Brand New Dungeons And Dragons Campaign With Timm Woods And Nick Turani

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On today's part of my take, it's Dungeons and Dragons time.

Our guy Tim Woods is back with us.

It is a week off at Barstall HQ.

We will have a show on Wednesday with some updating of NBA Free Agency, but we have two and a half hours of Dungeons and Dragons with Tim Woods.

Great, great episode.

We love having Tim Woods.

So get ready, buckle up.

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Welcome to Part of My Take.

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Of course, today is Monday, June 30th, and it's Dungeons and Dragons time, so let's kick it in studio with our guy, Tim Woods.

Okay, we are back.

Dungeons and Dragons special 4th of July episode.

Yeah.

Oh, who is that?

It's pretty bitch.

Okay, so we are in the studio.

We have Tim Woods here in Chicago.

Good to be here.

We have a very special edition in Zach.

Tim, first of all, how are you?

I'm doing fantastic.

Absolutely great.

How are you doing?

I'm great, by the way.

Look at that merch.

Absolutely.

T-shirts have just dropped and they're on my website.

Thank you very much.

I was doing

a photo shoot.

I was doing a photo shoot this morning with Stella and Tim absolutely Stella.

I was like, hey, this is my dog, Stella.

And he goes, absolutely, Stella.

Even if I did that,

I wanted to make sure that Stella got the brand new stuff.

Yeah, no, no, no, you absolutely the dog.

Absolutely.

If I had said, hey, Stella, Stella would have gotten me the cockhead.

Like, that's not what I want, though.

No, you absolutely don't.

That's how Tim said hello to me this morning.

He just goes, absolutely.

And then Ice Cube came in.

Did you absolutely Ice Cube?

I don't think I did.

I think I got too nervous, unfortunately.

That would have been a whole time absolutely.

Ringo Stars just lost his mustache.

I lost my mustache.

Well, I am Ringo Star today, but I'm Ringo Star as a bicyclist.

And also, Zach thought that Ringo Star meant the guy with the star over his eye and kiss.

So it's kind of like a three-way costume, which is fun.

Yeah, so I don't want to be rude, but now that the mustache is off, it basically just looks like you put on face paint.

Because you could wear that outfit.

Yeah, that is something you'd wear.

If you're walking around the office with that outfit on, no one would bat an eye.

No one looks wise.

That's PFT with kind of a star on it.

All right, so let's go around the room.

So, PFT, you are Ringo's Ringo star from Kiss.

Ringo star from Kiss, who also rides a bike.

Ringo star from both.

Yeah, and I have a gun and an axe.

So, I mean, you're basic DD outfit.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

Nick?

I'm infant newborn Pikachu

with a Tommy gun.

It's just dawning on me that my little yellow penis isn't going to be on the biggest sports podcast in America.

Okay.

Zach?

I'm a Wolverine Claus Tuck today.

Okay,

you have a great costume.

Yeah, you did really well.

I was the one to pivot with anyone on Wolverine, but you guys look great as well.

I think

we've got costumes.

We got costumes.

Who do you think looks the best?

I really like the Britney, and I really like the Ringo Star with the bicyclist Glock.

And

I did think the shoulder pads would sell more as the Overlord of DD.

They didn't sell as much as I thought they would.

No, these didn't do anything.

Okay, Hank.

Is the afer of

the african?

Gonna get it taken down.

I am Britney Spears.

Zach said he didn't realize Britney Speed got me a woman's costume until after he bought it.

So I got bell bottoms and a wig.

Actually, I think I look hot.

Yeah.

Yeah, you look pretty good.

Yeah.

I like the bounty.

You kind of look like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

A little bit.

Dog it.

Yeah, say go with Christ, brah.

Go with Christ, brah.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

um all right and i am uh snorlax you're snorlax i'm snorlax on brand but i was

oh oh that was brutal what does that mean that was

snorlax what does he do sleep snorlax

uh i know i wasn't gonna be snorlax zach initially my costume was just simply these shoulder pads these leather shoulder pads he bought me about eight percent of a costume but you had a helmet too i did have a helmet so yeah like maybe 12 of a costume you probably had the best costume.

And a sword.

With the 12% of the costume.

12% of the costume.

My 12% was incredible.

It just only was 12%.

I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

So I pivoted to Snorlax with the 12%.

And then also I got a Glock as well.

You have a Glock?

A sword that you can pivot to if you'd like to as well.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

So, Tim, let's get it going.

Good job, Zach.

On, well, no.

Job.

Job.

Job.

You got us something that made us look a little different than our normal clothes.

Job attempted.

Yeah.

You can hang your hat on.

Job not executed.

No, not at all.

A solid eight on a D20.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Oh, on a D20?

It was like maybe a two on a D20.

Okay.

It wasn't a one.

It was not a natural one.

There we go.

There we go.

Appreciate it, Tim.

Tim, let's get into it.

Whatever you want to go.

I want to, first of all, say that we need a character for Zach.

So I'll just go around and just remind us, of course, Big Cat, you are going to be Norm the Human Barbarian joining the team once again.

We've got PFT as Wayne, our Hildworth Bard.

We've got Hank as our Gnome Warlock Ehrlich.

And we've got Nick returning as Greg the Human Paladin.

Greg with two Gs, I believe.

Yes.

Just making sure that you're just going to be able to do that.

Absolutely.

Now, I heard that, Zach, you're a fan of doing some heels with a little bit of DPS on the side.

Is that correct?

I am a fan of main heels, yes.

Absolutely.

100%.

Marvel Rivals.

In Marvel Rivals, I am aware that Zach is a fan of doing mainly heels, but also some DPS kind of as a secondary role.

So I found the perfect character for Zach.

This is a human cleric of the

storm.

What that means is...

Tom, can I just ask a question real quick?

You play a video game and you're the nurse?

We run two roles.

So I'm doing heals and damage.

So I'm doubling.

I'm looking out for the team.

You're just running around not killing anyone, just trying to save other people.

I'm making sure the boys are good.

Yeah, like, my God, you're a water boy in a fake life?

Support.

Got to have team support.

Look, if you get, you got to have heals.

You got to have, the team needs water.

The team needs more slices.

We got to keep the boys healthy, keep the boys good.

And I do a little bit of damage as well as Invisible Woman.

Okay, okay.

It's a noble cause, 100%.

I would also say...

I didn't know that existed.

In D ⁇ D, the cleric's role is to pray to their God and get healing magic to give to their friends.

So again, mainly a support role.

But as a storm cleric, you also have lightning and thunder magic that you can use to deal damage as well.

The only problem, Zach, is unfortunately, and I am am not riffing here, this is actually the case, I only had level two characters.

So as long as you're okay with it, you are going to be playing with a bunch of people who are higher level than you, who are descending down in order to play alongside you.

I hope that that's not an issue or anything.

We might call these maybe smurfs, possibly, people who are going to be a little bit ganging up on you potentially.

They have about three times as much power as you do, unfortunately.

So you're just going to need to kind of level yourself up to get to the level that the others are at.

Apologies.

I'm so sorry I didn't have level six sheet to hook you up with, unfortunately.

You've turned me into everything I hate.

I'm so sorry.

But I'm here to do it for you, Tim.

100%.

I'm here to do it for you.

I know you will 100%.

She got...

15 hit points to work with.

The others are closer to the 40s and 50s right now.

So we do not

Zach alive because he's our healer.

And without him, we don't have any healing magic.

So just a heads up, everyone.

Of course, we're all on the same team, as we always know.

And I don't know.

Obviously, you can betray each other in DD, but I don't think anyone here would do that.

So, 100%, absolutely.

Now, this adventure I'm very excited about because it is number one at Tim Woods original.

Normally, I've been running like canned adventures, like the classics, as it were, that I've been like growing up with.

I've run out of classics for you guys.

So, at this point, we're in Tim Woods' original adventures.

I just made this one up for the AWLs, and at this point, I actually went into my records to check this.

I have run this adventure in particular for 45 different groups of AWLs over the course of the last year.

And that is a total of 274 AWLs who are out there.

They are listening right now, and they are judging your every move.

I told them that they probably are going to do a better job than we'll do today.

So obviously, you're the ones who can set the record straight on that.

Yeah, do you, sorry, I didn't mean to point the gun at you.

Have we, we've never done a Tim Woods original.

No, most of the adventures we've done have just been sort of me improving within a structure structure of one of the published adventures.

This will be an original, 100%.

This is you.

Absolutely.

This is all.

I'm excited.

Absolutely.

What's the name of this adventure?

The name of this adventure, as I call it, is the Dragon of Mount Speartop.

And as you can imagine, this is your classic DD adventure.

There is a dragon attacking the local towns and villages, a red fire-breathing dragon.

And we are going to need to go to Mount Speartop to slay this dragon, maybe with some wholesome guns.

Do you want to call these D D parties?

Is this a D D party?

This would be a D D adventure.

Okay.

No one gets oiled up.

No, I mean, it depends on where exactly you're going for

the party.

I mean, you can resolve the challenge in whatever way you want.

Some people use dice, some people use other methods, perhaps, but 100%.

And so our adventure is going to begin in one of the major locations of the DD world of Faroon.

We're going to be starting this adventure at the White House.

April Fool's just kidding.

I'm so sorry.

We are not going to be starting the adventure.

We are going to be starting this adventure in a famous DD location called Baldur's Gate.

Baldur's Gate is a major hub of adventure.

It's so popular that some video games have been set in the world of Baldur's Gate, and they are very good.

So, the big city of Baldur's Gate is generally very well protected from dragons.

It has a big army, big walls, big ballistas, just like Game of Thrones for defending against dragons.

But we're out in the villages and towns outside of the big city where they have put together a fund for whatever group of adventurers is willing to take on the challenge of slaying this dragon.

And that is in theory us assembling to take on this quest.

All we know is that this dragon has been going back to the tallest of the cloud peak mountains, Mount Speartop.

Other than that, we don't know exactly where its layer is.

So I will throw out there that we can spend as much time as we want in town gathering information or supplies if we think that that's necessary.

Or we could just say, F it, let's go straight to the mountain and start trying to find this dragon the hard way.

Whatever we'd like to do.

So we can do anything.

We can do whatever we want.

The possibilities are endless.

The possibilities are endless.

Yes, 100%.

Should we do a mini golf tournament?

There are several beautiful rolling hills around the towns and villages.

And I will just throw out there in D ⁇ D world.

I think it's Hobbits who created the sport of golf.

Well, I think for, you know, if we're going to have to slay a dragon, we're probably going to have to train.

Yeah.

And we should probably measure, you know,

how we train up against each other.

Yeah.

Dragon killing golfers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like that.

I like that.

Now, to see who goes first, I would ask everyone to do our first D20 roll of the day.

If you can grab a D20 and roll it, whoever rolls the highest on this is going to get to go first.

Is it poor form in the Dungeon and Dragons community to make your box like you basically moved into your box.

Like, Hank has just moved all his stuff into my box.

I mean, generally, sometimes people share dice trades, sometimes they don't.

Sometimes people are very protective of their dice.

Like, don't roll my dice is actually a rule for some people in DD.

If you roll my dice, you're going to give it your luck.

I don't want your luck.

I want my luck.

Yeah, he's got his coffee in here.

He's got his, he just moved all his stuff into my box.

You don't come in another man's box.

No, it's box of the year.

Box of the year.

Okay.

Look at what is this?

Like, you just, it's just traps.

That's not mine.

Yeah, it is.

Oh, yeah, it is.

Yeah.

Who's like trying to influence your role?

It's in my box.

All right.

It's our box.

I understand, but

you could take half of it, but you took all of it.

Sorry.

You're starting to piss me off.

I'm sort of thinking about killing humans.

I think you should put a conservatorship on that box.

It's sexist.

PFT really does.

Classic.

Classic bar stool.

You forget how people are.

I keep looking at him.

It's just face paint.

Oh, my God.

Ringo star?

It's me.

All right, so we're all rolling.

Absolutely.

Everyone can roll a D20.

We'll be adding your dexterity modifier to see when in an issue you're going to go.

So some of us have a boost to this.

Go ahead.

Most of us don't.

Hank roll

18 with an extra plus two.

That's a dirty 20 right there for

Hank Ehrlich.

Oh, then this chip went to the pub.

19.

19 for you?

Yeah, 19K for me, but

you have a plus two.

Oh, okay.

So actually, you got a 21 total going just ahead of Ehrlich.

Absolutely.

So Norm first, followed by Ehrlich.

And how are the rest of us are doing?

Everyone can roll 1d20.

Sorry.

Boom.

Three.

Three.

I'm sorry to say, Greg, you're probably going to be going at the end of initiative, but it's okay.

I have a 17.

17.

Absolutely.

Now, you have a plus two on this, I believe.

So that'll put you into initiative on a 19 for Wayne Arbard.

Absolutely.

And our, oh, Zach, let me ask an important question.

What is the name of your cleric character?

The name of my cleric character is.

I'll go.

You can cook on this if you need time.

No, no, we want it right now.

He's got it.

He's got it.

Five seconds.

Five seconds.

Four.

Count me down.

I got you.

Two.

Two.

One.

Traywind will be my trade wind.

Ooh, that goes hard.

You're not naming yourself.

You're not his name.

So I want to point out that Kenny Twitter of the human.

That's the name of a boat.

Actually,

that's kind of a priority name.

100%.

Trained Wind or Trade Wind?

Traywind?

I'll go with Trade Wind.

Trade Wind.

I kind of like

Trainwind.

Train Wind.

We can pivot to Train Wind if you'd like.

Trainwind.

Train Wind.

We can do that.

Absolutely.

I like Trainwind.

We can do Trainwind.

I'll also ask you one other question, Zach.

Not to put you on the spot, but you follow a god of storms.

That could be Zeus, that could be Thor, that could be anybody.

Or you can make up your own storm god.

Make up your own

storm.

let's go

five four we're doing we're doing storm gods right storm god okay we'll just go with a storm god uh

three

two

one

no wrong answer you can pick the mutant storm pound found if you want

absolutely 100

of course love it pound found the storm god 100 done absolutely good job zach i will say that you have been led to this location, Tradewind, by visions from Pound Found telling you that this dragon has not only upset the balance of the land, causing forest fires, it's also affecting the skies and the storms.

Smoke filling the skies is no good for Pound Found, God of Storms.

And in fact, your temple to Pound Found has been attacked by this dragon very recently, it seems.

And so you need to get your...

your vengeance and the rest of us need to make some moolah some money slang personal dragon 100 but zach go ahead and roll me a D20 plus zero to see when

Trainwind is going to go.

So I've rolled a 10 for you, sir.

A 10.

Okay, with a 10, absolutely.

Train wind, you're going to be going right after Wayne's turn in that case.

Could stuff.

So we're starting with norm today.

We'll point out that in theory, if you're starting in town, other people have really good persuasion skills.

The barbarian.

tends to just want to focus on attacking stuff.

There's not a lot of stuff to attack in town, but you can do whatever you want in town.

There's places that sell potions.

There's the tavern where you can get information and stuff.

Whatever you might want to do in town, it's totally up to you.

Okay.

Hmm.

We got to arm up.

Oh, should we arm up?

In theory, arming up would not be a bad idea.

Okay, I'd like to.

100%.

Arm up.

And then,

can I also, could I, do I have a secondary action?

You do.

100%.

Okay, all right.

Absolutely.

So let's arm up my primary action.

I do want to point out that at the end of our last adventure, we had defeated a different dragon and claimed from its horde a magic axe so when i asked at the end of the adventure we said we were sharing the axe i want it okay absolutely i mean it is probably best in the hands of a barbarian i'm the strongest guy here no one's challenging you on that you have a magic plus two great axe okay

sure

that'd be great take my axe it's me axe oh this is a real axe

oh no me abs

with the magic axe you are in theory theory pretty well equipped.

You could try to find an even better magic axe, or you could just simply arm up on that one, and you still have more stuff you can do on your turn for sure.

Yeah,

let me just make this magic axe even better.

Can I do it?

You certainly can.

100%.

So, if you go to the weapon smith outside of Baldur's Gate, you notice there's like a dwarf and a half orc who are like running this weapon shop.

They have an enchantment table for improving your axe.

There's also a really nice axe on display.

It's kind of like in Comic-Con where the stuff is hung up really high, but you can see it on display.

You know that it's chained to the backboard of this weapon stand, as it were, and it looks like a really nice, well-enchanted axe.

Or you could ask them to enchant your axe even more than yeah, let's enchant my axe.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and just roll me a D20 for a persuasion check.

You have a plus zero on this.

20.

Oh, it's a natural 20.

It's a natural 20.

100%.

And they ask you a very important question, first of all.

They say, well, you've already got the pretty nice axe going on there, the dwarf says.

And the half-work agrees.

I mean, that's pretty impressive.

You want something nicer than that?

What for?

And they're wondering what quest you are on right now.

Do you tell them about the quest?

Yeah, I'm going to kill this dragon.

When they hear that, they say, well, we're in danger.

This dragon might attack us at any moment.

We would more than love to hook you up with an enchantment.

In fact, they go up to this axe and they bring it down off the stand, and you see them do some magic.

The rune on the axe disappears

and they turn to your axe and they start hammering it.

The rune from that axe goes on to your axe instead.

And they hand it back to you and say, now you don't have a magic great axe.

You have what is called the great axe of the chill.

This weapon, if you speak the magic word, will cover itself with ice and deal ice damage to your enemies, including fire dragons.

Wow.

Okay.

So you got a great axe of the chill now.

Congratulations.

That's a D6 of extra cold damage every time you hit a dragon with it.

Now, that would be your action to negotiate this out of them.

Right now, you could ask them one more question or for one more minor thing or do something else.

I'll just do one minor thing.

I would like to open a limited edition set of Pokemon cards.

Right.

100%.

They do say every weapon, purchase, and upgrade comes with one free pack of Pokemon cards.

You open it up inside, just roll a D20 for me.

The higher you roll, the better a Pokemon you get.

19.

You're the 19.

Name your Pokemon and get whatever Pokemon you want.

Holograph Charizard.

Get a holographic.

You've got a holographic.

He's out of action.

You can't eat it.

And because

you can't eat it just yet,

if you want to.

Also, in this world, these are magic Pokemon cards where if you throw it on the ground like Gambit, it will turn into that Pokemon just a heads up.

So you've got holographic Charizard and then a bunch of random commons at that point.

Still, holographic Charizard goes hard.

Huge pull.

In theory, that's going to be pretty weird for the fire-breathing dragon when a Charizard shows up and he has no idea what the fuck he's looking at.

I'm going to eat that Charizard.

That's right.

I'm going to eat the Charizard.

Norm, amazing turn.

Well done.

That was a huge glow up for Norm.

Ehrlich, we are up to you right now.

And Ehrlich, I will just say that your patron has been whispering little secrets in your ear and stuff about the mountain.

But we'll get into that a little bit later.

I just want one last thing.

I will say that we are a team, and my holograph Charizard, I will happily give it to anyone else

for a certain amount of kisses.

Why do I always have to be gay?

Everything.

If anyone

lucky for a holographic Charizard,

kiss it up and you can maybe get it.

You're a widower now.

I am an adventure.

Yeah, my husband's dead.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Single.

Newly single.

I would like.

Let's do a history.

Let's find out.

Let's figure out some details in this dragon.

Absolutely.

100%.

Roll me a history check.

I believe you have a plus five on that.

D20.

Mistaken.

Yep.

Or plus six, actually.

That would be two.

Two.

I'm sorry to say offhand, you don't know any facts about the dragon, but that was a free action.

Just see what you know.

You could try to do research, but I'll point out that would be kind of talking to people or maybe hitting up a library in Baldur's Category.

Your choice.

You want to go to a library?

You know what that is?

Nah, we're not doing that.

You do have a much better charisma than intellect.

Can he just watch like a couple YouTube videos and do his own research?

Do you see a TikTok?

That would probably be the equivalent of picking up rumors in the tavern, as it were.

Just seeing what people are talking about.

Yeah, what else could I do?

You could go to the tavern.

You could talk to people.

Try to hide them up.

Let's grab a couple of trulies.

100%.

The moment you walk in the tavern, you notice that there is your classic human bartender, apron, brown beard.

He's cleaning a glass, nods at you.

You enter.

You also see a bunch of humans primarily, but two tables of Dorvin miners.

I must emphasize mine workers, people who work in the mines who are allowed to be here.

And they are drinking and eating their dinner.

There's a table full of Hobbits, a whole multi-generational Hobbit family in the back room who seem like they're celebrating something right now.

Who would you like to talk to?

I'm sorry.

to say you don't see any gnomes around like yourself.

Let's go to the Hobbit boys.

Absolutely.

You go to this Hobbit table in the back.

It sounds like they're talking about a recent dragon attack where their barn got burned down.

Would you like to sort of chat them up right now?

Yes, please.

Honestly, are you mentioning anything about what you're doing here?

What are you saying to them as you go to talk to them?

You guys come here often?

Absolutely.

Just roll me one to 20 with a plus six on this.

Nice dude.

Oh, that'll be another two.

No,

I'm sorry to say that with an eight, they go, I mean, yeah, we do hang out here a lot, especially after our barn's been been burned down by the dragon.

But actually, we're just we're just celebrating with the family right now.

They notice your robes and like your various magical amulets.

They know you're a warlock, and that's making them a little bit nervous right now.

I don't think they see Lola, because Lola, your imp can turn invisible, but at the same time, they're nervous that you might have a demon of some kind with you.

They

you can say whatever you want to them.

You might be able to earn advantage on this check, but uh it depends on what you say to them exactly.

They're almost dismissing you at the moment.

So what happened to the dragon?

The moment you mention the dragon, they start to talk more.

Roll one more time.

You just earned advantage.

Three.

Three.

I'm sorry to say, with a nine total, all you hear them mention is that the dragon did indeed burn down their barn.

It seems like the dragon took all of their food that was stockpiled in the barn as it was burning down somehow.

And the old hobbit is mentioning that he got a good look at this dragon.

There is some sort of hobbit grandpa here at the head of the table.

And he's talking about how he used his spyglass to watch the dragon as it was going back to the mountain.

You have heard of spyglasses before, but they are a recent invention in the world of Fairoon.

They don't use magic at all.

They're like crystal balls, but they allow you to see far away.

away things.

You think spyglasses are worth like a thousand gold pieces if you were to get your hands on one of those, just so you know.

Unfortunately, you've used your action and you're trying to get into this conversation with these hobbits, it's not going so well.

Would you like to try anything else with your bonus action?

No, I think we got to just find a way to get the spyglass.

Absolutely.

He patted a bag on the back of his chair when he mentioned his spyglass, but that's all you know for sure.

Ehrlich, good stuff, but

that will bring us to Wayne.

Pretty big waste of a turn.

I mean, the solid rules were bad.

seven seven now bad rules not much you can do with those rolls it's oh you can roll better absolutely oh sorry Hank one thing I did want to give you since we're celebrating your birthday today you have the one and only instance of DM's inspiration it is worth one free re-roll today for your dice or somebody else's dice you could use it now or you could save it for when you really need it 100%

absolutely your birthday wish absolutely uh Okay, so it's my turn?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

So Hank is in the tavern right now.

Yes.

Where is Big Cat?

Currently, he's at the weapon stand just outside of Baldur's Gate in the marketplace.

Hanging with my holograph charizard.

Absolutely.

What other stores, what other shops do we have around the town?

There is a potion shop and several temples.

Temples are a great place to get healing potions and blessings.

Potion shops are where you could get maybe even more powerful potions, healing potions, but also like invisibility potions, fire resistance potions.

I think that.

That That sort of thing.

I think the healing shop would be great for Zach for Tradewind, but I'm going to go to the potion shop.

Absolutely.

You can go to the potion shop 100%.

When you get to the potion shop, it's one of the few structures that just outside of the story.

Not a drug guy.

Speak up, Hank.

Not a drug guy.

I'm a potion guy.

Absolutely.

100%.

And as soon as you go into this potion shop, a little bell rings.

There is a gnomish couple, just like our warlock here.

There is a pair of gnomes.

It seems like they're a married couple.

The wife is an artificer with goggles on.

The husband is a wizard with like the moon and star, like wizard hat, classic look.

And you realize the wife has like invented these special shoes for them.

They each press a button the moment you enter, and they're like moon shoes.

There's suddenly it's like re-earned clank, re-earn clank, and they are now dwarven height as you walk in.

And they go, ah, greetings.

And they're kind of like walking on little stilts a little bit so they can be your height.

And they say, please, how can we be of help to you right now?

We are very interested in selling you some potions.

What are you looking for?

Can I ask them,

do you guys like to party?

Ooh, roll me a persuasion check on them real quick.

Okay.

18.

18.

And you have a plus six on your persuasion, I believe, with the 24.

They look at each other and they give some sort of special signal to each other.

Canonically, this is a swinger couple.

And every time I've run this adventure,

they said, hey, we noticed you across the room and we elevated our shoes so we could look you dead in the eyes.

And we just were kind of like wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight we're not doing anything we were planning on partying actually and they indicate that what they are brewing right now is some special potion special potion i like that absolutely is there a uh a weird chair that's in the corner of the shop

100 there is a chair but they would say but i mean you could get involved if you really want to yeah as long as there's consent right time absolutely

you get consent from them do you then ask for consent after you have it after i have consent i definitely ask for consent because there's nothing hotter.

They lose their goddamn minds as you ask for consent the second time.

They go, wow, nothing sexier than that.

It's like he's teasing us, says the wife.

And immediately,

I mean, it goes late into the night, but you are afterward.

Oh, actually, sorry, roll me a constitution saving throw just to see how everything went.

Okay.

That's a 12.

12, but you have help.

Roll one more time.

You're getting advantage

with a 15 plus whatever your constitution saving throw is.

It's hours later that the camera returns to us and the couple is exhausted.

They say that was the craziest night we've had in a really long time.

Please let us set you up with some potions for the road.

What do you need?

They're willing to set you up with healing potions, invisibility potions, or fire resistance potions.

Well, we're going to see a dragon, right?

I feel like fire resistance might be a good thing to have.

Are we certain it's fire breathing?

It's red.

Yeah, because it burned down the hobbits.

Yeah.

Oh,

100%.

Next guy's listening ears on.

Absolutely.

I don't know.

What do you guys think?

Fire?

Fire resistance seems good.

Okay, we'll go fire resistance.

They do indicate that's a pretty expensive potion, but they would be willing to give you, for the performance you just did tonight,

three of them.

Not enough for everybody, unfortunately.

They tell you that's like 500 gold pieces per potion, though.

So you're getting a good deal.

These are free potions.

Do you hold on to all three of these potions or do you start doling them out to your teammates?

You know what?

I'm going to give one.

I'll give one to Norm.

Okay.

Norm's got the magic axe.

He's on the apartment.

Thank you, bro.

I'm going to give one

to

Greg.

Thank you, 2Gs.

Yeah.

Huge.

One left.

Big decision.

And then one left.

Zach.

No, trade winds.

Trade wind?

Train wind?

Trade winds are trying the lowest hit points of all of us, so you might need it the most.

Yeah, I think I'm going to give it to Trade Wind.

I want Tradewind sticking to the bottom.

So you're not keeping one for yourself, is that right?

I'm a benevolent man.

Wow, 100%.

It does seem like the Novish couple is hoping you will return again, but they are going to be keeping the store shut for today because they're too exhausted.

You did a fantastic turn.

You still have your bonus action, I would say, in case you want to inspire one of your teammates.

So, for bonus action, I think I would like to inspire Trade Wind.

Nice, absolutely.

What do you say to him

or play?

You can either play music or say something inspiring to him to give him inspiration.

I think I just tell him like, hey, Trainwind,

you did a great job.

You did a job buying costumes today, and you should feel good about doing a job.

You had a job today.

And you, job accomplished.

I feel very inspired.

Okay.

That was a great speech.

All right.

You're welcome.

Absolutely.

100%.

Getting all the armor for the team.

100%.

And Wayne, great turn.

That is going to bring us to Trainwind now, followed by Greg.

Trainwind, what would you like to do?

I want to highlight that as a storm cleric, you have good intimidation, so you can go around and try to kind of be stern and serious with people, trying to get information out of them, or you can just be kind of friendly with them and try to use your persuasion, but you're not quite as good at that because of your history as a sailor.

You're used to like yelling orders at people and stuff like that.

That's if you want to talk to people.

You can do whatever you want in town, including go to your local temple to Pound Found, the Scott of Storms.

I'd like to check out the temple to see what Pound Found's got going on.

Absolutely 100%.

You go to the local temple of Pound Found, and sure enough, do you think Pound Found is a good, evil, or neutral deity?

Seems as if he could be neutral.

Storm gods would tend to be neutral.

It's true.

So when you go there,

first of all, they are very upset.

The whole statue to Pound Found that was built there with like gemstones in its eyes got knocked over.

Someone ripped the gemstones out of the eyes and took them with them.

All the priests of Pound Found are going around trying to rebuild and they're doing an okay job, but they really want you to get vengeance upon this dragon.

Are you trying to get information out of them or supplies or anything like that?

What are you saying to them?

I would like to know, you know, where so where we could find this dragon.

You know, a little bit more information on where he can be so we can get those stones back.

We got to get this statue back.

100%.

Please roll me a D20 and this would be a persuasion bonus for you.

I think you have a plus two on this if you're being nice to them.

If you're being very serious with them, then it would be a plus four, actually.

Are you being intimidating?

That's high risk, high reward.

But you could also just be friendly with them, and that would be a plus two on the persuasion check.

I'll go with friendly this time.

I did do a six.

Absolutely, 100%.

Because it's your temple, you get to roll two times and take the higher numbers.

So roll one more time.

We got a strong four on that one.

Ooh, okay, so we'll take the six at the very least.

With the, you're being nice to them, so a plus two, that's an eight.

Unfortunately, with an eight, all they're they're able to tell you right now is that the dragon definitely went back back to mount spear top they thought they saw it land somewhere about halfway up the mountain but they don't know more information than that unfortunately now you could try one more time with one roll as your bonus action or you could do something else with your bonus action Do I I can bank the bonus action?

The bonus action is not something you could bank.

You could do something else with this

or you could try to talk to them.

Okay, I would like to

i would like you know talk to them a little bit like see if we could further this conversation i know they're saying mid-mountain but was there a guy that maybe saw something the others didn't see absolutely roll one more time now at this point are you being stern with them or just sticking with the plus two still being nice to them as of right now we're cordial we're just trying to get along being cordial 11 11 plus two with a 13 you're getting some good information you notice that they said

the dragon definitely landed halfway up the mountain specifically landed at a cave entrance, and there were one, two, three different cave entrances, almost like this dragon picked an area where there are three different caves, and two of them almost seemed like decoy caves.

This priest lets you know for certain the dragon went into the middle of the three possible caves.

And now I will ask Trainwind, do you share this information with your teammates?

I would love to share it with the team.

Absolutely.

100%.

So a valuable clue.

You know, if we had followed the trail of the dragon, we would have gotten to these cave entrances and not known which one the dragon went into.

Apparently, the dragon landed on this climbing wall, a 20-foot climbing wall, about halfway up the mountain and climbed into the cave entrance.

They also say he climbed in in a weird way, but they didn't see more than that.

So there's still a little bit of a mystery there right now with only a 13.

So Trainwind, very successful turn there.

The priests beg you to slay this dragon.

but wish you very well.

And that will bring us to Greg's turn next.

Is there a baker in town?

There is a baker.

I'd like to go to the bakery, please.

100%.

You go to the bakery.

Absolutely.

The bakery is going to be run by a no one's gone to a bakery in this adventure.

It's a Hobbit.

A Hobbit runs this bakery.

100%.

I would like to ask for 12 donuts.

Absolutely.

100%.

Roll a D20 just to see how good these donuts are.

Seven.

Seven.

But with your persuasion bonus, I think you have a plus four under skills per plus six.

Plus six.

With a 13 total.

They're not magical donuts, but they're pretty high quality, to be honest.

These are fresh donuts.

They just made him this morning.

Does Greg have any gluten sensitivities?

Roll to see if you have a gluten sensitivity or not.

As long as you get a seven or higher rules, seven or higher, you don't have gluten sensitivity.

19

in the world of DD.

Maybe you had it when you were born, but there are clerics who can be like, cure gluten intolerance and even you've been healed at a very young age in this magical scent.

Absolutely.

Thanks, Max.

Good job, Max.

100%.

So you have beaten gluten intolerance.

Congratulations, 100%.

And now you can chow down on these donuts if you wish.

Can I ask if there's any of these people in the bakery do art?

Ooh, yes.

I'm going to roll to see if there's already any visible.

Hmm, you ask around.

No artists in this bakery right now, but they do indicate there are artists in town.

What are you looking for?

I want a picture of Joe Buck with a big forehead.

Absolutely.

There are some caricature artists that they are able to hook you up with with that role, and they send you towards this elven woman who starts like drawing exactly what you are looking for.

How big do you want this?

A little small pocket-sized, or like a big like mural on someone's wall?

75 inches, huge,

like big TV size.

You commission this painting.

Absolutely.

And then let me just see how this goes.

Fantastic.

She tells you you must be careful because one of the things that dragons love to steal is anything of value.

And she says that this painting would be worth hundreds of gold pieces to the right buyer.

But that means that if the dragon spots it, the dragon might want to grab this painting and add it to its horde.

So as you're trying to move this TV size painting, you're kind of like, uh, I got to move quickly.

You're looking to the skies.

You're trying to get it from place to place without this dragon trying to swoop in and grab it.

You probably give it to one of the strongest people on the team.

Who are you giving the painting to?

Oh, no.

He's overencumbered.

He has a lot on him.

I mean, it's a big thing to get.

You could strap it to your back for sure.

So you've got this huge painting right now.

12 doughnuts.

And 12 donuts.

Sounds like you're holding on to all those for right now.

Is that right?

It's past noon.

Okay.

100%.

You're able to get all those.

Was there anything else you were trying to get?

Do I have much action left?

I would say the donuts were a bonus action.

To be fair, commissioning the painting was most of your action.

If there was anything else you wanted to commission from that artist, you could, but otherwise, your turn would be done.

I'm okay.

I'm done.

100%.

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That'll bring us back around again to Norm.

Then, in that case, Norm, so far we got some information about this dragon.

I think, boys, we got to get going.

We have our stuff.

Let's mount up.

Absolutely.

We have everything.

Before we mount up,

this is going to be a long trek up this mountain.

It certainly is, yes.

Should I

carry anyone's stuff just because I don't want anyone to get tired?

So, does anyone have any things they want me to carry?

You don't have anything, right?

You have anything, Trainwind?

No, none you need.

Do you have anything, Ringo Star?

I gave away my potions.

Yeah, okay.

Do you have anything

you want me to carry?

I have a big painting of Joe Buck.

Oh, okay.

I'll carry that painting.

Let me get that for him.

Let me get that for him.

All right.

Do you hold on to it or hand it off?

I'll just remind you.

I'm asking for collateral.

You have a giant moth who is the size of a horse, by the way.

Don't forget.

I believe its name was Lil Shredder.

Is that right?

Little Shredder.

That does seem right.

100%.

And

yeah, so little shredder could carry the painting.

No, we're a team.

We all trust each other.

I'll give the painting up.

Okay.

And I won't

kill you with my axe.

That's really nice of you.

Thank you.

That's good collateral.

100%.

Yeah, 100%.

I'll hold on to that.

You strap this painting to your back.

Is that right?

Yeah, I mean, I put it in my pocket.

That's my Charizard.

Okay.

It's pretty big to fit in a pocket, so I'll say you can.

I'm a big guy.

Okay.

I mean, fair enough.

100%.

I'd say you kind of like have it strapped to the side of your pocket, maybe.

As long as they don't critical hit norm at any point, the painting will be safe.

All right, so let's get going.

Absolutely.

So, Norm, to get to the mountain, I would like you to please roll a survival check.

Could I ask on your sheet, does it say what your survival skill bonus is?

I think you have a plus three.

Unless I'm

is that it right there?

I think it might be right in front of Hank on the ground.

Unless I'm mistaken.

I made a mess of our box.

Oh, no, that's norm, 100%.

Yes, survival

four now.

Absolutely.

Roll me a D20 plus four to see how far you make it.

19 plus 10.

19 plus 4.

Now we're going to have a 4.

Is 19 your lowest roll?

Yes.

So far.

He's eating all

the good luck.

I love it.

Absolutely.

You are with a 19 plus 4, not only making it safely to the mountain, you're noticing two things that you would have not noticed with a lower roll.

First of all, you can clearly see little lizard footprints, way too tiny to be a dragon's.

And they're they're going toward the center of three caves straight ahead of you you see this cliff that's about 20 feet tall in this clearing there are handholds leading up to one to three different caves we were already told middle cave and you notice the footprints are in fact going to the middle cave you also notice that it in a bush just at the foot of that middle cave's climbing wall you are hearing two little creatures arguing with each other.

I'm sorry to say, whatever language they're speaking, you don't speak that language, Norm, unfortunately, but they sound like

they're yelling at each other in a little whisper fight.

Let me ask you a question.

Do they speak axe?

They probably, everything speaks axe, 100%.

Absolutely.

You can easily charge out right now and attack this guy and still rage.

Is there anybody we know that is familiar with pointing out lizard people?

Oh, like identifying different types of lizards?

Yeah, something like that.

We used to have a guy.

We did used to have a guy.

Whitney?

Okay, so what do you guys think?

Should I take these lizards?

Should I grab them?

We need them?

They're going to lead us, right?

I think.

If we're taking my moth, can we have these lizard people on the flight?

Do moths eat lizards?

I don't know.

Okay.

Giant moths might.

Yeah, it might be useful.

These guys don't don't sound big.

Yeah,

we need to scoop them up and just kidnap them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why not?

We'll lizard nap them.

Why not?

Use your axe.

Yeah.

You know what?

Tell them they're coming with us and they got to start talking axe.

Absolutely.

So it sounds like you're charging out of your hiding spot right now.

You're going right up to the bush and you're getting ready to whale on them with your axe.

Is that right?

Yeah, and I'm like, I'm really threatening them.

100%.

So what I will ask is, it's your action to attack them.

It's your bonus action to rage if you want to rage.

and you can sacrifice either one of them to instead do an intimidation

to scare them.

What would you like to do on your turn?

You can do two of those.

I want to intimidate them.

I want to be like, I'm going to kill you guys.

Absolutely.

Otherwise, you got to start talking our language and you're coming with us.

100%.

Would you like to save the other part of your turn to rage or attack?

The other part of my turn, I'd like to save to eat all the donuts.

Okay, 100%.

So you're not raging or attacking.

You're going to run out and then hopefully get to eat donuts, assuming this goes well with these creatures.

as you come charging out, you hear them start to go.

They are obviously aware a huge barbarian is rushing towards them right now.

You almost like kick the bush to the side, it goes flying through the air after being uprooted by you.

And you're standing over two types of creatures that you actually recognize.

You have fought them before.

These are puny little kobolds, little lizard people.

You have met different kobolds before, and in fact, one of these kobolds is familiar to you.

a long time ago years ago we met a kobold named Meepo and sure enough you are seeing the kobold Meepo this little lizard creature you almost ran over another random kobold and they are looking up at you in utter fear you know that right now you don't have advantage yet unless you rage as a bonus action but if you rage as a bonus action you do not unfortunately get to eat any donuts on

it.

Okay.

All right.

So what am I doing now?

I'm rolling.

You could roll an intimidation check.

Roll me 1d20 plus whatever your intimidation skill is.

Oh, that's only a six.

Ooh, I'm sorry to say.

And what's your bonus on intimidation on your sheets?

Is it a plus four?

Because if it's a plus four, it's a plus one.

Plus one?

I'm sorry to say with the seven, I'm not even rolling.

They look up at you and they are scared.

They're so scared, they want to run away.

Okay, so now you can get up the stairs.

We're going to get rid of the doughnuts.

We're not going to eat the donuts.

We're going to use the other thing to be like, no, get over here.

Okay, so you wanna use that bone action to intimidate them again, attack them, or do something else?

Intimidate them again.

Absolutely.

Roll intimidation one more time.

That's a nine.

Nine plus one is a 10.

I will roll.

And if either of them gets a one, then they will surrender to you.

First one does not.

He grabs Meepo's hand and starts running for the climbing hand holds to get up to the middle cave.

The other one gets a little more scared.

Meepo the kobold is scared, but he's also like, I think I know this guy in common.

And he is running with the other kobold to get closer to the mountain.

I'm sorry to say.

Norm, that's your action move and bonus.

So you can't attack them even if you wanted to.

My bad, guys.

We would be up to Ehrlich's turn now.

And the kobolds, I already rolled for them, will be going after Wayne.

turn.

So Ehrlich and then Wayne.

And then if the kobolds are still alive and running, at the very least, they're going to shout as loud as they can.

And it's clear that they're trying to get back to someone or something inside that cave.

All right.

I'd like to do.

Can I use my charm?

You can, 100%.

Let's charm and we'll do a haha JK.

Yep.

He's not actually trying to capture that.

There's a guy back there videotaping it.

Yeah, yeah.

100%.

You actually have the...

Yeah, there's an elk boy.

Absolutely.

I believe you have the

deception skill.

Is that right?

I think

on your sheet.

I do not.

You do not.

Sorry, I thought you.

Is it on your sheet?

Do you have persuasion?

I do have persuasion.

Persuasion.

What's your persuasion bonus?

So messy.

I hate being roommates with Hank.

Plus three.

Plus three.

Okay.

Roll me a D20 plus three.

10.

10.

10.

Let's see.

With a 13.

I will see if they believe you, as long as they don't roll super high on this.

Meepo the kobold does.

The other kobold

also kind of does.

100%.

they hesitate and they look at you Ehlik and they go wait wait is prank is prank and what do you tell them haha jk that's my my friend over there that's just kind of that's that's how he flirts but he actually really likes you he's into you they freeze and they look at you sorry about my friend they look up at norm and they go you know hurt kobolds No, absolutely not.

We love kobolds.

We be friends and Meepo seems very optimistic.

The other kobold does not seem super optimistic, but is cautiously stopping, running or shouting or anything like that.

You've used your bonus action.

You still have your action if there's anything you'd like to do.

If you were to attack them now, it would be like, ha ha, surprise, and you'd have advantage on this.

Or you could try to get information out of them with your action.

Are they dangerous?

Do they spitfire?

Romania, actually, no, you fought kobolds before.

You don't need to roll anything.

Kobolds are extremely weak and puny.

They're scary in groups, but they don't have any powers except like stabbing people with little daggers and stuff.

All right, let's take them out.

Absolutely.

You certainly can.

Right now, if you were to hit one of them with a spell, you'd have advantage on that.

Would you like to use your eldritch blast?

That's a cantrip that never runs out, and you'd definitely take out one of them, probably, with that attack.

Or you could burn up one of your spell slots and do a burning hand spell and cook both of those

paints.

Absolutely.

So you're burning up one of your valuable spell slots.

You really only have three of those, just so you know.

Are you okay with doing that?

Yeah.

Okay.

So you're using up one of your spell slots.

Go ahead and please roll for me five D6s worth of damage.

You're going to roll the cube-shaped die, the D6, three times.

Sorry, five times.

Add them up.

And that's going to be your total damage.

Three times?

Three times.

Sorry, five times.

Five times in all.

Two.

Okay.

Six so far.

Four.

Ten.

Six.

Oh, sixteen.

Six.

Six.

22 damage.

The one Kobold does not duck out of the way and is instantly incinerated by 22 damage.

The other kobold dives behind a rock.

The fire flows around, but he only takes half damage, 11 damage, which is still enough to kill him.

Congratulations.

You cook both Mepho and the other kobold.

They are both slain.

Congratulations, Ehrlich.

That was very successful, but you are down to two of your spell slots left for this adventure.

Those guys were going going to waste the challenge.

They were going to see you at the end.

They were loud and complicit.

Yes, they were.

100%.

Set your action, move, and bonus, Ehrlich.

And that is going to bring us to Wayne's turn.

Now, Wayne, what would you like to do?

The kobolds are no longer a threat.

They're dead.

Who's got the donuts?

Right now, I believe the donuts are in the hands of our paladin, Greg.

He hasn't eaten a single one?

I don't.

That's not true.

I think you've managed to eat at least...

Roll me.

Actually, did you try to eat the maximum number of donuts you could?

No, no, because I want to give them to the group.

You can give him, absolutely.

100%.

Did you eat one?

Absolutely.

He's still got 11 donuts left.

11 donuts.

If you're hungry, too, just, we do have the Charizard card.

We do have that, yeah.

Yeah.

He just got him for the picture.

Can I do that?

He doesn't actually eat them.

Can I do

bestow curse on Greg and give him gluten sensitivity?

You absolutely could.

Gluten sensitivity is now officially one of the

things you can put

And it will suddenly become a huge problem if he gets gluten immunity right now.

He's already in too deep.

So I would like you to please make a wisdom saving throw to avoid gluten immunity.

Sure thing is that gluten intolerance.

20?

20.

D20.

18.

18.

You easily shake off this curse because you have an amazing bonus to your constitution and wisdom saving throws, actually.

So you attempt to give him gluten intolerance, but he is too strong.

Technically, also, paladins are immune to a lot of diseases.

I probably would have not rolled a curse counted as that, but nonetheless, it makes sense that you would be able to shuck that off quite easily.

Well done.

Okay, so valiant attempt.

So we see the footprints that are going up to the middle opening.

Yes.

And that's where we think this dragon is going to be.

That's where we were told the dragon was going up.

The dragon spits fire.

And it breathes fire, and it spits fire 100%.

And it also did a weird climb to get into the entrance for some reason.

That's all we really learned about that.

Okay.

I think I want to just go up into that entrance.

Absolutely.

100%.

I want to check it out.

That's going to be an athletics check.

Now, you don't have athletics, I don't think, is one of your skills.

So you'll just be rolling a D20 plus zero.

All you need to get is an eight or higher.

That's it, to climb up successfully.

That is an eight.

Eight, absolutely.

An eight on the dot is just enough.

It's a little touch and go for a moment there.

One of the hand holds starts to crumble a little bit because you're bigger than a kobold, apparently, and mostly it's kobolds using this, but it's also a dragon who definitely was on here at some point.

So you manage to keep your grip just barely, climb up the rest of the way.

And now you are noticing that there is a tunnel winding ahead.

It seems to bend a little bit to the left and then correct itself.

But around that corner, you can see a fire coming around the corner, like someone's cooking.

You can smell meat being cooked and a lot of kobolds chattering in the next room.

Okay.

You've still got your action and bonus action.

What would you?

Oh, sorry.

Your action was used on doing bestow curse.

So you've got your bonus action.

You can inspire somebody or do some other minor thing like a perception check or something like that.

Can I do a perception check on this room of kobolds to see what they can tell us?

100%.

If you do a perception check, that'll tell you like how many kobolds there are, what else is in the room, that sort of thing.

100%.

What is that?

Three.

That's a three.

I am sorry to say, whatever your perception bonus is, it just sounds like at least maybe a dozen kobolds in that room, but you can't pinpoint exactly how many there are.

And you can whisper this down to everybody who's about 20 feet below you right now, that you are aware of some kobolds up ahead, but that is it right now.

So Wayne, well done.

That is going to bring us to the kobold turn.

Since you climbed up, there's no kobolds shouting or anything like that, but the kobolds who are in that next room might become aware of somebody ahead.

Luckily, you hear one of them say something and draconic, their native language, the language of dragons, and one of them said, Hey, I thought I heard something.

No one listened to that guy.

He doesn't go check it out at the main entrance.

You're completely safe right now.

Well done.

And that'll bring us to Trainwind's turn now.

The kobolds have, we have not lost the element of surprise yet.

What would we like to do?

And in theory, you're here at the action with all the rest of us right now, Trainwind.

We'd love to stay sneaky if we haven't been quite yet pointed out.

Is that possible?

Yes, but I will warn you, as somebody who wears heavy armor, you are one of our least sneaky characters, unfortunately.

At the same time, if you don't climb up now, you might be falling behind other people who do climb up.

And we've got to climb up.

100%.

Now, you have, I think, pretty good athletics also.

If you look at the center column of your sheet under skills, I think we have a plus five athletics.

Is that right?

Under skills?

That is correct.

Yes, absolutely.

Roll me a D20 plus five.

All you need is a total of an eight or higher.

So we got 11 there.

16.

11.

So we'll take it.

Plus 5, 16.

That is enough that you are climbing, and you are climbing pretty quietly as well.

I would say you are avoiding making more noise than you absolutely need to.

As you climb up, you can see the tunnel going ahead.

You can hear a lot of kobolds and get at least a little confirmation that there's something like a dozen of them.

What would you like to do with your bonus action and action?

I'd like to confirm how many kobolds there were, if possible.

Roll me one perception check.

Seven.

Seven?

Oh, what's your, do you have the perception skill by any chance under skills?

I got plus five perceptions.

Five.

With a 12, you not only can pinpoint, there are actually exactly 10 kobolds, and one of them sounds like he's in charge of the other kobolds.

In fact, he sounds so big and beefy, you know exactly what this is.

This is no ordinary kobold.

This is what we would canonically call a swobold.

He's more powerful than all the other kobolds.

He is strong and beefy.

I'm not even making that up.

A third-party group made something called a swobold and gave stats to it and artwork and everything.

This is a big beefy dude

for a kobold.

At the same time, he's only about this tall, really, because that's tall for a kobold.

So he's like a big chonker, basically.

But this kobold, you know, is in charge of all the other nine kobolds in that room.

They're also talking about somebody, they refer to him as as boss man, but they're talking about somebody else called the master and somebody else called little man.

They talk about the master with awe.

They talk to boss man like he's in charge, but when they refer to the little man, it's like with annoyance and they're keeping their voice low like they're afraid little man will hear them and get angry at them.

But they don't like little man, you think.

So that is what you are aware of up ahead.

You still got your action if there's anything else you want to do.

Can we bank the action?

You

actually, yes, you could.

You can ready an action and say, I'm going to do an attack or a spell, but not yet.

I'm going to ready it.

And then if you don't do it, you lose it.

That's all.

I'd like to ready it.

Absolutely.

What do you want to ready?

There's two things I can think of that you could ready.

You could ready to run in and bonk somebody with your hammer because you have a big hammer as a storm cleric.

You also have spells like Thunderwave.

Thunderwave would hit a whole room full of of kobolds potentially, or at least a good chunk of the room.

It would hit multiple kobolds, potentially at least half of the kobolds in that room up ahead.

So you could ready Thunder Wave.

That would be extremely loud.

Or a single hammer strike against one kobold.

Or you could ready something else completely.

I'd like to ready the Thunder.

I have a question, Tim.

Yes.

What benefit is there to getting an action ready?

As opposed to just doing the action.

100%.

In theory, in this situation, readying an action is a great move to do because we haven't lost the element of surprise yet.

So if he readies his action, every one of us could just keep readying actions until it's time to execute

on a plan.

Oh my gosh.

Absolutely.

Everyone's like waiting around the corner, guns ready, and then we all fire simultaneously, basically.

And then we take out Fat Man and Little Boy.

Absolutely.

100%.

Yes, absolutely.

And I didn't even think of recommending that.

So Zach has a game, or of course, you stumbled into this amazing strategy.

Good call.

I knew it was.

I know he's ready.

He's banking for a reason.

I haven't looked at him.

I'm looking forward to readying up with you guys.

Train Wind, I'm going to mark you down as readying.

Was it a Hammer Strike or was it a Thunder Wave?

I would like to ready the Thunder Wave if possible.

That's a great move to ready.

100%.

So with a Thunder Wave, that's some mass DPS, like crowd control DPS.

Well done.

And Trained Wind, that's your ready to action then.

Greg, what would you like to do?

I mean, do we want to wipe these guys?

Are we already?

Or do you want to win?

I feel like we should capture Little Man.

Capture Little Man?

He seems like a snitch.

Yeah, because they don't like Little Man.

You could try to capture.

And if shit goes bad, we got a ready.

We got it ready.

Capture behind a door right now?

They are not behind a door.

We think that this tunnel goes straight ahead.

It turns to the left and then a little to the right.

That's why we can't see straight into the room, but there's no door.

How are their senses of like smell?

Not great.

Okay, but they've got a big like cook fire going.

So they're smelling dinner right now.

The big concern is will they hear our armor clanking?

You two are the loudest characters.

So far, so good.

Okay.

I think if we capture Little Man, they'll actually like us because they hate they live in fear of Little Man.

I don't know.

Does anybody have poisons with them?

You want to poison a donut and roll it down the hall?

Ooh.

Somebody could concoct a poison, I would say.

Honestly, I'm looking right now at my Charizard card.

I think if you eat it, you'd probably get pretty sick.

Probably full of like ink and other stuff, like, right?

Yeah, 100%.

A lot of magical components go into it.

Strategically, I don't really see that making sense.

Okay.

No, no.

Do you want to stuff the Charizard and a donut?

Probably makes sense.

We need the Charizard to fight the dragon.

We have a dragon.

Dragon?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We might have benefited from a water Pokemon there.

Poison donuts.

We're going to poison a donut and roll it down the hall.

Absolutely.

What I would like you to do is please roll to see if you can concoct a poison.

We'll just call this a D20.

That's a three.

A three.

Whatever steel I was going to use does not matter, unfortunately.

And if you would like to swap out for a different D20 at any point, anyway, feel free to swap around.

But 100%, I'm sorry to say, you try to concoct a poison and you're like, nah, this is just, this is just gluten.

You accidentally just ate gluten instead of, you know, poison that would work on the cobalt.

Fuck it, I'm rolling a regular donut.

A regular, yeah.

I mean, with that roll, I would kind of say you're like, don't worry, I've got it poisoned.

You roll it in, you hear them eat it, one of them gets a little bit of a stomach ache, and they seem otherwise completely fine.

You know what?

I'll unroll, see if they get a one.

They did not have gluten intolerance.

I'm sorry to say.

They're doing just fine.

They're just eating.

I mean, you only put out one donut, so they're not even really getting that bad a tummy ache.

They're fighting over the donut, it sounds like, but that's about it.

The swobold, the boss man, does end up eating the donut.

He gets to be clear.

It's clear that he gets all the good stuff.

He says, I will maybe give the sprinkles to the master, but I need this donut.

And how close would you say we are to these guys?

Pretty close.

If you climb up to the end, sorry, I should have asked you to do this already.

Roll me one athletic check just to make sure you get up there to the tunnel, in which case you're 30 feet away from the culture.

18.

18, you climb up.

Ooh, and not only do you climb up easily, you can carry one other person up with you.

So far, we got two people who have climbed up successfully, and you are the third person.

Two people have not climbed up yet.

You could bring up Norm or Ehrlich.

So

if I split them up, that means one person of the group's left behind.

Correct.

Oh my God.

I'm going to take Big Cat.

What's your name?

Norm.

Norm.

Norm.

Absolutely.

You got Norm

on your back.

And like the Charizard is in his pocket, but the painting is sort of sandwiched between the two of you as you are being carried up to this level.

Both of you land on this level.

At which point, I would just like you to roll a D20 for me real quick.

14.

Okay, with a 14, you're all doing fine right now.

It seems like no one has alerted anybody.

The kobolds all seem like they're just talking to each other at the moment.

So as you climbed up, you rolled the donut forward with a bonus action.

You still got an action right now.

You could ready an attack, or you could do something else.

Sure.

Can I?

There is the can I cast a zone of truth to the nearest kobolds?

You certainly could throw a zone of truth into that room.

Yes, they wouldn't know that you've cast it.

Yeah, and then they would all start speaking the truth as long as you're going to be able to do that.

I would like to do that.

100%.

So you drop a zone of truth in there.

I'm going to roll a saving throw for all the kobolds combined and then a separate one for the boss man.

Okay.

Oh, the kobolds are not.

Well, actually.

With a minus two, what does it say what your spell save DC is?

Actually, I can calculate it.

15 would probably be the number, in which case with a 14, they just barely failed.

And then the boss man also fails with a total of a three.

So all of them start speaking the truth.

Let me roll just to see how, yeah.

One of them says, well, this kobold slept with this guy's wife.

And they start shouting and roaring at each other.

Drama is happening.

And it's spinning out.

Somebody else starts to admit that he saw somebody else grab a piece of the donut and shove it in his mouth.

Boss man starts getting mad and he starts being like, well, I don't even like donuts.

I just wanted to eat them so no one else could have them.

Oops.

And he blurted that out.

All the kobolds are getting mad at each other now.

you can tell.

Sounds like a beach house.

Yeah, it does sound like a lot like a beach house.

Absolutely.

100%.

It's just total drama right now happening there.

Did Sniky Smokes one take the fire resistance?

You do figure out one of the kobolds, though, the Swobold has been hooking up with all the other kobolds in like the workplace, and it's like becoming a problem at this point.

The dragon had apparently told him to stop sleeping with them, and like it's unclear whether he has or not.

So they're doing their best right now to keep things together.

It's falling apart now, it seems like.

Greg, your zone of truth, I have never seen a zone of truth used so aggressively, so well, or offensively, so successfully.

Well done.

Thank you.

Norm, that is going to bring us back around to you.

And on the couple of turns, they are not paying attention right now.

Okay, before we do my turn.

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Great.

What do we think, boys?

Are we going to try?

Do we do?

I mean,

I'm the strongest.

I'm not going to be with you guys, so good luck.

All right.

Should we get him up?

We've got to get him up the mountain.

Right?

Should we get him up?

Safety and numbers?

Yeah.

Are you going to piece?

So far, everyone else has made it up.

I have two actions.

And ironically, you had perfectly good athletics.

He did not.

So I would have maybe raged up some of the portion of the battle.

Do you want me to come get you or you want me to?

I'm having trouble getting up.

All right, so can I grab him?

I have two actions, right?

Yes, 100%.

I'd say with your bonus action, you can almost hang down from the ledge, reach down, and let me grab him.

Absolutely.

Roll me one athletics check to hoist him up.

Are you raging before you do that hoisting?

That'll eat up your whole turn then in action.

No, I don't want to rage.

100%.

You're not raging yet.

So just one roll.

Seven.

Seven plus five.

Oh, athletics, I'm a plus seven.

Plus seven now with a 14.

That is just barely enough to hoist up a anyone else.

Would need to have 15, but a gnome, you're able to get him up there with a 14.

You bring up Ehrlich in an incredible teamwork move.

100%.

Okay, his Erlick.

You can land him safely on the ledge right next to you.

Is that right?

Yeah, he's next to me.

And now, Tim, for my second action, I would like to ready

mega rage attack.

Yes, 100%.

Now, the issue is you can either ready to rage or ready to attack.

I presume the attacking is what you want.

You should be raging unfortunately.

You know what?

Roll me 1d20.

If you can roll well enough, then I'll say you're able to sandwich both of these in.

That was a one sandwich.

I'm sorry to say you'll, I assume, be ready in an attack, but not a rage.

Is that right?

Yeah, we're ready an attack.

100% ready.

You got attacks readied in that case.

Well done, Norm.

And Ehrlich, you are safe and sound on the ledge now.

Well done.

What would you like to do?

So far, we've got two people with ready to actions.

You can see an axe ready from Norm, and we've got a Thunder Wave ready from Trainwind.

Is Ehrlich really grumpy and hungry since he just got up?

I'll leave that up to you.

No, I feel good.

Okay.

I had a burrito.

Okay.

Absolutely.

I would like to, I don't know which...

skill is best for this.

I would like to either use stealth or investigation just

to get eyes on this guy.

Because I feel like the little man might be one of those, like, he's not actually little, he's massive.

100%.

You can use either one of those skills.

Stealth would be: I'm scouting ahead, putting myself at risk, but if I succeed, no one sees me, and I can see all of them peeking around the corner into the room.

If you do investigation, then you're keeping your distance and figuring out clues just by almost like just barely peeking around the corner.

Let's go, stealth.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll me 1d20

plus your stealth.

Do you have the stealth skill by any chance?

I do.

13 plus 5.

Okay, with a 13 plus 5, 18 is enough that you know you're being perfectly silent.

But here's the problem.

As you get about halfway down that tunnel thinking, I've never been more quiet in my life.

I'm absolutely going to succeed on this stealth check.

You're getting a little distracted because you're focusing on being quiet, not on investigating.

And that's why, unfortunately, when you stumble into the tripwire that has been set by the kobolds,

you are not noticing until after you have already broken this little piece of twine that it was attached to the wall.

You see the twine start to go

through this little pulley system.

It's going up to the ceiling.

It's going up to something above you.

You see a clay pot hurtling down towards your head.

Ehrlich, I'm going to need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

I'm sorry.

I want to say just because we're a team, I want to take ownership for this.

I'm the one who brought this fucking idiot up here.

My bad.

What's a dexterity throw?

Dexterity saving throw is going to be a d20 plus three for you unfortunately

since you don't have training in it.

That's a four.

A four

plus three is going to be a seven.

I'm sorry to say Ehrlich.

The clay pot is shattering on your head and you are getting covered with acid.

Now let you roll a d20.

Let me see how much damage.

Is it really smelly acid too?

It's pretty smelly.

It's kobold acid.

I'm sure they made it out of like bodily fluids and stuff, unfortunately.

14 plus

another

13.

Did it get in his eyes?

It definitely got into your hair, beard, eyes, everything.

Did it get into his butt?

Let's seep down to his butt.

Roll a D20 to see where it got first.

What you rolled out.

The higher you roll the

nine.

Nine.

It did get in your hair, beard.

I would say it went down your back, not into your butt.

I mean, I I could support your butt beard.

It's getting there.

It's racing.

Yeah, you took a back shot, unfortunately.

Not a full-on cream five.

With 27 damage, I am so sorry to say, Ehrlich, that's about half your health.

You have 45 health normally.

You've taken 27 points of damage.

This is where a healer might be very helpful.

I got a question.

So he lost half his health?

He lost half.

At what point is it, like, we just got to put him out of his misery?

I mean, once you drop down to zero HP, you're not dead.

You're just unconscious, but you can't.

he's helpless.

Once he's in.

But like a lot of healing is touching him.

I don't want to get come on my hand.

Good point.

The weakest healing magic is long distance.

The strongest healing magic would involve physical contact for better or worse.

So that would be our cleric's decision to make, obviously, or anyone else who has healing magic, including our pilot and Greg as well.

But

all these dudes know that we're here.

So let me get one more D20 roll.

The higher you roll on this, the more you resist shouting and the quieter it was.

18.

18.

Here's the thing.

The acid dripping all over you, sizzling away, boiling at your skin like xenomorph blood, but you go

and you're not screaming or shouting at all.

With that stealth check, I am going to roll.

As long as you don't go roll super high on this.

None of the kobolds have noticed that you just got hit by that trap yet.

Congratulations.

Ehrlich, you did set off the trap.

It's set off now.

There's no further trap, you think.

And it did not sound off the alarm at this point.

With the rest of your stealth check being very successful,

you're able to peek around the corner now.

With your 18, you see, sure enough, 10 kobolds, one of whom is a beefy swobold.

The swobold has a spear and a shield.

The shield has red dragon scales embedded into it.

He has a sick wooden mask to make his head look more like a dragon.

And he's got three things on his belt, which is just a rope and a loincloth.

It's like a a whip of some kind and two belt pouches.

One definitely has jangling coins in it.

One has some other object in it.

And then there's like a kobold cook cooking some rats.

There's like a young kobold, a bunch of kobold archers scattered around here.

Any checks?

There are several female kobolds, in fact.

It seems like they're all war ass.

Yeah, you're covered in goop.

Absolutely.

And you also know that there is a statue in this room.

This statue is a statue of the dragon.

It looks very derpy, very like Trogdor vibes.

It's clear that the kobolds tried to put together a bunch of rocks, tie them together with strings, paint them red, probably with blood.

But there are a pair of gemstones in the dragon's eyes.

And you

recognize where they come from, but somebody here would.

They are storm gems that are in the dragon's eyes.

And you notice there are two doors.

One goes further into the mountain to the north, straight ahead, but that door has a lock on it.

There's another door to the east that does not have a lock on it.

Now, at this point, you could sneak back to your team and let them know everything you just saw, or you could stay right here.

What would you like to do?

I'm going to stay right there.

I feel like if I go back, it's a classic case.

If I go back and tell them everything I know, then they have no more use for me.

Oh, and you're embarrassed.

We're going to make fun of you if you come back.

Oh, I brought you up.

I got to hold this information.

They can't know this information yet because otherwise I'm useless.

All right.

First selfish move of the game.

Yeah.

I will point out one other thing.

Don't forget that you have Lola the imp who can do something right now if you want.

Famously, Lola can turn invisible also.

So Lola could be invisible right now, and you could have her do something in this room if you want.

Can I send her through one of the doors?

You could send her through one of the doors, obviously, unless you have the key.

It might be like she could try to pick the lock to get through that northern door, but she doesn't have thieves, tools, or proficiency or anything like that.

can we can she just wait out someone going in one and then just follow it in yeah absolutely 100 you could wait for the door to open or you could go through one of the doors the problem is the door to the north is locked door to the east is not but you could wait for somebody to open the doors or just go through the eastern door right now

if you go through the eastern door right now since you'd be opening and shutting it she would have to make a stealth check but she'd have advantage because she's invisible I mean, the one that's locked has got to be the door we need, right?

I guess we'll find out.

Let's go through the east.

Absolutely.

You're going through the eastern door.

You're the guy.

I'm fucking trapped by a

successfully stopped them from you guys getting trapped.

That's called being a team player.

I'm ready to rage.

Yeah, and now you won't have to worry about getting trapped.

You're welcome.

Okay.

Roll me 2d20s and take the higher number for Lola the Impact.

You don't need to roll any more than that.

Lola the Improve.

That's what she says, right?

Absolutely.

And your minion, Lola the Imp, is waiting for the exact right moment.

When all the kobolds are yelling at each other over their various dalliances and stuff, you are able to slip in quite easily into the next room.

Lola telepathically reports back to you that she's looking at a dead end.

It's a forge, and the forge seems like it's in complete disrepair.

It's clear that there was like a bunch of knights who like built a monster hunting lodge up here and that the dragon moved in after it got abandoned and had all its kobolds living here.

There's nobody in this room except the furnace, the smelter is running right now.

There is a fire roaring in it and a little figure is huddled in the fire who looks up at Lola with little horns and little wings and a scorpion tail just like Lola.

This is another

imp

that you have not seen before.

What would you like Lola to do?

The imp looks around and then just looks down because you rolled so well on your stealth.

This imp has no idea.

He thought, like, did someone just come in the room?

Huh?

I guess not.

Just because he can turn invisible too doesn't mean he can see invisibility.

So he's not aware of Lola's presence.

What would you like Lola to do?

Anything?

Or?

I think she should come back.

She comes back and she reports everything back to you that she already telepathically told you, but confirms that she's able to make it back to you with that critical hit.

No problem.

She's now perched on your shoulder and she remains invisible.

Well done, Ehrlich.

Good turn.

That will bring us now.

You're getting this other door.

Absolutely.

Wayne's turn.

All right, Wayne, what would you like to do?

Is the Swobold, is he the one that has the keys and the sack?

Yes, 100%.

The Swobold, the strong one, is the one with the key.

It seems like he had two belt pouches.

We knew one was full of coins.

We didn't know what was in the other one.

Okay.

I can disguise myself, yes.

You can.

Yes.

Should I disguise myself as the Swobold and then try to get the army of kobolds to lead us somewhere?

That's not a bad idea at all.

Should I disguise myself as the drummer of the Beatles?

As the drummer of the Beatles?

Can I paint a star on my face?

Do I know what Little Man looks like?

You do not yet, unless you make a perception trek and try to listen to the kobolds for more clues.

Could Little Man potentially be the imp?

Hmm.

Oh, the imp that's in the

charge of the furnace.

Hmm.

We got to get our hands on these keys.

We have to get in through the if I disguise myself as the swole bolt.

Do I also get the bag with the keys that he carries?

You would not necessarily gain the same possessions he has.

And actually, that's part of the problem with the disguises.

You would look like the swollibold, but you wouldn't have his mask, his shield, his spear belt pouches, any of his equipment.

Okay, so here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to disguise myself as the swollibold.

Absolutely.

And then I'm going to use my

sleight of hand

to steal the key from the other Swole Bolt and be like, I'm the real Swole Bolt.

Absolutely.

Okay, I see now where you're going.

I have the key.

See,

100%.

As the real Swole Bolt, I wouldn't have this key if I wasn't actually him.

You turn into the Swo Bold.

You go to enter the room and try to walk right over to the other Swole Bolt and grab his key before starting to talk to the others and being like, We got an imposter here.

Is that right?

100%.

So you walk in, people are like looking up, and then as they're almost doing, you're already halfway across the room and they start doing double takes.

Like, wait, but he's there and he's there.

Wait, what's going on?

As Romia, a sight of hand check, no advantage, no disadvantage on this.

This one's awesome.

Yeah, for sure.

It's a five.

Oh, and what's your bonus on sleight of hand skill?

Okay, with a 10.

I'm going to see, first of all, did the Swobold notice that you did that?

He just barely did.

Then the other Kobolds also did.

I'm sorry to say, they saw you come in, grab the key from this kobold and then start to be like, hey, everybody.

And the Swobold goes, who is this?

What's going on?

And the other kobolds go, I don't know, I don't know.

And they are speaking to each other in Draconic, which you understand and can also speak.

What do you do or say at this point with your bonus action?

Can I cast a spell?

I would let you try.

Yeah.

What spell were you thinking of casting?

I'll let you know if you can roll to cast it.

Hypnotic pattern.

I'll let you roll to cast that one.

That's normally an action.

You've already done an action this turn.

Roll.

And if you can get like a 15 or higher, you can try to quickly cast a hypnotic pattern.

Wait, did we do counter-charm?

Me and all allies get advantage on saving throws against.

I guess we're not being charmed.

You're not being charmed.

If they had counter-charm, then you'd have a problem.

But hypnotic pattern is you doing a charm on them.

So I roll 20?

100%.

If you can get a 16 or higher.

19.

19.

Amazing.

You're able to pop off a hypnotic pattern spell.

It fills the whole room.

Every one of these kobolds needs to make a saving throw so first of all the swobold first and most importantly what now hypnotic pattern is if they fall under this charm they will be staring up like it's fireworks going on over their head jaw dropped they drop their weapons to the ground they're like uh what is the hypnotic pattern you create you can create any image that you want Any image.

It can be like looping like a gif.

It can be like a scintillating kaleidoscope, whatever you want.

I think I'd like to put Joe Buck's face on the ceiling.

100%

make this like animated face of Joe Buck that is talking to them and hypnotizing them.

And they start to stare, and they're just listening to what Joe Buck is saying to them.

And the Swobold will roll first.

He is

not a Joe Buck fan.

He rolled really well with an 18 on this.

He's beating the spell.

However, there are nine other kobolds in this room.

Kold number one fails.

Number two fails.

Number three fails.

Number

four

just barely fails.

Number five just barely fails again.

Number six, number six is the first one who passes.

So that's one other kobold and the leader.

And that was number six.

Number seven fails.

Number eight

fails just barely.

No, that's a success just barely.

So that's two kobolds.

And then I think one more.

Number nine fails.

So of all the kobolds in the room, the Swobold leader and two other kobolds are still fighting right now.

The rest of them are just listening to Joe Buck and talking to each other about what he's saying to them right now.

100%.

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Great turn, Wayne, and that is going to bring us to the kobold turn next.

Immediately, I'm going to roll to see how smart these kobolds are.

These kobolds have just barely not figured out they can shake their companions to wake them up.

Instead, they're going after you to try to attack the imposter right now.

And as they rush in to attack, that is when I'm going to ask if anyone is rushing in with their ready to actions.

Starting with Trainwind, Trainwind, just as three people start to run over to him and gather around him, do you want to jump forward with your Thunder Wave by any chance?

There's three of them coming in right now.

Three of them.

We're ready to Thunder Wave.

Absolutely.

Thunderwave will catch all three of them and just barely avoid hitting.

your companion.

As long as just roll me a d20 and don't get a one and you don't accidentally mix him up with one of of the enemies.

You're gonna still look like the swobl.

Exactly right.

That's why I'm having it.

You might just kind of hang out, look at the ball.

Trained when don't get a five.

A five?

Just you almost hit all four of the kobolds rushing your way.

And then, luckily, one of the kobolds goes, It's me, it's me.

And you're like, oh shit, that's Wayne Bard.

And so luckily, you exclude him from the spell.

You blast the leader of the kobolds and the two others with a thunder wave.

Is that right?

That is correct.

The leader of the kobolds.

Now, please roll the d8 die two times and add it up.

That is how much damage you do with your Thunder Wave.

So we got a six.

Six.

Nice.

And a one.

And a one.

Seven damage is what they're saving against.

The first

minion kobold, who's rushing forward, fails the saving throw, takes seven points of damage.

He's yeeted backwards by your thunder wave into the cook fire and he's dead.

Well done.

Second Kobold,

unfortunately, got a 21 total and only takes half of that seven damage.

That kobold takes three points of damage, is not yeeted through the air, and so he's at two out of five HP left as he crouched down behind the kobold who got thrown through the air.

And kind of like some rocks hit him, but that's about it.

Then most importantly, the Swobold.

Swobold, ooh, had a plus two.

That's a 14.

He needed to get a 13 or higher, so I'm sorry to say that's just barely a success.

The kobold leader takes three points of damage, and that means that he is down now to 11 out of 14 HP left.

This swobold has almost as many hit points as you, but not quite.

And now he's down to 11.

Well done.

That was your thunder wave.

At which point, before the kobolds get to do their attacks, we have one other person who ready to an action.

Norm, would you like to charge forward and hit one of the kobolds with your axe?

I think I got to.

Absolutely.

There is one minion and the swole bold.

Let's take up the swole.

Now, when you charge in after this guy, you aren't raged yet, unfortunately, but you could still go reckless if you wanted to.

With reckless, you get advantage on your attack roll, and everybody who attacks you gets advantage against you.

Are you okay with that?

Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

I'm marking you down as reckless, but certainly always worth it worth it.

By the way, I don't know if you know this, but Norm, when people that I run games for among the AWLs, I ask them if they're going reckless, they always say, of course, like Norm.

I gotta go reckless.

Because they look up to Norm, I think, 100%.

You gotta always go reckless.

No risk it, no biscuit.

Absolutely.

So we're all two times on this attack roll, 100%.

11.

Seven.

Seven.

So we'll take the 11.

You have, I believe, a plus six state with your grade X normally, but you're not wielding a normal great axe.

You're wielding your magic plus two great axe of the chill, which is a plus eight.

That's a 19 to hit the swo bolt, and that's a solid hit.

Go ahead and roll your damage with the great axe of the chill, which is 1d12

plus, let's see, four for your strength.

You're not raging, so then it's two for the magic.

So d12 plus six.

Seven.

All right, seven plus six is going to be 13.

That is a kill.

How How do you kill the Swobold leader?

What does it look like?

I'm going to drop a full plate from the gym on his head.

Absolutely.

100%.

You kind of like pull a full plate from the gym out of your bag.

You load it up onto your axe and you bring it down on it.

You like serve it up like a pizza almost and tilt your axe and drop it on his head.

He is crushed.

He tries to like squat with it.

No.

He grabs it.

Not so swole now.

Not so swole now, 100%.

He uses kobold-sized weights.

You gave him human-sized weights.

He was crushed immediately for skipping leg day.

You do notice he was all up in the Swobold artwork.

Their legs are skinny and their upper body is like completely with build.

Crushed immediately, legs first.

I probably watched a lot of NBA had a boat

on the west coast.

Yep.

Norm, you still have one more attack right now.

You can't run a mile fast.

No.

Absolutely.

Oh, and now we have his keys, right?

You notice his belt pouches fall to the ground, coins fall out of one, a key falls out of the other one.

And you still have one more attack you can do with your ready-to-action.

There is one more, pretty scared-looking kobold who still looks like he might be brave enough to attack you.

Do you want to finish him off with the last attack?

Actually,

roll me two more D20s.

As long as you hit him, he's guaranteed death.

Oh, oh, no.

Uh-oh, ricochet.

I usually don't count if it falls on the floor.

We don't count.

We don't count

Three.

That's not good.

One.

Ooh.

Luckily, you get to take the three, but with a three plus eight and 11, ironically, you're only missing by one point, but it is still a miss.

Your birthday wish.

Sorry to say.

Save them with your birthday wish.

Hank, you could use the birthday wish

now if you think it is worthwhile to do so.

Do you think we need to kill this cobalt?

I think we should try and get some information from this kobold.

All right, yeah, he's almost dead.

He's only one left.

All right.

We don't know anything about this.

So he's not trying to use that re-roll to kill him because you want to keep him alive for information.

Is that right?

Absolutely.

Then it is this Kobold's turn.

I'm going to roll for his bravery, first of all.

That's just enough.

He is going to stick around and try to stab the one person he has advantage on.

Norm, I'm sorry to say he has advantage on you.

Then he's going to try to run away.

Not worrying about that.

Ooh.

I'm sorry to say, Norm.

He had like, he grabs a butcher knife from where the cook had dropped it as he had started staring up at Jim Buck in the sky.

He grabs a butcher knife, hits you right in the leg with it with a 19 plus four.

That's a 23 to hit your armor class, I'm sorry to say, because he had advantage.

That's fine.

You're not raging yet, so he is dealing a total of four damage to you.

Not bad at all.

You have 59 normally.

I mean, come on.

It is a little annoying.

It hits you like, I said the leg, but let me say like kind of right in the kidney.

It feels like a kidney stone movement, maybe.

Like just a couple of

overall annoyance, maybe.

But you've been hit by so many kobolds collectively as a group before that you're kind of used to this, I would say, at this point.

I squared kobolds out of my dick.

Yeah, I got this.

Absolutely.

I would also just like to take it this moment to just thank Ralph Rich is an AWL out there.

And every six months, I have a call with Ralph Rich where he reviews the last six months.

He's hard in my take memes.

Kidney stones was one of them, and I got to work it in.

Thank you so much.

Appreciate it.

But Ralph, thank you so much.

Ralph is my hero.

He is the one behind the scenes writing all my materials.

Shout out Ralph Rich.

Shout out Ralph Fritch.

What a god.

I love that.

And absolutely.

Norm, the kobold got you for four points of damage.

I am so sorry to say.

No, don't apologize.

That is going to be.

I mean, I'm the type of guy I need to get hit to really feel like I'm in the game.

100%.

Barbarians almost get stronger when they take a few hits.

Exactly.

And now I'm awake.

Now I'm pissed.

And speaking of which, the kobold then tries to run away and he's heading for one of the two doors as though to alert more people.

But because he's running away from you, you get an attack of opportunity against him, Norm.

Go ahead and roll one more time.

You don't have advantage on kiss roll, but one more attack.

I have the key.

No, I'm saying the...

Nine.

Nine plus eight is a 17.

You kill this kobold as he is trying to run away.

All the remaining kobolds, like all six of them, are just staring up at the sky right now, helpless.

And all the kobolds who are fighting us are now dead.

thanks i hope it was worth the four points of damage you did to me kobold 159 he could have gotten away safely and because he rolled just brave enough or let's say foolish enough he would have done he was uh dooming himself inadvertently well done so kobold turn is now done the rest of the kobolds don't do anything in fact i don't think they even get saving throws until you end your turn which if wayne gets hurt, the spell might end automatically if you fail a concentration check.

So you might want to keep Wayne safe.

But he's right now keeping all of the kobolds incapacitated with like a Jim Buck podcast right now.

And Trainwind, that is going to bring us to you

next.

Come on, Trainwind.

Okay, how do we feel about everybody's life points?

I know we took some damages here.

Nope.

There was like some Asagin thrown earlier.

Do you think we need to maybe a medium heal spell from a pretty close distance to get our boy back healthy?

So I mean, I mean, who, me?

Norm is Norm is banged up pretty much.

Norm is

down for some 50, right?

No, we need a fighter.

We need Norm at 100.

We need to heal him at 100%.

You could help me.

It's like a Gatorade bottle.

Yeah, like a lot of the line on the side.

My kidney stone did suck.

But you have like 50, right?

Right, but I had 59.

Now I only have 55, so maybe get me back up to 59.

And then what is Brittany's health?

Don't worry about that.

Britney is down to 18 out of 45 left.

Remember, Britney didn't tell us any of the secrets, Brittany learned.

Do you think if we heal Brittany, Brittany's still going to hold him out?

Yeah, for sure.

That's not true.

Oh, you're not?

No.

You're going to tell us everything

if our nurse heals you?

I don't really trust Britney.

No.

We don't trust Britney as a collective?

I actually think Brittany's kind of hot.

We have history with Brittany now that she's kind of half crazy right now.

Doesn't that boost morale, though?

Like, if we

keep the hot partner around?

Yeah.

I like her just the way she is right now.

I think,

here's the thing.

If you're fighting a war and you've got a tank and your tank is missing a tread and then there's like one guy over in the corner that hasn't done shit, hasn't killed anybody, and he's like got the flu, are you going to spend your time fixing the guy that's got the flu or the tank that's missing a tread?

Our tank.

He only lost four points.

I'm not a tread.

Our tank pissed off the Cobalt Stone quick, though.

He said it was only four points.

Well, I am a beast, but like...

I mean, like that.

We got to keep him focused and healthy.

I don't know.

Do you feel focused and healthy right now?

I feel a little under the weather.

Yeah, oh no.

Do you think that will go in passing or you you need heals for that?

I feel like I need a heal.

And you have how many points?

I've lost more than half my points.

I've lost

over three points.

But his hit points are more valuable to us than

are you going to be forthcoming about the information?

Yes.

We don't want to tiff with your nomaz.

You promise?

I promise.

That doesn't feel really...

Okay,

we'll heal the tank.

Thank you.

Yes.

Half-sila tank.

He was not going to be forthcoming.

He can't even get it up.

He's not going to come at all.

I had to ask.

i can tell zach plays support because you'd never give it away for free like you could be shooting and stuff right now if the team needs heels then you've got to make sure that the team

do what you want to see the pop

i'll give you the charizard card but you got to eat it

i have to eat it i have to eat it if you keep it will you maybe summon it yeah okay maybe so you keep it me How strong maybe?

Part of the deal.

No,

it's a pretty strong.

If I take it, I have to eat it.

No, no.

If you take it, you have to eat it, but I'll keep it.

I'll maybe summon it.

I'll take it, think about eating it, and then you take it, maybe summon it, maybe eat it.

Okay.

Deal.

Deal.

Pretty good deal.

So I'll take it.

Think about summoning.

All right.

Thanks for giving it back, right?

Yeah, he took it, thought about eating it, then gave it back to me.

Now I'm thinking about eating/slash summoning.

Fair deal.

Now, if you do heal the barbarian, I just want to let you know that'll be your second spell slot of the day.

You only have three of those.

Are you okay with that?

You know what?

Don't heal me.

Don't heal anyone.

Don't heal, take the card.

No card.

No heal.

Let's just go fuck.

Let's go.

Let's go finish this up.

Let's go fight this dragon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's find the dragon.

I'm going to heal you.

Let's get to the dragon.

Since you do DPS and support, it's always a conflict of like, do I have to heal right now?

No, you don't.

I love to do DPS and support.

So bank those other two for when we go because the dragon might be messing us up.

Correct.

I got it.

And you can live with the four.

And I appreciate you.

It's the offer that counts.

And you're sliding me the card.

I'm not sliding you the card.

I can heal you.

You can, but you're not getting anything.

Okay.

Except a kiss.

Okay.

Okay.

So let's go

let's go let's ride absolutely so right now in theory you know there's two different ways to go we just found a key to go through the northern door we know the eastern door is a dead end uh well actually i don't know that we know much about the eastern door at all

so there is an eastern door that's unlocked there is a locked northern door but we think we found a key for that assuming norm did you point out the key to other people oh yeah i let my boys know i always let my boys know you hold on to the key or give it to somebody i'll give it to them that's fine absolutely You got a key now.

The key was from

getting that lock over here.

It was on the swole bowl.

Also,

this is when you also notice there are gemstones, gemstones you recognize in the eyes of their dragon statue.

Just a heads up.

Does the key from the swole bowl, the guy that was like banging everybody in the beach house, does it have residue on it?

Ooh.

Let me roll for residue.

Oof, yeah, this

pretty slippery key.

Absolutely.

Let me lick it.

I'm going to lick it before I give it to you.

Let me just put it a little on my gums.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Keep your right.

Okay.

Take this key.

Yeah.

I got all I needed out of this key.

Okay.

I got the key on us.

And we're looking to go to the next one.

Who do you think should win the MVP in the NFL this year?

MVP in the NFL this year?

I think Josh Allen.

I would like to see Baker Mayfield win the MVP.

Josh Allen, though.

I'd like to see Baker win it.

Josh Allen's a good favorite.

But Josh Allen, like Josh Allen would be.

We're just going to talk about Josh Allen.

He'd be incredible.

Shout out to Josh Allen.

All right, yeah.

Shout out to Josh Allen.

You think he ever gets a

situation.

No, I'm talking about you you think he ever gets a Super Bowl.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

You think so?

Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Probably multiple Super Bowls.

Way he thinks.

Okay.

Absolutely.

And so are you grabbing the key to open the northern door?

They slim me in the key.

And

we're looking to go up, right?

We've got this mountain.

In theory, no.

In theory, you don't know which, you know, what's behind either of these doors, but we do know we've been going north into the mountains.

So we would surmise continuing north would probably be deeper into the mountains.

I think we'll rip the key to the north door.

That's cool, deal.

Absolutely, 100%.

You unlock the northern door, you open it up.

Is that right?

Immediately you explode.

No, I'm just kidding, Zach.

You're doing fine right now.

You do see a long barracks in front of you.

Whatever knights, like Witcher-style knights, lived in the mountains here hunting giants and minotaurs a long time ago, they must have built these stone bed frames.

The mattresses and straw have rotted away a long time ago.

You're also noticing there is another change in this room since it was once occupied before the dragon moved in.

There is a crack in the floor where there is lava shining up through.

It's kind of like very bright, so it's kind of like a yellowish, orangish, the color of cheese.

If you picture the color of cheese, then it would be that.

That would be

the lava flowing through.

Why do you say orange?

Or yellow.

And you also are aware that there is a staircase at the other end of the hall going down.

There was clearly once upon a time a door and a door frame, but it has been pulled off the hinges a long time ago by some big creature going into and out of that staircase many, many times repetitively.

And you do not see any enemies in this room, just a lot of stone bed frames and then a lava river flowing through the middle of the room.

What would you like to do?

You haven't used up, you still have movement, your action, and your bonus action to do whatever you want.

Can I test the staircase for everyone?

You certainly could go up to the staircase 100%.

So first, you notice as you're going to this river of lava, it's blocking the middle of the room.

It shouldn't be hard to jump over.

With your athletics of plus five, all you need is a five or higher.

So, this should be an automatic success for you as long as you don't get a one to jump over.

There's also a little wooden bridge that you think the kobolds would use, and you could walk across the bridge instead to get to that staircase.

What would you want to do?

Cross the bridge or just jump across?

I think we're gonna jump to get to the stairs.

Easy

for you.

You've done this a lot on ships and stuff, so go ahead and roll 1d20.

Just don't get a one and you're fine.

We got a four.

Four.

It's close, but with a nine total, you jump over, a little bit of the ground crumbles behind you, and a little bit of ground crumbles where you land just behind your feet, but otherwise you're fine.

You can now walk over to, and let me just make sure I did put something cool.

You then can walk over to the top of the stairs and start looking down and maybe testing out the stairs.

Is that what you want to do?

Yes, I'd like to make sure the stairs are good for everybody else.

Absolutely.

As you get to the top of the stairs right before you start going down the stairs, you notice something first.

There is, at the foot of the stairs, the biggest pile of treasure you have ever seen in your life.

However, there's something blocking or like a shadow over part, like some of it's shiny, and then a lot of it is obscured by something.

That something

seems to be letting out a loud.

It is snoring and whatever it is, it is very big, you think.

Dragon.

Do we think it has maybe wings?

It does seem like now that you mention it, there are wings spread out over this treasure pile.

100%.

You've still got your bonus action in your action, and so far, this thing is not woken up.

So we won't wait the dragon.

We're good.

You could go down the stairs and test out the stairs, but I will warn you right now, that probably

ready something if you want to?

I would like to I would like to ready.

100%.

What would you like to ready?

Would you like to ready another attack spell, a hammer strike, something else?

Thunderwave would hit for 2d8 damage.

Do you have any other first-level spells under first-level spells, either at the bottom right of your sheet or on the second page, the back side of your sheet, wherever it says first-level spells?

I've got a fog cloud thunder wave.

Fog and Thunderwave.

No other ones?

Is that right?

Even on the second page?

Wrath of Storm.

And then...

Oh, I forgot Wrath of Storm is really good.

So if you do a Thunder Wave, that sounds like it might be your best attack spell.

And as long as you don't have Guiding Bolt, that's the only one I can think of that would be better.

But if you have Thunder Wave, then not only will it deal 2d8 damage to the dragon if you hit, you can do your Wrath of the Storm ability to maximize that to just 16 automatic damage against this dragon.

Do you want to ready a Thunder Wave?

Is there anything I could ready that if we go in with the bigger attacks, that would heal them up?

Like, do I have anything I can ready to, like, if they go in with the big hits because they're higher levels,

when they're in with the dragon, I could make sure they stay up.

You could anticipate that the dragon's going to hurt somebody, and so you could have a healing spell ready as the dragon.

I'd like to ready that if that's cool.

Absolutely.

I'm going to have you readying a heal spell 100%.

That's a great move.

100%.

I'm going to let you hold my card for five seconds.

Okay.

100%.

I appreciate the card.

Absolutely.

It's back.

It's back.

You got it.

So, Trainwind, you've got a heal spell ready.

That's going to bring us to Greg next.

We got to fuck this dragon.

Yeah, I mean, it's hard.

It's putting all this wealth.

It's time.

Vimp.

27 rings.

It's time.

It's time.

Okay.

I'm healing too, though.

So should I ready a heal and you guys?

I'm going to go crazy.

The minute it comes back to my turn, I'm fucking this dragon up.

I like that.

So whatever we want to do to plan that out, we're ready to go.

So I have an aura of protection now.

Yes.

Do I need to cast that or does it always happen?

Anyone who's close to you gets a bonus to their saving throws.

Okay.

Which means that if everyone's surrounding you when the dragon attacks with, let's say, a breath weapon, everybody gets a bonus to their saving throws against that breath weapon.

I think I'm going to

lay my hands

to heal.

Can I do one hand on each?

Yes, I allow that as a house rule.

You have two hands.

You should be able to heal two people at the same time with your healing hands abilities.

Absolutely.

His hands on me right now?

One hand.

One hand on you, and then one hand on who?

Ehrlich?

Unfortunately.

You could go two hands on Ehrlich

on the chest.

Two hands on Ehrlich's chest?

Yeah.

On each one.

Are you good with the four?

I just said I got hard when you put your hand on me.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

But that's okay.

Guys can get hurt.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, I'll stay.

I'll stay.

And then just one hand on the breast of Ehrlich.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

100%.

You can decide how many of the 10 hit points.

Sorry.

No, you have like 30.

30 to give.

Yes.

So you can spend as many as you want on the two of them.

Do you get him back up to full with four points?

No, I'm going to give him three.

Three.

So he has that chip on his shoulder.

I love that.

One point of damage.

I love it.

Absolutely.

And that's three.

You still have 27.

If you want to give all of it to him, he would be back up to full.

Are you going to afford this?

You could save some of it.

Always helps out one in reserve just in case, but let's give him the rest.

All of the rest.

A true daily double.

All right.

Let's go.

Betting it all, as it were, 100%.

Ehrlich, you are back up to full hit points.

All the acid damages wiped away.

Congratulations.

That's huge.

And that will bring us from your turn, Greg.

Well, that's your action.

Anything with your bonus or movement?

Can I ready my lance to throw?

Unfortunately, lay on hands is your action.

I'll let you roll a D20 to see if you're able to squeeze in maybe a javelin throw into this.

It's forward.

Or I'm sorry to say you're not a time to

get

a javelin strike, unfortunately.

Yeah.

But you could move so that you're right next to our cleric, or you could stay safe back here.

So I think I should be closer to everybody since I have the aura of protection.

That makes sense 100%.

Now, ironically, right now, they're all not caught up, but they might be about to run up to where our cleric is going to be.

Yeah, let's go to like the thinnest area, the bottleneck kind of at the top of the steps.

It does make sense at the top of the steps is the bottleneck, bottleneck 100%.

So you're going to go there with anticipation that other people will be joining you there.

How do you want to get out over the lava?

Jump over it or take the bridge?

I don't think I'm at that athletic.

I think your athletics bonus is maybe.

Oh, you might not have an athletic bonus.

That means it's a plus three for you with your natural strength.

And you need a five or higher, which means as long as you make a one, you should be fine.

In fact, sorry, it's a six now because some of it has crumbled away at this point.

Let's just do it.

I'm jumping.

Yeah, 100%.

It should be easy.

Just don't get a one or a two.

On the 20?

On the D20.

Exactly right.

100%.

50, which one?

I just rolled an 18 with that one.

You got to go white.

You got to go use it up.

You got to go white.

I used to use it up.

I know it's weird.

Usually you just announce while other people do the athletic stuff.

Don't fall in.

Use a white one.

Oh, there you go.

20.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

No cloak, no disadvantage.

That's the trick for doing it.

Absolutely.

And so with your athletics check, critical hit, you jump over no problem.

In fact, I'm going to say you were able to do that with a critical hit extra quiet.

So I'm going to roll for the dragon two times.

The dragon does not wake up.

You are so quiet.

Even in heavy armor, you land and you are able to walk right over to here.

You've done your action.

You've done your move and your bonus in that case.

Well done.

And so,

Greg, you are now right next to Trainwind looking down at the sleeping dragon.

Norm, we are up to

Steel Team 6 shit.

By the way, I want to just say, Greg, that was really cool of you to save both of us.

I'll remember that.

Some people...

Some people have a gun at me.

Well, some people have healing powers and they didn't heal us on their turn.

So, appreciate you doing that.

Yeah, and I actually have none left.

I gave you everything I needed to have as far as I know.

Some people just didn't do shit.

All right.

Fair.

Go, Tom.

Let's do it.

Let's fuck it up.

Norm, we are up to you.

Right now, you know there is a stream of lava blocking your way to the dragon.

Otherwise, you're getting the signal from these two.

Like, it's here.

That's the easy thing to communicate.

Yep.

So let's go.

Absolutely.

You want to rage,

the moment that you rage, you are filled with fury, power, and energy.

It is as though Josh Allen just won MVP.

You feel the energy just pulsing and coursing your heart's pen just right now.

Pupils dilating.

Take me a second.

Absolutely.

You start grinding your teeth.

You're just like, I got so many good ideas use right now.

And you absolutely can roll with advantage to jump over the river of lava.

Does he have to roll to see if his sniffles wake up the dragon?

Yeah, we're going to get a roll.

Eight to jump over.

Eight 100% is enough, no problem.

And then I would like you to roll one time just to see how much your teeth grinding and your sniffles and snorting are kind of like...

Only a three.

Only a three.

Probably got to go back to E.

Unfortunately, we're looking for a high roll there.

So let me

see is the dragon.

And that with an 18 is the moment when the dragon's eyes fly open.

And he's looking up and sees our paladin, Greg.

He is seeing Trainwind and he is seeing you, Norm.

And he goes, ah, treasure hunters do we have?

Well then, you're going to regret coming to my house.

And begins to climb off his treasure pile.

You still got your action right now.

And I'm going for him.

Do you want to ready for this dragon to come up the stairs or do you want to just jump down the stairs and attack immediately i'm going for it i got a hundred i want to go for it don't be okay i don't trust your plan i don't trust his plan what's your plan i want to fuck this dragon up if i if i die doing it then my boys are going to live and i want to make sure only you train win can get the charizard if i die this is crazy and can you write a will yeah my will is you get the charizard uh ringo you get my ps5 yeah that's huge uh you get the joe buck painting wonderful Yep.

Brittany,

you get me haunching you from the afterlife.

Not bad.

Yeah.

That's pretty bad deal.

There's my will.

That's toxic.

Norm, please roll two times to see as you jump down the stairs.

Are you going to get another advantage on this attack roll?

What am I looking at?

Assuming, are you just running down the stairs?

You do you want to risk jumping down?

Oh, I want to jump.

I want to roll.

Absolutely.

Just mid-air, jump down this 20-foot staircase.

Let's see if you stick the landing.

Three, that works.

Three.

Well, do you get the higher two rolls since you are raging now?

19

amazing with the 20 or higher as you are jumping down with the axe, the chill in the air.

Very god of war style.

You're bringing the axe down.

If you go reckless, you already have advantage.

But if you, sorry, if you go, if you already have advantage, if you go reckless, you have double advantage now and can roll three times.

Are you going reckless on these attacks?

Absolutely.

You know the answer to that.

Three times you're looking for that critical hit hit if you can get it.

14.

Okay.

One.

That was bad.

Okay.

Four.

14.

14 plus eight is going to be a solid hit on this dragon.

A 20 or higher is easily a hit.

And so you are going to get one D12 plus four for your strength, two for the magic, and two for rage.

That's D12 plus eight in that case.

Okay, so I'm rolling D12.

Bingo.

Four.

Four plus eight is going to be 12 damage on this dragon that is so far the first damage this dragon has taken and that's huge news the bad news is he's not nearly halfway dead that's probably nearly just as we get i'm sorry to say we're gonna him up at which point i want to just say did anyone else have a ready to action no i have a ready to heal it looks like but nobody else had a ready to action and you healed as well but you had a ready to heal train wind so no ready to attacks against the dragon right now.

Ehrlich, that is going to bring us to you.

It is not the dragon's turn just yet.

All right, so I got a plan.

Absolutely.

I would like to go into the east wing.

Yes.

100%.

And create...

A minor illusion to distract the dragon.

You know, now.

Can I send an illusion up the, up the, up the whatever chimney?

So first of all, you are in the room right now where all the kobolds are staring up at the sky.

The east door, you know, you are the one person who knows is where the other imp is in that room and then to the north you know now is where the dragon is but isn't isn't there a chimney in the east wing yeah but you're assuming that it's 100 dragon layer yeah it has to go into the dragon layer chimney has like

go up chimneys go up straight up all right never mind a chimney well i thought it was like sending heat up to the dragon

That is an interesting idea.

You think that the dragon generates its own heat, for better or worse, unfortunately.

Apparently, the fire was roaring in there so that the imp who's immune to fire could just sit in it like a bathtub and be protected, basically, from anyone ever touching him.

So he seemed to be the one who was enjoying there.

The moment you open the eastern door, by the way, you don't see anybody in that room.

It's empty, apparently.

This was your plan?

I thought it was a good plan.

I no longer do.

You haven't used up any of your turn yet.

You just looked in the eastern door.

Let's see.

All right, let's go for the dragon.

I don't drink plash the dragon.

Yes, let's go.

100%.

You run over.

If you're jumping over the lava, just roll me a D20, or are you taking the bridge?

Lava.

11.

11 is enough.

You are able to jump over the lava, no problem.

Let's go.

As you run to the top of the stairs, are you doing a hex on the dragon before you do an eldritch blast?

If you do a bonus action hex, he'll take more damage.

Yeah.

Eldritch Blast.

Absolutely.

This is your second spell slot you're using up.

You also get to pick one of his six ability scores.

You could hex him with weakness.

You could hex him with clumsiness.

You could hex him with like indigestion, Basically, you can make him stupid, unwise, foolish, or low charisma.

What would you like to

weaken him?

Let's just weaken it.

Yeah, you're affecting his strength.

You give him a curse of weakness in that case with the hex, and now you're going to deal more damage if you hit him.

Roll me 1d20 plus 6, I think.

12.

12 plus 6 is enough with an 18.

You are hitting him for your LG Blast damage, which is 1d10 plus 4, I believe.

Oh, that's a D12, unfortunately.

The D10 might be higher than that.

This is the D10.

This is the D10.

It's kind of shaped like a top a little bit, but fatter than the D8.

The dreidel?

There you go.

Bingo.

Exactly.

Looks kind of like a five-sided dreidel.

That's the right one.

Yep.

Oh, the dreidel-shaped one.

Five.

Five.

So five plus four should be nine more damage on this dragon.

But roll me a d6 for your hex now.

The cube die.

Five.

Yeah.

More on top of that is 14 more damage.

The dragon already took 12 from Norm.

So I did more damage.

And that is going to bring him up to 26

in that case.

Absolutely.

Norm, I'm so sorry.

And I was partially reminded by the fact that you held this over him.

You should have gotten two attacks, Norm, not one.

Oh, so sorry.

Let me get my second one.

Real quick, just roll me with it three times one more time

actually one two two times just two times not three 13 already a hit

12 12 so you hit roll me another d12 plus eight happily

not

six six plus eight is going to be another 14 which is the damage he just dealt and that'll bring him up to an even

40 at 46.

I did 26 of damage.

You did 40.

So you Yeah, you're right, team game.

Absolutely.

And you have dealt 40 collective damage.

The dragon is closer to halfway dead.

But still, not halfway dead just yet, I am sorry to say.

Well done, though, Ehrlich.

And luckily, it's not the dragon's turn yet.

However, it's not Wayne's turn either.

Suddenly,

we see, or rather hear.

Okay, first we see the door to the forge, which you had opened up.

Did you close it behind you after you like peeked in?

And when you were running over to the dragon, did you open it up?

You shut it behind you.

Is that right?

You're lying.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna honor the fact that you could have shut it.

However, it is just opening again.

And we don't see anything emerge, but we see it only opened a few inches and we hear a bat or something fly into the room.

But none of us see anything in the kobold room.

We just hear what sounds like a bat flying around and then it sort of giggles a little bit and flies into the room where the dragon is waking up.

You hear it fly over you, the two of you, down the stairs to where Norm is.

And you...

No, I'm going to say we don't, none of us hear anything being said to us just yet, but you feel something land on your shoulder, Norm, and suddenly there is a stinger you feel like trying to sink into your neck, I am sorry to say.

And sure enough, the imp critical hits you, I am sorry to say, with a natural 20.

And that means that you are taking a total of

um bub up.

Four plus three is going to be seven damage.

However, you're raging now.

That's only three points of damage against you, bringing you up to four.

Then the poison damage courses through your veins.

Please roll two times on a constitution saving throw.

I'm giving you disadvantage because this was a critical hit.

Would this have happened if that door wasn't opened?

Um, it would not have made a difference if the door was open or shut, to be fair.

Is it good manners to close a door after you walk out of it?

Probably is your fault.

So, maybe.

No, no, no, no, no.

This was his plan.

What am I rolling?

Roll me

2d20s.

Take the lower number because it's a constitution saving throw.

18.

18.

10.

10.

Okay, so we take the 10.

Sorry, Norm, on your sheet, does it say what your constitution saving throw is?

Let's see.

You would have a plus 2 and then a plus 3, so you'd have a plus 5.

What did you get on your roll again?

I got a 10.

10, plus 5?

That is enough.

You're going to take half damage from the poison, then in that case,

done.

And so you are going to be taking all of this, but then half of it at least.

Okay, so that's going to be.

Would have been.

max just looked at the actual door

12 17 20 24 29 damage is what you would have taken you're taking half of that because you passed the saving throw and so that's 14 more damage brings you up to 18 norm uh and i would like you suddenly it's no longer invisible you see this imp on your shoulder and it's like running around trying to like hide in your fur as it were in stuck your Snorlax fur.

I would like you to please roll me a D20 to see if you notice something.

11.

11.

With an 11, that's just barely not enough.

You don't know if this imp is Lola or not.

You hardly ever see Lola because Lola is usually invisible.

So for all you know, Lola might be attacking you right now.

Lola's the only imp you've ever seen in your whole adventuring career, just to be clear.

Okay.

So Norm, that is what's happening on Imp Turn, and at the end of Imp turn, it is now Wayne's turn.

Wayne, what would you like to do?

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If I do Fireball, is that weaker against a dragon?

Unfortunately, you know for sure Fireball would deal zero damage to this dragon, unfortunately.

Or to the the imp probably too probably to the imp yeah was sitting in fire we think all right for my first the first thing i do can i close the door you certainly could yeah you go to where the imp flew out of and you just shut that

in case there's anything like really constantly it's one of my nights where someone else

open and i'm like we're not heating up the whole neighborhood absolutely 100 yeah we're done absolutely okay so

i need to i need to get in this fight

i gotta have my boys back

if you have any spells that might be helpful a lot of your spells tend to be like charming and stuff like that.

To be fair, dissonant whispers deals 3d6 damage if they fail their wisdom saving throw as you whisper horrible secrets of the universe into their mind.

A painful melody into an enemy's mind.

Could I sing Imagine Dragons?

Yes, 100%.

Absolutely.

And he goes, no, not that.

Because as a dragon, he hears that all the time.

As you do some dissonant whispers into his mind, he needs to make a saving throw.

Okay, he has just barely failed that saving throw.

If you cast it at first level, that would be 3d6 damage.

If you cast it at second level, it would be 4d6.

And if you did it at third level, then that would be 5.

I'm doing third level.

That is your last

third level spell slot, then.

Absolutely.

So you now have no third-level spell slots left, but you use up your last one for 5d6's worth of damage.

He's gonna take all of that damage.

nice that's a six and six is already great

a six

amazing go

one twelve thirteen

two more sixer one

okay 14 sixer three

17 more damage brings him up to 57 and at 57 now at long last you can tell the dragon is just

barely halfway dead.

Well done, absolutely.

And so, with that spell, there's one other effect that he gets.

He immediately hears Imagine Dragons coursing through his head.

He goes, No, no, get it away, get it away, and he begins charging away from Norm.

Norm immediately gets one free attack against this dragon.

Norm, one more d20 against him.

13.

13 plus 8 is going to be a dirty 21.

Let's turn this.

D 12 plus

8.

10.

10 plus 8 is 18 more damage, bringing him up to 75 now.

He's 100%.

He looks like he is three quarters of the way dead.

He might have 100%.

Well done.

Absolutely.

It might be a nice even round number.

I'd say he's roughly 75% dead, maybe.

And so you are absolutely clobbering him.

He runs and he is cowering in the corner underneath all these statues and sarcophagi of all these ancient knights.

Well done, Wayne.

That was a good fastball special, as it were, a combo where you hurt him and then Norm gets to hurt him.

And that.

And he also looks at you and goes, the Swobold betrays me.

And he thinks it's just Swobold right now.

Absolutely.

He thinks he's been betrayed.

Now, at this point, just as you are making him think he got betrayed, that is when he shouts, pets!

Pets, protect me.

And we are just coming up to the initiative count where just before Trainwind goes, his minions would go.

And from out of the lava, a pair of fire snakes, serpents made of pure flame, begin to coil themselves out of the fire and slither towards two of us.

The people at the top of the stairs are you three, so I'm going to roll to see who the first fire snake goes after.

I am so sorry to say.

Trainwind, we've got one fire snake going after you right now.

It lashes out to bite you.

And as it does.

Trainwind, you have a ready to heal right now.

I just want to check.

Did you use that on Norm at all when he took damage?

He's down to 14 damage.

I already used it last round.

I didn't use it yet.

Okay, so you've got it if you need it, and it looks like you might end up needing it.

So let's see.

First attack roll against you is a miss, I'm happy to report, with a total of a nine.

Misses your armor class.

Then he tries to whip you with his tail attack.

He lashes out trying to bite you, and then his fiery tail is going to be a total of a 12.

But what's your armor class at the top center of your sheet?

All shields.

Armor, all shields.

Armor class.

Armor class, my bad.

It's going to be right top center.

Top center.

Just below character name.

Oh, 16, 18 with shields.

You're doing fine with your 18 with your shield up.

You are absolutely blocking this attack.

And the fire snake fighting you is done with his turn.

Then the other fire snake is going after our bard, Wayne.

Wayne, this is dangerous because if you get hit, you might lose the spell that's keeping the kobolds hypnotized.

So, ooh, first attack against you is a 15.

Can I ask what's your armor class on your sheet?

17.

17.

Misses you just barely.

Well done.

And then the second attack also just barely misses you.

Well done.

With a 10 total.

We are avoiding all the attacks from the two fire snakes.

Huge.

The kobolds remain hypnotized.

That means on their turn.

And I'm so sorry to say this is when the dragon would be going now.

Right before your turn, Train Win.

How much health do you have left?

It is.

How much health do you have left?

Like half?

The dragon is marching right up to you

norm and i'm sorry to say tim i can deliver cutting words when an enemy tries a dice roll uh interesting okay so here's the thing he doesn't roll a d20 for this okay but i would say that your cutting words can be used to raise the saving throw for everybody in your group because it's affecting him at the source do you want to do cutting words on him right now i want to insult the fly i want to roast this dragon what do you say to roast this dragon uh he's got some terrible furniture.

100%.

And I'm like, dude, come on, like, get a job.

Absolutely.

You live like this.

He goes, I have collected the best furniture from these nights.

You see some like tackboard IKEA furniture fall apart in the background.

It's like a sarcophagus just falls apart.

It parts like a slob.

He is absolutely embarrassed.

Please roll a D8 against him.

The D8 is

right here.

It's a prism.

It looks like a platonic solid.

It is the one that looks like a dreidel, ironically.

And so with an eight, it's a plus eight to everyone's saving throw.

And to take half damage from this fire, you only need to get a 15 or higher.

So a plus eight is actually huge.

So first of all, I'm going to now roll to see how much fire damage we are taking in all.

I will let you know when I am done rolling.

Okay, two for starters, two points of damage.

Then another six is gonna be eight points of damage.

Then another eight is going to be 16 points of damage.

Then, oh, another 12 is going to be 28 points of damage.

Two more.

It's gonna be six, and that's gonna be 34.

So 34 damage is getting unleashed from the dragon's mouth.

He is marching right up to Norm to hit Norm with this 34 damage first.

However, the fire is going up the stairs and it is going to hit everybody at the top of the stairs, which is everyone else.

who is at the top of the stairs right now, which is all of us.

So Norm, since you're front and center, please roll me your dexterity saving throw.

You have a plus two from your own stats and a plus eight, so you have a total of a plus 10 on this.

You need to get a 15 or higher to take 17 instead of 34 damage.

220.

Bingo.

15.

15.

Now you also had advantage on this due to something called danger sense.

So just roll one more time.

Just see if you critical hit, but that's going to be enough.

Four.

Four.

So you are going to take that initial roll.

17 damage.

You had 14 on you currently.

17 fire damage is going to bring you up to

31.

He also has that fire potion that you got.

Oh, and you would have drank your fire potion before going to this dungeon.

That means you are not taking 17.

You are only going to be taking eight points of damage.

That takes you up to just 22 damage out of your 50.

No.

Nobody has a heal ready for that.

Nope.

We do have someone with a heal ready.

I'm going to see how much damage everybody takes, and you will roll yours last to see if you want to heal or save it for yourself.

And if Wayne takes damage, all those cobalts are going to come down the steps.

That's true, 100%.

In fact, all the more reason, Wayne, roll next on your saving throw.

Roll me a D20.

I believe you have a plus three on this.

15.

15 plus the eight is going to be plenty.

You are also going to be taking half damage, but you don't have fire resistance.

So that's 17.

I gave him away.

You gave him away.

I'm sorry to say.

17 damage coming your way means I'm going to need you roll roll a D20.

I didn't think that.

I didn't think that Tradewind was going to take it when I offered him.

I was just doing it to be nice, and he was like, can I slide you back?

No, it's already yours.

It's done.

You would have needed to drink it technically before you even went into this.

It was a test.

It would be helpful now.

Did you drink it at all?

I didn't return it to him.

Yeah, I fucked it up.

I shouldn't have taken the potion.

I thought he was like, hey, you want a potion?

I said, yeah, I shouldn't have said yes.

Tradewind, you do have the least hit points, so I will just say this might come in handy here.

But Wayne, roll me a D20 just to see if he lost the spell on the kobolds.

13.

13, you hold on to the spell on the kobolds.

They remain hypnotized.

Good stuff.

You're taking 17 points of damage, but you have 51 health in all.

Usually you're fine.

Absolutely.

And then the next person,

Ehrlich, let's roll a d20 plus two for you.

You need...

Oh,

five.

Plus two is seven.

And then with a plus eight from our bard, that's going to be a 15.

Just barely enough to take half damage that's 17 damage coming your way Ehrlich and you were at full hit points so now you're just 17 hit points down well done and then Greg please roll me a d20 plus your dexterity which I'm pretty sure is a plus zero unfortunately

but you have a plus eight on this

That's a two.

Now, here's the thing.

No one else needed your aura of courage, but you might end up needing your aura of courage.

So right now, you have a plus zero from Dexterity Saving Throw.

You're getting a plus eight from the Bard, and so that's a 10 total.

Then your aura of protection gives you a plus what?

Or your, yeah, aura of courage or aura of protection.

What does it add to all saving throws?

Is it a plus three?

Is that right?

I do not.

Plus three.

Plus three, that would get it up to a 13.

I am desperately trying to think of anything.

No, no, let's find a plus one.

But it sounds like you are missing the saving throw by just one point.

And luckily for you, you have fire resistance.

So you would have been taking 34 points of damage.

Instead, you are now taking just 17 with fire resistance.

So you got that going for you?

And that's huge because now you are not halfway dead.

You have 52 normally.

Good stuff.

However, now the most important role, Trainwind.

Right now, can I ask how many hit points do you have?

Top center?

Top center hit points, 15.

15.

That's what I wanted to make sure because right now.

You only have 15.

Level 2.

I'm lower level.

You guys are in the middle of the middle 2 nerve.

You're kind of a mail nerve.

He's a mailer.

He's a bad person.

He's in his game.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

So you know that right now, if you were to pass the saving throw with

fire resistance, then you would only take eight damage.

But if you fail the saving throw, fire resistance is not necessarily going to save you.

You'd still be taking 17 points.

Wait,

did you accidentally buy a children's fire resistance potion?

I did, yeah.

That's embarrassing.

It was like the Fisher Price one.

My first fire resistance?

Yeah.

Okay, so it's not quite as effective.

Is that right?

I'm sorry to say.

You might be taking

more than half damage, unfortunately.

So I'm going to need to see a really good roll on this

for you to be alive at the end of your channel.

Off to D20?

That would be a D20.

Bingo.

You got a 10.

A 10.

And you do not have any bonus on this, I am sorry to say.

However, you're getting a plus eight, so that is an 18 total, and that

would be enough.

However, you're going to take a little bit more than eight damage.

Since it's not a full strength fire resistance potion, you are taking 14 points of damage.

You said you had 15 hit points?

15 hits.

You got one hit point left, that means, right.

Dragon spit out like a tornado of fire.

Oh,

sharknado.

That's right.

Let me roll to see how how much wind might be going.

I meant to say, you as a storm clear, kind of command the sharknado.

So here's the thing.

Let me let you know if there is a sharknado happening.

There is a sharknado.

Would you like to use your storm magic to try to end the sharknado before it can start?

Can start.

Can that sharknado take out other people in the game?

It could potentially.

Yeah, we got to take that out.

I don't want you guys to get hit by that.

Absolutely.

100%.

That's an air of effect, as you know all too well.

Please.

Can you say you would never use a sharknado?

But if it's going to take out the team, I got to get rid of it.

Okay.

I don't think I'm using it.

I think I'm getting rid of the NATO.

I believe so.

Am I misunderstanding?

You could end the NATO, or if you roll really well, you could maybe try to take control of it if you're willing to compromise your principles.

Even if I roll well, can I not take control and still make sure these guys don't get taken out?

Agreed, 100%.

Right now, the number you need to beat is an 11.

One roll?

100%.

This is huge.

Nice.

Did you guys get out of 11?

We rolled a one.

We rolled a one.

And with that, I am sorry to say, the shark NATO, which is filled with fiery sharks, is heading right towards you and deals

another,

I'm going to say 46 damage to you.

As long, you're down to one.

As long as you don't roll 16 on these four dice, you're not dead.

You're just unconscious.

As long as you don't roll 16 on these four dice.

As long as you don't roll a 16 or higher.

And I just rolled

a 7 plus 7 is a 14.

You're unconscious, but you are not dead, Train Wind.

But I'm sorry to say, with that natural one, you tried to take control of the Sharknado, and I'm afraid to say the Sharknado took control of you instead.

And it is just flipping you through the air right now.

Jesus,

right?

You've been here before.

Been here before.

But it's not a good place to be.

No.

Absolutely.

You think the dragon starts laughing like he's GG easy?

Unfortunately.

And he says, I love to spam this.

He even admits he spams it all the time.

I'm reporting it.

And he also says, he says that he's talking to the, like, he says, my uncle works at Marvel Rod.

And he's not going to nerf it.

He's actually going to make it stronger.

He's going to buff it.

He's going to buff it 100%.

But Zach just said he reported it.

Oh, you reported it?

I reported it on your.

Roll the report him real quick.

You telepathically speak to Pound Found, your god, and and you're like, could you report this guy?

I'd like him nerfed, please.

16.

16 is great.

Pound Found said, We are aware of the imbalancing issues.

He puts out a little erratic and he says, We're not doing any updates on it just yet.

We want everyone to have a good time.

And you could tell they're just favoring the players who like to use exploits like that, unfortunately, right now.

So Pound Found is unfortunately just playing to the Smurfs right now, it seems like.

And you would have needed a critical hit, I will admit.

And it's unfortunate you got that high roll.

So you at least got an answer, but it's not to your satisfaction.

But valiant turn right there.

That is going to bring us from the dragon's turn now after he takes you out with the sharknado and hits all the rest of us.

I believe everyone's now been hit officially by the breath weapon.

That is going to bring us to Trainwind next.

Now, Trainwind, here's the thing.

You had a readied heal going.

So I want to give you this chance first.

You had been driven into, what did I roll again?

14.

You were at 1.

You were at negative 13 right now.

Not great.

You can use your ready to heal right now.

If you're unconscious, then I know exactly what happens.

You roll a death saving throw and you might make it up to do a turn if you roll a natural 20.

However, I'm going to give you one chance.

You had a ready to heal.

Would you have used it to heal somebody else or to try to keep yourself alive?

In which case, you are desperately rolling for 14 or more.

hit points restored.

Otherwise, it doesn't save you.

I can't defeat the dragon.

We got to keep some of these bigger guys up to defeat the dragon.

So we need to heal some of the tanks.

So we got to heal Brittany.

We got to heal Greg.

What are our life points looking like here, boys?

I'd like you to save yourself.

I've lost 17 points.

I'd like to win this.

We're a great team.

Save yourself.

But if we all win without you, then we didn't really win a game.

Correct.

But the dragon's dead.

No man behind.

Save yourself.

You guys think we can make it another round?

Save yourself.

Yes.

But we need you.

We need you.

He's got health.

Every time we play this game, we make sure all of us remain tightness.

We've never lost a man.

He's got heals too, though.

Save yourself.

Yeah.

This is about you.

You got to, for once, think about yourself.

Save yourself.

The objective is to defeat this dragon, right?

Save yourself.

In the game of D and D, it is your decision how much you cooperate and how much you betray each other in your call.

Can I ask you one more qualifying question?

When we defeat the dragon, what's the end game there?

What goes?

In theory, I will point out the treasure in theory gets split up.

We go back to town and we receive our accolades.

So

we want to split up this treasure.

We We don't want to be going back down and being like, hey, where'd Trainwind go?

Talk about the accolades, too.

I can't be personally.

So can we split it up amongst the five?

Absolutely, yes.

That's the theory, the idea.

We split the heels up amongst five.

Heal yourself.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry to say no.

You would need to heal one person.

Heal yourself.

Save yourself.

You're dead.

You're dead.

Save it.

I'll be uncon.

I'll be uncon.

You get uncon.

And then he got heals, maybe.

Heal yourself.

I'll heal the boys.

No.

Heal yourself.

We're not going to kill the dragon.

And we're all going to kill the dragon.

Yeah, we are.

Yes, we are.

Okay, fine.

I'll heal.

All right.

All right, fine.

I can do that.

I can't believe you healed yourself.

You're healing.

You're so selfish.

What the fuck?

No, I'm not going to heal me.

I'm going to heal the draw.

No, you got to heal yourself.

You got to heal yourself.

I can't heal me.

Do it.

My level's too low.

Drainwind.

Look me in the eyes.

Heal yourself.

How many life points?

I do not want to win with one of us dying.

How many life points do you have?

More than enough.

Mr.

Tim, how many life points?

He's down by 22, it looks like to you.

22 out of 59.

That's out of 59.

We'll raise the boys.

We're resing the boys.

My God, he's a healer.

Who are you going to heal?

Right now, the human barbarian is down by 22.

Most other people are down by 17.

Yeah, everyone else is pretty much down by 17.

All right.

Yeah.

Except for you, you're about to be unconscious.

Don't go unconscious.

So we'll do that.

17, 17, 17, and 22.

Okay, so we'll do...

He's going to try to dodge the heal.

I got only one heals.

To be fair, also point this out.

You readied, and your most powerful healing spell would be the one that you can touch people with.

Norm's down the stairs.

Everybody else is upstairs with you.

So technically, it would be one of these three that you could heal with your most powerful spell.

If you heal Norm, it's a weaker spell in that case.

And you've got this spell on all the cobalts to make sure they don't pull up on the team, right?

I do have that, but my birthday wish would be that you saved yourself.

Sorry, do we have a second birthday?

No, I'm saying my birthday wish would be if I could have a wish.

How many heals you got left for the team?

Bro, Bro, I'm taking this dragon out of the bag.

I think he used up all of his healing, Greg.

Plenty.

I'm taking this dragon out in the next turn.

I'm going to rage.

I actually don't want to beat the dragon if we're getting artificially healed for you.

It's like that's asterisks.

PEDs.

That's a Mickey Mouse dragon.

Yeah, that's not a Mickey game.

It's a bubble dragon.

It can't be a bubble game.

Heal yourself.

Do it.

I'll heal.

We got to keep the spell up, so I'll heal you.

Ooh,

absolutely.

Final decision.

I don't want it.

Okay.

You don't want it?

No.

No, I don't want it.

Who's got the biggest swing to kill a dragon?

Ooh,

arguably

Greg, because paladins can smite with their spell slots.

Are you thinking about maybe doing that, Greg?

Being deal 25 damage.

1056.

I got 22 total hit points.

I only lost 17.

Chilling.

Doing fine.

Those fires and potions got us pretty fast.

I'm actually feeling pretty good.

Being a little bit of a damage.

I'm actually thinking I might kill you if you don't heal yourself.

You'll kill me if you don't heal yourself.

You'll take me out of the game?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll heal the big man.

No, I'm going to kill you if you don't heal yourself.

You could kill me on the team?

Yes.

And you mean that?

I'm going to kill you.

But you gave me the card, right?

No, I have the card.

I got the card.

I have the card.

The five seconds.

I didn't give it back.

Yeah, I did.

I took it right back.

We'll check the tapes.

I took it back.

All right, if you took it back, I will kill you.

I will kill you, and the minute you heal me, I will kill you.

What if you gave his lineage the Pokemon card?

Deal.

If he heals himself.

Deal.

Then can my lineage use the Pokemon card whenever?

Yeah.

In theory, yeah.

Yeah.

Legacy.

Okay.

Well, we'll, we got to beat the dragon, so we'll hold the biggest 54 level.

So you're giving Norm the spell, is that right?

I think, nope.

Would you defeat the dragon?

Yeah.

Did you ever give us the info from earlier?

No.

No.

You can't actually.

Okay, that's.

Oh, okay.

That's fair.

Man left the door open.

All right, Hill.

I'll go with the...

And you said you only lost 17, right?

I lost 17.

As someone who plays a cleric in my family game, this makes me very happy because it's like, yeah, who was nice to me and who did what?

Absolutely.

And you only give me the card for five seconds, which is fine.

I appreciate looking at the card.

We got to kill this dragon, so we'll go norm.

No, wait.

Okay, we'll go.

You have the spell.

We'll go.

We'll go Ringo.

Wait, our best guy's not getting it?

Doesn't he have enough to make it through the dragon?

The dragon gets 75%, right?

Time, he is the closest to him.

75% dead.

Yeah.

75% dead.

25%.

So 25 points?

Probably.

I'm not good at math.

I'm not good at math.

How many points is his hit go?

Like if he hits out the dragon,

he hits the dragon for like around 12 to 16 for each hit, and he gets two hits.

If you lose him,

that'd be horrible.

I'm killing this dragon on the next tour.

I'm going to kill the dragon on the next tour.

If he gets hurt, those cobalts are going to wake up, and then we'll fuck that up.

Then we have to go several more times.

No, we take cobalts camera?

No.

Is that we take cobalts now?

We're taking them down, right?

The cobalt are down.

I mean, the kobolds are pretty puny.

It would be annoying if they break free of the spell and come after us.

I think we shouldn't be healing.

Just fucking move on.

Just heal yourself and move on.

Fine, okay, fine.

We can do that.

Thank Christ.

Heal yourself?

I'm going to heal Tim.

The most selfish player award goes to Zach.

Absolutely.

Zach, if you're healing yourself, you need to get at least 14.

Otherwise, your healing is for naught and you are still in time.

You can't help Tim.

They obtained the healing spell.

And it used to heal 100.

Now it's 2d8 plus 3.

So if you roll well, you could pull this off.

Only 2d8 plus 3.

You need to get an 11 or higher.

That's going to be over.

We need tea time.

He's here.

So 11 or higher on these coming on.

It's not enough.

You're not going to get enough.

You don't want it to be.

One at a time for the drama.

100%.

How many numbers, though?

I mean, it's...

Total.

You need, essentially, since it's a plus three and you need a 14 or higher, you need to get a combined 11 on these two dice.

Should wait for this through?

Seven.

Seven, that's a great roll.

Okay, that's a great roll.

You need to get

four or higher on the second roll.

This is fun.

Let's stick around.

Three.

No!

After all of the debate,

you try to heal yourself with your ready-to-action.

You almost keep yourself standing, but the rate of attrition and DPS is higher than your rate of heals.

And unfortunately, they get you below your minimum healing.

And so you fall unconscious nonetheless.

That's crazy.

If you had healed any of us, we probably would have beaten the dragon.

That was probably

the same man.

We're all fucked up.

Live and die by the dice, Tim, right?

Live and die by the dice.

Exactly right.

100%.

That was ironically the cruelest role I could have imagined, but also arguably the most entertaining role I could have imagined as well after all the debating.

So, Trainwind, I consider that a fantastic turn narratively, but you are unconscious now.

Please roll me a D20 to see if you are slipping closer to death on your turn or slipping closer to life on your turn.

What's true?

Death would be a one.

If you get a 20, you actually wake up right now and you get a whole turn after all that.

Totally, according to the rules,

a 20 means a four.

Sorry to say.

That means that Trainwind has failed one death saving throw.

If you fail three death saving throws before you get healed, then you are dead for good Trainwind, I'm sorry to say.

So Trainwind, amazing turn.

That is going to bring us to Greg.

Greg's turn now.

Absolutely.

Snakes are still around.

The snakes are still around and they are in melee with you and Trainwind.

It looks like one snake, because they're animals and they're dumb, is doing the thing where he's like, I should be attacking these other standing people.

But this guy looks kind of delicious.

and I might just munch on him while he's unconscious, in which case that would kill Trainwind.

So if you go after the dragon, you'll provoke an attack of opportunity from at least one of the snakes, the snake right next to you.

Okay.

Or you could take down the snake instead and then do maybe a second attack against the dragon or something like that because you get two attacks.

All right,

I'm going to go for the snakes.

Absolutely.

100%.

If you take out the snake, you might be able to go for the dragon for another goal.

A 10.

A 10 plus six.

That is enough to hit the snake for sure.

Now, the question is, do you want to burn up one of your smellsots to smite?

If you just attack with your lance against the snake, you have two lances, no?

You have, in theory,

multiple javelins, but just one lance in theory.

The lance is like the knightly, like,

a jousting weapon.

Sure, cool.

I think it's 1d10 plus 4 damage for the lance.

Is that a good idea?

Lance plus plus 3.

Plus 3.

1d10 plus 3.

1d10.

1d12 plus 3.

Oh, 1d12?

My bad.

I forgot it goes up to that now.

So a d12 plus 3 is probably your best weapon.

However, if you smite with a spell slot, you get an extra 2d8.

Let's go.

You don't know how many hit points this snake has, but you got plenty of smites to.

Let's smite.

Let's smite.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll 2d8 plus 1d12.

4 and 2.

Okay, and is that all three of the dice you have?

No, no, that is just the 8.

Which one's the natural?

And 7.

6 plus 7 is 13 plus another 3 you said to the d12.

So you said, sorry, the 13 plus 3.

Is that right?

16.

16 is enough to injure the fire snake, but not kill him.

I apologize.

I should have let you know.

You could have done a higher level smite, though.

Would you have done a second level smite, which would have been an extra D8, or a third level?

Or sorry, you only have second level.

I only have second level.

No, I'm holding on to my smite.

Should I?

I'm holding on to my smite.

You're holding on to your more powerful smite for the dragon, maybe?

100%.

So the snake is unfortunately still alive, hanging on with six HP left.

Do you want to attack him again or go after the dragon with your second and last attack?

i i'm gonna i'm gonna let norm finish the dragon i'm killing the snake you kill the snake 100 roll another d20 plus i think you said like eight against this uh it's whatever is six six plus six absolutely 13 13 plus six is enough that your minimum dam well yeah because you deal a d12 plus three yes he's got six left are you smiting on this one or i probably shouldn't right it's gonna kill him anyway probably gonna kill him anyway roll me a d12 plus three just to make sure

eight eight plus three is enough.

With 11 damage, you take out one of the two fire snakes.

There's one standing over Trainwind's body, but you've killed one right next to you, parting the way to the dragon.

You could end your turn charging down at the dragon, so the dragon's tangling with two people at least.

Oh, yeah.

You could just end your turn.

But let's do that.

Absolutely.

Now, can I do a compelled duel on the dragon to make him get an attack?

As a bonus action, you can do compelled duel.

The problem is all that does, it doesn't give him a free attack.

It means means that the dragon gets disadvantaged attacking anyone except you.

You're like you and me are fighting one-on-one.

I'll do it.

Absolutely.

You do a compelled duel.

Let's see if he's affected by it.

Do you insult the dragon while doing it?

This dragon's very proud.

Yeah, I just do this towards him.

Absolutely.

100%.

He's going to roll with disadvantage then.

Yes.

And he immediately falls under the compelled duel.

He will have to attack you.

And he doesn't necessarily get to do his breath weapon.

I have to roll a D6 to see if he gets to do a breath weapon or not on his next turn.

But if he can, he's going to be focusing that breath weapon on you.

If he's clawing and biting, he's going to definitely do it against you because he has disadvantage against everyone else.

Greg, amazing turn.

Thank you.

That's going to bring us to Norm's turn now.

Norm, what would you do?

Just finish him off.

Absolutely.

Just finish him off.

If you're right next to this dragon, he's got, we think, 25 health left.

Are you going reckless on this attack?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Roll two times.

Take the hug.

Let's go, boys.

The drums.

Drums Drums in the deep.

All right, here we go.

Five.

Ooh, not a hit.

You get two on this attack.

16.

16 plus your attack bonus is easily enough to hit for one D12 plus eight damage.

Okay, so what on D12?

The D12 plus eight.

He's got 25 left.

Five.

Five plus eight is 13.

Okay.

With 13, he is down to 12 HP left.

If you hit him again, he's almost definitely dead.

Let's hit him again.

After you're going to be able to do that.

Should we let the birthday boy kill the dragon?

You want us roll?

Sure.

All right.

Roll.

Birthday boy.

Now, hold on.

Are you...

Is he rolling your attack?

Yeah.

This is highly unconventional.

Never before.

I'm going to allow this for the birthday boy.

100%.

Five.

Five.

He has advantage.

He has advantage.

If you're rolling for Norm right now.

15.

15.

Now, I'm going to ask you right now, Ehrlich, since you're the one who has control over this attack, do you want it to be a hit or do you want that to turn into a miss instead?

What do you think, Zach?

I think you take out the dragon, right?

What'd you think?

PFT?

Should we, what are the options here?

Well, you could either hit the dragon or you could miss the dragon.

I think there might be some advantages to missing the dragon, though.

Yeah, there has to be some sort of hidden perk.

True.

Let's attack the dragon.

Let's just go.

Absolutely.

I feel like there was a weight between betrayal and like wanting to play golf.

So I'm very much liking the morals.

I would have had to.

It's too late now.

That is a hit.

All you need to get on the D12 to kill this dragon is a four or higher.

So fuck the saddle.

10.

10.

100%

is enough.

The dragon is slain.

Congratulations.

Zach is unconscious.

Would we then try to save Zach after he killed the dragon?

He didn't heal anybody.

Everyone.

It's kind of selfish, I guess.

Absolutely.

The only person he did heal was himself.

100%.

No one's bringing Trainwind back at the end of the battle.

So it sounds like four of us successfully defeated the dragon dragon and are claiming the treasure and splitting it four ways.

Is that right?

Yeah, yeah.

And I will also just say, and this is a moment of truth, Hank, the imp in front of everyone turns to you, the imp that was on Norm's shoulder and goes, what are we doing?

And you have an option.

You can either use this imp to betray everyone, because as I told you, this imp is secretly on your side as your birthday gift.

Or you can betray this imp in turn and save your teammates from the imp.

No, these guys always have my back.

They always have my best interests in mind.

I'm going to save my teammates.

Yeah.

And the best part is imps do this to each other.

When I needed it.

And imps do this to each other all the time.

And don't think I didn't have up my sleeve the possibility that this imp, even after I told you for your birthday aside, that this imp was going to be on your team, the imp might, if you took its side, have whispered.

bing bong into your ear betrayed you potentially so you did the right move good moment You went with your teammates.

Imps betray each other all the time.

He goes, damn it, I should have known.

And you use your imp to kill the enemy imp.

That's good.

The kobolds are under our control.

The dragon is slain.

The imp is dead.

And the fire, the last fire snake slithers back into the lava.

Congratulations, everybody.

We won the adventure of the dragon of Mount Speartop.

And I have to eat my words because we did accomplish the adventure.

And all those 274 AWLs, I told I didn't, I didn't know if you would do it or not.

And just for the reference, the imp, the bing-bong imp, he's dead now.

He's dead.

So his wife is single.

Oh, yes.

Absolutely.

Kind of a well-known actress.

Do we know where she is, where she lives?

You could certainly try to find her.

You do know where she lives.

Okay, we'll do that later.

But for the record, I think the important thing about today is we went out as a foursome and we had a great time for about four hours.

That's right.

And what else can you ask for?

That's right.

All right, real quick, before we end, rollback question: R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code, take 20% off your first purchase.

Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.

Tim, you're the best.

Where can people find you to sign up for a game?

Absolutely.

If you go to Timwoods.com, that's Tim with TwoM's Woods.com.

That's where you can book games with me.

Got my t-shirts on there.

And I will kind of be doing a little bit of a tour this summer.

I'm going to be next week in Columbus, Ohio for a convention.

I'm going to be in Orlando.

Shout out to my Orlando group who pants each other's and measures each other's dicks in-game, just to be clear.

Also, shout out to the Rockhard Doom Raiders.

Honestly, that shout-out covers about six different groups right there.

So you all can get credit for that 100%.

So I'll be in Orlando for about a month.

And then beginning of August, I will be in Indianapolis for Gen Con.

So please, I'll be running games there.

If you're going to be at Gen Con, or if you're not and want to go to Indianapolis, I'm going to be at that convention.

So see you there.

Thank you so much, Tim.

We love you.

Next time.

Absolutely.

Okay, that was Dungeon ⁇ Dragons reminder.

Wednesday we have a show, long show, and the no-show Friday for the 4th of July numbers.

Three.

I was laughing.

That was Zank, right?

Yeah, God.

99.

Six.

Show Wednesday, long show Wednesday, no show Friday.

11.

You said it so smooth.

What did you say, memes?

I'm going to go 21 because Shane's under.

I'm taking his number.

All right.

I'll go Voltro

52.

Say your numbers again, Roger.

Three, three, three, nine,

three, three, three.

Come on.

What were you Zach?

11 one time.

11.

Come on, 11.

Snake eyes.

Come on, Zach.

83.

83.

I was going to pick 83, too.

Love you guys.