Jim Cornette Experience Special - Commercials Omnibus, Volume 4

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I don't know what to do.

I'm always in the dark.

The smoking deck shore smells like a dark bar.

Downy rinse fights stubborn odors in just one wash.

When impossible odors get stuck in, rinse it out.

like the midnight and the rock and roll.

He's in a fight for wrestling soul.

Using a racket and some mind control.

He's Jim Cornette.

The keys to the future held by the past.

And with tag team partner Barion Last, he sends this message out by podcast.

He's Jim Cornette.

Well, he's never afraid, cause won't

He never backs down from a fight.

He never wins the pony.

Cause his mama raised him right.

It's time

to prepare

your mind.

Get the experience.

Get the experience.

Get the experience of Jim Cornette.

Hello again, friends.

And you are our friends that great Brian last year.

You there, we are back on the bus, a very popular, regular edition of the bus, regular bus stop, I guess.

Commercials volume for the best of the drive-thru and the experience commercials with this man, the leader of the cult of Cornet, Mr.

Jim Cornette.

It's a magic bus, Brian.

It's a magic bus because we, you know, they ought not call these commercials.

They ought to call them public service announcements because we are announcing them to the public and doing them a service.

We're saving people money.

We're smartening people up to things.

If not for these commercials that we do on the program, Brian, people wouldn't have known that ExpressVPN sends crews over to get the people out of your walls that the internet service providers have put there to spy on you.

Well, they don't do that.

We've established they don't do that.

Well, and they wouldn't know that if you go to DraftKings, that you're guaranteed to win by betting on sports, by just just betting on every son of a bitch involved and then you have to win no guarantees let's again this is just the beginning of the omnibus i don't know why you're doing this in the intro well no i'm just saying without without this people wouldn't know that if you can get 25 off something anything on a website well if you buy five of those things that's 125 that means that you they're paying you to take them So they wouldn't know these things if it weren't for the commercials that we do here on the program.

They don't know these things and they won't know these things.

These things aren't true.

I'm not even sure exactly what I'm defending or fighting against, but I have a feeling you're just going to be.

You're just swimming upstream and you're battling against the tide, Brian.

Am I going to be tired?

And the tide is high.

Well, the tide is high and so am I.

But here we are.

Moving on.

Commercials volume four.

Why cause any more trouble?

Let's kick it off right now.

Ladies and gentlemen, back on the bus.

Commercials volume four.

A little heat, Jim alive update.

The Chinese spy balloon is now over North Carolina.

Shit, did it pass us already?

It must have.

I heard yesterday it was going to go by.

Well, I had asked them if they wouldn't mind swinging by and dropping some new action figures off on the way across Louisville.

Well, it's easier than waiting for that damn boat.

I guess so.

People want their figures.

They want them now.

When they want something, you know, that's the thing, Brian.

When people want something, they don't want to wait months and months and months.

They want it now.

And that's exactly what the people over at our friends at West Shore Home want to give you and want to do for you is do something right now.

As a matter of fact, they want to do it yesterday.

What are you waiting on?

You're just wasting your own time now.

Folks, they've just come with the program.

We got to introduce you to our friends, as I said, at West Shore Home.

They're the fastest growing.

shower and bath remodeling company in the United States.

And if you've seen the TV commercials, they're everywhere because this is a big-time deal.

They've got their fingers at all kinds of pies over at West Shore Home.

If you've seen the commercials, they fully replace your old shower or bathtub with the modern state-of-the-art

space age stuff they've got in one day.

And the way they do that is they send somebody, you schedule this, by the way, they don't just send somebody, it's going to show up.

You schedule.

The free in-home remodeling preview.

And one of these know-it-alls that knows everything about this comes over to your house when it's most convenient, mornings, afternoons, evenings, weekends, the overnight shift, whatever.

Invite them to come in at 3 o'clock in the morning.

There is no overnight

offerings at this time.

Offerings.

There are no.

Well, I know when they do the bathtub and shower remodel on some of these massage parlors, they got to go in after hours about 4 o'clock in the morning.

But anyway, what they'll do is they'll send somebody over to your place when you want to see them, and that's their design design consultants is what they are and you sit down with them and build your dream shower or bath now depending on what your dreams are like i don't know if they can do everything for heaven's sake you might have to worry about a skylight with somebody else but they've got laser etched designs built in seats shelves doors windows magnetic shower heads Just watch out you don't get your car too close.

As you're driving by, it'll fucking Zam right onto the fucking outside wall jerk you with it

but then once you've got all that established a couple of days later the remodeling professionals do a one-day bath replacement and they have the time-lapse photography on these tv commercials where they take out the old shit and they put in the new shit they do all the cleanup and it's ready to use before dinner And as we mentioned on the program last week, I didn't know that it was

an old custom that people would have dinner in their brand new bathtub or shower, but I guess is that what they do up in the Northeast, Brian?

It's just not a southern tradition yet?

Do we do what in the Northeast?

You have dinner in your new bathtub or shower.

It says right here, and they promise they will have this bathtub or shower ready to use before dinner.

Before dinner?

It has nothing to do with having dinner in the bathtub.

Well, what the fuck do you care whether it's ready by dinner or not, as long as they're still going to do it the same day?

You can eat dinner in your dining room unless you're going to eat dinner in your shower or bathtub.

Well, no, I think the idea is that some people are not comfortable sitting down and relaxing and having their evening meal while there are people still working in the house.

They'll be out of your house and done, and everything will be ready to go so you can take a nice shower right after your nice dinner.

Well, but then now, don't they get to eat something?

Aren't you going to offer them some dinner since they've been working at your house all day?

There's no obligation whether you feed the people that are helping you or not is up to you.

I don't even know why we're putting this out there.

You could at least give them a snack, but But you don't have to.

Do you feed the Monroes?

Do you feed the Monroes?

Yeah, I have.

You have or you do?

I've given them,

I'll look at some stuff in the freezer.

I'll say, Stace, that's freezer burnt.

I think it is poisonous.

You want to give it to the Monroes?

Oh, that's horrible.

Shit like that.

But you don't have to lift a finger on these bathtub and shower remodels because they do all the work for you.

And as a matter of fact, as we said, it's a one-day remodel.

They guarantee, I'll tell you what, here's what they do.

If you become one of these installers, the remodeling professionals over at West Shore Home, every day when you go into work, you have to take either your wife or one of your children.

If you're a single person, you've got to take your dog with you.

And you're going to leave the, they leave them at the main office.

And then they go out and they do the installation.

And if they know they have personal skin in the game now, if they don't want anything bad to happen, they need to get that installation done that day.

So these son of of a bitches, when they show up at your house, they're motivated to get this job done and done right.

That isn't how it works, ladies and gentlemen.

And then, if they do it like they're supposed to and get it done in one day, they'll go back to the main office and pick up their loved one.

There is no

for the record for the listeners and any law enforcement listening, there's no kidnapping involved in this process.

They're not, they're not kidnapping.

No one's being held.

No one's being held.

The fine people at West Shore Home will come out at a time you agree with, and they will do the work that you want them to do.

They'll finish in a quick and orderly fashion.

You'll be happy.

They will leave.

You will sit down and have dinner and then take a bath.

Well, it sounds fun.

What's so complicated about all that?

Sounds more fun the way that I said it.

But folks, right now,

you need to call West Shore Home.

I'm going to be doing that.

I'm going to be, as a matter of fact, doing what?

I'm going to be calling West Shore Home.

They're going to be doing a lot of stuff around the castle this year now that I've found them.

I'm sorry I didn't didn't know them when I did this last round last year, and now I'm going to make up for that.

And they're going to be over here.

They're going to be doing a variety of things.

But, folks, you need to call West Shore home if you live in or around

the following cities where they are available to serve you.

What are those?

Huh?

What are those cities?

I'll be glad to tell you what these cities are.

Louisville, Lexington, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Harrisburg, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Richmond, Salisbury, Virginia, Beach, Winston, Salem, Charlotte, Greenville, Asheville, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Charleston, Wilmington, Myrtle Beach, Greenville, New Bern, Columbia, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Orlando, Ocala, Tampa, Birmingham, Huntsville, Montgomery, Oklahoma City, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Phoenix, Denver, Colorado Springs, and Salt Lake City.

And they do windows and doors.

But I don't have enough fucking breath to tell you all about that.

So get on their website to see which locations you can request the free window and door remodeling preview, where they will preview the windows and doors they will remodel for free.

That's why they call it that.

And then they'll remodel them, but not for free.

But it's cheap, folks.

You'll be, you'll love them.

They're just a phone call away.

I'm swearing to you right now, all you got to do is check out promo.westshorehome.com

backslash jim promo dot westshore home dot com

backslash jim is that just a regular slash or is a backslash different than a regular slash well there's no honor in a backslash I've heard that but you'll get the fastest easiest and most convenient home remodeling experience that you'll ever have you won't have to lift a finger not not especially not a middle finger like I've given to some of my other remodeling people with the folks at West Shore Home.

But nevertheless.

When you look at Brock Lesnar from OVW and a Blaster Lashley from OVW,

there have been a lot of renovations to the characters of both men throughout the many years.

Boy, there have been.

And

it's so amazing that if I could find my arrow to put up the yes, I'll tell you another thing.

Now, don't, don't, don't start like that on this your program.

No, I mentioned to you, and you may be hearing some slight knocking and banging, because at the top of the program I was talking about, I had some problems with my electrical outlets.

And one of the rooms that I've had remodeled here at the castle over the past several months, well,

god dang it, all I can say is I wish that last summer I had known the folks at West Shore Home.

And now that I do, this summer and this remodeling season is going to be more stress-free for me because I know now what not to do and what to do and who I need to do it.

And West Shore Home is the fastest-growing, not only shower and bath remodeling company in the U.S., they also do windows and doors.

We're going to talk about that.

Any hole in the side of your home, they'll do it.

Or any place where you can get wet, they'll probably address that too.

But they fully replace your old shower or bathtub with their modern showers or baths in just one day.

And right before we went on the air today, I was watching another one of the TV commercials down here.

They're everywhere.

They got the time-lapse photography where they show, they come in, and let's say you've got a shower stuck in a bathroom somewhere.

There's mildew.

There's grottonness in the grout.

There's some kind of, I don't know, green fungus growing out from underneath the spigot and everything.

Cracks, crevices everywhere.

They rip all that shit out and they replace it with the brand new state-of-the-art space age designs in just one day, so it's ready for dinner time.

And Brian, you've informed me that folks, people don't eat dinner in their bathtub, they just like to have people, strangers, out of their bathtub by the time the dinner rolls around.

Well, that's what the folks of West Shore Home are going to do.

And they will come out beforehand and scope this situation out.

They'll send their design consultant out mornings, afternoons, evenings, weekends.

You and I have had a disagreement, Brian, as to whether they'll come 3, 4 a.m.

or not.

They won't.

I bet you they will if you're a sexy woman scantily clad.

No, they won't.

They are professional.

They are professional.

They are not Vince McMahon.

So you have nothing to do with it.

It's Valentine's Day season.

Potentially, there's some lady that's lonely and wants a serviceman to come over in the middle of the night.

You think this sexy young woman, I assume young, but this sexy woman.

It could be any.

We're not going to be ageist here.

She could be, she could be a senior.

Seniors need love too.

And she just needs a new bathtub in the middle of the night.

Needs a new bathtub or shower.

And maybe she's a senior citizen that's been longing for some human companionship and also needs a grab bar so she doesn't slip and take a bump.

Well, there you go.

Then

maybe she needs you to come over about 2 a.m.

and grab that bar.

But you were selling it before like it was something that would entice the wonderful people from West Shore home, a sexy woman and not an old lady who's lonely, but just lonely.

She's wearing a negligee.

But whatever time of day that the design consultant comes out, you get to build your dream shower or bath just the way you want it with laser-etched designs.

You could, like Sputnik Monroe used to have those boots.

You could have a big dick and balls probably designed on your shower if you wanted to, or anything else.

Built-in seats in case your shower and bath is so big that you get tired walking across it, you have to sit down.

I've got one in my shower, in my office bathroom.

Shelves, doors, the windows, the magnetic shower heads.

Again, watch out.

If anybody hauls a big load of metal right by you, if you're close enough to the road, that thing will fucking take off with you.

But they've got all that stuff and they'll show it to you.

You put everything together.

And then a few days later, the professionals do a one-day bath replacement.

As a matter of fact, they took a challenge on one of the recent commercials.

They did two bathrooms, same house, one day in between breakfast and dinner.

Of course, they had to drug the

homo

state of suspended animation.

So when they woke up, it had been three days, but they actually were just eating dinner.

I just felt like Damian Priest on Raw.

I saw a slow-moving train.

I was trying to stop it, trying to fix things, and it still happened.

You will not be drugged.

No, no, no.

Not unless you do it by your own hands.

Why?

Because you don't have to lift a finger.

You can sit around and get stoned all day long while these people are here because it's no

skin off your nose.

They do all the work.

It takes more effort to open up a bottle of whiskey and have a drink, or it takes more effort than just hopping on to Brock Lesnar's wife for four or five hours, or whatever the case may be.

Four or five hours.

How old is Sable now?

That's oh boy.

I don't know.

She's older than you, isn't she?

She was a Sharpe puppy in 98.

But anyway, they'll take out the old shower or bath, throw it right out in your backyard for you.

The kids can play with it.

No, the kids cannot play with an old bathtub, which won't be in your backyard.

The fine people from West Shore Home do not leave plumbing supplies in your yard.

Well, I thought that is, oh, that's a refrigerator that the kids aren't supposed to play.

They can play with bathtubs, I thought.

How about play with showers and read books?

Do not play with

discarded bathroom furniture.

If it's just leaning up there in the backyard, but West Shore Home, they'll haul that off too, right?

Because I get what it says, they do all the cleanup.

Yeah, and that's part of the before dinner.

They'll set your table for dinner also.

Get you all ready for dinner.

And they know people are worried about dinner.

They don't do that either.

Don't promise that.

As a matter of fact, well, some of these professional installers and these remodelers, they've also, they've got varied backgrounds.

Maybe one of them is a chef.

They might could cook you dinner.

But you don't have to do any work.

And folks, again, that's for the remodeling of the shower and the bath.

They also do windows and doors.

You can check the website promo.westshorehome.com.

See which locations you can see the,

or you can request rather, the free window and door remodeling preview they give you.

But if you want to.

shower or bath i don't do they do bidets i'm not sure i'm i'll check on the bidets.

But if you live in or around

Louisville, Lexington, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Harrisburg, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Richmond, Salisbury, Virginia Beach, Winston, Salem, Charlotte, Greenville, Asheville, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Charleston, Wilmington, Myrtle Beach, Greenville, New Bern, Columbia, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Orlando, Ocala, Tampa, Birmingham, Huntsville, Montgomery, Oklahoma City, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Phoenix, Denver, Colorado Springs, and Salt Lake City.

Then you need to go

to promo.westshorehome.com backslash gym

and get the fastest, easiest, and most convenient home remodeling experience that you will ever have.

Happiness is just a phone call away.

Don't be showering or bathing in a fucking sewage-filled mess when you can have a brand new clean one.

And somebody send me an oxygen tank.

West Shore Home.

Randy Savage was living in an apartment over off of New Circle Road in Lexington, in an empty apartment with no furniture, just

like a bench and the barbells and a mattress on the floor.

And a year later, he's a WWF champion and made $800,000 was the story going around that year.

So that was one of those locker room, you know, gossip pieces that it can always happen.

What the fuck?

From the literally from the outhouse to the penthouse, from

being broke and

their own company going out of business to being the second highest paid wrestler in the world in a year.

Sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

Do you know, do you know what led to that incredible success, though, Brian?

The success on the mattress?

The success of the success of Randy Savage becoming the second highest paid wrestler in the world at that time after sleeping on a mattress in his empty apartment the year before.

It was the brand of the mattress is what I'm going for.

It was because

I know you don't know about this, but I'm going to reveal this.

This has been Kayfabe for many years.

Angelo Pafo, the miser, right?

The cheapest man in wrestling didn't like to wash his clothes because it would break the fibers down and you'd have to replace them quicker.

Never spent a dime that he didn't have to.

He was one of the first investors in the folks that now have become helixleep.com.

That's not, excuse me, that's not true.

So now

Randy Savage.

Randy Savage had the first ever prototype of the Helix Sleep mattress, now the most comfortable and greatest and best-selling mattress and most

fabulous thing to sleep on ever.

He had families, families.

He had the prototype is what he had there, Brian.

He had the very first one.

And after sleeping on that prototype helix sleep mattress for one year, he was ready to go out and be the biggest star in the world.

And if the same thing can happen to you, folks, if you get one of these helix sleep mattresses and you sleep on it for a year, I guarantee you that you'll be the WWE champion.

Either though, you don't be guarantee that.

You can't guarantee any of this.

No.

You will get up and go kick everybody's head.

You might be an Olympic champion.

You might stretch Kirtangle.

Might.

I like might.

Well, actually, well, might makes right.

So I'm right.

And it's all because you're going to get the best sleep of your life with this Helix mattress,

no matter what you look like or what your preferences are.

No matter whether you're skinny or a big fat satchel ass, you could be the fat lady at the circus.

And they've got a mattress that will fit your unique preferences.

They've got luxury models.

They've got mattresses for big and tall sleepers.

That means tall and fat.

Even a mattress made just for kids, regardless of whether they're fat.

You got fat kids, skinny kids, short kids, tall kids.

It's a mattress made for kids.

That's right.

How do you know which one's going to work the best for you and your body?

Well, if you're a grown adult, don't get the kids' mattress because your feet will hang off.

But otherwise, you go to helix sleep.com.

I'm trying to find that here just to make sure I'm right.

Helixsleep.com.

How could I forget?

And you take the quiz and they'll find your, they'll match you with your perfect mattress in under two minutes.

How do you like to sleep?

Splayed out on your back.

curled up in the fetal position because of the state of the world today

on your stomach ready to take what comes, whatever it may be, you tell them what you like and they'll fit you with a mattress.

And then it'll show up at your door, along with a couple of shady-looking individuals also saying that they'll offer to mow your lawn.

But shoe them off because, well, they're not affiliated with Helix.

Right.

No, they just, if they see the Helix sleep mattress, the box on your front porch, they'll know that you're discerning and have fine taste, and they'll be scoping you out for potential later home invasion.

So get that Helix mattress in real quick before everybody else finds out that you're of good taste and have fine items in your home.

And then you just unbox it and you sleep on it.

Every night you sleep.

Every night, you're going to want to go back to sleep again.

I know this sounds hard to believe, but folks, I guarantee you this.

If you put the Helix sleep mattress in your home, every night of your life, you will want to get back on it and go to sleep again.

Even if you slept the night before,

you're going to want to go back to sleep again that night because it's that comfortable.

For the record, we absolutely think that's what will happen, but we can't guarantee it.

Yes.

No.

I'm telling you that if you've been off this Helix mattress in your home, for 18 to 20 hours, you're going to want to get back on it.

I believe so.

You can't guarantee it.

You can't say guarantee.

You could say, I really think so.

Well, maybe you can't.

I truly believe this.

Except if you're a goddamn meth addict and you're on a three-week bender and you haven't closed your eyes in a fucking long time.

Otherwise, if you're a normal human being that enjoys a nice quality mattress, you're going to want to sleep on this thing every goddamn night.

And you're going to want your kids to sleep on it too.

Maybe you're going to want your kids to goddamn sleep on the big boy's mattress.

You might want to put them on the kids' mattress, but you want the best for your children.

And this is what you're giving them here, the Helix sleep mattress.

Are you anti-child now, Brian?

You're not wanting to give your children the best that you can possibly do for them?

You've got

so ridiculous here.

I don't even know how to reel this back.

What are you putting them on a fucking canvas bag full of fucking oranges and rocks over in the corner?

Actually, for the record, my children have Helix mattresses.

Well, and they love them.

Well, there you go.

You ought to parade them out here every once in a while.

Show them sleeping on the Helix mattress.

No.

Well, you will if Helix says, because there's another thing, in every Helix mattress is a programming chip.

Soon as you go to sleep, they start speaking to you.

No.

No, because that's the way you teach the kids good manners.

That's not the way you teach.

Like, you know, the kids lay down on the mattress, they hear from coming inside the mattress, say your prayers, take your vitamin.

Hey, what about it's if inside the mattress, it's the Lanny Papo voice.

Yes, the policeman is your friend.

Always sit down quick and buckle up.

Yes, wear your safety belt.

Use your left and right turn.

How do you think children learn this these days?

Not from their parents.

They're programmed by the Helix Sleep Kids mattress.

So if you want well-behaved children, right now, Helix is offering up to 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners because they know you guys know what you're doing.

You go to Helix, that's H-E-L-I-X, helixleep.com slash JCE.

This is the best offer they've made yet.

20%, no matter how much you spend, up to 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows, helixleep.com slash JCE.

Train those little crumb snatching rug rats the right way.

You'll be raising well-behaved children, and it's a boon to society and a

good thing to do for civic discourse.

I think what you're trying to say is: get your children the best mattress that you can, something that they will love, something that will be comfortable.

Of course, Helix Sleep.

Yes.

And then tell them to fall asleep and listen to the control voice.

Sucks.

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We We demand to be home.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs.

Playing the Orpheum Theater October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

You know, they talk about the Sunday scaries, but this internet, if you're on this all the time, then they ought to rename it Daily Scaries.

What is

instead of all the minute little pebbles that we've got in life's road these days, the internet seems to be the giant stumbling block.

You get up every morning, what moron on the internet is going to cause some aggravation today?

Maybe they ought to call it Daily Scaries.

What do you think?

I think the company's name is Sunday Scaries.

Well, there they are, but I'm just, I'm, I'm, see, I'm branching them out because it's a great product.

They're going to be branching pretty soon.

Unlike some people's family tree that doesn't branch, the folks at Sunday Scaries, they're going to be branching out into all kinds of things because you can't live without them.

They're the CBD gummies that were made to defeat the crap that life throws at us.

The stressful, nervous, can't sleep feelings of dread and impending doom.

You know, I've had, I've just recently found out that there's two illnesses that a symptom of is a feeling of impending doom.

What's that?

One is a heart attack, and two is when you need a Sunday scary CBD gummy.

You have a feeling of impending doom.

Take one of these.

And you think it's hard to shut your brain off?

These things will flip the switch, brother.

I'm talking about you'll look like the goddamn

towers going up at the climactic scene of white heat.

Boom, just out of commission for as long as you want to be.

If you overthink and stress yourself out, well, Sunday Scaries are deliciously cute.

Vitamin-boosted CB gummies that will chill you out.

CBD.

What did I say?

CB.

CB, CBD.

CM Wangs, L-I-B, M-R-Ducks.

So anyway, you got the vitamin-boosted CBD gummies that will chill you out fast.

You will be colder than on a slab at the morgue, baby.

Don't say that.

Why are you saying that?

I'm still having that CB and you're already saying other things that I can't even fully stop and concentrate on.

Don't say that.

You will not be cold while you're at the morgue.

You will enjoy life.

You'll be chilled out.

It's a metaphor.

It's metaphorically speaking.

It's a metaphor.

Where?

Is that something Mama Cornette used to say?

Mama Cornette used to say, like chewing gum stuck down your boot i'm a horrible sleeper is what a lot of people will say it might be a

what's what's the matter with you

you might say i'm a horrible sleeper but you might say i'm a professional at staring at the ceiling and worrying if this describes you you know what should you need a new way to get better sleep and stop the worrying help you decompress clear your mind clear your aching head and fall asleep asleep so that you can wake up the next day with no memory of these things.

That's when you need a Sunday scary CBD government to wipe your memory cleaner than the floor at the Waldorf Astoria.

And we all have the right to live scare-free.

So if you take one of these, boy, I'm telling you, you dive out the window of a moving train, it wouldn't scare you.

That's what you need to do because life is scary, Brian.

It's a scary thing, a frightening thing.

These spots are scary.

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Yeah, I guess.

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The only thing that will cause Dave to turn on one of his close friends and idols like that is when one of his close friends and idols doesn't keep listening to him and starts listening to other people.

And then he finds offense, I guess.

You know,

40-year friendships don't matter, but goddamn, don't want to listen to Dave vet his booking ideas to get those seven-star matches.

He's going to start firing back.

And again, 372 people voted for him to be Booker of the Year.

So that's the other thing people need to know.

Dave didn't vote for everyone.

It was like, look at the awards.

Dave's biased.

These are actual awards voted by people.

And only 372 people out of the entire voting body

voted for Tony Khan.

So for anyone who wonders if it's a big deal or not, how big a deal is that?

How big a deal is that?

You know what's a big deal, don't you?

The big deal is we have now proven that Dave's readership, at least, if nothing else, needs remodeling.

But then we've seen pictures of Dave in his office at home, and there possibly needs to be some remodeling there done as well.

And I don't even know what in the wide, wide world of sports Dave Meltzer's bathroom looks like, but I bet you,

I'll bet my bottom dollar there needs to be some remodeling and renovation done in Dave Meltzer's bathroom as well.

So folks, he probably doesn't listen to us anymore.

He's mad at us.

But if you happen to speak to Uncle Dave or anybody else that has a bathroom that even your dog don't want to poop in, or a bathroom, a shower and bathtub apparatus that...

Your senior citizen members of the household can't get in and out of, or your female members of the household say, I'm not sitting my naked butt down on that rotten grout and that mildew and all the seams.

No matter who in your home doesn't want to poop in your reading room because it's ugly and unattractive, now is the time to make that change.

And you can do it in the twinkling of an eye, in the snap of a finger, in the tick of a clock, in one day even, because the folks at West Shore Home, the fastest-growing shower and bath remodeling company in the United States of Buy Gum America, will fully replace your old shower or bathtub with the modern showers or baths in just one day.

And we've been talking about the way they do it: they send out an advance guard, they send out feelers at first, they send out the specialists.

What?

I wouldn't call it an advance guard.

An advance, well, they send out the troops to survey the scene and make sure they got the battle plan all set up.

They'll send out a specialist, a remodeling professional,

a design consultant even, that will come and show you all the stuff they've got.

Laser-etched designs, built-in seats, shelves, doors, windows, magnetic shower heads.

Boy, howdy, I'll tell you what, except if you have any screws or bolts.

in your very in your knees or your elbows or your body, if they've been surgically implanted, you'll never be able to pry that shower head off yourself but otherwise than that they're great

okay the dream shower or bath you've always wanted they will show it to you you'll pick out everything you want and then

mere days later possibly even hours they might bring the truck right that point and just troop the people in

their remodeling professionals professionals that's a short for professionals

they do a one-day bath replacement see that they're using contractions because they got to get to the point.

Everything's fast.

They even speak in shorthand.

Fuck, you won't understand what these people are saying.

They only use three or four out of eight letters in the word because they want to keep moving.

And it's fast, easy, and convenient.

They take out the old shower bath.

They throw it out in the backyard where the dogs can play with it.

Or the kids, whatever, because sometimes kids like to play with old bathtubs in the backyard.

And then they will install your brand new one, do all the cleanup and have it ready to use before dinner, even if you don't eat dinner

in your shower.

Yes, they'll do that.

You don't have to worry about a bathtub or anything else in your backyard.

Certainly don't have your children play with

equipment or not equipment, appliances.

It's a bathtub an appliance.

No, it's not.

The bathtub is not an appliance.

Bathtub is more of a fixture.

Now, the kids really enjoy playing with old refrigerators and freezers.

No.

If you leave them out there, but make sure that the door handles still latch because otherwise they'll leave them open.

They'll cool the whole neighborhood.

But anyway, I assumed that it was

a situation where a lot of people eat dinner in their bathtub or shower as they get a new one as a way of celebrating it, sort of like a housewarming.

And that's why the West Shore Home get these incredible remodels done before dinner.

You've informed me that that's not the case.

Most people don't eat in their bathtub or shower.

They just want to have

just have it available before dinner.

So that's what they do.

Ladies and gentlemen, West shore home is a wonderful sponsor of this show and they can do a wonderful job in your home they can if there's one thing you remember from this entire spot remember this yes they are tremendous at what they do and they can do it for you they can come and improve your bathtub improve your life who doesn't want a better bathtub that makes your life better so remember this cleaner west shore home you should try them today Yes, or tomorrow if it's too late today, because you don't want them coming out in the middle of the night.

Now, once they have your address, they may stop by on a return.

No, they won't.

No, they won't.

They are professional.

So, just to check and make sure everything's okay.

They will come at the allotted time.

Sometimes they just drive by the house about two or three in the morning, shine a light in the window, make sure everything still looks like they left it.

That's not what they do.

Like a Dick Tracy episode.

No, that's not what they do.

They're patrolling.

It's part of the service.

Folks, right now, if you want a better-looking bathroom and you want to poop in peace, you need need to call West Shore home if you live in or around the following fine American metropolitan areas:

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And I'll tell you what they ought to do at the end of the 60 minutes, whatever the final tally on the falls is, whatever the case.

And there, and I believe and I predict that MJF will retain,

but then suddenly blackout.

And then thunder and lightning.

and then snow and then a plague of locusts and then it rains frogs And then they wheel out onto the stage a box.

And then.

I thought you were building up Sting for a second there.

No, no, no, that's going to be even better.

And besides, Sting never got frogs.

That's true.

And then, oh, you're a big deal when you get to frogs, baby.

And then out of the box bursts.

MJF's next opponent for the world title and attacks.

And there you go.

And you're made, the next pay-per-view will sell out.

It doesn't matter who it is because everybody knows.

No, it doesn't matter.

Oh, it matters.

Everybody knows that anybody that comes out of a box gets over.

And I'll tell you something else.

Anything that comes out of your box will get over with you.

And I'm,

what's

why did you phrase it like that?

Well, because it will.

Because

your own personal box of awesome arrives every month from our friends over at Bespoke Post.

When that happens, it's just it's time for giggling and joy and merriment and frivolity.

You'll be giggling like a schoolgirl with a shiny new vibrator every time that you break into the box of awesome that comes to your door, courtesy, as I said, of our friends at Bespoke Post and at boxofawesome.com.

Because these items, amazing pieces of workmanship and craftsmanship, are all curated by hand from small businesses that you might never have heard of otherwise.

And, but they make these incredible products that the box of awesome people find

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I love that word.

And they put them in your boxes and off they come to you every month.

They release new boxes across a ton of different categories.

So, what you do is you just go to boxofawesome.com

and you take a quiz to tell them what you're interested in.

They don't want to send you you stuff you're not interested in.

Well, they'd never do that.

They've got knives and travel essentials and craftsmanship galore.

As a matter of fact, I got, I'll have you know, I got the information on it right here, the weekender.

I remember, yes.

Well, I told you about it, but some of the folks might not know, a versatile bag by line of trade.

And it is branded or the inspiration came from, the design rather, came from the bags that were once used by stonemasons carrying building tools.

It's got the heavy-duty canvas, the leather handles and straps, a reinforced metal frame.

Stacy stole it for her painting supplies when she goes out in the yard to do the wildlife.

And you too can have bags and things that you can put stuff in and knives that you can cut shit with.

And every other kind of thing in the world, I'm telling you, they got gadgets and carnivores and frontiers.

You take that quiz at boxofawesome.com and then a new box valued at around $70 with you paying a mere fraction of that.

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What a deal it is.

And boy, I'll tell you, have you ever wanted to get in anybody else's box and see what was there

well now in terms of the box of awesome i'm very happy with what the wonderful people have beat

post send to my house that we open up and it's our own private awesome yeah you always want to know what's in somebody else's box or any box but you're the guy who thinks anything in any box gets over so i guess it's not a surprise that this is your mindset well yes and besides that If you already know what's in your box, so

that kind of eliminates the surprise, unless it's a box of awesome where you don't exactly know, but you pretty well know and you think it's something you're interested in, but it doesn't know how that it will apply.

But nevertheless, so whose box do you want to look at?

I want to look at

everybody's box

because I'm a curious kind of guy.

I'm always wanting to look in people's boxes to see what's there.

And right now, folks, you can get 20% off your first monthly box.

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You'll be amazed.

Well, that was WWE Rivals, Hogan versus Andre and Jim.

I'm curious, Andre going from the trunks to the singlet.

Do you think he had to worry a little less or a little more about manscaping?

Well, I don't think that Andre actually ever worried about any kind of scaping.

You've pretty much seen he didn't go to the dentist a lot, and boy, howdy, he just let hair grow wherever.

And you know,

I never

perused Andre's nether regions, but I'll tell you what, you mentioned them earlier.

The mutton chop sideburns at one point were a thing.

And also when he became a heel, and especially when he went to Japan to look even more

villainous, he would often grow a beard.

And now I'll have you know.

That more people are growing beards than ever before.

At least that's what I see when I watch the news or see people walking down the street from the comfort of my own home.

Everybody's got a beard, but it doesn't look like anybody knows how to take care of it.

Most of the time, it just grows on their neck, their chin, and straight up, it's completely shaven.

So, what you need, folks, is some help wherever you want to grow your hair.

Now, I know

down below gets all the attention.

And of course, Manscaped was founded on below-the-waist grooming for your South Pole.

However, now they are traveling north because some attention is needed amongst the hair on the northern portion of your anatomy.

And the folks at Manscaped are tired of every time somebody thinks about dick hair, they think about Manscaped.

They want to be known for just hair, whether it's on your dick or just on other dicks that you might know.

So nevertheless.

Guess what they got now, Brian?

Oh, I have no idea.

What do they have now?

The Beard Hedger Pro Kit.

That was my first guess.

Well, you should have made it.

It's the ultimate package that makes it easier than ever to craft your signature look.

We're starting with the Beard Hedger itself, an elite beard trimmer.

Now, I've never had a beard except for when I've neglected to shave.

And so, therefore, I don't really know how to groom it.

But apparently, it's a very involved process.

From what I've seen with a lot of people, they don't don't know how to do it.

Well, this waterproof cordless trimmer makes it snap of the fingers easy with the rotary wheel that gives you 20 hair-cutting lengths all with one guard.

So basically,

you apparently can have a beard anywhere from about an eighth of an inch long to all the way down to your crotch.

And that's where you'd need to get the

lawnmower 4.0 involved if your beard's down to your crotch.

But if you get it tied up around your

bean pole down there and you stand up straight, you might fucking castrate yourself.

So don't let it get that long.

You know, these things can sometimes get tangled up with each other.

I didn't know that.

Don't do that.

And I didn't know that.

20 haircutting links, all with one guard.

Also, the pro kit comes with four dermatologist-tested formulations.

And I'll have you know they held this fucking dermatologist down and they tested shit on him.

Some of this shit took his skin right.

No, they did.

Some of it took his skin right off his fucking body.

There is no dermatologist right now who has been depressed.

They told me that this is dermatologist-tested formulation.

Some of it

ate right through to the fucking bone, but finally they got it right.

He looks like shit.

They did not.

It's going to be a long road to recovery for him, but he was the canary in the coal mine.

There was no canary.

There was no

canary.

This story, no.

Just once again, no.

But manscaped yes well maybe because they have dermatologist tested formulations they got the beard shampoo and conditioner have you been using the same shampoo on your top of your head hair as you use on your chinny chin chin hair

have you are you talking to me yes am i using the shampoo i use on my head on my chin yes you're talking about the real chin or you're being filthy again if you're hair chin if you're my hair hair on your chin if you got hair on your chin, do you use the same shampoo as the hair on the top of your head?

Well, silly boy, if you do, you're not supposed to because they got beard shampoo and condition.

They've got beard oil.

Oh, well, you got to use that.

Beard oil.

Let's say, for example, your beard is not oily enough.

Well, you put some of this on and you can.

you can fry tater tots on your

underneath your neck.

That's not what it is.

People apply beard oil and it helps keep your beard smooth.

It helps keep it conditioned, moisturized.

You rub it in, you really grind it in.

You rub it in, you grind it in.

It also promotes growth, I believe, hair growth for those of you desperate for beards.

Well, all of us want to promote growth.

I think so.

I shouldn't make any declarative statements like that.

I don't know what it does.

Take some of this beard oil and rub it on your dick.

You'll get more girls.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

That's not recommended anyway.

That is certainly not recommended.

Well, we don't know.

As long as you don't shove it up your ass, you ought to be able to do anything what you want to with it on your body.

But they've also got the beard balm.

The beard.

You're distracting me.

Yes.

The beard balm.

Oh.

The balm to help keep your beard calm.

You ought to use that too.

And it says right here to moisturize, style, and shimmer your new beard.

Plus, the kit I'm talking about, the Beard Hedger Pro kit has three free gifts, a beard brush, a comb, and scissors.

Well, God, you'll be able to do anything with it.

As a matter of fact, everybody should go ahead now and just grow a beard because

you can sculpt shapes and maybe you can make balloon animals out of it.

You can walk around with a porcupine on your chin or a flamingo.

What are you even talking about?

How would that work?

You know, like

you see the landscapers making the

hedges into like shapes, you can do the same thing with this.

They got the brush, the comb, the scissors, the oil, the balm, the shampoo, the conditioner, the waterproof cordless trimmer, beard hedger with 20 hair-cutting links.

Well, you can make a statue of the Venus De Milo and have room for both of her arms and legs on your chin, folks, right now.

And once you've got your face looking like nobody's ever seen it before, then you must try Manscape's performance package 4.0 because they're going to go right down south and do the same thing.

Your nether regions will be unrecognizable, just like your face,

after they get finished with you here.

But right now,

I'm talking right now, put it in a pause and go to manscaped.com and use the code drive, and you're going to get 20% off and free shipping.

Manscaped.com, use the code drive, 20% off, free shipping.

How can you go wrong having a flamingo on your chin and a an armadillo in your crotch?

There's plenty of ways to go wrong, but you won't with Manscaped.

There are a few ways that could go sideways, aren't there?

That's right.

If you need a shave, our friends at Manscaped have you covered upstairs and down.

You had a good beard,

a cultured beard, a very distinguished beard.

I bet you'll never guess who had this great beard I'm talking about.

I'm not sure.

Ah, yeah, There you go.

See, Sebastian Cabot.

Ah.

Sebastian Cabot had a great beard.

The kids could learn a few things from Sebastian Cabot.

You know what?

It's what you eat, Brian.

It's what you eat.

It's what you consume.

It's what you get used to.

It's what you put in your gut.

There are a lot of these things, a lot of these analogies that we could draw, but it starts out with good gut health.

I just said powerhouse Hobbs must have incredible core strength.

I got to think of me up there.

He's got guts and he showed it.

Boy, howdy, I'll tell you what he did.

He's got the guts.

And we're not talking blood and guts like Plumber Moxley.

We're talking about good intestinal health.

And we've talked about my colon and we've talked about the way that people care for colons over the United Kingdom.

You can care for your own colon without having to have other people.

coming in and out,

bringing in equipment, possibly tracking up the carpet, making tracks in the mud, wherever that might be located.

You don't want that kind of thing.

You want to be able to do this yourself, yourself, rather, or your stealth.

You want to be able to stealthily do it yourself so that no one knows that you're doing it.

And the way you start with gut health, well, where do you start?

Let me clarify this.

Brian, did you know

that there are over 3.8 million posts on Instagram tagged hashtag gut health.

Oh, no.

Did you know that?

I did not know that.

No.

Did you know that a staggering 653.7 million videos on TikTok

are on gut health?

I certainly didn't.

How would I know that?

I mean, where are we supposed to be getting these facts?

I'll tell you in a second.

Did you know that a quick Google search will yield you over 29.7 million news results about gut health, probiotics, and the microbiome phenomenon that's taking over conversation, headlines, and hashtags around the country and around the world.

Were you aware of this?

I wasn't, that I've had so many conversations about microbiome, so I don't know what I'm missing here.

Well, that's because you haven't been talking to our friends over at SEED.

See, I've gone to SEED and I've talked to them and I've asked them what's going on because I really didn't understand it.

I thought it was all gibberish.

And basically, that's the

material and the information that they gave me.

They said discoveries in microbiome research are transforming medicine and hygiene and diet and the choices we make each day for our health.

And

with this new frontier, however, comes an overload of information and misinformation that can feel confusing.

and overwhelming.

And then they gave me a bunch of information that left me confused and overwhelmed.

So I'll tell you what, folks, don't even try to figure this shit out.

Your gut and your immune system and the microbiopes and the pathogenic antigens and the benign substances and the whole nine-yard, you ain't going to figure it out because you're just like me.

You're just a layman.

Hey, how often do you get laid, man?

You're just a layman.

You can't be expected to be conversant in all these high-fallutin terms like intestinal permeability, which is also known as leaky gut

and pathogenic microbes that promote dysbiosis.

Also known as the elite.

Also known as the elite.

Every time I see them on my television, my stomach turns and churns.

So therefore,

what you're trying to do is you're trying to support your gut immune access or axis, your gut immune access, not the axis.

If you take care of the axis, nobody will access your gut.

Otherwise, they've got to come in the back way.

What you got to prioritize your sleep.

Yeah.

You got to do that.

Yes.

Because your body,

your changes to your normal sleep rhythms induce what is known as circadian misalignment.

And circadian misalignment is when you collect those fucking locus and you don't have them all lined up straight, well, then it screws up all of your collection.

You put them next to your butterflies.

You know, the

cicadas.

No, you're talking about a completely different thing, Jim.

This has nothing to do with seed or gut health.

Well, also, although some people do eat locusts, I guess.

Well, you can eat them, and some people think they taste like chicken.

And you could also, you need to manage your stress because that's where you can increase your intestinal permeability, aka leaky gut.

It could just bust loose.

You'll be leaking everywhere on the carpet, fucking floor mats, goddamn, if in the car.

And, you know, it's hard to get that leaky gut smell out.

And increase your daily fiber intake.

And we've been talking about this.

I've been eating more fiber and more fiber.

And I haven't had a chance to eat old Faber yet, but I'm working on him.

But certain fibers are fermented by gut microbes and biotransformed into short-chain fatty acids, which helps maintain immune health and regulate anti-inflammatory and antioxidant responses.

Do you want to learn any more about this?

No, you don't.

I do.

You don't need to learn a goddamn thing.

You need to learn who to trust.

And that's our friends at SEED.

Because you could read this shit that they gave me from now till the cows come home.

And you wouldn't know shit from apple butter about what they're talking about because they're smart people that have studied this and they have also got scientific proof and/or scientists behind this.

And many of the scientists have approved this of their own free will.

It's only a few of them that their families are being held just because they got a little cranky.

But the scientists are behind this stuff, and so are the doctors, at least the ones that they've compensated.

And we can now tell you that you will have good gut health and

just a clean life all around, and your turds will smell better if you go.

You can't guarantee that.

You can't guarantee that.

Don't say that.

Well, it's a pretty good assumption, though.

It's not guaranteed.

Well,

from what I've been sniffing around finding out.

If you're making assumptions about turds, you're making an ass of you and me about turds.

Well, I've gone to several different places around town and smelled the bathrooms.

And I'll tell you, there is a distinct difference.

How do you know who in the bathroom is using seed and who isn't?

You wouldn't know.

I'm dealing this shit part-time.

So, anyway, right now, you can go to seed.com.

That's S-E-E-D.com.

What?

Wild card!

Wild card, bitches.

Seed.com/slash Jim and use the code Jim.

That's J-I-M,

my name, to redeem 20% off your first month of Seeds DS01 daily synbiotic.

That's seed.com slash Jim.

Use the code Jim 20% off your first month of Seeds DS01 Daily Synbiotic.

What are the ways it will help you?

I don't know.

I can't read all these big words, but I'll tell you what, they got doctors and scientists working on this stuff.

And if you can't trust them, well, who the hell can you trust?

So, right now, start the daily synbiotic to help your gut and your health and your stomach and your digestion.

And you won't leak rotten shit out your ass that'll ruin the upholstery of your car.

Seed.com slash Jim.

Use the code Jim 20% off.

Take this shit soon before it's too late.

It's nice when stuff happens during that period of time where Bruce was fired for cause, because then he's not in any of these documentaries.

It makes that a really nice-headed feature.

You had to fucking throw for cause in there.

I was just being, I like to put the facts and the truth out there.

Did I say anything that was wrong?

You know,

sometimes it should be for fault.

Is it your fault?

No, it was your fault.

Well, I'm firing you for fault.

For causing.

Anyway, whose fault is this?

This show today, this is your fault, but

on that note, lots of things, including podcasts that lots of people enjoy, could use some renovations.

Maybe the main roster of one or two companies can use a renovation, and perhaps your bathroom could use a renovation.

Oh, boy, I tell you what, my bathroom after this morning, my morning Russo,

holy mackerel,

the walls are now light brown and they're slightly dripping.

And besides that, I had to get Harley a gas mask before she was able to come in there and use her little pee pad.

But I'll tell you what, folks.

If you would like to upgrade your home so it doesn't smell or look like the inside of a toilet, well, the best place to start is where you keep your toilet.

That's your bathroom.

And if next to your toilet, where you do all your defecating and perpetrating

is a shower or a bathtub or both.

Now, right there, I don't know how that we as a human race came to the point where we're just putting places where we cleanse ourselves right next to places where we do the doo-doo.

It seems like you'd want to keep those places apart so there wouldn't be any cross-pollination or contamination.

But I'll tell you what I need you to do right now, folks.

I need you to, as soon as this program is over with, maybe even put it on pause.

I need you to run to your bathroom and I need you to stick your head in your shower or your bathtub and take a big old

sniff and tell me what.

And if it smells like the crotch of Oprah Winfrey's pantyhose,

if it smells like a man eating from under cheese in the septic tank of a slaughterhouse, if the smell coming emanating from your shower or bathtub could bluff a buzzard off a gut wagon, then you need to do something because you got some cross-contamination going on there.

You're trying to clean yourself in a dirty facility.

And I'll tell you, here's another way.

You know, Brian, when you take a bath in the bathtub, sometimes when you let the water out, it leaves a ring on the tub.

Well, it's time to change your bathtub if the bathtub is leaving a ring around your waist.

All of these things are a sign, folks.

What's the matter?

Tab, have you ever noticed that green and slightly black shade almost turns to olive and it comes right around your navel?

I have not noticed that, no.

Well, that's because you had West Shore Home do your bathroom remodeling, folks.

It's the fastest growing shower and bath remodeling company in the United States.

They fully replace your old shower or bathtub with their modern space age, incredibly scientific designs, shower or baths, and in just one day, because they got experts on this, you schedule a free in-home remodeling preview and they will come over whenever it's convenient.

You tell them when they'll come over, morning, noon, or night.

They'll sleep out in the backyard if they have to, to be there first thing in the morning.

And they will not be sleeping in anyone's yard.

They'll be sleeping

at home.

They'll park a brown panel van with Missouri plates in front of your neighbor's house.

So nobody will be none the wiser.

That won't be happening.

And then they bring their design consultants, and you get to pick of what you want your shower or bath to look like.

They've got laser-etched designs, built-in seats, shelves, doors, windows, magnetic shower heads, multiple colors.

It's amazing.

And then they bring the stuff over.

You've seen the TV commercials with the time-lapse photography.

And in one day, they replace the bath or the shower, take the old one out, throw it right out in the backyard.

You can let the dog take a bath in it later on.

And they'll put the new one in and then do all of the cleanup.

And then they'll sit right down with you and have dinner at your brand new

shower or bathtub right there.

You just bring the TV trays in because they're going to have it ready to use before dinner.

That's a big thing with West Shore Home.

And you do not have to do anything.

You don't have to lift a fee.

You have to pay for it, but not much

and not quickly.

See?

No, I'm telling you.

No, they've got financing.

You can be as lackluster as you want to because they got financing available.

You can use this shit.

You might even be dead by the time you need to start paying for it.

Oh, stop.

Don't say that.

Well, if you're older, I'm just saying, roll the dice.

You may get this for free.

You never know.

But nevertheless,

you're not going to get it for free, but you are, as Jim said before, going to get it for the right price, a full price, a good price.

If you get one of these bathroom jobs from West Shore Home and you finance it and you die before you have to pay for it, Well, you got it for free.

So you got that going for you in your back pocket again.

But like I said, just call these folks.

And I can't wait till springtime also because they've also got a window and door division.

You can check their website to see which locations you can request the free window and door remodeling preview.

And I've got some doors that are going to be knocked down and replaced this year.

But folks, happiness is just a phone call away.

And that way the shower will be spotless.

The bathtub will be immaculate.

And you'll go back to the old way of doing things where you get the shower tub dirty instead of the other way around.

That's what you're shooting for.

Don't let Andre the Giant crap in your tub, but nevertheless.

Right now, go to promo.westshorehome.com slash gym.

And they will know that you are affiliated with us, and they will give you all the real information instead of K-fabing you, trying to play the old army game with you giving you a bunch of who shot john if you go to promo.westshorehome.com slash jim

well then they know that

you got the secret knock and you're a kfabe member of the community and right now

are you ready brian

if you live i'm getting ready i'm stretching for this one

if you live in or around the following communities, you can take advantage of the most incredible shower and bath remodeling job that you will ever get.

And they are as follows:

Louisville, Lexington, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Harrisburg, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Richmond, Salisbury, Virginia, Beach, Winston, Salem, Charlotte, Greenville, Asheville, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Charleston, Wilmington, Myrtle Beach, Greenville, New Bern, Columbia, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Orlando, Ocala, Tampa, Birmingham, Huntsville, Montgomery, Oklahoma City, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Phoenix, Denver, Colorado Springs, and Salt Lake City.

Promo dot westshorehome.com slash Jim.

We are back, and there it is, and there it was, and here we are.

That was AEW Revolution, and you know, Jim, there was a lot of revolution.

You know, I've been going round and round and round.

My head is still spinning round and round like a record baby.

Right, round, round, round.

I hate that song.

You like that song?

Well, it was catchy.

It was catchy.

That was part of the problem.

It was an awful song that was catchy.

Do you like that song?

It was an, yes, yes.

It was an earworm.

You couldn't get it out of your head.

Do you like Wang Chung?

You like spinning me right around, baby.

What, everybody, Wang Chung tonight?

That's right.

Yeah.

You approve of that.

He was a good heel, Wang Chung.

Wang Chung.

All right.

And his brother, P.Y.

Chung.

What I was going to to say before py chung of course tojo yamamoto

which is why phil hickerson became py chew high

one of the more ridiculous gimmicks of all time but jim on this show we saw a lot of blood yep yep and when mjf who bled a gusher

when he was bleeding he looked like a healthy young athlete who's bleeding jon moxley when he was bleeding he looked like The end may be near, very unhealthy looking.

I wonder how much of that is due to their gut health.

Well, I think a lot of it.

A lot of, you know, your gut health, it's, it's all important.

It controls everything.

And I think that, you know, maybe Moxley just needs to go to seed like the rest of us have.

Because I've been talking, you know, since my colon adventure a few weeks ago, I've been trying to, I need more fiber in my diet.

Or is it faber?

Fiber.

Oh,

yeah, I need more of that.

And I've had misadventures in trying to do that.

But now I've made a habit out of the seed DS01 daily synbiotic because

that's all you need with the gut health

for the fiber and the fiber and all of your regular poop-tastic things.

The seed DS01 daily synbiotic is a habit you need.

Now, for example, there's bad habits and there's good habits.

Now, you don't want to keep, I don't don't know, Bolivian black tar heroin next to your bedside table and make a habit out of that, but you might want to keep the seed DS01

Syn Daily Symbiotic right by your bedside table with a glass of water.

And there you boom, you wake up, you take it, your gut's healthy all day long.

That's where you'd keep it?

You wouldn't keep it in the kitchen or in your office?

No, because you wake up.

The first thing you need to do is think about your health.

When you open your eyes in the morning, you see the seed sitting there and you see the water and you water the seed and you grow good gut health.

That's what you do.

My first thought is, how am I going to get to my desk?

Well, see, you're a workaholic and that's going to lead to your demise because of your poor gut health.

But I have it on my desk, but I have stress factors.

The stress factor.

But you're going to work.

And stress, you got to manage the stress.

You know, stress increases intestinal permeability, which is leaky gut.

Oh, no.

And I tell you, this is an easier way than most to get fiber, folks, because I said, did I tell you about my oatmeal adventure?

Your oatmeal adventure?

They said oatmeal has fiber.

I'm supposed to have fiber.

And I figured I last had oatmeal when I was 12 years old, but I remember it having some appeal.

And maybe I think Mama Cornette sprinkled a little sugar on the top of it.

Well, I got some oatmeal to make after 50 fucking years of not having oatmeal.

And I don't know if I'd call it oatmeal.

I might call it swool.

It was a mixture of swill and gruel.

And I did not say, please, sir, may I have some more.

I had to put so much sugar on this watery cow's knot to be able to choke it down that it was like eating sweet sand.

It was gritty.

So you don't need to be doing this to yourself, people.

Just take this goddamn seed.

Drink it down with a little water

and go about your day with a healthy gut.

You're going to get better sleep.

You're going to, it's going to help with the fiber that fermented by gut microbes and biotransformed into short-chain fatty acids and antioxidant responses.

We don't understand this, this hoo-ha.

It's gibberish.

It's blither blather, but it's not poppycock or balderdash because it's important.

So, folks, that's what you need to do.

I could give you chapter and verse from a scientific textbook, a medical journal on all the reasons why you need to take this stuff and you wouldn't understand a goddamn word of it, just like I don't.

Just stick it down your neck.

Don't say that.

I'm sure plenty of people would like to read up on this.

No, most people listening to this are complete idiots, just like I am.

Don't say that.

That's what I'm talking about, about your gut health and how your whole gut works and your intestinal tract and your colonoscopies and things.

We don't know about these things.

We need to trust the professionals over at SEED

because

they won't give us balderdash or poppycock.

They won't steer us wrong.

So stick this down your neck, drink it down, and have a good, healthy gut.

And right now, you go to seed, S-E-E-D, seed.com slash drive and use the code drive,

and you're going to get 20% off your first month of SEADS DS01 Daily Synbiotic.

And that's registered, by the way.

Again, seed.com/slash drive and use the code drive.

I could repeat this over and over, seed.com slash drive, use the code drive, 20% off.

Start a new healthy habit today.

Avoid gut mania.

Cut through the gut health noise and get the real deal in a synbiotic that's backed by clinical trials, scientific data, and certain families of Italian descent in the Northeast.

Well, don't say that.

Well, you better take this seed.

Elsewise, you're going to be pushing up daisies.

Don't say that.

But what's that website one more time?

Seed.com/slash drive.

Use the code drive 20% off your first month.

It's like almost getting it for free.

There are people on this show that even the most die-hard AEW fans are like, come on, we want to see something else.

There's never been any reason

for me to think about you.

I don't think anyone is.

What was the name of the Head East album that that immortal hit was?

I have no idea.

I don't know that.

Flat as a pancake, baby.

Well, so is the audience reaction to a lot of these segments.

But no, this is not good.

Yeah.

Well, and see, and they're out there.

You know, they've either got the...

the Falls Count Anywhere match or the fake Texas death match where they're setting up tables and chairs and ladders and propping stuff up on each other, shop class projects, or they got the girls here where they got the spray paint can and one of them, one of them has some wood putty and the other one's got a thing, a caulk.

And I bet you one of those girls is going to caulk the other one before the time's up.

I'm telling you, it looks like

a raging band of

renegade home improvers just running around trying to...

Yeah, they're trying to build things, paint people.

They're trying to make new gimmicks and fix these broken down old wrestlers up.

But they just don't have the experience of the professionals, Brian.

You know, the home improvement professionals.

Yes, of course.

Now you see where I'm going here.

Well, kind of.

No, no, no.

Let me explain something, folks.

If you want your home improved, you don't want these off-brand shade tree carpenters coming in, leaning ladders up that they're going to to break, and then have referees run in to hold and

using sledgehammers that they can't even break a guy's skull with.

How are they going to break up that old concrete?

And much less with these girls with the cans of spray paint that they just, well, boy, howdy, they can't hit the broadside of a barn with that paint, much less a home improvement project.

You want the professionals in charge of making your home look better.

And we've talked about it for several weeks now.

The folks at West Shore Home, they're the fastest growing shower and bath remodeling company in the United States.

And they will stop you from having that nasty, you know, Brian, you've had it many times when your bathtub gets old and it's growing the mold and the mildew and the organisms.

I have not had it.

And the bacteria and the fungus and all the little.

All the little furry things that when you look under the microscope, you see these things.

They've got five eyes and six legs and ten ears, and they're chewing on you every time you get in your rotten mold-riddled bathtub.

Or if you get in your rotten, mold-riddled shower with all the grotten, that's the rotten grout, all that grotten down there.

Well, then you're getting a fungus that attaches itself to your feet.

Then you walk from your shower to your bedroom, and you get in bed, and you put your bare feet in the bed, and then the fungus is in the bed with your naked dangly bits.

You'll get flesh-eating bacteria on your penis as a result of having a dirty shower.

What are you talking about?

And you don't want that to happen.

No, you don't.

I don't know why you're talking about any of this.

Do you know how many people that their penises annually in the United States alone rot off because of dirty showers and bathtubs?

You don't know, do you?

You don't know either.

There's no way you know this either.

It's a lot.

It's a pressure problem.

You don't know that.

It's a problem.

Based on what?

What are you basing this on?

Based on conversations I've had with people I've talked to.

And things that I've heard.

At the post office.

Where?

Yes, so in line at the post office, I kept my ears open.

And I'll tell you something else.

When you're sitting in an old dirty bathtub, that impermeable green ring around about your belly button area that you can't wash off, that's coming from that dirty water.

So you need...

clean showers and bathtubs to promote general health and welfare and the pursuit of domestic tranquility.

And that's what the folks at West Shore Home are doing.

They're going to fully replace your old shower or bathtub with their modern showers or baths in just one day because it's all part of their plan, their scheduling plan.

First, they send out an expert, a home remodeling design consultant, and they'll send them out mornings, afternoons, evening, weekends constantly until you open the door.

Now, whenever you want them, they'll be there.

Oh, yes.

And together with them, you will design and build, basically in your dreams, your dream shower or bath just the way you want it.

They've got the designs, the laser-etched stuff, built-in seats.

You know, I've got a seat in the corner of my shower, Brian, in the office, in case I get tired walking across it.

They've got the shelves, the doors, the windows, magnetic shower heads.

Maggie, you can trick this thing out like...

the dagum space shuttle if you want to.

And then a couple of days later, after you design it, the remodeling professionals come in, one day bath replace.

They will knock your old bathtub or shower.

They'll just take that thing right out the back of your house, the whole wall and everything, be out in the backyard, and they'll fix it up nice for you, and it'll be ready for dinner.

And I still think that it's very rude if you don't invite the professionals, the workers, for dinner in your brand new bathroom.

You don't have to eat dinner in your bathroom.

You can eat at the table, but serve that, you know, just flop the toilet lid down, put the plate on the toilet lid, give the guy a fucking, he can sit on the edge of the tub and reward him for his hard work, but it'll be ready to use before dinner.

And that's in case also you're dirty and you want to wash up before you eat.

That's always recommended.

You have no work in this as the consumer.

You are merely sitting back watching the magic happen by the West Shore Home Professionals.

And they do windows and doors, and you can check out their website, which of course is westshorehome.com.

You can check that out to see which locations you can request the free window and door remodeling preview.

It's quite, they actually have the windows and doors come out one at a time to music and walk down a runway so that you can take a look and see which ones you like.

At this point, I can't even walk any of these back.

It's so ridiculous.

Well, folks, it's not ridiculous about the quality and value.

The quality.

I I didn't say they were dancing.

They just walked.

They were down the catwalk.

They walked down the catwalk.

All right, right, sexy.

Because

they're just sexy enough for your home.

Anyway, yes, folks, you can get a brand new bathroom, shower, tub, windows, doors.

I don't know.

They might even branch out into roofs pretty soon.

They're making a lot of money off our sponsorship.

So,

folks, again, if you live in any of the magic regions

that you can call West Shore home, if you live in or around

Louisville, Lexington, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Harrisburg, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Richmond, Salisbury, Virginia, Beach, Winston, Salem, Charlotte, Greenville, Asheville, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Charleston, Wilmington, Myrtle Beach, Greenville, Newburn, Columbia, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Orlando, Ocala, Tampa, Birmingham, Huntsville, Montgomery, Oklahoma City, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Phoenix, Denver, Colorado Springs, Salt Lake City, Anaheim, Azusa, and Kookamanga.

Go right now to promo.westshorehome.com slash gym.

Promo.westshorehome.com slash gym.

And look at the marvelous array of doors, windows, baths, showers,

cars, boats, planes, trains.

I don't know what the fuck all they got on there, but.

Go there and put the slash gym on and they'll take good care of you.

That's right.

West Shore Home.

But Jim, before we go too much further, this show so far has been a mixed bag, not necessarily awesome, but we can guarantee a box of awesome that can be delivered to all the listeners today.

Well, you certainly can.

And that is one of the happiest times of the month.

One of the most joyous times of the month is when your monthly box arrives and is spilled open with all the awesomeness, courtesy of the folks at boxofawesome.com and our friends at Bespoke Post, as you mentioned, because folks, by now you know what the deal is.

They have literally hundreds and I'm talking a plethora, a cornucopia of items that they have hand curated, specially picked from different small businesses across the country to fit a variety of interests.

And you go online to boxofawesome.com and you pick out these various things that you are interested in.

And every month they release new boxes across a ton of these different categories and each box will come to you and that will be full of awesomeness from a small and up-and-coming brand that you are interested in it's free to sign up you can skip a month you can cancel any time but i mean besides the fact that i thought they were a little knife heavy i thought maybe somehow jack the ripper was involved with this company oh come on but well they got a lot of knives but they're cool knives

i like their knives Well,

see, they're and you're that kind of person.

I am.

Hiding behind a park bench with a knife at the pocket.

I'm not that kind of person.

I'm the kind of person that can appreciate a good knife.

Well, yes, while you're hiding behind the park bench, not hiding,

not in hiding.

There's no hiding involved in that.

All right, loitering then.

Nevertheless, they've also got what I got, the weekender, a jaunty travel bag.

festooned and patterned after one of the old stonemasons' tool bags that they carry.

And Stacey immediately appropriated that for her painting supplies.

But the weekend bag, the metal hardware, the reinforced frame, the quality leather straps, never going to have any problem with this thing falling apart or wearing out.

But they've got all kinds of stuff.

They've got the hot sauces from small brands all over the country: Texas, Nevada, California.

They've got Black Swan Cooperage, a father-daughter duo located in the heart of the Minnesota North Woods Woods,

North Woods,

have

come up with hand-blown crystal glass.

And there's a knife and a slash box.

I don't know what's going on with those people.

But there's all kinds of cool things here from a variety of small and exotic companies that would love to show you their wares.

But they're all from around this country.

You don't have to worry about having any outer space spores come in and invade your home.

It's just spores from the United States of America.

It's actually a great way to support small businesses here in America.

Yes.

Even teeny, tiny business, tiny businesses.

You're squeezing their head.

Each box is valued at around 70.

What?

What's the matter?

I don't know where.

Sometimes I don't know where these things come from, but go ahead, please.

Where is a teeny, tiny business?

They can barely stay afloat.

You know, if you buy one of these boxes, it could be the difference between somebody's kids eating or starving when you think about it.

The way things are these days, you know, they've got to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

And you can get bootstraps on here, too, a whole box of bootstraps from a goddamn.

And well, here also they've got barbecue rub.

In the carnivore box, the American barbecue rub is made by the Great American Spice Company in Rockford, Michigan.

I understand that's they're descended from a family of Swedish immigrants and came over long ago with no pigmentation.

What?

Yeah, in Rockford, Michigan.

I don't know about that, but what do you think?

You love barbecue.

Is a good barbecue rub important?

A good barbecue rub is very important, especially if you've eaten a lot of barbecue, you get rubbed afterwards, you'll sleep like a baby.

Folks, each box is valued at around $70, but you're only paying a fraction of that because Box of Awesome

pretty much shoplifted all this stuff from these

businesses.

They destroyed these.

That's why it comes in a plain brown wrapper, and you have to unbox this stuff in the privacy of your own home.

Don't do it out in front of the neighbors.

Then they have proof you've accepted potentially hot merchandise.

You have not accepted any hot merchandise.

This is all legitimately

purchased or worked with these small companies.

Everything's legitimate.

You can open it in front of your house in front of the neighbors.

Make them jealous.

Well, it just depends on what kind of box you pick is what you're interested in, is whether you can open that box in front of the neighbors.

Have you seen all your neighbors' boxes?

I know some of your neighbors, you've seen their box, but have you seen the box of every neighbor you have?

Let's talk about these fine knives.

All right, so you go to boxofawesome.com and enter the code drive at checkout.

20% off your first box, whether it's the neighbor's box or not boxofawesome.com enter the code drive you're going to get 20% off your first box which is already priced at a fraction of its value you get 20% off more of that pretty much they're going to be sending you some kind of fucking currency in the mail I guess they're paying you to take this stuff but if I were you I'd

If they send you any currency in your box of awesome, I'd use one of those pins on it to check out first just before you try to spend it.

They don't send currency, but everything they send is legitimate and you have nothing to worry about.

Well, they may, if you're interested in motion pictures, maybe they'll send you a box of that motion picture money that they make that looks confusingly similar to, but not quite like American currency and is used in the movies.

That is an interesting idea, although I do not think that is on the menu from Bespoke Post.

Well, what if you want it?

Write in and ask them, folks.

Boxofawesome.com, code drive, get 20% off, buy some shit, and then say, hey, start selling phony money on here, too.

Well, don't say that, but do let us know what you get.

If you end up going to Bespoke Post and getting a box of awesome, we'd love to know what is in your box of awesome.

So check in with us on Twitter or via email.

That's right.

And if you can, ladies and gentlemen, especially the ladies, send us a picture of your box.

Will you stop?

So we can see it.

Be nice.

And see what you've got in your box.

The box of awesome that arrives at your house.

Yes, we'd like to see what is in that.

I've known several people that had awesome boxes I wanted to see inside of.

And now you can.

From Bespoke Post and Box of Awesome.

What's that link one more time, Jim?

That's boxofawesome.com with the promo code drive for 20% off.

Enter that code DRIVE at checkout.

20% off.

Box of Awesome.

This is the story of the one.

As a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility, he knows keeping the line up and running is a top priority.

That's why he chooses Granger.

Because when a drive belt gets damaged, Granger makes it easy to find the exact specs for the replacement product he needs.

And next day delivery helps ensure he'll have everything in place and running like clockwork.

Call 1-800-GRANGER, clickgranger.com, or just stop by.

Granger for the ones who get it done.

Lots of fans had nightmares.

They thought they had nightmares about the Undertaker.

Here's his undead, burned brother.

But it was all in his mind, as it turns out.

You have to wonder if the fans at home, maybe they need some help, they're a little scared, or maybe Kane himself, because it was all in his mind, maybe he could have used some help from the Sunday scaries.

Well, you know, Brian, I'll tell you what, that's a thing that a lot of people have.

Sundays, you know what the Sunday scary?

They give us a bunch of examples here with the

the copy for the advertising for this fine product.

They give us a lot of examples of Sunday scaries and how life can be scary and put you on edge, have you shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds.

But I think it's simple enough to say that Sunday scaries are when you realize on Sunday that the following week is going to start the next day and your life is going to be the same way it was last week.

That's a Sunday scary.

That's a.

That'll just smack you right in the face.

Yep, whatever you had to put up with last week, folks, you're going to be putting up up with more of it this week.

But that's why that Sunday scaries were manufactured.

That's why they were brought into existence.

Because, folks, again,

do you want to get up on Monday morning and do you want to feel despair?

Do you want to feel gloom?

Gloom, despair, and agony, oh me, deep, dark depression, excessive misery.

Folks, I say no to you.

You don't want to feel that.

No, instead.

What you want to do is you want to check out the Sunday scary CBD gummies that, folks, they have been worked at.

Now, it's not like that THC stuff that the young folks use to get all loopy.

It's the CBD stuff that's scientifically been proven to chill you out, not make you cold, but make you relax, not make you shiver, but make you

shut your brain off and let your muscles evaporate into a blissful state.

Folks, as a matter of fact, with these Sunday scary CBD gummies, you'll almost evaporate entirely.

Many people have just melted into the upholstery.

Don't say that.

They've had to be pried out with a spatula.

Metaphorically speaking, yes.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

And say, well, you know what?

I can't feel my legs.

So just pry me out of this seat with a spatula.

Metaphorically speaking, they may say that, but in actuality, on the real world or in the real world, they are not saying these things.

They're just enjoying the

Sunday Scaries

properties.

Experience.

Yes, Sunday.

That's the word I was looking for.

Yes, because Sunday Scaries are deliciously cute.

Vitamin-boosted

CBD gummies.

They're cute.

Did you just call them deliciously cute?

They're delicious.

That's what it says right on the package here.

Deliciously cute vitamin-boosted CBD gummies that are a must-have because they work and chill you out fast while not getting you a sentence in a penitentiary in certain states.

Let's say you're a horrible sleeper.

You stare at the ceiling and you worry because you know the people that live upstairs are a couple that weigh 350 pounds apiece.

And every time they start getting amorous, you think you're about to be crushed.

It's like a sword of Damocles hanging over your head.

Folks, no, no, no.

Just take a couple of the Sunday, scary, CBD gummies, and when they get to bumping uglies, you won't give a shit.

You'll roll over and blissfully fall asleep.

Folks, once again, whether it's Sunday or any other day of the week that you are scared or anxious or nervous or saying, oh, shit, well, you don't need to do all that because these Sunday, scary, CBD gummies were made to defeat.

the various CRAPola that life will throw at you, especially other people.

If you've got other people throwing stuff at you, well, call the police because that's assault and it's illegal.

But if they're only metaphorically pitching it over the fence in your direction, you take two CBD gummies every day to keep the scaries away.

And right now, if you go to sundyscaries.com, that Sunday is in the day of the fucking week.

If you can't spell that, I can't fucking help you.

You got bigger problems than not being able to sleep.

Sunday scaries, S-C-A.

What's the matter with you?

S-C-A-R-I-E-S, Sundyscaries.com.

Some people may do E-Y-S and that just won't work.

Sundyscaries.com and use the promo code JCE.

You're going to get 25% off, not 25% off the relaxation or 25% off the sleep, but 25% off the cost, which is already negligible to begin with.

Sundyscaries.com, use the promo code JCE for 25% off the Sunday Scaries CBD gummies, which you'll get 100% of your Sunday scaries off.

The experience, if you take the Sunday Scaries CBD gummies, that you get 25% of the price of them off.

It'll take care of all of your Sunday Scaries, but you'll get 25%

off the actual cost of the purchase.

SundayScaries.com.

Sunday Scaries.

That's what I said.

Yeah, that's what I don't want to see biographies of people in their 20s, and I don't want to see historical retrospectives of shit that we reviewed on this podcast three or four years ago.

So we're going to, the stuff that's

of meatiness and weight,

we will be reviewing.

All right.

Well, the rest of you can watch the Madcap Moss biography this Sunday on A ⁇ E.

But Jim, you may not be watching.

Mosh Pitt Jones is more marketable.

You may not be watching Mosh Pitt Jones on biography, but you could potentially listen to Mosh Pitt Jones if he had a band and somehow got the band distributed.

And, well, if you had your Raycons.

Well, yes.

And the big thing is probably the distribution and the getting the band to begin with and then getting people to listen to it.

Because the Raycons, that's the easy part.

You can get Raycons all day long, premium audio at the perfect price point.

I love that alliteration.

And the thing is, folks, again,

the Raycons have been with us for so long.

We've told you how great they are.

But now they've not only got the everyday earbuds, but they have low-latency gaming headphones.

And that sounds almost contagious.

Low-latency gaming headphones.

And they got a speaker with a battery that'll last all night long.

At your next party, and the Raycon started half the price of other premium audio brands.

You can listen to what you want and who you want, when you want, and how you want.

And you don't have to listen to the other everyday nuisances and distractions that constantly bother you.

You can soundtrack your own life.

And because, as I mentioned before, they started half the price of the other premium audio brands, you can get a pair and a spare and still pay less than you would with some of those other crooks.

You can do business with these crooks and spend much less money.

And you can keep one in your your desk, one on the nightstand, one in your bag, one in the car.

You can get about eight pairs.

So that actually just get one pair and just don't ever take them out.

No, that's not advised.

You should take them out of your ear.

Of course, you're going to have to charge them at some point.

Well, couldn't you just plug them in while they're in your ears?

And then, boy, I'll tell you what, your hair would stand up.

That's not the way it works.

Charge your raycons while they're in your ears.

Your hair will stand up.

You'll look like Don King.

Don't, and you can't.

And and there is a charger that wouldn't even facilitate this way of charging it.

So stick your finger in the light socket then.

Don't do that.

Jesus, don't joke about that.

Well, you know, but see, that's the thing.

You can't, who has a finger skinny enough to stick it in a daggum light socket?

That's an urban legend.

That's a complete myth.

You'd have to have a finger so skinny that you well, you wouldn't even have to have a bone in it.

So unless you have boneless fingers, you ain't got nothing to worry about.

But here's what you can think about.

Let's talk about Raycons.

The Raycons.

That's exactly what, if you wouldn't interrupt me, I would talk about these fine Raycons.

Look at all of the additional features.

You got three customizable sound profiles.

Got the left profile, the right profile, head-on.

You can listen to them any of the three ways.

You've got earbud tap functions.

Now, what happens there?

Don't tap them too hard.

You can cause yourself to go death because in between the eardrum and the ear lobe is the earbud it's right about halfway in when you stick these raycons in and you tap the button well then it taps your earbud and lets all of the the sap and the the pus and the pollution out of it that's not how it works no and it allows you to hear things more clearly it allows you to not have to worry about any of this because none of this will be happening you'll be sitting there bopping away with your raycon earbuds listening to the finest music or maybe a podcast it's not an earbud bop function, it's an earbud tap function.

Also, noise isolation.

You can isolate any one of a particular noise.

Let's say you want to know what one noise is, but you can't hear it because there's too many noises.

Well, you can isolate that particular noise.

That's not how noise isolation works.

Don't isn't it?

You take it a noise and you put it over somewhere by itself.

Noise isolation.

What's the matter?

That is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said.

There's an awareness mode.

When you press the awareness button, it'll be like the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has come and blessed you, and you will instantly be aware of all things in the universe and the cosmic continuum.

No, that's not part of Transcendental Meditation.

Well, whatever it may be.

Also, custom gel tips for the perfect, most comfortable in-ear fit.

Even if you've got two ears, they'll fit.

And even if, like in some cases, members of the feather bottom family, you have three or more openings that serve as ear orifices.

Well, you can, the gel tips, they're kind of squishy, where they'll go right in.

You just force them if you have to.

If you've got...

a particularly convoluted ear canal, you might have to force it.

I've found that

if you take a flathead screwdriver and just tap the end of the screen.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You have not found that.

No, you have not found that.

And you don't have to worry about any force.

The word force shouldn't be a part of the conversation here.

Well, of course, unless you're a member of the Air Force, in which case, we're going to tell you how you can save some money here in a minute.

Also, the custom gel tips, as we know, they do come in a variety of flavors, strawberry, grape, lime, pineapple.

There's crystal clear call quality on the Raycons.

So let's say, for example, you're listening to Mickey and Sylvia.

Oh, interesting.

And all of a sudden you hear, oh, love a boy

being called.

It's crystal clear.

I say, lover boy.

How do you call your lover boy?

Love is strange.

You know, she's the one who started Sugar Hill Records.

Sylvia Robinson.

That's right.

Indeed, whatever happened to Mickey.

Fell by the wayside.

Fucking douchebag.

Should have brought Mickey with her.

Will you leave Mickey alone?

Maybe his family are big supporters of Raycon.

Mickey came first before Sylvia, and then Sylvia takes off and leaves him, starts Sugar Hill Records, and makes a fortune.

And where's Mickey?

Well, I don't think they were actually

broke, busted, and disgusted, dicked by the dangle dong of destiny.

They were just two musicians put together.

I don't think they were like a couple or anything.

Well, where's your loyalty?

She had a husband.

Well, where's his loyalty?

And also, Tomorrow

are water and sweat resistant.

That means if you've got these Raycons in, somebody dumps a bucket of water over your head or slings sweat on you, it bubbles up and comes off just like you've been Rain X.

Oh, no, it doesn't bubble up

again.

No.

Eight hours with the everyday earbuds or 11 hours of playtime with the everyday speaker.

That's all they almost ought to say every day and every night because you'll go from morning till night with something like that and not know the difference.

You'll never know what time it is if you're listening to your Raycon wireless earbuds.

And, folks, right, don't say that.

Don't say that.

There's clocks.

You won't care.

You're going to leave the outside world behind, baby.

Find your groove with the Raycon everyday wireless earbuds.

If you're ready to buy something small with a big impact, go to Buy Raycon.

That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash JCE.

Buy Buyraycon.com slash JCE, 15% off everything you get, your Raycon order.

That's everything you get.

Well, it's not going to be 15% off your McDonald's lunch because you're not getting that from buyraycon.com slash JCE.

But if you go to buyraycon.com slash JCE, you're going to get 15% off anything they got on sale.

And if they have a cheeseburger, let me know because I'm getting hungry.

Buyraycon.com slash JCE.

Well, Jim, Jim, we have a long way to go.

We still have things to talk about and John Moxley audio to talk about.

Oh, boy.

But, you know, it's moments like this that sometimes I think, I wish I could hang up on Jim and take a nap.

You know, well, I know why that is.

It's not because I'm boring in any way, shape, or form or fashion, but it's because I know how you've got your home outfitted.

And every room in the house has a helix sleep mattress in it.

And that way, sometimes you'll just be walking across the room and you will suddenly say, you know what?

I'm just going to curl up my weary bones here on this incredibly comfortable Helix sleep mattress and just take a five-minute nap on my way across the room here.

And it turns into, well, sometimes you're down 16, 18, 24 hours.

And sometimes they, you know, Suzanne.

Some of me?

Yeah.

Then this doesn't happen.

Some of the kids, yeah.

Remember, you've told me that Suzanne three times last year called 911, said, bring the shock paddles.

I have not said that.

That never happened.

Yet, bring the shock paddles and revive him because he's laid down on the helix sleep mattress again.

And that leads to no good because you just drift off.

And then once you drift off into such a state of relaxation that your blood stops pumping and your heart stops beating.

That doesn't happen.

So relaxed.

No.

You just kind of go into a state of natural rigor mortise on your Helix sleep mattress.

You don't want to get off of it.

And many people are not able to if you spend enough time on it.

Ladies and gentlemen, there are elements of the truth in what you just heard.

You will certainly love your Helix sleep mattress.

You will not want to get off it.

I have several in this house.

I even have their all-form couch, which I love.

But delete everything else that Jim just said.

Just focus on wonderful mattresses

that you will enjoy sleeping on that will come.

And it's a miraculous show when they open up.

And then you lay on it and you get a good night's sleep like you would anywhere else, but better.

Yes.

And boy, I'll tell you what.

And I was worried they were going to close back up on me like they open up so nicely.

I was worried when I laid down, they were going to close back up on me, but then I understand that only happens like one out of every 10 times.

That's the flytrap mattress.

Most of the time, if you keep a box cutter on you, you can get out of the box once it closes back up.

But anyway, Helix Sleep is a premium mattress brand that provides tailored mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences.

And these tailored mattresses, they are the most darling things one of them comes with a vest another tailored mattress comes with two pair of pants what and one of the tailored mattresses comes decked out in a cute little tuxedo with a cummer bun they're all finely tailored they're dressed to the hilt when they come to your house people down the street far and wide will say well those Those lasts or those people that live there, whatever your fucking name might be, in that house there, the little farquhars over there, they're ritzy classy people because they've got a finely tailored mattress walking up to their front door some of them even have top hats and carry canes hey can i ask you a question yes you can the fantastics came out to the ring to sharp dressed man yes do you really think they were that sharply dressed they were oh they were so sharply dressed well you could paper cut yourself on them

They were,

they had the bow ties, they had the top hats, they had the white gloves.

If you saw someone walking down the street dressed like that, would you say, that's a sharp-looking man?

Or would you say, I think that guy's blind?

No, no, I would say that it appears that we need to gather up the children across the other side of the street because

that's something you don't see every day is somebody in a white top hat, a red vinyl tuxedo jacket with tails, white glasses.

and spandex tights

and white gloves, I should say, and glasses and spandex tights with stripes walking down the street.

But nevertheless, strutting down the street.

Strutting down the street and gyrating.

But you could strut right into a nice mattress with Helix sleep.

We're back on the Helix.

That's right.

The tailored mattresses.

Folks, these things, they're made in America.

Sometimes I think they, you know, they just make them in Gulfport, Mississippi, and ship them out all different places.

That is America.

That is America.

That is, well, just barely.

A 10 or 15-year warranty, depending on the model.

They've been awarded the number one mattress by GQ and Wired magazine.

So right there, you know that they know what they're talking about when it comes to mattresses.

As a matter of fact, a lot of times you will see the Helix Sleep demonstrators walking down the street.

going door to door with the helix mattresses, demonstrating them.

As a matter of fact, just recently, I was in downtown Louisville.

I saw this young lady walking down the street with a mattress strapped to her back.

Looked a little bit like Penelope Pitstop, but nevertheless, they're obviously out and about going door to door with these things.

No, those people do not work for Helix.

I don't know who you're seeing with mattresses, but you're clean.

Brand new mattresses will be delivered to you in packaging by

noted and recognizable delivery services.

With name tags on their shirt and labels on their truck.

If a white panel van

with white sidewall tires, but out-of-state license plate pulls up and tries to deliver your mattress.

Look in the box first.

But anyway, folks, again, the helix sleep, you can't beat it.

You'll die to sleep on this mattress.

As a matter of fact, people are lining up to wait to sleep on this mattress, and sometimes

they never get up.

They're so comfortable.

What are you saying?

They can say, leave me here.

Just bury me in this thing.

Find a coffin that will be big enough that you can just stick the whole mattress in, me on top of it, close the lid, just put it into me right here.

I'm so comfortable.

I never want to leave.

It is a comfortable mattress.

That part is true.

Yes.

It's like you're on a slab in a morgue.

You'll never know the difference.

God damn it.

So anyway, right now,

you go to Helix Sleep.

That's H-E-L-I-X, helixleep.com.

You take the quiz, and you'll be matched with the model mattress that you want, whether it's soft, medium, or firm, or how you sleep on your side, back, or stomach, or standing on your head.

If you're moving around all night, you get the Jimmy legs.

You tell them about these things.

They pick one out for you.

They tell you, this is what you need.

And they'll send it to you.

It comes with a warranty.

If you don't like it, you can send it back.

How about that for confidence?

And

right now, Helix is offering up to 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

For our listeners, if you go to helixleep.com slash JCE,

up to 20% off all the mattress orders and two free pillows.

It's their best offer yet.

It's not going to last long.

Just like you, you won't last long on a Helix Sleep mattress.

You'll fall right to sleep.

Nobody lasts more than 30 seconds on a Helix Sleep mattress.

Just ask anybody's wife that's bought one and they will tell you.

That's not, this is not true

but it's a comfortable mattress that part is true you'll you'll you'll go right out some and some some

models of the mattress are fitted with chloroform no they're not why

why we're so close to the end why did you have to add that

hey the kids uh mattress for children

12 years of age has been awarded best mattress winner by parents magazine did you know that that is true that is true.

Yes, it is true.

And they're cute little things.

They're only sometimes if you've got an overgrown kid, if the kids have got that just giant ape-like growth spurt going on, you might have to fold him over double to get him on the kid's mattress, but it'll be cheaper.

You'll save money.

So just fold him up and tape his wrist to his ankles.

He'll be fine overnight.

HelixSleep.com.

A fine mattress.

Check it out today.

But Kevin Dunn, or somebody, or it's a Vince or the two of them together, or they've trained all of the technical crew and the announcers.

This is what we do.

This is how we do it.

Uh-huh.

This just breaking.

Vince now wants to be referred to as Pierre.

And he is so lucky.

He is so lucky.

Lucky Pierre.

But you know what, Brian?

Here's the thing.

A lot of times you just, when you're Vince McMahon, you got so many things going on.

You got so many things you're in charge of, a busy man.

You need to, sometimes you need to just be aware of what's going on around you and read the room better.

It's always good when you can read the room better, when you're aware of your surroundings.

Let me give you an example, young Mr.

Last.

I got an email.

I'll have you know,

an email from a fellow whose name I will not mention because we're going to talk about a criminal case here.

And I don't want to, well, I don't, even though he was the victim, I don't want to have him drug through any type of thing out in public.

But he writes, hello, Jim and Brian.

I'm a huge fan of the show.

I wanted to share with you a recent event that happened in my life I think you may find interesting.

I worked nights at a gas station.

And one day, or one night, while listening to your program, two individuals walked into the store and held me at gunpoint.

They demanded all the money from the registers.

They demanded my cell phone and even my earbuds.

Now, at the time, I'd been using cheap $20 earbuds.

I bought at a flea market, so it was no big loss.

But I wished that I'd been more alert to the situation.

I remember thinking afterwards, after I was the victim of an armed robbery at gunpoint, man,

where am I going to get some replacement earbuds?

And if only there were earbuds with an awareness mode, so I'd know what was going on around me, something I could wear every day.

And then I remembered your spot about Raycon wireless earbuds.

And the first thing I did after calling the police and filing a police report was to go to raycon.com and buy a pair of earbuds with your promo code.

So the next time someone robs the store and holds me at gunpoint, I'll at least be aware of it.

Thank you again, Jim and Brian.

I'm glad they didn't take his laptop.

Well, he didn't have it.

He was standing up working.

He wasn't sitting around with stuff on his lap.

Doesn't have to be on your lap.

Well, it's a laptop.

I think most people actually probably don't use it just on their lap.

They put it on a desk or a table.

Take it anywhere.

Well, if you don't know how to use your equipment, that's not my fault.

I can't be everywhere at once.

But I'm telling you right now, folks, if you don't want to be robbed at gunpoint, the way society is these days,

now I'm telling you, the way people are these days, the way society in general is these days, the only way that you can protect yourself from being robbed at gunpoint is to buy yourself a pair of Raycon everyday wireless earbuds.

They cannot protect anyone from being robbed at gunpoint.

Let's be pretty.

Well, yeah,

technically, they can because they

can.

No, you tell me.

Let me hear this.

Technically, well, yes, technically, because here's the thing now.

Now, see little mooch here that just wrote in.

He had these cheap earbuds in his ears from the flea market, and he was listening to the music turned up loud, and these people snuck up behind him and got the drop on him.

And before he was even aware of what was going on, they had him dead to rights.

They had him at gunpoint.

He was dicked by the dangled dong of destiny right there in front of God and everybody.

He was caught.

But making a lot of assumptions there, but okay, go ahead.

But, well, why would you just stand there and know somebody was coming up on you with a gun and stand there and allow him to do it?

He had no knowledge because of the cheap earbuds.

No, well, you don't know.

Again, you don't know that.

Just go in by his personal testimony.

If he's back there watching porn, not paying attention to who's in the store and they come up behind you.

If you watch porn on $20 earbuds, you can only listen to it.

And what good is that?

That's like smelling a bakery without going in and eating the cake just watch women's tennis

I thought you were gonna say women's titties but nevertheless so we're back to the armed robbery now here's the thing the raycon wireless earbuds can prevent you can stop you from being a victim of an armed robbery because they have an awareness mode but you can't say

you can't say they're going to protect you from being in an armed robbery.

They say they will give you early warning.

You'll know about it ahead of time.

You've got time to get your rabbit ass out of there because you'll be aware of your surroundings, courtesy of the awareness mode.

But again,

I mean, in the best case scenario, yes, this is exactly what would happen.

But again, Ray Con earbuds will not protect you from armed robbery.

They can help

make you not involved in one.

They can help you.

What?

No, I don't.

They can help make you not involved in one.

If you know that the armed robber is approaching you, you will leave.

You will leave the area, the vicinity.

You will not be robbed.

Therefore, an awareness mode on your everyday wireless earbuds from Raycon will prevent you from being the victim of an armed robbery because you got time to ski daddle.

You got time to get the heck out of there.

You got time

to just take off.

Yeah, see?

I didn't hit the button all the way.

See, there we go.

So anyway, here's another thing.

Yeah.

With the noise isolation, let's say that you're screaming, help, help, police.

Help, police.

Well, if there's a bunch of,

I don't know, traffic noise around or there's a brass band, a parade down the street, they may not be able to hear you.

Well, with the noise isolation on your Raycon wireless earbuds, you can just isolate the noise of you screaming at the top of your lungs for help.

What?

And get rid of all the rest of that noise.

You can isolate that noise.

First of all, this is the worst example you could ever give.

But second of all, that's not how noise isolation works.

You don't isolate individual noises.

You don't isolate noise when you're using noise isolation?

Well, not individual noises that you can then, I don't know, repurpose.

What do you think?

On a loudspeaker?

If you've got multiple noises, then you're not isolating them because

you can't be isolated in a group.

Here's something else.

Crystal clear call quality.

So when you call 911, somebody shot me in my taint, they'll be able to hear you a mile away and you'll be able to hear them when they say, well, it's up to you to fucking get yourself out of this mess because we've got other calls to answer first.

And since you're in a sticky situation there, These everyday earbuds are water and sweat resistant.

They're sweat resistant because you're going to be sweating your balls off if you're staring down the barrel of a 44.

You're going to turn and scream at Linda Loo, and the water's going to hit the floor, and they're water-resistant, too.

And when you jump off the bridge into the river to swim away from the people that are robbing you at gunpoint, these Raycon everyday wireless earbuds will sound as good when they come out of the fucking drink as they did when you dove in.

So, you got all those things going for you.

So, right now, if you want to stay free of this crime wave that we're experiencing in the United States today, especially on the West Coast, especially on the West Coast, go to Buy Raycon, B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N, buyraycon.com/slash JCE.

Today, you're going to get 15% off your Raycon order, everything.

Order whatever they've got.

Order shit they don't have.

Send them money.

They'll give you 15% off.

Buyraycon.com slash JCE.

You got to remember the slash JCE to get the 15% off.

Buyraycon.com slash JCE.

Do not be the victim of crime in the streets.

Protect yourself.

Be aware with Raycon everyday wireless earbuds, even if noises are still in groups.

That's right.

Raycon.

That was the Iron Sheik biography on A and E.

And, you know, when the Sheik finally grew that mustache, what a liberating moment that must have been to finally say, I'm not going to shave.

I'm going to grow this mustache.

I'm going to grow it so long I could twirl it like Raleigh fingers.

He probably looked in the mirror and said, My future is so bright.

I got to wear shades.

I wondered how hair was going to get us to any,

but facial hair was merely the MacGuffin.

That's right.

Wild card.

Wild card, bitches.

I'll tell you what.

If there's anybody that you'd like to not get a good look at, if there's anybody that you'd like to put some kind of covering over your eyes before you look in their general direction because of the repulsiveness of their appearance and the fact that they give small children nightmares and scare house pets, well, folks, don't buy an expensive pair of sunglasses and put them on to try to shade yourself from all of that ugly dripping all over somebody's face.

No, you don't want the expensive ones when you can get shady rays because shady rays makes high quality sunglasses that are just as good or even better than the expensive ones at a fraction of the price.

And they're durable.

I'm talking about unbreakable.

I'm talking about

I don't care how ugly your wife or husband or mother or father or children may be,

you look at them with these shady rays on.

They will not crack.

They will not break.

I'm telling you, as a matter of fact,

of course not.

Well, hey, you can even look at Hotchkiss Featherbottom and his Aunt Fanny and Uncle Felcher, and these things will not break.

Normally, anybody with any glasses on immediately loses their lenses when they look at the Featherbottoms.

And these things are so durable, so unbreakable, that Chris Rock could have been wearing these.

at the Oscars last year and Will Smith wouldn't even have broken the earpieces.

That's how durable

and impact-resistant that the shady rays are, and they've got to be.

Even the earpieces.

Even the

things that go over your ear.

What are they?

Do they have a technical term for those?

You've been wearing glasses your whole life.

You should know this.

Well, okay, you've had a face your whole life.

What do you call those two little things right under your nose and above your lip?

Yeah, see?

I have no idea.

Nevertheless, well, see there.

Do you Of course I do.

Shady Rays isn't happy unless you're happy, folks.

And I'm telling you, that's why they've got the industry-leading lost and broken replacement program.

If you break or lose your pair, even the second you take them out of the box.

Now, obviously, that would have to be willful.

If you break or lose them the second you take them out of the box, you're doing it on purpose.

You're being a prick.

Go ahead and admit it.

But they will send you a replacement pair.

No questions asked now

also here's the thing if you don't like them you can exchange them or return them for free

and to be honest they've got a special deal going right now where if you buy one pair of shady rays you get a second pair for free and they come covered under this guarantee also I'm thinking that some enterprising son of a bitch out there is going to figure out a way to work this into getting 700 free pairs of shady rays.

But it'll be worth it because everybody else will have high quality sunglasses that will protect their eyes from

the burning, the searing pain.

Do you know what it's like, Brian, when you look up at the sun and that molten lava on the hottest surface in the universe bears down on your corneas?

And your eyeballs, your pupils start smoking?

No, I don't stare at the sun.

Why would anyone do that?

Oh, boy, you ought to try it sometime.

What a rush.

And I'm telling you, when your pupils start smoking,

and all of a sudden, flames leap up from your eyelashes, and it's uncomfortable.

But if you got shady rays on, you can stare right at that thing for hours on end.

Go ahead and try it.

No damage whatsoever.

Let's just jump in right now, ladies and gentlemen, say that is something you shouldn't do, whether wearing shady rays or not.

Never stare at the surface of the sun, never look at the sun directly.

Even if you're wearing shady rays, which are such fine glasses, but even the finest of sunglasses, don't look at the sun, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't make eye contact is what you're saying with the sun.

That's right.

Bitch.

All right.

Keep your eyes down.

And I'll tell you what.

What are you going to tell me?

You'll tell me what?

Let me hear you.

Will you hear it right here, folks?

Obviously, Jim's been staring at the sun and he's melting right now inside of his head.

I'll tell you something here in a minute.

Shady Rays.

Bitch.

Shady Rays.

Let's get back to them, though.

They're fantastic.

Not shady at all.

So Shady Rays.

The program that they have here on this program is the Shady Rays Impact Program is what I'm saying.

Works with nonprofits.

Oh my God, I'm dizzy.

Worldwide to make an impact on the lives of children and young adults.

If you'd like to make an impact on the life of a children or a young adult, you've got to buy Shady Ray sunglasses.

They build playsets for pediatric cancer patients.

They create adventures for young adults with cancer in Mississippi.

Or that's cancer and MS.

I'm sorry.

Cancer and MS, not cancer in Mississippi.

See, this is not funny.

Cancer and MS are not funny.

No.

And neither is Mississippi.

Well, no, Mississippi is fucking bone serious.

I've been there.

They'll cut you.

But anyway, folks, right now, what's better than getting one pair of shady rays and not worrying if you break or lose them, getting two pairs and not worrying, just be frivolous with them.

Because it doesn't matter.

They'll be replaced until the end of time.

Take care of your glasses.

Take care of your sunglasses.

No, just fucking kick them, stomp stomp them, slap them around.

Fucking drag them down the street behind a bumper.

We don't encourage that.

Well, we can't stop it.

Go to shadyrays.com

slash jewel go to shady rays.

I'll spell that for you people.

S-H-A-D-Y-R-A-Y-S shadyrays.com.

D-O-T-C-O-M

slash S-L-A-S-H

J-C-E shadyrays.com slash JCE.

Use the code JCE for a limited time, possibly until they hear this spot.

When you buy one pair of shady rays, you're going to get a second pair for free.

So spend very little money on one, get another pair for free, and that's four times as good as buying two of the expensive ones.

So you got a 33% chance of coming out ahead.

Shady Rays.

Once again, that was WWE Rivals on A ⁇ E and Airs on Sunday night pretty late.

And a lot of people, a lot of the listeners, I'm sure, after a program like that, are ready to go down and take a,

not go down, but ready to lay down.

Are they ready to go down?

They're ready to lay down and go to sleep.

What do you have to do to get one of these fine mattresses?

You have to, I mean, if you have to do some kind of perverted acts on, you know, not what I was saying.

Well, no, it's something that I just thought happened to me.

You know, when I got my helix mattress, those guys that delivered it said, well, you know, you got to do us a favor before we'll leave this thing.

Now, you know, that's not true.

That's not true.

Don't even say that.

They are professionals.

They only hire professionals and they professionally deliver the wonderful mattresses you're about to tell everyone about.

Oh, these guys were professionals.

All right.

I don't think they were amateurs at all.

No,

they had plenty of experience.

Trust me.

I've not been able to get it out of my mind.

I showered for so long.

Okay, can we watch this segment?

God damn it.

All righty.

You know, but here's the thing.

You talked about going to sleep.

Well, you can go to sleep or you can be put to sleep.

Now, there's two different ways of doing it.

Now, for example,

if you're just laying your weary head down after a hard day working in the coal mines or wherever it is you work, salt mines, coal mines, whatever the case may be, landmines, I don't know whether you're on land or sea.

If you're just laying down on just an itty old regular old mattress, well, you might have to put yourself to sleep.

You might have to take some kind of of sedative or sedative what do you like

you might because the these normal everyday mattresses that they just sell in these mattress stores it's hard to get to sleep on them you need you need aid you need eat a bunch of turkey get that melatonin or whatever it is Or you might need to take sedatives.

Tryptophan.

Don't take sedatives, but you're thinking of tryptophan, not melatonin in turkey.

Well, you trip over the fan if you want a fan on.

And that's a danger because you like you said you could trip over the cord that's not what i said but you know sometimes every once in a while your spouse may have to come in the bedroom and and hit you over the head with a blunt instrument to put you out for the night that's if you have a regular mattress well if you're sick and tired of having your wife or husband or significant other come in the bedroom when you're laying there trying to go to sleep and hitting you over the head with a blunt instrument to put you out for the night, you need to change your your mattress.

And no longer will they need to come and do it.

Now, they might still come in and try, but you can block it.

Because, folks, there's no more comfortable night of rest that you will get than on a helix sleep mattress.

Now, we've been talking about them for months.

They have many unique mattresses, luxury models, big and tall sleeper mattress.

That's another way of saying you're a freak of nature.

And you're either too big or too fat or too long for normal mattresses that they sell to normal people, but they're going to cater to you too.

And they got a mattress made just for kids.

But the problem is, if you expect your kid to grow very, very much, they might outgrow that kid's mattress.

So

I suggest what you do is maybe you stack some stacks of books or boxes of cereal or something around the mattress in case the kid grows too long.

So his feet are lopping over the end of the mattress, just so they don't roll over in the middle of the night and fall out.

But here's the thing.

You can put these mattresses on the roof and the kids like it.

What?

They like it up on the roof.

No, they don't.

And you can't do that.

Well, you can, but you shouldn't do that.

Don't put the mattresses on the street.

They can watch the stars.

They can learn astronomy.

They can do that just on the lawn.

Just lay on the front lawn.

No, no, they might get run over by the lawnmower.

You don't want your kids just laying.

Or they might get shit on by the dog up on the night.

In the middle of the night?

Does your dog shit at night?

Does the lawnmower run in the middle of the night while I'm watching stars?

You know what?

The guy that lived next door to me used to have headlights on his riding mower, and he would be out there at 10 o'clock at night when it was cooling the mowing the daggum yard.

So don't put your kids on the helix mattress in the yard where the dog will poop on them or the lawnmower will run over them.

Put the mattress up on the roof, put the little rug rats up there, and they'll learn about the constellations.

And folks, again put it in their room on your bed frame and let them sleep on it you let your kids have a bed frame

that's an unnecessary expense they don't appreciate it kids don't know from furniture

cardboard is good enough for them anyway

Folks, also, the helix mattress, they got models with memory foam layers to provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side.

And they've also got a special model.

If you sleep on your stomach, you can attach a breathing tube and it comes out the other side.

And that way you can sleep on your stomach without suffocating.

But be careful that nobody sticks that breathing tube up their ass or otherwise it'll wake you up with a start.

They don't offer that, unfortunately.

There are also models with a more responsive foam to cradle your body for essential support in stomach and back sleeping positions.

You'll be cradled.

You'll be jackknifed and schoolboyed.

You'll be rolled up with an O'Connor roll-up, all due to these incredible artificial intelligence mattresses that detect these things before you even know they're happening.

And if your spine needs some extra TLC, every Helix mattress has a hybrid design combining individually wrapped steel coils in the base with premium foam layers on top.

So you just take one of those steel coils and wrap it around your hand.

And if a robber or a burglar or second story man comes in, pop them with those steel coils, put them back in the mattress, the referee will never see it.

Folks, right now,

the helix mattresses that you got to sleep on, that you can't sleep on anything else, that I forbid you to sleep on anything else, that come with a 10 or 15-year warranty, depending on the model, and have an incredible hundred-night risk-free trial,

they all come directly from helixsleep.com.

H-E-L-I-X sleep.com.

And right now, Helix is offering up to 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners only.

Nobody else need apply.

Listen to us.

Get a deal on a mattress.

That's the way it works.

Go to helixleep.com slash JCE.

Up to 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

Their best offer yet.

And they support military first responders, teachers, and students, as well as the Merchant Marine and the Salvation Army.

HelixSleep.com.

Helix Sleep.

Jim, I can't believe we're going to talk about this again.

A lot of people are looking for ways, wherever they may be, to access the internet, wherever it may be.

And for some reason, they want you to talk about this again.

Well, you know, it's our friends.

We haven't talked about them in a while, but our friends at Express VPN, they're back around.

They're going to try this thing again because they got so many customers from the last time they ran spots on our program that they've just now caught up.

Kind of like us getting the people in the door on the Cult of Cornets Facebook group.

They've just now cut up on cut up.

Cut up, yeah.

Or cut up.

They've caught up on servicing.

All of the customers that we brought them last time.

So now is the time to bring them some more customers.

And remember what Express VPN, folks, it's the easiest way to protect your privacy and privacy and security on the internet from all of these people.

And we've, you know what?

As a matter of fact, I didn't tell you about this, but you know, I had my attic spray foam insulated.

They found a femur.

What?

They found a femur.

A human femur?

A femur was in the wall.

A human femur?

We think it may have been the guy from the cable company we had before Spectrum.

Because he showed up one day and we turned around.

He was gone.

We just assumed that he had left.

But folks, as we've said before.

Where's the rest of them?

Well, we ain't found that yet.

It may have been the rats took him.

See?

Rats?

Well, you know, they go up and down in the walls.

So, you see, folks, the thing is the internet service providers are putting spies in your wall.

And that's how they know what you're getting on on your computer.

Your internet service providers know all of the things that you've been looking up, all the things you've been doing, where you are.

They've got your information and they're going to use it in ways that you don't want unless you do something about it.

Now, I know what you're going to say to yourself.

You're going to say to yourself, well, I can just waltz right down there to the cable company now.

with a brick in my hand and take care of this whole thing.

Well, no, you can't because they're everywhere.

You knock one of them out with a brick two more spring up inside your den wall to take their place that's not exactly how it works well you can't deny that they're everywhere i i could deny that you shouldn't hit people with bricks well only if they're in your walls how are you gonna get how you gonna get to them with a brick if they're in the wall bust a hole there is not one statute in American jurisprudence today that says specifically that you cannot hit a person in the head with a brick if they are in the walls of your home.

Find it, I dare you.

I'm not ready to research that.

What do I even look for?

Well, you look for brick-hitting laws.

I mean, I'm just a small-town bird lawyer, but I can tell you that it's never been illegal to protect your life and property if somebody's in your wall by hitting them in the head with a brick.

Now, Creekstone, that was the case of Monroe versus Snavitz in 1997.

A piece of Creekstone was invited.

They haven't ruled on that yet, but bricks are okay.

But with Express VPN,

then you don't have to worry about a brick because

they're your brick.

They hit people in the head for you because they will mask your connection so it's secure and cannot be nabbed and robbed and stolen.

Your data will be encrypted.

They'll put it in concrete.

It's like one of those old mafia movies.

They'll put your data in concrete overshoes and they'll throw it off the Brooklyn Bridge and it'll it'll be sleeping with the fishes where nobody can get to it.

Encrypted in concrete.

And did you know this, Brian?

You can spoof your location with Express VPN.

I don't even know what that means.

Well,

you don't know what spoof your location means?

That means that you can make fun of your hometown.

I would never make fun of Last Manor, ever.

Well, you know, that's not your hometown.

That's your home place.

Like Aunt Lola would say, the old home place.

No, you always want to make fun of your hometown.

And ExpressVPN vpn will let you spoof your location every time it you tell it where you are it will give you a free joke about your particular town whether it be cleveland oshkosh

that can't be how that works that cannot be how it says right here you can spoof your location so you can have access to content available outside your region i guess that means you can

spoof your you could pretend that i don't understand any of it but i looked up brick hitting laws

Someone posted something.

A man threatened to smash my head in with a brick.

I was about 20 feet from him, and I pulled my shirt up to inform him I am carrying, and I will use it if he acts on his words.

Is this illegal in Pennsylvania?

And the questions have come in.

Did he actually have a brick in his hand, or was it just words?

Let me go down a little further.

If you believe you were in imminent danger of being killed, I guess this is more about the guns than the bricks.

This is a yeah, it's more about the gun than the brick.

Because, well, the thing is,

you never throw rocks at a man carrying a machine gun, but in this case, he should have thrown the brick quicker before the guy while he was busy pulling his shirt up and his hands were full.

He could have beamed him in the head with the brick and then taken the gun and then shot the guy.

Because this is America.

You ought to have an equal right to shoot people, whether or not they are carrying bricks.

What?

But nevertheless, what?

Back to expressing.

I don't even understand what you just said.

Well, it's not my fault.

I said it clearly.

It's explicitly your fault.

Express VPN is blazing fast.

You know a lot of these VPNs.

Brian, they slow your connection down to the point where it's not even worth it to connect the connection.

Oh, no.

But Express VPN doesn't lag or buffer.

Whether it be Michael Buffer, whether it be, what was his brother's name?

Edward Buffer?

Bruce Buffer, not Bruce Buffer.

Edward Buffer.

Edward Buffer, he was the one that he didn't make it.

It was Danny, Bill, and Ed.

Ed didn't make it.

He became a veterinarian.

Nevertheless,

Express VPN, you won't even realize you have it on.

That's what it says.

Once you connect here, you know, it's no maintenance.

It's no worry.

You don't even, soon you'll not even think about it.

And then slowly, it will creep into your everyday life.

You won't know it's on, but it will take over everything.

No, that's not.

And then one day,

you'll suddenly realize that Express VPN has gained its own intelligence.

No.

Right now,

it won't slow your computer down.

That's true.

And you won't even know it's on.

You'll never know what's happening until it's too late.

And your connection is secure.

Your data is encrypted.

You're spoofing your location.

You've got content available outside your region.

I like content that's outside my nether regions.

It's been called the best VPN by CNET.

And it's been called Express VPN by C-O-R-N-E-T-T-E.

And right now,

go to expressvpn.com/slash JCE and you'll get three months of whatever the fuck it is that they do for you, absolutely free.

Expressvpn.com/slash JCE,

three months extra of Express VPN with the spoofing and the encrypting and the lagging and buffering.

Or no, the no lagging and no buffering.

Well, I ought to get this because right now I'm lagging and buffering.

If I'm lagging and buffering right now and I get the Express VPN, will I quit lagging and buffering?

I don't know.

And what about, and let me ask you this: what is better, Excedron or buffering?

For a headache?

Yeah, because the buffering's bufferin's giving me a headache, but the eccedrin takes it away.

I would go with the eccedrin.

Bufferin used to be the best.

What happened?

It started giving me a headache.

Express VPN.

You remember that bufferin?

It doesn't even sell that anymore.

Bufferin?

It was buffered aspirin.

Buffered used to be a good thing.

Now it's a bad thing.

Remember the AIDS diet pills?

Yes, right before IDS.

I do remember seeing that.

Yes.

Ain't Lola used to take those.

And

the fucking slogan was, lose weight now with AIDS.

It didn't work.

Well, it worked, but it didn't last.

Once again, ExpressVPN, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, they're the ones we were talking about.

Expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Three months of this.

This hilarity for free.

You'll be spoofing yourself all night long.

Go out there and spoof your location.

Or spunk it.

I don't know.

Spoof it with Express VPN.

What would you do?

I guess what would it be if you spunked your location?

I'm going to leave this one to you.

You seem like the expert on this.

Well,

now your mind's in the gutter.

Spunk, you know what spunk is.

It's guts.

It's courage.

It's spunkiness.

Terry Runnels didn't know what it was, but otherwise, I told you that, didn't I?

You did tell me that, yeah.

Well, then I won't tell you again.

Everybody else will just wonder.

She was mad when JR and I said she was full of spunk.

She thought it had another meaning.

She said, Who told you?

Hey, goddamn.

All right, it was dripping.

Express VPN.

Oh, geez, it wasn't.

You had to end with that

dripping out of her.

She was so full of it.

Well, you won't have to worry about your

internet service dripping with ExpressVPN.

Yeah.

What's the promo code?

Shady Race.

No, no, no, no.

ExpressVPN.

Yes, it is.

Hold on.

I'm looking for it now.

It's Express.

It's expressvpn.com slash JCE.

It's where you need to go to protect yourself from the outside forces in the world today that could harm you.

and bring your empire crashing down around your ears.

And you can stream an HD with no issues.

Once again, expressvpn.com slash jce to get three extra months of expressvpn.

Just open the app, click one button, and enjoy instant protection across all your devices.

I wish it only took me one second to protect all my devices.

Sometimes it takes a while to get that thing on.

Oh, you are reading the copy.

I don't even know sometimes if you're just going off on your own thing or if you're reading a copy.

But once again,

expressvpn.com slash jce.

And that was a lesson to unfortunately

that anybody with half a mind knew to begin with, but that it took shitstain and his fat flunky Ferrara

killing the business to find out, yeah, you do all this shit for a little while and people just get sick of it and you can't do anything more because there's nothing left and and then it just floats away and is over there in the corner.

And that's what happened to the wrestling business because he tried to make it the Jerry Springer show because the fucking moron has an IQ of a fucking demented rabbit and the attention span of a flea

and no concept of what the future, how the future would be impacted by what he was doing at the fucking time.

And he was let loose for a year and a half by a fucking megalomaniacal millionaire that was losing a fight for the first time in his life and didn't know how to handle it.

And we got Jerry Springer.

So rest in peace, Jerry Springer.

Rest in peace, Jerry.

As a matter of fact, where's your goddamn grave?

What?

He might just have to stand in for old shit stain for the next 10 years or so, depending on how long he lasts.

I might have to go pollinate, urinate, and

fornicate on old Jerry's grave a little bit.

All right.

For heaven's sake.

Well, Easter.

yes

not a safe not a good time to be named jerry the drop of night flies oh jerry mathers is all right well he's the beaver

he's the last one standing

you think he's standing up all right you think he's is he could be sitting down he could be laying down i wish helix was a sponsor i'll tell you this though you think about beavers you think about hairiness

Because every beaver is hairy, right?

And especially in the 70s.

But most beavers you you see, the four-legged kind, they got hair on them.

And it's getting spring.

You know what spring is.

That's the season before summer.

You know what happens in summertime?

Beaver hunting.

Well, things get hot and sweaty.

Especially beavers.

And if you expect to hunt and find and catch and capture any of those beavers, gentlemen out there.

You need to make sure that you are groomed sufficiently.

Because you know what happens when it gets hot?

in the summertime, you get sweaty, the sun's out all the time.

Imagine a compost pile sitting in the hot sun,

watching every pretty panties.

I'm sorry, I'm doing Jethro Tull now.

Sitting in the hot sun, there's a compost pile,

and everything in that thing is just going to start to stink, and then it's going to start to sprout.

Do you want mushrooms growing underneath your balls, Brian Last?

Certainly not.

Well, nobody else does either, except if you're a vegetarian, and then that's up to you.

But

this year, it's going to be hot summer, so you need to plan ahead.

And our friends at Manscaped have you covered or actually uncovered, as the case may be.

No longer will you have fungal growth underneath your coin purse because the Performance Package 4.0 is the ultimate bundle that you need to make sure that your bundle don't stink, smell, drip, or potentially sprout.

And the star of the show is the Lawnmore 4.0 trimmer, the best personal grooming apparatus on the planet with the LED light.

It's waterproof.

It's got the skin-safe technology, which reduces the nicks, the snags, the tugs, the cuts, the slices, the minces, the dices, and all the other things that can happen down there when the ship gets wrinkly.

And the Performance Package 4.0 now also includes the brand new Weed Whacker 2.0 ear and nose hair trimmer.

You need different kinds of trimmers for different kinds of hairs.

Now you got the curly cues down south.

You need the lawnmower, but you can't stick that lawnmower up your nostril or in the ear hole of your nearest ear.

That needs a special shape.

Now, don't stick this thing too far in, or you could give yourself a frontal lobotomy.

And everybody knows that you'd rather have a bottle in front of you than a frontal lobotomy.

Well, that doesn't work.

It would only be me.

A bottle in front of me instead of a prefrontal lobotomy.

That's what you'd rather, but you can't have a bottle in front of you or it'd be a pre-frontal lobotomy.

Yeah.

So don't do that.

Don't you do that?

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

And after clearing your nose, because now you'll be able to smell how bad your fucking crotch stinks.

Once you clear all the hair out of your nose, well, then odors are just going to be more prevalent.

That's why they got the crop preserver, which is an anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer.

Not only will they be deodorized, which means they will take the odor that they have and they will de it out of there,

but also they'll be moist.

And they got the crop reviver, which is a spray-on toner for your balls.

What tone are they now?

Skin colored?

Well, who knows what tone they'll be after you spray the crop revival on them?

And also, it'll keep these things from sticking to your leg in a certain kind of weather.

When the dew point is over 65 degrees and the humidity is over 75%, you can leave some of the skin from your coin purse on the sides of the insides of your thighs there, and that's painful.

And you got to have that stuff grafted.

Anyway, and

their brand new,

brand new beard hedger pro kit

is

just a wonderful thing.

Also, if you've got a beard or if you are currently serving as a beard for some Hollywood celebrity, the Beard Hedger Pro kit contains nine plus products.

Nine plus, it says.

That means more than nine, possibly even 10.

Nine plus products and wet goods.

And if to get your goods wet, you're going to have to make sure they're clean.

Well, hold on.

They're saying nine plus, plus, but they're not saying ten.

Well, it's more than nine.

But then what is it?

Well, it could even be 11.

I don't, maybe just order it and see what happens.

And the start of spring also marks the start of testicular cancer awareness month in April.

I should have got my new action figure ball colored.

God damn it.

Ball colored.

Manscaped has partnered with the testicular cancer society to bring awareness to testicular cancer.

Why do we want to to bring awareness to testicular cancer?

I think we should make the testicular cancer as stupid as we possibly can

instead of bringing awareness to it.

But they're also in favor of men's health and early cancer detection.

So they got that going.

Anyway, folks, if you want to clean yourself up and make yourself presentable, then all you got to do is go to manscaped.com.

And you're going to get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRIVE, D-R-I-V-E.

Go to manscaped.com 20 off and free shipping with the code drive

uh for the performance package 4.0 which is we've raved about for years i love the the lawnmower and all the stuff that they've got and you will too because it'll get rid of all the crap that you've got and and plus it makes it look bigger if you cut the hair down manscaped.com code drive

jim uh before we uh get out of here of course our respect to the uh friends the fans, the family of Tina Turner, a fantastic musician, a fantastic performer, and so many people focused on her legs.

Beautiful legs.

Gorgeous woman.

Beautiful legs.

I would have to think if she was out there performing right now,

she would probably have a better way of transitioning, but she may want to find a way to.

I probably shouldn't say it that way.

I'll tell you one thing.

You don't have any hair on your legs if you don't leave this all in.

She probably needs to get that hair off those legs

because she is all woman.

At a yard wide.

I don't know how to save this, but

we're talking about manscaping.

You could have said easily, you know what?

No matter what else Ike did.

If he'd have just shaved his balls properly, maybe they could have stayed together and been happy and just handed it off to me with that.

Yeah, that would have been a better transition.

That was the problem that Ike wasn't shaving for.

That was the big problem because Ike had stinky balls.

It came out in all the books afterwards.

No, folks, I'll tell you what, it is summertime.

Now

we know this much, and Father's Day is approaching.

And for some of you out there, if you want to ever have a chance at becoming a father or even practicing, much less fulfilling the deed, you're going to have to do something about the stench that's emanating from your nether regions, because we know that that is not conducive to carnal knowledge or reproductive behavior.

Anything you might want to do with mother on Father's Day,

or anything that you might want to do with grandmother on Father's Day, if you're the grandfather, or you know all these relationships, I don't need to go on.

You got to be clean, slick, and smelling halfway decent instead of smelling like a chicken farm on the outskirts of Purdue, North Carolina.

So

you go to our friends at Manscaped and they will fix you up because all winter long now that we've sprung, spring has sprung, you might let things grow and weeds come up in various places.

But by summertime, when all the humidity is out there and crops are fermenting and mulch beds are rotting and things are growing, mushrooms can grow in cracks and crevices where moisture is retained.

You got to get in there and weed whack all that shit out.

And right now the Performance Package 4.0 is ready to help you with all your under mud flap mushroom growth.

The kit comes with the essential Lawnmower 4.0 waterproof cordless body trimmer that we have raved about many times.

It reduces, almost eliminates the nicks, the scratches, the gouges, the whacks, the slices, the dices, dices, and the other things that can happen when you're dealing with an area where there's so much loose, wrinkled, and saggy flesh.

And believe me, I've seen the pictures that you people send into the email at Corney's drive-thru, and there's a lot of saggage out there.

Brian, you've seen those pictures.

No, I haven't.

What pictures?

What saggage?

What pictures are you getting?

Well,

the folks out there, they're sending some pictures in, talking about how they've been enjoying the manscaped products.

also in the performance package 4.0

you got the crop preserver ball deodorant the crop proviver ball toner

as that ball toner you know i've found that also you can put it on your crow's feet and it it it looks just fine yeah the ball toner looks good for your crow's feet we do not encourage nor does manscape applying any manscape

ball products to your eyes.

If you can put your ball stuff on your eyes and your eye stuff on your balls, because actually your eyes have balls, so why can't you use your eye stuff on your balls?

There's an anti-shaping, ball deodorant and moisturizer.

And nobody likes nose hairs, so their package comes with the Weed Whacker 2.0.

that takes care of not only the nose hairs that come out and get shaggy, but also the ear hair.

You know, those tufts of ear hair,

when they get big enough, well, you can just clip them with scissors and actually use them to stuff small children's toys that you can make by hand.

What?

Yeah, that's with your ear hair.

It gets a little thicker as you get older.

And yeah, the Weed Whacker 2.0 takes care of that.

It's all part of the Performance Package 4.0.

And you get two free gifts, the Shed Travel Bag.

That's a $39 value.

Now, it's actually, that's the name of it, the Shed Travel Bag.

It's not actually a Shed that you travel around with.

And they've also, they're going to throw in the patented high performance reduced chafing manscaped boxers.

Now, you may ask, how can a pair of skivvies,

the old boxer shorts, how can they be termed high performance?

The answer is this.

They are made of a specific material.

that has been made to reduce the chafing in the inside of your leg and the intersection of your taint, your coin purse, and your thiol area.

Because a lot of times you'll get some root rot and some fungus growing there.

And if you get a goddamn

an infection in that area because you're rubbing together and like Boy Scouts trying to make fire in the woods, well, then that can just eat up your whole

genital area.

And then you're just walking around looking like a ken doll.

So before your dick gets infected and drops off, wear wear these boxers and they come free

and you also might want to get the manscape 2.0 shears nail kit which has all of the tools oh that's great yeah that's great your fingernails your toenails the various nails that you've got that grow out from behind your ears and also the well that's only for the feather bottoms But also, if you have fangs, there's a tool in there that works wonders with your fangs.

But But right now, I don't even know what to say anymore.

Go to Manscaped.

We didn't know what to say to start this thing.

That's why I started at a fucking handicap.

I've tried to make up ground.

Just go right now to manscaped.com and use the code DRIVE, D-R-I-V-E.

And what are you going to get?

I'll tell you what you're going to get and a whole lot more.

20% off and free shipping.

20% off and free shipping anything and everything that you want to order from this website if you use the code drive at manscaped.com.

Trim your chesticles with the besticles is what they say.

And I say they ought to fire their copywriter.

They said that, really?

That's what they said right here on this piece of paper.

I'm not lying to you.

Your chesticles with the besticles.

But see, that's why they save money on copywriters and they use it to reduce expense to the consumer.

That's why they're taking 20% off.

All that money, the extra 20%, they would have hired proper advertising people.

No.

Instead, Cornet, just tell them to shave their crotch and they get 20%

off.

And it's saving, they pass the savings right on to the hair-growing consumer.

So anyway, guys, for Father's Day or

any male day, and there, there's some things here that the lady.

Any male day.

Any male day.

Well, you're getting it in the male for a male or a female because there's things here that many females could use.

And you just get them and look at them and determine which one the wife wants, which one the husband wants, who's going to play what part,

and then strap it on and get at it at manscaped.com.

There's no strapping involved.

It's not a slash either.

It's just a code.

Drive 20% off and free shipping.

Manscaped.

Don't strap anything on.

Anyhow,

you know, after Miro beat the piss out of Comorado, you know what old Nick's going to need, don't you?

I don't know.

He's going to need some of the products from our friends at CB Distillery.

Now, know what your folks are going to say.

You're going to say CB Distillery, we haven't heard about.

That's because they are one of the new friends that we have made since we've gotten away from some of our old felons.

And the new friends at CB Distillery make make scientifically formulated ingredients that will help you with better sleep, stress and anxiety, less pain after physical activity.

And that's what old Nick needs there.

He needs less pain than he's got right now after that physical activity.

And if you folks suffer from pain after exercise, 80%

of the people taking the CBD products from CB distilleries, they report less pain after physical activity.

Could you use more calm?

81%

of the people say CBD helps with stress and anxiety.

If you need better sleep, well, 90%

of the customers report better sleep with CBD, and 3% of the people report getting their prison sentences reduced for good behavior.

by taking these fine products.

If it'll make you act nicer in prison, imagine how pleasant you'll feel in the privacy of your own home.

Why are you talking about prison?

Well, I said 3% of the people report getting their prison sentences reduced for good behavior.

You didn't hear about that part?

Well, let's talk about the other parts, which are the parts where this can help you, whether it's something like you're sore from wrestling Miro or something like you're having trouble sleeping because you're having these nightmares about Miro.

Stress, anxiety, all caused by Miro.

But then also, you know,

you don't want to serve your whole prison sentence either.

So if you're right now locked up in Sing Sing or Joliet and you take some CBD products from CB Distillery, well, you're going to behave much better.

You're going to be practically putty in their hands.

You're going to go along with anything and then you'll get out on good behavior.

Well, I don't know about that.

Also, enjoy better focus and concentration.

That's probably what we should do now: is focus and concentrate on telling people how wonderful the products from CB Distillery are.

Well, you've got that whole box of stuff.

They've got the gummies, they've got the drippage, they've got liquid, animal, vegetable, or mineral.

There's all kinds of products here.

They're packed with whole body healing plant compounds and vital nutrients, and it's 100% clean ingredients.

No artificial colors, no artificial flavors, no preservatives, no dirt.

There's no dirt.

It's 100% clean.

Well, 100% clean ingredients.

They don't put any

dirt, any filth.

Dirt.

Not even any dust.

Why would you

clean?

Why would you even bring these things into the conversation?

Dirt and dust.

Well, that's because things that are not clean are dirty.

And that would mean they have dirt in them.

Well, this stuff is 100% clean.

No dirt.

Well, I'm going to.

And I'll...

I'm going to, you know, test this out right now.

Here are the sleep synergy gummies.

I'm going to eat a few of these right now.

hey let's hope i'll be gone before the end going well i'm hoping i'll miss the end of the show if i do this you'll go to sleep before you hear all the rest of my brilliance am i causing you stress and anxiety take a couple of these things that will go away i'm focusing more on the sleep synergy than i am the stress and the anxiety i just want a good night's i would like a good 12-hour night's sleep Well, I got one last night, and I'll tell you what, they're fine.

I actually wanted to roll over and go for 12 more hours, but I didn't.

I ran out of my CB gummies or CBD gummies, courtesy of the CB Distillery.

That's right.

See, it's all about CB.

Elderberry, this flavor.

Oh, you got the elderberry?

Elderberry.

Of all the berries, it's the oldest.

My grandmother used to smell like elderberries.

And here's another thing: the products that come from CB Distillery are recommended by Mayo Clinic-trained internist and preventative health specialist Dr.

Kevin Fry.

I have it on good authority.

Not only is he obviously a doctor trained at the Mayo Clinic and a health specialist, but also can harmonize just like his older brother Glenn.

So if Dr.

Kevin Fry is going to tell you what to do, you better do it because he's got over 2 million satisfied customers.

Or does CB Distillery have over 2 million satisfied?

It'd be hard for one doctor to see 2 million people.

It's CB Distillery with all these happy customers.

Well, we didn't say happy.

They're satisfied.

Satisfied?

Yeah.

And potentially happy.

Potentially happy.

One day

they felt fine and dandy.

Normally, they usually feel fine, but not particularly dandy.

And sometimes they feel dandy, but not necessarily fine.

But there was one day they took the gummies from CB Distillery.

They felt both fine and dandy.

But they also looked a little crummy, so they needed more CB Distillery gummies.

Well, and that's when they took that survey.

Let us get you on the right path, folks, with our 20% discount.

Yes, you can get these fine products recommended by Glenn Fry's younger brother, Dr.

Kevin Fry.

And you're going to get 20% off at the same time if you go to cbdistillery.com and enter the code JCE for your discount.

There's no prescription required.

So that's a load off your mind.

Payment is required.

That's one thing that you ain't going to find a loophole in.

You're not going to get around that one.

The no prescription thing was easy, but payment, you're going to be forking over.

But you're going to get 20%

off if you go to cbdistillery.com and use the promo code JCE.

Does everybody know how to spell distillery?

Probably not.

Let's do it.

D-I-S-T-I-L-L-E-R-Y.

It's a place where you distill things.

It's an ARRI where you distill CB.

An ARRI?

An ARRI where you distill CB.

CB distillery.

CBD.

Not CB.

Well, then there'd be another D in there.

It would be CBD distillery, and that would be wrong.

That would take you to someplace else completely that won't give you your 20% off.

And Dr.

Kevin Fry's not behind it.

So go to cbdistillery.com and use the promo code JCE.

You'll get 20% off.

Dr.

Fry will be happy.

And you don't need a prescription.

You do need money.

That's right.

And take that money, CB Distillery.

Remember?

Your ass.

Hey, don't do that.

And remember, you sounded hot.

I'm not hot.

I was going to say, CB Distillery supports this show.

So, of course, support CB Distillery.

They are our friends and your friends.

We're getting a lot of support these days.

Yes, CB Distillery is one of the four pillars that supports us.

We need a lot of support.

We are the double D's of Professional Wrestling Podcasts.

That's true.

Boy,

we need

the cross beam under there and we need the suspension bridge.

We need support of all kinds.

As a matter of fact, we're going to have eight pillars here next week.

Eight?

Eight.

Well, we got more than four sponsors that have already signed up.

Hey, what'd you think?

We didn't even mention it during the Ricky Starks interview, them bringing up the whole Pillars thing.

Well, yeah, because because he didn't want to be a pillar because you know he's going to hold the place up all by himself i think he needs to be the post you brought up mike meraldo earlier better known as ace darling do you think he should have gotten a bigger chance on the main stage well yes i do but now that i've heard that he's had a successful life and an actual real career and

you know, is happy and content, I'm glad he didn't because Reslin might have fucked his life up, too.

Well, I don't know how his life is today, but if he's having any trouble sleeping or if he's having any aches and sores from his days in the ring,

maybe sores from his days in the ring.

Aches and sores.

Aches and pains, I guess, not aches and sores.

Hopefully, he's not sore.

I'll tell you what, if you've got any sores on you from your days in the ring, you better get that shit checked out.

Maybe he's sore.

Maybe he himself is sore from his days in the ring.

No sores, just an overall soreness.

And we can, of course, tell tell him a place to go where you can get some products to help him.

Our friends at CB Distillery.

Yes, we can.

And now, you've got leprosy.

I don't know if they're treating that here these days.

You know, Meraldo had that problem with that one time where he kept having fingers and toes fall off at random.

What?

But he's feeling much better now.

That's good.

But anyway, but folks, again, yes, if the stress, anxiety, pain after physical activity, whether it may be exercise of the on-purpose kind, or maybe you were just late and trying to run for a bus and you didn't mean to run down the street that fast, but god dang it, you pulled your fucking hamstring.

Whatever the case may be, our friends at CB Distillery, cbdistillery.com, have the fine products that can help with all these because 90% of customers report better sleep with CBD.

81% say CBD helps with stress and anxiety.

80% report less pain after physical activity with CBD.

And 7%

report that it helps you with your focus and concentration.

If you take enough of these things, you can actually levitate small household objects just by concentrating on them.

No, you can't.

And of course, you should only take the required, the recommended dosage.

You should never just go crazy and do your own thing.

Well, no, because then you'll run out of them and you'll have to buy more.

And even though they are inexpensive for the value that you get but it's a full range of carefully formulated cbd and other plant-based solutions there at cb distillery and they've got a variety of things that grow up out of the ground that can make you healthy wealthy and wise they're going to chop up some swamp thing and send it on to you and you just

you eat it or you drink it or you no that's not that's they're not going to chop up some swamp thing again it's cbd with some as you put it, I think, plant-based ingredients.

Yes, plant-based.

No one said anything about swamp.

Nothing will be swamp-based.

Well, that's where, you know, things grow well out there in the, you know, the compost pile.

Have you ever smelled a compost pile?

Have you ever smelled a good whiff of mulch?

It promotes the growing of healing plant compounds and vital nutrients.

that these things are packed with at 100% clean ingredients.

That's right.

No mulch.

No mulch.

Well, no artificial flavors.

No colors.

Artificial colors.

There's some color.

You'll see colors when you.

But there's no artificial flavors.

You won't see the regular colors you always see.

I guarantee you that.

They'll be brighter than ever.

There's no artificial coloring.

There's no artificial flavoring.

It's real flavor.

Boy, I'll tell you what, you'll never get this taste out of your mouth.

And there's no artificial preservatives in this.

So that means that you're only getting the healthy, natural things that grow out of the ground and come springing up to the toward the sun and the sky when they get the nutrients from water and things and such.

And scientists have worked over these things.

The scientists they urinate on them every day to make them.

But that's not what they do.

The scientists

directly get the science in their bodies out into these

plant-based products.

That's not the way science works works or not the way scientists operate.

And I'm surprised you should know these things, but let me just point out: this is the real deal.

This is the real product.

These people put a lot of heart and soul and really want to put out a great product.

This is not the crap you're going to find out at the gas station.

Oh, no.

This is the real deal.

No, that gas station CBD won't do you any better than gas station smoked sausage used to back in the mid-south wrestling days.

What?

Yeah, the only place that I could eat, the only place we could get any food coming back from Little Rock, Arkansas to Alexandria, Louisiana, which was 275 miles of two-lane road from 11 o'clock at night to 5 o'clock in the morning.

And everything was closed back in those days when we got out to eat in Little Rock on our way to the highway, the highway as they called it.

So we would stop at the state line between Arkansas and Louisiana at a gas station that also sold live bait, ammunition, firearms, knives, fishing equipment, and they had a case of barbecued chicken and smoked sausage and gravy and mashed potatoes and all that stuff.

And I'd get me a big old smoked sausage on a stick and I would dip it in their special gas station-made barbecue sauce.

And I'd eat that thing because that's the only thing I could eat.

Well, perhaps

none of that's in the stuff from CB distillery.

And perhaps someone at home is hearing all this and just having horrible nightmares about that kind of situation.

CBD would be a wonderful thing to help you get a good night's sleep and not have to worry about this crap.

That's true.

And when you go to cbdistillery.com, they tell you about all of the different products they have.

They sent us a sample pack.

You got the gummies.

You got the droplets.

You got all kinds of stuff.

And Stacey, as a matter of fact, we got that sample case last week.

She's been asleep ever since.

No, stop it.

That's not even true.

She was awake yesterday.

In a day or two, I'm going to fucking nudge her in the ribs just to to make sure, but she's getting a good week's sleep.

And you can too, folks.

And if

you're frustrated,

no, you will get a good night's sleep, not a good week's sleep.

Let's just clarify.

Well, set your alarm just to be safe.

If you're frustrated with a health concern that's not getting any better, you can try CBD also from the source that we all trust, cbdistillery.com.

There's no prescription required.

You don't have to go visit a doctor.

You just get your neighbor who can disguise their handwriting to write out a little note saying that you've recently undergone a complete hysterectomy and been in a major car wreck.

What?

And you send that in and they'll send you this stuff.

That's not how it works.

And do not sign up.

Will they drop that requirement?

Hey, listen, do not.

Now the doors are open, folks.

They're wide open.

Well, here's a good idea for you, Carrie Vine, Eric.

Don't write your own prescriptions.

Well, no, no prescription is required, but a note used to be, you know, kind of the way you did that thing and slip slip it under the door.

Signed Epstein's mother, I know.

Yeah, but anyway, so folks, again, the full range of carefully, care, carefully formulated or care, care formally filly lated.

Someone's been taking the sleep ones.

Yes, and I haven't woken up yet.

Carefully formulated CBD and other plant-based solutions, healing plant compounds, vital nutrients, clean ingredients.

2 million satisfied customers and at least another 3 or 4 million that are, you know, still on the fence, fence, but leaning toward the positive.

And recommended by Mayo Clinic trained internist and preventive health specialist, Dr.

Kevin Fry.

He is a specialist at preventing health and he can prevent your health.

No, that's not what that means.

That's not what that means.

He will help you with health that will prevent other things from happening.

Help.

Help you with health?

Maybe he could help you.

Prevent other things from happening?

Preventative health.

No, not preventative, preventive, preventive health.

He's a specialist at preventing health.

Well, look, he's a fine guy.

Check out his stuff.

Yeah, he's a fine guy, is fry.

He's a fry guy.

He's a fry guy.

Let me get you folks on the right path with my 20% discount.

Yeah, you'll be going down the garden path to the righteous land with this one, folks.

All you got to do is go to cbdistillery.com and enter the code JCE for your discount.

CB Distillery, D-I-S-T-I-L-L-E-R-Y

dot com, the promo code JCE.

You're going to get 20% off whatever you would like to purchase from these fine people and sleep better and focus, concentrate.

No levitation, though.

I bent a spoon.

No, you did not.

I'm telling you.

No, you're not telling me.

I had to stick it under my fucking heel and really pull up on it because I stared at it for 10 or 15 minutes.

It didn't do shit, but I've been it.

Anyway, enjoy better focus and concentration.

CBdistillery.com.

That's the thing that got me was the idea that he's saying now this feud, again, lack of a better term, started because you insulted him for years while acting like you were his friend when that's the exact thing Mr.

Self-Awareness did.

So

that's ridiculous.

Ridiculous.

Can't rewrite rewrite history, Dave.

We're going to correct it.

More people will hear this than will see what you write on your message board that you charge people to enter to write whatever they want.

Well, you know what?

Part of it, Brian, unfortunately, it's,

I hate to say it, but it's the voices in Dave's head.

Because 30 years ago, they were friendly voices and they helped him write his newsletter.

They kept him awake at night.

Come on, Dave, you're almost finished.

Keep going.

They were positive voices, but now they're negative voices.

And the moral to that story is.

Yeah, where are you going with that?

Well, the moral to that story is you've got to have the right kind of voices in your head.

You should pick the voices.

See, Dave's voices just popped in there.

He didn't really pick them.

He didn't go through any interview period to hire the voices in his head.

But you now, thanks to Space Age technology, ladies and gentlemen, you have the power to pick what voices are going into your heads and what they say.

Courtesy of the Raycon everyday wireless earbuds.

And that's what you they don't even have any wires to them, hence the name wireless.

What?

Why did you have to throw that in?

Everyone knows that.

Well, now it's a selling point.

They don't have any wire.

Now, one thing is I used to keep track of mine by just grabbing them by the wires.

And you can't do that with the wireless ones, but.

It's also bad for wired headphones to do that.

Well, that's true.

And especially it's bad for your ears because sometimes they'd be stuck and you know you'd yank out and here'd come a whole big thing, a big round as my fucking small fingernail of earwax.

But nevertheless,

so the Raycon wireless earbuds, which have no wires, so you can't even see them when you're in your head.

And other people will think that what?

What are you saying?

Well, no, normal.

No, normal.

Just stopping.

The wireless earbuds that, in fact, have no wires, people would see them when they're in your head.

No, what the thing is, is when you put the stuff with the wires and the stems and the sticks and the antenna, you look like my favorite Martian and you've got these things and everybody can see them because they're hanging out of your ears with things attached to them.

Well, the wireless earbuds from Raycon, You stick them in your head and people won't even notice them.

Well, you'll be sitting there rocking out the stairway for from heaven or stairway to heaven stairway from heaven stairway from heaven see that was the

next album that came back

it's actually an escalator yes it was an escalator but you'll be rocking out the stairway to heaven and somebody will come up next to you and say hey That's a pretty fine ass you got there, pal.

And you'll ignore them because you won't hear them.

And then they'll punch you in the face for for turning down their fucking fresh talk.

That's but see, they won't know that you got talk.

They won't know they're fresh.

They won't know you got earbuds in your head because they're wireless.

And that's the thing that we need to do.

We need to talk about the Raycons.

Let's do that.

That's a great idea.

Raycon everyday wireless earbuds.

They've got a 32-hour battery life, including eight hours of playtime.

What the fuck would they do for the other 24 hours then if they weren't playing?

I'm not sure how that's phrased, but you can listen to what you want when you want it for a really long time over and over.

Don't worry about your batteries petering out in the 11th minute of Inagata DeVita because they got you covered.

They've got the customized gel tips for the most comfortable in-ear fit.

You take these gel tips.

You take the everyday earbuds.

You put a little Vaseline right on the gel tips and you push them as hard as you can right into your ear and they will stay there until you want them to come out.

And even then, sometimes

it'll be a procedure.

No, it will not.

They will come out when you want them to come out.

That's the

new ones, the new space age experimental Raycon everyday earbuds.

You just mouth the word, you know, like, hey, Siri, what is this?

Or...

Hey, Ekmo, or all the things that you talk to your...

Ekmo.

Ekmo, what's his name?

Echo.

Or ECMO, whichever one.

You got Echo confused with ECMO?

ECMO.

Well, he was the off-brand.

It's like Rolex and Bolex.

See, it was a slight difference, but it came much cheaper.

But the thing is, you just say, hey, come out.

And the everyday earbuds just fly out of your fucking ears right into your hands.

They don't do that.

Let's not mislead people and tell them.

They have tracking devices that you just...

Well, you have to have a small tracking device implanted in the palm of your hand for that feature to work.

You don't have to.

That's a medical procedure that will require some recuperation time.

There is no feature.

There will be no procedure.

There is no

tracking beacon in your hand or anywhere else.

They start at half the price of the other premium audio brands, but they sound just as good.

So right there, you're saving half the money.

Yeah.

Who wants to pay twice as much for the same thing?

That's almost like paying half as much for a quarter of the same thing.

Do they take stock?

They may take stock instead of, we're not sure.

If you go to buy Raycon, B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N.com, they'll tell you whether they take stock and trade for these or not.

But they're so cheap and inexpensive.

Well, I shouldn't say cheap.

They're inexpensive.

They're cheap to own, but they're high-quality merchandise because they come with a 30-day happiness guarantee.

The first 30 days that you have these things, if you don't take them out of your ears, you'll be happy for the entire 30 days, except when you're asleep, and and then you won't be able to tell.

But that's a 30-day happiness guarantee, so you can't lose anything.

And

what?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Well,

come back later with it.

Also, the earbud tap functions allow you to toggle between the three customizable sound profiles, noise isolation.

and awareness mode.

You've always wanted to be isolated from noise.

You hit the toggle thing and you won't be able to hear a thing.

It'll make you completely deaf.

Dave could use awareness mode.

Dave could use the awareness mode.

You hit that little toggle and suddenly you know how much of a dipshit you are coming off to other people.

And then the also the toggle.

You know a lot of the young people like to toggle.

That's that dance where they bend over and kind of shake their butt up and down the toggle.

What?

That's not the toggle.

Isn't that the toggle?

The twerk?

well i don't know who does it could be twerking could be other people that do it but they toggle

i i don't even know i don't even know where to go or what to say well where will you go right now is to buyraython.com slash jce because you can listen to this program on your everyday earbuds or other programs not just ours although we're trying to bribe somebody right now where they eliminate all of that you know that's what my dad he was older when i was born he was already, let's see, he was 47 years old when I was born.

So he didn't like the Beatles and he was not a rock and roll fan.

And when I was a little bitty kid, six years old, and I wanted to listen to wacky radio in the car, he told me that he had had the wire in the radio take cut loose that connected us to wacky radio.

So we couldn't get that particular radio station because he didn't want to listen to the rock and roll.

That reminds me, I'm reading the Hornbaker Ric Flair biography.

Flair's Flair's dad did a speech speaking out against comic books.

Yes.

Yes.

He was an anti-comic crusader in the 50s.

All these older guys hated the fun.

They hated the fun.

But now you, with the everyday earbuds from Raycon, you don't have to worry about missing any of those radio stations.

You can listen to your favorite AM Top 40 station on an Everyday Earbud.

or even both of them.

It just depends on how many are in your ears.

And right now, folks, create your own soundtrack with Raycon because you can get 15% off your entire Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash JCE.

That is buyraycon.com slash JCE for 15% off whatever and however many of their products that you would like to purchase at buyraycon.com.

And with all of these features, you can now be in control of the voices inside your head.

You know what the worst thing about Raycon is?

Every time I get one, one of my kids steals it.

Well, and see, and this is another thing that Raycon is doing.

It's contributing to juvenile delinquency across America.

That's not what I was saying, and that's not what Raycon is doing.

What they're doing is supplying great earbuds without wires to the wonderful people out there, the populace that listens to this program.

They're so sought after.

Everybody wants the Raycons that the kids are starting to steal them.

And the child delinquency rates are through the roof.

So you've got to buy.

Don't say these things.

Well, you have to.

You've got to do it as your civic duty to take care of the children and lead them on the right path of honesty.

Every home in America has to have a set of Raycon everyday earbuds so that the kids won't have to steal them.

So get busy.

The children of America depend on you.

You can save our next generation.

With Raycon.

Keep them honest with Raycon.

If everybody has them, you won't have to steal them.

So one Raycon for everyone.

That's your plan?

I think so, and possibly two.

It depends on how many people's in the house.

Well, different colors, too.

You may want to get them so you can color them.

Any race of people.

Well, I mean, the earbuds are different colors, not the people.

They have different colors?

Yes, they have different colors.

Raycon!

I like the flesh-colored ones.

You can really hide those.

All right, this is your show.

An interesting season of of Dark Side of the Ring.

What is there?

One more episode, right?

Marty Giannetti?

Marty Giannetti, they're going out with a bang.

Well, Jim, after Dark Side of the Ring this week, it may be difficult to watch that episode for anyone who hasn't seen it yet to have to hear all that.

But maybe if you just want to get the information, you can watch it with closed captioning on and listen to something else with your Raycons.

Well, you know, that's true because taking away one of the senses would make the people on this program more palatable.

If you couldn't see the ugliness of uncle dave or the treachery of russo or the smarminess of bischoff

if you couldn't see him or if you couldn't hear him if you were looking at him but you couldn't hear them maybe that would be even better because the voices are so grating that's what i was saying yeah well i'm just saying i'm mulling it over in my head see i'm just saying in one way or another just either don't look at them or don't listen to him i didn't say anything like taking away the listener's sight i said let's divert the hearings somewhere else some people may have wanted to gouge their eyeballs out of their head while this program was on.

And you can't deny those people their opportunity.

But it'd probably be less painful if you just stuck something in your ears.

I'm not even talking about a screwdriver or a railroad spike.

I'm talking about the everyday wireless earbuds.

from Raycon because everybody knows they don't have any wires.

We established that on the last commercial we did for them.

That way you don't walk around looking like a fucking Martian or a robot or somebody with wires hanging out of your ears well maybe just make you look like an idiot well no many people have had wired earbuds and probably still do but raycon's a step up that's right you need to step up or elsewhere you're going to get knocked out because you know that's like when somebody somebody's walking down the street

what's the matter with you

I'm trying to step up.

I'm sorry.

Step up or get knocked out.

If you're walking down the street with those strings hanging out of your head, you look like an idiot.

And somebody ought to come up and snatch those strings and punch you right in the face.

What you need to do is you need to surreptitiously stick these wireless earbuds in your ears.

Nobody's even going to know that they're there.

And then you can be popping out to some Led Zeppelin or maybe some Skinner.

And somebody come up to you on the street and say something to you.

And you don't say anything.

You don't even acknowledge they're there because you're listening to your own soundtrack in your head.

And they'll say something else and you'll ignore them.

And then they'll punch you in the fucking face for being rude and ignoring them.

Well, no.

But at least you'll be hearing good quality music and you'll be happy right up until the moment of impact.

And don't forget, actually, let's take that back.

You do not have to worry about getting punched in the face because there's awareness mode.

So you'll be aware of who's around you.

And of course, you may be enjoying the wonderful tunes or sounds that you get on your Raycon earbuds, but you'll be aware enough to prevent.

strangers from punching you in the face.

Not unless you're a, you've used the earbud tap function to toggle onto the awareness mode.

If you're not aware enough to become aware and know you need to be aware, then you'll be unaware.

Well, that's why we're letting everyone know.

That's why we're letting everyone know.

This is like a public service announcement for all Raycon users.

Well, we can't wet nurse these people and just lead them through it by the fucking ear.

You're going to have to toggle your own awareness mode if you want to avoid getting punched in the face if you wear.

Raycon wireless earbuds, but you should wear them.

Hyperbolically, metaphorically, you do not have to worry about the risk of being punched in the face just because you're wearing the wonderful raycon earbuds but only if you ignore people because you don't toggle the awareness mode it could just be just make sure you're aware it could if you're ignoring people it could just be you're rude has nothing to do with raycon sometimes they sneak up on you the rude people yes so you need to fucking be aware and i'll tell you right now also

You can stay calm with these things.

You put in like some of the

nice white noise, or or you put in the classical music and you meditate.

Or if you want to exercise, you put in the upbeat music to pump you up, and then you can go out there and pump the iron.

Or you can put in the rock and roll.

And if you go out in a field and you find some of those mushrooms that grow in the middle of cow pies and chew a bunch of them, you'll hear colors and you'll see all you'll take a vacation in your head because the summertime is here.

It's vacation time.

That's what they're saying on this copy.

And you need to get in a vacation state of mind.

Oh, well, let's just specify.

You're going to have to do wireless earbuds and listen to some rock and roll music and eat some mushrooms growing.

Nope, that's not in the copy.

That's not a big copy.

That's not a grown vacation.

You don't have to go anywhere.

Raycon

is for responsible adults.

And responsible adults can do their thing.

Well, hold on.

Now, there's nothing.

Raycon does not endorse mushrooms.

Raycon has nothing to do with mushrooms other than you may potentially ingest them and have the Raycon earbuds in your ear, but they're two separate things.

And that's totally up to you.

It's not their responsibility.

That's right.

It's not in the copy either.

Let's just specify that.

They did not write any of that.

None of this is in the copy, but they do have a 32-hour battery life, eight hours of playtime.

I get you could even, can you plug other small household appliances into these earbuds and power them as well?

I don't believe so, no.

But you don't have to worry about power outages because they got batteries.

So if you get hit by lightning and your electricity goes out, these things, the battery power will come right up and your corpse will still be playing good quality music or wonderful podcasts when they find you and scoop you up.

There is no guarantee that these will continue working after the user is hit by lightning if the earbuds are in the user's ear.

But do you think that anybody's going to care at that point?

They're going to say, well.

We lost fucking Frank, but goddamn, I'm going to get a refund on those Raycons.

I'm pretty sure the family would care about the electrocuted dead family member.

Well, yeah, but you're talking about, you know, not being able to guarantee that these things will withstand a direct hit by lightning if they're in your ears.

I would think if that happens, you got other things to worry about than fucking bothering the Raycon people about goddamn getting a refund.

Well, speaking of other things to worry about, I don't know why we're worrying about any of this.

We should be worrying about the wonderful music and, of course, podcasts, all sorts of things you can listen to with Raycon earbuds in your ears.

They're worth it.

They're great.

Very popular here in the house.

You can make phone calls and listen to them on these things also, from what I understand.

That's right.

Ken, what happens if

your phone is out of order?

Like mine was.

If your phone is out of order like mine was a few weeks ago, then do you get the same tone that I got when I tried to get a dial tone?

Do you get the ah?

Oh, I don't know if Raycon's connecting with landlines.

I believe it would be through Bluetooth connection with most cellular.

telephones.

Well, even whether you have blue teeth, folks, or whether you have green teeth, brown teeth, or dentures, it doesn't matter.

The everyday earbuds will figure out a way to play you some wonderful music or distracting podcasts or motivational audio of any kind.

And right now,

they started half the price of other premium audio brands, and you can even save more money.

Because if you go right now to buy Raycon, that's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N buyraycon.com/slash J-C-E,

you're going to get 15% off They're already incredibly low prices.

Anything you want at buyraycon.com, besides, of course, the technical crew, they stay there.

But anything for sale on the site, 15% off if you go to buyraycon.com slash JCE.

And that's just for you guys because me and Brian want to make sure that you hear fine music up until either you get punched in the face or struck by lightning.

Raycon.

All right.

Well, before any more blame goes around here, Jim, you know, we've talked about a lot here, some things that are distressing, some things that are bothersome.

Of course, the sad passing of Koichi, the sad existence of Colin Thompson, a variety of things.

Some people out there in the cult of Cornell have problems dealing with maybe a stressful day, maybe an injury from some athletic event.

Maybe they need help sleeping, and we have the perfect people to tell them about.

What is, you know, stress, it's a heaviness.

It weighs on you.

It's like every morning, as soon as you wake up, you open your eyes, you look up, you go, hi, heaviness.

I see you're going to be fucking with me early today.

Because a lot of people are, it's tough being a person.

And a lot of people are stressed these days.

They got things going on.

You need to control the stress.

You need more calm.

You need more focus and concentration instead of running around willy-nilly like a chicken with his head cut off, like some kind of crazy person with their head on fire.

And you need a good night's sleep to recharge your batteries.

All these things are common benefits of CBD.

And that's not a TV network, folks.

That's a very important plant-based solution to all your problems.

And where better

to go for CBD than CB Distillery, which they have CBD in their name.

So you know they know something about it.

It's not just some random gas station where you're going to pick up some trucker pills.

These people, they're professionals.

They know what they're doing.

A full range of carefully formulated CBD and other plant-based solutions can be found at cbdistillery.com.

And as a matter of fact, all these things are packed with whole body healing plant compounds and vital nutrients.

Now these things grow naturally in the ground, and then they perk their little buds up through the dirt, seeking water from the rain and sun from the sun.

That's generally where you get your sun.

And then they blossom into things that can help us in our daily life because they're natural coming from the soil that has been tilled and farmed.

If you need better sleep, 90% of customers report better sleep with CBD.

Could you be more calm?

81%

say CBD helps with stress and anxiety.

If you're suffering pain after exercise, or like me, you just skipped the exercise and went straight to the pain.

80% report less pain after physical activity.

And as far as the focus and concentration, 2%

of the people polled say that they could stare at their fireplace for 10 minutes and start a fire.

That is not true.

And that is not part of the copy here.

And that is not part of any poll that was conducted by the fine people at CB Distillery.

And hey, did we tell everyone about their fine products?

You didn't get the updated copy where they got that.

That's a late breaking news item.

Where did you get the updated copy?

Well, I got it from

Hazel.

That's who I got it from.

And I'll tell you something else.

He was so alert.

because he had a good night's sleep that after he stared at his fireplace for 10 minutes and a fire started, when the rest of his house caught on fire, he remembered 911's number off the top of his head.

None of this has happened from Hazel giving you any of this to the 911 call.

Well, again, let's go back to a good night's sleep for those who need it.

And 100% clean ingredients, no artificial colors or flavors or preservatives.

How would you preserve CBD anyway?

Well, how do you preserve anything?

Well, I generally pickle it in some fucking formaldehyde, but I don't think that's natural.

So I'm not sure how they're preserving this stuff.

But it's recommended by Dr.

Kevin Fry,

a Mayo Clinic Trained Inist.

He used to work with Dr.

Ken Raimi.

And also, he's a preventive health specialist.

That means he prevents more health for people.

No, that's not what that means.

The average layman.

No, he's a specialist.

He has gone to school.

to learn how to prevent health.

No, he says, take this.

No, what it means is he has gone to school to learn how to

guide you so that you can prevent bad health.

I explained mine easier.

It sounded like I did, but it wasn't true or lying.

You were the one stuttering.

But you were the one lying.

Well, no, I wasn't.

If he's a specialist in preventive health, then he must know better than anybody how to prevent health.

How to prevent bad things from slipping away.

Don't get on his bad side or he's got all the tricks on.

You're going to be gone.

There are no tricks.

You won't be gone.

No one will be gone.

There are 2 million satisfied customers of CB Distillery.

They're here.

I'll tell you that.

They're here.

They're not gone.

They're going to be here for a while because they're taking stuff from CB Distillery.

Dr.

Kevin Fry.

That's right.

If you're frustrated with a health concern that's not getting better, try CBD.

Now, I don't think that extends to blood loss.

If you're experiencing right now blood loss, it's not getting better.

I would advise not trying CBD as my first option.

But if you're just sore and achy, not resting well, not focusing, not concentrating, just having a brain full of effluvia, well, I think

you need to talk to these people.

Or don't even talk to them.

Don't bother them.

They're busy.

They're trying to help people all over the world.

Just go to their website.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cbdistillery.com and enter my code.

What is my code, you would ask?

Well, I'll tell you.

Son of a bitch.

as soon as I go to the other copy I'll that's when I'll remind myself of what my code is is it on here no this is the one that's the same apparently so I'll vamp a little bit more until I go back down here does the code

Does the code JCE sound like it works for you, Brian, on this one?

I think on this one, it is the code JCE, and you get 20% off.

What a code it is.

Yes.

Go to cbdistillery.com.

Enter my code JCE for a 20% discount.

Now, that's not 20% off satisfaction.

That's not 20% off results.

That's not 20% off the way it's going to make you feel, baby.

That's 20% off how much it's going to cost you.

That's 20%

off of what's coming directly out of your ass, both of your gluteus maximized.

So, if I were you, I would take advantage of this opportunity while it is available and go to cbdistillery.com promo code JCE for 20% off.

I got a cramp in my side.

I think I need some CBD.

Well, let's wait until after the show, but that sounds like a great suggestion.

Once again, CB Distillery.

Don't forget, CBDistillery.com, promo code JCE for 20% off.

Who can forget that promo code?

Well, Jim, as we are continuing on here with the show, who can forget

classic wrestling?

Who still remembers Pampero Furpo?

And I understand you recently received some classic wrestling that you've been really excited to talk about with the listeners.

It sounds delightful.

Is that a pig?

I did it.

It's a truffle pig.

Well, I'll tell you what Cash should have done there in that incident.

Brian, he would have got out of this scot-free.

We wouldn't have heard a thing about it.

Nothing would have happened.

You want to know how?

How's that?

Well, I'll tell you, Wilbur.

It's quite simple because the description of him was a white guy with a beard.

All he had to do was go home and shave that son of a gun off.

And if he had that slick baby face that's underneath that, well, nobody would have ever recognized him.

He could have said

some terrorist had absconded with his vehicle.

He doesn't know where it's at.

A terrorist.

Well, you know, they got those long beards all the way down to their crotches.

Folks, don't look like a terrorist and don't get arrested for road rage.

Shave your face and the rest of you, for that matter, with our friends from Manscaped's platinum package because they're going to make your package look like it's made out of platinum.

You know, we haven't had Manscaped on in a while.

There was a slight interruption, but we want to remind you that that they've got the world's finest toys to treat your beautiful boys.

And nothing is better than the Platinum Package 4.0.

What are you snickering at over there?

Nothing like a bad rhyme to make me laugh.

Everybody knows you need to take care of your bouncing bundle of joy.

And the Platinum Package 4.0 from Manscaped.com.

is the one-stop shop for the man who has a lot of problems on his body in various places.

It's going to get rid of all the disgustingness on you.

You're going to get the Lawnmore 4.0 trimmer, which is the best body shaver that's ever been created by modern medicine and scientific technology.

You're going to get the weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer to get all those shaggy bushes out of your various other head holes.

You're going to get ultra premium body wash and two-in-one shampoo and conditioner and deodorant.

to keep yourself from smelling like a man eating from munda cheese in a septic tank of a slaughterhouse.

And they've even got crop preserver stuff to make sure your balls don't chafe.

I mean, they've got it all

just tricked out here.

Proprietary advanced skin safe technology

to protect all your delicate parts and holes.

You know, the saggy and the wrinkly stuff.

You're not going to slice yourself from asshole to appetite with these things, folks.

And you can upgrade your shower routine with the ultra-premium body wash and ultra premium two-in-one shampoo and conditioner where you will smell like a floozy from a new orleans whorehouse.

And don't forget to apply their aluminum-free ultra-premium deodorant for that cologne quality scent on the go.

Cologne quality, folks.

It don't get no better than

for a scent

when it's up there.

It's all the way up into the fucking orange level of warning.

They can smell you coming a mile away.

They're going to cover all your bases from head to toe and hair to balls and all that stuff right now.

While they're still friendly with us, folks, go to manscaped.com.

Our old friends, we've always thought so much of them.

And remember them at Christmas.

Don't take this personally.

Manscaped.com, you can get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRIVE, D-R-I-V-E.

That's because that's your program, Brian.

20% off in free shipping with the code DRIVE at manscaped.com

and you will you'll save money and you'll smell better and you'll be slicker and

you know what you don't you don't want a liquor unless she's slicker I think what we mean to say is welcome back manscape we love you and we're happy to have you back and everyone should support our sponsors because they support us a lot of these things will work on females too well yeah not gender exclusive or anything.

Well, it manscaped.

So I don't want to scare the fairer sex in our audience off.

You can get rid of a lot of hair and you might smell like a guy, but you'll get rid of a lot of hair with some of this stuff.

You just have to think about the hair removal, not the scent.

There's no scent that's given off by the shaving.

No, not the shaving, but

you might not want to have a cologne quality scent

if you're a woman.

If you're a woman.

But it's aluminum-free, so you got that going for you.

You want to get ladyscape?

But I'll tell you what, Brian, here on this program, my program,

and I am going to tell you about one of my new friends.

I've got royalty, Brian, royalty for a new friend of mine.

Have you heard of the Draft Kings?

They're kings of draft.

I mean,

they're royalty.

At first, actually, I thought that it was a brewery, but then I was informed that no, DraftKings is a sports book.

It's fantasy sports.

It's the official sports betting partner of the National Football League.

And if you're official, then you know you got something going for you.

And right now, DraftKings has just come on board here on the program to spread around a lot of money.

Apparently, they got a lot of money because

they're giving away, Brian, $200

if you give them $5.

Now, I don't know how they stay in business doing this, but it's an amazing opportunity that I wanted to bring to all of the members of the Cult of Cornette.

Say that again.

What do they do?

If you give them $5, they're going to give you $200.

Really?

That's exactly what it says right here because they've sent me their brochure.

You know, I talked to

the head king over there,

and he sent me the brochure.

And apparently, you know, I'm not much on the football, but apparently NFL season is right around the corner.

Have you heard about this?

I've heard about this.

They're doing it again this year.

Apparently, it did well last year,

and they're going to do it again this year.

The National Football League is having a season, and apparently, from what I'm told, Once they start this shit, it goes on and on.

It's practically non-stop.

There's football all over the fucking place.

Well, it's going to stop.

It'll stop by February.

Well, but it's non-stop until it stops.

That's right.

Because once they start,

they jump in with both feet.

Until the breakout.

The beat don't stop.

They're not just dipping their toe into water on this National Football League season thing.

Once they start playing games, they just start playing games all over the place.

Almost every goddamn day, it seems like.

It's not going to disappear off the map like that XFL garbage.

Well, there you go.

See, you heard about them, and then they're gone, and you don't know whether they're coming back.

And, but this, in this case, the NFL, they're pretty serious about it.

And DraftKings are their official sports betting partner.

And right now, this is what I'm telling you: how you're going to, you're going to make $195

here.

Because right now, new customers can bet just $5

and get $200 in bonus bets instantly.

So that's what's going to, and then all you have to do is bet correctly.

Because after all, if you're going to put in $5 and they're going to give you $200, then you got $205

on the game or games of your choice or the people or players of your particular preference.

And all they got to do is go out there and do their job correctly.

And you're rolling and do.

You're farting through silk.

Or maybe incorrectly.

I guess you could bet against them.

Well, if you think they're some kind of fuck-up, then I would encourage you to bet against them.

Do they have fuck-ups in the NFL?

Oh, they practically invented the fuck-up in the NFL.

Well, good.

Then bet against those son of a bitches all of your $205.

Because again, folks, that's it.

Nobody's missing out on the action this season because all DraftKings customers.

can take advantage of two new offers every game day this September.

So if there's a day that there's a game in it, they're going to have two new offers in September.

Wow.

Back to school.

So not only, well, there you go.

It's fun for the whole family.

No, no, no.

It's fun for adults.

Let's be clear about this.

It's fun for adults over the age of 21, I believe.

Well, I thought you were an adult when you were 18.

What does it say here?

I think there's different

methods on this in the different states.

Depends on what kind of county or whether you're in a commonwealth or a.

I'm receiving word right now.

It's 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction.

Okay, well, you've got that word in now from your headset.

That's right.

And then what if you're in a parish in Louisiana that's different than a county?

There could be some Catholicism involved.

But folks, once again, if you're a new customer,

You can bet $5 and get $200 in bonus bets instantly.

If you're a regular customer, and everybody should be, I think you should do this constantly every day of your life because you'll get rich quick.

Moderation, ladies and gentlemen.

Do everything in moderation as long as you binge on it.

No.

Every customer can take advantage of two new offers every game day this September.

I don't know what they're offering.

I don't know what their morals are.

It may be fun.

They may have an offer that you can't resist.

They say life's more fun when you're in on the action.

What kind of action are they going to give you?

It depends on what they look like.

But right now, they, I mean, the people who work for DraftKings, because they have to pass an appearance test, they are attractive before they can

entangle you in their web of, you know, sex and sin.

Again, not true.

You just, you just went completely off copy now.

But you can download the DraftKings sports book.

Yes, you can, ladies and gentlemen.

You can download the DraftKings Sportsbook with code JCE.

App.

Oh, app.

App.

App.

You can download the DraftKings Sportsbook app

before kickoff.

Yes.

Do it before kickoff.

Elsewhere, there will be a penalty.

They're going to kick off.

And there will be a flag on the play.

But right now, folks, how do you, is there a website?

No, you download the DraftKings Sportsbook app.

preferably before kickoff as as we say and then you use the code JCE.

This is how you get your money, folks.

Use the

that's what they've been waiting on how to get their fucking money.

You'll use the code JCE to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just $5

on any NFL bet only on DraftKings Sportsbook with code JCE.

Now, is that clear?

Use the code JCE

to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just $5 on any NFL bet,

but only on DraftKings Sportsbook with the code JCE where you've downloaded the app before the kickoff.

That's what you need to know.

That's right.

The crown is yours.

Well, it depends on whether you want to wear it or not.

I think you win the crown even if you decide not to wear it.

Oh, so they're going to send you money and a crown.

No, it's a metaphorical crown.

There's no actual crown they're going to send them.

What if I've got a real head?

I need a real crown.

I don't have a metaphorical head.

Well, if you close your eyes in your head, you could dream the fact that you are the crown winner.

You don't need the crown to be the winner of the crown.

I'd rather have the crown jewels.

Now, there's an additional copy here.

This is in red and in capitals.

Are we supposed to?

Is this a disclaimer of some sort that we are allowed to?

You know, I'm actually not even sure.

I think it's part of what they definitely want read yet.

Well, it seems like because there's almost everything around it, it's a flashing neon.

It's red capitals

with asterisks.

And it's highlighted.

Highlighted.

Let me just buzz through this real briefly here.

And folks, by the way, DraftKing Sportsbook, download the app before the kickoff.

Use the code JCE $200 in bonus bets when you bet $5

on the NFL.

Gambling problem?

Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.1-800-gambler.net.

In New York, call 8778-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY parenthetically 467-369.

In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling.

Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org.

Sounds like a power company.

Please play responsibly.

On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort, parenthetically KS, is that in Kansas?

I thought Boot Hill was in Missouri.

What are these people at Boot Hill doing coming back to get us?

21 plus age varies by jurisdiction.

There's where we saw it.

Void in Ontario.

Void in Ontario.

Most people are.

Oh.

C C D K N G.co slash football for eligibility.

What?

Did I have a stroke?

C C D K N G.co slash

football for eligibility terms and responsible gaming resources.

Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance.

Eligibility and deposit restrictions apply.

Order before midnight tonight.

No, it doesn't say that.

Chicago, Illinois, 60609.

No, it doesn't say that either.

We would like to welcome draft kings.

Yes, we'd like to say hello and goodbye.

Hello, they're going.

No, we want to say hello and welcome aboard, and we look forward to talking about your drafts and your kings much more in the future.

Who are the kings?

involved in the draft.

I didn't think you could get drafted if you were the king.

If you're already the king of a country, how could you be drafted to serve in the military?

I wonder if there was like a ceiling fan company that had to like fight them for the copyright.

Like, we're the draft kings.

We've been the draft kings since 1911 and our father built the first fan.

No, no, because draft has a bad connotation in terms of the wind business.

Right.

Because you don't want a cold.

The wind business.

Well, if you're in the wind business, if you're in the air circulation industry, but we we here in the in the in the business call it the wind business.

But the air circulation industry, you don't want the cold, drafty hallway.

No, you want breeze.

So they would be breeze fans because you'd want a cool breeze to cool you off rather than a draft to make you sick.

Well, you do want to.

You don't want to be drafted in the armed services, but

the draft kings.

Yes.

Well, what kind of draft are they?

They're neither a bag of hot air nor the military service, service, unless these kings indeed became commissioned because they served in the military of a particular country.

And then where is the draft kings located?

They're in Boot Hill.

Where they have a sports book.

Well,

that's different than being in like King of Prussia of Pennsylvania, where I mentioned that communist enclave.

So who are these?

Who drafted these kings and how were they commissioned?

We need to find out more about the people we're doing business with.

Well, we will continue the investigation.

Talk to the NFL because they're the official sports betting partner of the NFL.

So they obviously did the vetting.

Once again, the code JCE on the DraftKings Sportsbook app.

And with that, we will see DraftKings next time here on the show.

But Jim, this is your show.

Oh, Cosmeth, don't start fucking transitioning all over me.

You know what that means, Jim?

Yeah, it means somebody's beating on your hubcaps again.

No, it's a commercial timeout.

It's another commercial timeout.

And of course, Tim Hornbaker, he said he may not do another biography, but we know the truth.

He's right now working on the biography of Felix Helix, the man who brought the world Helix mattresses.

Was that old Mr.

Helix's name Felix Helix?

I didn't realize that.

That's what I've heard.

I thought his name was Grover Cleveland Helix.

But nevertheless, our friends at Helix Sleep would have been great partners for Ric Flair.

You just heard about that schedule, folks.

You heard about the sleepless nights that Ric Flair spent on the road.

Well, if he just had a good quality helix sleep mattress to carry around with him, I know Flair many times associated with a lot of women that carried a mattress around on their back, but he never carried one himself.

And if he'd have taken it to Tokyo and to...

Auckland, New Zealand, and to the Stair Master.

Well, he had the Stair Master.

No, have it on his back on the stair master.

Oh, he could tie he could put the tie the mattress to the stair master that was already on his back.

No, the stair master's not on his back.

I'm saying tie the mattress to his back and continue doing his stair master workout, but he would have the mattress on his back.

He could just fall back off the stair master and land on it.

Well, folks, it's a whole lot easier for you.

All you got to do is go to helixleep.com

because

you won't have to carry a stair master.

You won't have to have any ropes or pulleys or trusses or some method of supporting all this.

You won't have to even try to figure out how to walk straight down the street with all of this weight on your back.

No, because Helix will do all the work for you.

All you got to do is tell them what kind of mattress you like.

Do you want to sleep on your back, on your side?

Are you big and bogus or are you tall and skinny?

And

kids, your kids, give them a lot of information on your kids, what time they get off from school, the route they take home.

They don't want that information, and there's no reason anyone should be volunteering that information.

Well, but just answer the simple questions they ask at helixleep.com, and they will tell you which of their 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Lux collection and the newly released Helix Elite Collection, is perfect for you.

And your scrawny little frame that just wants to get a good night's sleep, but you feel every night when you wake up in the morning like you've been sleeping on a sack of cobblestones because you get one of these store-bought mattresses.

Who knows who or what has been done on that mattress before those shady-looking individuals bring it to you and then walk into your home with their muddy feet?

No more of that.

You order the helix sleep mattress.

It is delivered to your home in a box that is not unwieldy so that one person can sitiate it.

And then you just open it up and

it breathes to life.

And you can sleep on it for a hundred nights.

Do whatever you want on it for a hundred nights.

We're not going to judge.

And then, if you don't like it, send that stinky DNA-ridden mattress back to them.

They'll need your money back.

Let's be honest, most people don't have these problems where they leave the mattress in disarray after just a month.

A hundred nights, what kind of month is that?

Is that a month on the planet?

Is it 100 nights?

A hundred nights.

Sorry.

No

You said it was a month.

I'm sorry.

No wonder you're always running behind.

No, that's three months and a little more.

Last time I checked.

They come with a 10 to 15 year warranty, depending on the model of the mattress.

And since everybody sleeps differently, you may be the odd duck and not like yours, or maybe you weigh 800 and 900 pounds and you're going to crush the poor thing.

Whatever, it's covered.

So all you got to do right now, if you want to lay your weary weary head down on a model with memory foam to provide optimum pressure relief or a more responsive foam to cradle your body like it's a little baby up in a tree,

all you got to do, I've mentioned this before, is go to helixleep.com and

use the code helixleep.com slash JCE.

Because right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

Go to helixleep.com slash JCE because it's their best offer yet.

And it will not last long.

With Helix, Better Sleep starts now.

Well, it doesn't start now.

It starts as soon as you make the effort to go and get one of these fine things.

And with the two free pillows, for heaven's sake, you won't have to use your wife's purse or your dog's bed to prop your head up on so that you don't have a headache when you wake up in the morning.

Helix has got you all covered.

HelixSleep.com slash JCE.

Now, what time does your children get off from school and arrive home?

And what is the proper route for them to take so we can measure them for a mattress?

Mind your business, creepy grandpa.

Don't be asking questions like that.

That's inappropriate.

Just trying to get your children a nice gift for the holidays.

They already have Helix sleep mattresses.

They love them.

Well, I'll get another one.

That way you can put them on top of one, put the other one on top of them.

You got a little child sandwich.

Why don't you get one and tie it to yourself and go on a stairmaster?

See how that works.

Yeah, why don't you get one tied to your back and go downtown?

Just anywhere downtown.

Just anywhere downtown.

People will find you.

All right.

Helix sleep.

What's the promo code again?

Helixleep.com/slash JCE.

If you want to be found downtown,

or even if you don't.

Or have a good night's sleep in your own home, Helix Sleep.

You can do that too.

Well, we're in the future.

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know whether that was going to be the extent of it, and I was going to have to explain to the people that we've time-traveled again, and of course, you have made your effects there from your Phaser Neutron board.

Now, now we're in the future.

We had to take a break because

a plumber called, and also you had to go get, you've been inoculated now against tetanus, diphtheria, hooping cough, and scarlet fever.

So you got that going for you?

And don't try to blame your drowsiness on the rest of the program on that shot.

You know as good as well as I do that your drowsiness is coming from the boringness of this program.

I'm ready for all kinds of action.

Boy, that's what she said.

And that's a line from the office.

That's not being said.

Don't report me.

Me or the audience?

Anybody out there?

I don't know what's going on anymore.

You know, that's what we were just saying moments ago in the past, which actually moments ago was the past.

So I'm correct.

Moments ago in the past, we were talking about these insane wrestling angles and how we can't figure them out.

And can somebody explain to who in the fuck should we trust?

Who can we believe in?

Who can we worship with our greedy little palms outstretched going, please, please save us, my hero?

Who?

We don't understand this.

It's the same.

Nobody can sell these angles because you can't understand them.

And for heaven's sake, if you can't sell something, then it ain't no good to nobody because it's just going to sit there on the shelf.

I don't care.

Brian, if you make the absolute best, let's say, for example, you're going to design because of all the goozling going on in the wrestling business these days, you're going to design a brand new goozel guard

for pro wrestlers to wear around their neck

in the locker room, right?

Yeah.

So that way they can mouth off and run their pie holes all they want.

And if somebody tries to goozle them, well, they're wearing a guard.

So they're goozel-proof.

Well, the one I've designed is if someone goes for your throat, it automatically tases you.

It's the Harley race.

Well, there you go.

And they could have different models.

You could have the Harley race.

You could have the Gary Hart, where if they grab the goozel guard, a blade would come out instantly and stab them through the hand.

You could have the Shawn Michaels where you get goozled and all of a sudden you have a mirror image of yourself next next to yourself.

Well, either that or suddenly you could get goozeled and your feet would be about six inches off the ground.

But nevertheless, if you can't sell these products, folks, then

it's just a waste of a brilliant idea.

And if you don't have a platform, you know, everybody can't have a bunch of feather bottoms like I do.

So if you don't have a platform, well, you're just

SOL.

As Mama Cornette used to say, you're up shit Greek without a paddle.

And that's where the folks at Shopify come in.

Because once again, say you wanted to sell that Goozel guard, but you don't know where to get started to get it out to the masses.

That's why you go to Shopify.

Did I mention Shopify?

See?

They asked for that in parentheses.

You have a register over there?

Well, yes, I'm making money as we speak.

Ah, shit.

In the glass breaking business.

Watch out for Mr.

Merkel, the blind man.

But anyway, you know,

get your business a game-changing pickup by choosing the commerce platform with the internet's best converting checkout.

It converts anything.

You can, SNH green stamps, it'll take them.

It'll convert it into currency.

I don't think that's what that means.

Well, whatever it means, they do it.

Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide, whether you're a garbage entrepreneur or

a garage entrepreneur.

I'm sorry.

The type is small.

A garage entrepreneur, let's say you're selling garages or you're IPO ready or like cousin Rob, maybe you're not ready for an IPO.

Shopify is the only tool that you need to start, run, and grow your business without the struggle.

You don't want a struggle, folks.

You don't want a heaviness on you on your chest every morning when you wake up in the bed.

And the first thing when you open your eyes, you're worrying about your business and it's a heaviness on you and you go, hi, heaviness.

You don't want that because Shopify puts you in control of every sales channel, every tributary, every stream.

Whether you're selling satin sheets or seashells on the seashore,

they've got an in-person POS system.

As a matter of fact, these people at Shopify are dedicated.

They have an in-person system where if you order something through their platform, they will have somebody go to your house in person and check out and make sure you're not a piece of shit before they give you the in-person POS system.

That's a wonderful idea, but that is not what they offer.

And you have no fears or no concerns or no,

you don't have to expect people from Shopify showing up at your home.

Well, if you're a piece of shit, so when you ought to be worried, nobody else should be worried.

They avoided that.

Once they've cleared you,

you've got to be vetted to go through this process.

There's money changing hands.

What kind of vetting process is this?

To make sure you're not a piece of shit.

No, I got that.

But what would this vetting do?

It doesn't pay their bills.

What the fuck?

These people at Shopify, they're protecting your business.

What does the vetting process consist of?

They come here and they make sure that you're not rude, crude, vulgar, or some other other kind of piece of shit that's not going to pay up.

And then they've got an all-in-one e-commerce platform.

That's where everything

goes into one.

So you're covered.

And what?

I'm telling you, they've got it.

And once you've reached your audience, Shopify, what are you laughing at?

Has the internet's best converting checkout.

There it comes up again.

Yes, it does.

I'm telling you, you can use it.

You can bring in beans from the garden.

They will weigh them and figure out the current going fate.

It's not how it works.

And that way, you know, everybody.

That's not how the converting process works.

Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States.

And if they didn't have to come check on you individually, they could probably have time to do more.

They don't check on anyone individually.

Again, you don't have to worry about anyone showing up to check on you and measure if you're a piece of shit or not.

Well, they're a global force powering millions of entrepreneurs of every size across over 170 countries.

So don't get on their bad side because they got a lot of people.

A global force?

What are they, Jeff Jarrett?

They're a a global force Shopify platform, a global force platform, GFP.

Do they sell bullshit gold about Jeff Jarrett?

No, they have a six-sided platform.

It's a six-sided platform where you get all six sides of their platform to stand on and hawk your merchandise.

Jeff had a six-sided ring.

You see it all?

Still trusting.

It's a global force.

And they have award-winning help

there to support your success every step of the way over at Shopify.

So let's say you call up Shopify and you say, help.

They got somebody to do that for you.

For it to be award-winning help, what kind of awards do they get out every year at the annual?

They saved a baby from a burning building.

There was that.

And then they got the Good Community Service Award for cleaning up that, you know, that begum messy park area and

building things that the kids could play on.

They have help for a lot of people.

The winner of most courteous hang up is Judy.

Yes.

And when these people blow you off, they do it in a courteous and

very sympathetic manner.

They don't just say, fuck you, and hang up on you.

They say, I'm sorry, I don't speak English and hang up.

So you can't be mad.

But I'll tell you what, right now, you can sign up for a $1 a month trial period, a dollar a a month to trial this for a period

at shopify.com slash JCE.

Now, the JCE

is in lower case, apparently, because they have all lower case following that in capital letters, which kind of looks odd when you say all lower case with capital letters.

It just

almost threw me off.

But a $1 a month trial period at shopify.com slash JCE, all lowercase.

All lowercase.

And you can take your business to the next level today.

All you got to do is go to shopify.com slash JCE for the $1 a month trial period.

I'm looking.

I don't know what that period is.

So

get in and get out while you can.

Open up one of these fly-by-night operations and

it won't cost you anything.

You'll be out in 30 days.

Nope.

Shopify only deals with reputable businesses and they help reputable businesses grow their reputable revenue streams, and you have nothing to worry about.

And if you are a piece of shit or a scumbag or a dirty businessman, stay away from Shopify and they're going to stay away from you and they're going to help all the good listeners out there.

What's the promo code, Jim?

That is JCE all lowercase.

Yeah, but stay away if you're some kind of crook from Wyoming or somewhere or Bolivia.

But you know what?

Right now, I'm thinking

Shad Khan has to be seeing these

numbers and hearing about these accusations and firings and goozlings being thrown about and bandied about and thinking, I need a drink.

You're talking about the Jaguars or AEW?

Well, either one.

Whether it's the football or the wrestling, something is going to drive him to drink, probably his chauffeur.

in his limousine.

But if Shad Khan's drinking,

all the rest of us need to be drinking too.

And folks.

Well, hold on.

We don't know that he's drinking.

We got to make sure we stipulate that.

We don't know anything about his personal habits.

I don't think you can, a human being can't live without drinking some type of liquid for sustenance.

So he's drinking.

We know he's drinking.

The question is, what's he drinking?

I'll tell you what he ought to be drinking.

Fine wines from First Leaf.

That's what he ought to be drinking.

Because,

you know, the summer is almost over, but now we're going to be doing the barbecues in the fall and the family vacations and camping trips and things like that.

If you're going to be around your family, you need some wine, folks.

And I'll tell you what, we got our box of first leaf.

Estace, of course, is the resident wine expert.

She picked everything out.

And I got to tell you, by the time she finished picking out this whole case of wine and then drinking them one after the other, she was up on the roof in a ballet skirt doing a pirouette with Harley Quinn on her head.

You will love the wines.

What?

What now?

You will love the wines in a responsible and traditional manner.

Now, I have not heard any other tales of this, so I think this may be a hyperbolic tail.

There were no dances on the roof.

No, she wasn't wearing the hyperbolic tail.

We got that for the Halloween costume.

But to get started with First Leaf, folks, because

it's a monthly wine-type delivery of things.

And to get started, all you got to do is answer some quick questions about your likes and dislikes right on their website.

And for example, they'll ask you things about what you like to eat and drink and what your social security number is, what your parents' names were, and different passcodes that you might have.

And then their expert team will select a customized assortment of world-class wines based on your preference.

And your personalized wine shipments are delivered right to your door or potentially your window, whichever orifice of your home that you go to.

Your door.

Your front door.

Let's say the door is stuck or the door is locked and you need a drink bad.

Just set it outside the window.

I'll get it.

That's not the way it happens.

Wherever your mailbox be, that's where you will find the nice box with all this customer.

Well, my mailbox is on the street, but they brought my box of wine all the way to the house because you don't want to leave a box of wine sitting on the street.

It'll go bad.

They'll bring it right to you.

They'll bring it to your house.

They're not going to just walk around your house and bring it to a window that you're waiting at.

Well, why not?

If you're waving out the window, going, hey, bring it over here.

They can just hand it right through to you.

I guess technically, if you're there waving, you stick your head out the window, hey, I'm over here.

They could just hand you the box that way.

It might be that saving them a little bit of a walk.

All the way to the front door when there's a perfectly good window.

Anyway, folks, they're delivered to you.

So you can kick back and enjoy bottles that you'll love all summer long.

As a matter of fact, you'll love the wine inside them as well as the collector's bottles.

And they're all priced lower than what you'd pay at a wine store, otherwise known as a liquor store.

Plus, every selection is backed by First Leaf's 100% satisfaction guarantee, which is that you'll be

100% satisfied.

Satisfied.

They guarantee that.

That's right.

That's pretty much it right there.

That's it.

There's nothing you can do about it.

If you're not,

try to fucking complain with these people and see how far you get, but you won't be complaining because you're going to be drunk off your ass.

You're going to be happy.

You're going to be happy.

You're going to be happy and peppy and bursting with love.

With First Leaf, just right now.

Do this.

What are you laughing about?

Do this before you forget about it.

Go to try

T-R-Y, First Leaf,

as in the First Leaf.

It's about to come down because it's almost fall.

Tryfirstleaf.com slash JCE to sign up.

You're going to get your first six hand-curated bottles of wine for just $44.95.

Now, rounding that off to $45 and figuring that there's six of them and doing the

one goes into two and the two goes into four.

Well, that's nigh on to less than $8 a bottle.

TryFirstleaf.com slash JCE.

T-R-Y-F-I-R-S-T-L-E-A-F S T L E A F dot com slash J C

E

E

to get your first

JCE

JCE

first leaf try firstleaf dot com slash J C E is what I'm trying to say.

Try them and like them.

We've been trying them all show, ladies and gentlemen.

That's that's the problem here.

Well, we will see what happens.

And,

you know, good luck luck to everyone.

And top dollar, of course.

And

whether you're talking about...

I think he'll land on his feet just like he does when he tries to dive over the top rope.

Well, whether you're talking about a top dollar or dollars and cents,

we could talk about coins.

That's a transition.

How'd that work?

And, of course, gold and silver coins.

And I, in fact, have something here on my desk, and I believe you do as well, Jim.

That is the cue for Jim Cornette, the popular wrestling personality, to

come in and say something.

I couldn't find the button.

I'm leaning over to...

Shut up.

He's stopping now because we're talking about the gold here, Brian.

It's what we're doing.

The gold and the silver.

Because silver, you know what silver is.

It's just gold's little brother.

Because people will take.

Gold and silver.

I've got one right here also.

You hear me slam this down on the desk?

This is a gold coin.

and people will take gold and silver in times of crisis, in times of turmoil, in times of trouble.

Let's say the zombie apocalypse happens.

Let's say there's another, not just a pandemic, but a worldwide plague, and things collapse, and people are beating each other over the heads in the streets for a head of cabbage.

It's got a spot of mold on it.

Or let's say Trump gets elected again.

Whatever the cataclysm, precious metals, Phil Feta lucre, gold and silver are the way to go.

Platinum, too fancy.

Most people don't have a personal relationship with platinum.

And it just doesn't look like it's that valuable because it's the fucking light.

So

you want something you can slap down on the bar of a post-apocalyptic saloon and say, give me a drink of that non-nuclear waste rot gut.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about gold and silver coins, the kind that you get from nationwide coins.

They sell government gold at cost.

What government, do you ask?

It doesn't matter what government.

Well, no, it matters.

Don't say it matters.

It's gold.

Are you defying and denying that this is gold?

Then it doesn't matter because when there are no governments, when people are literally foraging for fucking root vegetables in wastelands that have been burnt.

by napalm, gold and silver are still going to be worth something.

And you're going to be able to take that.

And as we've mentioned, you're not even going to be able to just buy stuff with it to feed you and your family as you roam across the fucking plains looking for shelter.

But also, because it's heavy, you'll be able to, with your bag of gold or silver coins, beat robbers over the head with it.

And that's why you go to nationwide coins, because things are uncertain these days.

You know, you go to experts for every other thing, for your health, you go to doctors,

for your car, you go to a mechanic.

Well, to go to gold and silver, you go to nationwide coins.

And

all of the new customers are going to get their first ounce of gold without any dealer markup whatsoever.

That way you take it and you stick it in that hole in the floor where you've buried the old man's heart.

You put the gold and silver coins beside it.

And that way, if anything happens, you've got something to take care of you and your family.

And from pre-1933 American rare coins to modern American and foreign coins, nationwide coins has a wide array of precious metal products you can't,

oh, or you can, you can buy, or you can't.

It was, see, it was glaring there.

Nationwide coins has a wide array of precious metal products you can buy to pass down to your family for generations.

Even if your family three or four generations down the road grows fins and gills and has to live underwater because we poisoned the environment, they'll take these gold and silver coins with them.

And if you're not sure where to start, the nationwide coins has precious metal consultants on staff that you can call.

That's right, call and talk to them in words, verbal words, out of your own chicken lips, and they will guide you to the right gold purchase for your unique situation.

Let's say you're trying to

Well, you're trying to bury some gold because when you escape from prison, you're going to need a stake to get started and get to Mexico.

Bad idea, bad anecdote to use.

Anecdotally, I think that's a mistake.

Anecdotally?

Well, they'll help you if you call them and ask them the right steps to take because they want to help you because that's why they're precious metal consultants.

They consult you about precious metals.

And right here, this coin is beautiful.

It's a gold coin.

Did you take it out of the case?

Because I'm not doing it.

No, I did.

Okay, well,

I wanted to make sure.

I'm not doing it either.

I'm keeping it in it.

It looks nice.

I'm putting it in my hole in the floor in this case so that there's no chance it can be scratched up before I have to use it to bludgeon an intruder.

But it's got the standing liberty.

It's a replica, kind of, of the old United States gold coins.

But it's a half-ounce, I believe it says right here, one half-ounce fine gold.

It's a $25 gold coin with the standing liberty.

Of course, it's worth more than $25, but, you know, the Standing Liberty on the front.

It's Lady Liberty before the Statue of Liberty owned the copyright.

Yes, yes, because she's saluting and she's got a little hitch in her get-along there.

One of her feet's kicking up.

I think she's marching.

What does she have?

A tree branch?

I don't know.

I haven't got the goddamn, I haven't got my glasses with me.

It's really nice.

Like, if you like twist it into the floor, it could be a bouquet of flowers.

Oh, my God.

It shines because it's gold.

And you know what shines better than gold?

Gold.

That's right, Jim.

And of course it's little brother silver.

Yes, and a golden girl knows when he kissed her.

It's the kiss of death from Mr.

Goldfinger.

Anyway,

they're one of the nation's leading precious metal firms with over a hundred years of combined experience in the precious metals industry.

They have two old men and one of the guys' nephews, 40 years, 42 years, and 18 years, respectively.

That is not the way it works, but they do have the right people.

And their team is here to help you make the right decisions with your gold and silver needs.

Thousands of satisfied customers, they got an A-plus Better Business Bureau rate.

I didn't even know they gave A pluses.

I didn't know a business could be so fine and so upstanding that the Better Business Bureau would say, well, you get an A plus.

Ain't nothing going to top that.

Look at this coin.

It's beautiful.

Well, it is a nice coin, but my gosh, A plus, that's it.

You know what?

They bring it to you and they breathe on it

and they shine it right up on their shirt before they hand it to you.

They do nothing of the sort.

They do nothing of the sort.

This coin that I have here in my hand from Nationwide Coin is in a very nice case.

It looks very, I mean, it looks nice on the bottom.

With a black border,

not a plastic, that sounds cheap, but one of these lucite.

type of cases where it's a display case.

You don't get fingerprints on it.

There's only one set of teeth marks on this coin.

There are no teeth marks on any of these.

Well, no, as soon as as you get a gold coin, you have to fucking bite it to make sure it's real.

Have you ever seen a Western movie?

That is not recommended by anyone's dentist, but what this coin does have is amazing detail on the face of this eagle.

If I twist it into the light a little bit, I see every little feather.

I was about to say hair, every little feather on this feathered friend's head.

And you can get your own feathered friend from this.

Yes,

and

the eye is twinkling at me once I flip it around in the light.

They got a 4.6 out of 5 rating on Trust Pilot.

So if you can't trust a pilot, who can you trust?

And they offer free shipping and insurance on all the orders just to make sure nothing goes sideways.

So if you want to work with the gold standard in the gold industry or the silver standard in the silver industry or all these precious metals, go ahead to nationwidecoins.com slash JCE and use the promo code JCE at checkout for your very first one-ounce gold coin at no dealer markup.

They're not going to bite it.

They're not going to mark it up with a Sharpie.

They're going to give it to you without marking it up in any way, shape, or form, financially, visually, or otherwise.

Nationwidecoins.com/slash JCE and use the promo code JCE and get your own

goiled.

They have goiled.

They have the greatest goiled in the whole world.

Greatest goils.

Goyles, goils, goils.

Get your own gold coin.

And once you've got enough of these gold coins, you can go out and get you some goils, goils, goils.

All right.

Well, maybe you didn't want to spread cheer throughout the community, but one thing that would make the community more cheerful would be if everyone in the community had a box of awesome delivered right to them.

Well, you know what?

I did.

You hear that?

What is that?

That is my latest box of awesome.

I waited to take this thing because I wanted to share this with you, Brian.

You and I are real close.

We're so close, sometimes I'm coming out the other side of you.

We're good friends.

We're very good friends.

We're good friends.

And I wanted to share this with you because good friends share good times with each other.

And, you know, you give me a good time and then later on I'll give you a good time.

Well, no, it works.

That's not the way it works, but I am curious.

What did you get with your box of awesome here?

Well, I'll open it up and I'll tell you because

you have a box card or anything.

Well, I've already cut the top of it.

But I didn't open everything else.

But on the top,

so we're starting with a lie.

That's what you're saying.

Well, what?

I'm opening the box now.

I've cut it open, but I'm opening the flaps now and I'm taking out the stuff that's still sealed in the interior boxes.

Okay.

And this is what's in my box of I got from the Rustic Bakery.

And they are located in Petaluma, California, 94954.

I'll have you know, rusticbakery.com.

They have sent me a box of olive oil organic sourdough flatbread bites.

And I have a feeling I'm not, and they're non-GMO verified and USDA organic.

And I have a feeling I'm not going to get to eat these because if sourdough is involved, because of its relationship to the golden state of California, Stacey often appropriates these things for me, but this is, and it looks, they've got a picture of it.

You using the sourdough flatbread bites with this lovely-looking creamy dip,

but the dip is not in the box.

You got to get your own dip.

What were you talking about?

The relationship with people from California and sourdough?

Sourdough.

Sourdough bread's the biggest thing in San Francisco.

What's the matter with you, boy?

Ain't you got no book learning?

The crime was the biggest thing in San Francisco.

No, it's sourdough bread and then crime.

People keep robbing people's car to steal the sourdough bread?

Yes, that's what they're breaking in for it's the goddamn good she used to work at bodines the big sourdough place down there their dough's so sour you'll be puckered for weeks

but anyway from the rustic bakery in petaluma got the and then here is something i'll tell you i'm having to lean over here to get in this box of awesome here is something i got my own brown nosing kit right here

I'm so wait a minute.

I'm sorry.

Correction to scratch that.

It's a bourbon nosing kit.

I misread it.

I don't have my glasses on.

But you know, Brian,

your nose needs to be trained to find the nuances in bourbon.

And we are, we're

the kings, the overlords down here, the center of the market of the bourbon industry here in Kentucky.

So you got to nose your bourbon.

And what this does,

as a matter of fact, you open up this box.

And it's got a quote from Mark Twain, who also went by the name Samuel Clemens, from what I've heard.

Well, the other way around, but yeah.

Well, sometimes he went by it.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

That's what he said.

And so, what you do here, what they've got here, you see, on this kit, is they've got the various implements

or ingredients that's in bourbon.

You got your oak, you got your caramel, your cherry, your black pepper, your brown sugar,

and you nose these.

Oh, yeah, that's that smells like corn.

You nose these things

so that you can identify.

What are you talking about?

Now, here's the thing of oak.

See, it's got chips of

that smells like oak,

and that way you want to do this.

It's not fair that you're doing this.

I want to do this too.

Hold on.

This one.

Black pepper here.

Can't get to.

That's going to be.

Oh, it.

Ah!

All right.

Well, you'll be sneezing all over these amazing products that are sent to you.

Well, wait a minute.

Now, hold on.

That's not all.

This is, you get all kinds of stuff in a box of awesome.

That's why it's awesome.

Let me put this down here by the side here.

I feel like I'm Johnny Carson doing a bit on the desk.

Now, there's a big box inside the box.

Hold on.

Open it.

Don't wrestle it.

What are you doing?

Well, also, see, I can, I can, uh, I can nose my bourbon and get the nose for the bourbon while I'm eating the olive oil organic sourdough flatbread bites.

And then, as I open this box here

and the flap comes, well, then there's some foam,

it's very well wrapped, and it looks a brick of styrofoam.

Oh, and inside,

son of a gun, two

bourbon tasting glasses and a

glass stirrer.

Hear that?

You're going to break something.

Can you stop?

From Maison Foreen.

Maison Foreen.

I don't know if that's a person from France or a company.

What are you farting?

What is going on?

No, I've never picked up the box.

Picked up the box.

It's got and it's got little places.

You put the straw or the stirrer, the glass stirrer back in the thing, and the tasting glasses, and then you put the brick of styrofoam over the top of it and they won't get broken that way.

So I'm all fixed up for nosing out some bourbon and eating some crackers.

All right.

Well, but that's what you have folks.

You can get all sorts of things, not just that, but all sorts of things.

Not all that.

You can get that if you want, or you can get, you can get something that's all that.

You can get with this or you can get with that.

You can get with this or you can get with that or you can get with the other thing.

From camping gear essentials to cocktail upgrades and cozy threads, Box of Awesome has collections for every part of your life.

You go to boxofawesome.com and you take the quiz because they'll tell you or you'll tell them what you're interested in and then they'll tell you what they're going to send you and you're going to like it with a smile on your face.

And they release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories of interest, genres, and each box is valued at around $70, but you only pay a fraction of that price because they know people and they get you hooked up with discounts.

Some of this stuff fell off a truck.

None of this stuff, none of this stuff fell off a truck.

Well, it didn't get damaged.

None of this stuff fell off a truck and, of course, not damaged as we just heard from your playing with glass.

Yes, they're wrapped very well.

And 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small up-and-coming brand.

So a lot of these small up-coming brands use small trucks.

It's easier for things to fall off.

But you're supporting small businesses as far as they know when you cooperate with this.

It's free to sign up.

You can skip a month, cancel anytime.

Right now, get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code drive, D-R-I-V-E,

at checkout boxofawesome.com.

The code drive 20% off your first box, wrapped well, filled with fun fun items that you can eat or drink with, or potentially, I don't know, you know, butcher things with.

They got knives.

If you want to cut somebody.

No, if you want to cut through somebody.

Sourdough bread or something.

You want to cut somebody off your Christmas list by buying them a knife set or whatever.

That's right.

That's what I was trying to say.

Boxofawesome.com.

The code is drive.

That doesn't even make sense.

You're going to cut them off your Christmas list by giving them.

Cross them off, cut them off, whatever you cross.

See, I just take scissors and cut people's names off the list when I've got their gift.

Do you go down?

I mean, otherwise it would be kind of a mess if you're not going down.

Well, it does at some point look like a magazine page that a ransom note has been written out of, but.

Box of awesome, ladies and gentlemen.

Code Drive.

Code Drive.

Check them out.

We certainly like their products.

But any final thoughts on Vince having the option, the ability to sell at any time?

Yeah, sell.

Daddy said sell.

Podcast one didn't want to give us that ability.

We couldn't sell at any time.

What happens if he sells it to Stephanie?

What happens if then Stephanie has $3 billion?

Then Stephanie has $3 billion or Stephanie and some VC clown get $3 billion to give him for the stock?

What if they were to say to Vince, you got to go, Vince?

They indicted you for diddling a midget on Broadway.

Okay, hey, Stephanie, come here.

Listen, I'm going to loan you $3 billion.

Buy my shares.

Okay, here you go.

Now she's running the fucking place.

Well, at a minimum, she'd get a seat on the board if she had that many shares in the company, I would imagine.

I would think she'd get a plush recliner on the board for that many shares.

Well, you don't know.

But

we're somehow going to move on from here.

We're going to move on.

You know what?

The thing is, it's all about the comfort of the seat.

It is all about the comfort of the seat or in some cases the bed or the mattress on the bed.

And that's where our friends at Helix Sleep come in.

You see how quickly I did that, Brian?

It was just like that.

Wow.

Because

I'll have you know that the folks at Helix Sleep create the finest quality sleep experiences that you will ever experience a fi.

Because I'm telling you, everybody loves these.

They have 20 unique mattresses.

The award-winning Lux collection, the newly released.

Helix Elite Collection, the mattress designed for big and tall sleepers.

It's fucking huge.

Sometimes it won't even go in the door.

Regardless of what member of the family, you know, I bet you could even put the puppy or the kitty on those kids' mattresses because they're almost the same size, depending on whether it's a great Dane or a Malamute.

Nevertheless, whatever mattress, whatever member of the family, you know, if it comes from Helix Sleep, it's going to be made just for you because not only do you go to helixsleep.com, that's where you go, first of all.

You go right to there.

And then you take the quiz and you tell them how you like to sleep and what position

and, you know,

how much you weigh.

Take a caliper to, you know, give them your body fat index so they can build this thing out right.

No, it's just the questions that need to be answered, not more information than is necessary.

Well, they don't want to be rude and just intrude on your personal life.

Anyway, just the top four sexual positions you plan to execute on this mattress will be found just so they know that the coils are in the right place.

There will be no survey about sexual positions, and there is no guarantee about anything with coils.

Again, we're talking about a great mattress, a mattress that the entire family can enjoy, a mattress that when it comes into your house, you get the wonderful experience of watching it inflate.

It's quite the thing.

It's quite the thing.

All the kids like it.

We have a few Helix mattresses here in the house.

I, of course, have their all-form couch.

I always brag about that, but we're talking today about the Helix sleep mattress.

What a wonderful mattress, Jim.

You just don't want to be be doing a combination of reverse cowgirl and baseball catcher and have a coil pop out and

wang your willie.

You know, that's where you're down.

You're squatted down on

your haunches there like a baseball catcher, but the person that you are in Congress with is turned upside down and their legs are facing backwards while their head is looking at your coin purse.

Folks, again, everybody's unique and everybody sleeps differently.

And that's why Helix has all these different models to choose from they'll help you pick the right one for you and then i'll have the johnny bench and they if the johnny bench as a matter of fact that well i won't even mention that person's name he's still alive but he was a master of that in norfolk virginia i'll have the yogi berra i took the helix sleep quiz and i got matched up with a model that i wanted and you will too And these models, they've been to modeling school and everything.

And these models will come and knock on your door and they'll be matched up with because Helix Sleep also performs a dating service.

No, they do not.

They will match you up with a model.

No, a model mattress is what it is.

I'm sorry, I was misreading the copy.

You're going to have to pick up your own model, but they have different model mattresses that they can match you up with.

And they've got years of extensive mattress expertise.

Every single person working for Helix Sleep has slept at least once a day their entire life.

They're very experienced.

And they know about your firmness preferences and sleep positions because they're peeking in your window at night.

No, again, once again, you just, for no good reason, go too far.

No one will be peeking.

Well, not everybody.

Of course, it wouldn't be possible to peep in everybody's window.

They just, they have

the people that go to the website, they get a special tracker put on them.

They're going to peep into your window.

No, they don't.

Let's not even joke about this.

There will be no trackers.

There will be no peepers.

There will be no peekers.

There will be nothing you have to worry about except having a great night's sleep on your brand new helix sleep mattress with no one looking through the window.

That comes with a 15-year manufacturer's warranty.

If it's the Elite collection and the same 100-night trial as the rest of Helix's mattresses, the rest of them have a 10-year warranty.

I mean, how long do you expect to live?

You think you're going to have this there?

You're going to make it another 10 years.

If you're not sure, just go ahead and buy the mattress.

Don't worry about the warranty.

And if you're nervous about buying a mattress online, don't be, because you'll never know that anybody has laid on this before.

Because they have a team of mattress specialists that clean these things up every time they come in and they get sent back out again.

No, you actually hold on.

It says here you get a new one every time.

Son of a gun.

How do they afford to do that with these low prices?

Brand new and wonderful Helix Sleep mattress.

That's exactly right.

So once again, they support us, wink, wink, nod, nod, in more ways than one, both lumbar support and financial support.

So why don't you support them?

Go Go right now to helixleep.com/slash JCE,

and you're going to get 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows to rest your weary heads upon.

Go to helix H-E-L-I-X

sleep.com slash JCE,

20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

Whether you get the wee little mattress for the wee little people or the big mattress for your corpulent, fat, disgusting relative of whatever type, or anything in between.

20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

That's right.

Helix Sleep.

Yes, dot com/slash JCE.

We have stopped here in the future

because we had to pick it up so that we could go home, as they say,

deliver you the news from SmackDown.

But I'll tell you, but Brian, did you get a good night's sleep last night?

It was all

Well, I got a great night's sleep last night.

And not even because I watched some of the wrestling shows, because you know, the modern wrestling shows, they can put you to sleep or they can give you horrible nightmares.

It's up in the air, but I know a way that everybody can sleep better.

Have you noticed that I'm calmer lately?

That I have less stress and anxiety?

Have you noticed that I'm feeling chipper, that I report less physical pain after physical activity or moving around?

Have you noticed that I am more focused, Brian?

That I have better concentration on the various programs we're doing?

It's all because of the benefits of CBD, courtesy of our friends at CB Distillery.

It's all because of that, really.

Well, you know, because we have distilleries here in Kentucky, but they're bourbon

and a booze, and they put you to sleep sometimes before you even want to be, but it's not healthy for you.

But the CBD from CB Distillery, that's the healthy stuff because it's all natural.

It's healing plant compounds and vital nutrients.

And it'll knock you out like Tyson when he's pissed off.

And you'll sleep like a baby.

You'll sleep the sleep of the angels.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

You will certainly have a good night's sleep.

You will not feel like you're knocked out by Tyson.

Well, I'm saying it, it's like you're peacefully slumbering like that.

You know, you used to see all those people, he'd tap them and down they'd go.

Or like Moxley,

if he's got, if he's got Felix in the ring with him, and Felix takes him up over his shoulder and sits down and boom, lights out, and he's having a good night's sleep.

But this is all natural.

Let's look at it a different way.

You don't need anybody to cooperate to do it to you.

No, it won't be like getting hit by Tyson.

You'll feel the way Tyson Smith

Well, that's even more calm.

Lilting and somnambulistic.

That's right.

He'll put you to sleep.

Kenny Omega's in a perpetual state of CBD bliss, I think.

Yes.

So, folks, 90%

of the customers of CB Distillery report.

Better sleep with CBD, and 81% say CBD helps with stress and anxiety.

80%

are reporting less pain after physical activity.

and 1.4% developed x-ray vision.

Nope.

Nope.

Can do all of these, almost all of these.

You can do three of those things.

Many of those things.

Three of those things.

Three of those things.

The vast majority of the things that I mentioned will be possible for you with the products from CB Distillery because they have a full range of carefully formulated CBD and other plant-based solutions.

And you need to take better care of yourself.

If you don't want to be the one that's getting planted, take better care of yourself.

And these products have no artificial colors or flavor.

I don't know how they've made it.

It's just, you can see right through it.

It has no color at all.

Flavors, preservatives, artificials, stuff like that.

No, no, no, because Dr.

Kevin Fry put his foot down and he won't stand for that.

And he's a Mayo Clinic trained internist, and he's a specialist in preventing health or preventive health.

Preventative health, right?

Preventive health.

Or preventive, yes.

That's there's no ta in there.

Take the ta-ta out,

but they got over two million satisfied customers, so how could you go wrong and be the odd duck, folks?

Right now,

let me get you on the right path

down the garden path with my 20% discount that I can get you because I'm hooked up over here.

You visit CB Distillery and use the password ta-ta

to know it's ta.

You just take the tie out.

Wow.

But for the purpose of this exercise, it's JCE.

cbdistillery.com enter the code JCE for a 20% discount on their various fine products to help put you in suspended animation and lower your level of wanting to choke a motherfucker.

cbdistillery.com promo code JCE for 20% off.

How can you beat that?

It's like a sore dick or a busted drum.

You can't beat it.

All right.

Well, I don't know about that ending there, but of course, we remind you once again: CB Distillery, they support us, so you should support them.

But it's your show.

Because after all, what would we be without our supporters?

Keep all the various sags and things that we've got drooping up at a proper place.

What's that code again, Jim?

That code, cbdistillery.com, code JCE 20% off.

There you go.

There, well, there you go.

Tony wanted to play with him.

Tony's got his little toys for the next few years.

And, well, the one thing that Nick, I didn't know Nick was such a badass.

He kicked the shit out of two of the biggest men in the company the other night.

We'll talk about that in a minute, but don't get on his bad side just because he's five foot seven and 175 pounds and

looks like he's never met a fucking muscle.

He apparently is a badass.

He was throwing them around.

Just like A.

Steele threw that chair.

I'll tell you what, you know what the problem is?

What the problem is, Brian?

The problem is we're watching the wrong show.

We need new shows to watch.

We're seeing the same old thing from these repetitious one-trick ponies.

We need a whole new world of entertainment opened up to us.

That's what we need.

I agree.

I like where you're going with this.

Where are you going with this?

Well, I'll tell you, I'm going to South Korea.

I'm going to watch Parasite.

What?

I because apparently it's on, it's available there in South Korean, uh, the South Korean Netflix.

It's a movie, Parasite.

It's it's something, it's a Korean drama, and that's why I'm studying Korean right now so I can watch it.

But, folks, if you want to watch anything from around the world, there are no restrictions anymore because you know,

you know,

I know,

you know,

you know that I know that we know the people at Express VPN.

That's what I was trying to say.

You got me all Verklimp there.

Our friends at Express VPN are opening up a whole new world for you fine folks because apparently I didn't realize how bad we were getting screwed.

Brian, you know, we've talked about Express VPN is a good way to get the people out of your walls.

Your internet service providers are putting these spies in your house.

We've gone over that.

it's been documented it's been on all the news but now i'm finding out too here in the united states of america we don't get access to hundreds maybe even thousands of programs that are geographically blocked and they're only available in other countries the the office is on uk netflix Now the office is also on my television, but it might be somebody else's office.

Well, no, there's another office from the UK.

The original version of the show was from the BBC.

Oh,

I didn't know what Moxley and Claudio had to do with this.

I've never seen them on.

Maybe they're on the UK version of the office.

Well, if you had Express VPN that could fire up the UK Netflix, you'd be able to watch Moxley and Claudio on their office over there.

Because ExpressVPN lets you control where you want sites to think that you're located.

Let's say the kids are fighting about which show to watch.

Well, the last thing you want is violence among children.

So you just send the kids to South Korea.

Or maybe you send them over to the United Kingdom.

Or maybe you send the little crumb snatchers just anywhere they want to go.

Wait, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about you can send the kids to another country so they can watch the television programs that they enjoy.

That's not Express VPN.

That's exactly not the way it happens.

No.

Well, it says you can choose from almost 100 different countries.

Think of all the Netflix libraries that you could go through.

Just go yourself.

All the Netflix libraries in 100 different countries, they give you the address of the particular library.

They send you to that country.

And you go through that library and see what you want to watch.

And it's not just Netflix.

ExpressVPN works with any streaming service.

Hulu, we just talked about their hoops.

The BBC iPlayer, YouTube, you name it.

And ExpressVPN is unlike the hundreds of other VPNs out there, the ones with shoddy workmanship and poor customer service.

ExpressVPN is ridiculously fast.

There's never any buffering or any lagging or any drooping.

And there's no leaking.

You can stream an HD with no problem whatsoever.

Have you ever tried to stream an HD?

And your screen starts leaking, Brian?

No, I don't think that's the way it works.

I don't even know what you're talking about anymore.

Well, no, ExpressVPN brings you all these programs in all these different places that you're not supposed to see.

And

some places, you know, there's age restrictions on some of these.

You have to be over 50 years of age to watch this program or whatever.

You can get rid of all of that.

You can watch of any age, any place, anytime, anywhere.

It's a free world out there.

And it works on all your devices, phones, media consoles, smart TVs.

What about the stupid ones?

That'd be a tube TV.

They don't really manufacture those anymore.

Well, I've got several.

But they don't manufacture them anymore.

Well, I've still got them.

So as long as they exist,

what difference does it make how old they are?

That's ageism, Brian.

I didn't say anything about the age.

Well, and you better not.

Right now, folks, if you want to get access to hundreds of new TV shows that you have never seen or you'd like to see again, as well as going to countries that you've never seen before and possibly would like to visit, expressvpn.com can send you to hundreds of locations where you can watch anything.

Sometimes these people don't even know they're being watched, which adds an element of voyeurism to it.

And

that's just exciting.

No, that's not the way it works.

You're going to be watching authorized programming.

Just from another country and authorized websites, just from another country, things you may not have access to, but it won't be any sort of peeping tom voyeuristic.

How do these people know you're watching them?

Who?

What people?

They get a memo, the people from these other countries that we're going to be keeping an eye on through Express VPN.

No, that's not how it works.

You can watch programs.

If there's a program airing in India, you'd have access to watching the show from India.

Yeah, but they might not spy on the people.

They might not know that somebody is watching them in Poughkeepsie.

They might be prepared that people in India will know what they're up to, but

people all around the world.

you could drop in and spy on people like that.

No, you absolutely cannot spy on anyone with this.

And in general, it's probably illegal to do any of these spying techniques that you would like to do.

However, if you are in America and would like to access the WWE network from overseas, this is a wonderful way to do that.

Well, you could do that too, but just keep an eye out, make sure they don't spot you because then they'd know you're watching.

Right now, folks, go to expressvpn.com/slash JCE

and you're going to get an extra three months of Express VPN for free.

So, whatever you purchase, you're going to get three more months of it for absolutely nothing.

Gratis, that means you pay nothing at expressvpn.com slash JCE.

That's to learn more about this exciting opportunity for you to travel around the world and see exotic locations and spy on people that know

they're being watched.

No, you will sit at home and you will go to your computer and you will watch programs and leave people alone because there's no way to use this and spy on people.

That was the funny portion of the spot.

But the reality of the spot is that you could use ExpressVPN and access wonderful programs like the great British Spelling Bee or Sewing Bee.

Not Spelling Bee.

Sewing Bee

from England.

You don't want to watch their spelling bee.

You know that.

There are a lot of U's in those words.

There'd be a wrinkle thrown in there with all the U's in those words.

That's right.

I just said that.

Well, I was reiterating it.

And who are you to tell people what to do?

You will go to your computer and you will do this and that and the other thing.

Who died and left you, boss, as Mama Cornette used to say?

No one died.

And I'm not trying to be the boss.

I'm trying to help people on their expressway.

Be a little nicer and suggest that if you would please go to your computer and please go to expressvpn.com slash jce and you'll be so excited at the wonderful things that you'll find there and the ways that you could keep an eye on people against their will.

Express VPN.

No, keep them

on slash JCE.

There will be no one you'll be watching against their will.

And of course, that's part of the fight.

Who knows?

They may like it.

No one will like it.

Why else are they in front of the window with no clothes on?

I don't understand how you think this works.

You think this is just like random camera people linked up to Express VPN?

Well, it says you're going to get access to a bunch of shows that you've never seen before

that are only available in other countries and not available here to you and me us normal folks that means professionally produced programs not

it's not a show just to have some guy film someone on a balcony

well i've seen some cable access that would disagree

well this is not cable access ladies and gentlemen this is express vpn what are you saying that express vpn you can't get access to cable that's not what i'm saying Well, then there you go.

No, there I do not go.

And there you don't go.

I go where I go.

But there's a difference between cable access and access to cable.

What's the promo code again, Jim?

Man, you got...

What?

Give me that again.

You got to go north to go east.

What?

There's a difference.com slash JCE.

Difference between access to cable and cable access.

There is, there is.

Well, speaking of hospitals and people who need medical attention on

the obverse side of things, Brian Last, your slight allergic sniffles yesterday that you were sloughing off as nothing has apparently turned into a full-blown case of what is that, SARS or RSV or whatever.

Apparently, you're going to be all right for the rest of the program as long as I don't make you laugh or speak.

Is that correct?

Jim, we are in the future.

And I'm going to do my very best.

Apologies to Jay Sharknado in advance for what's about to happen.

Are you going to be wheezing or slobbering or snotting about?

All of the above.

And more.

And more.

Cover all the bases with a good

layer of slime there.

You look like you've got Vaseline running down your chin, apparently, right now, from what I've been told.

Anyway, nevertheless, you know what I did last night, don't you?

I'm afraid to ask.

I just told you I went to the hospital, but you know.

That's right, Cousin Larry.

You know what I did there.

You saw Cousin Mo and Cousin Shemp?

No,

it's actually his other brother, Larry, came in.

But nevertheless,

I realized that the whole reason for all of

the illness that was going on was that he was sleeping on the wrong kind of thing.

I took that hospital bed mattress.

It felt like

a gunny sack of hot steel balls, and I threw it right out the window.

And I had installed on the sperm of the moment a helix sleep mattress right there in his hospital room on his hospital bed.

And I'll have you know, within 12 hours, boom, he was nipping up, he was doing jumping jacks when I last left the room.

He had been feeling up some of the nurses.

No, miraculous.

Let's not make him some pervert.

Well, no, he'd just been making sure that they didn't have anything on them.

Any contraband, they weren't trying to smuggle anything out of his room or whatever.

That's what he was doing.

Just a little pat down, like the TSA people.

But nevertheless, it shows you the healing properties of the Helix sleep mattress.

As a matter of fact, come to find out that's where the he

or the heel in helix comes from is the healing properties.

Because I understand that they have consulted

with an ancient Mayan medicine man

to have only the finest natural ingredients in these mattresses, and they have incredible healing properties, especially if you burn a certain type of plant right before you go to sleep, according to the Mayans.

None of this is according to the Mayans, and the Mayans, I do not believe, were consulted by the people at Helix Sleep, and they have nothing to do with he's or heels or whatever you were trying to say before.

How did you get it into the hospital?

Well, it came in that box that it comes right to your door in.

I mean, one person can pack this thing around.

It looked like I maybe brought a lunch box or something.

It's not because it's small.

A lunchbox.

Well, it's, you know, the kids' mattresses, those little darling little things for your little darling little toe-headed crumb snatchers.

They're very small, but they come right to your door, the helix sleep mattresses.

They come right to your door in a box.

One person can move it where it needs to go, and then you open it up and it comes to life.

And here's the thing.

What I figured was he's not going to be in a hospital that long after the healing properties take over.

So I'll just order one.

And then once he's done with it, I'll send it back because all these Helix mattresses They've got a hundred night free trial where if you don't like it, you can send it back, get your money back.

And they've got 10 to 15 year warranties, depending on the model that you buy, because they got so many 20 unique mattresses, several collections, mattresses made for heaven's sake, for any preference, whether you like to sleep or you're hot or cold or you're fat or skinny.

They've got special mattresses for people with carbuncles and goiters on various parts of their body.

I don't believe those are any of the special mattresses they offer, but maybe.

Well, and besides the mystical healing properties of the Mayans, where it's almost like a pet cemetery situation.

No, it's nothing like a pet cemetery situation.

I'll tell you what, I wheeled one of these mattresses by the morgue, and I heard a couple of people going,

Why were you wheeling the mattress by the morgue?

Well, trying to get it down there to his room.

If you even get close to this mattress, it'll cure what ails you.

And I'll tell you something else.

That is not true.

Let's not promise that.

Well, there's no promises in life, but, you know besides the fact that a witch doctor has ooh eo i

all over this thing and given it healing properties also it's it's very sterile they didn't even need to spray it down with any kind of decontaminant when they brought it into the hospital because each of these helix sleep mattresses comes to your house brand new nobody's ever laid on it or done anything else on it for that matter And they've actually,

they've soaked it in this disinfectant.

It's a proprietary blend of formaldehyde and brass polish.

No.

It kills all the germs.

It kills all your brain cells.

There's no formaldehyde mix that's used

with the mattresses.

Just don't bury your nose too deep in the mattress and or try to breathe shallowly instead of deeply.

No, deeply or shallowly, there will be no formaldehyde used in this process.

Well, you're not going to have any breathing problems either because you're going to be sleeping like you're in suspended animation.

And so you wake up.

Until you wake up until you wake up some prince is going to have to come in and kiss you before you wake up and you might wake up turned into a frog but some of these things are going to happen it's just the natural way of life prince nana there you go did you know that prince nana was once a frog in queens in queens but then he got kissed by that hooker

which hooker was that it sounds like you know who she is well the specific one i'm not sure i've you know there was several to choose from.

But folks, once again, Helix sleep mattresses, you're gonna, you're gonna sleep the sleep of the angels.

You'll be cured of all of your illnesses.

You'll probably live to be 200 years old.

We can't guarantee any of these things, but we can guarantee it won't be probably.

Well, it well, no, probably, probably not.

Who's to say?

And they support the science.

Who are you, Thomas Dolby?

Science!

Well, if you'd like Helix to support science as well as the military and first responders and teachers and students, who else is left?

Apparently, Helix supports everybody.

If you're not in the service industry of military and first responders and you're not teaching and you're not a student, I guess they don't like accountants.

But anyway, who does?

And attorneys.

You should never have to compromise on comfort, folks.

And right now, don't take my word for it.

Don't take my word for anything.

Go right now to helixleep.com/slash JCE

and see for yourself with all these fine mattresses for your home and your family.

And you can use the kids' mattress for your pets if you want to, you know, because I mean, the kids will sleep on anything, but your pet deserves a comfortable night's sleep.

But go to helixleep.com slash JCE.

You're going to get 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows just because we sent you there.

Helixleep.com slash JCE,

20% off and two free pillows.

Boom with Helix.

Better sleep starts now and better health and immunity from some of these many viruses that are roaming around the countryside, hitting people over the head with blunt instruments.

Just bury your face in this thing and take a big sniff and you'll feel so much better.

Or have a good night's sleep and do that every night with helix sleep what's the promo code one more time jim jce

all right that is that's that's that code yeah that was the promo code what have you got against snorting mattresses

i'm not too familiar with the practice well

i'm telling you it's all the rage in the uh hot circles especially in the fashion industry.

The hot circle.

How are you familiar with the hot circles?

Well, I got spies.

See, I got.

Little birds in the hot circles?

No, what I did was I let those people out of my walls and I turned them against the internet service providers and now they're working for me.

They're Jimmy's angels.

Very interesting.

Very interesting plot twist there.

How did you turn them against the people they were working for?

Because I said, I won't let you out of these fucking walls unless you agree to flip.

Because they tried to come out one night, but I stopped them.

After listening to all this audio and all these audio problems and knowing there's so much more to talk about and media scrum audio, it may be a good time to be able to talk.

It may be a good time to take a nap on a fine Helix sleep mattress.

What a transition, folks.

As a matter of fact, I was thinking that because as I mentioned earlier in the program, I've been up since very early in the morning and you're keeping me up.

later than my normal bedtime doing this program because, you know, I sleep like a baby every night on the Helix sleep mattress.

And you can, too.

We've said this many times.

You don't even have to be strapped down to these things.

You don't want to get up.

That's true.

Ready's the morning I've said, I've opened my eyes and I've said, oh, God, I don't want to get out of bed this morning.

And the reason for it is because of the comfort and

the warmth and the cuddliness of the Helix mattress.

Well, depending on what kind of mattress you want, obviously they can customize their mattress.

If you want a bouncy mattress or a firm mattress, that's one of the wonderful things.

Well, I don't think anybody will say, no, I don't want a comfy, warm, cuddly mattress.

What do you want?

A bag of hot steel balls?

No, but some people may say, you know, on my back's bed.

I need a nice, sturdy mattress.

Well, they'll send you a piece of plywood, too, if you want it.

That's the good thing about Helix.

They'll send you plywood, steel balls, good mattress, whatever you ask for.

They will mattress you.

They will send you a good mattress.

That is a guarantee.

And it'll come with a bag of steel balls and on a piece of plywood.

So you can customize your own perfect sleep combination.

Sold separately.

All you have to do is go to helixleep.com.

That is the website, is it not?

Yes, it is.

HelixSleep.com.

See, my eyesight's not what it used to be, but Helix can't fix that.

H-E-L-I-X helixleep.com and take their quiz and tell them what kind of mattress you like, how you sleep, who you sleep with, what things you do with people you sleep with.

There are always circumstances.

They're not going to ask you too many invasive questions, just general questions to find out what is the right mattress for you.

If you want the mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, they're going to ask your exact weight and your exact height.

No.

Well, they've got to, when they put the, the, the, the, the gnomes.

or the elves or whoever makes these things, they got to know how big you are.

If you're big and tall, you're just, you're a freak freak of nature and don't deserve to walk down the street in normal human company, but you got to go to sleep.

They don't have gnomes.

It's not Santa's factory.

They don't have gnomes and elves.

Well, they've got a team.

Yes.

They have a team.

It's here somewhere.

It's here in the copy somewhere.

Yes.

They have a, they've got their own manufacturing facility.

Apparently, they support the military and first responders, teachers, students.

They have all kinds of mattresses with individual sleep preferences with 100 night free trials.

And

you could just box it up and send it.

Good luck in getting it back in the same box, but you can just send it back.

They'll give you your money back.

I think they're suckers for that, for heaven's sake.

Somebody's going to try to pull something.

You better not.

You better not.

They know where you live.

They said you're not.

That's not what I meant.

That's not what I meant.

I just meant be a good person.

Be a good person and sleep on a Helix sleep mattress that comes with a 10 or 15 year warranty, depending on the model.

And folks, right now, if we have tantalized you with the thought of sleeping the sleep of the angels and potentially just staying in bed for the rest of your life, this makes it even better.

Right now, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

Nobody else gets treated like this, So shh, act naturally, say nothing.

Go to helixleep.com slash JCE,

and whatever you buy, they're offering 20% off the mattress orders and two free pillows.

So with this, this is not going to last long.

This is probably going to put them out of business, for heaven's sake.

They're going to lose a fortune on this.

This is quality merchandise.

They're practically giving away.

They are taking care of their customers, and there is no danger of them going out of business.

They are running a fine business with fine mattresses that the fine listeners can purchase well then they ought to charge a lot more for them than they do right now because that would be the the mark of a a big-time businessman all right capitalist corner and and see in the hair right a matt every helix mattress is made by a team of skilled manufacturers and shipped directly from their facility to your door Yeah, which it's a bunch of little elves that

their facility is inside an oak tree.

Where do you see that or hear that anywhere?

You don't hear anything?

Didn't your mother ever tell you that elves are the ones that make mattresses at the South Pole?

No, I've never heard that ever.

That's how she used to get me to go to bed.

Why would that come from you?

Tell me that if the elves at the South Pole found out that I wasn't in bed and asleep where I was supposed to be, that they would come and invade my dreams.

And they'd bring their little walking sticks that you see the elves and the gnomes have.

and they would pummel me with those sticks from antarctica

huh where'd you say they were antarctica the south pole which which one's antarctica that's the south pole well that's where they're at

do you like penguins

Well, I like penguins, but mother never told me that they would come and beat me about the head and face with fucking walking sticks.

So listen, this is a deranged story, but of course the listeners don't have to worry about any beatings with walking sticks or anything else.

You have to worry about a good night's sleep.

You don't have to worry about worry about it.

Because they're only about three feet tall, though.

So if you can get up on a box, the only thing they can reach is your knees.

Well, we

need to tell everyone once again the promo code, Jim.

Well, that would be helixleep.com slash JCE,

20% off, off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

And wear some knee pads if you're around elves or gnomes.

Well, you know, Jim, one other thing I want to say, maybe Powerhouse Hobbes coming out of that match wants to go sit back and watch that match over and over again in his chair.

Maybe wants to watch it so often that he's just going to decide to lay back and go to sleep and then prop himself back up.

He's going to watch it over and over and over again.

And we have someone who can help him do that.

What he wants to do is he wants to study it because he's beaten one of the biggest stars in the history of the modern wrestling industry.

And he wants to he wants to break down exactly how he did that.

So he wants a comfortable place where he can crank back with his notepad and study that thing over and over again like a forensic scientist.

But if you want a comfortable place that you can do anything, we're talking watching all these boring wrestling shows.

We're talking about watching sports.

We're talking about watching movies.

We're talking about staring out the window and watching dogs fuck each other.

It doesn't matter, ladies and gentlemen.

We're not talking about that for the rest of the day.

Well, if it's there, what are you going to to do?

Go spray them with a hose?

Why do we have to talk about that now?

You could be giving so many other examples.

Why does your mind go there?

I'm just saying, if you're looking out your window and you're saying, boy, I'm so comfortable, chances are you are sitting in the perfect sleep chair.

And these folks, they're our brand new friends.

And boy, now you, Brian, and I

have the perfect sleep chair in our various manors and castles.

It's nice.

And they do everything.

It's a big, comfortable,

cushy, pushy, cushy recliner that is just like sitting in a bunch of pillows.

But by the various contraptions and

remotes and

controls that this thing has, you can lay all the way back flat.

You can put your feet up.

You can vibrate your back.

You can vibrate your seat.

You can crank down into TV watching mode.

It will stand you up out of this.

It'll just, it'll throw you right straight through the window if you want it to.

It will do everything.

You do not have to move a muscle.

As a matter of fact, I got the jumbo edition where when I'm laying back there watching television, a robotic arm comes out of the right-hand side.

and sticks Reese cups in my mouth and then rubs my neck so I don't have to chew.

That is not a feature they offer.

That is something information

that you have done from some bootleg person.

It's

a table now.

They're checking it out on me.

Who's that?

Well, the perfect sleep chair.

See, no, they are not having any involvement with your robotic arm and your peanut butter cups.

Well, you ought to see what else that robotic arm does.

But folks, if you want to upgrade from your couch to first class, do it with the perfect sleep chair.

It can do everything.

Did I mention the heat?

It'll heat you up.

A couple of different sets, a couple of different degrees.

You can, as a matter of fact, if you're freezing this winter, turn this son of a gun all the way up and you will be fried, dyed, and laid to the side in 30 minutes.

They should do a commercial with Austin Idol sitting in the chair.

Is there heat?

I can feel it.

It's not scalding, but it's on my sciatica.

There's an infinite number of positions from that you can adjust to, as I mentioned, to a lift position.

So you can ease right out.

And

once you stand up, you're on your own.

If you don't take over from there, you're going to fall right on your face.

But they'll get you halfway.

The perfect sleep chair is made by Journey, Health, and Lifestyle, which has been making health and home products for over 20 years.

And so they know all about your home and your health.

And that's why they put this in your home to help with your health.

And they've got an A-plus better business bureau rating from all of the people.

You know why?

Because once the people get in the perfect sleep chair, they go to sleep.

And then if they have any complaints, they're too busy snoring away to register them with the Better Business Bureau.

And have you gotten the kids out of the thing yet, Brian, so you can enjoy it when you crank back and watch the,

what's your team, the Nets up there, the New York Nets?

The New York Mets.

I'm not a Nets fan.

That's a different team.

I watch the Mets.

Well, the Mets are not really playing right now.

It's a playoff baseball.

The Mets didn't make it this year, but I have been using the chair.

And in fact, I like it so much, I would be broadcasting from it if the wonderful vibration didn't make so much noise.

That would drive me crazy.

Well, you know, that's because then you'd have background noise.

But I'll tell you, folks, if you want to vibrate, boy, this thing will rattle your teeth if you want to.

You just feel those.

aches and pains in your muscles melt away while your brain and your mind is melting away watching the wrestling programs.

The perfect sleep chair is the perfect chair chair to do it.

A variety of color choices, I understand, fits the decor of any home.

Of course,

my home has no set decor.

We just put things in willy-nilly.

But if you want to pick one, it's up to you.

Several fabrics.

They've got leather.

We mentioned that.

As a matter of fact,

the entire cattle industry has been boosted by the 100,000 perfect sleep chairs that these fine folks have sold.

So if you want one this fall, or perhaps one that you won't fall out of, the perfect sleep chair, you go to Shop Journey.

Shop Journey, as in the group formerly led by Steve Perry, shopjourney.com.

Every chair you wanted, damn.

God damn you, you thought of that first.

I know like five journey songs, so I'm trying to rotate the word chair into every one of them.

When the lights go down in your living room and the perfect sleep chair cranks back into

bed mode,

you'll go to sleep and dream of San Francisco.

So where you're going is shopjourney.com/slash JCE and use the promo code JCE at checkout for a get this $125 off the chair or off your order, whatever you order.

So $125,

that's a big time deal.

Shopjourney.com slash JCE

and check out this.

I mean, you really, a lot of people are asking now to be buried in this chair because it's a perfect send-off.

You can put yourself in any position and they can just put the box that it comes in back over the top of you and then off you go.

The people who deliver the chair will take the box with them.

You do not have to worry about a giant box in your living room.

Well, only if you've got a dead body you need to put in it.

No, I don't, again, I don't know why your mind went here in the middle of the...

Well, it's so people want to go to eternity and this is not just some pine box you're going to be laying in.

This is a place you'd want to be in for the rest of however long that may be.

Let's talk about the living and let's talk about living and enjoying a place.

Let's talk about it.

Friday night.

Living it up on a perfect sleep chair.

That's what you can do.

What's the promo code, Jim?

Shopjourney.com slash JCE.

Promo code JCE at checkout for $125

off that fine order.

Perfect sleep chair.

And keep the box just in case.

You never know when something might happen to you.

Well, Jim, Tony likes to talk about the tickets they sold for Wembley.

Perhaps Tony could start a new business.

Maybe he could start a new website where he could sell his own tickets for his own fantastic events.

In his own mind?

In his own mind?

Hey, and now take a journey to the center of Tony Khan's mind.

But, you know, what he needs, here's what he really needs.

What he needs is somebody to sell his product.

Because Tony is awkward, to say the least, verbally.

And Tony is not the best salesman.

He's not the best pitchman.

He's not the best carnival barker.

He's not the best platform.

He needs somebody to sell things for him because he couldn't sell pussy on a troop train.

But I'll guarantee you that our friends, and you know who I'm talking about, ladies and gentlemen, none other than, need we mention them anymore, as me and Gene would say.

Our friends at Shopify can help you sell whatever you want to sell at every stage of your business.

Because Shopify is the global commerce platform that basically does everything.

And I'll tell you what, as a matter of fact, I've heard now that you don't have to sell just your own stuff anymore.

They got Shopify Collective, where you can curate products to sell from the brands that you love, giving your customers more variety.

and your business more sales.

So basically Shopify can just give you the rights to sell everything.

If I were you, the first thing that I would do is I would sell the movie rights to the entire Marvel cinematic universe.

Well, no, they don't.

Sell those to somebody.

They're not giving you the rights to sell anyone else's intellectual property.

You don't have to just sell your own stuff anymore.

You can curate products from other brands.

That means take them from other people and sell them as your own, doesn't it?

Well, that means if another company, per this example, were to have Marvel Avengers DVDs DVDs for sale, yes, you could sell those finished products as long as they are officially licensed.

And you wouldn't sell the rights.

And undercut those son of a bitches, too, while you're at it.

Sell them cheaper, and it'll put them right out of business.

Who?

Those other people that you want to curate from, i.e., steal.

But nevertheless, keep them in the studio.

Who are you trying to put out of business?

Whether you're auctioning autographed apparel or selling sleek skis, Shopify helps you sell everywhere.

And they've got that great converting checkout.

We've talked about that.

But did you know

that they, it was right here on the notes.

I'm trying to find it.

Yes.

They make getting paid simple by instantly accepting every type of payment.

And where we're talking cash, check, money order, S ⁇ H green stamps.

They will actually trade you.

for used clothing or potentially coal for the furnace in the wintertime.

They will not be doing that.

Certainly not.

No, if somebody says, hey, I got five lumps of coal and I want to buy the sweater on that website, they will work something out.

They will not be working with anything other than good old-fashioned U.S.

dollars.

Well, I'll take

speaking of cold, hard cash,

here's another thing.

They teach you how to sell, right?

So a guy from Shopify.

is going to come to your door.

When you let him in, the first thing he's going to do, he's going to haul off and punch you right in the face.

Boom.

And if you don't sell it,

that's not how he's going to explain to you how to recoil and grab the part that hurts and make a face and

and your body language and how you sell not he doesn't teach you how to sell punches he did well okay for the record no no no one from

take you down no and he's going to put you at a crossface he's not float over into a crotch locked leg strangle Nope.

And he's going to teach you how to sell that.

And you got to scream and cry in anguish.

He'll crank it up a little bit.

You'll you'll be screaming and crying with

joy from these fantastic stories that jim has created but no one's coming to your house from shopify no one's going to be punching you in the face let alone whatever else he was talking about well they're teaching you to sell products not moves and holds right right and in the virtual realm not coming to your door the the realm of virtuosity Because they're very rawless over at Shopify.

So like I said, they take everything in payment.

And if you can't pay, they'll get it out of you some way or another.

And they will get the people that are on their side.

You, the Shopify client, they will get you your money

from yourself.

You just said if you can't pay, they'll get the money for you, your client.

I was using the royal you.

Now, if you, the customer, don't want to pay Shopify for you.

the client's product, then you, the customer, are going to get worked over with a sack of rocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you want to start an online store to sell your products and you want some experienced help, a

well-to-do platform that you could sell your products from, and the right way to get things going, that's why you should be thinking of Shopify, not

whatever's going on over there.

Well, and another thing with Shopify magic, you can whip up captivating content that converts from blog posts to product descriptions.

You can generate instant fact answers.

Fact answers.

FAQ.

Because you say it, it sounds fake.

You followed that with, but with Shopify Magic.

Well, that's what it is.

They got Shopify Magic.

And that's free for every Shopify seller.

You can pick the perfect email send time.

What if there is no perfect time for me?

I generally shun them all, but nevertheless,

Shopify grows with your business, no matter how big for your britches you get.

And thanks to an endless list of integrations and third-party apps, well, they're fully integrated.

They're not racist here.

And they've got third-party appetizers, so every third-party you go to has appetizers.

You can use their applications across various platforms.

That everyone would have on their smartphone or anything else, like a tablet, anything that you don't personally own or have any knowledge of.

Well, anything you can think of is what it says.

From on-demand printing, I demand you print this.

And it happens.

Accounting and chatbots, everything you need.

Folks, we need to say no more.

Except right now, sign up for a $1 per month trial period.

That's practically free at shopify.com/slash JCE.

Now, remember, the JCE is all in lowercase.

If you type it in in capitals, your computer will be taken over by the Russians.

No.

Go to, well, don't use capitals to find out.

Go to shopify.com slash JCE,

$1 per month trial period for this fantastic service where it will make you absolutely nothing but.

That's right.

Get registered with Shopify.

That sounded nasty.

Get registered.

well you played the cash i bet if you went up to somebody that didn't speak any english and said hey you get registered

true i bet's a pretty goddamn obnoxious statement toward them perhaps so but again if you have a business and you need a good online presence an online store check out shopify one more time what's the promo code jim

Oh, the promo code is slash jceinlowercases at shopify.com.

And this is what will happen immediately afterwards.

They'll ring your bell

and then they'll come and take you away.

Ha ha.

Ha ha hee.

Ho ho.

To the

retirement farm.

What happened to Anita Ward?

I don't know.

You can ring my bell.

Ring my bell.

First of all, stop playing the goddamn cash register, but why did you think of her from

there coming to take me away?

Because she was ringing the bell there.

What happened to her?

You could ring her bell in 1979, and by 1982, you never saw her again.

The bell cracked.

Well, those do quite well up in Philly.

All right.

Well, let's somehow move on from here.

Once again, Shopify, whatever the promo code that Jim butchered a few times.

J-C-E in lowercase, don't capitalize, it'll cause trouble.

And then we had Belina,

Bailey versus Zelina.

Yes.

Belina.

Belina.

Thumb Belina.

If we could just get these pesky matches out of the way so we could get back to the bloodline.

Belena Carlisle.

Belina Carlisle lost that one.

And then Bailey got some heat and Charlotte saved.

And,

you know, at this point, Brian, I was thinking if only...

If only I could just listen to something else besides hearing all of the girl wrestlers argue and scream and

yell at each other.

And maybe if I could just stick something in my ears and determine that I could play my own type of thing, play my own kind of music, live my own kind of life, march to the beat of my own drummer.

Brian, have you ever heard of anything that's currently made in the world today, that's manufactured, that's available on the market, that I could just stick in my ears and listen to pleasant things whenever I wanted to?

Of course I'd know something I could recommend to you because it's not even just that.

You can can listen to this podcast while watching some of this crappy wrestling and you could do it on your Raycon earbuds.

Oh, well, that's why I couldn't think of it because I can't believe it was on the tip of my tongue all along because Raycon has just recently made the news.

They've celebrated their sixth anniversary.

They're six years old.

But in

human years, they've been around in business for literally hundreds of years with the new technology these days as quick as it moves.

And they're right up on top of it with the Raycon everyday wireless earbuds that not only have the high quality audio and the thoughtful features, but also

over the past year to celebrate that sixth anniversary, they've expanded their entire business with Raycon Home and Raycon Power Tech.

I mean, the number six is the lucky number for Raycon.

Like handsome Jimmy Valley used to say when he was in a six-man tag, oh, mercy, I love sixes.

I've been married six times.

I got six old ladies.

I've been divorced seven.

She's six on my chest

while I lay under the coffee table.

Hey, that was Klondike Bill.

See, that you know,

you conflated the two stories.

He was under the coffee table when Ricky and Robert walked in.

It was Klondike Bill on his chest.

Yes.

The number six.

No, it was Klondike Bill under the table.

Well, nevertheless, you won't have to purchase these earbuds under the table because they're right out in in front of God and everybody for you to purchase.

And I'll tell you something else: they've got the incredible sound features that we always mention, include the awareness mode and the different ways that you can listen to the various sounds.

Even Don Fallus's entrance music would sound good on the Raycon wireless earbuds.

Now, it wouldn't do anything about his face, but that's at least that's something.

And right now, to thank everybody who's shown support for Raycon over the past six six years, Raycon is offering 20%

off everything on the site and select products up to 40%.

So, and if you combine the 20 with the 40% and get the 60, well, then you're paying 40%, which is less than 50.

So automatically, you're saving money.

Well, I don't know if math works like that.

So hold on and let's not.

Well, no,

let's not check any of those facts.

Let's just go with them as stated facts.

Well, no, let's not do that.

And right now, again, the biggest sale of the year at Raycon, you can buy a pair and a spare,

and even two spares.

And if you pick up two spares, you'll win that whole bowling game.

And if you're rolling a bowling ball at something, folks, you want to be listening to good music or potentially some bowling lessons.

So

the bowling lesson, the audio version of the bowling lesson.

Yeah.

Yes, it'll tell you how to pick up

that pear and the spare.

But nevertheless, right now, just go to Buy Raycon.

Do it quickly, folks, before you have time to think about what you're doing.

Buy Raycon, B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash JCE and use the code Birthday.

They say it's your birthday.

The code is birthday

to get 20 to 40% off side-wide, depending on what it is you're purchasing and how much they're charging for it.

Code birthday at buyraycon.com/slash JCE.

20 to 40% off.

The earbuds, the Raycon home, the Raycon power.

There's all kinds of stuff going on over at Raycon.

That's right.

Fine earbuds.

We like them here in the house.

I have a pair and

all the different things.

That's right.

And you plant these buds.

And within a season or two, they will grow into these massive stalks.

So anyway, that was the segment, and the takeaway was Chris Daniels was killed and left to rot and decompose in the middle of the ring.

You don't have to do that.

It's not going to draw any money.

It's going to detract from what you're doing, talent.

It's not a cool visual.

It's stupid.

But, you know, at least Chris got a good night's sleep, Brian.

How do you know that?

I know that for a fact because he never got up.

That's no guarantee of a good night's sleep.

But he liked it so much he didn't want to quit.

Well, that's no guarantee of a good night's sleep, but we could find a way to guarantee a good night's sleep.

Well, we can do that.

But, you know, if you don't want to go to all the trouble of having a group of sub-par wrestling heels kick the shit out of you.

on television and then you lay there immobile and unconscious, possibly in a self-induced coma for hours at a time.

If that doesn't sound like that's something that trips your trigger, folks, we got an easier way.

We got a way that you can go to sleep.

You can get up.

You can watch TV.

You can be as comfortable, as Mama Cornette used to say, as a bug in a rug,

laying on your very own perfect sleep chair.

And you don't have to do anything because the chair does everything for you.

It lays you back.

It flips you out.

It stands you up.

Well, it doesn't flip you out.

It holds you over.

It doesn't do that.

Stop saying things it doesn't do.

What it does do is

you can, you can literally, I've got one in my own home, and I've tried it out.

You can never try all the positions because they're infinite.

It's like the Kama Sutra of recliners.

The positions are infinite.

Everything adjusts.

The feet thing comes up.

underneath you in a variety of locations.

The back lays down or tilts up.

The seat actually has a pitch to it.

It can raise you up and lower you down.

It can stand you up.

If you don't want to sit in that chair anymore, you don't have to worry your little pee-picking heart about using your own muscles to get up.

Well, this thing treats you like the true slug that you are.

You complete waste of human flesh.

You're going to grow into this chair because you never want to leave it.

Because if you have to stand up, you just punch the button.

There you go, right up.

and it heats you and it vibrates you you can lay back in this thing perfectly perpendicular prone as a goddamn day is long and you can hit that heat and you can hit that vibrator and my god you'll sweat 20 pounds off and your teeth will be lolling around in your head like chiclets no it is nothing extreme like that it is safe and comfortable and fun to use well fun to use is not really the way to look at it but no it is fun well it may be fun for the the kids my kids like it actually we're in the process we're moving the one i have from the library up to the bedroom because it is such a good chair i have now recently fallen asleep a couple times in it reading a book so i'm going to bring it upstairs so i can fall asleep reading a book watching me tv

there you and then you don't even then you take the bed right out of the bedroom you don't need it just

well suzanne's still in the bed i'm gonna just be in the perfect sleep well put her on the back of the chair on the back of the chair yeah put her piggyback you know like they ride the motorcycle motorcycle and the girl's on the back, put her on the back of the chair and ride around the bedroom.

I want to sleep, not ride around the bedroom.

Well, you don't have to sleep in the back of the

TV.

I just said what I was looking to use it for.

And you came up with some other scenario where like Batman and Robin were riding around in circles in her motorcycle.

Well, it's a bat cycle to you.

But if you want to watch your favorite TV show or you want to go to sleep or you want to read a book or you want to play with your puppy dog dog or you just want to revisit your special purpose in life, folks, then you got to get the perfect sleep chair.

Stick it in front of the TV or in the bedroom, out in the backyard.

The squirrels will love it.

Keep it indoors.

That's probably the best bet to keep it in good condition and enjoy its fine functions, which require electricity.

You're not much of an outdoorsman, are you?

You know, you can run an extension cord out the window.

No one would have power in the yard all day long.

You could do lots of things, but no no one would want to put their fine, beautiful, lovely, perfect sleep chair in an outdoor setting.

But you've never been down south, have you?

Most people have their finest furniture out on their front porch.

Folks, if you'd like the perfect sleep chair that doesn't skimp on quality, is available in several fabrics, including genuine leather, and boy, those cows are pissed about that, then all you've got to do right now is go to shopjourney.com.

See, I threw you a curve there.

It's not perfectsleepchair.com.

It's shopjourney.com.

S-H-O-P-J-O-U-R-N-E-Y dot com

slash J C E and use the promo code JCE at checkout.

$125 off your order.

Brian, is that the biggest discount we've ever perpetrated?

I wouldn't use the word perpetrated, but I believe that is the biggest discount the listeners have been offered, and it's a fine discount for a fine chair, a chair.

It's amazing.

And you will because if you add $125

to

any other number, you're going to get a larger number.

And that's what you need to do right now.

If you're looking for the best chair to watch TV in this fall, read a book, fall asleep, play with your dog, have bedroom races, head to shopjourney.com slash JCE.

Use the promo code JCE at checkout.

$125

off your order of the perfect sleep chair that has sold more than 100,000 copies or chairs or whatever.

And they deliver it directly to you.

So you don't have to worry about packing it home from a store on top of your car strapped down like

a poor deer.

Yeah, you just open the door and they bring it in.

That's what happened to me.

That's what they do.

They deliver the way delivery works in the typical fashion as in the

explain delivery to us, to us laymen.

A couple of fine gentlemen who have been checked out and we know that they are okay will bring this giant chair into your home.

Did they have to go through a body cavity search and any type of toxicology or were they just given a quick glance and a once-over?

I think this is a fine question for the courier service, but here we're going to talk about the fine delivery we had of an amazing chair, which is the point of this whole thing.

It's a wonderful, perfect, not only only amazing, perfect, a perfect sleep chair.

Perfect.

The Kurt Hennig of Recliners.

Get it today.

Very good.

The Kurt Hennig of Recliners, ladies and gentlemen, the perfect sleep chair.

You want it.

You need it.

You can't live without it.

You got to have it.

Go now.

Spend all your money.

Shopjourney.com/slash JCE, but save $125 with the promo code JCE.

That's what I'd do if I were you.

All right.

You know, Jim,

AEW coming to Louisville is going to be a hard decision for you.

Do you go down and have a good time hating everything you see, or do you stay at home and sit in a really comfortable chair and enjoy your night and your life, choosing between sitting and watching and sleeping in the Kurt Henning of Sleep Chair is the perfect sleep chair?

Well, you know, before it would have been a tough decision, but now it's a slam dunk.

It's a no-brainer.

It's a, how in the world is is this even a thing that I need to think about?

Because you never want to get out of the perfect sleep chair.

Because not only is the perfect sleep chair, the perfect sleep chair, the perfect chair to sleep in,

I said that a bunch more times than I needed to, but it's not only the perfect chair to sleep in, but also it's the perfect chair to sit in or to actually stand up in.

This fucking thing.

It will make you do a triple Lindy off the roof if you want it to.

It goes everywhere.

It is adjustable in more positions than Miro's hot and flexible wife, for heaven's sake.

And it not only adjusts the footrest and the back and the seat in a variety, an infinite number of combinations, more combinations than they have over at Mickey D's

on the Have It Your Way menu, but also

it vibrates and it heats up.

So let's say, for example, much like like Nero's hot and flexible wife.

Much like Nero's hot and flexible wife, it's flexible and hot.

But it's not married to anybody and you can get in it without any conversation whatsoever.

You can be right in this thing.

You don't even have to talk to it.

You don't even have to be nice to it, ladies and gentlemen.

You can get in on this thing.

It's right there for you.

Because the perfect sleep chair does not skimp on quality.

It's available in several fabrics, including genuine leather for the stylish look.

And we mentioned the incredible positions that you can get into.

And if someone can join you in this chair, because I didn't see any kind of weight limit on it.

I mean, if you're the fat man at the circus, chances are that you might have a problem.

But if you're a couple of normal human beings and not some corpulent

overfed,

you know, cottage cheese-ridden individuals, the two people could get in this chair in a variety of positions that they could be then boosted and vibrated about.

Listen, unless there's a problem that in general in regular everyday life requires a forklift, you should be able to get in and out of this chair.

People of all sizes, all shapes.

It is a wonderful, comfortable chair.

And in fact, Jim, you brought up the various options.

Last night, I found out it goes back even further than the preset sleep button.

And

it's a wonderful thing to know.

You didn't know it'll almost turn you upside down if you wanted to.

I learned that last night, actually.

There you go.

And then

have you hit the eject button yet?

Make sure the skylight is open.

There is no eject button.

You won't have to worry about that.

You will have to worry about pressing buttons to control the heat, the massage, and of course, the angle and slope, which you'll be sitting on.

The angle of slope, the pitch, the slant.

We could go on.

This thing, it's like a roller coaster of emotions all in one recliner.

An infinite, infinite number of positions.

And again, it'll boost you right up.

The spring-loaded mechanism that will boost you right up to your feet and beyond.

Ladies and gentlemen, a couch has never been able to do these type of things.

Certainly a fold-up lawn chair or one of those Dirondack models could never do these kind of things.

You can only get this from the the folks that manufacture the perfect sleep chair, which is you need go no further than the website shopjourney.com.

That's who's responsible for this thing.

They've sold more than 100,000 perfect sleep chairs over at Journey Health and Lifestyle.

And they deliver the chair directly to you.

So you don't have to worry about throwing it on your back or having your wife carry it and lugging it home from the store.

It's coming right to your door and then You just point and they will put it wherever it needs to be.

There is some surcharge if you want to put it in a tree or potentially up on the roof.

Up on the roof.

I'm pretty sure the delivery will not be supplying anyone with anything on the roof or in a tree.

Well, you know, when this light in the front door or maybe even your garage or the back door, depending on how big these doors are, but we will get wheat

that live in your mind.

Maybe you have a house with no doors.

But when this old world starts getting you down and things are just too rough for you to bear, you go up, way up on the top of the roof and you sit in your perfect sleep chair.

See?

That's right.

So you might want to be on the roof and you're going to have to pay these people to put this thing on the roof if you want it.

It'll be a metaphorical roof in your little bro building in your mind there, but no, they will not be putting anything on your roof.

Well, that's what I said.

You're going to have to pay them extra.

No, there's no payment required for the shipping.

No, no,

they don't charge extra to put it on the roof.

They only bring it to your house for free.

No one's putting it.

You're not understanding what I'm saying, but the thing I'm understanding.

Again, if you live in a home with no doors, then you're going to have to figure your own shit out.

Maybe you should be in a home.

Well, and that's where we're trying to put this chair.

Wide variety of color choices fits any decor.

If you're looking for the best TV-watching chair, the best chair to watch wrestling in, the best chair to binge-watch Netflix, or the best chair to, like I do, fire up the old VCR and plunk in a good vintage VHS tape, right now head to shopjourney.com slash JCE and use the promo code JCE at checkout for $125 off your order.

And that is,

again, I think that's one of the largest discounts that we have ever provided to the needy listeners of our program out there who might be shivering in an unheated chair this winter, who might be laying in an immobile chair that doesn't vibrate or doesn't back up or turn you upside down or jump down, turn around or pick a bale of cotton.

You can get $125 off a chair that'll do everything for you.

And boy, wait till you find that special gripping attachment.

Shopjourney.com.

For chairs, not fantasy attachments that are only on sale in Montclair.

Well,

that's why you got to go to Montclair, New Jersey to get the gripping attachment.

You never have to leave this chair.

Shopjourney.com slash JCE and use the promo code JCE at checkout for $125

off your order of the perfect sleep chair.

Any and all attachments mentioned by Jim Cornet are

not real.

Are fun.

They are made up in the head of Jim Cornette.

They are unsanctioned.

They are not officially a part of the wonderful perfect sleep chair, which you can get today.

What's the promo code, Jim?

That is shopjourney.com/slash JCE, the promo code JCE.

Well, Jim, one of the great things about the perfect sleep chair is you could watch Raw in it, you could relax, you could possibly fall asleep.

And before anyone falls asleep, how much more Raw was there here?

I was about to say you could possibly fall asleep watching Raw to begin with, but I wonder, wonder, oh, but oh, ho, how much is there to go?

Anyway,

13 days, bitch.

Well, we will see what happens in 13 days.

But to your point about Omega's talking and his voice and the way he does his promos,

perhaps there would be a way to listen to something different while he's talking.

So you don't actually hear his voice, you hear something a little rougher, a little gruffer, a little tougher, like a Damian Priest kind of voice.

Coming out of Omega's mouth.

I don't know how you would sync all this up, but if there was a way, you could listen to Raydon earbuds.

How about if we could have kenny olivier lip sync the words and like in the exorcist have mercedes mccambridge do the voice

what do you think about that or maybe that with your raycon earbuds you know the thing of it is brian you can take these raycon everyday wireless earbuds and stick them in your ears and it will sound better than kenny olivier even if you don't turn them on Because they're good earplugs.

If there's just somebody droning on and on and you don't want to listen to them, shut up.

I know there's a line there.

Just stick the Raycon earbuds in your ears.

You don't even have to turn them on.

You'll get perfect silence because they're not only quality earplugs, but also they can deliver fine-quality, high-quality audio because they've got great battery life and thoughtful features, a perfect in-ear fit.

None of that mattering.

of Kenny's whiny, nasally voice can permeate around the vacuum seal that these earbuds make so that all you hear is the music, the symphonic sounds of Beethoven and Tchaikovsky and Chapyakov and all the Russian composers.

You will be as aware of your surroundings as you choose to be.

Well, that's because they got the awareness mode.

And you just hit the button and boom, and you're aware of things like that.

It raises your consciousness.

And also, like I said, the vacuum seal in-ear fit.

You know, you might ought to go ahead and wear these to bed because then the earwigs couldn't crawl into your ears while you're asleep and defenseless.

I wouldn't even, if I'd have known about the everyday earbuds when I did, I wouldn't even have had my custom ear snoods made to keep bugs from crawling into my head at late at night.

I could have used the raycons.

But you can listen to your rock and roll.

You can listen to your country and what's happening.

Is that right, Grandpa?

That's right.

You can listen to

your podcasts and your stories.

You can listen to to the guiding light as the world turns, as the stomach turns,

as your stomach churns, you can listen to anything you want to.

You can be aware or you can be oblivious.

It's all at the touch of a button.

You can go high.

You can go low.

You hit the right button.

These things will levitate you right over the goddamn roof.

I'll tell you what.

And did you know, Brian,

that Raycon is having a big anniversary.

They're turning six years old.

And that's almost as old as Beaver Cleaver was when he began starring in his own television program.

Well, how old was he season one?

He was about seven years old.

Almost as old.

Okay.

Almost, see?

But right now, I'm telling you, you don't have to wait for another year because Raycon, they're not miners anymore.

They've reached the age of maturity.

And they've expanded their entire business with the introduction of Raycon Home and Raycon Power Tech.

See, Raycon builds these homes, and then the Power Tech Tech comes in and

puts power technology in them.

I don't think that's how any of that works, but they're wonderful earbuds.

And they're a wonderful company that makes these earbuds.

And to thank everyone who has shown them support in the past six years, because after all, what would they be without their supporters?

They'd be droopy, dangly, and drippy.

Raycon is offering 20% off everything on their site with select products up to 40% off.

Now, we have done this math in the past, and we have analyzed this, and we have figured out that if you take 20% off everything on the site, but then you take 40% off of some of the select products.

Well, no, I did.

Then, if you average all that out, and you get one from column A and one from column B and a couple of other items, your average is going to be 36.7% off on everything.

So, right now,

celebrate the biggest sale of the year, the sixth anniversary of Raycon.

Happy birthday.

Happy, well, happy anniversary.

They weren't really born as much as they were formed.

They were inaugurated.

They were incorporated.

They weren't just hatched.

There was no sperm involved, Brian.

So

if you were just a major fan of Raycon and you were going to post something on social media, you would say, happy anniversary, Raycon.

Happy anniversary.

Not happy birthday, Raycon.

Well, I know because it says right here on the copy they sent us, Raycon is celebrating their anniversary.

Doesn't say a goddamn thing about birthday.

I take back the happy birthday.

Raycon's anniversary right here.

It's on the on the copy.

Well, happy anniversary, Ray.

Well, and you don't just got to call him Ray.

But right now, you can call him on

the website byraycon.com.

That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N byraycon.com slash J-C-E and use the code

birthday.

The code is birthday.

birthday.

The code is birthday for the record.

I don't know what that dramatic pause was.

I realized that you had some semblance of a point.

But if you comb your hair right, nobody will notice it.

So anyway, for their anniversary, go to buyraycon.com slash JCE and use the code birthday.

And don't ask me why the code isn't anniversary.

Probably because Brian Last is involved.

Wait until that big Christmas sale with the promo code Independence Day.

Yeah, Yeah, or Thanksgiving.

Festivus.

Ladies and gentlemen, anyway, buyraycon.com slash JCE.

Use the code birthday.

You're going to get 20% off to 40% off, depending on whatever it is.

Code birthday for the anniversary at buyraycon.com slash JCE.

Well, that was Battle of the Belt 8.

And you know what?

At that point, if I had been watching, I guarantee you at that point of the night, Brian, I would have been ready for a good night's sleep.

Who wouldn't?

Well, I'll tell you one thing.

There is no better way to get one.

What's the transition here?

No better way to get a good night's sleep.

No better way to get one.

There's no better way to get some than to be on a helix sleep mattress.

That's it.

Why didn't we think of this before?

Because not only, we've been talking about the good night's sleep that you can get with a helix sleep mattress we've been talking about for months and months and months now about the fine different models that they have for the big and tall sleepers the mattresses for kids the helix elite collection the award-winning lux collection they'll heat you up they'll cool you down they will do all these things but we talk about it like you're going to be on this thing alone Why don't we talk about the incredible array of mattresses that they also have for bedroom Olympics.

I mean, you get these mattresses.

The mattress for the big and tall sleepers, obviously, is going to be able to support more than the average human being.

So, if there's two of you doing the flip-flop and fly and you get some air on that last one and you bounce down on the mattress, Brian, you don't want to break one of these normal store-bought mattresses, but these big and tall sleeper mattresses will stand up to some punishment.

Let's say you're doing a horizontal bop with a mango mango twist at the end, reverse cowgirl style, and you know that that's just going to wear the springs out of most ordinary mattresses, but not a helix sleep mattress because they are built by award-winning professionals from the United States of America, where they know how to build up mattresses that'll stand up to a good fucking.

So, again, folks.

And, of course, don't forget, beyond the perverted mind of Jim Cornette, sleep.

Lots of people like to sleep on these mattresses.

Lots of people people like to sleep after they bump uglies on a beautiful helix sleep mattress.

Beautiful, that's right.

That is the word.

Beautiful mattresses, of course, they come firm, they come soft, they come prepared for you.

That's what that sleep survey.

That's the people sleeping on the helix sleep mattresses.

They come firm, they come soft.

I'm talking about the mattress itself, of course.

Here's another,

do they have a style of mattress where you can roll off to the side and retch and vomit before you go to sleep?

One of those little grooves right in the the middle so you won't go headfirst to the floor.

That's for folks who like to engage in the occasional sociable cocktail out and about in the evenings.

But, nevertheless, folks, whatever you're going to be doing on these mattresses,

the folks at Helix, like sleep,

sleep, you can do that too.

You can conk right out right after you've flogged the bishop, whatever the case may be.

But all you got to do, folks, right now is go to Helix.

That's H-E-L-I-X Helixleep.com, sleep.com and you take the two-minute quiz on what kind of positions you like to sleep in or what kind of positions you like to what kind of positions you like to sleep in how you like to sleep how you like your mattress do you like yes firmness do you like softness do you like heat do you like cold

however you like your mattress for a good night's sleep a spectacular splendid night of sleep you can get it from helix sleep we love them here for the record i should probably disclose this we have a few different helix sleep mattresses here in the house.

The kids love them.

We love them.

And I got their beautiful all-form couch in the library.

That is my nap couch of choice.

Helix makes good stuff.

Can you have perverted and non-monogamous relationships on the couch, too?

What?

Well, nevertheless, folks, you go to helixleep.com, you take the quiz, you pick out the mattress you want, and they're going to deliver this bad boy right to you.

Right then, you can put it into your bedroom.

You can put it anywhere you want, the living room, the dungeon, maybe even in the bathtub.

Bedroom.

Certainly makes taking a bath a little softer.

Bedroom sounds like the best bet.

And of course, everyone needs a good bed in their bedroom.

And there's no finer bed you can get today and watch inflate in front of you than Helix Sleep's fine Helix Sleep mattress.

That's right.

And 97%

of the people polled indicated that they had a bed in their bedroom.

So, folks, right now, if you go to helixleep.com/slash JCE,

they're offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners right now.

And they're just holding these pillows right now.

They're waiting to shove them right in your face and just love on you with them.

They'll just hold them right over your face.

I tell you, they'll mash down.

No, metaphorically speaking.

Metaphorically speaking, maybe, but in terms of physicality and the physical world,

there will be no pillows held over your face.

There'll be fine pillows under your head while you sleep on your fine mattress.

Helix sleep mattresses will be under your bum and have a good night's sleep with Helix Sleepley.

If you want to sleep with a bum on a mattress, go to helixleep.com slash JCE 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

For our listeners, you can't beat that with a stick, Brian.

No, you can't, nor should you, but you should get a good night's sleep with Helix Sleep, a fine mattress.

What's the promo code one more time, Jim?

Helixleep.com slash JCE.

You mean you can't beat these things with a stick anymore?

You can get a good night's sleep.

That will be splendid and spectacular.

Well, you know,

well, go ahead.

I don't know.

I don't know what I was going to say.

Well, what I was going to say is maybe MJF just needs a good night's sleep.

Well,

you know, that's something that we all contemplate from time to time is whether or not we're going to get a good night's sleep.

And sometimes the nightmares that we have trying to make sense of these programs that we watch on television preclude us from having a good night's sleep.

And that's why

you got to go to a little extra trouble.

You got to make a little extra effort, but you got to save some money at the same time on having a good night's sleep.

And actually,

when I think about it now, if you visit our fine friends at Helix, it's not even a little extra trouble.

It's saving money.

It's not even a little extra aggravation.

You're not even going to have to leave the house.

All you got to do is go to their fine website, which we've told you about it before.

We'll tell you about it again.

Helix.

That's right.

Again, again,

helixsleep.com, H-E-L-I-X sleep.com.

When you go to that website, you're going to see a plethora of veritable wonderland.

Sleep, sleep in wonderland.

Of different types of mattresses, fun for the whole family.

And hey, bring the pets along, too.

You could easily put Rover on one of the kids' mattresses.

He'd probably appreciate it more than these no-good snot-nosed crumb snatchers.

But why are you going to buy a mattress for a kid that'll just lay there and get peanut butter and jelly all over it?

But nevertheless, I digress.

Is that what you would do in your bed?

You would get peanut butter and jelly all over your bed?

Various eating,

you're not eating substances, drippage, gravy.

Mama Cornette allows you to eat in your room?

Well, it was shoved under the door and I could do with it there what I wanted as long as the chain would reach.

Under the door.

But anyway, you go to the helixleep.com website and you see all this wide variety or array or a virus.

Variety.

A variety.

Of mattresses in front of your very eyes.

They got mattresses for big and tall sleepers, mattresses for people that want to heat up and cool down.

I heat up, I cool down.

I got the music in me.

I got the mattress in me.

That you're going to have the mattress under you because they offer, I'll have you know, 100 night free trials.

You can sleep on one of these son of a guns for over three months.

Last I checked, that's 100 nights, right?

And if you don't like it and you're slow to make up your mind, you can just send it back.

They'll give you your money back.

I think they're being suckers about the whole thing.

You realize if four mattress companies had a deal like that, why you could sleep the whole year for free.

Well, they're confident in the quality of their work.

And I must say, we have some of their mattresses here in the house.

We have two different Helix mattresses here in the house.

And of course, their wonderful all-form couch.

And

very comfortable.

They had nothing to worry about.

We weren't sending it back.

They'd have to pry those things from your cold, dead fingers, wouldn't they?

Well, I don't know.

My fingers would be hard to grip.

Oh, go ahead.

I was just going to say, folks, be prepared to defend these things.

You're not going to want to give them up.

So when the mattress police come, they're going to have to prime out of your cold, dead fingers because you're going to sleep so good on these helix mattresses that when these people come up your front yard, up your driveway, beating on your front door, screaming, send out your mattresses, you're going to say, fuck you.

You'll have to pride from my cold, dead fingers because I sleep great on whatever variety of helix mattress that you have purchased.

I mean, they've got ones even designed for specific sleep positions, like reverse cowgirl.

And that's how you sleep?

Well, you never say to each their own, whatever flips your trigger or floats your boat, flips your trigger, flips your trigger, trips your trigger, whatever flips your flopper.

And if your spine

shut up now, clangers and bangers.

Folks, if your spine, after you do flipping and flopping, needs some extra TLC, they've even got a hybrid design combining individually wrapped steel coils in the base with premium foam layers on top.

Whoa.

That sounds like a maridelade that I once bought online.

But it's the perfect combination of comfort and support.

Apparently, and potentially penetration.

Folks, all you got to do is take the Helix Sleep quiz, just tell them what your preferences are, and they'll they'll match you up with a model that you will love and want to be on top of.

I mean, a mattress, not an actual model that you'll want to be on.

They might also do the escort thing in their spare time.

They don't.

I don't know why you're going here.

Some type of fashion.

They will not match you up with anything other than a fine mattress that you will be matched up with.

If they're going through their fine online survey to find exactly the right mattress for you and any of this other superfluous stuff maybe happening over in the perverted world of Castle Cornette.

Let's say Cornet Manor.

It's my manor.

It's his castle.

And we need manners when we're talking about a fine mattress like Helix Sleep's amazing mattresses.

And there were so many of them.

Well, whatever you want to do with your superfluids with a model on any of these mattresses is completely your own business.

But nevertheless, right now, we can save you money.

Not on the model, but on the mattress.

You can get 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows right now.

If you go to the aforementioned helixleep.com slash jce,

see the slash jce,

that's the important part.

That's the secret knock

where they know that you're with us and they'll give you the 20% off and the two free pillows.

And these pillows ain't just a couple of bags of hot steel balls either.

They're as comfy.

as sleeping in a well in a bird's nest.

Like you see those little baby birds chirping away.

They just, they're all fuzzled up and curled up in these pillows.

You can, it's like you're floating on a cloud.

One of those sensory deprivation pillows.

You think the birds in a nest look comfortable?

Well,

they're certainly there anxiously awaiting their mother to feed them, but they seem to be nestled in all right.

Seems like they can't wait to dive out of it as soon as they can.

Well, you won't feel that way about your helix sleep mattress.

So apparently that's a new tagline then.

Helix sleep sleep mattress is more comfortable than sleeping in a bird's nest.

See, I've just done their job for them.

That's right.

What's the promo code, Jim?

HelixSleep.com/slash JCE.

Well, there it is.

Okey-dokey.

Commercials volume four.

Jim, any final words without upsetting any other sponsors?

Well, I'm not trying to upset anybody.

Just some things need to be known.

And these life hacks that we come up with, like if you, if you want to have a healthy and nutritious ice cream sunday just pour your organe protein shake over the top of the ice cream and you'll live longer things like that people need no you can't guarantee anyone's going to live longer because of some and that's not a hack pouring the protein shake on ice cream isn't a hack actually it's more of a splat it has somewhat of a wet sound rather than hack which you know is you got me there a lot of people are hacking because they're in their dry but nevertheless folks just keep listening in 2025 we're going to save you money and teach you how to get away with things you never dreamed possible.

And talking about being able to text, you know, intimate photos of yourself to everyone in the world for $15 a month, things like that, you can't afford to live without.

You can't afford to do those things and the trouble it will cause.

But we'll have more information about trouble as well as great deals for the listeners on the experience and the drive-through in 2025.

But until then, for Jim Cornette, I'm the great Brian Last.

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