414: Monkey King: Ham-bushed

This week on Myths and Legends, we're back in the journey to the west with Sun Wu Kong, the Monkey King, and we'll see why you should avoid that all-you-can-eat buffet that seems like it's just a bunch of demons on a mountainside

because it's actually just a bunch of demons on a mountainside.

The creature this time is why you shouldn't steal your brother's horse on a Sunday because the punishment in no way fits the crime.

This is Myths and Legends, episode 414, Hambushed.

This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore.

Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins.

Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen.

We are back in the story of the journey to the west, where you follow Xuanzong, the human monk who is tasked with retrieving holy scriptures from the Thunderclap Temple in the West.

Since the road is impossibly long and dangerous, he was granted four guards, essentially monsters on a redemption arc, for his trip.

There was Sun Wu Kong, the monkey king, a superpowered monkey who turned against heaven and nearly won hundreds of years prior.

He was imprisoned and granted to Xuanzong as a bodyguard.

and he can create doubles from himself from the hair on his back, as well as use his shapeshifting rod.

There's also Pigsy, a stinky, appetite-driven pigman who fights with a rake, and Sandy, a dour indigo sandman.

There's also their horse, which is actually a dragon but who almost never leaves the form of a horse.

And we'll catch up to them back on the road, as always, seeing some very clear signs ahead.

Dark clouds swirled over the mountain up ahead as, all around the four travelers, a gentle spring breeze with butterflies and singing birds and all that enchanted them.

Xuanzong, the human monk, gestured up ahead to the mountain.

We've been at this long enough.

I think we can spot an evil mountain lair.

I'm not misreading this, right, everybody?

Your instincts are correct on this one, Sun Wu Kong, the monkey king, said.

Definitely evil, definitely looked ominous.

He go check it out.

He stretched his torso and shot off like a rubber band, which is actually in the text.

I appreciate the creativity and understand the feeling when you have to have monkey take off toward an obvious threat for like the 800th time and probably just get bored of writing about clouds.

And obvious threat it was, even if it didn't seem all that threatening.

It was a demon, a giant monster, with a curly, hairy body, golden eyes, a silver beard, and fangs that protruded from his mouth.

All that aside, he was showing off for his co-workers, subordinates, really.

All that wind and fog and darkness in the sky up ahead was from his belching.

He stood on a pedestal in the middle of forty fiends, who cheered on his belching as he darkened the sky.

It was actually a cute little scene.

The demon monster was having fun, and his little monsters were cheering and dancing.

Still, one whiff of that tang monk, and Monkey would be fighting all of them after they kidnapped master, it would be a whole thing.

So he would stab the demon in the back and make short work of the monster.

Taking a staff out from behind his ear, Monkey looked down at his hand, but how did that work?

Dishonorably killing someone?

He swore, curse his honorable, awesome self.

He would never stoop so low as to take the advantage and kill an enemy when he wasn't expecting it.

He could never be that dishonorable.

Then he looked side to side.

He could never be that dishonorable, but

false alarm, Monkey said when he flew back.

No big deal, just a cookout.

A cookout?

Pigsy's ears pricked up.

Oh yeah, that's what the wind was.

Just a whole mess of steam from the steamed buns and the white rice.

They're making food specifically for monks.

It was a veritable vegetarian feast.

I had a little bit then headed back, Monkey said, taking Yulong the dragon horse's bridle, to continue walking master down the road.

Idea, I have an idea.

I will go up ahead and get food for Master.

Yulong, the dragon horse, would bug them, if he needed a stable and room to graze.

This way we can just keep on going, Pigsy nodded.

That is a great idea.

How industrious of you, Pigsy, the the Tang Monk smirked.

Maybe he was rubbing off on his pupil.

Oh, you'll scare them if you arrive like that, though, Monkey told Pigsy.

He could transform too, right?

In a more limited sense than Monkey, but he still could, you know, try to look nice, clean up a bit.

Does this answer your question?

Pigsy turned.

And there was no longer an anthropomorphic pig demon standing in front of him, but a very pig-like human.

He would be right back.

Villagers, villagers, please, one at a time, Pigsy held up his hooves, whoops, then transformed them into hands.

I'll eat at all your houses, since you're all so eager to feed monks.

Pigsy was not one for reading the room or the mountainside packed with hungry demons.

He walked right into the circle of the cheering fiends and asked when they would eat.

It was just them now, as the boss was out of belches and went back home.

There was, presumably, a bit of back and forth, where the demons thought that they were talking about eating him, and he thought they were talking about eating the white rice and dumplings that were not present at all on the mountainside full of demons.

So, no rice, Pigsy said.

Correct, the little demon said.

No dumplings.

Also, correct.

And you don't feed monks?

The demons nodded.

Yep, almost there this time.

But eat them.

They pointed.

Yep, there it was.

He got it.

Wait, Pixie said as the demons closed in, and the shadow of their boss, who had been retrieved in the interim, grew over him.

Yes, the demons' mouths watered.

There isn't rice here at all?

They groaned and swarmed him.

Why do you keep laughing?

Sandy whispered to Monkey as the pair sat by the fire.

Is it something funny?

Tell me, I like funny stuff.

Really, you like funny stuff.

Literally, your opening description is dour Indigo Sandman.

That doesn't mean I don't find things funny.

Come on.

The strip is so boring, Sandy said.

Monkey looked looked from side to side.

Okay.

He whispered in Sandy's ear about how he had purposefully led Pigsy into mortal danger out of a joke.

He was actually thinking of going to watch.

That's hilarious, Sandy replied.

Yeah, I know when I find something hilarious, I state it like I'm falling asleep in the middle of a sentence and don't laugh at all.

Whatever.

You wanna go check it out?

Watch Pigsy flail around a bunch before we reluctantly rescue him?

Monkey offered.

Me?

Really?

Sandy and Monkey never paired up for adventures.

Dour or not, this was exciting.

Yeah, who else am I going to ask?

Master?

The horse?

Even if you're just laughing to be polite, it's still you being nice, Monkey plucked a hair from his back.

I didn't technically laugh, but your antics putting our fellow monks in danger are quite humorous, Sandy stated.

Don't, Monkey cut him off.

No one has ever said something they find funny is quite humorous here.

Master was still off meditating.

He would never know they left.

Monkey made two perfect copies of them.

Grumble, grumble, grumble, gur, Sandy's doppelganger said.

Why does mine just grumble?

The sand of Sandy's forehead furrowed.

I didn't have time to give them full personalities.

They're just sort of big picture what I think of when I think of you.

Monkey called up a cloud.

I'm the best at everything.

No one's better than me, and I want everybody to know it and I'll let people get in situations that threaten their lives so they have to say thank you to me, the monkey clone said.

Monkey looked at Sandy.

They don't need to talk about that one.

Older brother, Pigsy cried out, there was some foul trick at play here, some test.

The villagers weren't giving the rice willingly, but making the monks go through trials for it.

Is that what you think is happening here?

The monster paused long enough to catch a rake in the beard and face.

Give me the rice, Pigsy screamed.

He mustered a second, third, and fourth wind at the idea that these monsters were withholding rice, and also from the presence of older brother Sun Wu Kong.

whom he wanted to impress and who would bail him out if things got too dire.

But things wouldn't.

Pigsy and the demon were fairly evenly matched, but Monkey's moral support tipped the balance in Pigsy's favor, and soon the demon was picking up his beard off the ground.

Sybar, not sure if it was a fake beard or if Pigsy smacked him so hard his beard flew off, regardless, Pigsy won.

When they returned, the monkey clone was NPC walking directly into a rock wall, but doing it so the walk animation remained the same, as if he was just walking normally.

The Sandy clone went full the Sims and was off in the forest doing something completely unrelated.

Monkey recalled them both.

Why are you snickering?

Pigsy demanded of Monkey as Master rose from his meditations.

I don't respect you.

I think you're a walking joke.

Your very presence on this trip is both humorous and shameful to me, Monkey replied.

Same thing he said to Pigsy every morning.

Oh yeah, Pigsy said.

Then looked, hey,

why was Sandy snickering?

No, he's not, Monkey stepped in between them.

Yes, he is.

Sandy never smiles.

What could

Pigsy gasped.

The demons.

They let him into a trap for fun?

Is this true, Monkey?

Master said.

Deceiving Pigsy to the extent that his life was in danger just for entertainment was one thing.

Lying to Master quite another.

It is true, Master, Monkey said.

But before his Master could come down on him, he turned to Pigsy.

But Pigsy passed the test.

Pigsy gasped and brought his hooves to his mouth.

Pigsy, it's no secret that I'm not always going to be here, Monkey lied again.

A monster had cut off his head.

The Jade Emperor had boiled him alive.

If there was a way to kill him, no one had found it yet.

That's why I need to train you, Pigsy.

Pigsy stood up straight, emboldened by this great and terrible purpose.

A good soldier follows orders, Monkey declared.

The next task for Pigsy was to be the pathfinding general, according to one translation.

It was, thus, his job to open up the road by any means necessary and fight the demons if they arose again.

We're evenly matched.

I might die, Pigsy replied, still moved that Monkey would consider him for such an honor.

And that's a risk I'm willing to take, Monkey replied.

All right, move out.

We'll see Pigsy make good on his position and meet a demon who actually gives some very good, very hard-won advice.

But that will be right after this.

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The little fiend, the little demon, couldn't take it.

It was happening again.

Why are you crying?

Why is he crying?

The demon king demanded.

The fiend wiped his eyes.

He supposed he was crying.

Looking up at the demon, he said he was crying because this is exactly how it happened last time.

When, at the Lion Camel Cave, his master, the demon there, learned that the tang monk was traveling through their region.

That just a bite of the tang monk's flesh could greatly lengthen someone's life, bordering on immortality, that he was guarded by three monks, that the demon thought he could win.

The little fiend said that his new master might be able to take the pig and the sandman, but the entirety of heaven took on Sun Wu Kong and lost,

just like his old master.

An image flashed, of his old master lying unconscious and bloody, of the fiends that remained in the mountain lair rallying for a final stand, and the screams, Whether crushed by the waves of sand, torn with a rake, or shredded by a spinning staff, his friends,

everyone he had ever known, died in that cave.

He only survived because he ran, squeezing through a crack in the cave wall while his best friend, behind him, pushed and knew that he would not make it.

From the outside, the little fiend watched his friend's head split in half under Monkey's staff.

The little fiend escaped, sprinting until his lungs burned, and then running until his legs gave out, away from the carnage, away

from them.

Well, Sun Wu Kong hasn't met me, the Demon King said.

He began forming a plan.

Also, can someone get this guy out of here?

Him crying and saying, that's just what my last master said is bumming everyone out, the lead demon pointed.

Today was the day Pigsy would die, if he was lucky.

Then, older brother's son would respect him.

That would rule.

He would give such a good eulogy about Pigsy, Pigsy was so excited to hear it.

Pigsy, Monkey barked, pointing to the monster that appeared in the road in front of Pigsy.

One, job.

Pigsy was so busy fantasizing about his death and how much monkey would love and respect him that he nearly missed the monster in the road ahead.

Aha, after I take you away from your troop and beat you, I'll have the tang monk's flesh all to myself, the monster said, before disappearing into the forest.

Pigsy narrowed his tiny pig eyes, drew his rake, and went off after the monster.

Did that feel a little clumsy and expository?

Sandy asked.

Almost like the monster wanted Pigsy to give chase.

If they were clever, they wouldn't be demons, would they?

Monkey said.

Pigsy was trying to prove himself.

He could handle this.

Your friend is dead.

Now I will feast on that delicious flesh of the tang monk, the monster cried.

I got this, brother, brother, Sandy stepped forward, and seeing the sand monster rise and tower over him, the monster, again, fled into the forest.

Both of your companions are dead, and I killed them.

The monster's teeth gleamed in the sunlight not ten minutes later.

I seriously doubt that.

Sun Wu Kong reached behind his ear to pull out a staff, which grew in his hand.

But congratulations, you just earned my full attention.

Let's see how long you can keep it.

Monkey took flight as the monster, realizing his intense folly, scrambled away.

And when Monkey was gone, the real demon king of the cave up ahead materialized behind the Tang monk.

That was easy, he remarked, and his claws wrapped around Xuanzong.

Eat him now, the little fiend cried.

They had somehow captured the tang monk, which meant that Sun Wu Kong was on his way, which meant that it was happening again.

With respect and not to speak out of turn, like some fiends,

another demon sneered at the little fiend.

Band horse plague Sun Wu Kong will be enraged if we eat his master and he will destroy our mountain.

He will do that anyway.

Eating the Tang Monk is the only option for defeating Sun Wu Kong, the fiend said.

This was his nightmare.

He didn't know the Tang Monk and his murder posse were traveling west.

He should have gone east.

He's right, Xuanzong said, tilting his head toward the little fiend.

You're right.

They should eat me now.

It's literally the only hope you have.

He can snake that rod through the cracks in the bottom of your mountain, expand it, and claps it on your head.

Which he would do if we didn't have a hostage, this demon king grumbled.

Did the tang monk take him for a fool?

He yes, Xuanzong replied.

It's you don't have to reply, that's rhetorical, the demon king barked.

Well, you are one.

Apparently your storm farting show played pretty well with your audience of demons here.

Storm belching, the demon king interrupted.

Should have stuck with that.

Regardless, let the record show that I think you're a fool.

Xuanzong sat back against the rock.

A little stenographer fiend set to work recording the words before the Demon King crushed him with a club and ordered the Tang Monk taken to the dungeon to await his companions losing interest and leaving.

That's not gonna happen, Xuanzong called out.

Getting me to the west is the only chance they have at redemption.

Then he looked to the little fiend.

Oh, that's right.

Aren't you gonna wash me and prepare me for cooking?

The Demon King thought about it.

Yeah, actually, that was a good idea.

The little fiend's face melted in despair.

This was exactly like last time.

Getting captured by demons is like the only time I get a hot bath anymore, Xuanzong said.

Did they have any of that lavender soap?

He heard it tasted really good after he was cooked, that's all.

Well, I I killed the monster that apparently subdued you,

Monkey said when he spotted Pigsy walking back to camp.

He laughed.

Um, he was the scouting general, he could kill his own monster.

Thank you.

Hey, I killed your monster for you.

You're welcome, Sandy said, emerging from a patch of leaves.

What's Brother Sun doing here?

Monkey stopped.

So they each killed the monster.

The other two nodded.

Yep.

So there wasn't one,

but three, Monkey said, and didn't take a moment to wait for their answer.

Calling up a cloud, he took off into the sky to confirm his worst suspicions.

Their bags were there, as was Yulong the dragon horse.

Master, however, was gone.

Pigsy and Sandy parted the leaves a few minutes later to see Pilgrim's son crying.

Pigsy looked at Sandy, who shook his head with a shrug.

He didn't know he was just as uncomfortable as Pigsy was.

Say something?

There, there, it's okay,

big guy.

What's uh

what's wrong?

It's not like Master hasn't been kidnapped before.

It does happen with alarming regularity, Sandy chimed in, not helping.

But I was tricked, me.

I know that tactic.

It's how was I tricked, Pigsy?

I'm losing my edge.

This never would have happened to me 500 years ago, Monkey cried.

Pigsy said, Look, now was not the time for tears.

Tears wouldn't do anyone any good, especially master.

There was usually some lead time when it came to these things before they ate him.

And they couldn't have gotten far.

He saw the storm-belching performance.

That was like, what, 20 miles away?

It couldn't be much beyond that.

Monkey dried his eyes.

Thanks, Pigsy?

Pigsy was on a rare streak.

After comforting Monkey, he was proven right when, less than a mile from where Monkey spotted the Demon King belching up a storm, they spotted the door to the cave dwelling under an overhanging cliff.

Pigsy kept it going, too, when he asked Monkey to step aside and shot his rake directly through the door, busting a hole right through.

Oh, that's just eight rules, Pig.

The Demon King inside shrugged and went back to work.

Hey, if someone could bring him inside to be steamed, that would be great.

I pretty much beat him before so anyone can handle him.

We're really only worried about the monk with the hairy face.

Pigsy said no one talked to him with such disrespect except for Monkey and sometimes Sandy.

He Pigsy, Monkey stopped him, stepping up to the doorway.

Thank you, Monkey said.

You're a good friend.

I I can take it from here.

No need, one of the demons from the cave said.

Your master is dead.

You have failed.

Go run back to whatever mountain you crawled out from under, the demon declared.

You'll forgive us for not believing the words of a demon, Monkey sneered, seeing glowing eyes opening in the darkness of the cave.

Proof?

I got you.

There's not much left.

As soon as we started eating, we couldn't stop.

It was like Pringles in here.

Our king ordered that we keep this, though.

A head rattled on the ground and rolled toward Pigsy and Monkey, still standing by the door with their weapons out.

It was Master.

master.

Pigsy screamed and recoiled while Monkey squinted.

Nice fake, Monkey said, picking up the head of his master.

It's not a fake, the demon replied.

Oh, for sure, it doesn't look like one.

Whoever did this is an artist, but the giveaway was the sound it made when it hit the ground.

Severed human heads do not sound like that when they hit the ground, Monkey smiled, and then looked over to a confused Pigsy.

How do you know what severed human heads hitting the ground sound like?

Pigsy asked.

Oh, did it thud with like a meaty splat?

Sandy materialized behind Pigsy at the mouth of the cave.

No, it rattled?

Monkey laughed.

Wow, rattled, really.

Amateur hour over here, the sand monster shook his head.

Here, check it out.

Monkey threw the head down and it rattled.

I personally am extremely grateful to never have seen a real human head hitting the ground, but even I know that rattling is extremely counterintuitive.

Pigsy, though, was still really put off by this conversation of just how knowledgeable his monk brothers were of human death and dismemberment, and how many times they were throwing this head on the ground to hear the rattle.

Monkey, to his credit, did see Pigsy's anguish and pivoted.

Um master's alive, yay, he said, saying a spell and cracking the head to reveal a willow root.

While all this was going on, the demons were scrambling, and almost as soon as Monkey cracked open the false head, they all heard-well,

a meaty thud.

Monkey, Sandy, and Pigsy looked with growing horror at what just rolled out of the cave.

Okay, now that's what a head sounds like, Monkey said at what appeared to be their master's head.

We'll see what's going on in the cave, but that will, once again, be right after this.

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This isn't over.

They're gonna come back.

You just killed your only leverage, the little fiend paced.

Two things.

One, this is exactly what you said we should do, kill the Tang monk.

Two, will someone get him out of here?

He's bumming everyone out.

Our plan rules, the demon king said.

I said, eat him.

Have you eaten him yet?

No.

So this is the worst of all possible outcomes because now you have an angry and vengeful monkey king who has said, quote, he's going to come in and cut you into a thousand pieces for killing his master, but you don't have any of the powers from eating his master.

He was dragged back into the dungeon.

They finished burying the head, sire.

Another demon bowed before the king.

They piled stones over the grave and planted some saplings so it can have shade.

It was sweet in a tragic, sad way.

They heard the boom of the rest of the front door explode.

Also, they're out front, now.

The demon king of the south mountain rose.

Well, he would just have to go see Sun Wu Kong.

Run away, run away Get out of here Oh, retreat the little fiend heard in the dungeon.

Shuanzong sighed as the mountain shook and dust and pebbles sprinkled in from above.

And yes, he was alive.

It was a somewhat clever ruse that apparently tricked Monkey for a second time on the stop.

Monkey's here, he said, turning to the woodcutter next to him, the only other living human in the lair.

We'll be out soon.

The demon, the little fiend in the cell next to him, was trembling.

No, no, no, this was happening.

It was happening again.

Everything was happening again.

He had to get out of here.

He shook his bars and called out for someone to tell him what was going on up there.

Oh, it's not going great, one of the demons running by, hands full of mud, said.

The demon king of the South Mountain attacked the monkey and pig, but they beat him so bad that he went back to his original form, a leopard.

The rest of the demons couldn't transform and fly away and retreat like he did, so the vanguard was completely slaughtered with one swipe of the monkey king's staff.

Now the demon wolf leopard thing was trying to barricade the door with rocks and mud.

That won't keep monkey out.

He's really mad.

Shouldn't have told him that I died, Xuanzong shrugged and sat back.

They didn't even have the lavender soap here.

This whole stop was a disappointment.

I know he shouldn't have said that.

I counseled him to eat you, I mean, let you go, the little fiend lectured.

This was a disaster.

At that moment, a rat squeezed through the wall.

No,

no, no, the little fiend recoiled.

A couple demons walked in.

What?

It was a water rat.

These of the Middle Ages were familiar with rats.

No, that's him.

That's Sun Wu Kong.

He can take the form of anything.

Kill him now, the little fiend cried.

But the demons laughed.

Silly guy.

That's a rat looking like he's whispering to their captive.

That's cute.

It thinks it's people, or at least a really smart ox.

They left.

Monkey, please, you're going to have to speak up.

I can't hear you.

It's it's just squeaks, Xuanzong said, and Monkey transformed.

Also you stink and y oh, you're you're crying.

Monkey threw his sewage soaked arms around his master.

He actually legitimately thought his master was dead.

He came in via the sewer that passed through the skinning pavilion, where

probably not countless human corpses hung and were being turned a jerky.

One is too many, the woodcutter imprisoned alongside Xuanzong said.

Thank you, prisoner obvious, Monkey said, and then shook his head.

That insult didn't work that way.

He told his master to stay put.

Monkey would make sure no harm came to him.

Well, no more harm.

He transformed into an ant and crawled through a crack in the wall.

Those doofuses are morning ahead.

Another little demon laughed very confidently for someone who had to pile mud at the front door so the people trying to kill him and who already killed so many of their friends couldn't get in.

The little demons inside, however, were more focused on recipes.

All they had to do was wait for the monks to lose interest.

And they could dice up that tang monk and pan-fry him with some star anise and some Shishwan pepper.

Are you joking right now?

Another demon stepped forward out of the group.

We should steam him.

He would taste much better steamed.

Nothing tastes better steamed, a third demon slammed a fist down.

Also, did they know how much fire would steaming and how much oil frying would take?

A simple boil.

That's really all they could afford right now.

He is the tang monk, the first demon clapped.

How often did they get to eat the tang monk?

It wasn't about being economical, it was about treating themselves.

They would splurge, and then they would get back to the budget.

That's not how budgets work, the third demon shrieked.

We could cure him with salt, that way he lasts a long time, the fourth demon said.

And budget demon freaked out anew, because salt was more expensive than both oil and firewood.

Then he shrieked again.

The rest of the demons groaned.

Oh my gosh, what was his deal?

Something just flew up my nose, the budget demon ran in circles.

That's ridiculous, the other said, because oh my gosh, something just flew up all of our noses.

That would be pretty terrifying.

Luckily, the demons didn't have long to fret, because what flew up their noses was a monkey king hair in the form of his sleep-inducing insects.

In a moment, they all hit the stone floor of the cave.

As he stepped among the demons, he heard, in the back of the cave, a grumbling.

Monkey cocked his head.

Huh.

That shouldn't be happening unless unless he pushed open the heavy stone doors and saw the demon king passed out on his throne, still grunting and moving back and forth.

Monkey squinted and looked.

Huh.

Something was up in there.

He produced two more insects and both crawled in the demon king's beard and into his nose.

There was a bit of struggling, but eventually a duck egg emerged from the creature's nostril.

Monkey was equal parts grossed out and impressed and wrapped the egg in a a cloth.

He raised his staff to do well, what he should have done when he saw the demon performing the storm-belching show,

but thought of master.

Master was alive, and he was the priority.

Monkey flew back to the dungeon, past the sleeping demons, and found his master and the woodcutter.

Monkey glanced around the dungeon and found the exterior wall.

The demon, the little fiend in the other cell, was asleep, too, and Monkey opened the door and braced one end of his rod against a stone pillar and stepped back.

The rod increased in diameter a hundredfold and then, with a gesture, quadrupled in length, exploding out through the wall.

It shrank, and Monkey tucked it back behind his ear.

Xuanzong and the woodcutter ran through the perfectly round hole in the wall, and Monkey gave them directions to Sandy and Pigsy.

He was just going to finish up here.

He turned to the empty cell and looked around it.

Hmm.

He found the keys, locked the cell door from the inside, and then began gathering firewood.

Pigsy skidded to a stop in front of the temple.

Master was alive.

Monkey smiled.

He knew, hey, they had enough time, but this would go faster if Pigsy were here to help.

Sandy should stick with Master, you know, because of last time, but if they could both gather firewood, they could get on the road a lot faster.

And yeah, this had been an exhausting stop already, emotionally and otherwise.

Monkey didn't want to waste time and energy beating up demons and a thirty round fight against a big bat only to have him disappear at the last moment and maybe recapture Master and do that whole dance.

Better to put them to sleep, lock the door, and burn their house down.

Which they did.

Monkey lit the fires and Pigsy fanned the flames with his ears.

The flame jumped from the logs to the walls, and then Pigsy coughed and pointed to Monkey's side, his bald spot.

Unless he wanted that to be permanent, he should call those back.

The insects emerged from the demons' noses and lifted into the air, finding cracks the doomed fiends couldn't, or simply flying over the smoke, back to Monkey's side, where they transformed back into hair and found their previous spots.

Inside, the demons began to despair.

Some gave up, others found the locked bars of the jail cell, and still more frantically tried to pull the stone and mud away away from the door, disassembling the barricade they themselves just set up.

The walls they built to keep the monkey king out were now sealing them in.

Black smoke rose into the sky long after the cries stopped, and Monkey stood there with Pigsy, watching it, saying that they should actually write this method down, it was super efficient.

Pigsy said there was dinner at the woodcutter's house.

his family's way of saying thanks for rescuing him.

They wouldn't quite understand how much the woodcutter's life was worth, but Pigsy would show them by eating all their food.

Monkey told him to go ahead.

He had another stop to make before dinner.

The little fiend ran.

He was so lucky.

First, that the Monkey King's hairs hadn't found his nose, and then that Sun Wu Kong had blown a hole in the wall of his jail cell.

He was far enough away that he could only see the smoke, but knew what fate had awaited him if he had stayed.

A fate far better, it seemed, than the one he would have.

Icy panic washed down his spine when a shadow passed overhead, and Sun Wu Kong hit the ground in front of him like a meteor.

The little fiend's reckoning had arrived.

Before him, Sun Wu Kong stood as tall as a god, his eyes glowing and his staff growing in his hand.

Why did the little fiend run?

Wouldn't you?

The demon asked, slowing.

Monkey extended his staff until it pressed on the little fiend's forehead.

He was in prison.

Why?

Was he not one of them?

The little fiend said, no,

not really.

So you weren't going to eat my master.

Monkey narrowed his gaze at the fiend.

The forest itself seemed seemed to grow silent.

No, I would have, and they should have, obviously.

It was the smart move and you know it.

The fiend took a deep breath.

He was tired of this.

Tired of all of it.

Running and serving this lord and that.

Tired of his friends dying.

So

change, Monkey said, his rod shrinking.

The little fiend asked, what?

So yeah, change.

Don't run to a new master.

Don't kill and eat people.

Change, Monkey said.

Unless the little fiend wanted to die.

The little fiend shook his head.

No.

Wait.

Sun Wukong was...

letting him go?

Sure, just

be different.

Be better.

I got the chance.

You should too.

Monkey tucked the staff behind his ear.

The birds of the forest resumed their songs.

Besides, if you don't, I'll just kill you the next time, Monkey said.

After the demon finished thanking Monkey, Monkey took to a cloud and flew to the woodcutter's house, who was also incredibly grateful that he was safe.

It had been days, and whenever someone disappeared for more than a few hours, the village feared the worst.

Now, though, with the black smoke rising off in the distance, they knew they were safe.

As the Tang Monk's group continued on, Himatop Yulong the dragon horse, with Pigsy and Sandy walking alongside and Monkey behind him, Xuanzong said, oh, he should tell Monkey something.

While they were eating dinner, they all learned where they were.

In just a thousand miles, they would cross the border into the kingdom of India, as the story puts it.

Then it wasn't much farther.

After everything they had been through, they were almost there.

They were almost all the way to the west.

To call a thousand miles getting close underlines just how far the trip to the west really is.

We are nearing the end though, but there are still several episodes before they finally make it to the Thunderclap Temple.

In two weeks, we're back in the stories of Aesop's fables, and we'll see how many creatures can die and or learn life lessons on a donkey's trip in a town.

If you didn't know, fictional's back.

Last week marked the halfway point of the season with a return to the stories of Sherlock Holmes and how the famed detective might be losing his edge.

Unless everyone in the world but him is wrong.

But when has that ever happened except always?

If you'd like to support the show, we really appreciate you listening and telling people about it, writing in and following us on social media and joining the Discord.

If you'd like to support it financially, we have a membership on the website and Apple Podcasts where you can get ad-free and bonus episodes.

There are links to everything in the show notes.

Thank you so much.

The creature this time is the Ichtined from Ireland.

Now, stealing your brother's horse is bad.

I wouldn't know, I'm not sure my brother has ever ridden a horse.

I know he definitely doesn't own one.

But while Grand Theft Equine is a crime, I do think that the punishment should fit the crime.

An eternity riding around on the ocean, with the fire from the Ichtined searing your thighs, and I mean, let's be real, probably everything else in that that area, I don't think that's fair.

But that's the Ichtined, the fire horse.

Now, a lot of horses in Celtic mythology love to play their tricks on humans.

They also love to stretch the definition of the word trick, because their fun includes dragging humans to a watery death and or consuming the body.

Not a great time.

For the human, that is.

The fire horse, thankfully, is not a sadistic murderer.

Well, it's not just a sadistic murderer.

He's a sadistic murderer vigilante because when he thinks people might be stealing others' horses, he'll sneak in among the herd, not on fire, of course, not yet, and wait for the thief to jump on that beautiful horse.

When they do, they've sealed their fate and seared their skin because the horse will ignite and bolt.

Taking off across Ireland had to be an agony.

Which was what happened to the horseman in the story The Voyage of Okora, when travelers found a man riding a flaming horse on the waves.

He rode above the waves, his legs burning, long enough to tell them his story.

He stole his brother's horse and rode it on a Sunday.

The story is unclear whether the man intended to give the horse back and if borrowing without permission is a crime punishable by an eternity of burning rides on horses.

The man doesn't linger to elaborate because the only respite for the burning he has is when he's able to submerge and let all that wonderful, soothing salt salt water into the wounds.

That's it for this time.

Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser, and our theme song is by Broke for Free.

Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes, and there are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes.

Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

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