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The Heed the Call Podcast.

Can't remember the lyrics to the Eagles fight song.

Hello and welcome to Heed the Call.

Dan Hans is here.

Yes, with Mark Sessler.

It is week three of this fine program.

Real football returns next week, a week from Thursday.

Can you believe it?

But I don't care about any of that, Sess Dog.

All I'm thinking about is tonight,

hotel rooftop for some drinks, and then to a fancy steakhouse for dinner.

It is Mark Sessler.

It is Justin Graver.

It is Colt McCoy.

Oh, baby.

Here we go.

Yes, Justin.

Sorry, Mark.

Before you can jump in.

Justin, yes.

Yeah.

Hey, Dan.

What's up?

No, I just wanted to pop into the screen here for this conversation, but yes, super excited about.

Oh, no, Mark.

Mark.

Mark.

I mean,

we can see how this is going to go.

We can see how this is going to go.

He's an excited little puppy.

You know, I feel a little bit of a tingle, too, about the whole concept of it all.

But, you know, I've been meditating on it over the weekend and just thought, you know, the really only chance that you have is to go be yourself.

And

yeah, obviously I'm not overthinking it.

What could go wrong?

You sound nervous, I'm not going to lie.

No, I think if it's on a rooftop, it might just leap off the rooftop if it goes as you guys claim it will so there's always that option i didn't claim it was going to go anyway i always well i mean you know when we discuss

like what if they test run our show a little and like they're discussing they're hearing us discuss this that only adds layers of um awkwardness to it

you know i mean it is justin have you i know mark hasn't met colt mccoy and those that are new to the show mark had such a a passion for colt mccoy the man the football player the former cleveland browns uh was he a first-round pick of the Browns?

He was not, but he was their starter as a rookie.

Third-round pick.

Yeah, former starting quarterback of the Browns.

But it was not just that he was a player, the integrity of the man, what he represented.

Mark named his son after Colt McCoy.

So he's meeting the man who is his son's namesake.

Think about that and the pressure that must be mounting within a person that,

and, you know, realness prone to anxiety.

And for Mark Sessler, I imagine this is a huge moment.

Then you have Justin.

Yes, he has some puppy dog energy.

He's young.

He's hungry.

He's ambitious.

And he is a UT grad, the legend of the Longhorns, a quarterback.

There's a list of them, but Colt McCoy is near the top, at least amongst his generation of passers.

So Justin's going to go in there, and I think he's going to go in there to win in terms of the interaction.

So it's just all we could do is sit back, or all I could do is sit back and have that Tito's with, I don't know, Jake Gruden, who I think's joining us.

James Palmer, our buddy, is going to be there.

Just sit back and enjoy the show.

I mean, look, like, I also drink Tito's, and so there is the chance that I will be in a relaxed state at some point during the evening.

Well, be careful, but like, I'm just going to say, like, you know, it's,

I think it's going to be to another man kind of weird that I named a child after him.

So that automatically is a very bizarre setup.

And I know that there are forces within our wonderful new company that are amped up by the concept of this meeting.

So there is, you know, I can feel like the vice tightening, but I'm going to find a way to just be as mark as i can um from a to z

unbelievable you've got me on the edge now i have to tell you underdog who was our fine partner uh with this enterprise has really helped us along every stage of this process and but this dinner that uh the grand pooba tim livingston is has set up i mean it's near the top of the list so justin be yourself and guys

We all represent this brand, heed the call.

So let's just make sure we make a good impression collectively.

You know, more pressure.

I have not met Colt McCoy before.

You mentioned Mark has not met him.

I did see him at the Super Bowl the last time we were doing a show together when we were there in Phoenix.

Yes.

And I so did I.

And from 20 feet away, I yelled, hook him.

And he looked over and he flashed me the horns.

So

I would note in person that because I saw him in that hotel lobby too before we left to go do a show.

And like I was, I had fanboyed out to the degree where I was sitting down and I kind of just couldn't even approach him or anything, but he looked strikingly handsome from about 25 feet away.

Like

more than you'd think.

It's one of those in-person, I mean, that's the same way I felt about when I saw like Eli Manning for the first time.

It's like, oh, he's giant and he's way more handsome than the average person.

Make sure you tell him that as well.

Like, I don't want to weird you out.

I don't want to weird you out, but I named my son after you.

And also, when I saw you for the first time in person, you were hotter than I expected.

Get that stuff out there up top.

Multiple alarm bells for the former quarterback.

And last thing, I can't wait to see the seating arrangement.

And because I'll tell you something, Mark, you know it.

Gravedigger.

The kid, he's going to go for it.

You know he's going to go for it.

So it's a matter of, are you going to match him or are you going to lay in the weeds a little bit?

Like, what's the play?

No, I'm going to be chilled out, you know, that kind of vibe, a chilled out vibe.

All right, speaking of underdog, before we get into today's show, which is one of my favorites of every late summer, is team slogans for the 2024 season.

We're also going to do a little bit of news, but first, some housekeeping.

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Let's hit the news.

You know, you can get in those situations, and it's a test of wills, you know?

And I was proud of each of the guys

and

the two women that were around that elevator.

I mean,

that's a win.

You know, you feel good about yourself.

You were challenged, and it was a test of will, and you pull it down, you know, or pull it in.

And it was hot.

You know, I was watching as each person came off the elevator.

I mean,

sweating, and, you know, some

had the shirt off.

I mean,

Justin Herbert, his hair was a little wet, but his shirt was completely dry.

That's another thing that blew me away.

I am so happy

that Jim Harbaugh is back in our lives in the NFL.

Yes, if you, if it and it wouldn't be on you if you thought at the beginning of that clip he was talking about some old battle, maybe his Colts AFC championship game performance or one of the great Niners teams of yesterday.

No, he's talking about a bunch of Chargers people getting caught in an elevator recently.

And it is that mark, that

seriousness that he speaks on every topic where you can't tell if he's kind of with you a little bit.

But I don't think he is.

I think everything he talks about, even something as mundane as an elevator issue, he discusses it as if you've climbed Mount Kilmanjaro.

Yeah, it was

a military operation.

I mean, I thought it was a great detail to announce to the world that your quarterback came out of this with an unsweaty shirt.

Because that's like, oh, that's someone that's exactly the qualities you're looking for.

He absolutely was ready for the challenge.

And I mean, I've been stuck in an elevator once or twice, not to that extent.

You know, I thought it was nice for him to congratulate the two females and their performance, too.

One of them was the wife of Dan Fouts, by the way.

So you're talking about the spouse of a Chargers legend watching the current quarterback perform under pressure with total poise.

Very impressive.

Unless it was a stunt enacted by Harbaugh to come out of it with this sort of talking point.

That is always an option, but I believe that it was a factual event.

Yeah, that's fair.

All right, let's do some news.

Harbaugh's back, man, and I'm buying in on the Chargers.

Let's see what happens.

Let's do some news with Justin Graver.

What's up, buddy?

All right.

John Machota of the Athletic covers the Cowboys is reporting that all-pro cornerback Deron Bland is set to undergo foot surgery that will keep him out for six to eight weeks.

Jerry Jones said he expects him to miss four to five games.

According to Machota, Bland experienced some foot discomfort on Wednesday of last week during training camp.

They had an MRI to look at it and found a stress fracture in his foot.

So, Cowboys cornerback on one side, Trayvon Diggs coming back from the ACL that he suffered last year.

Now you got Deron Bland missing time.

Meanwhile, Stephon Gilmore, who they easily could have tried to bring back, is now a Minnesota Viking.

So

tough.

Yeah, I mean, you know, this is another, this Cowboys roster is strange.

They've created a lot of their own issues.

This is a position, even, you know, before Bland's scenario here, a little thin.

There is a third-rounder, Kalen Carson, who, you know, just reading about the team,

sort of what's happened over this entire offseason, who has a chance along with with Andrew Booth to step in there for Bland.

But Carson has turned heads.

And I know, you know, Jerry Jones came out and said, and it's such a Jerry Jones thing, Dan, but he's like, you know, I'm very, I'm still very impressed with this position group.

It's like, of course you are.

You're impressed with everything no matter what.

But they do, they, I will say one thing about the Cowboys, they have found a way through the draft, year after year, to hit on players.

That is one thing that the old Cowboys under Jerry Jones did not do a good job of.

It has happened.

And I think if they found, if this guy, this third rounder, hits, then they can get to the month two of the season and get Bland back after a great year ago.

Yeah, and you just worry about what version of Bland shows up when he returns.

It's a foot injury, so will he be ready to hit the ground running?

Is that a type of injury that is susceptible to aggravation?

This was a player who was, he's a big risk-reward guy, gives up a lot of big plays, but also led the NFL with nine interceptions, five pick sixes.

So for a team that is really known for its playmakers, that guy was

with Diggs,

two big-time playmakers at the position, and now they're missing one for at least half the year.

What else in the news?

All right.

So, in New England, widely held belief around the league and sort of things that Gerard Mayo had been saying all along is that Jacoby Brissette would open the season as the starter in Sunday night's preseason game.

He got tackled really hard and appeared to suffer a little shoulder injury.

Mayo said it wasn't that bad, but on Monday morning, on a radio appearance on WEEI, gerard mayo maybe left the door open for drake may to possibly take over at some point probably still not before week one but it definitely raises eyebrows here's mayo on the radio monday morning it's a true competition uh and i would say at this current point you know drake has outplayed jacobi now i'm saying that we have to take in the full body of work you know going all the way back to the spring and the beginning of training camp and we'll see where we end up but those are the conversations that will happen here over the next couple of days yeah

I'm lowering Mark the over-under here to week two and a half

on whether or not Drake May will be the starting quarterback for the Patriots.

He will be.

It's a matter of when.

And I just interesting to me that Jake Brisket's taking shots in the final preseason game behind a terrible offensive line that was getting worked this weekend.

If he's healthy enough, and it sounds like he escaped major injury, he should be the week one starter based on the way reps have been handed out.

But the rope is going to be and the leash is going to be so short, I think, before you're going to see this kid.

But I mean, the positive here is that your rookie quarterback,

who the entire future hinges on, has outperformed a career backup.

I mean, and you know, Brissette is one of the better backups in the league, but like, I just think that this could have gone a lot of different ways.

Of all the rookies, though, I mean, you want to put him into a situation where he can thrive and see the game early on.

And this offensive line is tangled.

It's a bit of a disaster.

And I would rather throw Brissette out there early on just to kind of get a read of what this offense is, like in regular season action.

Tinfoil hat time.

Yes, he did suffer a throwing shoulder injury of some kind this weekend.

Is it more serious than coach is letting on, and now he's greasing the skids for your week one starting quarterback

who,

you know, you don't have to go out of your way to say the rookies outplayed the veteran, but maybe you do say that when all of a sudden it's like, yeah, we're actually going to maybe need this kid right away, so let's start juicing him up.

This will be something interesting to watch, Drake May, when he enters the scene for New England.

I think that tinfoil hat fits, by the way.

The other side of this is on Sunday night, Gerard Mayo, his post-game presser after the game, was directly asked, like, Jacoby Brissette, we saw him leave the game.

Would Drake May be the number two quarterback in season if something happened to Jacoby?

And he sort of said, like, I wish I could sit here 100% right now and say that that would be the case, but I need to go watch the film and I'll let you guys know tomorrow.

And I guess he watched the film and said Drake May is good, is out playing Jacoby.

And I thought the same thing watching the preseason game on Sunday night.

The offensive line, though, in the first half for the Patriots committed eight penalties.

The right tackle, a Corafour, committed three straight, or left tackle, committed three different illegal formation penalties where he just lined up too far back off the line of scrimmage.

And one of them erased a 40-plus-yard touchdown to KJ Osborne.

It was a really nice off-script play by Drake May.

I saw enough from Drake May on Sunday night to say he should be the starter.

Like, what are you doing?

I know the off-star week was an issue.

I'm convinced now.

I'm convinced.

What else is in the news?

All right, Jamar Chase finally back at practice for the first time this preseason.

He still has not signed a contract, but he's been in the building around the team the whole preseason training camp, but he has not stepped foot on the practice field.

On Sunday, he practiced for for the first time.

Is this an indication that he will play without a contract?

Is this an indication that a contract is on the way?

We don't know.

I would think so, right?

Mark, now we're two weeks out from the start of the season.

He's probably been planning to play week one all along, and he has to at some point start getting some live reps in practice.

So it all checks out that he's hoping it gets done, but he's you're going to see him on the field week one.

This was obviously the sign Bengals fans needed to see.

Yeah, I mean, he's, you know, obviously it's an offseason where you've seen 10 wide receivers sign $70 million deals, and it's like he's not one of them.

Like,

his camp is not thrilled about that, but his camp also would have been like, if you're not good, if you are going to hold out or threaten to in week one and really turn up the volume on this, well, you don't do what you've just done.

So, yes, he's going to play, and, you know, the Bengals Super Bowl window completely relies on this, and so it's great news on that front.

Yeah, I'll set this

a parallel here as Trent Williams in San Francisco, their future Hall of Fame left tackle.

This sounded like a little bit of carrying water for agents, but Jeremy Fowler of ESPN reported this morning on ESPN that Williams is willing to take his holdout into the regular season

unless he gets his contract reworked.

He's, you know, by many people's estimates, the best left tackle in the league.

I think he's the fourth highest paid.

So he wants that adjustment, and he seems like a guy at his age that

he can live with it.

I'll I'll see you in week four if I have to, to get what I want here.

But he is not practicing, so there's the difference that you can tell.

What else is in the news?

Nick Chubb will start the season on PUP, not totally unexpected after his devastating leg injury last year.

But if any Browns fans were holding out hope that he would make it back for week one, it looks like he's going to miss at least three or four weeks.

I like Jerome Ford.

I think that he's someone that showed growth in season last year, having to step in for Chubb.

I mean, so Chubb is gone for at least four weeks.

There's a lot going on with this team on offense because Jack Conklin, Jed Wills, who we talked about, who are both out of action and coming off big injuries and surgeries.

Conklin is off the PUP.

Jed Wills is off, and it sounds like he should be ready.

I don't love the fact that neither one of them have played, but they have played together before.

Greg Newsom, their great cornerback, is also off the PUP after hamstring surgery.

So a lot of like this Browns team, which has played their starters very little during the preseason and including their quarterback, you know, which that situation with his shoulder, it seems to me just to be trending downward.

I mean, even when he's healthy, it's like, who is this guy?

And like the health situation is not great.

So there's a lot of moving parts heading into a very quickly approaching week one, Dan.

Speaking of Sessler anxiety, what else is in the news, Justin?

The Chiefs have signed Juju Smith Schuster, who was surprisingly waived by the Patriots on August 9th after their first preseason game, he finds a home reuniting in Kansas City there with Mahomes and Andy Reid.

Love this setup.

I thought Smith Schuster has never been the same player he was in his early run with the Steelers, but he was a useful piece of a Super Bowl Champion Chiefs offense, and it gives them some wiggle room.

Obviously, you have the Hollywood Brown injury.

You have Rashid Rice's uncertain playing status, although it continues given on the pace of that legal case around Rice that he'll play maybe all of the the season, but we don't know for sure.

So Smith Schuster enters that picture.

I like it.

I think it's the right move.

Yeah, I mean, I think

this team has so many receivers, and

they just gathered them.

And it's not like there's this obvious, overt, number one guy.

But Juju is like, he fit into this offense in 2022.

He was productive, and he played a big part in the playoffs, too.

I just don't think he's as high in the pecking order as he was back then.

Did anything in retrospect now, because this isn't hindsight 2020, I remember thinking this in the moment, Juju Smith-Schuster signing a big deal with the New England Patriots post-Tom Brady, never felt like it was going to work.

It did not.

I wasn't surprised when he got released.

I know there was financial considerations that maybe made it surprising, but that was a bad fit, and he was not a player.

He was a progress stopper for the Patriots.

All right, what else?

All right, picking up the pace a little bit here.

Rams, inside linebacker, defensive captain Ernest Jones IV was granted permission to seek a trade over the weekend.

He's entering the final year of his rookie contract, but then he tweeted on Sunday that he did not request a trade.

So this whole situation just feels weird to me.

I don't know what that is.

Justin, he X'd.

He didn't tweet.

He X'd.

I don't know if they come up with a term for that.

I'm not sure.

I know.

Okay.

Go ahead.

I'm going to keep using tweeted.

Daryl Taylor, pass rusher, has been traded from the Seahawks to the Bears for a 2025 sixth-round pick.

This happened early in the weekend.

Taylor's been a productive player as a backup.

He's only started 13 games, but he has 21 and a half sacks over the course of three seasons.

And then the Seahawks play their preseason game.

Euchena Nuosa suffers an injury.

Wyatt Teller got him on a chop block, and he looked to be limping off the field.

He sort of walked off under his own power, but not really.

And it looked pretty serious.

Daryl Taylor, they just traded.

He's like the backup edge.

So now they lose.

Uchena Nuosu.

The Seahawks go out and trade for Trevis Gibson from Jacksonville.

Turning the sixth-round pick they just got from the Bears back to the Jags.

So they beef up their defensive line depth there.

But

that was a weird string of events, just bad timing for the Seahawks to trade away a guy that they would have ended up needing to rely on.

Well,

if you're this new Seahawks coaching staff and you're watching a key edge rusher go down on a totally illegal cut block, it's like, wait a minute, no, no, no, no.

I'm sure those, I would imagine those coaching staffs had words after that because that's the kind of thing like, come on preseason.

No, no, no.

That's pretty much it for the news.

Jerry Jones gave a very profanity-laden interview uh to uh clarence hill of a new website in dallas all dlls.com he just said a lot of things but the biggest noteworthy thing was there's nobody that can come in here and be a gm any better than i can all right all right chair

put it this way the the cowboys are a um a successful entity in terms of business.

They're fantastically successful.

And even the product on the field, they've had a lot of winning seasons in recent years.

But if you were the general manager of any other team and you were on like a 30-year Super Bowl drought, you probably wouldn't keep the job.

But just both sides of the story there, Mark.

That's all.

Yeah, the only time that I ever interacted with Jerry Jones was very late at night in Indianapolis at the Combine, the Cowboys bus out in the street.

Jones had had a few.

I had had a few.

And he looked at me like I was John Hinkley.

So, you know,

that's how it works with him.

Sometimes he's just gonna say what he wants to say.

You're on like a Cal Ripken Jr.

like streak of John Hinkley references, the would-be presidential assassin.

Good job, Mark.

That's what I'm here for.

Ooh, and speaking of the Cowboys, we got some breaking news.

I love when it happens like this.

CD Lamb and the Dallas Cowboys have done business.

The wide receiver has agreed to a four-year $136 million contract extension.

NFL Network insiders Ian Rappaport and the Pellraiser reported Monday Lamb will also receive $100 million guaranteed and a wide receiver record $38 million signing bonus.

The deal will pay Lamb the second highest average annual salary at $34 million a year, just shy of Justin Jefferson, who got four years at $35 million per year.

This all lines up, Sus Dog, for CeeDee Lamb's worth, which is incalculable to the Cowboys.

And if you just look at his numbers last year, I think people even slept on how historically great CeeDee Lamb was last year.

And he was a bit of a slow build as a superstar prospect, came into the league with huge expectations, but then fully realized them and now has gotten paid for it.

So check some a big, big check mark off the Dallas to-do list.

Yeah, you were ahead of the CeeDee Lamb entering the superstar club on our previous show.

You were banging the table for that for months.

It's funny, we just talked about Jamar Chase.

Like, now it's just another guy that's that,

we knew this deal was going to happen at some point.

Like, you cannot be after the stink of this offseason, the Dallas Cowboys with your high expectations going into the year, minus the most key player on your offense beyond your quarterback.

It's just crazy to me that in the last couple of years, you got Justin Jefferson, CeeDee Lamb, A.J.

Brown, Amon Ross St.

Brown, Tyreek Hill, Jalen Waddell, Devontae Adams, no Jamar Chase.

I don't know.

For me, I think that that does not sit well for me, but I think that CeeDee Lamb,

there is no reason to think with the way that they are not that deep at wide receiver, that he is not going to be leaned on just as heavily and turn out a season that could look a lot like last year, barring any sort of injuries to Dak Prescott.

Yeah, this is going to be an offense gravedigger that loves to throw the ball.

CeeDee Lamb and Dak have impeccable chemistry together.

I know there are other options on the Cowboys' offense, but there's nothing and no one that's going to stop Lamb from potentially maybe this side of Justin Jefferson,

not coincidentally, being the biggest target monster in the league.

So, yes, if you have CeeDee Lamb in your fantasy league of record, for instance, I'm one of those people.

This is great news.

And if you're a Cowboys fan, Justin, the bigger question now beyond this is, okay, well, now you paid this guy and you have other superstars to pay.

Is this the last season that Dak and CeeDee Lamb are together?

We're going to see, but they got to make hay while there is hay to be made this season.

Yeah, I mean, you got Dak who wants a new contract.

You've got Micah Parsons who wants a new contract.

And what's interesting to me is this Cowboys team, remember we talked to CeeDee Lamb at the Super Bowl a couple of years ago?

And one of the things he said was, we need more horses on offense.

Well, you pay CeeDee Lamb $34 million a year.

It makes it a little difficult to get more horses.

And they don't have as many as they did when we talked to him.

I mean, that was two years ago.

Now Brandon Cooks, who's dealing with a minor injury during training camp, they hope Jalen Tolbert can become a guy.

The running back situation is, I don't know.

I mean, Zeke hasn't looked like his old self.

You got Rico Gaudel, Royce Freeman.

He's, yeah, so

that's what they're worried about.

The catalogue is banging this drum over and over, but there really is a window for teams.

And when you have, when you hit, like my favorite team, the New York Jets, are in the exact same place with some young superstar talents.

And if you don't get it in those three or four years before the contracts are due, in addition to having a quarterback you have to pay, you might not ever get it.

So in a lot of ways, I think the Cowboys had their chance with this core.

And now it's going to get remarkably more difficult.

But

CD deserves this payday and congrats to him.

One little note.

I like the trend of news and events happening during our episodes here at Underdog versus a pretty consistent trend where we'd be driving home from a show and news would break as you're like listening to AM radio and it's just like,

but we also brought Tom Brokaw over with us, which I think was a massive and a violent coup d'état on some level.

Again, I would put power rankings would be Jason Zumwalt one, Tom Brokaw two, in terms of like big actors.

And then, you know, Justin three, bronze medal for Justin.

A deep three.

I'll take that.

All right.

I won't take that.

I will say this is my favorite time of year because this is like we've been speculating on all these guys for months and weeks and months.

And Jamar Chase, finally back at practice.

CeeDee Lamb signs the deal.

It's like, what's up with Brandon Ayuk?

We talked about Trent Williams.

Like, let's be real, it's all going to get done, right?

And we'll have finally some clarity at what this NFL season will look like starting now and over the next week and a half.

And can we maybe learn from this that it always plays out this way?

No, no.

The big guys almost always get paid, and that's just the way it works.

So the people that are hand-wringing and freaking out with their high-level Cognizante takes in May and June and just chill out.

Just chill out.

All right, let's take a break and then we do some team slogans with good friend Connor Orr.

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What's he gonna say

today?

NFC.

Christmas comes today.

It's Connor.

Oh,

welcome back.

Regular contributor to the He the Call program.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Connor Orr.

How do you like that?

That's like one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me in my life.

Grave digger, who's the background on that?

Because we put out a call, in case people missed last week, Connor Orr theme song, Something in the Vein of a Grateful Dead type vibe, and that was spot on who we got there, Gravy.

John Bukovach.

Bukavac, sorry if I say it wrong, Bukovach, I'm assuming, who also has a band camp that people can check out.

It's vncall.bandcamp.com.

That's v-i-e-n-k-o-h-l.bandcamp.com.

If you want to hear more from the great John Bukovich, great job, John.

To juxtapose how happy I am to hear this against how mad I was

when at the old place you did the Connor Orlando song, it's impossible.

It's impossible for me to

put into words the juxtaposition of that.

Are you talking about Connor Orlando today?

You guys have no, like I I was so mad at all of you for like I kind of was taking it out on everybody but I don't know if you had noticed but at that time I had blocked and unfollowed all of you on social media like everybody from NFL network everybody

like David Ely our boss like nobody could My boss like no one no one could contact me on social media.

I went so dark and I'm like brooding in this hotel room and then you're like come on the podcast and then there's this song that just makes me look so incredibly like I had to hold it together.

But this is like

I had no idea you were upset about the Pro Bowl center until you told me this like a few months ago.

But it's sort of like, you know, like when the when the Grinch's heart gets bigger and it breaks the thing, that's what happened.

I was like, you know what, this isn't that bad.

Would it have been healthier to maybe, you know, at the time, and you're a different man in many ways than you were back then.

There were some

anger issues at the workplace, if I recall, or just with your situation.

But maybe just to tell us, hey, not a big fan of that, like, can we talk about it in person versus cutting us off on social.

I don't even know if I knew that happened.

I did it for like three weeks or maybe two weeks.

And then

I was, I was, I forget who was like, hey, you should probably

be more mature about this.

Probably my wife, because she was like, we need to work, so you should.

Unbelievable.

That's stunning.

And it does feel like a million years ago.

So we apologize.

And we hope that this now everything is better now.

I love the song, and I loved it so much.

Like, I'm saying that was my state of mind going into hearing the song versus out of it.

Whereas this one, my state of mind is excellent, and then hearing it even brings it to a different level.

Like, that was, like, that was really great.

Yeah, Connor, like, so Dan, Justin and Dan sent that out, like,

last week, right?

Last Thursday or Friday.

And, like, I literally listened to it about 25 times because I've been listening to the dead for, I think, 33 years at this point.

And the thing that the more I listened to it, I mean, he nailed the dead part of it.

The lyrics, if you go listen to it, the lyrics about you are spot on and they're kind of deady.

But there's little elements and little rivulets of fish in there, too, which is sort of the younger brother for many people of the Grateful Dead.

So, I mean, it is like a legit bona fide hit out of the gate.

And I will add that that's not the only submission we got.

We got a bunch, so we'll play those as the weeks pass pass and months pass.

Connor, we have you on today, and Connor, of course, is a regular on Heed the Call, and will be starting next week a twice-a-week presence, and we are so excited for that.

This is one of my favorite recurring or segments:

team slogans.

So, we're going to kind of go through the league and based on, you know, with the NFL season beginning a week from Thursday, slogans, I want to kind of picture them as part of maybe promotional social reels, or maybe picture it on the front of a media guide.

What we're trying to do ultimately is help.

And based on our knowledge of where that team is at, what is a concise

phrasing of words that best illustrates where this team is at at this moment in time.

Why don't we go through it by division, starting with the AFC East and

the Buffalo Bills?

I'll get this one going.

The Buffalo Bills, you know how this is going to end.

Prepare yourself.

Yep.

How about you guys?

I had one for the Bills that I decided to

keep in the holster.

Like there were some.

Yeah, well, there were some that I was like, I kind of workshopped a few of them, not only with you, but some other people, and I was like, is this okay?

And then the Bills one was the one where they were like, no.

Really?

Well, now I want to, now we need to.

Yeah, now we need to text it.

Just say it, and I'll bleep it.

Yeah, he'll bleep the whole thing.

I feel like you'd have to bleep like the whole thing.

Yeah, bleep the whole thing.

And blur his mouth if we have to.

Go ahead.

That's a good way to start the segment.

I know.

I shouldn't have said anything.

How about

don't change it now.

Now you got to say it.

No.

Well, no, don't.

Now we don't want an alternate.

We want the one that's forbidden.

I know, I know.

All right.

Let's go to the Jets and then let me think about it.

And then

if I want to do it, I'll come back to it.

All right, the New York Jets.

You got anything, Mark?

I have the other two teams, and they have ceased.

Okay, do you have one, Connor, for the Jets?

Yeah, the Jets.

Is your life going too well?

Take on the Jets, a team that provides all the love and competence of a spiraling, drug-addled family member.

Yeah, that checks out.

I totally believe that.

Mine is similar, and just a little bit of context here.

For those that don't know, that the Jets going into last season, the fan base had never been more emotionally open about the chances of a real turnaround and perhaps the first trip to the Super Bowl since before the summer of Woodstock.

And we were then treated to the ultimate stomach punch,

of course, with the Aaron Rodgers Achilles.

So this season, now you have Aaron Rodgers back and you have roster gains made in multiple places and a general idea once more that the Jets

could be a team that's a real contender in the AFC.

And I keep thinking of the scene at the beginning of It, Stephen King's book Turn Movie, multiple times over, where Pennywise, the evil clown, is in the sewer and Jet fans are Georgie, the little boy in the yellow raincoat slicker, whose paper boat went down the curb and

down into the sewer.

And now here's Pennywise luring this

naive, hopeful young boy to his demise.

So that's the feeling I have entering a Jets season as a fan.

So the New York Jets, you'll float too.

When you're down here with me,

you float down!

And this is personal for Dan because I know Dan is one of the, you know, this is a phenomenon in our country, probably the world, that Dan is a legit fear of the concept of clowns.

It's not to him, you know, something fun that you'd

touch at a circus.

Touch isn't the right word.

Yeah.

I would not like to be touched by a clown.

So, yeah, the New York Jets, you'll float too.

The New England Patriots.

Okay, I got one for this.

Oh, shit, the preseason's over.

Feels a little ominous.

You know, what's coming up?

I got the New England Patriots.

It's not just the owners' Nikes that are cringe now.

I went with, it wasn't Bill, it wasn't Tom, it wasn't Robert.

It was always.

Brian.

Brian Belichick is like, I just thought it would be funny if they were wildly successful and he was the one that was like the whole time.

Like no one knew that he was the one.

See, people talk about Steve Belichick.

You don't hear him.

But even Steve is gone.

It's only Brian that's left.

It's only Brian.

Ominous that there's one Brian, one Belichick left behind after a messy exit.

Like, what is the dynamic there?

Interesting.

Just like walking around pretending that you're cool with everything.

Yeah.

All right, go ahead.

What's the Bills one, Connor?

All right, we'll hold it.

We'll hold it.

We'll come back to it.

Yes, Justin.

I got one for the Dolphins.

Oh, go ahead.

And this whole game isn't really my forte, so if this one sucks, I won't even give another one.

A lot of pressure on yourself here.

The Miami Dolphins.

It's a sprint, not a marathon.

That is good.

I like that.

You nailed it, Justin.

I've got a Dolphins.

They always

die off towards the end of the season.

Yeah, no,

no need to

have it.

We get it, we get it.

You absolutely hammered it.

And you described it, yeah, you explained it after.

That was even better.

Mark.

Dolphins,

no matter what Sunday brings, you still have your hidden subscription to that OnlyFans girl who builds complex Star Wars Lego sets minus pants.

There you go.

And mine is building off what Justin's saying, that they are a team that, you know, thrives early on and then fades when the weather turns cold.

So the Miami Dolphins, we are a pro-global warming organization.

Burn that fossil fuel, baby!

Social commentary.

All right, the AFC North starting with the Baltimore Ravens.

I don't got anything here.

What do you guys got?

I have one.

Our assured demise, one game into the postseason, will only embolden the glorious Lamarmie Hive.

Box checked, the season a total success.

It's a lot to fit on a media guide.

Well, we were only getting started on some of these.

The Cincinnati Bengals.

Sorry, Bengal.

What about you, Justin?

You want to jump back in the fray?

I'm afraid to ask.

All right, good.

The Cleveland Browns.

Mark, this one's for you.

Okay.

And Connor, who once upon a time nebulously was a Browns fan.

I never understood that.

The Cleveland Browns.

Yeah, I got this from their PR department.

They're still workshopping this.

So it's, you know, I think it could be truncated at some point, but here we go.

Ever have a woman buy a massive

Browns.

Ever have a woman buy a massive fur coat on your credit card, then dine alone while you toil at the bowling ball factory?

She eats a $200 steak, flirts with the waiter, and drinks three whiskeys and a glass of white wine before using your Amex to see a Broadway show, then crashes your car, leaves it by exit 41, and gets a ride home with a large state cop who allows her to take a scalding hot bath in his one-bedroom apartment.

That was our planet quarterback.

Hey, just out of curiosity, Mark, how many of your slogans connect to women on some level?

Some.

A number.

You're a sex addiction?

You got a problem with sex?

You're addicted to sex?

A sex addiction or something?

What is where is that?

Who is that?

Oh, that's

Jim Harbaugh talking to Jameis Winston, trying to get him ready for the draft.

The Cleveland Browns, only three more years of contractually bound self-loathing.

Dead on.

We got one, Con?

Yeah, I got the Exxon Valdiz is a benevolent, successful, and forward-thinking company.

Why does everyone keep asking us about the oil spill?

The Pittsburgh Steelers,

I shared last year that I have have a, when I watch the Steelers on offense, it reminds me of the old Ray Bradbury short story, all summer in a day,

just feel locked in that closet, can't get out of the closet.

So yeah, the Pittsburgh Steelers, another year locked in the closet.

No sunshine.

I've got a Steelers one.

It's

the vast majority of our fans can't read this message, and we're comfortable with that.

I love that.

Yeah, I've been noticing, and I think the listeners should be tracking this as well, that, and I love it.

I absolutely love it, that Mark's Browns fandom seems to be coming around with our new venture here.

And

if a love of Browns football, however complicated it might be at the quarterback position, is returning, that means a pure distilled hatred of the Pittsburgh Steelers is also back.

And I'm here for it.

You can't have one without the other.

It is yin and yang.

It is night and day.

Anything else from the Steelers?

I was working on like a field of dreams kind of thing or just a very short, like, you're going to love us when we bench Russell Wilson in week two.

Something like that.

Like, you know, it's happening.

It's coming.

I have another bad one that everyone will make.

Don't see.

You're setting yourself up to fail, Gravedigger.

Yes, just throw one out there, and then if it's bad, we'll let you know.

Okay.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, steal yourself for this offense.

I want you to do every single one.

I am loving Justin's the most.

Like, we lead with Justin on every team for the rest of this exercise.

All right, the AFC South.

Anyone got one for the Texans?

Nope.

Justin?

Please say yes.

How about the Indianapolis Colts?

Richard's son, more like Richard's fun.

Nailed it.

Try to beat that.

I'll give it a try.

I have to sing this one.

I haven't actually tried to sing this yet.

But then I actually texted Justin about this before, and so he'll play the audio.

Wait, Connor, do you want to sing along to it or do you want to give it a shot solo acoustic first?

What do you think would make a less terrible podcast?

Like, should I give it a go first?

Yeah.

Okay.

You should.

Okay.

You just have to do it.

Like, you can't, you can't, you know.

All right.

Grand champions, the most beautiful horses in the world.

Nailed it.

Not bad, right?

Yes.

Grand champions, the most beautiful horses in the world.

I thought that was a good performance.

I couldn't get that

commercial out of my head the other day.

Like, that played constantly on Nickelodeon.

It was a, it's like a Barbie kind of adjacent thing, but it's just horses and they have these magnetic mounts

to put like the food into it.

And I don't know why I couldn't stop thinking of it.

I just, I feel like there's going to be a large segment of the population and Colts fans in the Midwest.

They're going to be very confused, but the ones that know what that is are going to love that.

If you were a Colts fan born between like 1988 and 1991 with limited parental intervention after school.

Like, this is going to really hit like 412 of you are on fire right now.

The Jacksonville Jaguars.

Should anyone ever really trust a man named Trevor?

I just feel like Trevor is the name of a guy who tricks you into giving away power of attorney.

You know what I mean?

Like, and now we're going to say, go win a Super Bowl?

Okay, I got one for Jaguars.

Unreported but true.

Only four child-age fans have died in our somewhat concerning in-stadium swimming pool since 2014.

I always thought that's true.

I mean, I feel like if it is true, we shouldn't be using it on the show, so I think it's satire.

But I always thought that, did anybody else get the vibe?

There's always been like a very

adult

seediness to that pool.

Like, I don't remember ever seeing children in that pool, and I feel like it's one of those gross, like off-strip Vegas pools where you don't want to test the the water quality uh at a you know by the third quarter no but it's definitely adult um adult um shaped and sized bodies for the most part in that pool absolutely i would say if if there was a pool that maxed out the ratio of piss to water that would be

like right like it has to be all warm urine like how many yeah how many miller lights can be consumed before one must get out of the pool or you choose not to right you don't I don't think they do.

You don't get out.

A little warm current.

A lot of chlorine in that pool.

They probably just dump it in every quarter.

All right.

Up next,

the Tennessee Titans.

I would hope that Justin has one.

Speaking of Justin, the slogan I have is: Gravedigger's right.

Everything will go exactly to plan for us.

Yeah.

I agree.

Do you have a slogan?

I don't have a slogan, but I have a preseason takeaway.

All right.

Is this a good spot, guys, you think for a preseason takeaway?

I don't know.

I don't know if you know how dense of a takeaway it is, but sure.

Yeah, go ahead, Justin.

What do you got, bud?

Will Levis led all quarterbacks with more than six pass attempts this preseason in completion percentage, 84.6%.

He led all quarterbacks with more than 10 pass attempts in yards per attempt, 11.8.

Does it matter?

Probably not.

It's preseason.

But every quarterback was playing in preseason, and they didn't all lead every other quarterback in completion percentage and yards per attempt.

Just saying, that sounds like a good slogan, actually.

I like that.

Their offense looked good in this most recent game, too.

I thought.

Mark Sessler could also tell you that Detroit Lions

running back Zach Zenner led the league in rushing one preseason.

Didn't get the right amount of opportunity, I thought, when the real game started.

I do have a quick Titans one.

Yeah, same.

Plot twist: we go seven and ten.

I went with now featuring both of the hottest Callahans.

Like it.

Poor Terry Callahan's at home and, like, damn it, now I know I'm third.

All right, the AFC West,

the Denver Broncos, Bo knows third and long.

I went with the 2024 Denver Broncos playing out the string while our Machiavellian head coach decides who to hurl under the bus next.

Could be Bo Nicks.

Anybody else?

All right.

The Kansas City Chiefs.

I got one.

Okay, go ahead.

Being part and parcel of the deep state bone black government op has its merits.

Interesting.

You know what?

Mine kind of connects with that.

The Kansas City Chiefs, a disappointingly less hateable evil empire.

I hate that I can't, like, you want to talk about a villain.

The New England Patriots, as much as I, you know, load that team and that dynasty, that was a villain that you could get behind.

Like, like Darth Vader with Star Trek.

You could get behind someone like that in terms of who you hate.

You know what I'm saying, Mark?

Like, but you can't do the same thing with the Chiefs.

Like, why even bother?

I think it starts with, because I'll never forget, like, when we went to that Seahawks Patriots Super Bowl, the most incredible thing I've seen and the loudest I've ever heard a stadium was when, you know, that was after Deflate Gate, and you've got Belichick coming out of the tunnel with the hoodie up, and the place treated him like the Emperor or Darth Vader or someone that was a threat to the planet.

Brady got a different reaction, so I think it started with the head coach, but Andy Reid is like this

utility belt-wearing, like barbecue-eating, kind of lovable guy.

It's impossible to kind of dislike him, and there's not a lot of

honestly, by all accounts, like a good dude and a fantastic player.

Travis Kelsey is dating America's sweetheart.

It's just like,

I don't know.

I'm doing it right.

It's a tough one.

Speaking of Travis Kelsey, Dan.

Yes.

A new user, Kelsey free pick, just dropped on Underdog Fantasy.

So if you sign up for the Underdog Fantasy app, you're looking to play some action for week one.

There is a new free pick that just dropped, and that's Travis Kelsey.

Higher or lower than 0.0 yards

in the first game against the Baltimore Ravens to kick off the season.

You got to place that by Sunday.

That's, you know,

four or five days before the game actually starts.

But Underdog Fantasy app, sign up with the code HTC, get up to $1,000 in bonus cash, and you get to basically get a free win in one of those pick'em games.

That sounds good.

I like free wins.

Anybody else got one for the Chiefs?

Is it okay if it's just a tad long?

I don't know if it'll fit.

Oh, we'd love to hear it.

Have you been listening to Marks?

Okay.

And out from the door of the farmhouse came a long file of pigs, all walking around on their hind legs, and out came Napoleon himself, majestically upright, casting haughty glances from side to side, and with his dogs gamboling around him.

He carried a whip in his trotter.

There was a deadly silence.

Amazed, terrified, huddling together, the animals watched the long line of pigs march slowly around the yard.

It was as though the world had turned upside down.

Then there came a moment when at the first shock had worn off, and when in spite of everything, in spite of their terror of the dogs and of the habit, developed through long years of never complaining, never criticizing, no matter what happened, they might have uttered some word of protest, but in that moment, as though at a signal, all of the sheep burst out into a tremendous bleeding of four legs good, two legs better.

Four legs good, two legs better.

You can see that on the t-shirt.

It just basically, that's a long way of saying

sheep have become like Animal Farm, which is where that's from.

Oh, wow.

Everything that we have,

everything that they have despised, right?

They were the cool team, the party team, the rejects, the people that no one wants, and now they are going to be these insufferable collections of Hollywood types.

You know, they've become everything.

I think I, yeah, I like that.

I love that you went Animal Farm.

That is dark and beautiful.

Is there like a communistic approach to this that is related, or

you like the animals?

I just like the animals, yeah.

The Las Vegas Raiders.

I thought that this

kid that got interviewed at a Raiders game recently on the local Las Vegas news telecast, I think he could use anything from his interview.

You want to play a little bit of that, Justin?

If you're so into the NFL, you know your Raiders, I can tell right here.

How are you feeling with the team this year?

We're not going to the Super Bowl.

All right, Ellen.

I already know it.

We got a realistic Raiders fan here.

This is odd.

This is the first interview I've ever had like this.

The Super Bowl chances are not good, but what is it going to take for the Raiders to have a successful season, you think?

Not to get arrested.

There we go.

So I would go with either of those if we want to go with

the Las Vegas Raiders.

We're not going to the Super Bowl.

Or Las Vegas Raiders.

The goal is not to get arrested.

I feel like either one really sets, it kind of gives you, it's a tone setter, either one.

It's a level-headed Raiders fan.

That is a refreshing

change of course there.

Anyone else have one for the Raiders?

Lovely.

Purposely bad enough to divert suspicion while our future minority owner quarterback utilizes his broadcaster access to every facility to glean an insurmountable amount of intel that will propel us to forever glory.

Well done.

Gravedigger's got one.

All right, prepare yourself.

The Las Vegas Raiders, phone lines are open.

Devontae wants out.

I love you, man.

This isn't my thing, man.

I'm going to keep trying.

No, I love it, man.

I love it.

But yours is good.

See, you're giving us a little

substance to the meal there because the Devontae Adams saga hangs over the entire organization.

Mark, do you have one?

I do not.

Okay.

Moving on to the Los Angeles Chargers.

This one is in honor of

George Bluth, the patriarch of the Bluth family and the founder of the Bluth Company from the program Arrested Development.

This is what the slogan of the Los Angeles Chargers is.

Never promise crazy a baby.

I'll leave it at that.

Can't top that.

What do you got?

I went went with, you have no idea what we're capable of.

Just ask Connor Stallions.

Who?

The Michigan sign stealing guy that they pinned everything on.

Jim Harbup pinned everything.

That poor guy.

Yes.

That poor bastard.

Yeah.

There's always a guy that just,

you know, just like there's two ball boys buried under the mass pike up there in New England.

Yep, facts.

Same thing.

There's always somebody under the mass pike.

That's another way to put it.

You got one, Mark?

I you know what?

I went a little light on the AFC West, and my apologies to that division.

Don't, don't.

You got anything, Justin?

No.

Okay.

The NFC.

Let's start with the NFC East.

The Cowboys.

Even we know we are straining credulity at this point.

I wish they'd say that.

What do you guys got?

Anything?

I went with...

Same great New Orleans Saints financial crisis, even more unlikable huckster of an owner.

I love that we could say that now.

Good one.

Anybody else?

Okay, let's move on to the G-Men.

All right, I got one for the Giants.

Yes, we'll keep your January free to do your little precious sledding down a snow hill and wearing your scarf around town, frolicking around Saks Fifth Avenue, you ponderous clothes horse.

So that was like an anti-winter fun and kind of elitist take.

Like, yeah, elitist, like, yeah,

Exactly, exactly.

Very interesting.

We're the attitude I find the Giants to be right now.

What do you got?

They are what they say, a blue-blood Tiffany franchise.

So I follow.

Connor.

We can live without friends, but not without neighbors.

Oh.

Justin's like, damn it.

That was a good one.

I have a bad one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The New York Giants.

No, really.

We believe in Daniel Jones.

There we go.

I love it.

See, you keep the whole segment tethered.

That's why I love it, Justin.

Anybody have one for the Eagles?

I do.

Okay.

Not in love with it, but workshopping it.

We're here at the rough trap stage.

Shut up.

Everything's fine.

I think that's right.

How about,

oh, Washington Commanders.

Let's see.

Yeah, Washington Commanders.

What's up, Commanders fans?

Carson, you know what?

We'll let him do it.

The Washington Commanders, Colin.

What's up, Commanders fans?

Carson Wentz here, just landed in D.C.

I'm excited to get to work, excited to come in and compete.

And, you know, as we all know, excited to really go ahead and start to take command.

I know he's not there anymore, but I just want that to continue to be the slogan evermore.

Don't change it.

Don't change it.

Anyone else got a commander's one?

All right.

By the way, because I transcribed that, and it's always been funny, but when you look at it transcribed, excited to get to work, excited to come in and compete, and

you know, as we all know, excited to really go ahead and start to take command.

It's quite a word.

Excited.

How many exciteds is there in that?

You get the sense that Carson Wentz didn't, you know, pound his way through shrunken white at any point in his education.

The NFC North with the Chicago Bears.

Anybody got one?

I got one.

Everything we said about Justin Fields three years ago, but with a new guy.

I was on a similar

path.

How about the Detroit Lions?

I got one for the Lions here.

Let me dial it up.

This is better than that time Mark had to write an emergency story on Thanksgiving Day when Ndamik and Sue stomped Matt Schaub in his man region.

In his dick.

Yes.

I like man region.

Yes, things have changed in Detroit.

How about the Green Bay Packers?

So I Googled.

I have the worst one ever for the Packers.

I could probably one-up you, Justin.

Well, let's see.

Who do we choose here, Mark, to start?

This is going to be great.

Connor, you go first.

Yeah.

Okay, so I googled

song quotes with love in them, and then that's going to do a thing, right?

But

Justin, we knew that was you.

You didn't have to to tell us that.

One of the top ones was a song by Sarah McLaughlin called Ice Cream.

And the quote, like the hook is, our love is better than ice cream.

Better than anything else I've tried.

And I was like, I just thought that's like...

I heard it out of context, obviously, but in what world does that, do you hear that song and you're like, that's pretty good.

Well, that's the McLaughlin take.

I wonder what she's up to these days.

Just.

Not a lot.

Saving dying dogs.

That's right.

Good for her.

Always.

The Green Bay Packers.

A whole lot of love.

All you need is love.

Oh, no.

Love.

Love me do.

No, no, no, no.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

It's good, though, somehow.

It's like I want him to stop, and then I never want him to stop at the same time.

I feel like if I acknowledge how cringy and corny these are, it makes them somehow less.

I got a good one.

Here we go.

The Minnesota Vikings.

take a ride deep into the skull hole

anybody got that i got one from the vikings or is that just so perfect

the a the nfc south falcons anybody

i went with a bird may live in a cage but its spirit soars free as it takes flight in the imagination imagination.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

See?

I have a Panthers one when we get to that.

Okay, cool.

I got the Falcons ass backwards and damn proud of it.

How about the Panthers, Mark Sessler?

Here's a pitch: deep glasses of vodka beginning at 1 p.m.

in the Eastern time zone.

Yeah.

I went with, and thank you to dailypause.com for helping me with this one.

60 great quotes about your cat.

Dogs eat, but cats dine.

All right, the New Orleans Saints.

Anybody got a slogan?

I got one.

Concerningly little that glitters is gold and black.

How about the Bucks?

As long as Mike Evans is here, we'll be all right.

Did a lot of heavy lifting for that offense last year.

All right, the NFC West.

Anything for the cards?

Jay Zumwalt needs a slogan.

Let's give it a shot.

Yeah, I've got one.

Here we go, Cardinals.

We'll annoy you, but aren't most things annoying?

Even just having to get up and shower, put on a button-down shirt, listening to your dumb audiobook on the throughway toward your utterly doomed cube farm.

Shit is bleak.

All we do is F your Sunday.

I believe in that.

I believe in everything you just said.

Connor.

I went with, get ready, dicks.

We saved all your tweets making fun of the bus thing.

Remember that last year, like, Jonathan Gannon had the hard knock speech, and then everybody kind of got on him about that.

Love that.

You have one, Justin?

I thought you had one.

Looked like you had one.

Yeah, this is

either my worst one or my best one.

So we'll see, I guess.

Do it.

The Arizona Cardinals.

Shut your mouth.

Don't talk about them.

Let them come under the radar.

Silent, small.

That way, you'll never see them creeping up behind you and slitting your throat.

By far, your best one.

Beautifully done.

A nod to Jay Zumwalt and his iconic

drop-in on our previous episode.

Please check that out if you have not around the NFC in exactly 400 minutes.

All right, the Los Angeles Rams.

Anybody?

Maybe we can have Jordan do one when she appears next.

Yes, great call.

Jordan, I know you're listening.

Please give us a Rams slogan next time you're on the show.

The San Francisco 49ers, the 17th time is the charm.

I almost had one that was exactly like that.

I went in this this direction.

Last evening, we conducted a blood cult ceremony that involved wrapping Kyle Shanahan's naked body inside a massive slice of Bay Area fried dough, 13 and 4.

Whenever you get the head coach's nude body into your slogan, you gotta do it.

Yeah,

you got one, Connor?

Yeah, I did.

The San Francisco 49ers, just white enough on offense to be concerning.

I like that one.

And finally, the Seattle Seahawks.

That was the second one, by the way, that I workshopped with someone, and they were like, definitely don't do that.

And I was like, whatever, I'm going to do that one.

You can't do that.

It's out the gate.

It's out the gate.

The Seattle Seahawks.

I'm not going to hear the Bills, but okay.

Yeah, we'll get to it.

The Seattle Seahawks.

A Mike McDonald defense and the 16th best quarterback in the league.

Hello, competitive loss in the wild card round.

Anybody else?

All right.

And finally, yes, Connor's Buffalo Bills won the forbidden slogan that shall not be mentioned.

Again, if we need to, Justin, your discretion as producer, Connor's career, obviously, he's got a thriving

journalism enterprise going on with Sports Illustrated.

So if we have to do a pixelated mouth as well, we will bleep out everything.

This is only for the three people on this right now.

Most likely, let it rip, Connor.

The Buffalo Bills.

That's.

But there's nothing wrong with that.

You would have been funny.

But people will never know what it was.

People will never know.

I think it's better that we don't reveal it.

with this reaction that we're having.

It's like, it's fine, but you guys still can't hear it.

You'll never know.

I think it was tenable.

I think it was.

All right, there you go.

I have one last preseason take I want to give.

Okay, and

I have a little bonus one that's not about a team, or I could shelve it for another day if we'd like.

It's up to you.

It's about television.

No, we'd love to.

Whatever you got.

Yeah, it's about big television.

You know, I think it's a big part of what's happening with you and all.

So it's a

big television.

Yeah, just for the background here.

So this is in terms of

the broadcasting partners of the league?

Yes, essentially that's the slogan.

Yeah, it's essentially coming from them all, like a a balloon uh slogan um eight streaming services games every day of the week save for tuesday unidentified flying objects quietly controlled by league officials spying your every move the silent men who fly these crafts know your search history they will find and destroy anyone honoring baseball over professional football hockey over the nfl stop spending time with your children dogs cats animals in general are no longer part of the program flowers are a false flag the men in these crafts know where you drive your car when you tell your wife you're headed to the office to tidy up that big project.

These men are serious.

You will comply.

Football is family.

Everything checks out.

And Justin, I know you had mentioned you had something you wanted to share before.

And again,

If this show just became every episode, Justin doing slogans, I would listen to every second of the show.

So whatever you have to say, sir, I am ready to hear it.

You have one final takeaway?

Or a slogan?

What do you got?

This is not a slogan.

This is a takeaway from watching preseason and a concern that I have for the regular season.

I don't know if you guys noticed this, but every single, every single preseason game for three weeks, actually four weeks if you count the Hall of Fame game, but really the three main weeks.

Every single one started with some variation of, well, we got to look at the new NFL's dynamic kickoff here.

Every single game started that way.

And I get it that it's like a new thing that we got to like, we're going to talk about it a little bit and talk about the newness of it.

I just worry and wonder how long into the regular season this will be a thing.

Like, I guarantee every week one game is going to start with, well, here we go, the NFL's new dynamic kickoff.

Week two, it's going to be, well, last week we got our first look at the NFL's new dynamic kickoff.

By week five, it's going to be, we're still only a few weeks into this new dynamic kickoff.

What are these coordinators cooking up?

And week 18, I'm afraid, is going to be, well, we got through a whole season of the NFL's new dynamic kickoff.

So I just want our audience and our listeners to like, to think of me as they sit down to watch football next weekend and hear this in every game for the whole season.

That's fair, Mark.

Well, you know what?

You're speaking straight to my soul and my heart because these are the things that slowly wear a human down.

When you love something and it starts to go off track in a certain way, and it has to do with blumbering idiots that can't calm down with their messaging, it's this kind of thing.

It really should be not talked about that way after the first week.

Let it be part of, you know, the soup that we're involved in.

But you're exactly right.

I think it's prophetic the way you described how this will go down.

Thank you.

It's important.

I would say this, Connor, it's important if you're a broadcaster in the initial game and even

a couple weeks, because it is, you know, this is a new thing.

There's going to be some chaos involved.

But yes, at a certain point, you don't always have to speak to fill the time, which is ironic coming from this podcast, but you don't always have to talk.

Yeah, so I have a two-sided takeaway from this.

The first is that I do love the dynamic kickoff for one reason that I don't think anybody is discussing, and it's the fact that the special teams coordinator is sometimes like the position that the coach gives to like his friend, you know, like it just to like, and so this is the first time that like they've had all summer to come up with the homework assignment.

And then there's going to be like three or four people who do it really well.

And then like some guy that was just like, ah, shit, you know, and then doesn't have anything to it.

So I really, that's, that's why the kickoff is dynamic to me.

But

it almost, because you're saying those buddies, like,

you know, they don't have a ton to do.

They just got on the payroll.

But in this situation, when they're sitting in the backyard during the summer and they're sitting in front of a big bonfire and drinking their Bud Heavies and listening to Luke Bryant,

they had something to talk about all summer.

So, the guys that are the true summer bros, it's going to pay off for those guys, and you're going to see who actually doesn't have a strong relationship with those figures on the staff.

Yeah, but the other side of it is Justin's right.

And

I noticed this the other day: like, whenever there's like a game in New York, well, at MetLife Stadium, they're like, pizza, hot dog, statue of liberty, or like, no,

they're like, yes, and, and it'll be like that, but dynamic kickoff.

It's that, it's the same thing where we're just not coming up with something else to say, you know?

Like crime rate or, you know, something like that, you know?

Like, we don't need like another,

yeah, we, we don't need like a housing shortage, you know,

come back from break for an Eagles primetime game, and there's a cheesesteak being made.

Like, we have

it.

Yeah, yeah.

Some other stuff going on.

We saw a tense town hall meeting, and like someone who had just gotten their car tire axle damaged from like an unfixed city pothole.

You know, that would be Connor's too dangerous for national television pregame and post-game and current game shows.

All right.

Good stuff today.

Good show.

We'll be back

on Wednesday with our next episode and then another one later in the week.

And then starting next week, we do begin our regular season schedule.

And like we said, we're going to have Connor Orr twice a week.

Connor, you do have your day job with Sports Illustrated.

Any plugs you want to get in before we say goodbye?

Couple quick ones, okay?

So this will only take about 45 minutes.

The

football preview issue is on newsstands now.

It's awesome.

It's the coolest cover that I've been a a part of since I've been with the magazine, and it has like four or five really cool Dan Campbell stories that no one's heard.

It tells the story of Detroit City rebuilding as well as the Lions rebuilding.

And also,

coming out this week, I predicted every single game of the NFL season.

You did it again.

Be on the lookout for that.

How long does that take you, Connor?

Because that is one of the more fascinating

projects.

So after I was accosted by the Buccaneers general manager, I went back and revisited my process.

Yeah, he ambushed you at the combine, right?

We talked about this, but yeah, like, so there are consequences to putting yourself out there at this level in terms of predicting every game.

It's putting a bullseye on your own back.

For sure.

We've come to terms with that.

I asked him if he wanted to be a part of this year's, and he said no,

through a team spokesperson.

but um i did adjust my process to hopefully prevent that from happening again and i'm not saying i'm scared of

of picking a team to be bad but i think i the way that i laid it out made the buccaneers more of a target like i start with one team at the very top and then the losses just keep getting delayed until the point where i can't delay them any longer and then i'm like well okay the cardinals can only win one game this year because all the rest of these have to be losses.

I mean, put it this way.

If Connor blocked and motherfucked

out of the universe because of the Connor Orlando song

because of the Connor Orlando song, because

I wasn't allowed to go to the Super Bowl and everybody else was.

Of course.

I recalled that.

So I was mad, and then the song,

I was mad.

peak mad when the song hit me, but then I started transitioning into the man I am today.

And I'm saying, if that would have happened with Jason Light, the Bucks GM with old Connor, the Bucks are going 0-17 in this exercise.

I can guarantee it.

So we'll see where the Bucs land this time.

And yes, we'll be back in a couple days.

And Connor is going to be back with us all season, and we love it.

Until next time, please do what you must do and heat the call.

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