*PREVIEW* The Great Locomotive Chase LIVE IN LONDON

If you've ever wanted to see us live, well, we're heading back to London.

That's right.

Again, we will be performing June 22nd at the Big Fat Festival at the Big Belly Comedy Club in London.

So get your tickets now.

They'll be in the show notes.

You can come see us, like 20 other acts, including friends of the show that we have worked with before.

Get your tickets now, and we hope to see you there.

So now they realize for this to work, when they get to a town with telegraph wires, they get to towns with anything of importance they have to slow down or stop for people to jump out and just mob up on shit

and then climb back on and because the environment is you know doing the whoop-de-whoops the train has to slow down and or speed up because it's a fucking steam-powered train

and that means every time they slow down fuller is still chasing them

This is like a fucking Buster Keaton movie.

It's just like the fucking Benny Hill chase music's playing the whole time or Yackety Sacks.

This is the most dedicated train engineer the world has ever seen.

I don't know anyone in my own life who's that dedicated to their job.

I'm willing to be like, oh, they steal this train.

It's coming out of my paycheck.

No, but maybe he didn't love his job.

Maybe he just really fucking loved trains.

Yeah.

Not the general.

My one love.

Ment sweet, passionate love to it on multiple occasions.

I painted the Thomas the Train engine face on it myself.

So as they're doing this, they keep looking back and they see Fuller just pumping the fuck away.

And then they get to another place, right?

The general pulls into a town called Edowa, where they find another train called the Yonah, because all these trains, like I said, have names.

It's pulled off to a sidetrack and it's right next to a place called the Cooper Ironworks.

And Andrews and the Raiders are deciding, like, these two things are really important.

Destroy the train.

There's not many trains in the Confederacy.

And

this foundry would be a very important military target to take out.

So they decide to not do any of that because there's a group of civilian workers just milling about outside.

And despite all of these guys being armed to the fucking teeth, they're intimidated by these southerners just standing around and just...

Get out of there.

They also know that Fuller is still behind them.

If they stop long enough to do a lot of damage, it's like this one man will catch up to me.

And I don't want to fight this guy.

He's like chasing after like the proto-liquid Terminator.

Exactly.

Yeah, it's the liquid LAPD.

It's the only thing more racist than a liquid LAPD cop from the future.

And that's a Confederate terrain engineer.

Dude has like fucking forearms like Popeye just pumping it.

I'll get you.

Yeah, he's the Confederate rich Piana with fucking the masked arms.

And they realize that they might be in the slowest speed chase in military history, but they need to keep moving to get away from Fuller.

So the general pulls out of Edowa without stopping and doing anything.

This is also where the knight pointed out to Andrews that their plan has one serious flaw in it.

It's a pretty big one at that.

One flaw.

A big one.

There's a guy who's nearly catching him on a fucking hand crank tram.

One flaw.

If there is one thing about a train you'd like, right, it's regularly scheduled, right?

It's never late.

The general was a regularly scheduled train.

And it had a pretty precise schedule it was almost never late for and it's on again as we point out yeah one track

now that's generally not a good idea and it's worse because they were not keeping to the schedule at all which was beginning to raise alarm down the line and soon southbound trains which were keeping to the schedule were causing a fucking traffic pile up And this they got to a switch house, which forced them to pull over because they're running behind and the southbound trains need to go.

This took hours.

And fun fact, the original engineer, William Fuller, is still chasing them and

he gets to Etowah and he's on his stupid little fucking push cart and he's like, well, I don't need this anymore.

He steals the Yona.

Yes!

Yes!

We're doing Mad Mox finally!

And he starts catching up to Andrews and his stolen train and he's leading out with a fucking crowbar at the window.

Andrews, knowing he can't wait, approaches the, in a town called Kingston, he approaches the station master like, look,

I have a special load of ammunition going north for a Confederate general, P.G.T.

Beauregard.

Oh my God, name alarm.

Oh, don't worry.

Full name, Pierre Gustave Toutence Beauregard.

If that isn't bad enough, his nickname, remember, he's a Confederate, is the Little Black Frenchman.

Oh.

Because he's French Creole, but he was not mixed race, because of course he wasn't.

It's the Confederacy.

I fell into a bit of of a Beauregard hole, so bear with me here for a second.

I hate falling into the Beauregard hole.

The Beauregard hole has got me acting unwise.

He was thought of a curiosity due to him being Catholic and French in the Confederacy and from a predominantly French-speaking family that had created something a moral panic.

in the ranks.

This is from the biography about him titled

Napoleon in Gray.

Quote, because he was French and seemed different, he was the victim of all kinds of rumors, most of them baseless.

He was charged with immorality because this was inevitable.

Some soldiers believe that he was accompanied by a train of concubines and wagons loaded with cases of champagne.

Even in

Louisiana, it was said by non-Creoles that he was unfaithful to his wife.

So the Confederates saw a guy speak French and just immediately knew he was cheating on his wife.

He's just like subject to the most esoteric, like layered insults.

I have at least some news for you that this is not going to be the weirdest Confederate racism we come across in this episode.

Anyway, it was Andrews,

Andrew said to the station manager, that is who he's working for.

He's working for Beauregard.

The station manager says, okay, well, do you have paperwork?

And Andrews says, of course I do.

And the station manager says, well, can I see it?

And Andrews just says, no.

It's just a crumpled piece of paper written in cold us one free pass.

Well, the funniest part is he just says, of course you can't see it.

And the station master goes, all right, go on through.

He hits him with the steamed hams defense.

A much simpler time.

You just got to believe me.

Trust me, bro.

So the station master just lets him keep on going by.

And Andrews, knowing William Fuller has done that liquid fucking cop future shit on him and is definitely still chasing him, begins tearing up rails successfully for the first time as they pull away.

This doesn't even phase Fuller.

He jumps off the Yona and he steals a second train.

The William R.

Smith and begins chasing the Raiders.

At the town of Adairsville, Anders and his crew tear up more lines, forcing Fuller to abandon the William Smith without even stopping it.

Just allows it to run off the rails,

sprint to the next town on the other side of the torn-up tracks, and steals a third train.

Dude's fucking wrong.

This guy is so class.

This one is named the Texas.

And the funniest part about this is the Texas was going south, meaning he was now chasing Andrews and the general backwards.

He's doing fucking Tokyo drift shit, like...

Andrews Knight and the other Raiders are probably completely and rightfully terrified of the world's most dedicated train engineer and knew they'd do everything to stop this man.

So they lit some of their own box cars on fire, uncouple them, and send them flying down the tracks at the Texas.

Fuller, being the world's hardest train engineer and most racist train ninja, jumps off the moving train, sprints down the track, diverts the oncoming fire box cars, relines the track back up, runs back to the Texas, and climbs back on board.

He's playing like train-based crash bandicoot right now.

He's jumping over barrels.

He's spinning around collecting apples.

He literally ghost rode the whip.

Incredible.

Andrews and the Raiders keep trying to damage things, but now we're moving too fast to really rip anything up.

And this is where the gang comes to the conclusion that the only way to get away from this engineering psycho would be to start torching bridges.

And then it starts raining, so they can't do that.

A cheat trying to start fires and throwing their own boxcars at him like Union Donkey Kong.

They missed tearing down the telegraph wires in one town, meaning not just the guy in the town.

Fuller himself got to the town, jumps off the moving train, runs over to the telegraph, sends a telegraph to the next town.

jumps back up on his moving train and continues his chase.

He's the only man in the Confederacy.

There's only one man in the Confederacy and his name's William Fuller.

This man loves trains, hates ethnic minorities.

Loves slavery, loves trains.

He's a simple man.

Yeah, it's like, what does he love more?

Is it enslaving people or trains?

Which is he more dedicated to?

I think if he could somehow enslave trains.

Maybe he believes the trains are like he is the machine god.

I mean, this goes back to Thomas the Train Engine.

If he sees them as sentient beings, he is in fact a train slave owner.

You gotta chase after them, fuller.

I can't believe they've stole the train.

You've had to take three of them.

I mean one memory of Thomas the Train Engine does come to mind.

Tank engine.

Whatever.

You said it wrong like 17 times.

It's really annoying me.

Sorry.

It wouldn't be like you to mispronounce something, say something wrong.

What is a tank but a train with a gun?

Anyway.

You were a tanker!

My tank didn't have a face.

Maybe it should have.

But I do have a memory of one of the trains being bricked up in a tunnel and dying.

Weird phrasing, Joe.

Bricked up trains.

I've seen that online.