Carter Harrison III

November, what kind of cookie are you eating?

You're showing me a sleeve.

It's upside down.

Maryland?

Like the state?

They're known for their cookies.

Are they?

I assume.

They must be, since that's the primary brand of cookie sold in this country.

I've never heard of that.

The Maryland cookie, yeah.

Yeah.

When I was a kid, when I was a young kid, I used to think, what a place this Maryland must be, if only it were real.

Yeah.

I will say the

Baltimore has a beautiful

movable.

It's called like the dynamic sculptures race and they have them in the museum sometimes.

And when I was down there, I saw a big, big cart shaped like a poodle that took up an whole, an entire hotel lobby named Vifi.

Delightful.

And I fell in love with it.

Yeah.

That's really nice.

Yeah.

No, I had it in my head in the same way that like other Europeans might be, in the same way that Marge Simpson is like, Long Island must be a beautiful place.

You You know, it's a mythical land where they make the iced teas, right?

I had the same thing about Maryland where I was like, well, I mean, it must be a land of milk and honey, right?

Surely, because they make the cookies there.

And

I'm a treat-based woman.

I've never been shy about that.

You know, as Orson Welles said, gluttony is not a secret vice, right?

And so I just like, I've never been to Maryland.

I'm excited to be disappointed because I have seen The Wire is the other thing.

So

not a lot of cookies on that show.

Yeah.

You're eating a cookie, you're seven years old.

You turn on the wire and you see the graffiti in the intro that says Bodymore Murderland.

And you're like, what's that?

What?

Yeah,

it should be baking more.

Yeah.

I'm a corpse locked in a house by a nail gun

and I'm eating this delicious cookie.

No, Baltimore is nice and I like it.

Price of the cookie going up.

The reason why Matthew and I are vamping is because our co-mayor and friend of the show and host of the show, Riley Quinn, is listening to the show.

Is doing his own personal voice, which is listening to voice messages

from strange women.

So

obviously we respect that here as well.

Yeah, as we respect all strange women

here at No Gods, No Mayors.

In other treat news, the rug has been pulled on me personally,

which is that my wife was sent, she's a food writer, and she was sent by Target Percy Pigs, which are coming to America where they're supposed to be.

I'm coming to Target.

I'm not a Percy Pig fan.

I'll be honest.

I think you're being cheated out of, for instance,

some of the better anthropomorphic food items in the UK, such as

any of our Caterpillar cakes.

Those are a great idea.

Those are good.

I've had a Colin Caterpillar before.

I think I prefer Colin to Percy.

This is such a fucking upper middle class thing to say.

I prefer Colin to Percy, but I do prefer Colin to Percy.

Percy is a fucking hack, right?

But Percy went on, Percy went to the U.S.

on his fucking like gap year or whatever.

Yeah, well, the thing, I tried, I tried the Percy Pigs and I fell in love with them deeply.

And now the Donald Trump's tariffs are going to take Percy Pig away from me, possibly.

And I'm sort of having like a sweet crisis.

A sweeties.

Donald Trump is a very sweeties pulled president.

Welcome back, frankly.

I remember the thing, the the trump thing that instantly entered my lexicon and you know when the trump thing happens and it does just do that do you but the one that did that most profoundly was the profile where he's like all right bring me the poison and they bring in like a big you know tub full of candy of which he takes two fistfuls and then says all right get the poison out of here that that was very that was very very relatable to me The yeah, the things like the Diet Coke button,

which seemed like that's a

treat.

He is out of trailer.

He's out of trailer.

Yeah.

Riley, what's the treat situation in your location, if I'm allowed to disclose it?

Oh, horrible, probably.

I'm actually just not going to disclose my location, due to various.

I think the thing to understand about you, Riley, is that you have one meter in your head.

It's like the minutes to midnight clock of the bulletin of the atomic scientists, right?

And that clock is like time

until you need to go to Berlin and then go and like go to whatever whatever the fuck they have in Berlin, right?

Like the fucking respecting women onsen, right?

Like you need to, you need to go there.

And if you're not doing that, your mental health is bad.

And I can tell

so soon you need to be in Berlin.

Yeah.

I could say I'm in Berlin now.

I'm enjoying myself greatly.

It's very relaxing.

I'll be going to the on-sen.

We all respect women.

See,

this is the divide, you know, between, because like Britain, the only kind of onsen we can build is a Captain Tom onsen, whereas, you know, Berlin, they're doing

all kinds of onsen.

They're respecting women onsen.

The Palestinians aren't human onsen.

You can, you can be like bathing.

This guy's wearing a kefir and Zasana.

This is this is against two laws here.

One, Zasana is new.

The law number two is the onsen's reason, the like, the like reason why the onsen has to exist.

Oh my God.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

Let's let's talk about the mayors, shall we?

Can we talk about the mayors?

Okay.

Hi, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the podcast, No Gods, No Mayors.

I'm, I guess, your mayor for this episode, Maddie, and I'm joined, as ever, by my deputy mayors, Riley Quinn and November Kelly.

Hello.

Hey, girlies.

What's popping?

How's Trix?

Morgan?

What's popping is that the laundry machine's making just started beeping, so I'm going to go turn it off.

I didn't say what's beeping.

I said what's popping.

Well, what's popping is like circuits inside the laundry machine if he doesn't go and turn it off.

So he has to go.

That's a really good point.

I think the key thing is we leave all of this in.

I think the key thing is we leave all of this in.

This is mostly a podcast discussing treats.

I got a new kind of Pepsi today.

Please tell us about the Pepsi.

The new kind of Pepsi.

No, it's orange.

It's not pink.

It's Pepsi strawberries and cream.

How is that?

It's really good.

Like, of all the plates.

Yeah, other people, people who aren't me, people who are weak of spirit find it too sweet, but I personally think it's just right.

So I'm a big fan.

Nothing can be too sweet.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Because I am a sour bitch.

I am bitter and awful.

Anyways, the first segment of today's show is...

It's funny.

I just did not jump in on that.

Did not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The first segment of today's show is, of course, our old friend that I will name correctly.

It is called Municipal Roundup.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, that's right.

Welcome to the mayoral rodeo, as I would say.

Some kind of like city hall wild west show?

Yeah.

I think

to kick us off in the rodeo today, we've got sort of the clown leaping into a barrel, which is Riley bringing us something.

He called in the chat, and I quote, whimsical.

Yep.

This is whimsical.

This is fun.

It's current-ish.

It's from March 2025.

I'm going to take us all the way to the metropolitan city of Ulsan in Korea.

Interesting.

We've never done a Korean mayor before.

Well, now we will have done.

This is.

It was lucky that this guy was in the news because he just popped up on the secondary order of mayors who are suitable for municipal routes.

The minor arcana of

the mayor Taculus.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, correct.

This guy is a classic minor arcana.

People don't know that the mayors we've been doing do fit into the major arcana.

You can work out how later.

Yeah, they're all the fool, it turns out.

Yeah,

um, Ulsan Mayor Kim Doo Kyum said at a briefing on the Ulsan wildfire sect, because there have been these wildfires in Korea recently, that the reason he was unable to get the forest fires extinguished was that there were too many female employees.

Ah,

Korean misogyny.

Okay, sure.

Dude awoke.

Well, while explaining the current status of the forest fire, Mayor Kim said, quote, there are so many female employees these days that it is not that simple to put them into the mountain to fight the fire.

This, of course, sparked a huge backlash.

I mean, immediately.

The nature of misogyny in South Korean society is legit crazy.

I mean, it's crazy everywhere, but like,

yeah, no, for sure.

Do we know about how these fires started, by the way?

Because I do.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, so I was going to say.

Maybe a woman did it somehow with her estrogen

lit the fire in some way.

Basically, what happened was kind of the plot of the movie, A Serious Man, but Korean, because a guy was trying to tend the graves of his family, like of his parents, and in the course of trying to tend it, like tried to burn away some leaves that were hanging over it with his cigarette lighter and burned down, you know, like 80% of the city.

That's bizarre.

I think this is a sign, maybe that

the family honor is not good.

Like

you are being frowned upon by someone, certainly.

If not your dead parents, then you know, maybe God.

Dead uncle.

Dead uncle.

It's possible.

This is possible that we could call this fire a kind of uncle's vengeance.

Yeah, maybe you had a really shitty uncle and now he's he's extracting the uncle's price.

But that's not the whimsical bit, the misogyny.

The whimsical bit.

Perfect quote.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm just going to real quick update the tenets of the podcast to include misogyny is not whimsical.

I think you could do whimsical misogyny.

I think that's allowed in this on-sen.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

I will say, I will say lighting, lighting the forest on fire to honor your dead parents is something that like a Kang Sun-ho character.

in a Bong Joon-ho film would do.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like almost exactly more than, yeah.

What I was like, oh, that's kind of weird.

I wonder if this guy's done anything else strange.

And then I found the whimsical thing,

which was from May 2023.

And I have checked this in a few sources.

He had a plan to spend 25 billion won to create a Korean version of Mount Rushmore in Ulsan.

But with like business leaders, like the founder of Hyundai.

So like you've got the guy from Samsung up on the side of a mountain.

Correct.

But those guys hate publicity, famously.

So it's people with ties to Ulsan, such as Hyundai Group founder Chung Joo-young, SK Group Chairman Choi Jong-hyun, lot group founder Shin Kyuk-ko, are all being mentioned as possibilities being carved into the mountain face.

Ulsan mayor Kim Doo-gyum said that local companies are turning their backs on Ulsan as they're being transferred to the second and third generation.

And this is a measure needed to attract corporate investment, saying, quote, the regional aspect of Ulsan being the route has been completely excluded.

Various measures are needed to prevent this.

Yeah, we need to worship these guys with a mountain.

Yeah, move your, it's like instead of tax breaks, it's like you move to our business to our city.

We'll carve your face into the mountain, which, by the way, did burn down.

Maybe it was a false flag.

They were trying to like clear real estate on the mountain.

It's easier now.

There's no trees.

Yeah.

Those are like beards that you'd have to trim on the guys' faces

to do it anymore.

But the thing, he, he, and apparently he just keeps having these kinds of plans

where he also wanted to build a building to contain the world's largest Bible.

Incredible.

Perfect.

How big is the Bible?

And also to build a giant Buddha statue and also an opera house.

That's, you know, that's called, that's called multiculturalism, right?

Like if you're Christian, you look at the big Bible, the extra, extra large print Bible.

If you're Buddhist, you look at the big Buddha.

If you're secular,

if you're an atheist, if you're, you know, something not included in this, you go and you go and listen to the opera.

Fantastic.

Yeah, I think for

ease of construction, they should just build the giant Buddha reading the giant Bible.

He's often sitting in the statues.

So I think you just have him pop the Bible in his lap

inside the opera house.

But then where does the stage go?

Well, maybe it's though the operas are just reading from the giant Bible.

They're standing on the Bible.

It's the stage.

I think this can work.

Every opera is a biblical story.

It's like Branson, Missouri.

Yeah, that's really good.

The other thing is that he,

because a lot of

South Korean third-tier football teams are citizen teams.

So like

the football team in Ulsan is called the Ulsan Citizen.

And I was really hoping that it meant that like the team is like, let's go citizens.

No, that's just like a type of football club.

Yeah, I think we have to get citizens' jerseys.

Yes.

Yeah.

100%.

And there's also, again,

a lot of, let's say, a lot of controversy that

he's trying to use the

citizen club to basically show, like, he's trying to change all of the colors of the citizen club to like red to show respect to himself.

I will say the citizens-popes matchup is like really contentious.

Yeah, it's a huge rivalry between the citizens and the popes.

They call it the Ghibelline derby.

Fuck, let's go, Gilfs.

Let's go, Gilfs.

Lengthy sieges.

Yeah, let's see if we can get clapping in every episode from here on.

Well, I mean, we start every episode with a clap, so I don't see why not.

That's true.

That's right.

Anyway, so yeah, that's my entry into the mayoral minor arcana.

Uh, is the

misogynistic South Korean mayor who uh just recently tried to build his own Mount Rushmore, a giant Bible and a giant Buddha in his town.

It's because women could never think of these things, yeah.

A giant statue is a thing a woman could never even conceive of in her tiny brain.

No, certainly.

Uh, like you said it, Riley, and I was like, oh, what if a statue was really bad?

I just hadn't thought about it.

Um,

so we're finally found, we finally found a way to affirm Riley's gender, and it is, was able to think of a big statue, like conceptually.

Someone said to me, think of a big statue, a big Bible, a big Buddha.

Think of honoring the founder of Hyundai.

And I was like, yeah, easy for me.

I'm struggling.

I'm struggling.

You've lost me.

Like, it slides off my brain.

It's like rotating the cubes, you know, like I don't.

I was going to say, this is Riley taking the cis cogiati.

Every time I think of the cogiati, I think that's the name name of like a beautiful Italian-American woman, like the surname.

Like Linda Coggiasi or something.

Yeah, I was going to say my hairdresser, Francesca Corgiatti.

I'll say on this podcast what I said to November when we did the

episode of Left Unread about the book Nevada by Imogen Binney.

I admit that assigning gender at birth is a pretty bad way to do it, but sometimes just by chance, they do get it right.

That doesn't sound right to me.

Investigating this very strongly.

Yeah, I'm going to, I want to, I want to devote a lot of money into research on this.

So that's where your Patreon dollars go, by the way.

So

I have also,

thank you for the entry into the minor arcana, Riley, an old friend of the show.

Perhaps you could say the godfather of the show, the father of the show,

our old friend, Eric Adams.

I've got some big, big news on him, a couple of items here.

So we're recording this April 4th.

So

this week, the Southern District of New York judge Dale Ho has dismissed Eric Adams' federal bribery case with prejudice.

You can't bring it again.

He's off the hook.

You cannot bring it again.

They did it, which means that he outflanked the Trump administration because they were in court going, no, no, no, we need the ability to like charge him again if he like defects back to woke.

Yes.

And

now they have lost that ability, even though, you know, he's never going to go back.

Not that he was.

Yeah, like

Tom Homan can't be up his butt as promised no no if if he can't be re-indicted on this stuff they'll just have to find one of the many other things to indict him for

Ho said in his decision everything here smacks of a bargain dismissal of the indictment exchange for immigration policy concessions yeah and like ho uh also crucially formerly an aclu lawyer

so um he was he was clearly trying to uh it sounds so much like like them rolling over on it, but it is maybe, maybe, maybe the court's trying to stand up to the DOJ a little bit.

Yeah, it sabotages the quid pro quo in that it takes away part of the quid.

And now, now ostensibly, Eric Adams does not have Tom Homan like up his butt or anywhere else on his person.

I mean, he still might, just like not in a professional capacity.

Yeah, like voluntarily, he can, and because politically, he's already aligned himself for this.

He's running as an independent now.

Yeah, that was my, that was my second idea.

Sorry, sorry, take that out.

November.

It's okay.

No, you can leave it.

I respect you.

We're in the respecting mountain.

So we have to come to this.

We have to come to this as a, from a place of respect.

But I will say, yeah, Adams himself, after the

charges were thrown out, he gave a little speech and

he called the charges baseless.

I'm reading here from Hellgate.

And

he said they were fueled by lies.

He invoked Jesus Christ and he said, many of you know my faith.

When all that came at me, Jesus stepped in and he uses who he uses, Adam said, holding a book in his right hand.

But the book was not the Bible.

It was Cash Patel's government gangsters.

Oh, my God.

I mean,

building a hall to house the largest printed copy of Cash Patel's Government Gangsters.

Yeah, for those who are not familiar with Cash Patel's Government Gangsters, you know,

he's Trump's FBI director.

Cash is, and it's, I'm reading again from Hellgate here, a sort of MAGA confession of faith, a celebration of Trump, a screed against the deep state, and a recasting of the criminal investigation that brought guilty pleas from such Trump world figures as Paul Manafort and Michael Flynn into a politically motivated hit job.

Adams also said, And New Yorkers stop me all the time and trying to find the rationale behind this.

And I found it in this book, Adams said, referring to why the government indicted him for allegedly taking bribes and campaign donations from agents of the Turkish government.

I'm going to encourage every New Yorker to read it.

Read it and understand how we can never allow this to happen to another innocent American.

God bless you.

As the mayor walked back up the steps to Gracie Mansion, reporters shouted questions at him.

He said, I'm running for re-election, and you know what?

I'm going to win.

Oh, my God.

I'm really liking the idea of Cash Batel's government gangsters being like quotations from Chairman Mao.

Like, if you're a big Adam's head, you have to like prove your loyalty by carrying around a little like sort of like vinyl bound copy of government gangsters.

yeah i mean i'm i'm worried that like every summer the new york public library does like a like a read-along thing where there's like a bunch of like here's like the book club books for everyone in new york to read and and now i'm really concerned they're just going to replace it with one book government we all have to read government gangsters yeah well look i think it's very it's very good that uh eric adams has the confidence right uh

that he's going to take it over the line and you know what i think we can all agree if he doesn't doesn't win, then clearly there was cheating.

I think so.

And to that point of him running, yeah, like November said, he also this week,

reading here from Politico, Eric Adams Ditch's Democratic Party will run for re-election as an independent.

He says he will run.

He's going to mount an independent campaign that relies on, quote, a solid base of people outside of Manhattan

with an ethnic, with an emphasis on ethnic minority.

Yeah, basically.

Or maybe specifically Staten Island.

I think he means like specifically Staten Island and like the more racist parts of Brooklyn and Queens.

He lamented how the bribery charges federal prosecutors hit him with in September handcuffed him, and he promised to be, quote, uninhibited on the campaign trail.

Oh, God.

I have been this racehorse that has been held back, he added.

This is so unnatural for me.

Oh, God.

Eric Adams,

you've really been keeping a

restrain,

very

cautious.

He's been inhibited.

He's been an inhibited racehorse.

And yeah, the hobbles are off.

Now they're finally going to unhobble that racehorse.

Meanwhile, meanwhile, Governor Cuomo sort of creeps his way towards trying to molest Gracie Mansion.

And he goes, I'm in the race to the end.

I'm not running on the Democratic line.

It's just not realistic to turn my numbers around and run a good campaign from where we are right now.

It hurts like hell.

Yeah.

And the other thing from this article is that he is, it seems his politico, you know, whatever.

You can trust them to just sort of like take whatever the politician says and tell you.

So it's clear that their strategy is they think they can beat Zoron if he wins the primary, who's, you know, the Democratic socialist running for the position right now.

I mean, I think that Cuomo would demolish this man, unfortunately.

But

if it's Cuomo versus Adams, you will never hear from me again because I'll be dead.

It's alien versus predator.

Whoever wins, we lose.

lose whoever wins i lose specifically it's yeah it is the uninhibited racehorse who who loves cops versus uh the sleaziest man in the world who loves cops but also like molesting cops in the office it really is like

andrew cuomo is fucking ham fist de metafiore in in in like every sense

from from from my comic fucks yes from your comic fuck

yes because you were thinking about mes long before we were doing this as a podcast.

Yeah,

I was naming Mayors

Hamphys D.

Metafiore.

Like 60 years later, you have to fly out of Metafiore airport and you're like, for fucking shit.

I honestly probably drive over the Metafiore Bridge named for his dad, not him.

So I just want to close this.

The Metafiore Bridge is actually mostly a key.

There's very little of it that's a bridge.

Yeah, it's a

it's mostly a causeway.

So

I just want to close our municipal update here with a reading of a Nate Silver tweet from 2022.

It's probably foolish to think a New York City mayor will successfully translate into being a national political figure.

Yes.

But I still think Eric Adams would be my top five for who will the next Democratic presidential nominee after Benjamin Clinton.

I mean, there's still time for him to be right.

I think he'd make an amazing leader of a controlled opposition in a managed managed democracy.

Like one of the eight like democratic parties in the like Chinese like National People's Congress.

Eric Adams, you could be a big Eric Adams guy.

Eric Adams could be the coach of the Washington General's.

Yeah.

He would be so good as American Zhironovsky.

I think he would, I think he could actually, he has the juice to do it.

Well, just getting on TV and saying that like President Vance should nuke Greenland.

Yeah, stuff like, because I think he could, I think he could have fun with it and he could add his own, like, he could add his own spin on it.

He could make it all about like hustle and mindset that's true he could be he could be he could be hustle zhiranovsky of the american liberal democratic party

that's beautiful um so uh that's that's municipal update yeah

yeah

and but by the way i should say um if you have tips for us we're all relatively easy to reach like in our homes or going about our daily business so like do reach out because i i've been eating half a pack of cookies in the course of recording this episode.

And I have the Maryland cookies in front of me.

And it says on the back of them, give us all your cookie feedback and suggestions.

And that phrase has entered into my brain whole and uncorrupted.

So if you have mayors, like give us all your mayor feedback and suggestions.

Yeah.

Municipal roundups specifically are nice to have.

I got a really good one the other day on Blue Sky sent to us.

That was like an article in French.

that said a mayor had been harassed so badly by a crow that he killed himself.

And I got really, really excited.

But it turns out, crow is an aphorism for like someone who's sending you threatening letters in French,

which is

less fun.

Crow getting a married killing himself.

It's not whimsical to be bullied into suicide, I regret to say.

Brief moment, you thought the plot of Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven actually happened to a French mayor.

Well, we don't briefly.

We don't know what happens to French mayors.

We've never done one yet.

It hasn't come up.

Yeah, we're going to do our first French mayor when the order demands it.

and it's gonna be like, Oh, yeah, he was bullied by a blue jay into killing himself.

We'll be like, Whoa,

the Corbetts, no, no, no.

Unfortunately, no, no, no, he was bullied by a Toronto Blue Jay, a baseball player.

John Olerud sent him letters demanding he kill himself.

The problem with doing a French mayor is a player.

You'll never be a Switch hitter.

I'm gazing into the Mentaculous right now, and it's telling me that the most probable first French mayor would be, at the time of recording, Anne Hidalgo, mayor of Paris.

But the the problem is, that's an episode where we just go, Yeah, she seems nice.

And then we talk about what treats I've been eating and drinking for the next 55 minutes.

Yeah, no, she seems all right.

No firemen have thrown flaming trash barrels at her,

which is how you measure a French politician how they're doing is how many firemen have assaulted her.

List of mayors of Paris.

Okay, okay, okay.

So, I want to get into our mayor for the episode, who is a trifle, but I wanted to have a little fun one after we did a very heavy guy last week on the bonus.

Yeah, it's like Sherlock Holmes said, you know, trifle is the most important thing.

Like, loves a trifle.

And an incredible thing happened where a reader did send a reader, a listener, Sophia, sent in a tip.

Thank you, Sophia.

Thank you, Sophia, for printing out the episode transcripts and reading it.

Reading it.

And then, yeah, and never listening to the show.

But yeah, a Patreon,

Sophia, sent us a message with this one mayor.

And it's kind of a miracle because I turned the page on the Meritaculus and there he was.

So great job.

Yeah.

Sophia, thank you so much.

I'm interpreting the kind of will of the like loom, you know?

Yeah.

Congratulations getting a hand on that loom.

Yeah.

So I want to talk about this guy, Carter Henry Harrison III.

So he was born on a plantation in 1825 in Kentucky.

uh in a log cabin.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

So the Harrison family is pretty famous.

Like he's descended from Richard A.

Harrison, one of the main reticides of Charles I back in England.

He's also related to William Henry and Benjamin Harrison, who are both presidents.

Though, of course, William Henry Harrison, the one who died after a month because he didn't wear a coat at his own inauguration.

Famously related to the president with one hit point.

Yeah, he was giving his

speech at his inauguration.

He was blinking red.

And everyone was very curious why that was happening.

But they found his weak point, which was not wearing a jacket.

So as befits, such an impressive family, he goes off to Yale and he's a member of one of their dumb secret societies, the Scroll and Key.

I grew up not far from New Haven, and they have an insane building that looks like a mausoleum.

Yeah, they have a bunch of each each of these secret societies has like a tomb, right?

Like, well, the Scroll and Key is like called the tomb because it's the one that looks the most like a tomb.

Like, uh-huh.

Like the skull and bones building.

Oh, wow.

Oh, okay.

It's also called the tomb.

That's crazy.

Why are they all called the tomb?

That's a lot of that.

That's

weirdly kind of like Arab-esque architecture as well.

Yeah, it's like Moorish Revival.

It's got the Abluck thing of stripes of dark brick in between the light brick.

It's very, very weird.

And so very cool to go to an elite university and go to the Moorish Revival tomb.

where you sit in a coffin and get like jerked off on by your dad or like George Bush Sr.

or whoever.

Yeah, or a different president from the 1800s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Somebody's jerking off on you is the main thing.

I think that's predictive, you know.

At that point, it's like, you know, Charles Yerks just bursts in and says, call me Charles Jerks, the way I inducted all these freshmen.

I'm pulling all of this from the CIA movie The Good Shepherd with Matt Damon, where he's in skull and bones and like his dad jerks off on him or something.

I don't remember it very well.

Yeah.

Yeah,

it's known as the elite society of getting sucked off by a Rockefeller

in a coffin.

Oh, man.

Anyways, yeah, I, I, I grew up not far from New Haven.

And like, you drive around and you're just like, what is

like an Arab mausoleum doing?

Why is there a Kaaba in fucking New Haven?

Anyways, he graduates Yale at the age of 26 in 1851.

And he goes and studies the world like any upright sort of young rich guy at the time.

He goes to Kentucky and he gets a law degree at Transylvania College.

Excuse me.

A lot of coffins.

A lot of coffins in this guy's life, huh?

Real vampiery.

I know it just means across the woods, right?

But like you can't.

In Latin, you can't be calling it that, surely.

Yep.

When did, okay, hold on.

When was Dracula published?

That's 1897.

So I feel like we're still pre-Dracula time.

So they had a good like 116 years of being called Transylvania University and then Bram Stoker drops Dracula and they're like, fuck.

We're not going to change the name.

Yeah.

They're not even called like the Draculas, which is what I would do.

They are called the Pioneers, which is so boring.

Still going?

Oh, they still exist.

I did find,

I did find, and

I do have to buy this.

There are shirts that I guess it is referred to as transi by students and faculty.

And I found shirts.

I found shirts that have a bat on them and it says transy mom.

And I do

need someone to buy it for me

very badly.

If anyone needs to buy me a gift, I need the transy mom shirt or a tank top delivered to my home so I can wear it every day for the rest of my life.

Did he

went to transi?

He went to transi.

Was he study at transi?

Law.

Uh-huh.

Oh, wow.

It really does say Transy, huh?

Uh-huh.

That's right.

It does.

It does.

Also, can I just tell you this?

The most important annual celebration at Transylvania University is Halloween.

I'm so glad they have that in writing.

They celebrate Halloween for like a full week.

Oh, my God.

Well, it's Halloween week.

It's Halloween week.

So they say there's a week-long celebration of Halloween by Transylvania University students known as RAF Week in honor of 19th-century botanist inventor and

Transylvania professor

Konstantin Rathenesque.

University ends October.

Professor Van Helsing.

The university ends October with a unique combination of activities, including a lottery for four students to win the night, the chance to spend the night in Rathanesque's tomb.

What the fuck?

Yeah, where you have to stake him with a fucking uh wooden stake or else uh das vampyr rises from the grave to administer the university yeah why why are this why are vampires always trying to get to spend the night places i i just i'm going to need transylvania university to change the name of their thing from the pioneers to the vampires yeah or the draculas the chasers

the nosperates

just completely guilelessly saying you know what i think really is going to convey the kind of ethos that we want to get across for like Transylvania sport is the chasers.

Yeah, the transi chasers.

Yeah, the transi chasers, yeah.

Yeah, because you chase the ball.

You chase success.

I would kill a person for transient chasers.

At least because I'm on their athletic wear shop right now.

You can get like the kind of John Belushi just like college one that just says transi, and I will be getting that in a woman's fit.

But they also have the like usual like athletic department thing that says like property of transy pioneers.

And I feel like a property of transi chasers would

sell like hotcakes.

So yeah, that's a really good way for me to get anonymous Venmos of $100 exactly where they are.

Exactly.

What's your endowment?

And it could be a lot higher.

I'll tell you that.

You're asking what the endowment of this transi is?

Well, of the transi chasers, yeah.

$190 million.

They could double that with some like t-shirt moves.

Easy.

Anyways, so that's we're past the part of the notes where I said holding some space here for everyone everyone to talk about Dracula.

Oh my gosh, you can search by sport here and that you can just fully buy like six different designs of shirts that just say transi baseball.

So if you want something to wear to a baseball game.

Oh, no, this is really bad news for me because my softball season is about to start.

Oh, there's softball ones.

You better be able to.

Is there a transient softball shirt?

There are one, two, three.

There are nine trans.

No, wait, there's different pages.

There's three sets and there's 27 different designs of transy softball shirts.

I'm putting a link in the uh like chat right now.

I will be I will be wearing this to my gay softball league season this summer.

This is a financially ruinous thing that I've just done to you, and I'm so sorry, but like it's okay.

I did it to myself by finding it originally.

Um,

next time

next time

this is a little a little peek behind the curtain, we're we're not recording next week.

So the next time we record is going to be two weeks from now, you're both going to be festooned in Transylvania University's credit game.

That is true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is true.

You're going to be wearing like the, you're each going to be wearing hats.

You're going to be wearing like pants, t-shirts, and sweaters for all different sports.

Dripped out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm basically a multi-sport athlete.

They should also have like fan gear, like a foam dome or a foam finger.

Transi, number one.

Okay.

So it's 1855.

Cast your minds back to the 19th century, please.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

Oh, yeah.

What are we talking about?

Yeah, they barely even had like baseball camps back then.

Yeah, that's right.

Our guy, Carter Harrison III, is 30 years old.

He moves to Chicago after marrying his first wife, who is named Sophonisba Preston, which is a great sort of name.

You don't get a lot of Sophonisbas, but a lot of people are a warheader of like things that used to be named very differently in the

19th century.

Yeah.

On their honeymoon, he decides that he likes some land opportunity in Chicago and because he inherits his uh family's plantation and 100 slaves, but he sells them all.

Um, he says that his time at Yale confirmed his aversion to slavery, though I guess not enough to not sell his didn't do manumission, though.

He didn't, he was not do manumission and also to sell, he sold his slaves off, which is a thing that people would do when they decided they don't like slavery anymore.

I'm gonna be thinking about nothing else but the hats.

Um, if you

if you if you go into activities and go lady mascot you can get a shirt or a hat that says transy lady pioneers

we're not going to get you off this and i will i will also be doing that oh no no remember i'm sorry i really i really know i really thought we were going to get distracted in a dracula distraction in a direction but i know we're somewhere we're somewhere so no no no i'm i'm with the transy lady pioneers which is like a thing that your confused grandparent would say in a thing to try and like you know

she's like a she's like a she's pioneering being a lady.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's like your confused but well-meaning grandparent who wants to be supportive and is doing their best.

I bought a transy grandma sweatshirt.

So, because I'm proud of my grandson, who's now my granddaughter.

Is there one that says proud transy grandma?

It has to be.

If transy mom is there, they got to have transy grandma.

Transy water girl?

Yeah, even if she knows.

Okay, that's getting way too specific.

I don't know what to tell you that you can get it on a shirt.

It will cost you like $30, but you can get it.

Whoever's doing the merch over there has noted the community's shift to water sports in the last 10 years.

Okay.

Okay.

Was it made of vinyl?

Oh, my lord.

Is it an absorbent material?

This baby.

You can get one that just says transi baby.

Oh, I love that book, Tori Peters.

I got her new one the other day i'm actually really excited oh yeah me too i also got stag dance but yeah the uh the the like the easy reading version of the transition baby this is called transy baby transient

it's the the new version of that book anti-racist well because the thing is this is this is also filled with like all the stuff that a university might have so it goes down with like mascot uh so like lady lady pioneers are just also filled uh like different kind of sports different alumni things different family members academics which means you can get transi biology and transi basic skills department

no

you can

i'm i'm sorry i'm sorry to tell you uh but

like

oh god there's so many I'm going to be looking at this for the whole rest of the thing.

I will be.

I will be.

We've been doing this for 42 minutes and we've just started the daily

early.

Armor Harrison moves to Chicago at a weird time.

Chicago is like growing a lot.

Like

Republicans.

I swear to fucking God.

Okay, let's just

not think about it.

As a blanket statement, okay, transient college Democrats would be even funnier.

As a blanket statement,

let's assume that Transylvania University has every funny combination of the word transi with something you expect an American college to also have.

That's really most of them.

Let's assume it's all there.

Maddie, please.

Thank you for the word.

We're having a looking at the son award from our sponsor, Transy University.

Okay.

This is going to be like the great lost episode of No Gaz, No Mayors, where I couldn't even talk about the mare.

It's fine.

No, he was like, this is more of like a yeah like a light a light a light mare so we're fine um

so

um he moves to chicago it's kind of like chicago is growing massively it is like it is not like the machine politics that we're used to hearing about chicago not quite yet but it is sort of uh his son carter harrison iv uh wrote in his book that the

chicago at the time was quote a happy-go-lucky community a wild and woolly frontier town with uh very lax attitudes towards uh corruption Woolly.

Woolly.

So it's the mid-19th century.

So a rich guy like Carter Harrison, he just sort of becomes a millionaire in real estate.

He starts practicing as a lawyer.

So he falls into it, you know?

Yeah, he just trips and falls into owning a huge chunk of the west side of Kentucky, which is or the west side of Chicago, which is all there's a weirdly a ton of displaced Kentuckians there.

But just back in the day, he was a member of the Kentucky diaspora.

Basically,

I live in Little Kentucky.

The food, incredible.

Oh my God, I got a hot brown in Little Kentucky.

It's just like when you go to Kentucky.

Okay, yeah.

No,

yeah, I love to go to whatever the Little Kentucky equivalent of like, I don't know, like San Jannaro is, you know, buy like an $80 Kentucky t-shirt.

Yeah, I'm going to the Little Derby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm getting a mint.

Tiny horses.

So right after the Great Fire of 1871.

uh which we all know about, which was set by a cow trying to pay tribute to its ancestors,

harrison gets involved uh municipally he starts like a he gets on a unity ticket with some republicans that they call the fireproof ticket

just after that's that's so funny to be like the year after 9-11 to be running as the 9-11 will never happen again candidate yeah i mean basically it's like what do people what's what's like the main thing people care about it's like well everyone's house has just burned down And it's like, well,

we're the fireproof ticket.

Politics used to be so easy.

We will eliminate all house.

You're voting for the cow genocide.

I mean, in many ways, every vote you make does that.

Yeah, I will say

Chicago, big cow genocide kind of town.

So he and the fireproof ticket do really well.

He ends up on the Cook County Board of Commissioners.

The mayor from that ticket, Joseph Medeal,

ends up the mayor.

He's a Republican.

He was weirdly a staunch abolitionist and supporter of Lincoln.

Like his paper was, he owned the trib, which was the Republican paper, but he also constantly wrote about how the Irish were lazy and op-eds.

I mean,

that's classic 19th century Republican position is like,

I'm against slavery.

Also, you know, we should build a wall around Ireland.

They're shiftless and ruining our country.

So

at this point, the mayor is a two-year term.

And he beefs up the office like a concerning amount and then was so stressed out by it that he abandoned his post with three months to go and went to Europe on a convalescent tour into

that that I get.

The kind of

Celestine V version of being a mayor.

Also, no, he got burnt out and then he was like, you know what?

I just need to go to there.

Apparently, in Brandenburg, there's like a coaching inn that plays really good like Jigs.

I'm going to the man respecting Onsen Berlin.

Crucially, not the Irish respecting onsen no that's the different one hey he's he's uh he's wearing a um he's wearing an irish free state shirt in the in the south this is disobeying two laws

oh man um harrison uh just a year into his board tenure he runs for congress but he gets beat really soundly because the district is very heavily republican but he outperforms the normal the the sort of like standard democrat performance in those elections and he runs again after his term and is uh he wins by eight votes Uh, the tribune is publisher as the mayor blames the unity ticket for this, which aligned some of the Republicans with less popular Democrats stance on the beer question, which was the implementation of blue laws.

So this peeled off votes that would normally go to the Republicans, to the People's Party, which was anti-blue law, which is, I see someone highlighting the word blue law.

And for non-Americans, that's when you can't.

That's like when you make a county dry, you can't buy beer on Sundays or

like where I grew up in Connecticut, on Sundays, they put a big tarp over the beer in the store.

So it was like, you can't see it.

Top then.

We're all going to pretend the beer's not there.

Basically, and this is, this is a big thing over,

you know, like waspier places had this, like New England, uh, and then I guess some of the upper Midwest was looking at it in the 1800s.

Um,

so Harris is also in Europe when he gets elected, but he comes home.

He takes office, he serves a couple of terms in Congress.

Just getting, getting a sort of message by the pool in, in italy where you're on vacation to be like hey you've been elected mayor of chicago uh well he gets elected to congress oh sorry my bad yes oh it's okay uh he comes home he takes office he serves a couple terms yeah he gets elected for a second term uh while he's traveling in europe again but this time it's because his wife died you could they couldn't make you be in the office they couldn't even make you be in the country Like people talk about work from home now.

This guy was work from Europe.

Yeah.

At a time when he would have been like a telegraph nomad.

Yeah, you actually just need like a telegraph key.

And you throw that in a backpack.

You can hook it up to the nearest like telegraph wire.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was reading some article about how everyone in Mexico City was getting really mad at all the American telegraph nomads

gentrifying the joint.

So yeah, but he's in Europe because his wife died and he's on a My Wife is Death Tour.

Does he, anytime something bad happens to Carter Harrison III, he's just like, all right, you forced my hand.

Back to Europe.

This This me for a while.

Are we 100%

sure that this isn't Dickie Greenleaf, displaced to the 19th century?

Possibly.

So he serves his second term, but has a very confusing scandal that I read about for like three hours and couldn't really get to the bottom of.

He like pushed through the payment of some disability benefits to self-proclaimed Union Army veterans, and it turns out none of them actually served or suffered any injuries.

It was just four guys, and this basically forces him out of office.

Is that really

small?

That was a lot of people.

It was small

it's underreported stealing valor on like a transactional basis the rarer but i think funnier kind of valor stealing to get that sweet sweet va health care yeah so he he gets forced out of office in congress basically and like so many scandal plagued local men he runs for office for mayor um he gets the democratic nomination and beats uh an anti-gambling republican the least fun man in the planet yeah and apparently during the campaign harrison would often ride around around town in a horse-drawn wagon with an eagle that he had taken as a pet.

Voters began to call him the eagle, which is confusing to me because he had an eagle.

That's just a note from me from the future.

Yeah, he's the eagle's keeper or friend, depending on how you interpret their relationship with the eagle's friend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is cool, though, the politics could be like, there is this Kentuckian riding around with an eagle.

Yeah, I'm going to call him the eagle.

He's the mayor now.

The Chicago Tribune found that repeat voters had been transported across the city by Democrats in order to cast multiple votes.

Uh, but to me, that seems like a thing that everyone was doing, or you just sort of accused everyone of doing at the time.

Yeah, yeah, just that's just like like you would you could never win an election if you weren't doing like shenanigans with like shaving people.

Yeah, this guy gets like he's voted seven times, but that's fine because he's also six Union Army veterans.

Um, hey, he's got 12 missing limbs, show some respect.

This guy died 19 times at the Battle of Antietam, and you're going to tell him he can't vote again?

Yeah, because he's Irish.

So it was,

yeah, but voter fraud was sort of in the air.

The previous year's presidential election in America was such a nightmare that it led to the creation of voting, of laws for better counting of votes, which did, if you recall, fix that forever in America.

You could have to stop counting on your fingers because there are a lot of guys who had like more or fingers.

That was like their version of voter ID.

It's like, this is going to stop people voting 19 times.

And this is a proud tradition.

This country.

Nobody can have a mustache.

So, yeah.

So Harrison basically is a very charismatic guy.

Chicago is undergoing this like massive explosion of growth.

And everyone loves him except for the white evangelical middle class.

He loves to brag about Chicago and he calls the city his bride.

That's a Cuomo thing.

That's a Cuomo thing.

He's going to...

Does Cuomo call New York his wife?

I feel like he must do, right?

Because he's going to fuck it.

Like, I just, this is, I have a strong kind of aversion to this in the sense that, like, he's going to, he's going to fuck the city.

Yeah.

His big thing is he fights the railroads who are like snatching up all sorts of land and displacing people.

He advocates for elevated tracks so people are not killed by the trains constantly.

So it's a straight line from this guy going from going to Transylvania University to the Blues Brothers joke about how often does the train go past the window.

In 1884, Harrison allegedly, I'm asking the 200-year-old man to not sue us, orders the Chicago PD to pull men sympathetic to Grover Cleveland off the street and pack the hall where the Democratic Convention is being held because politics used to be cool and we used to be a real country.

So Grover Cleveland had shooters.

Like he had like the cops on his side.

Yeah, because he had Carter Harrison the third office.

That's so funny that like your job as a cop in, you know, 19th century Chicago was partially dependent on how you felt about Grover Cleveland.

Well, also, I like that it's like they knew who was sympathetic to Grover Cleveland.

And instead of being like, you're getting blackbagged for Grover Cleveland, it was like, come on, go, let's, I'm helping you go support Grover Cleveland.

In 1884, he runs for governor of Illinois and does not succeed.

And then 1886 is the Haymarket riots, which he is mayor during.

He is, however,

and this is cool to me, quick to speak out against anti-socialist language in the news.

And he asserts that socialists represent, and I quote, workers, thinkers, and writers of the United States.

You have to do it in a Kentucky accent.

Otherwise, it doesn't count.

Slight.

Sorry, I'm not going to do that.

But they make me.

This is very like Everett Claire shit to me as well.

Like he is a lavish motherfucker, it would appear to me.

Yes.

But it's all for the benefit of the workers, you know, this guy and his eagle, they're on our side, kind of, maybe.

Yeah.

And, you know, and because of the

riots breaking out, though, and mounting accusations of voter fraud, and also the Christians in the city, like the evangelicals that don't like him, seem to think that the riots were the result of him allowing saloons to be open on Sunday.

These men drank so much that they became communists.

That they, that one communist threw a bomb.

Yeah.

So his popularity is declining and he sees the writing on the wall.

He steps down after his fourth two-year term in 1887.

He decides to retire, but the Democrats can't find anyone to to replace him.

So they nominate him.

I think a lot about this.

A two-year term.

They had to do all this shit every two years?

You had to pretend to have been in the civil war every two years?

Yeah, you could bet.

You have two years to grow your election beard.

So he gets nominated again, despite him not wanting it.

However, his second wife dies and he's like, Well, time to go to Europe.

This is

this is one of the most dead wife-pilled men.

He's having like multiple different John Wick dead wife reminiscence moments at the same time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, honestly, he's he has just decided that like Europe is his comfort continent.

And honestly, that's

so real.

He's so real for that.

And like, if you can do that, if you have the means to be like, I'm sad, I'm going to go to, I don't know, Rome or whatever, why wouldn't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what will cheer me up about my dead wife is this beautiful European food.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would love some fried artichokes in the, in the Jewish quarter of Rome.

What if he went like northern Europe, though?

Because we've just been saying Europe.

What if he's like, my wife is dead?

The only thing that can comfort me is some horrid meatballs.

I was going to say, my wife is dead, but it's herring season.

I will say, I had, when I was in the Netherlands about 10 years ago, I had the street herring in the bun and it was quite good.

Yeah.

It's salsy.

It's like fish.

Honestly, yeah, sure.

Yeah, it's, it is like fish.

Yeah.

If I'm sad.

Okay.

If I'm sad, that's where I go.

I go to Northern Europe.

That's true.

Yeah.

Riley goes to the, the, the, the, the woman respecting spa in northern Europe.

Um, so he basically steps out of political life.

Uh, he publishes a book.

He travels a bunch.

He becomes the owner and the editor of the Chicago Times.

This guy feels like he's having the most fun being alive of any of the mayors we've done, maybe.

Yeah.

Not with the dead wife stuff, but you know.

Yeah.

He recalls his son, Carter Harrison IV, who was getting educated in Germany to come back and help run the paper, who is the only newspaper to support the Pullman strikers in the mid-1890s later.

And he himself became the mayor also five times with one non-consecutive, but nothing interesting happened to him at all.

Just it's the family business and the family business is mayoralty.

It's being mayor exactly five times, one non-consecutive, yeah.

The family business is

conducting police roundups, helpful police roundups of your own supporters and then also like sort of beard timing.

Yeah.

In 1891, Carter Harrison feels the pull municipally.

The dad.

Yeah, Carter Harrison III, our subject.

He decides to run for mayor again in 1891.

Wait, so has not got the has his son been mayor at this point?

No, like he's his son is is mayor later.

Okay, gotcha, gotcha.

So in 1891, he decides to run for mayor again.

He doesn't get the Democratic nomination, so he runs as an independent and is definitely a spoiler also.

Holding up a copy of Emma Goldman's book and being like,

you know, I'm going to rely on this.

Every Chicagoan should read it.

Yeah, a Republican wins by only a few hundred votes.

Sorry, Matty.

Mattie?

Can we say the name of the Republican that wins?

Oh, yeah.

I'll get there.

Okay, there we go.

I'm a big fan of the Democrat's name as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Republican wins by a couple hundred votes because Harrison here is definitely a spoiler.

And so, of course, the incumbent Democrat DeWitt Clinton Krieger loses to the Republican Hempstead Washburn.

Oh, we used to have names.

Yeah.

Only the Mormons are doing it like this now, and they're not even doing stuff like Hempstead Washburn.

A Mormon might do the Krieger, but that's like a first name.

Like, you're not getting into the world.

Dwit is a very Mormon first name.

I feel like Hempstead Washburn is the name of a baseball player from 1912 that pitched the only 47-inning game.

Hempstead Washburn is either a baseball player or like basketball player that is like whose name is last spoken by the dad at the YMCA as he's doing three-pointers.

Hempstead Washburn.

Singing a flat-footed three over my head.

You do an underhanded three.

Flat-footed, underhanded.

Washburn.

It's weirdly unblockable.

Everyone else on the court has to go home and look him up, and he's only got like a Wikipedia stub with no picture.

So

DeWitt Clinton Krieger was the guy who, or sorry, Washburn, rather, sorry, oversaw the development of the famous 1893 World Columbian exposition which you know you've read devil in the white city of course you know but the columbian exposition yeah yeah yeah sure um so in 1893 our boy uh carter harrison iii mounts yet another mayoral bid he doesn't have any institutional support and him and grover cleveland have fallen out over cleveland's stance on the gold standard versus the silver and gold standard bimetallism politics are stupid yes yeah yeah by bimetallism versus like unimetalism um this is this is so cool though that if he's running for mayor you can be like oh you you know, I think my dad remembers him.

And then the dad is like, yeah, he used to like ride around with an eagle.

And you're like, okay, yeah, sure, right.

The eagle, sure.

Yeah, he was the eagle.

He used to ride around with an eagle.

Yeah.

It was a bit of a scandal where he invented some dead soldiers, but ultimately what ended his political career was a disagreement about bimetallism with Grover Cleveland.

Well, so he rebounds from his disagreement over bimetallism with Grover Cleveland.

So he basically runs like on how charismatic he is.

Plus, he owns a newspaper.

He manages to use this to get the support of some

people who later are like the foundational figures of Chicago machine politics, including corrupt alderman Johnny, quote, Johnny DePowell powers

and some other ward clubs.

More accusations of voter fraud here, but he wins the Democratic nomination.

He runs against some like rich stockyard guy called Samuel Allerton, who's massively favored.

He is only backed.

He doesn't have Johnny DePowell, though.

Yeah.

No, he does not.

He is only backed by his own newspaper, whereas Allerton had the backing of like everybody in the city elite.

So he was the snobs.

He was the snobs and Harrison weirdly was the slobs.

The kind of eagle-handling communist sympathizing slobs.

Like basically, yeah, voters thought that Harrison was charismatic and would be a better face for the Columbian Exposition because they wanted to like sell Chicago to the world as like an up-and-coming city.

Allerton is a wet blanket who says he'd run Chicago like a business and that he had,

and for this, he had the backing of like the business organizers organizing the world's fair.

Harrison wins in a landslide though because everyone loves him.

Just perfect.

Just like we need a huckster.

We need a showman.

Yeah, we needed a guy.

Yeah, we need we needed the greatest showman.

So meanwhile,

just in the side here, a newspaper distributor, an avid Georgist.

Let's go ring the big Georgism bell.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

In Chicago, who he also thought the railroad should be elevated.

This guy, his name is Patrick Eugene Prendergast.

What happened to surnames?

How do you lose the surname Prendergast?

Well, this guy later is executed.

So maybe that's it.

So

he's writing Harrison letters saying that he supports Harrison on the condition that he will be appointed to a position in the new administration.

Harrison does not know about these because it's just some guy writing him letters.

Oh my God.

I see the dimensions this is going because we did a Well, There's Your Problem episode about President Garfield.

Oh, yeah.

Similar vibe.

Very similar vibe.

Does America just generate Charles Guitteau, plural, with an X at the end of Guitteau?

Yeah, there's actually a big pit in Nebraska that they all crawl out of.

And we're trying to cover it up, but it keeps crawling.

Crawling out of the pit like appoint me ambassador to France.

I want to go to Europe as much as you do.

So

more on

Mr.

Prendergast in a second.

You know, Stockholm is always the first stop.

So Harrison gets back into power and immediately says to himself, time to build the Chicago Democratic machine because it is the 1890s and everybody else in every other city has already done it.

So the first step, he appoints a guy named John Coughlin, also known as Bathhouse John or simply the bath.

On Sen Johnny.

Onsen Johnny, because he got his start.

as a bathhouse masseuse and later owned a bunch of bathhouses.

Okay, sure.

They call him Johnny Blowjohn.

The Democrat-respecting bathhouse?

Yeah.

He gets Bathhouse John to sit on the reception committee for the World's Fair.

It's so funny that, like, at some point, like, what you do to get ahead in machine politics switches to being involved in a sort of

an evangelical church that's also kind of a business success program.

Yeah, but it used to be that you could just hang out in the bathhouse.

Well, see, the thing is, he had to jerk a lot of guys off in that bathhouse in order to get his foot in in the door of machine politics.

You know, and boy, were his wrists tied.

Yeah, I was going to say,

time was in America.

This is like overseeing a big change in American politics, right?

Because in the 1850s, you got to be jerking some guy off in a coffin inside of a tomb.

And by the 1890s, you got to be jerking somebody off in a bathhouse.

And I think that's very representative of where American politics are.

Very much so.

Yeah.

So he gets this guy to sit on the reception committee for the World's Fair.

He did this because the bath, along with associates Hinky Dink, Mike Kenna, and Johnny Powers, a.k.a.

Johnny the to Powers.

So Mike Kenna was very easy for the bath to handle then.

So the three of those guys were known as the Gray Wolves of Chicago, which we can't call them that.

You can't call them that.

The three Turkish supernationalists of Chicago.

I guess this is like Transylvania University, though.

They beat them.

He got radicalized into Turkish nationalism by running a bathhouse.

It was more like a kind of a hammam than an on-set.

But these these aldermen,

you know, they came to power around the same time.

They were basically the foundation of like the Democratic machine in Chicago in the early 1900s.

They were known for a practice known as boodling, where businesses would bribe them for the franchises for public service contracts, which is also known as bribing.

I don't know why I didn't do the second thing.

Yeah, it's bribing that's against the law.

There's no law against boodling.

I think anytime

henceforth when we talk about money being stuffed into people's socks, that's boodling to us.

That's boodling.

Okay, great.

Official stance.

Boodling is good.

I don't think that's not an immortal precept.

No,

it's inspirational.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is a sort of, I think, a guideline for the podcast moving forward.

Style guide.

Which is to

bring up boodling as much as possible.

Because it's a fun word to say, say with me, Boodle.

Boodle.

Oh, me?

Yeah.

You want me to?

I would like you to say it.

You want me to say boodling?

That's right.

Matthew,

are you aware of Boodles, the gentleman's club in London?

I'm aware of Boodles from listening to Trash Future,

which is a podcast that I've listened to before.

Can't say who's on it.

I will never say who's on it.

So Harrison is sworn in for his fifth term as mayor on April 17th, 1893.

On May 5th, the Columbian Expedition opens, which is set to run until the end of October.

And it goes really good.

Has a big like race of showman type opening.

Yeah.

A lot of exertion, probably.

Yeah, everything's great uh there's definitely some guy running around in a uh stuffing people into a murder house but that's not his problem

uh harrison gives a speech at the fairs uh american cities day on october 28th the international day of mayors the international day of mayors this guy uh prendergast uh the newspaper distributor who's writing him letters He goes to Harrison's house at 10 to 8 that night.

Wow, rude.

Like late to just be showing up unprompted.

At the mayor's house, yeah.

He rings the bell and a maid lets him in.

It's like, yeah, sure, whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm on, I'm on break.

Do whatever you want.

Yeah.

And then he goes into the parlor and

Harrison's asleep on a sofa.

And then he shoots him three times.

Whoa.

And he dies 30 minutes later.

It used to be so much easier.

Dark Souls font, Gateaud.

Ambassadorship to France achieved.

It used to be so much easier to assassinate people back when you could just go to their house, like knock on the door, someone would answer, and then you could shoot them.

And it turns out all of the people that you might really want to shoot, you can't just like knock on their front door and then shoot them anymore.

Not anymore.

Yeah, these days, they don't let you.

I just, you know, I brought this episode to us because I really wanted to just, I was just thinking about

what.

it could look like if people were getting assassinated sometimes.

So on October 31st, the Columbian Exposition is supposed to have its big closing ceremony.

Not enough drunk policemen either.

Sorry.

Yeah, it's okay.

We should make everyone in society drunk again.

I think that would solve a lot of problems.

That is true.

If you're if you're listening to this driving,

let's go.

So there's supposed to be a big closing ceremony on October 31st, or as they call it, in Transi University Christmas.

They

replace the closing celebration with like a humongous funeral service for the audience.

Perfect.

You elect him to like advertise for the thing, and he advertises it ultimately with his death.

Like, he makes a blood sacrifice for the Columbian Exposition.

Transi University's most famous son.

Those who walk away from the Colombian World's Exposition.

Look,

it's blood in, blood out.

The blood of one mayor?

It only depends on the assassination of one man.

Yeah.

People don't know, but the boy in a Omellis is actually wearing a sash because he's the mayor.

Yeah, we should one day cover the mayor of Omellis.

So, yeah, and then four years later, his son is elected mayor and then his mayor five times.

On the sympathy ticket, you have to imagine.

On the sympathy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then his mayor five very boring times.

And all he does is like let a bunch of brothels open and then close them all.

You must be so disappointed as a Chicagoan under Carter Harrison IV.

She's like, oh boy, here we go again.

To get assassinated by a Georgist as well is really funny because there's not a long history of like Georgist terrorism, right?

It would be funny if there were, but there isn't.

And so that is, it's like, it's like a, like a, like a kind of radicalized lib dem, you know, it's like, irrespective of the policies, you don't expect that to be the guy who shoots somebody.

Yeah, I just didn't think he'd be a Georgist.

No, no, just like the last words you perceive on earth as the guy shoots you a like flat tax and you're like, oh,

land value tax.

What?

Have you read this book?

Bang, bang, bang.

Yeah, I just, I don't know why Georgism has cropped up in two episodes I've done now, but maybe, maybe I'll try to keep it going.

It's because you talk about the mayors of the 19th century.

That's maybe why.

No, the other one was the guy from Harrisburg who was very much the mayor in

the

1970s.

Georgia.

All right.

All right.

All right.

We'll get more Georgias mayors and on.

Cleveland had a Georgius mayor.

Oh, okay.

Put it on the list.

I mean, sorry, it's already on the list.

I'm mentally, I'm reconfiguring where Mayor Tom L.

Johnson of Cleveland is going to be in the Mentaculous.

More specifically, you're not reconfiguring the list.

You are thinking that the list is reconfiguring itself.

He's rotund.

That's right.

He's rotund.

He is rotund.

Yes.

cleveland's cleveland's big george's boy

anyways so that's uh carter harrison the third and also 30 minutes about transylvania university

yeah so remember to like go and buy a transi lady pioneers shirt yeah yeah yeah i think i think that's our main message for the episode is go buy some university merch from transi university yeah if you if you have a sport i guarantee you can get that sport printed on a shirt with transi on it And

I'm excited to see a bunch of like transient softball shirts.

Whenever we do our first live show, it better look like a fucking pep rally in there.

This is also a free episode.

And I urge you all citizens of the world to join our Patreon at no godsnomares.com.

For $5 a month, you can get the other half of the episodes we release.

And also, you can go to genderpodcast.com slash live if you would like to see me perform in Chicago or Minneapolis next weekend.

pretty good.

At release.

Maybe, maybe.

Oh, you know, what day is that?

Because

this is coming out like not this week, right?

This is coming out on the 17th, and I will be in Chicago on the 24th and Minneapolis on the 25th.

I wonder if people in Minneapolis will have time to get their transient baseball caps.

I hope so.

I really hope so.

I hope if you are in the audience in Minneapolis and you throw me a hat, I will blow you a little kiss.

Fantastic.

And as always, give us all your cookie feedback and suggestions.

No Godsnomares.com.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.

Bye.