Andrew Santino In Studio, Georgia Routs TCU, Playoff QB’s + Guys On Chicks

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 1 And when you bite into it boom it sorts you out gets your head back in the game of life satisfying your hunger remember this snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else snickers satisfies man that's a winning play on today's part of my take we have comedian andrew santino in studio he's got a new netflix special out awesome interview very like it just felt like we could talk forever great time with him we're going to talk the national championship the absolute beatdown by the Georgia Bulldogs.

Speaker 1 Get a little prepped for the NFL playoffs. I actually have a list that I want to debut to you, PFT, and we can debate it.
Old school style. Hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks.

Speaker 1 A great Wednesday show for you.

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Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the song of work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all of the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to

Speaker 1 my take.

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Speaker 1 we're gonna take it higher.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take. Today is Wednesday, January 11th, and the Georgia Bulldogs are national champions.

Speaker 1 Again, an absolute shit kicking of TCU 65 to 7 it was a blowout from the first moment I should say it was 10-7 at one moment which is weird to think about

Speaker 1 but Georgia back-to-back national title 25 and one in the last two years Kirby Smart is the new standard it was actually a great moment where David Pollock told Nick Sabin to his face that everyone's trying to catch up to Georgia and you could see the soul.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it was a soul coming out of Nick Saban or just like the bloodlust in his eyes. Like, I'll remember this.
I'm going to be back on top.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the national championship game, kind of a dud, but holy fuck, Georgia is unbelievable.

Speaker 5 That moment when Nick Saban heard Pollock say that, that was his Joker-fied moment. That's when he became Joaquin Phoenix, and he's going to go out and kill everybody, or at least try to.

Speaker 5 I thought also after the game when they were interviewing Kirby Smart, I think it was Marty Smith that was talking to him.

Speaker 5 And Kirby was saying, you know, know, there's a lot of stuff that can damage a program. We've got two solid back-to-back championships in a row.

Speaker 5 The thing that you really worry about at this point is entitlement and complacency. So we're trying to not let that sink in.

Speaker 5 No less than 10 minutes after he had won the national championship, back-to-back national champions, mind you, and also just won 65 to 7.

Speaker 5 Kirby Smart was already getting a little bit upset that his team might get complacent.

Speaker 5 And so you know what the message is going to be next year for Kirby? It's going to be like, you guys are entitled, no complacency.

Speaker 5 He's just going to call them spoiled and entitled starting like next week. That's going to have to be the message that drives home because it's been like, it's very clear.
Kirby wants a third.

Speaker 5 And I think it's been almost 100 years. Minnesota was the last college that won back-to-back-to-back national championships.

Speaker 5 It was probably like when everybody was off in World War II and they just didn't send any soldiers overseas. And so they just claimed three of them.
But yeah, that's how long it's been.

Speaker 5 So you can tell that's what's on Kirby's mind. I'm glad that TCU got seven points right off the bat because if they didn't,

Speaker 5 it would be so much more embarrassing if it was 65 to seven and Georgia had covered the over all on their own.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, it was, and that was actually, it was, it was one of those games that...

Speaker 1 It was, I think a lot of people probably turned it off.

Speaker 1 I watched till the bitter end because the over was in doubt until like late in the fourth quarter because of Kirby Smart basically taking the air out of the ball.

Speaker 1 And more, more that TCU just was so, Georgia actually still was kind of playing up until the fourth quarter. TCU was just couldn't do anything.
It was men versus boys. Kirby Smart also afterwards.

Speaker 1 I actually think, PFT, what you just said, all this NIL money

Speaker 1 and boosters and everything, Kirby Smart should just get a collective together to get the voters to vote Georgia number two next year in the preseason poll. That's all he would need.

Speaker 1 I think they would win the title if they just voted him two. He's like, they don't respect us.

Speaker 5 He needs to start shipping some Dominion voting machines to the voters and just be like, listen, ain't nobody out there believing you now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 The most telling part of the night came in in Kirby Smart's press conference at the end. He said he gave a special shout-out.
So he basically made a...

Speaker 1 It was very clear. He was like, I need

Speaker 1 to take a moment out of my time to shout these people out. He shouted out his scout team defense.
He was like, they worked really hard to learn everything the TCU does to give us good looks.

Speaker 1 I think the scout team defense is probably better than TCU's defense.

Speaker 1 So think about it that, like, Georgia went into this game, and they basically had to play a defense that was not as good as the defense they were practicing against.

Speaker 1 And it looked like that for a lot of the night, where guys were wide open.

Speaker 1 It was, it just, anytime they wanted to get big yards, they got it.

Speaker 1 It was Stetson Bennett, 25-1 as a starter, legend for life.

Speaker 1 We were watching the game. Jersey Jerry doesn't watch college football.
He's like, Stetson Bennett is the best player in the world.

Speaker 1 It's like, well, Jerry, did you see how open Brock Bowers was or Darnell Washington? The guys, it's not a knock on him, but guys were wide open. They were just that much better than everyone.

Speaker 1 And I do think Stetson Bennett has a career somewhere in the NFL, especially because he holds on kicks, which is like old school backup style. I love that from him.

Speaker 5 He's really good at holding, too. He's one of the, I'd say, like, top five holders in the NCAA right now.

Speaker 5 They took him out of the game at the end, and they win, and they missed an extra point right afterwards. That tells me all you need to know.

Speaker 5 If I were an NFL GM right now, I would ask him to work out for me at like slot wide receiver and holder. He's fast.
He's like, forget about like sneaky fasts or deceptively athletic.

Speaker 5 He's just fast, fast.

Speaker 1 And it's also, it's hard to like say there was a big play in this game because it was just Georgia having big play after big play.

Speaker 1 But first of all, Stetson Bennett, I know the jokes. He's He's 25.
He's older than like three or four quarterbacks starting in the playoffs this year. Is it more than that? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it more than that, Hank?

Speaker 6 Not playoffs. I thought you were just talking about that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's older than

Speaker 1 Herbert, Tua,

Speaker 1 and I can't remember. Hurts.
Yeah, Hurts.

Speaker 7 Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 1 He's not older than Lamar Jackson. They were the same age for a while, but Lamar Jackson just turned 26.
But either way, I know the jokes. It was funny, too, watching everyone retweet Daniel Jones.

Speaker 1 Daniel Jones.

Speaker 1 Sam Sam Darnold.

Speaker 1 Sam Darnold, not in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Four playoff quarterbacks. It was funny watching people retweet

Speaker 1 Stetson Bennett's offers from when he was like 17. That was like, I'm so blessed to get an offer from UMass.
I'm like, oh, like, I got my second offer. It's from Columbia.

Speaker 1 It was just great to see that happen online. But to Stetson Bennett's credit, he has zip on the ball and he is athletic.

Speaker 1 Like, there was a play where TCU just sold out and tried to blitz him, and he did a spin and ran for the first down.

Speaker 1 I know that people will try to discredit him. He's a fucking, he played, like, a perfect game, and he's 25-1 as a starter, and you can't take that away from him.
Back-to-back national titles.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 5 I think he's got a little like old school Russ Wilson in him, the way that he plays. Oh, I like that.
Yeah, he scrambles around a little bit, a little undersize, get him out of the pocket.

Speaker 5 He manages to fit the ball through tight windows.

Speaker 5 I think he's going to be like a project at the NFL level, but he's going to have some interest. Like, he's definitely going to get an opportunity to play quarterback in the NFL, I think.

Speaker 5 After what you saw last night,

Speaker 5 you'd be a fool to say that no team would ever take a chance on him

Speaker 5 because they will.

Speaker 1 He's a fun story. He's a fun story to root for.

Speaker 1 Everyone wanted to root for the Disney story with TCU. Setson Bennett is that story.
You know,

Speaker 1 he worked really, really hard to get to this point, and he's 25-1 as a starter and a legend for life.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they were saying Kurt Herbstreet hit the Hollywood button last night. He was like,

Speaker 5 this is the Hollywood story right here.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And I think we learned our lesson with that with Kurt Warner, that not all underdogs, like that movie was basically air bud, except people.

Speaker 5 Let's just talk about doing Hollywood stories and not actually turn them into movies. Sometimes it's more fun to just say that.

Speaker 5 I can't wait for the movie about Stetson Bennett, but please, for the love of God, do not make a movie about Stetson Bennett.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And the Georgia Bulldogs, I know that people,

Speaker 1 I'm ready now, PFT, if you want to have the debate, is Georgia bad for college football because they're that dominant. I will say it is

Speaker 1 yes, resoundedly yes. It is crazy, and I know that they're just a factory of five stars and four stars.

Speaker 1 It is nuts to think last year they had five guys get drafted in the first round, which was a record.

Speaker 1 They had 15 guys total get drafted in the NFL, which was also a record and then they went and won again i know that i know that they're so good and it's hard to to put into perspective like because it was such a dominant last game but it is nuts to put that piece into perspective like they lost an entire nfl team on one side of the ball and then they came out and did it again well i think last year's uh the guys that left last year got replaced pretty easily because the backup defense last year was the scout team alabama defense Yes.

Speaker 5 So they're ready to go. Next year,

Speaker 5 I might be looking at a little slump from Georgia's defense because the guys that are going to be starting are used to playing TCU's defense, which is a Big 12 defense. Yes.

Speaker 5 So just early next season, look for that hangover. We also saw the emergence on a national scale.

Speaker 5 If you've watched college football at all this year, you knew about George's tight ends and you knew about Brock Bowers. And what we're seeing is just more Brocks.
Yeah. More Brocks.

Speaker 5 We're at the dawn of the Brock age. We've got Brock Purdy lighting it up in the NFL right now.
Brock Bowers, he's coming back for another year, I believe, right? That's yeah, he has to.

Speaker 6 He has to return.

Speaker 5 Yep. He has to return to Georgia for another year.
We had a lad.

Speaker 5 We had a lad, a lad, and a Brock tore it up last night.

Speaker 5 But I think what we're seeing with Brocks, we're starting to see the emergence of them as a popular name, much like we saw Jalen's because back in the day with Jalen Rose, I think Brock Lesnar emerged to relevance right in like the 2003, 2004 timeframe.

Speaker 5 So right now we're catching up with that, and the Brock bump is about to hit the national stage.

Speaker 5 So just you're going to see a lot of like chunky, big-bone, corn-fed white dudes named Brock emerge over the next five years.

Speaker 1 I'm ready for it, the Brock Revolution.

Speaker 1 I'm here for it. The big losers of the night, I would say TCU, but TCU had an incredible season.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 If you can really take anything away from that, like it's hard in the moment to realize how incredible their season was when they're getting pasted 65-7, but they weren't supposed to be.

Speaker 1 They're 5-7 last year. I think I saw someone tweet out, it was something like Georgia had,

Speaker 1 it was like 15 or 16 five-star recruits.

Speaker 1 And it is, I know that recruiting sometimes it gets overhyped, but it is a pretty good, like four and five stars generally, like there's a lot larger of a chance for them to make it to the NFL than a three-star.

Speaker 1 That's just how it works. Like, there is some basis in the recruiting at the high school level and how that translates to NFL talent.
So Georgia had like 15 or 16 five-star recruits. TCU had one.

Speaker 1 So that was, it was as lopsided as it could get every which way. So I don't really know that a TCU can feel bad about their season.

Speaker 1 I would say the big loser of the night was Ohio State because Ohio State was a field goal away from doing the same pacing to TCU.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Yeah, that's true. I would say that, and you're right about the five-star thing.

Speaker 5 If you look at the percentages of five-star recruits, if you just go based on five-star recruits, there's a much, much, much more likely percentage that if you're a five-star recruit, that you're going to make the NFL one day.

Speaker 5 Yeah, sure, it's not perfect, and you will get some like unrecruited guys, two-stars, three-stars, that end up exceeding all expectations.

Speaker 5 And those guys are like the feel-good stories that end up making the most of their abilities. But yes, you'd much rather have 16 five-star guys on your defense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we get distorted because we always love the two and three-star guys that make it to the NFL.

Speaker 1 So those stories get talked about more and you don't realize, oh, the rest of the roster that doesn't get talked about, those guys were five-stars and they were pretty much always destined for the NFL.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's like maybe that defensive lineman that was a two-star recruit that outperformed what you thought his abilities were this year and put up some sacks and tackles for loss.

Speaker 5 Maybe he'd be better if he was five inches taller and 40 pounds heavier, which the five-star guys were. So in the end, that kind of all plays out a little bit.

Speaker 5 I would say the big loser of last night was the poor TCU fans that probably paid an arm and a leg to go out to Southern California.

Speaker 5 You're not allowed to tailgate, so you have to go to the game sober. You get into SoFi Stadium, then

Speaker 5 your part of the stadium exclusively gets rained on because they didn't build walls in their stadium.

Speaker 5 And so you get drenched, and then you're walking around the concourse, you slip and you fall and get a compound tib fib fracture and have to get stretched out of the stadium as your team is down by 60 points in the national championship.

Speaker 5 That would probably be a bad experience. They said that there were multiple TCU fans getting stretchered out of the game because they slipped on the cement concourse.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because

Speaker 1 LA decided to build an indoor stadium that's just a carport. That's all it is.

Speaker 5 No, it's got like half of a roof on it.

Speaker 5 And then the sides are wide open and there can be lightning delays. It looked like there could probably be a rain delay in that game if they played a baseball game there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. It was, it was, um, it was quite, quite the event to watch Georgia just.

Speaker 1 And Georgia fans, it's so crazy to think about historically, it's similar to like Clemson before Dabo had his run, where everyone made the jokes about Clemson, you know, Clemsoning, and they would always, they'd always have good teams, but they'd always have one or two games that they just completely pissed down their leg.

Speaker 1 Georgia, for, I don't know, what was their last? It was like 1980, right? And then these last two. So they spent 40 years not winning a national title when

Speaker 1 they should be just as good as everyone else. And now they've done it twice in two years, and they look like the new standard.
Like Kirby Smart looks like the new Nick Sabin.

Speaker 1 I know that might sound ridiculous, but

Speaker 1 he just won back-to-back national titles, and they're going to be competitive next year again. So

Speaker 1 he's done it all. Mark Rick, unfortunately, like Mark Rick was there for a long time and was kind of always got to the the cusp.

Speaker 1 I wonder if Matthew Stafford was watching that game being like, fuck, why couldn't I have just had Kirby Smart as my coach?

Speaker 5 Mark Rick, good guy. Great guy.
But just so frustrating. Like, you'd almost rather be

Speaker 5 an average or slightly below average team than just be on the cusp everywhere and do something stupid and just knock yourself out of contention in like, you know, some random game in the fall.

Speaker 5 And have...

Speaker 1 And be in a state that should just always be good. Like, there's certain places Georgia should always have a good football team.
So, they're back on the mound. What were you going to say, Hank?

Speaker 6 I was going to say, you said it too, but Ohio State was the biggest losers, and the NCAA, like the higher-ups, watching that game, knowing how close they were to Michigan, Ohio State. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Like, Ohio State fans, obviously, they're down bad, but I think the NCAA

Speaker 6 brass was down bad too. Being like, this could have been the biggest game in the history of college football.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And Ohio State won the game.

Speaker 1 They won the game. They won the game and then they didn't win the game.
And it also,

Speaker 1 it was also a big winning night for the loud, we should have let Bama in crew

Speaker 1 because Bama was the only team that would have been competitive, even though Ohio State took them to the last second. NTCU had a miracle.
They were eight-point underdogs to Michigan.

Speaker 1 They beat Michigan. We all expected to beat Michigan, Georgia, and we didn't get it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well,

Speaker 5 PFF actually rated Alabama as the true national champions

Speaker 5 after the season. So after watching all the film, Pro Football Focus said, we're going to give our title to Alabama.
And then, I think number three was Air Force. So, that was kind of cool.

Speaker 5 Air Force had a good year.

Speaker 1 By the way, PFT is a little under the weather. That's why he's on Zoom today.
Billy is sitting next to me.

Speaker 1 I said before we started taping that this is like my worst nightmare come true, that PFT dies. And I'm just now have to do pardon my take with Billy.
He sat in that seat right away.

Speaker 1 He was like, oh, yeah, of course. PFT's out.
I get his seat.

Speaker 5 He looked very comfortable, though.

Speaker 1 Very comfortable.

Speaker 7 Hank wanted the seat, but then I just said no. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Alpha.

Speaker 5 Well, I mean, then what really happened was Big Cat walked into the room and looked at Billy and he goes, oh, you're sitting there today? Not Jake?

Speaker 5 And Billy did this thing where he like took his headphones halfway off, started to stand up, but then he was like, I can't let Big Cat straight up alpha me out of the seat like that, not in front of Hank.

Speaker 1 Billy, before he came to work today, like talked to himself in the mirror. He's like, Big Cat's going to try to bust your balls about sitting in PFT's seat.
You can't let this happen.

Speaker 1 You have to stay strong. You have to, you're a man.
You're not a, you're not a Billy Foe. You're William Mann, not football, not Billy.
Okay, Billy, what was your point?

Speaker 7 Um, everyone was angry at the college football committee because of this game.

Speaker 1 I wasn't.

Speaker 7 I'm going to be honest, I think they've done the best job in the whole history of the college football playoff because the first two games on New Year's Eve, they were amazing.

Speaker 1 It's, yeah, you had people showing up last night being like, college football sucks. Oh, this is terrible.

Speaker 1 Last Saturday was the best college football day we've had but they shouldn't have done it on new year's eve so many people so many people i i i consider myself kind of like jersey jerry i mean i watch more college football but i mean he literally was like sesame bennett's the number one pick yeah

Speaker 6 you know a little more than that yeah but i think there's a lot and and being from the northeast too where it's like college football is not a big thing whatsoever people from there don't really care that much doing it on new year's eve there's there's certain days where if you do it on you're going to get the national attention everyone's going to watch because there's nothing going on doing it on new year's eve there's so many people that just went out did their new year's eve thing and were like oh there's a game on tonight who cares and and missed that i think it's so it's so dumb to do it on new year's eve so dumb

Speaker 5 selfishly a counterpoint is we didn't have to compete with the arizona bowl yeah sure yeah that's bad yeah great great great no i mean it was just because of the schedule sunday is nfl that's how it happens every few years i i do agree with hank i think that having it on new year's eve is just bad in general yeah you're getting what they're doing is they're just conditioning people to accept the fact that new year's eve is now also a football day because we don't have enough football days.

Speaker 5 That's what Roger Goodell has done with guys.

Speaker 5 He's like, now Christmas is also a football day. So it just takes a while for us to learn the fact that, okay, we're going to have to just sit.
We're going to have to bite the bullet.

Speaker 5 And that's going to be a day that we're going to have to stay up and watch football instead of Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton on television. Some people are going to make that sacrifice.

Speaker 6 New Year's Eve is probably one of the hardest. hardest nights to pitch your significant other on not doing something.

Speaker 1 No, I agree. I agree.
I mean, yeah, it's, I'm at a point in my life where I'm like, hey, great, free football. Right, but it wasn't.

Speaker 1 23 to 33. No,

Speaker 1 I remember being at a bar for the Michigan State Alabama game being like, I got to watch this game. And it was the worst game ever.

Speaker 5 I need to know how many relationships got got severely damaged when that kick was made or when that kick was missed in the semifinal game as the ball was dropping.

Speaker 5 How many guys like put their finger up to their girlfriend's mouth and was like, just one second, babe. I need to see if this kick goes in.

Speaker 5 And then by the time it's over, everyone else has already kissed. She doesn't get her kissed.
That probably broke a few people up.

Speaker 7 I can't, I don't have it in front of me, but there was a Twitter thread on it of every time someone was complaining about it. And there were multiple posts in Am I the Asshole Reddit group.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, New Year's Eve is a tough night for football.

Speaker 1 I got completely outruled at a Christmas party or a New Year's Eve party that I was at that all the guys were watching football and we had to turn off turn it to the draw draw.

Speaker 1 Well, but I don't want to ruler.

Speaker 2 It was also not my, not my apartment, so you like had to do it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to, listen, Max, we've established he doesn't know ball.

Speaker 1 This is going to be a bad fact that I say out loud. Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football.
I respect that. He just takes it off.

Speaker 1 So I asked him last night, I was like, did you watch the game last night? He's like, nope. Yeah, I didn't watch last night.

Speaker 5 You watch football on Mondays?

Speaker 1 He doesn't watch Monday Night Football. He told me this halfway through the season.
He's like, yeah, I just take the night off. If the Eagles are playing, I'll watch.

Speaker 1 But otherwise, yeah, I don't watch Monday Night Football. I actually.
Max.

Speaker 1 No, no. Back me up here.

Speaker 6 The Sunday night grind from Max's day. I used to have to do it.
It's not great. And then it's like Monday, you're gassed.
If the game wasn't good, I also would used to not really.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 he doesn't even turn it on.

Speaker 5 Am I insane? Like, what do you mean, gassed? You're sitting on your couch.

Speaker 1 No, no, he's saying that.

Speaker 1 Max is up to like five in the morning, and then you can't go to sleep.

Speaker 6 And then it's like

Speaker 1 the next day. I don't know.

Speaker 6 There's been many times if the game's not good. I just don't watch it.

Speaker 1 What do you do on Monday nights, Max?

Speaker 2 Monday nights are,

Speaker 2 I'll watch a show.

Speaker 2 I don't want to think about what.

Speaker 2 I just watch a full day of football. I listen to all you guys talk about football.

Speaker 1 We talk about it.

Speaker 2 And then I have to listen to it again until like 5 o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 1 So it's like,

Speaker 2 I enjoy my Monday.

Speaker 2 Because then we just do it all again throughout the week.

Speaker 2 And we do Thursday. We talk, blah, blah, blah.
It just Mondays are my day where it's like, I need to just not think about it.

Speaker 1 Okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 Did you watch Monday football before you started preaching every time okay all right every time all right I didn't realize that context yeah I thought you just were blatantly like I don't do Monday night football which I was like okay that makes more sense you know so that that actually I can back you up because you guys do work very hard I thought you just as a rule in life were like Monday's not a football night for me no no I would I respect the fact that like you don't After hearing us for about 18 hours non-stop in your ears talking about football, saying some some of the dumbest things possible about the sport that you probably just like want to break from it.

Speaker 5 I wasn't saying that you don't work hard because you work extremely hard, especially on Sunday nights.

Speaker 5 I was just saying it doesn't require any work at all to sit on your couch and watch Monday night football. That's something that can be on, like, just, and Max, I have to ask you this question.

Speaker 5 Do you love football?

Speaker 1 I do. I love.
Or do you love football? Do you love football? We've killed football for you. That's not true.
I didn't realize.

Speaker 1 I didn't realize this was just a Monday night rule this year that you created.

Speaker 1 We have killed the love of football for you.

Speaker 2 That is untrue. I love football.

Speaker 1 It's just some. If you loved it so much, you'd watch it on Monday nights.
Are you going to watch the playoff game? Bucks. Yes, Calvin.

Speaker 2 I will watch the playoff game.

Speaker 1 All right, there we go. As long as we don't annoy him too much.

Speaker 1 We're going to have like a book report on Monday, on Tuesday morning.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. But yeah, last shout out I had to give for the game.
TCU,

Speaker 1 that one player, I think the score was, what was the,

Speaker 1 it was like 59 to 7 going into the fourth quarter, or maybe it was 52 to 7 going into the fourth quarter, and he's right in eyesight of Sonny Dykes coming off the field, and he threw his fours up.

Speaker 1 And I respect the hell out of that. Everyone knows championships aren't won in the first three quarters.

Speaker 1 You got to play all four quarters. He was ready.
He had those fours up. That made me laugh so hard.
Like 52 to 7, and you still throw those fours up. Guys, we got them right where we want them.
Just

Speaker 1 a stop and a score, a stop and a score.

Speaker 5 It's a classic football guy move. I was really good at that in high school football.
I'd be like the first one on the sideline.

Speaker 5 Like, the second that the clock would hit, change off the third quarter into the fourth, hands up.

Speaker 5 And you always can tell that the guy that is like really on top of throwing the fours up, probably one of the worst players on the team.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this guy, this guy was very on top of it, right in Sonny Dyke's eye line.

Speaker 1 Also, shout out to to TCU's defense for getting that one stop at the start of the third quarter. That felt, that was crazy when they got a three and out.
I was like, what the hell's happening here?

Speaker 1 So, and we have bad national channels. I was looking it up because people were complaining about how bad the game was.

Speaker 1 Do you remember LSU, Alabama? That game didn't have a touchdown scored until four minutes left in the fourth quarter. Alabama was up 15-0.
They kicked five field goals.

Speaker 1 LSU didn't get to like the 50-yard line. We had the Notre Dame Alabama game, USC, Oklahoma, the last time I think that was the record for points scored in a national title before last night.

Speaker 1 So it happens. And PFT, I know I don't have to tell you, but we've had a great string of Super Bowls.
In the 90s, the Super Bowls was always the worst game of the year.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was terrible.

Speaker 1 The Cowboys would kill someone. The Niners killed the 49ers.
Yeah, the Niners killed the Chargers. Those games were always bad.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it didn't start to get good until that one, the Rams Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Or the

Speaker 5 elway's first one against the packers was pretty good and that was also like elway finally gets gets the monkey off his back the rams being like one yard short or i'm sorry the titans being one yard short against the rams that was a pretty good one too but yeah i mean we had two great semifinal games and it's so crazy to look back and be like okay well uh you've got georgia beat ohio state who lost to michigan who lost to tcu and yet somehow georgia against tcu was the worst game game of all time.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, exactly.

Speaker 5 The parody clock doesn't always work right in college football. Yeah.
And also,

Speaker 5 big fuck you to Georgia for not bringing Ugga there. Ugga had to watch inside what looked like a jail cell.
He looks like he's being kept in prison. Did you see the room that they kept him in?

Speaker 1 He couldn't fly. He can't breathe.

Speaker 5 Okay, I don't give a shit. Like, I drove Billy

Speaker 5 to Los Angeles last year. They can't put their little dog that has breathing issues in the back of a truck and drive him across the country.

Speaker 5 Like, Ugga should have been there for the national championship.

Speaker 5 I'm depressed for Aga. And then I was so depressed to see the conditions, the squalor that they make him live in, where he's got his, like, backup Ugga behind him.
They're in a jail cell.

Speaker 5 There's no carpet. There's no pillow.
All they have is a cold water dish, and that's it. It was sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What are you going to say, Billy?

Speaker 7 It was a kennel. He had a pretty nice rug.

Speaker 5 I did not see the rug inside the cell.

Speaker 1 It doesn't look like an oriental rug on the bottom.

Speaker 5 Look in the cell. No, I'm talking about the thing that they let him out of.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 there was another dog. The next Ugga was barking in his kennel.

Speaker 5 Yeah. All I'm saying is I would treat Ugga so much better if he was my buddy.

Speaker 1 Can't fly. Okay, so that's college football.
Sad to see it go. Love college football.

Speaker 1 News, you know, get, it always is sad when college football ends because then you just look up and you're like, oh, fuck. We have, how many games do we have left, Jake? We have

Speaker 1 13 games of football left.

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Speaker 1 So, before we do hot seat cool throw on PFT, I alluded to this in the intro.

Speaker 1 I put together a list.

Speaker 1 I thought it would be fun to just maybe hear your thoughts, debate it real quick, because we were talking about how the AFC playoffs are so stacked.

Speaker 1 So, I decided I put together a list of all 14 starting quarterbacks in the playoffs this year and to see where they all line up.

Speaker 1 My list has, in the top eight, it only has two NFC quarterbacks. I also, for this list, assumed that Lamar and Tua are fully healthy.
So I just want that on the and Hurts as well.

Speaker 1 So all fully healthy. We're pretending they're fully healthy.
So I'm going to say my list and then you could tell me where you disagree.

Speaker 1 Mahomes, Allen, Burrow. That's the top three.
I think that if you say Burrow over Allen, I'm not going to disagree with you. That's like one of those things that those guys are both just so good.

Speaker 5 Burrow was clearly going to kill Allen in that Monday night game. Yeah.
They were driving.

Speaker 1 They almost had the ball.

Speaker 1 I know we've talked about the Bengals fans being very upset. I think it's settled down a little bit, but we were up 7-3.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure the Chiefs were up 7-3 on the Bengals in the first quarter, and I think they were up 14-3 in the second quarter, and then the Bengals came back and won.

Speaker 5 The Bengals are driving big cat.

Speaker 1 They had the ball.

Speaker 5 Their offense looked unstoppable that day.

Speaker 1 It was basically a game over. So, Mahomes, Allen Burroughs, my top three.
Hurts.

Speaker 3 It was 21 to 3 in the championship game.

Speaker 1 No, I was talking about this year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 21 to 3 in the championship game, too.

Speaker 1 Hurts, 4, Herbert 5,

Speaker 1 Brady, 6, Lamar, 7,

Speaker 1 Trevor Lawrence, 8.

Speaker 1 And then now, here comes the NFC.

Speaker 1 Cousins,

Speaker 1 Tua,

Speaker 1 Dak, Daniel Jones, Purdy Geno.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 You don't think you don't like Purdy over Geno? Cousins over Dak? I like Cousins over Dak. I trust Kirk Cousins more than Dak right now.

Speaker 1 Right now.

Speaker 5 Amari Cooper referred to Dak Prescott as being the black Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 Wait, hold on. It doesn't go against everything I said all year because I think Dak is bad.

Speaker 1 I don't think Kirk Cousins I have is the ninth best quarterback in the playoffs. That's not great.
Cousins are down. Can you go through 6 through 10 again? Yes, no problem.

Speaker 1 So do you guys disagree with my top five? No. Mahomes Allen.

Speaker 5 Can you text it to the list?

Speaker 1 Because I'm having a hard time remembering all of it. Yep, I'll text you to the list.
That's smart.

Speaker 1 I just also wanted to see it just because it's like, holy shit, this is the AFC is just so fucking low.

Speaker 5 What time of day is this game being played at? Because if it's at one, then Kirk Cousins drops, he jumps to the top 50%.

Speaker 1 He's playing at 430. That was the only one that Jake got out of the six.
He had six chances. He only got one right now.
Positive credit.

Speaker 5 If it's the Monday night, I would put Kirk Cousins last.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay, so

Speaker 1 I'll go through it again. I just sent it to everyone.
Mahomes, Alan Burrow. Hurts, Herbert.
That's the top five. Six is Brady.
Seven is Lamar. Eight is Trevor Lawrence.
Nine is Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 Ten is Tua. 11 is Dak.
12 is Daniel Jones. 13 is Purdy.
14 is Geno.

Speaker 5 Okay, I would drop Trevor Lawrence a little bit just because we don't know. It's still too early.

Speaker 1 And he played fucking terrible. He did.
He did.

Speaker 1 This is simply a question. If you had a game that you had to win, I think I would trust Trevor Lawrence more than Kirk Cousins.
He missed four touchdowns. Listen,

Speaker 1 they had a game they had to win, and he too

Speaker 1 did not deserve to win that game. They had to get five games in a row they had to win.
But the one that they had to really win. No, they had to win all of of them.
But they had to win the players.

Speaker 1 They had to win all of them to get whatever. They've been in the playoffs for a month and a half.

Speaker 5 So I was thinking on Monday night how awesome it would be if you took the best quarterbacks in the league. You know, the ones that you tune in to Monday night football games to watch.

Speaker 5 Like we had an Allen Burrow matchup. How cool would it be if every team got to pick from one of the top four quarterbacks to be their quarterback during a Monday night football game? Yeah.

Speaker 5 So Josh Allen would play for a game, in my case, like on the Commanders. He would just suit up in a commander's uniform.

Speaker 5 And I was thinking about like who would the most exciting quarterbacks to be, be to watch in those like the all-time guys that you would want on Monday night football games.

Speaker 5 And the four that I came up with, Mahomes, definitely.

Speaker 1 Allen, yes.

Speaker 5 Burrow, yes. And then I had Herbert over Hurts because I think that Hurts is great.
He's a great football player in the Eagles offense and he makes that offense run. And yeah, he's like MVP

Speaker 5 consideration before he got hurt. But I still think that Herbert is like more dynamic and fun to watch with his arm talent than Hurts is.

Speaker 1 That might be true. I put Hurts for because he was out for the last, whatever, three games.
I think people forgot how just good he was this year. He's very good.

Speaker 1 Like he was going to be, it was going to be him versus Mahomes for the MVP, and then he got hurt. So, and again, this is

Speaker 1 his injuries off hypothetical. So, yeah, I mean, I just wanted to look at it and see it

Speaker 1 and see it all listed listed out. What other ones do you guys disagree with? I would put Brady above Herbert.

Speaker 6 I would drop Trevor Lawrence below Dak, and I would put Dak above Cousins.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you trust Dak. Oh, yeah, I forgot you're a troll, and the Cowboys one seed.
No, I just, I think, I like, I think Dak is. He's been so bad this last, like, month and a half.
So bad.

Speaker 5 Seven games in a row with an interception, right?

Speaker 1 He's led the league in interceptions.

Speaker 5 He led the league. Was it total interception? Because I know it was interception rate.

Speaker 6 I think think Mills did. Maybe.
Or maybe they tied.

Speaker 1 Maybe Mills did. No, then Mills did.

Speaker 5 Big Cat. What you're talking about is he led the league in interception rate.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 5 That's right. So, like, per pass.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 I just think

Speaker 6 he's dynamic.

Speaker 1 Either way, this was just my way of getting pumped up for the playoffs. But also,

Speaker 1 we're talking about it.

Speaker 1 Wait, Hank.

Speaker 1 Hey, no, no, no, no. Hey, Hank, you want to...
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I might not be in the studio when it shuts up. Oh, wait, I can mute you.

Speaker 1 Turn Hank's microphone.

Speaker 6 I can turn your microphone.

Speaker 6 I can just cancel you out of this call.

Speaker 1 You just say that that dak is dynamic yeah he can run he can pass no no this is like when stephen a said that uh teddy bridgewater was a runner

Speaker 1 dak doesn't run that much that's racist hank no he's not he does not run that much he'll run every now and then for a first down but he's not looking to run hank's like i got to get one of those dual threat quarterbacks like jameis winston or byron leftwich yeah all i'm saying also if this is one game scenario yes brady should be at the top.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, no, Mahomes.

Speaker 1 Right now. Right now.
I'm not talking about right now you would take Brady over Mahomes. Okay.
Not on the road. It's true.

Speaker 6 Wait, Brady hasn't beaten Mahomes on the road.

Speaker 1 No, Mahomes has never won on the road. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Dak had. And he's never beaten Brady in the playoffs.

Speaker 3 I think the Bucs are going to the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Dak runs for like two Brady.

Speaker 5 They played one Super Bowl game. Dak runs like

Speaker 1 five times in game two.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, I forgot about that. I stand corrected.

Speaker 1 Maybe, Hank, you've got to change your take to like Dak would be better if he ran more.

Speaker 6 I'm going to look up some stats. I thought he was.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, he runs four to five times a game.

Speaker 5 I think

Speaker 1 his yardage, his yardage long this season. Like, Trevor Lawrence is dynamic.

Speaker 6 Trevor Lawrence is dynamic. He doesn't look to run.
Cousins is not dynamic. Tua is dynamic.
Daniel Jones is dynamic.

Speaker 1 Daniel Jones can run.

Speaker 5 Right. He's a very good runner.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Brady's not dynamic. Herbert's not dynamic.
Daniel Jones is twice as good a runner as Dak Prescott is.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but I'm just saying, in terms of Brady, Cousins,

Speaker 6 Purdy, they don't have the option of running. You never think they're going to run.
Herbert's, you never think they're going to run.

Speaker 6 Dak, Trevor Lawrence, Joe Burrow, Mahomes, they're dynamic enough that they can run if they have to.

Speaker 1 I don't see. I wouldn't put.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know if I. Like, Mahomes.

Speaker 1 Like, pressure comes, they can scramble out of the pocket and get 15 yards. Yeah, I think Dak does that like maybe once a game.
Mahomes does that once a quarter, and it always works.

Speaker 1 Dynamic.

Speaker 5 Dynamic. Dynamic.
I would also just take Brock Purdy off this list entirely because

Speaker 5 he's great for Kyle Shanahan's offense. And I don't really know how we can compare that to anything.
He's perfect. He's doing great.

Speaker 5 And people are already talking about what are they going to do next year. They got to stick with Brock Purdy at this point, right?

Speaker 1 Well, and I'll hand up. I put Brock Purdy 13 and Geno 14 because I think the 49ers are going to kill the Seahawks.
So if I did that reverse, and then everyone would be like,

Speaker 1 nice call, nine nuts.

Speaker 5 New question: which one of these quarterbacks would you most like to see in Kyle Shanahan's offense?

Speaker 1 Josh Allen?

Speaker 5 I actually think Daniel Jones would be awesome in Kyle Shanahan's offense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he would. Josh Allen would be sick, though, too.

Speaker 1 Dude, nine yards per game.

Speaker 1 He's dynamic. It's like Lamar, Justin Fields, Dak.

Speaker 1 Then comes Hurts. Think about Lamar.

Speaker 6 I wish they weren't playing the Bucs because I would be all in on the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 You already are. One seed Cowboys.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Nearly half of these guys have been on the show.
I think six out of 14.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Wow.
Burrow, by the way, maybe the most boss answer ever in his press conference when a reporter asked, do you feel like the window is closing on this team?

Speaker 1 And he said, the window is my career.

Speaker 1 Such an awesome answer. It's like, as long as I'm here, the window's open.

Speaker 5 The ceiling is the roof.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just there

Speaker 1 you don't want another answer from your franchise quarter. It'd be like, dude, if I'm on the team,

Speaker 1 we're playing for a Super Bowl.

Speaker 5 Well, it's because it's the classic media debate of just like debating windows. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And that's what matters. Like, can they be a dynasty?

Speaker 5 Can Georgia be a dynasty? Immediately

Speaker 5 people start asking that question right after the game. Yes.
Like, I actually think in college football, two championships in a row is a dynasty.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd agree.

Speaker 5 Every other sport, it's three in five years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. But two two in a row, that's a dynasty.
That's a dynasty. Okay.
Should we do that?

Speaker 5 Oh, I got one other thing, Big Cat. Yeah.

Speaker 5 So,

Speaker 5 I mean, we want more football. You were just talking about we have, what, 13 games left?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Is that right before XFL and spring football start?

Speaker 5 If we had more NFL games, if we had bull games for NFL

Speaker 5 after the season was over for teams that didn't make the playoffs, but they get one more game.

Speaker 5 I was just thinking about the best matchups that we could have like which teams would be the most fun to watch play each other

Speaker 1 i had um

Speaker 5 i had the patriots and the raiders playing each other again

Speaker 1 no forward passes just laterals i like that i had um texans colts they played in an instant classic on sunday i would love to watch that back right max love it love it love monday night football i like that um lions commanders is another one that i had they played earlier this season.

Speaker 5 A ton of points. Run that back.
Two, like the Lions, legitimately good, fun team. Commanders have the ability of being fun when that red-headed guy, that freak, isn't playing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like that one.

Speaker 1 Who would the Bears match up against?

Speaker 1 Maybe...

Speaker 1 That's got more Texans for something. Nice, nice, nice.

Speaker 3 Isn't that your idea? Yeah.

Speaker 1 First pickup bowl? Yeah. Yeah, it should absolutely be.
There should be a game in Pro Bowl weekend. It should be

Speaker 1 the teams with the two worst records playing for the first pick. Who wouldn't watch that game?

Speaker 1 Who wouldn't watch? You could just play all the games for playoff seating. That would be incredible.
Where it's just like the team, you can just fly, you can get one higher if you beat the team.

Speaker 5 That's bowl season for the NFL. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be perfect.

Speaker 5 I'm just saying, oh, what if it was a bracket? What if we did a bracket and then the team that won got the number one overall pick?

Speaker 5 So every team that doesn't make the playoffs is involved.

Speaker 1 It is funny to take a step back and be like one week ago today, we did a podcast where like serious tone, DeMar Hamlin's health, NFL doesn't care about player safety, and now we've just signed up the entire NFL for an extra like seven games.

Speaker 1 No, I get it. But also

Speaker 5 in this tournament, turn injuries off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, turn injuries off. No injuries allowed.
Yep. I like it.
All right, let's do hot seat cool throne.

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Speaker 1 Henry, hot seat, cool throw.

Speaker 1 My hot seat.

Speaker 6 Nope, nope, nope. Facts, lockwood.

Speaker 1 Factwood.

Speaker 6 Factwood.

Speaker 6 My hot seat is any vet.

Speaker 1 Any veteran QP that the Jet sign.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 Why?

Speaker 1 Because in New York, something happens and they can't play well.

Speaker 6 No. Zach Wilson was asked about if they brought in a veteran QB and he said he's going to make their life hell.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it's just he means he's going to fuck their wife.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or their mother.

Speaker 1 What else could he do to make him hell? Not play football better.

Speaker 1 Who is the guy who fucked LeBron's mom?

Speaker 1 Tevalante West. Yeah.

Speaker 7 That energy.

Speaker 6 That worked out well for him.

Speaker 1 It's a great quote from Zach Wilson. He's icy.
I will say, you can't really answer it differently because if you answer it differently,

Speaker 6 no, you can be less of a dickhead. You can be like, I'm open to competition.
I'm just going to go out there and do my thing.

Speaker 1 But it's kind of like Billy sitting in PFT's seat. You've got to talk a big game to get your...

Speaker 1 You know, you don't really have a lot of confidence. So

Speaker 1 you have to masquerade it with the words you say.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there we go.

Speaker 1 There we go, Billy. You sound confident.

Speaker 1 Also, like, Hank made me sit here. Hank made me sit here.

Speaker 5 How much more hell could their life be in already than being a veteran quarterback that's now playing for the New York Jets?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. That's a fact.

Speaker 5 Which circle of hell are we talking about? The first couple of circles of hell actually aren't that bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just call Joe Flacco. He'll tell you how this year went.
It was hell. What were you going to say, Max?

Speaker 2 I mean, Hank did tell Billy when he sat down, but... I walked into the studio before Hank, and the first thing that Billy said to me is,

Speaker 2 should I just sit in PFD seat today? So it it was a bit when Hank said it, but it was not a bit when Billy actually sat there.

Speaker 1 No, I was blogging here.

Speaker 5 Like, if I did die, let's just say that I passed away.

Speaker 1 Shows over. How quickly?

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, I know you would, Big Cat, but I'm saying, because Big Cat did walk in and sit down and just looked over. He's like, if this is the show, then

Speaker 5 I don't think I can do this.

Speaker 6 I would try and squeeze some ad dollars out of a couple more episodes.

Speaker 1 Of course you would.

Speaker 5 You'd be skimming it off the top. Billy, how quickly would it take for you to text the group thread and be like, so are we, what time are we taping tonight?

Speaker 1 No, I just

Speaker 1 text dinner tonight, and then

Speaker 1 the implication is we're doing a show.

Speaker 7 I just check Penn's grad school policy for employees and just pivot.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Is there one? There might be.
I actually know.

Speaker 5 So, Billy, if I died, your response to that would be to

Speaker 5 enroll in college?

Speaker 7 No, I'm trying to say that I wouldn't try to take your spot.

Speaker 1 He'd be more responsible. Exactly.

Speaker 5 Well, you'll never get it with that attitude, Billy. I'd like to see more of that killer instinct.

Speaker 7 I know.

Speaker 1 We set this whole thing up to see if you would answer correctly. You answered wrong.

Speaker 1 BFT is actually retiring. Damn.
He's actually on pedophile island right now. He's in jail.

Speaker 5 Yeah, the good one, though. Because I'm arresting all the other pedophiles.

Speaker 1 He's like Tom Hanks. Start the theories.

Speaker 1 All right, you're Cool Throne.

Speaker 6 Speaking of Tom Hanks, so no offense, but the movie that they're advertising everywhere looks like the worst movie of all.

Speaker 1 What is it called?

Speaker 6 I don't even know. A guy named Poe or something.

Speaker 5 It's Gran Torino 2, except Tom Hanks.

Speaker 1 Well, it's Tom Hanks. I'll watch it.

Speaker 6 Not me. My Cool Throne is Hilaria Baldwin.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6 Alec Baldwin's wife, which always confuses me because Alec Baldwin's brother has a daughter, Haley Baldwin, who's married to Justin Bieber.

Speaker 6 So whenever Hilaria Baldwin's in the news, I get confused because I always think that's her first.

Speaker 6 This is Alec Baldwin's wife, who is close to a million followers on Instagram and has been forcing Alec and all of her kids to post incessantly about getting her a million followers.

Speaker 6 And it's super like cringe.

Speaker 1 Why doesn't she just get

Speaker 1 a boat and have someone dive into the East River?

Speaker 5 That's a good question.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 5 why doesn't she just get Tom Brady to follow her?

Speaker 1 Yeah, facts.

Speaker 6 She did get, she did hit a million though.

Speaker 1 Okay, good, good.

Speaker 1 Are you following her?

Speaker 6 No, I just seen the Alec Baldwin.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're following Alec Baldwin. You know, he killed the person.
Yeah. Also, didn't he yet?

Speaker 7 I just remember this. Is Haley Baldwin the one he let the voicemail to?

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 1 Oh, and he called her a pig.

Speaker 6 Yeah, that's his actual daughter.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Haley Baldwin is his niece.

Speaker 1 Who's is that Steven's daughter? Yeah, the crazier one. Yeah.
They're all crazy. Yeah.
I like, there's something about Alec, but you know, the fact that

Speaker 1 he might have killed someone on a set or he did. Definitely did.
Yeah, he did, whether it was an accident or whatever. I do respect that.
It was an accident. Well, yeah, right.
It was an accident.

Speaker 1 I do respect that Alec Baldwin. Like, it feels like every, maybe he's kind of more under the radar because of that.

Speaker 1 But there was a stretch where it was like every three months, it was just Alec Baldwin gets in fight with a person on New York streets. And I like that.
He just has that grizzle to him.

Speaker 5 I'm a Billy guy. I like Billy Baldwin.
Yeah. Wouldn't fuck with that guy.
We're going to say Billy.

Speaker 7 Alec would have been a good user of that fighter app where you just try to find people to fight.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Wasn't that your idea, PFT?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Fighter no E. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fighter up. All right, PFT, your hot seat cool thrown.

Speaker 5 My hot seat is,

Speaker 5 I'm going to go with me on the hot seat because there's an album coming out on Friday, and

Speaker 5 I am in a no-win situation for whether I ignore it. or if I

Speaker 5 follow it very closely. I've been tagged in like a million things online.
Miley's got her album coming out. And what's happening is

Speaker 5 she's promoting it by putting up videos of herself singing naked in the shower.

Speaker 5 And people are just tagging me in it left and right and pre-bonking me for it while simultaneously alerting me to its presence.

Speaker 5 So it's like they're being horny, but they're saying, don't let PFT see this. He'll get bonked.
So like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You haven't liked any of them yet, though, right?

Speaker 5 I know, I liked the first one when it came out because her voice sounded lovely. But people are like like using this as an excuse to point a finger at me even though i haven't even done anything

Speaker 6 except like

Speaker 5 the video supporting the arts yes except supporting the arts right

Speaker 5 but yeah you're an arts supporter i i appreciate that i'm an arts supporter uh i had an idea if i'm not if i'm still home on friday and the i think the album comes out on friday I think I might do a Twitch stream listening to

Speaker 5 the album for the first time and then re-recording one of her songs, like doing a punk cover of it on Twitch live. What do you guys think about that?

Speaker 7 You can't show nudity on Twitch.

Speaker 5 I'm not going to be naked.

Speaker 1 Then you're not doing a full cover of it.

Speaker 5 She's not showing nipples either. She's just

Speaker 1 covering your nipples.

Speaker 6 I was thinking that might be more of an Instagram live thing because that would just get season assisted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. Twitch would take you down for music.

Speaker 5 For music? What if I... Like, I'd be recording it myself, though.
I wouldn't be playing her songs.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 6 oh yeah if you're not playing her songs out loud okay

Speaker 5 we'll work on that my cool throne is uh

Speaker 5 Correa's ankle Carlos Correa's ankle so I guess it's fine now and I guess the doctors in San Francisco and New York just don't know what they're talking about because Minnesota signed him to a contract after he already agreed to sign to the giants like what was that a month and a half ago.

Speaker 5 And then they said, Psych, he's not going to sign. There was something that was red flagged in his physical.
He got checked out by the Mets.

Speaker 5 They said that he was going to sign with the Mets, but then they had to redo his contract because something was wrong with his left ankle.

Speaker 5 And so now he's just going to sign with the twins, who I guess it's Minnesota. So they're like, we don't really care.

Speaker 5 We're just happy to be in consideration. So we'll pay the money.
And if you get hurt, that sucks, but at least we got you.

Speaker 1 I think they just basically said, we know your ankle's fucked because you were on the team last year. So, yeah, come back.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so what could be this bad with his ankle? Because he had surgery on it back when he was a minor leaguer, I think eight years ago.

Speaker 1 He had a plate in his ankle. He got a plate in his leg.
That's what it is.

Speaker 5 Okay, but he's been fine since then, right? He hasn't missed any time from it. Yeah.
So they're just like waiting for it to break.

Speaker 5 It's like the super volcano underneath Yellowstone. It's like, well, it's overdue to rupture, but we can just say, like, what if it doesn't rupture?

Speaker 1 And knowing Minnesota sports tragedy, like

Speaker 5 spring training.

Speaker 1 This probably won't go well. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 All right, my hot seat is our darling Jake.

Speaker 1 He's very anxious about the bowlerama, which I think we have a date for. Can we say that, Hank?

Speaker 1 January 31st, PFT's birthday. So we will be all in the bowling alley, streaming it.
PFT and I will be calling it. Max and Jake will be participating.
Jake is very nervous about this. He is anxious.

Speaker 1 He's worried.

Speaker 3 Started my prep process.

Speaker 1 Okay, he started his prep process. I love a good twist.

Speaker 1 I was raised on reality television. I love the twist.
I have a twist that I'd like to propose to Jake.

Speaker 1 And he can take it or he can not. Whatever you want to do.

Speaker 5 The bowling alley is filled with milk.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, here's the twist.
It's very simple. Jake,

Speaker 1 you will go head-to-head with me and PFT picking the playoff games. So PFT and I will make picks together as a team, and we'll go against you.

Speaker 1 You have to pick one side or total on every single playoff game.

Speaker 1 If we beat you,

Speaker 1 Ray Allen tweet.

Speaker 1 If you beat us,

Speaker 1 we will both eat six hot dogs on your behalf when you're bowling.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good. That's 60 pins we will take down for you.

Speaker 1 Well, 60 pins we will eat for you on the live stream.

Speaker 3 There's something we haven't addressed yet.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 If this is being changed to a one-day thing, I'm vowing to go all in, all out. Yeah, no, you are going to go all in, all out.
But I'm saying, right?

Speaker 1 That will make it significantly easier for you.

Speaker 1 I can't do the Ray Allen. Oh, come on.
I can't do it.

Speaker 3 Now you're going to make me look even worse. Okay,

Speaker 1 you can do the Ray Allen.

Speaker 1 You can do it. No, I can't.
You can do it. You can't.
Or you could just beat us in picking against it. That's true.
Jake, what do you mean? You can also have the help from Hank, Max, and Billy.

Speaker 1 So it could be the four of you picking against me and PFT every single playoff game. You guys huddle up.
We'll go mono-e-mano, teams. We will eat six hot dogs each, which counts for 60 pins.

Speaker 3 Wait, six hot dogs each is. Oh, yeah, for five and fifty.

Speaker 1 Yeah, PFT and I both will take down six hot dogs on the live stream. We'll eat them regular pace, so you'll get the pins as they come.

Speaker 1 And Ray Allen's tweet if you lose. I'll throw in six, too.
No, you're drinking beer, Billy. And beer.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'd be willing to counter with less hot dogs for you guys for a different consequence.

Speaker 1 Nope, nope.

Speaker 1 The offer is there.

Speaker 5 What about the Kevin Smith tweet?

Speaker 3 What's the Kevin Smith tweet?

Speaker 5 Oh, 10 years in, and we bone like we're cheating on each other with each other. A decade plus, and her clit brown taint area still pones my dick.

Speaker 1 That's so much.

Speaker 6 You're going on the list for just having that memorized.

Speaker 5 I don't have it memorized. It's right here.

Speaker 1 What about, what about

Speaker 1 I'm in such you? What about the James Brown tweet?

Speaker 1 He is a Bridget. Big Day.
He's a big sexy little brunette bitch sucking and fucking her personal trainer's big cock.

Speaker 1 I mean, you either. And it's a link to the tip stock checking.
It's one tweet. It's one of those things.
I know.

Speaker 3 And people are like, oh, this one tweet, like, who cares? Like, there's people on Twitter outside of AWS. That's my concern.
Right. Like, obviously, you guys would know it's a joke.

Speaker 1 It's not a parody account. It's a parallel account.
Dude, I've used that in two years.

Speaker 1 I tweeted the Aisha Curry Curry tweet during the Lions Packers. Everyone knew what I was tweeting.
There was very few people. There's famous people

Speaker 1 clutching a man. Yeah.
That wasn't real. Yeah, I wasn't going to do it.
You can do the asterisks. You can do asterisks too.

Speaker 3 How many asterisks?

Speaker 1 I'll say five total.

Speaker 5 No, that's too many asterisks.

Speaker 1 Four total.

Speaker 1 Let me pull up the tweet. Four total.

Speaker 5 Jake, what if you tweet some like serious, like, die-hard anti-vaxx stuff?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 But this is how we. ESPN literally doesn't let you call games if you're not vaxed.
I'm pretty sure. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Isn't that a thing?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I have no idea.
But listen, this is a way to keep the AWLs invested through the playoffs. It would be, take, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'll go to seven hot dogs each for me and PFT. That's a lot of pins.
That's a shitload of pins.

Speaker 6 Look at Max. You're going to beat Max if you do it.

Speaker 1 Max. Well, we're not going to eat them super fast, Max.
We're going to eat them at regular pace.

Speaker 6 Max has promised he's going to do it on his first or his first

Speaker 1 hour. First hour.
First hour. No chance.

Speaker 1 I think there's a chance.

Speaker 6 I actually was saying last night, I think if we all had to do this, Max would do it the fastest, faster than you. Okay.

Speaker 5 Are you trying to challenge me?

Speaker 6 No, I just.

Speaker 1 Jake, the offer is on the table.

Speaker 3 I'm just doing a math in my head how many asterisks I could do without it making it.

Speaker 1 I think you got to do it, I think you got to do it. And you don't have to worry about it until you lose to us.

Speaker 3 Obviously, for the AWLs, it's my best interest to do it. Obviously, a minute for them.

Speaker 1 I don't want to force you into it. I mean, you kind of are.
Oh, yeah, of course, but I don't want to force you. I said I don't want to force you into it.

Speaker 6 It's also not guaranteed to be a one-day stream. Like, you and it's also

Speaker 1 guaranteed

Speaker 1 that you don't have to tweet it. All you got to do is pick better than us.

Speaker 1 All you got to do is pick better than us.

Speaker 3 Wait, so January 31st, is that including the championship?

Speaker 1 I think it's right before the championship. Oh, no, it's after the championship.
So it will be the entire playoffs.

Speaker 3 So there's 12 games, so it's 12 picks. And what if we tie?

Speaker 1 I don't know. We'll flip a coin.
We'll flip a coin on the stream. That would be great.
Yeah. Ray Allen tweet.

Speaker 3 I swear, I was 10 times more scared about that than this bowling thing.

Speaker 1 But you already agreed to do it at one point. So, like, now you're just agreeing to do it again if you lose.

Speaker 1 I mean, five asterisks.

Speaker 3 Five asterisks? Yeah.

Speaker 1 C.

Speaker 1 L.

Speaker 1 Tell us where you put the asterisks.

Speaker 3 I mean, there's only three words that are actually bad.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 The M word, the C word, and the D word.

Speaker 1 So you can put a couple asterisks on them. No.
Four asterisks. Four I'm doing that.
Four asterisks.

Speaker 3 When you blank things.

Speaker 1 All right. Think about it and give us an answer on guys on chicks.
All right. Four asterisks.
All right. So now, yeah, Jake is on the hot seat.
That was my hot seat.

Speaker 1 You think that's a fair deal, right, PFT?

Speaker 5 That seems like too much of a fair deal. Yeah.
That's a lot of asterisks.

Speaker 1 I would take it. We're going back down.

Speaker 1 Six hot dogs. We're back down to six hot dogs.

Speaker 5 I would take it if I was Jake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, seven was on the table.

Speaker 1 Six is now the deal. My cool throne is, I have two cool thrones.
The Bears smokescreen season. I alluded to it on Monday.
Ryan Poles did his press conference.

Speaker 1 He was like, we, you know, we're committed to Justin, but we have to evaluate if someone blows us away in the draft process. I love that.

Speaker 1 I also think Justin Fields camp might get in on the ruse and be like, I'm upset. So get the smokescreens out there.
Let's get it going. Get everyone confused.

Speaker 1 Maybe the Bears will take Bryce Young and then get a haul. And then my other cool throne is college basketball.
It's back. I always flip the page.

Speaker 1 I put a future on Tennessee and Yukon. Those are my two teams.
So I did that after the national championship last night when we were in New Jersey. Those are my two teams.

Speaker 5 Got Hurley and I love Ziegler on Tennessee.

Speaker 1 Rick Barnes makes me nervous. But a future is a future.
It's really

Speaker 1 a future bet is just to have some, you know, a team you're rooting for there. And obviously, Wisconsin's pretty good

Speaker 1 this year.

Speaker 1 If they beat both of them on the way to a national title, that would be the best possible scenario.

Speaker 5 It's funny because

Speaker 5 of somebody who we will not name, you can't admit that Alabama is going to be good this year. Correct.

Speaker 5 So now you're going for Tennessee over them. I do like Tennessee.

Speaker 5 And for the last four years, it's been like,

Speaker 5 this is the reason, this is the season that Rick Barnes finally will not choke. in the NCAA tournament.
And then he finds a way to one-up himself every year.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. It will probably blow up in my face, but if either of them get to the Elite Eight, it will be a good ride.
It will be a fun ride.

Speaker 1 I was looking at it, I think Alabama's odds are, I think they're, yeah, they're 13 to 1. Oh, no, they're 15 to 1.
So, yeah, I could have bit Alabama, but I can't.

Speaker 1 And maybe I'll throw $1,000 on Wisconsin at 100 to 1. Oh, that would be sick.

Speaker 5 I don't mind Auburn.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll see. Rocky Top and Yukon.
Yukon in March.

Speaker 1 Maybe it will happen. All right, Billy.

Speaker 7 Hot seat, Zach Wilson. Hot seat.

Speaker 1 IRS. Your mic closer to your face, yeah.
Talking to it. Just talking to it.
There we go.

Speaker 5 Billy just got slapped with my mic.

Speaker 1 It was too low. You can't hang the big ones, Billy.
No, it was set so low.

Speaker 5 It was not ready for prime time.

Speaker 7 So, a hot seat, the IRS. Turns out they're trying to abolish the IRS.

Speaker 1 That'd be pretty cool. That feels like it won't work.

Speaker 7 I know, definitely won't pass anything, but would be nice.

Speaker 5 So the House of Representatives introduced a bill, right? Yeah.

Speaker 5 So it's probably going to pass the House and then go nowhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sounds cool, though. It does sound cool, yeah.
No income tax.

Speaker 5 If you give me the option of whether or not to pay taxes or not pay taxes, now that I'm rich, I would rather not pay taxes.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I forgot. PFT is a Republican now.

Speaker 6 I'm a Republican now. Okay.

Speaker 5 Billy reminded me the other day.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 My cool throne is clowning.

Speaker 7 Amazing clowning by the Georgia players last night on the sideline, eating wings.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 7 Eating wings during the game.

Speaker 1 During the game.

Speaker 6 I mean, even just the drive for the over was the clowning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Like, going, hurry up at the goal line when you're up 55.

Speaker 7 But clowning in college football doesn't happen that much because the coaches usually have a better handle on the players and their actions.

Speaker 1 A lot more, like, they can threaten them more.

Speaker 7 But now that these guys are basically graduating, a lot of them are seniors. They were literally accepting big plates of chicken wings from the sideline and eating them.

Speaker 5 Fruiting violation.

Speaker 7 Frog's legs would have been funnier.

Speaker 1 I heard Jim Harbaugh bought those wings.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 5 Like, if this were five, six years ago, there would be a message board out there that would actually be accusing Georgia of having, what are they called, like first-level violations, level one violations for giving players impermissible meals on the sidelines.

Speaker 5 I just like to say, I think that college message board culture has fallen off recently. It used to be a whole lot more like litigious.
And they used to be on their shit. Now it's gotten soft.
What?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 LSU recently. Yeah.
Everyone's getting violated. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That didn't come out right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, Jake.

Speaker 3 My hot seat's myself because you put my brain in a pretzel.

Speaker 5 You don't have to do the tweet, Jake. You don't have to do the tweet.

Speaker 1 I have a suggestion.

Speaker 5 I agree. I have a suggestion.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I think you should do a tweet.

Speaker 5 Something you can do.

Speaker 1 Troll Offwood.

Speaker 5 Hank, as Hank is all of our bosses, so if Hank wants to do the tweet, I actually have to say yes, you have to do the tweet.

Speaker 1 And I want to just put my hand up. I thought it would be fun to just throw this out there spur of the moment.

Speaker 1 I do think that Jake is right that, like, you know, he wants to be calling games in the future. That tweet might be weird-looking, so I'm not going to put pressure on him.

Speaker 1 PFT texted me his suggestion. I think this is what we should go with.

Speaker 5 You know what? I think that I might just do the Ray Allen tweet just like for fun.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about doing it right now. Yeah, I was also thinking about it.

Speaker 5 I had Twitter open right now. But Jake's in a different position than we are.
No, I'm doing it. Wait, don't do it before me.

Speaker 1 I was going to do a tweet. I love race.
It's a race. It's a race.

Speaker 1 I was the one. Yes.
I'm the one who originally was

Speaker 1 about the tweet.

Speaker 1 Refreshing. Come on.
All right, fine. Cease fire.
I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.
I will not do it. I'm not going to do it either.

Speaker 1 You guys are both about to do it. No, we'll come up with a bet.

Speaker 1 PFT will come up with a bet between us.

Speaker 1 The winner will get to do it. The winner will get to do it.

Speaker 1 Shit. No, PFT and I are going to do it.
I'll just do it. All right, Billy, you do it.
No, it's going to ruin Billy's career.

Speaker 5 He's never going to get a job anyway. Good luck getting a finance job.

Speaker 1 PFT and I will be doing a future bet where the winner gets to tweet it.

Speaker 5 But so this is actually suggested to us by Pardon My Trolls on Twitter. And it's a variation of this suggestion, but I think it works well.

Speaker 5 We can do a weekend picks thing for week one against Jake. And if he beats us, then we have to do the hot dog thing.
We have to contribute towards his hot dog totals. If we beat him,

Speaker 5 then

Speaker 5 him and Billy have to go to a Chiefs playoff game dressed up as Chiefs a Holic and X Factor.

Speaker 1 Oh, the bank robber and the guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's a good thing. Billy gets to just go to a Chiefs playoff game.
And Jake, you have to rob a bank. Well, no, I have to rob a bank.
No, no, no. No way.

Speaker 1 No, Jake has to, in the Chiefsaholic costume, has to go at least to an ATM.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 You also can take the costume off.

Speaker 6 You can't be like, oh, I did the costume for pictures. And

Speaker 1 you got to watch the whole game and the costume.

Speaker 1 Do you want to be the wolf? I'll be the wolf. No, no, no.
Jake's got to be the Chiefsahola. He's got to be the felon.

Speaker 1 Jake, will you do it?

Speaker 3 Better than that tweet.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
So we got a deal. So this is going to be great.
And it might not happen. What? And it might not happen.
And it might not happen. So we're going to go seven picks.
We'll do seven.

Speaker 1 So there's six games. We'll make seven picks.
So you have to double up on one game. PFT and I versus Jake and the boys.
First round only.

Speaker 1 If you win, if you beat us, we will each eat six hot dogs on your behalf for the Bolarama.

Speaker 1 And then if we beat you, you and Billy have to go to the Chiefs playoff game next weekend, and you have to wear the Chiefsahola costume from pretty much the minute you wait.

Speaker 1 You should have to go in the airport in it, too.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you have to go in the airport.

Speaker 1 So you have to fly with it on. Is that even legal? Yeah, you just take the head off when you go through TSA.
So you're going to fly with it on. It'll be such a great video.

Speaker 1 You're going to fly with it on, and you're going to wear it for the entire day. Go to the game.
Maybe a little tag that says, hi, I'm Chiefs of Holic.

Speaker 1 And Billy will be with you as X-Factor. Hell yeah.
Oh, wait.

Speaker 5 Jake, you also need to have a bag, like a burlap bag with a green dollar sign on it that you're walking around with.

Speaker 1 Probably you get on TV. Yes.
Yes. Oh, I know.
Okay, perfect. All right, Jake, what's your cool throne?

Speaker 3 My cool throne is growing up.

Speaker 5 It's pretty wild.

Speaker 3 The Popeyes kid is now a college football player.

Speaker 1 Wait, who's the Popeyes kid?

Speaker 3 Dearness Collin.

Speaker 7 He's the kid that everyone thought was Lil Terio.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 This kid holding his stomach. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Lake Erie College Storm.

Speaker 1 Hell yes.

Speaker 7 He also was a new

Speaker 7 New Jersey State Championship.

Speaker 1 Wow. Good for him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Football guy. He won.

Speaker 5 What was it? It was New Jersey?

Speaker 7 Yeah, he won the New Jersey State Championship in the Middle East.

Speaker 1 I think for him,

Speaker 5 he paused after the game and he did the

Speaker 5 meme pose. Do you think he gets sick of being asked to do that?

Speaker 7 Well, he actually disappeared since the next time he resurfaced after that first photo was that photo of the state championship game, which, like, you know, kind of was probably fun holding the championship trophy instead of the cup and being like, hey, look, I made something of my life.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Not just this meme.

Speaker 5 Is there a show called Behind the Meme?

Speaker 1 Tosh, Tosh.0.

Speaker 5 Where they follow up on people from these famous memes like 15, 20 years later. It did sound like a Tosh segment.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just invented Tosh.0 for memes.

Speaker 5 He did Web Redemption. So it's different.
Yeah. It's a little bit different because I feel like memes have really taken off even since Tosh.0 was on the air.

Speaker 5 I would like to follow up with some of those people and see what's going on these days. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So

Speaker 1 let's do our interview. We got Andrew Santino in studio.
Awesome interview.

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Speaker 1 Now here is Andrew Santino.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is Andrew Santino.
Yeah, boys. Cheeto Santino.
His new Netflix special, if you're listening to this right now, has just dropped.

Speaker 1 It's called Cheeseburger. It's on Netflix.

Speaker 5 Yes. Go watch it.

Speaker 1 You can also hear his podcast. How many episodes we do in in a week?

Speaker 2 Well, I do whiskey, ginger, is me with guests. And then I do, whichever, by the way, if you come out to LA, we'll have to sit down and drink some good whiskey.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And then me and Bobby Lee, my favorite little noodle, my little dumpling, we do Bad Friends. We do ours every week.
We're going on tour, too.

Speaker 2 We'll be back out in New York, I think at the end of, I want to say April. We're touring.
We're doing like 29 or 30 cities on a bus. Ooh.
Me and the noodle on a bus.

Speaker 1 Have you done that before?

Speaker 2 Never, dude. I've never been on a bus.

Speaker 1 No, but

Speaker 1 have you ever toured on a bus?

Speaker 1 i've never toured no i've never toured a bus and i'm so scared of it it sucks yeah i've heard okay so we've done trips on a bus we've gone across the country on a bus on an rv it's really the first day it's like remember when you watch real world back in the day and the first day everyone runs in they're like this house is awesome yeah you get in and you're like this bus is sick we're gonna do all this and then by i don't know about like the middle of pennsylvania you're like this sucks get the gun yeah this gets the gun it just bumps and you can't take a shit on the bus See, that's the rules that we were talking about.

Speaker 2 We have to get hotels in different cities because I said no shitting on the bus. Yep.
And also, Bobby and I got into a fight live on our show about who gets the back room. And

Speaker 2 this is the most mind fuck shit he did. He was like, I'm giving it to you because I don't want it.
And I was like, nah, nah, you bitch. I know what he's doing.
Yeah. I know exactly what he's doing.

Speaker 5 Here's what he'll do is he'll give you the back room. And then he'll be like, oh, I can't sleep in this bunk.

Speaker 1 Let me just grab a hotel room real quick.

Speaker 5 And then you're on the bus sleeping in there. It's cold.
You're freezing. It's uncomfortable.
Short bed. Meanwhile, he's staying at Best Western, living like a king.

Speaker 1 I own like a king. If that be done,

Speaker 5 he'll sleep in that one bunk for the first night. Right.
And then be like, I can't do this.

Speaker 1 I like it, too, that it's all podcasts are the same because we were on a flight a few months ago and there's only one first-class ticket. And I gave it to him.
I was like, you take it. You take it.

Speaker 1 I tried to give it to a troop.

Speaker 5 I was looking for somebody to board wearing military physiques.

Speaker 1 Anybody's stolen Valor? Anybody at this point?

Speaker 5 I went up to the lady at the ticket gate and I was like, hey, just so you know, if there's a troop here, I'd like to give them my ticket. And they're like, sir, I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 5 And I was like, okay, you know what? I'll just take it.

Speaker 2 That's fine. Isn't that funny when you try to do something nice and someone shuts down your like your gesture? Yeah.
Like I said, we went to

Speaker 2 the, you know, the Morton Arboretum? You know what that is? Yeah. Yeah.
It's like a forest preserve and they do like a light show for Christmas. And so my mom got sick, so she couldn't go.

Speaker 2 And then we had extra tickets. And then I said, you know what? We'll just, we'll donate them for a family for someone.
You know, we already did their bought. This is nice.

Speaker 2 And I go to the woman and I was like, hey, we have some extra tickets. And she goes, okay.
I was like, oh, we'd like to leave them for another family.

Speaker 2 You know, if kids and the, you know, they're expensive. It's not cheap.
And I said, well, you know, here you go. And the woman goes, yeah, all right.
Just leave them there. I was like,

Speaker 1 all right, bitch.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to be nice.

Speaker 1 But she just sees it as like, you're just making me do more.

Speaker 2 It's an inconvenience, right?

Speaker 1 I've given her another job.

Speaker 2 But I was like, dude, I just sorry for being. It sucks.
That's what the world teaches you. You can't do too much nice shit.

Speaker 1 No, it'll hit you in the face.

Speaker 1 The right level is always like, you don't want to, because then also, if you do too much nice shit, people are just going to be like, you're the nice guy.

Speaker 1 And then they're going to start taking advantage of you. Like, I get,

Speaker 1 I think I've done some nice stuff, but then I'll randomly have people hitting me up being like, can I get 500 bucks? Can I get $1,000? I'm like, I can't just.

Speaker 2 You can't just give it all away.

Speaker 1 I just can't do that. I have to have some kind of vetting process.
But guys,

Speaker 2 the editors of this show, can you please put up his Venmo right down below? And we'll anybody ask for anything anything just right now.

Speaker 1 Ask for whatever you want right now. Hit him up.

Speaker 1 All right, so your Netflix special.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we shot it in Denver, Colorado at the Paramount Theater. I did two shows there.

Speaker 2 It was a long time coming because I was going to do a special before, and then, you know, COVID and all this stuff.

Speaker 2 And then we were back and forth of where I wanted to do it and when I wanted to do it. And then

Speaker 2 Netflix and I finally worked out this thing that I was like, okay.

Speaker 2 You know, let's do it this way, this time. And part of the deal was, because we talked before the show, they had no influence on what.
None?

Speaker 1 No. Because I feel like we've heard who was in Andrew Schultz.
He's saying that they had to cut a few things off.

Speaker 5 Now, that might also be Andrew Schultz.

Speaker 2 He cries about everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because

Speaker 2 he's one of the best, dude. He's Don King of comedy.
He is the greatest promoter of, he knows exactly how to market. But no, truthfully, he did have some problems with content.

Speaker 2 That was a thing that they dealt with. And I don't know the depths of it, but with my contract, it was

Speaker 2 an executive producer on it. It's mine.
I I own the rights to it.

Speaker 2 We do a deal with them. And then I get to decide what's left in.
So I sat in the Edit Bay with multiple editors.

Speaker 2 Took me about a month to figure out exactly how we wanted to look and feel. And so we did all of it.

Speaker 1 Did you think about pushing it to the limit? Like just having a list of Netflix employees and be like, this guy's Hitler. This guy's a pedophile.
This guy like that. Hitler does good work at Netflix.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 He is kind of running the game over there right now.

Speaker 2 Your special is so good.

Speaker 1 I really love it. He loved mine for some reason.

Speaker 2 I did a whole bit about Kanye.

Speaker 1 He loved it. I just don't believe it ever.

Speaker 1 Whenever someone says

Speaker 1 they didn't get any edits.

Speaker 2 So what they do is like they run through, you know, this is all internal jargon, but S ⁇ P, you know, standards and practice and legal.

Speaker 2 What they have to do is make sure they're not going to get sued if you're saying something, you know,

Speaker 2 absurd, like a company that they'd be scared of, you know, some massive corporation like Clairol or one of these makeup, like, yeah, they gave me skin cancer. Right.

Speaker 2 And they just, that's all they're they're really afraid of. They're not afraid of like what you can and can't say.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't talk about that group of people.

Speaker 2 That's kind of all, that's a little bit.

Speaker 1 Overblown. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of like social influence like that online. Be like, ooh, I can't believe.
It's more people getting upset about stuff than Netflix. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, Netflix's proof was that they left Chappelle's stuff up there, even after all that stuff.

Speaker 1 So did numbers. Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was amazing. They wrote him thank you letters with feather pens, I'm sure.
Like, thanks for making us another billion dollars of revenue.

Speaker 2 So, the truth is, they're more worried, like many companies. They don't want to get sued by some corporation because you lied about a product you used or something that happened.

Speaker 2 But for us, they did SP In Legal and they sent us back a couple of notes, and all their notes were,

Speaker 2 you know, it was more creative stuff. Yeah.
They're like, hey, this is our input about this and the timing of this and this. And honestly, we were, you know, we didn't take any of them.

Speaker 1 You'd probably feel like a tremendous pussy if they sent no notes, right?

Speaker 2 You'd be a little scared if they were like, it's fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's actually, yeah, it's totally fine. Why'd you even send it to us? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I got, like, look, I had, I do,

Speaker 2 I wanted to shoot it in Denver because

Speaker 2 we have family there. I love Denver.
It's a place in my heart. For years, I've loved doing comedy there.
And the best part about Denver to me was... Dude, Denver's a very liberal city, right?

Speaker 2 Most people know it as a liberal. But Colorado isn't all liberal.
There's a lot of conservative out there. It's kind of a purple place.

Speaker 2 So I was like, I want both parties to come and enjoy this because I shit on Trump. I shit on Biden really, really hard.
And I want to feel both of those reactions. I'm not really a one-sided guy.

Speaker 2 I like to just test the water because that's how I literally think. And the whole time I was talking to one of the Netflix people and I was like, man, I hope Biden doesn't die before this comes out.

Speaker 1 Like, that was my only, I was like, please don't die because I have a whole bit about.

Speaker 2 him.

Speaker 2 And I was like, if he dies, it'll ruin the joke.

Speaker 5 That would ruin a lot of stand-up comedy i would imagine that's not not yet out right don't die yeah please don't die don't die by i mean i know he's dead already but it's like please just keep up the weekend at bernie's with the guy for another couple of months yeah it's hard to kill like a vampire yeah like for whatever reason like um well okay so so on denver real quick because i i was interested why you did it in denver yeah because we talk on this show a lot about like good sports towns like what's a good sports town are there good comedy towns and bad comedy towns 100 dude 100 and and i uh that's funny my first thought when you said it, I thought you were going to say, do you think Denver's a good sports town?

Speaker 2 Is it a good comedy town? Yeah, it's unbelievable. It's one of the best comedy towns in the country.
In my opinion, there's a club there called Comedy Works downtown.

Speaker 2 They have another one out in the burbs a little bit. But

Speaker 2 this woman, Wendy, who owns it, has created a place for comics over the years.

Speaker 2 We know it in our little circle as one of the greatest places to perform. We love it so much.
Rogan moved there years ago because he loved the scene that was happening, shot a special at Comedy Works.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 almost every comic you know that's a pro will say that's one of the best clubs in the country, hands down, without a doubt.

Speaker 1 What are the other underrated ones? By the way, we love Denver, too. We went for Grit Week, which we do every year.
Yeah. And we did a meet-and-greet.
Never been handed more free drugs in my life.

Speaker 2 Well, that is one of my favorite things, too.

Speaker 1 It's very good. And every drug.
Literally every drug.

Speaker 2 Dude, last time I performed at that Comedy Works,

Speaker 2 the club is, the reason we like it as comics, it's underground. You Similar to what New York kind of created this with the seller was a very underground,

Speaker 2 you know, speakeasy jazz club feel. That's what comics like.
And they kind of duplicated that in Denver. And that club is great.

Speaker 2 And last time I played there before I ran the hour, this dude in the very front row was just lit on mushrooms, man.

Speaker 2 And at some point, because I saw him like getting jittery and he would laugh at stuff that's not, I'm not, we're not there yet.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Before,

Speaker 2 yeah, like I'd be like, how's it going? He's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was like, are you okay, buddy? And he was in the very front, and he looks up at me and his buddy goes, He's on mushrooms, bud.

Speaker 2 And I was like, It's okay, just let's let's let's ride this out together so we can keep you in the room.

Speaker 2 You know, because the difference is when someone's drunk, like, you know, I had a bozo in Boston, this dude that wouldn't stop yelling, and you're like, At some point, we're going to kick you out.

Speaker 2 Right. But the dude on mushrooms, he's not yelling, but it's like, don't be too jittery because people think you have a knife or something.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, when you keep moving and shifting because you're ripped, it's like, just stay still, enjoy the show. I'm I'm a tree now to you or whatever.
But like, let's move together through this.

Speaker 2 But Denver is one of the best comedy cities. I mean, I could rattle them off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, rattle them off.

Speaker 2 Chicago, obviously, is an unbelievable comedy town. I mean, Chicago has, the fans are great.

Speaker 2 Chicago is like New York, but it's your...

Speaker 2 It's your favorite fat guy from New York.

Speaker 1 That's what Chicago is.

Speaker 2 It's like your favorite fat guy. Right.
Where you're like, oh man, you're the the best parts of the fun, unhealthy eating, loving everything, likes a shitty joke.

Speaker 2 You know, Madison, Wisconsin is fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 1 Yep, that's where I went to school. Oh, really? You're a Matt Town guy.

Speaker 2 Man, I love that. I love that city, man.

Speaker 2 I'd say other good comedy towns are like Seattle's a sleeper. Seattle's a big-time sleeper.
People kind of avoid the Pacific Northwest sometimes for some reason because it's so far away. Right.

Speaker 2 Do you know what I mean? Like, East Coast guys,

Speaker 2 if you're going up there, that's what you're doing and that's it. Right.
It's not like you can do like a quick run. Right.

Speaker 5 So it's not like you go to Seattle and then you just jaunt down to San Francisco real quick.

Speaker 2 No, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like 13 hours.

Speaker 2 You'll do Seattle, Portland back to back. Sometimes you'll throw in Vancouver.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But San Francisco, actually a great town, which is funny because, you know,

Speaker 2 for years, you know, San Francisco has this like extremely liberal, you know, you think it's like so, so far left. And then you go up there and that's definitely not the case.

Speaker 2 I mean, as far as the comedy shows go,

Speaker 2 they can take the joke just as much as anybody else. But there is this weird fear for comics of like, oh, dude, you say anything up there and they're going to get mad at it.

Speaker 1 But I feel like that's, I mean, everyone's opting in to go to the show.

Speaker 1 What's a city that just

Speaker 1 you'll never want to go back to?

Speaker 1 I hate to do this. Yeah, it kind of burns it.

Speaker 2 I hate to do this, but I'm going to do it, man.

Speaker 1 Do it.

Speaker 2 You could do it. If I never go back to Pittsburgh.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 I won't feel bad.

Speaker 1 I love Pittsburgh. We love Pittsburgh.

Speaker 2 Did not have fun. Damn.

Speaker 1 Would not have fun.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll tell you, you know what? It was my experience. So I'll say this to the city of Pittsburgh.
I love you. I had a great time driving in under that tunnel and seeing that.

Speaker 5 It was awesome. When you come out of the tunnel and you see the bridges and the river and the stadiums, it's pretty cool.

Speaker 2 But there was a game day the next day.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 a fucking holiday inn was like $700 a night. Oh, okay.
And we were looking for good hotels, and I was like, how is this real? And the woman, I was like, it's a Marriott Courtyard.

Speaker 2 She's like, well, that's the game day rate. It was like $6.85 a night.
I was like, that's what the fucking four seasons is. $600, $700 a night.
She was like, that's just the way it goes.

Speaker 2 It's Pittsburgh, blah, blah. So I got over.
That was one hump, and I was like, whatever, that's fine. It's annoying, but why?

Speaker 1 Then we go to the venue.

Speaker 2 And the sound guy, you know Chris O'Connor, the guy that comes with me. Do you know Chris? He's a great comic.
O'Connor comes with me sometimes. And

Speaker 2 me and Chris are like in a good mood. We just had a good meal, had a couple of sodas.
And the sound guy's outside ripping heaters. And I can tell he's livid.
He's not in a good fucking mood.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, hey man, what's going on? I'm Andrew. This is Chris.
We're doing the show tonight.

Speaker 1 And he goes, yeah, yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh, okay, well, can we go down to the green room? And he goes, dude, it's been a tough day. All right? It's been a tough day.

Speaker 2 He puts the grid out on the brick and then walks and doesn't even look us in the face.

Speaker 1 This walks right by us.

Speaker 2 Then in the middle of the show, the mic cuts out. And this fucking guy looks at me like I did it.

Speaker 1 You're the sound guy.

Speaker 5 And he's looking at me.

Speaker 2 He's like, he does this. I'm like, don't fucking, you don't get to shoulder up.
That's your gig. You did the thing.

Speaker 2 He kind of fucked me off. And on top of it, at the beginning, he goes, Do you have walkout music? And I said, Yeah, yeah.
We can, can I send you a Spotify playlist? He goes, Oh, no, no, no, dude.

Speaker 2 We don't. No, no.
Do you not have a jump drive or something?

Speaker 1 Is this 2006?

Speaker 5 You want to plug it in?

Speaker 2 You want me to get a time machine and get a jump drive? No, I don't have a fucking jump drive.

Speaker 2 So you know what it was, Pittsburgh? I'm sorry, it wasn't you. It's Mike, the sound guy.

Speaker 1 The sound guy. Fuck you, Mike.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he fucked our shit up. Me and Chris the whole time were like, man, this guy, he was such a dick.
He fucked my experience up. And then, so afterwards, I was bummed because the show was fine.

Speaker 2 And shout out to the fans that came, but it just put this taste in my mouth. That was the vibe of the city that night.
And so Pittsburgh bummed me out, man. Bummed me.

Speaker 1 All right, we need a redemption of that because we do. We do.
I want to go back.

Speaker 2 Let's go back and change me around. And Mike, I hope you're fucking dead.
I hope you're not around by the time I get back.

Speaker 5 He was having a bad day. I wonder how many times you can use the bad day excuse at work.

Speaker 1 Can I You know what I'm gonna be honest with you?

Speaker 2 There's someone in here that had a bad day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Get over it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Fucking be an adult and swallow it and do it late, figure it out later. But it's like, everyone's having a bad day at some point.

Speaker 2 I don't know what happened to him this morning.

Speaker 1 Billy's having a solid day.

Speaker 1 He was 30 minutes early to work.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which is crazy. What's going on? What did you do last night?

Speaker 1 Did you do something you shouldn't have done?

Speaker 5 He probably didn't go to bed.

Speaker 1 I feel like having a bad day is like,

Speaker 1 that's the reason why you have a spouse. That's the person you tell it to.
Yes, no one else. Take it out on your wife.
Yeah, right. Like, not just coworkers.
You don't say it's a random people.

Speaker 1 You wait till you get home and you're like, I had a really shitty day. Leave me the fuck alone.

Speaker 2 Or I'll put my, I'll put a towel over my mouth while she sleeps and just yell into the towel stuff about her, but she can't really hear it. But I'll yell it as loud as I can while she sleeps.

Speaker 2 That is fun. This morning, by the way, she was bummed because I woke up and I had stuff to do this morning for the special before I came here.
And she was up earlier than she wanted to be.

Speaker 2 And I raised the blackout curtain.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on. She was like, oh, babe.

Speaker 2 And I was like, let me tell you something. We're in this hotel because I'm doing all this stuff.
And I start to turn into my dad.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know why we're here? Because I'm working 60 hours a week.

Speaker 2 You know, it's like, I'm doing the same thing, my dad. But I was like, babe, I have to do this.

Speaker 2 I can't be in the dark on my fucking computer trying to figure out this stuff. So she was bumming and kept rolling over.
And then finally, when I left, she goes, okay, goodbye.

Speaker 2 The whole time, I wanted to go down to the front desk and be like, we're checked out of 10.26. So you keep going.

Speaker 1 Clean the room. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And who's ever in there, kick them out?

Speaker 2 But no, you, yeah, everyone's having a bad fucking day. Just sometimes get over it.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I watched your last stand-up.

Speaker 5 I don't know if it was the last special I did, but it was on, I saw it on Amazon the other day. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 I didn't know it was on Amazon.

Speaker 5 You had the one with the teddy bear in the back or the bear in the background.

Speaker 1 Chicago bear in the background. Chicago bear in the background.

Speaker 5 Yeah. That was very funny.
You should go check it out. What's the name of that one again?

Speaker 2 That was called Homefield Advantage. That was in Chicago.
Shout out the Vic, right? Shout out to Vic. That was many moons ago.

Speaker 2 I would say watch this one first. Yes, Watch Cheeseburger.
That was years ago. It was fun.
You know, it was on Showtime. I did a deal with Showtime because I had a TV show with them.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, they were quick to pull the trigger. I didn't, they were like, we have to shoot a special very fast.
And I had a good time.

Speaker 2 It wasn't my favorite. This thing that I put out now

Speaker 2 is one of my favorite things. And people are like, well, why do you call it a cheeseburger? You got to watch it.
I talk about it in the middle of it.

Speaker 2 I'll give you a piece of it is that I had an emotional, I had like a breakdown. I had like a mental breakdown.

Speaker 2 Did you have an NTB? Yeah, I didn't grow calling it. I did.
It was tough, man. And it was because of a lot of shit that was going on with my family.
You know,

Speaker 2 stuff that was very personal in my family was kind of happening and scaring me a little bit. And then, you know, things in my life and lost somebody and, you know, stuff like that.

Speaker 2 And I kind of just was having a crack. And as I had this breakdown, I had this kind of coming to terms with things, you know, a moment of realization, a moment of clarity.

Speaker 2 And cheeseburger is at the crux of all of it. And so you'll have to see to find out where that comes from.
And also, everybody loves a fucking cheeseburger. That was like, you know, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good tease. Wow.
Everybody loves it. That was a great tease.
Thank you. Have you done that tease yet?

Speaker 2 No, this is the first time. Yeah, baby.

Speaker 5 So when you're shooting it, it sounds like you were like very hands-on with the editing process.

Speaker 5 I'm always fascinated to know, like, from a comedian's perspective, when you're filming something and you're presenting it on television, is there like a certain camera angle that makes the punchlines funnier?

Speaker 5 Like, is that something that you think about? Like, do you want a medium shot when you're hitting the punchline of a joke or wide establishing when you're starting it? How does that work?

Speaker 2 You're an astute man, my friend. I mean, many people wouldn't think that, but that's actually very smart.
Truly, yes, that is a big part of the process.

Speaker 2 When you're in the edit bay, when you're choosing from your shots,

Speaker 2 some of the things that, and this is no disrespect, but one of the editors we worked with, him and I kind of didn't have the same vibe, right? And every editor has a different rhythm.

Speaker 2 So truly, what goes into a good special is the good jokes. But on top of that, the rhythm of the angles that the shots that you use kind of dictate the rhythm of the special itself.

Speaker 2 So, you know, yeah, certain setups you want to be on wides or you want to be on a medium or a side angle, depending on where you're looking, where you're walking, and facial expressions.

Speaker 2 And then you want to get tighter on certain punch lines. But, like, especially if you're a physical comedian, right? Like, you know, I'm not super physical, but I walk a lot.

Speaker 2 I talk with my hands and I'm a little, you know, I have a lot of gestures. But we would choose specifically shots that we thought accented the joke better.

Speaker 2 And it's something that kind of helps the viewer at home feel like they're there a little bit more. And that's just a, you know, not a trick, but it's just

Speaker 2 a tool of the business of how you shoot a good special.

Speaker 2 Because when, true, truth be told, when you think about your favorite specials, you know, whether it's Rock or Chappelle or whatever, the joke is the thing that made you

Speaker 2 really remember it.

Speaker 2 But part of the reason, in my opinion, that subliminal thing is you love the way it looks and feels. It helps you.

Speaker 1 You feel like you're there.

Speaker 2 Like you're there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, I mean,

Speaker 1 every one of my favorite specials it it look it it looked like a spectacle i was a part of yeah you know what i mean how long did it take to come up with like the material to get to a point where you're like all right i'm spec because it i'm just picking up on context clues the first special you did in 2018 great at the time great at the time but maybe you look back and you're like ah that wasn't my best stuff well because it's like at the time you're like i liked everything i put in there but that's where i was in my life right and you know i had shot it fast in 2016 or something and i liked it.

Speaker 2 It was fine. There was some really great stuff in there that I really enjoyed.

Speaker 1 But like, I've gotten a little bit older.

Speaker 2 I've changed my views on the world. Things I'm a little bit more specific and personal about.
Also, I get a little bit personal in this. So this is more like true to me, so to speak.

Speaker 2 But like cultivating an hour, it's different for everybody. You know, Louis used to do it.
Fucking Louis could throw it together in like, I don't, you know, less than a year.

Speaker 2 I mean, he was a magician when he was pumping out hours.

Speaker 2 Some people take a really long time, dude. Some people take huge gaps, but it's your own rhythm at your own pace.

Speaker 2 You know, like Anthony Jeselnick is a buddy, and we were talking about just recently, I said, are you going to go back out?

Speaker 2 And he's like, I'm not going to go back out until I'm ready with my hour that I'm working on in town. Some people work on their hours out of town or out of L.A.
or New York, wherever you're based.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's all your own personal process. But for me, I don't ever put a timeline on it.
I just want to keep working on it until I feel like I have a good

Speaker 2 overarching story or path to something. And

Speaker 2 this was kind of that. You know, this was unfortunately in the middle of COVID.
We were ready to shoot this thing before. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So half of it was thrown away from stuff that I did before, and then I put new stuff in. So it's ever-changing, man.

Speaker 2 It's almost like you talk to a musician and they're like, oh, that album is perfect.

Speaker 2 I guarantee you that musician would go, there's a couple things I would have tweaked now looking back, but you got to just let it go.

Speaker 1 That's why you got to do a podcast three times a week. How about us? And it's just always kind of, it's like sometimes good, but kind of sucky.
And you just keep just throwing, throwing throwing

Speaker 1 flooding the zone. You're just doing it.

Speaker 1 We just go out there and have 120 pitches. Just leave us on the mount.
They only remember the bangers. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And the rest of them remember the rest of us is just like background noise.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just filler.
Right. We don't have to cultivate shit.

Speaker 1 It is pretty awesome.

Speaker 5 Like, wait, if you set a low bar for yourself, you probably can't do that in comedy. You probably can't like do, I don't know, the first half hour of a set just really sucks ass.

Speaker 5 And then it gets, then it gets good after a while. That would be tough.

Speaker 2 No, it's tough. You just gotta, you have to, with, with specials and tapings, you have to hit them.

Speaker 2 You have to just keep you keep hitting them and it's hard too because with tapings the weird thing is the audience is cognizant of being filmed they know they're being filmed it looks different than a regular show the lights are fucking brighter their seating is different you know what i mean like we have to seat them around cameras and it's all a part of that world that changes how an audience feels so i i don't think it really shifts the um

Speaker 2 you know, like the the laughter or the applause. I don't think they're hamming it up or anything, but I do always remember that they know they're being filmed.

Speaker 2 There's a sign out front that's like, yo, your likeness may be used on this special on Netflix. You're saying yes by sitting in this seat that you might be on camera.

Speaker 2 I try as hard as I can to not show anybody. You know, most of my fans are very, very unattractive.

Speaker 5 So I just know.

Speaker 1 Don't meet preaching to the choir, bro.

Speaker 1 No, we have heard just that we're like cult leaders of a mutant army.

Speaker 2 Well, I am the OG mutant, the fucking Ginger Gene.

Speaker 2 No, no, I just, I don't try to show a lot of people in the audience just because, you know,

Speaker 2 I don't think a lot of times they were asking if I wanted a camera roaming to pick people off.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I don't think so. Because it happens a lot in comedy.
You pick people off out of the crowd. And I was like, we don't need it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You can see slivers of them sometimes, but I didn't want. heavy like shots in on you know a couple like

Speaker 5 i just didn't want it it's always funny at a sporting event if you're watching it on tv there's one cameraman that's always in charge of just finding an attractive woman Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then his job is just like focus on the woman. And then during a break in the play, it's just like, boom, hot chick for everybody at home.

Speaker 2 I don't even know if that's the job or if one guy did that and every other guy was like, we're getting away with this. This is fine.
Yeah. He was just shifting the camera to a hot chick.

Speaker 2 And in the truck, they were like, this is good.

Speaker 1 She's pretty good. She's good.
She's pretty hot. I didn't know what camera was on.

Speaker 1 I actually just was scrolling Instagram this morning and it was just an old clip of Brent Musberger. And like, he used to get so fucking horny.
It was so funny. He made comments.

Speaker 1 Like, it was, it was literally, it was Alabama. It was AJ McCarron's girlfriend at the time.
He's like, he's like, tell you what,

Speaker 1 if you live in Alabama, go back in the backyard and throw that football around because you can end up with this.

Speaker 2 It's like, geez. What did I just see? They found that there was like a Florida,

Speaker 2 there was a Florida girl or something that they picked back out again that went back on the internet. She had really light blue eyes or something.
It's like they find these girls

Speaker 2 and they like vet them as like the one to look for every game. Then it's like a game for the cameramen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the horniest guys in the world are the cameramen.

Speaker 5 Some people have actually developed careers out of being hot in crowds, and then they get famous because they have that moment of reality on the internet.

Speaker 5 And then they parlay that into either, like, I don't know, if they've got like a modeling career or something, or they go on television, now they're talking about sports.

Speaker 5 It's crazy how these horny cameramen can actually change the trajectory of somebody's life.

Speaker 1 100%, dude.

Speaker 2 Also, I always thought about whenever we went to like,

Speaker 2 you know, basketball games do it the most, but like when they when they do the kiss cam, it always was so funny. It's the same bit that it's like kiss, couple kiss, couple kiss, old people kiss.

Speaker 2 Everybody loves when the old fucking people kiss. And then they'll go to two dudes

Speaker 1 that are immediately like, no,

Speaker 1 we're not gay.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 2 not one time have I seen two dudes just be like, no, no, all right.

Speaker 1 And then start kissing.

Speaker 2 So I'm pushing for two dudes.

Speaker 2 You're not gay, but you got to kiss on the kiss cam once for fun. Do it for us because I think it would be hilarious to see people like, oh, come on.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to. All right.
Fucking kill. funny.

Speaker 5 If they like held up a sign, they're like, no, he's my brother.

Speaker 1 I can't do it. The best is.
He's my brother. And then he's like, then we should.

Speaker 1 The best is, I don't know if you're. What sport do you like the most?

Speaker 2 You know what's funny, man? As a Chicago kid, we grew up watching Bulls.

Speaker 2 Like basketball, because I played basketball was like my go-to. Right.
But over the years, you know, I'm not as huge of a fan of the NBA. Okay.
It's lessened. So football was always kind of a standby.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the NBA, though, if you have league pass, I have have league pass so I can watch the Bulls from New York. Yeah.
They do the Jumbotron feed, so there's no commercials.

Speaker 1 So I watch, like, Kiss Cam in my living room. Oh, right, right, right.
You watch the feed. I watch the feed, like, people missing half-court shots, all that shit.

Speaker 1 Is Justin Fields the real deal?

Speaker 1 I need you to help me. We need to support each other.

Speaker 2 Nathan Peterman? Peterson? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Peterman. So you watch this guy right here.
By the time you listen to it, is that the P?

Speaker 5 You might be the only person in the world that owns a Nathan Peterman shirt. So we got...

Speaker 2 Here's the thing. What is that, by the way?

Speaker 2 is it?

Speaker 5 What it's a no, it's just Nathan Peterman branded. It's not like.
Oh, it's not a cop shirt.

Speaker 1 It's not a team or anything.

Speaker 1 So in this room right now, PFT's a Commanders fan. We got an Eagles fan.
Billy right here is a Jets fan. He tried, the Jets got like, when they were 5-2 this year, got all fucking uppity.

Speaker 1 He actually had the balls to tell me and PFT after the Thursday night Commanders Bears game. He's like, I feel bad for you guys.
We're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Hot shot. Hot shot.

Speaker 1 And he's of the belief, he's doing the dog whistle of like, Justin Fields, if he, when he gets out out of the pocket, he can get injured.

Speaker 2 Well, I got to tell you, that.

Speaker 1 His little dog whistle. Yeah, so you did it? So it's your fault? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everyone felt that way, in my opinion, you know, my stupid personal opinion. I love the kid.
I think he's fucking phenomenal. I think he's a great talent.

Speaker 2 I do definitely get scared when he does run. Yeah.
Because in the same way that like Derek Rose.

Speaker 2 comparison, cross-sport comparison, dude, he was unfucking real. But also, it's like that guy at pickup games in the park where you're like, that guy's wild, man.
He might get fucking hurt.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 Because he's just so good and athletic, but he's so fast and he's so hard-nosed, and he's not a bitch or a pussy. Right.
So he will get click. At some point, he's going to get hit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's going to get hit in the wrong way.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 I get nervous when he goes, but I love to see him run because he's fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 1 He's the most electric Bears quarterback ever.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well,

Speaker 1 ever.

Speaker 1 Rex Grossman.

Speaker 2 Sexy Rex, dude.

Speaker 1 Who else?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I was always a Kyle Orton guy. I love Kyle Orton.
Really? Yeah, I don't know. His release is so fast.
Yeah, he was quick. He was quick.

Speaker 1 That's all I got.

Speaker 1 It doesn't get there, but his release.

Speaker 2 I think Fields is the man. I hope this kid does it.
He was like at.

Speaker 2 Was he at Tennessee for like...

Speaker 1 No, he was at Georgia. He was from Georgia.
He was at Georgia. Then Georgia didn't.
He lost the job. Did he lose it? No.

Speaker 5 I think he lost out on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't remember who he lost it to. Who was the Georgia quarterback in Forrest Stetson? Memes guy.
Jake Fromm. Jake Fromm.

Speaker 1 and uh then he transferred to ohio state yeah it wasn't a dog whistle by the way billy i'm just busting we also bombed the season i mean what's the difference you know i had a i i was like how funny

Speaker 1 last week that i was like man it'd be nuts uh it'd be nuts if we got a w now it'd be nice to like lift us up a little bit no i want that dude i don't of course you don't but i was like in the moment yeah for a second i go it'd be nice to catch one at the end i guess yeah i had i had that thought in like october but then when we got down to the stretch it was like this is actually like the greatest bears season of all time because yeah who's better at losing than us Nobody.

Speaker 2 Well, we're tied, right? We're tied for the worst record right now.

Speaker 1 We use the Texans. So, yeah, once this runs,

Speaker 5 the Texans might fuck around and beat the Colts, though. That's the thing.
It's like Lovie Smith.

Speaker 5 Lovey Smith is under direct orders to lose every football game that he plays. I'm convinced of that.
Lovey Smith also seems like the kind of guy that'll be like, fuck you.

Speaker 5 I'm going to win this game because you're probably going to fire me anyways.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah. I mean, well, that's probably a fact regardless.
So, or he does the other way where he's like, I've been in this game for a long time. I don't give a fuck anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's just tank and I'll walk and i'm getting my check anyway what do i care that's what i would do i'd be like i'll tank and walk what do i fucking care the the american dream is to become a coach and then be so bad at coaching that you get paid to not coach anymore right and then you get like 40 million dollars to sit on your good night yeah goodbye i'm good now let me ask you guys because you guys are this is more of you than me but like you know what what why what what happened with russell wilson man

Speaker 1 uh he's a robot He's he's like,

Speaker 2 it's crazy what really happened.

Speaker 2 It feels like you're watching. Yeah, it feels like you're watching someone break down live.

Speaker 1 I actually think he hit rock bottom last week when he was like crying because his teammates defended him. And I was like, all right, now I actually feel bad for this guy.
Crazy, dude.

Speaker 1 The problem is, it's just. Let's ride.

Speaker 1 I think fans, I think.

Speaker 1 Players don't realize fans can smell bullshit through and through.

Speaker 1 Like, we know when someone's doing it to be like a brand, he just, like, the whole Siara and everything, he's, he wants to be a brand.

Speaker 2 What's his, what was his alter ego? Mr. Unlimited?

Speaker 1 Mr. Unlimited.
Mr. Unlimited.
Mr. Unlimited, yeah.

Speaker 5 And his concussion water, where he had the nano bubbles. See, that's the bullshit that you can get away with if your team's good.

Speaker 5 And if you're winning, if you're going to Super Bowls, people will be like, oh, yeah, that's just Russ being Russ.

Speaker 5 But then once you start going like 3 and 14, it's like, wait, this is the guy that's trying to convince America that if they buy his water, their brains will heal. Then it becomes more serious, right?

Speaker 1 That's how dumb we are.

Speaker 5 You can get away with whatever you want as long as you're going to the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Well, right.

Speaker 2 But also, most of the guys that are going to the playoffs that are so good where they can

Speaker 2 get away with whatever they want, they don't really do that stuff anyway.

Speaker 2 Unless you've got a really wild, fun personality and everybody loves when you do that, which it's a rare, that comes along sometimes, but most of the times the superstars that are killing it and getting to the playoffs every year, you know, they just do their thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, I mean, you think like Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, or Patrick Motor, even Brady. Like, they're not.
I mean, Brady has a little bit of a little

Speaker 1 bit. Towards the end, he has.
But for the longest time, he was as boring as possible.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that team, I mean, everything about that squad, I mean, phenomenal, but just always such a, so, so boring.

Speaker 2 There was no, like, no showing off. You know, that old adage of like, act like you've been there before, I'm so anti.
I'm so against that. I'm so pro celebrations and having fun.

Speaker 2 It's a fucking game, it's for entertainment. You know, like my dad's generation was always like, act like you've fucking been there, hand the ball to the ref.

Speaker 2 No, dude, I got paid to be a goofball and be amazing at my job. I'm going to do, I'm going to have have a fucking fun time.

Speaker 2 When I do the thing that I'm set out to do, I'm going to celebrate a little bit.

Speaker 1 And it goes the same for fans. I'm a big believer.

Speaker 1 Listen, you don't win championships. There's only one team that can win.

Speaker 1 So if you're a fan of a team, if your goal is to win the title every year as a fan, you're going to have a bad time 99.9% of the time. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 Have fun.

Speaker 2 It's not going to work out the way you want every single time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pretty much never.

Speaker 2 I got buddies with, I became pretty good buddies with

Speaker 2 Mahomes.

Speaker 2 I'm bragging a little bit.

Speaker 1 Nice. Yeah.
What? Dr. Jackson? I met him.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 His wife.

Speaker 1 Actually, I'm talking about Pat's wife. Oh, yeah.
Her and I are best friends.

Speaker 2 No, but I met Kelsey. I met Trav through.

Speaker 1 Oh, Travis.

Speaker 2 I met Travis through another. Well, he is.
I met him through another friend. And the reason I'm bringing this up, not to name fucking Dropitz, but is because, like, the Chiefs aren't my team.
Right.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 as I've gotten older, I've found that it's like, when I I was a kid, it was like, you can't fucking root for another team. Right.
Chicago, especially was like, I'm a Northside guy.

Speaker 2 It's like, it was always like, yeah, fuck the White Sox. And then I grew up, and you're like, dude, you can celebrate other people, too.
This is not a... I learned it kind of from my dad.

Speaker 2 My dad would respectfully, if a guest took him

Speaker 2 in their city to a game, he would wear the respective gear of whoever his friend's team was. Like if he went to Philly with a classy move.
Well, he would do that out of respect for his buddy.

Speaker 2 If his buddy was a Philly guy and he went to a Philly game, well, he'd wear a Philly shit.

Speaker 5 Also, because he didn't want to to get stabbed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's Philly, right? That's true. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I should have used it more.

Speaker 2 Tempered. If you went to Indianapolis, went to a Colts game.
No, but I feel like as I've gotten older, and those guys have made me a fan.

Speaker 2 So sometimes fans will talk shit to me online, be like, you're a Chicago guy. Why the fuck are you at a Casey game wearing K? It's like, because, dude, I'm 40.
Right.

Speaker 2 And I grew up a little bit and I was like, I'm going to support these people that I've learned to know, and I'm stoked for them, especially because my team is eating spoonfuls of shit every week.

Speaker 2 It's nice to see W's on the board.

Speaker 1 To watch the sport how it should be played. Yeah, how it should be played.
Like when you watch a Chiefs game, you're like, that's not the same as the Bears. They're not playing the same game.

Speaker 2 And I get lucky.

Speaker 2 I've been blessed that they take me to a couple. I've been to Arrowhead a few times.
Oh, that's sick. Dude, it's been incredible.
And I met Travis.

Speaker 2 We were going to do a project together because, you know, he likes to dabble in our world. And when Hollyball's over, I bet he'll be

Speaker 2 in the world of Hollywood and television because he's affable and good-looking and smart and funny as shit and doesn't take himself that serious. And he introduced me me to Pat.

Speaker 2 Pat came to my show when I was in Dallas because he's from Texas and me and Pat and family and friends. And he goes,

Speaker 2 he came for the first show and he was like, man, so fucking fun. And he goes, all right, well then where do you want us now? And I was like, oh, well, I'll see you.
I'm going to do the second show.

Speaker 2 You guys go have fun and I'll see you whenever. And he's like, no, I think we're going to stay for the second show.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 I thought for sure he would dip, but he was like, no, we want to stay. And the server comes up to me and she's like, That's your party, right? And I was like, Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 2 I'll take care of the bill, like, whatever it is. She's like, No, no, no, no, we're it's we're compinging everything anyway.

Speaker 2 I just want to let you know, like, we have someone that's going to go have to get more Coors Light because Mr.

Speaker 1 Mahomes has finished all the Coors Light. He's a Coors Light athlete, bro.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding when I say this.

Speaker 2 Maybe 13 the first show. I love it.
Maybe 10 the second show.

Speaker 2 And then we went out. Yes.
And of course, I remember, you forget,

Speaker 2 I'm almost 40. He's much younger.
So when the shows are done, I'm also tired. I worked.
And Pat's like, yo, let's go out. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 we're out. It's over.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's like, no, no, no. Zeke is at this club.

Speaker 1 And of course, I was like, I kind of want to see Ezekiel. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 And he was like, you should go. And I was like, my wife's like, you really want to go to this? It's like 2:30.
I was like, I do.

Speaker 1 Once in a lifetime,

Speaker 1 I really fucking do.

Speaker 2 Yes, do I want to be pushed around by Ezekiel Elliott's security guard? Yeah, I do.

Speaker 1 And did that happen? Yeah, it did. Because they're like, who are these little fucking white dorks trying to get into this all-athlete VIP?

Speaker 2 And of course, Pat had to be like, no, no, no, they're okay. And at one point, I wanted to be like, well, just stay outside the ropes.
I don't deserve to be in that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, I'm going to self-select out of this.

Speaker 1 You got to roll. I wanted to opt out.

Speaker 2 But no, that's how I got to know those guys. And then from then, if I'm in a city and they're playing there and I've kind of started to learn to schedule that sometimes.

Speaker 2 If I'm like, dude, I'm going to be near there. I'll just jump a flight and go.
And so my wife and I will go to games and we'll go see them. And I love them, dude.
It's just, it's fun.

Speaker 2 And no one from the fucking Bears has reached out. So what?

Speaker 1 I know. Komet.

Speaker 2 Dude. Say what's up, Called Komet.

Speaker 5 I completely understand that. Like, if the older you get, we meet people through this show.
We meet athletes and we start to root for them.

Speaker 1 You have to.

Speaker 5 It turns out that a lot of them are very nice people. And so we root for our friends.

Speaker 5 And then occasionally we do get shit because we've got like, you know, our different allegiances, but we're open about it.

Speaker 5 So like we think that Jerry Goff should get an MVP vote because he's been on the show before.

Speaker 1 Because you love the dude. Yeah, because we love the dude.

Speaker 5 But yeah, I think if you root for a shitty team, you should get a pass. Like, if you haven't won a Super Bowl in 30 years, or I guess in the Bears' case, what, 37 years?

Speaker 1 85. 37.
85.

Speaker 5 Yeah, 37 years. Like, you should get a pass.
Yeah, you're an adult, man. You make friends.

Speaker 5 Go watch football in the way that, like...

Speaker 5 I just, I always think about Kansas City fans and how lucky they are and how much better their life is and how much better their life will be for the next eight years because they just know that Patrick Mahomes is going to make their falls enjoyable.

Speaker 2 It's so fun, man. It's honestly, dude, those games and that stadium, that stadium is so much fucking fun.
It's what it's, it is a party every time I've gone. And meanwhile, I go home to Soldier Field.

Speaker 2 It's like you're waiting for your drunk dad to come home and hit you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like it's all going right now until halftime.

Speaker 2 And then you're like, man, is he going to show up and beat the shit out of us? Because I feel like it's going to fall apart.

Speaker 5 You ever been to FedEx Field in Landover, Maryland? Uh-uh. That is, you might as well just march me on a death march to Bhutan.

Speaker 5 It's like 40 minutes outside the city. There's one road that that gets there.
The stadium sucks ass. Half the seats are behind giant cement pillars.

Speaker 5 The beers are the most expensive in the league, and they're usually expired because Dan Snyder bought them from a World Cup that ended like 10 years ago.

Speaker 5 And then you get to see the worst product in the NFL and then sit in traffic for five hours before you leave. No, thanks.

Speaker 5 At some point, people wise up and they're like, I know it's the only game in town, but I'd rather become a Ravens fan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and this is why Arlington Heights, like, I'm like, yeah, move the Bears to Arlington Heights.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is an old debate that, this is a debate that will never stop. This was happening before they even decided, people were like, don't take it out of the city.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 But I think Chicago fans know, or anybody that reads the fucking Tribune knows, you know, their Bears are losing a lot of money by playing at a park district rented fucking stadium.

Speaker 1 Right. So give these guys more.
It's all in the NFL. Yes.
That's hard to, like, it's hard to get in and out of because there's just not a, like, it's just hard. Like, you have to do it.

Speaker 1 Beautiful location. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Impossible.

Speaker 5 Most of the people that like Soldier Field are, they just like the blimp shot. Right.

Speaker 1 When they show it, like, before they get to the point. Just keep doing the blimp shot.

Speaker 1 Just move to Arlington Heights and then just do old blimp shots from Soldier Field when you come back on Monday Night Football. Be like, all right, here we are.

Speaker 2 Well, it's kind of like what they do on all sports.

Speaker 2 You know, like when they show, you know, they show like Crypto, Staples Center, you know, when they show like a Lakers game, they'll always be down in like Manhattan Beach on the beach.

Speaker 2 You're like, it's fucking 22 miles away. Yeah.
Nowhere. But just give them the shot that they want of like Hollywood Boulevard.

Speaker 2 Give them the shot of like the skyline and then don't tell them that it's not right there. It's in Arlington.
Nobody knows.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Have you gotten soft since you've been out to Hollywood? Very.
Are people from Chicago like you've very.

Speaker 2 I looked at kissing everybody in this room when I walked in. I'm real soft now

Speaker 2 This should be a tough guy wanting to fight now. I want to hug and kiss especially this cute big goon.
Oh, yeah, yeah, kiss this guy right on his fucking forehead.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that's our fear because because Hank our producer keeps telling us to move out to to California That's been his goal for life nothing will change seven years and we're like well I well I think it'll change a little bit if you talk about sports for a living because all of a sudden it's so nice out there that you don't you can't get mad about sports.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, you can. If your team is, well, here's the thing.
Everybody from L.A. is from somewhere else, right?

Speaker 2 New York has this as well that a lot of New Yorkers aren't from New York or they're Philly and they're different squads.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 2 it's hard to go to a bar on a Sunday and get your squad together because everyone's from fucking everywhere.

Speaker 2 So you still hold some of that resentment and anger because you don't have a community to support you. So you do kind of have to yell at the wind a little bit.
Like

Speaker 2 there's five Bears bar,

Speaker 2 and we've gone to a few of them and they're fine. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But you're still going to have that same passion and hatred for when you're fucking up and losing because you're alone out there.

Speaker 2 I think when you're with a city that is, I'll go back and say Kansas City because they are, that's their shit. There ain't nobody else at that stadium that's from somewhere.
I mean, that's their shit.

Speaker 2 They are, they get to collectively cheer and lament about bad times. In L.A., you're alone on your little shitty sad island.
So you kind of bitch to nobody. So it is annoying.

Speaker 2 It's shitty to not have like people. You guys get people to at least huddle up with.

Speaker 1 You don't have that at all.

Speaker 1 So speaking of L.A., you've been in a couple shows. Is it suck that? I love Dave.
I've watched it.

Speaker 2 Third season comes out in March. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it suck a little, though, that your character is kind of a bummer?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, that's part of the gig, right?

Speaker 2 They make you,

Speaker 2 they have to shape you in a way where I always say like the best. The best actor is somebody who, whatever the character is, you actually kind of like believe that to be true a little bit.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like I, like, I've got a lot of people. Someone's like, you're a dick.

Speaker 2 And you're like, that guy's a dick. I'm doing the thing.
Yeah. So I did, well, it's like, Christoph Waltz isn't a Nazi.

Speaker 1 Right. But he's good.
Well,

Speaker 2 but he's good at the gig. It's like you believe that he's this guy.
So,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 the show is a fun, funny show. I have to be the voice of reason to the chaos.

Speaker 1 And it's got to suck, though, because you do really, like, you watch the show and you're like,

Speaker 1 this red-headed guy, he's just like, why is he always fucking being a downer? I have to be a downer on this show.

Speaker 2 Because that's what a manager is, dude. And his manager, who is a guy I play in real life, you've got to be the guy that has to be the voice of fucking reason.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, the kids, you know, will never come down to earth. It's like someone has to wrangle them down.

Speaker 2 It is tough. It's tough when sometimes everyone gets to play, you know, and I have to be the wet blanket

Speaker 2 and go in there and be like, come on, fellas. We can't do that.

Speaker 1 We have to leave.

Speaker 5 The milking table scene is one of the all-time

Speaker 5 greatest. It's one of my favorite.
I I would say it's one of the funniest scenes in the history of television actually.

Speaker 2 So the way we did that, for people that don't know, you should go back and watch.

Speaker 2 That's season one.

Speaker 2 Season one. Yeah.
Yeah, season one.

Speaker 2 They asked us about the milking table and if we wanted to see it. And I said, no.

Speaker 2 And then they said, do you want to see what it looks like at all? Like if Dave is naked on there with his asshole out, do you want to see it?

Speaker 2 And I said, no, I want to see it for the first time when I'm in the car. Yeah.
And so then they give you, you know, in Hollywood, they don't trust anybody to do anything.

Speaker 2 It's like you get in a car and a guy will be like, I can, I'm going to pull the car back out. And you're like, I can back out a car.

Speaker 1 I have a fucking car.

Speaker 2 When I leave tonight, I'll be driving a car.

Speaker 2 So the guy was like, well, let me do it. I said, no, because I want to back out and back in as if I'm coming home from work.
So I can really see it for the first time.

Speaker 2 So that thing that you saw is literally the first take.

Speaker 1 One take.

Speaker 1 It was the take. It was a pretty good one.
We did four more, but that was the one we used.

Speaker 2 Was the first take when

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 2 was in the the car and

Speaker 2 the garage slowly went up. The way that he said, hey, and I said, what's up back? Or whatever I said, that was exactly how I felt.

Speaker 5 Did you know what a milking table was before that scene?

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's how I learned what it was.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They had pitched us other stuff. And I think like in the writer's room, it was like they were thinking about like a BDSM thing and blah, blah, blah.
There was a bunch of different pitches.

Speaker 2 But when it got down to milking table,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm a sexually open guy. I kind of figured it out real fast.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 It's kind of in the name of it, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I figured it out pretty fucking quickly.

Speaker 2 Although we did discuss whether or not you can face

Speaker 2 which way you would be fun to face because, you know, you could face the other way on the milking table.

Speaker 2 A guy can face up and get yanked down like an old toilet chain.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And that's a whole thing because your balls will throw you back up or you can face down.

Speaker 2 I go, we can get creative about which way. But the way that we shot it, the way that they did it, that was so much fun because it was

Speaker 2 the first take is what you saw of us, our reactions. And then we lost it, man.
We were fucking dying laughing off.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because it was so fun to see. And Dave's down to get naked.
That was what's fun. Yeah.
This season is fun as shit, too. We're on tour this season.
Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 I don't even know if I'm supposed to say that, but whatever. I'm not giving anything away.
But we're on tour.

Speaker 1 We're

Speaker 2 living the road life on the show.

Speaker 5 This might be a very basic question, but do you prefer

Speaker 5 doing television or doing stand-up?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well,

Speaker 2 I said this yesterday to a buddy. I said, gun to my head,

Speaker 2 you have to quit one.

Speaker 2 I would quit acting because stand-up was my first love. That's what I started when I was 24.
You know, and it's a grind. It takes forever to get noticed.
It takes forever to get on.

Speaker 2 So the work I put into that, I'll always really carry that with me.

Speaker 2 I love them both, man. But if I had to kill one, I would kill acting because I have only so much control.
Right. You have to play the role that you're given.

Speaker 2 You have to do it to your best ability and shape it the way you want. But

Speaker 2 stand-up is all me, man. The failure and the success is on your shoulders, which I like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so speaking of that, how long, like, so you started 24. What was the first, okay, this is like a living.
I can actually, you know, like, punk.

Speaker 1 I can tell my family, like, hey, I'm doing this and it's working.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I did MTV's punked, and that could give me enough money where, like, I didn't have to have a day job anymore. Who'd you punk? Oh, my God.
We did everybody. We did, like, the new iteration.
We did.

Speaker 2 Justin Bieber punked Taylor Swift. That was a big one that we did.

Speaker 2 We had Mac Miller on, Rest in Peace, who was such a fucking great dude, who did Wiz Khalifa.

Speaker 1 That show was so funny.

Speaker 2 It was so fun, man.

Speaker 2 It was a fun part of my life, man.

Speaker 2 It was like a, you know, it was like the beginning of my intro to like getting to do comedy on television and being an improv actor and, you know, and then doing stand-up at night.

Speaker 2 It was like living the fucking dream. But that was like the first job that paid me enough money where I didn't have to worry about nine to five anymore.
Because I nine to five before that.

Speaker 2 I was a production assistant.

Speaker 2 I mean, you guys know PAs. You probably have them around here.
And then, you know, making $400 a week before taxes. So fucking eating it.
And then

Speaker 2 I worked pushing paper at a desk job in a music company, getting visas for bands to tour around the world.

Speaker 1 So you're really like, I'm moving out to L.A. success story.
Because there's a lot of ones that aren't. No, a little bit.

Speaker 2 I started in L.A. I tried it.

Speaker 2 I went to Arizona State

Speaker 2 because I really wanted an education.

Speaker 5 How awesome is Arizona State?

Speaker 1 It's the greatest place in the fucking world.

Speaker 5 I've heard that it's pretty much hedonism.

Speaker 2 Sometimes when I get guys that like make fun of me, you know, like,

Speaker 2 you know, like when people make fun of me about colleges, like if I have friends that went to good schools and they mock it, I'm always like, dude, you're the idiot. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Went to an expensive school. You have a mediocre job.
And life is whatever. Yeah.
I went to a bullshit school, had the most fun I've ever had, and I'm killing it.

Speaker 1 It's actually like I've gone out to Arizona State before for our college football shows. And I remember just being like, what is this place? Like this.

Speaker 2 It's what you need it to be.

Speaker 2 be yeah we went to a fucking uh apartment that these kids were living in with this huge pool in the back what do you where what is going on it was paradise my my friend uh my family friend one of my dad's good friends that he went to college with his son and I became friends and we used to my dad went to Tennessee and we used to go to Tennessee games a lot and so I met him when I was a kid and we'd see each other as a reunion all the you know a couple times a year at games And he one time said, you know, where are you going to go to school?

Speaker 2 And I said, I'm not really sure, man. I'm not the brightest bulb.
You know, like, I'm a BC guy. You know what I mean? I'm B minus, C plus at best.
So he was like, my cousin goes to Arizona State.

Speaker 2 Y'all should come out. And I was like, seriously? And I told my parents, I said, I looked into it.
It's one of the cheapest out-of-state school in the country.

Speaker 2 You know, we can work out a deal where I can do some, you can pay some, and we can, because I think it was like seven grand a year or something like that.

Speaker 1 It was pay what you get for you. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And I said, it's the cheapest out-of-state school, and it was the closest I could get to California because I couldn't afford California.

Speaker 2 And they knew I kind of wanted to go to California or New York. Right.
And I definitely couldn't fucking afford New York.

Speaker 2 But I thought if I can get to California, I can live real dirty and cheap in L.A. And so

Speaker 2 I went and visited his cousin, and she hated us. She was a cool freshman, and we were fucking annoying juniors or seniors at the time.

Speaker 2 And this dude she was hooking up with, you know, was like, what do you guys need to go away? And I was like, well, we just don't know anything.

Speaker 2 We need to be showing around or somebody needs to tell us where to go. And he's like, I'll give you 20 bucks and I'll give you mushrooms.
And will you walk away from the dorm?

Speaker 2 And I was like, yeah. So we dipped mushrooms in peanut butter and ate them and then had a fucking one of the best nights of my life.
That's great.

Speaker 2 And we sat smoking a cigarette on the back of what would be my future dorm, PV Main, which is not, well, it's there, but it's different now.

Speaker 2 It's now it's, dude, now that college has like dope ass brand new shit. Dude, it was a fucking dump.
It was a dump. And now they have, all these kids have like, they live in nice apartments now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We lived in a fucking dorm that was a quarter the size of this room with four people. It was nuts.
And shared a bathroom, four dudes, one fucking bathroom. It ain't like that anymore.

Speaker 2 But we sat on the back of old PV Main, smoking a cigarette, looking at the stadium.

Speaker 2 And we both were like, we got to go to school here. And sure enough, we fucking did.

Speaker 2 I went home. I was like, I got to go to school.
He's like, dad, we're going to ASU. My dad was, my parents were a little like,

Speaker 2 whatever about it.

Speaker 1 You might end up in porn. Yeah, porn or prison.
Or porn prison. You never know.
Golden handcuffs.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 by the the way, that was so much fun back then. The Cardinals used to play at that stadium.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So our backyard was,

Speaker 2 it was heaven, dude. It was college and pro football.
And it was dirt fucking cheap. I think students back then, it was a $15 ticket for an NFL game.
It was nuts.

Speaker 1 Our guy, Jake Plummer?

Speaker 2 Dude, the man. Jake snake.

Speaker 1 We went out and interviewed him in Colorado. He's got a mushroom farm now.
Seriously? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's doing exactly what you'd expect Jake Plummer to be doing.

Speaker 2 I met Ryan Leaf in the parking lot. I'll tell you a quick story real fast.
I was blacked out at Jenna Jameson. Used to have a bar in Scottsdale called, like,

Speaker 1 okay. This is

Speaker 1 Arizona.

Speaker 1 It doesn't seem like a real place. It's not.
It's not the story with Jenna James.

Speaker 2 Jenna Jamison had a bar nightclub in Scottsdale. I don't remember the name of it.

Speaker 5 It's like Spike TV had a city.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what it was. Do you like kits and beer in Arizona State? Punch your friends.
Get it to UI.

Speaker 2 We went out to this bar and I got shit-faced. And the girl that I was seeing at the time was livid because I ditched her and her friends to go out with these other idiots I knew.

Speaker 2 College, we're idiots, you know, and I was like being a dick to her for no reason. And she's like, you're fucked up.
And you promised you'd go to this thing with me.

Speaker 2 And I'm coming to get you, you asshole. I'm coming to get you.
And I was like, fuck. I was like bummed.
My boys were like, I'm not dealing with that shit.

Speaker 1 She's going to kill you.

Speaker 2 And she was nuts. She threw a knife at me one time.
But I'm sitting in the parking lot and I was smoking a cigarette and I was fucking hammered.

Speaker 2 And these two two dudes, these men, I mean, these two like big boys come out.

Speaker 2 It's a big, big white dude, two big black dudes with him, kind of lagging, and then a bunch of super fucking hot chicks. And I'm sitting alone smoking a cigarette.

Speaker 2 I'm sitting on, I'm literally sitting on a on a parking ledge. And

Speaker 1 this dude goes, hey, you got a lighter?

Speaker 2 And I go, yeah, man. I look up and I'm like, holy fucking shit, who do you play for?

Speaker 2 I mean, he was huge. So

Speaker 2 I give him the lighter and he goes, take a photo of us. And I grab his phone and I start taking taking pictures of just the girls.
And he's like, this motherfucker is smart ass.

Speaker 2 And then I'm doing me with the girls. I'm ready to get punched for no reason.
I'm just having fun. And the one guy's like, this motherfucker's funny.
And I'm joking around.

Speaker 2 And then I look at the white dude. I didn't even looked at him.

Speaker 1 And I was like, you know who you look like?

Speaker 2 And he goes, who? And I go, you look like Ryan fucking Leaf.

Speaker 2 And he goes, yeah, that's because I'm Ryan fucking Leaf.

Speaker 2 And then I go, oh, no shit. And he goes, yeah, you got something to say?

Speaker 1 And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't at all.
But it's so funny.

Speaker 2 All these things ran through my mind about Ryan Leaf that I was like whoa this is actually Ryan Leaf and no disrespect to Ryan but like if you know sports and you know his story it's that's a wild fucking story yeah but I imagine the reason he said you got something to say was because I think people run their fucking mouth oh yeah and this was also 2000

Speaker 2 uh what this was this was people I don't know Ryan Leaf yeah this yeah this this was when I'm sure he heard he heard it you know what I mean and so I just could feel his vibe I was like no no no no, dude.

Speaker 2 I have nothing to say. I'm just, I didn't know it was you.

Speaker 2 And he goes, all right, cool. And then one dude, one of the black dudes was cool as shitty.
And he goes,

Speaker 2 you want to come get fucked up with us?

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 2 I do, but this girl is going to absolutely fucking murder me. And I just, and he's like, well, you're, you're missing an opportunity.
And I did.

Speaker 1 I fucked up.

Speaker 2 I could have gotten fucked up with Leaf, but I, I had to bail, dude. I couldn't do it.
Also, those guys are probably going to use me for a punching bag or something by the end of the night.

Speaker 1 You would have said something about Ryan Leaf eventually. Yeah, like, actually, I do have something to say.
I got nothing bad to say. He was cool.
He was cool.

Speaker 2 He was a cool dude. He was a nice fucking dude to me, but his initial reaction was like.

Speaker 1 Well, that means, yeah, I mean, that has to suck to be.

Speaker 1 We've had him on the show before, like, just in that timeframe when it was going really bad, just walking around being like, everyone wants to talk shit to me. That sucks.
That sucks so much.

Speaker 5 Especially like what Zach Wilson's going through, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
He can't show up again. And even people who aren't talking shit, they're thinking about it.

Speaker 5 And he knows that they're thinking about it.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 It's so funny. And that stuff does wash away with time.
If you're a a good dude and the time passes and people don't,

Speaker 2 people get over it. People grow up, is what I'm saying before.

Speaker 2 You grow up. You get over the whole like,

Speaker 2 but it's a bummer to have your first reaction be like, yeah, you got, I am fucking, you got something to say. Yeah.
And you're like, dude, you're four times my size. What am I going to say to you?

Speaker 2 But I imagine the biggest loudmouths are the smallest assholes.

Speaker 1 Oh, of course. Because they think, you're not going to fight me, dude.

Speaker 2 Right. You know, I just get to talk shit because

Speaker 2 I'm a couch coach and I think I'm the fucking man.

Speaker 5 Yeah. There was one tweet that that went viral a while ago about this girl that used to go out with her boyfriend who was like five, four, and he would just get into fights everywhere.

Speaker 5 And then he'd be like, oh, it's my birthday. What are you going to do? Punch me? I'm the little birthday boy.
And then nobody would punch him. And then he'd just go to the next fight.

Speaker 1 I'm the little birthday boy. I'm just a little birthday boy.

Speaker 1 Don't mind me.

Speaker 2 I'm using that from now on.

Speaker 1 Somebody's like, I'm going to fuck you up. I'm like, I'm just a birthday boy, baby.

Speaker 1 It's my little boy's birthday. I'm a little boy.

Speaker 1 All right, so I had one last question. Everyone, do check out Cheeseburger.
Please go watch it on Netflix. Yes, watch it on Netflix.
So I wish, you know how the NBA has like

Speaker 1 the offseason is almost like better sometimes than the season because of like the drama and everything. Oh, yeah.
I wish we had someone who was reporting on the comedy scene. Would there be just...

Speaker 5 Oh, that's interesting. Because like...

Speaker 1 I know that there's clicks that I don't understand and people who don't like other people and people who think other people are.

Speaker 1 So is it like, is it as clicky as it comes across from us watching from afar?

Speaker 2 It is to a degree, right? And then you get, again, this is me keep going back to the same cliche frame, but it's like then you get older and those things dissipate a little bit.

Speaker 2 In the sense that the drama kind of starts when you're young. Right.

Speaker 2 And you kind of are jockeying for position and there's politics involved and who do you kick it with and who's your crew and blah, blah, blah. And then when you achieve some success,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 1 you...

Speaker 2 don't have a choice but to like open up a little bit because you want to meet other people and you want to like stretch the you know you want to stretch your reach of who you know in the business and you know there's guys that we wouldn't probably be friends with in the real world but like i love their shit right and so you kind of want to be a part of that too but when you're young man yeah yeah you're it's cutthroat yeah because a part of the assumption when you're a young comic is if you take out someone that's bigger than you you'll have a spot right yeah you know there's this weird like seat at the table like a lion yeah yeah if i take out if yeah it's like if i take out your legs you know qb3 might fucking sneak in there right that's the vibe is like how could i get up that's obviously not the fucking way, but when you're young, you do kind of have that vibe of like, it's dog eat dog.

Speaker 2 And look, we're all selfish. Comics are inherently narcissistic, selfish people.
Your level of narcissism and selfishness is, it varies, but we're all for us. Our whole gig is listen to me.
Right.

Speaker 1 Look at me. I'm the funniest.

Speaker 2 Look at me, please. So nobody in comedy isn't a selfish, narcissistic person.

Speaker 2 You're a liar, if you say you're not, but you learn how to balance that and embrace other people, even though they're not, you know, it may not be, like, there's people I know that

Speaker 2 their comedy or my comedy to them may not be the favorite, but we love each other as people. Right.
You know, and so you, that changes. But the clicks, the drama, all that stuff, that's all there.

Speaker 1 But it happens more when you're younger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 There's like a Twitch streamer that breaks it down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be fascinating.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, you know, like, there is always, there is always inside drama and bullshit.

Speaker 2 But also, the more successful you get,

Speaker 2 the further away from the drama you want because the thing is hard enough.

Speaker 2 Comedy

Speaker 2 is a nightmare.

Speaker 2 And that's why it's like you do want to have more love in it. So as you go on, you're like, like coming out here.
I was just with Bobby Kelly yesterday. He was like one of my favorite people.

Speaker 2 I mean, he's so fucking funny. It's like he's so...

Speaker 2 He's so warm and funny and fuck around that we barely knew each other. But the moment we met, we started talking shit.
And so we knew, I was like, we're good.

Speaker 2 So that's more the thing that I think is great is when you see people that do what you do. And it's almost like athletes.

Speaker 2 They meet each other, and they both know what they both have to do to get to where they get to. So there's a weird level of respect, even though we don't know each other at all.
Right.

Speaker 2 I think Seinfeld said that one time. He's like, I could be in an airport halfway around the world in the language I don't speak, but if I know that a guy's a comic, you know, I can be like, hey,

Speaker 2 fucking

Speaker 2 they have the same thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, look at us. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 I think we asked Stavi this when he was on the couch.

Speaker 1 My boy, dude, I love that guy. He's so funny.
So funny, I love him.

Speaker 5 Because he was talking about some of the same stuff about

Speaker 5 comics and what's in your mindset. And

Speaker 5 you have to go show to show and just wait for people to laugh at your jokes and tell you how fun you are sometimes. And there's an ego element that's involved in it.
Would you do

Speaker 5 a nationwide tour at the same venues that you're doing right now if you sold everyone out, but nobody laughed at all at any of your jokes? If they loved you, but nobody laughed.

Speaker 1 That's tough.

Speaker 2 That's tough.

Speaker 2 If you're doing shows and nobody's laughing, like what you're saying is you're going to get the same money and it's all going to sell out, but not a smile out of it.

Speaker 5 People will be like, he's a very successful comedian, but nobody at the actual shows laughs.

Speaker 2 Holy fuck. I don't know, man.
That's so tough. I mean, what you're talking about is like

Speaker 2 it's almost a nightmare. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, you'd rather have a half-sold room that's like loving your shit than a full room that's like... Nope.
Just not enjoying it all.

Speaker 2 That's the most painful.

Speaker 5 Dude, it'd be torture, I think, after the first night.

Speaker 5 You'd travel to the next city just knowing that nobody was going to laugh at your shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And that sucks.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, when you're young and you're on your come up, yeah, man, you're struggling a lot. And you're doing rooms where you can't sell a lot of tickets.

Speaker 2 And they do a thing what we call papering the room, which means they're giving away discounted tickets or two-for-ones and stuff like that when you're in city to city because they want to fill seats.

Speaker 2 So you do papered rooms. You maybe sold 10 tickets.
And those are tough nights. Those are tough nights.
Not from an ego standpoint because

Speaker 2 you're not famous yet, but it's tough from like a, you just got to get through it because a half-empty room is tough. But

Speaker 2 if you can kill in those rooms, you know, you're in good. Like Bill Burr said to me one time, it was very nice.

Speaker 2 I was at kind of a medium point in my career where I'm trying to get up and I'm trying to sell tickets and I'm doing okay, but it's not, you know, they're still papering and, you know, a quarter sold out, a quarter sold rooms on a Thursday.

Speaker 2 And I had to do two, you know, six shows. And it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
And

Speaker 2 Burr said to me one time, he's like,

Speaker 2 he goes, I bet you you're killing to the abyss. And I was like, what do you mean?

Speaker 2 He's like, I bet you you're fucking working hard and you're crushing in these rooms of half-sold, papered, but they love you. He's like, afterwards,

Speaker 2 they're like, dude, how fucking fun. I wish more people knew who you were.
And he's like, you're at a point where you're killing to the abyss. You're crushing kind of to the emptiness.

Speaker 2 And it feels like there's nothing coming back. Where you're like, fuck, when does this pay off, man? I'm ripping these rooms.
I'm doing six shows. I'm working like a dog.

Speaker 2 And I'm giving them my all for an hour. And he's like, just keep killing to the abyss.
And eventually it comes back. Like, eventually

Speaker 2 it'll start to hone in and then it'll all start to build and make sense. But he's like, right now you feel like you're shouting to the void and you're doing well, but it's just not reciprocating.

Speaker 2 And I appreciated it because it was feeling like I was like, where the fuck am I going to Omaha, Nebraska right now? Like I was feel, you feel that way for little money.

Speaker 2 You're probably losing money sometimes on the hotel or the flight, and you can't bring somebody because you can't afford to bring a friend.

Speaker 2 So you're picking up whatever local guy is there and they might not like you or your vibe may not mesh.

Speaker 2 So you sit in the green room, bummed, you know, sipping on a fucking beer, waiting to go on to 17 people. He's like, just keep killing to the abyss.
And, you know, thank God I did and it worked.

Speaker 5 It kind of gave you like a little boost almost like you did. You were getting a break.

Speaker 5 Like something big was happening, just having somebody like Bill Burr let you know, like, yeah, this is the right path.

Speaker 2 Those moments feel good.

Speaker 1 But keep going. Yeah.
Yeah. They feel good.
Talent always wins.

Speaker 2 At the end, dude,

Speaker 2 if you're working hard and not getting in your own way, your talent will win.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of people that their talent is great and they get in their own way. Just work.
If you work hard and you, you know, and I hope if you work hard,

Speaker 2 that it continues to build. So hopefully, you know, that's how it goes.
All right.

Speaker 1 So everyone, check it out. Netflix.

Speaker 2 Netflix cheeseburger. Go watch it.
Please tell a friend. Pass it around.

Speaker 1 Tell everyone. Even if you don't like comedy, just put it on.
And if you leave your dog, let your dog watch it.

Speaker 2 Hey, comedy, turn the volume off. Put that thing on.
I don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 Just let it stream over and over. Loop it.
Yeah, and we appreciate you, man. Appreciate you.
Thank you. This is great, man.

Speaker 5 Thanks for coming in. Thank you.

Speaker 11 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 11 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

Speaker 11 Head to Chevy.com to learn more and build your own Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up.

Speaker 1 We have thank you to Andrew Santino. Go check out his new Netflix special out now.

Speaker 1 Really good time. He's going to be a recurring guest for sure.
Could have talked forever.

Speaker 1 Let's do guys on chicks. Hi, boys.
Hey, hey. What's up?

Speaker 6 My husband is supposed to go to one of his best friends' bachelor parties in May, but we're pregnant with our first child and expecting around the the same time.

Speaker 6 M-I-M asshole, that was them, not me. M-I-M asshole for telling him he isn't allowed to go on the trip if the baby hasn't arrived yet slash newlyborn.
Thanks. I'll hang up and listen.

Speaker 5 Is this, do you say first child or second child?

Speaker 1 First.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that's true. I was going to say if it's the second, fuck it.
If it's the second, it's old hat, right? Like the baby delivers itself at that point.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so the...

Speaker 1 I think it's a month on either end. Unfortunately, I think it's a month on either end for this guy.

Speaker 1 It's a month before the due date. It's a month after the baby comes

Speaker 1 that you probably can't go. And also, your friend.

Speaker 1 Best friends.

Speaker 1 Best friend. I mean,

Speaker 1 this is a real excuse. It's a real thing.
Also, maybe if the bachelor party is close by, maybe you can go. But yeah,

Speaker 1 if you're a four-hour flight.

Speaker 1 from home a week before your wife is due, you also would never forgive yourself yourself if you missed the birth of your first child Yeah, and you are all

Speaker 1 Yes, I'm telling you you're all school you're you're liable to find yourself in a position

Speaker 5 Where you watch you're under the influence of any number of substances at the time you get that call and then you have to figure out a way to get to the airport get home if you're far away and potentially miss the birth of your child because like you're wasted on like nine different drugs.

Speaker 5 Yeah. You can maybe that would be an issue.

Speaker 1 You could maybe get three weeks before.

Speaker 1 Usually I think there's a doctor's appointment that happens pretty regularly to say like, hey, this is, you know, the progression. So maybe three weeks, but man, this is, yeah, it's a tough one.

Speaker 1 Second child, you go whenever.

Speaker 5 Yeah, fuck it. RG3 went to the bowl game, even though he knew his wife was about to give birth.

Speaker 1 And she did give birth, correct?

Speaker 5 Like, I'm sure she did. I'm sure that it wasn't staged.

Speaker 1 And the baby's here, right?

Speaker 5 I'm sure it's here.

Speaker 5 Did you see how fast Robert Griffin had to run out of that stadium when the camera happened to be on him and it was a totally real call because the way he said hey guys guys yeah be quiet my wife is in labor and then everyone was like what what are you doing on the phone dude we're on television his wife's been in labor for three weeks poor her you got to go to the hospital yeah so that was crazy i mean i felt i felt lucky that's this that's the type of stuff that makes new year's football worth watching facts wait The baby was okay, I know you guys were being facetious, but the baby actually wasn't born when he did that?

Speaker 1 i we don't know if the baby's been born yet we hope the baby is healthy seriously that's an honest you know like with childbirth is a traumatic thing babies like you you don't fuck with that we just haven't seen the baby yet

Speaker 6 we're gonna wait and see what's up pmt squad quick question for you guys this sounds this smells like cap my cap detector is rampant right now i moved in with my boyfriend literally three days ago while i knew he had a snoring problem due to a deviated septum i never realized how bad it was how is that possible?

Speaker 6 He keeps rolling over and snoring. That was my commentary.
He keeps rolling over and snoring right in my ear on night two. I'm already sleeping in the other room.
Not sure how sustainable it is.

Speaker 6 He's seen a doctor about it who said his deviated system was horrible. He opted not to get surgery.
What are your guys' thoughts? Can I make him get the surgery? And what if I offer to pay for it?

Speaker 6 Felt like it might save our relationship. Thanks, guys.
Have you never slept with this guy before you moved in with him?

Speaker 1 Makes no fucking sense. Makes no sense.
And also, Billy is our deviated septum.

Speaker 3 Also, I've gotten surgery for this.

Speaker 1 Oh, you fixed my snoring.

Speaker 3 According to sources, I've never heard myself snore.

Speaker 7 Get them some nose. So actually, there's some really good nose pieces you can get that really open it up and honestly have changed.

Speaker 7 Like I've been sleeping so much better because it's literally sleep apne and you don't get into deep enough sleep. Also help with the snoring.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 I love that Jake dropped an unironic according to sources. According to sources.
He's such a journalist.

Speaker 3 I mean, I was told it would help my nasality. in broadcasting in college and I got it in the middle and I definitely noticed the difference.

Speaker 1 Okay, so there you go.

Speaker 1 something surgery. I think

Speaker 3 it's technically a nose job, but like a different type.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I don't know. It's only something that should be done.
Like those jobs are for the outside.

Speaker 5 Really bad snores,

Speaker 5 they end up costing themselves like a lot of mental health later on in life because you're literally not sleeping.

Speaker 5 And then the person that you're sleeping next to is also going to go insane because they're not going to be able to sleep.

Speaker 6 So if you're a really bad snorer, you're basically committing you and your spouse to a lifetime of literally going insane yeah i actually bet there's a correlation between deviated septums and divorces probably or murder yeah yeah yeah silent murder with the pillow okay next up hey overcat almost dry jan pft slatty hank one to six jake and badass billy i was dating a co-worker for over a year everyone knew it was all cordial we got a cute dog together and named herbie however we just broke up and neither of us wants to give the pup up what should we do to decide who gets the dog?

Speaker 1 Coin flip.

Speaker 7 Who bought the dog?

Speaker 1 You got to split it in. That's usually how it goes.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 who's willing to see it die?

Speaker 1 Well, no, that's the, that's the, what is it?

Speaker 5 The riddle of Solomon, I think.

Speaker 1 Solomon, yeah. Like, like, you go, if you want to get this dog, you'd be like, listen, you get the, you get the front half, I'll get the back half.
And he's like, deal,

Speaker 1 then it's your dog. Because you don't want to see the dog hurt.

Speaker 6 I think you just go to a football field, have a neutral third party.

Speaker 6 You go in one end zone, he goes in the other end zone, someone drops at the 50-yard line.

Speaker 1 Video it and send it to us.

Speaker 5 See who it goes to.

Speaker 6 Airbud. That's what happened in Air Bud.

Speaker 1 Abraham.

Speaker 5 That would be intense.

Speaker 5 But if you did the thing with the dog, where, like, if you said, you get the front, I get the back, then one person's responsible for feeding it, the other's responsible for cleaning up its shit.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And the dog stays alive.
True.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 last one?

Speaker 6 Last one. Hey, fellas, my husband and I have been together for over 11 years now.

Speaker 1 Well, that would be how marriage works.

Speaker 1 So the way you say 11 there, they're married.

Speaker 1 It sounds like 12.

Speaker 1 Sounds like 12 years ago.

Speaker 1 How could he be with someone for 11 years?

Speaker 6 No, you're reading too much. Well, they're married.

Speaker 1 Actually,

Speaker 7 they're saying 11 years isn't that long.

Speaker 1 I'm just reading the words. Sounds rich.

Speaker 6 He's been someone who walks around naked after a shower for quite a bit in the morning. He will sit down and have breakfast, watch a couple highlights, check emails, and then finally put on socks.

Speaker 6 He has done this our entire relationship. I asked him why he does, and he responds, gotta let the beanbags breathe to start the day.
Now, we've always had an apartment until about five years ago.

Speaker 6 He does his normal routine: shower, walk around, naked, breakfast, etc.

Speaker 6 We have big, beautiful windows in the front now, and since we've moved in, he has been standing in front of it with curtains drawn after breakfast. I asked again why he's doing that.

Speaker 6 This time it's the neighbors gotta know who I am. Yeah, this can't be normal dude behavior.

Speaker 1 No, but I like this guy.

Speaker 5 This is uh, it sounds to me like he's incorporated like the law of the jungle or at least the law of the dog park and incorporated it into like human life where he's trying to demonstrate that he's the most masculine in the neighborhood and um it's a little bit misguided but his heart's in the right place i think yeah i like this guy he's the alpha he owns that neighborhood everything the sun touches is his

Speaker 1 was that uh mufasa no what was the other one yeah

Speaker 1 except for the elephant boneyard he must have scar is the bad one Mufasa was the good one. Yeah, yeah.
It's Mufasa.

Speaker 1 We drove 1,700 miles of old Highway 61, the whole country top to bottom, just to prove one thing. Comfort food can make anywhere home.

Speaker 1 Crave New World makes the classics you grew up with, cleaned up for right now. High protein, no fake stuff, no shortcuts.

Speaker 1 Bison meatloaf, chicken enchiladas, turkey lasagna, the kind of meals that taste like Saturday night, even on a Tuesday. Crave New World.
Founded in Kroger Isles this October.

Speaker 1 The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good. All right, I hope

Speaker 5 I had one last one.

Speaker 1 Hey guys, I hope you can settle this debate for me and my boyfriend. He thinks that

Speaker 1 the perfect number is 10, and I think it's 7 because it's good luck, obviously. I'm hoping you can help tell us what the perfect number is so that Hank can finally get the number right.

Speaker 6 Yeah, some stupid fucking math geek nerd ran some stats and

Speaker 1 they said that. That's like a diehard fan of our show.
Some stupid math geek nerd.

Speaker 6 They said that it was more likely to get the number four more times than to not have gotten the number once with the amount of times we gotta get that.

Speaker 1 You're that bad. Oh, yeah.
You're that bad. You're that bad.
Just four. Wait.
Possibly five or more. Wait, have you gotten it though? No.

Speaker 1 Did we do it 10 times?

Speaker 7 Damn. What are you talking about? I did this math like

Speaker 7 months ago, and it was like kind of

Speaker 1 math, neat, geek, nerd. You have not gotten this? Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Why not just get it?

Speaker 5 I have some breaking moves.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That was pathetic, Hank.

Speaker 6 I don't trust that this is breaking.

Speaker 5 Well, it is breaking news.

Speaker 1 Okay. I don't trust it.

Speaker 5 Okay. Well, until Hank does the cow noise, I can't break the news.
Did it

Speaker 5 do it better.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was better.

Speaker 5 I'll take that. That's a little bit better.

Speaker 5 The kicker from Ohio

Speaker 5 just committed to Wisconsin. Daniel Vegas.

Speaker 1 I said nice things about it.

Speaker 3 Set the game to overtime.

Speaker 1 I did not say that. Yeah, nice things.

Speaker 6 I thought you were talking about the kicker from Ohio State.

Speaker 1 No, I wanted to

Speaker 1 be committing something else.

Speaker 1 This is the dude.

Speaker 1 No, don't cut that.

Speaker 5 This is the dude that.

Speaker 1 The way you prefaced it was like, ah, my bad.

Speaker 5 I warmed up with him and he gave me his cleats for the field goal.

Speaker 1 Nathan Vakos. Vacos.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Nathan Vakos.

Speaker 1 Great kicker. He's awesome.
I think I know how to pronounce it. He's on my team now.
You're right. Nathan Vakos.

Speaker 1 When he was on Ohio, he was Vacos. Vacos.
Yes, exactly. Name change.
Name change.

Speaker 5 All right, so I'm ranking him as the number one kicker in the nation going into the next year. Facts, facts.

Speaker 1 All right, so Hank, 17. You've never gotten this? Actually, six.
You've never gotten it? I've never gotten it.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 1 17.

Speaker 3 Oh, I got to get cash, by the way. I still pay the same.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I haven't paid.

Speaker 1 All right, that's fine. We'll figure it out.

Speaker 5 84.

Speaker 1 Do you actually have a safe memes?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he bought a safe.

Speaker 1 18. PFT.

Speaker 6 Because I'm bringing two grand then.

Speaker 5 75.

Speaker 5 Hank, I hope you picked it right this time.

Speaker 1 What do you have?

Speaker 1 Six.

Speaker 1 But he passed on 17 and said 17, and then he didn't do it. Oh, oh, 49.

Speaker 1 Hank, you

Speaker 1 think at this

Speaker 1 fifth time,

Speaker 3 second time in the last month.

Speaker 5 Teacup pigs don't exist, they're just malnourished, potbelly pigs.

Speaker 6 Logan Paul.

Speaker 5 Love you guys.

Speaker 5 to say, I'm so lucky.

Speaker 1 Today is another day to follow you. Shiner,

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love of grave.

Speaker 1 I've been coming for your love of grave.

Speaker 1 I'll be high.

Speaker 1 Needless to say,

Speaker 1 I want to hear this but be so lately.

Speaker 1 So I learned my life is okay.

Speaker 1 Say I'm me.

Speaker 1 Thanks for playing to be safe and sorry.

Speaker 1 At least the better to be safe and sorry.

Speaker 1 Drink on me. Hey,

Speaker 1 I love

Speaker 1 you.