resourced so that that external validation is nice when it comes, but you don't need it to feel good about yourself.

It's about talking to the insecure part of you in a way that allows it to feel accepted and seen rather than abandoned.

And once you begin to nurture the insecurity and tend to it within, you're naturally going to start coming back to your authentic, magnetic, and confident state of being.

And so now that you're beginning to embrace the part of you that once felt rejected, you're ready for step four.

And step four is a simple yet powerful practice that will help you to continue coming back to your authentic confidence. And I call this tool the success journal, and it's exactly how it sounds.

It's a journal where you track your successes.

And here's why it's supportive for building your confidence, because most people are trained to focus on what's wrong, where they need to improve and what they're not doing well enough.

And that can definitely have its place. But if that's all you're looking at, then you're going to stunt your growth.

And so the success journal helps you retrain your brain to notice what's working, what you're doing well, and find evidence of where you are capable.

And this is especially important in the beginning of developing any new skill. So I had a coach I was working with who wasn't feeling confident in her coaching abilities.

And she was looking at the ways that she could improve, which is holding her back because she couldn't see her strengths as well.

She started with a client she already worked with and just writing those successes on the first day, she realized how strong of a coach she already was.

Then she tracked her successes weekly and this helped her to see the whole picture.

So instead of just seeing what was wrong, she could see ways that she could improve, but she also now held her strengths as well. So here's how to set this up.

At the end of the day, you want to write three to five things that went well and they don't have to be huge accomplishments.

So maybe you spoke up in a meeting or maybe you set a boundary with a family member or you tried something even though you were scared.

So the key is to track things that are within your control and how you showed up, the choices that you made, the risks that you took, not the outcomes that are dependent on other people.

And this is a simple practice that will retrain your brain to notice the evidence and your confidence as well as your capabilities.

So now that you have these four steps, you can practice daily to realize your authentic confidence.

And when you consistently apply these steps, you embody a confidence that's reflected in every area of your life.

In your relationships, you won't settle for anything less than you're offering yourself. And you go after your dreams to take aligned action and create the life you really desire.

I've seen clients use this process to finally start businesses they've been dreaming about for years, end toxic relationships that were draining them, and set healthy boundaries with family members for the first time.

And so once you accept the insecurity that you were avoiding, you allow yourself to freely and authentically express yourself.

And you find yourself naturally speaking up in meetings when you have something to contribute. You also set boundaries without guilt because you know your needs matter.

And you go after opportunities that excite you instead of playing small. And here's what's even more beautiful.

When you're not constantly worried about what people think or second guessing every decision or being a victim to your goal, you tap into a level of peace and freedom that most people never experience.

And you become what I call authentically confident.

Not because you're reckless or arrogant, but because you're so grounded in yourself that you're willing to risk disapproval of others to live your truth. And this is true power.

not power over others, but power fueled within yourself.

The power to choose your response in any situation, and the power to know how to come back to your center, no matter what's happening around you. And so I want to close with this.

Real healing is a change of behavior. And I could give you these four steps, but you have to actually use them to see results.
And knowledge without application is just entertainment.

And transformation happens when you take what you've learned and put it into practice in your real life.

So I want to invite you to pick one area of your life that you've been feeling insecure playing small.

It could be work, it could be relationships, money, or even your health, anywhere you've been letting this fear make your decisions.

And apply these four steps to that specific situation so you can start becoming aware of the thoughts, somatically breathe into the insecurity, emotionally embrace the part of you that feels insecure, and then create the success journal to rewire your brain to also celebrate your wins.

And then this is the most important part. Take one simple step from this new place.
You send the email, you have the hard conversation, you make the ask, set the boundary, or apply for that job.

Because confidence isn't just a feeling, it's a way of being in the world. And the only way to develop that way of being is through practice.

And the work we did together is transformational, but it's only the beginning.

And so if you want to take this work deeper and really embody unshakable confidence in every area of your life, I have something special for you.

So I'm hosting a free five-day challenge where I'm going to help you transform not just your confidence, but your entire relationship with yourself and your ability to create the life that you want.

I'll teach you how to unlock financial freedom from the inside out and share powerful embodiment tools from my training as a licensed somatic psychotherapist.

I'll also be coaching you live, bringing up people to do demonstrations and guiding you through transformational group exercises so that you have practical tools you can start using right away.

And this is for anyone interested in personal development work or for new and experienced coaches, therapists, and healers working in any niche.

And because this is live, you're going to be part of a supportive community who are stepping into their power and making the impact that they know that they're here to make.

And you can register for free through the link in the show notes or go to alissinobriga.com forward slash challenge. But remember, you don't need to find your confidence.
You need to free it.

You don't need to become different. You just need to remember who you already are underneath all the insecure thoughts and feelings.
And once you do, you become magnetic to everything you desire.

And from this place, you naturally draw in opportunities and relationships that are aligned with your truth. And the world needs your authentic voice, your unique gifts, and your beautiful dreams.

And so here's to experiencing the freedom and power that comes with being unapologetically confident in who you truly are. And I'll see you in the challenge.

And until then, I hope these steps have served you. Know that your future self is thanking you for doing the work.
I cannot wait to see you live.

Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference.

And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost-free way to support us is by following us. It does help us grow and we are so grateful.
Leave a review on Apple or Spotify.

Submit a screenshot of that and upload it to alyssenabrigate.com forward slash podcast.

As a thank you gift, we will be sending you one of the most powerful tools that you can use on any area of your life to help you tap into your full potential so that you don't let fear hold you back.

from really stepping into your dreams. I have so much more magic I want to share with you and I cannot wait to do that soon.

But for now, I just want to say thank you so much for being an example of what it's like to live with an open heart and mind in the world.