NSTAAF International Factball: South Korea v Ghana

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Hello, and and welcome to the last episode of No Such Thing as a Fish presents International Factball, the only football podcast out there that makes absolutely no mention of football whatsoever.

Brought to you by the QI Elves in association with visitingland.com.

My name is Dan Schreiber.

I'm sitting here with Anna Chaczynski, Alex Bell, and James Harkin.

And here for the final time, the last two countries, it is South Korea versus Ghana.

And let's begin with South Korea.

Okay, I have something which is unfortunately slightly slightly about football.

Well, it's the last one.

We can mention football, I guess.

Yep.

As we have in every other one.

Yeah, well, our game, our rules.

Yeah.

I got sent this fact by a guy on Twitter at Ellison11, and he told me that the lowest paid footballer in this World Cup is Lee Kyun-Ho, who earns only $150 a month in the South Korean Army.

Wow.

Yeah, so compare that with Cristiano Ronaldo or Lena Messi.

That's so weird.

It's like part of army training.

I don't get it.

Well, it's like government service.

It's service for your country on the football field instead of on the battlefield.

So they're really looking on this as war.

This is probably a war.

South Korea right now are in war.

Do you guys remember an incident at the end of last year between North and South Korea where there is a little escalating of tensions?

Yes.

And North Korea sent a fax to South Korea when the tensions started escalating, threatening merciless attack without notice.

I just really like the idea that war is being declared via fax machine.

Who the hell uses a fax machine?

Phil Collins supposedly dumped his wife by fax.

Did he?

Really?

Apparently.

I don't know if that's true, but it's just one of those factoids that you hear every now and then.

I always assumed that

South Korea were the slightly more sensible ones when it came to things like faxing, and that you already assumed that North Korea was always to start things.

But there's in between North and South Korea, there's the demilitarized zone, and inside that, there's a place called the Truce Village, which is where the two sort of diplomatic parties from North and South Korea meet up to have negotiations and conferences and uh there was one negotiation period where they were both there and the night before uh one of the conferences south korea's delegation snuck into one of the truce tents and sawed all the legs down on the chairs of the uh north korean side of the table so that they would be sitting lower and they had to sit lower in the meeting so they the north koreans then left because they got really annoyed at this and the next day then south korea then brought their flag along to the table and put the their flag a little flag on the table which really pissed off the North Koreans again.

So the next day the North Koreans brought their own flag that was slightly bigger And this kept on going, and they kept bringing bigger and bigger flags until they had to organise a special meeting to deal with the problem of the flags because they were getting too big to fit inside the tent.

That's incredible.

I like the idea of them getting pissed off enough that they go back to Kim Jong-in, like, you need to send a fax.

I read a thing about Valentine's Day in South Korea.

Okay.

So, Valentine's Day is celebrated on the same day, February 14th.

But instead of it being a sort of a mutual gift-giving process, basically

it's all about the women giving presents to the men to show how much they love each other.

But then the month after, in March 14th, which is called White Day, the man has to then reciprocate with a present.

It's like another Valentine's Day, but the rule is that whatever present was bought for him, the present he then buys back for the person he loves has to be three times the amount in cash.

Oh, that's good.

So, yeah, so if you make a real profit offering, exactly.

If you bought something quite expensive, the guy's probably going, Jesus Christ, how am I going to afford this?

Actually, it's really interesting.

The 14th of every month seems to be an event for them.

So, as well as White Day and Valentine's Day, on the 14th of December, it's hug day.

On the 14th of June, it's kiss day.

Very self-explanatory.

It encourages you to kiss people, encourages you to hug people.

On the 14th of January, it's diary day.

You would think it'd be on the 1st of January.

It's a bit late, isn't it?

Yeah, diary day should be in December, really.

And then in April, it's black day, and that's when single people mourn their lack of love by eating.

And also, I think the single people probably don't feel great on the hug day or kiss day either.

It's quite common for Korean men to wear makeup as well.

I like that.

That's great.

Because in the past, I've done...

I mean, James, you're on OnlyConnect.

I don't know if they require basic touch-ups in makeup.

Yeah, we're going to be on OnlyConnect in the autumn, and yeah, we had to wear makeup for that.

Yeah, and I've done a few TV things where they put on makeup, and it's amazing.

Makeup, Alex, I highly recommend makeup.

Yeah, I think 20% of South Korean men wear makeup apparently and there was a quote from someone who works in the makeup industry in South Korea recently who said, I think a lot of Korean guys get into this kind of thing while doing their military service, which seems a really bizarre place to get into putting on makeup.

Which is why on the football field, Lee Kyun-ho is wearing lipstick and mascara.

They have a lot of plastic surgeons in South Korea and their plastic surgeons are so good that people going over from Japan and China go back over, but their passports don't look the same as what they look like after the plastic surgery.

And so they need to get special certificates from the plastic surgeons to say that they've had the surgery.

That's amazing.

Wow.

On plastic surgery, there's a kind of surgery pioneered by South Koreans called Smile-lipped.

Have you guys seen that?

Look it up.

It's so disgusting.

They make incisions in either corner of your mouth so you have a permanent smile.

And it's really grotesque, but South Korean women are getting quite into it.

Yeah.

Just on technology with South Korea, because I think they are actually kind of leading the way in

their attitude, I think, as well towards technology.

Well, they have 5G there now.

Exactly.

You can download a whole movie in less than one minute.

No.

Oh, my God.

That is

speedy.

Thunderously.

Why are they still using fax machines?

They have this new thing on buses that Dunkin' Donuts has been doing.

So they'll play radio out aloud on the buses.

And any time that there's a Dunkin' Donuts jingle, it sets off a little spray, which is in the bus that sprays the smell of dunkin' donuts.

So it's a smell accompaniment to the advert, the jingle that they're hearing.

And they found as a result of this, they had an increase in sales of 16% of Dunkin' Donuts.

Now they're not doing this worldwide, but they are still doing it in South Korea.

You've mentioned Dunkin' Donuts quite a lot of times in that last sentence as well.

Are we hoping for delivery?

I am hoping for it.

Another thing they're really into food-wise, spam, super into spam.

They're the world's second largest consumer of spam, and it's traditional in Korea on their annual lunar Thanksgiving holiday to go and visit family and to pay your respects.

You give and receive packaged cans of spam.

Oh, I think the highest eaters of spam are Guam, just off the top of my head.

Although Hawaii eats a lot as well.

They eat it off the top of your head.

Okay, we're gonna have to wrap up on

South Korea.

The halftime whistle's on its way.

I can see the referee pulling it out of his pocket.

So if we've got any final facts, let's try and get them in quickly.

More than half of all Koreans are called Kim, Lee, Park, Choi, or Jung.

There's a penis park.

It's very odd.

There's a mythology behind it, but if you actually, if you Google Penis Park,

don't Google Penis Park.

Google Penis Park, South Korea, and you will see these giant penises.

It's a public park.

As I've just said, one of the most popular surnames in Korea is Park.

So I imagine Penis Park is

quite an insult to quite a few people.

When you think about about businesses that are selling through the roof, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing.

But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making selling simple.

For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify.

Nobody does selling better than Shopify.

They're the home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not-so-secret, ShopPay, that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales happening.

Businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify.

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout all birds and skims use.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/slash start selling.

All lowercase.

Go to shopify.com/slash start selling to upgrade your selling today.

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There's the whistle.

Told you it was coming.

Halftime has arrived.

And before we head off to the second half of our match, we are going to now do our halftime show, which comes in the form of a QI quiz sponsored by visitengland.com.

So we've got three questions for this halftime show.

We're going to start with Alex.

What have you got?

My question is: under the rule of Henry VIII, if you were convicted of poisoning someone deliberately, how were you punished?

James.

My question is: other than the Bible, what was the most popular book in 16th century England?

Hmm.

Okay.

And Anna.

My question is: so, Dublin is obviously a city in Ireland, but there's a town in England that has the exact same name, but in a different language.

What is that town?

You know, right?

I do know, yes.

James knows it.

Okay.

From my neck of the woods.

Oh, yeah.

So it's Bolton.

Not quite that necklace.

Quite Bolton.

Okay, well, if you want to find out the answers to those questions, you're going to have to stay tuned to the rest of the podcast where we will be revealing them at the end.

But in the meantime, it is time to get back to our match and making their way to the field.

It's Ghana.

When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing.

But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making selling simple.

For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify.

Nobody does selling better than Shopify.

They're the home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not-so-secret, ShopPay, that boosts conversions up to 50%,

meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales happening.

Businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify.

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout all birds and skims use.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/slash start selling.

All lowercase.

Go to shopify.com slash start selling to upgrade your selling today.

Shopify.com slash start selling.

I've got a fact that I like.

Go on.

The world record for running 100 meters is held by

Ghana.

No.

Well,

you've mistaken running forwards.

Why did you assume that?

The 100-meter running backwards record is held by a Ghanaian called Ferdi Otto Abobo, and he set the record in 13.6 seconds, and he was actually matched in the 100 meters by someone, but I believe he still owns the 100 yards record.

And it's actually turned into a massive thing, the whole idea of the backwards Olympics as such.

I'd like to see the backwards javelin where you have to catch it.

Yeah, it's a lovely idea.

It's being picked up by a lot of people.

John Voigt, who's the father of Angelina Jolie.

He thinks that reverse running

helps you clear your head.

This guy, this Ghanaian guy, has set an absolute trend around the world.

Everyone's picking up on it.

God, I thought Ghana was quite progressive, but that's pretty backwards, isn't it?

Oh, goodness.

Goodness.

Yeah, there's only one word from Ghana that we've adopted into the English language.

Okay, what would that be?

It is

kick yourself.

I don't know what it is.

Oh,

quashiacor.

Yes.

What?

Yeah, we always talk about quasi-acore.

You know, oh, quasi-core, this.

Kashiacork.

Kushi, that.

It's protein deficiency, isn't it?

I think it's the one where you get a really swollen stomach.

Oh, I've never heard that word before.

It's the only word that's made it into the English language.

Here's a word that we should get from Ghanaian.

This is from the Buli language in Ghana.

The word is palinti, and it means to move hot food around your mouth.

So it's like if you eat something which is a little bit too hot and you go, oh, ow, oh,

that's great.

Yeah, it's a good word.

That's a very good word, yeah.

Speaking of words and naming things, conjunctivitis in bits of Ghana is known as Apollo because it sort of started breaking out in force in 1969 when moon landings took place.

And so there was just a sort of connection there.

Maybe a few people sort of believed it was connected, but mainly it was just a tradition.

But it's called Apollo.

Yeah.

That's very good.

That is a good fact.

Yeah.

They have,

I found this in the QI database, which is known as Squire.

Stools are sacred to the Ashanti.

The Ashanti of South Ghana.

What?

I'm not.

Alex was thinking of the other version of the word stool.

You're talking about the children's children.

I'm talking about chairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

According to legend, the first king of the Ashanti witnessed a golden stool coming down from the sky.

Well, now that you've put that thought,

it came from a cloud of white dust.

It landed on his knees.

At the coronation, the Ashanti king was lifted up over the stool, but you're never allowed to sit on the stool.

In fact, the stool itself has a stool that it sits on.

I think if memory serves,

there was a bit of a war, wasn't there?

Because the English stole the stool or something.

Oh my god.

I don't know.

Someone will have to google that.

Speaking of stool, there's a canned sauce in Ghana called Shaito.

Nice.

And they have pea beer as well.

Apparently, it looks like pea, tastes like pea, and it should be served at room temperature.

I really like the story that Gordon Brown retold, and we don't have apocryphal, but when Nixon went to visit Ghana on Ghanaian Independence Day in 1957, he was going around congratulating all the Ghanaians, being like, oh, well done, you guys, you're free now.

Congratulations on the yoke of colonialism.

And the first person he spoke to to say, How does it feel to be free?

responded saying, How would I know?

I come from Alabama.

I think it was an awkward moment in his presidency.

Wow.

Shirley Temple was the U.S.

ambassador to Ghana between 1974 and 1977.

And Czechoslovakia.

Yeah.

Fetish priestesses are quite a big thing in Ghana, I think, and it's like a modern-day oracle.

So you go to visit your fetish priestess, and it's a person who serves as a mediator between the spirit and the living.

Um, and so you go to ask them to do you magical spiritual favours, um, or they can also cast curses on you.

Yeah, we had that on QI, we did a question about um West Africa, and we asked one of the picture guys to go to the shop and buy some fetish items, and we meant like things used in like witch doctory, um, but that's not what he came back with.

And that episode is now going to be in the Peaver Porn series coming up in a few years' time.

Okay, final facts before the final whistle.

Before the final whistle of the whole series, Yeah, the final, final whistle.

I really like the Gar tribe, the coastal Gar tribe in Ghana.

When you die, you have a funeral urna or a coffin that represents how you lived or something about your character, or and they're awesome, and it's a big industry.

So you get coffins in the shape of ornate fish or like a car coffin if you love to race cars.

Giant mobile phone type thing.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, definitely.

I would definitely recommend people Google Ghanaian coffins because the pictures are amazing.

In 2009, a 29-year-old Ghanaian woman married her dog.

She was called Miss Mabu, and she said, For so long, I've been praying for a life partner who will have all the qualities of my dad.

My dad was kind, faithful, and loyal to my mum, and he never let her down.

I've been in relationships with so many men, and they're all the same.

My dog is kind and loyal to me.

He treats me with so much respect.

My dad also had four legs and used to shit on the carpet.

All right, that's the end of our match.

Both good efforts from both sides.

But before we find out who has won the match, why don't we get the answers to that visitengland.com quiz.

Three questions, starting with you, Alex.

My question was: Under the rule of Henry VIII, if you were convicted of poisoning someone deliberately, how are you punished?

And the answer is, you were boiled alive.

In just a big pot?

I don't know.

I imagine so, yeah.

I think it was a big pot, yeah.

Was that served up as like a side dish?

Yeah, I don't know if you were in a stew or whether it was just water.

Yeah, I think it was oil.

Oil.

Oh my god.

Okay, James.

Okay, my question was: what was the best-selling book other than the Bible in 16th century England?

And it was a book by Dutch philosopher Erasmus called On Civility in Children.

And it was a book telling children how to behave like the Dutch.

Yeah.

Okay,

great.

And Anna, last question.

Yeah, I think my question was something along the lines of, so Dublin, the Irish city, there's an English town with the same name, but in a different language.

And that is because Dublin in Irish means blackpool.

Blackpool.

Okay, cool.

There you go.

Okay, so that's the

answers to our quiz.

Sadly, no prizes there if you got any of those right.

However, if you do go over to visitengland.com, there are a bunch of QI goodies, including caps and t-shirts and books.

And if you do win, send us a photo.

Someone send us a photo of the prize that they got.

And, you know,

we like to look at it.

So, yeah, so head over there if you want to win a prize.

But now it's time to find out who has won this final match in our International Factball.

And I'm going to go with Anna for you to make the decision.

I am going to go with Ghana so that I can be buried in a cool coffin.

Okay, so that's it.

Ghana has won this final bout in our International Factball competition.

And that's it.

That's us done.

That's all the teams who've been playing in that alternative football competition that's been going on.

I believe it's called the World Cup.

And that leaves us just with the final words.

You can contact us on our Twitter handles.

You can get me on at Schreiberland.

Alex.

At Alex Bell underscore.

James.

At egg shaped.

And Anna.

I will be tweeting my fax number from at Wikipedia.

Contact me there.

And so that's it.

Now, this is the last in our International Facts Ball.

However, we are going to be doing one special final episode in which we actually talk about football.

Only the interesting things about football.

Only the interesting things about food.

We're not going to be debating the relative merits of Messi and...

It's going to be the No Such Thing as a Fish take on football.

And we're going to be joined by a special guest, the founder of QI, John Lloyd.

Who knows even less about football than we do.

So very exciting.

But we will see you again tomorrow when we go back to our regular No Such Thing as a Fish podcast, four of our favorite facts that we've learned from the last seven days.

So tune in for that.

Goodbye.