Episode 697: Possessed by Paperbacks: A Chat with Grady Hendrix

Hey weirdos, it's Ash.

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Hey, weirdos, I'm Ash.

I'm Elena.

And I'm Grady.

And this right here is Morbid.

And this is a very special episode of Morvid.

We have

Grady Hendricks on the show.

That's me.

Thank you for coming.

This is amazing.

Oh, yeah.

No, I'm always happy to talk.

I, you know, talking is my preferred mode of existence.

If I'm not talking, I'm not sure I exist.

You're really good at talking.

Yeah, you're a great talker.

Thank you.

Well, I'm in the middle of trying to finish a book right now.

So all I do is sit in silence and hate myself.

So, it's nice to talk and not think about my shortcomings.

Do you find that relatable, Elena?

I was going to say, that is like the best way to describe writing a book, sitting in silence and hating yourself.

Yeah,

I find I do that often.

I do that when I'm not writing a book.

So, yeah, hey, there you go.

You know, we can all do that.

It's fun anytime.

Yeah, it is.

Anybody can do it.

But, like Ash just said, I mean, Grady is a best-selling author, journalist, screenwriter, podcaster, and absolutely iconic public speaker.

Thank you.

You really are because we went to,

you're, you're incredible at it because we went to your event at Unlikely Story for Witchcraft for Wayward Girls.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, me, Mikey, and Ash went.

It was so fun.

That event was such a blast.

It's such a unique book event.

If anybody has not gone to Grady's events, I strongly encourage you to because it's unlike any other book event I think you're ever going to be at.

100%.

Well, you know, I just figure if people actually leave the house for a book event, there should be, you know,

it should be fun.

Absolutely.

And they should be assured that indeed I'm the stupidest person in the room, not them.

And they can just relax.

That's what it's all about because it's so true.

I was thinking the same thing.

I was like, people are leaving their house and they definitely get something.

out of leaving their house for your events.

Well,

I mean, there's so much you can do.

I mean, there's Netflix, there's the fridge, there's SACS, like there's so much more in the house.

How do you like leaving it has to be at least marginally worthwhile.

Yeah, you really got to dangle a carrot.

Yeah.

If you're going to get me out of my house.

But also

your event was so like it struck me by how well researched that entire dissertation was.

It was.

incredible.

I feel like I learned so much during that.

Well, no, I appreciate it.

You know, it's funny.

When I'm writing a book, I do research, but most of my research is really nuts and bolts and logistical.

Like, oh, you know, what was on TV in 1970 in this part of Florida on Thursday night?

And then I do all the fun research, like witches, like let's go down every rabbit hole at the end when the book's done, when I'm putting the show together.

And that's really kind of a reward to myself because I'm a research nerd.

Yeah.

But that's really fun to be able to just go.

Like, I don't have an end point in sight, right?

I'm just like, I don't need like, what's a cool spell or something spell like?

Or how can I go?

You know, it's just like, well, okay, sure.

You know, let's just run down this rabbit hole as far as it'll go.

That's what it feels like.

It feels like just being able to just like sprint down whatever rabbit hole you want to sprint down.

Cause it's true when you're researching just like the logistics, there has to be an end or you're, cause that happens to me sometimes like with research with writing, I'll start.

like going down a tangent and then I'm like, no, no, no, stop.

You have to come back here.

Cause then I'm like three hours in and I've written like four words.

Yeah.

Well, it's also, you know, the thing that's also really fun about The Witch show

is I'm sort of a history nerd.

And

I can't remember who said this, but someone once said, you know, people like kids, kids now.

they think they invented sex.

And so when they read something that's sort of like, you know, like kind of horny from like the 19th century, they're all like, heavens to Betsy.

And to me, being able to go back to people in the 19th century or early 20th century and make them seem present and vital and not dum-dums like the whole part about sylvia townsend warner and writing lolly willows yeah and this sort of boom in the 20s of women really embracing satanism and witchcraft as these sort of like avenues for liberation like I'm not even sure you'd find that in the 80s, you know, or the 90s, really.

No, definitely.

Definitely not.

Yeah.

With satanic panic and all that.

Oh, yeah.

Exactly.

So it's really fun to sort of go back and like, I don't know, make these people who can often get written off as being fuddy-duddy, dusty, old people, like alive, you know, and vital.

Because you always see like, you know, obviously there's no like pictures of people from really long ago.

So you always see these like paintings or imagery of people and they always look like very serious.

Like super stuffy.

Yeah.

And it's like when you start thinking of them doing like everyday human things and having like human urges and then it like, it's such a different perspective.

And I think you did a really good job, like giving that to the audience.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Yeah, there's a, there's a quote Alan Moore gave,

the guy who writes comic books, when he did this Victorian Jack the Ripper thing called From Health, where he was giving an interview and he said, you know, if you could actually teleport yourself back to 1888, you would look around and it would look like science fiction to you.

You wouldn't be able to speak the language.

You wouldn't understand the measurements.

You wouldn't know what people were saying to you.

You would be in a completely alien planet um and you know it's like one of those things where i'm always thinking um you know if you go back to the 18th i mean i would say 19th maybe even later everyone was drunk just pretty much all the time like you know the amount of booze they were packing away on a daily basis like they were just always making the worst decisions yeah they were really going for it back then yeah they were just like living through the worst decisions as well so they're probably like we might as well just be like lit through all of this it was a coping mechanism, really.

Like everything's smelly and dirty.

We might as well just not remember.

We might as well just like, yeah,

we're just a happy face on this.

Yeah, let's go.

It's, it's, you answered one of my questions because I was going to ask if you had to do like a whole separate version of research for the events that you do for writing.

And oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I figured.

And that makes sense.

But yeah, that's interesting to hear.

And we loved it.

We raved about it afterwards.

But moving into another one of your amazing works that we're obsessed with, we loved My Best Friend's Exorcism.

I think so many people love that book.

And

you are one of my favorite authors of all time.

Very nice of you.

And we love all your books.

But our listeners loved when we did My Best Friend's Exorcism for, we did like an audio book club episode where we covered it.

And people loved it.

They just went nuts about it.

They loved how you were able to tell the story from like a female perspective and really get into the timeframe.

You're a really gifted storyteller, obviously.

And we just want to know like, where did this all start?

Like, where did your storytelling begin?

Were you like a horror guy forever?

Or where did this all start?

No, I mean, horror wasn't really my thing.

As a kid, I found the book covers kind of gross.

Like they really put me off.

And so like I read Clive Barker and Stephen King like anyone would, those Alfred Hitchcock treasury editions that used to be at every like middle school library.

But for me, horror was movies.

And so my friends and I would rent, you know, tapes from the video store because I grew up in the 80s.

I miss video stores.

And, you know, watch this stuff together.

So it was always like a social activity.

You know, to me, horror was always, there was always a social component.

Like I think of movies like City of the Living Dead, the Fulci film or Doom Asylum or Evil Dead 2.

And

those movies are completely in my mind linked to how i saw them and who i saw them with and i can remember who was sitting where not because i have some great memory but just because those were you know big events for me you know like seeing those movies for the first time with you know alan and aaron and um adam richards and matt gibson and these you know like you know that was huge um

in terms of writing and telling stories for me

I'm from South Carolina and

I think most families, I mean, people say it's southern families, but I I don't know, maybe it's every family.

No, I take that back actually, because my wife's Canadian and I'll tell stories about my family and they will say, oh my goodness, your family's so crazy.

You know, we don't have any stories like this in our family.

And I'm like, the more, you know, I've been married for 30-something years.

I'm like, yes, I don't say this.

But I'm like, yes, you do.

You definitely have these stories.

You just don't tell them or you tell them.

I heard some of them.

Yeah.

And my family, it's funny.

My parents got divorced when I was about 13.

And I've got three older sisters.

And we were very much

posing in the matching outfits kind of family.

And then when my parents got divorced, it was this idea of, well, we're not perfect anymore.

And there's no way to make it look like we're perfect.

And this was the 80s, when early 80s, this was 84 or 5, when you knew people who were divorced, but everyone wasn't divorced quite yet.

Now it's like everyone's divorced.

Yes.

So

for us, for my sisters and I, we never talked about it, but it was this sort of liberation, which was, we'll say anything now.

Like there is literally nothing you can, no story you can't tell because the alternative is really horrible.

We did that.

That wasn't so great.

And even though I think it really frustrated my mom,

her,

I think she was okay with it to some extent.

And her way of dealing with it was just to pretend those things hadn't happened.

Oh, I don't remember that.

That's favorite.

Yeah, that's the classic mom response.

I don't remember it like that.

Exactly.

And so for me, when I started writing, I realized that the way to make it not sound stiff and boring was to tell it like I was telling it to another person.

Right.

And like, and I know people say that, but I've heard that writing advice in.

workshops and classes and stuff.

And it just, I guess I hit a point where I digested it enough and was like, I need to be writing the way I would speak, you know, and when when you talk and tell a story, unless you're an idiot, you generally have a pretty good idea of what to leave out.

You know what I mean?

Like, and so it was just, that was really the breakthrough for me is realizing that.

And then with my best friend's exorcism, the real breakthrough was realizing that

I needed to go back and actually remember what high school in 1988 was like rather than what John Hughes told me high school in 1988 was like.

And I wrote a whole draft of the book that was just, as according to my wife, hot garbage because it was just knockoffs.

It was just a bad thing.

That's amazing.

That's not so Canadian.

It was, oh, she's been in the States.

We've lost her.

Yeah.

And

so I was just magpieing together tropes and things.

And so to go back and really remember what it was like and things like, and really sort of buckle down and do that work.

And then to also,

you know,

put some blood on the page.

That was the first time I realized that the more I put in stuff

that I found embarrassing and difficult, the more readers responded to it.

I mean, Abby has horrible acne in that because I had horrible acne in high school, like really bad borderline disfiguring acne where you just sort of look in the mirror and just be like, I can't, I can't do it.

I can't leave the house like this.

I look like a monster.

You know, the three-way calling thing.

Yeah, I got burned in a three-way calling thing so bad by this girl I had a crush on.

Like,

yeah, it's so, it's awful.

Um, doesn't exist anymore, really, but like it was bad.

Kids don't know nowadays, they don't know the trauma of a three-way calling attack.

Yeah, oh, and I'm sure that's just as traumatic.

You know, when you remember, when you realize someone's in the group chat and you thought they weren't,

oh, that'll change.

Oh, no, really?

Talk about that.

I was actually at a party

and

I texted what I thought was my wife telling her how boring the party was and how pretentious I thought everyone was.

And I didn't realize that the two hosts were on that group chat.

And then I like failed them and I was like, oh, just thought to be a little bit more.

Just being so fools.

Being a big jokester.

You know me.

They're like, you will

write it back.

And they have that unsensed.

No, they laughed at all.

They were pretty drunk at that point.

Oh, there you go.

That fixes everything.

There you go.

That's horrifying.

Yeah, that's horrifying.

It was bad.

That haunted me for a lot.

That really is the greatest part of being married, though, is being able to shit talk to your spouse

the second you leave somewhere or while you're there via text.

It's one of my favorite things.

Love married.

Yeah.

But here's my question is,

I'm always worried we can be heard like i'm paranoid that like we're too close to the scene of the crime like we need to wait longer or someone from the party or the dinner is on the subway with us or what if i accidentally butt dialed the person and even though we're all the way back at our house my phone is listening no i've done that before done that in a horrible way i'm not going to go into details because the person might be listening but i've done that before and it was really really bad so now i'm constantly in fear of a butt dial to that black person that I'm talking about.

Yep.

When it happens to you, it changes.

Yeah.

I didn't even know it was a real thing.

It's a real thing.

Like, and now that you've said that, I return to my cave of shame and will live a cautious life.

You have to.

I love everyone and have nothing negative to say about any of them.

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I used to, I I still am very,

when I was young, I saw this Captain America.

They showed my

Cub Scouts, this like Captain America, you know, how to save energy, you know, conservation is your friend, a little film strip.

And it was like, always close the refrigerator door and like, you know, don't leave the oven on.

And so I have, I've was very OCD as a kid, but I've sometimes like gone back blocks to make sure the oven is off or the stove is off or the refrigerator door is closed.

And I was always like, This is so dumb.

I just need to break myself of this habit.

And one day,

my wife left the stove on.

See?

And I had gotten up in the middle of the night and I was like, I'm just going to check on the stove.

I was like,

we might all be dead right now.

Well, and that's the thing.

My takeaway wasn't, oh, it was on for hours and it wasn't a big deal.

My takeaway was,

it was on for hours.

My worst nightmares come true.

The walls are listening.

you know, an earthquake is going to happen.

Quicksand is real.

Pigfoot is in the trees.

I need to live in fear.

Sometimes you do.

I do the same thing with locked doors, though.

Oh, locking the doors at night.

I'm a psychopath about it.

And my husband loves to do this thing where I'll be like, did you lock the back door?

And he's like, I think so.

And I'm like, that's not an answer.

So then I just have to, I'm like, of course, and it's always locked every time.

But I'm like, don't say I think so.

Yeah, you can't say I think.

Why do people feel like playing on your nerves is funny?

It's not funny.

I don't know.

Some people really do.

I want to be safe.

Yeah.

I'm like, we've been married for 13 years.

You should know now that that's not a good game to play, especially.

Yeah, you're going to get up and go chat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, going back to your writing, and you just touched on it a little bit, having three sisters.

Between Abby and my best friend's Exorcism to Lynette and Final Girl support group, I feel like every time I read a new one of your titles, I'm always so impressed with how well you write women.

How do you feel like you're able to create these vivid, real women characters?

Well, okay.

So

this is, this is, A, thank you.

I really appreciate that.

No, honestly, I do.

B, I think it's so weird that that's not normal.

Do you know what I mean?

Like that that's worth comment because I'm like, isn't this the job as a writer?

Like you write people who aren't you.

And like, I get it.

Like I could not convincingly write something from a black perspective because I just don't know that perspective of the world.

I can make some guesses.

I can definitely have characters of color, but I would never want to write a book completely from a black or a Latino character's point of view because I don't know how that kind of family, I don't know the family.

I don't have family dynamics.

You know what I mean?

I just would not be comfortable doing that.

But with a woman, like.

I grew up in the same house with my sisters.

Like, you know what I mean?

I'm like, they're not living on another planet.

They are another person that's, yes, things are different, but I can extrapolate those things.

I can write a robot.

Why can't I write, you know, I can write a vampire.

Why can't I write?

And

so I always find that so weird.

And I'm always like, well, geez, that sucks.

It's so well done.

I know.

Well, I know.

And thank you.

But I mean, that's literally the job.

So it really is.

using, I mean, this sounds so lame, but like using your imagination.

And also like, you know, I do have three older sisters.

I mean, I was largely raised by my mom.

I've been married for 30-something years.

So I really, you know, with my wife, especially, like, we got married when she was 19 and I was 20.

So we've really grown up together.

If I don't know what almost every stage of her life is like, I haven't been paying attention.

Like, do you know what I mean?

It's very true.

It's very mad.

Like, I'm sure there are things she keeps private, but, you know, it's just a matter of like thinking it.

through like you know i mean

to me i'm kind of like well yeah I love parking far away from a venue if I'm going to see a show or something, because I don't want to have to fight for a parking space and I don't mind the walk.

But I'm a knucklehead if I don't think it through and realize that for a woman, walking alone across a dark parking lot, you know, at one in the morning is a very different experience.

That's something that's not scary for me, but

my fear is of werewolves.

Their fear is probably something a lot more, a lot more scientifically valid.

So there's that kind of stuff where I guess that would be an easy trap to walk into, but really it's just thinking it through and not being a knucklehead, you know?

See, men, we're not as complicated as you think.

It's true.

Just don't think that.

I don't want to make women, I don't want to make women seem simple, but it's, I don't know, I just,

I don't mean to huff and puff on this one.

Yeah, I don't, I just try real hard.

I mean, I'm writing a book.

The book I'm writing right now is interesting because it doesn't have a single female character in it.

Oh, wow.

And yeah, it's weird.

It just kind of happened accidentally.

And I'm like, wow, this is going really quickly.

You don't have to ponder anything.

You're just like, boom.

Well, it's also less about the pondering, I realize.

Thank God.

Cause I was like, maybe I've been like really holding myself back all these years.

But what I realized is

that

the last book, Witchcraft, I mean, it was set in 1970.

It's a lot of research.

It was also set in a home for unwed mothers.

It was just a dark, dark book.

I really liked that book.

I'm very proud of that book.

But it was like, thank you.

And it was like, it's a book I'm so proud of and I'm so glad I wrote.

But it's like now I'm writing a book like, which is much lighter.

And I'm like, I think that's why it's going.

I'm just like, I'm so relieved not to be writing a book where everyone is not at their worst moment of their life, every minute of the book.

There you go.

It's like a little palette cleanser.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Perfect.

I love it.

I felt like Witchcraft for Wayward Girls is like, reading it felt like you were like under one of those blankets that has like the hood.

I had like that cozy feeling to it.

I don't know why.

It was like cozy scary.

I'm so excited to read that one.

No, I'm really glad.

I mean, that was a book that I really consciously went long on.

I just was like, I want this to be one of those books that you feel like you can pull around yourself like a blanket.

That's

it's just sort of a big book you can get lost in.

For you know, someone's like, Oh, I read it in three days.

I'm like, God damn it.

I gotta read it.

You're like, No,

yeah, like I appreciate that.

I take it as a compliment, but I'm always like, but it took me two years to write it.

I know.

Like, but yeah, no, it's a book I wanted to feel big and sort of comforting and all-encompassing.

That's exactly the word for it.

It literally feels like it's, it's its own like atmosphere a little bit.

Like you feel like you're in a room, like it created a room around me that's cozy.

I just really liked it.

It was a fun experience to read it for sure.

I need to read it.

I just finished actually yesterday, just by coincidence,

Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires.

So good.

Thank you for that book so much.

And I took some time to read it.

I didn't, I didn't devour it all at once.

No, I mean, it's always a compliment if someone says that.

I'm like, oh, that's the point, right?

I want you excited to finish it.

But yeah, it is like, there is a really dis, I mean, you all know this.

There's such a disproportionate ratio to the time it takes to write a book versus the time it takes to read a book.

Oh, yeah.

You know, so it's like, I wish I could get that a little more invaluable.

I know.

It's true.

Well, we have, we have some like kind of interesting questions that'll be coming up for you.

We're going to go into a game of would you rather, but first I have one question that kind of ties into your Final Girls support group book.

Oh, yeah.

So if you had to be in one of your Final Girls horror franchises, which one would you actually survive and how?

Which one would I survive?

Yeah, which one do you think you could get through?

I mean,

none.

I am very comfortable knowing that I'm one of the first ones.

Self-aware.

Like, yeah, almost.

I can't think of a single franchise I'd survive.

Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Oh, dead on impact.

No.

Yeah.

Dead on Friday the 13th.

Done.

You know, I'm trying to think.

I mean, what do we have?

We have Halloween.

I feel good about Halloween because he walks and I'm not Lori.

That's what you said.

That's it.

I would just be like, Lori's over there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I saw her go go there.

I just saw your sister.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, I really, I, I mean, Nightmare on Elm Street, as soon as you go to sleep, you're screwed.

I love sleeping.

Yeah.

I, yeah.

And so, I mean, I've really,

it's taken me a long time, but I've accepted the fact that I am a early death and all I can hope for.

It's a really good one that people remember.

There you go.

That's all you can hope for, I think.

Elena, what do you do?

You want to be?

Yeah, you want to be Johnny Depp in in like

Nightmare on Elms.

You want Kevin Bacon in like, you know, Friday.

Like, you want to be a memorable one.

You have to cover the Roman blood.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, you have to be Tatum hanging out of the garage door.

Oh, that's exactly who I would be.

Tag yourself, I'm her.

I think I could survive.

I don't know.

I could potentially survive Halloween just because, again, he walks.

I'm pretty good at hiding.

Yeah.

And I'm not Laurie Strode.

There you go.

So I feel like, boom, boom.

but this is how michael gets you you underestimate him that is true that's valid he's also unkillable i was gonna say he just

die yeah that is that's a tough one to get but it is true i mean you do always feel like

pick a point run in a straight line just go and when you get to that point pick another point straight line just go

how can you go wrong and yet you know and you'll be there Yeah, no matter what.

That's very true.

I know.

Jason Voorhees, too.

Yeah.

I don't think you could escape that one.

And he's real big.

He's so big.

I don't love that.

The mask would, I just, I don't have

fright or flight.

I freeze.

Freeze.

I just freeze in the moment if I'm scared of something.

I'm confirmed.

She does freeze.

I literally just got, she just gets paralyzed in the moment.

Yeah.

And there's also one of those things where I used to, when I was younger, be like,

I wouldn't want to be impaled on a farm implement or like those deaths looked painful.

And I was like, I'd rather just kill myself.

And now I've come around.

I'm like, no, where there's life, there's hope.

But back in the day, I was very much like, I don't want to be hung on a hook.

You know, like, I want that.

Yeah.

And now I just feel like, accept your fate, you know, and just make it cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really down to infamy, I guess.

Yeah.

All right.

So let's, let's get into our would you rathers because they are pretty ridiculous.

So we're starting off strong here.

No good.

Would you rather have to co-author your next book with a sentient cursed book titled Sexy Spells for Sassy Sorcerers

or with an Eldritch horror who insists on writing everything in Comic Sans?

Oh,

definitely the latter.

The Comic Sans?

Yeah, I've done, I mean, because at the end of the day, you're editor, it's not going to be published in Comic Sans, you know?

Truth, that.

And,

you know, I've done some co-authoring before and um i'm very good at working with someone i don't always enjoy it all the way but i'm very good at navigating that relationship and so i feel like in eldritch horror it would need me like we're co-authoring it couldn't just

it couldn't just banish me to another dimension of eternal torment right off the bat like it needs me um and so i actually think we might come to know each other and appreciate each other appreciate our differences

you know what holidays do you celebrate?

Oh, I didn't know today was a special day for eldritch horrors.

Tell me a little bit about your traditions.

And I think it would be interesting if nothing else.

Working with a cursed book, like

it's just a book.

It's like, you know,

there are books everywhere, cursed or not.

I want the eldritch horror.

All right.

I respect it.

I feel that.

Yeah.

Actually.

And like you said, it's not going to be published in Comic Sans.

I didn't even think of that.

I know.

Yeah.

And I'm not that offended by Comic Sans.

Oh, that's where we differ.

I mean, like, I don't like it.

I wouldn't use it.

But like,

you know, if you were saying, oh, it only works in like zap ding bats or something, I'd be like, I mean, that's an annoying step.

Yeah.

You have to highlight it and then put it in like Ariel.

But yeah.

That'd be a whole thing.

That's a good call.

And I like that you would have to like get to know the Eldridge horror.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that's a nice part of it.

I mean, I think nothing else would be a fun story.

yeah and you'd probably get another story out of it yeah you don't have to co-author just from your experience so yeah although then you get a really hurt text that's like i can't do those things in confidence

i never went on the record yeah i didn't want those in a book i assume this character's just look off is based on me I thought we were friends.

Thanks.

I thought we actually liked each other.

I thought we really connected during that.

I didn't realize it was just work for you.

I told you about my special holiday.

Yeah.

No, I love that.

Now that I'm thinking about it, my initial feeling was I was a little on the fence about both, but I think I would also go with the Eldritch horror.

I just love the idea of the book being called Sexy Spells for Sassy Sorcerers.

Oh, yeah.

That's fun to say.

Because I'm like, is that book?

It's sentient.

So it's got something going on there.

And I want to know what it's about.

But there's also an aspect where

you feel like sometimes if someone like we all have friends like this, right?

Who they only see things through a certain lens.

Maybe it's a political lens.

Maybe it's global warming.

Is there, you know,

so this, I feel like the sassy spellbook would just keep returning to sex for sorcerers.

You know what I mean?

Like it would just keep bringing the conversation back there.

And it's like...

One note.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like everything would feel like a bit.

That's true.

That'd be tough.

And an eldridge horror has just a endless, a new adventure of the day.

Yeah, a wide range of interests.

Absolutely.

There you go.

That was, I respect that.

Yeah, I definitely respect that answer.

And I agree with it.

I do too.

So next, next question.

Oh, let's do this.

Would you rather write with a haunted typewriter that types back at you with sassy commentary or with a cursed laptop that tries to sabotage your drafts by inserting romance subplots at random places?

It is difficult.

This is a hard one.

And I'll tell you, I mean,

I immediately recoil in horror at the typewriter with the sassiness.

You know what I mean?

Like, sassy is great in a 1930s screwball comedy, but in real life, sassy is just kind of irritating.

Oh, absolutely.

Like, how, what kind of romance, what kind of romantics is it like inserting?

Is it sort of like doing slash to what we're writing?

So it's like, you know, it's just suddenly the characters are like embracing and going off, and or is it like actually inserting a completely separate narrative?

That's actually a great idea.

I, when I initially thought of this, I thought that they were just kind of randomly forcing your characters into like a romance subplot.

Like, yeah, that doesn't make sense.

No, no, no, that makes sense.

That makes more sense.

Which would I rather, you know, what I'm going to go with the type

saucy typewriter?

No, I'm going with the laptop.

I'm going with the laptop.

I know, I know.

Yeah.

Wow.

There's something about a typewriter.

Do either of y'all write on a typewriter?

I do not.

No, I don't either.

And I tried to get one of those typewriter keyboards once that, like, maybe this will be interesting.

Yeah.

Do you ever use it?

No.

Yeah, exactly.

Every once in a while, when I go buy it, I'll touch the keys to make the sound.

And that's as far as it goes.

Exactly.

Typewriters, I feel like, are that friend who's really into bourbon and you just can't order a drink at the bar, you know, without them telling you all about it.

Like, there's something about it, not typewriters' fault, but whenever someone's like, oh, I only use the same typewriter and I had to warehouse, you know, parts when it got discontinued in 1978, I'm always like, grow up, grow up,

go to the Apple store.

Yeah, what's wrong with a pen?

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Yeah, I think I, I, I kind of want the sassy commentary more than the romance subplots for me.

Me too.

Because I'd, I'd have trouble.

I, I feel like then you have to write them out of it every time.

That'd be tough.

Because in my head, it's like, is it stuck in the story now?

Like, I can't just erase it.

I have to get them out of that.

Yeah.

and back into line here that'd be tough and i feel like that's a lot more work it's like double editing yeah lots of work and i don't want that no well all of this is adding a lot more work to the process yeah either way you're not wrong the sassy commentary is definitely adding because it's going to make me second guess everything i write yeah i feel it's a final decision i'm going to go with the typewriter only because i don't want to have to write people out of a romance subplot all right i respect it and it is cursed It says a cursed laptop.

So I don't know how far that curse goes.

All right.

I don't want to enter into anything.

Yeah.

That's the full scope of.

I think I'm going sassy commentary on this one.

I think I could have fun.

I'd say it's about

like, let's go.

I'm a Gemini.

I'm all about winning.

So that's true.

But don't you worry that like there's a fine line between sassy commentary and personally hurtful.

It could be personally hurtful, but

I can go scorched earth really quick back at that sassy typewriter.

Yeah.

Give me a dumb typewriter.

Listen Listen to this.

Go change your ribbons.

Yeah, exactly.

You're like, I'll do it.

All right.

So the next one.

Would you rather write your next novel in Grace Kavanaugh's home from Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires?

Or

this is crazy, in the creepy attic of a fan who calls you Daddy Horror.

Wow, Grace's house.

No question.

No question.

Yeah, I feel

there's a, there's a, and y'all know this as well as anyone, there is not just a line, but I would say a canyon between making the donuts and eating the donuts.

Yeah.

And I don't want anyone who enjoys eating the donuts to see the donuts getting made.

That's true.

So I'd rather be the best way to say that.

And Grace's house is actually, to some small extent, in my mind, based on a house that I actually rather found rather pleasant.

So

I'm all in for Grace.

Yeah.

All right.

I like that.

I think I'd go Grace too, because I agree with your donut analogy and I like that a lot.

Yeah, I fully agree.

It's very misery to me.

Very

well.

So that's a no.

I'm going with grace.

All right.

That one was easy.

Let's see if this one is as easy.

Would you rather only be able to speak in 80s slang for the rest of your life or have to perform an exorcism with nothing but a mixtape and some strawberry lip smackers?

Oh, 80s slang.

Easy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if I want to perform an exorcism.

I think I do if it entails a mixtape and strawberry lip smackers.

I mean, that sounds like a fun exorcism as far as they go.

It does, you know.

And what's on the mixtape?

That's the fun part.

I know, did we make the mixtape or was it given to us?

In my mind, I made the mixtape.

Okay.

Like a powerful mixtape for the exorcism in mind.

Okay.

Yeah.

For sure.

Yeah, I would go.

I would go exorcism in that scenario then.

I think I'm going exorcism.

All right, we can do a tub.

I'm going slang.

You're going slang.

AD slang.

You can just be in the corner saying things.

Like, totally tubular, y'all.

Exactly.

Totally tubular.

Exorcism.

It'll only help.

And I feel like AD slang sort of made a comeback a little bit, you know?

Yeah, everything does.

As soon as you just said gnarly, I was like, wait a second.

I use that on like a regular basis.

I say gnarly very regularly.

I'll think of it.

Snarly.

No one says you have to sound like Spiccoli and fast under Richmond.

High.

You just got to use some.

That's true.

Just a dab here and there.

All right.

That might kind of be fun.

No, but the exorcism, I really appreciate you guys looking for a challenge.

Yeah.

I mean, I've never done an exorcism before, so I feel like presented the opportunity.

This is a pretty good one.

Why wouldn't you?

You know, yeah,

you have to accept the challenges in life.

You do.

All right.

So we're exercising in your talking like a John Hughes movie.

I'm into it.

So moving on from exorcisms, would you rather spend one week living in Shirley Jackson's hill house or one weekend on a girl's trip with the witches from Suspiria?

Oh, like

Helena Marcos and all that?

Oh,

definitely, definitely girl's trap.

100%.

Love that.

Yeah,

I am 100%.

I mean, because it's the creepy cook who doesn't really talk a whole lot, the little kid dressed up as little Lord Fauntle Roy.

There's what's her name who runs the dance academy, who's great.

And there's Helena Marcos just being a boss, you know?

Like, you know, I'm all in on the girls' trip.

That would be a blast.

When you present it that way, it sounds like fun.

Yeah, it kind of does.

I kind of like

the girls' trip to be tormented.

I'm there to have a good time.

What do you think the first stop is on that girls' trip?

Ooh.

Well, I so I would think, I would think that what we'd be doing is it'd be a little less of a road trip and more of sort of a destination, you know?

So I'm thinking like a resort maybe, you know, in like somewhere all inclusive in Mexico or something.

And like you could take day trips to explore stuff and, or maybe just chill by the pool.

And there's like three or four pools to do some beach club, get a cabana.

I like that.

I think I'm choosing this.

I think you've just talked me into my decision.

Like, well, shit.

And like, and like everyone will, here's the one thing

i think it would be really important if it's a resort where everyone has separate villas you know what i mean like like no connecting rooms because i've heard helena marco snore and it's really loud like really

like it's really

separate yeah i want to get away from that and who doesn't want their own villa anyway yeah exactly or she could bring her apnea mask in which case maybe that changes thing maybe you could room yeah but i also think you know like you know, she comes into the pool.

Everyone's going to leave.

That's true.

I mean, she's invisible, but they'll see her outline in it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's freaky.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And we'd have to have one big rule.

Actually, no, this isn't a big rule because this would be fine.

It's like, if you want to, I was going to say one big rule, no maggot storms.

But then if you want to clear the beach, maggot storm.

Quick maggot storm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So gross.

Oh, I like that.

But the seagulls will come and eat them all.

Okay.

Give it 20 minutes.

Yeah, just it'll take a second.

All right.

And then you come out and it's nice and picked clean, but no one's going to get it.

Yeah, what about y'all?

Where are y'all coming in on this?

Let me think.

So you, you made the girls' trip sound really fun.

You really did.

I was initially a little scared of that one.

I was too.

You were like a traveler.

Now that I'm thinking, I'm like, it is a weekend girls' trip and it's a week in Hill House.

And a week is a long time.

Yeah.

What is a guy's name, Jacob Crane or something in Hill House?

Yeah, we don't want to.

Yeah.

He's like a child abuser and like his spirit sort of permeates every.

could you really have a good time?

And for a whole week, I think that would do

it alone.

That vibe would be

rancid.

Yeah, reserve us a spot.

Yeah, we're coming on the girls trip.

Come on.

Nice weekend.

We'll take a villa together.

Yeah.

Great.

I like that.

Yeah, I'd actually, I'd do three ways on the villa with you guys and like

split the charges.

But then everyone else can have other villas.

Yeah.

I like that.

Although I do snore, but I use breathe right strips.

So that's good.

We're going to do it.

I'll do it for for you guys yeah we'll put it on we'll put it on the google calendar perfect all right we're going on the girls trip with susperia i'm in so uh next would you rather have to sell your childhood home which is very haunted and also full of murder puppets or live in it for a year while the puppets get to know you

well whatever you think that entails I'm gonna, I'm gonna push, I'm gonna, I'm gonna call the premise of the question in the question because you have, if it's your childhood home, you have been living in it with the murder puppets for years.

So, maybe the murder puppets are a new addition to the home.

Oh, they just moved in.

Yeah, oh, um,

I

actually wouldn't mind the murder puppets, like, really, yeah.

I'm, I mean, on the one hand, it would be really fun to sell a home with an infestation to someone and think about that and get away with it.

But on the other hand, like,

I think it would be,

I think it might be pleasant to share a home with a bunch of murder puppets.

Like, it'd be interesting.

Yeah, I mean, it would just kind of be like, what do they get up to when they're not murdering?

Like,

because there's only me.

And if they murder me, they got no more murder to do.

So they're going to have to be luring people into it.

So I feel like there'd be a lot of, a lot of coming and going, which isn't always my favorite thing.

I like quiet house.

I like.

But.

I mean, think there is something really adorable about a murder puppy puppet.

They're tiny.

They're cute.

Tiny little weapons.

Tiny little weapons and and think of their gumption i mean this is how i feel about kawawas like they're so brave like everything is so much bigger than them yeah that's

yeah you could just like dropkick them far but they still like go out there they still put themselves out there and i feel like movie night i mean so to me

heaven would be movie night you got your like blanket on the couch and you're just snuggled up with a bunch of murder puppets wow

i mean that's how you really cool.

I love that.

They do want to get to know you.

Yeah.

I don't mind that.

We would be chatting.

They'd be telling about their lies.

Be telling them about mine.

They'd pretend to be interested.

Yeah.

Of course they would.

Yeah.

I like that.

How would you sleep there, though?

Yeah.

I mean, sleep hygiene is tough, right?

I think with murder, I think I would do more of a power nap situation.

Oh,

like really hitting those 20-minute power naps.

Yeah.

But also, they're not murdering me in my sleep.

You know what I mean?

Like, like, that's not fun.

Yeah.

There's always the chance they could.

There's a chance they could, but joke's on them at that point.

Like, they've killed me in my sleep, so I'm none the wiser.

And now they don't have anyone else to murder, and no one else paying the bills.

So that house is going to go on the market, you know, who the they might, someone just might get it for a teardown.

Yeah,

and they just become puppets at that point because they're not murder puppets anymore.

Yeah.

And that's and I was about to say a workaround might be cutting off my arms and legs and keeping me in a box or something.

Wow.

But I would still have to be earning money to keep the house.

So it's in their best interest to keep me mostly intact.

But maybe they'll make you just like,

you know, transcribing.

I was like, what is the word I'm trying to think of?

So you don't need your arms or legs to write.

Because you can just say, they'll make you say the story out.

I see what you're saying.

Yeah.

And they'll just transcribe it for you i gotta say though i

i'm gonna take the murder puppets

yeah no i mean and you know out of all of them this is the one i'm the least certain about because it could go a lot of directions but i'm gonna stick with the murder puppets i respect that it is intriguing and i feel like at night when you want to go to sleep if you just did like a really quick look around of your room like have a barren room you know like don't have a lot of places where they can scoot under you could keep them out They're little.

They're not going to be able to like bang a door down or anything.

So you should get some sleep.

But they can hide easily.

I feel like as a dude, I'm going to double down on my decision, even if it's very poor

and cling to my position.

Like doing it.

Is that what you're choosing to, Alina?

Yeah, I kind of want to see what the murder puppets are all about.

I love Puppet Master.

That's hilarious.

Oh, yeah.

And that's the problem with that franchise is the more familiar you get with those puppets, the more kind of adorable they are.

They are.

That's the thing.

And that's all I'm picturing in my head right now are those puppets.

And I'm like, let's go, girls.

Let's go.

I think I'll sell the house to a contestant on that show.

There you go.

Or you could sell it to us.

There you go.

I'll sell the house.

You already want it.

We'll buy it.

Perfect.

As someone who's currently living in an apartment with termites, so it's basically sold to me with murder puppets, except the less cute.

My opinion of you will be very low if you sell me a house and i discover the walls are crammed with murder puppets but you'll learn to love them it's true because they'll get to know you yeah exactly i will be resentful

i won't actually

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All right, next question.

Would you rather have every writing session interrupted by whispers from a ghost quoting bad Goodreads reviews?

Or have every writing session interrupted by a witch hat, a sentient witch hat, who keeps tapping on your keyboard and adding the word sleigh to every sentence.

Witch hat.

Me too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't read reviews online.

I don't.

Neither do we.

I never have and I never will.

And it's sick.

Yeah.

So I'd rather witch hat.

100%.

And who doesn't want to have sleigh in many sentences?

Yeah.

You take it.

You don't have to keep it there.

You can just go delete it if you need to.

Also, this witch hat already sounds adorable.

It's like a little hermit crab, a little occult hermit crab.

Yes.

I was excited about it.

I like the witch hat.

I like that one a lot.

Yeah.

Because one, a ghost would be cool, but a whispering ghost, I'm not for at all.

And criticizing.

But then whispering reviews that I'm actively avoiding would be it for me.

Yeah.

I'd go notes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

That one was easy.

Yeah.

That was an easy one.

Next one.

Would you rather write your next novel while a Victorian ghost dramatically faints every time you use a semicolon?

Or would you rather write it while being interrupted periodically by by the sound of groaning Victorian child ghosts?

Oh, the first one.

I almost never use semicolons.

And so I feel like five or six family fits for an entire book max.

Yeah, it's just bad.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

And child ghosts.

I grew up at a time when, like,

your parents were like, it's summer, go outside.

And you weren't allowed back in the house all day except for lunch.

And like, if you tried to see me, like, it's really hot.

my mom used to put like she'd be like go drink from the hose and so

and so that may have colored my attitude but that is my attitude towards child ghost i'm always like go outside

just go play yeah only boring ghosts are bored yeah yeah go play only boring ghosts are bored and they're just groaning yeah

like what you got to groan about like you got your whole life ahead of you got your whole afterlife ahead of you yeah you don't even pay taxes yet that's really beautiful you don't really need to groan in their

what do you need to worry about?

Yeah, you have no worries.

You want me to give you something to groan about when you pick up this termite?

The classic 80s parenting response.

Exactly.

I love the idea of a ghost, like a Victorian ghost, just dramatically fainting.

When I do a semicolon, like I would probably put semicolons in my draft just to worry about it.

I think actually that's how every writing session would end.

Semicolon, door flies open, ghost swoons in and hits the floor yeah because then you're like wow that chapter really sunk because you're like the end let's go send it in i like that perfect all right so we're moving on to a little horror store action here okay would you rather be trapped overnight in a haunted orsk where all the furniture rearranges itself and whispers in swedish or get a job there where your manager is a demon wearing khakis and demanding team building exercises Overnight.

Yeah.

100%.

Yeah.

That's just one-time thing, you know?

That would just be interesting.

It'd be interesting to watch.

I've worked retail before and I'm bad at it.

Like, I don't have the stomach.

Like, people who work retail hats are off to them because they are able to

do something that I find impossible.

It's like algebra.

I don't understand it.

I can't do it.

It's a torturous job.

Yeah.

It really is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think like I've worked in a bookstore and I've sold stuff from a stand and I

wasn't good at either of it.

No, it's tough.

Selling is hard.

And people are the meanest to retail people.

That's why I'm never mean to retail like anybody working in retail because I'm like, your job is so hard.

Yeah.

Retail workers are service workers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When I was a server back in the day, I cried more than I think I've ever cried in my whole life.

Oh, where were you a server?

What kind of place?

Just a little Irish pub.

Okay.

Yeah.

But it had, it was a bar, basically.

Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's bartending is the worst.

Yeah.

It was tough.

I couldn't.

People say things to you there that you're like, you would never say that in real life.

Why are you saying that to me in this Irish bar?

Well, some, so someone, because my wife is a chef, so she's owned a few restaurants.

And so service, yeah, I always, my heart goes out.

But I ran into this.

chick at a film festival and her

she

like started she was back of house at a restaurant you know working in the kitchen and she had moved to front of house and she was working the hostess stand i was like oh my god dude you know so i was like let's talk so we're chatting and she was like well

you know the big thing with this job is i really do think ufos are real and that extraterrestrials

live amongst us she's like because i think what they do is they tell each other oh if you're a little insecure about you know your human disguise, go to a restaurant.

Like you can just like, that's where you'll really work on it and get it right.

And if you do weird stuff, they don't even notice.

And she's like, because I would say at least a third, if not half of our customers, they don't seem very good at being human.

Yeah.

And that's their experience.

She's like, and sometimes I think the requests are like.

messing with me, like just experimenting how far can I push you.

And I said that to my wife and it's now gone around her restaurant.

Like, why?

Because everyone's like, oh, yeah, well, that's clearly, that's, that's like yeah that would make you feel so much better when people are like you are doing weird stuff on shift you'd be like you're just trying it on yeah i wish i knew that back then

damn that could have saved me people are yeah restaurants and especially bars bring out the worst in human beings yeah yeah they do 100

i was lucky to not to do a whole lot of retail in my job yeah journey but my favorite job was working at a um video store by far oh yeah that was a cool Because that's like retail, but like not like everybody was pretty happy at a video store.

I feel like it's like, what video store was it?

Like, what kind?

It was a Hollywood video.

Oh, a Hollywood video.

Where?

And like, where?

It was like, it was literally like just south of Boston, like a little suburb.

And it was, and I loved that job so much.

That's a cool job.

I miss video stores so much.

I wish they were a thing.

I didn't get to experience them very much.

It was so funny.

I just did a shoot, like an interview thing.

And they were like, oh, let's do it in a video store because I was introducing some movies for something.

And I hadn't been in one in a really, really long time.

And I was just walking around like, like, I'd been, you know, like I was in the like, you know, the secret library of Congress or something.

I was like walking around like, because I realized that having grown up on video stores, that's how my brain, that's like, that's the optimal way for me to look at movies.

It's not this, it's not a streaming interface.

It is like, here is a wire shelf and on it are all the movies directed by this person or on it are all the documentaries.

And then you can pick it up and read the back and look at the, I was like, this is how my brain was wired to like

interface, like browse movies.

Yes, because I get so overwhelmed with streaming stories that there's too much selection.

Like I need it narrowed into like everything that can fit in this one room in this store.

And like the new releases are on the outside.

Wonk the perimeter for something new and you don't know if that there's an actual vhs tape behind the cover of it sometimes because they would always have the covers and you'd have to be like i hope there's one in there oh that's fun oh

yeah because i mean how many click click

like just shuffle i can't i've had i know i've had to do this thing where i i use letterboxed and so i've got everything on there and i just hit shuffle and whatever comes up first is what i watch even if i'm not in the mood i'm like all right that's what i'm watching honestly this was fate yeah that's the best way to do it because my husband and I will get to the point where we're like 45 minutes through, like, just going through things on a streaming service.

And we're like, forget it.

Yeah.

I'm like, just put on screen.

Yeah.

Just let's go.

Oh, I mean, well, and the worst is if you've had a few drinks because I'm a notorious, like, I've had a few drinks and I'll get 10 minutes into a movie and be like, I'm not in the mood.

And then, like, four hours later, I'm much drunker and I've watched 10 minutes of like 40 movies.

And you're just stringing them all together.

It becomes one giant movie.

That makes no sense.

Oh, well, speaking of, you know, a time we all wish was back.

Would you rather be?

Speaking of your drinking problem.

Speaking of your drinking problem.

I'm like, it's so weird.

It goes right into my next question.

Would you rather be trapped inside a forgotten 1980s horror paperback with like some pulpy title like Satan's Babysitter or forced to write the sequel to to the haunted janitor in one night while being stalked by a mop.

Forced to write on a janitor sequel.

Yeah, I'd rather do something active than passive.

Yeah, I don't want to be stuck in something.

Yeah.

And especially not Satan's babysitter.

And being stalked by a mop sounds like an interesting experience.

Yeah.

You could tell a lot of stories about that later.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, totally.

Like, is it also a haunted mop bucket on wheels?

Like, like, there's a lot.

Like, yeah, no, I, and and also, the, I really admire sort of that sort of old school pulp writing where people just churned it out.

I'm like, let me see if I can do that, you know?

Hell yeah.

And that's your time to worry about this being good.

How fast could I go?

Yeah, be a good test.

I mean, it's the sequel to the haunted janitor.

That's the other thing.

That's even better.

You've already got something to work with.

And that's

always great.

Yeah.

And I like, and I, sometimes I like like a crazy deadline where I'm like under crazy pressure.

Sometimes

it works.

Yeah.

And I want, if I'm doing this, I want my cursed laptop that puts in romance subplots because there's half the book written for me.

Boom.

Oh, wow.

There you go.

I'm marrying the two together.

Oh, no.

Now I'm sad that I picked the typewriter who's just giving me sassy commentary because that's going to bog me down to the bottom.

Then, as long as the sassy commentary is in uncapitalized italics, you could just be like, it's metafiction.

It's like commenting on myself.

I'm a Paul Trim Blade book.

I like that.

I like that a lot.

That's amazing.

So I think we're all picking the haunted janitor sequel for sure in one night.

I love it.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much for entertaining that.

That was so much fun to play.

That was awesome.

Oh, yeah.

No, I thought I was like, where's more?

Let's go.

We do have some B questions.

We have some B squad questions that we had.

Oh, give me a B.

Give me, give me, let's do two B squad questions.

Oh, awesome.

Let's go.

All right.

Which ones are we picking?

All right.

Let's see.

Oh, this is fun.

Would you rather have to share a haunted office with a poltergeist who throws books when they're bored or one who insists on hosting dramatic table readings every night at 3 a.m.?

Dramatic table readings.

I am really fussy about my books.

Like, I don't like damed corners and stuff.

So, yeah, table reading.

And that'd just be fun at 3 a.m.

Yeah.

That'd be a crazy table read.

It really would.

And I'm the same way with my books.

Like, Ash can tell it.

Like, I'm not allowed to borrow Elena's books.

I doggy fold a page or anything.

It freaks me out.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Also, like, you know, I really want the, I want to know the dynamic of this table read.

You know, I have to read the stage directions again.

I would love that.

Why can't I play a part this time?

I really like that, actually.

That'd be a lot of fun.

I'm definitely for that because you're not throwing my books.

All three of us can be at the table reading.

Yeah.

Okay, bring me one more here.

These are great.

All right, one more.

Would you rather be haunted by a ghost who won't stop changing the endings of your books or one who constantly whispers plot hole, plot hole while you write?

That, okay.

One, I'm very picky about my endings, and they're very hard for me.

I'm not good at it.

So, no, that first one's out.

Second off,

that's the inside of my head, anyways.

Yeah.

Like, it's just like echoing.

I'm working on this draft right now.

And yeah, I've got a running thing down the side of everything.

I'm writing like, go back and fix.

This is stupid.

This doesn't make sense.

Fix this in all caps.

Cause I feel like making it all caps.

Yeah.

I'll definitely like not ignore it.

There you go.

I was thinking the same thing as soon as I was reading it.

I was like, well, I don't need the ghost because my own head is being like, that's a pothole.

That's a major pothole.

He'll just keep you accountable.

He will, but I'd be pissed.

I'd be so pissed at that.

I'd be like, I got it.

I know.

So are you going ending?

I'm trying to, I think I would go with ending because maybe he'll have a good idea every once in a while all right and i'll be like because as i am also not great with endings i get very overwhelmed by an ending yeah which is why i just like keep going through a series you're like no it's not over i'm like oh there's more

but so maybe he could actually end a book for me and that would be sick i'd give him credit all right yeah yeah Actually, that shows a lot of confidence.

Yeah.

And a lack of ego, you know, like you're getting past your own ego and sort of being open to all.

I think that's really admirable.

Thank you.

He's kind of like an editor, too.

Yeah.

He might have some good ideas.

Like, who am I?

I don't know.

I don't know his life.

That's the thing.

Yeah.

I haven't written a book, so

I don't know about this one.

I guess I would go plot hole to keep myself accountable.

Nice, you know?

Yeah.

It's good that you, you're like, I'd probably be taking shortcuts because I have to finish the haunted janitor 2 by sunrise.

Yeah, exactly.

Thanks to this ghost.

Although I got to say, if we combined all of these into one, it's like, you know,

there's.

a copy of The Haunted Janitor 2 with a romance subplot running through it, the word slay every now and then, a semicolon at the end of every chapter,

and absolutely no plot holes whatsoever.

Yeah, I would buy that book.

I think we just created a banger, to be honest.

We did.

We're on that list.

TM.

There we go.

T.

No one take it.

It's a great one.

Well, thank you so much for entertaining all that.

What do you have to plug?

Anything?

I just had a...

book come out, a non-fiction thing called These Fists Break Bricks, which is a history of how kung fu movies came to America, which even if it doesn't seem like your thing, it's sort of paperback from hell, but for like kung fu movies instead of paperback car.

and that's out now everywhere in a improved edition than the previous one as in this one's in print and the previous one wasn't um and improved uh i'm getting ready for season two of the podcast i do super scary haunted homeschool last season took me four years uh 13 episodes i think about vampires uh this we're trying to be more professional i work with the writers and well not writers but i work with editors and musicians and all this and actors and i think we're gonna have the first episodes out by the end of this year.

It's all about haunted houses.

And I think it'll be done by the end of next year, but it's starting this year.

So that's exciting.

I'm excited.

And then hopefully this first draft of this new book will be done by September.

And that means hopefully I can convince my editors that it might be able to come out by the end of next year, which would be really nice.

Nice.

Good luck convincing that.

Guys, good luck.

Yeah, I know, right?

They're like, let's move into this fall of 2027.

I'm like, why did I give up my whole summer?

That all sounds amazing.

And, guys, um, always, always, always, if Grady is in a town near you, check out his book events.

They are so good.

I don't know if we can say it enough.

Truly recommend it.

And whisper in my ear, plot hole.

Yes, while he's signing your book, do that.

Yes.

So, guys, thank you so much for listening.

We hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird.

You nailed it.

You nailed it.

You killed it.

Thank you so much for that.

This was so much fun.

No, this was a fun episode.

It really was.

Bye, you guys.

Thank y'all.

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