Side Stories: The Epstein Tier List w/ Jared Logan

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Speaker 1 Ben is calculating, powerful, and disturbingly human. This is the kind of horror film that shocks you when you least expect it.

Speaker 1 It's already sitting at 92% on Rotten Tomatoes and premiered to rave reviews at festivals worldwide. Go see Primate in theaters January 9th.
When it hits theaters, do not wait.

Speaker 1 Grab a seat and bring someone you could squeeze during the scary parts.

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast.

Speaker 1 On the left.

Speaker 1 Side stories?

Speaker 1 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 1 Henry, I was thinking about something. I loosely talked to Rob about it.
And I'm just curious. Like, it's the end of the year.
Oh, is this the beginning? This is the beginning.

Speaker 1 We're talking as performers. As humans.
No,

Speaker 1 not as humans. No, this is as how the people perceive us.
Great.

Speaker 1 So I was like doing some research. Not research in my own brain.
I was just thinking hard.

Speaker 1 Wait, yeah, that's all. That's what research is, buddy.
Yeah, people say reading and looking stuff up. Uh-uh.
No. No.

Speaker 1 Take it up in your head. I feel good about it.
Yeah. It's good to go.
You can have a predetermined answer in your own brain. And if you Google long enough, you can be proven right.
It's my whole life.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I was very curious, and I have no answer here. And I was wondering if you've heard something about this.

Speaker 1 What happened to those South African scientists in Antarctica that were all killing each other?

Speaker 1 What it seems is that they said... said that just went away, right?

Speaker 1 The last update that we had had was that they were sending somebody to Antarctica to see what was going on, and then we heard nothing. Honestly, what I think happened was it sounds like...

Speaker 1 He killed them all. No, it sounds like there was a flare-up and then people went to go there.
And then it, I honestly think it just kind of chilled out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think something was like, there was something. The guy who was like beating the shit out of everyone just stopped.

Speaker 1 Or they, or something happened, or maybe like, maybe it was like, it turned out he had like a large thorn in his shoe. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, those things with lions when they're grumpy, and then it turns out they might just have a thorn in their shoes. And then they're so rageful.
They're so great.

Speaker 1 Man, I was walking Harley the other day and she had a little thorn in her foot. And I took it out, and the way she looked at me, it was like, you're a superhero.
No, I know.

Speaker 1 That's what the dogs always do.

Speaker 1 She's like, you're the smartest, most wonderful man who's ever existed. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I also believe that my dogs believe that I am an indestructible wall, that I am a fierce warrior, which is why they always start shit with much bigger, more vicious looking dogs on the street because they think that I'll, because I'm the strongest thing they've ever

Speaker 1 killed this dog. Yeah, because I just lift them up.
I just lift them up. So they must think I'm the strongest person that's like, I'm Brian Shaw.
Like I'm the mountain from Game of Thrones.

Speaker 1 And it's like, no, that's a Rottweiler. It's going to fucking kill me, Carmy.
Welcome to side stories. My name is Henry Zaprows.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so if you know what happened to those South African scientists, I'd like to, I think it's good if we find out if they're dead or or not. Can you just explain what it was?

Speaker 1 Because maybe people don't remember what it was real quick. Introduce himself first.
All right. I'm Edward Larson.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Continue. And you're Henry Zabrowski.
I already did. You introduced yourself? I already did it.
I don't remember you doing it.

Speaker 1 You know, that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to do it almost in a subtle, almost professional way.
Every time I see you, you're like Henry Zabrowski. Yeah, always.

Speaker 1 Just saying, like, we're going to be in the middle of the day. So you know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But no, so what happened was there were the South African scientists in, where is it, Antarctica? Antarctica. Antarctica.
They're down there.

Speaker 1 One day, one of them's like, hey, there's a guy trying to beat us all up. Please send help.
Yes. And then we never heard about it again.

Speaker 1 They sent somebody, and I think that they kind of figured it out amongst themselves. That's what I believe would happen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like they could have just killed the guy. No, I think they would know that.
No, but how?

Speaker 1 They would have to send another guy. Whoever got sent

Speaker 1 pinged back and said everything's fine. Who they sent? Liam Neeson? Maybe.
Who knows? Maybe they said, maybe they actually sent Liam Neeson. The alleged perpetrator reportedly showed remorse.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying.
I figured they would apologize to the victim. See, I need more follow-up stories.
This is, I feel like this wasn't popular enough.

Speaker 1 You get us all worried about something and you leave us in the lurch. That's called news.
I hate that shit. Yeah, they hate us.
News hates us, Eddie. It's so fucked up.
That's the idea.

Speaker 1 They always make you upset. They don't want you to know.
They want you to go looking.

Speaker 1 This was a really stressful, horrible week of news. Horrifically horrible week of news.
Can I start with good news?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Gigi got adopted. Nice.
That is good news. Yes.
The terror dog in their home, who was a lovely dog. I love Gigi.
The terror dog is just love Julie too much. Yes.

Speaker 1 I love Gigi, and I'm glad that she is gone and she has found a home. Gigi has found a home.
This is our second successful foster. That's amazing.
The next, you can find another LGBTQ.

Speaker 1 I told Julie, no more 2025 dogs. No, we need a new one.
No more 2025 dogs. We're closing out the year with two dogs unless one dies.
Yep, then Tootsie could go any minute. It could be today.

Speaker 1 It could be 10 years from now. She's not going to go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tootsie's not going to die yeah i don't think she is no and i think i think she might have died years ago and she's still just like her motor functions are keeping her walking around i want tootsie's blood that's what i want i want to look at tootsie's blood and i want some of the blood god i'm so happy for tootsie though that this little dog's out of the house that we can just go back to total peace total peace and silence oh man um just really quickly we're gonna just get this done at the very top we now know one of the most upsetting pieces of news besides obviously the horrific terror attacks in australia and in brown University.

Speaker 1 And at Brown University, both with, but Brown University, obviously, it happens so often here that we don't care. We just move on.

Speaker 1 When it comes to Australia, they are going to obviously, they are very seriously approaching this. We know that it was a father and son that took upon themselves to attack a Jew.

Speaker 1 I believe it was a Jewish celebration on

Speaker 1 the first night of Hanukkah on the beach. It was a very big Bondi Beach, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.
In the world, yes.

Speaker 1 And so just so you know, like, and I immediately saw the Conservatives trying to switch into this idea of like, oh, look, their masks, their weapons banned from doing, didn't do anything, even though it took 35 years for there to be another shooting of this size.

Speaker 1 Also, it would have been so much worse if they were fucking automatic weapons. Exactly.
So these guys were, just so you know, unfortunately, if people want to murder a lot of people, they can.

Speaker 1 That is just like a part of one of the fucked up things in this life. And in America, we've just decided to rawdog that.
Everybody else kind of tries to mitigate it.

Speaker 1 We've just decided to just take that on its face. And so we just have to take care of each other.
And that's one of the hardest parts about the season, right? Is that all the things that are dark?

Speaker 1 When one of the biggest, darkest stories also in America was the story of Rob Reiner and his wife being murdered by their son in their home. We know that they were at a,

Speaker 1 sadly, we know that they were at a party at Conan O'Brien's house the night before. That night they were got into a massive conflict with Rob Reiner and his son, Nick.
In front of everybody.

Speaker 1 He did a massive. In front of all of Hollywood.
Everyone had to.

Speaker 1 Well, then they ran over to his house.

Speaker 1 We know that Billy Crystal was the one that, like, it was his daughter that discovered the bodies, but it was like Billy Crystal, Larry, and Larry David were like at the crime scene, which is just like, is that the funniest or least funny crime scene of all time?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's least funny.
Yes. And they go and they.

Speaker 1 Something special. I mean, as a comedian, maybe I just feel like this, but like seeing a comedian heartbroken is like the hardest thing to watch for me.
Of course. It's like the idea.

Speaker 1 I know that's like because I just look at myself and like

Speaker 1 it. Oh, yeah, no.
You know how many times? I love, we love you. I love being a comedian.
It is my life.

Speaker 1 It is my due many ways. I feel it's almost a personal calling.
Like, it's one of those things that I love to do, and it's a part of who I am. But I've had those moments.

Speaker 1 I have the, you know, we went through horrific drama. I've been through horrific personal drama.

Speaker 1 And you do have to do that thing where you're crying in one room and then you have to walk in and do comedy. We've done this many times.
Yeah, I had to fucking, I hosted two of Kevin's memorials. Yes.

Speaker 1 It's just one of those things. It's a part of it's a part this.
It's a part of what we hold. But Nick Reiner was a troubled individual.
He was obviously getting more and more troubled.

Speaker 1 We know that Rob Reiner worked with the son specifically and made a documentary about his struggles with addiction. I think it was a movie.
Yeah, it was a movie movie. No, it was a movie movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was a movie movie.

Speaker 1 And it's just horrendously,

Speaker 1 it's horrendous. We know that the son now is being, they're saying that he's not mentally capable of being in trial yet.
The movie was called Being Charlie

Speaker 1 that they made. We know that Nick Reiner has also just hired Harvey Weinstein's lawyer.
Yeah, Alan, the guy's name's Alan Jackson, not the country singer.

Speaker 1 He's worked with Karen Reed, Harvey Weinstein, and Kevin Spacey. So we'll see.
That's the lawyer representing Nick Reiner. But I don't think it matters.
I think it's just, I think the reason.

Speaker 1 They found blood. He checked into a hotel room.
It was covered in blood.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, it's just like he apparently he slit their throats while they were sleeping. Yeah, it's a whole horrific thing.

Speaker 1 The crazy thing about this story is, is because it obviously affects us personally just because it's in our field.

Speaker 1 Well, at first, it's like when I first saw the news drop, my first thought, and this is horrific, was like, oh, I...

Speaker 1 much like our wonderful president, I was like, a little part of me was like, I hope this wasn't some political MAGA crazy person that stabbed him to death.

Speaker 1 Like that's what the first thought I had was.

Speaker 1 And then now he's loose in the valley. Yeah.
Right. Like now he's just here.

Speaker 1 So that was like my first thought, which like the first time I had one of those where it's like, I actually got got scared for a second.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, because it also, it just seemed like there's been people who like follow rich people home around where we live. Of course.

Speaker 1 And then, like, break it, like, happened to the uh, the Motown, not the Motown guy, but someone just lost their wife that way. Yes, it happened.
Music producer. Yes.

Speaker 1 You know, and so, like, I thought that's what I thought happened. Is someone just followed him home to rob him.
Yeah. You know, and then like it turns out that it's the son, most likely.

Speaker 1 Obviously, he's not convicted yet, but it's it's most likely him. And it seems it had quite a lot to do with uh drugs.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And seemed that there was a conflict in which he was living on their property. And they have essentially, it was getting closer and closer to the point where they were going to say, you can't be home.

Speaker 1 I can just imagine Rob. Because Rob Reiner is a very passionate man.
I've seen him yell multiple times.

Speaker 1 I watched him yell in person. Yeah.
And he's also one of the nicest, kindest men I've ever met. But you're not on one of those sets.
You set

Speaker 1 when you're dealing with people like this. You have done every single thing that you can to take care of your son.
You're in the public eye.

Speaker 1 It's that and like I that's one of those things that's such a unique situation to explain to somebody of like, you're a very famous Oscar nominee winning

Speaker 1 one of the greatest directors of all time. And you can still go to a function.
at a party that is both a work function, kind of. It's friends and family in a way.
It's Hollywood elite.

Speaker 1 It's Hollywood elite. So there's a pressure there.
And then you you have been dealing with this over and over and over again. And then your son has decided to bring it again

Speaker 1 after all these years. And you are then in a fight.
I could see it all being just exacerbated to its very, very peak. Yeah.
And then how often do we see this amongst quote-unquote normal families?

Speaker 1 Does they change and shift? How many times have we seen already in my world of research do I see dumpy son being told that things have to change? Dumpy son kills everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's the craziest part about this is we probably would have covered this story if it was a plumber. Of course.
You know, because it's parents, Rob. Yeah, you know,

Speaker 1 that's not the lowest of the low, Rob.

Speaker 1 That's not the lowest of the low. I'm not a chimney sweeper, okay?

Speaker 1 No, you're not. No, no, that was not the lowest of the low.
I still put Booker in there. Yeah.
So, but you worked with Rob Reiner on Wolf of Wall Street. Yes.
I was sat with him for two days?

Speaker 1 I hung out with him for about two days.

Speaker 1 I was extremely jealous when you told him that whole movie, when you were filming that movie, all the stories, like literally like you having to be like with like strippers on top of your shoulders.

Speaker 1 Yes. The thing that I flipped out the most about personally was like that you got to hang out with Rob Reiner.
It was, he was,

Speaker 1 he did not make us feel like he was anything but like a normal, friendly guy. Yeah.
He was one of those extremely approachable. He was sort of holding court quite often, but also like was

Speaker 1 just one of those very not just one of those legends. Yeah.
Every once in a while in Hollywood, I've been, I've had my heart broken by so many of my heroes. I've met so many horrific bastards.

Speaker 1 And then you meet somebody like that who the name, the, the, the reputation, all of this, it all is exactly as ordered, and they're just wonderful. It was like him, Jack Black.
Jeff Goldblum.

Speaker 1 They're all like, oh, that's a fucking star. You know what I mean? That's just an incredible person.
He just knows how to do the thing.

Speaker 1 And I also can see how I think that he was probably what his daughter, what his daughter said. He was a really good father, but he also was a, he's just torn.
He's emotional.

Speaker 1 He's probably screamed at him plenty of times.

Speaker 1 And I think that these dumpy sons, a lot of times, like I mean, I say this as a sort of like, obviously, it's a derogatory term, but it's this idea of like...

Speaker 1 Dumpy's a kind thing to say about this man. Yeah, it's just that you

Speaker 1 get angry once real life is starting to ask you to take some responsibility. What is it about like once someone kills somebody, like they look evil all of a sudden? Well, he was looking bad.

Speaker 1 I'll say he was looking bad. Yeah.
This is like he was on these all these red carpets. This was recent.

Speaker 1 He's got like this like shaved head and this fucking scowl on his face and he's in all these pictures and it's like, I get it, man. I bet you Rob Reiner does it.

Speaker 1 I bet you every single time he sees that face, he's like, shut the fuck up. Yeah.
But a fucking, like, we're outside, buddy. Like, this is my job.
I'm at work, man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, honestly, like, I know it sucks to be in the public eye, buddy, but it's my fucking job. I'm Rob Reiner.
There's nothing I can do about it now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You, I'm sorry, I guess I brought you into this world. I'm sorry that this was a part of this, but that's what, that's the reality.

Speaker 1 I mean, the craziest thing is, like, he did it while they were sleeping in their bed. I mean, we don't know quite.
We actually don't know. So we probably shouldn't know.
We don't know for certain.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
All right. Well, that wasn't.
All right. So, but yeah, but their throats were slit.
Yes. We have no idea.
We just know that he came at them very.

Speaker 1 Are we sure it wasn't Andy Dick?

Speaker 1 Where was he?

Speaker 1 Where was he? Honestly, I'd love to know. Where's his? Because he has to wear a bell now.

Speaker 1 Like, legally, he has to wear a bell.

Speaker 1 But, I mean, we'll just get off this topic. I didn't get invited to Conan's party.

Speaker 1 Dicky has an alibi for this week. That one he did.

Speaker 1 But we just, again, we're just going to leave it at this because obviously,

Speaker 1 you know, also of course we make fun of everybody so this is no different i feel like we just had to talk about this it's too crazy of a story to not talk about but also i feel like i can't do my normal upset i can't do my normal make fun of everybody i wish i could i almost wish i could i mean honestly it like not to be like like weird about it make it about us but like are you okay i'm fine because like i'm like if i work with someone for one day i get emotionally attached to them i know that unfortunately on honestly that people that work in show business, you also meet somebody, you meet a frame of them, you're like, you meet like a section of what their life is like and you don't really know what they're like.

Speaker 1 And you also know that what I know, even at the very small level that we have, it really

Speaker 1 exponentially complicates every single one of your human connections. Yeah.
No matter what. So

Speaker 1 I know that it's a whole, that's a part of me that I just can't help but think too, is that it's all just a fucking mess. And it's just such a shame that it has to be on such a massive public scale.

Speaker 1 Man, I can't help but keep thinking about Mel Brooks. I mean, he's just like, I love that man so much.

Speaker 1 And for him to like watch his best friend and then who essentially is his nephew get killed like this. It's just at the end of your life.
Like

Speaker 1 nobody deserves it. Funniest widower of all time.
Actually, I do know. Actually, I do have a list of people who deserve it.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say the list of people who deserve it, but Rob Reiner was not on. Rob Reiner and his lovely wife were not on that list.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not that list. Dick Van Dyke.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. You know what it is about Dick Van Dyke? I felt so bad about the fact that they just, they crammed a fucking camera in his face on his 100th birthday.

Speaker 1 And there was like that whole scenario. He loves it, though.
Yeah, but there sort of, there was a segment where he's still a very old man. There was like, this wife was like, they gave you a moon man

Speaker 1 from the video music awards, which is even in and of itself, that's an old concept. Yes, they went and they were like trying to show him what a moon man, and he kept going, what?

Speaker 1 What? And then the audience was like laughing. You could tell people were laughing like he was kidding, right?

Speaker 1 And then you could see in his confusion that the audience obviously thought that he was kidding. So then he obviously tried to kind of laugh along with it.
I do like watching him exercise.

Speaker 1 Have you seen this?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no, I've seen this. Yeah, he could crunch like a motherfucker.
I want to see the sex tape. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to see him fall over some friends. No, man.
No, I know. He's practicing and getting up on that pussy, man.

Speaker 1 That's what that is. That's what those push-ups are.
So he can fucking eat it and lunch and lunch. But that shit was five years ago.
He does not have the mobility anymore.

Speaker 1 He does not have the mobility anymore. That was a long time ago, buddy.
And he, that was right before COVID. Yeah.
Yeah, he can't do that no more.

Speaker 1 And he, well, I just felt bad just because it felt like everybody, I think he seemed to be very happy and it was nice in a way.

Speaker 1 But I do think on some level, there were like, you plan a 12-hour live stream for 100-year-olds and it's sort of like planning a 12-year-old, 12-hour live stream for a five-year-old. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Because you're like, he's like looking grumpy and he definitely needs a fucking nap and he's like no longer, he's just kind of like.

Speaker 1 standing into doing that very scary old man thing where they kind of like have their mouth hang open and they stare at ghosts. I will say I saw Mel Brooks last year do like a live Blazing Saddles.

Speaker 1 He was like doing heel clicks and running all around. He takes good, because you know what? And he's 99.
He's going to be 100 very soon.

Speaker 1 I think, much like with Dick Van Dyke, which is the reason why he looks much better when they do the at-home interviews, he just saves it. Yeah.
Right? He never goes out. He saves it.

Speaker 1 Once he's on the stage, Mel Brooks probably feels like 25 years younger once he's on stage. And you know, the second he's off stage, it's like he's in a wheelchair.

Speaker 1 I met him 20 years ago, and he was ancient then. Yeah.
So I don't know how. I don't know how that works.
Stem cells baby and pure jewish magic

Speaker 1 that's what takes you all the way to the top all right we already did way we did much

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 you know what i don't like about picture frames hard to change same old picture you're looking at it for years and years and years yes it may bring some people comfort but me

Speaker 1 switch it up i got new people in my lives but you can't be printing out pictures anymore and putting them in the frame and taking it out.

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Speaker 1 And then, you know, it's a picture of my friend's butt. And I'm like, that's hilarious.
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Speaker 1 What's wrong with Ben? In Primate, a beloved family chimp suddenly turns. Everything they taught him, he's now using against them.
Primate is smart, intense, and packed with jaw-dropping moments.

Speaker 1 Ben is calculating, powerful, and disturbingly human. This is the kind of horror film that shocks you when you least expect it.

Speaker 1 It's already sitting at 92% on Rotten Tomatoes and premiered to rave reviews at festivals worldwide. Go see Primate in theaters January 9th.
When it hits theaters, do not wait.

Speaker 1 Grab a seat and bring someone you can squeeze during the scary parts.

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Speaker 1 Well, now we're gonna, in honor of uh, Rob Reiner, we're gonna have one of our favorite comedians come in. We talk about the Epstein list.

Speaker 1 He's got us.

Speaker 1 Which Rob would have loved.

Speaker 1 You know, Rob Reiner would have loved our deep, deep exercising of the connections of Jeffrey Epstein and the current administration, which is why we are continuing forward.

Speaker 1 But we did want to have a guest today who is one of our favorite dudes on the face of the planet.

Speaker 1 He is our. Honestly, I've looked up to him for many years.
He's a great man. Before,

Speaker 1 people don't understand this.

Speaker 1 before crowd work comedy was a thing jared logan was by far the single best crowd work comedian i have ever seen yeah and anybody who's ever tried to do it since truly fucking sucks at it i've seen every one of them they all fucking suck go see jared logan live when you can but more importantly he is on our he is game running and he is the storyteller for lpn rpg the vampire the masquerade presents bloodbath over on LPN TV.

Speaker 1 His name is Jared Logan. He also works at the Glass Cannon Network.
And here he is with a few thoughts about this week's news.

Speaker 3 Live from North Way.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen, are we recording? We're moving the lights around. I don't want to do this.
I don't want to do this until I want to scare our guest. He's fine.
We got a live dog in here.

Speaker 1 That's Champ. I like dogs.

Speaker 1 How about dead ones?

Speaker 1 I'm not that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't do that to me.

Speaker 1 He's not here for, he's not here for our fucking little, like, oh, pandery dog content. Okay.
He's not like that. He's a real fucking comedian.
Not only is he a real comedian.

Speaker 1 I love pandery dog content. I know we do.
I wish that he would be more open to it. Jared's better than that.

Speaker 1 Okay. He's better than that.
He's bigger, though. He's bigger than that.
This man.

Speaker 1 I would never have trusted a more nerdy endeavor than what we do here at Last Podcast Network with our LPN RPG. Vampire of the Masquerade presents Bloodbath led by Jared Logan.

Speaker 1 You are the only man I would have ever allowed to guide us through this adventure. I'm honored.
Honored

Speaker 1 to do so. Yeah, that was awesome.
You're extremely good at the job. Yeah, I love game mastering.
Yeah. It's all I want to do.
I never get tired of it. What's your favorite of your jobs?

Speaker 1 That is your favorite of your jobs. I mean, it really actually is.
It's like, you know, what I have, because you're right, I have a couple jobs. I do writing work, and I'm a comedian,

Speaker 1 a performing comedian. I deliver letters as a postman.

Speaker 1 I drive for Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 Where's being a father? Why are you in there?

Speaker 1 I make videos where I vomit up food. Oh!

Speaker 1 And then they reverse the video, so I'm sucking up the vomit. Joey, reverse, right? Unfortunately, though, Jared, debt is now hack.

Speaker 1 Someone's already done it. Yeah, reverse.
Joey, though. Oh, good.
Here's the video. Oh, yeah.
We made him watch it right now. It's going to make me vomit and cry.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 It made me very upset. So I'm glad it made you upset too, because everyone else was like, Ed's a pussy.
And I'm like, this is really upsetting and horrible. It's really more the emotional

Speaker 1 turmoil beat to death with a hammer. Yeah.
Hey, don't worry. I got that too.
Yeah, let's throw that up there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so, so, yeah, and then my favorite job is being a game master. And you know, I do it, I do it for money and I do it almost every day now.

Speaker 1 I do it a lot of days of the week, but then I still want to do it at home just with my friends. See, that's the true addiction of it.
I never get tired of it. Yeah, because we have a home D ⁇ D game.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm still doing that.
So do you ever play or are you always the master? I have been trying to play a lot more in the last year or two because if you're just the master, you get arrogant. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You get power mad. But you'd be so good at that, being arrogant power mad.
I feel like if I wanted anyone power mad, it'd be you. I am a fair and just god.

Speaker 1 But I am an angry god. Yes.
So do you, as someone who knows nothing about this world, do you like write the story?

Speaker 1 You can, and then you can also play games out of published stories, published adventures. And I do both, and I love to do both for different reasons, right?

Speaker 1 But, you know, for years I just wrote all the stories. But now I really do like to run like out of a published campaign.
It's fun. Okay.
And then you fuck with it a little bit? Yeah, you have to.

Speaker 1 You have to. Like, you know, one of my players on the Glass Cannon, which is the other thing I do.
Yeah, that was a big thing I wanted to also push. It's like, go check out Glass Cannon.

Speaker 1 You guys are doing it really well over there, too. And you like, I love, you know, again, it's because they hire Jared.
That's right. I mean, they know talent when they see it.
So

Speaker 1 we have a long-term campaign, and that's like a Pathfinder campaign, which is like Dungeons and Dragons with more rules.

Speaker 1 yeah sure it's like a complicated dungeons and dragons you don't make me hard yeah and then i i run that out of a published book so i have to 40 side dice study these books there's a lot of sides to the dice and i have to study all these books and then i have to write down all the how all these combats are going to work and then my players will be like i think i'd like to meet my character's mom and i'm like

Speaker 1 okay let's write that in and then i you know i just add that to the whole published story you did that when we were doing vtm like i saw you do that like like when i i did that to you where i said i want to meet the rest of the nosferatu and you were like well let's let's cast the nosferatu then you got to do it yeah the most fun was when that character wanted to meet her mom i made her mom an evil hag who was trying to destroy like the community you know and then the evil hag was disguised as like a beautiful i said like a kate blanchette type and the player was just

Speaker 1 attracted to this NPC and thought she was on a date. And he's like, no, it's your mother.
Own fucking mom. That's hot.
You can play this game home however you want. That's Game of Thrones stuff.

Speaker 1 So that's the kind of erotic content I bring. I'm erotic forward.
Yeah, incest with my game. Incest theme.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Yes, which honestly I appreciate.
Yeah. And I love what you do.

Speaker 1 And that's why we have you here because, again, we very rarely invite other talents on here to dance with the two daredevils of side stories. Right.
You know, we never do that.

Speaker 1 And so one thing we want to do. I'm a Boolean.
I'm barely paying attention most times. Yeah, it really does work that way.
I'm sorry to be kind of chicken and out.

Speaker 1 You're also being harassed by the dog. The champ is touching, is attacking his knees.

Speaker 1 He is a cute dog. It is a cute dog, and that's why we have him there to

Speaker 1 distract you because we're about to hit you with an Epstein update. Oh,

Speaker 1 Epstein updates, we call them. We call them our update.
It's our series of updates on the wonderful twist and turning adventures of our not dead friend, Jeffrey Epstein. Do you like a stinger?

Speaker 1 He's alive. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Do you like a good stinger? I like a what is a stinger? You mean like a

Speaker 1 musical stinger? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love a stinger.
Rob, please hit him with the update screen. You're gonna let this.
He's gonna break you.

Speaker 1 It's an island adventure. It's an island adventure.

Speaker 2 Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time.

Speaker 1 It's an update with Jared Logan. So excited.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you got the Harlem Boys Choir for that. It was so hard.
They were so scared. Yeah.
You'd be surprised how cheap they are. Yeah, it's free.

Speaker 1 Totally free if you have a bow and arrow.

Speaker 1 Now, we recently, obviously, we've been covering the ever-extending world of the new disclosure behind the FC. Because we see

Speaker 1 our president seems nervous.

Speaker 1 And they really been kind of like, now we're leaking just like gas out the back of our president.

Speaker 1 It's slowly coming to the surface. We're seeing real pictures now.
The pictures they're sure.

Speaker 1 It's called shit still. Still called shit.

Speaker 1 They've been releasing pictures finally. These are things they've been talking about for years that have been a part of this Jeffrey Epstein like dossier.
They've been threatening to show.

Speaker 1 One was obviously this picture of Trump with a bunch of, I'm going to go and make the educated guess of calling them girls, little young girls.

Speaker 1 He was all, he had a big crowd of her. That was the first one that came out.

Speaker 1 But the big thing that was interesting was that, yeah, we all know the president and Jeffrey Epstein were like close friends. Right.
Yeah, they're good buddies. And Epstein tracked.

Speaker 1 his flights during his first term as president and literally would mimic his travel. Now we know this.
He would go follow the president from place to place to place. I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Sounds like the kind of thing that gets you arrested and killed. Yep.

Speaker 1 And so what he was doing doing was knowing and he kept saying to everybody else and because now his batch of super friends right that he had something on donald trump and the fix was in but then unfortunately it got cut short don't know how must have been sad right so now these other pictures are coming out and we wanted jared to help us rank

Speaker 1 his group of super friends Jeffrey Epstein. It wasn't just, it wasn't just old fucking Teflon Don, man.
No, no, no. He had lots of friends.
You know,

Speaker 1 Trump can only have sex with so many girls. Yeah.
You know, and so you got to get someone else in there to really get in there. Spread around.
So where I'd like you to do business.

Speaker 1 We're going to do the old-fashioned tier list. So it's S, A, B, C,

Speaker 1 I believe D, and then F. Yeah, no E.
Right? So we're going to, we're going to label these guys. So we've got what we now know from his pictures, like his truly best friends.

Speaker 1 Number one, filmmaker and comedian, and everybody's favorite mensch, Woody Allen.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 Have you not seen the new photographs? I have not seen the new photographs. It's like anything that Woody Allen, any chance he had at like not being a horrible pedophile is all ruined now.

Speaker 1 Any like little bit of hope I had to enjoy love and death one more time is gone. This is real? No, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what? I haven't been able to watch a Woody Allen film since

Speaker 1 you know all the scandal happened with him and all that came out. The big, the big, the big, the sentence, the film.
To have a wife that just does whatever you say

Speaker 1 or you won't let her friends come over and to have a slumber party. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, you know, it didn't matter. I, you know, I wasn't there.
I didn't really get informed about all of it.

Speaker 1 I didn't know whether it was true or not, but I don't want to watch a movie and be thinking about that. Well, it does pump.

Speaker 1 And like, I also find it interesting that people that can, that you can watch something like a Woody Allen film, which which is involving some sort of like, you're supposed to have it, like, I believe the ultimate kind of we have to imagine you like this man, right?

Speaker 1 Like Woody Allen, in every movies, women love him. Yeah.
Women are

Speaker 1 women. I don't know what do you want to say.
He wrote himself

Speaker 1 with some of the most beautiful women. You know, he wrote himself into movies where the most beautiful women are in love with him.
And some of them were only young. He's married to Mia Pharaoh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, he was married to a beautiful woman. But

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, but

Speaker 1 she did dress like a baby. And she had a baby's haircut.
Yeah. You think so? They, they, what's a baby's haircut? Look at me a cut.
I'm a bald is a baby's haircut. Look at me, a pharaoh.

Speaker 1 With a, you tell me that's not a, she doesn't have an infant's haircut. Long haircut.
No, that's not her hair. The rosemary's baby.
She has long hair. Well, that rosemary's baby.

Speaker 1 They weren't fucking then.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's probably when he became attracted to her. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I saw the baby's haircut.

Speaker 1 That's when he started crushing. That's pixie hair.
That's a baby haircut. Pixie hair.
That's a baby's haircut. I saw the baby's haircut.

Speaker 1 I just want to say, few women can pull that off because you need a certain head shape.

Speaker 1 What I was going to say, and this has been said before, his movies, you know,

Speaker 1 give you hints because Manhattan, the whole plot, is dating an underage woman.

Speaker 1 It's right there. It's one of his most popular movies.
I rewatched Stardust Memories. Have as much of my coffee as you like.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 Gives him a sick.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 We're in this similar receptacle. We're fucking married, Jared.
We got off the plane yesterday, and legitimately, I got ahead of him. I was in security ahead of him.
I got ahead of him.

Speaker 1 I already bought him his coffee. I put his milk in it the way he likes it.

Speaker 1 That's lovely. That's great.
Yeah, no, it's gotten too deep. We're as close as Jeffrey Epstein and Woody Allen.
There they are again.

Speaker 1 I tried a couple years ago because I was a huge Woody Allen fan, like his stand-up, especially.

Speaker 1 It's all jokes. It's so fucking funny.
And so I'm like, all right, my favorite movie was one of his worst movies. For some reason, I fell in love with the movie Stardust Memories.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so I put it on to like watch it again just to like, you know, absorb it and enjoy it. And the fucking whole movie, there's like subliminal messaging in the background to being a pedophile.

Speaker 1 I think your greatest clue, and it's not overtly or even implicit pedophilia in it, is his greatest film is Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Speaker 1 And the whole point of the film Crimes and Misdemeanors is you can get away with it. If you have the money, power, and the charisma, you can get away with whatever you want.

Speaker 1 And you wonder, because during that time period, it's actually kind of interesting because that was the central time period of his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein.

Speaker 1 Because Jeffrey Epstein was obviously catered to these people. Now, Woody Allen, now...

Speaker 1 the bravest of all of his Jeffrey Epstein's friends, which is why I'm going to put him S tier, is the only one saying,

Speaker 1 yeah, i was friends with him he was great

Speaker 1 is he really yeah that's i mean that's really a trump tactic which is admit nothing you know what i mean just be like yeah

Speaker 1 i was friends with him he was hilarious i loved his dinner parties you don't go That's essentially what he was saying. Like, his life's already over.

Speaker 1 We were like, oh, yeah, we're working wise, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just noticed something, guys. What happened?

Speaker 1 Look who that is. Who's that? I don't recognize him.
That's Jimmy Buffett. yeah jimmy buffet

Speaker 1 he was just there cuz eyelash yeah yeah he had to be there he just loves eyelash he's really into relaxation he's way more bill clutton's friend yeah he's got changes in latitudes and changes in attitudes i'm gonna say that yeah yeah

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah don't worry about that he's the furthest away from from jeffrey and yeah yeah

Speaker 1 in that picture of people that are friends and holding each other he's the furthest not jimmy anybody but jimmy i'm also mad at myself I didn't recognize Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd say, wow, it's because it's not the hat. Not the shirt.
The hat, no hat, no shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But in fact, you could put another man in that hat and shirt, and I'd be like, Jimmy Buffett!

Speaker 1 Which would have been a good idea for him to have sent to this party. Oh, man.
So do we put Jimmy Buffett on the friends list? No, because I'm still saying he was just an acquaintance. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you'd really don't see the friendships until you see the pictures of, again, truly Jeffrey Epstein's picture. Was there a Margaritaville on the islands?

Speaker 1 No, because there's already a Margaritaville Island next door. Oh, that's where the island is.
Oh, that's where his island was. He was neighbors with Jeffrey Epstein.
Oh, there you go.

Speaker 1 You know, coincidentally, the first place I ever drank underage was the Bahamas. Oh.

Speaker 1 And now, his truly his best friend, the one that actually surprised me the most, because you never really see, like, because I would say. So, is Woody Allen ranked S tier?

Speaker 1 We didn't even, you ranked him, but Jared didn't say anything. Wait, I need to know what the tiers are.
I don't even know what an S tier is.

Speaker 1 Have you ever watched people rank things for no reason on YouTube? No. You never did tears in your life.

Speaker 1 Woody Allen took that photo. Well, they're wondering who did take these photos.
Oh, really? Wait, so this is just a photo of Jeffrey Epstein very mischievous in the bath.

Speaker 1 But there is a best, a better, bad friend. I want to show him the pictures of Steve Bannon.
Steve Bannon is really.

Speaker 1 That's why, like, before we argue who's his best, best, best, best friend, you need to look at the pictures of him with Steve Bannon. Now, that's Steve Bannon and Noam Chomsky.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 So, Noam Chomsky is his third best friend. We know that they all hang out together.
Have you seen the glove? Yeah, you've seen the dildo glove?

Speaker 1 It's the most upsetting thing I think I've ever seen. Where's that? Where did that come from? From his home.
He had it made or bought it. I don't know.
It was probably a gift that he used.

Speaker 1 Sometimes people buy you a gift and you don't get a chance to use it. He really used everything people gave him.
We also don't know if that's his hand or not. Can anybody buy one of these?

Speaker 1 Because I think it'd be so funny for Kara to open her Christmas gift. Oh, yeah, and it's the dildo glove.
I think. I'm looking this up.
I'm looking it up.

Speaker 1 So there's a thing called a, what we are looking at is a black woman. Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 Amazon. Amazon sells sex toys? He definitely get his.
He did not get his on Amazon. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 He got his on Krama's. Custom Jaw.
I love how they blank out the middle finger because that's the one with the dick tip on it. The other one has a thumb has a dick tip.
Well, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 Why is that one?

Speaker 1 Well, this is what we're trying to say. So, like, we have pictures now of him and Steve Bannon, our best, best, best, best, best friends.

Speaker 1 And now what we know is that the main email correspondence through the first term of Trump's presidency was between Epstein and Bannon.

Speaker 1 They talked endlessly about Trump, constantly talked while Bannon was in the White House. And part of me wonders now if Bannon was the outreach from Trump to connect back, like legitimately.

Speaker 1 It's the mob.

Speaker 1 yeah of course you have to have someone going in between i think that bannon took it amongst himself to be the go-between for epstein and trump on the back end so that they could semi-negotiate whether or not epstein was gonna get murdered or not right right so so trump is sending bannon as his diplomat to be like you better keep quiet about me find out exactly what you know steve bannon charms epstein they're best friends.

Speaker 1 Like to the point where, I don't know if you've read any of these emails about how Epstein and him, the way they talk back and forth is so

Speaker 1 wildly nerdy. They're all like, do you want to visit in the dark of night? Or would you prefer to find a more clandestine way to meet?

Speaker 1 They do this thing with the way they talk to each other, like they're little boys playing spies.

Speaker 1 Wow. Well, they're probably like, do they, how well do you think they know each other? Extremely.
Do you think they're new friends at this point? Yes, I think they're...

Speaker 1 Because, you know, sometimes you turn it on for a new friend. I think that is what happened.
I think what you see in these pictures, look how big Jeffrey Epstein's desk is. Yeah, it's a big desk.

Speaker 1 He bought it so people can't reach over and strangle him. I guess so.
Is this irrelevant to what we're saying?

Speaker 1 I would love to see Steve Bannon be hanged and then his body abused by children in the street. I would love that.
Yeah. To be honest, that's a Patreon gift we've been going for.
It's

Speaker 1 a photograph there. It's a mirror, I think.
Oh, that's a mirror? I don't know, actually. Can you zoom in on that? What the fuck is that? It looks like it's the creation touch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the creation touch. Oh, my God, it is.
It is, right? From the Michelangelo from the Sistine Chapel. The Sistine Chapel.
Yeah. It's the, yeah, it's the moment that God makes man.

Speaker 1 Interesting. These guys all think they're God.
Well, this is the problem,

Speaker 1 Jared, is that also, let's pick up the pictures of Noam Chomsky. We were forgetting Noam Chomsky, because what a giggly little girl he was around these guys.

Speaker 1 The picture of him and Steve Bannon's, their belly buttons touching each other. They're legitimately holding each other like they are the best friends they've ever experienced.

Speaker 1 And I just don't, I don't know. Can you look at G, can you imagine Noam Chomsky having this much fun with anybody? Yeah, no, he never smiles.
This is so weird. I've seen Noam Chomsky give like

Speaker 1 long talks, lectures, interviews. He does not smile.
Right.

Speaker 1 And he's so like pedantic and like the idea of like, you know, because this isn't his thing, Jared, tell me if I'm right or wrong, because you've done a lot. You are very well read.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, Noam Chomsky, his idea is that our society is oftentimes built upon or can be built upon our language models, right? The idea that language can change society.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't want to prove my ignorance. Sum it up, please.

Speaker 1 My idea of Noam Chomsky, and I have read some Noam Chomsky, is that it's mostly about how capitalism dehumanizes and destroys everything and creates tyrannical government structures and that he's like more of like a socialist right seems wrong i mean well

Speaker 1 i'm wrong

Speaker 1 i would be i told you i'd be ignorant according to wikipedia jared is correct noam chomsky also 97 years old still alive well noam chomsky's also doubling down and saying he doesn't care that he was friend with with jeffrey epstein either because he was saying that he was a philanthropist and again another version of so woody allen it's more gross that he was friends with steve Bannon.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And you want to do tears. Exactly.
Friends with Steve Bannon worse than friends with Jeffrey Epstein. Exactly.
Yeah. And that's what we're seeing.
At least Jeffrey Epstein threw parties.

Speaker 1 That's the thing.

Speaker 1 But also, Jared, I wish you could see the emails of other tech guys emailing Jeffrey Epstein. There's this guy.
I forget that fucking his name.

Speaker 1 I'm talking a CEO of a billion-dollar company. Richard Branson.
Not Richard Branson. He was in there, though.
He's in there. He's in there.

Speaker 1 But Richard, it was a billionaire CEO who sent Jeffrey Epstein an email asking for advice on how to cheat on his wife.

Speaker 1 He's in the saying being like, basically, how can you help me close the deal with these women? And they all looked at him like he was the coolest guy in school. Look at this picture.

Speaker 1 Never send an email asking how to cheat on your wife. You want it.
That's a phone call. Also, this is Dean Kamen.
So that guy on the

Speaker 1 douchebag and the denim shirt, this is his other best, best, best, best friend. That's Dean Kamen, who runs Segway.
Where Ran Segway. No, it's not the dead one.
I thought it was not the dead guy.

Speaker 1 It's the guy who bought it from the dead guy. Yes, yes.
Because so if you don't remember, Jared, the guy who owned Segway took ran a Segway off a cliff and died. Right, I remember that.

Speaker 1 One of the best pieces of news of all time. And then I guess the guy who bought it was like, I'll use this as a way to fuck kids.

Speaker 1 Yeah, say, basically, another 15-year-old girl said that she was a part of his, that was, she was attached to him.

Speaker 1 And he had a whole connection into the of industry that was through Richard Branson and that took him into Australia.

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I like Christmas. Sismas.
Sometimes I like to have some eggnog and enjoy my Sismus.

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Speaker 1 Merry Christmas, everybody.

Speaker 1 I feel like we're moving too fast. No, I know.

Speaker 1 Listen, I just want to say, so, so, this is going to seem like a weird example, but I remember years ago before the news and the world got so much more exciting, but years ago, Nelson Mandela died, and Barack Obama was president.

Speaker 1 Yes. And I remember, I read a news story that he let George W.

Speaker 1 hitch a ride on Air Force One to go to Mandela's funeral. And I remember

Speaker 1 you're letting Bush get on the plane with you? That you guys were against each other. I mean, like, at the time, Bush was the worst thing that had ever happened.
I remember

Speaker 1 the Iraq war. And I was like, how can you, like, the least you can do, Barack Obama, is not give him a ride.

Speaker 1 He can definitely afford and has a flight ready to go to, you know, wherever he needs to go. And I just remember thinking.
He's comfortable on Air Force.

Speaker 1 Sure. Well, we got to make him comfortable.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, it's just, you just, you realize that really all of these guys,

Speaker 1 all of them, and I think disrespective of even the political spectrum, have more in common with each other

Speaker 1 than they do with any of us. And the real conflict is between these elites and me specifically.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to take them down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, baby. I'm going to post something on Instagram today and take them down.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Fucking chance. Yeah.
Fuck yeah. A reel's going to fix this up.
You know who's buddies with George W

Speaker 1 is Michelle Obama.

Speaker 1 She's really close with him. Well, now we know.
Unfortunately, I think that we're seeing that George W technically was not the right man at the time.

Speaker 1 He was not the right man at the time. He had Dick Cheney, who now we know, sadly, sure, one of the worst villains in modern times.
R.I.P., I miss you.

Speaker 1 At least he cared about the country.

Speaker 1 He actually cared about America.

Speaker 1 And that's like, yeah, I mean, obviously to the pain of everybody else. Right.
But at least he cared about one thing and many hearts. Yeah.
And that's what he liked.

Speaker 1 So we can rank these now, I believe. Can you still be the idiot in the room and ask a couple questions? Absolutely.
Yeah. Who's Noam Chomsky? Noam Chomsky is a capitalist.
He was capitalism.

Speaker 1 He was against it. Yeah, okay.
He was a philosopher and writer.

Speaker 1 And so he wrote about, yes, but I believe that was like one of his tacks was the idea that capitalism, these are the things that they sort of use to fuck with us as they change language.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's like, it's like

Speaker 1 he would say that like every single president was guilty of.

Speaker 1 horrific war crimes. Yeah, absolutely.
I agree with you. They are.
That's absolutely true. Yeah.
So, yeah, I mean, it's about power and how power corrupts, really.

Speaker 1 And he knew it so intimately that he wanted to join the team, and he did.

Speaker 1 And so that's we eventually, unfortunately, what we find out is that even the most gremlin, goblin-looking men that look like they smell like a bus station and he wears target clothes, even he loves millions and millions and millions of dollars.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So it's weird, right? So let's just, I guess we could quickly rank them and then we'll move on because we have some fun other stories.
I want to hit him with one other story before.

Speaker 1 Let's look here. I also put Prince Andrew, formerly known as Prince Andrew.

Speaker 1 The Prince Andrew, like press conference interview where he was like saying incredible. It was, it's great viewing.
Incredible. It is, it's like a goddamn Christopher Guest movie.

Speaker 1 It is like he's sweating. I think he literally takes his collar and it's like,

Speaker 1 well, because at one point afterwards, too, Prince Andrew thought that that interview went spectacularly. Wow.
That was his idea. That was all

Speaker 1 his idea. I remember that.
And they were all like, don't do this. Don't do this.
Don't do this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
He completely ruined his own life. But now we know he was wildly involved.
And King Charles, at his most

Speaker 1 sickest, is being like, yo, not the prince anymore. And that's just what they, that's his punishment, right? Whatever.
So, all right, let's.

Speaker 1 But of course, he thought the interview went spectacularly because all of these guys, no matter what happens, and this, after the thing happens, they go, That was spectacular. Crushed it.
Crushed it.

Speaker 1 And they're all, they've all succeeded. They're all old as fuck.
And even if they all spent the last two years of their life in jail, they fucking feel like they won life.

Speaker 1 They're branded a pedophile. They don't give a shit.
They kind of like it.

Speaker 1 As a matter of fact, you saw that accidental mailer with that when Trump, like that, whatever that list that Epicenter was on, that just said two pedophiles.

Speaker 1 They were all a lot of list stuff. You know who's I'm surprised on the list?

Speaker 1 Cosby. Bill Cosby just liked him of age.
You'll notice all of the people that hung out with Jeffrey

Speaker 1 are are white.

Speaker 1 Bill Cosme couldn't even go.

Speaker 1 He's been like, no, you don't get it. I could help you.
I know a lot about this. I'll never look for the bulls.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's the thing, Bill. We don't even give them the drugs.
We know.

Speaker 1 No, no, they just use leverage. So I would say, all right, S-tier, Steve Bannon.
A tier, Woody Allen. Yes.

Speaker 1 D-tier, Noam Chomsky, because we talked about this because he's closer friends with Steve Bannon. What about Buffett, man?

Speaker 1 Buffett, just disregard Buffett for a moment.

Speaker 1 I immediately started researching during this conversation because I didn't know about the Buffett till right now. And everything I see is just like people will be like, ah, Florida.
They're friends.

Speaker 1 They're rich people in Florida. They know each other.
Buffett apologists.

Speaker 1 It's a big difference.

Speaker 1 So he's...

Speaker 1 Wait, who's in the black and white there? That's Buffett. That's Buffett.
Okay. And then we've got Branson and we got Clinton.
I mean, Clinton's like a no-brainer. It's like no one was surprised.

Speaker 1 No, we knew. Take him.
No, he's the president. He's got to be us.
Yeah. Yeah.
The big one. And Andrew's S.

Speaker 1 Andrew's at least S because Andrew went back. Andrew actually took the pictures to prove that he was friends with Epstein in Central Park and then continued to talk with him after.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And then Branson, I kind of, I kind of, I don't know. Is he friends with anyone?

Speaker 1 Branson's a piece of shit. One time I had to work to

Speaker 1 do an event for him, and he made us literally rip down a wall in a building so we can drive a Lamborghini through it.

Speaker 1 You're actually making me like him.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 1 that's kind of. All right.
Is there anybody else that should be on this, you think? Is there like anybody we're missing Bill?

Speaker 1 Who is in the new pack? Bill Gates. Bill Gates.
Oh, Bill Gates. Where would Bill Gates be on it? I mean, Bill Gates, honestly, I would say, you know what Bill Gates is? He drinks his own shit.

Speaker 1 I mean, you got to put him at A. No, man.
He never asked Epstein how he was doing. I'd actually put him on a D list in terms of friends to Epstein.
Oh, that's how we're ranking this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a friend to Epstein. How close you are to Epstein.
Yeah, like, who's a friend to him? You know what I mean? That's the thing, Eddie. What do we know about friendship? Two-way street.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely. When Jeffrey's lonely, when Jeffrey's anxious, who does he call?

Speaker 1 Steve Bandon, of course. I mean, if I was anxious, I would call Jimmy Buffett.
He's like the chillest dude in in the world. I don't know if he is, Eddie.
His last name is Buffett.

Speaker 1 But what's chill about a buffet? It's like a sea of sharks. A buffet is really a lot of pressure.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're just on a cruise. What about Simpsons creator Matt Groening? Oh, fuck.
That's right. He's not on a cruise.
Well, you know what it is. I mean, you got to have someone draw cartoons for the kids.

Speaker 1 Matt Groening was also in.

Speaker 1 We know he got foot massages. There was one picture of him at a party.
Really ugly guy. Oh, God.
Wildly ugly guy. He apparently laughed.

Speaker 1 His feet are so disgusting that when the girl took off his shoes. He's shanning, kind of.
He does. He looks like a Simpsons character.
Oh, very much so.

Speaker 1 Matt Groening, apparently, the story is that his feet were so wretched that when he removed his shoes for the little girl to massage them, she retched, right? She literally like

Speaker 1 dry heaved and he laughed at her. Well, it's a whole night on a plane.
It really is, man. It's a small tube.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a small tube.
Well, I'm I'm just glad that

Speaker 1 we really. Is Woody Allen on there twice? He should be.
He's just in the queue now. You know, he really, really fucking should be.
Thank you, Jared. This has been really helpful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like this ranking a lot. I think this makes total sense.
Yeah, S is Steve Bannon, Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, formerly known as Woody Allen, of course, twice in the Ace Buck.

Speaker 1 I mean, well, because he's like the most famous pedophile. Genuine friend.
Genuine friend. Yeah, yeah.
And then you got B, Richard Branson, Matt Groening.

Speaker 1 That's really just about impressing your friend. Do we know what movie they were filming when Epstein was on set in Video Village? Chris J.
Scorpion.

Speaker 1 Let me ask this. Let me ask this.

Speaker 1 Let's ignore for a minute the pedophilia.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go to an island and hang out with this group of dudes? No. Neither do I.
Can you imagine choosing? I don't want to hang out with Woody Allen.

Speaker 1 I don't want to hang out with Matt Groening. These are the most entertaining of the two.

Speaker 1 I would hang out with this crew of people just to get close to Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 1 I would have hit him. You would have compromised yourself, Eddie.
It shows you who would have compromised you.

Speaker 1 I want to hang out with Buffett. And I got to be honest, you guys.
I mean, again, we have to.

Speaker 1 Let's imagine the pedophilia is not happening.

Speaker 1 I want to hang out with Clinton. I'm sorry.
Of course. Hold on.
He's the only one.

Speaker 1 He's the only one. I want him to play for me.
Yeah. Well, because Bill Clinton would also.
Well, Woody Allen also played jazz. I wonder if they played on the island together.
Island Jazz. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Clarinet and fucking saxophone. Woody Allen and Bill Clinton just getting there.

Speaker 1 There's just kids sitting there bored. Hot peanuts.
Hot peanuts. Hot peanuts.
Hot peanuts. You guys see what he's doing? He's improvising.
All these young girls like,

Speaker 1 I bet it's about the children you don't molest.

Speaker 1 You know, this has been, but I, yeah, Noam Chomsky in the Bahamas. Can you imagine how his shirt, his sweater must smell, covered in the water of the ocean? Right.

Speaker 1 You don't want to take that New York mothball smell and then put it in that level of humidity. Tropical heat.
Yeah, you don't want that.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you so much, Jerry.
You know what? It's so weird.

Speaker 1 Evil really does keep you alive. Yeah.
It's not having a conscience.

Speaker 1 Every one of these dudes is still alive except for Buffett. Except for Buffett.
Rest in peace, man. Rest in peace.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get one simple

Speaker 1 sudscreen. This has been awesome.
Let's do one, let's do a simpler story for Jerry. Any story is simpler.
I don't care.

Speaker 1 Any fucking story. One last little story.
I just want to get what you think about this. All right.
So, obviously, this is a Florida story about to receive. Okay.

Speaker 1 This happened in Epstein Country around the corner from Mar-a-Lago. So, this guy, they're saying it's a popular Worth Avenue photo spot, right? Is this really nice picture of this sort of clock tower?

Speaker 1 It's really nice. This man, Jonathan Houston of Cluiston, he was arrested on December 8th because with misdemeanor criminal mischief.

Speaker 1 Now, apparently, a witness called the police saying that a man had cut open a German shepherd and was chewing on its intestines in a public area and taking footage of it. Okay.

Speaker 1 And the man, the police arrived. Really? Have you ever been to West Palm Beach? I have been to Palm Beach.
Did you take a picture by the clock tower? I don't think I did. I went to a wedding there.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, yeah. It was the only black tie wedding I've ever been to.
Wow. And I didn't like it.
No.

Speaker 1 You're getting married in Palm Beach. It should be a linen wedding if you're going to do a theme.
Or you're, but that's where the money is. It's good money.
It's moneyed people.

Speaker 1 I don't look good in a tux.

Speaker 1 I look like a Popeye character on the weird

Speaker 1 tuxedo.

Speaker 1 You look like a corrupt public official. Yeah, exactly.
I should be holding bags of money with the dollar sign on them.

Speaker 1 So this guy, so this is the thing. So they called the police.
So I guess like someone freaked out. They're saying, oh my God, he's eating a dog in a public area.

Speaker 1 And they go to the police, go to the John, go to Jonathan, and they're like, what the fuck you doing? He's like,

Speaker 1 I'm not eating a dog. I'm eating a hog.
Yeah. So he rhymes with dog.
He had

Speaker 1 smarter than dog. He had cut open a hog and he's like, this is my social media job.
He didn't kill the hog. He bought a dead hog.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And he films himself on his social media accounts that has over 3,000 followers where he

Speaker 1 chews on for this.

Speaker 1 His whole thing is

Speaker 1 just blowing up now. It's just video of him chewing on raw dead animals in various pretty locations.
Now, when you see his photo, you go, yeah, that is his job.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so he looks like a, he looks like the one of the criminals that tried to steal and rape Pippi Longstocking. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He looks like he's built a doll out of body parts. Yes.
Yeah. But he, but we don't understand.
He got let right back out, Jared, because that's just criminal misdemeanor.

Speaker 1 And they literally said, because it's not a dog, he could go home that day. Yeah.
But the thing was, he caused, there was a lot of pig blood on the sidewalk that they had to clean.

Speaker 1 And they said that cost $346. But look, he's got a tarp down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was polite. He put a tarp.
It's a garbage bag. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's your first reaction? I mean, you know, My wife is so tired of hearing me talk, but my first reaction is that the internet and social media have turned our society into a blackened cancer.

Speaker 1 Uh, that I feel at this point there's no hope of remediation. Yeah.
I do i think that this guy exists because of the internet. Um,

Speaker 1 very much so. I think before social media and the internet, he would have just you know killed a couple co-eds and that would have been that.
Yeah, but now he's the star.

Speaker 1 But I will say, Terry, though, in a way, is this not

Speaker 1 almost equivalent to killing several women.

Speaker 1 I don't know why it's not illegal. It's not illegal.
But it's not. It's almost not illegal, Eddie.
Well, because they haven't thought to make it illegal.

Speaker 1 Well, no, because technically, he didn't kill the pig. He brought an already dead pig out.
Technically, if there was a grill there, this would be a barbecue. It's destruction of property.

Speaker 1 It's the blood on the sidewalk, is what he's in trouble for. It might be, it might be worth creating a new law.
Yes. You're not allowed to do this.

Speaker 1 Well, now we're discovering, we know what also this would be a good update for you. Have you heard of the Burbank butt sniffer? No.
Oh yeah, this is a guy going around sniffing butts.

Speaker 1 This is actually really interesting. Like,

Speaker 1 they have no idea how to keep this guy in jail. He's been arrested four times.
Yeah. Where he clean, he goes on, he's all over Burbank and Glendale.

Speaker 1 He gets down on his, he goes to bookstores and places. He gets down on his hands and knees and he sneaks up on women and he sniffs their butt.

Speaker 1 But apparently he never touches he hasn't touched anybody.

Speaker 1 So they pick him up and they leave, they basically hold him for like three days and then have to release him again because they're like, we aren't, we can't figure out how to properly.

Speaker 1 I have an idea. Release him in Calabasas.
What if,

Speaker 1 what if, just a thought, what if someone kicked the shit out of these guys? That's what we need. They're fucking ass.
I think that's...

Speaker 1 Then they would get in more trouble than the pig eater and the butt sniffer. I don't know, you know? They'd go to jail for multiple years for, you know, that's the crazy part.

Speaker 1 Explain to the cop what happened. Hey, you know, when it comes to beating people up, cops can, you know, it can help you out.

Speaker 1 You are, I would say, and we know police officers, I imagine that if you, if a man tried to sniff your girlfriend's butt and you're allowed to hit them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think if you kicked them in the head and they went and, you know, like they try, I imagine some police officers would probably do a little, like, they like, they do a little laugh and then sometimes they'll just bring you in and i've seen this too where they'll like put you in the car and then they're like we'll handcuff you in front yeah and then they bring you in and then you kind of got you just kind of go through the swinging doors and you go in and out you know what i mean they'll make it real easy for you if they really don't care you this is him yeah it's i just find interesting is that he he's got such big ears

Speaker 1 Yeah, you'd think he'd be listening to the butts. Yeah.
Well, maybe he can use them to smell.

Speaker 1 Whoa, like

Speaker 1 at a snake? Yeah. Like an anaconda? His shit's all fucked up.
This is a, this is, this is weird because this guy doesn't look like a serial killer like the last guy. This guy looks like...

Speaker 1 He could be handsome. He could be an attractive guy.
He doesn't need to be sniffing strangers' butts, but as we learn, you know,

Speaker 1 the heart wants what the heart wants. So the fart wants.
What the fart wants.

Speaker 1 You know, Napoleon Hill says, don't worry about dreaming about things that you wish you could do. You're already doing what you're meant to be doing.
And I think that that's what this is.

Speaker 1 This is what we're saying, where it's like, how can we, is there a way to train him to maybe detect bombs? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is there a way to sort of do what you're doing? Oh, like how they took the catch me if you can guy and turned him against the other criminals.

Speaker 1 When we release him against this, how about, you know, I'm seeing a whole branded internet business for this guy. I smell your butt.

Speaker 1 I tell you, you know, how your chakras are misaligned or the toxins you have inside of you. He's already in Burbank.
Yeah. That's the easiest crowd to sell that to, right? No problem.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or you could be a fortune teller. Well,

Speaker 1 we've come up with this.

Speaker 1 And one thing I wanted to, I want to go back to the pig story for two seconds. Great.

Speaker 1 Someone, the person who called it in said he was eating a German shepherd. Yes.
Yeah. It does not look like a pig.
Well, it just shows you how rampant misinformation is in this

Speaker 1 society, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because if she just looked closer and saw that it was a hog, she'd be like, oh, you know that the person who said it was a German shepherd was a liberal. Oh, yeah.
Oh, definitely.

Speaker 1 Tell me about it. Making a big deal on eating a dead animal on the sidewalk.

Speaker 1 Just, yeah, two or just people like, and the cops just tell him, and the guy's just straight a fact being like, oh, it's not a dog. It's a hog.
You're not going to say that.

Speaker 1 I can't say, this is what I do. So silly that you would think this is a problem.
Yeah. What's wrong? No, this is what I do.
It's my job. Yeah.
He's an influencer.

Speaker 1 I just, you know, I just feel like, you know,

Speaker 1 a couple hundred years ago, they would have just grabbed him off the street and

Speaker 1 dragged him off to kill him. And like,

Speaker 1 sure, that led to a lot of bad stuff, but then it solved problems too. You know, I look at the last election, I think a lot about how a lot of these 18-year-olds should have been in a war.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They should have been too busy fighting something. They should have been too busy in an army getting some kind of training.

Speaker 1 They should have been, that's what the, I feel like we kind of need to go back in a way to that. Like, I think these, that guy was supposed to die in a feudal style trench warfare.

Speaker 1 But he's going to die. The trichlonosis is going to take him out at some point.
I think he's been very careful. Isn't that like the worst thing to eat raw? It's up there.
Well, chicken's the worst.

Speaker 1 The technically, if you want to get into it, beef, the beef commissions did a whack job on pork in order to do a whole thing. The Polish is coming out.
This is going to be.

Speaker 1 You want to get into some real fucking conspiracy theories? The beef industry made the the health implications of eating raw pork more intense.

Speaker 1 They put a thumb on that in order to fuck with the pork industry. In order to, that's the reason why they...
I'd much rather eat medium rear beef than pork. Well, yeah, because it's growing.

Speaker 1 But also, we've been trained for that. That is a cultural thing that we have ingested because we were told how bad pork was.
Do you think it got to like my food handler's license test?

Speaker 1 Because they're very strict about it. But I think that's what that's what I'm saying.
Exactly why it went to your food handler's license. It's because beef originally was was fucking with it.

Speaker 1 Well, tartare. You got to be able to have a nice tartare.

Speaker 1 I eat tartare two or three times a day. I think, you know, this just shows, again, how the liberals are ruining the country because,

Speaker 1 listen, the over-regulation of freak shows, this guy can't get work as a geek. That guy should, exactly, he should be.
This is a traveling road gig.

Speaker 1 Why is there no like shanty circuses anymore, right? That's where that guy should be. He should be on a boardwalk.
I think there are shanty circuses. We just just don't roll in those crews anymore.

Speaker 1 Side story sale, p-otl at gmail.com. Where can we find a shanty circus? Are you in a shanty circus? Please reach out to me.
Can we come and be in one? Can we come see one? We'll come.

Speaker 1 We'll give you two bits to see you eat a dead hog.

Speaker 1 Jared, thank you so much for being here. Thank you guys.

Speaker 1 Is there anything else you want to plug before you go? Just check me out on the Glass Cannon Network, where I do all kinds of games. I play in them and I'm a game master for them.

Speaker 1 And then also, please, please go and watch Henry and I and Jackie and our good buddy Ross Bryan and Ed Larson. I make it.
I show up for two seconds. You should be a player in a game.

Speaker 1 You should be a mainstream. You'd have to have a lot of patience with me.
I don't think so. I think you're a natural.
Anyway. How good is Ross? I mean, Ross is...
How many good is Ross?

Speaker 1 Ross just reads Paradise Lost for fun. He's a

Speaker 1 strange genius. He's so smart.
Hey, tell people about the stand-up show you do with Kara. Oh, Oh, yes.
So if you're in the Los Angeles area, every Wednesday at 8 p.m.

Speaker 1 at Bar Bandini in Echo Park, you can see my wife and I perform together. on our show, Better Half Comedy, where we have fantastic comedians all the time.

Speaker 1 My favorite comedians like Maria Bamford, we had the last show. Eddie Pepetone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dana Gould,

Speaker 1 John Early, all of these people that I absolutely love come on our show. We'd love for you to come and check it out.
8 p.m. Wednesdays, Bar Bandini, Echo Park.

Speaker 1 We're coming back on, I think, January 7th. We're on a little holiday break.
Live comedy is the best thing in the country right now. That is the thing to go do.

Speaker 1 Go support live comedy, especially if you're in LA. We need to bring our comedy scene back.
Amen. Amen.
Well, Jared, thank you so much for stopping by.

Speaker 1 I eternally love you, and I think you're one of the funniest people in the world. I love you guys.
It's always nice hanging out, guys. Thank you, my sweet, my sweet prince.

Speaker 3 Live from North Lake.

Speaker 1 What a wonderful Christmas season we have ahead of us.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Thank God.
I'm so excited. What a great year, man.
This has been a great side stories year. I've had so much fun.
Yeah, I know. And let me ask you, let me do this live.

Speaker 1 Let's do this live and then see.

Speaker 1 Let's get a poll. Side stories L-PO-T-L-A Gmail.com because I'd love to know.
Should we officially do a death poll? What do you mean? Like a death poll? Like 26?

Speaker 1 Like, should we do an official death pool 2026 where we set up our guesses? Where do you put Dick Van Dyke? Oh, I mean, that's too. I mean, like, we're going to have to do like those.

Speaker 1 I think we're going to have to do, like, what we actually won't make any money on. And then we have to do a couple like totally, totally off the wall ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because we need, you know, obviously we need some murders in there. Yes.
But also one that we don't know. And you don't know what's going on.
So we can get hit by a car. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Like, in my mind, first thing I'm thinking of, like, and this is not my choices, but I would say, like, it's like Dick Van Dyke's one side, Pauli Shore.

Speaker 1 I mean, Andy Dick, obviously. Andy Dick.

Speaker 1 But I feel like that's a, that's, you should talk about it because I feel like that's less I. I think Paulie Shore is like surprisingly healthy.
Exactly. That's what I'm saying, Eddie.

Speaker 1 That would be my orangor. That's the 20 to 1 spot.
So we need to talk about this. Maybe.
Let's see what the audience might think. It's cruel.
They might not want us to do it. It is cruel.

Speaker 1 But maybe we shouldn't,

Speaker 1 maybe they should submit some people we don't know. Maybe

Speaker 1 it's your grandfather that's about to clock out. I'm saying if we include them in it, they'll think it's less evil.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want family members involved in our death watch.

Speaker 1 I'll bet on who's going to die in your family. Yeah, I think that's how we really do that.
That's awesome. Yeah, I think we add like a personal aspect to the celebrity death watch.
I love that idea.

Speaker 1 Who was it last year? Didn't we do this for 2025? No, we never did it. We've never officially done it because people get upset.
Yes, we talked about it.

Speaker 1 It's like, I think that's because we've never done it because people get upset.

Speaker 1 But I think that we're ready to be upset. So I want the audience, but I want

Speaker 1 the audience to be upset.

Speaker 1 I'm already mad and upset. So we might as well have some fun and make some money while doing it.
But who knows? Tim Van Dyke, number one on the death watch. Of course.
Why? He looks great.

Speaker 1 It's because I honestly think they put so much weight on him hitting 100 that he might have used, have all of his strength getting him to 100, and then he might pass. Dome Chomsky, 97.

Speaker 1 Fingers crossed.

Speaker 1 He's one I want to see go. Man, Yoko Ono is going to live forever.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Patreon.com/slash slash last podcast left. Give us money to watch us do this live.
We also, every Tuesday, 6 p.m. PSD, we do our live stream, last stream on the left on Patreon only live.

Speaker 1 And then it goes to free on our YouTube page. You can go check it out there.
And go see the other shows on our YouTube page. Like we've been plugging LPN TV.

Speaker 1 Go check out Bloodbath presented by LPNRPG. That's right.
Also, January 4th is a great Christmas present. Come see me and my friends in Oxnard Levity Live.
That's Oxnard, California.

Speaker 1 It's right below Santa Barbara. I got Carolina Hidelgo, Julia Johns, Holden McNeely, and Jake Young all doing the show with me.
It's going to be a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 I'm going to host it and do really long host sets and bring my friends on and off. It's going to be a shit ton of fun.
You're going to want to check that out.

Speaker 1 That's going to be January 4th at Oxnard Levity Live. And then in February 18th, I'm going to San Francisco.
I'm going to be, it's a Wednesday night.

Speaker 1 This is for the locals. Wow.
Yeah. San Francisco punchline.
One night only. Me, Grant Gordon, and my wonderful wife, Julie Rosing, is going to host it.
That's so much fun. That's a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 So come check out those shows.

Speaker 1 Also, I want to give a big shout out to Jimmy's Corner, which is my favorite bar. All right.
My favorite bar is in jeopardy of shutting down. It is the

Speaker 1 littlest little bar in Midtown.

Speaker 1 It's a tiny Times Square dive bar. It's a boxing bar.
It has the best jukebox I've ever fucking seen. And the beer, they still have $4 Budweisers in the middle of Times Square.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Glenn,

Speaker 1 who used to own Jimmy's corner, he really wanted to fuck Julie. He used to always give her the eyes.

Speaker 1 But he was a good guy. He's a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it just gives you strength, Eddie. But he died of COVID

Speaker 1 during the height of COVID. And then his son took over the bar.
And

Speaker 1 they had a sweetheart deal with

Speaker 1 Durst, not the murder Durst,

Speaker 1 his brother. They had a sweetheart deal with him.
And then after Jimmy died,

Speaker 1 Durst is like, you know what? We're going to sell the building and knock it down. And so Jimmy's corner, they're fighting tooth and nail.

Speaker 1 With some of the best bartenders I've ever met. It's just such a funny place.
It's a great place. It's weird.
It's like they've got. It's a classic.

Speaker 1 If you want to see what New York out of the 1970s was like, it's the last like touchdown. There's people who have been going there for like 40 years.
Yeah. You know, it's a really great place.

Speaker 1 The guy, Jimmy,

Speaker 1 who used to run the place, he was like a boxing trainer for Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson. There's all kinds of great photos.

Speaker 1 So even if this place does end up going down and needs to find a new home, but it's what you can still, Budweiser's are $4. A pint of beer is $3.

Speaker 1 In the middle of Times Square, it's getting eliminated. It was the last true bar in that part of town.
Yeah. And so I'm very sad to see it go.

Speaker 1 Please give it some support and see if we can keep this fucking thing alive. Like I said, it's my favorite bar.
So if you're in New York this time, just go and give them some money.

Speaker 1 Go experience it before it closes. It is really one of the great places I've ever been.
It's pretty great, man. So go check it out while you can.
New York has no memory, my friend. It doesn't.

Speaker 1 I still love it, though. Love every day, knowing for a fact

Speaker 1 you're your memories, right? You gotta laugh at your own memories and you gotta live for the fact that, yeah, you might, sometimes when you look back at something, you miss.

Speaker 1 You miss how you felt at the time and not things you were doing. You gotta think about that.
Sometimes it's about you can't get a feeling back. No.
But what's a new, amazing feeling that you can have?

Speaker 1 Masturbation. Congrats.
Kale Satan, everyone.

Speaker 1 Kail Robert.

Speaker 2 Healthcare can feel complicated. That's why Optum uses technology to connect the people and processes that make healthcare easier, more affordable, and more effective.

Speaker 2 We're making it clearer for you to know exactly what your benefits cover. And to help you better manage your health, we're coordinating care between your doctors and your technology.

Speaker 2 We believe better, simpler healthcare is always possible. That's healthy optimism.

Speaker 1 That's optim.

Speaker 2 Visit optum.com to learn more.

Speaker 2 At Capella University, we believe accessible education can make a difference. That's why we offer scholarship opportunities to all eligible students.

Speaker 2 Un futuro diferente estamá cerca de lo que cres con Capella University.

Speaker 1 Learn more at capella.edu.