BAD DATES DECODED WITH LOVE COACH NICOLE MOORE

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Speaker 3 Neat Cole, welcome back to Kettle DeLuz.

Speaker 3 I know it's been a minute. I missed you.

Speaker 4 No, I know.

Speaker 3 So much has been going on. So many questions, so little time.
So, are you ready to rock and roll?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, great. For those of you guys who don't know Nicole, by the way, let me mention really quickly: Nicole is a fixture on Canon de Louise.
We love her. She is a celebrity love coach.

Speaker 3 She's a relationships expert. And you are a mom and a wife.
You've been married for a long time. So if anybody knows how to dissect the world of dating and relationships, it's you.

Speaker 3 So let's go. I want to ask you, and I think I mentioned that to you.
We started doing some short movies on YouTube.

Speaker 3 They're based on real stories that actually happened to me and my girlfriends in the world of dating and relationships. And we are getting tons of feedback, dozens and dozens and dozens of questions.

Speaker 3 a week regarding these behaviors. A lot of people agree.
A lot of people don't disagree.

Speaker 3 So if you're game, I want to ask you a bunch of questions about that, like people behaving badly in my eyes, I think they're behaving badly in the world of dating and relationships.

Speaker 3 And you tell us your expert opinion.

Speaker 4 Okay,

Speaker 3 okay, let's do it. So, the first one I want to ask about: like, to me, this is a no-go, but I got a lot of backlash.
Like, they think I'm exaggerating. What is your opinion?

Speaker 3 Like, you go on a first date with a person,

Speaker 3 and at the end of the date, the guy comes to give you a kiss. And I know a lot of girls go for it, but for me, I normally, for personal reasons, I'm not ready to kiss on a first date.
But

Speaker 3 at this one instance, the guy was super pushy and he got like offended and rude. He was like, Oh, I paid for brunch.
The least you could do is give me a kiss.

Speaker 3 So it's kind of like a several-part question. I know.

Speaker 3 First question is,

Speaker 3 is it to be expected? Like you had a great meal, you like the person.

Speaker 3 Are they always or almost always expecting that you're gonna do a kiss on a first date and the second question is if the guy gets offended or like if they think they're expecting it because they pay for the meal that's a no-go do you agree yeah okay so i do think that in general okay if you guys are having like a totally amazing connection on the date and you're both feeling it I think that it's expected that they're at least going to go for the kiss.

Speaker 4 Because if you flip it, like if there is a woman and she's like, the connection is great. And he didn't kiss me, she's going to be freaking out.
Like, does he like me?

Speaker 4 So I think in general, especially nowadays, like most people would expect if the connection is good, there is a kiss on the first date. Now, with that being said,

Speaker 4 hoping it happens is really different than like, it has to happen.

Speaker 4 If somebody's making you feel pressured and they're in this like tit for tat, like please leave immediately because they're always going to be thinking like, I gave you this.

Speaker 4 So you have to give me this. Like that shows he doesn't have natural generosity.
He's doing it basically to get you to sleep with him, right? And like, yeah, run, run from that as fast as possible.

Speaker 4 But also, like, here's the thing. If you say no to a guy, and you sometimes you want to do that because you want to test how that person is going to react.

Speaker 4 So that moment showed that that person has a bad attitude, right? So

Speaker 4 there is a moment where you can play with. I'm going to purposely say no because I need to see

Speaker 4 what he's going to do in that moment, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. But I also think, and I get it, like if you have canvas, go for the kiss, but I think

Speaker 3 just because somebody pays for a nice meal, it doesn't mean you owe them anything, correct? If you want a kiss, you kiss, but if you don't, the guy should just be like, okay, and respect you, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, like, okay, so on the one hand, like, I can understand with men, like, but it's usually cheat men that don't, the cheat men are counting the cost of the day.

Speaker 4 So, like, that's also a red flag right there. But like

Speaker 4 women have to spend a lot of time getting ready. They have to do a lot of things.
They're getting a bikini wax. They're doing their makeup.
They're doing their hair.

Speaker 4 They're dieting that whole freaking week before the date, right? Like there's so many things that women have to do ahead of time to even get to that date.

Speaker 4 So I understand like guys maybe don't want to shell out hundreds of dollars every single night, but men have to understand that is what you have to do.

Speaker 4 If you care about having a date or having a girlfriend, it's just part of the program. And I honestly think men need to take that into account when they're dating.

Speaker 4 Like they should be thinking, this is how much I have to spend on dating. Because why should women have to pay? They pay for everything else and they also pay in emotional labor a lot of the time.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. No, I'm happy you said that because I always mention and I do posts about it on social media, guys that say, oh, we pay for dinner and lunch.
It's so expensive.

Speaker 3 They don't have, they have no idea how expensive it is to be a woman and how much money we spend just to show up looking great on this date.

Speaker 4 Exactly. Because most women do not look naturally.
I mean, there is natural beauty out there, but even the ones who have natural beauty, they've done their eyebrows. They've done eyelashes.

Speaker 4 Everybody in LA has fillers somewhere in their body. And that stuff adds up.
Even just like the discipline of going to the gym, like it's all this time that women are spending.

Speaker 4 Women are spending so much time to be attractive, men have to just show up and pay. Like, the bar is really not that high for them,

Speaker 3 guys. I hope you're listening to the expert.
Now, moving on, because I have there's so much I want to cover. This one is let's switch because I don't want to, I want to be fair with the guys.

Speaker 3 Lately, I hear this complaint from a lot of my guy friends. Okay, they start dating a girl, and I'm saying keywords start.

Speaker 3 They go on like one, two, three dates, four dates, And these women are already making like blunt demands. For example, a friend of mine, one of my besties, is dating this girl.

Speaker 3 They went on like four dates, and she was like, Oh,

Speaker 3 you're not really meeting my needs, quote unquote. You're not giving me anything.

Speaker 3 You know, basically, she was saying,

Speaker 3 The dates that you pay for are not good enough. Like, I want a gift.
I want you to pay for shit. I think this is something that comes organically

Speaker 3 as the relationship progresses. And I'm going to say, and I'm a woman, but I think that's a huge no-no.
I think girls need to stop doing that. Like meet a guy and start asking for crap right away.

Speaker 3 Do you agree, Nicole?

Speaker 4 Okay, so you have to look at how much emotional buy-in he has, or I call it emotional leverage. Okay.

Speaker 4 If he doesn't have that high amount of positive feelings towards you yet, and you ask him for things, he's going to be like, no.

Speaker 4 It's like if a stranger asks you to give them $100, like you'd probably be like, no. Versus if your best friend did, you'd probably be like, of course, because you have like an emotional connection.

Speaker 4 So, for women, it's not that necessarily, oh, wanting a man to give you gifts is wrong, right? But you are putting it too far in the equation before his emotional feelings.

Speaker 4 The more he actually really likes you and cares for you, you could start asking for more and more and more.

Speaker 4 But if you're not paying attention to how he acts, if you think like every guy should just treat you this way because I would ask you to look at, is how you're acting on your side of the street going to make him emotionally open enough that he even wants to do those things in the first place?

Speaker 4 Because if not, then it's a demand, right? Versus this is just what I want. And I feel like I've shown up enough to receive that.

Speaker 4 And I don't think a lot of women are doing that because they're just like, here's what I, what can I get? What can I get? You have to do all this for me, but he has to feel open to you first.

Speaker 3 And I think, at least in my case, if the guy likes you and you guys go on a bunch of dates and you decide to date, these things should come from the guy. We don't even have to ask, right?

Speaker 3 Like the guy's going to bring you flowers, candy, whatever it is organically because he likes you.

Speaker 4 Mm-hmm. Yeah.
And it's way better if you don't have to ask, right? If you're pushing for him,

Speaker 4 no one likes to be pushed and prodded and demanded.

Speaker 4 So again, I would ask women, like, are you actually sure you're showing up on your side of the street where this guy's thinking, wow, she's different. She's amazing.
She makes me feel great.

Speaker 4 Or is he just like, eh, you know, wasn't really that great. The connection wasn't really that great.
Like, she's okay.

Speaker 4 Not that you are that way, but a lot of women aren't paying attention to how they show up on their side of the street.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that's just too pushy, which leads me to my next question.

Speaker 3 A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with a bunch of guy friends at, I'm sure you know this, a super fancy place in Beverly Hills, Avra, right? Great bar scene, la la la la.

Speaker 3 And one of my friends invited this girl, this lady that he knows from work and i'm not even going to say where she's from but she was she's like super boy aggressive like she's she thinks she sees men as targets for example like i want to meet a guy and within a year i want him to marry me and like the guys were walking by at the restaurant the bar she literally goes to them like hey hi how are you are you here with the date or are you here alone you know just this very aggressive behavior and all my guy friends that were there told me, every single one of them said, this is such a big turn off.

Speaker 3 We are not interested in a girl that is so aggressive, that approaches and wants this. And hey, give me a drink, give me champagne, give me this, give me that.
Are you free? Are you available?

Speaker 3 They, every single one of them, no exception, said, this is a little much. Like, back off and let the guys do the hunting.
Do you agree with this approach or do you think she's totally fine?

Speaker 4 Absolutely. I mean, it would have been better if she just sat at the bar, like really open posture, waiting for somebody to come up to her, especially if she's like, you know, beautiful.

Speaker 4 Like, people are going to come up to her and they're going to talk to her. But the issue is it sounds like she doesn't really want the person.
She just wants the title of being like somebody's wife.

Speaker 4 I mean, don't wait around forever for somebody to marry you. But if you have this deadline, you're not caring about that person.
Like, you're just trying to fill.

Speaker 4 a space and men can feel that and the thing is like you know men also want to feel special like they want to feel like you care about them in particular, not just you want to get stuff from them.

Speaker 4 So it's not surprising that her tactics are not working. She should let them come to her.
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think men don't want to feel like they're a target, right? Like the women see them as an ATM machine. Like, hi, I want to meet you.
And here, just pay all my bills.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah.
Even the gold digger women, like the ones that do it successfully, like the ones that are actual gold diggers, but they're making the guy feel special.

Speaker 4 They're making him feel like there's no no one else like you. Like, that's why they have that position.
Like, that's succeeded.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying it's right, but like they know how to play the game because you have to make that man feel uniquely special. And the guys who have money, they don't want you to want them for the money.

Speaker 4 They want you to want them for the other qualities that they have.

Speaker 3 Yes, 1 million percent. Now, there's a trend going on on social media.
I don't know if you noticed or if you've seen it. A lot of girls they use this term like, I want a provider, quote unquote.

Speaker 3 but what they really mean is i want a guy that that's going to pay all my bills i see a lot of girls on tick tock posting that oh i don't have to do anything all day my boyfriend is a provider i want a provider i want a provider and i think they're using this as an excuse to literally go after men to do nothing with their lives.

Speaker 3 As an expert, because I'm not an expert, I always think this is a horrible idea. I think the more you have going on in your life, better are your chances of attracting an equal partner.

Speaker 3 I don't think think you should see men as providers, even if they end up being a provider.

Speaker 3 Of course, a lot of people are going to say, Oh, but we ought to have kids and stay at home, mom, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 I mean, like, these girls that literally decide they want to do nothing, they want to find a guy to provide for them. What do you, what is your opinion as an expert?

Speaker 4 Okay, so I've seen those videos too, right?

Speaker 4 Where it's like, I'm just a stay-at-home nothing, and like, and but you're not seeing like how he's controlling her, you're not seeing what's behind the scenes.

Speaker 4 Remember, like, it is social media, very few people very few men will just give money without some sort of control i'm not saying there are not generous men out there but very few will give without constraints right so first of all if you are going to try and find a provider man you got to be clear about what you're looking for because if it's just he has money

Speaker 4 A lot of times, like look at Christine Quinn example from Selling Sunset, right? Like she thought she found the perfect guy, right? And like he was rich. I heard that.
Is he rich?

Speaker 4 Oh, I think that's the thing.

Speaker 4 Oh.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 she left the show. I mean, I don't know if she left because she was married, but she left the show.
I hope she comes back, right?

Speaker 4 I thought I loved her on Selling Sunset, but that's an example of like, she, I think, she wrote in her book, like, I manifested him. And it seemed like she was getting this fairy tale.

Speaker 4 Like, I think he's rich from like tech or something. Turns out, behind the scenes, he was like a literal psycho, right? Like, locking her in the house.

Speaker 4 I'm not saying that's always going to happen but usually when you go for guys just for money a lot of times that happens and then you have nothing like that that this is like a big problem where women can't leave relationships because they're financially dependent on the guy.

Speaker 4 So I always say keep stuff, even if you just have social media, even if like you're an influencer, like do something

Speaker 4 so you know, like I can have money coming in.

Speaker 4 Like, why not be with a provider be with a guy who has money but why not also have your own money because money for women is safety money for women is protection like I just think it's a fantasy that there's these guys out there that are just like here is all of my money with no constraints and no conditions I'm like I really truly just want you to like live that soft girl life all day long.

Speaker 4 Like I need those women to send me 24 hours of their day so I can see how the guy's actually talking to them and treating them behind closed doors.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I love that. And you nailed it because I always say, have your own money, have your own bank account, your own interests, because if something goes wrong, you can get the hell out.

Speaker 3 You're not in somebody else's hands.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, I think all these girls need to rethink this idea of like literally focusing on finding a guy, you know, that's going to pay all their bills because it can definitely backfire.

Speaker 3 Another one that I got a lot of backlash for this one. I can't wait to hear your opinion.

Speaker 3 You go on a date with someone on paper, like he fits all the boxes, good-looking, successful, nice, seems to be well-educated, well-dressed, la la la la la. So he picks a nice restaurant.

Speaker 3 You guys are sitting there on the first date, and he's just rude, like he has no manners. And it happens all the time.

Speaker 3 Like, either he's rude at the waiting staff, or like in this case, the dude was like literally chewing gum and he got the gum and then like he glued the gum to on the plate.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I wish you guys saw Nicole's face if you're listening to the audio episode. And when the waiter came to move the plate away, he was like, No, no, no, no, no, leave the plate on the table.

Speaker 3 So, like, he was eating, and the gum was like stuck on the plate. And that's all I could think about.

Speaker 3 I know, I'm like, oh my God, this guy has no manners.

Speaker 3 And I kept thinking, like, I don't want to go on another date to this guy because I couldn't, you know, think of the idea of putting up with his lack of manners.

Speaker 3 And I did a video about it and really funny video. And a lot of people agree with me, but a lot of people, guys and girls, send me these messages: like, oh, you're being like too tough on the guy.

Speaker 3 You could like mention it. Manners is something people change.
It shouldn't be a deal-breaker, you know. Poor guy.
Maybe in his culture, it's okay. I don't know.

Speaker 3 To me, like, if you don't know how to behave in public, it's a big turn off. What would you say about that situation?

Speaker 4 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 4 I mean, also, like, okay, for you, you're somebody that's going to events a lot you're you're going to like galas you're going to things where manners really matter and unfortunately people when they see your partner they're gonna they make up stuff about you like they they do treat your partner as an extension of you right and so for somebody like you that's just not gonna work right um

Speaker 4 Can things change?

Speaker 4 Yes, but the older people are,

Speaker 4 the tendencies are more fixed. So it depends.
If we're talking about like a 55-year-old man, he's probably going to be like, ah, this is how I am. Like, take me or leave me.
Right. So it depends on

Speaker 4 the age. But I think this is where people have to say, like, what's really important to me? Because everybody has different.
deal breakers, right?

Speaker 4 And nobody should be telling anybody else, like, you should just sweep that under the rug, like that, because it might be important to you. Like I said, for you, that's important.

Speaker 4 You need a man who, when you go to events, when you go to things, you don't have to worry about being embarrassed because that's going to negatively impact you.

Speaker 4 If you're embarrassed by him, it's going to take away from your ability to shine. So for you, I can absolutely see that.

Speaker 4 For somebody else who's like, I don't care, like we don't go out that much, maybe they won't care.

Speaker 4 But don't tell somebody else that they need to not have their own qualities and their own criteria just because it doesn't matter to you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but also, Nicole, this is my take on it. And tell me if you think I'm exaggerating.
I don't want to be teaching grown-ass men like the basics at this point, you know.

Speaker 3 And maybe it's a little mean, but that's just how I feel.

Speaker 3 I'm like, I don't want to be having to teach a dude, like, you don't do this at a restaurant, you know, don't show up chewing gum and spit the gum on the plate or whatever it is that they do wrong.

Speaker 3 I don't want to be their mother. I want a grown-ass man that behaves like a man.

Speaker 3 If they have to be taught something or change their behavior from the get-go, I'm like, I don't want to be a part of this project. Do you agree or anything is too harsh?

Speaker 4 Also, like, if it's like, okay, so if it, if it's the gum thing, and then like when he's out with friends, he like he says things that are embarrassing.

Speaker 4 Like, it's like, if it's like a just overall pattern of how he is, if it's one little thing, but it's rarely one little thing. That's the problem.

Speaker 4 Like, usually, these tendencies, they're across the board in a lot of different areas. It's kind of like if somebody's a messy person, right? They're not just like messy in one room of the house.

Speaker 4 They're messy everywhere.

Speaker 4 So, if the quality is he's really careless, he doesn't pay attention to things around him, he doesn't have manners in all the situations, then you are absolutely okay to say, like, I don't, I don't want this, right?

Speaker 4 So, it depends.

Speaker 4 If it's one little thing, yeah, you can bring it up.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so it's like

Speaker 3 the guy that doesn't know how to drink in public. I don't know if you watched that show already because it just uh premiered season, I don't know what season, I think it's season two, selling DOC.

Speaker 3 It's kind of like selling sunset money.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so there's this really pretty girl, you know, Alex. She's a very Alex Hall.
She's a very successful real estate agent.

Speaker 3 And she finally starts dating some dude that I think her mom introduced to her. I don't know.
And he seems really nice on paper, but they go to

Speaker 4 Palm Springs. Where are you?

Speaker 3 They were in Palm Springs for a weekend because it was the birthday of one of her co-workers. So she brings this guy that she's dating.
within a group of co-workers. They're having a birthday dinner.

Speaker 3 And this dude is drunk as a skunk, and he's being belligerent, like interrupting everyone, like totally misbehaving. She's like, stop it, don't talk anymore, like, shut up.

Speaker 3 And I was cringing because I was thinking, like, I never, I've been that woman, like, worrying about the dude's behavior. And finally, she got out of the table.

Speaker 3 She's like, oh, I gotta take him to bed. Like, he drank too much.
And I'm thinking, like,

Speaker 3 who the hell wants to be with a date that doesn't know how to behave in front of your friends or co-workers? That's just a no-no, right?

Speaker 4 No, no. Like, then again, the problem is that people then, like, they think bad about you because they're like, why are you choosing somebody like that? And she's in the reputation business, right?

Speaker 4 Like, so somebody like that, A, who's on a TV show, but B, like everything is her reputation, they're going to think bad about her.

Speaker 4 Like, when somebody has a really bad boyfriend like that, people start, like, you can't help it. You're like, what's wrong with her?

Speaker 4 I'm not saying there is something wrong with her, but that's how people start to think because you look at somebody like Alex Hall and it's like, she's beautiful, she's successful.

Speaker 4 She could have anybody is how people think. So if you're choosing somebody that acts terribly,

Speaker 4 unfortunately, they're not going to be like, it's him. Like how the brain works, they're going to be like, what's wrong with?

Speaker 4 her it's the same thing that's happening on selling sunset with emma who's dating uh

Speaker 4 whose name is but on this whole thing where it's like why are you dating a man child right and it it could affect her reputation. And she, she had a great reputation before this came out.

Speaker 4 Nobody really had anything like negative to say about Emma, right? I'm not saying she's bad at all, but now all of a sudden it's like, why is she dating him? What's wrong with her?

Speaker 4 And it's become this whole thing, all because she chose a guy who doesn't act right a lot of the time.

Speaker 3 No, he puts his foot on his mouth all the time.

Speaker 3 And I think, like I said, if you're dating that person and they're embarrassing themselves in public or saying shit they're not supposed to be saying, it spills on you. It's just horrible.

Speaker 3 And I think as adults, and it happened to me, it happened last year. We talked about it.
We did an episode about it. I was dating this dude.
I think he was a narcissist. I don't know.

Speaker 3 The one that bought the candle for Christmas, remember?

Speaker 3 He bought himself a Lamborghini. We did a skit about that as well.
And pretty much every single person that watched that video agree, like the guy is like a total narcissist psycho.

Speaker 3 But same thing, like every place I took him to introduce to my friends or something, he would drink too much, flirt with all the women in front of me, embarrass me in front of my friends.

Speaker 3 And then I'm like, why am I putting up with this shit? No woman deserves that kind of behavior in public.

Speaker 4 No, no, not at all. Not even behind closed doors, but especially not in public.
Especially if you're a public-facing person.

Speaker 3 Exactly, guys. Behave, behave, behave.
Especially if you're with someone in their

Speaker 3 environment. I hope Emma's not dating that douche in more because I think, yeah, he says a lot of hard work.

Speaker 4 I think she's still dating him. Like, I don't know.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 I think she really likes him, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Oh, well.

Speaker 3 I think she lost a friendship with Chris.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Because of that, right? Because he said some nasty shit.
Anyway, guys, if you didn't watch the show, go out the show because I don't want to give it up here.

Speaker 3 Another issue that is always very controversial. You go, and I know this is a very personal thing, right? And I think you said on a previous episode that you don't think there's a rule for that.

Speaker 3 When to have sex with someone.

Speaker 3 So here is this, here is this scenario. You go on one, two, three dates with a guy, and you don't feel ready, but he feels ready.
So, in

Speaker 3 the short video that we did was like, the girl and the guy are going to do a movie night at the girl's house on the fourth date. So, they start watching the movie, and the guy tries to jump her bones.

Speaker 3 And she's like, Well, you know, hanging there, I'm not ready for this much. Let me explain to you how I feel.
And the guy gets pissed.

Speaker 4 Like, I i don't want to talk about it if we're not going to kiss we're not going to do any of it he gets like an immature teenager that didn't get what he wanted major red flag correct absolutely yes especially like now it's so easy for guys to get sex if they want to right so it's like he doesn't need to pressure you but the thing is is that he's not if some in a relationship if he's not respecting your feelings it's just about what he wants he's always going to be that way he's always going to bulldoze you right and so that's a huge red flag especially if you explained your feelings like you didn't make him feel bad like oh it's about him you didn't make him feel unwanted that is a huge red flag it represents somebody who doesn't actually really care about you they just have their own agenda

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that, and same. A lot of people said, oh, why did you invite the guy to your house? Because when a guy comes to your house for a movie night, they expect they're going to have sex.

Speaker 3 And I was like, really?

Speaker 3 Why should they expect to have sex? If the girl is ready, she's ready. But can't you guys make out and not have sex?

Speaker 4 So that would be like women saying, why did you invite your girlfriend to the mall? She expected that you were going to pay for every item and take her on a shopping school.

Speaker 4 That's crazy. Why would she

Speaker 4 expect like that? Like this expect, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If a man cannot control himself on the fourth date, the issue is with him.

Speaker 4 Women should not have to tiptoe around men's expectations like that because he's not entitled to your body.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no. And I think if he got pissed, it's a clear sign that all he was interested in was having sex, not using a relationship, right?

Speaker 4 Absolutely.

Speaker 3 Now, a lot of girls, at least here in LA, and the reason why I know that is because I have a lot of besties who are men. A lot of girls do have sex on the first date, the second date.

Speaker 3 They just go for it very quickly. I have one of my besties is a guy, very successful, good-looking, la la la la la, lives here in Beverly Hills.

Speaker 3 Every time he takes a girl on a date and we laugh about it, he's like, either he has sex with her, or at the very least, they make out in the car. They do a lot of stuff in the car the first time.

Speaker 3 But this is what I tell girls: obviously, do whatever you want. But I think women should know that most single men, that's how they behave.

Speaker 3 So, like, if you go on a first date with a guy and you're giving him a lot on the first date,

Speaker 3 very likely he's going to be doing the same thing with a different girl a few days from now because this is the behavior of most single men. Do you agree, or you think I'm just being too conservative?

Speaker 4 I mean, I think they're going to try, right? Like, I don't, I think most men are going to try as far as you're willing to go.

Speaker 4 So, like, you have to put the boundary up like most men like think about it if you start to make out with them if you start to give them a hand job like they're not going to be like oh let me stop like most men are not going to stop they're going to take it as far as they want to go so like women do have to set the boundaries a lot of the time and then see but like also like like your friend right like it sounds like he's clearly in that mode where like that's what he's wanting like he's happy to just go out with different women You know, does he want a real relationship?

Speaker 3 Yes, yes, because that's the thing. A lot of single guys, they say, I want a relationship, but until I find that person,

Speaker 3 they're dating, they're doing stuff, and they're going to go for it. So, this is what I say as for the girls.

Speaker 3 As long as you know, like the guy takes you out on one nice dinner and you're making out in his car,

Speaker 3 very likely two days from now, three days from now, he's going to be doing the same thing with another one until you figure out. This is why for me, I usually don't do too much on a first date.

Speaker 3 Normally, I don't even date a kiss on a first date, but this is why I take my time because I see the behavior of my single guys.

Speaker 4 It's really what you can handle too, right?

Speaker 4 So like if it's going to emotionally hurt you, like if you went on a date with a guy and you slept with him and then you find out two days later he's sleeping with someone else, you know, that's going to emotionally hurt you, like don't do it.

Speaker 4 You know what I mean? Like protect your own feelings but yeah when people are single they can kind of do whatever they want you know that's the rules of the game

Speaker 3 i agree so speaking of rules do you think there should be a rule in terms of like for a woman when should i sleep with this guy or just go with the flow and and do whatever feel like organically different women have different choices I think you should only sleep with him if you're not going to freak out if he doesn't call you back, right?

Speaker 4 If you are like going to be emotionally okay, like it's really about you. Like I always say, like I slept with my husband on the third date, right?

Speaker 4 Like, but I knew I wasn't gonna be like crying if I didn't like, if he, I wasn't gonna make it my, about my worth, right?

Speaker 4 Like a lot of women, they'll like sleep with a guy or they'll, you know, make out with the guy, and then like what he does after, they make it about their worth.

Speaker 4 Like, I wasn't good enough or whatever.

Speaker 4 You can't like do that. If you can't separate his actions from your worth, like, don't sleep with him until you know he's more invested and there's less of a chance of him pulling back.

Speaker 4 But if you're someone who is more free, right? Or you're like, okay, I can go here and kiss this guy. I can sleep with this guy.

Speaker 4 And like, it's not really going to affect your self-esteem, then like do it, right? Like, of course, do it safely. But I think some women can't.

Speaker 4 Some women really have to know he's more invested before they can open up.

Speaker 3 Yeah, totally. I completely agree with you.
Now, before I let you go, I always like to mention because I know there's so many people out there, and that's another trend that I don't like.

Speaker 3 I've been seeing a lot lately, a lot of girls, even young girls, saying, Oh, I'm never going to be loved. I'm never going to find the love of my life.

Speaker 4 I'm going to give up.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like that was this girl. I think she's 23, 24.
She wrote a book. Yeah, I know.
People magazine did an article about her because she was like, Oh, I'm going to be single forever.

Speaker 3 It's too hard finding it.

Speaker 4 And I'm like, You can give up on love i mean you've got to keep going any words of encouragement and i love sharing with people for those of the the audience that doesn't know you you met your husband on a dating app and you guys are met him until super happily married you met him with so there is hope on dating apps there are nice people on dating apps yeah there are there are you have to wade through a lot but there are but like if you're 23 i mean to me that's like very attention seeking like i think she got what she wanted she got the people you know she got on magazine like that there's no reason for you when you're that young, you don't even have enough life experience.

Speaker 4 Like, I can understand when people have been through like three divorces, or like when you've been through a lot of bad relationships, like that person probably doesn't even really realize what real heartbreak is.

Speaker 4 Like, go through a narcissist, go through a divorce, go through like him, like, lying and having a second family. Like, go through those things, and then you're going to see what real heartbreak is.

Speaker 4 But, but on the flip side, the younger people, like their social media, there's all these options. People are actually having real emotional challenges connecting.

Speaker 4 Like, so I can see what they're saying from that aspect.

Speaker 4 But somebody who's young has to understand that, like, how you talk to yourself, what you see as possible for yourself, what you're saying to yourself is really determining so much of what you're going to receive.

Speaker 4 You can't control the dating world necessarily, but why not just choose positivity and hope? Because it feels better, you know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 4 yes,

Speaker 3 look, I'm one of those. I've been through divorce, I've been through hell, high water, the narcissist, the cheater, the la la la, and I'm an eternal believer in love.

Speaker 3 I always say that don't give up on finding love any age, I think, for that matter. Because you never know, like the right person for you could be out there trying to find you.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you're never going to find them if you're like, I've worked with a lot of clients who are like in their 60s or in their late 50s.

Speaker 4 And for years, they've been telling themselves, like, it's not working, it's not working. And they make it really hard on themselves.

Speaker 4 It is better to be open and optimistic, even though you're opening yourself up to hurt, than to be like so

Speaker 4 shut down that nothing good can come in. Like, there's always a possibility of being really surprised by somebody good.

Speaker 4 And I would hate for like anybody to really give up on that because at the end of the day, like love is like this thing where one day they're not there and then the next day they could be there.

Speaker 4 Like, it's all of a sudden. Cool, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, totally. So, for those of you guys who don't know Nicole, follow her on Instagram.
Please, Nicole Moore Love, which I love. And they can reach out to you directly, right?

Speaker 3 If you, if you, you do coaching sessions, if they want to speak with you directly, right?

Speaker 4 They can reach out, they can message me. I also have a new membership called Secure Woman Club.

Speaker 3 What is that? What is that?

Speaker 4 So, that is right now it's only $7 too. So it's like a latte.

Speaker 4 But there's, I trained,

Speaker 4 I created this AI love coach called Lovey, and she's trained on all of my real coaching sessions. So it's not like Chat GPT, it's like literally all of my coaching.
And you can ask her for support.

Speaker 4 And there's like secure woman responses, there's what to text. There's literally like there's modules on communication, on money, too.

Speaker 4 So women don't go through that where they're in the relationship and they don't have money.

Speaker 4 And it's like my way of if you want help in your love life if you want to be secure if you want to not be anxious but maybe you don't have the budget for coaching i got you it's like literally where are you going

Speaker 3 oh my god i'm gonna i'm gonna jump in so guys there you go everybody can spend seven bucks and i mean your advice is always on point i love your energy thank you so much for helping us and let's not give up on love

Speaker 3 Thank you. I appreciate you, Nicole.
Happy holidays in case I don't speak with you again before next year. And I hope you come back very soon.

Speaker 3 Guys, be safe out there, and I'll talk to you soon.