PREVIEW: Nayib Bukele

I just suggested that November get a sippy cup for her Pepsi

because there's been, I will say, multiple incidents.

I listen.

First of all, how dare you?

And second of all,

surely there has to be a non-sippy cup solution to the problem of spilling a bunch of Pepsi Max all over your podcast again.

Pepsi helmet.

Sorry, Pepsi helmet.

I'm raising my helmet.

I'm raising my hand and holding it up.

I'm holding it up.

What we need is a sippy cup for executives and presidents.

I think Trump would get in on that.

Like some kind of golden, like,

like a goblet, like a chalice, right?

Like my Pepsi chalice.

Oh, with a sippy cup lit on it.

Surely this is the cup of a podcaster.

He chose wisely.

Very Trump there.

Jose Wisely.

Not a a very good choice.

I think it's a normal sippy cup.

All it is, it's black stitched leather.

It has carbon fiber

on the top.

So it's like really light and it doesn't have a lot of like, it maintains aerodynamism.

And then you can advertise it in like an Instagram, an Instagram, and it could be like the last sippy cup you will ever buy.

Yeah, I decided to see,

I need a sippy cup that can maintain a lot of sheer force

on it.

So the carp, the carbon fiber is great because I'm always going in and out of Earth's atmosphere.

So I need something that can really handle it.

Do you remember that episode of the West Wing where Aaron Sorkin resolves the right-wing grievance about the Pentagon spends too much money by having a congressman who's like,

how come the Navy spends a billion dollars on a coffee cup?

Or it was an ashtray or a coffee cup?

I don't remember which.

And then

the like cool admiral takes him in his office and like breaks the coffee cup into like pieces and it shatters into three completely like discrete non-sharp points.

And he's like, yeah, that's why you actually need those.

So if you break the coffee cup on the nuclear submarine, you don't get like blasted in the eyes with shards of coffee cup and the Republican is enlightened instantly.

Yeah, these coffee cups are made of safety glasses and they shatter into hexagons.

Yeah, exactly.

That's a legitimate subplot in an episode of the West Wing.

And

I need the billion-dollar U.S.

Navy sippy cup is my point.

Or ashtray.

The Russians used one that was made of sugar glass.

So when it did explode, it exploded harmlessly.

Delicious.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of No Gods, No Mayors.

I am your mayor for this episode.

I'm November Kelly.

I'm joined by my co-mayors, Massey Lavchansky and Riley Quinn.

Hello.

It's time for us to talk about a mayor that you all know about because he's been in the news lately doing some of the more Hitler things that have been happening lately.

This is going to be an episode about Naeb Bukele, who before he was president of El Salvador, was mayor of two towns in El Salvador.

So he was twice a mayor.

And I think those times as mayor reflect some interesting things about his kind of rise to power.

And we're going to talk about that a little bit.

And also about how much I hate this guy because he is he's awful.

As you have seen from the news, he is the guy who is enthusiastically volunteering to kind of run a bunch of like outsourced concentration camps for the Trump administration in El Salvador.

And at time of recording, this involves just deporting a bunch of like random Venezuelans and accusing them of being gang members and then kicking them into the like horrific like gang prison that he's built, which we'll get to.

Who knows where it will end?

Not me.

But I thought it would be interesting to go through some of how he got that way.

But before we do that,

he's like a CIA contractor who runs a

black site warehouse in Egypt

for people snatched up from American soil.

It's interesting that you should mention the CIA here because there is.

Would you believe that the CIA had a role in El Salvadoran politics?

What?

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Thinking of a kind of a bird that could fly around down there.

What is it called?

This shit isn't even like in the West Wing, you know?

So like, can it even be true?

Does Salvador break into three discrete pieces?

I don't even know.

I mean, they tried.

But before we talk about Salvador, El Salvador breaking into three discrete pieces, first we got to break the show into two discrete pieces, one of which is called Municipal Roundup, I think.

Is it?

Yeah.

Is it Municipal Roundup?

Is that what it's called?

You can see me pumping my fists.

It is.

Glee that somebody besides me remembered the name of the segment.

Yeah, Yeah, I say.

As your reward for getting it right, I'm going to do the first one.

Thank you.

So, okay.

So, yeah, there's a weirdly municipal roundup this week is two mayor-based coups.

Not thrilled about this.

It's weirdly municipal in this roundup,

I would say.

Yeah, it's getting very municipal in this roundup.

So coup number one is to do with this gentleman.

Thank you,

every single person on earth who's ever existed or ever will exist for sending this in.

But the first coup is a gentleman named Robert Ehrlich, who tried to, in the town of Seacliff, or the village rather, of Seacliff, which is part of the town of Oyster Bay, which is just outside Queens in Nassau County, just east of New York City.

uh out on long island um who is also the founder of a series of directions that are like basically driving directions from you, but have no relational meaning to anyone who doesn't know New York.

Well, I'm placing it that it's like Nassau County, which is a specific place.

You have to exoticize this.

Be like, in terms of like provinces, right, of a restive country,

where are we sort of like articulating?

Exactly.

We're out on Long Island, but not the part that's like beach tourists.

It's like the suburbs part.

It is the Chuck Schumer part of Long Island.

Okay, I got you.

I got you.

So, yeah.

So, this this guy, Robert Ehrlich, who is the founder of Pirates Booty.

What the f?

He invented Pirates Booty, the popcorn snack.

I noted that the Guardian.

Did you guys get Pirates Booty?

No, I noted that The Guardian described him as a popcorn mogul.

That's, yeah.

I would not describe Pirates Booty as popcorn.

What the fuck is this

thing?

This is a real like kind of Percy Pig moment.

What the fuck is this?

Yeah, it's a puffed corn and rice snack.

This feels all very American to me.

Yeah, it is a puffed corn snack.

It is the sort of thing where it's like, it feels healthy.

Is it?

Big question mark.

It's the sort of snack you buy at the Trader Joe's.

Yes.

And it's got cheese dustings on it.

They're quite, they're pretty good, you know, but it is called Pirates Booty.

Anyways.

So I want to start us here from, here's a post on Facebook that the Village of Seacliff, New York made.

The official statement from the Village of Seacliff, of course, on Facebook.

On Monday, March 10th, 2025, at approximately 9:44 a.m., an incident occurred at Village Hall involving Robert Ehrlich, Jeff Knox, Arthur Leibolb, and an unidentified man.

Upon arrival, Ehrlich presented a statement falsely asserting his authority as mayor, demanding access to office space, and declaring that the entire village staff was fired effective immediately but could reapply for their jobs.

Raising hand here, asserting his authority as mayor.

Was he mayor?

No.

Did anyone like elect him mayor?

No, no, he is

at press time, some guy in town.

So the pirates booty guy declared himself mayor by like right of conquest.

That's exactly correct.

Wow.

So I'll get to why in a second, but

yeah, village staff.

They remained calm and professional throughout the incident.

Ehrlich and his associates raised their voices, used profane language, made outlandish claims, and engaged in direct harassment of village personnel.

And basically, at some point, they got it squirted out.

I love to use, I love to make outlandish claims.

That's my favorite kind of claim to make.

Was he inspired by Doge?

It sounds like.

I think he's inspired by the fact that the entire country is on some level extremely falling apart.

And

the contradictions

are high.

Everything's kind of going insane.

This is the first shot of the Second American Civil War.

It's bleeding Kansas, but it's like brainbleeding Kansas.

It's just like, this is the guy who was correctly intuited that pretty soon this will just be the way in which you like gain and hold power.

Right.

Yeah.

We're going to, yeah, we're going to find out that he was just like a month early.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And and chose to go for like a like a 5,000 person village in like East Egg.

Yeah.

It is a, yeah.

So anyways.

So they they they said the activities of daily governance are unchanged.

The village of Seacliff continues to operate under the guidance of its duly elected board of trustees.

That's an anti-coup statement.

That's the thing that like the newsreader is reading as the like, you know, troops are banging on the doors trying to force their way into the studio.

It's like the government remains strong.

Yeah.

Or

that's like, that's what you say when.

That's not just what you say when like the troops are banging on the door.

It's what you say when you realize that the troops are have decided to keep the government in power.

As of press time, the official statement from the town had 45 likes, 20 shocked reactions, 5 hahas, 4 hugs, 2 hearts, and 13 angry faces.

Four hugs.

Four hearts.

13 angry faces?

The sequel to 12 Angry Men.

That's right.

So, what was he doing?