Side Stories: The Slenderman Escape

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories. Yes.

Man, I was so good for months. Good about what? My food.
Oh, that kind of good. I'd lost like seven pounds.
Yeah. I was just like, you and I were so good.
It's Thanksgiving.

You're not supposed to be good. I don't care about it.
Obviously, yeah, sure, whatever. But it was like, you and I, Eddie, we just were so good.
You've lost so much weight. You look so healthy.

Not right now, though.

I put some back on. But we did on purpose.
It's on purpose. But Eddie and I, this weekend.

Let's just say we went out for a Thanksgiving bunch of shows. Yeah.
Thanksgiving weekend. Can't believe that we braved our own holiday travel like we did this to ourselves.
Took a car.

We were going to go. Well, I drove across three states.
You love it. Full John Candy experience.
And Eddie and I are both like, we're going to be healthy. We're going to be so healthy.

We're going to do.

And then holy

shit. It's just impossible to do in Ohio.
Ohio happened to us. Yeah.
Now, I

expected, it's been a while since I've been to Ohio, and I think that I've only really been to Cincinnati and Cleveland. So I've never been to any other place.
You never partied in Columbus before?

Not what? No. No,

it's a quiet town. Largely when we go, we've been in the middle of winter.
It's like we're packed. I remember Columbus being a place where I specifically watched hours of Chris Chan footage.

Oh, you love. That's that makes sense.
Yeah, inside of my hotel room and didn't leave. But this time, Eddie, we found so

much

there was so much we ate such big fics

we went to Luigi's Luigi's in Akron Ohio is one of the better Italian restaurants I've ever been to in terms of Midwest Italian because that's hard that's a that's a weird Ohio's got good Italian food yes the mob ran through there and they left some good food behind Luigi's Was one thing.

That was one thing. Oh my god.
Well, we had it twice.

Yes. Because we had it both.
Because we both had to try the pizza. Because we didn't have the pizza first.
We just had the baked platters.

They gave us, they said it was like 3,000 pounds of cheese a week, but they say something like 300 pounds of cheese a week.

She was bragging about killing us. Yeah.
Yeah. And that was incredible.
I ordered the salad without cheese and the sadness on this woman's face.

She was just like, I was just, yeah, I was just like, all right, I guess I'll get the cheese. And she's like, thank you.
Yeah, because she thanked me. It's four lettuce leaves and a slice of tomato.

Without the cheese, it's not anything.

And she knew that, but she didn't want to say that. But God, I would just say the salt of the earth.
I then went to a place called Fred's Diner that was in the middle.

It was this little shitty little house that was about 15 minutes from where Jeffrey Dahmer was born. And you could taste it.
And I listened to...

People? Oh, yeah. I went and I got a little stick.
I got a steak and eggs, right? And I listened to those old mean women behind the counter bitch at each other. They were tearing each other to pieces.

One was turning to the others. Be like, I can't believe that Rita forgot to order the goddamn Pepsi.
And we're like, what kind of bitch stacks steroid like this?

And then I was like, but by then, I fell in love with them. I felt, I watched them.
I was there for like an hour. I fell in love with them.
I invited them all to the show. And they were.

What happened? They didn't come? They couldn't come. But the head waitress was like, yeah, but don't worry.
It's a really nice venue. I saw Pantera there last year.

And I was just like, that's like fucking, holy shit. We're in.
Hard ass chicks, dude. Dude, this whole time, I just can't believe how much.
You guys lied to us about Akron. Who lied? Everybody.

I mean, Cincinnati was trying to talk shit on Akron. I was in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, and they were all like, why are you going to Akron? Akron fucking sucks.
All this shit. I get to Akron.

Lovely fucking place. We actually really enjoyed Akron.
Yes, it's mostly habited by ghosts. Yes.
And it does need a bit of an alt scene.

It needs a lot of things. Once it gets in there, though, the people are cool.
And, you know, the shit there is awesome.

A bomb shelter was a great place that was an amazing it's not a it's it's not an actual bomb it's a store yeah it's a store we just yes i'm sorry we're doing it this way but guys you just got to understand when we do side stories live hi my name is henry soprowski i'm here with ed larson hello we get to see parts of the world that i again

Why would I go to Akron?

The only reason why I'm going to go to Akron is if I'm in witness protection. But now I like want to go back.

I had a great time. I met Rosa over at Akron Coffee Roasters, which is truly beautiful.
Had my first pour over. What's happening to us?

And then we went to Columbus and we got Warios, which fucking filled my guts. Warios fuck was amazing.
Dude, this place is called Warios. They have like the craziest cheesesteaks.

They got the craziest like pork roll sandwiches. This is how fat we are.
We ate Luigi's and Warios. Yes, I know.

Now

we need to find Mario. Yeah, dude.
That's how fucking fat we are, dude. Man, the sandwiches at Warios, Rob, you would fucking, this place is like your enemy, dude.

And Wario's, I love that it's named Warios and it like distinctly feeds you food that makes you like destroy plumber's lot.

Dude, I just fucking, I had that fresh cold cut sandwich with the homemade giardena on it, and it had this like tomato butter.

Man, damn, dude, I just can't believe we never, this never happens to us really. Normally, I eat like shit.
When we're on the road, I very rarely eat anything good.

It's normally hotel, like Caesar salads. We'll get maybe one.

I try to go do better food than you. You eat it.
You get room service too much. Well, you and I, you help me go out more.
Yeah. I just like convenience because I don't like searching for breakfast.

Yeah, you hate breakfast for some reason. It's no, I love breakfast.
I you don't like getting up or going anywhere. I don't like waiting for breakfast.

Oh, see, the thing is, with you not going to breakfast, I can get anywhere because you can always get in as one. Well, that's the thing.
As a solo traveler, you can get in a lot of places.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I also learned.
Just go sit at the bar. I always have it.
They always got room for me. But we literally.
I'm so big. I look like a big spender.
Schmidt Sausage House.

Oh, I don't even want to talk about it. Dude,

that place was amazing. I'm emotional that it exists and that we went to it and it's like, it's out of eight.
It's like 1886.

It's like a German restaurant out of the fucking, like it feels like you're in Germany. And then we shopped at a cuckoo shop.
We shopped, we went to cuckoo clock store. Yeah.

And this is what Eddie and I did. We were like, we were so innocent.
We went to the Red Stable. It was a, it's a cuckoo clock store right next, and right in in little, little

Germany. So German village or whatever the fuck.
Hey, at least we smoked weed. Oh, God.
So at least

that was a part of it. So at least we were stoned.
Ohio definitely needs to work on their weed, though. Oh, yeah, it does need to.
Yeah, it needs to work on that.

Shout out to Baxter Speakeasy for taking care of us in Akron as well. Seriously.
But yeah, what a fucking great time, man. I mean, I can't believe it.

We're going to be in Vegas this weekend.

Y'all better come out to fucking Vegas because we're going to have a blast if we live. Yeah, wise guys on Sunday, that is December 7th at 6.30 p.m.
Wise Guys Town Center.

That's the one past the airport. Not the cool one.
No, not the good one. Yeah, we're not doing that.
So remember that. It's not the good wise guys, but the rest of Vegas is really nice.

I don't know about that. That's not true at all.
Rest of Vegas is not very nice. Sometimes this guy's got some moments, you know? I like Somerville.
I like Summerlin. I like Summerlin.

I love Vegas. I'd move to Vegas.
I know you would. You know I'd move to Vegas.
You look like a Henderson boy. Oh, what do you, that feels like a...
There's a lot of land in Henderson.

You can get yourself a very nice place. A lot of room.
That's what I like. You show my dick to the sand.
Spread it out, you animal.

But yeah, thank you so much, Akron and Columbus, for treating us very well. And we're going to come back now.
Yeah. That's how good you were.
I'm actually. That's how good you were.

I had no intention to ever come back. I had family I didn't know, like new family, Julie's family, come to the show in Columbus, and they didn't hate it.
You believe that?

I can't believe that they didn't hate it. For sure they were going to hate me.
Oh, especially after what we did, because we also, we were in Columbus, so we were in Epstein country.

So those of you who who saw that show knew that it was going to get probably pretty dark, and it did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And God, it was great. All right, so we have a bit of an update.

Oh, we do. This is the only update I got from last week.
We had that really great run-up that we were talking about,

about using cloning to make babies of the horrendous figures of history and then charging different ways to kill them. Yeah.

And one of the ways that we came up with, we thought it would be really fun, that you take infant baby Hitler and you drown it in a bathtub filled with Jewish cum. Oh, that's right.
We did say that.

So I usually just forget everything that happens the moment I walk out the door. As you should, and honestly, that protects you.
Yeah.

So with the cum math came out, someone sent me an email about cum math, right? That's Hitler's baby picture. That's him.
That's Hitler. You gotta kill him.
What a cute little baby.

You told me you always had the hair.

I just wanted a baby picture. It's a fair that looks like Hitler.
I want it at the end of a bayonet. Yeah.

So according to this cum bath math, all right, so talking about bathing and cum, someone said this, right? Here's some cum math. You would need

48.

All right, let me see how this 484.

Someone wrote this number.

Someone literally wrote this number out really, really strange. All right, it is 484 million 532,708 men to fill a 320-gallon hot tub with cum, presuming they'd all come once.

We don't need that much to pay five milliliters. You do, I mean, we just need a bucket.
Yeah, you could just, or you could have an inch of it and we could just hold its face down. Yeah, I need it.

I need number. I need numbers for like a Tupperware bin.
You know, like one of those, like something you put all your holiday decoration.

So again, we just find out it is 2.5 milliliter per shoot, and then we just do that math accordingly. Yeah.
No, that's how we know.

And then that's just really just depends, but that's if you're not saving it ahead of time. Also, are these guys backed up or are they, you know, what's the deal?

Because also, like, this is all the information. Because if you've been coming all week, you know, I imagine you're going to have a little less in you.
Who knows? Is that how it works? Sometimes.

Catch me. Yeah.
Catch me right time. What's Peter North doing these days? I honestly think he's.

I think he's worm food. Yeah, you think so? He's probably dead.
He should be dead. I think Peter North might be dead.
He came to death.

I actually think he got shot in the head. No, he's out there, man.
Oh, he's on the good friend of him. Oh, he's looking great.
Wow, only 3,000 followers? Yeah, he's... I saw this as him.

That's not the right Peter North. No, that is him.
It says the one and only. Yeah, Yeah, that's him.
That's it.

I reckon him. I reckon.
He's probably horrible. Yeah, yeah, Eddie.
I imagine he's horrible. Definitely.
Well, he made a documentary. He was a retired actor in quotes.
Oh, that's true.

That'll be interesting. We'll see what's going on.
We'll find out. Oh, he loves it.
Adam Carolla's a good friend. Of course.
That makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense.
All right.

Let's talk about someone who's filled with cum. Oh,

you witches. Now,

we have some truly

wonderful stories this week. Did you not want to talk about Morgan Geyser? I guess there's not much.
No, I want to to talk about it up top. Okay, good.
Oh, yeah.

So, as y'all know, talk about, you know, coming a bunch. Oh,

oh, she's a child. She's sorry.
No, she's not child. No, she's not a childhood.
It was more just our last name's Geyser. Yeah, I go.
I understand. I understand, Ebby.
Believe me, I understand.

So, as you guys may have heard, Morgan Geyser last week, while we were away for Thanksgiving, we were, of course, it happened as soon as we were gone. Morgan Geyser is one of the Slenderman stabbers.

Now, this took place in May of 2014. They were both 12 at the time.
It was Morgan Geiser and her friend Anissa Weire.

They basically formulated a plan to murder a young friend of theirs, Peyton Leitner or Lutner, in order to please Slender Man.

Now, Anissa Weire apparently was a person that brought the concept of Slender Man to Morgan Geyser.

Morgan Geyser would go on to build on top of that delusion and would say, we can please slender man by killing uh payton we'll stab her to death and then what we'll do is then we'll walk to these in these woods we'll just walk into these woods yeah and we'll go to the we'll be invited into slender man's mansions and become one of his proxies right like one of his like little like helpers and they were 12 at the time they were 12.

and we now know that that uh they were wrong eddie no way yeah slender man

Shit the bed. People love a thin man.
They really do. And they you fucking they'll tall, thin, he'll cheat on you.

That's the guest we've ever known about this fucking Slender Man, right? So she was arrested. They were put into jail.
So now Anissa Wire was let out, I believe, in 2021.

And she didn't, so the geyser got sent to a mental hospital. Yes.
Yes. Wire was leafed and released in 2021 after seven years.

I guess it makes sense. I guess.
Well, because Weire did not actually do the stabbing herself. But she talked the other one into doing it.

No, Morgan Geyser was the both dominant member of the pair and

did the actual stabbing, but also brought Anissa along with it. Like tried to sort of put the knife in Anissa's hands.
The original attack happened when they went into a park bathroom.

Morgan Geyser grabbed Peyton's arms, put them behind her for Anissa to stab her to death. Anissa choked.
She didn't want to do it, obviously. She didn't.

And so eventually Morgan took it upon herself later on.

So so they gave her seven years for that well she's an accessory to murder she was there she was a part of this and this is an attempted murder that's legit so i know

it's hard when they're 12.

if you're where anybody dies and you're involved with the party that someone has killed someone yes you're in trouble i understand that at 18 and over but a 12 it's same it's same rules that's wild yeah same

ass time for a 12 year old they try to stab her to death so payton crawled they She actually succeeded. She lived.
She crawled, or she crawled away.

She got help from the road, and then they were arrested. So now Morgan Geyser was put in a mental health facility.

Now, they said for a while, I believe that one of her parents had also suffered from schizophrenia. So they felt that Morgan Geyser was showing these symptoms of schizophrenia.

She said that she experienced full-on auditory hallucinations. She saw color streams go up and down the walls, and most importantly, believe Slender Man was real and speaking to her.

So now she's been in this facility. Do you think she is crazy or she's faking it? This is a long, this is, I mean, this is.

At 12, it'd be pretty impressive if you were faking it. Unless you heard all of the symptoms described by one member of your family.
12-year-olds are idiots.

But also are absorb and you'd be surprised what they know what they're doing. They're great liars.
Children lie like a motherfucker. They just don't know.
They don't know.

Morgan Geiser might have, obviously, I mean, let's just say at this point, my diagnosis, she's cuckoo fucking bananas, right? She's all fucked up. Okay.
She's all jacked up.

So Morgan Geyser is put into this mental facility. She's supposed to be there for 40 years.
That's a long ass time. Yes.
For doing something when you're 12?

Well, it's because of the way that she acted. It was because of the...

It started with, you could tell that there has been some, like, obviously genuine concern because they were technically innocent due to insanity. Yeah.

So they got like released in this kind of conditional way to this mental health facility and they were working with Morgan for a while.

And so the way it started, it seemed, is that they genuinely believed she was very sick and they worked on it.

Now they seemed to slowly relax what they were doing with her inside of this mental health facility to the point where she then got in trouble for receiving material from outside of the mental health facility, this book called Rent Boy.

Okay. That is all about a, I believe,

I know it features sexual sadism and murder and violence, right?

So that was like the first thing being like, oh, and she said, oh, Morgan Geyser got really upset because they were putting all of these kind of parameters on what she could read and what she was going to do.

And so someone from the outside, the first example of a man from the outside of the hospital, sent her this book, this, this, this disgusting, whatever this rent boy book is, right?

And so she's reading this really morbid, dark stuff. And that was kind of like one weird thing.
Who was the guy?

I forget the name of the guy. It was just some other man.
He's not a family member, no friend, or anything like that.

He's just random ass, like, I forget the guy's fan name, but he's like a fan of horror or like a fan of her.

He also was helping her sell her artwork on Facebook. So she's

drawing all these sort of like Morgan Geyser is drawing these super morbid pictures and selling it. So, like, gotta fill that canteen.

But it's again, it's like, I don't think it really works like that. It's another kind of an example of like, is she okay or not? And so you have these mental health evaluations.

And one of the, I was watching a thing about this afterwards, and it's hard because you have to take the sick person's word as much as you can corroborate that they're okay and that they're better.

But you have to take their word. So Morgan Geiser could have very much been giving them everything they want to hear for the last several years.

So they gave her provisional release in 2025 to go to a group home.

Honestly, I kind of agree with.

I agreed and I didn't agree because this is where my thought process comes in is that I don't know if she knows if she's really sick or not. I don't know what she knows.

And I think that what we're now seeing, my problem is, is that now with what just happened, I think she's a lot more aware than she says she is.

I think, especially the behavior I saw in the body cam footage, where she very much is obviously,

she was almost in charge of this relationship with this other person. So now we know that Morgan Geyser was in this.
He was in Waukesha, right? At some group home.

8 a.m. November 23rd, they call that she has left from this place.
She's in Madison, right? She's disappeared from this home.

She cut her, like, she has one of those like locator tracker devices on her ankle. She cut it off with a scissor, right? No idea you could just do that.
And they

ran off with this unnamed man, technically, right?

Didn't know. Turns out this person

goes by the name of Chad Mecca. That's like, well, that's their legal name.
They now identify as a woman. They go by Charlie.
Okay.

And this person is 43 years old. Morgan Geyser is 23 years old.
This person began speaking with Morgan Geyser from within the group home. And then I guess like

from outside, that's the only thing that's kind of muddy is that I can't figure out where they met.

I know that this person was not allowed to visit Morgan Geyser at the group home, which means they already could tell something was really weird about their relationship.

This 43-year-old person then begins to sneak into the window of this 23-year-old murderer, almost murder, attempted murderer, probably like, you know, the very now famous true crime case. Yeah.

And it's almost like in my mind, like at first in my head, oh my God, this person, this older person is manipulating Morgan Geyser. Like that's the first thing I thought in my head.

That's what it seems like to me from an outsider. Cut to the body cam footage.
So they are,

they're at some truck stop. So they managed to get a greyhound bus ticket.

That's not that hard. That's not that hard.
You say manage. But that's, I mean, in terms of like, that's all the money they had.
They then walked across Chicago. They ended up at this truck stop,

middle of nowhere. And then they kind of just, I guess they crashed.
And the police came, and you can see the way that they're acting is that the older person, Chad Charlie, is acting like a child.

It's like,

kicking the grass, doing all this weird stuff. And Morgan Geiser's the strong one.
Morgan Geyser's holding, being like, don't let her go. Let her go.
I know, I know.

I did it. I'm the bad one.
And she's doing this. And you're like, it's very, very interesting.
So it looks like Morgan may have

fucking who been the ringleader in this situation? God fucking knows. They had made this sort of fantasy run.
They thought that they were going to go to Nashville together.

They thought it was going to be,

I guess they thought it was going, but but they had no money and they had no particular plan. And now we know that Morgan Geyser is back in jail.

They caught her, I believe it was the night before Thanksgiving. And this is my problem is that, first of all, I wasn't sad that she got caught, but I was like, yes, it's like Mike Myers.
Yes.

When I found that it happened, I was just like, oh, fuck, like my, my morbid true crime. brain and penis.
Yeah. I call that my more my true crime penis got real big, right?

Oh, yeah, because we have a show to do. Yeah, and it was exciting.
Yeah. But then you look at this and you realize, like, oh, it was really, it was really quite sad.

And I don't think that Morgan Geyser ever should have been let out. You don't think so? I mean, she obviously tried to escape.
So

you're right. Now we know that she, I think that she's quite manipulative.
I think, but also, I got to say, 40 years for a 12-year-old who didn't even kill anyone.

I know that she tried, but it seems like a lot. It really does.
I think it takes a lot for for 12 years. Twelve year olds make really bad decisions.
But I think it's different.

I think there's a very big difference between like accidentally not feeding your gerbil and it dies. Well, that's

harmless thing. But I mean, organized murder, an organized attempted murder by two 12-year-olds is more unusual than anything else.
It's very unusual. It's extremely unusual.

It's a very, very extreme case. So I could see why they wanted to put her in there for 40 years.
And I could also see why they tried to adjudicate it. Like, you're also seeing this is the system.

Trying to let her out. Trying.
Trying to, like, help and like. Trying.
Yeah. But the problem is, is they just, there's only so far.

You can help. So, what do we know about the person who tried to help her? Just honestly, not a heck of a lot.
And they are, I mean,

how much trouble are they in? What's their crime? I actually, I have no idea. I have no idea if they do get in trouble.
I mean, if they paid for the

bus ticket, it could be trafficking, I guess. Morgan Geyser is an adult.
He's a legal adult. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's legal.

It's just, I feel like it's just that Morgan Geyser was still technically, I believe, under sort of like a kind of probationary.

I mean, they saw an anchor man at her on, so yeah. Yeah, so she's going into jail.

And then they're going to probably put her back into that facility. You know, they just...

Just chill out and like you just be, just do your rehab, man. Well, the problem is, is that I think that she's, she's kind of screwed up.
Oh, yes, that's right.

Morgan Geiser and this person met at a church. They were at a church together.
And she started doing the things, telling this person,

they're treating me bad. They're not letting me do these things.
They're abusing me.

I think that Morgan Geyser's the manipulator. I think that Morgan Geyser, like, well, I think the other person's a, I'm going to call him a capital C crepezoid.
Like, for certain.

Like definitely a full fucking creepozoid. Well, this article I found does say that Chad Mecca has a history of sexual assault.
Oh, of course. So yeah, you're not wrong there.
Of course. Okay.

Of course. Who else is climbing into the window of a famous stabber? You know what I mean? Like literally thinking that they could do it.
So obviously it's very complicated.

But I think that Morgan Geyser is now going to, now they're going to be like, okay, well, now you stay in. Yeah.
and now the other one's fucked. Good.
Yeah.

The other one needs a fucking break from society as well. I think the other one could probably maybe, I think the term is touch, not touch grass, because they were sleeping on grass.

I think they need a break. I think they need, I don't know what they need.
Yeah. It just, it's weird because I'm so torrent on this, to be honest with you.
Well, of course.

Because we believe that we would like to believe that you can rehab people. Especially a child.
Unless

it's just

they start killing too early and they're just

bad. Yeah.
A 12-year-old organizing an attempted murder is very different. It's very, very different than stealing.
It's different than smoking. It's different than anything else.

So I could see why everybody's a little confused. Yeah.
Especially with dealing with Chad Mick and now

this new level. Go ahead and throw the book at that one.
Oh, yeah, they're going to. Oh, there we go.
As far as I'm concerned, that person,

got no, I got nothing in the game for them, but I honestly still feel bad for Morgan Geyser.

Oh, yeah, I feel very, I do, but then the problem was, see, I also don't know whether I'm cynical or if I'm mean or something, because like I was watching the footage of her being transported back because they had the body cam footage of her going back in, and sort of the way she's going, like,

I'm sorry, no, she's doing, it's the opposite. It's like,

I hate to say it, but it feels like alligator tears. You know what I mean?

It kind of feels like I think that you're, you're putting on a face because you're going i never should have left i'm so sorry like she's like doing this thing and it's like i think that you're you told the everybody else that you were getting physically abused in here yeah

so

you're not saying the truth either and what are you going to do out there well now they're an adult yeah but what are you going to do out there how old morgan guys are now 20 i think 23 23 Oh my god.

I don't know what they're going to do. I don't, I feel like they need more help.
I need even more, more, and more, and more, and more, and more help. I mean, they just added another 10 years at least.

I'll say that much. They got to, unfortunately, looks like they got to cook some more.
Yeah. Well, an interesting detail also, she's apparently still talking to Slender Man.

Oh, that's the whole thing. It's all like she's having these, she's still having these like weird episodes, and she's saying all this stuff.
I think that she's dangerous. Yeah.

Oh, wait, if she's still talking to Slender Man, she's definitely dangerous. I think she's no question about that.
I think she's extremely dangerous, and I just think it's sexual.

Also, Slender slender man's not real that's the issue that is the main issue right yeah there is no slender man there is none unless of course

it's eddie redmain yes it could be it could definitely be eddie redmain i can bet you right now that eddie redmain's wearing a mask and he's zooming in where has he been i haven't seen him do anything i bet you he's grooming her whoa eddie redmain eddie redmain himself is grooming someone can we check his phone records i would love to find out because you know he would love to have a little girl killed in his name oh my god it would really help him you know that he would you know that he'd only make him stronger it'd only make him bigger and stronger i just god fucking damn it god fucking damn it i knew it he's doing good he's god i hate him i hate him you do hate him i hate you any red man

what are you doing oh he's got um

you know he's only got stuff he's only got one movie in production oh no yeah

Yeah, I think he's on his way out.

I think you've

seen him into existence. Yeah, good.
Yeah, I think so. Oh, wait, no, it's a Julia Roberts picture.
Fuck. She's going to do great.

Yeah, it's going to be great. Yeah.
He only gets stronger.

He's doing awesome. Yeah, I know.
Yeah. Good for you, Eddie.
Yeah, well,

honestly, I can't regret him in that way.

But still, he is trafficking in girls. I know he is.
To his home, and he's cutting their cliffs off, and he's turning them into mittens for fetuses. Old baby fetuses.
Yeah, we have that on.

I know that. I have that on tape.
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Dude. All right, you want to do this next story, man? Absolutely.
This is the other, one of the, seriously, crazy stories all week. This one is just as insane as any other story I've ever read.

But also, nothing technically happened. Okay.
But bad. I mean, obviously, crimes happened.
But, like, none of the dreams came real. Are you talking about wedding?

No, I'm talking about going down Haiti Way. Oh,

this is such an interesting

cool. I mean, not cool is the wrong word, but like, it is just like wild fucking story.
All right.

So we got two evil, broccoli-headed, this is like straight up evil, no question about it. Evil fucking twerpy, rat-faced little white boys named Gavin and Tanner.
20 and 21.

Think about these fucking idiots. So Gavin was.
Younger than Geyser. Younger than Geyser.
Think about it. And then, but also just shows this is the, you know what?

This is the undeserved confidence that men receive. Oh, especially from Texas.
Oh, yes, because Morgan never thought she could take over an entire island. No.
You know?

And that's where she's thinking small. Because these guys, Gavin and fucking Tanner, Gavin Weisenberg and Tanner Thomas, these two fucking wastes of life.

If your name's Tanner, your parents really fucked you over. They really do.
And I know some bad Tanners, too, and some fucking shitty tanners. I don't think I've ever known a good one.

No, actually, Tanner's a hard name. Honestly, if you're a good Tanner, please write it.
Side stores, L-PO-TLAG mail.com, and I want proof you're a good Tanner.

Yeah, explain yourself because I don't believe you. All right, so these guys were indicted in a grand jury in Texas Eastern District for a horrific idea.
So what they wanted to do. Fuck crimes.

Well, they would more than think. Well, yeah, oh, yes.

They started amassing stuff. Very much so.

They're going to probably face life in prison. They wanted to

absolutely are.

They wanted to create an army of homeless men from Washington, D.C. that they were going to float over to an

next to Haiti. Yes.
Right. Which I believe was called, it's like Cavole.
It's part of Haiti. Yes.
It is officially part of Haiti. They thought that which is a goddamn disaster right now.
I know.

It's one of the worst run places. I mean, it's not run by anybody.

It is a complete, utter disaster. If you were going to pull something like this off, Haiti would be the place to do it.
Thanks, Eddie.

Thank God. So these guys, they really thought that they were going to pick up.
So it was Gunave Island, right? Yeah.

So DC area, they went to go work in the DC area because they thought that they would build up a bunch of mercenaries. They would turn homeless people into mercenaries.

They would then sail them across the water to attack this island. They then would kill every man on the island and then capture every woman and child to become their sex slaves.
Correct.

That is the plan. 26,000 people.

Like that. Yeah.
Right? Easy. So these guys were like, oh, fuck yeah.
Of course we're going to do this. We're going to buy a sailboat.
We're going to get guns.

We're going to get the homeless guys together. By the way, your numbers way off.
85 to 100,000. Is the estimate.

Easy then.

Estimated residents. Because you know how easy it is to train and organize the homeless, right? You're going to get them all the way.
They love listening. That's why they're in that situation.

First of all,

I mean, they did their homework. They literally

learned Haitian Creole. Okay, so first of all, they said, they say they learned Haitian Creole.
I'd love to test them.

Right? So

one of them enlisted in the Air Force and told them that, hey, listen, the reason why I'm in the Air Force, Tanner did. He enlisted in the Air Force so we can go on.

So he said, like, listen, it's going to help me get on the inside. I'm going to get training, right? Weisenberg, the other fucking idiot, he was up.

Well, Tanner, he was assigned to Ramstein Air Base in Germany. You've been there, right? Yes, I have been there.
It's got a Taco Bell and a Kmart. Incredible.

And then he got himself reassigned to Joint Base Andrews so that he could be nearer to D.C. So he said, quote, he could continue their project while he was in training.

Like this idea that he'd go out and ghislane Maxwell, a bunch of homeless people, to become mercenaries while he's training in the Air Force. He's joined the Air Force to commit this crazy crime.

But I've also heard that training when you're in the army or the armed forces, maybe I'm wrong, seems to take up the majority of your time. Yes.
I don't think you're going to have a lot of time.

I don't think you're going to have a heck of a lot of time to groom the homeless people, especially with how much lice is on them. All right.
So it's very, very hard.

The other fucking piece of shit, he went and he,

this was

Gavin. Ugh.
I even hate saying their names. Yeah.
They just sound like fucking

shitty, toe-headed children, like just in, they're going, Mom, mother, mother,

oh, mother, I want coccharine milk. I want coccharine milk.
You know, like that style of like these fucking shitty little algae-filled kids in every Montessori school. These kids got green skin.

They're all dying, right? So Gavin, he goes, he gets enrolled in the North Texas Fire Academy to train in command and control protocols, right?

He said skills he would need, of course, because he has to train in order to lead this armed coup of an island, right? Yes. Failed out of the school.

Immediately, six months later, two weeks after being dismissed from the school, he then goes to Thailand, which is where every low-rent low-rent white boy goes to in order to buy sex, right?

Yes, so he goes there because he wants to. I want to go there for the weed.
Exactly. I want to go there for the food.
And the fights.

With your wife? No!

No,

they have the little fights. They have a fight.

Yeah, lots of boxing. It's fun.
Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

That's where my friend Sonia went. She went to go train.
Fighting? Muay Thai. Oh, well, there you go.
It was awesome. I told you.

But so he was going to go, and so then they flew to Thailand. Our friend, Sonia.
Please. I I think Sonia considers me a friend at this point.
I agree. Yes.
It's been years.

Continue. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

So this guy was like, they wanted to go then train in a Thai. They look evil.
Oh, yeah. They're such fucking evils.
The one on the left, especially.

Do we know if that's Tanner? Who gives a fuck? I believe, yeah, that's Tanner on the left. Who gives a double? They both need to.
They both need a miles to fucking tell her if he got beat to death.

He needs a hammer in the center of his forehead, right? So

they went to go get Thai sailing school, right? They want to learn in Thailand, and they went to sailing school, and guess what they found out?

I guess they didn't research it because they're fucking morons. They're bad at sailing.

It was too expensive for them to join. In Thailand? Yep.
What do they think they're going to get money here for? They're 20. Okay, they're morons.
They're morons and they're rapists, right?

So that's the problem. So they go to- Oh, they're the future rapists, right? Well, yes.

So it turns out during this whole time period, while they were trying to figure out how to put all of this together, they couldn't figure out how to recruit homeless men.

They couldn't figure out how to train the army. They couldn't figure out how to sail.
So they just said, fuck it. We're in Thailand.
Let's make some child pornography, which is what they did.

Oh, they Gary glittered it. Oh, yeah.
They decided to just kind of get that going. They said it just dropped some of that in there because they figured, they got some time.

You know, Kanye's always working on beats. It's the same thing where they just sat there, they're figuring, we could do our job.
We could do a job while we're doing our jobs. Right? And so they are.

So two trial they're two now obviously they are they are going to be uh going to jail and they're going to be probably murdered in there uh now on the convict they are convicted they got two charges it was for conspiracy to murder maim or kidnap in a foreign country and production of child pornography child sexual exploitation material so uh they could they're gonna go to jail and then when they go in jail the first charge gives them life in prison oh yeah which is crazy i mean just like thinking of going to another country to merm and rape gives you life in prison.

Well, just for like thinking and planning it. I think it's because of the

written amount of,

this shows how dumb they are. Yeah.
Is that it must be the amount of written evidence, like hard evidence that shows how much they planned it.

You got to use a chalkboard for these things. Yes.

Yes.

You might want to do this with a whisper campaign.

You know, I think it's a lot of that. It's the

changing bases. It's him going to trying to sign up for the sailing school.
Like, that's how they put all of that together. My God, these fucking idiots.

Evil little idiots. And that's the problem, too, is that it's not even, like,

think the fucking universe that they are extremely bad. I mean, obviously, it was already an unrealistic idea.
Yeah. Just the idea was flawed itself.
But also, so was America.

You know, it was a little thought in somebody's head. It was a little thought, and then it just happened.
So, who knows? Yeah, dude.

Also, on a side note, fucking central Haiti right now is under total gang attack. Downtown Haiti is not going well?

Well, downtown Haiti, Port-au-Prince, if you want to, Port-au-Prince is like they're fighting back a little bit. The Kenyan army, Kenya sent a bunch of troops to Haiti to help clean up Haiti.

And so, and like they're like fighting the gangs in Port-au-Prince right now. And so, Port-au-Prince is like getting under control a little bit, not really, but it's still mostly run by the gangs.

But central Haiti, the Kenyans haven't gotten out there yet and the government out there.

And so last week, they killed dozens of people last week in the gangs in the middle of Haiti, killing a lot of women, a lot of children, and they've completely taken over central Haiti now.

Well, those two 20-year-old white boys are going to really crush it over there. oh my god they would probably just get immediately murdered yeah you think that when they're coming

you know they have the bad news bears of mercenaries all on their stinky tugboat coming on they're all going ah

all these like men are just like they're probably just going like water that's a beach you know like they're

the real punishment would have been like you know what go for it

yeah let haiti deal with them nothing would make me happy they would have just eliminated them immediately. The U.S.
government, yeah, just being like, yeah, sure, here. Here's tugboat.

Won't you go try it? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, go. I'll definitely go.
Go ask for barbecue. Yeah, go there.

Go try to take their women and children. Yeah, definitely go.
Of course.

Your untrained homeless people are going to do fantastic against them. Oh, my God.
This is fucking terrifying. Oh, yeah.
It's very terrifying, man. But also.

Great story. It is a great story.
It is a great story. Unfortunately, it's a phenomenal story.
But the only reason why it's truly good is because they didn't make it. Yeah.

You know, if they were going to do this, they should have taken a page out of our friend over here, Ryan Wedding. Oh, yes.
He kind of accomplished this in a weird way.

Wow, that's so funny.

I didn't even think about it like that. Yeah, this guy.

He's making the white boy turn different dream.

It is weird how these two stories are kind of similar but this is a guy who knows what he's doing yeah he's not going to just murder and rape he's just selling drugs well because that's the thing you notice it's kind of the difference between the nazis and the mafia oh interesting you're just there to murder and rape a lot of people are not going to be super into it because a lot of times people are like i ought to be you know like because i know a lot of people i'm not to yuck anybody some people are yeah yeah i obviously tanner's very super into it but the idea is that like you know nazis kind of thought that all the murder and the rape and all the the torture would like like catch on and everyone be like, wow, yeah, this is awesome.

You know, watch us do this. Yeah, oh, cool.
And I think

they didn't really register that most people don't like it. And then, and it bums people out.
And the drug dealers, on the other hand, if you can make money

and you can help, I can help you make money and we all just make money. Yes.

Seems like people like it. Yep.
So Ryan Wedding, former Canadian Olympic snowboarder. I love this.
He has not medaled or anything. He is now one of the heads, maybe, of the Sinaloa cartel in Mexico.

What was that? What's that white rap group in Canada? Is it Snow?

Snow the Informer? Yeah, is it Informer? I think it's just one guy. I think Snow is one man.
Dude, talk about it. Can we have the no Informer version of this? That's what this is, man.

This man kills the Informer, dude. He is white as fuck.
He went, he was, again,

El Chapo's cartel. Yes, Canadian snowboarder.
He goes, I guess he's first arrested for, like, so I get, he does, I think, was it the 2002 Olympics? Yes. And he didn't meddle.

He kind of gave it up, I guess. Well, you have to.
And you're at age. But I feel like a lot of people, you know, there's certain things you can do.
I don't know.

I don't know if you've got to give it up, but then he gave it up for something way more lucrative. drug trafficking and he got arrested in LA.
Yes. Yeah, he did.
But now he's down.

They're looking for him. He is on the FBI's most wanted list as one of the heads of the Cinna Loa cartel.
Dude, it is that's not like your local mom and pop cartel either. You know what I mean?

This isn't the low-level,

I guess. I guess that's a weird way to put it.
No, it's one of the most successful cartels in history. Historic cartel.

Yeah, and he also is one of those guys where they keep raising the amount of money. Like the reward is something between like $10 or $15 million now.
They keep raising it.

And they're like, that's how you know how well connected he is. It's 15 million because the fact that no one's

like just getting that money. Yeah, no one's just a white guy in Mexico.

He's running some shit. He's running some.

He's really doing a good.

They have no idea where he is either. They have like a picture of him at a coffee shop, but they're like, he may be in the U.S., Canada, Colombia, Honduras, Guatemala, Costa Rica, or elsewhere.

Dude, he's like, they call him like

that's like half the fucking continent. That's the whole continent.
Man, and no, oh, he's in North America. I don't even Colombia's in South America, dude.
And his nickname is El Hefe,

the Grande. They call him the Grande, and then, oh, yeah, and one's one's bad, they call him Buddy.
Oh, well, yeah, you know, that's not a nickname. Yeah, that's probably what he calls everybody.

Giant and public enemy are also his names. Giant.
Giant. To just be known as Giant.
But yeah, well, this guy, he is Pam Bondi's looking for his ass.

Well, you know, that means he'll get away with a lot of people. Well, that means he's lucky.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'll get away. But yeah, dude, the fact that he's running this is insane to me.

Because also, El Chapo's son just like rolled over on everyone. He didn't roll over on him.
Nope. This was yesterday, I believe.
Yep. And then, so no one knows exactly

where this guy is. Also, another Sonola cartel leader was just killed yesterday, El Pinchon.
Well, that was like one of those because now

we're just in a semi-hot war, right, with Mexico, essentially, right now. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Or always are, I guess.
But I thought that we didn't do that for a long time.

And now it's like, because it's our administration's particular obsession, I believe that we are.

We've really ramped it up. Yeah, we've ramped it up, and we've also ramped it up against Venezuela.
But that's a whole nother story. That's a whole other story.
That's a whole nother thing.

But yeah, so this guy, he's he's out there there looking for him, but it seems like he's just successful.

Yeah, see, you know what? And that is a sign of success, I think. Yeah.
You know, because like, you know, I worked with, I'll always remember, I worked with John Hawks on the Amy Schumer show.

John Hawks, he played Saul. I love John Hawks.
One of my favorite actors in the world. Deadwood.
And he also played the

guy who gets jerked off a bunch by Helen Hunt. Yeah, he's great at getting jerked off in that movie.

And he said that I'll always remember because he's like, he didn't have a cell cell phone. He doesn't have a computer.
If they need to go get him, they go out to his ranch.

They literally like fax him at his ranch. They email him scripts to his little ranch.
That's the only way that you can find him. That's the El Hefe, man.
Yeah. That's the El Hefe way.

He lets things come to him. You know, Carrot Top doesn't have a computer.
Or a phone. It's because he keeps smashing it.
Yeah.

Just it's a banana. Yeah.
But no, so they believe the FBI believes wedding has ordered dozens of murders across the globe, including the United States, Canada, and Latin America.

They say he's orchestrated the murder of U.S. federal witnesses to testify against him.
And

it's gunned down in a restaurant in Medellin, Colombia, early this year. Dude, this guy is legit.
He must have been quite the competitor. But he didn't meddle.
No, he didn't meddle.

He was not a great snowball. I mean, he was a great snowboarder.
He had to have been. If he became an Olympian.
But how sad is that with that kind of stuff?

You think about how, like, you train your whole life for the stupid Olympics. It's the only thing you do.
It's the the thing you, that man's been snowboarding since he was a fucking child. Yeah.

Right. And then you get the one time, you make it all the way.
You beat every other snowboarder in Canada in order to get on the snowboarding fucking Canada Olympic team.

And then you don't medal and it's like you did nothing. I mean, this guy's dad has to be proud of him.
Well, yeah, the dad is, but nobody else is.

That's got to be the most brutal feeling in the world when you have done nothing. You've done nothing but win.

You've won your way across the country and then you get to the last place where you got to win and then you fuck it up. God.

I mean, now he's one. He's in the last place where he has to win.
This seems like he's one. My motherfuckers living the life.
Whatever is going on.

Yeah, he's a murderer and God knows every other thing he's done. But honestly, this is the best sports career I've seen since OJ.
Yeah. Like that's an incredible

post-sports career. Yeah.
So, if you have any information,

who's an better post-sports career than this? Than this? Bill Belichick. He's dating a 24-year-old.
I mean, that's horrible. He's doing, dude, his life looks so miserable.

To be honest, I think I play said, I guess that he's not. He's so bad.
He can't even win college football right now. No, he's just, he's very distracted.
Yeah.

But if anyone has information on Ryan wedding, keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself.

I'll fucking shoot you in the head. Yeah.

I'm going to go out here to extra say I have no idea where he is. Yeah, I had no idea.
And if I did, here is your continued success.

Honestly, here's your continued success.

And honestly, until I hear otherwise, congratulations.

LFA.

We'll be your podcast.

Honestly. We'll be your Sean Penn.
I will be. Honestly, come here.
We can talk about this. I can get you access to the amazing people.
David Desmelchin. Yes.
I can get you access to.

Who else can I get access to? I can get him access to.

Yeah, who else? All sorts of people. I can get him access to a lot of stuff.
There's a lot of people looking for.

I can't even say it. I know Bob Sackett's widow.
Wow.

Holy shit. Stop bragging.

Oh, man. Yeah, Ryan.
Best of luck to you, buddy. And we mean you just

neutral.

We're not trying. Yeah, we're not trying get you caught, we're just talking about your story.
You're just we literally were deeply impressed, right?

But I'm sure he's a murderer, we know he's bad, all right. Before you guys all fucking tear us to shreds, we know he's a bad man.
We know he's bad, we're just actually scared of him.

We are genuinely frightened and sort of proud, yeah, just a little bit. Oh, man,

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You see, this is another really crazy slash sad story, but it's right up our alley. So I feel like we got to talk about it.
The one out of Ocala is an Ocala, oh, Ocala, Florida story.

This story's fucked up. A woman from the UK traveled to the United States to have a man from Ocala.
Horrible place. Don't, if you're going to be tortured and murdered anywhere,

voluntarily. Yeah, no, do it.
Do it. It's really bad.
Miami. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
At least.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just not even, there's nothing worth it.

Although they are building Ocala up. It is better than it used to be.
Are you being paid by Ocala to say that? No, I just know that it is technically better. They're trying to port St.

Lucie and make it a respectable place. Sure.

But

this guy lived there.

This guy's one of these. He's got a real long

chin beard.

Like that was the last picture, the old picture of him. They had a real long, like goatee.
Guys who grow their goatee real long. It's pretty interesting look.
So Sonia Ixelby, she was 32.

She was from Portsmouth, England.

She flew into Gainesville Airport on October 10th and then found this man,

Dwayne Hall, 53 years old.

She contacted him online and talked to him about murdering her. She was suicidal.
And she was like, I want to, I guess she realized she couldn't do it herself.

So she thought this guy would, she fetishized getting murdered. Yes, and she met him on a fetish website.

This is very, obviously, when we covered the um, Arvin Mivis, when we covered the Arvin Mivis case, this is the kind of a similar mechanism where she said, like,

not only do I want to be murdered, I want it to be horrific, I want to be tortured, I want it to be a whole process.

They spent a long time communicating with each other, kind of setting up the parameters for it. Yeah,

and then she flew over here, met with him. He

started to kill her, started to do what he they sort of had agreed to do. Seems like they had sex a couple of times as well.
Well, or they, or it seems it depends on. He filmed it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He filmed it and then deleted it, and then they were able to recover the video. Yes.

Nothing's ever deleted, by the way. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. Yeah.
And so they deleted it and then he ended up killing her.

And then he stabbed her a bunch and then he mailed the knife to his friend and he got caught with all of it. Now, didn't she?

We now know that there were some communications during the time that she was trying to maybe tell somebody, I've changed my mind. Yeah, it seemed like she like, but it was already too long.

Oh, yes, it was already too far gone. She was already in there.
Yeah, she was already in there. This guy's a murderer because he's just looking for people to murder on the internet.

But also, the guy, technically, it's that fucked up thing that we covered with that case where they like, at what point, when you set up like obviously side stories l-potla gmail.com we have so many people in the king community and we know that there's so many rules and like obviously in this the it's murder is a psychopath it's bad but you're in a scenario where you've been talking about it for weeks and you're telling somebody word for word

whatever i say

you keep doing it yeah whatever i say you keep doing it and then you're now in the middle of it and you're saying i don't want to do it anymore to me i would be like, if I was the guy looking to voluntarily kill somebody, I would really want to make sure that that was really

a certain decision.

And I would be checking in all the time and I would be giving them ample room to leave the situation.

Because, you know, again, good guy. I'm new.
Yeah, you're new at this. But Excelby messaged her friend on Discord on October 11th.

She said, he made it clear that there's no way out unless I shoot him. I was questioning it last night.
I thought he'd do it quick and not give my mind time to stew.

So there was, she was stuck for a while, but her body was found in a shallow grave a week later.

And then, I mean, he's then sent. The reason they knew that he did it because they found he bought a brand new shovel to dig the grave.
Oh, I mean, you got to. Yeah.

And then they found that special day. They found the sticker from the new shovel in the ground next to her, in her,

in the grave. And then they knew he bought, then they found the shovel at his house with her DNA on it.
Oh, wow. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was just fucked at that point.
But as he should be.

As he should be, yes, of course.

Yeah, he's arrested with a charge of first-degree murder, kidnapping, credit card fraud, because he took her credit cards, bought a bunch of shit, as you do.

And

he's done.

It is just a bunch of evidence again. Oh, yeah, he's done.
He's done. Yeah, he's definitely, he's a murderer.

Yeah, and she was, she wanted to take it back and he went through with it anyway and did it um yeah this is fucking horrifying weird case i'm sure a lot more stuff's going to come out about this absolutely it's just i can't believe in this year of 2025 that this still happening because like actually i was just reading about some guy some old fuck that went and got he he was a part of a uh he got a european suicide service and he went and he used it himself he was like 92 he's like a doctor and they do with like a medical facility and they put a hot shot in you, and they do all this stuff.

And it's not the weird thing that just slowly stops giving you oxygen, like the tube. We talked about pods.
The suicide pod, though, is actually apparently really nice. Yeah, because it's nitrous.

You don't. choke to death.
Yeah, so you just click the button and you go to sleep. But yeah, because they put, I forget what it is, the gas.

It's like another type of gas where it's like it's, it's something that they, oh, yeah, he's immediately

as Rob is Google.

Suicide pod. Help us available.
Yeah. Help us available.
No, no, don't worry. No, no, no.
We're doing this for entertainment. 988.
Suicide Outline, of course. Always just call.

Always call to check in. Make sure they're okay.
Well, there was three people living their best life in the Florida Keys this week. Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. When you go ahead and you put the dick down in a win dick,

this came in really hot off the pipe right before we got recording here. Florida trio.
Yes, Marathon, Florida.

Three people were arrested after authorities in the florida keys say they were found having sex while heavily intoxicated in a wind-dixie parking lot in the middle of the day you know people say life ends at 40

but not according to these guys if you look at them sharon helen

i'm gonna say her name is sublinski 45 marathon zaplinski uh marshall Adam Lowry, 43 of Key Largo. Oh, what a sexy town.
Michael McDonald Howard, 59 of Marathon.

They were all cornhole on each other inside of a car, inside of a parking lot of a Windixie. And if you see the three of them, you know why.

Because the sexual energy is off the charge. Yes, the South did rise again.
Oh, man. Oh, man.
Now, my question is, were the boys kissing? Most likely. I mean, it seems like.
The boys were kissing.

Actually, you know what? I'm looking at these guys. No.
No. No.

You don't think the boys didn't start off the kicking of the night?

You know, honestly, Feast 3, they all look like criminals. Not to be a bad guy,

a judgmental person. They all look like criminals.
Let them do it.

You know what I'm talking about? It's middle of the day, buddy. It is the middle of the day.
It's the middle of the day, and it's a private business parking lot. You know what I mean?

If they were in the driveway of their home. You're right.
Tickets were Armada. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. Don't you want air? Do you want, don't you want

walls? It just helps, you know, because it sounds like I'm going to guess what they were doing. My guess, her tits were out and she was jerking them off.

And while sitting on another man, I'm guessing. Or all three of them are in trouble.
She's just doing this. Because

if you're just sitting in the front seat watching, do you get in trouble?

Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. I actually don't know.
Yeah.

And also, I will say they're lucky they did this at a Winn Dixie and not a Publix because they would have thrown the fucking book at them when they did this at a Publix.

To be honest, at Win-Dixie, they told them to come back. Yeah.
They were like, yeah, honestly, we have a sale. Yeah, Chuck Cola is really cheap today.

If you really want to. Honestly, we've got turkey breasts.
It's like. Come get some of our hologram ham.
Yeah, everybody. Here at Winnixie.

When you guys come,

come on inside. We actually just made some halal

because

it's almost Hanukkah. And you guys must be celebrating soon.
Oh, man. Do they look Jewish? No, these people are not Jewish.
Oh, wow. No.
Yeah, no, not quite WASPY names.

There is nothing Jewish about these people. I was checking.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, here we go.
All right. September from some letters, I think.
Oh, yeah, let's hear somebody.

I think we did listen or now. I think we can go.

Fuck yeah. Who did that one? That one is from Peyton Proster.
Thank you, Peyton. Thank you, Peyton.
Very nice.

That's fucking sweet.

For those of you that send in sad widower stories, we'll get to them, we promise. We're going to be reading them or we're going to go through them.

I'm going to go through them and I'm going to make them bearable. But last stream on the left, we will announce a winner of the foot dildo.
It's right there behind me.

We will choose the saddest widower story. Behind the sign, if you can get it.

Oh, okay. I see.
Oh, you put it back in the packaging. Yep, we're going to talk about it.

They're going to get that foot dildo. Well, then we have the other ones, the actual vaginas.

Yes, and we did say

those are usable.

The foot one we already touched it a bunch and so it's not like we didn't fuck it if you're a widower do not fuck any of these fake pussies why not i guess it's probably best yeah let them fuck the fake pussy man you know what all right yeah oh you win yeah let them what are you talking about you win they made them we didn't they're still packaged i want them to i want them to yeah just make sure you follow the cleaning instructions yeah get a hoes yeah so here we go i love this my father was sextorted.

Uh-oh. After hearing about your sextortion segment on Side Stories today, I figured I'd write about my dad.

Ten years ago, I woke up for work and there was a Facebook message from who I thought was my dad.

He and I were always a bit estranged, so I find it kind of odd that he'd have messaged me at all, let alone 3 a.m.

I figured he was just drunk messaging me randomly, or worst-case scenario, something had happened to a family member.

Little did I know it could be worse than that.

The message request was a video, and as I'm on the toilet pushing out my morning poop, I hit play.

All I could really see was a silhouette of a man in the distance in a room that appeared to be illuminated by a television screen.

I figured it was supposed to be a funny video he shared, but the figure started walking closer. I soon realized that that figure was clearly masturbating.

I'm thinking to myself, why is this motherfucker sending me a video of some asshole jerking off? And then it hit me. It was my father, absolutely going to town on his penis looking into a webcam.

Apparently, he got some sort of message from a person or a pre-recorded video of a woman touching herself and inviting him to join her. My father, being my father, naturally obliged.

After some time, according to him, the messages started saying that he was caught on camera and if you don't send X amount of money to Yada Yada, they were going to share this video to everyone on his friends list.

Little did the scammers know, my dad gave absolutely zero fucks about anything and said, go ahead, motherfucker. I I don't give a fuck.
That's what I said. Yep.

It certainly wasn't the worst shit I'd heard from my dad, but I absolutely wasn't expecting to get a video of the man beating on his dick that created me while I was taking shit.

Later, when I asked him what the hell was that all about, he explained it to me. He couldn't stop laughing.
You have to be in my fucked up family to find the humor.

My sister and a few cousins also got the video. Oh, no.

Still joke about it to this day.

I guess they had cloned his account to make me think it was him sending it.

We lost pops in August to asshole cancer that spread throughout his body, which was fitting because he was an asshole, but he was a funny one.

That was, that made me fucking laugh.

That made me fucking laugh. Oh my God, how much he didn't care and how much the family didn't care.
I feel bad they had to see it. But still, like, I just love that it bounced right off of him.

I like that the guy taking it. If someone sent me a video of someone jerking off, I would immediately shut it off.

But he's taking a shit and he's like what is he doing what is this what's going on what are you doing who's that oh is that my dad oh yeah i'd be screaming i'd be screaming i would have a seizure if i saw my father masturbated but you know you also he wasn't a beloved father no i think that actually kind of weirdly helps makes it easier yes oddly enough if it was like a good father you probably would have paid the money

yeah you might have who knows all right here we go here's another one my grandmother has been hit with the scams hard in the past. Oh, another? Uh-oh.

She was sent computers to Africa because Mark Zuckerberg asked her to. She sent tens of thousands of dollars to these scammers.
One saying that because she wouldn't give him money,

he had to commit himself, and now they won't let him out unless she sends money, which she did because she felt bad. Anyway, when we finally figured out what she was doing, we put an end to it.

She started getting messages saying that they had nude photos of my grandfather with other women and that they would release them to the public and humiliate her.

My grandfather, whom is the biggest perverted old dog you could ever imagine. Oh, so she believed it.
Yep. Told my grandmother to ask the people to send them to him.

And he was excited about showing the public about how much action he was still getting. You see, that's fun.
Again, dementia can be really, really fun.

But it can't be so fucking we don't know. No, no, no.
No, absolutely not. No.
Oh, my God. No, no, no.
It was just the lady had already already become a very fertile ground for scammers. Yeah.

So more people can. You got to be careful.
Scammers put them in prison forever. I mean, I hate scammers more than anybody.
There was a, I was just following a case last night.

It was on 48 Hours about a dentist that got, essentially got his assistant addicted to drugs. And then she started getting in a relationship with him.

And then he would manipulate her by giving her drugs and doing all this kind of stuff. And there was something to that where

at that very end, they were going to go through the sentencing. They couldn't really figure out what the crime was.
A lot of times, it was kind of trying to figure out, like,

okay, if

you go, if she voluntarily taking the drugs, if you got to find out this kind of evidence, and it turns out he got this sort of type of murder plea, which is he, it's, it's called depraved heart murder, okay.

Where

because of his actions as both a doctor and as a person, it's like some, it's not, doesn't it? It's like a version of second-degree murder. It's like, this should be illegal.

Yes, we have to do something. We have to figure out how to do this.
And so, he got like fucking book thrown at him 40 years. Like, the minimum is supposed to be like 20, 25.

That's how much they gave guys, but they gave 40 because he was a doctor. Because it said the same thing.
You should, this, we have to make an example of you. Yeah, you should know better.

Yeah, as a doctor. These scammers are fucking crazy.
I get texts all the time from scammers, and they've really like, I hate how they like straight up prey on loneliness.

loneliness like it's just always like oh how you been let's get sushi tomorrow and stuff like that those are the texts I've been getting oh yeah and it's just like they're really very they're very interesting girl like you going to deirdre's tonight yeah it's really crazy

pictures of your fucking balls man oh well then I'm gonna start getting the other one hey but then hey cool you know what I just I just need to have like a crazy dick pic ready of someone else yeah yeah I need so you know you need what Robert Irwin Robert Irwin the chef the celebrity chef I showed you the penis before.

I thought you meant it. Habits.
I thought you met. I thought you meant the crocodile guy.
I'm never talking about the camera.

No, because that's the same name of the guy who just won Dancing with the Stars. Oh, yeah.

Oh, never him. No, I don't even know he existed.
I'm talking about Robert Irwin,

I'm talking about the chef with the huge fucking hog. This is who everybody thinks you're talking about.
No, not him. That's a boy.
That's his child. He's got a little penis.

God knows how little this penis is. That's a little child.
I wouldn't talk about him. I'm talking about Robert Irvin, the man.

You know what you need to have? What? You got to have,

what's his name's penis on your phone? You got to have fucking Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz's penis.
I'll keep that on my phone.

The wife wouldn't mind that. Well, then, honestly, they don't let her see it.

Keep it for yourself. I bet Lenny Klavitz's penis is beautiful.
It is. Have you ever seen this picture of it? I don't want to see his actual penis.
It's right here. What are you talking about?

It popped out on stage. Oh, it popped out on stage? Yeah, it was on stage.
Oh, man. This is innocent.
Hell yeah, man. That shit fucking flew away.

Honestly,

it popped out like a salamander's tongue.

It just zips out. He looks like a giant evil butterfly.
I love Lenny Crap. We always do.
And the ladies do as well because he's got a big old cranking hole.

And it just zaps right out.

Even the blur is big. Yeah, it wasn't.
Yeah,

it wasn't going his way, huh?

I actually do think it is. I do think it is.
You just, you know, you got to

really ought to wear more relaxed pants. Oh.
All right, go check it out.

Live every day, knowing for a fact you can survive a funeral at Thanksgiving. And you can laugh about it later on with your family, knowing about how it was, it was a lot to deal with emotionally.

But you can also love the fact that it's probably never going to happen again. Yeah.

And that

you can have beautiful, cherished times with the family and

still then celebrate Thanksgiving later on. Yeah, this is your last Thanksgiving funeral.
I'm calling it. Yeah, I think that it's a hard day.
It's a hard day already. Because guess what?

Food gets cold. Food definitely gets cold.
It's not, yeah, no, we're already busy on Thanksgiving. Super busy.
It's hard to put it all together. It's hard to throw an event of that nature.

Yeah, I know. The only funeral on Thanksgiving should be for the turkey.
Yeah. And then I said, that's a fun one because we all eat it.
Yeah. We're going to be in Vegas on Sunday.

Come and hang out with Henry and I and Vegas. Wise Guys Town Center this Sunday, December 7th at 6:30 p.m.
It's going to be a lot of fun. We're having a blast.

I got some stuff I'm gonna give away because we've been doing the reverse QA's at the end of the show. Yes.
And we gave away some stuff this past one.

We gave away a bunch of Dan Merino cards that Henry and I signed. But I got some stuff to give away at this next show.
I'm very excited. So come on out.
We're gonna have a blast.

It's gonna be a great time. It's almost sold out, too.
No, yeah, it's getting close. They're doing good.
It's just honestly, it's just out by where the people live. Yes.

So if you're a people of Vegas. I want Vegas locals.

I want people of Vegas to come. Tourists are welcome, but I want the locals.
Yes, I want you guys there. I want to know you.
We go to Vegas enough where you should be friends.

George Knapp, get your ass out there. I want to see you at our show.

Also, I got some stand-up shows coming up January 4th at Oxnard Levity Live. That's a Sunday.

It's going to be a hard one to get people out to, so please come and join us. It's going to be a lot of fun.
I got Holden McNeely and Jake Young doing a set, Julia Johns and Carolina Hindalgo.

It's going to be a lot of fun. That'll be a lot of fun.
And then on February 18th, I'm going to meet the punchline in San Francisco with Grant Gordon. Come check it out.
It's going to be a blast.

I love you guys. And that's it.

That is it. That's all we got, baby.
So go check it out. Go check out all our fucking horseshit.
Because the last bad guys had left Coach Mac. And Christmas is right around the corner, isn't it?

You can really feel the pressure. We got to do some extra work.
Get ahead for Christmas. We can take some time off.
I'm going to blow my brains out. You love it.
I do. I got more work for you to do.

Yay!

Bye! Hey, Super May!

Hail Akron! Yeah!

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