Episode 514: Toxic Shock

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Hello again, everybody, and welcome to 2024.

It's the first Jim Cornette experience of the new year, a brand new year with the same crummy old wrestling, but we'll have fun making fun of it in all brand new ways and joining me on this journey through a new year.

Hawaiian Brian, the podcasting lion, the king of the Arcadian Vanguard Podcast Network, Mr.

Co-host to you, I'm Father Time, and he's the new year's baby, the great Brian Last, everybody.

Aloha, Jim.

A pleasure to be here once again.

Well, hold on.

You said my name a couple of times.

Where's this thing?

I got this thing.

Hold on.

We just did it in sync before.

All right.

Well, thank you very much.

Some way or another, we're going to be able to figure out how to play tiptoe through the tulips on this thing, and it's going to go viral.

Well, speaking of viral, it's great to be here today.

I can't even speak.

Well, I'm here and everyone's sick and it's viral and we're all going down.

We're all going down like a circus seal.

You sound like you might need to be put down shortly.

If there's, there's sickness in your, in your family, in your household there, there's, there's chaos of mother nature outside.

You're snowed in.

You've been shoveling to try to get to the part where maybe even an an emergency vehicle might be able to access you there in the wilds of New Jersey.

You got a lot going on up there, my boy.

Brand new year.

How's it starting out for you?

Brand new year.

I wanted a snowstorm.

We got one, our first serious snowfall in two years.

And New York City got barely anything.

We've got about seven or eight inches here.

And I was just outside shoveling.

That's why I'm a little cranky and out of breath.

And but you, but you just said you wanted a snowstorm.

What was like, I didn't want to work in it.

I wanted to sit down and admire it from the not the distance, but inside the house.

But instead, I had to go to the house.

Well, then

why'd you go out there with that shovel in if if you see you you don't know what you got till it's gone and you and and i don't know what kind of simile i'm trying to make you wish for things that then you get them you don't want them you're not as mama cornet used to say you would complain if they hung you with a brand new rope you got the snowstorm you asked for you didn't have to go out there with that shovel you could have sent the kids

No, well, the thing I have has a lithium-ion battery.

I don't want to send them out there with that and have them, you know, potentially mess around too much.

So I went out there with...

What the fuck are they going to do with a lithium-ion battery?

When I was a kid, my mother gave me a sharp stick and said, go climb something.

Well, no, I got this new shovel.

It's called the Snow Joe.

And it's like, it's a shovel with a battery.

And instead of just you having to lift and strain your back, you push it and it acts almost like a snowblower, but it's a shovel.

And it's pretty good.

And it's cordless.

Did you have something like this last year?

Or am I having deja vu all over again?

We had no snow last year.

No, a few years ago, I tried an electric snowblower and it was a disaster and it didn't work.

This is the snowjoe.

I don't know why I'm giving him free publicity, but there it is.

I saw it on CVS deals and I bought it for the holidays and it's coming in handy.

I just let the shit pie.

If it's going to pile up, it's going to pile up.

And what I do is I got Black Beauty in the garage.

I open the garage door.

I put it in four-wheel drive, put it in reverse and gun to some of it.

I've got out in 14 inches of snow i've gone

right out

and there you and there it became a problem i need someone to plow the driveway because i i don't have a giant truck like you do well

i don't know if then you should buy a big fucking truck or i don't want that tires on your little vehicle have like one of those one of those fucking cretons that runs around with goddamn tires six feet tall on a fucking honda civic what is that all about i don't know i wouldn't do that but we are here And

what a show so far.

Well, thank you.

Hey, I was trying to give you the chance to shine in the brand new year.

I just asked you right before we went on the air, I said, do you mind if I don't take this altogether too seriously?

This program here today, because again, I've realized that what we have ended up here,

what we have ended up here, what we have ended up with here

is the same old stupid shit in a brand new year.

They couldn't even give us the daggum

holiday break we planned without people saying or doing stupid shit in the wrestling business.

And

it's usually the same kind of mistake or stupid thing repeated over and over.

So every once in a while, somebody breaks through and is an innovator and stupid like Jericho was over the holidays.

But,

you know, we're going to have to figure out new ways to psychoanalyze these individuals and their efforts going forward because because it's a brand new year.

We need to have a new attitude about things.

And I've got one of my attitudes is I don't give a shit.

I don't give a French-fried titty fuck

what

anybody thinks about what I say anymore.

Where did you get that expression?

You've made it famous, but where did you get that?

It's just, it's from years ago.

I've heard somewhere.

Think of all the weird

places I've been and the unusual individuals that I've been around, at least peripherally at least, for some 40-something years of my life.

And I'm surprised I don't speak 16 dead languages, besides Carney.

Anyway, so today,

what we're going to do is we're going to bring people up to date on thankfully not too much, but a little wrestling television.

Since we had that marathon drive-through, your program, where we had to

go into

granular granular detail on all the chaos and stupid drama that had gone on in the business, if you will, since we had tried to take our break.

And so today we're just going to slow down a little bit on my show.

We're going to have some fun and we're going to enjoy ourselves.

What did you do to enjoy yourself over the Christmas and New Year break that we barely got?

Well, we had a lot of work.

So I had that, and that was so much fun.

And then, you know, the kids opening their gifts.

Really, it's about enjoying the reaction of the kids to the holidays.

And the reaction to the kids sounds like it.

And then when you plug their toy in and it shocks them and you see their reaction.

No, like we got them bumper cars.

It's like a science experiment.

Oh, you got them bumper cars.

So they drive around now just bumping into each other.

Well, that's good fucking

Snow Joe.

Well, that's a good preface for the New Jersey Turnpike.

When they get 16 and get their driver's license, they'll have the bumper car experience experience to

you know to tie them up you know what I did

for the first time in I don't know how long eons and eons

I took a few days and went downstairs and played some pool on my billiard table

you any good

well I'm I could probably whip your ass

I don't know about that Kentucky fats I don't know about that well I'll tell you what we'll whack the lights out baby

but no I used I used to be quite proficient when i was a teenager my cousin larry used to like and take me to play poo he had his own cue stick

you had a little a little uh carrying case and it unscrewed in the middle and he

that's such a badass move you know it was it was it was very cool it was the thing in the 70s that became a thing for a while I think that was right after the kung fu craze and right before disco

and they remembered Paul Newman yeah

But and as a matter of fact, Jackie Gleason

once again showed his insane range as Minnesota Fats, who was based on a character

that once used

the name New York Fats.

He wrote a book, The Bank Shot.

And I'm trying to remember his given Christian name, but he was from like southern Illinois, around Carbondale or whatever.

Fascinating book, probably completely full of shit, but old-time

30s and 40s and 50s pool hustlers remind you of the 30s and 40s and 50s wrestlers.

So it was kind of the same.

Before I even knew about wrestling, I liked

the Carneys and the Con artists.

That's why we're trying.

I think we're friends, right?

That's why we're friends.

Yeah, because I know all of them.

Well, you know all of them.

You can introduce me to all of them.

Anyway, but besides that, spending time rubbing Harley's belly,

Stace and I actually took some time and watched a documentary series on Vice TV.

I guess it was on demand.

I don't know when this aired.

It's fairly recent.

But a six-part documentary series on

James Bond, but not just the movies, centering on the movie franchise, but on starting with Ian Fleming's books and a little bio of Ian Fleming,

and then

James Bond's effect on popular culture and how he had to change or not change with the times and blah, blah, blah, and all the backstage contract disputes with Sean Connery and Roger Moore and whoever else the case may be.

And it was very people should check that out before they go completely.

I can't keep track of which part of Vice is bankrupt.

All of it.

At some point, it's going to probably trickle through.

So while that's available to you, folks, go to that.

Well,

there's so many different tentacles of that organization.

Well, production's bankrupt, but catering's doing just fine.

Catering is sold out.

They're all sitting there wondering where their next meal is coming from at catering.

But anyway, nevertheless, speaking of where your next big announcement is coming from, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to have a big announcement next week here on the Jim Cornette Experience.

And

I know that Tony Khan has set the bar, set the precedent.

These announcements have got to be major.

This is going to knock your socks off.

Next week, concerning the second and final climactic, if you will, part of the Midnight Express 40th anniversary celebration that we began with the exclusive limited edition action figure four pack set with the book and the certificate, the autograph photo, which, by the way, around 500 are still available at jimcornet.com since you got some Christmas money now.

But next week, a big announcement of how this is going to be the second

and final, at least in any major shape or form, wave of Midnight Express merchandise anniversary celebration news.

We got that going for us.

All right.

What, do you have any big announcements on your show that you can lead to?

My big announcement is I'm

we've been working non-stop.

I'm just doing more shows.

Are you going to see, you're so frazzled you can't form a coaching simile.

Are you going to reveal yourself on the drive-thru next week as that you were the devil all along?

No, I was the angel.

No, yeah, I think you've had it out for MJF because you, you know, you guys both are from Long Island.

I had it out from you think I'm the devil.

Adam Cole revealed himself to be the devil.

You're saying that was a false reveal?

I'm saying that Adam Cole is working for you.

This is all part of your, you're pulling the strings here because look, stand next to Adam Cole.

I've seen both of you.

You look like Lex Luger next to Adam Cole.

You kick the shit out of him.

I would destroy him.

So

I bet you went and you snatched him by the scruff of the neck and said, like Roy Welch when he took over Tennessee, hey, pal, you're working for me now.

And then you're going to be revealed as the one that was pulling the whole strings because you,

the, the spooky devil music is right is from the synthesizer.

You're thinking of the black scorpion.

The black scorpion had a synthesizer behind him.

The devil doesn't have any music.

Well, the devil had the spooky video and the

video.

You're thinking of Don Callis, the other guy with devilish music.

Oh, well, no, he's just spooky.

He's actually, he's creepy more than spooky.

He's got the dark music and the other guys have the lights go.

Everyone has a little bit of the devil in their act in AEW.

You've figured out a way to break into their signals.

I don't know about that.

That's all I'm saying to you.

And look at the Max headroom.

You're taking it to a new level.

Why would I do that?

Let's just play with this ridiculous idea for a moment.

I'm a fan of MJF.

I don't know what to do with you.

Because it was a good time.

Until MJF came along, you were the most famous denizen or citizen of Long Island in the wrestling business until MJF came along and had it written all across the back of his road.

That's fine.

I'm still the best looking, so I have that going for me.

But I'm a fan of MJF.

Why, if I was going to do any of this, why would I hire Adam Cole?

Why would I hire Tavin and Bennett and Roderick Strong?

Wardlow, I mean, I could see some use of for Wardlow.

Why would you hire the other?

Well,

is this some kind of Monroe Brothers operation?

Are they your Monroe brothers?

Ryan, you're smart.

You have money.

Why don't you hire the biggest goofs you can?

Why would you hire me?

Okay, all right.

You got me there.

All right,

you got me there.

I'd hire David Schultz.

I'd start with that.

Because even though he's older, he'd scare the shit out of anyone.

So that's the first person as part of my devil stable.

Hey, if you wheeled David Schultz into that locker room in a wheelchair and, as Chief Jay Strongbow would say, hooked up to an iron lung, the guys would still run and scatter.

There has to be something there.

Just have him on TV doing promos for someone.

I'd fancy that.

I don't know what network might air.

I think he's too strong for some people's home movies.

So, all right, enough tomfoolery.

We got to catch up a little bit with the viewers, the listeners, the cult of Cornette, the people out there.

And this is by no means a complete compilation, but there are some emails that I've gotten.

and that I've actually seen and as well a couple of clarifications or comments on some things we've spoken about recently.

So, I wanted to bring that up here at the top of the program.

So, people don't think that this is not

an audience participation program because if we didn't have an audience, we wouldn't be doing a fucking program now, would we?

So, we value you, Pete, you people.

Kind of people are you people out there?

What was that?

Tatong Teletong.

All right.

See, now this is, see, I've got to, I think I almost have to, yeah, I'll switch because that would be a horrible transition now to go from tomfoolery to something is.

I will mention that Theo

from South Adelaide, Australia, wrote us, you and I both, Brian.

He said, hello, Jim and Brian.

How are you both?

That's how I know

he's addressing both of us.

And he said, I just want to say thank you both for providing me the opportunity to listen to one of the best wrestling podcasts ever.

One of

whether I'm walking with my two-year-old pug Shih Tzu Chihuahua dog.

Oh, so it's a pug.

It's a pug.

It's a combination,

an interspecies mingling.

Why did he say dog, though?

I mean, that's what makes it sound fake almost.

Well, no, a pug, a shihzu, and chihuahua dog.

Okay.

Here's my golden retriever dog.

I mean, who talks like that?

Well, he's from South Adelaide, Australia.

People from down south.

I understood him just fine.

Here's my Pomeranian dog.

He's got a Southern accent.

A Southern African.

Southern, South Adelaide.

He's from South Adelaide.

Oh, I think they said South Africa.

South Australia.

No, South Africa, Australia.

What are you?

I wrote Africa.

You cross out Africa.

Take one week off and you fall apart.

Whether he's walking his dog, who is a combination of a pug, a shih shihhzu, or a chihuahua, and a chihuahua,

and his dog's name is Basil, by the way.

Or whether he's driving around or doing chores at home, he's always listening to the podcast because he's,

then I will paraphrase what he wrote, that he's suffered from depression and anxiety, and

his wife, Stacey, supports him as well as...

the aforementioned dog Basil.

But we want him to feel supported by us as well.

And

we cheer him up a little bit.

So continue the process, Theo.

We wish you the best.

You think he named the dog after Basil Faulty?

I thought it was Basil Rathbone.

Any famous wrestlers ever named Basil?

God damn it.

Basil DeVito worked for the office in the WWF for

many, many years, but I don't think they ever had him wrestle.

A wrestler named Bilbil.

Come on, now, people.

Come on, people, now.

Smile on your brother.

Everybody get together and write us and tell us if there's ever been a wrestler named Basil.

Because I can't, if I and you,

or possibly you and I, either one, can't think of it, who could it be?

I don't know.

You know, the We Five had a minor hit song with that a few years before the Youngbloods.

What?

You were just singing Get Together.

Oh, I thought you meant the fucking wrestler named Basil.

Oh, god damn it.

I got no crickets.

I got to get the crickets now.

You son of a bitch.

You know what else I got on this?

Hold on.

You're going to hit me with the crickets.

I've been waiting for this one.

And even better.

Hold on.

Put you back in the mid-south mood.

There we go.

That is a

healthy set of booze.

I have,

oh, wait, that one, the one I had booze on, the battery died.

Anyway, goodbye.

All right, straighten up here for one second.

We got an email, and this, unfortunately, it came in around the Thanksgiving holiday, and

no, it didn't.

It was forwarded to me

in the middle of December, but it originated the Thanksgiving holiday.

So we're all behind on this.

But it's from our friend Lior.

And everybody that listens to the drive-through remembers Lior has in the past sent some of the funniest song submissions that we play that we have just ever heard.

And he was a cult favorite, if you will, on the program.

But Leo, Lior, obviously,

and English is a second language for him, but he wrote this back at Thanksgiving time.

Hello, Jim and Brian.

I want to thank you both on keeping me sane and laughing on this troubled times in Israel and especially in the city where I live, Ashkelon?

Yeah, you got it.

Is that okay?

Since the 7th of October, Nazis monsters Hamas

launched over 1,000 rockets into Ashkelon.

And we had some infiltrations by terrorists who were luckily stopped by the Israeli security forces.

And let's not talk about my heart, mind, and thoughts being with the kidnapped in Gaza and with our soldiers we fight Hamas in Gaza.

So thanks again.

You have no idea how much the drive-through and the experience helped me in these difficult times.

And that, you know,

I mean, we can talk about seeing it on the news or whatever, or reading the papers, or say the Twitter or social media, But when somebody

you know and

we have, obviously the listeners know who he is because of the stuff that we played of his and a great guy, you know, he's right in the middle of this shit.

So even though it's late, Lior, we wanted to let you know that we were thinking of you and we wanted to read that.

And if you care about those troops, don't play them any of your music.

Well, no.

When did they do that?

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

No, was that like in, didn't they do that in Vietnam?

Help me out once again, one of the history buffs out there, because Brian has just brought this up on the sperm of the moment.

But they played like in the 60s, I guess, in Vietnam, I think it may have been, just fucking Credence, Clearwater, and rock and roll.

And they piped it into the enemy camps to just

drive them into a tizzy, apparently.

I remember hearing that story on some type of documentary.

That's what the IDF should do, is take some of Lior's best hits and blast them.

Yes, and just

the loudest, loudspeaker hanging from a goddamn fucking aircraft carrier that has ever been to just blast it to ear-piercing levels, it would drive them all back to the fucking far side of the moon.

Hamas would even take a second.

Is he singing Ozzy?

What the fuck?

My God, it's an Ozzy mutant.

But anyway, all right.

Stay safe, Lior.

Stay safe.

Yes.

We wish you and your family the best and safety.

Absolutely.

And

while we're down just a little bit, we got to recognize Andy from Michigan wrote, and he, it's a long email.

I won't make us all want to fucking cry, but he lost his best friend, Jim Hall, in 2023 from renal failure.

And they listen to our shows together and

were on the road in the car, et cetera, at various places listening to us.

And, you know, so Andy, we just wanted to let you know that we're sorry to hear about Jim.

But thank you and for watching my the Cornette shoot interview on VHS in the hotel after the shows over and over and over.

And

hopefully you will still do that or maybe even get a new one.

Available at jimcornet.com.

Some newer stuff.

You can't put your merch right now in the middle of the.

Well, I mean, you know, I mean, it's a captive audience.

He's obviously, he's proven that he's.

No, and I'm sorry.

But that, that is a demographic.

People who've proven they like to watch my shit.

There isn't more of my shit available there.

How does it feel to you when people do say to you, even, you know, there are people who come to you and they say, I saw you on TBS or I saw you on WWF TV when I was a kid or Smoky Mountain TV or wherever you worked, everywhere.

But then there are people that will say, I saw you on these interviews, and I learned much from hearing you talk about the philosophy of wrestling and the psychology of wrestling.

What do you think about that?

You know, 25 years ago, or whatever, I would have, I wouldn't have been doing it to begin with.

And, you know, and I would have been mortified.

My God, I'm teaching people.

But

I've said this before, at some point,

it was useless.

And at least try to get the proper proper information out and

at least try to explain to

people who really care about wrestling or fans of wrestling or the, you know, the guys involved or whatever

what it was really rather than what people seem to the superficial

fucking impression they have taken away in the modern era, right?

It's like if

people thought that if you were a you're a baseball fan today, Brian, but a certain segment of your fellow baseball fans

were to feel that before

30 years ago, it was just a bunch of fat guys out there swinging fucking two befores at,

you know, balls and catching them with fucking nets or something.

And there was significantly more to it than that.

And, and, or maybe the, you know,

sometimes the stories you would get from the generation of baseball players that you're trying to be educated about that era,

they're pissed off at certain people and fucking grumpy as a whole or didn't really grasp the overall.

We've seen that a million times.

A lot of the guys that

had an innate ability to be natural in the ring couldn't grasp the overall concept of the business and how the territories and the promoters work together and et cetera.

It was all, ah, they're all out to get us.

That type of thing.

Should it be a requirement?

Like, look at developmental now, and obviously it was different when you had it and you tried to do this.

But should there be a course about wrestling history?

You need the right people to teach it.

But beyond just here's the history of wrestling, in terms of actually teaching the lessons, booking psychology, why things are done, why things aren't done,

should that be done?

Should it be done in a serious way?

Well, yes, but yes, with a caveat.

If you,

the first couple of years that you taught that course, because it would take at least that long to get a background like you would have gotten from working the territories and seeing the veterans and actually, and then,

you know, experiencing things, if they taught that,

the talent would be fucking hanging themselves over it because they would be then going out on television and being told by the writers to violate everything they were being taught if they were taught the proper shit.

Because none of this,

none of what's going on today as the filler for the WWE program and most all of AEW,

it all violates every goddamn logical psychological rule of wrestling.

The psychological rule of wrestling

is still being honored by the main event shit shit in the WWE now, where Triple H and/or his minions in charge, at least with the main event guys,

they've got that, they've made some stars and they've got different matchups, and they're not burning them all out.

And the people involved in that picture, for the most part, are not involved in tomfoolery nor dealing with, you know, underneath preliminary preliminary talent as presented as equals, nor

taking

a ridiculous risk of being injured in the middle of this and screwing shit up.

That's taking place at the top of the WWE

and not even in the middle or at the bottom of the WWE and almost not at all in AEW.

So if you taught that in

NXT or developmental,

then the guys would be going, oh, what the fuck?

This is what this thing is and where it came from, and the psychology behind it, and how to get people interested and draw money and get personalities over.

And we violate that on almost every television program we produce.

How would that work?

You would almost need separate courses for in-ring psychology and then booking psychology to say, here's what you do and don't do in the ring, but also here's why,

what it could cause.

And here, I mean, if you were really going to try to take a wrestling education course or series of courses seriously, it could really be a big program.

Yeah, and by the time that they graduated from this thing with their Ph.

F.

D, as in Ph

D, they'd all be 35 years old and put them in the ring.

You know, I think the horses left the barn on all of this.

See, I told y'all I'm going to take anything too.

Normally, I'd be ranting and raving.

Well, goddamn, they ought to do that.

Ah, fuck it.

It's over with.

Call it.

I don't think the rain's going to let up.

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Can I give you another email from Jason who was talking to you also?

Okay.

All right.

Well, actually, I think it's you.

He said, Jim, I would like to thank you and brain last.

That's me.

Okay.

For help keeping me sane over the last few years.

Apparently, in 2018, he broke his neck.

And then

through a variety of things taking place, he

ended up being homeless during the pandemic.

But that's when he discovered the experience in the drive-through.

And he says, I'm so thankful for the both of you and the hours of entertainment that has helped me over the last five years.

And,

you know,

here's now, here's the thing.

How did you

was he, did he discover the experience during the pandemic?

Or did he discover it when he was homeless?

Are we big amongst the homeless community?

How would the shows be being transmitted?

Certainly, if you have a way to listen to a podcast,

if you would, Jason.

If you have a smartphone, then you go to Starbucks and you download the podcast.

Free Wi-Fi.

God damn it.

All you need is a smartphone.

He can order food from his box.

What the fuck?

DoorDash will bring you right over.

But now I can see having a home, but no

phone, but I can't see having a phone.

Did I say that right?

I can see having a home, but no phone, but not having a phone, but no home.

I would think that would, that, that, yeah.

Well, I just, Mama Cornette wouldn't understand that either.

You could, you could have a house before you would have a phone.

But I guess in her day, you'd have to have a long ass fucking cord

to have a phone without a house.

I remind you, this is the same gym and brain that kept this man sane during his battle with homelessness.

Well,

but we hope you're back home, Jason.

Wherever that may be.

Well, but now here's something.

Maybe that's, you know what?

Now I've figured it out.

It's kind of an offshoot of what you said earlier.

You see that a lot of these cities are trying to run the homeless people off.

Instead of giving them a place to live, they just want to run them somewhere else.

So they probably put our podcasts on the loudspeaker we were talking about before.

They would play Lior's songs and they played them to the homeless until they left.

Maybe that's why our downloads went up during the pandemic so strongly.

You have no,

is there any data to reflect that?

In our

fucking wear that out.

I don't know about the homeless

bump in the numbers.

I don't know about that.

But all you need is a smartphone.

Homeless people have smartphones.

You don't.

Well, good for them.

They deserve them because they got time to fuck with it, figure out how it works and get mad and goddamn cuss and yell when it doesn't work.

I'm a busy man.

I don't have time to go through these things.

Maybe we can make this a weekly segment.

We call a random homeless person and ask them how they're doing.

Well, how are you going to get the homeless person's phone number?

They can email us.

How are they going to email homeless?

They've got

to get to

go, God damn it.

They just got to go to Starbucks, get some free Wi-Fi or Dunkin' Donuts, wherever the free Wi-Fi is free, and then they can get in touch with the show and say, here's my number, give me a call.

I'm a bum.

Maybe they wouldn't call themselves a bum.

I'm struggling.

And I listened to the podcast.

Yeah, that showed a real empathy on your part,

Mr.

Liberal.

Yeah, yeah, I'm a bum.

They're a homely challenged person.

They are at a financial disadvantage.

We have caught them where they would gladly pay us Tuesday for a hamburger today.

There's no shame in that, but I didn't know you'd have a phone, an email, and a fucking phone number.

I got an OnlyFans account.

I don't know what else without having a fucking house to live in.

Seems like that would be the primary thing that you would, and then things would.

would branch off from that.

I've lived in a couple of places where I've lived in it and I didn't have a phone for a couple weeks.

When I first moved in, I didn't have time to get the wolf.

What the fuck?

But I wouldn't have got the phone but not had been slept in the parking lot for two weeks.

If you're homeless and you have a phone, should you use that phone to film like a little web series, maybe get some attention?

Homeless Adventures.

Homeless Adventures of Brooklyn.

I would try to figure out a way to make some money with this goddamn computer I've got in my pocket so I could go get me a room at Super 8.

I'm saying this could be a way to make money.

They can create a web series.

Well, it seems like they'd have been frozen half to death by the time that that web series catches on.

That sounds like a season finale, if I ever heard of one.

Yeah.

I thought the idea was just to goddamn get a fucking place to live.

If you don't help me, I'm going to freeze in the season finale.

And then that's the cliffhanger.

How about, okay, here I am.

And who shot JR?

I'm fucking so-and-so, and my specialties are this, and that, and the other thing, or I could dig a good hole or whatever.

And I'm standing here at the corner of 4th and Broadway, 20 hours of 9 and noon on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

If somebody would like to hire me, please come by and pay me some money to do something so I can go and get a house or a home or a fucking room or a fucking roof.

New phone?

Well, no, the phone apparently works.

But if you get the latest one, you can maybe get faster internet.

Oh, goddamn.

Download the apps faster.

If you don't have a place to sleep that's not the ground or pavement, I don't think you need faster internet.

I don't know.

I guess the West Coast will let us know.

Well, it is, it's better weather out there.

And anyway, again, I'm trying to get some sad news out here, and you keep going into the frivolity.

Ricky from Arkansas, who wrote, who he and his friend Lance Smith, who who was aka Smitty.

That's what everybody knew him as.

As a matter of fact, Smitty was a good friend of Randy Hales's also, because they're all from Arkansas and Missouri and various parts thereabout.

But

Ricky and Smitty were both old Mid-South fans, and Smitty had done some wrestling on the Indies, and he passed away in,

oh my gosh, I think

the month escapes me, but he's recently passed away in the last little while.

And we just wanted to recognize him.

And again, the email is very long,

but about some of the

adventures they had in indie wrestling in that part of the country with some people that I'm aware of and know who they were.

So it brought a smile to my face.

And I'm glad that you guys could enjoy listening to the programs.

And Smitty loved me.

And I didn't think he was too bad himself.

But anyway,

what else have we got here?

You've thrown me all out.

And here's another thing.

I've got no light today in the office.

Well, because it's a dark and drmal day, you complain about the snow.

We've got the cold and the rain and the clouds and the damp and the muck and the gloom and the mud.

And I don't like to turn.

These big fluorescent lights I got over my

broadcast position here on because normally, if I open the curtains, it's a nice sunny day, I can see my notes, there's plenty of light, but now it's gloomy and doomy.

But if I turn these glaring lights on,

I've heard that if you sit underneath fluorescent lights, it can cause brain damage and memory loss.

And I've also heard that if you sit under fluorescent lights, it can cause brain damage and memory loss.

So I don't like to do that.

But so I can see this,

where is it?

Ah, here we go.

Dear Jim and Brian, see, the listeners are including you constantly.

With only two shows left in 2023, I've been looking into how Dynamite and Collision have fared filling the arenas Tony hires to host his TV.

And if the word hires didn't give you a clue, This is from Chris in Leeds, Yorkshire.

They say hire instead of rent over there in that application.

So basically, he's compiled these numbers.

How close to the venue capacity

every dynamite and collision came in 2023?

Would you like to hear this?

Yeah, I would.

Because

there were 77

TV tapings in 2023 dynamite or collision, right?

Of them,

how many do you think drew more than 50% of the hosting arena's actual capacity?

Dynamite and collision.

Dynamite and collision.

Because collision has run some smaller buildings compared to some of these dynamites we've seen in giant ones.

So we're doing an average here.

Or we're doing an overview.

No, we're doing numbers in 2020.

Now you've confused the issue again.

I thought you were the smart one doing math.

Out of 70-something shows.

77 TV tapings, how many of Dynamite and Collision, how many managed to draw more than 50% of the host building's capacity?

Six.

Two.

Wow.

Two.

The January 11th Dynamite and the Kia Forum, which was the

match seven in the trio's title best of seven series that the Buckaroos, when they made their six-man belts for themselves and their friends, right?

They hit 65% of the Kia Forum.

And

the June 26th dynamite end.

Where is the Wind Trust Arena?

I recognize the name of the arena and I'm trying to

remember where it was.

Wind Trust Arena.

Wind Trust Arena is in Chicago.

Aha.

Well, on June 26th, they

had an advertised appearance by CM Punk and hit 59%.

And otherwise, would you like to know the lowest capacity, the lowest percentage of the arena, hosting arena that they filled of the year 2023?

So if they had like a 20,000-seat building and it had like 900 people there.

Yeah, yeah.

What is the lowest percentage of capacity that they filled for an arena of the year?

I don't have any way to guess.

I don't know.

September 13th, Dynamite in the Heritage Bank Center, Jon Moxley's hometown show in Cincinnati,

14%

of the total real capacity of the arena.

29

of the 77 shows, 38% sold less than a quarter of the venue's capacity.

And then one final statistic, they had two shows in the Kia Forum.

Both of them were advertised as Young Bucks hometown shows.

And it went from the January 11th, 65%

to the November 27%

in the same building.

Yeah, why do you think they went home with their tail between their legs?

They know that they don't even have the fan base anymore.

So that,

but yeah, and thank you for coming.

Plumber Mox, Les Thatcher could have been advertised on the card and drawn more than 14% of the building in Cincinnati.

If you had run smaller buildings but packed them, it would have had more energy.

It would have looked, even though it was smaller, it would have looked better just because of the packed room and the energy.

Instead of these giant rooms where everyone's smushed on one side of the camera and you could tell the house is empty, if they had just run smaller buildings from the get-go, realistic size buildings.

We're not talking about, you know, a rec center or somewhere.

We're not talking about a rec center.

Even we're talking about the 6,500-seat buildings or where you can find them anymore, but there are new ones that there didn't used to be.

But they still go to the

NBA building in every town.

For what makes no sense, for what is something that maybe one day someone will explain the philosophy behind, but why did they do that for so long?

And we'll see what changes now going forward.

Well, yeah, because they're going to have new people in charge of all these things since about five of their VPs have

departed for parts unknown, right?

Well, this is the second term of Tony's presidency.

So, now usually the second term, a lot of people leave and they fill in new people into the ranks.

Hey, hey, I don't think that,

except for Tony Khan, I don't think we've had that much problem with vice presidents since Spiro Agnew, have we?

I don't know about that.

No, I guess not.

You know, it's starting to look rough but

anyway and one more thing before we get to something you've got going on this is an email from david

remember we were talking about kevin dunn and he's done in the wwe no pun intended of course it was and uh the clip is out there on youtube because everybody was very

anticipatory of oh cornet's gonna love tearing him up it's like they booted him out the fucking door right threw his shit on top of him and said, don't come back.

I said, no, I can't gloat

like that if we had, you know, they'd found the improper photos of him with, you know, a nanny goat because he's left.

He's got tens of millions of dollars out of this thing with the stock, blah, blah, blah.

I said, you know, look at it.

He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

He don't want to work for anybody but Vince.

Now it's come since we did that clip.

It's come out that there was already tension with the new ownership and Kevin had felt disrespected by whoever he had talked to and whatever they'd said to him.

And of course, the high muckety mucks up there talking about cutting

expenses and

synergizing the staff so that they eliminate positions that are doubled in the UFC and WWE.

And one of them made a comment about, yeah, I've dealt with every producer that treats each camera like it's a baby and doesn't want to lose it.

So there was shit going on.

Kevin Dungeons, fuck it.

I'm taking my tens of millions of dollars and going fucking home.

And they can fuck themselves probably because he's a miserable human being.

But I couldn't gloat in it because of the tens of millions of dollars and leaving on his own.

And he gave me like a week's notice, right?

I'm done fucking Monday.

And it's a holiday weekend, by the way.

And so, anyway, in the process, you remember that conversation we had, Brian?

Of course, yeah.

Well, I asked you

one simple question.

You had one job.

Because I admit, I said, what is Kevin Dunn?

He's like 70.

I said, look at the state of him, right?

Look at that fucking face.

Even though he had his teeth finally fixed,

still the state, it looks like somebody gave him a fucking buzz cut like Sergeant Carter in Gomer Powell USMC and then took tweezers and plucked half his hair out and scared him so the other half turned gray.

So even if he does have a human-looking set of teeth in his mouth instead of the goddamn dentures of a goddamn rodent,

he still is

not a cosmetically pleasing looking human being, right?

I said, he's got to be, is he 70?

And you looked it up and you said he's 68.

And I said, well, see, I was close enough, right?

But you know what you did, Brian?

What's that?

Apparently, there is an actor named Kevin Dunn,

as well as a noted

damn-building member of the Rodin family that's worked for the WWE for the last 40 years named Kevin Dunn, and you looked him up.

The actor Kevin Dunn, whoever that may be,

is 68 years old, but according to David here,

I got it on paper, so it must be true, the WWE's Kevin Dunn is 61 years old.

He was born in 1962.

Now I got something to gloat about.

You bucky beaver motherfucker,

I'm a year older than you are, and look at the fucking state of your presence.

Now I can fucking gloat.

Oh, I'm glad we're handling this in a mature way.

Well, you don't expect anything else but maturity and probity from me, do you?

I knew he wasn't 70.

That didn't sound right.

And when I saw 68, I was like, what?

This can't be right either.

But turns out it wasn't.

So that means they made him producer of the whatever the fuck they made him producer of when he was 21 years old.

That poor actor who anytime anyone Googles his name gets an image of Bucky Bieber.

Bucky Bieber, people with big teeth and the fucking Minnesota Gophers mascot.

Yeah, they motherfucker.

He's like, Why?

I'm not from Minnesota.

I don't know what's going on here.

Why are these people sending me beavers?

Is this some kind of psychosexual game?

Who's up for the role of President Roosevelt?

We're talking about Kevin Dunn.

Oh, Google him.

What does he look like?

Oh, no.

My God, those teeth.

He had polio, not leprosy.

All right.

Well, anyway, before we get to the

better part of the program,

you have teased me with this right before we went on the air.

You said, have you seen this?

Have you heard about this?

And I had not.

And you told me, I said, wait a minute, I said, just tell me when we go on the air because as you've got half a sentence out, I was like, wait, what?

And

apparently, this is something that the cult members, it's been out there on social media, but many people have directed it your way on behalf of me.

Enough of talking about you.

Let's talk about me.

What do you think of me?

Has apparently shit stained now, he's written a new book, or is this in one of his other, I put them in quotation marks, books that he's written?

And it's just now come to light, which kind of makes sense because somebody would have had to have read it before now, which I don't think anyone has.

But

where is this?

That's exactly

this is an old book.

This is apparently from Rope Opera, how WCW killed Vince Russo.

And oh, goodness.

Because no one paid attention, and this somehow got overlooked.

This is the chapter on bitch slap.

Are you aware of bitch slap?

No, that's it.

You said bitch slap, and you said, and he wrote his ideas down.

I said, stop.

I said, stop it.

Just tell me if you're going to tell me.

Has anybody, I've never heard of this.

Has anybody ever mentioned this before?

Even to us, which normally they,

I read some of his bad formats on the air, right?

And this has never been part of our conversation.

I had never heard of bitch slap.

Again, I had made fun of the book title.

I don't own this book.

Now I want a copy of it, but apparently it's out of print.

I don't have this in my wrestling library.

I'll read a little bit from here before we get to the descriptions, a little bit of the setup.

Before I continue with Life After Wrestling, I'm going to backtrack for a second and tell you the story of a television project I pitched with Jeremy Borash following the crash and burn of WCW.

Oh, good lord.

The show was called Bitch Slap.

And the federation that surrounded it was the sports, excuse me,

was sports entertainment extreme.

Yes, the same sports entertainment extreme that was used by TNA less than a year later.

For those of you that aren't putting it together, sports entertainment extreme is extreme with an X is sex.

Sex.

So the...

Do you think that he was one of the young adult men that believed that if you played with yourself, that your palms would grow hair and you would go blind until he was out of college.

You know, who knows at this point, but I think it's important once again to say the parent organization of bitch slap was sex.

The brainchild of Borash and me was inspired by my teenage love for glow.

You know, I know Jeremy has some wild out there ideas, but I'm wondering if he's getting painted with this brush without his knowledge.

But go ahead.

I'm sorry.

The brainchild of Borash and me was inspired by my teenage love for glow gorgeous ladies of wrestling

a show that was decades ahead of its time glow offered beautiful sensuous and sexy female wrestlers with the exception of the 300 pound mouth fuji oh for gosh he puts her down with hugely over-the-top characters such as the farmer's daughter Lady Godiva, Tiffany Mellon, Tina Ferrari, the tag team of Hollywood and Vine, and Vicky Victory.

You can only imagine the impact that this show would have on a 14-year-old just sliding into puberty.

Oh my God.

Wait a minute.

He wasn't 14 when that went on the air.

Wait, what?

No, Glow started in what, 1985 or 6?

Yeah.

86, maybe.

He's my age.

He would have been 25 years old.

God damn it.

Vinny Roo.

I figured out the store store I could buy the fucking hustlers in when I was 16.

You were that for nine years behind your watching tits and ass on fucking television?

He just named half the roster.

Here we go.

He was 25 years old.

Glow did not exist until 1986.

Based on this general concept, JB and I were going to take women's wrestling into the 21st century.

Inspired by the attitude era of Raw, we were going to launch these bodacious battling babes to a place they had never dared to venture before.

And it was going to be crass and there was going to be nudity.

That's why JB and I picked it up.

The problem was it was all boras.

And it was going to be.

Son of a bitch.

That's why JB and I pitched it to the execs at DirecTV as a weekly pay-per-view show long before TNA was presented to them in the very same format.

To this day, just to entertain ourselves, we pull out the bitch slap pitch and read it aloud until tears of laughter begin to flow down Jeff Jarrett's face.

You know, you know,

by the way, let me just say this also, that I'm sure that it was probably pitched before the idea of TNA being a weekly pay-per-view was pitched.

And I'm sure that

many bad ideas were also pitched with the same idea of weekly television or pay-per-view that people said, no.

No.

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Let's hear this.

Well, it says here in parentheses, God forgive me.

I wrote this before I was saved.

Oh, fuck.

But it's too funny not to share.

Oh, crap.

Well, here's some of the roster, Jim, that description.

I'm not allowed to be funny anymore because I'm a Christian, but look when I thought I was funny.

Here's what I did.

Toxic shock.

Many of the superstars of Bitch Slap wrestle with no strings attached.

However, this is not the case with the very volatile toxic shock.

Wait, what?

Oh, my God.

I don't know how many people today understand that, but that's one of the grossest, most offensive things I've ever heard already.

What?

Brad, do you get that?

What am I missing?

I'm just reading it quickly.

What am I missing?

Okay, when would this have been written?

This would have been around the time of the formation of TNA, maybe shortly before, 2001, 2002.

Okay, well, it may have even been old news then, but there was a period of time where it was in the news that

a number of women did, or they thought that a number of women had or whatever contracted toxic shock syndrome.

Like whatever, remember when that was a thing?

Wasn't that day of

Mike Von Erich?

Yeah.

The infection, toxic shock syndrome from a bad infection, blah, blah, blah.

From their tampons.

From the tampons.

Now go back and read that fucking blurb he just wrote.

Well, now that I know that, it gets better from there.

No, go back and read it now that everybody knows it.

Many of the superstars of Bitch Slap wrestle with no strings attached.

However, this is not the case with the very volatile toxic shock.

Like a dog in heat, this stuck-up temperamental temptress uses the pads of the bitch slap ring to the max.

While she tends to turn men off with her moody demands, she claims she can make gay men menstruate.

Always craving chocolate, she rides her own cycle as she shows up to wrestle once a month.

But you know, here's the thing is,

we're not laughing at the material.

And I think that's what he failed to recognize when Jeff Jarrett would bring it out.

You're laughing that a grown adult man would put that on paper and admit to being the author and now and put it in his fucking book and

tell God it was too funny to share.

I thought someone would buy this.

He thought someone was going to say, you know what?

You're on to something.

Let's do it.

At this point, point, he is a married man in his 40s

and

authoring shit like this.

All right, keep going.

You know what's interesting?

Toxic Shock rides her own cycle.

She only wrestles once a month.

She only wrestles on her period.

Apparently, you know, and, well,

doesn't have to fucking use a blade.

Well, Jim, what about Homeless Heather?

Nice box, commented a young boy to his loving father as they walked by Homeless Heather's place of residence on the sidewalk just outside the Bitch Slap Arena.

Oh, now he's getting fucking wrestling gimmicks from bad Playboy cartoons.

And it really is like Glow, just everything's happening in that little universe.

Yes.

The only Bitch Slap competitor who wrestles for food,

Homeless Heather,

is the she-god of the shelter.

Not only does she compete in the bitch slap rings, but Heather also serves as cleanup crew as she wheels her shopping cart around the arena in search of aluminum cans during the show.

During the show,

burning her bra for heat.

In the twilight of the September sky, Heather, excuse me, homeless Heather hits the soup kitchen before dusk.

A riot around the ladle.

Heather is loved by her fellow bums, but it's no laughing matter when she steps into the ring.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to keep in mind that he presented this in written form to executives for a broadcasting company, DirecTV,

with the idea that people would pay to see a show revolving around these characters.

And Jeremy Borash was so down on his luck, he said, hey, can I come?

Jeremy's very agreeable.

He'll do anything with anybody.

But again, I hesitate whether to paint poor Jeremy,

who apparently is still gainfully employed in the wrestling business somewhere behind the scenes,

to ascribe this to him.

But go away.

He may have just been sitting there nodding, going, yeah, hey, Harry.

There you go,

here's one for you.

Kentucky Love with Papa Woody.

Get your raincoats, kids.

Kentucky rain is falling.

To say things are a little different in the Kentucky foothills is an understatement.

Kentucky love,

a bluegrass, bosomy, bodacious bimbet,

is the envy of every father's eye, or father, every farmer's eye.

Well, it could have gone either way with who we're talking about.

However, for Kentucky Love, there won't be any sowing wild oats.

With shotgun in hand, Kentucky's father, Papa Woody,

holds a very special place when it comes to his divine daughter.

You see, Kentucky love is Papa Woody's forbidden fruit.

However, though she attempts to keep her fondling father in line,

Woody is hell-bent on bobbing for his daughter's apple.

What is the matter with him?

How was he treated as a child?

What is the

what is his

relationship with

sexuality?

It definitely is some like like repressed thing.

And

I'm seeing Papa Woody as Denver Powell.

And that's the most disgusting visual that you can possibly have.

And Denver Powell is fondling Donna Douglas.

And then that just, it's all over the place when he makes these fucking.

Well, it sounds like Papa Woody's a manager.

We have a tag team next.

Jim,

Blackbeard, and Treasure Chest, the Ass Pirates.

Wait a minute.

Can you be a female ass pirate?

Well, we're going to find out.

Ahoy, matey.

Like the swashbucklers of the Caribbean, Blackbeard and Treasure Chest, the Ass Pirates, have buccaneered their way to the seats of bitch slap.

Sword fighting.

A specialty.

That's the way it's written.

Sword fighting, a specialty.

The ass pirates force their opponents to walk the plank.

Wait, hold on.

I think he's reading the wrong fetish material.

So far, this is a male tag team.

Well, no, it's a female tag team that's a title.

Sword fighting?

Well, sword fighting.

I guess.

Well, maybe.

I mean, what did he say?

He's not sure.

He wandered into the wrong aisle in Adult World.

Well, he made the wrong notes.

Through their revealing denim shorts, the Ass Pirates.

Still not

Pirates invite rump wrangling to those seamen who

lust after them.

God damn it!

Action heroes to the pre-teen audience.

The pre-teen audience!

God fuck!

Jesus Christ!

I wouldn't put this on television for the adult audience.

He's god damn it!

You know, much like Jeff Jarrett, I have tears coming down my face.

this show.

What is it?

Is it

again?

He means this.

Action Heroes to the preteen office.

And also, this is still an intergender tag team situation because these two are guys.

Blackbeard and Treasure Chest are among the 10 most wanted in every elementary school in America.

No,

not for prematurely causing cannons to fire, but rather leaving blue balls behind.

What in the world?

He doesn't even know which

segment of the children he's trying to corrupt here.

Another character is Birdie Hole for One,

a PGA legend.

Birdie Hole for One claims she doesn't need wood to win in the rings of Bitch Slap.

Nicknamed Butch by her fellow competitors and sporting a rock-solid 28-24-36 figure, Birdie's sexual preference has been in question since the day she refused to stroll through Tiger's Woods.

Handicapped by a mean streak, male officials of Bitch Slap beware.

Keep your balls away from Birdie Hole for one.

Four!

Can anybody now, if there's ever been any doubt, understand

the level of juvenile

and banality and anality and fucking

insufferable douche baggishness?

Maybe you're prejudging this.

We're not even done.

That no, this is what I had to endure, not this specific shit, but this this overall shit

is what you have to endure around this fucking ignorant Creighton.

The level of eight-year-old fucking nonsense.

Well, Jim, much like the British Bulldogs had Matilda, here's one.

Beastie Alley

with her little dog Scroat.

Wanted by the Humane Society in 48 states.

Apparently it's legal in North and South Dakota.

Beastie Alley and her little dog Scroat have brought their act to Bitch Slap.

Posted on Alpoke Hands Across America, Beastie Alley brings new meaning to the term puppy love.

With his eyes not the only thing bulging, let's not forget that Scroat is the innocent victim being held in the middle of the game.

With his eyes not the only thing bulging,

the dog

who's looking at the girl

but but then

but

well with old beasty alley could we find out that maybe the dog's eyes were bulging for another reason well jay let me finish this but beastie beware

every dog has its day and it may be only a matter of time before rover takes over

so you're promising the people at the rec TV that a dog's gonna fuck a woman in a row

I'm telling you, you've never seen anything like it.

We're gonna, the woman's gonna bend over, and the dog is going to walk on its hind legs, and it's got a giant thrombo and it's going to fuck the girl, and her eyes are going to bug out, and we're going to sing the song Rover Takes Over on Your Air.

What about the tag team of Moose Knuckle and Cameltoe?

Oh, and you know, he's already done that.

He did that on TNA.

Remember Mickey Knuckles?

The outlaw Indy Mud Show girl wrestler became Moose Knuckles.

Well, here,

they came from two different worlds, from the mountains of the Ozark.

Moose Knuckle is a bosomy lumberjack who wields a wicked axe, while Cameltoe is a highly ranked officer in the Iranian National Army.

Together, this unlikely duo has wrought havoc among the ranks of Bitch Slap.

But there is a problem.

After a night of passion with a crew of young, innocent American sailors, both Moose Knuckle and Cameltoe have suffered a social disease which has disfigured their most intimate of areas.

At press time, Moose Knuckle and Cameltoe are in search of the cure and their quest for finding it,

their quest to finding it, they will take no prisoners.

So they have.

So

they're going to beat up other girl wrestlers until somebody spills the secret of how to cure a swollen pussy?

It appears that is what that tag team of Moose Knuckle and Cameltoe will be doing, yes.

He showed this to people.

He didn't just get drunk and do this and then the next day wake up and burn it before anybody, his family saw it.

He's admitting to this in public.

Is this what

religious people think of their wives or girlfriends or women in their lives?

How would this be?

He wasn't religious.

He had to find the religion after releasing something like this.

Oh, Christ.

He needed to find a goddamn psychiatrist or a hooker, one or the other.

Has he been laid now?

Did they, did the, were his children immaculate receptions?

I'm wondering if he's ever been laid at this point.

What is his, and what is his deal with the goddamn

is

I don't understand

which group would protest this first on basis of what racism or what sexism or what

anti-ism.

Well, we have another

tag team, Jim.

MBP,

missing body parts, Stumpy and Gimpy.

Oh, God.

Park in their space, and you better be ready for both a fine and a fight.

Stumpy and Gimpy, collectively known as MBP,

are two handicap heroines who have learned to use their disabilities to their advantage.

Walking tall and carrying her wooden leg, Gimpy will literally stick one foot in her mouth while inserting her wooden peg up your ass.

Oh, for God.

Stumpy, sometimes.

God damn it, I saw that on a German video one time.

I can't believe he saw the same thing.

Stumpy, sometimes referred to as the one-arm bandit, has one of the most devastating combinations in the business today.

When she hits you with a right, and then a right, and then another right, you will most likely be down for the count.

Can you lose to a one-legged woman in an ass-kicking contest?

You may, if you are in the ring with MBP,

how do you think that works as a good tag team?

I'm sure there's some type of social organization that could boycott him for that.

Well, we're just not sure which one applies.

We have a couple more profiles here.

Nurse Hershey with Dr.

Proctor.

Oh,

he's stealing from Boyd Pierce.

Dr.

Proctor's red rectum rockers.

We'll bend over and say, ah,

the team physician of Bitch Slap, Dr.

Proctor, is known to be a real ass man within the locker room.

Assisted by the lovely Nurse Hershey, Dr.

Proctor feels his way around the superstars.

assuring that each and every one of them has a clean bill of health.

Anally retentive, the popular Dr.

Proctor has become so overbooked that the robust Nurse Hershey has been forced to increase her role.

Now the physician to the male management team of Bitch Slap, Nurse Hershey, lets her fingers do the walking while her rectal thermometer does the talking.

Ouch!

But wait again, because if Dr.

Proctor is a guy,

then what?

He's not even wrestling.

He's just going around sticking his finger up these girls' asses.

Well, it sounds like we may have a Sunshine Jimmy Garbin situation.

Nurse Hershey is starting to interact with other men on the roster, or not on the roster, I guess.

Well,

who gets to stick what up her?

Or what is she sticking up who?

Who is being penetrated and who are the penetrators

in all of these scenarios that

he's putting things up people's asses.

We can't analyze him properly.

I'm talking about the author himself

unless we understand what his fantasies entail.

Is he pitching or catching or neutral or who the fuck is penetrating who here with what?

Well, Jim, there's Grandma Gas.

Oh, good lord.

Constantly blowing her own horn.

I bet she is.

It's a methane madness, or it is methane mad, or methane madness.

Methane.

I'm thinking of Mr.

Methane.

He used to be in Howard Stern.

It is methane madness when Grandma Gas steps into the ring at Bitch Slap.

Smells like rotten eggs.

Fueled by a

flatuent fanny,

this queen of brown wind uses her deadly gas to gag her opponent into submission, leaving revenge on their minds and skid marks on their bodies.

Riding a geratal high.

This walking wind tunnel will catch you off guard with her finishing maneuver, the colon cleansing ass blast.

She depends on it.

Oh,

and then it says here,

who's going to play these parts?

If DirecTV had been on some type of LSD trip that day and say, you know what, that's a good idea.

The rest of the bitch lapsed.

How would he have done this?

The rest of the Bitchlap roster were filled out with various other superstars, such as Terry Springer, Brittany Shears, Phleminem,

Yenta the Jewish American Princess, Lorena Choppett, Jenny Knockersville, and Q Cumba.

Amy is going to kill me for including this.

But I think it's relevant when being on my journey.

I would think divorce proceedings would be more apropos than actual homicide.

But hey, you know, if she wants to put the, you know, put her whole heart and soul into it, I wouldn't argue with either.

This is embarrassingly bad, and that really is it there, Jim.

Bitch said,

he put that in a book.

I learned from Jerry, Jared, Bill Watson, Dusty Rhodes.

He learned from fucking Glow when he was 25.

Is there any more doubt in anybody's mind how that me and him was ever destined to go?

You know, I love that all these years later, we're still discovering some of his bad ideas from 20 to 30 years ago.

Well, you know what?

If he wants to hide everything bad he's done, write a fucking book about it.

And that way, nobody will ever know.

Because that book has been out for some time, and this is the first time that's been brought to our attention.

Well, once again, brought to you by the company Sex, Bitch Slap, coming soon to DirecTV every week.

You know what the problem is?

The problem is, is that ideas like that can be pitched

to people in places of import,

and there's nothing they can do.

They don't know that these people are out of their minds until they walk into the office.

But now, I'll tell you what, if they had a chance to call around,

call around, Brian, and ask, hey,

I got somebody wanting to meet me named Vince Russo.

Is he a fucking lunatic?

Yeah, okay.

They could turn the meeting down.

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Well, but how are they going to get $15 a month?

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$15 a month?

Well, I guess with inflation, it might be $25.

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Well, I know somebody I want to call a therapist to recommend that they

set up shop over at AEW and examine.

I don't know who the writing team is.

Tony, it's Tony says nobody writes my TV but me, but there's a revolving door of people wandering in and out, pitching ideas that some of them may not land in the right basket.

I don't know.

Nobody tall.

Nobody tall.

Interesting.

When you think of all the names he mentions, nobody's tall.

I don't have a comeback for that.

You're thinking of the names.

I know.

You think about it.

You're like, man, everyone is kind of, you know, the same height.

Well, they're down in the dumps, is what they are with

this television program.

We're talking about AEW Dynamite for January 3rd.

They've started a brand new year.

One would have thought that this was a

somewhat landmark television program for him because the big

explanation from their reveal of the long-running who to devil

the devil made me do it who to devil situation

that was revealed at their pay-per-view on december 30th this is the first live television program since that time for aew

where we assume one would think

that we're going to hear why

why why and potentially some insight into how.

I don't, as it turned out, they couldn't go that deep

from Adam Cole and the whole nine yards, right?

So, one would think they would have their

theoretically the old saying, their working boots on it to put on a good program top to bottom, right?

They might get some viewers,

but instead, this is

where is everybody that you would care about?

Is everybody hurt?

Is every single major star that they have either hurt, fired, or gone home in disgrace?

That this is the

team they could field?

Maybe Tony gave every big star off for New Year's plus 20 days.

I don't know if every one of them needs it.

Hold on.

I may have to crack open a bit of my own bubbly, some Sprite.

Sprite zero.

Sprite zero.

Let's get it right.

Well,

I've got one of the screw-top bottles.

They were short of the cans.

But nevertheless, the first minute of this program from January 3rd was the best one minute of AEW television I've seen in months, and it went steadily downhill from there.

Do you even remember what the first minute was by the time they got to the end of it?

Was that the recap with the Samoa Joe interview spliced in?

Boom.

Samoa Joe doing a pre-tape cold open.

And that's a kids, that's a television term when

it was normal television procedure from the start of television to play the opening theme

or whatever it may be and then, you know, go to the program.

But then they started varying it up a little bit and they started starting with a snippet of the program and then going to the opening theme.

And we hear the theme from Gilgin's Island or whatever.

And that became a cold open where we

go cold into the program.

And then Dusty Rhodes used to call it a hot open because he refused to have anything cold on his wrestling show.

So he'd put on the format hot open.

But nevertheless, that was the best thing on this entire show.

Because for one minute or maybe 90 seconds, I don't know.

Samoa Joe spoke with conviction, had great material that was delivered in a fucking

meaningful and believable way.

He got revenge on MJF and took everything from him.

And he said, you may be a scumbag, but I'm a heartless son of a bitch.

And I'll take everything from anyone who tries to take this from me.

He looks like a badass that means what he says.

He's a giant fucking

bulk of a man.

And he sounds serious.

And it was a great heel promo.

On a real wrestling show,

Samoa Joe being the world champion would probably make a difference in the business if he's being presented and presenting himself like that.

But in the middle of this fucking muck,

I don't know whether anything could make any difference.

But, Joe,

if I just had,

if you said,

Take 90 seconds of this program

that you would

put on a show that you were fucking in charge of, I would take that interview and leave the rest of it.

That's just me, though.

Looking at WWE with Roman Reigns and now AEW with Samoa Joe, should TNA look for a Samoan man named Joe?

Well,

goddammit, that's where he began his descent into missing his best years trying to support that fucking company previously when they had 10 times the viewers they've got now.

You know,

that's one of the unfortunate things about the wrestling business.

Joe was good enough to have been

in the Gunther spot

in the WWE years ago, and he probably still is now, but they've gone through so many stops and starts with him, and he's been presented in all these substandard ways in secondary companies.

And, you know, he's not a spring chicken.

Well, I mean, that's a good comparison, actually, because the sad thing is, even though Joe's done a lot of great stuff,

but I think you could still say Joe was best booked by Gabe Sapolsky.

And what year was that?

Yeah, he was a long time.

2005, was that the end of it?

2005?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the thing is he was best booked by a guy that booked the stuff that almost nobody saw of his.

And every time he's

the more higher profile the company,

the more flummox they get about using, and it shouldn't be that hard.

It shouldn't be that hard.

And Dutch Mantel had it for that brief shining moment with him and Angle, and then Shitstain got back involved, and that all went to hell.

But can I ask you a question?

Yes.

Do you see Joe as a long-term solution?

Someone who, let's say, Tony Khan did book him the way Gabe Sapolsky did book him in Ring of Honor.

Do you see that as a long-term thing, or should he be a short-term thing?

to a swerve strickland or whoever the next champion is deemed to be?

Well,

oh, that's an essay question.

No, I don't.

Based on also what AEW needs versus what AEW wants to do, what AEW truly needs.

I don't think it should be a couple of years, and that's no disrespect to Joe, but just because

nothing lasts in that company to begin with.

But also, I don't think we're talking about a couple of years, but I don't think he ought to just drop it to somebody.

There ought to be some kind of goddamn coherent plan to all of this, and usually there is, but in AEW, there's apparently never or not.

But the problem is

contenders and positioning, Joe shouldn't be dropping it to swerve unless they're going to switch, swerve, babyface.

But if they switch, swerve, babyface,

then will people still like him?

Because right now he terrorizes children and engages in the breaking bones of the beloved babyfaces and they cheer him.

He's never been more popular.

He'd never been more popular.

So, if he stops doing all that shit and becomes a babyface, then will they still like him?

Because they've just taken over, the fans have taken over Tony's show because they can't make any sense out of the shit that he gives them.

So,

with Joe being as talented a heel as he is, one would think

that one of two things: either

MJF, who apparently now is their top babyface at a time when MJF has never been less popular because he's their top baby face.

How long is he going to be out?

We don't know.

Is he going to come back and that would be a hopefully a big match to get revenge or if it's going to be too long for that more than six months or whatever the fuck?

Then do you build a new baby face?

But who is that?

Because how can you build a baby face when the people cheer?

all the heels for pissing in their fucking faces.

And nobody cares that a babyface succeeds at anything in that company.

So I don't know how to answer any of those questions.

And I'll have a fucking brain tumor grow on the spot trying to figure it out, which is why I'm trying not to take this shit too seriously.

And Joe could, but if they had contenders, Joe could work as a solution that isn't short term because you'd be intrigued by all these matches and who's going to be the person to defeat Joe.

Yes.

And that would be a normal thing you would do when you've got a big, physically imposing, dominating champion like that is figure out who's going to be able to slay this dragon.

And you could run because who else,

nobody's going to talk better than Joe.

And he can have good to great matches as long as it's not just so, I mean, I'm not going to say.

have four stars with pockets or some of these other guys, but with the top guys, he could have believable fucking matches instead of this gymnastics horseshit.

So, but who knows what they're going to do?

Because now

he worked with the top heel, but now the top heel is now Adam Cole, who's effectively a manager because he's injured and his

henchmen are all job guys until they just reveal themselves to not be job guys, which we'll get into in a second.

And they're not even speaking nicely to each other.

And so I don't know what the fuck.

I don't know what the fuck, how they're going to pull out of this tail spin.

Should we get to the tailspin of the first segment?

Let's get to it.

Adam Cole music plays after they do the recap package where Joe won and Cole was revealed as the devil and Tavin and Bennett and Ward Lowe's the henchman.

And then Adam Cole's music stops.

And then new,

darker-tuned, toned music started.

Well, not two-tone, but just toned.

Well,

whichever tone.

Don't make me change my tone.

I like two-tone.

I don't want to associate two-tone with this.

Well, it's only Tommy.

His sister, Tootie, was not the same.

She didn't inherit the talent in the family.

Tootie, two-tone.

That's why they had that lawsuit.

Anyway, so then the henchmen come out,

and all of the henchmen, Tavin and Bennett and Wardlow, they're dressed in black jumpsuits and black shoes and black hats, and they have black hair.

And now all their individuality is gone.

They're interchangeable stooges.

Wardlow always wore black anyway, but he had colors on and tights, and you could see his body.

And And with Tavin and Bennett,

they had robes and colorful jackets and shit when they were themselves.

And Roddy, Roddy, forgot about Roderick Strong.

Did I mention him?

Again, they're just covered up in black.

So they're just fucking

bleh.

And then Cole comes out dressed the same way, and he's on crutches with a black cast.

And out of all of them, Wardlow especially looks like an idiot.

He doesn't even look like his Kmart thug outfit fits right.

It was also the hair.

Well, yeah, whatever they've done with.

And they changed the music.

And so now Cole doesn't do the boom.

The boom is gone.

Well, he's a heel.

He's the one heel not doing the popular play along.

Well, yes, but now, but here, the problem is he's not doing the boom.

He just holds holds up the mask but now we realize

how glaring it was

they were reacting because that was the place they reacted to or they were supposed to and when he got in and circled around and Adam Cole baby

nobody's reacting to anything they ain't booming they're busting

it's just they

This was supposed to be the big fucking,

you know, heel group that has been responsible for for all this.

And people are just like, ah,

did you, did you feel that or hear that?

I think,

and the ratings will tell a story later, considering this was the big show after the pay-per-view with a lot of questions that you would hope would be answered.

I feel like there was a big letdown that's felt amongst the AEW fans by this whole thing that played out for a long time, had a lot of comedy segments that you really had to drink the Kool-Aid to go along with.

And this is how it played out.

Again, Tavin and Bennett,

talent aside, look how they've been used.

Now you're supposed to rethink how you think about them.

Same thing with Roddy, although he's still yelling the first name.

That's not going to be a good thing.

That's what I was going to say.

They're still doing comedy even after this now.

And he says, hey, listen to my best friend, Adam.

You know what?

They're still doing it.

This is one of those things that also has to be said.

When he was losing his mind and he was just a complete dirty pervert, one of the things Vince McMahon got right was how to use Adam Cole in the main roster.

And it was as a shit-talking chicken shit heel manager.

This doesn't even fit that because now he's just bad.

His size makes it so he should be a chicken shit.

But instead,

the fans aren't buying this.

Well, but also they they put him in a position where he's out there trying to talk about running the place when he's crippled in a fucking cast and the guys standing behind him have been flunkies on their television for months and not beaten anybody.

Or with Wardlow, just been aimless for years.

And here's the other thing.

If you're an AEW fan and you read the internet,

you know that MJF is not going to be there for a while.

He's injured.

Whatever his contract thing is, a lot of people think he renewed already.

But if it's just the injuries alone, he should be out for a long time.

If I'm Tony Khan, I'm telling him, get everything worked on now.

But if you know he's not going to be there, who are they feuding with?

They said Wardlow's going to go for the championship and then give the belt to Adam Cole.

We just saw that.

We just saw that with Christian Cage and Luchasaurus.

Hold on now.

Wait a minute.

Now you're jumping ahead on things.

Well,

we're going to dissect that because I've got a list here of what they're going to do.

And,

well, no, I had to make a list.

Here's the thing.

Adam Cole

is a good promo.

He's got conviction and speaks well, and he has inflection in his voice, but he's got to have some material.

That makes fucking sense, right?

And his story is why this whole thing happened.

MJF, a narcissist, and most of the locker room is going to thank Adam one of these days for getting rid of him because MJF would have done the same thing,

but Adam Cole beat him to it.

And moments later, he says, I sacrificed everything for that friendship.

Wait a minute.

I thought it was a plot all along that MJF would have done the same thing, but Adam beat him to it.

But then he said, I sacrificed everything for that friendship.

They can't get their story together, right?

That's right.

And if it was supposed to be real at any time, why was it played for comedy?

And he did a wonderful promo.

It sounded good if you didn't speak English because it explained nothing, overlooked all the logic holes, and didn't make any sense as to why.

This whole elaborate thing and why everybody in it acted the way they did.

And then the undisputed kingdom.

Now, here's what's going to happen.

Tavin and Bennett are already the Ring of Honor tag team champions because they

beat,

they won the swerve thing they did on TV last week or whatever, right?

Even though we didn't know who they were, just two hooded, nameless guys won the tag team.

Now we know it was Bennett, Tavin and Bennett.

It's the Ring of Honor tag team title.

It means fucking nothing.

They have an AEW tag team title

and that

means nothing.

But so they're the Ring of Honor tag champions.

Roddy is going to go after the international title.

Okay, Roddy is not only supposed to be part of the top heel group here that has beaten nobody

and Pockets beats everybody,

but they're going to have one of the henchmen of the devil over there Stoogen for the fucking mascot

and then

that's where Wardlow

is going to go after the AEW world title and when

Adam Cole then recovers that's when Wardlow will give Adam Cole the world title

but did have we established you can do that because did

Did the lizard even really give Christian the belt or did they do some kind of Christian was talking like like he was the champion when it was really Nino Douche, but then

they did some kind of swervy thing where Christian actually won it.

But they were still at the pay-per-view playing up the whole idea.

Luchasaurus, it's not a title, but he won the championship match.

You have to give it over to me right now.

Well, and then he signed the contract to him.

Yeah, I mean, this keeps happening.

So now it's going to happen here with Wardlow

because Wardlow's a jerk off if he gives it over to Adam Cole.

Is Wardlow going to turn on Adam Cole?

Well, but you could see Wardlow giving kind of a, yeah, sure, I will.

Well, sure, you'll win the fucking belt to begin with, fella.

And the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.

But anyway, and then

the big zinger lined to Samoa Joe, the new champion.

He congratulated Joe, but he said, I hope when Wardlow works his way up

and is ready for a title match, you're not the champion because it would suck to hurt a friend.

Where's your crickets?

Yeah, that was a Road Warrior pop compared to the reaction from the crowd when Adam delivered that zinger of a line to Samoa Joe.

And then he says, AEW needed change and we gave it to you.

And nobody reacted.

If they did need change, apparently this was not the change they wanted.

And then Adam said, We're here to stay.

And I thought maybe at that point, he might get some snipers, right, from the audience.

But instead, we didn't get snipers.

We got

switch hitter Jay White to come out or light switch Jay White or Slingshot.

Bus stop.

Bus stop.

Oh, whoever he is.

Here came Jay White out.

So now

the

devil and his group have been revealed, but they put the only babyface in this equation out of action, MJF.

And now they've made pointed comments at Samoa Joe, the heel champion.

But here comes another heel.

And Jay White comes out wearing a black tank top and white sweatpants and tennis shoes.

I started noticing more than ever, this is the blandest, most boring looking crew of wrestlers I've ever seen.

It like they just show up in whatever they're gonna wear after they go to the gym and then they walk out on television looking like that

and

apparently old light switch here was not happy because he was collateral

in the whole angle with the not collateral damage he was collateral how much money could you borrow on Jay White right now, you think, Brian, you're the financial guru.

Are we talking pounds?

Are we talking U.S.

dollars?

What are we talking here?

I don't even think we're talking SH green stamps.

Oh.

But he was collateral because he was jumped by the Stooges.

Remember, the devil Stooges beat him up one time to throw everybody off the scent.

But he says, but now I'm not alone.

And out come the gunboys.

They're the part of the gang bang gang.

Clang, bang, clang.

Bang, shang, lang.

She went bang, shang-a-lang, bang, bang.

The Archies.

His rest of his heel group, besides Juice, the one we like,

here they come.

I wrote, who are the fucking babyface?

Who are we supposed to cheer for?

And they hit the ring and they fight Roddy and Tabin and Bennett.

Wardlow jumps out on the floor with Adam Cole to get him situated and then gets back in and helps them take over on Jay White and the gunboys.

And it's a bunch of heels heels beating up a bunch of heels, right?

And then here comes the acclaimed music.

And out comes the acclaimed and Billy Gunn,

who run down and the top heel group, who, by the way,

also have these three outnumbered,

bail like scared rabbits.

And Adam Cole hides behind the doctor at Ringside.

And then the acclaimed and Billy Gunn see Jay White and the gun boys, and you think there's going to be

some reconciliation here.

And then

Jay White and the gun boys just walk off and leave.

So

there was, but what?

How is the worst fucking show?

This is the worst fucking show.

This whole thing, everything's overbooked, and this whole thing sucked, and it was overbooked.

It was so bad.

Set the show off on a really bad tone.

Four, five, six, seven,

eight.

What are you counting?

How many people were involved in this?

How many people were involved in this?

It was 15 minutes and seemed like forever.

Should they have had Britt Baker be the devil and someone could have pushed Adam around in a wheelchair?

Well, apparently, Adam Cole was going to be the devil originally, all along.

But Tony just didn't have the sense to win.

He crippled himself to say, you know, we're going to probably need to do something else.

And

even then, he had a couple months after

after Adam hurt himself to

put some credibility in Tavin and Bennett and Roddy and some legitimacy in poor old Wardlow, and he couldn't figure out how to do it.

This is not looking good for the next

run of TVs, this top heel faction here.

The next year or so, you mean?

You know, it's, and in a lot of ways, it's like

because of it's, it's Adam, it's Roddy, and then other nondescript white guys in the background.

It takes you back to NXT a few years ago when they got chased off Wednesday nights.

That wasn't the winning team.

Since that time, Adam Cole's been used horribly.

He had that feud with Orange Cassidy.

Injury after injury, ones that could happen to anyone like concussions, ones that he had a match with a ramp where he jumped to the floor, broke his ankle.

He's the original Koda Ibushi.

And then this, there's nothing in that time.

The MJF stuff,

Adam Cole was good in it, but it got over because of MJF.

And now MJF's not going to be there for a while.

This isn't looking good.

Who are they going to feud with?

The Bucs?

Who are they going to feud?

Like, really?

Who are they going to work with?

Who are they going to feud?

The BCC?

Tell me who you'd want to see them do anything with.

Well, and besides,

the devil was responsible for the takedown of of the individual single world's heavyweight champion.

And they've got no credible single wrestler besides Wardlow who is,

and honestly, as we saw the time they tried it before, a year and a half or so, unless he's been in heavy training, can he have a long competitive singles match without exposing himself and not knowing what to do?

Hey, what was the reasoning again?

He got the belt off MJF.

Samoa Joe's the champion.

He's not in their little

faction.

He just hated mjf

and he wanted to cost him the belt but he didn't want the belt is it nice doing business with you

joe did too i've what question are you asking now because i've lost track what's adam cole's motivation what was the motivation for no because mjf was a narcissist and made it all about himself so

adam arranged i guess for somebody else to beat him

and did all this to

even though he gave everything for that friendship i don't understand.

Nobody understands.

Here's what I'm going to say that everyone will disagree with.

MJF should not come back and have, when Adam Cole is healthy, a 25-minute classic.

He should just come and squash him in three minutes.

I would prefer that by the time that MJF comes back, that everybody has forgotten any of this happened.

You think they're going to be able to keep the devil and all of his henchmen's blue dresses on for the next six months or whatever?

How long's

if you were going to run with this devil thing for this long, would you have run with this mask?

It's an interesting look, Dave, because now it's on their, like, uh, the backs of their shirts.

They're trying to get this thing out.

They're gonna probably try to sell merch.

Okay, but then somebody should still be wearing it.

What the fuck?

Here's this cool mask that I wore when I masqueraded as some fucking fictitious person to undermine the champion.

But now nobody in my group wears it.

I just hold it up every so often.

Well, it was MJF's mask.

Maybe they'll do something when he's ready to come back where he can go to like his mask maker.

Oh, that's right.

It was MJF's originally.

All right, never mind.

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moving along quickly eddie kingston package on winning the tournament hey danny garcia package on having a big match tonight hey

pockets music

Coming out with Hook and Danhausen.

Three more wrestlers in street clothes.

And for the dollar store general fucking title that Pockets has, he wrestled Dante Martin.

Now

we had heels fighting heels.

Now we got babyfaces fighting babyfaces

because they can do some cool spots with each other.

So that's all we need to know.

And after they wasted 16 minutes of everybody's life,

Pockets won and they shook hands.

And then Private Party came out.

Because Mark Quinn, I guess, has been hurt.

Now he's back.

He's the one that can jump the highest.

And he said they're back.

And the tag team division has been missing them.

So they're putting all the teams on notice.

And

they mentioned a bunch of teams that I don't think any of them should have been mentioned in terms of

top tag teams.

And I don't think that, besides FTR, I don't know that they have any top tag teams here anymore.

And it was kind of an awkward green promo while the other guys just stood there and listened to it.

And not,

and at some points, Private Party was talking to the camera and ignoring the people who are standing in the ring with him.

And that elongated that whole fucking fiasco of a presentation to about 20 minutes on national television for all of that tomfoolery.

Your thoughts.

It was a nice throwback to the early train wreck days of AEW Dynamite.

Everyone wondered, where's Mark Quinn?

Well, they're back, and now the Hardys are seemingly not having anything to do with this.

What happened with that?

Wasn't Isaiah Cassidy Brother Zay

with the Hardys?

Well, he was only Brother Zay until Brother Y came back.

Well, now we got them, I guess, against top flight.

And

I'll just say this.

I watched the show up to this match, and then I took a break because I'm not watching watching Orange Cassidy matches.

And it is my opinion that is going to be a growing thing.

I've been saying that for a while, and people should stop acting surprised when you see the numbers of each segment and the ratings each week because it's a bad show.

Tony is putting out a bad show.

Some people like it.

Some people would have liked Vince Russo's bitch slap.

But it's a bad show.

Dana White did an offshoot with just fat, fear-bellied old guys.

That would have been an amazing lawsuit.

That's my idea, bro.

I like

the next segment.

Renee Moxley Good had timeless Tony Storm, and she thought that she was going to be in New York City, but it was actually New Jersey.

You can identify there, Brian.

So she said she was going to go to Manhattan to Sardis to have a seance for Stephen Sondheim

and not watching Maria May's match instead.

Like the rest of us, I wrote, are not going to be watching this.

But Tony was in Manhattan.

Tony takes Manhattan.

I wish they'd do Tony takes Manhattan as sort of a sequel to Debbie Does Dallas.

Well,

that's an unnecessary, perverted comment, Mr.

McMahon.

But

I think she's so good in her role.

I just hate it on the wrestling show.

I wish like Turner Classic Movies would hire her.

She could be like their gimmick, their Svengoolie.

Yes.

She's talented at it.

And it's entertaining if you know anything about classic Hollywood.

I just hate it here.

If she was like fucking Sunset Boulevard, Gloria Swanson fucking reminiscing about the old days and pitching to these kitschy classics on Turner Underground, that would be fucking fantastic.

Did you like Malachi Black and Our

friend Buddy doing a spooky promo about FTR Saturday on collision, because apparently I forgot they did an angle a couple months ago where they just kicked the shit out of FTR and left them laying flat on their face.

And now I guess they're finally going to have a match about it.

Well, they had the match.

I'm guessing you didn't see the match.

You're guessing correctly.

What happened?

Did FTR win?

Well, it was at Hometown Show.

It was in Charlotte.

Oh, then they had to do the job.

And FTR won.

And I have to say,

it was a good match.

FTR won.

It got really hot towards the end.

And then they did what they always do.

There was a massive beat down on FTR, and they were left laying there.

Dax on his side,

looking stunned.

Cash laying down, looking stunned.

I mean,

this is the problem.

We keep seeing FTR getting beat down.

It doesn't make you want to see them anymore.

But it was a good match.

All righty then.

Well, back to Dynamite.

Renee Moxley Good was talking to Prince Nana and swerve about tonight's main event on television they revealed that tonight's tv main event

swerve strickland versus daniel garcia

and i predicted at that point that they were going to be highly displeased with the ratings result of that i can't believe you could have kind of tried to slide that by and maybe people wouldn't notice but to tell people all through the show that's our main event that was like inviting people to fucking find something else to do, wasn't it?

Yeah.

And again, you know, I don't want to talk about the ratings now because we'll talk about them later.

I don't know if you really know the actual trajectory.

I don't,

I'm pretty sure I got the gist of it, but I don't know the numbers.

But there are people still making excuses like, no, these are good numbers.

Or no, they were still number two on TV for the night.

When you look at the trend and you look at what's happening and you take out the Big Bang theory and all these things,

nothing's getting more popular you could look at the trajectory and then you can look at the numbers for the week that all of a sudden it's like oh shit the bad trajectory is even worse this week

it's just they're doing bad TVs and they think everything's great everything's great Tony keeps saying this is the best run of TVs I've ever done

wow that was a loud one how does it sound from over here

is it too far away can you hear that oh no that was good but how does this sound Because, see, before I was right up on you.

Yeah, no, that's a little bit better.

It's still a little tony.

Well,

so is Tony.

So to speak.

All right, well, speaking of bad television and running viewers off, the next thing they did was Maria May having her match on Dynamite that Tony Storm wouldn't watch against Queen Amarita.

So some big star power here on both sides of this fence.

And

I watched the first two minutes.

And folks, imagine two newborn fawns trying to navigate their way across a frozen lake on roller skates.

You might

get some semblance of what was going on here.

But finally,

obviously, Maria May wins the thing.

And then Renee Moxley Good, who's everywhere, is in the ring with her.

And

she does the fake excitement about winning her AEW debut, and she hopes Tony was watching and proud of her

and

nobody cared about what she was saying and then she knocked New Jersey and she got a little eye

and then as soon as that happened music played and here comes Deanna Perrazzo

and she's been an independent female wrestler forever trained quite a bit with Rip Rogers.

She's pretty good as far as technically knows what she's doing.

But

even though she's from New Jersey, I'm not sure that she's a household name yet because she hasn't been on this television.

And people just expect, or I don't say people, apparently Tony or whatever, they just expected, oh, my God, she's hometown.

So it's going to be like,

you know, Trish coming back to Toronto or whatever.

People did know, but it wasn't goddamn Stone Cold busting the glass.

And she cuts a promo

and knocks Tony and tells Maria to tell Tony that she's going to find her

because she's all elite and we're in the age of the virtuoso.

And again, is it virtuoso or virtuosa?

I thought it was virtuoso.

Well, what is a virtuosa?

I don't know.

I thought you had a different spelling, but I wasn't really paying too close of attention.

Well, is that like

the male and female?

You say tomato and I say tomato, and one of them has a dick and one doesn't?

I don't know.

I don't know either.

Gender-specific virtuoso, virtuosa?

I don't know.

Come see, come sa.

I was hoping you had some insights.

Come insight on this.

I don't have any insight.

I have not one bit of fucking insight.

I'm moving along now, but the point is, the crowd chanted something,

and Maria paused and then said, well, I'm not a messenger.

Tell her yourself, bitch.

And now we're to shit stain.

Back to bitch slap.

And she slapped Deanna and Deanna slapped her and kicked her.

And Mariah rolled out and they played some music.

And I wrote, good God.

I mean, where did Maria Mae come from?

Again, has she ever done

before?

Mariah Mae, I believe she was wrestling for stardom before this.

And from people who watch stardom, they all say that she's a very talented in-ring.

Stardom is one of the Japanese outlaw girl operations, right?

Well, I think they may be in-law by this point.

I think they're the biggest of the Japanese women

wrestling organizations.

Nicest women in prison.

That's right.

And some of them have broken out here in the States.

Of course, most of them are from Japan.

I believe she's British.

So she's coming to AEW via...

How did a British woman get into a Japanese girls' wrestling promotion to be hired by an American

wrestling nerd who's a mark for Japanese women's wrestling?

Well, she was following Timeless Tony Storm, I believe, in storyline, at least.

But, well, anyway.

I'd never seen Queen Amarada or whatever her name was before.

I thought it was Queen Amaraita?

Amaraita?

I'm not sure, but attractive woman, but you're right, because she was so tall and she had long legs, it looked like a baby.

When you said that, I saw it.

She looked like a baby deer.

The women's division, I mean.

I don't know what you're going to do.

I mean, now they're trying to bring in some talent.

I've not seen too much of Deanna Perazzo, but obviously I know who trained her and I've heard good things, but I've not seen enough.

So I can't say anything.

It would have been nice if instead of just signing her and throwing her out there with

a green girl.

And Deanna hadn't done a bunch television as far as I know, but this other girl is completely green and awkward.

You can tell.

Instead of throwing them out there and having them cut promos,

do a little package on Deanna.

Tell us who she is.

Give her a fucking six-minute, seven-minute TV match to beat somebody convincingly and maybe make a couple of comments over a period of a week or two or three instead of sending them right out there to fucking twist in the wind on a live interview with not even with an announcer in the ring to fucking steer the ship.

Well, especially if you're not going to get just a monster pop.

If it is someone who, yeah, they're going to get a pop because the people who know know they're a hometown person.

But if there was a video leading up to something, then it would also justify why she's in her wrestling gear and why her Titan Tron is ready and all these other things are just prepared for her to come out here for this.

Oh, no, wait a minute, it's not the Titan Tron, it's the Tony Tron.

The Tony Tron.

Hey, while we're talking about all this, because I don't know if you saw it.

It might even be a Tony Trinitron.

I may have seen it first at the pay-per-view and the pre-show.

I'm not sure.

But I said, oh, I got to talk to Jim about this.

They aired it, I think, on here, too.

Did you see the Serena Deep video?

I did not.

I was fast-forwarding through some parts of this show that look like commercials.

I may have missed it.

Just when I'm ready to completely dismiss this women's division once again, this Serena Deep video of her in training to come back

was serious.

It was well done, not too over the top.

I'll see if I can find a link to send it.

Well, she's a great tech.

She spent a lot of time in OVW, trained with Rip Rogers and the whole OVW gang.

She's a great technical wrestler in ring.

She takes business somewhat seriously.

I thought that's why they ran her off the last time.

Maybe she's been hurt too.

I don't know what the fuck's going on with these people.

Maybe Brett Baker is the devil.

And that's why she keeps wearing that blue dress.

All right, we're at the nine o'clock hour.

You know what happened at the nine o'clock hour on AEW Dynamite this past week, Brian?

I think I do.

Well, tell me then.

It was Christian Cage and his weekly comedy segment?

No, it wasn't.

That was 9.01.

At 9 o'clock, they were still in break because they'd gone on, droned on on so long

previously with the goddamn

women's interview segment.

They were still in break at the top of the nine o'clock hour, showing a commercial.

Then at 9.01, up pops Christian with Dino and Nick Plain and Nick Plain's mom.

And then Tony Schiavone's in the ring for this.

And

maybe Christian might could have steered the ship a little bit better than the previous, they left the girls alone.

But nevertheless, Tony asks Christian a question, and Nick Wayne's mom starts talking.

And she's doing the, not only is she dressing like a gimmick now,

instead of being the

hearty, wholesome soccer mom we saw when we first were exposed to Nick Wayne,

but she's talking in a slow cadence that reminds you of someone reading a second language in a babble lesson.

Kind of sable-ish, right?

And

all four of these people are wearing black.

Ever said Christian is black from head to toe?

Nick Plain's mom is black head to toe.

Nick Plain and the fucking lizard.

Can't they at least let the lizard be green so we can tell him apart?

He's green in spirit.

Why can't he be green in color?

And

again, Christian always does great promos, but this cast of characters and the whole issue and the premise.

And he does the deal where he thanks everybody but Dino,

including himself.

And

they're going back to the same thing they've been doing since the start.

The only way the lizard ever gets over is when he's the heel stooge that's being mistreated and brow beaten.

And the fans will chant Luchasaurus and get behind him when he finally will do something about it.

And then you don't see him for another six months to a fucking year.

And he's in the same position he was last time you saw him when you see him again.

And this whole segment was like raw, they're talking us to fucking death.

And it's not important

material.

Anyway,

would you like to move on?

Yeah, I hate this Christian stuff.

Yeah.

Christian Cage stuff, just to be specific.

I was about to say.

I hate this Christian Cage stuff.

They're going to clip that and you're going to live with it until the end of time.

I hate that Christian stuff.

Just remember, folks, you heard it here in the unexpurgated version.

Renee Moxley Good

was back with Ruby So-So and Soraya and the QTV girl because now the QTV girl since QTV is gone she's replaced Tony Storm in the group as the

the nutty blonde and the and that's what they're saying basically well the last one was nuts but you know whatever the case

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All righty, would you like to talk about the evening's missed opportunity?

Yeah, what's that?

Tega Shit and Darby Allen.

They

They had an opportunity here, but because they have no producers that are allowed to produce and no booker that has a mind of how to present their talent, they both ended up looking like goofs, but this had so much potential.

And

why didn't they give our friend Take a good name before they introduced him?

He'd never been on television before.

Nobody'd ever heard of him.

He could have been Tojo Yamamoto or Tatsumi Fujinami or Toru Tanaka.

He could have been any.

He could have been the great Muda Jr.

He could have been any name in the world because nobody knew who he was.

And they expect a Japanese guy whose name is written, take a shit,

to get over as a top serious heel in the fucking United States of America.

Could they not have given him

some kind of cool name that people would actually pronounce and even try to pronounce

i think we're in the era where the people running the show are the people who love japanese wrestling and they think that it would probably be disrespectful there have been some disasters like when hokada came over to what tna and vince russo made him was it okay

i think it was yes he acted like bruce lee and well but you but you can be respectful without being a fucking business idiot and nobody

is is going to be able to ever pronounce Kanosuki or is ever going to see take a shit without reading it as take a shit.

So they could have just given this guy a cool name.

The ninja warrior.

I don't give a fuck what.

What's the goddamn head of the fucking Japanese Yakuza?

Give me that name.

I can't do that if he wants to go ever go back home and live.

Well,

who gives a shit, right?

They're going to see it over there.

Not who gives a shit.

Take a shit.

Well, not take a shit.

All right, Costello.

Anyway, so

they started out with good action.

Darby Allen is quick and he does his shit well.

And you can buy the rolling parkour from him because he looks like some skinny parkour fucking nerd, right?

Which he is.

And so it works.

And take a shit.

is a great athlete.

And for his size, he moves well and he's quick.

And they do simple things well.

Old Take gave Darby a big backdrop,

and

he can wrestle.

They both can do the wrestling stuff.

And then Darby tries to do that cannonball dive out of the rig, and Take hits him with a knee lift in midair.

It was a great spot,

and boom, right there.

You could have thrown him in, cover one, two, kick out.

You've got the heat going on, Darby, right?

But instead,

instead of continuing having a match, now they go to the stuntman portion of the program.

And Take carries Darby up the ramp and wastelocks him and gives him two O'Connor roll-ups on the ramp into a German suplex with a release on the ramp.

And Darby takes the bump.

Nobody is counted out during all this.

Darby is not carried off.

Now Take rolls him back in the ring and he doesn't go for a cover.

Well, they go to the break.

And in picture and picture, he goes for a cover and gets a two count.

So

they started having a good match, and it was good for almost three minutes.

And then nobody can stop them from sabotaging themselves.

And three minutes later, when they come back from the break, Darby immediately gives Take a super stone-cold stunner off the top rope and does a cannonball dive

three minutes after he was the victim of a hospitalization angle with a released German suplex on a fucking hard ramp.

And then

Take tried to give Darby a knee on the floor, but Darby moved.

And Take flipped over the barrier, and Darby hit him with a coffin drop off the top rope while he was on the floor.

So now

they just do big moves back and forth to each other.

Take gives Darby several Germans, but then Darby is up seconds later going 100 miles an hour with roll-ups and ducks, and then Take clotheslines him out of his shoes.

So they started with a good match.

They did the stuntman stuff, and now they've gone full indie.

It just back and forth relentlessly.

Take gave Darby a full German suplex off the top rope, but didn't even cover him.

Darby bounced over and rolled up on his knees, and he's on his knees in front of Take, motioning motioning for Take to give him something else.

I want some more.

Bring it.

So Take gives him a run of knee

and knocks the shit out of him and covers him one, two, three.

What the fuck?

Who does these fucking fetishes?

My God.

The baby face, it not only is beaten flat with no out whatsoever.

But not only, but he's made to look worse because he's the idiot that asked for it.

Not only is he German suplexed off the top rope and still has enough presence of mind to get up on his knees and look at the guy, but then he says, is that all you got?

Give me some more.

So the guy gives him some more.

Bam!

Bitch slaps him, knocks him right out, colder than a banker's heart.

Beats him one, two, three.

So the heel didn't cheat.

They beat the babyface flat after Darby

not only withstood everything, but did everything he could do

and the babyface is an idiot for kneeling there asking for it and the heel gets no heat because he just beat a fucking guy up

who the fuck does these goddamn

take a shit shouldn't know better

English is a second language he's just been here a short time they're not telling him Okay,

for your own career and your benefit, you could potentially be a WWE star one day.

You have the size and the presence.

They're not telling him you need to learn to work a different way for the United States to get over.

They're having him do his shit that he doesn't know there's anything wrong with.

And Don Callis or any veteran should be helping him.

But this is just bad indie wrestling booking.

Lost opportunity.

What the fuck?

I digress.

Your thoughts.

That Darby's so tough.

That's all I could say.

I don't know.

He could take a beating and he just keeps taking that beating.

And he kicks out of everything.

I like him more than I do most of the roster.

I like Taquestra.

But this shows

a lot of potential that it could easily be...

channeled in the right direction.

How many singles matches has he had on TV since he turned heel?

We just remarked that

we saw him, the week after, and then we never see him.

And then as soon as we remarked we never see him, they gave him this one.

All right.

And he takes him everything he can do to beat a 140-pound guy, but he beats him flat because

he's a heel.

So naturally, he beats the babyfaces without cheating.

The heel should beat the 140-pound babyface by cheating after not doing everything else he fucking knows that doesn't work.

But nevertheless, speaking of bad indie wrestling, the next match was a tournament to establish the number one contender for Eddie Kingston's new Continental Breakfast Championship

with Trent

versus Brian Cage

versus Brian Keith, who looks significantly different than when he starred on 60 sitcom The Family Affair

versus Viking O,

a four-way job guy match for a number one contender for a title that they just goddamn made up with that shitty ass tournament.

So that took 15 minutes.

Your thoughts?

You know, I like Viking O more than you do.

Oh, come on.

Listen to what I'm going to say.

Will you give me a chance?

Give me a chance.

I have something very important to say.

All right.

Viking O, I enjoy.

Brian Cage,

there's something in an unhealthy, roided-up way that I kind of enjoy watching about him until he starts doing all the stuff that he probably would have done before he was on, whatever he's on, allegedly.

Whatever the hell's going on there, he's gigantic.

What the fuck?

He's only like five foot 10 or something, and he's gigantic.

And then I don't know Brian Key, I don't know who that guy was.

And then Trent sucks.

No, I didn't watch this.

I didn't think anyone was going to watch this.

Why would anyone watch this?

That's a question that I'm searching for an answer for.

I get if you don't have the stars this week, because no MJF, no Jericho.

There's got to be more stars.

Where's Chris Jericho?

That was a question that was not asked on this show, but no Chris Jericho here.

Was Moxley on this show?

Well, I don't don't know because we're about to get to the part of the show where the DVR freezes on me.

But I haven't seen him up till now.

You would think that the vice presidents, I'm not talking about the one that's in a hospital because he got problems with his guts.

I'm talking about the ones that are just taking time off because they got so unpopular and they came up with a cover story that they're going to come back with this brilliant new faction.

You'd think that they would care enough about the company that's paying them all this exorbitant amount of money to come back and contribute when the chips are down and people are hurt because they're just home malingering.

Anyway,

so then Renee Moxley Good was in the back.

Did you see the part where Hangnail Page came in and said he was mad and pissed off and he had come there to beat somebody's ass?

Actually, I did not see that.

I must have missed that.

Well, here's what I was going to ask you because my DVR is fixing to freeze here in a minute with what we talk about next.

But

he came up to her and he was yelling, and he, I'm mad, I'm here, I'm pissed off, and I'm here to beat somebody's ass.

And then he rushed off like he was going to go beat somebody's ass.

Did you ever see him again?

Did he beat anybody's ass?

Yes, he came out at the end, the very end.

Okay, well, thank goodness.

Whether he beat somebody's ass is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.

In the eye of the assholder.

Well, the main event.

I was one of the characters of Bitch Lab, the assholder.

The assholder.

Yeah, and when I die, I want you to bury me face down so that people can kiss my ass.

But then I might end up also as a municipal bicycle parking rack.

So then the main event was Swerve.

Strickland against Daniel Garcia, and I wrote seriously.

And

obviously, I wasn't going to pay any attention to this.

However, on Twitter, I had to go back and watch

the highlight of that because the people on Twitter made

a point of mentioning that

the highlight of this was Daniel Garcia.

He's got Swerve on the announce desk.

And he's trying to put Swerve in the sharpshooter on top of the announce desk.

And he was in the wrong place.

And when he tried to turn him over, you could see Swerve going, oh, shit, I got nothing under me.

And they both just fell completely off the fucking desk in a heap.

And the fans started chanting, you fucked up.

And right after that,

that's where the DVR froze because they were also out of time.

It was 10 o'clock.

It's time for them to be gone.

So I don't care who won.

And Paige, I guess, came out there and at least made an attempt to beat somebody's ass since he'd made it clear he was going to.

Yep, that's pretty much what happened.

Swerve Strickland

beat Garcia.

and then Adam Page, of course, has a problem with Swerve because,

well, he should probably still have a problem with Swerve.

Well, yeah, because if Paige drank Swerve's blood, but Swerve terrorized Paige's baby, so

isn't Swerve still indebted to Paige?

Paige has some getting even to do.

If you drink someone's blood, but then they kick your ass.

Well, no, he won that match, didn't he?

Yeah, Swerve won the match.

You know, no, the babyface is a feckless, impotent, you know, dweeb that never wins.

But,

you know,

I think that, you know, yeah.

Well, another banner, Dynamite.

Another wonderful, great episode of Dynamite.

Well, I know you've been waiting for this segment.

So before we move on across the street to the other promotion in town.

What were the ratings on this indie wrestling fiasco that they presented on national cable on the previous, the last Wednesday evening?

Well, Jim, I have them right here.

The AEW Dynamite ratings on TBS Wednesday, January 3rd, 2024,

on average was watched by 801,000 viewers.

Oh,

so usually it's 840 something or 820 something or maybe even 860 something, but now it's just 8.

So where did we start and where do we wind up?

Well, we started with quarter one.

These were compiled by WrestleNomics.

A recap of Samoa Joe winning the championship and a promo interspliced in.

The Adam Cole and the Undisputed Kingdom live promo and their angle with Bullet Club Gold and the acclaimed.

1,063,000 viewers.

Holy gee, Hossafat.

So they're up over a million to start, but wait,

their average is 250,000 less.

Where the fuck is this going?

And I actually do want to say something because I watched this live and then I went back to watch certain things after the fact on my DVR.

The first minute of my DVR at 8 o'clock is the final minute of the Big Bang Theory.

Well, you know, I always see the same thing, and I just, as soon as it picks up, I just fast forward till they get into the AEW show.

But you're right, they are lagging a bit across the top of the hour with the Big Bangers.

Are you suggesting Skull Duggery is here?

Manipulation behind the scenes of these numbers?

Well, I'm suggesting I don't think 150,000 viewers jumped off when they saw the first thing on the show.

I think it started 150,000 viewers, less than 1,063,000 viewers.

That was the last minute of the Big Bang theory.

And then those viewers going to do whatever they do with their night.

What else makes sense that that many people every week, or not every week, but specifically this week, immediately tune out?

They don't even know what the show is going to be yet.

They're not there for the show.

They're there for the other show that goes one minute long into the next show.

So what is the formula these days for getting credit for a quarter hour?

Because back in the old days, back 20 or 30 years ago, it used to have to be a certain number of minutes before before you got credit for the whole quarter.

I guess also, well, no one, I was going to say the question would be, what happens if you DVR the Big Bang theory, but it's in reruns.

I mean, I don't know who's DVRing it right now.

I think you could probably find out the finish fairly

easily.

The other question, and we'll get to the rest of these ratings in a moment, Jim.

How much more successful do you think AEW would be if Seinfeld was the lead in?

You know, or the office.

Is well, what?

Because

I love Seinfeld.

I don't

not interested in the Big Bang theory.

I've tried to watch it and eh.

Love Seinfeld to death.

What was the other one you mentioned?

The office.

The office.

The office grew on me, even though I didn't see it from the start.

And now I love that.

But

they've been shown over and over and over.

I'm astonished that reruns of the Big Bang theory can get a million people when it's constant.

And I don't know.

I don't know what the numbers are on The Office or on Seinfeld, because Seinfeld's now on

comedy

Central, I believe.

Or is that The Office?

And

where's Seinfeld's on something else?

But

they air constantly.

How can each individual episode, do people just like potato chips?

I guess I do the same thing.

I just put it on.

Well, let's go to quarter two and see what the rest of this show, what the story it tells is.

Quarter two, 8:15, 8:30 p.m.

The Eddie Kingston video, the Daniel Garcia promo, and the start of Orange Cassidy versus Dante Martin with picture in picture,

858,000 viewers.

So again, there's 205,000

viewers in 15 minutes.

So it's the same thing.

This is just a more egregious case this week.

Quarter three, 8.30 to 8.45 p.m., the continuation of Pockets versus Martin, the post-match with Private Party, Tony Storm's promo, an ad break, House of Blacks promo, and Swerve Strickland and Prince Nana's promo,

808,000 viewers.

Add another 50,000, and there goes

255,000 in the first 45 minutes, but that the first number, as we said, has to be artificial because then we come down to the 800s that they normally

place in each week for an average.

Go ahead.

And by the way, boy Howdy, even if

they did care about what Adam Cole had to say, none of it had a bearing on whether they stuck around, did it?

Well, we go to quarter four,

8.45 to 9 p.m.

Mariah Mae versus Queen Aminata

with picture-in-picture ads.

And the post-match with Mariah May and Deanna Perrazzo,

780,000 viewers.

That's kind of a gift to only lose 28,000 when they didn't know who almost anybody involved was.

And it wasn't very captivating.

Again, what got on this show this week is questionable.

The big nine o'clock hour.

Top of the hour.

Remember, they were in break for a minute.

That's right.

The big nine o'clock hour, 9 to 9:15 p.m., quarter five.

An ad break.

Christian Cage and his family live promo,

Saraya, Ruby Soho, and Harley Cameron's promo, and the start of Konosuke Takeshta vs.

Darby Allen,

777,000 viewers.

I'm about to say they lost 3,000.

That's about the same, but this

is not going in a good direction, is it?

No, it is not.

We go to quarter 6, 9.15, and 9:30 p.m.

The continuation of Takesha versus Darby Allen with picture-in-picture ads, an ad break, and the Don Callis family promo, 733,000 viewers.

43,000 more.

No, 44,000.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, Darby and

Take was, you know, had a lot of potential, but it wasn't anything different than anything they normally do.

And

these people are not caring about this program in general.

Well, we go to quarter seven, 9.30 to 9.45 p.m.

Trent Beretta versus Brian Keith

versus Brian Cage

versus Hio Del Vikingo

with picture-and-picture ads.

And the post-match with Eddie Kingston and

Matt Menard

and Adam Page's promo.

Oh, this is a whole, this is the other segment.

Adam Page's promo also,

729,000 viewers.

I was going to say, if they stayed over 700,000, I was going to say they should be doing cartwheels.

So they're officially down

334,000 people from the start of quarter one.

Where do we go in the final chapter?

Well, the final chapter also has a five-minute overrun.

A five-minute coda.

9:45 to 10 p.m., quarter eight.

An ad break.

Daniel Garcia versus Swerve Strickland with picture-in-picture ads, 690,000 viewers.

Wow.

And finally, the five-minute overrun, 10 to 10.05, Garcia versus Strickland continued with Adam Page coming out, 713,000 viewers.

And we can obviously throw that out like we do every week because.

23,000 people didn't just go, oh my God, they've only got three minutes of their match left.

We've got to watch instantly.

That 801 is misleading.

Yeah, well, if you do what we started doing last week and you take out the first quarter and you take out the overrun,

they still went from 858,000 to 690,000.

But

their million people in the first quarter artificially inflates them to an average of over 800,000.

But good Lord, if you take the people that were legitimately trying to watch this show

they still lost like i said 160 000 people and

if you take the first number seriously

by the end of the regularly scheduled time period they had lost 375 000 people

well jim on average taking out quarter one and quarter well not quarter but the overrun So quarters two through eight, the average was 767,000 viewers.

Yeah, and that sounds about more like it.

And there are people defending it.

There are people saying there's always strong competition.

There are people saying, hey, they were still number two on the night.

Hey, the network is still happy.

You hear all these things.

How much of a decline do you need to continue to see, both in terms of what's on TV, but In terms of data, you can't dispute.

People tune out the show.

They They see what's on or what's next and they say enough.

And they leave.

They're not going anywhere.

They're home.

It's Wednesday.

It's not Thursday or Friday or Saturday.

It's Wednesday.

People are home.

It's Wednesday, and you know what that means.

I mean, these numbers are awful, and there's no star power.

There's no star power.

That's what I was going to ask you is I know MJF is hurt and they have other injuries, but

where did everybody suddenly go that we would give a shit about watching?

Am I missing?

So who am I not thinking about?

Brian Danielson is someone we've considered a top guy.

I don't know if he's going to really pop anything right now.

I mean, I guess he's done good in his main event matches on collision, but that's still a smaller number.

Moxley's probably been overexposed.

The Young Bucks are away for a reason.

Omega's on the DL.

Ibushi's on the DL.

Osprey signed and then said he signed so he could spend more time at home with his family in England.

So I really don't know.

So I really don't know exactly what's happening.

It's billionaire's money, so I wouldn't have to go to Japan and actually work for it.

FTR or a tag team in their main event on Club.

And again, Osprey is going to, unless they build him, nobody knows who the fuck he is except people that are already watching this show.

And not all of them, to be honest.

They could build him, but they could build anybody.

If they tried,

they don't know how to do that.

So Osprey is not going to be a solution to the ratings malaise if he's treated like every other schlub in his company.

I have some friends of mine that were in Newark for the show.

They were there live.

They all said that the crowd treats Swerve Strickland like the biggest star there.

Well, then they need to give him some kind of focus and direction and support.

And

stop trying to.

They're fighting against the tide.

They're bailing water back into the sinking ship.

If he's that popular and they keep making him an outright heel, Steve Austin wasn't an outright heel.

He wasn't fucking people for the fun of it and terrorizing babies.

He was standing up for himself at the expense of people who were trying to fuck him.

So,

and again,

have somebody try to fuck swerve around that the people are supposed to be on his side and let him do something about it

instead of having him do all these heinous acts to cripple people and scare children

that is it just there are they just cheering him because it's so preposterous

they like his in-ring moves and they like his attitude and his coat maybe i don't know not as dancing But he's the most over guy there in a company of a bunch of people that aren't over, people that used to be over and aren't over as much, people that were over with their crowd that aren't over as much, people that were over and then Tony booked them, they're not over.

He's over.

So move over, Rover.

Hey, that's let somebody else take over.

That's from Bitch Slap.

I know Bitch Slap.

Well, those are the AEW Dynamite ratings for the 3rd of January.

It can only go up from here.

Well, Brian, before we launch into a dissertation on the WWE SmackDown, what in the world is going on at that bubbling bowl of Burgoo that you call great programming at the Arcadian Vanguard Network?

You see, I don't know if that's a compliment because I'm not a big bubbling cheese fan.

Okay, no, there's no cheese in Burgoo.

What's Burgu?

Burgooo.

I remember I've told my favorite Kentucky stew.

Oh, it's a soup.

Especially from at Mark's feed store.

Well, it's not a soup.

It's not a stew.

It's burgoo.

It's the vegetables and the spices and the meats, the smoked chicken and the beef and just the various things.

It's a Kentucky tradition and it's a bubbling bowl of goodness.

That's what you have over there at the Arcadian Vanguard Network.

All those programs that you have simmer in a pot and bubble over with goodness.

Yeah, we'll get back to that in a second.

So what's in the Burgo?

See, I could do Tony Khan better than Tony Khan at a fucking press conference.

What's in the Burgoo and do they deliver interstate?

Well, you don't know what's in the burgoo.

What do you mean?

See, that's the thing about it.

It's kind of like soil and green.

No, they won't tell you.

I mean, certain things are highly identifiable.

There's some peppers and some corn and some different vegetables that you can identify, and you know it's their

excellent smoked barbecued chicken and some various meats, but there's also the spices and the peppers and the whole thing that blends together.

No two burgoos

are alike.

It's like snowflakes.

And it comes from back in the old days in the pine, in the Daniel Boone day.

You know, Daniel Boone was a man, yes, a big man, and he fought for America to keep all Americans free.

And back in those days in Kentucky.

Those days?

Yeah, back in those days, they could play fiddles, though, back then.

What they would do is they would take all the vegetables that they had and all the various meats, the squirrels and the opossums and the raccoons and the potatoes, the various succulent meat parts of your woodland creatures, and they'd throw it all in a big pot in the middle of the village and make the burgoo.

Can't believe I've had to educate you on this again.

You got the burgoo at Mark's feed store, I think, is fabulous, but there's

different kinds of burgoo all across Kentucky, and they all have their various merits.

All right, you can get that at the feed store, ladies and gentlemen, with all the other

feed.

No, it's actually, you could.

It was named that because when I was a kid,

the original location is right down the road from me here.

It was a feed store with Mama Cornette.

And I used to go to get salt blocks to feed the deer out back and

alfalfa when we needed to make bedding for the puppies or sow some grass seed or whatever, get the straw and throw it over there.

And it was a feed store.

And then they renovated it and made it a barbecue place.

And now there's several locations around town.

I was so fascinated with little Jim Cornette's small town life.

I mean, that's where you went over to the feed store.

It was Hancock's feed store back then.

Of course.

It was owned by Mr.

Hancock.

Of course.

Yes.

Of course.

And they've still got the sign over there at Mark's feed store.

Now that it's a barbecue store, I wouldn't eat there for the first several years because I remember what it smelled like inside when it was a feed store.

But turned out they cleaned it in between.

Well, it'll be clean and it'll smell good on the Arcadian Vanguard podcast network this week.

Get information about all the shows on Twitter at Super Podcast or on Facebook.

Facebook.com/slash Arcadian Vanguard.

The latest episode of Shut Up and Wrestle with Brian Solomon is out right now with Mr.

Jim Cornette as his guest.

Episode 100.

Here is.

Who the hell did he ever beat?

Well, find out for yourself at SUAWPod.com or look for Shut Up and Wrestle with Brian Solomon, wherever you find your favorite podcast.

Here, Jim, a very different kind of interview.

Check it out today, Shut Up and Wrestle.

Also, want to make mention of Stick to Wrestling with John McAdam.

They begin their deep dive look at the national expansion, the WWF in 1984, 40 years ago.

Hear it today.

at mcadampod.com or for stick to wrestling with john mcadam wherever you find your favorite podcast Of course, the wrestling news.

Get your wrestling news every day for free.

Delivered right to your phone or wherever the fuck you get your shit from the wrestling news.

Get it directly from the wrestlingnews.com or wherever you find your favorite podcast.

Look for Arcadian Vanguards, The Wrestling News.

No reason to be a potty mouth about it.

And of course, the 605 Super Podcast.

The

membership.

Top Tom Teletu.

Go through the archives today, 605pod.com, available wherever you find your favorite podcast, the 605 Super Podcast, the mothership.

Yeah, you did that when I felt like the guy in the old.

What were the speakers?

Oh, goddammit now.

They weren't bows.

You remember the guy in the chair?

Well, the guy in the chair, it was the Maxel cassette tapes where the guy's in the chair and the sound from the speakers is blowing him back across the room because it was such high fidelity.

Yours wasn't high fidelity, though.

It may have been high, but it wasn't fidelity.

I just got some brand new audio cassette tapes.

Well, good.

But where did you get them from?

There was a company making them, and they made the little players and recorders, and now I can make little comp tapes like I used to in the old days, and I could play it on my house intercom system.

It's a wonderful thing.

Okay, well, that's what I was going to say.

You're not just buying some old commercial, you're actually doing it the way that you're supposed to with cassette tapes and making your own?

Yes, that's right.

I never saw a reason to buy commercially released cassette tapes.

You buy the record and then you record in much higher fidelity on your home

cassette system

the tape in the order in which you want it.

Now, I do have some commercial cassette tapes.

There's some that I have.

It's just easy.

And I think some people look at the convenience of, I could just buy all these Miles Davis cassettes or I could sit here and go through all my records and spend time on this.

Well, but that's the thing is, you buy these things.

In my estimation, the commercially released cassette tapes sounded like they were recorded on duct tape.

You had to get the you had to have the high-quality turntable with the diamond stylus and the

high-quality cassette recording deck with the cute peak level meters with the LED lights that would flash in a dark room and that whole apparatus.

What did you think of 8-track?

Oh, Pishtosh.

That was the outlaws of tape-recorded music.

That was a mud show.

Come on.

It would just switch around nobody, right in the middle of fucking Freebird.

It would just fucking stop and go

and then start again.

The fuck.

Just like the real band.

Hey,

let me ask you.

Yes, wait, yes, yes.

you said something and i don't remember what it was now well good

you're welcome because it shows that you're not paying attention you should be paying more attention to me that's why i had to explain burgoo to you every five years or so every five years i forget it because you don't send any samples

well i'm not gonna send goddamn liquid edible food stuff in my in my goddamn boxes i used to send action figures out in i'm not prepared for this

look them up on gold Belly.

I will take a look.

Sounds like a good idea.

That sounds like a plan.

What do I look up?

Burgoo Feed Store?

Yeah, there you go.

Either that or get an Uber because they do Uber Eats or Grubhub one of those.

Just have them pick it up over at the feed store and drive it up to you.

Is it spelled the way it sounds?

B-E-R-G-U?

Oh, for heaven's sake, how in the world did you get Burgu?

B-E-R-G-U for B-U-R-G-O-O, Burgoo.

Oh.

Naturally.

Are you looking this up now?

No, this is one of those ones.

My hands are down and I'm waiting until later.

Your hands are down?

My hands are down, officer.

I haven't done anything.

Now, I'm going to wait till later to

do my deep dive into Burgu

on the World Wide Web.

Oh, God damn.

See what kind of trouble this gets me into.

All right.

Well, you, while your hands are down,

while your hands are down,

potentially like some of the audiences lately over at AEW and you're sitting on them.

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We got to talk about the WWE SmackDown

in Vancouver

on January the 5th.

This is when it was broadcast.

And already we're seeing changes.

The new ownership has promised all these changes and they've re-racked the announcers.

We're down to two-man booze.

Was that the final straw for Kevin Dunn?

When it went back to two-man booths?

Well, because, you know, he wanted Michael, Kevin Dunn wanted Michael Cole to do play-by-play on his morning shower.

He wanted him on every show.

And

the,

oh, goddamn, I don't know who his name was, but the executive over there at the big umbrella group, old TKO, that said, We've dealt with producers that treat every camera like a baby.

Maybe they say we're going to, and it's a positive move.

There shouldn't be three people in a goddamn announce booth on wrestling unless it's a guest color guy that's also some type of talent.

And then not all the time.

But nevertheless, I find it amusing that we've got

Tony Kahn.

Think about this.

Now that from his own lips, we know these things, that he was sitting writing AEW Dynamite, maybe not AEW, but dynamite, you know, Monday nitro, Wednesday dynamite

in the back room of the fucking classroom when he was 14 years old in school.

And when he actually, at almost 40, was given an unlimited amount of money by his father to do this, he didn't think, you know,

it felt good when I was 14, but let's revisit this.

Let's

let's maybe update some of these ideas or see if anything needs a once over.

No, at 14, he got it perfect, right?

And

these people

come in and go, you know what?

Maybe

it's not.

So I'm not talking about them changing the wrestling and hopefully they won't do that in any material degree,

but maybe this is not the only way to present this on television.

And

the two-man booth is a positive.

And something we didn't notice that I heard about afterwards because I I didn't want to sit through three hours of raw to review the rock

was that they had the two announcers start in the ring addressing the people rather than just the miscellaneous,

you know, goddamn little on-camera in an entrance and, you know, whatever.

I missed that too.

I read about it.

But the point is, I said last week on one of these programs or sometime since we've been back from this break,

wouldn't it be amazing if they would change it up a little bit?

Where there's announcers in the ring running the show and it's presented more like a sports television program

and somebody's at least holding the microphone.

Some of this shit actually may be scheduled to happen.

So when the surprise shit happens, it's even more of a surprise because it wasn't scheduled to fucking happen.

You can't do that deal at all anymore.

Remember, we don't have this on the format.

This isn't scheduled because nothing is.

It just fucking happens, right?

So it ended up and maybe the small changes because there's some more shit in this program, SmackDown, that's going to just fucking happen.

But I'm just saying maybe they're willing to take a look at this and maybe make it a little more like the UFC presentation, which is more sports-like in its

feel or flavor or whatever.

What do you think?

It's interesting that these changes are happening.

They're apparent if you watch the show.

We missed, I missed the first one, you did too, but there's other things, a two-man booth.

Coincidentally, Kevin Dunn, it's like, by the way, he decided to leave today.

Today's the last day.

Just decided, spur of the moment, today's the day.

I'm out of here.

Like Vince, seven, what was it?

77, had a great life.

Time to retire.

Yeah, for six months.

But anyway, so the SmackDown program, they obviously recapped Rock on Raw,

and he was

responsible for umpty 100 million social media, whatever the fucks.

And then they go to the back where the limo is pulling up, and the door opens, and out comes Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman.

And the

intrepid lady interviewer, I can't remember her name, comes up to ask them a question.

And

at least on the feed I watched,

they didn't feed her audio somewhere somewhere they should have, and you couldn't hear what the question was.

And then

Roman and Paul, not knowing that, because I'm sure it was a pre-tape,

they were supposed to roll their eyes at her and just blow her off.

So we didn't hear the question, and then they rolled her eyes and walked off.

Is that what you got?

Pretty much.

Well, there we go.

Kayla Braxton, I believe is her name.

Well, okay, but who now?

Sheila?

Kayla.

Kayla.

Sheila Braxton.

Kayla Braxton.

I like Sheila Braxton better.

Are they related?

I don't know who.

Maybe.

She could become Sheila Braxton.

We don't know.

Well, from now on, let's just call her Sheila.

No, let's not call her that.

That's not her name.

Well, it is.

I wouldn't have brought up her name if I knew you were going to change her name.

Well, somebody should have before I had to.

That may not be her real name.

WWE may own that name.

Well, then I've done you a favor.

They're not going going to sue us for copyright because I've renamed her.

You haven't done me a favor, you did Sheila a favor, or not Sheila, Kayla, or whatever.

See, I'm doing everybody a favor.

So they have a two-man booth.

It's Patrick, what's his face?

And Corey Graves.

And I was wondering if Graves shouldn't be the play-by-play guy since he's the one that has a male voice.

Did you?

This guy now,

the English guy that he gets to talk more, he was hyperventilating.

That's right.

I'm so happy to be here on SmackDown.

Randy Auden.

That's who had one point.

He's Randy Arten.

It's like this.

The Viper.

The Viper.

The Viper.

Lawler was doing better color when he had his heart attack.

You know, Corey Graves wouldn't be bad as a solo.

I mean, I know you brought up the perfect group as like a two-person team.

And I'm not saying he's the right guy, but sometimes one person,

if they have a good voice and they're knowledgeable, it's less bullshit because they have to tell the story themselves.

Well, but they need to find

the story, it's better.

Because I don't think Corey Graves needs to be Joey Styles in Heyman's fucking friend's basement or whatever.

Oh, my God.

Who's going to team at Bunch?

To be honest, I think they ought to have

two announcers at Ringside, Call the Action, and one interviewer

to be either in the ring or in the back.

And we don't need to hear nothing for 30 and 45 seconds, umpteen times in some of these shows from people just to know that they're standing around in the back.

They've relied on that quite a bit.

But anyway, nevertheless,

here's what they relied on for the open.

I wrote one of the things on the opening match, which was the finals of the tournament to determine who gets a shot at the United States title held by Logan Paul,

I wrote, I could have picked at this all day, but I just don't have time.

Like Thunderbolt Patterson, if I only had time.

But this was a fucking mess.

And

I don't know that it was necessarily mostly Owens's fault.

I think the opposite.

And a lot of the, however, this was laid out, but

they start as they're about to start the match.

It's Kevin Owens and Pablo Escobar in the finals of this thing.

Sheila Escobar.

Sheila Escobar.

I'm sorry.

Santos Escobar.

You know, if this is an isolated clip, no one will get the joke.

They'll just think we're making fun of the guy.

Santos Escobar.

Sheila Escobar is an old.

Oh, Sheila was in

the other clip.

That's right.

Well, we don't know.

We're just anticipating that.

Oh, oh, Sheila, you're in the other clip.

Wow.

All righty.

Wow.

Where did that come from?

Okay.

So Logan Paul comes out to the desk for color.

And as he sits down, the bell rings, and a bunch of the

LWO babyface guys that used to be with Escobar came over the railing and jumped the heel guys that are with Escobar now.

I don't know who the fuck these people are.

They've got unwieldy names and

they didn't get a goddamn good look at any of them anyway.

And they just they just fought off, right?

And then suddenly Owens hit Escobar with a super kick.

And Brian, did you, did you, I was fixated.

I watched the next 30 seconds five times fixated on Escobar because

I've never seen, I don't know what the fuck.

Did you catch what he did?

I'm not sure.

Now I'm dying to hear what it was.

I'm going to go watch it back.

What happened?

Okay.

I don't know whether he was just had this memorized and wanted to make sure he didn't fuck up or he was going through the motions because he was going to do a job or what the case was, but Owens super kicks Escobar and he sits flat down on his ass in front of the turnbuckles, but out from the turnbuckle.

And then he just reaches up and he grabs the ropes and pulls himself into a sitting position.

folds his arms in and sits there waiting for Owens to do the cannonball into the turnbuckle.

And boom.

boom and then as soon as Owens does that then Escobar just rolls out like I

like a kid in summer camp rolling over in his sleeping bag and placed himself perfectly for Owens to climb up to the top in a completely sideways perpendicular position not a natural bump from this bump

and then he waits for Owens to do the splash off the top rope.

One, two, and he kicked kicked out.

And during that whole thing, the expression on Escobar's face never changed.

Super kick, sit on my ass, up, reaching up, grabbing the ropes now, boss.

I'm sitting here, ass in my face.

I'm going to roll over, and the big fucker is going to come down on me.

Boom.

This is why he was a mass wrestler.

If anybody wants to go back and watch this,

it was almost like a practice session where, hey, you do these moves and then in between, nobody's watching.

I'll just fucking get into position and then wait for you to.

So at that point,

now we've had the Stooges fight the other Stooges off, and we've had this super kick, cannonball splash off the top one-two kick, and Logan Paul doing the color starts talking.

And they went to the fucking break.

It was 45 seconds, and Logan Paul is still in the middle of talking.

So that's what Kevin Dunn, unfortunately, was probably sitting home going, ah, they can't do a show without me.

Give me another carrot.

Actually, now, wait a minute.

I guess beavers don't really.

Beavers don't know.

Beavers would be more.

Well, I know some beavers that have liked clams, but it just depends.

So they come back from a break.

Three and a half minutes later, they're throwing fake punches and weak forearms at each other.

And of course, Owen has a broken hand and it's in a cast, so Escobar gets heat on it.

And they go through another break after a while.

And

when they came back from that break, they were up fighting on the same turnbuckle as when they came back from the previous break.

And they were on in and around that for a while.

And then Owens gave him some kind of big move off the top and got a two count.

And then Escobar laid there and just looked over at Owens and started having a conversation with him on camera.

And they switched in about a second.

It was like this guy was either lost or confused or not giving a shit.

And so finally, Owens hit him with a pop-up power bomb and gave him one of the worst

stone cold stunners ever.

And part of that may have been because of the way Escobar took it, where he just

didn't go down to his knees.

He certainly didn't fly away like Lenny Kravitz or The Rock might have done.

He just bent over

and kind of sold his chin for a second and then fucking jumped up and took a flat back bump with his legs in the air.

Boom.

One, two, three.

That was fucking brutal.

Just rotten.

And I'll give you a chance to comment in a second, but getting to the

end of this thing, thankfully, Logan Paul cut a promo on Owens from Ringside

and knocked Canada to get some eat, which he did.

And he did make a good point.

It's hard to argue.

He said, you're a Canadian.

A Canadian can't be the United States champion.

It's hard to argue with that now.

And then Logan Paul got in the ring, the big heel run in his mouth, and Owens took the fucking broken hand in the cast that the heel was working on

through this match and just punched Logan Paul one time, and he went down, and they played the music, and that was it.

Good day to you, sir.

That was like three, the first three fucking segments.

I like the postmatch.

This is the company that's winning the war.

I like the post-match.

I thought that was all right.

Well, but

why does it take Steen

Owens,

whatever name he's using this week to stay ahead of the authorities,

why does it take him sometimes 15, 20 minutes to remember, well, you know, I'm in this match, this guy's kicking my ass, but I can just knock him out with a cast like I do eventually every time,

either in a match or at an angle or whatever.

He's done that two or three times now.

Well, he needs recharge time after the match to recharge the punching power.

Logan Paul's great.

Hey, he is.

That's why I didn't want to see him get knocked out.

Just boom, down he goes, and he's

put some heat on the fucking guy.

And from everything we see, he's a real-life heel.

I guess Kofi Zilla's been tearing into him for a while, and he's a perfect wrestling heel.

Yes, and they won't let him get any fucking heat.

I would limit the people that fucking give him comeuppance, especially on free television.

But nevertheless,

even he's going to beat Owens at the Royal Rumble.

Well,

you want people

to want to see the match so he can't just be bitch-slapped, no pun intended, constantly

before the big pay-per-view or premium live event match or Peacock special or whatever the fuck it is.

But again,

you know,

I'm excited for LWO versus Lucha Suits 2.0.

Yeah, I don't know who those people.

Never mind.

So anyway, they were in the back then after the break, and Logan Paul's got an ice pack on his face.

He's walking down the hallway, and here comes Theory and Waller to check on him.

That's the only appearance I think they made that night.

And Grimes came in and laughed at him.

And they all got a shoving match, and poor Petey Williams and Sean Davari had to separate them.

And nothing really was said or happened, but there's going to be a match next week with Grimes and

Grimes.

He didn't have hair now.

They all lost their hair when they got out of the wrestling business.

Yeah, I didn't realize that was who it was.

Well, now that you say that,

I could see who it is.

I think that if you're going to have Logan Paul as a top heel U.S.

champion, I'm okay with Austin Theory and

they're obviously pushing Waller with them being with him as his flunkies as opposed to just being out there as loose flunkies getting their ass kicked.

Yeah, at least they'll get some residual heat from him.

Yeah.

But anyway, speaking of residual heat

or heat in general,

the next segment,

I was two-thirds of the way through it, maybe three-quarters of the way, maybe almost all the way before I realized, how about you,

that Bobby Lashley and the street prophets aren't supposed to be heels.

Did you have the same miscompunction about this whole situation?

I thought they were heels.

I think they were heels.

But how can they be heels when goddamn a group of five people comes out and attacks them and beats the shit out of them?

I'm not disagreeing with you.

I think they were heels.

I think, at a minimum, they were ambiguous.

You want to talk about some of your rewound and watch several times?

Wait a minute.

Bobby Lashley.

No, I know Bobby Lashley is a married man.

I know him personally.

He's not sexually

in terms of wrestling friendships, I guess right now that's how you look at it.

But I watched that Bobby Lashley getting dropped on his head thing over and over again here.

Oh,

that's

well, let's tell the people what happened

from the start so they'll share in our confusion.

Bobby Lashley and the street prophets come out, and they are dressed in the suits and they've got the jewelry and they've...

Lashley is dressed.

Remember, they were dressing in

athletic gear and Bobby Bobby dressed them up, and he took them under his wing, blah, blah, blah.

It's the story they've been telling.

And even though Bobby's strength, as we mentioned, is not the promo,

he was out there, and their resolution for the new year is to take everything they deserve in 2024.

And

then the prophets said some things, and I don't know what they were fucking talking about.

And then Bobby declared that he was in the rumble, but the whole time I'm thinking, okay,

he's reformed, in effect, Hurt Business 2.0, same kind of flavor with the suits and the, you know, they're going to take over.

It's a group, but they're obviously heels.

They're dressing that way.

They're acting this way.

They're talking this way.

And then suddenly, here's Scarlett and Carrion Cross on a screen.

And then they come out of the entranceway.

Scarlett's got brown hair now.

I'm not sure that was a positive step in the right direction.

And then out from behind them comes Paul Ellering.

They're in the entranceway, but then suddenly these two fat fucks jump in a goddamn ring behind the

Lashley and the street prophets.

And the announcers have, oh my God, they have to immediately identify him because everybody's like,

like when your dog can't figure out why you've changed his brand of dog food.

And the announcers,

that's AOP,

Razor, and Aachen.

And they jumped.

So I wrote, wait, Lashley's guys are the baby faces.

And one of the AOP,

because even though they gave both their names, I don't know which is which, and they were all moving around the ring.

One of them, over and over, got on top of one of the street prophets and fake punched the vicinity of his head.

And then Karrion Cross jumped in and joined it.

And they double powerbombed the street prophets.

And then, as you mentioned earlier, Karrion Cross gave

some kind of modified.

At first, I thought it might be a power slam, and then it turned into some fucked up F5 and

dropped him headfirst on the goddamn mat.

I mean, if Lashley was a normal human, it might have hurt him

or killed him.

But since he's a mutant freak, you know, I guess he's okay.

We haven't hurt anything.

But it wasn't because the guy didn't try.

What the, I feel bad for Bobby Lashley and poor Paul Ellering.

And somebody said on Twitter, Paul Ellering

is 70 years old.

And he's out there looking at this fucking shoe, how did they get him involved in this?

Well, if you remember the last time Occam and Razor were in WWE, because they were fired, or not fired, released.

I don't know what the exact term was.

They were one of the many people released either right before the pandemic or during the pandemic or after the pandemic.

He was their manager.

And it was a weird thing because

all due respect to Paul Elleringen obviously did a lot for the Road Warriors business-wise.

and he could do a good promo.

He wasn't exactly like,

oh, you know, that was the greatest manager.

I hope he comes back and gets another run.

So it was weird when all of a sudden Paul Ellering's managing these two guys, and then they were gone.

In the meantime, Crossing Square.

Well,

let me be fair to Paul.

He, for almost the entirety of the Road Warriors run, he was a babyface manager.

So he had to be somewhat

less flavorful than us heels because it didn't work the other way.

Look at the, it would have been a hat on a hat to be a fucking

nut with the Road Warriors.

Part of the problem, too, is his promo works better when he looks crazy, not when he just looks like a guy who's like, you know, I'll come in for the taping.

You know, that's a really good thing.

Yeah, well,

I felt bad for it because at least he's a star.

At least he's a star.

Well, what'd you think, Scarlett New Hiram?

And Lashley.

No, no, no, not that.

No, she needs to get the bottle of peroxide back.

And Carrion Cross, new hairdo.

The fact that he has hair at all was his downfall.

Will they get MVP to counteract Paul Illering?

Well, no, let me just say this: that with Carrion Cross, I'm officially saying at this point, there ain't going to be no LA night comeback story here.

We might as well call a time of death on the Carrion Cross experiment, which sounds like a 70s sci-fi movie, because

he's done now.

We've seen what the fuck.

It ain't going to happen.

If Scarlett wants to be a star in wrestling, it's going to be with somebody else, and she ought to have blonde hair.

Because,

you know,

they're making everybody, everybody at AEW dresses in black.

Everybody in WWE wants to fucking either have black hair or wear black.

It seems like, my God, they're taking all of the color out of everybody.

And in the AOP are two big fucking guys of the

what was that?

The tag team that I'm thinking about.

The two fat brothers.

The headhunters?

Well, not them, but there was an indie team.

The Undertakers, Double Trouble?

Yeah, there you go.

They were Italian back

in the Northeast.

I think Valpuccio was one of them.

You know, it looked the same as two fat guys trying to be tough, and we didn't know who they were, and there was no

goddamn reason for us to care when they're beating up people that we thought they were heels to begin with.

And then their shit looks horrible.

The one guy just was on top of the of whoever the prophet was.

I couldn't see.

He was covered up, and the other guy's fat, and just swinging his fist in the neighborhood of the guy's head.

What the fuck?

Anyway, I feel bad for Bobby Lashley and Paul Ellering, one one a star of the past, the other a star of the present, who might not be a star of the future if he don't get out of this business.

What about bringing back MVP?

Put him with Lashley again.

You're going to have almost there as their backup.

And then you get Ellering and MVP to do promos.

You had me sold until you mentioned almost.

Well, I haven't heard that he's released, so I figure he has to come along.

Maybe he escaped.

Maybe he escaped.

All right, let's move along.

They had a long girls segment.

A lot of girls in that segment.

And apparently it went even longer than it was planned because they

at 9 p.m.

Eastern, the top of the hour, I'm pretty sure we're supposed to see Paul Heyman on the screen doing the masterful promo about the rock, but instead it was at 9.02 because the girls went two minutes over.

So this was not a

good start technically.

I mean, I know they're going to have some

hiccups, but they didn't fire the whole fucking crew.

They just

let Kevin exit gracefully, stage left, right?

It's still the same people.

They couldn't turn the interviewer's mic on.

They fucking flummoxed the goddamn

going to break in the first segment, and now they've got

girls pulling each other's hair at nine o'clock instead of Heyman talking about The Rock.

It's not a fortunate night for them, was it?

No.

And that's this week on bitch slap.

But anyway,

so Heyman was in the back and he was commenting on The Rock's comments when he commented on Roman Reigns by indirectly commenting on the head of the table.

And he said The Rock wants to sit at the head of the table, but he hasn't been invited and he ain't going to be.

Because he's just looking for a shortcut to the headlines.

And

that Paul, again, he's a master and he named all the major stars

that have interacted with Roman Reigns, that Roman Reigns has beaten.

And it also served the double purpose to illustrate how many fucking big stars they have right now on this program.

And I wrote that he also, they've spent

a lot of time talking about The Rock not to have some plans.

I don't know if they've got anything on, you know, paper and notarized, but they wouldn't have gone this far without some plans.

But Paul named Cena and Brock and Rock and Punk and Cody and Orton and Stiles and L.A.

Knight.

And then he still at the same time put Roman over strong.

Great promo

with Paul just standing in front of a blue background because why not?

You listen to him.

It doesn't need to be dressed up.

I don't know.

am i praising

the the the the wise man too much because i will remind everybody physically compared to me who is older than him here we go there it is that he looks like a troll floating under a bridge but he's a brilliant you can't help yourself promo artist

we were seconds away from you as always complimenting the fine work of paul heyman for once without insulting him and there you go right at the very i didn't i did not insult him he was like a troll under the bridge.

No, I was

making an accurate assessment.

It's not an insult if you're making what appears to be an even-handed assessment of the situation.

And I praised his abilities on this promo.

If you look like a dead troll under a bridge, even if that is a literal statement, even if that is a point of fact, do you think you want to be told that?

Well, go find a dead troll under a bridge and ask him, Smarty Pants.

I wasn't at SmackDown this week.

Anyway,

but following the Heyman promo, we went back to La La Land because they immediately hit Purely Dreary's music.

And I invoked the Purely Dreary rule and did not watch this, although they wrestle Butch

and Butch's mystery partner was Tyler Bate, but I'm not also into either Mr.

Butch or Master Bate.

Oh, and oh, Tyler Bate!

Butch!

Oh, that's.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

That guy sucks so far.

That was, that was, I thought that was audio that was recorded at the hotel that night.

No, that was the production meeting beforehand.

Tell me, what's on the format?

Oh, Butch.

Oh!

He needs an oxygen tank at Ringside, doesn't he?

This isn't his thing.

Make him the interviewer and put Caleb Braxton on commentary.

Do something.

And he could be the interviewer that the heels make fun of and bully because he's such a nerd.

He could be the Sheila.

Sheila, there you go.

Sheila Patrick.

His name's Patrick?

I think, isn't it?

I thought it was Kieran or something.

No, it's Kevin.

It's Kevin Patrick.

But now it's Sheila.

Oh, Sheila.

Oh, oh, Sheila.

Your name used to be Kevin, but it now it's not.

Oh, oh, Sheila.

So Nick Aldiss was in the back with Ashante Adonis.

And

I mean, I don't know where they're going with this, but it was almost like we were listening to one of the AEW roster where he, you know, he's saying to Aldous, I've been struggling.

I feel lost.

I don't know what my place is.

Don't feel sorry for me.

I just need an opportunity.

These are professional athletes and they're in the boss's office begging, and it's their dream to have been there.

But Aldous looks at him with being unmoved emotionally because he's the stern, he's the stern type.

And he says, don't worry, I've got ideas for you.

So he's got ideas for the humble but lovable Ashante Adonis.

What do you think those ideas are?

It's not my fault they booked me with Top Dollar.

I had nothing to do with it.

I just showed up.

I was just there.

I've served my penance.

I like Aldous a lot.

I mean, at the end of the show, too, just the way he carries himself as he does these things.

He's not one of these feckless general managers, and he's not too over the top with it.

You still are wondering what his motivations are.

He's become one of my favorite characters on this show.

I will agree that he has done a good job with everything.

He's done a good job with everything that they have given him and that he has done.

I think they made a mistake at the end of this fucking program.

I'll tell you why.

We're putting him in that particular position.

But allow me to explain as we get there, because what we got left is the main event in this SmackDown program.

And they're more economical than they are with the time on Raw because they started the entrances for the triple threat match to meet Roman Reigns at the Royal Rumble

at 9:30 Eastern.

And by

9:38, they were back from a break, and the match was already underway.

And it was

L.A.

Knight and Randy Orton and A.J.

Styles.

And you will recall when last we left our Space Travelers, AJ had turned on or just, you know, fucking been inhospitable

to

Orton, it was correct.

And

well, AJ punched L.A.

Knight.

No, that's right.

He spun L.A.

Knight around and punched him.

And then he shouldered past Orton and he's got it.

So

they're not all just humble and lovable with each other here.

There's some tension is how they set it up.

But still, you've got nominally two baby faces, L.A.

Knight and Randy Orton, and one who was until he just sucker punched the other guy last week or whenever the fuck it was.

Right?

Right.

So

I hate having to watch these things because they, unfortunately, even with good talent, they're all the same.

Two guys are going to fight while one disappears for some specious reason that you wouldn't sell whatever that long or just for no reason at all.

And they do moves to each other back and forth until they're done and then they do an angle or a finish in the case of AEW, which hadn't figured out how to do angles yet.

And this was just a higher level version of it because all these guys are over and they're all professionals.

But you could tell that, you know, when L.A.

Knight did the yeah, heads to the desk on both Orton and AJ, the fans like it better on AJ because they like Orton.

They don't want to cheer him overwhelmingly, getting his fucking face bashed into something.

Which is why I hate it when there's two baby faces in one of these things because you invariably split the crowd or diminish a reaction.

And then Orton did the thing where he drops,

he just picks a guy up and just drops him back first on the desk.

He did it to LA Night and to AJ and then LA Night again.

And there's poor Charles Robinson just standing there watching, not counting, not because

it's a three-way, it's no DQ, lazy booking.

And Brian, you'll recall that the original three-ways, the triple threat matches, it wasn't no disqualification because that's a hat on a hat.

There was no need to have that.

You already had a stipulation, but now it's evolved into you can't be counted out, you can't be disqualified.

Anyone can help you.

I guess if maybe

can we get some assistance from the crowd?

Is there a mark that would like to come in

and help us out, right?

So

they go back and forth in this fashion, right?

And again,

I zoned out.

They had lots more on the floor.

Everybody can work.

They're doing shit to each other.

We made that point.

And then finally,

AJ does a 450

springboard.

Is that a 360 or 450?

He did the springboard from the apron.

And then stood on the rope and then did a complete somersault and landed with a splash on poor L.A.

Knight.

How many degrees is that?

Is that the 360 or the 450?

I think it's a 450.

It's the 420.

Well, and maybe he was 420 in before he did the 450 because he landed on L.A.

Knight's face and busted him wide open, wide smacking open.

And if you go back and watch,

LA sees as

I can't imagine what that looks like when some stupid motherfucker is standing on the top rope and doing a goddamn cannonball in the air and then coming with a splash because I've never experienced that because they didn't do that

when I had occasion to wrestle.

But if you go back and look at this, Brian,

when AJ jumps and he's coming and he's coming fast in that flip and he's coming from a good height, it looks like as he's coming down,

LA looks like, yeah, this may not be coming out even.

And he tries to kind of turn a little bit to the right to take,

you know,

his face away from the fucking scene of the crime there.

And boom, AJ with an elbow apparently landed and gashed LA Knight's fucking forehead.

And boom,

as soon as LA Knight turns over and it kicks out, or whatever the fuck, you can see the trickle start, and it kept going and the announcers never mentioned the word blood

so this is something they hopefully need to get clarification on from their UFC brethren that don't the UFC announcers when a guy gets busted open for real

say well that guy just got busted open yeah they say exactly that that's right Yeah, so I can understand them not wanting to use the blade on the entertainment program or whatever, but you got to be able to say the word fucking blood.

Good God.

Anyway,

so then Orton comes back in, and L.A.

Knight disappears, probably happy that he's able to do that.

And AJ springboards toward Orton, but Orton gives him the RKO and cover one, two, and L.A.

Knight pulls the referee to the floor.

And he pulled him to the floor.

And that's the last we're going to see out of him for several minutes because he was pulled to the floor.

He immediately, I guess, went into cardiac arrest.

Because now all three guys were down,

and the English announcer needed CPR.

He sounded like he was, goddamn, on his last legs.

And they play Roman Reigns' music, and out comes Roman, and Solo, and Jimmy, and Paul.

And while all of this stuff is happening that I'm about to tell you about, the announcers are bemoaning that, well, there's nothing that can be done it's no disqualification

still

again couldn't there be a pretext that while the referee is down we're going to interfere and do some mayhem or whatever they played music on the run-in while the referee was down he'd have had to not only have been knocked out he'd have had to been knocked deef

right

i can understand him being face down on the other side of the ring he didn't see what happened no we're going to play the goddamn guy's music on a loudspeaker.

If the referee just hears the ooze and ahs of the crowd, it could be anything.

But if it's literally the guy's entrance music, you have to.

Yes, and there's a clue.

It's a clue, Smithers, right?

But then if you establish that that foiled somebody, then one of the other heels could play the babyface's entrance music.

And so, nevertheless, so here comes the bloodline.

And Roman sends Solo in, and he fights L.A.

Knight.

And Roman and Jimmy get on on Orton and they get heat on the baby faces and Solo hits Orton with the stairs and again they're taking their time.

They're taking their time.

They're not like they're perpetrating a crime.

They're just doing whatever they want.

There's no referee.

Nobody's ringing a bell.

But as we come to find out later on, a match apparently was over.

Nobody's coming out to help, whether it be security, other referees, whatever.

Roman Reigns powerbombs AJ and shit cans him, gives the Superman punch to L.A.

Knight, and then spears him.

And then the heels roll Orton in.

Now, the referee's up by now, just standing around watching.

And the thing that we were going to comment on, Nick Aldous has been there watching the match all along, but he's still there.

And in Roman Reigns, spears Randy Orton.

And

then Aldous

ringside with Paul says, I need to speak to you.

And he's not.

Aldous is,

he's the goddamn epitome of the cool British secret agent type, right?

He's not sweating.

Nothing is out of place.

There's not a wrinkle on his custom-made suit.

But he tells Paul, not even on the microphone, just so the camera can pick it up, tell your man Roman Reigns that he's earned a four-way

match for the title at the Royal Rumble with all three of these guys.

my disdain for four ways will be expressed in a second.

Here's what I didn't like what I was telling you about.

Yes, Aldous is a,

you don't know what his motives are, and he's a very gruff person, and he's neither a babyface or a heel.

You can tell he's out for himself.

He's a corporate ladder climber.

He wants to be a big deal around there.

He's not like Adam Pierce that is.

is there for the love of the game and wants to support the athletes.

Aldous, you can tell, is a goddamn Republican, right?

He's out for himself.

But at the same time,

he's brand new.

It's just started a month or whatever ago.

To have him stand out there as the authority figure of the program

and the general manager and the guy that's in charge of this TV show and wants to make money with it.

and do absolutely nothing while this gang of thugs completely destroys three of his top name stars?

Imagine if it was Dana White.

What would be, there would be some chaos going on.

I'm not saying don't let the heels get heat in front of him.

I said don't have him standing out there watching the whole thing and put up with it and then tell Paul that he's bought himself a four-way.

If the referee goes down, run the heels down.

Let them get some urgent heat on these baby faces.

Roman Reigns is trying to take every single challenger he's got out at the same time, and the bloodline's on him.

And there comes Aldous with the goddamn security and the referees, and he's blind.

He's mad.

He doesn't have to be a raving lunatic, but he's not fucking happy about this because there's three of his goddamn meal tickets.

Do you see what I'm saying here?

I do.

It puts more urgency on the whole thing.

And then

when he makes the four-way, he makes it out of contempt for what Roman Reigns tried to do, which doesn't make him a babyface or a heel.

It still fits in with him wanting this show to be the best show because it makes him look good.

But it also sets up tension with him and the bloodline of his real nature rather than, well, tell your man he's just bought himself a four-way and Paul do the shock face.

See, I agree with you, but I actually am intrigued by the dispassionate way he handles these situations.

He didn't panic.

He didn't yell.

He didn't say, if we lose these three guys, my show's fucked.

None of that.

I'm not saying he needs to panic and go fucking throw his fucking body over the top of one of them, but he needs to be more up.

I agree with you.

He should be a dispassionate, cool, British fucking fellow, except when his three top stars are getting assassinated.

He needs to fire up a little bit, I would think, or don't be put in that position.

But that's the thing is the end of the, there was no finish to the match.

These guys came out and beat these guys up, and nobody tried to fucking stop them.

And there was no urgency, and there was no sense of a crime being committed because they were like, well, fuck.

You know, it's all no DQ.

It's anything can fucking happen.

There needs to be more Jeopardy in this type of shit for it to really get people to want to climb over the fucking rail.

That's my

fucking point, and I'm sticking to it.

All right, more Jeopardy.

And he didn't even sing Greg Kin.

So he won out this week.

Aldous on Jeopardy,

baby.

Aldous on Jeopardy?

I'd like to see Nick Aldous on Jeopardy.

See if he can answer any of those questions.

All right, well, that is a plane going over my head.

Maybe it's the same one.

Has there been enough time?

What are these leaflets?

Well, that was SmackDown.

And boy, was it.

Boy, was it?

Oh, I guess we should talk about the fact this is my show, so I'm the one that has to close it up, right?

I believe so, unless you want to change the rules.

We will be back on the drive-through, your program, in a few days or thereabouts.

I'm not even sure what the schedule is anymore.

It may not be a five-hour edition this week, ladies.

Well, why not?

You never leave the house.

You're up 24 hours a day.

You live there.

You've got a beard down to your crotch.

All you do is edit audio.

The last thing that we need to do is short the listeners.

I say we do five or six good hours.

You know, the experience is next week.

We're more than, well, we're not.

Actually, you could do whatever.

Oh, fuck.

I'm kind of here with you, aren't I?

Fuck.

We don't need a six-hour drive-through, but it will be packed with six hours' worth of content, even if it's only 90 minutes.

That's right.

That's like a marriage I heard of once.

They were married for 40 years, happily for seven.

But anyway, otherwise, Annette, we'll close this program up now.

Thanks for listening, folks, and we'll see you on the drive-thru and back next week on the experience.

And until then, thank you, and fuck you, and bye-bye, everybody.