INSIDE THE MIND OF SINGLE GUYS

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Parli italiano.

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Speaker 4 And let's rock and roll. Ladies and gentlemen, today I have two very brave single guys here with me that I truly, truly adore and call friends.

Speaker 4 And I'm saying brave because I'm going to try to peek into their brain of the single guys guy so we can understand

Speaker 4 better this crazy chaotic world of data. So let me introduce you guys.
Hi, let's start with the first Michael. Michael Patrick.
Hi, how are you?

Speaker 5 I decided that if we're gonna do this, I'd welcome you right into my bedroom, right on my bed. As you can see, I've got candles over here and champagne.

Speaker 5 So I welcome you. I welcome you to my bachelor bed.

Speaker 4 There you go. So So if you guys are listening to the audio episode, make sure you go look at the video of his bed on YouTube, Carolus Show.

Speaker 5 And Kat, Kat, if you can't handle seeing this, I have

Speaker 5 blindfold for you, too.

Speaker 5 Now we're getting kinky. Goes with any bed.

Speaker 5 Same.

Speaker 4 And my other Michael, who is Michael Henderson, who goes by Henderson, we're going to call him. Hi, Henderson.
Thank you for doing this.

Speaker 6 You're welcome. So I'm not letting you in my bedroom until that's personal and that takes some time, but I'll get you my fireplace, though.

Speaker 5 Ooh, look at that. Beautiful.
That's the fireplace.

Speaker 4 That's what I was thinking today. Talk about the perfect day to cuddle, snuggle, right?

Speaker 5 Stay home

Speaker 4 with someone. I'm home with my dogs.
So

Speaker 4 I'm snuggling three moody dogs who cannot go out because of the rain. Mike, okay, so you folded, you're blindfolded yourself.

Speaker 4 You don't want to look at at the camera you want to do this blindfolded this is a dating game now oh boy this is a dating

Speaker 5 the bachelorette where are they ah well you only have this one tonight but let's i want to

Speaker 4 oh yeah i hope so right i hope so

Speaker 4 well guys

Speaker 4 Let's try to get serious for a second so we can pack up as much information as possible. We saw each other last week.

Speaker 4 We were hanging out at this really cool bar here in Beverly Hills and organically we started talking about the world of dating relationships and I realized you guys have a lot to say about it because first of all you're both single you're both super successful for those of you listening who don't know that I'm gonna give you the information really really quickly Michael Patrick Shields is a super successful radio host I think you've had your radio show for like two decades correct Michael that's yeah that's right thank you yeah you you are a journalist you write several travel columns and again they're both single you're single we're gonna to talk about you've been through several marriages, and you're going to tell us why.

Speaker 4 And if you want to get married again, Henderson, have you ever been married yourself or your sister?

Speaker 6 I've never been married.

Speaker 4 Okay, so you're that unicorn. You've never been married.
You're super successful, super good-looking.

Speaker 6 I've been proposed to four times.

Speaker 4 Oh my God, we got to talk about that. But hold on.
Just so the girls know, both of you have great careers. Henderson has an extensive background in law enforcement.

Speaker 4 Interestingly enough, your company, your private security company is called Phoenix. My creative services agency is called Phoenix.

Speaker 6 See, we are there.

Speaker 5 Yeah. We know.

Speaker 4 My dog name is Phoenix. My company name is Phoenix.
I have a tattoo, Phoenix. I love the Phoenix.

Speaker 6 It's a strong meaning for sure.

Speaker 4 Yeah, very strong. So both of you guys are super successful at what you do.
You're very talented. You're very intelligent.

Speaker 4 So the first question I want to ask in a nutshell, and please be as honest as you can about it.

Speaker 4 Why are you single because you want to be single because you've been burned too many times because you're waiting for the perfect someone or you're just happy as as the way things are

Speaker 4 oof

Speaker 5 that's loaded that's loaded

Speaker 5 henderson said a minute ago that he had been proposed to four times he didn't say that he proposed four times are you saying that you had four women who proposed to you did they get down on one knee or how did that all go no and that was

Speaker 6 maybe yeah no that's when i had hair and uh i was younger

Speaker 6 probably a little you know looked a different little little different but nonetheless yeah um you know they were corporate women they were uh very business-minded which i appreciate and like i love women that handle their business and that are um some people say independent and strong i use that kind of loosely um

Speaker 6 and they were all good women there was no doubt about it I think at the time in my life, I couldn't provide a lot of consistency.

Speaker 6 You know, my job was traveling all over the world and protecting people and doing these things in durable countries. And so I was gone maybe 200 days a year,

Speaker 6 give or take. So that just wasn't conducive to giving them the stability that I knew that they wanted.
So I said, no, I didn't. I

Speaker 5 wasn't like James Bond and Money Penny then, because you were always coming back from the Far East or Middle East.

Speaker 6 Well, that's a different podcast. That's a different podcast.

Speaker 5 I'm sure things out there.

Speaker 5 You can Google and find all that.

Speaker 4 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Neither one of you answered the question.
Are you single now by choice or are you looking for the right partner?

Speaker 6 Yeah, so I am looking for the right partner. Okay.
But in the same breath of that, though, I am very comfortable and content being by myself until that right person comes along.

Speaker 6 And I also found that I've been in waves of moments moments where I don't even want to try.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And that's also a good time to heal and do other things.

Speaker 6 But then there are moments where, you know, I have to go, yeah, I need to be open. Let me go out.
Let me do some dating.

Speaker 4 I'm exactly like you.

Speaker 4 I'm exactly the same. I'm super happy by myself.
I take crazy long breaks from dating, which I call the man diet, the dating diet.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but I am open. I want to be in a relationship, but I'm not in a hurry at all.
How about you, Michael Patrick Schules? Are you single by choice? Do you want to find a partner?

Speaker 4 Are you like, I've had enough?

Speaker 5 Well, people, you know, they ask when they meet you, are you married? And I say occasionally.

Speaker 4 What is that supposed to mean?

Speaker 5 Well, I've had four marriages and five engagements. Oh.

Speaker 4 And busy boy.

Speaker 5 Do pale.

Speaker 5 At least I'm not afraid to commit, is what I tell them. You know, that isn't bad.

Speaker 5 But but yeah, I was head over heels with all of them. And to some degree, to this day, I still am because, you know, it's natural if you're going to be that deep in with somebody.

Speaker 5 So I don't go about it. I don't look, though.

Speaker 5 I know there are women and men who make a job of it, you know, where they're going out three, four nights a week and working the apps and all that sort of thing.

Speaker 5 And I've come to believe that it will find you,

Speaker 5 you know, organically.

Speaker 5 I agree.

Speaker 4 I totally agree. So that's not good.

Speaker 5 You know, life is short, and some people are on a mission, you know? Yeah, too much.

Speaker 4 So let's talk about that.

Speaker 4 For all the ladies out there listening, all the single women out there that complain that there are no high-quality single guys out there, you are proof that yes, there are.

Speaker 4 Because you're very high-quality, you're single, you're crazy intelligent, you're successful, you have careers. What would be a major like green flag?

Speaker 4 Like when you guys meet a girl, whether it's on a dating app or a bar, whatever it is, what is something they're like, oh, okay, this is amazing. I really want this characteristic in a partner.

Speaker 6 I'll go first. Kindness.
Soon as I meet, and I don't do apps. So that's the other thing.

Speaker 4 So nobody's going to find you on any dating app.

Speaker 6 Not a one, unless unless there's a friend that I don't know that used my face. But other than that, which I don't know, I don't know that to be the case or why they would want to.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 6 I'm like, that was a mistake. But nonetheless, I am all about walking into an establishment.

Speaker 6 And I've been very fortunate to meet people just in person. And I think that's a good way for my personality to show.

Speaker 6 And then you can immediately get that spark or, you know, beyond the attraction piece.

Speaker 6 But that's very comfortable for me. I actually did.
uh tinder

Speaker 6 uh the first week the entire world shut down

Speaker 6 and uh

Speaker 6 which is probably the worst time, too, I guess, be on an app.

Speaker 6 But I think they had a two-day cancellation. So it was basically from a Thursday to Thursday.
Nothing worked. I was probably a walking red flag.
And I was like, this isn't for me. And so I jumped off.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you're not the only one. There are a lot of high-value people that are like, they're just like, I don't want to do the dynamics.
How about you, Michael Patrick?

Speaker 5 Well, I heard it. I experienced this and I heard a phrase that actually describes it.

Speaker 5 And that is that you might, when you're on the app, have the interest of a woman or meet them and they want to go out with you. And so they expect to go to dinner.

Speaker 5 And they call it a foodie call, not a booty call. Oh,

Speaker 5 and you end up having this dinner with them and they tolerate the conversation for the evening and then off they go.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but that's not nice. That's like using someone for it before.

Speaker 5 But it's happened. It's definitely happened to me twice.
And now I know there's a label for it.

Speaker 4 So I never heard. Look, I do this podcast and it's the first time I hear that.

Speaker 6 Never heard it.

Speaker 5 Foodie cats. Never heard it.
Yeah, professional eaters, I say. Oh, wow.
So if you had a man, cat, and he invited you to take a beach walk or get coffee.

Speaker 4 I will not do that on a first date ever. Not at all.

Speaker 5 Do you want a meal?

Speaker 4 No, it's not that I want a meal. I want a man.
That's me, right? I love old-fashioned men. It has nothing to do with the money.
I can buy as many meals as I want.

Speaker 4 Luckily, I take myself to any restaurant I want, but I like the gesture of a guy that plans a romantic date. I want a type A man.
We were talking about that actually when we met because I'm so busy.

Speaker 4 Like I'm in control the entire day. I'm the boss.
I run my company. I run the show.

Speaker 4 So, in my personal life, I want a guy that is is going to say, you know, let's go here. I booked this place.
The romantic, I don't want like a walk on the beach.

Speaker 4 That's why I do that with my friends, you know. I will not do that.
Be honest, Michael. I don't want most women, most women that know their value, they don't want to walk with you on the beach.

Speaker 4 And I understand the food is a different situation. It's not fair.
But I'm saying, like, if two people are interested in each other, I think the guy should put the effort and plan a nice date.

Speaker 5 Uh-huh.

Speaker 5 I knew a guy, guy his name was michael and he used the apps yeah he scheduled every 45 minutes when if he was gonna go out and do it he scheduled every 45 minutes a different woman at a coffee house and uh since he was there he figured i might as well maximize the time yeah that happened to me that happened to me did it Yeah, like

Speaker 4 I have my bestie who is, oh, you met him, you know, Doug, my bestie.

Speaker 4 So there is a dude that lives in his building that wanted to go out with me and meet me and so he insisted so much that was like more than two years ago i was like okay whatever let's do it so we went to this coffee shop on marose and immediately i'm like okay i don't want to date this dude for many reasons and then like a few hours later i was walking phoenix my dog And the dude was there with another girl.

Speaker 4 So I'm like, this is really fishy. What the fuck is going on? So I'm like, I'm going to come back here tomorrow.

Speaker 4 And sure enough, that was his little you know thing that he did he booked a bunch of that's he didn't shower he didn't change clothes he would literally walk

Speaker 4 from the tennis club and like do this women on rotation but i mean that's not nice but i'm we're talking here about like high value dating like for people that actually want a relationship yeah you know not talking about players so you are jaded michael patrick you don't want to take girls to dinner because you don't want to fall in the hands of a footie?

Speaker 5 No, the problem is

Speaker 5 I'm still susceptible, but,

Speaker 5 you know,

Speaker 5 when you get the Thunderbolt, like Michael Corleone and The Godfather, it's undeniable. And so you will do silly things, you'll do romantic things, you'll do anything.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 But as for a first date minus the Thunderbolt, i don't know yeah i'm the complete opposite of that

Speaker 6 yeah yeah i don't well i don't know about all out but i like to eat so i am a food

Speaker 6 uh so i i enjoy food and the way i look at it and this may be wrong i'm not sure but it's convenient for me so i don't have a ton of time to go out and do multiple dates one i think that's kind of uh that's a waste of money i'd rather spend money doing some other things than you know doing that so i don't go out and you know, shoot my shot, if you will, uh, often.

Speaker 6 Uh, I usually

Speaker 6 let probably good ones go by, right? I'm like, Do I really feel like it?

Speaker 6 Or I've got to travel a lot this, you know, this month or these weeks, you know, so I'll meet someone, I'll connect, I'll travel, then I'll forget who the hell I met.

Speaker 6 And it just becomes a, it becomes a thing, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'll tell you when I get back.

Speaker 6 But if I don't text you before I leave, then I don't remember who you are. So I stopped doing that.
But I have to eat.

Speaker 6 And so if I go to a nice place in Bel Air or wherever I go, you know, we're all in the neighborhood. So where we go, the places we go,

Speaker 6 I have to go anyway because I have to eat.

Speaker 6 And so if I have to add another two, three hundred dollars to the tab, I mean, it's okay to meet someone that, you know, I get to actually get to meet and get to spend that hour, two hours, three hours, four hours with

Speaker 5 to really see that personality.

Speaker 6 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 5 Here they go. Yeah.

Speaker 6 They usually last. They They usually don't just run out on me, Michael.
So

Speaker 6 maybe I need it wisely, you know, for the first minute, and then maybe not. But I mean, I figure I have to spend it anyway, and I have to eat.
So it's like I go places that I'm going to go anyway.

Speaker 6 So, you know, it's, it's no knock on the chin, you know, if it doesn't happen to work out. But I am very selective, though, of who I give my time and energy to.
Very crazy.

Speaker 4 I'm the same. I'm crazy selective in terms of who I accept to to go on a date with.
And maybe that's what you should do, Michael Patrick.

Speaker 4 Like, that would be a good way for you to separate the foodie calls from

Speaker 4 the real dates, right? Somebody that really is into you, somebody that really cares about you, I guess.

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Speaker 4 Now, let's shift gears because I have a lot of questions I want to ask you guys, right?

Speaker 4 So you take a girl on a date. Let's say it's someone you guys really like, okay?

Speaker 4 which I understand is very rare for both of you. Then you take them on another date and another date and another date.

Speaker 4 Does it change your mind if you, like, say, second date or third date, you guys end up having sex like really soon?

Speaker 4 Do you see that woman differently because she gave you everything basically quickly, or that doesn't make any difference?

Speaker 4 They're both silent.

Speaker 5 Oh my God.

Speaker 4 They're both like staring in space.

Speaker 6 I would say that, no, it does not.

Speaker 4 Are you being honest?

Speaker 6 No, I'm being a million percent honest.

Speaker 6 And the reason I'm saying that is because I have to look at other characteristics and other behavior patterns to let me know that how high is that body count, right?

Speaker 6 And what that really means if I really dissect it too much. But that doesn't, that doesn't change anything for me.
What changes for me is when I go into the fourth, fifth date, I don't mind paying.

Speaker 6 I don't have that issue. However, However, I do start to lose interest quickly if they don't reciprocate any type of kindness or generosity.

Speaker 6 So we might be in two different economics that, you know, like

Speaker 6 levels, and that's okay. However, if we go somewhere and they have coconut water and you don't want to buy me coconut water, then I'm probably going to be almost done with you, right?

Speaker 5 Really?

Speaker 6 Yeah. Or, you know, you come over to the house and you don't want to bring a bottle of water or whatever that is, or hey, I'm on my way.
Would you like a bottle of water?

Speaker 6 water or you know i make salads you know hey i was thinking about making a salad if i don't see any type of that type of kindness then i'm usually just about to red flag you and cut you off and and real quick it's not because i feel like i need that uh that attention or that appreciation by itself the way that i interact with people period is always showing kindness the way that i you know my businesses work the way that we want to interact with people we want to give people we want to help people We want to do a lot for other people.

Speaker 6 And if you don't have that in your heart genuinely for me, and you think this is something you want, then I know you can't be a fit to even help me do great things for the world.

Speaker 4 No, and I agree with you because listen, this is what I always tell girls, right?

Speaker 4 If you're dating a guy that makes more money than you and he's paying for all the dates and everything, maybe you can say, hey, tonight, let's stay home and I'll cook you dinner, right?

Speaker 4 Or do you want to come over for breakfast?

Speaker 4 There's always small gestures that you can do to show that you appreciate everything that he's doing and i completely agree i don't like these that act entitled like oh just take care of me

Speaker 4 do everything for me because i'm a princess i'm i'm done with those i don't like those

Speaker 6 yeah well i don't even have i don't even attract those i have i have a i know we don't have time but i have a really good i had uh my general contractor for one of my companies fly into town and and that we're working on projects and all this other stuff and and he came in we'd do some meetings and tours and whatever We wound up because he wanted to kind of, you know, hang out.

Speaker 6 We wound up at Wally's Beverly Hills. And he got to see firsthand, right, the gold digger, you know, the playing thing.
And they tried to get him, you know, they tried to get him to buy a drink.

Speaker 6 And, but I had never seen this happen ever in the sense that

Speaker 6 I said, no, no, no, don't do that. Cause they were going to order the drink.

Speaker 6 uh for them i said no don't do that let them order their own drink and then they ordered their drink and then the lady tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the bartender and i looked at her and i said no i don't i don't do that i don't know you go away and so literally the bartender was like you guys gonna pay for this who's gonna pay for this talking to the girls there was three of them and so none of them were like oh well let me see my wallet and they didn't so the bartender pulled the drinks back they did an about face and did a curly Larry mold right outside of Wally's.

Speaker 6 And I never see them doing about face. Usually they'll just go find a guy real quick that'll come pay for that.

Speaker 6 And anyway, my my buddy Matt, uh, he got to see that firsthand and go, Oh, sheesh, you know, I've never seen that. And I'm like, Well, those gold diggers don't like me anyway, so I'm good.

Speaker 4 So, I think I'm glad you're mentioning that because there are so many women out there. Of course, we know in Beverly Hills, they're oh my god, I always say, like, they go out hunting, right?

Speaker 4 They literally go out hunting for dudes.

Speaker 4 I know a bunch of them, like, they go to the same bars almost every night, almost every weekend, and all they want to find is a dude to pay for their shit.

Speaker 4 Like Michael Patrick said, the foodies, the foodie call.

Speaker 5 I love it.

Speaker 4 But I'm happy you guys are mentioning it because it's coming from the guys' perspective. I don't think any guys like any man likes to feel used, correct?

Speaker 4 If you want to offer a girl a drink, it's because you offer them a drink. But I don't think any guy likes to be approached, cornered by a woman, trying to get shit from them.

Speaker 4 Do you guys both agree with that?

Speaker 5 I wouldn't mind being cornered a little more often.

Speaker 5 bother me.

Speaker 5 Tell it to him, Michael.

Speaker 6 Get it to him, buddy.

Speaker 6 Tell him how it is, bro.

Speaker 4 I'm talking about public places, Michael. I'm not talking about that type of thing.

Speaker 5 Public is okay. It's all right.

Speaker 5 We work it out.

Speaker 4 Okay, so if a girls approach you at a bar and they're like, hey, you want to buy me a drink? No, no, no, you're totally good with that.

Speaker 5 Well, if a girl approaches me at a bar, first I say, Am I on candid camera?

Speaker 5 Oh, come on. You're You're both too young to remember candid camera.
No, we get that. I remember candid camera.
We're not that young. I remember candid camera.

Speaker 5 Gosh. I'll tell you, one, you know, I figured out women like men who dance, right?

Speaker 5 So I am not really a dancer. I have some talents, but it's not one.
But I said one day, you know, if you're going to do this kind of thing, you better learn how to dance.

Speaker 5 So I went to this bar and I had some drinks and I said, all right, I'm going to go out there and dance. So I went out there, got my groove on as best I could.

Speaker 5 Here comes this little blonde, and she comes up to me and she starts dancing with me. And I thought, Some bitch, this works, you know.
And she says, Hi, I said, Hi. She's just tossing her hair around.

Speaker 5 She says, What are you doing?

Speaker 5 I said, Dancing. She said, Are you sure?

Speaker 5 And I said, Oh, hell.

Speaker 5 And I left the dance floor. Oh, that's all right.

Speaker 4 That was mean. That was mean.

Speaker 4 That was not mean.

Speaker 6 People can be mean, Michael.

Speaker 4 People, women can be really mean. Really, really mean.
So, no, but Michael, seriously, what's your

Speaker 4 stance in terms of paying for things? Are you good with just taking care of them? Or do you feel used?

Speaker 4 Like Henderson was saying, he doesn't think, like, if you're sitting at a bar with a friend and girls come and say, you don't want to buy me drinks. I agree more like the way he does it.

Speaker 4 Like, I don't know. I don't see why.
I don't like when girls do that. I never did that in my life.
I swear to God. All the times that people buy me drinks is because they offer me.

Speaker 4 I never approach the guy and say, Hey, excuse me, do you want to buy me a drink, dude? I think that's very aggressive. But tell me your honest response.
You don't mind that when girls do that?

Speaker 5 You know, I just think it is what it is. It's sort of the male thing kicks in where you feel gallant and maybe you feel generous.

Speaker 5 Yeah. You know, it just is that way.
Maybe, maybe younger generation, it isn't, but for us,

Speaker 5 yeah, it's not even anything that you think about.

Speaker 4 You know, you just... But listen, you were complaining about the foodie calls, the dinner dates.

Speaker 5 Well, yeah, but I mean, that's the long con, you know, that's the, that's the long play.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so why isn't I?

Speaker 5 Absolutely fantastic. I even wrote a book called Travel Tattler, Less Than Torrid Tales.

Speaker 5 And what that means is I had, and I'm sure Henderson has had the same thing because he travels around the world.

Speaker 5 You can have a relationship, I'll call it, for an hour and a half with someone that you run into in a nice,

Speaker 5 could be a hotel lobby, could be a club, could be on a train, who knows? And you might have an enriching conversation that was sweet.

Speaker 5 and you and you really felt good about it and then it ended because that person got on her flight and you got on yours.

Speaker 5 And it might have never been any better than that little bit of, you know, something that you shared together for a minute.

Speaker 5 So I try to like just live it out and I try to embrace those sorts of things. And,

Speaker 5 you know, I'm often just delighted by the people that I meet.

Speaker 4 You just leave the moment.

Speaker 5 I love that.

Speaker 5 This might never be better than that. You know,

Speaker 5 maybe you keep in touch, maybe you don't, but you can feast off of these kinds of

Speaker 5 mini relationships if you keep your heart open and your eyes open.

Speaker 4 But do you want to have another relationship, Michael, or you've had enough?

Speaker 5 No, I would never be so stupid as to say that I wouldn't have a relationship. I mean, I've already been married four times.
I do have some credentials in this area.

Speaker 4 A lot of X, Y's there. Now, another question, guys.
How about one for the thumb,

Speaker 5 one more wedding ring one super ball

Speaker 4 there you go hopefully the next one the next Mrs. Shields is the the last one

Speaker 5 that parts keep us

Speaker 4 okay next question guys do you like

Speaker 4 when a woman pursues you or you're like no men are hunters I want to do the pursuit pursuit. I'll tell you, me, I never ever ever pursue men.
I think that's way too aggressive.

Speaker 4 I think by nature, men are the hunts, men are the ones that should text, call, invite you on a date, you know, do all the pursuing.

Speaker 4 But I know I'm very old-fashioned when it comes to dating relationships. Although I do the podcast, people think I'm like fucking different men every night, but it's not the case.

Speaker 5 Check, please.

Speaker 4 I'm very, very like the, I know, because my the image I have because of the show, I get so many messages, like so many dudes thinking they're gonna like bang me just because of the show.

Speaker 4 I'm like, if you knew, if you know how chill I am,

Speaker 4 you know, about dating,

Speaker 5 you now have

Speaker 5 two grown men blushing. Congratulations.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you guys are so cute. Why? Because I said, fuck.

Speaker 5 Well, we're cute.

Speaker 5 We're good.

Speaker 4 Okay, so answer my question. Do you guys like if a woman is pursuing you? Like, hey, do you want to go out on date? And I mean, Henderson, you've been freaking proposed to.

Speaker 4 I cannot imagine a woman doing that to a guy.

Speaker 6 No, that's so crazy. But it happens.

Speaker 4 It happens. Yes, it happens.
But how do you guys feel? Do you like being pursued? Or do you feel like, whoa, that's like too much. Let me do it.

Speaker 6 Well, I have figured out, and I don't know if this this is right or wrong again but i know that when a woman the relationship has a better chance of lasting if the woman finds you attractive right or she likes you a lot or you know to some degree more than you attempting to get someone to learn to like you right

Speaker 5 um

Speaker 6 so i would say that um yeah i like to have excuse me i like to have that interest i like to see that interest from a woman um

Speaker 6 so that you're not the one that's constantly making the communication and you're not getting that back. So, I definitely am all about, yes, some effort.
Effort is, effort goes a long way.

Speaker 4 No, but wait a second. There's a big difference between effort,

Speaker 4 of course, if you like someone, you tell them, or pursuing you. Like, oh my God, Anderson, you're so cute.
Do you want to go on a date? Do you want to go to dinner? Do you want to do this?

Speaker 4 Do you want to do that?

Speaker 5 Like, yeah, that can be somewhere.

Speaker 6 I mean, I appreciate it. And I do.
I like it.

Speaker 5 I do like it. Do you like it? But it can be annoying.

Speaker 6 It can be annoying.

Speaker 5 It can be very annoying. I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 5 You want it to be truthful.

Speaker 6 I mean, it can be annoying.

Speaker 4 Can you enlighten us? So, seriously, because I know there are a lot of women listening.

Speaker 4 When does it get annoying if you do it too much?

Speaker 6 Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 6 look at it if it were just the reverse, right? When guys really pursue and go, go, go, go, go, and go, go, go, go, go. And especially when you're busy, right?

Speaker 6 You have goals and you have things that you're working on. You're like, yeah, I like you.
I want to maybe get to know you.

Speaker 6 But, you know, can we figure it out and work it through or, you know, figure this out? But if it's that go, go, go, go, go, I'm like, there's got to be a flag in there somewhere. Like, what is that?

Speaker 6 Psychotic, whatever. You know, I mean, I've been fortunate, knock on wood.
You know, I haven't had to call Beverly Hills PD for anything yet.

Speaker 5 So, I mean,

Speaker 6 they just wave and I wave back. And that's our relationship.
So I haven't had any stalkers or anything like that. But I've been very cognizant of that, chase.

Speaker 6 Like, if it's too aggressive, too much, I'm like,

Speaker 6 what's up with that?

Speaker 4 Something wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, I think I'm okay, but I'm not like Brad Pitt, you know, these young, you know, 10s and 12s run around out here. So I'm like, you like me that much?

Speaker 5 Like, wait, what's wrong with you?

Speaker 4 Yeah, look, I agree. I think there is such a thing as too much.
However, you said, oh, sometimes I'm too busy.

Speaker 4 I always believe the end of that phrase, if you tell someone I'm too busy, the end of that phrase is for you.

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 4 because

Speaker 4 when you like someone, you can be the busiest person on the planet. Like, let's say today is a rainy Monday, it's Monday, we're busy working like 12 hours a day, 14 hours a day.

Speaker 4 But if you were dating someone and you really like them, you're like, oh, you know, let's grab a bite, let's sleep together, let's watch a movie. You always fit that person in your schedule.

Speaker 4 Do you guys agree or not?

Speaker 5 Sometimes.

Speaker 4 Sometimes. Yeah,

Speaker 6 I mean, mean, I try to take it out of it. I used to say, yes, you're right.
I would take it, but I've been working lately on taking it out of the black and white, right?

Speaker 6 And really putting an asterisk on it just because, yeah, you can be very interested. Okay, we're all very busy.
We all have things to do. You're absolutely right.

Speaker 6 But there are also seasons of that busyness, right? And there are times where you're like, I really like you. I really want to get to see you, but I unfortunately don't work nine to five.

Speaker 6 I, you know, or I have to travel. So I can't give you that just yet.
But if you really think you're interested, when I come back or when we can make that time,

Speaker 6 we can do that. But most women don't like that, they don't want to wait.

Speaker 4 Same for you, Michael. Because obviously, you travel all the time, you're going to travel this week, you're always on the go.

Speaker 4 Do you believe you find time if you want to pursue someone, or you're kind of like Henderson? You're like, you know, maybe I'm just too busy right now.

Speaker 5 Uh, Woody Allen said the heart wants what it wants, and I think this is like I talked about earlier with the Thunderbolt. If you're interested and engaged and enchanted and

Speaker 5 infatuated, you know it. It's a different feeling than anything else.

Speaker 5 It is consuming and it is motivating and it is beautiful. I mean, it's,

Speaker 5 you remember that song? There was a really beautiful song called I Wish I Was in Love Again. And the lyrics are all about how crazy it is and how, you know, complicated it can be and uh

Speaker 6 but i wish i was in love again yeah now here you go take that take that for one second and then use that scenario i gave and go hey you know yeah i'm going to be a little patient yeah you can communicate but i'm going to be a little patient because i might not get to really start spending that real time for maybe three weeks later right and then how wonderful life can be but because they're so right now that you miss out on the best thing because i'll tell you, I am a vibe, right?

Speaker 6 I know that. So you miss out on all this cool, like, you know, relaxing, fun, caring, loving because you couldn't be patient just to, you know,

Speaker 6 to take a chance on that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so girls, listen up, be patient. If you meet someone, because I know that's, I, and I agree.

Speaker 5 Look, I'm a woman,

Speaker 4 I know how girls are because all my besties are men. I told Michael that I just get along better with men because I think women are are very difficult in general.

Speaker 4 And I know a lot of times a girl meets a nice guy and they want everything

Speaker 4 like right away. Like they want a commitment and they want you to make plans and you I want you to do this, do that, do that.

Speaker 4 And you just nailed something really important. Sometimes like just pace it.

Speaker 4 You don't have to, you cannot meet someone and then build a relationship with them in two weeks, right?

Speaker 6 I don't think so, but I don't know.

Speaker 4 I don't think so, but I don't know.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, I'm looking at the guy that's been divorced four times, so I don't know.

Speaker 5 I'm just asking, like, is that really how this goes? I don't. You don't believe in love at first sight, then? Or

Speaker 5 I do. I do.
I do.

Speaker 5 Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 5 Totally.

Speaker 5 There's a seduction dance that takes place. And it's not that you want to play games, but there is the fun of it, you know, of

Speaker 5 having that sort of té to té. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Like

Speaker 5 It's just magic when it happens.

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Speaker 4 What is a major deal breaker for you guys in a woman? Like you're dating someone or married, whatever it is, you like them.

Speaker 4 Is there something like major, major, major red flag that you say, okay, that's it?

Speaker 5 Go ahead, Michael.

Speaker 5 Thanks a lot.

Speaker 4 When you guys are both like you serious starry stays.

Speaker 5 Let's talk about one of the traditional ones is something that you just mentioned and that is that all of your friends are men That some guys can't handle that that you would date I'm guessing right has that caused problems in the past never because

Speaker 4 No, because I tell you why two reasons First reason, I only date men that are super confident like Taipei personality that know their game.

Speaker 4 They're like, okay, I'm with her because I'm loyal to a fault. I'm loyal like a dog.
It is literally what turns me on when I'm in a relationship is because I want to be with one man, my man.

Speaker 4 So, either you trust me or you don't.

Speaker 4 I do not want to date some child that is like insecure, or you know, I introduce all my guy friends, you know, they're literally like my brothers, but I do not want to date a guy that is insecure because I have male friends.

Speaker 4 I want to date a guy that knows like no matter what she's doing, she's mine. You know, that's the kind of man that I like.
So, it never caused problems for me.

Speaker 4 But I guess, so for you, it would be a red flag if a girl has a lot of male friends, Michael.

Speaker 5 No, I'm just you brought it up and it occurred to me, you know. But

Speaker 5 it's a great point. You know, no, I evolve.

Speaker 5 Michael, yeah, go ahead. No, I just think that you evolve about these things.
And again, it's very situational.

Speaker 5 If you say that and you're sensitive to the fact that this could be awkward and you are, you know,

Speaker 5 protective and supportive of this person that you're interested in, I think that's a mature way to go about it. For instance, if Henderson were with a woman and

Speaker 5 when he goes out, 16 other women approach him, he's got to find a way to diffuse that, I'm guessing, right? Like, and even if they are your friends or you're just,

Speaker 5 you know, if the server calls you honey, sometimes women get upset about things like that.

Speaker 4 But look, it's all about trust, isn't it? Like any relationship, it's about being loyal to each other and you trust the person you are with. Don't you guys think so?

Speaker 6 I'm going to say, and this is actually my answer. I'm going to say boundaries.
I think boundaries is the real truth. And so for me, yeah, I know men, right?

Speaker 6 And I know there's different categories of us, right? And so I know the player. I know the guy.

Speaker 6 I know the friend zone guy. I know the guy that you know that's your bestie, that you love to death that will

Speaker 6 bag you down right now as soon as the cameras go off.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 6 So we understand, right? We understand all of that. So for me, it's like, well, how do you interact with that? And what are those boundaries? Right.

Speaker 6 And it's the same thing with female friends that I have that I have no desire to sleep with. Right.
So when I'm single, we still have, I still have boundaries with them. Right.

Speaker 6 So there's certain things I do and certain things I don't do. And we could do things together and, you know, whatever.
But then when I have someone that's in my life, right?

Speaker 6 Those still, those same people. we interact the exact same.

Speaker 6 So there's no odd, you know, there's no odd, awkward scenario because there are boundaries that I put in place to make sure that a woman would feel comfortable and confident with, you know, X, Y, Z person.

Speaker 6 And so if she has those boundaries, I'm good. If she doesn't, then that's the biggest red flag in my life.
If you don't have boundaries, just in your life, period.

Speaker 4 No, that I agree. You have to have boundaries for sure.
But I think at the end of the day, you just respect whoever you're dating. It's all about respect and loyalty.
Don't you guys agree?

Speaker 5 I agree.

Speaker 4 But It is.

Speaker 4 Either you're loyal and respect for it or not. That's it.
It's very easy. But neither one of you answered my question.
What is a deal breaker for you guys?

Speaker 6 Yeah, well, when I say boundaries, I mean boundaries. That's your deal breaker.
You know, people who just, they, they, uh,

Speaker 6 I've, I've met a few people from one extreme to the other. I've met.
a woman who literally was,

Speaker 6 she was married before

Speaker 6 and she was so she was nice i mean very nice actually um but she was so wild in enjoying life right so much so that every human being that she talked to she had to talk to right or if there were a group of people she had to go you know uh put herself in that space and and when i uh sent her back to the streets my comment to her was my comment to her was

Speaker 6 um you know you're you're a lovely person but i said there's a couple of things that you know, I just can't I can't deal with. One is that

Speaker 6 my opinion, and she asked me, so I basically shared this with her, is that if you don't have enough self-respect for yourself to appreciate the person that you're with, whether it's me or someone else, because they're giving their time to want to spend with you, you want to share that with strangers and do that.

Speaker 6 That's a lack of boundaries and control, self-control. And I said, that's just something that I don't want to be a part of.

Speaker 6 And then other things that just were were like, oh, wow, you live dangerously, right? Bringing a lot of different energy and strangers into your life, into your world.

Speaker 6 And, you know, people have ulterior motives and it's just a crazy world.

Speaker 6 And I'm like, I'm too protective of, you know, what I've built, what I'm doing, where I am in life, you know, the work I do, the things I do, blah, blah, blah. And so I sent her back to the boulevard.

Speaker 4 The boulevard.

Speaker 5 Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 How about you, Michael? What's a deal breaker?

Speaker 5 I mean, well, I think, you know what? there was a play that was really well titled, and it was called I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change.

Speaker 5 I think about that very often because sometimes the things that will attract you to a woman

Speaker 5 over the long haul, or a man,

Speaker 5 maybe you can't live with. Maybe you like initially that they're sassy or outspoken or, you know, party girl or, you know,

Speaker 5 things that got you to the party, then you're not happy with long-term. So

Speaker 5 I am aware of that kind of thing.

Speaker 4 That is so true.

Speaker 5 But I do think, you know, George Bush had a phrase called the flexible freeze.

Speaker 5 And when you talk about deal breakers, I think love is a flexible freeze because you can go in with all these ideas about what you'll accept and what you won't.

Speaker 5 But sometimes that freeze is flexible if love overcomes it.

Speaker 4 That is so true. Last but not least, before we run out of time, this is a topic that I talk on Cat on the Loose for many years.
Different experts have different opinions.

Speaker 4 I know mine, but I want to know you, because since you guys are men and single men, I want you guys to tell me what you think. I have this belief based on my experience, okay?

Speaker 4 That's just me, Catherine. I'm not an expert.
It's just my experience. That most men,

Speaker 4 even if they say they're not, and I think we talked about it as well a little bit last week, Most men are intimidated by successful women, women that have a lot of things going on, even if they say they are not at the beginning.

Speaker 4 Or do you guys remember? We talked a little bit about

Speaker 4 me, do you agree with me? You think it's total baloney?

Speaker 4 Please be honest. Or you can talk about your experience.
Are you guys, do you feel intimidated?

Speaker 4 Like, if you meet a girl that is super successful or has a lot going on, or maybe make more money than you, or as much money as you. Is it too much for you?

Speaker 4 Or do you feel like you're going to compete with her? Or just feel intimidated by all of that or not? It's all bullshit.

Speaker 6 Yeah, so my answer is split. So for me, I'm completely comfortable with it.
I've dated even some of my longer-term relationships. They made way more money than me.

Speaker 6 They've been heirs to, you know, billionaire families, you know, what have you. And I fit right in.
So I felt comfortable in that space and I'm okay with that completely.

Speaker 6 However,

Speaker 6 even though they were wildly successful,

Speaker 6 they controlled their masculinity and they brought femininity to the relationship.

Speaker 6 And so that really made it very comfortable for me because I don't want to fight the world on my own task and then come home and fight, you know, again. So that was really important.

Speaker 6 But I will say over the years that, yeah, I think most men, and

Speaker 6 most men might kill me for this, but I think most men are. They say they want an independent woman, but then when they get one, they can't handle that.

Speaker 5 I agree.

Speaker 4 I totally agree. How about you, Michael?

Speaker 5 What do you think?

Speaker 5 I aspire to be with women who can bring new intellect and new excitement.

Speaker 5 I was married to a dentist, and I remember the first time when I was, you know, started dating her, I went to her practice to drop off a card or a flower or something.

Speaker 5 And from the lobby, I could see into the obatory where she was working. And I stopped in my tracks for a minute.
I said, Look at that. Yeah.

Speaker 5 There's something about it. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 4 There's something about a woman with a career. Yes.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yeah.
No. And I think women should understand that, like, especially, you know, when they, when they become our age, right?

Speaker 6 They get older and they start wondering, you know, yes, there's guys that just want to sleep with them, but then there are men out there.

Speaker 6 And I've been saying this for decades, like there are men that sincerely are attracted to you, that care for you and want to get to know you. And if you know, we can

Speaker 6 find that balance between, yes, your masculinity and your responsibility and your career, and then also still be a woman, you're going to find what you're looking for because we do exist.

Speaker 6 Like we do, we do like that, we do want that, but that is not easy to find.

Speaker 4 But I love that you both said that. I really do.

Speaker 5 Right now, Kat, my biggest crush is on the Prime Minister of Italy, Giorgio Maloney.

Speaker 5 Does that answer your question?

Speaker 4 Georgia Maloney. There you go.
No, but I love that you guys are saying that because I hope women out there are listening.

Speaker 4 I'm a huge proponent, right, for women being independent, having careers, being financially independent. I don't like sugar babies at all.
I think that's such a stupid idea.

Speaker 4 But I'm happy that you guys are saying that you are attracted to girls that have stuff going on because that's the message we send out there. Get alive, do stuff, right? Because

Speaker 4 you're going to be more attracted to a great partner.

Speaker 6 Well, even when they're younger and you know, you see the potential that they have, it's a it's an exciting push to get them to continue to work harder or you know, uh, you know, negotiate better at their careers or you know, whatever that is, yeah, um, you know, to make them better than they ever thought they could be for sure.

Speaker 4 Thank you, guys. You have been amazing.
I appreciate you opening up your

Speaker 4 bedroom, Michael.

Speaker 5 I don't.

Speaker 5 I don't. You don't.

Speaker 5 That's a one-sided comment. No, no, no.

Speaker 4 You showed us.

Speaker 4 I said, Michael. I said, Michael.
Well, you showed us your fireplace. You open up your mind.
You guys are super honest. I adore both of you.

Speaker 4 I will say that, Michael, one of the things that I admire so much about you

Speaker 4 is, girl, look at that.

Speaker 4 This is for the guys listening. How much women like gestures.
You are one of the dying, dying dying art in the world that actually writes cards, handwritten cards.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I'm so freaking old school because I write everything. And I think that's such a kind, sweet, nice gesture.
So obviously you're a gentleman. You deserve a lot more than a footy call.

Speaker 5 Well, I'll tell you one fast one if you still have time. I had a first date down in Redondo Beach and I was running late.
And I said, I gotta, I always take something. I always take some little gift.

Speaker 5 And I said, shoot, I'm out of time. I gotta get something.
Oh, at the Ivy, they have candles. So I'll run to the Ivy, park the car, jump in, get the candle, and drive out.
So I run up into the Ivy.

Speaker 5 I asked for a candle. They bring it down all packaged.
And they said, okay, that'll be $97.

Speaker 5 I was like,

Speaker 5 did you say $97?

Speaker 4 Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 Now, of course, I had to buy it because it would be too embarrassing. They packaged it all up and everything.

Speaker 5 But as I'm driving to Redondo, I'm like, I don't know this woman. It's a $97 candle.
She's not going to know it's a $97 candle because

Speaker 5 she's going to be a $97 candle. So

Speaker 5 luckily, about three blocks before the bar where I was to meet her, the restaurant, there was a Michael store. I ran in there and got a $15 candle, whopped it out,

Speaker 5 and gave her that. And so now, when I go to the Ivy, India Irving always says to me, Did anybody get the real candle yet?

Speaker 4 So you're holding the not, well, look, it's understandable because if it was a date from Beverly Hughes, we know what the Ivy is, we would understand it. But I totally agree with you.

Speaker 4 Like a date to somebody you just met, it wouldn't even make sense. So she wouldn't know.

Speaker 5 So I'm like,

Speaker 4 I don't blame you.

Speaker 5 I don't want to meet a candle-worthy woman. If you like candles, here we go.

Speaker 4 I have a crazy candle story that I actually did a podcast episode about it, but that was a completely different chaotic situation because I was dating someone for many, many, many months last year.

Speaker 4 You've got to listen to the episode. It was one of our top episodes.
And my boyfriend, he was my boyfriend. He bought himself a Lamborghini for Christmas.

Speaker 4 So I bought him. Yeah, so I bought him like, what am I going to give this dude? So I bought him a bunch of Lamborghini wines, la la la la la.

Speaker 4 Very long story thoughtful yeah then he gave me nothing for christmas and then a few days after christmas he gave me a candle

Speaker 4 from from a french store on marrose and i went there to the store and i found out he bought two exact candles

Speaker 4 yeah

Speaker 4 But this was not like it's different. Like in your case, your story, you said you were giving a candle to somebody that you'd never met.
That's a very appropriate gift.

Speaker 4 But if you're dating someone for six months, you are all over their life, right?

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 after Christmas, you're like, oh, here, I gave you a candle. And he bought another candle for somebody, some co-worker at the same time.
That's like super insensitive, right? I mean, that's a deal.

Speaker 5 The scary part is you went up there to sleuth it out, though.

Speaker 4 I went there with a girlfriend. Yeah, it's a long story.
I'll send you the link to the episode so you can listen to the whole thing. It's called Lumborg Guinness Launcher and Candle.

Speaker 4 I think we lost Henderson. I don't know what happened to him, but I'm going to say, Henderson, thank you so much for doing this.
You guys are incredible. Michael, safe travels.

Speaker 4 I'm so grateful that you're here.

Speaker 4 I'm sure, cheers with love because I'm not drinking alcohol.

Speaker 4 I'll drink a glass of champagne when you come back from Vegas because I know you're going to cover the race and do an amazing job. I'm very grateful.
Thank you. You're super talented.

Speaker 4 And tell people where they can listen to your radio show because it's fabulous.

Speaker 5 mibigshow.com. If you're interested in the travel writing, my book is Travel Tattler, which you can get at Amazon.
You'll find other books there too. But I love to hear your travel stories.

Speaker 5 So find me on Instagram and tell me the places you've been and give me suggestions. And let's talk travel over a good glass of wine and a candle.

Speaker 4 I love that, Gio. Done, done, and done.
I'll talk to you soon, guys. Be safe out there and never give up on finding love.
I'll talk to you very soon.