Side Stories: 'Tis The Season

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Speaker 2 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday. Because right now, Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited.
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Speaker 2 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast.
On the left.

Speaker 2 Side stories?

Speaker 2 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 2 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm disappointed

Speaker 2 in us about? What did we do? This weekend. What did we fail at? I thought we killed Vegas.
We did nothing but crush. But you know what? We completely forgot to talk about what?

Speaker 2 Paul Anca confirming the fact that Frank Sinatra has a big hog. Well, of course, Frank Sinatra has a big hog.
But you know what?

Speaker 2 Also, it was crazy that I did not know that Paul Anca also confirmed Joey Bishop had a vagina. Oh, really? Yeah, you know Buck Angel? Oh, it's interesting because the bishop is the chest piece

Speaker 2 most likely to fuck. With the slit in it.
Yeah, that's the penis. It's got a cleft in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? It's got a little, just like, just like

Speaker 2 what one would call the openings of a female or a vagina. But it looks also looks like a penis head.
Yes, sure. In many ways.

Speaker 2 Truly androgynous.

Speaker 2 Wow. So Joey Bishop,

Speaker 2 that's what they cut it out of the interview, I guess, because Paulenka at that point was starting to drool out of the side of his face and one drop of blood was coming out of his fake left eye because he did that to copy Sammy.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 And so when that starts to happen, oh, they know Paul's got to go to sleep. Right.
Because obviously Paul Enka, he's been up to up. Because now he's.

Speaker 2 He put...

Speaker 2 It in his documentary. That Frank Sinatra has a big penis.
It's your documentary. Don't talk about how big is the dick that you got to talk about it in your own documentary.

Speaker 2 I think that Paul Enka might have a bit of a hanker for Frank Sinatra's. Maybe he did a little Yanka.
I think

Speaker 2 he might have.

Speaker 2 I think he must have, and he absolutely did.

Speaker 2 I'm kissing him. Again, the biggest revelation.
Joey Bishop, trans icon. Nobody knew that before.

Speaker 2 It's amazing to even think about, and I wish we could have seen it. Yeah.
Dean Martin, a horrible flatulence problem. They used to call him Dean Fartin.
I know that. I heard that.

Speaker 2 And also, the alcoholism was exaggerated. It was exaggerated, but he did die early.

Speaker 2 But hey,

Speaker 2 because that's what a real man does. Welcome to Side Stories.
Do you know Dean Martin once bought my mom 10 scotches?

Speaker 2 What, just to

Speaker 2 she was at a Dean Martin show. Yeah.
And he's like, and she's like, he asked her what she was drinking because she was all hot and by herself. Was she? Yes.

Speaker 2 And then back then, yeah, oh my God, my mom was real hot. And then you got to see these old pictures.
I got to send them them to you. You're going to love them.

Speaker 2 How hot are we talking? I mean, he's pretty smoking hot. What? Yeah, I don't know.
Your mother? My mother was smoking hot. Yeah.
And then the Polish said that.

Speaker 2 Eventually that babu does change, doesn't it? There's something about that. Where did Babu come from? But yeah, he sent her 10 scotches one night.
Well, what a great feeling.

Speaker 2 Either that or she was lying to me my whole life, which is very possible. I love you.

Speaker 2 It is very possible she was lying to me. I know she's lying to you.
She went to Vegas by herself. Yeah, no one else is there to witness the story.
I know she's lying. She had to have been lying.

Speaker 2 She met a man named like Saul Lanka. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, it was Saul Lane.

Speaker 2 She didn't say nothing about it. She just said, oh, yeah, it was.
It was Dean Morgan. Yeah,

Speaker 2 Dean Mutton.

Speaker 2 Dean Mutton. Like, yeah, that valve.
Oh, everyone loved that greasy guy from class. I said my mom looked most like the chick on the bottom to the right.

Speaker 2 That's really, you're giving your mom a lot of credit, but I'll see those pictures. I'll send them to you.
All right, well, great.

Speaker 2 My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
We just came back from the fucking best city on the face of the planet, Las Vegas. That's true, but I did have fun.

Speaker 2 It is the only honest city in the Union, Las Vegas, Nevada. What an amazing time we had.
And we just wanted to just say straight up, we got literally 10 tickets left for our Portland shows. Yes.

Speaker 2 Go and buy those tickets at lastpodcastandleft.com.

Speaker 2 They will be then completely sold out, and we will finally, finally mean something to our families. Please.
Please.

Speaker 2 Yeah, actually, very excited for Portland. Yeah, it's a great city.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 All my friends. I got a bunch of friends there.
My friend Ellie's there. She's getting lectured.
You're coming to the show? Oh, yeah. I get people come to the show.
Portland's one of the best cities.

Speaker 2 Another, actually, really fun city. Hopefully, the cops left.
Usually we don't sell out. And I'm like, yeah, sure.
Whoever wants to come. No, no, no, no, not this time, Eddie.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 This time we got almost no room. Well, I hope so.
I hope we'll we'll be okay. I hope so.

Speaker 2 Everyway, they could stand outside in the cold. Couldn't give a fucking shit, Eddie.

Speaker 2 Couldn't give a fucking shit. No, it's not true.
I love our family. I love our friends.
All right, so we have a bit of a update.

Speaker 2 I actually got a very, first of all, love it when someone gives us credit. So thank you.
Someone said that they actually appreciated our coverage of the Morgan Geyser story. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 I was really worried about it. Same.
Really, very, very, very worried about that. But I got a very interesting.
How many hate messages did we get?

Speaker 2 just a couple okay but it's normal the normal amount it's just normal because we're still trying to figure out kind of where we're like we are when you listen to side stories i i can't really stress enough you're listening to two nearly mid 40s white men i am mid-40s you are now officially yeah and we are we're trying

Speaker 2 to learn and get involved and not be too scared of different things. Yeah, but if a little girl stabs another little girl a bunch of times, we unfortunately have to talk about it.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, that's not the problem. The problem is honestly, because people felt that you were very, you were almost too considerate of Morgan Geyser's feelings.

Speaker 2 A lot of people kind of agreed on the other side that Morgan Geyser, because one message I got was very interesting about the idea of kids learning to be, like we say the words manipulative inside of these sort of social homes, but really it's adapting to having no power in a situation in which they're surrounded by authority figures.

Speaker 2 They're already troubled. They're going to naturally do certain things.
Just what happens. But one thing I found that was interesting that I did not know, because we were saying

Speaker 2 one thing that freaked us out about Morgan Geyser was that she was let into the halfway home, out of the insane asylum, essentially,

Speaker 2 and still had visual delusions and spoke with Slender Man. It's not good, especially in the halfway house.
It's no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 But I did not actually understand that that is a part of the therapy. So they don't fight delusions.
I got this from an

Speaker 2 mental health worker's guide, right? This is someone who works at they do in a

Speaker 2 bit of a clinical context to what's going on. And I thought this was really interesting.

Speaker 2 Is that when people have audio and visual hallucinations as a part of a schizophrenia diagnosis, a part of what you're trying to do is create a grounding sensation within those delusions? Okay.

Speaker 2 So they. So that's just trying to get the conversation to to end.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's real.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You and me both.
Oh, I just talked to Genghis Khan this morning. He's great, right? All right, well, I'll see.
I got to go to this soup's on.

Speaker 2 I don't got to get that one time.

Speaker 2 I like that thick soup. I like that thick insane asylum soup.

Speaker 2 But no, it's what you do is you can't just say the delusions aren't real because it makes them like kind of inversely dig in more, which is something I.

Speaker 2 It's like when someone's dating someone horrible and you tell them they are horrible and they just run them into their arms.

Speaker 2 I think that's a simple, that's a good simple way to put it, or it's like when I have OCD, like in my OCD diagnosis, what they learned was that instead of self-soothing during moments of high anxiety, just feel the anxiety.

Speaker 2 How come you don't wash your hands if you're OCD? Because I'm going to fucking punch you in the face.

Speaker 2 I'm going to fucking attack them. I do wash my hands actually until they bleed.
But that's different. It's called being a traveling comedian.

Speaker 2 And so

Speaker 2 this is what they do. When you have photorealistic things, they create this thing.
So, reality testing, so they

Speaker 2 gently explore discrepancies between your visions and reality. They say stuff like, does that really make sense? Or, like, oh, okay, like, and they gently prod, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, then it's safety planning, ensuring the belief doesn't lead someone to act in a way that endangers themselves or others.

Speaker 2 So, you can't, as long as Slenderman is just hanging out and just being stuff like, being like, I actually think that the smashing machine was fine. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, like, that's fine, right? Like, you can have, you can have a rational discussion about your critical response to smashing machine. I think it was fine.
Yes.

Speaker 2 I think it was entirely fine, right?

Speaker 2 Then there's harm reduction, helping the client manage the delusion rather than eradicate it. Because that's the idea, too.

Speaker 2 It's harm reduction is that it's very difficult to get rid of full-on video and

Speaker 2 audio hallucinations, apparently. Even with medication, talk therapy, it's extremely difficult.

Speaker 2 So basically you have to figure out a way to create it so that they can just kind of have them and move on and be able to talk about it.

Speaker 2 And what they call it functional stabilization, which is coping strategies, daily living skills, like all of that stuff. So I did not know that you can then, that's really what they're seeking.

Speaker 2 It's not total cure in order to be moved in one of these facilities. Also, the fact that when she was, she got released for attempted murder at 23, that's very common.

Speaker 2 That's actually pretty much a boilerplate like age in which something like this happens. That's what I was concerned about.

Speaker 2 Yes, but they do because it's, it was an attempted murder, but now we're seeing that it was a bit too premature. But that, that, so now we now know everyone's going to go right back into it.

Speaker 2 They say essentially the, oh, this is a really interesting term. The presence of a delusion doesn't define risk.
Behavior does. So it's all how you

Speaker 2 behave.

Speaker 2 towards the delusion.

Speaker 2 Do you think that like, you know, in these kind of cases, like, obviously, we're not going to do this, but like, the best way to keep someone safe would be just like remove their fingers

Speaker 2 because then they wouldn't be able to stab anybody. Side stories help p-ot-l at gmail.com.
Is that a good way to stop? Is that a good way to someone stabs someone a bunch? Can we decrease?

Speaker 2 They're not gonna stop, they're not gonna stop stabbing people. I think they're gonna bite their tits.
That's what I think they're gonna do. I think they're gonna bite their drug dealer.

Speaker 2 I think they'll use their fucking teeth. I think if you got rid of a murderer's hands, they just not still have the hands, just not the fingers, Palms.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Again, can still use things. Yeah.
Palms is enough. Palms is definitely enough.
Have you seen Bruce Lee? Oh. He's all palm.
I miss him. Me too.
Whatever happened to him.

Speaker 2 I think that he got sick.

Speaker 2 He was cursed. He was cursed because he gave away his ancient Chinese secrets.
That's the truth. He gave away his ancient secrets.

Speaker 2 And he was cursed because of it, because he gave us, what was it, jiu-jitsu? Not jiu-jitsu. What was his thing?

Speaker 2 Jeet Kundu. Jeet Kundu.
Jeet Kundu.

Speaker 2 His made his own karate. And then when he did that, that was a problem.
Yeah. Because guess what? Pioneers die with the footsteps of others on their back.
Before him, nunchucks were just a chain.

Speaker 2 He put the two sticks on the end. Yep.
It was just... Nunchucks was just what I did when I poisoned the convent.

Speaker 2 Well, that's an update.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go. I'm just going to go.
Because the Dubai update, the Dubai update thing is just

Speaker 2 confirming that that crypto scanner got cut up into a bunch of pieces. Yeah, and they put them in concrete, and now they found the concrete, and I guess they broke apart the concrete.

Speaker 2 I would have loved it. Just bury the concrete.
Well, they did, I think, and then they found the buried concrete. I mean, after the fact.

Speaker 2 Leave in the concrete.

Speaker 2 I mean, I would have loved to hear about, like, obviously, we would never hear about this, but like thousands of years down the road that someone finds the concrete that opens it up.

Speaker 2 It's like, ah, pieces of people. Oh, my God.
Yeah, they'd be like, oh, in ancient times, they used to make people into a salad.

Speaker 2 Normally, when now, this is how they knew this was an important person of the 2025s.

Speaker 2 They always turned them into an ambrosia salad. Oh, man.
I didn't know

Speaker 2 he had already been arrested for being a fraudster. Good.
Yeah. And then he got out, and then he went to Dubai to do more fraud.
That's what happens. He can't fuck around with these guys.

Speaker 2 You get one chance. What did you teach me about drug dealing, Eddie? It's not about if you get caught.
It's when you get caught. Yes.
All these guys, same thing. If you get a chance to to get out and

Speaker 2 you made your nut, you stay the fuck out. All right.
You don't need that other score. I really think I got caught at the exact right time.
You really did. And I honestly say thank you.
Yes.

Speaker 2 I thank you for what happened. Yes, I know.
But my friends,

Speaker 2 they had a rougher time. Yes.
So they had, well, yeah, they were treated horribly by the Florida police. I love you guys.
I love you both.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry that it happened to you. You didn't deserve that.
All right. No matter what you did.

Speaker 2 Bleep his name. He's got a career and a child.
Go, yeah, yeah. Oh, yo, go, you don't want him to know?

Speaker 2 Keep it in, but bleep his name. Well, at least he's not this guy.
So

Speaker 2 this is a new story that I found. And again, there's just something about homemade Nazi uniform that makes me laugh.
Yes. Right.

Speaker 2 So a man opened fire on Stanford Police in Connecticut of all the places. And he had an hours-long standoff.
I'm surprised there aren't more Nazis in Connecticut. Why? All the whites up there.

Speaker 2 You'd be surprised. Connecticut's a lot more diverse than than you think it is.
There's lots of poor whites up there. But there's also a lot of people that aren't white.
I know that.

Speaker 2 Shockingly. I know that.
Shockingly. Actually, where there's more, to be honest, more of a president of this is in our humble

Speaker 2 Northern California. Oh, Northern California is littered.
It's kind of made for it. They love it over there.
Yeah, lots of trees that they could take and make crosses out of. So here we go.

Speaker 2 These fuckers, right? So apparently, they got called. The police got a search warrant in a home, right?

Speaker 2 Because I guess there was a complaint um the incident on december 2nd began when a state marshal it came to this home in oak lawn avenue they came to evict this guy yes right that's what the problem was of course right it makes sense it's very very upsetting it's very very upsetting but i'm gonna say this guys no matter how whatever bad things happen to you financially in the real estate world there's no reason to go nazi over it yes you know i hate eviction especially this time of year we all think it's the worst thing in the world that anyone could do.

Speaker 2 But as soon as a homemade Nazi uniform comes into play, suddenly I don't care. So it starts to be like, suddenly I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, as a landlord, I'm like, huh, maybe you need to get the fuck out of there, right? And so the lady, the dude came out. So the cops came.
Jed Parkington. Joe.

Speaker 2 Jed Parkington definitely, that's exactly what he did. Yeah.
He parked in that house until they shot him in the head, until he shot himself in the head.

Speaker 2 And so first of all, he sent his wife out like a real fucking coward. He sent his wife and dog out.
I thought it was nice. Well, I don't know.

Speaker 2 He could have, it was, it was either that or he kills him. He's lucky that they didn't light up on the fucking wife and all the kind of shit because he had barking dog.
They let him out of the house.

Speaker 2 Parking. So they cops came.
They see he knew he was going to have a standoff. Oh, no.
He's like, wife,

Speaker 2 honestly, this is the little credit that I'm going to give this man. And he's like, wife, get out of the house.
I'm going to shoot all these cops. You don't want to be around for this.

Speaker 2 He's been wanting to do this since he was 18 years old. He's been planning.
Yeah. So he came to the door.
He was wearing a uniform shirt and a utility belt with items attached.

Speaker 2 He had explosive devices because he had grenades on him and a giant swastika.

Speaker 2 And he sent the wife out, right? Because then he said he pushed her out the door and they heard him saying, take her someplace safe. This is not going to end well.
This is not going to end well.

Speaker 2 And so she pushed her out. Because I feel like even as the worst thing you hear in a standoff.
But I would say, as your wife, right?

Speaker 2 I think Coco Chanel said this: the idea that when you leave the house every day, remove one accessory. Yes.
Right? Because that's fashion, right?

Speaker 2 I think I'm a wife. If it was a good wife, you know what you say to your husband?

Speaker 2 Do whatever you're going to do. Take that swastika.
Okay. I'm not dealing with this.
She sewed it on. I'm not.
No, oh, no. He did.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 This is Jed's plan.

Speaker 2 And Jed got the Nazi insignia. He finally's been waiting on it.

Speaker 2 He purchased it on on ebay a year ago i don't know if it was embroidered oh i he's not sitting there too deep oh this man bought a chinese-made swastika flag my friend oh absolutely this man's not doing this this isn't a patriot yeah you know this guy's buying it from over there impartial china yeah they love they love our little pecadillos don't they they love what we got going on over here so he then uh barricaded himself inside he was they thought he was armed he was they brought in a hostage negotiation team And so what they first tried to do, which I believe they, which I do think it didn't work, they did put just a tater tot hot dish on the front stoop to get it come out, right?

Speaker 2 Because can't really, you can't fucking refuse a tater tot hot dish. No.

Speaker 2 And then, um,

Speaker 2 oh, you bastard. But he said something about how tater tots are the juice of the potatoes.
Whoa. Which I did not know.
Yeah. And I didn't think about it like that.

Speaker 2 Well, if you take the top of a tater tot and you put it on top of a potato, it kind of of looks like a yarmulko. Interesting.
That's a fat person thought.

Speaker 2 That's a fat third, it's a fat person thought. And so he said no to that.
I guess then they said stuff like,

Speaker 2 you know, oh, okay, come out here. We all hate the Jews out here.
Like, I don't know what they try to get him out. I don't know what they, how do you, how do you try to get this guy out?

Speaker 2 You're like, oh, great swatsuka, buddy. Yeah.
Man, that's what's good. If I had a swatsuka, that'd be the one I'd have too, buddy.
Like, that's like, how do you get him out?

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is just normal SWAT, not Swatsuka.

Speaker 2 just listen i wish it was i wish we could be all right but you know everybody gets touchy about exes over here all right buddy

Speaker 2 so he had his hostage they called in the hostage negotiators but he's his only hostage that's very normal guy's just holding a gun to his head in a house the hostage negotiators just come out there and say no don't i mean honestly no no i know the whole process i'm surprised they didn't light up the house well it's because they're trying not to eddie but they he was lighting the car up.

Speaker 2 He shot up the cop car. Honestly, Eddie, anytime when they do this and they actually manage to not shoot up the house, I'm pretty proud of them.
I am proud of them, but I'm just very surprised.

Speaker 2 It's way more normal. I feel like they were in their...

Speaker 2 Ugh, it's a hard thing to say. They were in their rights to shoot up the house.
They tried to breach the house several times using these devices.

Speaker 2 So the first thing they did was they sent in a swarm of drones because they're trying not to get anybody killed. They're trying to save the guy.
They are.

Speaker 2 so the drones come in. He shot out all the drones, which is the funnest way to die.
That's the first thing he said. The first thing he's done that I'm like all about.
How fun is that?

Speaker 2 You got your fun little swatsuka on.

Speaker 2 You finally use all your big guns. The cops are finally here.
It's all happening. It's like when Natalie got to go to Epic Universe.
It's like, it's all happening now. It's like, I get to do it.

Speaker 2 And so he's shooting at drones. That's the coolest thing an old man ever gets to do.
Future skate shooting. Yes.
And then he did the same thing that all old fucking bastards love to do too.

Speaker 2 And he put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. And then they sent in another drone and saw it.
Yep. And then that drone's traumatized.
Yeah, that poor drone.

Speaker 2 Its whole family got killed by this guy.

Speaker 2 This is like the worst version of batteries not included I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 So yeah, another Christmas miracles wrapped up.

Speaker 2 This is not gonna end.

Speaker 2 Wow. I was right.

Speaker 2 I was like the last thing you said. I was right.

Speaker 2 Live from North Way.

Speaker 2 It's so nice sitting here by the fire, looking at the tinsel on my Christmas tree, and I'm just stringing popcorn. And know what's keeping me warm is my lovely undergarments and this cashmere.

Speaker 2 And the linen linen seems to be keeping my my legs warm as well. Oh, how nice.
I'm gonna get some cocoa and I'm gonna be a prince, all dressed up in my quince. That's right, because I'm a special boy.

Speaker 2 I love to look good even if I'm at home by myself. Sometimes I like to look good just for the dogs.
Quince can help you with that.

Speaker 2 You can get anything from sunglasses to gold chains to weighted blankets to cashmere sweaters and ooh yes, that's sweet,

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Speaker 2 Look like a Christmas prince while you're dressed in your quince. You love it.

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Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 the one thing I'll say,

Speaker 2 he should have saved to Christmas. Yeah.
Because then I could have covered it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know. What are you going to do?

Speaker 2 I don't know, Ed. It's the season.
It's the season. Nobody puts yourself hostage.
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 We just covered a family annihilator, which seems to be a running topic that we do around the Christmas season here.

Speaker 2 We got a couple couple stories that seem like they line up pretty well we had an exact almost copy of our buddy ronnie gene simmons uh that we just covered in arkansas last week where a guy killed his entire family it's another family annihilation in arkansas about a mile from where ronnie gene simmons lived

Speaker 2 so that's interesting it has been interesting so a mile just now one mile just now that's the same town I mean, I guess. It's just like there.
I walk miles. So just one mile mile is the same town.

Speaker 2 You bragging? Yeah, I'm bragging.

Speaker 2 If I'm out here, I'm walking two to three miles. Woo!

Speaker 2 Boy, you don't even know. Cutting up this turf.
These hookahs ain't fucking. They're working, dude.
They're earning their money. Walking a full 45 minutes.
I'm tired.

Speaker 2 There was another drone story. I'm just going to talk about it briefly because I'm just, there's so many connecting stories in a weird way this week.

Speaker 2 And there was another, there was a drone story where a guy was hiking by himself a lot of people hiking and ways they shouldn't be hiking hiking on him by himself on like a 20 uh hour hike and he fell into quicksand which is very rare we were told again this is what now like a meme but we were told as kids that quicksand was gonna be a thing yes and for this guy it was and he got stuck in the quicksand he had his two little hiking poles and he kept trying to push himself out and then it couldn't it wasn't working and then his knee got bent back and it was touching his foot and he was stuck in the quicksand he was and then someone heard him screaming because he was in like a little gorge.

Speaker 2 And they sent in drones. They found him.
They pulled him out. That's why you use a treadmill.
Yes. That's what I use.
I go to a treadmill. I stay inside.
I don't go out there.

Speaker 2 The idea of falling into quicksand and then ever going outside ever again. Can you imagine that?

Speaker 2 Like, because that's such a because like that's such an anxiety-inducing idea for the rest of time, then. Yeah.
I would hate as a do you think he's ever going back to REI?

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 he's like, these poles are defective. Fuck these poles.
These polls almost killed me. Like you him outside the REI just being like, they almost killed me.
They were a pole of anchors on me.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, that's it. They need Sinatra's disabled

Speaker 2 from the sky.

Speaker 2 Can I,

Speaker 2 I blame him. Well, yeah, I mean, he's walking in a gorge and like.
I am watching this rescue proceed. This is not where humans should be.
Those rescue proceeds, that cost,

Speaker 2 how many thousands of dollars that cost? Oh, he's paying for it. Do you think he gets no? You pay for these rescues.
Do you? Oh, yeah. Remember when we were on top of the hill, a mountain in Hawaii?

Speaker 2 And I was like, I was scared. And he's like, a $70,000 for a copter ride.
We're like, let's keep walking. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I remember that.
Oh, we'll tumble down. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But yeah, there's two other crazy hiking things that happen. Oh, my favorite one is this one because this is the

Speaker 2 God. Just father, just angry, angry, angry.
This idiot. This angry father.
This fucking Salt Lake City moron father. You know that he was a fucking evil Mormon too.

Speaker 2 And Utah father's facing child torture and abuse charges after he took his three small children on a long,

Speaker 2 strenuous hike during a winter storm in Big Cottonwood Canyon, and they had to be rescued. You know, you think, nice, dad's out, taking the kids out for a walk.

Speaker 2 You know, they're going to have a good time. They're going to go.
They're going all fucking, we're going to the top of the mountain.

Speaker 2 The kids were two, four, and eight. Get the fuck up.
Get up. Put that Roblox down.
It's filled with pedophiles. We're going to the peak of the mountain.
We're going to kiss God on the mouth.

Speaker 2 Micah Smith, 31 years old, was

Speaker 2 by his wife to please do not do this. Please don't.
Please. Please.
And he's like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. And she said she was scared.
He told her, you shall not pass.

Speaker 2 He like started quoting Gandalf to his eight-year-old.

Speaker 2 as she was like, are we going to

Speaker 2 literally he was filming her asking if she was going to freeze to death. This guy is such a scumbag.
And then

Speaker 2 he left all three. He left the eight-year-old in charge of the other two and fucking laughed.
Yeah, man, had to. He had to fucking go and I guess he had to secure help.
Well, yes, because the kids.

Speaker 2 The two-year-old died and then he gave it CPR and it came back to life. And then the other kid, when the other kid was dying, he started giving that kid kid CPR.

Speaker 2 He had the eight-year-old push it on their fucking chest and shit. And then he goes and he totally redeems himself

Speaker 2 in prison when he kills another pedophile. Yeah, that's the only thing he could do today.

Speaker 2 But think about how, even as a, you know, just as a dog father, right? You know, like I just have one, you got to give one medication. You got the other one is fighting for the food, right?

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, oh, so I could see that, yeah, of course, when they're all dying, you got to put the eight-year-old to work, especially if she's still functioning. Like, that's easy to do.

Speaker 2 You go, whoo, bring one kid to life. Yes.

Speaker 2 Bring another kid to life. Little snowman.
Honestly, this father crushed it in a way. He brought the kids six and a half miles, which is more than twice as far as I walk.

Speaker 2 And you heard how tired Eddie is. It's like

Speaker 2 3,000 feet elevation. The rocks are shifting, thorny bushes.
This guy brought his children to die.

Speaker 2 October, he brought them at night. They got caught in a downpour of snow, hail, and rain.
When they did not return, they had to go look for them.

Speaker 2 He said Smith and his children took shelter at around 8 p.m. that evening under a large rock with an overhang.

Speaker 2 Smith said he gathered logs, sticks, and rocks to make a windscreen and put pine needles down and try to use his body to keep his children warm.

Speaker 2 And the whole time he's like, God, fucking, your mother's going to be so fucking angry with me. Oh, man, I'm going to have to do extra time at at the temple this week.

Speaker 2 Oh wow, my on my secret underwear is frozen in my chest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man, this dude fucking they gave him no bail and the good the deputy said the defendant's intentional and selfish act left his children in grave danger with one of them dying and being revived multiple times and will never fully recover.

Speaker 2 Wow, he has been charged with domestic violence.

Speaker 2 And then he was told

Speaker 2 to leave Primary Children's Hospital for trespassing. Yes.
After he interfered with his four-year-old sons, he was tampering with the equipment that was on his face.

Speaker 2 That was a month before this incident happened.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he's a mad Mormon. He's a mad fucking dumb Mormon.
He told the police, I'm going to hike to the top of a mountain. A month ago, he told them this.
Yeah, he was trying to kill themselves.

Speaker 2 I think his brother, though, is sticking by his side. He says, Mike is a good dad who loves his kids and loves taking them on adventures.
Yeah, it's because he's, no, he was trying to kill them all.

Speaker 2 I think he was trying to kill kill them all i bet you this is another one

Speaker 2 adventure by the way no that's not an adventure no an adventure is going to an amusement park yeah an adventure is we went fishing me and my dad went we went fishing and we went and got ice cream after we went fishing we did that's a wonderful time i think it took a two and a four year old climbing 6.5 miles 3 000 feet in the air and guess what bro they're just going to slow you down Yeah.

Speaker 2 And this guy is like, he's, you know what it is, though? Is again, this is another Salt Lake City story in which I am more than certain they're cutting the religious aspect out of it.

Speaker 2 Because they always do that. They always kind of cut the fact that there's a large unspoken that they're praying to some mountain that Britham Young was on top of or something.

Speaker 2 Just this idea that he has some special communication with a Mormon offshoot God. Well, good.
He can go have that communication with Chad Daybell now. No, they will.
Oh, don't worry.

Speaker 2 They fucking will.

Speaker 2 They'll have a lot of notes to compare.

Speaker 2 Well, there's also, check this out, on the other side of the world, there's a dude facing manslaughter charges after leaving his girlfriend at the top of Austria's highest peak.

Speaker 2 36-year-old is now facing three years in prison.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 what is the actual circumstances of this? Did they get caught? Did he just dump her?

Speaker 2 They went,

Speaker 2 they climbed. 12,460 feet.
She did not have the proper gear. He's an experienced climber.
She is not. They get to the top.
She's got like felt shoes on.

Speaker 2 You know, they're not like, it's like when we went on Celsius. When we went our hike and both of us were wearing sneakers, and the guy's like, are you sure you want to wear those?

Speaker 2 And we're like, we weren't, we didn't know. No one told us anything.
Yes. Yeah, yeah.
But this was very different because they went together and he fucking, she gets cold.

Speaker 2 He doesn't know what to do with her. He then leaves her to go get help when she then freezes to death, of course, because it's negative 20 Celsius.
So he's just like, just chill out. Yeah.
Literally.

Speaker 2 literally just chill out stay right here i'm gonna be right back you know here you go here's your ipad yeah

Speaker 2 what is he doing here yeah apparently apparently he's uh very sorry about how things turned out whoa hey that honestly as y'all know as y'all ladies know having a guy apologize who

Speaker 2 marry him yeah man oh my god oh girl yeah he's doing the work He's putting into work. I'm sorry being quitting Tarantino right now.
He put into work, girl.

Speaker 2 Man, I love everyone running running his ass through the fucking dirt this week. What you talking about, Son?

Speaker 2 What you talking about, Son?

Speaker 2 Me, Quentin

Speaker 2 Tarantino. Geez, San

Speaker 2 because I'm doing this as a direct reference to Quentin Tarantino very confidently speaking with Jamie Foxx and Samuel Jackson and the press coverage for Django Unchained. And he is

Speaker 2 unchained. He's jacked out of his mind.
And he loves talking like a black guy.

Speaker 2 But I do in some way, I do feel like

Speaker 2 he felt in that moment that he was black. He was wrong.
Yeah, he just hit this movie about slavery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he was amongst a very powerful group of black people, and he felt very much in, he was feeling himself. Yes, he really was.
He really was. He really, really was.

Speaker 2 Man, I really, honestly, I'm at the point now where I don't even care if that 10th movie comes out. Cook, honestly, so far, he,

Speaker 2 I am an unapologetic, full-on Quentin Tarantino fan. I love every single one of his movies are great.
I love every single one of his movies. I hate the man.
I never want to hang out with him.

Speaker 2 Isn't that weird? I'll never meet him. I'll never want to meet him.

Speaker 2 But I've now learned that about celebrities.

Speaker 2 I don't want to meet them anymore. I never want to meet them.
I don't want to hear their thoughts. I don't want to be in their personal sphere.
Just give me your stuff. Go away.

Speaker 2 Quentin Tarantino, that 10th movie, even the last one, he was thinking about making a movie about a movie critic. And I was like, you're so full of shit, buddy.
You need to go walk away.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 You're going to end all this on you need to touch grass I think that's the term that he I think that's the term I think he needs to go out there and he needs to fucking go he needs to go walk away from seeing himself on a camera well he's he's working on the sequel to once upon a time in Hollywood because you know everybody wants to see that well it's a it's a TV show

Speaker 2 my god David Fincher's gonna dirty

Speaker 2 it's gonna bomb I think it's honestly I think it's gonna fucking bomb I think it's gonna not be very good but you know what are you gonna do yeah

Speaker 2 well um

Speaker 2 so we got what do we got here we got this people who cut the baby out of somebody well this is a really brutal

Speaker 2 guy who cut up his wife. See, everything's like weirdly

Speaker 2 again, it's Christmas season. As we're heading into the holidays, you notice the stories do tend to get more grisly.
It's hard out there right now.

Speaker 2 This is a, I'm just going to go through the details of this story. I don't know everything.
Natalie's fully ensconced in this. Okay, good.
It's still very much developing.

Speaker 2 Natalie and I both have our separate true crime stories going at all times, right?

Speaker 2 So, like, when I was you can't take this from her no i don't want to but also this is the she was i was i heard this from the other room and i was like what the and she's just like yeah this is a grisly one because like i was all too into guess who just filed for divorce who we're the weezer basis wife who got shot by the police she filed she filed for divorce what she filed divorce on him he's not supporting me I shot at the police and he's not supporting me.

Speaker 2 The fact that he said

Speaker 2 yeah, because he was paying for your your court fucking money. That's what he did.
You fucking crazy person, Jillian Lauren files for divorce. It's fine.
It's fine. It's all good.

Speaker 2 I know that she wrote a really interesting book about Samuel Little, and she's done quite a bit for,

Speaker 2 you know, awareness of, you know, all that kind of stuff. Really good investigator of true crime, but she is a woman.
I think he's going to get out scot clean. Oh, free here.

Speaker 2 No, she won't know what he wants. He's not going to owe her anything.
It's no fault state, my friend. No fault state? Oh, yeah.
Like no fault, like including shooting guns at cops.

Speaker 2 It's got nothing to do with the divorce. I would say it does.
We'll find out. We'll find out.
I actually don't know. Side stories, L P O T L and Gmail.com.

Speaker 2 What are the type of aggravating circumstances during divorce could actually affect?

Speaker 2 She's going to be in prison. California's no, no, she won't.
No, she got let off with probation. She just went to go do a treatment program.
She got no time.

Speaker 2 She shot at the police and got shot by the police. They essentially decided to call that even.
Attempted murder of a police officer? She's shot in this guy.

Speaker 2 White lady did well. It's called a white lady power.

Speaker 2 She's got a white lady juice. So she used it.
But this is these people did not use their white lady juice. This is the story of so lucky they weren't in the garage.
Can we keep moving?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, here we go. You're right.

Speaker 2 Courtney Bartholomew, that is a really funny wheezer joke. Thank you.

Speaker 2 In the garage,

Speaker 2 I feel safe.

Speaker 2 Nothing

Speaker 2 tomorrow.

Speaker 2 It's a great song. Yeah, she's sick.
She hates that song.

Speaker 2 In backyard.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I hate to go escape it. I give you weird out.

Speaker 2 So, this person, both of these people could have used a little bit of chill.

Speaker 2 Courtney Bartholomew, 40, and for 47-year-old husband Bradley Bartholomew, decided to become evil personified, according to the Wexford County prosecutor, Johanna Carey, by murdering

Speaker 2 her daughter. So it was Courtney Bartholomew's daughter and

Speaker 2 removing the baby from inside of her while she was still alive.

Speaker 2 And then did the baby live? It's not very clear if the baby lived or not. No, the baby died.
The baby died. She was supposed to give birth just a couple days afterwards.
So were they

Speaker 2 just

Speaker 2 excited? They were looking for... Is that what you're trying to say? That she was they're excited? I'm just stating facts.
I'm not say I'm not giving them any kind of

Speaker 2 These people are mobs.

Speaker 2 You don't think they had a straight motivation?

Speaker 2 You don't think so? I don't know. Other than them just taking the baby and leaving her for dead, I don't know what the fuck the plan was.
All right, here we go. So here we go.

Speaker 2 Autopsy revealed that the body was Parks. So the child was due to give birth to three days.
The same day the body was discovered. Authorities arrested Parks' fiancé, Richard Valor, and Kimberly Parks.

Speaker 2 So everybody tried to kill her. So her mother and her stepfather, her fiancé,

Speaker 2 could lord and his sister and i i don't know why i mean even if she's the worst person on earth no i mean there's no you don't do this even if she's little hitler you don't do this you know like it's crazy well he had posted a video on her facebook page on the same day as her daughter this is all from people magazine by the way that's this is what they cover now and it was due to give birth with a caption that read my alibi of where i was the night my daughter came up missing right so that's what the mother posted posted.

Speaker 2 She then, in the video, which featured only black screen with audio, her 14-year-old son said, this is the, this is

Speaker 2 her brother. She gave me my meds at about 8:40.
I don't remember a lot, as I just said, but she was there when I went to bed and she was also there when I woke up the next day.

Speaker 2 I know that she never goes out and about when I'm sleeping just because she doesn't like to drive at night. So she thought that she could pressure a 14-year-old into giving her an alibi.
Yes.

Speaker 2 On Facebook, and it didn't work. Yeah, man.
Yeah, but they're all now going to jail. Everybody's going to jail.
They're going to go to jail hard. But you know what it is?

Speaker 2 Is that while, like, again, there's no discernible motive, but the reason why we try to pick it apart is because we do try to find some semblance of like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 What's a little bean brain thinking about? What's that little kind of little

Speaker 2 nugget in there thinking about, right? Ping-ponging back and forth with their little ideas, you know? And it turns out a lot of times

Speaker 2 once you find them out,

Speaker 2 It doesn't help. Yes.
Which is kind of sad because we're just interested. But cops always say that, don't they?

Speaker 2 In every interrogation, they're always like, we're here to find out why because we want to know. We want to help you.
We want to help you. We're so genuinely curious about why.
And why

Speaker 2 almost never seems to affect the court case. No.
Also, we don't hear about when they actually do help people.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. Well, I, you know, we're, obviously, we know that police officers are having, they have a hard job.
They also a lot of times abuse their power. Oh, Oh, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 2 But we also know that the cops do help, but that's their job is to be helped.

Speaker 2 Their job is to help and not thank.

Speaker 2 Not be thanked. That's what their fucking job is.
Yeah, they get paid to do it. They get paid.
That is their fucking job. They serve the community.
They're supposed to go out there.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, it sucks for police, but it's also the truth. Their jobs are to get shot and to do things to protect us.

Speaker 2 And they're not supposed to have judgments about their own activity. They're supposed to go out there.
That's what the thin blue line was supposed to mean for all you cucks that fly that flag.

Speaker 2 I have no idea what the fuck that shit means. There you go.

Speaker 2 That's very well said. Yes.
That's very well said.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so fuck these people. Yep.
All right.

Speaker 2 Piece of shit, this lady. Well, yeah, obviously, she's not a nice shit.
Yeah, she's not a nice lady, Grub. I mean, there's nothing nice about it.

Speaker 2 It's a really, it's a really, honestly, the most disgusting crime I've heard of in a very long time. Congrats.
Yes. You know, I'm still there with Joseph Fritzel.

Speaker 2 I'm still there with my buddy Joseph Fritzel hanging out, fighting for him, fighting for his standings in the most gross crimes of all time.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a tough time.

Speaker 2 You got all these nephews and nieces.

Speaker 2 If you're like me, you know, I got seven like that I'm like technically got through marriage, but then all my friends, they have their kids call me Uncle Eddie, too.

Speaker 2 And so it's like, I'm going, it's Christmas is coming up and I just got all these gifts I got to buy for all these children. And so when you look at it, like, oh my gosh, there's a list of like

Speaker 2 15 children I got to buy something for I think the list might even be higher so as I'm working up to Christmas time I got to start saving money in other departments and you know who can help me with that rocket money they're like Ed Why are you spending this money on this streamer that you've never even watched?

Speaker 2 And I was like, you know what, Rocket Money? That's a really good point. I either have to start watching this or delete it.
And you know what?

Speaker 2 If I delete it now in November, then November, December, that's two months. That's one gift for one of these 15 kids.
All right. So just think about it like that.
All right.

Speaker 2 Lose some of the stuff that you don't need now so you can be a better uncle to kids that aren't even your family members. That's how I deal with this.

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Speaker 2 Also, there's the story of the man who swallowed the Fabergé egg and then shed it out. This is another, I am angry again.
I am re-angered about this story.

Speaker 2 And the reason why I'm angry about this story is because then they still have the fucking nerve to charge full price for that Faberge egg as it has come out of another person's asshole. Yes.

Speaker 2 Oh yeah, it's definitely, it's still at $19,000 value. That is, to me, because we discovered, remember it was the piece of jewelry.
I believe it was an Australian story. It was a piece of jewelry.

Speaker 2 A man ate this. I'm assuming that this is in New Zealand.
I believe this is. It's just something that happens over there.
They got too many snakes. That's the problem.

Speaker 2 They got too many fucking snakes. They don't swallow stuff.
Yes. So that was a New Zealand man.
New Zealand's full of birds, and that's why this guy swallowed an egg. Yeah, immediately.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, I'm a peregrine. It was the Texas man who swallowed the year.

Speaker 2 Texas man, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Texas and Australia are pretty close. Yes.
So anyway, but this guy, he swallowed the Fabergé egg. It's a tiny egg.
Yeah, it's a real tiny egg. But you're still going to charge me.

Speaker 2 You need to fucking tell me. Because they say the same thing.

Speaker 2 When they did 700 grand necklace that the guy shot out they're all like we cleaned it impeccably absolutely every cubic millimeter can't drop the price at all you're lucky you got it back there's absolutely in that thing look at that tiny thing it's as big as a fingertip there is absolutely shit

Speaker 2 in the crevices of that Faberge fucking egg 19 grand for that little piece of shit I'll give you $1,200 for it not even

Speaker 2 I'm even doing that just to not insult their fucking asses for your stupid ass egg i don't even get february eggs i don't even understand what they serve for and what they do and what i know it's a russian thing it's the octopusy egg this one's limited edition dude oh it's yeah that's right because they built it off of the movie octopusy so they wanted to it looks like the eggs it's a fake egg no fuck the octopusy it's not real it really octopus is a fake thing yeah the whole thing's fake it it's a it has an 18 karat yellow gold octopus nestled inside when you open it that's fucking horseshit horseshit.

Speaker 2 What are we doing here? Yeah, it's got white diamond suckers and black diamond eyes, the octopus. I think that Fabergé eggs are a hate crime.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think that anywhere there's Fabergé eggs, they should be melted down, and that money should be given to the poor. Absolutely.
Faberge eggs are the single most useless thing I could possibly imagine.

Speaker 2 Covered in diamonds. It's a necklace.
Fuck it. You could rock it.
I couldn't give a fucking shit.

Speaker 2 Also, I hate these eggs. I hate Fabergé eggs.
You know who deserves some credit here? The label makers. The label went through this guy's body and came out, and they were still able to read it.

Speaker 2 The price tag. Oh, you're talking about the paper price tag.
The paper price tag. Yeah, I'm very impressed by the paper price tag.

Speaker 2 I'm actually now realizing that's a fucking hilarious photo because it's just a man with his rubber gloved hand fingering it because it's just in a napkin.

Speaker 2 Now I'm realizing what this is: it's in a napkin with a rubber

Speaker 2 fresh shit. That is definitely shit.

Speaker 2 that's this gross rubber fingered glo faint just one rubber finger pointing at the Faberge yankets that's got fucking shit residue all around it 19 grand suck my dick so also they're they're not sure if the guy swallowed other stuff so they're still like watching him shit every time

Speaker 2 he's still shitting in fucking and if I was

Speaker 2 like who knows what I ordered next I don't know I absolutely I might have swollen several bracelets to find out.

Speaker 2 Just as fucking pervert, just hanging out all day. Yes, look through that one.
There might be a stud or two in that loaf.

Speaker 2 Ah, yes. Smell it.
Why don't you?

Speaker 2 That had to destroy his asshole, though, right? Like with the diamonds. His whole intestinal tract.
Yeah. It made it through, though.
It shows the human body is a lot stronger than we think it is.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's just going to come out. It's a tiny egg.
It's shaped like that.

Speaker 2 Every time I think of a Faberge egg, I always think of like a huge thing well they do make big ones yeah but this one's only three inches tall yeah which also makes it even more of a waste of time all of this stuff is just so i'm not into it i'm not into the this the whole just like charging money did for the sake of charging money because of the thing says it's a thing is makes me angry honestly if you sell faberger eggs you deserve this oh yeah yeah and the idea of you stressing i watched one of the most

Speaker 2 upsetting body cam videos I've ever seen, which was a

Speaker 2 man that was a security worker at a spirit Halloween

Speaker 2 who had a gun for some reason, young man,

Speaker 2 tackles the shoplifter,

Speaker 2 then proceeds to dogwalk him across the parking lot with the gun to the back of his head, and then shoots him point blank in the chest. What?

Speaker 2 Brutal video. The guy starts crying.
Guy starts fucking crying. The guy that shot him?

Speaker 2 Yes, the security officer loses his mind right because he's a child that should not have had a gun he should not have had shouldn't be a gun in a spirit halloween no nothing matters and it's it's not a real business like that's what i think about is when people steal from these companies it's like that guy like the second he got out the door he should have let him go yes with the faberge eggs and shit it's gonna rip through this man's intestines it's gonna come out but the idea of like sitting and watching this man shit in a bucket as the stuff slowly comes out of him is just this of like

Speaker 2 that's where we get to as realtal realtal workers.

Speaker 2 So retailers, like people that make just over minimum wage, have to go watch a man shit in a bucket until the precious items of their boss come sliding out of him. Fuck you.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 I'd just be like, you send a guy from Fabergé.

Speaker 2 If you want somebody to watch, to deal with fucking loss. Is Fabergé a business?

Speaker 2 yes it's the label it's like what it's called I believe I believe I believe there are companies that I don't maybe I'm wrong I believe Fabergé it's kind of like how champagne comes from a certain

Speaker 2 valley yes but anything can be called champagne it is a brand yes so yes there are specific Fabergé eggs

Speaker 2 and then there are things that are come from that look like eggs that are maybe are not necessarily Fabergé eggs fuck these things yeah they're worthless so this idea of anybody stealing anything and then you being on the hook for doing anything, because like that officer also turns out the security officer from the Spirit Halloween, his mother was the district attorney.

Speaker 2 And he got off.

Speaker 2 Well, it's still, he's not about to, he's going to have to go to trial, but he definitely, he got charged for with that second-degree manslaughter because he also poured pepper spray all over this guy's face and then shot him point-blank in the chest.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ, man. It's been a fucking stealing Halloween mess.
It's been a fucked up year. Even the Spirit Halloween's are closing down and becoming Spirit Halloweens.

Speaker 2 save it for the clubs

Speaker 2 there's also spirit christmases on the east coast which are like they have no that we have them here we do yeah we do have them here spirit i saw one as i was driving the other day they're kind of sad over there yeah yeah yeah a little sad yeah the christmas spirit yeah yeah because it definitely feels like it's like big divorced energy

Speaker 2 in there yeah you got to get in there and get something you got to put up something to make your kids happy when they come by yeah because if not all they see is pictures of your new girlfriend and you're like yeah you're looking so i bought a fabergé egg for my new girlfriend Well, you know, Christine, it's our first Christmas together, so it was kind of a big deal for us.

Speaker 2 So, and I've kind of had 15 Christmases with you, so we're not going to be around. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're going to go fuck.

Speaker 2 I know it's a real important year for you, but we're out of here. We're going to leave and go fuck.
So,

Speaker 2 try not to become a school shooter, okay? We have one more story that I'm just going to touch on for two seconds just because it's wild.

Speaker 2 Distraught widow handed bag contained dead husband's belongings. Yeah, which fell off a ferry.
Very nice to do.

Speaker 2 His socks were in the bag, but apparently inside of the socks were the bottom of his feet.

Speaker 2 And she holes in his heels.

Speaker 2 And she's like, oh my god, this is the fucking worst part of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is the part I hate him the most.

Speaker 2 This is so sad. This is the grossest part of my husband.
Anything else I would have, oh, I would have been so happy. Yeah, so she got all his stuff back.
And just the bottoms of his feet?

Speaker 2 Yeah, she was like, oh, this bag fucking smells. And she's like, oh, his socks.
And then she she put his hand in the socks, and it was just like meat.

Speaker 2 It was just meat at the bottom of the socks.

Speaker 2 And then her father came in. Oh, did he put his like, did you put his souls in here? Oh, it's just his souls.
It's just his actual souls. Wow, that's horrifying.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 he'd been on some new medication that kind of made him uneasy and he'd fell overboard. Did they make the bottoms of his feet loose?

Speaker 2 Oh, he was like waterlogged. Yes, he was.
Yes, because it took him a while to find him. Jesus

Speaker 2 Christ. Because she didn't realize he'd fell off the back of the boat and she didn't realize that he had been gone until it was been a while.
So it took him a while to find him. What's going on here?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? How are they falling off these boats? Oh, he was like sick.

Speaker 2 He was on some medication that he was actually a really good swimmer, but he was like all fucked up on medication that made him like uneasy on his feet. Isn't that ironic? Yeah.
And then he thought.

Speaker 2 Don't you think? It is ironic. It's very ironic.
A little too ironic. He was like a diver.

Speaker 2 And then he fell off the boat. And yeah, they found him.
Wow. That is.
Well, they found some of them. Yeah.
Well, they found all of them and then gave back part of them.

Speaker 2 And you know, that's the thing about Davey Jones' locker. Yeah.
Is that sometimes she keeps what you want and she gives back what you can take.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she said that his feet were attached to the bottom of the socks, his soles and heels. What happened to Mark?

Speaker 2 Did no one realize his feet were hanging off at the mortuary? To be honest, what get this might be really shallow question. What brand of sock?

Speaker 2 Because it actually sounds really durable. No, no, these are good socks.

Speaker 2 What did it say what the socks were? Scotland socks. Scotland.

Speaker 2 Side stories, L-P-O-T-L, and G-Man. Imagine it's wool.
All right.

Speaker 2 I don't think wool is going to hold feet in it.

Speaker 2 So, if anybody can tell me, what do you think is the warmest, most thoroughly cushiony Scottish brand sock that these feet could have been in that kept them so warm they didn't want to leave?

Speaker 2 All I know is I love my bombas.

Speaker 2 Tell me about it.

Speaker 2 For some reason, this sentence just makes me want to hurl, dude. All right.

Speaker 2 My 87-year-old father had to come around and tie up the bag of Mark's feet and take it outside before the funeral home could come to collect it. Yes.
Oh, like it was Slippers. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, you know,

Speaker 2 oh, yeah, it was his nickname slippers.

Speaker 2 And this is how we have fun here, folks. We have to,

Speaker 2 you know, when it comes down to, you know what a tight source is all about?

Speaker 2 You know what it's really about? Whoop, whoop, whoo. Gone.

Speaker 2 Remember that? we did on the cruise. That's what happens to white women whoop and gone.
And you know, I just

Speaker 2 what we discovered here at Side Stories a long time ago, if you ain't laughing, you're crying. Right? So that's the thing here.
Yeah, we make a light of it.

Speaker 2 But when it comes down to it, we're all going to fucking die. It's on the pipe for all of us.
And I just hope that when I go, the laughter is just as good. So every day I live.

Speaker 2 Trying to make sure that my final moments will be as hilarious as possible. They will.
I love to put myself in scenarios that I don't need to be in. What they say is for the plot.

Speaker 2 And then I know that you'll laugh when you read my obituary and you see, oh my God, podcaster dies stuck in log flume at Cheese Festival.

Speaker 2 That is the goal. All right.
Oh, we got listener stories, but we just did a fucking full hour of destroying. I got a listener letter.
We got to do at least one. Here you go.
Do we have a sting?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we got a new stinger. Who's it from? This one's from Zach from Dead Animal Assembly Plant.
Oh, I love their Christmas album.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes. But yeah, here it is.
Check it out.

Speaker 2 Are you ready?

Speaker 2 Yes, I'm ready for some good singer being pale right now. Our listener emails this good.
Kosher, it's a lucid male experience. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
See, I like it. Very Rob Zombie.
He put you in it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's nice.
It is nice to hear my voice. But I will say very rob zombie-esque.

Speaker 2 Very, very cool. Very cool.
Very good work. Dead animal collection service.
Very good. Listen to them whenever you can.
The assembly plan. Dead animal assembly plan.
He knows. We listen.
Don't worry.

Speaker 2 We always listen. We know everything that's going on.

Speaker 2 One of the big things, one

Speaker 2 update I wanted to give was, first of all, we maligned tanners. Because tanners are bad.
Yeah, I got a tanner that reached out to me and said that we were right.

Speaker 2 Yes, many Tanners did, but there is one Tanner that is good. Okay.
And it did, someone pointed it out to me and it's true, and it's Tanner from Love on the Spectrum.

Speaker 2 So because Tanner was a very sweet man on Love on the Spectrum, but I will say Tanner, unfortunately, voted for Trump.

Speaker 2 Family voted for Trump, and Tanner is a he is literally a Trump standard. Oh, so it doesn't matter.
Nope. Just say it's funny.

Speaker 2 No. He has no idea why.
He just thinks Trump is funny. He thinks this is his grandma.
So that is the reason why he's doing it.

Speaker 2 I don't blame Tanner, but they are definitely voting for him in that house. You ever see Tanner 88?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Probably I avoid autistic pornography.

Speaker 2 Right? He's not

Speaker 2 allowed to do pornography, I don't think. Tanner 88? I don't know if...

Speaker 2 Are the

Speaker 2 are severely handicapped people allowed to shoot pornography at sidestorieslphl at gmail.com? Yeah. Yeah, I think they are.
I mean, well, I haven't seen it yet. We'll find out.

Speaker 2 We'll see if I can see it. I mean, you don't know if you've seen it or not.
No, I don't want to see it. No, but you've watched it.

Speaker 2 No. I'm talking about visibly.
I mean, everyone who's in porn is just like, oh,

Speaker 2 I'm coming. You know, how are you supposed to know what's wrong with them?

Speaker 2 Let's get on to the next letter. Now, this one is the death-finished enthusiast.
I'm going to read this. I'm reading this, and I do think it's interesting, but again, I will not

Speaker 2 apply any form of

Speaker 2 how do I say this?

Speaker 2 I support your need to do death play,

Speaker 2 but I will say, if I found out my sister was doing it, I would be extremely fucking concerned. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's like one of those where, like, when I meet a stranger and they explain to me about death play, I'm like, oh, fascinating. We'll talk all day, but if I met a fan,

Speaker 2 literally, I'd put Jackie and Insane as I. Yeah, I'm not a kink shamer, but I am like a kink, uh, keep it to yourself.
Just advisor.

Speaker 2 It's just more just being like, you're wanting to be careful with that. So here we go.
So longtime listener of the podcast and lover of last podcast. All right, great.

Speaker 2 I love to decide stories episode. The woman from the UK being murdered by that beard face in Ocala, Florida, and wanting to answer some of Henry's questions about negotiating a murder.
Okay.

Speaker 2 First and foremost, I'm an absolute freak, play heavily with kinks that are regarded as edge play.

Speaker 2 Edge play kinks fall into a category of kink where they could result in serious harm to myself up to death.

Speaker 2 Auto-assassinophilia is the hilariously long and double-assed word for having a fetish for putting one's life at risk.

Speaker 2 I do a lot of play around breathing restriction, drowning, extreme beatings, and other ridiculous shit that I won't list for the sake of brevity.

Speaker 2 I am hyper-aware of the risk, and I make a lot of choices to mitigate harm. There's really only so much you can do.
You're going to get hurt hanging from a wench just by your tits, that's for certain.

Speaker 2 In case of our Ocala friend and his UK visitor, the fact that there was no out for the person, even when they were attempting to end the scene leaves the realm of BDSM and enters into just straight-up criminal activity.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what we talked about it.

Speaker 2 Yes, I've had sessions where I've had negotiated, where I've negotiated more than I can handle and I've communicated that and the sadist I'm playing with will always end the session.

Speaker 2 But are they real sadists then? Negotiating one's death is tricky business. I negotiate with scenes with the awareness that my death is a serious possibility.

Speaker 2 Funnily enough, I was enjoying a session with a friend where they repeatedly choked me unconscious yesterday, and I'm still here to tell the tale.

Speaker 2 Every time I went out, a bell dropped from my hand and they immediately let off my neck. I'd come back to in seconds, and we were able to determine each step if I wanted to continue going or stop.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter how fucked up the play or the risk profile, a consensual BDSM encounter requires a way out, requires a way out, and check-ins. Even if that check-in is, yo, you still alive.

Speaker 2 And that is just the truth, which is, uh, yeah, but obviously the man was a murderer. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she has to be murdered. And that is hard.

Speaker 2 You know, when I was a stupid child, I used to, like, we, me and my buddy. You did stupid child thing.
We used to choke each other out.

Speaker 2 And I remember we stopped after one of us passed out and we thought we'd kill the other one. We're like, no, we should probably not do this.
Yeah, we shouldn't do this all the time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's just start smoking weed instead of choking each other. Nitrous, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We definitely started that as well.
So much easier. Obviously, oddly safer, I think.
In a way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I'd be real careful out there. Yes, absolutely.
With nitrous for choking each other. Just make sure, right? Because I get it.
Some people like a little squeeze here and there. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 It frightens me. Yeah, make sure you're holding your bells.
I'm a gentle lover. Yeah.
I'm a gentle lover. I do little nibbles, little spanks.

Speaker 2 I'm gentle. Yeah, no chokes.
No chokes. I don't like choking some.
I get scared. No, no, no.
Plus, it's just.

Speaker 2 Mean, right? I guess people like it, though, Eddie. People do like it.
Some people, that's the idea is they like it because it feels mean. It feels mean, but it's not mean.

Speaker 2 I guess, God,

Speaker 2 I feel like I can't even say anything right now. You're very vanilla, but I get it.
It's fine. Very vanilla.
I'm extremely vanilla, too. Yeah.
But it's okay.

Speaker 2 We're taking it back. It's newly revolutionary in the world of poly and all of these things.
It's newly revolutionary to just have standard sex with your wife. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's coming all the way back around. All the way back around and just being perfect.
Back to being perverts. Wow.
Oh, we're the weird ones. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Just straight up how gross we are just having sex with our wives. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I just hold her. You know, sometimes I just hold her and we like, we'll put on music and we dance.
Oh, I hate ew. You know, we'll do that.
Sometimes like we'll slow dance, the two of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we have a nice time. You don't make each other throw up? No.
You're not beating her purpose. You're not beating her anymore.
No, no. For sexual purposes? Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 Well, hey, absolutely not. Everything changes, though.

Speaker 2 I got our Christmas stocking and I'm trying to fill the whole thing. Still crazy.

Speaker 2 Holy

Speaker 2 Come check us out patreon.com/slash last podcast and left to watch us do this. Do you think I should put the bottom of my feet in a Christmas stocking?

Speaker 2 Honestly, if you want to surprise her, well, I see if I can get my dad.

Speaker 2 Hey, still solid.

Speaker 2 All right, we go in and I'll help you on the left for all your social Instagram needs, keeping it good and dark for Christmas time.

Speaker 2 And you're going to go up and do what if I wrap my dad's urn and put it under the tree and give it to my wife. I'll be like, I didn't want it anymore.

Speaker 2 I thought that maybe you should have. Will you please save it for her birthday? I think that's actually the case.
Save it for her birthday. So only she can get it.

Speaker 2 And go check out YouTube. Go check out our new show, LPN TV.

Speaker 2 Vampire the Masquerade. LPN RPG is the best shit we've made in a long time.
It is go and just know that we're about to make a bunch of announcements for, I'll just go ahead and say it.

Speaker 2 We got a second season of Hoopagoo. Yeah.
Hoopagoo Goo's coming out. We have,

Speaker 2 you might be hearing whispers of another show that that you guys have been asking for. It's coming out back again in 2026.
Ye old Tears of a Clown in a Way. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 You know, go check it out. We say in a way, and then say the title of the show.
Yep. It doesn't work like that.
It's so I can somehow get out of it if things go wrong. But who knows?

Speaker 2 And they're not going to go wrong. I got the doggy.
And we got Champ and Champs here.

Speaker 2 Champ wants to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. It's not time yet.
And Champ wants everyone to come to Ed's stand-up show at Oxnard on January 4th, right, Champ? Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 I just want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Carolina and Julia Johnson, Holden and Jake. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Please come because I promised them money. And

Speaker 2 I don't want to lose money on this show. That's your first mistake.
It is my first mistake by booking my friends and booking them money.

Speaker 2 But yes, also, I'm going to be in San Francisco at the Punchline on February 18th, right before Henry and I head off to Alaska. Yeah.
Where we got side story shows in Anchorage almost sold out.

Speaker 2 So if you want want to come to the Anchorage show, get your tickets now. And Fairbanks,

Speaker 2 there's plenty of tickets to Fairbanks. Come out to Fairbanks.
Come out to Fairbanks. Seriously.
We're going to be there.

Speaker 2 There's going to be no light and we're going to hang out with you guys and we're going to have a good time. And I can't wait.
And then I think that's about it, Saroney. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 2 I wanted to say my friend had a very horrible thing. Here's a PSA.
My friend's house burned down.

Speaker 2 And it was a very close friend of mine. I love them greatly, Chelsea Riggs.
Um, you know, here's something. It's more of a PSA for everyone.
I didn't realize this is a thing.

Speaker 2 It was an electrical fire, and apparently

Speaker 2 we're all supposed to have smoke detectors in our attics, and no one has smoke detectors in our attics. Oh, if you have an attic, I don't have an attic.
Yes, you do. We all have attics.

Speaker 2 You got an attic. You got one up there somewhere.

Speaker 2 You got a crawl space with wire. So what happens if you don't have it?

Speaker 2 Their attic caught on fire through the bad wiring, and they all almost died and their house burned down because they didn't didn't even know there was a fire up there. That's frightening.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's very terrifying. It's very scary.
I can't, it's a, it's a definite, put a smoke detector in your attic. Anyone who's got a home that you know, make it, it's an easy Christmas.

Speaker 2 I'm glad we saved this actually very real tip for the very end. Yes, yes.
This extremely important tip for some people. It feels like, which I didn't even think about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So this could totally just happen to you.

Speaker 2 I'll buy your smoke detector, Henry. This is on me.
This one's on me. I'll get one for Marcus.
And

Speaker 2 I'll make sure our houses don't get burned down.

Speaker 2 So this Christmas, when everyone's Christmas trees are all fucked up and dried out and got lights on them, make sure you got all your smokes detectors running and going because it's a really bad time for all this to happen.

Speaker 2 It's never a good time for your house to burn down. But at the same time, please.
Unless you got a body in there. Unless you got a body in there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, if you're looking to annihilate your family.

Speaker 2 We're actually pretty great. If you want to help out my friends, there's a GoFundMe.
Just Google Support Riggs Family After House Fire.

Speaker 2 And it happened in Tallahassee, Florida. You don't have to do anything to help them because we're going to help them out here.
But thank you. If you feel like it, please.

Speaker 2 It's just so tragic. And you ever think about this, you always read about it.
But then when it happens to someone you actually love, it gets a lot of crazy. It gets crazier.

Speaker 2 Actually, after the fires, I had several friends that lost their either newly purchased homes,

Speaker 2 their life savings was gone.

Speaker 2 extremely brutal and the United States of America is not the kindest country right now and there's not a heck of a lot of safety nets for people.

Speaker 2 So we are unfortunately forced to take care of each other. Yes, yeah.
So one day GoFundMe won't pay for all of our medical bills and house fires. But today, that's what's going on.

Speaker 2 Well, until GoFundMe becomes private health care. Yes.
Which very well could happen. Ah, yes, my GoFundMe PPO.
Ah, yes, yes. And then it's, oh, you only get, and you only get it if you complete it.

Speaker 2 You only get it. That's what's going to happen.
If not, they get it. They get it.
I'll take the money. Oh, well, I love all you guys.
Take care of yourselves.

Speaker 2 Try to take care of yourselves this very complicated season. Hail, Sweet Sick.

Speaker 2 And hail, Chelsea Riggs and her family.

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