Kunal Nayyar

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour round America, North America,

Speaker 1 from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver, on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place.

Speaker 1 I'm going to Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles,

Speaker 1 San Francisco.

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Speaker 1 Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, Taking the Porridge of conversation, adding the jam of humor, and drizzling over a little cold milk of

Speaker 1 friendship, James. People put cold milk on porridge, right? That is it, Gamble.
My name is James A. Campbell.
You never want to chat about those.

Speaker 1 You always just want to get into the episode, don't you? Together we own a dream restaurant, and every single week we invite in a guest and we ask for their favourite ever.

Speaker 1 Start a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink. Not in that order.
And this week, our guest is Kunal Neer.

Speaker 1 Canal, of course, is a fantastic actor, James, known for his role in the huge Big Bang Theory. But also now known for his role in Christmas Karma, which is out now.
A new Christmas movie, James.

Speaker 1 We love a Christmas movie here on the Off Menu podcast. It's a twist.
It's a twist on Christmas Carol.

Speaker 1 It's a Twistmas.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 People got to start saying that. Yeah, Twistmas.
Twistmas.

Speaker 1 When people do a twist on a Christmas classic, it's a Twistmas. That is good, man.
Sounds a bit how, like, if someone was doing an impression of you, they might say Christmas. Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm Joe Daycaster. I like Twistmas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I love Twistmas, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's exactly what they were doing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You little punks who were listening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Craig. But we're going to talk about Christmas karma

Speaker 1 and learn more about that. Danny Dye is in that as a cabby.
Is it a friend of the pod? Oh, amazing. Any other friends of the pod in there? Yeah, well,

Speaker 1 one friend of the pod in whose episode never went out because we weren't able to put it out. Oh, yeah.
And so people can guess that. People can listen to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 People can go and watch Christmas Karma and guess whose episode. It wasn't, by the way, the reason we didn't go out was not because of anything dodgy.

Speaker 1 It's because what it was promoting wasn't then happening. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So they will come back on. They will come back on.

Speaker 1 We would love to have them back on because it was a great episode that we could have put out because we talked so much about something that didn't happen in the end. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And hopefully that doesn't happen with this one. Otherwise, you won't be hearing it.
Oh, man. Imagine if it's not going to be

Speaker 1 because... Because there's a ripple effect.
Yeah, but come on. What are they going to do? Cancel Twistmas? Yeah, you can't cancel Twistmas.

Speaker 1 And not in that way. Huh? I don't imagine they're trying to cancel Twistmas now.
Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't even call it Twistmas anymore. Every year.
Every goddamn year. Can't say Merry Christmas anymore.
Yeah, me and James are Twistmas Adventurers now. Yeah, we're Twistmas Adventurers.

Speaker 1 Hail Sent Nick.

Speaker 1 Very excited to have Canal on the podcast. But if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out, even though it's Christmas.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's Christmas. And the secret ingredient this week is bang bang cauliflower.
Benito's suggestion because of the word bang. Big bang theory.

Speaker 1 The word bang. Yeah.
Bang bang cauliflower. You can also get bang bang cucumber.

Speaker 1 I guess we keep that in the back pocket for if we get another big bang theory. You can get bang bang chicken.
Bang bang chicken, of course. A few things bang bang.

Speaker 1 Do you want to know my big bang bang theory? Yes. It's my favourite side dish

Speaker 1 sorry

Speaker 1 my big bang bang theory best thing at wagga bumbers that's your theory is that it's your favorite thing yeah

Speaker 1 no no that it's the best is my theory your theory is that it's the best yeah yeah yeah well that's my big bang bang theory has any scientist ever gone into a lab and go i've got a theory that something's the best yeah yeah yeah okay no examples no no no

Speaker 1 there's so many examples that there's no point giving one that scientists have said i've got a theory that's the best this is the best yeah yeah yeah We'll have to get Brian Cox back on the podcast and ask him this.

Speaker 1 He's not coming back on, man. Professor Brian Cox will come back on.
We learnt a lot, and he learnt a lot from us. I think he'll admit it was a two-way street.

Speaker 1 We got on his nerves so much, and that's what happens when we both act like that, which is why often I need to be a go-between. But when we both go in double-footed, don't be a go-between.

Speaker 1 With Kanal, I need you in my corner for the whole thing. Well, let's see what you do first.
Just promise. Yeah, okay.
And don't forget this is on YouTube tomorrow if you want to see everyone's faces.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. If you want to see all of our faces and our bodies.
Me and James love that it's a video now. We never complain about how we look.
No, we never complain about how we look.

Speaker 1 We weren't texting this morning saying that we look like a body dragged out of a lake and a scarecrow made by a child. Yes.
And you can work out who's who. Yeah, you can work out who's who.

Speaker 1 This is the off-menu menu of Canal Nea!

Speaker 1 Welcome, Canel, to the Dream Restaurant.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Kanania, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much for honoring my reservation.
That's good.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been to a restaurant and they've not honored your reservation? No, because usually my assistant calls. Yeah, yeah.
We love it.

Speaker 1 I'm joking. No, we love the Hollywood honesty.

Speaker 1 I'm actually generally joking.

Speaker 1 That was a joke, I tell you.

Speaker 1 Best hat we've had on the podcast so far. I mean, many episodes in now.
Only hat? No, we've had some hats, but they've all been pretty embarrassing. Really? Compared to yours? Yeah.
Okay, good. Well,

Speaker 1 I'm honoured. Again, it's a very lot of honoring going on.
Yeah, this is fantastic. Rarely has someone been so honoured to be in the dream restaurant.
That's true, actually.

Speaker 1 Normally annoyed, jet-lagged, forced. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. I've been doing a six-day of the press tour.

Speaker 1 Where everyone loves to see us on a press tour, we're like the cool guys. Oh, yeah, that's why you've probably heard that.
That's why I'm here, really. I cancelled everything.

Speaker 1 I even cancelled Graham Norton just to be here. Yeah.
Yeah. Graham Norton's, you know, dead in the dirt.
No one wants to be on that show anymore. It's all about off-menu.

Speaker 1 Where you get to be the only guest, you know, you don't have to sit on the sofa with some ragtag motley crew. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Where you have to learn who loads of British people are to sit on the sofa. And you have to always do accents.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 They love that, don't they? They do accent supercuts online. Is that all the people who did accents

Speaker 1 on the show? Something like that. Yeah.
I think that

Speaker 1 they like Americans doing British accents. They love that.
We should do that, Benito. We should do a supercut of people doing accents on the podcast.
But it's only you who does them, huh?

Speaker 1 Oh, so this is a self-promoting activity of you being good at accents.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm very good at accents. And the supercut would be all my accents, I guess.
It would be pretty good. This is one big casting tape for James, basically.
Thank you for joining us.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. I'm going to promote James's accent.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get out of podcasting, man. Canal, I wanted you to come on this so you can just tell me how to get out of podcasting and get into Hollywood, please, man.

Speaker 1 What we're talking about, actor, let's get into your new film, Christmas Karma. Yes.
Very excited about it. Love a Christmas film.
I mean, you must as well have said yes to this. Yes.

Speaker 1 Do you have favourites in the past?

Speaker 1 Is Love Actually a Christmas film? It is a Christmas film. I think so.
I mean,

Speaker 1 there's a lot of sort of chat around what's a Christmas film and what's not. I think anything that people regularly watch around Christmas every year, I think has to be considered a Christmas film.

Speaker 1 Die Hard? Yeah, I think so. I even get the debate around that.
It's clearly a Christmas film. I think so, too.
I think so, too. I mean, to be honest, love actually probably is always

Speaker 1 everybody. Oh, that's super Christmassy.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My Generation's Christmas movie. Yeah.
I did a panel show with the...

Speaker 1 Sorry if you're listening because I can't remember the actor's name, but the kid, the little kid in Love Actually, is now

Speaker 1 I can't believe this happened, an adult. Yes, exactly.
And it's like...

Speaker 1 It's awful when that happens.

Speaker 1 Evolution. We're in his bit in a a ton of stuff.
But to be fair, he still looks really young, that guy. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he does look pretty young still.

Speaker 1 Even when he's got facial hair and some of his roles, you're like, what, the kid from Love Actually? Yeah, yeah. Wearing a fake beard.

Speaker 1 Tell us a bit about Christmas karma, though. It's not Love Actually.
No, no, it's based on Dickens' classic Christmas Carol.

Speaker 1 And but you have a South Asian Scrooge, although his name is not Scrooge, his name is Sooth, and you know, he's a businessman and he's miserable. And it's the classic, literally the classic story.

Speaker 1 But you have Ivan Goria,

Speaker 1 Billy Porter, and Boy George as the ghosts of Christmas present. Wow.
Past and future. And then you have it's it's a musical written by Gary Barlow and Nitin Sahani and Shasneh Lewis.

Speaker 1 And it's got Bhangra, it's got hip-hop, it's got Gary Barlow ballads,

Speaker 1 it's got dancing and singing, and also a lot of pain. And you realize why Scrooge is Scrooge, where his pain comes from.
So there's also stories about immigration and losing family.

Speaker 1 And so it's really everything. And it's Gurunda Chadha, who did Bennett like Beckham.
She's an incredible director.

Speaker 1 And I hope everyone goes and watches it because there's nothing like it ever made, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just you reeling off those names. I never thought I'd hear those names in this film.
No, no, no. And Pixie Lauden is Pixie Lott is in it, and she sings beautifully.

Speaker 1 And Leo Souter sings beautifully. So there's some great, great actors.
And the music is phenomenal. It's like, it's a great film.

Speaker 1 I know

Speaker 1 I'm plugging it, but I'm not,

Speaker 1 I would go and watch this film.

Speaker 1 And it is rare that we have people on who genuinely seem like they enjoy what they're doing. No, come on, don't lie.
Ourselves included. Really?

Speaker 1 Did you have to sing in this film? No, I didn't have to.

Speaker 1 Was there a discussion about that earlier? Not really, not really. It's just that Scrooge is, you know, everything's happening around him, and so he doesn't really do much singing.

Speaker 1 Also, it's Scrooge, right? Yeah. The vibe is he's not.
I wouldn't expect it to be.

Speaker 1 Just talking to this.

Speaker 1 It's great being grumpy, though. I'll tell you, because being a grump on set, everyone just leaves you alone.

Speaker 1 And you don't have to apologize.

Speaker 1 My biggest nightmare is being rude to someone and being unaware of it, you know? So I'm constantly apologizing.

Speaker 1 But the greatest thing is for one entire summer, I could be on set and be a grump and come home and be a grump and no one said anything about it. You went method for it.
It's liberating.

Speaker 1 It's so liberating.

Speaker 1 I could be an ass to everyone and it just didn't matter. Sorry, I'm still in character.
Yeah, I'm still carrying doing it. Bring me my sushi now.

Speaker 1 You must have hated the days when you were filming filming where like he's had his revelation. I know, he's super happy.

Speaker 1 But you know, what's interesting about the film, and we talked about this with Gurinder when we were actually trying to mold the character, is that even what I never understood about Scrooge or understood with the Christmas Carol was that he's like this, and then he's like, ah, he's like this.

Speaker 1 And I don't think that that's the truth. The way we really played this is there's still this like visceral anger in his joy.
Like, it's like a primarial. You know, it's like this.

Speaker 1 Like, he can't, he doesn't know how to really channel that joy.

Speaker 1 It still comes out as like just passionate screaming, which I think is more true to someone who's had a revelation as opposed to someone who hasn't. Yeah, it's not going to be a sudden flip into.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, you don't go from this to like, hey, man, here's your degree. That's a good point, actually.

Speaker 1 I think sometimes like Christmas stories, they're really heartwarming, but can give us unrealistic

Speaker 1 expectations for our lives. Yeah.
So we suddenly can't go and everything's perfect and happy. So that's nice to like, yeah, like give a more, a more realistic version of that.
Yeah. But it was fun.

Speaker 1 It was really, and we shot during spring which is still cold for you know us people uh but we we had to pretend like it was christmas which was interesting you know which always happens um we have to do that sometimes with uh with um panel shows we end up filming them early in the year the christmas special and it's like march and they're doing that and the the big one was when uh i think it was um eight out of ten cats did their christmas special for 2020 but they did it in february oh uh before everything kicked off and they didn't think that there was going to be a global well you don't you don't think there's going to be a pandemic, really?

Speaker 1 No, I guess they do. Generally,

Speaker 1 very early. Now we do.
Yeah, now I'm constantly worried. Yeah, now I'm literally.

Speaker 1 Now, everything I do, including this, so we should probably say there might be a pandemic on right now. God, that's terrible.
So, how are you dealing with the pandemic?

Speaker 1 Well, just to cover us off, we'll take out the edit if there's not a pandemic. We're enjoying lockdowns.

Speaker 1 Can be a grub with lockdown.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I sit on my patio all day and think about my good fortune.

Speaker 1 Scrooge famously thought that one of the ghosts could be a bit of undigested beef or something.

Speaker 1 Is that going to be on your menu today? No, it's not. I grew up in India, so we didn't actually eat beef growing up.

Speaker 1 I realized as soon as I said it.

Speaker 1 Now I love steak, so it doesn't matter. But I still can't.
I mean, I'm the annoying customer at a restaurant that always orders beef well done.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah, I know.
I thought I liked you.

Speaker 1 I know, I'm sorry. It's just, we didn't grow up eating it.
And then it's just, I don't know, I don't get that. You know, for me, it's like

Speaker 1 everything we grew up eating in New Delhi had to be like cooked because we didn't have great sort of infrastructure for cold storage.

Speaker 1 And we just didn't know, especially with vegetables and everything in terms of water and bacteria. So everything was cooked.
Right. So it's, it just, just bear with me.
I have to have it well done.

Speaker 1 Look, we'll bear with you. Absolutely.
That's that's that's what you want. And you've given a fantastic reason that we absolutely can't take the piss out of you.
No, you can't actually buy it.

Speaker 1 That was so coherently logical. Yeah.
And if you do anything, it'll be construed as racism. 100%.
Oh, this is great.

Speaker 1 I'm okay.

Speaker 1 Build a fortress of racism around it. So in New Delhi, we used to do this.
And then we'll just have to go, yep.

Speaker 1 Good on you. That sounds good.
Delicious.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Were you born in Hammersmith? Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was born. Yeah, I moved to Delhi when I was three years old.
But I lived in Hounslow. Oh.
When I was three, which, of course.

Speaker 1 Were you born in Hammersmith?

Speaker 1 Yes. And then...
Really? Same hospital?

Speaker 1 probably was the i think i have to check with my parents which hospital i was born in i'm just gonna say it's the same one yeah okay that's cool that's our claim to fame yeah yeah yeah that's my claim to fame hospital buddies yeah yeah

Speaker 1 well we always start with still our sparkling water oh

Speaker 1 this is gonna annoy you but it's a mixture of both 50 50. i love it i love it Do you?

Speaker 1 I learned it from a friend and I made a lot of fun of him and then I started doing it as a joke, but then it stuck. Yeah.
So now I'm just like... You need to make fun of him.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine me at a restaurant? Can it be half and half? And then I'll take my steak. Well done.
Thank you. Yeah.
And leave me alone.

Speaker 1 It's so weird. Yeah, it's so strange.
We'll be all screwed. What is half and half? And it's half and half something that you would do in New Delhi? No.

Speaker 1 There's no sparkling water in New Delhi. Right.
Because why would you put

Speaker 1 bubbles into water? It makes no sense. What's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 I thought we had a racist. You shouldn't have seen that.
That was. You feel like it's really racist.
And now,

Speaker 1 finally,

Speaker 1 Do you order sparkling water? Yeah, I like it now. More and more in a restaurant.
I think it's a flex to just say a bottle of each. That is a huge flex.
That's cool. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And then are you mixing it yourself?

Speaker 1 Yes, then I'll mix it myself. Or if they do it, then I'll ask them to mix it.
But I think a bottle of each sounds great. It's an extra four quid, but it sounds cool.

Speaker 1 If you're trying to impress someone, you know. When you're mixing it, which do you pour in first? Or do you pour in both? Sparkling top.
Or with sparkling. Yeah, gotta be.

Speaker 1 You don't top it off with sparkling. I can't.
Otherwise, it's too bubbly forward. Yeah, that'd be crazy to put the still in first.

Speaker 1 So when you're ordering this, do they know what you're going to do? Or are you ordering... No.
And

Speaker 1 when you actually do it, it's confusing if their English isn't great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you're mixing it together. Yeah, just mixing it together.
This guy's a mad scientist. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 I do like this answer because the amount of times we've asked still or sparkling water, there's only two answers, really. Yes.
So you have we have to muster enthusiasm for either of those things.

Speaker 1 But this answer is giving you some life. This is something new.
This is great. I mean you have no idea how happy we are to hear this.
Yeah, exactly. I can tell from you.

Speaker 1 We've been annoyed for years that we've even included this question. But

Speaker 1 it's a great question. We're asking people to reinvent it for us every time.
Also, you've actually done that. It's not something that you...
I think it's a British thing,

Speaker 1 like a European thing, sparkling water and still water. In America, it's not so...
Not to piss off the entire country, but I don't think that it's... I mean, I've lived there 20 years now.

Speaker 1 I don't think sparkling water is as big

Speaker 1 as it is in Europe that's interesting yeah I'm trying to think of maybe not no because I mean ice water is like the thing right they'll bring over the ice water well the craziest thing I remember about when I moved to the States in 99 when I was 18 for college the amount of water

Speaker 1 the students would be carrying these jugs of water everywhere and I was like what is this like why are people drinking so much water because Growing up, when you're thirsty, you drink water. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's how you, you know, but then if you say that in America, the answer you get all the time that makes you want to pull my eyes out is well if you're thirsty it means you're already dehydrated

Speaker 1 and if you want if you if you want to hear a story about this um if it makes the podcast or not but i'll tell you a true story please so i get this like

Speaker 1 some special this lady comes and she's like this like she's draining some lymphatic whatever and she tells me look you're very severely dehydrated and you need to drink two liters of water a day

Speaker 1 man you know i keep hearing this in in america i'm just going to do it so i started drinking like two liters of water a day.

Speaker 1 And I'm peeing a lot, you know, every hour, whatever, whatever. Secondly, I begin to feel a bit uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 I'm feeling a bit depleted, and I'm feeling like, oh my God, I have to pee, but I can't pee anymore. And I'm feeling uncomfortable.
I call my doctor. I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 He said, What's changed in your life? I said, I've been drinking two liters of water a day for the last 48 hours.

Speaker 1 He says, Where are you? I said, I'm home. He's like, Okay,

Speaker 1 can you drive? I'm like, Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. He's like, You're coming to the hospital right now.
What? Takes me to the hospital, puts me in.

Speaker 1 Apparently, I had drunk so much water that I had gotten rid of every nutrient in my body

Speaker 1 not only that

Speaker 1 I also had like a 0.000001

Speaker 1 like brain swelling because I had so much fluid in my system that my brain got to swell so they had to keep me in the hospital for eight hours and give me like six IVs whoa that's what I'm saying and all because I was tired of hearing for 15 years that if you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated.

Speaker 1 And then that was the final straw, this masseuse. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So that's a very long story to tell you. Just be normal, man.
If you're thirsty, drink water. Just be normal.

Speaker 1 That's wild. Isn't that crazy? I mean, that's a true story.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not saying don't drink water if you need it. I mean, because I'm not a doctor, but just, I mean, I just didn't understand.

Speaker 1 Just don't chug water all day suddenly after not, you know, only drinking water when you're thirsty. Isn't that crazy? That's good.

Speaker 1 But I love that you led up to the story with, I don't know if this will make the podcast or not. Your brain swelled up.
That's making the the pod. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We haven't had any women with us with her director. In the clip.
I've never seen you sort of wake in this podcast ever. It's like mind-blowing.

Speaker 1 I'm going back to hibernation after that. But that was a good thing.
And that makes so much sense because you know those people who walk around with the big, massive jugs of water? Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Whenever I speak to those people, it does seem like they're brain swollen a bit. Yes, exactly.
Oh, yeah, yeah. They got swollen brains.
They got to hijate. Yeah, they got to.

Speaker 1 I got to hijate. You got to hijate.

Speaker 1 Brain swelling. Put that in the accent clip.

Speaker 1 Can that go in the accent in the accent slip? I don't think that should make the podcast.

Speaker 1 That could hurt someone's feelings. Oh, well, no.

Speaker 1 These people don't have feelings. And they don't listen.
Exactly. Papa bread.
Papa bread. Can I hear? Papa bread.
Obviously, papa.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's, I mean, you can't even,

Speaker 1 that's not a question that would work. We've got Cindy V coming in this afternoon.
And? And she told me off last time because she said, you say,

Speaker 1 pop it on some bread to people. And you said, you say, papa bread to people.
And then I said to her, I'm going to do that next time. And that was over a year ago.
And then I've never done it.

Speaker 1 And because she's in next,

Speaker 1 I'm going to do it in this one. And it just so happens that you grew up in New Delhi.
Yeah. So I look like I'm being ultra cool.
No, it's like it. Yeah, exactly.
Papard or bread. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you said that's not even a, that's not even a choice, really. Not for me.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, if a restaurant is offering papard, I'm going to eat papard.
And what kind do you want?

Speaker 1 Because there's a lot of different kinds, right? Ah, that's such a good question. That's a really good question.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had the white, airy ones with all the bubbles the really big or you've probably had yeah yeah yeah i think they were one of the ones that uh jamie oliver bought in the

Speaker 1 bought

Speaker 1 like yeah the the ones that are quite

Speaker 1 cheap yes exactly yeah yeah that's the one i love yeah that's that's great yeah that's really good yeah you don't get them in many places here no you don't which is a shame because there is really that they're really tasty the one um the one bread that you don't get much of in restaurants outside of india is rumali roti.

Speaker 1 Okay. And I'm telling you this because next time if you're at an Indian restaurant, you should just go to one if they have rumali roti.
Rumal means handkerchief.

Speaker 1 And rumali roti is a bread, like a Indian bread, like naan, cooked in a thnur, but it's it's like a handkerchief thin. Wow.

Speaker 1 And they fold it up and it's the greatest bread, Indian bread you'll ever have in your life.

Speaker 1 So if there is a restaurant, I'm trying to think who does it in London, but I'll send you guys an email and you should go.

Speaker 1 rumali rumali roti roti means bread yeah yeah rumali so we should if we go to an indian restaurant ask for rumali roti don't accidentally just ask for rumali because they'll just bring us a handkerchief yes well if you rumali yeah if you go to rumali they'll be like

Speaker 1 here's a here's a why do you all so when you go to a restaurant in london a lot of people are wearing navy blue pants and navy blue jacket right that's standard

Speaker 1 that's not a normal that's not funny that's just that's just normal that's funny to us yeah it's funny to us that that's something you've noticed yeah when people notice stuff about the uk you don't live here it's funny because we don't notice that yeah yeah no i'm saying everyone like if you're in the city and you go to lunch but they give you white napkins yeah and white napkins give white linen on blue suits so i never understood why more restaurants don't have black napkins you've never thought about it never thought about it but i'm 100 on board of it immediately yeah do you know what i mean yeah yeah so i would much rather that now the white napkins give white linen on blue pants.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But then if you get something on your napkin, people can see how messy you are or mucky pup you are.
That's true. So what's the word you said? Mucky pup.
A mucky pup. A mucky pup.
Mucky pup.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or like your mucky, like you're.
A little doggy. A little.
What?

Speaker 1 A little baby dog. A little baby.
That's been rolling around in a little bit. A little messy baby dog.
Or a pup that is rolling around in muck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mucky pup.

Speaker 1 Is that like a real. Yeah, that's a phrase.
That's a real phrase. Okay, that's not just something you made up for the podcast.
No, no, no, no, no, that is a phrase, Mucky Pup. Mucky pup.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in what context can I use it so that I'm not in trouble? What else it sounds cool? If you spill something on yourself,

Speaker 1 go, oh, I'm such a mucky pup. See, it sounds nice in your accent.
If I say, oh, I'm such a mucky pup, it sounds a bit weird. I think that sounds nice.
I'm a mucky pup.

Speaker 1 I like it. Sounds kind of sexual.
I'm a mucky pup. Well, that is also like, be careful in the context you use it.
If you're heading down to like a pride parade, that's also like a subsection.

Speaker 1 Is it the pup pups. I don't know this.
Yeah, the guys who dress in the dog masks. What? Oh, good on them.
Yeah. It's like a set.
I think there's a whole separate parade in London Pride for the pups.

Speaker 1 The pup parade. Yeah, yeah.
And they can get mucky, I suppose. Who can't? Yeah.
This is definitely off topic. It's off topic for sure.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the white napkin, people can see quite how messy you are.

Speaker 1 what a mucky pup you are and a black napkin they can't see they can't see no one can see anything well that's just i just had to get it off my chest i agree with you that it should.

Speaker 1 Maybe each restaurant should just have a range of napkins and they can bring them out and match them to your trousers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So whatever you're wearing, whatever suit you're wearing or dress or whatever, they can put the napkin on until they get one that matches. Then go, there you go.

Speaker 1 I would be on board for that. That's nice.
That would be really nice. There would be like a napkin sommelier.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It feels that's just around the corner, surely. That's definitely going to happen.
That's right up there with Mucky Pop in the next

Speaker 1 garage band. Mucky Pop could be the name name of the napkin restaurant where you get the napkin sommelier.
Mucky Pop. You know who I would love to be a napkin somme? Billy Porter.
Billy Porter.

Speaker 1 By the way, also in Christmas Karma and a great actor. Yes.
Yeah. Fantastic actor.

Speaker 1 I've shared a screen with Billy Porter, of course. Well, you haven't really?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I acted to a tennis ball and then Billy Porter

Speaker 1 acted to a different tennis ball and then they put it together. That's great.
I'm going to go home and watch that scene. Yeah.
Cinderella. You should.

Speaker 1 I mean, once you watch that scene, you'll want to watch the whole film. Okay, that's great.
Yeah, yeah, it'd be impossible not to watch it. Send me the timestamp where it is.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 1 It's a great scene.

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Speaker 1 Your dream starter. Should I make my menu entirely Indian? I mean, is that okay? I feel like

Speaker 1 if that's your dream menu, if that's what

Speaker 1 it's gonna have to be grills, like it's gonna have to be tandoori chicken,

Speaker 1 chicken tikka

Speaker 1 kakuri kebab which is a kebab that melts in your mouth oh yeah and so it's got to be all protein grills so i'm gonna say kakuri kebab chicken tikka tanduri chicken malai tikka all of the tikkas right there uh the kakuri kebab did you say kakuri kebab is what's that that's made out of lamb usually um and it's like it's it's it's I don't explain it, it's like a sea kebab, but it like melts in your mouth.

Speaker 1 It just melts. It's very, and it's time-consuming to make.
And the people who make it well, it's just delicious.

Speaker 1 Is it because of the fat content that it just melts in your mouth? No, I just think the way they tenderize the meat. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That sounds incredible. I want everything to melt in my mouth, man.
Do you? Yeah. Everything.
Name something. Well, I'm sure there's foods that you don't want to melt in your mouth, but like a salad.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't want a salad to melt in your mouth. Yes, please.
I'm not chewing salad, man. Really?

Speaker 1 Let's let it melt in my mouth. Do you like salads? No.

Speaker 1 Do you like... When you go to a restaurant, do you order a salad? Depends what's in the salad, but yeah.
Like what? I love it. Well, I love a Caesar salad.
I like a Caesar salad.

Speaker 1 I said it's up there in my.

Speaker 1 see i've already turned you into a no i like a caesar salad yeah or like a good chop yeah yeah yeah yeah chopped salad all of that stuff i like salads with like a bit of you know a bit of heft to them maybe with just you know some sweet potato in there some grains

Speaker 1 yeah it's tasty but also you're like i'm doing some great stuff for my body here yes i i do agree but don't eat it every day because it'll make your brain swell yes oh my god

Speaker 1 Jesus, what a story, huh? Anything healthy makes your brain swell?

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. I thought it it was just the water.
Before the podcast, we were talking about the taste profile of beetroot and how, to me, it tastes like nothing.

Speaker 1 But then people backstage were saying it tastes like the earth. Yeah.
And then someone said very astutely that if you put vinegar on it, it takes on the flavor of vinegar

Speaker 1 because it's quite soluble. So I have nothing else to say about that.
That's like an actor. Yeah, exactly.
It's very soluble.

Speaker 1 You try and make yourself just like as much part of the, just like the earth as possible.

Speaker 1 Yes, like water and then if people but then you add stuff and then you take on the flavor of that yeah you should be an acting teacher you add the grump and then you go now I'm taking on the flavor of the grump and now I'm gonna be screwed can you imagine if James is an acting teacher you turn up on day one he's like you're a beetroot yeah yeah

Speaker 1 forget everything you know about being a human you're a beetroot that would be great that that's good acting I'm sure there are acting teachers take on the flavor of a mouse mad things aren't there I'm sure I mean I've had my share of them, but

Speaker 1 that's the first time I've ever heard food in a context of acting training.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 if you come across it now in the future, you've got to call the people out on it that they're ripping me off. That's true.
I will. I'll say, oh, okay.
I've heard that before, but not from you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but not from you. From someone who played John the Mouse in Cinderella.
Yes, across Billy Porter. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who was the tennis ball? Who was the tennis ball?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good actor. Has anyone ever played a tennis ball in a film? Imagine playing a CGI tennis ball.

Speaker 1 Because then the tennis ball they would have for the actors to act to would actually be quite helpful.

Speaker 1 It's actually more realistic. Yeah, they're like, this is great.
Against the actor. This is perfect.
I'm just looking directly in the camera

Speaker 1 thinking, is this really happening?

Speaker 1 Welcome to our world.

Speaker 1 Your dream main course?

Speaker 1 Ooh, staying on the same cultural trope that I'm on, I would say butter chicken dal makini which is black doll

Speaker 1 and buttered naan

Speaker 1 i love this i'm in heaven here is there somewhere where you've had the best versions of these is it a restaurant uh someone you know who cooked it at home yes uh in new delhi there is a restaurant growing up called moti mehel and they are under actually litigation right now all the brothers are fighting about who actually invented butter chicken oh that makes it more exciting, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I'd say that. And I'll say, like, you know, you can't go wrong here with Jim Conner, with Kutir.
There's so many good Indian restaurants.

Speaker 1 In my opinion, outside of New Delhi, London has the best Indian restaurants in the world. Yes.
Wow. 100%.

Speaker 1 Not even a question. Thank you.
Not even a question.

Speaker 1 You're welcome. We work really hard on those restaurants.
Yes, exactly. Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, the thing I don't understand is when people say, well, you know, the food in England is not.

Speaker 1 The restaurants in London are phenomenal.

Speaker 1 phenomenal I think what people people get mixed up quite often or they're they talk at cross purposes where they're like British food is awful yes and then you want to go yeah but the restaurants in London are amazing but very rarely are they restaurants that do British food they're just good examples of other other nations food what's a dish what's a British dish that you find not awful like a Sunday I mean there's a lot of like good yeah good very good examples of British dishes like but that works for anything right so an amazing Sunday roast an amazing like shepherd's piece what makes a what What makes a Sunday roast phenomenal?

Speaker 1 I'm curious, actually. Is it the quality of the meat? Yeah, the meat's definitely got to be not too dry, loads of flavor to it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, the potatoes are crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. The gravy, the gravy's got to be super high quality and not like, yeah.
Yeah. Or sludgy.

Speaker 1 Just all of, if all of the individual components are very well cooked and very high quality, it's a fantastic meal. So you're saying a posh Sunday roast is the best Sunday?

Speaker 1 Not even posh, just high quality. It doesn't need to be posh, it can all be like just a bit like hearty and ready to go, but it's just

Speaker 1 so easy to get wrong because there's so many components, I think.

Speaker 1 I understand, like, yeah, and like you know, the seasoning of everything when you're roasting it and the quality of the sundae, yeah, yeah, actually pay attention to that.

Speaker 1 Is there one that is like the quality Sunday roast in London? The thing is, everyone would just say, it's

Speaker 1 everyone would say, you got to go, you've got to go home to your mum. Go to Ed's house.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Ed's my mum in this case. Go to Ed's house for the summer.
You're saying my mum's roast? No, your roast. My roast.
Ed makes it. You make it.
Yeah. I've made a roast before.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's quality. I can't, you know, I can't.
Yeah, you can't. Yeah, it's not subjective.
Yeah. The potatoes, I can't do them as well as my mum does the potatoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But everyone's mum does the best roast potatoes. Not my mum.

Speaker 1 That's terrible. She will have.
She listens to every episode of this. Yeah.
Just up your game.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with your mum's potatoes? What's right with them?

Speaker 1 Just put the effort in. Yeah.
She knows. Just listen to this.
She knows. You know.
You know what you did.

Speaker 1 There's a pub, an Indian pub called the Tamil Prince that's all the rage right now. And they do an Indian Sunday roast.
I've still not been.

Speaker 1 I just see it on Instagram all the time, and I haven't been yet. Yeah, and I would absolutely love that.
Because the Sunday rice is not my...

Speaker 1 It's like Christmas time. It feels like I wouldn't have it every week.

Speaker 1 It's a very heavy meal. But I think the Indian Sunday rice at the Tamil Prince would be like, yum.
I would love. Yum.

Speaker 1 You know what I would watch is the film of all the brothers fighting over who invented butter chicken. Yeah, I mean, I think there's a couple of scripts floating around.
It has to be. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's still in litigation.

Speaker 1 It's going to the Supreme Court. Yeah.
That's when you know you've got... It must be hard if you're like going to court against people and you've got a whole trial going on or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 And then you hear while you're going through this process that some people are buying the film rights to this, you must get in your head about it when you're going into court.

Speaker 1 Like, this is going to be in a film one day. Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's like the house of Guinness. Right, yeah, yeah.
This could be the house of butter chicken. Yeah.
House of butter chicken, man.

Speaker 1 I would watch that. Yeah.
Would you be in that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course. Yeah.
I would be the butter chicken. You would play.
No, I would not be the butter chicken. I would be the head of the butter chicken household.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't play the butter chicken. You can't play the butter chicken and people that are in a tennis ball.
Yeah. Yeah.
Maybe. Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 That would be a good.

Speaker 1 Canal, I don't want to

Speaker 1 speak too soon, but that was pretty great. That was pretty good.
That was pretty great doing a little butter chicken piece.

Speaker 1 He's a multi-fascinated actor. Yeah.
Oh, God. My team's watching this and saying, God, what are you doing? They're watching this and they are getting right on the phone.

Speaker 1 Do you want us to send you that video and then you can

Speaker 1 send that video? Use that for my next classic for the next Pixar Butter Chicken animated movie? Because we can add some.

Speaker 1 Ben, we can add a dish of butter chicken around Canal's head, can't we? For when he pops up. And then we send him to a casting director.
Nice one. You know that they're not talking to anyone, right?

Speaker 1 There's no one sitting there. Yeah.
It's just no one there. What a twist that would be that he's never been here.
We could be in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we could be in it. Yeah, sure.
Like,

Speaker 1 what role would we play, though? The rice. Yeah, yeah.
White boys would play the rice. That's what I was thinking.
Absolutely, we would play the rice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would love it if there was a twist and Benito's never been on the pod. He's never existed.
It would be funny if, like, he's never actually been here. And, like, we've made such a big deal over him

Speaker 1 for ages. That'll be who we are.
We said about how he doesn't speak. And then it turns out he was never here.
That's amazing. And that's a movie.
And that's a movie.

Speaker 1 Dreamside dish. Now this is, well, not controversial, but going away from the Indian, it's got to be French fries.
Love it. It's got to be French fries.

Speaker 1 It's got to be, but I like, I don't like them crispy. I like the long, thin, soggy ones.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, when you order McDonald's and you get them and you, I'm always looking for the long, thin, soggy one. Why do you like that one? Because a lot of people...
I don't know.

Speaker 1 That is controversial, I guess. Yeah, I know.
I like it like that. I'm not a big crispy.
They have to be thin, no matter. I'm not a chunky chips guy.
You've got to be super thin and super long

Speaker 1 and not overtly crispy for me. Wow.
So what do you not like about the crispy ones? Is the flavor different for you? That's a really good question. I haven't really thought about it.

Speaker 1 Because I do like crisps. I like crunchy things.
Yeah. But I don't know why.
I just like the long

Speaker 1 soggy chip. What do you call them? French fries.
Yeah. That's good.
If you're sharing a bunch of french fries with people, they're going to let you have that one.

Speaker 1 Not a lot of people like the long, soggy one. Yes, that's true.
That's my favorite side dish. That would be my favourite side dish.
I like this as well because you're... Are you...

Speaker 1 then dipping the fries in the butterfly.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good. I didn't think about that.
Not really. No? Okay.
No? Fair enough.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't like ketchup. One thing about me is I don't like ketchup.

Speaker 1 There's something about ketchup that just gives me the ick.

Speaker 1 I use it, it gives me the ick.

Speaker 1 I told my niece I was going to use it because she said that once, and I was like, what does that mean? And she said, it makes you not feel like nice about something.

Speaker 1 And I used it. You used it? And it seemed like it was coming out of my mouth naturally, right? That seemed completely natural.
That didn't seem like you were putting it in there.

Speaker 1 Until straight afterwards, when you went to the house, I know, I know, I know, I know. But then you cut that part out.

Speaker 1 Is this what you like when you're doing like shooting a scene? You watch it. You hear it and you go, that came out of my mouth like it was a natural.

Speaker 1 You you all heard that right yes yes yes after every day i'm like a bean yeah yeah

Speaker 1 guys i did it that sounded just like scrooge yeah exactly you all heard it it's so natural

Speaker 1 have you ever had a moment like that when you've like been filming something or just doing any sort of acting where like in the moment or afterwards you were you literally think oh my god that was that was good stuff i really like outdid myself there yeah it's rare yeah but they have of course you know because as you know we like to torture ourselves so much about the work that we do.

Speaker 1 But for me, I've had a few moments and then I'm watching the TV show or the movie and I'm like, they didn't use that tick. Oh, my God.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 The interesting thing, as you know, about acting is because we're seeing everything just through our own entire sort of identity perception is that we think that when we watch the movie,

Speaker 1 the camera is not going to cut to someone else while we're talking. We think the camera's always going to be our us while we're talking.

Speaker 1 And then, of course, you have to cut away for reaction. You have to cut away to piece away the story, but you're like, oh my God, I remember seeing that line and just my eyes and feeling everything.

Speaker 1 And then they cut away to the other person. So I'm seeing the lines off camera so you can get their reaction.
What about me? I know.

Speaker 1 I know. It's really, it's really.
So, yes, I've had those moments, but not all of them have ever, when I'm watching them, felt like the way I felt when I was doing it.

Speaker 1 Has there ever been a film that anyone knows of where it is all just filming one actor? Yeah. And everything else is off.
Son of Saul. Oh, really? Yes.

Speaker 1 About a man in one of the concentration camps and the whole film is just, I think, a one-up on his face. Wow.
And it's a very intense film. Yeah.
And yeah, that's the only one I know of.

Speaker 1 It's one take as well. As far as it's my memory of it.

Speaker 1 What if you need to burp during that? Yeah, yeah. And it's just trained on the control the whole time.

Speaker 1 Just your card. Yeah, but then start again.
Oh, there's so many tricks just stitching together. What if you're burping an hour and 20 minutes into that? What if you get hiccups?

Speaker 1 What if you get the hiccups, man? I hate getting the hiccups. If I get the hiccups, they last forever.
Yeah. No, seriously, I get chronic hiccups.

Speaker 1 I don't get them much, but if I get them, they last forever. That's a nightmare.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And they hurt as well after a while, I bet.
No. No? Hard man.
Sorry. Mind or the hard man.
He's a hard man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not a hard man. I'm saying that my hiccups don't hurt.
All right, man. Do your hiccups hurt? Yeah, if they're like big hiccups, yeah, they kill.

Speaker 1 No, no one else? No. No.
Where do they hurt? They kill. Chest?

Speaker 1 It kills. Throat? Yeah.
They kill me, man.

Speaker 1 It kills, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. And what you have to say to people who got laid out this kills.
Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely killing. Oh, you're hiccupping.
Yeah. Do you have comments

Speaker 1 on the podcast?

Speaker 1 Someone should comment about this.

Speaker 1 Does anyone else hurt? No, it's never hurt. Yeah, everyone else, all the comments will be like, I agree with Ed, they really kill.

Speaker 1 I have to believe him. I'm not on social media, so Ed just tells me that.

Speaker 1 So Ed's like, yeah, everyone agreed with me again. I'm going to go off of this drops and I'm going to go.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All the comments will be saying, Ed's right. These two are a couple of hard men.
Really? Yeah, yeah. What's a hardman? Like a tough guy? Tough, tough guy.
Yeah, a tough guy.

Speaker 1 That's a good deal about me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuchsia sweater.

Speaker 1 Your dream drink.

Speaker 1 Vesper martini.

Speaker 1 Lovely. Classy.
Talk us through the Vesper Martini. Three parts gin, one part vodka, lily, or cookie, whichever you prefer.
Shaken, freezing cold, lemon first.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. Freezing cold is important.
Cold is like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't like a room temp martini or anything. You know.

Speaker 1 Also, at the Dover in London, which is now a really nice martini bar, halfway through your drink, they give you a new ice core glass and pour it back in and it's delicious.

Speaker 1 Now, the thing, the problem with the Vesper martini is that one is great, two is like,

Speaker 1 and three is finished. Yeah, so you have to have like one and a half to feel great.
Yeah, two, you're not feeling great. I mean, you're feeling great, but the next day you're not feeling great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are very, very strong.
So please drink them responsibly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the old sidecar sometimes with uh well, here in London, the way the martinis are half the size in the US, the martinis are in that like fishbowl kind of thing and a sidecar.

Speaker 1 So, and here they come in the very beautiful, small, elegant glasses.

Speaker 1 But I never understood like how

Speaker 1 British people, British people can drink so much beer like pints

Speaker 1 Like I have friends who can drink five six seven pints and feel great if I had two beers I'd be hiccupping yeah yeah

Speaker 1 I think it's because you guys just grew up drinking it It doesn't make you feel I can't do it anymore.

Speaker 1 They all feel awful, but we're just used to always feeling awful in Christmas So it's like they just don't so you you notice like yo I feel awful Yeah, all of a sudden because you're not in a constant state of like just hating yourself and

Speaker 1 whereas here everyone is just we're all used to the base level is we feel bad yeah so and when we feel normal we're like god i'm so happy today yeah normal and then you suddenly feel guilty for it yeah

Speaker 1 i better have nine pints yeah about nine pints and get back to feeling yeah yeah it's awful again guiltily it's hilarious well i used to drink a lot of pints but now i don't i just get full straight away i just feel so full yeah but are you with me on the vest of martini it's a great drink oh yeah it's fantastic i mean martinis in in general is like one of my favorite drinks.

Speaker 1 What is it? Do people drink your gin more or vodka? I go for the vodka ones more, but Vesper would be my preference as well. If it wasn't, with a twist or dirty? Well, Vesper, you can't do it.

Speaker 1 Vespa, you have to do with a twist. Either with a twist or I like filthy martinis.
Like, absolutely. He's got my nuts.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't like savory in my drink.

Speaker 1 Like a Bloody Mary to me is just gazpacho with vodka.

Speaker 1 But that's not. You want to hear a good gazpacho story? Yes.

Speaker 1 It's not a great story. You don't like too late.
No, this is

Speaker 1 I started doing this as a joke, and no one in my family thinks it's funny, but I do love Gazpacho. Like, I really love Gazpacho.

Speaker 1 When the sun's out, I order Gazpacho, and I always do this trick where the Gazpacho comes, and I take a sip, and I spit it out, and I say, this is cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Send it back. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And the waiter's like, what? And I'm like, gotcha. And they're like, usually they think it's kind of funny.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good thing.

Speaker 1 But sometimes. You're an actor.
You've got to be careful with that with your powers there. Yeah.
Because they could burst burst into tears because you've acted it so well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, usually I wouldn't do it at a place that I didn't know the server or something. I wouldn't

Speaker 1 hurt someone's feelings who felt sensitive that day. Yeah, and what if they rush back to the kitchen? Yeah, no, I have to dime it out.

Speaker 1 Before they knew it was a joke, next thing you know,

Speaker 1 that's your rep unrest. Oh, my God.
Yeah. I would never happen.
I don't think I could be rude to someone like that, but that would be terrible. Who did that happen to? Didn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that happens to people. No, I don't want to get

Speaker 1 i would never be mean to us i think it's good to have like jokes that you do in every restaurant yeah you think yeah

Speaker 1 a little routine well i mean the classic is when like a big massive plate of stuff arrives that's clearly for sharing

Speaker 1 what's everyone else having yeah funny that's a good one that's good yeah yeah yeah yeah um and they uh maybe when they pour water or whatever for you and like you pretend it's vodka that's funny what's that what do you mean just just just a glass of vodka that's a

Speaker 1 yo yo you have a water i don't know this one and uh not while they're pouring it but like you know people are saying

Speaker 1 what are you not drinking and then like oh yeah yeah this is vodka and then you put it point the water and go this is a glass of vodka something a six-year-old would do i still don't understand

Speaker 1 that you're looking for more you're looking for more in the joke than actually exists i think so you so they're pouring water and you're saying this is vodka Yeah, yeah. That's it.

Speaker 1 That's a funny joke. When everyone else is drinking alcohol and they go, oh, you're not drinking? And then you go, yeah, I am.
This is vodka. It's a glass of vodka.
Yeah. That's a joke.

Speaker 1 People do that. People do that joke.
Yeah. Canal, I haven't made it up.
No, no, I believe you. I'm still just trying to understand it.
I've never seen someone do that joke.

Speaker 1 But imagine if you had, like, imagine a glass of water like this, I've got here. Yeah.
If that was all vodka, that'd be mad. Yeah, of course.
That's funny. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 if you're suggesting to someone, if they're like, oh, you're not drinking, and then you're like, yeah, I am, this is a glass of vodka right here.

Speaker 1 Then they're like, whoa, you went from not drinking to drinking a whole glass of vodka and having a problem with alcohol. That's funny.
How would that go down if you were at dinner, do you think?

Speaker 1 First of all, it would take 30 minutes to explain. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to be rude. I'm saying that that's not the best joke I've heard.
I'm sorry. Not the best restaurant joke I've heard.
That's a good restaurant joke.

Speaker 1 Next time you're in a restaurant, you try it. Okay.
Because maybe it's because it's outside of the usual setting that it's not landing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But like in the yes, if everyone's ordering a drink and I already have a glass of water and then someone says, you're not drinking it and you say, oh, well, this is vodka.

Speaker 1 Come on. Okay.
That's good. That's good stuff.
The way that you did it just that. I think it's good stuff.
I don't know. No, I could.
I'll try it.

Speaker 1 I'll send you guys some comments on the vodka I'm drinking. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Imagine if you drank that much vodka in like one go, you poured that, you'd have a problem. I just like to when I've like a clean my plate, try to get it.

Speaker 1 And the way it comes back over, I say, oh, I didn't like that. Yeah, that's classic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'd say, I drank all my vodka. If I had an empty glass, I go, that was vodka, but I just drank that to the way.
And they go, no, it's not. It's water.
I've been topping it up the whole time.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, yes. And I'd say, yeah.
Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry I brought up the gazpacho joke because

Speaker 1 there was a way out of that. But going back to my original thing, I mean, like, Bloody Mary is just gazpacho with vodka.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that, yeah, that does sound, that does sound nice to me, but you don't like the savoury. I don't like savoury.

Speaker 1 I saw this at the post the other day, and you will not like this if you don't like dirty martini anchovy vermouth

Speaker 1 to put in martinis i would like it yeah or like a gibson with a pickled onion not my thing i love it blue blue cheese stuffed olives

Speaker 1 no way dude yes oh my god oyster i've had an oyster martini before yeah

Speaker 1 yuck i hate it doesn't look any of these things you're not going to land on one that's not so what you went at the end of the martini do you just have the oyster as well yeah yeah

Speaker 1 and the shells in it as well it's got a shell and a whole oyster in it yeah oh Oh, my God. What if you drank that and then said that was water? What? Like you do the flip around.

Speaker 1 Please. So what if you just had a sea-food cocktail like that? You say, that was water I just drank.
Yeah. Thanks for the lovely glass of water.

Speaker 1 What reaction do you expect from anyone for that? Lovely glass of water.

Speaker 1 What do you want them to say to that? Well, they'd say that that was alcohol. You just drank that.
And then what? That's that? Done. Yeah, well, a few people would get a kick out of it.

Speaker 1 Here's another restaurant joke. Are you any allergies? Only allergic to a good time.
Oh, that's nice. Be allergic to a pint of vodka.
Yeah, that's what I would say. Right.

Speaker 1 Or if you're in a seafood restaurant and they say any allergies, you go, Yeah, seafood. Oh, that's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or in a sushi restaurant. Do you have any allergies? Yes.
Anything raw? Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Water's well.

Speaker 1 The moment has passed.

Speaker 5 November is all about gathering, friends giving feasts, Thanksgiving dinners, and football weekends.

Speaker 10 Total Wine and More has everything you need for your table and your toasts, with thousands of wines, spirits, and beers at the lowest prices.

Speaker 12 From bold reds to sparklers, you'll find the perfect wines to raise a glass this season.

Speaker 14 And when it comes to spirits, Total Wine has you covered, from smooth bourbons and tequilas to all the essentials for your holiday cocktails.

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Speaker 1 Your dream dessert.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce all over it. Love it.
More hot chocolate sauce than ice cream. The hot chocolate sauce is a lovely touch.

Speaker 1 I love it. And also melt.
It has to be almost soup-like.

Speaker 1 I like it super melty. I like it super melty.

Speaker 1 Like when I eat ice cream, I take it out of the fridge and leave it for like 30 minutes and then i eat it almost soup like yeah consistency yeah i i remember once having a house share with someone who did not like to eat ice cream like that and i couldn't get my head around it they were like i like it as solid as but i don't understand like pop a scrape it off the top and i was like what really i don't understand that it's got to be super melty like obviously not soup like but just melty enough right yeah I like it somewhere in between.

Speaker 1 I don't want, you know, too melty, but I can't be doing with rock hard chipping away at it. No.
Because I can see there's ice cream there, but I can only have tiny little shards of it. That's awful.

Speaker 1 That's awful. But I don't want nuts, almonds, nothing on it.
Just literally vanilla ice cream and like hot chocolate sauce. Yeah.
Chocolate fudge sauce or just hot chocolate sauce?

Speaker 1 Just hot chocolate sauce. Hot chocolate sauce.
Because that's if it's already melty, if you've already left it out of the freezer for a little bit, you're putting the hot sauce on top.

Speaker 1 But it is basically completely melted, this, isn't it? Yeah, you're getting a little bit of the soft consistency, but it's pretty much soup-like.

Speaker 1 Also, I love Nutella. Oh, yeah.
Nutella on white toast.

Speaker 1 We could put a little bit of that on the side for you for dessert. Yeah, maybe.
Yeah. You want like a little triangle of toast with the Nutella on it? How thick are you spreading the Nutella?

Speaker 1 Oh, like very, very, very. Give me a.

Speaker 1 Like, more Nutella than bread, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And it's got to be thin white bread. It can't be.

Speaker 1 Thin white bread, huge scraping of Nutella.

Speaker 1 Just sort of gumming up your mouth a bit. Yes, like yes.
Yes, sometimes I'll throw away the bread and just eat it with a spoon. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think that's the way to do Nutella, to be honest.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've probably shouted the guy out before, but yeah, I watched a video on YouTube once where a guy just speed eating a whole jar of Nutella, and he was really amped up by the end and pretty happy.

Speaker 1 He ate the whole thing? He ate the whole jar. They speed up the footage, but he just got it all.
Is it Eric the Electric? That guy. I don't know if his name is Eric the Electric, but at the end of it,

Speaker 1 he says to the camera, I ate a whole jar of Nutella today. What have you done?

Speaker 1 And how do they make you feel? Well, I said, well, I've watched a video of a guy eating a jar of Nutella. That's what I've done.
Which is as much of an achievement, I think.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got to the end of that video. And I didn't expect the sass at the end, but it was nice to watch him do it.

Speaker 1 And I felt pretty good about myself afterwards because I thought, well, I didn't do that today.

Speaker 1 So I feel like I've had a healthier day than that guy, even though he's probably, he looked like he was in good shape. So I imagine the rest of his life is balancing out.
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 So that he can take the head.

Speaker 1 It's like Nathan, the hot dog guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who's that? He's like the

Speaker 1 hot dog eating king. Yeah,

Speaker 1 there's Matt Stoney. Maybe his name is not Nathan.
No, I think Nathan's is the name of the competition, right? Yeah,

Speaker 1 there's the

Speaker 1 famous guy. There's a Japanese guy, I think, and an American guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, there's Matt Stoney, who does very well at that sort of stuff. Competitive food eating.
Randy Santal, of course.

Speaker 1 I watch a lot of this. Sorry, I did not know this was your

Speaker 1 thing. It's worth checking out.
How do you know these people? There's Beard Meets Food, who's the, you know,

Speaker 1 you're familiar with Beard Eats Food? Yeah, Beard Meets Food. What?

Speaker 1 Beard Meets Food. Yeah, yeah.
Well, he doesn't mean to eat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the name of the channel on YouTube is Beard Meats Food. Doesn't make any sense.
Someone should tell him that. And it's M-E-A-T-S as well.
Yeah, which is clever. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 That's not clever. They always eat meat.
I've seen them eat stuff that isn't even meat before. So you can't say something's not clever when you've just done a 15-minute joke about vodka being water.

Speaker 1 Good joke. And I made it the last 15 minutes.
And it's not over, I have a feeling.

Speaker 1 And that's your concern.

Speaker 1 You're completely correct. The classics never are.
You've got the measure of him. The classics never are over.

Speaker 1 If you were eating a whole jar of Nutella, what do you think would kick in first? Genuine sickness or shame?

Speaker 1 Sickness, yeah. Yeah, sickness before the shame.
Shim, you'd have to just, you know, bury it on. You'd have to be like, I'm just going for it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Imagine if you had to phone the same doctor

Speaker 1 who had treated you with the water, going, hey, I'm feeling.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's she doing in the last 40 hours?

Speaker 1 I've eaten a whole jar of Nutella. Where are you right now? Can you drive?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Okay, come to the hospital.
That's funny. That's funny.
I would phone that doctor and I'd say, I've drunk so much water that meal. And then I'd go, guess what? It was vodka.

Speaker 1 That's the way to come full circle. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then he'd say, can you drive? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He'd go, no, hold on a second. Seriously, have you drunk two litres of vodka? I'd go, yes.
Right.

Speaker 1 That's right. This is no laughing matter.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to come and get you, right? Yeah, exactly. That's actually, you shouldn't have done that for a joke.
Wild. I'm gonna read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You would like 50-50 for the still sparkling water, which is maybe even a first. Pop-up of red, you said you would like the white bubbly papa.
Yeah. Starter, all of the tikas.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Main course, butter chicken, black dial, buttered naan.

Speaker 1 From

Speaker 1 side dish, French fries, especially the long, thin, soggy ones. Drink a Vespa martini.

Speaker 1 Dessert, vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce and on the side we're gonna give you Nutella on white toast yes feel good about that is that one of the best ones you've ever had I would go crazy on that menu I would love to eat that yeah right it'd be a good menu yeah really good because they could have said I don't know steak tartar and caviar and

Speaker 1 roast chicken and these are all options open to you but I think I think you've picked this felt like the right moment yeah I would be dipping the fries in the butter in the butter chicken I would be doing that um and maybe even in the dal just to see but definitely in the butter chicken that dal I can't wait to have dal again.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's how I feel right now.
Exactly. I can't wait to go and have dal.
It's good stuff. It does make you want to go and have Indian food right now, doesn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had Indian food last night, and we haven't got a kitchen at the minute. So we ordered in and I ordered some parafa.
I was very excited about it.

Speaker 1 And then it arrived, and it was the only thing on the takeaway that was like, oh, you've got to cook this. Oh, God, that's

Speaker 1 hilariously.

Speaker 1 I ate it raw.

Speaker 1 Yuck. I just did it.
Calling your doctor. Calling my doctor up.
I just ate it. What's Jeans in the last one of you now? What's Jeans? I've eaten some raw brad.
I've lost my kitchen and I've eaten

Speaker 1 raw dough.

Speaker 1 You ate it raw.

Speaker 1 I had a mouthful of it just to test if we could. And could you?

Speaker 1 Oh, I finished it. No one else had any.

Speaker 1 Has anyone had a menu and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we've had it.
But what could be bad about it once? No, like, give me an example. Not an example of the person, but what could

Speaker 1 a bad menu look like? One guy, for his dream drink ordered a protein shake no yeah

Speaker 1 as a joke no it was not a joke that's what

Speaker 1 no no it was like ripped buff oh yeah yeah yeah he is but like

Speaker 1 he loves strawberry protein shakes as his favorite drink his favorite drink in the world oh interesting so there have been plenty of people who have ordered awful stuff yeah that we've had to One guy ordered sloppy stuffing.

Speaker 1 We had to sit him and talk to him about that.

Speaker 1 That wasn't nice. That was Nick Mohammed.
I'll shout him out. Yeah, yeah.
Hello, lovely guy. Yeah, lovely guy.
Terrible tasting food. Yeah, that's terrible.
Terrible faithful.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so that it's not always that we get a nice menu. So we're very, we're very happy.
Yeah, very grateful that you've

Speaker 1 chosen a delicious menu. Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, can I? It's your time.
Thank you. Really fun.
Really fun. Thank you so much.
I've learned a lot about your culture.

Speaker 1 Do the Vodka joke. Let me know how it goes.

Speaker 1 Well, there we are, James. Lovely to meet Canal.
I love that menu. I think that's a delicious menu.
Really good. I would like to eat it.

Speaker 1 I did have Indian food the other night, but now, you know, it's rare I go all in on Indian food. Yeah.
Maybe once every three months, I'm like,

Speaker 1 here we go. I'm pretty sure.
Because I always overdo it. That's the problem.
Yeah. I don't know when to stop ordering.
Yeah. But I do want all the tickers.

Speaker 1 I'm desperate to get some dal, some dal muckney. Oh, I want to dip some french fries in some curry now.
Yeah, that's what I want. Some soggy ones.
They would be by the time I'm finished with them.

Speaker 1 Oh, that sounds dirty. I meant dipping them in the curry, you know.

Speaker 1 We always say this now after episodes, but we should have gone harder on him about those french fries.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I guess so. But, like, you know, the guy been very open about like his medical history and stuff like that.
And I appreciate that vulnerability. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I don't want to go hard on someone else. I love that he was like.

Speaker 1 you might want to cut this out of the podcast yeah you know what are you talking about we're leading with that the brain swelling that's the clip that's the clip that's the clip we know clip when we see one these days and you can watch them on youtube because benito loves it so much the tabloids they're going to be all over that the tabs are going to be all over the global tabs yeah they're going to love that the global tabs are going to be all over that it's going to be absolutely everywhere and then the podcast is going to get massive finally

Speaker 1 Canal did not say bang bang cauliflower. Yes, did not say it.
Thank you, Canal. My big bang bang theory is that he wasn't going to say that.
Oh, was that your big bang bang theory?

Speaker 1 Was that he wasn't going to say the secret ingredient? Yeah. That's more of a big bang-bang theory.
That I think is fine. To predict, that's a prediction.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My big bang bang.

Speaker 1 Not just that something's the best. Yeah, but also that that is my other big bang.
You didn't back me up on that on that episode. We were going to go into the United Fund.
It's hard to back you up.

Speaker 1 And then sometimes you did not back up to the vodka joke. But I didn't understand it.
You say you never heard someone do that joke before. Yes.

Speaker 1 This is kids. Maybe like little kids being like, I'm having a vodka.

Speaker 1 But adults do it. Oh, you're not drinking tonight? Yeah, I am.
This is vodka. No, I've never heard that.
And you you know, I've never heard that.

Speaker 1 It's fucking standard joke. You made it up on the spot because you spent the whole episode testing to see if Canal can put up with your bullshit.
And then when you worked out he could, you went in.

Speaker 1 And then I had to be there in the middle, like some putz, like just trying to make sure he was all right. You were throwing out phrases like Mucky Pup.
You had come out of this.

Speaker 1 That's a real phrase. You know,

Speaker 1 he was interested to learn about Mucky Pups.

Speaker 1 Did learn about it, I guess, but like still, you came across as an eccentric weirdo. and I was trying to hold you up throughout that episode.
Right. Well, let's not argue because.

Speaker 1 It's like sitting as a Willy Wonka.

Speaker 1 It's the complete opposite. You are Willy Wonka.
Pure imagination. I'm a body that's been drugged out of a lake.
I'm a scarecrow, my bird child.

Speaker 1 Don't forget to go and see Christmas Karma. Yeah, don't forget to go and see it.
It's in Cinemas Now, of course. It is in Cinemas Now.
Also, I am on tour in the new year round America. Fucking hell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll go to America in January and February. JamesAcaster.com for tickets.
I'm very excited about it.

Speaker 1 Hey, and if you live in America and you're like, wouldn't it be great to see the off-menu boys? Yeah. Sort of quite, probably quite close together within a month.
Yeah. I'm there in February.

Speaker 1 Literally, I believe the day I fly home, Ed flies to America the next day. So with ships in the night, planes in the sky.
Edgamble.co.uk for tickets

Speaker 1 for my show. I'm going to lots of different places in America.
I'm doing loads in New York.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited excited that people in New York want to come and see me, so I can just go to loads of restaurants the whole time. Yeah.
And you can do your New York country.

Speaker 1 You can do Edwin Coffee the whole time you're there. Of course, I can.
Yes, he's back. Give me a fucking coffee.

Speaker 1 Edwin Coffee's here. You know the Starbucks lady? Yeah.
I fucked that lady. Oh.
Do you not remember that? That's part of his backstory. Did he fuck the Starbucks?

Speaker 1 Oh, he fucked the Starbucks lady on the... Yes.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 On the

Speaker 1 logo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I thought that was bad.

Speaker 1 But actually, yes, he fucked

Speaker 1 the lady of the Starbucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, it's something like that. It's something to do with the sea.
Put it in a blowhole. No,

Speaker 1 you guys don't get me.

Speaker 1 Is that it? We finished the episode. Thanks very much for listening.
We will see you again next week. Thank you to Canel for coming on.
Bye. Bye.

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Speaker 20 Hi, folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

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Speaker 7 November is all about gathering, friends giving feasts, Thanksgiving dinners, and football weekends.

Speaker 10 Total Wine and More has everything you need for your table and your toasts, with thousands of wines, spirits, and beers at the lowest prices.

Speaker 12 From bold reds to sparklers, you'll find the perfect wines to raise a glass this season.

Speaker 14 And when it comes to spirits, Total Wine Wine has you covered from smooth bourbons and tequilas to all the essentials for your holiday cocktails.

Speaker 7 Hosting Thanksgiving, Total Wine's guides make it easy by taking out the guesswork.

Speaker 17 With the lowest prices for over 30 years, you'll always find what you love and love what you find only at Total Wine and more.

Speaker 11 Curbside pickup and delivery available in most areas.

Speaker 6 See TotalWine.com for details.

Speaker 18 Spirits not sold in Virginia and North Carolina. Drink responsibly.

Speaker 19 Be 21.

Speaker 15 Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont.

Speaker 1 And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact.

Speaker 24 Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding.

Speaker 25 That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 24 This changes people's lives.

Speaker 25 If you had to sum it up, how would you sum it up?

Speaker 24 An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals. Because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos and they all live together, sumos.

Speaker 25 No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Derek's? I don't think people know that.
I emailed a hundred Derek.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was Derek's. I thought it was Brian.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Speaker 25 Our podcast is out every Friday, so it's really easy to remember. It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first day you feel alive again.

Speaker 24 Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains, one of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast.

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