55: No Such Thing As Samurai Nail Clippers

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No such thing Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast.

This week, coming to you from the Soho Theatre in central London, my name is Dan Schreiber.

I am sitting with James Harkin, Andy Murray, Anna Chaczynski.

And once again, we have our four favorite facts.

We're sat around on microphones, and in no particular order, here we go.

Starting with you, James Harkin.

Okay, my fact this week is that firefighters use wetter water than we do.

Is that in everyday life as well?

Just cleaning their teeth and having a shower.

No, just for putting out fires.

So what do you mean by wetter water?

Well, it's just about how weird water is, really.

Apparently, if you put certain polymers into water, there is less friction in the pipe, so it shoots out of the pipe quicker.

And it's called a wetting agent, and it's to make water wetter.

Did someone notice that it was going really slowly out of the pipe and sort of hanging around?

And how much faster does it go?

Well, there is, they use it in oil as well.

And in the Alaskan pipeline, they put this stuff in and it reduces pumping costs by up to 50%.

Because it just pumps up more.

It pumps out more in a single time.

But you don't want to mix up the oil and the water if you're a firefighter as well.

It's a terrible point.

I don't think you can mix oil and water, isn't that the whole point?

That's a very good point.

It's amazing.

Yeah.

So when it's the first time they used this stuff, there were puddles of it around and the firefighters were complaining that we were slipping on the puddles because it was so wet.

Quick step in one of those puddles of water for stability.

So do you know how long they've been using it?

This was, I'm not sure exactly when it came out, when they found it out, but I think it was in the 60s or 70s.

And it was a guy called B.A.

Toms, and it's called the Toms effect, this thing that makes it slippier.

On slippery water, no one knows why ice is slippery today, or no one knows why.

So, well, the reason ice is slippery is that there's a tiny film of water forms on top of water when it freezes.

And scientists don't know why water does that, why this tiny film of water forms and why it's slippery.

And that's just another weird thing about water.

Yeah, and the other weird thing is that it's sticky and slippery ice.

Like if you put your tongue in it, you stick to it, but also it's slippery, and that's just a weird thing to happen.

Just on water being wetter, my dad uses scissors that are sharper than most scissors

i was trying to i was trying to think when when i found out this fact i was i was just like oh what else is more than what it's meant to be and my dad actually my dad's a hairdresser and he has a pair of scissors that were forged by samurai

in japan

i'm starting to understand why you believe all this crap about yesis

Your dad's been spinning you absurd lies since you were a child.

So sorry, they were forged in the pin.

They were, no, honestly.

They were forged in the fire of some Morda.

They're a pair of scissors that were forged by Samurai, and they are the sharpest pair of scissors that you can buy in the world.

And he's had them for 35, coming up to 40, so it's in between that bracket.

One day they'll be given to you.

I know.

No, but he's consistently, as a hairdresser, you're meant to get your scissors sharpened every few years.

He goes every few years to get them sharpened, and the people at the sharpening place go, we can do nothing for you.

These are as sharp as they have ever been, as they ever will be.

And they're just

samurai scissors.

What kind of samurai blacksmith makes scissors, blow?

Is this someone who's been kicked out of the swords bit of blacksmithery?

But if you're a samurai, you're not going to, like, imagine when they're clipping their nails and and stuff.

They probably have samurai's nail clippers.

They're probably like

you if you're used to that kind of excellence, you're just gonna create more products that are gonna help you out.

Yeah, that sounds implausible.

I promise you, everyone Google it.

Samurai scissors exist.

I didn't know you had to have your scissors sharpened every few years as a hairdresser.

That surprises me.

Yeah.

Oh, well, there's a fact.

All right.

That's good.

So on

fire,

the very earliest fire fighting organizations in the USA, they were all volunteer ones.

And normally they couldn't do very much because they didn't have much suction through the fire hoses.

And so what they would do instead, they took one of their most important things was called a bed key.

And this was to break down a bed frame, a wooden bed frame,

because that was often the most valuable thing in a house.

And so they said, well, we can't really do much for the house, but we did at least get your bed frame out.

And that was the thing.

In those days, it wouldn't have made any sense to ask, what would you save in a fire?

Because everyone wanted to buy frame.

Is that because it was made out of iron?

No, they were wooden.

So important to get out.

If it's iron, you just leave it there.

Come back when when the fire's done.

Yeah, because what they used to do when they moved house in the old days in America is they would burn down the old house and they would take the nails out of the burning ashes because nails were so expensive to make.

Just talking about firefighters, the very first firefighting brigade was from ancient Roman times and it was a guy called Crassus, which James and I always talk about.

We've never said it on this podcast.

We love this guy.

He basically realized that when fires were happening, you could make a lot of money by setting up a thing to put them out.

And so he used to do this thing where he announced he had like a 500-person fleet for his first fire brigade.

And a fire would start, and they'd all race to it.

And as soon as they got there, they wouldn't put the fire out.

They'd negotiate how much the guy was willing to pay for them to put the fire out.

And if they didn't reach an agreement, they'd just let it burn.

And they'd all just watch it burn to the ground.

And then Crassus would buy the house back cheaper.

He'd be like, Are you doing anything with this plot?

No shit cheaper.

Yeah.

This house has depreciated in value somewhat

since turning into a pile of ash.

yeah, that was the first ever fire brigade.

The first ever fire hose was in ancient Greece, I think.

And I think this is another example of inventions which I love, which are inventions which then disappear.

People forget about them and don't make them again for ages.

So I think this vanished for 1700 years.

But fire hose invented in ancient Greece and it was made out of an ox's intestine.

And I think so it was you put water in a bag and then you attach a bag to an ox's intestine and then jump on the bag.

So you're just dusting from the ox first.

I think it depends what you want to be spraying out.

But yeah, conventionally, yes.

If you're trying to make yogurt, however.

And yeah, the force at which water kicks was expelled from the ox guts was.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's so good.

It's very cool.

I read about a guy who invented a helmet that you would...

So...

One of the big problems, obviously, when you were going into a fire was that you would smother yourself with the smoke and you would pass out.

So everyone was trying to work out.

In 1823, a guy called Charles Dean invented a helmet that had a hose attached to it.

So you would go in and you'd have air pushed in through the hose so you could breathe.

No one ended up using it, though, because it was made of metal.

And while people were inside, they were suddenly going, woo!

And dashing back out

in this kettle of a mask, yeah.

But then he transferred the design to a diving helmet, and those were the very first diving helmets that we...

Yeah, it's the same guys, and that's what it became.

That's a good, thank you.

Yeah, that's right.

A hundred years before that, which was in 1723, the first automatic fire extinguisher was painted in England.

And this was a guy called Ambrose Godfrey, and it consisted of a cask of fire extinguishing fluid and a load of gunpowder.

And you would set fire to the gunpowder, it would explode, and then the water would go everywhere, and then it would put it out.

Idea.

Did they used to have fire extinguishing grenades as well?

Yeah.

They were called Fuchs balls, weren't they?

Fuchs.

Fuchs.

Sorry.

They were invented by a German guy called Fuchs.

Yeah.

And they were little glass balls with water or a liquid inside and you would throw them at the fire and it would put them out.

Really?

It's terrifying.

Oh, thank God the fire department here.

Grenade!

Nightmare.

Have you guys heard of smoke jumpers?

I have not.

No.

These are the coolest people in the world.

They jump out of planes to put out fires.

They just parachute down onto fires and put them out.

What?

What?

How?

Because I guess from that height it looks really small, but once you get quite

down

with your bucket.

No, they genuinely do this.

This happens

where there are forest fires, so in places in the USA where you can get fires, and it's much faster to get there, basically.

And obviously, it's not for a mass response.

You can't have hundreds of people doing it.

But these people do exist.

And I've read frequently asked questions.

I read a little interview with a guy who was a smoke jumper.

And they just sound like the hardest people in the world.

So isn't it dangerous landing in a fire?

We land close to, not in the fire.

And then he went on, at least that's the plan.

It's not uncommon to land in smoldering areas.

So cool.

Yeah, they're the most hardcore men in the world.

Yeah, and the things they take as well, they take backpacks, which have little pumping power supplies on them.

Sometimes they take chainsaws, which I think is to cut trees which are at risk of being close to the fire.

I haven't researched that better enough, but sometimes they would have like a crocodile under them.

we're gonna have to move on to the next fact because yeah if you've got something more can i just tell people because we're on water uh you could go the rest of your life without drinking water again This is just a big piece of propaganda from water merchants.

Big water.

Big water companies taking over your life.

So that whole thing about you have to drink eight cups of water a day, no scientists know where that comes from.

There's no scientific basis for it.

You can replace water if you like with like coffee, tea is not going to dehydrate.

Yeah, coffee does have water in it, though.

Yeah, okay.

so when I say water, I mean you could dilute it with, it doesn't need to be water.

So you mean you could have ribena instead?

I mean you can have ribena.

But coffee tea don't dehydrate you, massively rehydrate you, and drinking eight cups of water a day is too much.

You shouldn't drink water unless you feel thirsty.

And also it doesn't help you, if you're an athlete, it doesn't help you drinking more water.

So they tested cyclists and they had some dehydrated cyclists compete against some non-dehydrated cyclists.

Didn't make a difference.

Wow.

Totally fine.

I mean, it will make a difference eventually.

Yeah, so they didn't dehydrate them to death.

God, ethics committees these days are a nightmare.

So Anna Chaczynski says you do not need to drink water, and yet I'm the dickhead for saying my dad has samurai scissors.

Sure.

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Okay, it is time for fact number two, and that is Chasinski.

Yes, my fact is that plants have their own internet and it's made of fungus.

So not only this, they've got their internet which precedes ours by hundreds of years by the way and 80% of them are signed up to it.

But wait, to the ones which don't have it, are they in urban areas?

They're

plants in developing countries and rural places.

They have cybercrime online.

They have social media.

They're equal to social media.

They have online shopping.

I'm just going to go on like this, like I've lost the plot.

They've They've got MySpace, they've got eBay, they've got a little

tree bay.

So they have this network of fungus attached to their, you know, when you pick up a plant and you see those little white strands coming off plants' roots?

Yeah.

That's a kind of fungus, and this system is called mycorrhizae, and it's a way of them communicating with each other.

So this fungus will link a whole garden of plants together or a whole forest of trees together.

And if one tree is lacking in nutrients or water, then it will send out a signal.

And then another tree will be able to send it nutrients or water via the fungus.

They have news updates.

This is my version of news updates.

So if they're under attack, let's say, for instance, a plant is being attacked by an aphid, then they'll be able to emit signals via the mycorrhizae network and other plants around will know that the aphids are coming and they will put up their defenses.

Yeah, but how much defense does a tree have?

Because I remember reading a few years ago that when giraffes eat acacia trees, they will give out some kind of signal to the other trees to say there are giraffes coming, you're going to get eaten.

But how do you stop yourself from being eaten?

Basically, you're just a lot of other messages going, well, shit.

Now I'm going to get eaten and spend the last hour of my life afraid.

No, actually, that's a really interesting question.

Thanks for asking.

And this is so many ways.

So they can pump out chemicals to make themselves less tasty to attacking insects.

One really clever thing that some bean plants do is so they are preyed upon by aphids, and when they get preyed upon by aphids, they send out a perfume which is delicious to wasps.

And wasps come, so they use wasps as their bodyguards, and the wasps come, kill the aphids.

So they just call on their bodyguards wasp bodyguards.

I think that's so clever.

That actually is what the smell of cut grass is.

It's partly the grass screaming, apparently.

What?

The smell of the lovely smell of cut grass is is partly the plant screaming.

It's partly summoning creatures to stop the predator because it thinks it's being eaten by other insects.

So it calls over it.

That's, yeah.

Do you know you can actually...

This is so weird.

Because it does sound like plants have a slight intelligence.

It seems so dubious.

I was reading this paper and it was saying that you could...

You know, anesthetic works on plants.

They go down.

Like, what does that mean?

And this other one was that...

Basically, if you play a recording of a caterpillar munching on a leaf next to a certain plant, the plant will respond to it and let off a defense mechanism as well.

So it's not even like a real thing going on.

It's just listening to a record of like a

happening.

But how?

It doesn't have ears.

What is it?

They think it might be acoustic, like vibrations, air vibrations.

But the same thing, if there's a water pipe, which is enclosed in a pipe, which couldn't possibly be emitting any water into the soil, roots will grow towards it because it's assumed they can hear the sound of the water.

Is that normal water?

Sorry, or is it

James's super water?

There was a study in 2009 by the Royal Horticultural Society about how quickly plants grow if you talk to them.

Because obviously, you know, the whole thing, Prince Charles did that, didn't he?

He talked to his plants and stuff.

They found that tomato plants grew up to two inches taller if they were serenaded by a female rather than a male.

And the most effective talker came from a lady called Sarah Darwin, who was a great-great-granddaughter of Charles Darwin.

No.

What?

Only me?

Are you kidding?

No.

The most effective plant talker in the world is a relative of Charles Darwin.

And the things that she does.

I'll tell you what, it gets better.

She read out an excerpt from Darwin's On the Origin of the Species when it happened.

That's so hot.

That's

literally the hottest sentence I've ever heard.

Darwin has just got two inches bigger than that.

My honest sentence is.

That is.

That is amazing.

I looked up, so while we're on the fungal network that connects all plants, I looked up some British fungi names.

British fungi include the jelly ear, the bearded tooth, the weeping tooth crust,

the slimy earth tongue, the fetid parachute, the brainfold truffle, and my favourite, the hairy nuts disco.

But that's the thing.

So I was looking into this as well, not fungus, but just plants.

They all used to have really rude names.

Dandelions, Dandelions, prying to be known as dandelions, were originally called pissabed.

Oh, yeah.

And they were called pissabed because.

In French, they're called piss-on-lis, which is the same.

Right.

And it's because they would make you wee, right?

Yeah, yeah.

That was the idea.

So everyone was like, well, let's just call it pissabed.

But listen to these other names: Mare's Fart, Naked Ladies, Open Arse,

Hounds Piss, and Bumtow.

So insects can talk to each other using a plant as a kind of telephone.

This is

too funny.

This is before they got the internet.

They did have

this dial-up, isn't it, really?

So if you've got an insect that's feeding on the roots, he doesn't want another insect feeding on the leaves because it could kill the plant too quickly.

And so they'll send up a kind of a signal to the leaves saying we don't want anyone eating these leaves.

And it's like a no vacancies kind of sign.

Yeah, that's really cool.

And there was a guy called Clive Baxter.

He was a lie detector expert working for the FBI.

And he claimed that if you wired a plant to a polygraph machine, you'll be able to detect what they're thinking.

Okay, so here was this was his experiment.

Where were you on the night of the?

What have you done with the soil?

So he had a room with two plants in it.

Six students took it in turns to enter the room, and then one of them stamped on and killed a plant in front of another plant.

Okay.

And then they had a lineup.

No, pretty much.

When the five innocent students later walked into the room, there was little to no response from the plant.

However, when the murderer came in, the plant went wild.

The study has never been able to be replicated.

We're going to have to move on to our next bags.

Anyone else got anything?

I lost it all on the hairy nuts disco, I'm afraid.

Okay, it's time for fact number three, and that is Andrew Hunter Murray.

My fact is that in 1710, the boys of Winchester College rioted over insufficient beer rations.

I think it was the sixth form, to be fair, but still.

This is from a book called The Old Boys, The Decline and Rise of the Public School by a guy called David Turner.

And it's just incredible.

There were loads of public school riots during the 17th and 18th and 19th centuries.

So in 1690 the boys at Manchester Grammar disagreed with their teachers about the Christmas holiday timings and responded by locking themselves in with guns and firing warning shots at anyone who came near the school for a fortnight.

For a fortnight.

A fortnight, yeah.

What was their objection?

Don't lock yourself in the school if you want more holiday.

It's very true.

Yeah, but these things happened.

There were in 70 years, just at Eton, there were six full-scale riots.

And so, how much beer did they get?

Do we know?

I don't know.

All right, okay.

Because actually, in the olden days, people used to drink a lot of beer, didn't they?

Because it was safer than drinking water.

And, you know, it would be quite weak beer, but you would still have it nonetheless.

Like kids as well.

Kids would just be downing pints, going, Oh, I want to see the.

You don't actually need to drink water.

That's the thing, as long as you drink lots and lots of beer.

That's a wise lesson.

In fact, the first children's picture book that is known to man has instructions for brewing your own beer.

It has instructions for home brewing beer and making your own wine, amongst other things.

But it's an important life lesson, I think.

In the workhouses, men would have two pints of beer a day, according to the official diet that they were allowed, and children had one pint, and women had a pint of beer and a pint of tea.

That was the official rules that they were supposed to have.

They didn't all get it.

But so, is it healthy for kids to drink beer?

Yes!

And yet, the bureaucrats in Brussels

have decided it isn't.

No, we're saying it's not.

But like in the olden days, it was better to drink beer which had been brewed than to drink water which hadn't been boiled because it was really bad for you.

Women in labour in the 16th century were given groaning beer, which was consumed during labour.

And it was supposed to help you rather than anesthetics, I guess.

Yeah, there was actually a whole range of groaning foods.

This is true.

Yeah,

you had groaning pie.

It sounds like it's straight out of Harry Potter.

A groaning pie.

In the Navy, of course, they would have lots of alcohol.

The daily ration up until 1740 was half a pint of neat rum twice a day.

What?

That's good, right?

Yeah, the Navy were pissed the whole time, weren't they?

How do we win any battles?

Honestly, they would go drunk into war.

That was their big thing.

Actually, I did find, speaking of this, some lyrics from the original lyrics of What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?

Oh, wow.

Want to hear those?

Yeah.

Here are a few.

Put him in the hole with an angry weasel.

Stick him in a bag and beat him senseless.

There's another one.

And the other one is put him in the hold with a captain's daughter.

Wow.

Yeah.

But actually, a captain's daughter.

Isn't that punishing the daughter?

Well, the captain's daughter was a nickname for the Catanel Ninetales.

Hey, just very quickly, an update from a very old fact that we did on the show, just going from you saying put them in a bag and beat them.

There was that fact that you said about how you used to get thrown into...

Okay, so there was an old punishment in the olden days it was capital punishment i guess what you would be put into a bag with a cockerel a cat and a snake right but in britain you couldn't get snakes very easily and so they would just make do with a picture of a snake

there were a couple of other little riot riot events no there were massive riots um so well the the 1793 winchester college riot which i think we all remember um

But basically, the headmaster, what they were called wardens in those days, had ordered the whole school to be punished because of one boy's misdemeanor.

And the boys wrote to him saying, That's unfair, you've broken the rules.

And he wrote back

not answering them satisfactorily.

So they besieged the school again, armed with guns, swords, and clubs.

And this is just a common response.

The nice thing about it is the whole correspondence between them was in Latin.

Pretty cool.

I was looking up stuff about how alcohol might be good for children.

Yep.

And we are a small but growing political body.

We're standing in five constituencies this election.

Quite a few people think that it's actually good for you.

So, for example, do you guys know about beer in Belgium?

The schools in Belgium, there was a big push to introduce beer back into schools, yeah.

And they actually tested it out on a school.

And they all failed their exams.

So the alcohol had only between 1.5 and 2.5% of alcohol in it.

This was, it was set up in one particular school where they wanted to test out, do a test run to see if it actually worked.

And they found that 75% of the students that they surveyed said, oh, we really like it.

And unfortunately, no other school was willing to do the test.

That shouldn't be the way you judge whether it's a good thing asking the drunk pupils, did you like that?

Obviously, they really like it.

Yeah, but the heroin trial at the same school is going great.

Very good stuff.

Did you have some stuff about riots, James?

Do you want to hear some?

Yeah.

Okay, let me think.

Okay, well you only need three people to cause a riot in the UK.

And we've got four.

You only need two people in Nevada to cause a riot,

which is pretty good.

Is there any way we can have a one-person riot?

I've never found it anywhere in the world, and I have looked.

Just one other thing about beer.

In 1883, there was a competition organised by the Church of England Temperance Society and they wanted to see how good beer was compared to water.

And the game was simple.

Two men would cut down as much corn as possible in a field.

One was only allowed to drink water and the other was only allowed to drink beer.

And the winner was beer!

Mr.

Terrell, playing for beer, cleared just over 20 acres in 12 hours versus Mr.

Abbey's 19 acres.

So he got an extra acre, and they were going to give the winner a gold medal, but he collapsed before they could do so.

And so they dragged him into a wood and anointed him with whiskey.

We're going to have to move on, by the way.

So this is very, very closely related.

I think that your rioters at public school who were rioting about beer then went on, obviously, to continue to do the same thing because a famous riot that happened in Oxford in 1355 was the St.

Scholastica Day riot.

And this was when, this happened in the Swindlestock Tavern.

And it was when Walter Springhose and Roger de Chesterfield, who are two university students, surprisingly enough, argued with the taverner John Croydon about the quality of the beer there, or about the quality of the drinks in his pub.

They ended up assaulting him.

And in the end, 200 students started rioting.

It lasted two days.

63 scholars and 30 locals were left dead.

But it ended up being blamed on.

Sorry, it's the 14th century.

It's too soon, Anna.

It's too soon.

Intake of breath over there.

Come on.

Very.

Sorry to the Spring Hers family.

And so the dispute was settled and it turned out that the Mayor had been arguing on the side of the townspeople, the non-students, who'd been saying this is unfair, we've been attacked for the quality of the beer we're serving by these post students, and the mayor was found in the wrong, and his councillors were found in the wrong, and they had to march bareheaded through the streets and pay the university a fine of one penny for every scholar killed for 470 years.

And they did that until 1825 when the mayor decided this is getting ridiculous.

The currency was changing so many times anyway, it was very hard to know what to pay.

And it stopped.

But yeah, the Scalaska Day riot.

Can I just say I think we've done very well so far, I've hardly been rude at all in this podcast, because it's been penis, penis, penis up till now, this last five episodes.

So yes, there's been no filth whatsoever, this podcast so far, in all of these first three facts.

Should we, can we move on there?

Yeah, sure.

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Okay, time for our final fact of the show, and that is my fact.

My fact this week is that the first man to discover the clitoris

was Columbo.

So, Columbo,

not the detective.

Well, I know what a shame.

I just love that.

So this is a guy who suddenly, it was 1559, I believe, he suddenly said, guess what, guys?

I found the clitoris.

And everyone was like, oh, we knew where it was anyway.

But he was the first person to properly say, this is where the clitoris is.

And he was an amazing physician.

He was working with Michelangelo.

on a book that was about the anatomy, which Michelangelo was going to illustrate.

We don't know what happened.

We don't know how it never came out, but that would have been the most seminal book of medical history.

Michelangelo said, well, I like drawing the occasional penis, but this is ridiculous.

Seminal seemed like an unfortunate choice of word there, didn't it?

I looked on Etym Online to find out the etymology of clitoris, and they're not really sure.

It either comes from the Greek for to shut or a key or the side of a hill or the tickler.

I guess it depends on the woman, presumably.

And then they go on and say the anatomist Matteo Matteo Colombo who you were talking about professor at Padua claimed to have discovered it he called it amor veneris vel duceido or whatever which is the love or sweetness of Venus but then it says it had been known earlier to women

so yeah I think that's the problem really for him to for you to say he discovered it he was the first person to proclaim to have discovered it well yeah so you say there was another arrival doctor also male, Gabriel Fallopius, who, when this guy came out with this announcement, said, I've discovered the clitoris, I've written about it in my book, and they had a proper, so he tried to sue him for plagiarism, I think, and for stealing his idea.

Copyrighting the clitoris.

Yeah.

There was another doctor as well.

He was called Vesalius.

And I think he taught Fallopio.

So I think the grudge match was originally between Vesalius and Colombo.

And Vesalius said that it was, he described it as a new and useless part.

So, presumably, he was just throwing shade at the clitoris because he was angry not to have discovered it.

I think, was he his teacher, or he might have been his student.

But anyway, I do know that once this started coming about, one of them was dead, and so one of them tried to sue the other, and it was completely useless because the dead person was.

Was Fallopio the guy who invented, not invented,

discovered Fallopian James?

Fallopio actually built the first woman.

Yeah,

16th century.

Yeah, he was.

So really cool thing about

Gabriel Fallopius, he did find and describe the fallopian tubes and he named them the fallopian tubes, fallopian after his own name, Fallopius, and tubes after the fact that they look like tubers, the instrument.

Nothing to do with the fact that they're tubes.

Really?

Yeah, that's a mistranslation.

So the fallopian tubes are supposed to be the fallopian tubers, and it's because the shape of them is a brass tuber.

If everyone, if everyone listening to this starts only calling them fallopian tubers,

we can change the world.

How often in conversation, Andy, are you...

I'll say once a day for the rest of the year.

I'll say fallopian tubers, if you do.

So fallopius invented the first condom as well, didn't he?

It was covered in salt.

and had to be

like a cocktail or something.

I suppose literally like a cocktail in a way.

Don't forget to put a bit of salt around the rim.

Sorry.

Sorry.

That's a line from an episode of Boston I watched the other day.

Oh dear.

So his condom was covered in salt and it had to be tucked under the foreskin so it was uncomfortable so much as it was unusable.

And it was to kind of stop syphilis rather than through contraception.

But also it was held on by a pink ribbon so that it would appeal to women.

Let's be honest, guys, we know she's not going to like the main event.

But we can at least doll it up a bit.

So he was doing this because there was a massive rise in STIs, STDs.

Syphilis was the big one.

This is the sentence that confused me.

I didn't actually read anymore.

I should have, but it said he tested these condoms in 1,100 men.

Now,

did he test them?

And there were no pregnancies, not one.

Now,

defy me to say it doesn't work.

Just speaking of Fallopio, who's there's a body part, so obviously named after him, I was looking at other body parts that are named after people.

And the

pudendal canal is also called the Alcock Canal or the Alcock Canal because it was discovered by Benjamin Alcock and it's where blood is carried to the genitalia.

So Benjamin Alcock discovered the little tube that carries blood to your willy.

That's so good.

It's good that he didn't.

Because I'm always getting that in conversation.

That's good to now know.

Again, we were talking about names earlier for plants and this is the same thing.

So fallopian tube.

I was looking through just a list of people who've discovered a bit of the body and had it named after them.

There's so many bits of the body that I didn't know about.

And it sounds like the most awesome fantasy novel.

If someone was on a trip, like they would, like, imagine, okay, they're passing the pouch of Douglas, they make their way through to the crypt of Libacon.

That's the place on our body, the crypt of Libacum, the Sphincter of Odi,

the Zonyl of Zinn.

Wow, the Zonyul of Zinn sounds like where your dad had his scissors made.

I thought we'd, I knew you were going to have a look at some things named after people.

So in 2004, there was a group of scientists who discovered a new species of cockroach that they described as dirty, ugly, smelly, and in need of a name.

And this cockroach extrudes urine out of its back and deposits it on his genital region for the female to eat.

And they made it so that you could bid to name it after your enemy.

Isn't that cool?

It's such a good idea.

And so whoever bid the most, I don't know who won, unfortunately, because they haven't.

Sure, you don't, even though when it's released that it's Dan Schreiber next week, it's going to become perfectly clear.

But that's such a good idea, isn't it?

Naming something horrible and disgusting after your enemies.

Because Linnaeus, he named an ugly, insignificant weed after one of his critics.

It's called Siegs Becchia.

Wow.

That's great.

Is it true?

So Linnaeus, can you just quickly explain who he is?

He is the father of taxonomy, so he came up with the idea of naming things in this Latin system that we use.

Yeah, and he was obsessed with, I mean, he was really egotistical.

He thought he was the God's gift to the planet, really.

God makes Linnaeus names.

Right.

So is this true that he had a garden that he could tell the time of the day by because he knew plants so well that

when they opened, he'd be like, oh, it's three.

Yeah, I think the time of the year as well, maybe.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I can tell the time of the year.

The thing I really like about this back, though, is that it is that man thing of going, I've discovered the clitoris, and everyone's going, no, we knew about it.

Like, we women knew about this.

And just the way that medical journals used to talk about the anatomy of a woman back in the day was just so absurd.

I found one in the British medical journal from 1878.

They ran a correspondence between people where they were discussing on whether menstruating women's touches, like so a menstruating woman, if she touched a bit of ham, whether it would ruin the ham and that was like a serious thing they're like maybe they shouldn't they shouldn't be touching ham

was that a massive problem before that

were menstruating women constantly touching ham

you get this urge it's impossible to explain but

obviously i'm in every butcher in london as soon as

Yeah, I mean, they were thinking some extraordinary things at the time,

at the time that the clitoris was discovered.

So it was still thought at the time that there was one sex and that a woman was just just a less developed version of a man, and that in the womb, the fetus hadn't received enough heat, so hadn't been able to spurt its clitoris into a penis in time.

And so, a clitoris was just a less developed version of a penis, people thought.

And there was a belief that Galen, who was the ancient doctor, wrote down and he had evidence of, and people still believed in the 16th century that women, if they overheated, could spontaneously grow a penis and turn into a man.

Calm down, Barbara.

You'll get a penis again.

And I really, Gallad is really amazing because he

believed that they didn't know where sperm came from when he was around.

And his big idea, which everyone was like, oh, that makes total sense, is that sperm was in your brain and it traveled through your spinal cord and then it came out.

So when you were having sex, you would be like, oh, and then

you would let loose.

Your face there.

Something we hope we never see again.

So the truth is, of course, the opposite to what Galen thought is that every penis was once a clitoris, right?

Oh, what?

So, and you still have the remnants of it because when a fetus is first developing in the wound, it starts as that, your genitalia starts as a clitoris before the male hormones start getting involved and growing your urine penis.

And there's still a, I'm just going to read this out so I don't have to actually say it myself.

Anyway,

there's a dark underskin and a thin ridge or seam known as the rap, which runs from scrotum to anus, and that's the remnants of your clitoris.

So that's a, that's a,

wow!

Or your vagina.

That's a little bit of a vision.

Wow.

And actually, Dan and Andy, you have a vagina.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Nice that you finally noticed.

It's called the vagina masculina, and it is the remnant of the time as a fetus when it was neither male nor female.

And the body could have grown into either sex at that time.

And it can be found at the opening of your prostate.

And it's like a vestigial.

Well, next time I'm around there,

I'll check in, Andy, after the show.

Did you like that face you made?

You can see it again.

We're going to have to wrap up, guys.

For decency reasons.

Okay, that's it.

That's all of our facts.

Thank you so much for listening.

If you want to get in contact with any of us about the things we've said over the course of this podcast, we're all on Twitter, so you can get us on there.

I'm on at Schreiberland, James, at eggshaped, Andy, at Andrew Hunter M.

Anna.

You can email podcast at qi.com.

And if you want to listen to all of our previous episodes, you can go to no such thing as a fish.com.

Also, this is our last night of our live shows.

We've done a six-week run.

We are going to be doing more shows later in the year.

So if you go to qi.com/slash fishmail, you can find out where we're going to be.

So it's a mailing list and post every episode now.

I think we're going to send something out.

So if you want to subscribe to that, we're on there.

If you'd like your haircut and you live in Sydney,

Roger Craig and Caroline Craig Schreiber are in Sydney, Australia.

You can get a good deal if you use the code word samurai.

We'll be back again with another episode next week.

Thanks so much, guys.

See you later.

Goodbye.

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