PREVIEW: Larry Langford

Michael K is just a weepier Danny Dyer.

Who's Danny Dyer?

Danny Dyer.

Danny Dyer is the architect of the greatest tweet of this or indeed any age, in which he said, if I don't remember, have you seen the tweets from the 14th century?

They're incredible.

You can just pull this up.

10th of September, 2012.

Can't believe it's been nearly 11 years since them slags smashed into the Twin Towers.

It still freaks my nut out to this day.

9-11 channel 4, 10 o'clock.

Yeah.

And they were slags.

Like they were.

You can't believe what those sometimes.

I mean, here's the thing.

I mean, it might be my display name today is Mrs.

Rhode Island because I'm in a hotel room in Providence.

So which I apologize for this.

But Providence, Rhode Island, home, home of some mares.

Yeah, but I am Buddy Siancy will never do.

I actually legitimately think Buddy Siancy might be our Tacoma Narrows bridge because every time I'm like, I'm going to go do a mayor.

I'm sorry.

That just leapt in my mind.

I'm like, I'm going to do a mayor.

What am I going to do with a mayor this week?

I Google Buddy Ciancy and I'm like, if I do Buddy Siancy, that's me admitting that there are no other mayors left and I can't do it.

Yeah, it's also

like there are, there's, he is very covered.

There's like, there's like a whole series of, I think it was, it was a, um, a show on Gimlet that was just like a whole season of just buddy, and it would be very hard to do in a single or even a two-harder.

Um, there's a lot of babies

What I was gonna say was even though it says today that I'm Mrs.

Rhode Island, I am a New Yorker and uh, it really does bother me to this day what them slags did to the trade center.

I think, yeah, I would you say that it freaks your nut out to this day?

Those words are not supposed to be rendered in my accident.

Those words are not supposed to be said in my exact accent.

Well, I mean, we're just back from hosting to two American friends for the week, and one of my, one of my jackals, one of my hyenas thought it would be funny to teach them to say in their Pacific Northwestern accents, I'm off my nut to go to Big Tesco.

Hey, listen, November, I'm off my nut to go to Big Tesco.

That's going to be my new voice training.

I'm off my nut to go to Big Tesco.

How about

my nut to go to go to go to go to go to Big Tesco?

I'm off my nut to go to Big Tesco right now.

Hello and welcome to No Gods No Mares.

Hello and welcome to No Gods No Mares.

I'm your mayor for this episode, Maddie, and I'm joined as ever by my deputy mayors, Riley and November.

Hey.

Hi, girls.

I'm off my nut to go to Big Tesco.

There it is.

I'm actually off my nut to start this episode because we got a lot to get.

We have so much to cover.

You know what I'm off my nut to talk about is the fact that Trash Ucher poached a bit from No Gods No Mares at our fringe show and our drink.

I'm kind of worried about this and I'm kind of mad about it, to be frank with you.

I inadvertently sabotaged the bit, thankfully.

Thankfully, yeah, we're going to save that bit for our first live show, which will happen eventually.

To be fair, it wasn't the rest of them, it was me and Nova that poached the bit from our own thing.

Yeah,

to this.

Hey, can my co-hosts of this show step out of the room, please?

And can I speak to Riley and November from Trash Feature for a moment?

Can you go get them?

Okay, hold on.

Are Riley and November here?

Hi, yes.

Hey, welcome to TF.

It's me, Riley.

Yes.

Hi.

Hey, don't ever.

Hey, don't ever.

Hey, hey, won't you fuck off and never do that again?

Okay, go get my co-hosts, please.

Thank you.

Okay.

The ones I love.

I'm back.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

I hope you didn't hear any of that.

No,

this version of me in November where

we were on a different call.

It was, it was, it was, yeah, but that, that was like horseplay and like, you know, obviously.

But the deal was Riley was going to apply some of my estrogen gel live on stage in front of everybody.

And I, I fucked up and I left the estrogen gel in the hotel room.

So he couldn't do it.

And ultimately, that bit remains sacred to us.

Yes.

It's our holy bit.

Which will happen.

So mark your calendars.

I mean, we don't know when, so mark your calendars at a random time.

Just

get like a word of the day calendar, mark a bunch of days at random and use that as a kind of e-ching knuckle bones divination thing to determine the sort of like life course you should take.

And then let us know.

Yeah, I've been marking my wall like a conspiracy theorist.

I've got the strings up.

I've got photos of Riley.

I've got just photos of random women's clothing.

Uh-huh.

And everything's circled.

People don't know this, but if you own enough markers, anything around you can be a surface for your ramblings.

Anything becomes true if you own enough photos.

How about this?

Just buy a calendar and then just put, then just write on it every day a message that you hope we'll hear about when you might want us to do a live show in London, you know?

And use that to try to commune with us.

And then, you know, we'll

get, we'll get the message.

And whatever day we pick, that's the day that had the most votes.

Sorry if yours lost.

You know, it's democracy.

Interesting.

Interesting.

That's exactly right.

All right.

So something I'm going to do right now is take us into

something I call the item stampede.

What?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, the thing is, you're allowed to change it unilaterally.

I'm allowed to change it unilaterally because it's funny when I do it.

Because when you guys get it wrong, it's because you're messing it up.

And when I get it wrong, it's because I'm an incredible joke writer.

Here's a question I had before.

I'm sorry.

I have one question of admin, of mayoral admin.

The mayoral admin corner?

Yeah?

This is before Item Stampede.

Maybe we can get some mayoral.

Mayoral Admin music.

Yeah, mayoral admin music is whoa.

Hey.

Whoa there.

Sam, a little mayoral admin music, please.

Don't tell Nico do that.

He's already going to deal with the echo from my fucking hotel room, probably.

Is Jim Leahy from Trailer Park Boys a mayor?

Yes.

I've never watched it.

Don't gasp at me.

Okay, well, November, thank you.

That's two votes for Jim Lay.

He's a mayor.

I believe so.

Yeah, he's a mayor.

He acts like one.

He's a petty tyrant.

He's drunk all the time.

Okay, thank you.

I'm just going to file that in my.

Let's save that for when we got to wheel the TV in.

Okay.

Okay.

Sorry.

Item stampede.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have an item.

I have an item.

Oh, you have an item.

Yes.

Well, I mean, it's an item.

I think we've all been sent many, many times.

Are we familiar with the ballad of Wesley Dingus?

Yeah,

it's what I used to shout to that Methodist that I hated.

So,

not exactly.

So, Wesley Dingus is the mayor of Butler in Ohio, Butler, Ohio.

And the news that I think we've all been sent at length is that Wesley Dingus ran over a fleeing sex offender with his car,

breaking his leg, and then asked the responding cops.

Yeah, the sex offender's like, oh, did I hit something?

My bad is, I didn't know that I hit anything.

Randall Nettle could fucking never, first of all.

I mean, the sex offender in question was like in flight from the sheriff's office.

So

this,

like, he had a warrant out for him.

So this is a case of vigilante mayorism.

Mayoral justice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love the idea that it's like well the cops there's a warrant out for your arrest and the cops won't get you and like mayor dredd rocks up in his car and runs over you so hard you're mayor dingus dredd mayor dingus dredd i can't believe his name is wesley dingus there is there is a a very a very short article from the manfield news journal that i can just read into the record here butler ohio an ohio mayor admitted to running over a suspect police wanted in jail surveillance video for it for there is video of this shows the village of butler's mayor wesley Dingus running over Anthony Ward with a red car on July 11th, breaking his leg.

Ward's left leg got caught in the wheel well and was sucked under the car where his left leg was run over, Belleville Police Chief John Fletcher said.

Ward was convicted of sexual battery and was wanted for violating parole.

Fletcher said Dingus

Dingus saw Ward in the passenger seat of a car and the mayor followed the car while calling the chief of police.

Ward, driven by his grandmother, which is a real, like this guy, his life isn't going well, I have to say.

No,

pulled into a gas station at the same time as the butler police chief and the mayor.

As Ward exited the vehicle, he informed the chief that he was not going back to prison and a scuffle ensued.

Mr.

Ward was able to break free from the chief's grip and started to run across the road away from the chief.

The chief took chase after Mr.

Ward, yelling him to stop.

After that, police said Dingus hit Ward.

Dingus told police he hit Ward by accident and the mayor is still on the job.

Yeah, you know,

that's just what happened.

This is like such a classic thing to happen, right?

When you're at court, right?

And yeah, you're taking a hostage from the neighboring barony to raise as your own to prevent war.

And then all of a sudden your fool comes in and bops him on the head and Dingus strikes Ward.

It's like three perfect

sort of character studies here

in the sense of like you have the sex offender who's being driven around by his grandma.

while a fugitive.

You have the like small town chief of police who cannot keep hold of the kind of grandma chauffeur fugitive sex nonce.

And then you have, of course, Mayor Dingus himself, who a salute to service.

Yeah, he looks like Orville Redenbacher.

I've shared a picture of Mayor Dingus in the WhatsApp chat.

I think Mayor Dingus is,

I mean, listen, we never want to endorse vigilantism, right?

We don't want any copycat mayors out there.

We don't want mares thinking that they can just do this.

And it does speak to a kind of phenomenon where mares kind of start thinking of themselves as cop adjacent.

Yeah.

Fetterman did this, right?

He like was running around shooting people when he was the mayor.

Fetterman, Eric Adams, although at least Eric Adams was a cop, but this guy, as far as I know, not a cop, just a concerned civilian with

a sex offender-seeking front end of his car.

He's got a...

You can tell he really wants to be a cop because he started, he got a bulletproof tactical sash.

Why does this sash have so many like mole loops on it?

And then you know, also that you like, you see him and you're like, oh, dude, that's just like Gucci gear.

Like, you're not a real operating mayor.

Why does the city of Butler, why is it paying for like a set of quad night vision goggles for the mayor's office?

Yeah, look, when we elected Mayor Sam Fisher, I thought he was going to clean up the town, but I never see him anywhere.