Andrew Santino In Studio, Georgia Routs TCU, Playoff QB’s + Guys On Chicks

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have comedian Andrew Santino in studio. He's got a new Netflix special out.
Awesome interview. Very, like, it just felt like we could talk forever.
Great time with him. We're going to talk the national championship, the absolute beatdown by the Georgia Bulldogs.
Get a little prepped for the NFL playoffs. I actually have a list that I want to debut to you, PFT, and we can debate it.
Old school style. Hot seat, cool throne.
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Okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the streets there is violence And I'm not allowed to solve the work to done.
No place to hang out or wash in.

And then I can't name all on the sun.

Oh, no.

We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

And then we'll take it higher.

Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

It's part of my take., presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to Part of My Take Today is Wednesday, January 11th And the Georgia Bulldogs are national champions again An absolute shit-kicking of TCU. 65-7.
It was a blowout from the first moment. I should say it was 10-7 at one moment, which is weird to think about.
But Georgia, back-to-back national title. 25-1 in the last two years.
Kirby Smart is the new standard. It was actually a great moment where David Pollock told Nick Saban to his face that everyone's trying to catch up to Georgia and you could see the soul.
I don't know if it was a soul coming out of Nick Saban or just like the bloodlust in his eyes. Like, I'll remember this.
I'm going to be back on top. But yeah, the national championship game, kind of a dud, but holy fuck, Georgiaia's unbelievable that moment when nick saban heard pollock say that that's that was his joker fide moment that's when he became joaquin phoenix and he's gonna he's gonna go out and kill everybody or at least try to yeah um i i thought also after the game when they were interviewing kirby smart i think it was marty smith that was talking to him um and kir was saying, you know, there's a lot of stuff that can damage a program.

We've got two solid back-to-back championships in a row.

The thing that you really worry about at this point is entitlement and complacency.

So we're trying to not let that sink in.

No less than 10 minutes after he had won the national championship,

back-to-back national champions, you and also just won 65 to 7

kirby smart was already getting a little bit upset that his team might get complacent well and so you know what the message is going to be next year for kirby it's going to be like you guys are entitled no complacency he's just going to call him spoiled and entitled starting like next week that's going to have to be the message that drives home because it's been like it's very clear kirby wants a third and I think it's been almost 100 years.

Minnesota was the last college that won back to back to back national championships it was probably like when everybody was off in World War II and they just didn't send any soldiers overseas and so they just claimed three of them but um yeah that's how long it's been so you can tell that's what's on Kirby's mind I'm glad that TCU got seven points right off the bat, because if they didn't, that would, it would be so much more embarrassing if it was 65 to seven and Georgia had covered the over all on their own. Yeah.
Yeah. It was.
And that was actually, it was, it was one of those games that it was, I think a lot of people probably turned it off. I watched till the bitter end because the over was in doubt until late in the fourth quarter because of Kirby Smart basically taking the air out of the ball.
And more that TCU just was so – Georgia actually still was kind of playing up until the fourth quarter. TCU just couldn't do anything.
It was men versus boys. Kirby Smart also afterwards.
I actually think, PFT, what you just said, all this NIL money and boosters and everything, Kirby Smart also afterwards I actually think PFT what you just said all this NIL money and and and boosters and everything Kirby Smart should just get a collective together to get the voters to vote Georgia number two next year in the preseason poll that's all he would need I think they would win the title if they just voted him too it's like they don't they don't respect us but he needs to start and start shipping some uh Dominion voting machines to the voters. And just be like, listen, ain't nobody out there believing you now.
Yeah, exactly. The most telling part of the night came in Kirby Smart's press conference at the end.
He said he gave a special shout out. So he basically made a – it was very clear.
He was like, I need to take a moment out of my time to shout these people out. He shouted out his scout team defense.
He was like, they worked really hard to learn everything that TCU does to give us good looks. I think the scout team defense is probably better than TCU's defense.
So think about that. Like Georgia went into this game and they basically had to play a defense that was not as good as the defense they were practicing against and it looked like that for a lot of the night where guys were wide open uh it was it just anytime they wanted to get big yards they got it uh it was Stetson Bennett 25 and 1 as a starter legend for life we were we were watching the game Jersey Jerry doesn't watch uh college college football he's like stetson bennett is the best player in the world it's like well jerry did you see like how open you know brock bowers was or darnell wash like the guys it's not a knock on him but guys were wide open they were just that much better than everyone and i do think stetson bennett has a career somewhere in the nfl especially because he holds on kicks which is like old school backup style I love that from him he's really good at holding too he's like he's one of the I'd say like top five holders in the NCAA right now they took him out of the game at the end and they went and they missed an extra point right afterwards that tells me all you need to know if I were if I were an NFL GM right now I would ask him to work out for me

at slot wide receiver and holder.

He's fast.

Forget about sneaky fast or deceptively athletic.

He's just fast fast.

It's hard to say there was a big play in this game

because it was just Georgia having big play after big play.

But first of all, Stetson Bennett, I know the jokes.

He's 25.

He's older than three or four quarterbacks starting in the playoffs this year.

I think it's a good one. after big play but first of all stats and bet i know the jokes he's 25 he's older than like three or four quarterbacks starting in the playoffs this year is it more than that uh yeah yeah is is it more than that hank not playoffs i thought you were just talking yeah he's older than herbert uh to uh and i can't remember hurts yeah hurts lamar jackson he's not older than lamar jackson they were the same age for a while, but Lamar Jackson just turned 26.
But either way, I know the jokes. It was funny, too, watching everyone retweet.
Daniel Jones. Daniel Jones.
Sam Darnold. Sam Darnold, not in the playoffs.
Four playoff quarterbacks. It was funny watching people retweet Stetson Bennett's offers from when he was like 17.
That was like, I'm so blessed to get an offer from UMass. I'm like, oh, like I got my second offer.
It's from Columbia. It was just great to see that happen online.
But to Stetson Bennett's credit, he has zip on the ball and he is athletic. Like there was a play where TCU just sold out and tried to blitz him and he did a spin and ran for the first down.
I know that people will try to discredit him. He played like a perfect game, and he's 25-1 as a starter, and you can't take that away from him.
Back-to-back national titles. It's crazy.
I think he's got a little old-school Russ Wilson in him, the way that he plays. Oh, I like that.
Yeah, he scrambles around a little bit, a little undersized, get him out of the pocket. He manages to fit the ball through tight windows.
I think he's going to be like a project at the NFL level, but he's going to have some interest. He's definitely going to get an opportunity to play quarterback in the NFL, I think.
After what you saw last night, you'd be a fool to say that no team would ever take a chance on them because because they will um it's a fun story he's a fun story to root for like there's everyone wanted to root for the disney story with tcu sets and bennett is that story you know he's he he he worked really really hard to get to this point and he's 25 and one as a starter and a legend for life yeah we had they were saying uh kurt herb street hit the hollywood button last night he was like this is this is the hollywood story right here yeah uh and i think we learned our lesson with that with kurt warner that not all underdogs like that movie was basically air bud except people um let's just talk about doing hollywood stories and not actually turn them into movies yeah sometimes it's more fun to just say that. I can't wait for the movie about Stetson Bennett, but please, for the love of God, do not make a movie about Stetson Bennett.
Yeah, and the Georgia Bulldogs, I know that people, I'm ready now, PFT, if you want to have the debate, is Georgia bad for college football because they're that dominant? I will say it is. Yes.
Yes. Resoundedly, yes.
It is crazy. And I know that they're just a factory of five stars and four stars.
It is nuts to think. Last year, they had five guys get drafted in the first round, which was a record.
They had 15 guys total get drafted in the NFL, which was also a record, and they went and won again. I know that they're so good, and it's hard to put into perspective because it was such a dominant last game, but it is nuts to put that piece into perspective.
They lost an entire NFL team on one side of the ball, and then they came out and did it again. Well, I think last year's, the guys that left last year got replaced pretty easily because the backup defense last year was the scout team Alabama defense.
Yes. So they were ready to go.
Next year, I might be looking at a little slump from Georgia's defense because the guys that are going to be starting are used to playing TCU's defense. Yes.
Which is a big 12 defense. Yes.
So just early, early next season, look for that hangover. We also saw the emergence on a national scale.
If you've watched college football at all this year, you knew about Georgia's tight ends and you knew about Brock Bowers. And what we're seeing is just more Brock's.
Yeah. More Brock's.
We're at the dawn of the Brock age. We've got Brock Purdy lighting it up in the NFL right now.
Brock Bowers, he's coming back for another year, I believe, right? Yeah, he has to. He has to return.
He has to return to Georgia for another year. We had a lad.
We had a lad and a Brock tore it up last night. But I think what we're seeing with Brock's, we're starting to see the emergence of them as a popular name, much like we saw Jalen's because back in the day with jalen rose i think brock lesnar emerged to relevance right in like the 2003 2004 time frame so right now we're catching up with that and the brock bump is about to hit the national stage so just you're gonna see a lot of like chunky big bone corn fed white dudes named brock emerge over the next five years'm ready for it the Brock revolution I'm I'm here for it uh the big losers of the night I would say TCU but TCU had an incredible season I I don't know if you can really take anything away from that like it's hard in the moment to to realize how incredible their season was when they're getting pasted 65-7.
But they weren't supposed to be there. They were 5-7 last year.
I think I saw someone tweet out it was something like Georgia had 15 or 16 five-star recruits. And I know that recruiting, sometimes it gets overhyped.
but it is a pretty good – like four and five stars generally, like there's a lot larger of a chance for them to make it to the NFL than a three-star. That's just how it works.
Like there is some basis in the recruiting at the high school level and how that translates to NFL talent. So Georgia had like 15 or 16 five-star recruits.
TCU had one. So that was, it was as lopsided as it could get every which way.
So I don't really know that a TCU can feel bad about their season. I would say the big loser of the night was Ohio State because Ohio State was a field goal away from doing the same pasting to TCU.
Yeah, that's true. I would say that, and you're right about the five-star thing.
If you look at the percentages of five-star recruits, if you just go based on five-star recruits, there's a much, much, much more likely percentage that if you're a five-star recruit that you're going to make the NFL one day. Yeah, sure, it's not perfect, and you will get some, like, unrecruited guys, two stars, three stars, that end up that end up exceeding all expectations and those guys are like the feel-good stories that end up making the most of their abilities but yes you'd much rather have 16 five-star guys under defense but yeah it's we get distorted because we always love the two and three star guys that make it to the nfl so those stories get talked about more and you don't realize oh oh, the rest of the roster that doesn't get talked about, those guys were five stars and they were pretty much always destined for the NFL.
Yeah. It's like maybe that defensive lineman that was a two-star recruit that outperformed what you thought his abilities were this year and put up some sacks and tackles for loss.
Maybe he'd be better if he was five inches taller and 40 pounds heavier, which the five-star guys were.

So in the end, that kind of all plays out a little bit.

I would say the big loser of last night was the poor TCU fans

that probably paid an arm and a leg to go out to Southern California.

You're not allowed to tailgate, so you have to go to the game sober.

You get into SoFi Stadium.

Then your part of the stadium exclusively gets rained on because they didn't build walls in their stadium and so you get drenched and then you're walking around the concourse you slip and you fall and get a compound fib fracture and have to get stretchered out of the stadium as your team is down by 60 points in the national championship that would probably be a bad experience they said that there are multiple tcu fans yeah getting stretchered out of the game because they slipped on the cement concourse yeah because uh la decided to build a indoor stadium that's just a carport that's all it is it's just it's got like half of a roof on it and then the the sides are wide open and there can be lightning delays it looked like there could probably be a rain delay in that game if they played a baseball game there yeah yeah it was it was um it was quite quite the event to watch georgia just and georgia fans it's so crazy to think about historically it's similar to like clemson before dabbo had his run where everyone made the jokes about clemson you know clemsoning and they would they'd always have good teams, they'd always have one or two games that they just completely pissed down their leg. Georgia for, I don't know, what was their, it was like 1980, right? And then these last two.
So they spent 40 years not winning a national title when they should be just as good as everyone else. And now they've done it twice in two years and they look like the new standard like Kirby Smart looks like the new Nick Saban I know that might sound ridiculous but it I mean he just won back to back national titles and they're gonna be competitive next year again so it's he's done it all Mark Rick unfortunately like Mark Rick was there for a long time and was kind of always got to the cusp i wonder if matthew stafford was watching that game being like fuck why couldn't i have just had kirby smart as my coach mark rick good guy great guy but just so frustrating like you'd almost rather be a average or slightly below average team than just be on the cusp everywhere and do something stupid and just knock yourself out of contention in some random game in the fall.
And be in a state that should just always be good. There are certain places Georgia should always have a good football team.
So they're back on the mound. What were you going to say, Hank? I was going to say, you said it too, but Ohio State was the biggest losers and the NCAA, like the higher-ups, watching that game, knowing how close they were to Michigan-Ohio State.
Yeah. Like, Ohio State fans, obviously, they're down bad, but I think the NCAA brass was down bad, too, being like, this could have been the biggest game in the history of college football.
Yeah. And Ohio State won the game.
They won the game. They won the game, and then they didn't win the game.
And it was also a big winning night for the loud, we should have let Bama in crew because, you know, Bama was the only team that would have been competitive even though Ohio State took them to the last second. And TCU had a miracle.
They were eight-point underdogs to Michigan. They beat Michigan.
We all expected it to be Michigan-Georgia, and we didn't get it. Yeah, well, PFF actually rated Alabama as the true national champions after the season.
So after watching all the film, Pro Football Focus said, we're going to give our title to Alabama. And then I think number three was Air Force.
So that was kind of cool. Air Force had a good year.
By the way, PFT is a little under the weather. That's why he's on uh zoom today billy is sitting next to me i said before we started taping that this is like my worst nightmare come true that pft dies and i'm just now have to do part of my take with billy he sat in that seat right away he was like oh yeah of course pft's out i get his seat he looked very comfortable very comfortable hank wanted the seat but then I just said no yeah alphus well i mean then he what really happened was big cat walked into the room and and looked at billy and he goes oh you're sitting there today not jake and billy did this thing where he like took his headphones halfway off started to stand up but then he was like i can't let big cat straight up alpha me out of the seat like that not in front of hank he he billy before he came to work today like talked himself in the mirror

he's like big cat's gonna try to bust your balls about sitting in pftc you can't let this happen

you have to stay strong you have to you're a man you're not a you're not a billy foe you're william

man not football not billy okay billy what was your point um everyone's angry at the college

football committee because of this game i wasn't i'm gonna'm going to be honest. I think they've done the best job in the whole history of the college football playoff.
Because the first two games on New Year's Eve, they were amazing. Yeah, you had people showing up last night being like, college football sucks.
Oh, this is terrible. Last Saturday was the best college football day we've had.
But they should have done it on New Year's Eve. So many people, I consider myself kind of like Jersey Jerry.
I mean, I watch more college football. I mean, he literally was like Cesson Bennett's the number one.
Yeah. So you know a little more than that.
Yeah. But I think there's a lot, and being from the Northeast too, where it's like college football is not a big thing whatsoever.
People from there don't really care that much. Doing it on New Year's Eve, there's certain days where if you do it on, you're going to get the national attention.
Everyone's going to watch because there's nothing going on. Doing it on New Year's Eve, there's so many people that just went out, did their New Year's Eve thing, and were like, oh, there's a game on tonight? Who cares? And missed that.
I think it's so dumb to do it on New Year's Eve. So dumb.
They need to switch it back. However, selfishly, a counterpoint is we didn't have to compete with the Arizona Bowl.
Yeah. Sure.
Yeah. That's big.
Great point. No, I mean, it was just because of the schedule.
Sunday is NFL. That's how it happens every few years.
I do agree with Hank. I think that having it on New Year's Eve is just bad in general.
Yeah. What they're doing is they're just conditioning people to accept the fact that New Year's Eve is now also a football day.
Because we don't have enough football days. That's what Roger Goodell has done with Christmas Day.
But guys have to sacrifice New Year's Eve. He's like, now Christmas is also a football day.
So it just takes a while for us to learn the fact that, okay, we're going to have to bite the bullet. And that's going to be a day that we're going to have to stay up and watch football instead of Miley Cyrus and Dolly dolly parton on television some people are going to make that sacrifice new year's eve is probably one of the hardest hardest nights to pitch your significant other on not doing something no i agree i agree i mean yeah it's i'm at a point in my life where i'm like hey great free football right 23 to 23 to 33 no i remember i remember being at a bar for the michigan state alabama game being like i gotta watch this game and it was the worst game ever i need to know how many relationships got got uh severely damaged when that kick was made or when that kick was missed uh in the semi-final game as the ball was dropping how many guys like put their finger up to their girlfriend's mouth and was like just one second babe i need to see if this kick goes in yeah and then by the time it's over everyone else has already kissed she doesn't get her kiss that probably broke a few people up i can't i don't have it in front of me but there was a twitter thread on it of every time someone was complaining about it and there was multiple posts in am i the asshole reddit group yeah yeah i mean new year's eve is a tough night for football i got completely outruled at a at a christmas party or a new year's eve party that I was at that all the guys were watching football, and we had to turn it to the ball draw.
Well, I don't want to review. It was also not my apartment, so you had to do it.
I don't want to. Listen, Max, we've established he doesn't know ball.
This is going to be a bad fact that I say out loud. Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football.
I respect

that. He just takes it off.
So I asked

him last night, I was like, did you watch the game last night? He's like,

nope. Yeah, I didn't watch last night.

You don't watch football on Mondays?

He doesn't watch Monday Night Football. He told

me this halfway through the season. He's like,

yeah, I just take the night off. If the Eagles are playing, I'll watch.

But otherwise, yeah, I don't watch Monday Night Football.

I actually... Max.

No, no, no. Back me up here.

The Sunday Night Grind for Max's day, I used

to have to do it. It's not great.
And then it's like

Thank you. but otherwise, yeah, I don't watch Monday Night Football.
I actually... Max.
No, no, no. Back me up here.

The Sunday night grind for Max's day, I used to have to do it.

It's not great.

And then it's like Monday you're gassed.

If the game wasn't good, I also would used to not really watch. But he doesn't even turn it on.

Am I insane?

Like, what do you mean gassed?

You're sitting on your couch.

No, no, he's sitting on Sunday night.

Max is up to like 5 in the morning, and then you can't go to sleep,

and then it's like the next day.

I don't know.

I, I, I just don't watch it. What do you do on Monday nights, Max? Monday nights are I get a – I'll watch a show.
You know, I don't want to think about what – I just watch a full day of football. I listen to all you guys talk about football.
We talk about it. And then I have to listen to it again until like 5 o'clock in the morning.
That's true. So it's like I enjoy my Monday because then we just do it all again throughout the week.
And we do Thursday. We talk blah, blah, blah.
It's just Mondays are my day where it's like I need to just not think about it. Okay.
That makes sense. Did you watch Monday of football before you started producing? Oh, every time.
Okay, alright. I didn't realize that context.
I thought you just were blatantly like I don't do Monday Night Football, which I was like okay. That makes more sense.
So that actually I can back you up because you guys do work very hard. I thought you just as a rule in life were like Monday's not a football night for night for me no i would i respect the fact that like you don't after hearing us for about 13 hours non-stop in your ears talking about football saying some of the dumbest things possible about the sport that you probably just like want to break from it i wasn't saying that you don't work hard because you work extremely hard especially on sunday nights i was just saying it doesn't require any work at all to sit on your couch and watch Monday night football.

That's something that can be on like just, and Max, I have to ask you this question.

Do you love football?

I do.

I love, I do love football.

We've killed football for you.

That's not true.

I didn't realize this was just a Monday night rule this year that you created.

We have, we have killed the love of football for you. That is untrue.
I love football. If you loved it so much, you'd watch it on Monday nights.
Are you going to watch the playoff game? Yes, I will watch the playoff game. All right, there we go.
As long as we don't annoy him too much. I'm going to have a book report on Tuesday morning.
Oh, man. But, yeah, last shout-out I had to give for the game.
TCU, that one player, I think the score was, what was the – it was like 59-7 going into the fourth quarter, or maybe it was 52-7 going into the fourth quarter, and he's right in eyesight of Sonny Dykes coming off the field, and he threw his fours up. And I respect the hell out of that.
Everyone knows championships aren't won in the first three quarters. You got to play all four quarters.
He was ready. He had those fours up.
That made me laugh so hard. Like 52-7, and you still throw those fours up.
Guys, we got them right where we want them. Just a stop and a score, stop and a score.
It's a classic football guy move. I was really good at that in high school football.
I'd be like the first one on the sideline. The second that the clock would hit, change off the third quarter into the fourth, hands up, and you always can tell that the guy that is really on top of throwing the fours up, probably one of the worst players on the team.
Yeah, this guy was very on top of it right in Sonny Dyke's eye line. Also, shout out to TCU's defense for getting that one stop at the start of the third quarter.
That was crazy when they got a three and out. I was like, what the hell is happening here? And we have bad national – I was looking it up because people were complaining about how bad the game was.
Do you remember LSU-Alabama? That game didn't have a touchdown scored until four minutes left in the fourth quarter. Alabama was up 15-0.
They kicked five field goals. LSU didn't get to, like, the 50-yard line.
We had the Notre Dame-Alabama game, USC-Oklahoma the last time. I think that was the record for points scored in a national title before last night.
So it happens. And PFT, I know I don't have to tell you, but we've had a great string of Super Bowls.
In the 90s, the Super Bowls was always the worst game of the year. Yeah, it was terrible.
The Cowboys would kill someone. The 49ers.
Yeah, the Niners killed the Chargers. Those games were always bad.
Yeah, it didn't start to get good until that one, the Rams Super Bowl. Elway's first one against the Packers was pretty good.
And that was also like Elway finally gets the monkey off his back. The Rams being like one yard short.
Sorry, the Titans being one yard short against the rams that was a pretty good one too but yeah i mean we had two great semi-final games and it's so crazy to look back and be like okay well uh you've got georgia beat ohio state who lost to michigan who lost to tcu and yet somehow georgia against tcu was the worst game time. Yes, yes, exactly.
The parity clock doesn't always work right in college football. Yeah.
And also, big fuck you to Georgia for not bringing Ugga there. Ugga had to watch inside what looked like a jail cell.
He looks like he's being kept in prison. Did you see the room that they kept him in? He couldn't fly.
He can't i don't give a shit like i drove billy to to los angeles last year they can't put their little dog that has breathing issues in the back of a truck and drive him across the country like ugga should have been there for the national championship i i'm i'm depressed for ugga and then i was so depressed to see the conditions the squalor that they make him live in where he's got his like backup aga behind him they're in a jail cell there's no carpet there's no pillow all they have is a cold water dish and that's it it was sad yeah what are you gonna say billy it was a kennel he had a pretty nice rug i didn't say i did not see a rug inside the cell like an oriental rug on the bottom look cell. No, I'm talking about the thing that they let him out of.
Yeah, no, there was another dog. The next Ugga was barking in his kennel.
Yeah, all I'm saying is I would treat Ugga so much better if he was my dog. Can't fly.
Okay, so that's college football. Sad to see it go.
Love college football.

It always is sad when college football ends because then you just look up and you're like, oh, fuck.

We have – how many games do we have left, Jake?

We have 13 games of football left.

So before we do Hot Seat, Cool Throw, and PFD, I alluded to this in the intro.

I put together a list I thought would be fun to just maybe hear your thoughts, debate it real quick because we were talking about how the AFC playoffs are so stacked. So I decided I put together a list of all 14 starting quarterbacks in the playoffs this year and to see where they all line up.
My list has in the top eight, it only has two NFC quarterbacks. I also for this list assumed that Lamar and Tua are fully healthy.
So I just want that on this and Hurts as well. So all fully healthy.
We're pretending they're fully healthy. So I'm going to save my list and then you can tell me where you disagree.
Mahomes, Allen Burrow that's the top three I think that if you did if you say Burrow over Allen I'm not going to disagree with you that's like one of those things that those guys are both just so good Burrow was clearly going to kill Allen in that in that Monday night game yeah they were driving Bengals had the ball I do I I know we've talked about the Bengals uh being very upset. I think it's settled down a little bit, but we were up 7-3.
I'm pretty sure the Chiefs were up 7-3 on the Bengals in the first quarter, and I think they were up 14-3 in the second quarter, and then the Bengals came back and won. The Bengals were driving, big cat.
They had the ball. Their offense looked unstoppable that night.
It was basically a game over. So Mahomes, Allen Bur Burroughs, my top three.
It was 21-3 in the championship game. No, I was talking about this year.
Yeah, 21-3 in the championship game too. Hurts, four.
Herbert, five. Brady, six.
Lamar, seven. Trevor Lawrence, eight.
And then now here comes the NFC. Cousins, Tua, Dak, Daniel Jones, Purdy, Geno.
Okay. You don't think you don't like Purdy over Geno? Cousins over Dak? I like Cousins over Dak.
I trust Kirk Cousins more than Dak right now. Right now.
Amari Cooper referred to Dak Prescott as being the black Kirk Cousins. Wait, hold on.
It doesn't go against everything I said all year because I think Dak is bad. I don't think Kirk Cousins I have is the ninth best quarterback in the playoffs.
That's not great. Cousins or Dak is bad.
Can you go through six through ten again? Yes, no problem. So do you guys disagree with my top five? No.
Mahomes, Allen, bro. Can you text it to the list? Yeah, I'll text it right now.
I'm remembering all of it. Yep, I'll text it to the list.
That's smart. I just also wanted to see it just because it's like, holy shit, this is, the AFC is just so fucking loaded.
What time of day is this game being played at? Because if it's at one, then Kirk Cousins drops – he jumps to the top 50%. He's playing at 430.
That was the only one that Jake got out of the six. He had six chances.
He only got one right. If it's the Monday night, I would put Kirk Cousins last.
Yeah. Okay, so the – I'll go through it again.
I just sent it to everyone. Holmes Allen

Burrow, Hurts Herbert. That's the top

five. Six is Brady.

Seven is Lamar. Eight is

Trevor Lawrence. Nine is Kirk Cousins.

Ten is Tua.

Eleven is Dak. Twelve is Daniel

Jones. Thirteen is Purdy.

Fourteen is Gino. Okay, I would

drop Trevor Lawrence a little bit just because we don't know. It's still too early.
And he played fucking terrible in that game. He did.
He did. I just...
This is simply a question. If you had a game that you had to win, I think I would trust Trevor Lawrence more than Kirk Cuthbert.
He missed four touchdowns. They had a game they had to win.
They did not deserve to win that game. Five games in a row they had to win.
But the one that they had to really win. No, they had to win all of them.
But they had to win the one on Saturday. They had to win all of them to get to that spot.
They've been in the playoffs for a month and a half. So I was thinking on Monday night how awesome it would be if you took the best quarterbacks in the league.
You know the ones that you tune in to Monday Night Football games to watch? Like we had an Allen-Burrow matchup how cool would it be if like every team got to pick from one of the top four quarterbacks to be their quarterback during a Monday night football game yeah so so like Josh Allen would play for a game in my case like on the commanders he would just suit up in a commander's uniform and I was thinking about like who would the most exciting quarterbacks to be uh be to watch in those like the the all time guys that you would want on Monday night football games. And the four that I came up with my homes, definitely Allen.
Yes. Burrow.
Yes. And then I had Herbert over hurts because I think that hurts is great.
He's a great football player in the Eagles offense and he makes that offense run. And yeah, he's like MVP consideration, consideration before he got hurt but i still think that herbert is like more dynamic and fun to watch with his arm talent than than hertz is that might be true i i put hertz four because he was out for the last whatever three games i think people forgot how just good he was this year he's very good like he was he He was going be it was going to be him versus Mahomes for the MVP and then he got hurt so and again this is a hype is injuries off hypothetical so I yeah I mean I just I just wanted to look at it and see it and and see it all listed out what what other ones do you guys disagree with I would put Brady above Herbert I would drop Trevor Lawrence below Dak and I and i would put dak above cousins okay so you trust dak oh yeah yeah i forgot you're a troll and you the cowboys one seat no i just i think i like i think dak is he's been so bad this last like month and a half so bad seven games in a row with interception right? He led the league in interceptions.

He led the league.

Was it totally interception?

Because I know it was interception rate.

Mills did.

Maybe they tied.

Maybe Mills. But Mills made that pass.

Big Cat, what you're talking about is he led the league in interception rate.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

So like per pass.

Yeah.

I just think he's dynamic.

Either way, this was just my way of getting pumped up for the playoffs.

But also, we're talking about it.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hank, no, no, no, Hank.

Hank, you wait.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hank, shut the fuck up.

I might not be in the studio, but shut the fuck up.

Oh, wait, I can mute you, actually.

Max, turn Hank's microphone off. I can actually mute you.

I can turn your microphone off.

I can just cancel you out of this call.

Did you just say that Dak is dynamic?

Yeah, he can run, he can pass.

No, no, this is like when Stephen A. said that Teddy Bridgewater was a runner.

Dak doesn't run that much.

That's racist, Hank. No, it's not.
He does not run that much. He'll run every now and then for a first down, but he's not looking to run.
Hank's like, I got to get one of those dual threat quarterbacks like James Winston or Byron Leftwich. All I'm saying also, this is a one-game scenario.

Yes.

Brady should be at the top of the list.

Well, no, Mahomes.

Right now.

Right now.

I'm not talking about right now you would take Brady over Mahomes?

Okay.

Not on the road.

It's true.

Wait, Brady hasn't beat Mahomes on the road?

No, Mahomes has never won on the road.

Yeah.

Dak had.

And he's never beaten Brady in the playoffs.

I think the Bucs are going to the Super Bowl. Dak runs for like two.
Yeah, Hank, because they were Brady. They played one Super Bowl game.
Dak runs like four or five times a game. Well, they played an AFC championship game too.
Yeah. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, I forgot about that. I stand corrected.
Maybe, Hank, you got to change your take to like Dak would be better if he ran more. I'm going to look up some stats.
I thought he was. No, I mean, he runs four to five times a game.

I think his yardage long this season was 41. Like Trevor Lawrence is dynamic.

Trevor Lawrence is dynamic.

He doesn't look to run.

Cousins is not dynamic.

Tua is dynamic.

Daniel Jones is dynamic.

Daniel Jones can run.

Right.

He's a very good runner.

Yeah.

Brady's not dynamic.

Herbert's not dynamic.

Daniel Jones is twice as good a runner as dak prescott is yeah but i'm just saying in terms of like like brady cousins purdy like they don't have the option of running you never think they're going to run herbert's you never think they're going to run dak trevor lawrence joe burrow mahomes like they're they're dynamic enough that they can run if they have to. I wouldn't put...
No, I don't know if I... Mahomes runs...
Pressure comes, they can scramble out of the pocket and get 15 yards. Yeah, I think Dak does that maybe once a game.
Mahomes does that once a quarter, and it always works. Dynamic.
Dynamic. I would also just take Brock purdy off this list entirely because he's he's great for kyle shanahan's offense and i don't i don't really know how we can compare that to anything he's perfect he's doing great and people are already talking about like what are they going to do next year they got to stick with brock purdy at this point right like well and i'll hand up i i put brock purdy 13 and Geno 14 because I think the 49ers are going to kill the Seahawks.

So if I did that reverse, then everyone would be like, nice call,

none of the nuts.

New question.

Which one of these quarterbacks would you most like to see in Kyle Shanahan's

offense?

Josh Allen?

I actually think Daniel Jones would be awesome in Kyle Shanahan's offense. Yeah, he would.
Josh Allen would be sick, though, too. Dude, nine yards per game.
He's dynamic. It's like Lamar, Justin Fields, Dak.
Then comes Hertz. Think about Lamar.
Maybe I'm trolling a little bit. I wish they weren't playing the Bucs because I would be all in on the Cowboys.
You already are. One seed Cowboys.
Yeah. Nearly half of these guys have been on the show.
I think six out of 14. Oh, wow.
Wow. Burrow, by the way, maybe the most boss answer ever in his press conference when a reporter asked, do you feel like the window is closing on this team? And he said, the window is my career.
Hell yeah. Such an awesome answer.
It's like, as long as I'm'm here the window's open the ceiling is the roof yeah it's just you wouldn't you don't want another answer from your franchise corner be like dude if i'm on the team we're we're playing for a super bowl well it's because it's it's the classic media debate of just like debating windows yeah and that's what matters like can they be a dynasty can george can georgia be a dynasty immediately start people people start asking that question right after the game yes like i actually think in college football two championships in a row is a dynasty yeah i'd agree every other sport it's three and five years yeah yeah but two in a row that's a dynasty that's a dynasty um okay should we do other thing, Big Cat. Yeah.
So, I mean, we want more football.

You were just talking about we have, what, 13 games left?

Yeah.

Is that right?

Before XFL and spring football start?

If we had more NFL games, if we had bowl games for NFL.

Oh, yeah.

After the season was over for teams that didn't make the playoffs,

but they get one more game. I was just thinking about the best matchups that we could have, like which teams would be the most fun to watch play each other.
I had, um, I had the Patriots and the Raiders playing each other again. No forward passes, just laterals.
I like that. I I had Texans Colts.

They played in an instant classic on sunday i would love to watch that back right max love it love it love monday football i like that um lions commanders is another one that i had they played earlier this season a ton of points run that back to like the lions legitimately good fun Commanders have the ability of being fun when that redheaded guy, that freak isn't playing. Yeah, I like that one.
Who would the Bears match up against? Maybe Georgia. That's got to be the Texans for first pick.
Nice, nice, nice. Isn't that your idea? Yeah.
First pick up bowl? Yeah. Yeah, it should absolutely be.

There should be a game in Pro Bowl weekend.

It should be the teams with the two worst records playing for the first pick.

Who wouldn't watch that game?

Agreed.

Who wouldn't watch?

You could just play all the games for playoff seating.

That would be incredible.

Where it's just like the team, you can get one higher if you beat the team.

That's bowl season for the NFL. Yeah.
Yeah, that would that would be perfect. Oh, what if it was a bracket? What if we did a bracket and then the team that won got the number one overall pick? So every team that doesn't make the playoffs is involved.
It is funny to take a step back and be like, one week ago today we did a podcast where like serious tone, DeMar Hamlin's health, NFL doesn't about player safety and now we've just signed up uh the entire nfl for an extra like seven games no i get it but also in this in this tournament turn injuries off yeah turn injuries off no injuries allowed yeah i like it uh all right let's do hot seat cool throne uh our wonderful sponsor game time we talked about him at the top. Get $20 off your first purchase.
Download the Game Time app and use code PMT for $20 off your first purchase. I'm looking right now again.
Oh, Billy Joel. He's Friday night, 200 bucks, MSG.
How can you not? First time ever. How can you not? How can you not? How about uh billy eilish no no scheduled events but when it happens you can put it on alert game time app thank you to the game time app exclusive ticketing partner barstool sports henry hot seat cool throw uh my hot seat lockwood nope nope nope facts lockwood factwood uh.
My hot seat is any veteran QB that the Jets sign. Okay.
Why? Because in New York, something happens and they can't play well? No. Zach Wilson was asked about if they brought in a veteran QB, and he said he's going to make their life hell.
I mean, he means he's going to fuck their wife. Or their mother.
What else could he do to make him hell? Not play football better. Who's the guy who fucked LeBron's mom? De'Altre West.
De'Altre West. Yeah.
That energy. That worked out well for him.
It's a great quote from Zach Wilson. He's spicy.
I will say, you can't really answer it differently because if you answer it differently no you can be less of a dickhead you can be like i'm open to competition i'm just gonna go out there and do my thing but it's kind of like billy sitting in pft's seat you gotta like talk a big game to get your you know you don't really have a lot of confidence so you have to you have to masquerade it with the words you say. Yeah.
Yeah, there we go. There we go, Billy.
You sound confident. Let's stand up.
Hank made me sit here. Hank made me sit here.
How much more hell could their life be in already than being a veteran quarterback that's now playing for the New York Jets? Yeah, that's true. That's a fact.
Which circle of hell are we talking about? The first couple of circles of hell actually aren't that bad. Yeah, just call Joe Flacco.
He'll tell you how this year went. It was hell.
What were you going to say, Max? I mean, Hank did tell Billy when he sat down, but I walked into the studio before Hank, and the first thing that Billy said to me is, should I just sit in PFDC today? So it was a bit when Hank said it, but it was not a bit when Billyy actually sat there no i i was blogging here i need like if i did die let's just say that i passed away shows over how quickly yeah no i i know you would big cat but i'm saying because big cat did walk in and sit down just looked over he's like if this is the show then i don't i can't i don't think i can do this i would try and squeeze some ad dollars out of a couple more episodes of Of course you would. You'd be skimming it off the top.
Billy, how quickly would it take for you to text the group thread and be like, so what time are we taping tonight? No, I'd be like, what time's dinner tonight? And then the implication is we're doing a show. I'd just check Penn's grad school policy for employees and just pivot.
Oh, okay. Is there one?

There might be.

I actually don't know.

Wait, so, Billy, if I died, your response, that would be to enroll in college? No, I'm trying to say that I wouldn't try to take your spot.

He'd be more responsible.

Exactly.

Well, you'll never get it with that attitude, Billy.

I'd like to see more of that killer instinct.

I know.

Or, you know, hey.

We set this whole thing up to see if you would answer correctly.

You answered wrong.

It's not.

PFT's actually retiring.

Damn.

He's actually on Pedophile Island right now.

He's in jail.

Yeah, the good one, though.

Because I'm arresting all the other pedophiles.

He's like Tom Hanks.

Start the theories.

All right, your cool throne.

Speaking of Tom Hanks, so no offense, but the movie that they're advertising everywhere

looks like the worst movie of all time.

What is it called?

I don't even know. A guy named Poe or something.
It's Gran Torino 2, except Tom Hanks. Well, it's Tom Hanks.
I'll watch it. Not me.
My cool throne is Hilaria Baldwin. Oh, yeah.
Alec Baldwin's wife, which always confuses me because Alec Baldwin's brother has a daughter, Haley Baldwin, who's married to Justin Bieber. So whenever Hilaria Baldwin's in the news, I get confused because I always think that's her first.
This is Alec Baldwin's wife, who is close to a million followers on Instagram and has been forcing Alec and all of her kids to post incessantly about getting her a million followers. And it's super cringe.
Why doesn't she just get a boat and have someone dive into the East River?

That's a good question. Or why doesn't she just get Tom Brady to follow her?

Yeah, facts.

She did hit a million, though.

Okay, good, good.

Are you following her?

No, I've just seen Alec Baldwin.

Oh, you're following Alec Baldwin.

You know he killed a person.

Also, didn't he yet? I just remember this. Isiley baldwin the one he let the voicemail to no oh what he called her a pig yeah that's his actual daughter yeah hailey baldwin is his niece who's is that steven's daughter yeah the crazy one yeah they're all crazy yeah i.
There's something about Alec Baldwin. The fact that he might have killed someone on a set, or he did.
He definitely did. Yeah, he did, whether it was an accident or whatever.
I do respect that. It was an accident.
Well, yeah, right. It was an accident.
I do respect that Alec Baldwin, it feels like maybe he's kind of more under the radar because of that, but there was a stretch where it was every three months, it was just Alec Baldwin gets in fight with a person on New York streets. And I like that.
He just has that grizzle to him. I'm a Billy guy.
I like Billy Baldwin. Wouldn't fuck with that guy.
Alec would have been a good user of that fighter app where you just try to find people to fight wasn't that your idea PFT? yeah fighter no E alright PFT your hot seat cool throne my hot seat is I'm gonna go I'm gonna go with me on the hot seat cause there's an album coming out on Friday and I am in a no-win situation for whether I ignore it or if I follow it very closely. I've been tagged in like a million things online.
Miley's got her album coming out. And what's happening is she's promoting it by putting up videos of herself singing naked in the shower and people are just tagging me in it left and right and pre-bonking me for it while simultaneously alerting me to his presence so it's like they're being horny but they're saying don't let pft see this he'll get bonked so like i don't know you haven't liked any of them yet though right i know i liked

i liked the first one when it came out because her voice sounded lovely but people are like using this as an excuse to point a finger at me even though i haven't even done anything except like the video supporting the arts yes except supporting the arts right but yeah you're an art supporter i I appreciate that.

I'm an art supporter.

I had an idea.

If I'm not, if I'm still home on Friday, and I think the album comes out on Friday, I think I might do a Twitch stream listening to the album for the first time and then re-recording one of her songs, like doing a punk cover of it on Twitch live. What do you guys think about that? You can't show nudity on Twitch.

I'm not going to be naked.

Then you're not doing a full cover of it.

She's not showing

nipples either.

She's backwards.

I was like, that might be more of an

Instagram live thing because that would

just get cease and desisted.

Twitch would take you down for music.

For music? I'd be recording it myself myself though i wouldn't be playing her songs i don't know oh yeah if you're not playing her songs out loud okay um we'll work on that my cool throne is uh correa's ankle carlos correa's ankle so i guess it's fine now and i guess the doctors in san francisco and new y York just don't know what they're talking about because Minnesota signed him to a contract after he already agreed to sign to the Giants. Like, what was that, a month and a half ago? And then they said, psych, he's not going to sign.
There was something that was red flagged in his physical. He got checked out by the Mets.
They said that he was going to sign with the Mets. But then they had to redo his contract because something's wrong with his left ankle and so now he's just going to sign with the twins who I guess it's Minnesota so they're like we don't really care uh we're just happy to be in consideration so we'll pay the money and if you get hurt that sucks but um at least we got you I think they just basically said we know your ankles fuck because you're on the team last year so uh yeah.
Yeah, so what could be this bad with his ankle? Because he had surgery on it back when he was a minor leaguer, I think eight years ago. He got a plate in his leg.
That's what it is. Okay, but he's been fine since then, right? He hasn't missed any time from it? Yeah.
So they're just like waiting for it to break. It's like the super volcano underneath Yellowstone.
It's like, well, it's overdue to rupture, but we can just say, what if it doesn't rupture? And knowing Minnesota's sports tragedy, like... Spring training.
It's probably won't go well. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
All right, my hot seat is our darling Jake. He's very anxious about the bowl-a-rama, which I think we have a date for.
Can we say that, Hank? January 31st, PFT's birthday. So we will be all in the bowling alley streaming it.
PFT and I will be calling it. Max and Jake will be participating.
Jake is very nervous about this. He is anxious.
He's worried. Started my prep process.
Okay, he he started my prep process i love a good twist i was raised on reality television i love the twist i have a twist that i'd like to propose to jake and he can take it or he cannot whatever you want to do the bowling alley is filled with milfs yeah no here's the twist it's very. It's very simple.
Jake, you will go head-to-head with me and PFT picking the playoff games. So PFT and I will make picks together as a team, and we'll go against you.
You have to pick one side or total on every single playoff game. If we beat you, Ray Allen tweet.

If you beat us, we will both eat six hot dogs on your behalf when you're bowling.

That's pretty good.

That's 60 pins we will take down for you.

Well.

60 pins we will eat for you on the live stream there's something we haven't addressed yet what if this is being changed to a one-day thing i'm vowing to go all in all out yeah no you are gonna go all in all out but i'm saying right we'll make it significantly like that will make it significantly easier for you i can't i can't do the railing oh come on i I can't do it. Now you're going to make me look even worse.
Okay. No, I didn't want to do that.
You can do the Ray Allen. You can do it.
No, I can't. You can do it.
You can. Or you could just beat us in picking games.
That's true. You can also have the help from Hank, Max, and Billy.
So it could be the four of you picking against me and PFT every single playoff game. You guys huddle up.

We'll go mano-a-mano.

Teams, we'll eat six hot dogs each,

which counts for 60 pins.

Wait, six hot dogs each is... Oh, yeah, for five.

Yeah, PFT and I both will take down

six hot dogs on the live stream.

We'll eat them regular pace,

so you'll get the pins as they come.

And Ray Allen's tweet if you lose. I'll throw in too no you're drinking beer billy and beer yeah i'd be willing to counter with less hot dogs for you guys for a different consequence nope nope the offer is there what about the kevin smith tweet what's the kevin smith tweet oh 10 years in and we bone like we're cheating on each other with each other.

A decade plus and her clit brown taint area still pones my dick.

That's so much worse.

You're going on the list for just having that memorized.

I don't have it memorized.

It's right here.

What about the James Brown tweet?

He has a big day. Sexy little brun bitch Sucking and fucking her personal trainer's big cock I mean you guys It's a link to damnplips.com It's one tweet I know And the people are like Oh this one tweet Like who cares Like there's people on Twitter Outside of AWL Right That's my Like, obviously, you guys would know it's a joke, but not necessarily.

It's a parody account.

It's a parody tweet.

You have a real account.

Dude, I can do that in two years.

But you have it.

I tweeted the Ayesha Curry tweet during the Lions Packers.

Everyone knew what I was tweeting.

Yeah.

There were very few people.

There's famous tweets.

I tweeted I was fucking a man.

Yeah.

That wasn't real.

Yeah, I was fucking a man.

You can do asterisks, too.

How many asterisks?

I'll say five total. No, that's too many asterisks.
Four total. Let me pull up the tweet.
Four total. Jake, what if you tweet some serious diehard anti-vax stuff? No.
But this is how we keep... ESPN literally doesn't let you call games if you're not vaxed.
I'm pretty sure. Well, right.
Isn't that a thing? I don't know. I have no idea, but listen, this is a way to keep the AWS invested through the playoffs.
It would be take. You know what? I'll go to seven hot dogs each for me and PFT.
That's a lot of pins. That's a shitload of pins.
Look at Max. You're going to beat Max if you do it.
Well, we're not going to eat them super fast, Max. We're going to eat them at regular pace.
Max has promised he's going to do it on his first game. First hour.
No chance. I think there's a chance.
I actually was saying last night, I think if we all had to do this, Max would do it the fastest. Faster than you.
Okay. Are you trying to challenge me? No, I just...
Jake, theake the offer is on the table i'm just doing the math in my head how many asterisks i could do without it making it look bad i think you gotta do it obviously you don't have to worry about it until you lose to us obviously for the awls it's my best interest to do it obviously a minute for them i don't want to force you into i mean you kind of are oh yeah of course but i don't said I don't want to force you into anything. It's also not guaranteed to be a one-day stream like you.
And it's also

guaranteed

that you don't have to tweet it.

All you got to do is pick better than us.

All you got to do is pick better than us.

Wait, so January 31st, is that including

the championship? I think it's right before the

championship. Oh, no, it's after the championship,

so it will be the entire playoffs. So there's 12

games, so 12 picks. What if we tie? I don't know.
We'll flip a coin. We'll flip a coin on the stream.
That'll be great. Ray Allen tweet.
I swear, I was 10 times more scared about that than this bowling thing. But you already agreed to do it at one point, so now you're just agreeing to do it again.
If you lose. I mean, five asterisks.

Five asterisks?

Yeah.

C-L.

Tell us where you put the asterisks.

I mean, there's only three words that are actually bad.

Okay.

The M word, the C word, and the D word.

So you can put a couple asterisks on them.

No.

Four asterisks.

Four asterisks.

Knowing that, four asterisks.

When you blank, think about it. Think about it and give us an answer on guys on chicks.
All right. Four asterisks.
All right. So now, yeah, Jake is on the hot seat.
That was my hot seat. You think that's a fair deal, right, PFT? That seems like too much of a fair deal.
Yeah. That's a lot of asterisks.
You know what? I would take it if I were Jake. Six hot dogs.
We're back down to six hot dogs. I would take it if I was Jake.
Yeah, seven was on the table. Six is now the deal.
My cool throne is – I have two cool thrones. The Bears' smoke screen season, I alluded to it on Monday.
Ryan Poles did his press conference. He was like, we're committed to Justin, but we have to evaluate if someone blows us away in the draft process.
I love that. I also think Justin Fields' camp might get in on the ruse and be like, I'm upset.
So get the smoke screens out there. Let's get it going.
Get everyone confused. Maybe the Bears will take Bryce Young and then get a haul.
And then my other cool throw in is college basketball. It's back.
I always flip the page. I put a future on Tennessee and UConn those are my two teams so I did that after the national championship last night when we were in New Jersey those are my two teams got Hurley and um I love Ziegler on Tennessee Rick Barnes makes me nervous but a future is a future it's really you're you're the a future bet is just to have some you know a team you're rooting for there.
And obviously Wisconsin's pretty good this year. If they beat both of them on the way to a national title, that would be the best possible scenario.
But – It's funny because of somebody who we will not name, you can't admit that Alabama's going to be good this year. Correct.
So now you're going for Tennessee over them. I do like Tennessee.
And for the last like four years, it's been like this is the reason, this is the season that Rick Barnes finally will not choke in the NCAA tournament. And then he finds a way to one-up himself every year.
Yes, yes. It will probably blow up in my face, but, you know, if either of them get to the Elite Eight, it will be a good ride.
It will be a fun ride.

I was looking at it.

I think Alabama's odds are, I think they're 13-1.

Oh, no, they're 15-1.

So, yeah, I could have bet Alabama, but I can't.

And maybe I'll throw $1,000 on Wisconsin at 100-1.

Oh, that would be sick.

I don't mind Auburn.

Yeah.

Yeah. We'll see.
Rocky Top and UConn. UConn in March.
Maybe it will happen. All right, Billy.
Hot seat Zach Wilson. Hot seat IRS.
Put the mic closer to your face. Talk into it.
Just talk into it. There we go.
Billy just got slapped with my mic. It was too low.
You can't hang the big leagues, Billy. No, it was set so low.
It was basically just cock, yeah. So a hot seat at the IRS.
Turns out they're trying to abolish the IRS. That'd be pretty cool.
That feels like it won't work. I know.
Definitely won't pass anything, but it would be nice. So the House of Representatives introduced a bill, right? Yeah.
So it's probably going to pass the House and then go nowhere yeah sounds cool though it does sound cool yeah no income tax if you give the me the option of whether or not to pay taxes or not pay taxes now that i'm rich i would rather not pay taxes oh yeah i forgot pft is a republican now i'm a republican now okay billy reminded reminded me the other day. Yeah.
My cool throne is clowning. Amazing clowning by the Georgia players last night on the sideline, eating wings.
Oh, yeah. Eating wings.
During the game. During the game.
I mean, even just the drive for the over was a clowning. Yeah.
Like going to hurry up at the goal line when you're up 55. But clowning in college football doesn't happen that much because the coaches

usually have a better handle on the players

and their actions. A lot more like

they can threaten them more.

But now that these guys

are basically graduating a lot of the more seniors, they're

literally accepting big plates

of chicken wings from the sideline.

Recruiting violation.

Frog's legs would have been funnier.

I heard Jim Harbaugh bought those wings.

You know what?

If this were five, six years ago, there would be a message board out there that would actually be accusing Georgia of having, what are they called, first level violations, level one violations for giving players impermissible meals on the sidelines. I'd just like to say, I think that college message board culture has fallen off recently it used to be a whole lot more like litigious and they used to be on their shit now it's gotten soft what what lsu recently yeah everyone gets violated yeah that didn't come out right yeah uh okay jake uh my hot seats myself because you put my brain in a pretzel.
You don't have to do the tweet, Jake. You don't have to do the tweet.
I have a suggestion. I agree.
I have a suggestion. Okay.
I think you should do the tweet. Something you can do.
Troll Lockwood. Hank is all of our bosses, so if Hank wants to do the tweet, I actually have to say yes, you have to do the tweet.
And I want to just put my hand up. I thought it'd be fun to just throw this out there uh spur of the moment I do think that Jake is right that like you know he wants to be calling games in the future that tweet might be weird looking so I'm not going to put pressure on him I PFT texted me his suggestion I think this is what we should go with you know what I think that I might just do the Ray Allen tweet just like for fun I was thinking about doing it right now I yeah, I was also thinking about it.
I had Twitter open right now. But Jake's in a different position than we are.
No, I'm doing it. Wait, don't do it before me.
I was going to do it. It's my tweet.
I love race. It's a race.
It's a race. I was the one, yes.
I'm the one who originally made the joke out about the tweet. Refreshing so hard.
Come on. Alright, fine.
Cease fire. I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it.

I will not do it.

I'm not going to do it either.

You guys are both scared.

No, we'll come up with a bet.

We were both about to do it.

PFC will come up with a bet between us.

And the winner will get to do it.

Yes, Billy.

I'll just do it.

No, PFC and I are going to do it.

I'll just do it.

All right, Billy, you do it.

No.

It's going to ruin Billy's career.

It will.

It's going to be awesome.

He's never going to get a job.

Anyway.

Good luck getting a finance job, Billy.

Yeah, PST and I will be doing a future bet where the winner gets to tweet it.

So this was actually suggested to us by Pardon My Trolls on Twitter.

And it's a variation of the suggestion, but I think it works well.

We can do a weekend picks thing for week one against Jake.

And if he beats us, then we have to do the hot dog thing. We have to contribute towards his hot dog totals.
If we beat him, then him and Billy have to go to a Chiefs playoff game dressed up as Chiefs-aholic and X-Factor. The bank robber and the guy that got kicked out of the stadium last year.
I think that's a great deal.

I think that's when Billy gets to just go to a Chiefs playoff game.

And Jake has to rob a bank.

Billy has to rob a bank on the way.

No, Jake has to, in the Chiefs-aholic costume,

has to go at least to an ATM.

Yes.

You also can't take the costume off.

You can't be like, oh, I did the costume for pictures.

You've got to watch the whole game in the costume. Do you want to be the wolf? I'll be the wolf.
No, no, no. You've got to watch the whole game in the costume.

Do you want to be the wolf?

I'll be the wolf.

No, no, no.

Jake's got to be the Chiefs of Hollings.

He's got to be the felon.

Jake, will you do it?

Better than that tweet.

Okay.

All right.

So we've got a deal.

So this is going to be great.

And it might not happen.

What?

And it might not happen.

And it might not happen.

So we're going to go seven picks.

We'll do seven.

So there's six games.

We'll make seven picks.

So you have to double up on one game. PFT and I versus Jake and the boys.
First round only. If you win, if you beat us, we will each eat six hot dogs on your behalf for the bowl-o-rama.
And then if we beat you, you and Billy have to go to the Chiefs playoff game next weekend. and you have to wear the Chiefs-aholic costume from pretty much the minute you wait.

I think you should have to go in the airport in it too.

Yeah.

You have to go in the airport.

Yeah, sorry.

So you have to fly with it on.

Is that even legal?

Yeah, you just take the head off when you go through TSA.

So you're going to fly with it on.

It will be such a great video.

That's fair.

You're going to fly with it on,

and you're going to wear it for the entire day,

go to the game, maybe a little tag that says, Hi, I'm Chiefsaholic, and Billy will be with you as X-Factor. Hell yeah.
Oh, wait. Jake, you also need to have a bag, like a burlap bag with a green dollar sign on it that you're walking around with.
Yes, we'll probably get on TV. Yes.
Yes. Oh, I know.
Okay, perfect. All right, Jake, what's your cool throne? My cool throne is growing up uh it's pretty wild the popeyes kid is now a college football player wait who's the popeyes kid uh dearness colin he's the kid that everyone thought was little terrio oh yeah he's growing up and now he's going viral the kid holding his stomach Yeah.
Lake Erie College Storm. Hell yes.
He also was a New Jersey State championship. Wow.
Good for him. Yeah.
Football guy. He won, what was it? It was New Jersey? Yeah, he won the New Jersey State championship in the Meadowlands.
I think for his class. He paused after the game and he did the meme pose.
Do you think he gets sick of being asked to do that? Well, he actually disappeared since the next time he resurfaced after that first photo was that photo of the state championship game, which kind of was probably fun holding the championship trophy instead of the cup and being like, hey, look, I made something of my life. Yeah.
Not just this meme. Is there a show called Behind the Meme? Tosh.
Tosh. Where they follow up on people from these famous memes, like 15, 20 years later.
It did sound like a Tosh segment. Yeah.
You just invented Tosh. For no for memes.
He did web redemption. So that's different.
Yeah. It's a little bit different because I feel like memes have, have really taken off even since Tosh.
Was on the air. I would like to follow up with some of those people and see what's going on these days yeah um all right so uh let's do our interview we got andrew santino in studio awesome interview it's brought to you by our friends at hello fresh you've got new year's goals and hello fresh is here to help you achieve them Skip the grocery store and take control of your time and budget

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HelloFresh.com slash Take21. Do it now and get some great home-cooked meals new years now here is andrew santino okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is andrew santino yeah boys cheeto santino his new netflix special if you're listening to this right now has just dropped it's called cheeseburger it's on netflix yes go watch it you can also hear podcast.
How many episodes we do in a week? Well, I do whiskey ginger is me with guests. And then I do whichever would.
By the way, if you come out to L.A., we'll have to sit down and drink some good whiskey. Yes.
And then me and Bobby Lee, my favorite little noodle, my little dumpling. We do bad friends.
We do ours every week. We're going on tour.
So we'll be back out in New York. I think at the end of I want to say april we're touring we're doing like 29 or 30 cities on a bus oh me and the noodle on a bus have you done that before never dude i've never been on a bus no bus have you ever toured i've never toured no i've never toured a bus and i'm so scared of it sucks yeah i've heard okay so we've done trips on a bus we've gone across the country on a bus in an rv it's really the first day it's like remember when you watch real world back in the day and the first day everyone runs in they're like this house is awesome yeah you get in and you're like this bus is sick we're gonna do all this shit and then by i don't know about like the middle of pennsylvania you're like this fucking sucks get the gun yeah this is the gun it just bumps and you can't take a shit on the bus see well that's the rules that we were talking about we have to get hotels in different cities because i said no shitting on the bus yep and also bobby and i got into a fight uh live on our show about who gets the back room and this is this is the most this is the most mind fuck shit he did he was like i'm giving it to you because i don't want it and i was like nah nah you bitch i know what he's doing yeah i know exactly what he's doing here's what he'll do is he'll give you the back room and then he'll be like oh i can't sleep in this bunk uh-huh let me just grab a hotel room real quick and then you're on the bus sleeping in there right it's cold you're freezing it's uncomfortable short bed meanwhile he's staying at best western living like a king that's the plan like he'll sleep in that one bunk for the first night right and then i can't do this i like it too that it's uh all podcasts are the same because we we were on a flight uh a few months ago and there's only one first class ticket and i gave it to him i was like you take it you take it i tried to give mine i tried to give it to a troop yeah i was looking for somebody to board wearing military facieges.
Anybody's stolen valor? Anybody at this point. I went up to the lady at the ticket gate, and I was like, hey, just so you know, if there's a troop here, I'd like to give them my ticket.
And they're like, sir, I don't know what to tell you. And I was like, okay, you know what? I'll just take it.
That's fine. Isn't that funny when you try to do something nice and someone shuts down your gesture? Yeah.
Like I said, we went to the Morton Arboret know the morton arboretum you know what that is yeah yeah it's like a forest preserve and they do like a light show for christmas and so uh my mom got sick so she couldn't go and then we had extra tickets and then i said you know what we'll just don't we'll donate them for a family for someone you know we already did they're bought this is nice and i go to the woman and i was like hey we have some extra tickets and she goes okay i was like oh we'd like to leave them for another family You know, if kids, you know, they're expensive. It's not cheap.
And I said to the woman and I was like, hey, we have some extra tickets. And she goes, okay.
I was like, oh, we'd like to leave them for another family. You know, if kids and they're expensive.
It's not cheap. And I said, well, you know, here you go.
And the woman goes, yeah, all right. Just leave them there.
I was like, all right, bitch. I'm just trying to be nice.
But she just sees it as like, you're just making me do more work. It's an inconvenience.
Right. I've given her another job.
But I was like, dude, I'm sorry for being. It sucks.
That's what the world teaches you. You can't do too much nice shit.
No, no. It'll hit you in the face.
The right level is always like you don't want to, because then also if you do too much nice shit, people are just going to be like, you're the nice guy and then they're going to start taking advantage of you. Like I get, I think I've done some nice stuff, but then I'll randomly have people hitting me up being like, can I get 500 bucks? Can I get a thousand? I'm like, I can't just.
You can't just give it all away. I just can't do that.
I have to have some kind of vetting process. But guys, the editors of this show, can you please put up his Venmo right down below? And will anybody ask for anything just right now? Ask for whatever you want right now.
Hit him up. All right.
So your Netflix special. Yeah, we shot it in Denver, Colorado at the Paramount Theater.
I did two shows there. It was a long time coming because I was going to do a special before and then COVID and all this stuff, and then we were back and forth of where I wanted to do it and when I wanted to do it.
And then Netflix and I finally worked out this thing that I was like, okay, let's do it this way, this time. And part of the deal was, because before the show they had no influence on what none? No.
Because I feel like we've heard who was in here Andrew Schultz said that they had to cut a few things out now that might also be Andrew Schultz saying he cries about everything because it's good promotion right? He's one of the best dude. He's Don King of comedy he is the the greatest promoter of, he knows exactly how to market.
But no, truthfully,

he did have some problems with content.

That was a thing that they dealt with.

And I don't know the depths of it,

but with my contract,

it was,

I was an executive producer on it.

It's mine.

I own the rights to it.

We do a deal with them.

And then I get to decide what's left in.

So I sat in the edit bay

with multiple editors.

Took me about a month to figure out exactly how we wanted to look and feel and so i we did all of it did you think about pushing it to the limit like just having like a list of netflix employees and be like this guy's hitler this guy's a pedophile this guy like hitler does work at netflix yeah that's true he is kind of running the game over there right now but yeah your special is so good i really love he loved mine. I did a whole bit about Kanye.
He loved it. I just don't believe it ever whenever someone says they don't, they didn't get any edits.
So what they do is like they run through, you know, this is all internal jargon, but S&P, you know, standards and practices and legal. What they have to do is make sure they're not going to get sued if you're saying something, you know, absurd, like a company that they'd be scared of.
You know what I mean? Some massive corporation like Clairol or one of these makeup people. Like, yeah, they gave me skin cancer.
Right. And they just, that's all they're really afraid of.
They're not afraid of like what you can and can't say. Like, you don't talk about that group of people.
That's kind of all, that's a little bit. Overblown.
Yeah. There's a lot of like social influence like that online.
Be like, ooh, I can't believe... It's more people getting upset about stuff than Netflix.
Yeah. I mean, Netflix's proof was that they left Chappelle stuff up there, even after all that stuff.
Right. Did numbers.
Yeah. It was amazing.
They wrote him thank you letters, you know, with feather pens, I'm sure. Like, thanks for making us another billion dollars.

So the truth is they're more worried like many companies.

They don't want to get sued by some corporation because you lied about a product you used or something that happened.

But for us, they did S&P and legal and they sent us back a couple of notes.

And all their notes were, you know, it was more creative stuff. They're like, hey, this is our input about this and the timing of this and this.
And honestly, we didn't take any of them. You'd probably feel like a tremendous pussy if they sent no notes, right? You'd be a little scared if they were like, it's fine.
Yeah, it's totally fine. Why'd you even send it to us? I, no, I got like, look, I had, I do, I wanted to shoot it in Denver because we have family there.
I love Denver. It's a place in my heart for years.
I've loved doing comedy there. And the best part about Denver to me was, dude, Denver's a very liberal city, right? That's most people know it as a liberal, but Colorado isn't all liberal.
Yeah. There's a lot of conservative out there.
It's kind of a purple place. So I was like, i want both parties to come and enjoy this because i shit on trump i shit on biden really really hard and i want to feel both of those reactions yeah i'm not really a one-sided guy i like to just test the water because that's how i literally think and the whole time i was talking to one of the netflix people and i was like man i hope biden doesn't die before this comes out.
Like that was my own. I was like, please don't die.
Yeah. Because I have a whole bit about him.
And I was like, if he dies, it'll ruin the joke. That would actually, that would ruin a lot of standup comedy.
I would imagine that's not, not yet out. Don't die.
Yeah. Please don't die.
I mean, I know he's dead already, but it's like, please just keep up the weekend at Bernie'sie's with the guy for another couple of months yeah it's hard to kill like a vampire yeah like for whatever reason like um well okay so it's on denver real quick because i was interested why he did in denver yeah because we talk on this show a lot about like good sports towns like what's a good sports town are there good comedy towns and bad comedy 100 dude 100 and and i uh that's funny my first thought first thought when you said it, I thought you were going to say, do you think Denver's a good sports town? Is it a good comedy town? Yeah, it's unbelievable. It's one of the best comedy towns in the country.
In my opinion, there's a club there called Comedy Works downtown. They have another one out in the burbs a little bit.
But this woman, Wendy, who owns it, has created a place for comics over the years. We've,'ve it's just we know it in our little circle as like one of the greatest places to perform we love it so much Rogan moved there years ago because he loved the scene that was happening shot a special at comedy works and almost every comic you know that's a pro will say that's one of the best clubs in the country hands down without a doubt what were what are the other underrated ones by the way we love denver too we went we went for uh grit week which we do every year yeah and uh we did a meet and greet never been handed more free drugs in my life well that's the best that is one of my favorite things too yeah it's in every drug literally every drug dude last time i performed at that comedy works it's in the club is the reason we like it as comics it's underground.
Similar to what New York kind of created this with the cellar was a very underground, speakeasy jazz club feel. That's what comics like.
And they kind of duplicated that in Denver. And that club is great.
And last time I played there, before I ran the hour, this dude in the very front row was just lit on mushrooms, man. And at some point, because I saw him like getting jittery and he would laugh at stuff that's not, I'm not, we're not there yet.
You know what I mean? Before the joke gets there. Yeah, like I'd be like, how's it going? He's like, yeah.
And I was like, are you okay, buddy? And he was in the very front and he looks up at me and his buddy goes, he's on mushrooms, bud. And I was like, it's okay.
Just let's ride this out together so we can keep you in the room.

You know, because the difference is when someone's drunk, like, you know, I had a bozo in Boston, this dude that wouldn't stop yelling.

And you're like, at some point, we're going to kick you out.

Right.

But the dude on mushrooms, he's not yelling.

But it's like, don't be too jittery because people think you have a knife or something. You know what I mean?

Like, when you keep moving and shifting because you're ripped, it's like, just stay still.

Enjoy the show. I'm a tree now to you or whatever but like let's move together through this but denver is one of the best comedy cities i think i mean i could rattle them off yeah rattle them off chicago obviously is a unbelievable comedy town i mean chicago has the fans are great It's, it's, uh, Chicago is like, um, Chicago is like New York, but it's your, it's it's uh chicago is like um chicago is like new york but it's your it's your favorite fat guy from new york that's what chicago it's like your favorite fat guy right where you're like oh man you're the best parts of like the the fun unhealthy eating loving everything likes a shitty joke um you know madison wisconsin is fucking phenomenal yep that's where i went to school oh you oh really you're a mad town guy man i love that i love that city man yeah um i'd say other good comedy towns are like uh seattle's a sleeper seattle's a big time sleeper people kind of avoid the pacific northwest sometimes for some reason because it's so far away right do you mean like east coast guys that if you're going up there those that's what you're doing and that's it right it's not like you can do like a quick run right it's not like you go to seattle and then you just jaunt down to san francisco real quick no yeah you're like 13 hours you'll do seattle portland back to back sometimes you'll throw in vancouver yeah uh but san francisco actually a great town which is funny because you know for years you know san francisco has this like extremely liberal you know you think it's like so so far left and then you go up there and that's definitely not the case i mean it as far as the comedy shows go they they can take the joke just as much as anybody else but there is this weird fear for comics of like uh dude you say anything up there and they're gonna get mad at you but i feel like that's i mean everyone's opting in to go to the show what's a city that you'll never want to go back to I hate to do this I hate to do this but I'm going to do it if I never go back to Pittsburgh I won't feel bad I love Pittsburgh we love Pittsburgh did not have fun you know what it was my experience so I'll say this to the city of Pittsburgh I love bad.
I love Pittsburgh. We love Pittsburgh.
Did not have fun. Damn.
What happened there?

Did not have fun.

Well, you know what?

It was my experience, so I'll say this to the city of Pittsburgh.

I love you.

I had a great time driving in under that tunnel and seeing that.

It was awesome.

When you come out of the tunnel and you see the bridges and the river and the stadiums,

it's pretty cool.

But there was a game day the next day, so a fucking holiday inn was like $700 a night.

Oh, okay. And we were looking for good hotels, and I was like, how is this real? And the woman I was like, it's a Marriott courtyard.
She's like, well, that's the game day rate. It was like 685 a night.
I was like, that's what the fucking four seasons is six, 700 bucks a night. She was like, that's just the way it goes.
It's Pittsburgh, blah, blah. So I got over, that was one hump.
And I was like, whatever, that's fine. It's annoying, but why? Then we go to the venue, and the sound guy, you know Chris O'Connor, the guy that comes with me? Do you know Chris? He's a great comic.
O'Connor comes with me sometimes, and me and Chris are in a good mood. We just had a good meal, had a couple of sodas, and the sound guy's outside ripping heaters, and I can tell he's livid.
He's not in a good fucking mood. And I'm like, hey, man, what's going on? I'm Andrew.
This is Chris. We're doing the show tonight.
And he goes, yeah, yeah, I know. And I was like, oh, okay, well, can we go down to the green room? And he goes, dude, it's been a tough day, all right? It's been a tough day.
He puts the grid out on the brick and then walks and doesn't even look us in the face. This walks right by us.
Then in the middle of the show,

the mic cuts out and this fucking guy looks at me like I did it.

You're the sound guy.

And he's looking at me.

He's like,

he does this.

I'm like,

don't fucking,

you don't get to shoulder up.

That's your gig.

You did the thing.

He kind of fucked me off.

And on top of it,

at the beginning,

he goes,

do you have walkout music?

And I said, yeah, yeah, we can, can I send you a Spotify playlist playlist he goes oh no no dude we don't no no do you not have a jump drive or something is this 2006 you want to plug it in you want me to get a time machine and get a jump drive no i don't have a fucking jump drive so i that so you know what it was pittsburgh i'm sorry it wasn't you. It's Mike, the sound guy.
Mike, the sound guy.

Fuck you, Mike.

Yeah, he fucked our shit up.

Me and Chris the whole time were like, man, this guy, he was such a dick.

He fucked my experience up.

And then so afterwards, I was bummed because the show was fine.

And shout out to the fans that came.

But it just put this taste in my mouth.

That was the vibe of the city that night.

And so Pittsburgh bummed me out, man.

Bummed me out. We need a redemption of that because we do love Pittsburgh.
We do. I want back and change me around and mike i hope you're fucking dead i hope you're not around by the time i get back he's having a bad day i wonder how many times you can use the bad day excuse at work can i just like you know me honest with you there's someone in here that had a bad day yeah yeah get over it yeah fucking be an adult and swallow it and and do it late figure it out later but it's like Everyone's having a bad day At some point I don't know what happened to him This morning You know what I mean Also I feel like Billy's having a solid day He was like He was 30 minutes early to work Yeah which is crazy What's going on What did you do last night Did you do something you shouldn't have done He probably didn't go to bed I feel like having a bad day Is like that's the That's you have a spouse.
That's the person you tell it to.

Yes, you take it out on your wife.

Yeah, right.

Not your coworkers.

You don't say it to random people.

You wait until you get home and you're like, I had a really shitty day.

Leave me the fuck alone.

Or I'll put a towel over my mouth while she sleeps and just yell into the towel stuff about her.

But she can't really hear it.

But I'll yell it as loud as I can while she sleeps.

That is funny.

This morning, by the way, she was bummed because I woke up and i had stuff to do this morning for the special before i came here and she was up to earlier than she wanted to be and i raised the blackout curtain oh come on she was like oh babe and i was like let me tell you something we're in this hotel because i'm doing all this stuff and i start to like turn into my dad it's like you, you know why we're here? Because I'm working 60 hours a week. It's like, I'm doing the same thing my dad.
But I was like, babe, I have to do this. I can't be in the dark on my fucking computer trying to figure out this stuff.
So she was bummed and kept rolling over. And then finally when I left, she goes, okay, goodbye.
The whole time I wanted to go down to the front desk and be like, we're checked out of 1026. So you the room and who's ever in there kick them out everyone's having a bad fucking day just sometimes get over it I watched your last stand up I don't know if it was the last special I did I saw it on Amazon the other day oh really? I didn't know it was on Amazon you had the one with the teddy bear in the back or the bear in the background Chicago bear in the background that background.
Chicago bear in the background, yeah. That was very funny.
Thank you, man. You should go check it out.
What's the name of that one again? That was called Home Field Advantage. That was in Chicago.
At the Vic, right? Shot it at the Vic. That was many moons ago.
I would say watch this one first. Yes.
Watch Cheeseburger. That was years ago.
It was fun. It was on Showtime.
I did a deal with Showtime because I had a TV show with them, and then they were quick to pull the trigger. I didn't they were like we have to shoot a special like very fast and I had a good time it wasn't my favorite this thing that I put out now is one of my favorite things and people are like why you call it a cheeseburger you gotta watch it I talk about it in the middle of it I'll give you a piece of it is that I had an emotional I had like a breakdown I had like a mental breakdown and I was a mental breakdown.
Menti B? Yeah, I didn't.

I did. Girls are calling it.

I did.

It was tough, man.

And it was because of a lot of shit that was going on with my family, you know, stuff

that was very personal.

My family was kind of happening and scaring me a little bit.

And then, you know, things in my life and lost somebody and, you know, stuff like that.

And I kind of just was having a crack.

And as I had this breakdown, I had this kind of coming to terms with things, a moment of realization, a moment of clarity. And Cheeseburger is at the crux of all of it.
And so you'll have to see to find out where that comes from. And also, everybody loves a fucking Cheeseburger.
Yeah, that's true. That's a good tease.
Wow. Everybody loves it.
That was a great tease. Thank you, man.
Have you done that tease yet? No, this is the first time. Damn.
Yeah, baby. So when you're shooting it, it sounds like you were very hands-on with the editing process.
I'm always fascinated to know from a comedian's perspective, when you're filming something and you're presenting it on television, is there a certain camera angle that makes the punchlines funnier? Is that something that you think about? Do you want a medium shot when you're hitting the punchline of a joke or wide establishing when you're starting it how does that work you're you're an astute man my friend i mean many people wouldn't think that but that's actually very smart truly yes that is a big part of the process when you're in the edit bay when you're choosing from your shots some of the big thing some of the things that and this is no disrespect but one of the editors we worked with him and i kind of didn't have the same vibe right and every editor has a different rhythm so truly what goes into a good special is good jokes but on top of that the rhythm of the angles that the shots that you use kind of dictate the the rhythm of the special itself so you know yeah certain uh setups you want to be on wides um or you want to be on a medium or a side angle depending on where you're looking where you're walking and facial expressions then you want to get tighter on certain punch lines but like especially if you're a physical comedian right like you know i'm not super physical but i walk a lot i talk with my hands and i'm a little you know i have a lot of gestures but we would choose specifically shots that we thought accented the joke better and it's something that kind of helps the viewer at home feel like they're there a little a little bit more and that's just a you know not a trick but it's just a it's a tool of the business of how you shoot a good special because when truth be told when you think about your favorite specials you know whether it's rock or chapelle or whatever the joke is the thing that made you you know really remember it yeah but the reason, in my opinion, that subliminal thing is you love the way it looks and feels. It helps you.
You feel like you're there. Like you're there.
Yeah, 100%. Every one of my favorite specials, it looked like a spectacle I was a part of.
Yeah. You know what I mean? How long did it take to come up like the material to get to a point where you're like all right i'm spec because it i'm just picking up on context clues the first special did in 2018 great at the time yeah great at the time but maybe you look back and you're like ah that wasn't my best stuff well because it's like at the time you're like i liked everything i put in there but that's where i was in my life right and you know i had shot it fast in 2016 or something and i liked it it was fine there was some really great stuff in there that I really enjoyed, but that's where I was in my life.
Right. And, you know, I had shot it fast in 2016 or something, and I liked it.
It was fine. There was some really great stuff in there that I really enjoyed.
But, like, I've gotten a little bit older. I've changed my views on the world, things I'm a little bit more specific and personal about.
Also, I get a little bit personal in this. So this is more, like, true to me, so to speak.
But, like, cultivating an hour, it's different for everybody. You know, Louis used to do it.
Fucking Louis could throw it together and like i don't i mean you know less than a year i mean he was a magician right when he was pumping out hours um some people take a really long time dude some people take huge gaps but it's your own rhythm your own pace you know like um anthony jessonik is a buddy and you know we were talking about just recently i said are you gonna go back out and he's like i'm not gonna back out till I'm ready with my hour that I'm working on in town. Some people work on their hours out of town.
Yeah. Or out of L.A.
or New York, wherever you're based. I mean, it's all your own personal process.
But for me, I don't ever put a timeline on it. I just want to keep working on it until I feel like I have a good overarching story or path to something.
And this was kind of that. You know, unfortunately, in the middle of COVID, we were ready to shoot this thing before.
Yeah. So half of it was thrown away from stuff that I did before, and then I put new stuff in.
So it's ever-changing, man. It's almost like you talk to a musician, and they're like, oh, that album is perfect.
I guarantee you that musician would go, there's a couple things I would have tweaked now looking back,

but you got to just let it go.

That's why you got to do a podcast three times a week like us.

And it's just always kind of, it's like sometimes good,

but kind of sucky.

And you just keep just throwing, throwing.

It's not sucking.

Flooding the zone.

You're just doing it.

We just go out there and have 120 pitches.

Just leave us on the mound.

They only remember the bangers.

Yeah.

And the rest of it is just like background noise. Yeah, right.
Just filler. Right.
We don't have to cultivate shit. Right.
It is pretty awesome. If you set a low bar for yourself, you probably can't do that in comedy.
You probably can't do the first half hour of a set just really sucks ass. And then it gets good after a while.
That would be tough. No, it's tough.
You just got to. With specials and tapings, you have to hit them.
You have to just keep hitting them. And it's hard too because with tapings, the weird thing is the audience is cognizant of being filmed.
They know they're being filmed. It looks different than a regular show.
The lights are fucking brighter. Their seating is different.
You know what I mean? Like we have to seat them around cameras and it's all a part of that world that changes how an audience feels so I don't think it really shifts the um you know the the like the the laughter or the applause I don't think they're hamming it up or anything but you I do always remember they're like they know they're being filmed right there's a sign out front that's like yo your likeness may be used on this special on Netflix you're saying yes by sitting in this seat that you might be on camera. Yeah.
I try as hard as I can to not show anybody. You know, most of my fans are very, very unattractive.
So I just know. I mean, preaching to the choir, bro.
No. We're like cult leaders of a mutant army.
Well, I am the OG mutant. Yeah.
The fucking ginger gene. Yeah.
Most of, no, no. I just, I don't try to show a lot of people in the audience just because I don't think...
A lot of times they were asking if I wanted a camera roaming to pick people off, and I was like, I don't think so. Because it happens a lot in comedy.
You pick people off out of the crowd, and I was like, we don't need it. You can see slivers of them sometimes, but I didn't want heavy shots in on a couple like, I just didn't want it.
It's always funny at a sporting event, if you're watching it on TV, there's one cameraman that's always in charge of just finding an attractive woman. And then his job is just like, focus on the woman.
And then during a break in the play, it's just like, boom, hot chick for everybody at home. I don't even know if that's his job or if one guy did that and every other guy was like, we're getting away with this.
This is fine. He was just shifting the camera to a hot chick.
And in the truck, they were like, this is good. This is good? She's pretty hot.
I didn't know my camera was on. I actually just was scrolling Instagram this morning, and it was just an old clip of Brent Musburger.
And he used to get so fucking horny. It was so funny.
He made comments. It was literally it was uh Alabama it was AJ McCarron's uh girlfriend at the time he's like he's like tell you what like if you live in Alabama go back in the backyard and throw that football around because you can end up with this what did I just see they found there was like a Florida not a there was a Florida girl or something that they picked back out again that like went back on the internet she had like really light blue eyes or something it's like they find these girls oh yeah and they like vet them as like the one to look for every game then it's like a game for the cameraman yeah the horniest guys in the world are the camera some people have actually developed careers out of being hot in crowds and then they get famous because they have that moment of morality on the internet and then they parlay that into either like i, I don't know, if they've got like a modeling career or something, or are they going on television? Now they're talking about sports.
It's crazy how these horny cameramen can actually change the trajectory of somebody. A hundred percent, dude.
Also, I always thought about whenever we went to like, you know, basketball games do it the most. But like when they they do the kiss cam it always feels so funny

it's the same bit that it's like kiss couple kiss couple old people kiss everybody loves when the old fucking people kiss and then they'll go to two dudes yeah that are immediately like no oh we're not gay no not one time have i seen two dudes just be like no no all right and then start kissing so I'm pushing for two dudes

you're not gay

but you gotta kiss on the kiss cam once for fun do it for us because I think it would be hilarious to see people like oh come on I'm not gonna all right fuck it kiss cam they like held up a sign they're like no he's my brother I can't do it the best he's my brother and then he's like then we should the best is uh I don't know if you're, what sport do you like the most? You know what's funny, man? As a Chicago kid, we grew up watching Bulls. Like basketball, because I played basketball, was like my go-to.
But over the years, you know, I'm not as huge of a fan of the NBA. It's lessened.
So football was always kind of a standby. Okay, so the NBA though, if you have league pass, I have league pass So I can watch the Bulls From New York Yeah They do the Jumbotron feed So there's no commercials So I watch Like Kiss Cam In my living room Oh right right right You watch the feed I watch the feed Like people missing Half court shots All that shit That's awesome Is Justin Fields The real deal I need you to help me We need to support each other What Nathan Peterman? Peterson? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's his name? This guy right here. By the time you listen to it.
Is that the P? I might be the only person in the world that owns a Nathan Peterman shirt. So we got, here's the thing.
What is that, by the way? Is that, what is it? No, it's just Nathan Peterman branded. It's not like.
Oh, it's not a team or anything. It's just.
So in this room right now, PFT's a Commanders fan. We got an Eagles fan.
Billy right here is a Jets fan. He tried – the Jets got like when they were 5-2 this year.
Yeah. Got all fucking uppity.
He actually had the balls to tell me and PFT after the Thursday night Commanders-Bears game. He's like, I feel bad for you guys.
We're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Hot shot. Hot shot.
And he's of the belief. He's doing the dog whistle of like Justin Fields.
When he gets out of the pocket, he can get injured. Well, I got to tell you.
It's a little dog whistle. Yeah, so you did it? So it's your fault? Yeah.
Everyone felt that way. In my opinion, you know, my stupid personal opinion, I love the kid.
I think he's fucking phenomenal. I think he's a great talent.
I do definitely get scared when he does run. Yeah.
Because in the same way that like Derek Rose, comparison, cross-sport comparison, dude, he was un-fucking-real. But also, it's like that guy at pickup games in the park where you're like, that guy's wild, man.
He might get fucking hurt. Right.
Because he's just so good and athletic, but he's so fast and he's so hard-nosed and he's not a bitch or a pussy right so he will get clear at some point he's gonna get hit yeah and he's gonna get hit in the wrong way so i got i get nervous when he goes but i love to see him run because he's fucking phenomenal he's the most electric bears quarterback ever yeah well ever uh rex grossman sexy rex dude who else i mean i was always i was always a k Orton guy I love Kyle Orton Really yeah I don't know His release is so fast Yeah he was quick He was quick That's all I got It's like it doesn't get there But like his release I think Fields is the man I hope this kid doesn't He was like at Was he at Tennessee For like No he was at Georgia He's from Georgia Georgia. Then Georgia didn't.
He lost the job. Did he lose it? No.
I think he lost out on it. Yeah, I can't remember who he lost it to.
Who was the Georgia quarterback before Stetson? Memes got it. Jake Fromm.
Jake Fromm. And then he transferred to Ohio State.
It wasn't a dog whistle, by the way, Billy. I'm just busting.
We also bombed the season. I mean, what's the difference? You know, I was like, how funny last week that i was like man it'd be nuts uh be nuts if we got a w now it'd be nice to like lift us up a little bit no i want that dude no i don't of course you don't but i was like in the moment yeah for a second i go be nice to catch one at the end i guess i had that thought in like october but then when we got down to the stretch it was like this is actually like the greatest bear season of all time because who's better at losing than us? Nobody.
Well, we're tied, right? We're tied for the worst record right now. The Texans.
So yeah, once this runs. The Texans might fuck around and beat the Colts, though.
That's the thing. It's like Lovie Smith.
Lovie Smith is under direct orders to lose every football game that he plays. I'm convinced of that.
Lovie Smith also seems like the kind of guy that'll be like, fuck you. I'm going to win this game because you're probably going to fire me anyways.
That's probably a fact regardless. Or he goes the other way where he's like, I've been in this game for a long time, I don't give a fuck anymore.
Let's just tank and I'll walk and I'm getting my check anyway, what do I care? That's what I would do. I'd be like, I'll tank and walk, what do I fucking care? The American dream is to become a coach and then be so bad at coaching that you get paid to not coach anymore.
And then you get like $40 million to sit on your ass. Good night.
Yeah, goodbye. I'm good.
Now, let me ask you guys because you guys are – this is more of you than me. But like, you know, what happened with Russell Wilson, man? He's a robot.
He's the biggest weirdo ever. It's crazy what really happened.
It feels like you like you're watching yeah it feels like you're watching someone break down live i actually think he hit rock bottom last week when he was like crying because his teammates defended him and i was like all right now i actually feel bad for this guy the problem is it's just let's ride i i think i think fans i think players don't realize fans can smell bullshit through and through Like, we know when someone's doing it to be like a brand, he just like the whole Ciara and everything. He wants to be a brand.
What was his alter ego? Mr. Unlimited.
Mr. Unlimited.
Mr. Unlimited, yeah.
And his concussion water where he had the nano bubbles. So that's the bullshit that you can get away with if your team's good.
And if you're winning, if you're going to people be like oh yeah that's just russ being russ but then once you start going like three and 14 it's like wait this is the guy that's trying to like convince america that if they buy his water their brains will heal yeah then it becomes like more serious right that's how dumb we are you can get away with whatever you want as long as you're going to the playoffs well right and but also most of the guys that are going to the playoffs that are so good where they can get away with whatever they want, they don't really do that stuff anyway. Unless you've got a really wild, fun personality and everybody loves when you do that, which it's a rare—that comes along sometimes.
But most of the times, the superstars that are killing it and getting to the playoffs every year, they just do their thing. Yeah, like, I mean, you think like Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, or Pat Schroeder, even Brady.
Like, they're not, I mean, Brady has his own brand stuff. Brady's a little, a little bit.
A little bit. Towards the end, he has.
But for the longest time, he was as boring as possible. Yeah, that team, I mean, everything about that squad, I mean, phenomenal.
But just always such a, so, so boring. Yeah.
There was no, like, no showing off. You know off you know that old adage of like act like you've been there before i'm so anti i'm so against that i'm so pro celebrations oh yeah it's a fucking game it's for entertainment you know like my dad's generation was always like act like you've fucking been there hand the ball to the ref no dude i got paid to be a goofball and be amazing at my job i'm gonna do to have a fucking fun time.
When I do the thing that I'm set out to do, I'm going to celebrate a little bit. And it goes the same for fans.
I'm a big believer. Listen, you don't win championships.
There's only one team that can win. So if you're a fan of a team, if your goal is to win the title every year as a fan, you're going to have a bad time 99.9% of the time.
Yeah, dude. fun it's this it's not gonna work out the way you want every single time yeah pretty much never i got i got buddies i became pretty good buddies with um uh mahomes uh i'm bragging a little bit nice yeah well jackson i met him yes yes yes what's he like his wife actually i'm talking about Pat's wife oh yeah her and I are best friends yeah no but I met Kelsey I met him.
Yes. Yes.
What's he like? Actually, I'm talking about Pat's wife. Oh, yeah.
Her and I are best friends. No, but I met Kelsey.
I met Trav through. Oh, Trav.
I met Travis through another. Well, he is.
I met him through another friend. And the reason I'm bringing this up, not to name fucking drop it, but it's because the Chiefs aren't my team.
Right. And as I've gotten older, I've found that it's like,

when I was a kid, it was like,

you can't fucking root for another team.

Right.

Chicago, especially, was like, I'm a Northside guy.

It was always like, yeah, fuck the White Sox.

And then I grew up, and you're like,

dude, you can celebrate other people too.

This is not a...

I learned it kind of from my dad.

My dad would respectfully,

if a guest took him in their city to a game,

he would wear the respective gear of whoever his friend's team was.

Like, if you went to Philly with a friend...

Thank you. My dad would respectfully, if a guest took him in their city to a game, he would wear the respective gear of whoever his friend's team was.
Yeah. Like if you went to Philly with a friend.
That's a classy move. Well, he would do that out of respect for his buddy.
If his buddy was a Philly guy and he went to a Philly game, well, he'd wear a Philly shit. Also because he didn't want to get stabbed.
Yeah. Well, that's Philly, right? That's true.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I should have used it more tempered.
If he went to Indianapolis, he went to a Colts game. No, but I feel like as I've gotten gotten older and those guys have made me a fan so sometimes fans will talk shit to me online like you're a chicago guy why the fuck are you at a kc game wearing k it's like because dude i'm 40 right and i grew up a little bit and i was like i'm gonna support these people that i've learned to know and i'm stoked for them especially because my team is eating spoonfuls of shit every week it's nice to see w's on the board to watch the sport how it should be yeah how it should be like when you watch a chiefs game you're like that's not the same as the bears they're not playing this and i get lucky they've been i've been blessed that they take me to a couple i've been to arrowhead a few times and oh that's sick dude it's been incredible and i met travis we were going to do a project together because you know he to dabble in our world.
And when football's over, I bet he'll be in the, in the world of Hollywood and television. And cause he's affable and good looking and smart and funny as shit.
And it doesn't take himself that serious. And he introduced me to Pat.
Pat came to my show when I was in Dallas cause he's from Texas and me and, uh, Pat and family and friends. And he goes, he's, he came for the first show and he was like man so fucking fun and uh he goes all right well then uh where do you want us now and i was like oh well i'll see you i'm gonna do the second show you guys go have fun and i'll see you whenever and he's like no we gotta i think we're gonna stay for the second show i was like oh oh okay i thought for sure he would dip but he's like no we want to stay and the server comes up to me and she's like, that's your party, right? And I was like, yeah, whatever.
I'll take care of the bill. Like, whatever it is.
She's like, no, no, no, no. We're comping everything anyway.
I just want to let you know, like we have someone that's going to go have to get more Coors Light because Mr. Mahomes has finished all the Coors Light.
He's Coors Light athlete. Bro, I'm not kidding when I say this.
Maybe 13 the first show. I love it.
Maybe 10 the second show. And then we went out.
Yes. And of course, I remember, you forget, I'm almost 40.
He's much younger. So when the shows are done, I'm also tired.
I worked. And Pat's like, yo, let's go out.
And I'm like, we're out. It's over.
Yeah. And he's like, no, no, no.
Zeke is at this club. And of course, I was like, I kind of want to see Zeke.
Yeah, right. And he was like, you should go.
And I was like, my wife's like, you really want to go to this? It's like 2.30. I was like, I do.
Once in a lifetime. I really fucking do.
Yes, do I want to be pushed around by Ezekiel Elliott's security guard? Yeah, I do. Yeah.
And did that happen? Yeah, it did. Because they're like, who are these little fucking white dorks trying to get into this all-athip and of course pat had to be like no no they're okay and at one point i wanted to be like well just stay outside the ropes i don't deserve to be in that yeah no i'm gonna self-select yeah yeah you got a role i wanted to opt out but no he that's how i got to know those guys and then from then if i'm in a city uh and they're playing there and i've kind of started to learn to schedule that sometimes if i'm like dude i'm gonna be near there i'll just jump a flight and go and so my wife and i will go to games and we'll go see them and i love them dude it's just it's fun and no one from the fucking bears has reached out so what i know komet dude say what's up komet that's i i completely understand that like if the older you get we meet people through this show.
We meet athletes, and we start to root for them. You have to.
It turns out that a lot of them are very nice people. And so we root for our friends, and then occasionally we do get shit because we've got our different allegiances, but we're open about it.
So we think that Jared Goff should get an MVP vote because he's been on the show before. Because you love the dude.
Yeah, because we love the dude. But yeah, I think if you root for a shitty team, you should get a pass like if you haven't won a super bowl in 30 years or i guess in the bears case what 30 30 years seven 85 yeah 37 years like you should get yeah you're you're an adult man you make friends go watch go watch football in the way that like i just i always think about kansas city fans and how lucky they are and how much better their life is and how much better their life will be for the next eight years

because they just know that Patrick Mahomes is going to make their falls enjoyable.

It's so fun, man.

Honestly, doing those games in that stadium,

that stadium is so much fucking fun.

It is a party every time I've gone.

Meanwhile, I go home to Soldier Field.

It's like you're waiting for your drunk dad to come home and hit you yeah like it's all good right now until halftime and then you're like man is he gonna show up and beat the shit out of us because I feel like we're gonna it's gonna fall apart you ever been to a FedEx field in Landover Maryland uh-uh that is it you might as well just march me on a death march to Bhutan so it's so it's like 40 minutes outside There's one road that gets there. The stadium sucks ass.
Half the seats are behind giant cement pillars. The beers are the most expensive in the league, and they're usually expired because Dan Snyder bought them from a World Cup that ended like 10 years ago.
And then you get to see the worst product in the NFL and then sit in traffic for five hours before you leave. No thanks.
At some point, people wise up, and they're like, I know it's the only game in town, i'd rather become a ravens fan yeah and this is why arlington heights like i'm like yeah move the bears starling yeah this is an old debate that this is a debate that will never stop this was happening before they even decided people were like don't take it out of the city right but i think chicago fans know or anybody that reads the fucking tribune knows you know their bears are losing a lot of money by playing at a park district rented fucking stadium. Right.
So give these guys an opportunity. It's the smallest NFL.
Yes. It's hard to get in and out of because it's just hard.
Beautiful location, impossible. Most of the people that like Soldier Field, they just like the blimp shot.
Right, that's what I'm saying. Like before the game.
Just keep doing the blimp shot. Just move to Arlington Heights and then just do old blimp shots from Soldier Field when you come back on Monday Night Football.
Be like, here we are. Well, it's kind of like what they do on all sports.
You know, like when they show, you know, they show like Crypto, Staples Center. You know, when they show like a Lakers game, they'll always be down in like Manhattan Beach.
Right. On the beach, you're like fucking 22 miles away.
Yeah. It's nowhere.
But just give them the shot that they want of like Hollywood Boulevard. Give them the shot of like the skyline and then don't tell them that it's not yeah right there it's in arlington nobody knows yeah have you gotten soft since you've been out to hollywood very people from chicago like you've very i looked at kissing everybody in this room when i walked in i'm real soft now you should be a tough guy wanting to fight now i want to hug and kiss especially this cute big goon oh yeah kiss this guy right on his fucking forehead yeah that's our fear because because, our producer, keeps telling us to move out to California.
That's been his goal for like seven years. Nothing will change.
Seven years, and we're like, well, I think it'll change a little bit if you talk about sports for a living because all of a sudden it's so nice out there that you can't get mad about sports. Yeah, no, you can.
If your team is – well, here's the thing. Everybody from L.A.
is from somewhere else, right? New York has this as well that a lot of New Yorkers aren't from New York or they're, you know, Philly. And they're different squads.
But, like, it's hard to have a collective, it's hard to go to a bar on a Sunday and get your squad together because everyone's from fucking everywhere. Right.
So you still hold some of that resentment and anger because you don't have a community to support you so you do kind of have to yell at the wind a little bit like i there's a there's five bears bar that and we've gone to a few of them and they're fine you know what i mean but you're still gonna have that same passion and hatred for when you're fucking up and losing because you're alone out there i think when you're with the city that is, I'll go back and say Kansas City because they are, that's their shit.

There ain't nobody else at that stadium that's from somewhere. I mean, that's their shit.
They are, they get to collectively cheer and lament about bad times. In LA, you're alone on your little shitty, sad island.
So you kind of bitch to nobody. So it is annoying.
It's shitty to not not have like people you guys get people to like at least huddle up with yeah we don't have that at all what's uh so speaking of la you've been in a couple shows is it suck that i love dave i've watched it third season comes out in march yeah is it suck a little though that your your character is kind of a bummer yeah well that's part of the gig right it's like they make you they make you uh they they have to shape you in a way where i always say like the best the best actor is somebody who whatever the character is you actually kind of like believe that to be true a little bit right like i like i someone's like you're a dick and you're like that guy's a dick i'm doing the thing yeah so i did well it's like christoph waltz isn't. But he's good.
Well, but he's good at the gig. It's like you believe that he's this this guy.
So, you know, the show is the show is a fun, funny show. I have to be the voice of reason to the chaos.
And it's got to suck, though, because you do really like you watch the show and you're like, this redheaded guy. He's like, why is fucking being a downer i have to be a downer because that's what a manager is dude and his manager who is a guy i play in real life you've got to be the guy that has to be the voice of fucking reason otherwise the kids you know will never come down to earth right like someone has to wrangle them down yeah it is tough yeah it's tough when sometimes everyone gets to play you and I have to be the wet blanket and go in there and be like, come on, fellas, we can't do that.
We have to leave. The milking table scene is one of the all-time greatest.
It's one of my favorites, man. I would say it's one of the funniest scenes in the history of television.
So the way we did that, for people that don't know, you should go back and watch season one. Season one, yeah, season one one yeah season one uh when they asked us about the milking table and if we wanted to see it and i said no and then they said do you want to see what it looks like at all like if dave is naked on there with his asshole out do you want to see it and i said no i want to see it for the first time when i'm in the car yeah and so then they give you you know in hollywood they don't trust anybody doing anything it's like you get in a car and a guy will be like I can I'm gonna pull the car back out and you're like I can back out a car yeah I have a fucking car when I leave tonight I'll be driving a car so the guy was like well let me do it I said no because I want to back out and back in as if I'm coming home from work so I can really see it for the first time so that thing that you saw is literally literally the first take.
One take. It was the take.
It was a perfect reaction. We did four more, but that was the one we used, was the first take when I was in the car and the garage slowly went up.
The way that he said, hey, and I said, what's up back, or whatever I said, that was exactly how I felt. Did you know what a milking table was before that scene? Yeah.
That's how I learned what it was. They had pitched us other stuff, and I think in the writer's room it was like they were thinking about a BDSM thing and blah, blah.
There was a bunch of different pitches, but when it got down to milking table, I'm a sexually open guy. I kind of figured it out real fast.
You know what I mean? It's kind of in the name of it, yeah.

Yeah, I figured it out pretty fucking quickly.

Although we did discuss whether or not you can face,

which way you would be fun to face,

because, you know, you could face the other way on the milking table.

A guy can face up and get yanked down,

like an old toilet chain, you know?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

And that's a whole thing,

because your balls will throw you back up,

or you can face down.

I go, we can get creative about which way.

But the way that we shot it but the way that we shot it the way that they did it that was so much fun because it was the first the first take is what you saw of us our reactions and then we lost it man we were fucking dying laughing yeah because it was so fun to see and dave's down to get naked yeah that was what's fun yeah this season is fun as shit too we're on tour this season oh nice um i don't even know if i'm supposed to say that but whatever it's not i'm not giving anything away but we're on tour we're we're living the living the road life on the show this might be a very basic question but do you prefer doing uh doing television or doing stand-up yeah well i've said you know i said this yesterday to a buddy i said gun to my head you know you have to quit one I would quit I would quit acting because stand-up was my first love that's what I started when I was 24 you know and it's a grind it takes forever to get noticed it takes forever to get on so the the work I put into that I'll always really carry that with me um I love them both man but like if I had to kill one I would kill acting because I have only so much control. You have to play the role that you're given.
You have to do it to your best ability and shape it the way you want. But stand-up is all me, man.
The failure and the success is on your shoulders, which I like. Yeah, so speaking of that, how long – so you started 24.
What was the first, okay, this is like a living. I can actually – I can tell my family, like, hey, i'm doing this and it's working yeah i did mtv's punked and that could give me enough money where like i didn't have to have a day job anymore who'd you punk oh my god we did everybody we did like the new iteration we did uh um justin bieber punked uh taylor swift that was a big one that we did um we had mac miller on rest in peace who was like such a fucking great dude, who did Wiz Khalifa.
That show was so funny. It was so fun, man.
It was a fun part of my life, man. It was like the beginning of my intro to getting to do comedy on television and being an improv actor and then doing stand-up at night.
It was like living the fucking dream. But that was like the first job that paid me enough money where I didn't have to worry about 9 to 5-ing anymore.
Because I 9 to 5 before that. I was a production assistant.
I mean, you guys know PAs. You probably have them around here.
And then making $400 a week before taxes. So fucking eating it.
And then I worked pushing paper at a desk job in a music company getting visas for bands to tour around the world. So you're really like a I'm moving out to LA success story.
Because there's a lot of ones that aren't. No, a little bit.
I started in LA. I tried it.
I went to Arizona State because I really wanted an education. I really wanted a life.
How awesome is Arizona State? It's the greatest place in the fucking world. I've heard that it's pretty much hedonism pretty much hedonism.
Yeah. Sometimes when I get guys that like make fun of me, you know, like, you know, like when people make fun of me about colleges, like if I have friends that went to good schools and they mock it, I'm always like, dude, you're the idiot.
Yeah. Yeah.
Went to an expensive school. You have a mediocre job and life is whatever.
Yeah. I went to a bullshit school, had the most fun I've ever had, and I'm killing it.
It's actually like I've gone out to Arizona State before for our college football shows. Yeah.
And I remember just being like, what is this place? It's what you need it to be. Yeah, we went to a fucking apartment that these kids were living in with this huge pool in the back.
I was like, what is going on here? It was paradise. My family friend, one of my dad's good friends that he went to college with, his son and I became friends.
And my dad went to Tennessee. And we used to go to Tennessee games a lot.
And so I met him when I was a kid. And we'd see each other as a reunion a couple times a year at games.
And he one time said, where are you going to go to school? And I said, I'm not really sure, man. I'm not the brightest you know like i'm a bc guy you know what i mean i'm b minus c plus at best so he was like my cousin goes to arizona state y'all should come out and i was like seriously and i told my parents i said i looked into it it's one of the cheapest out-of-state school in the country you know we can work out a deal where i can do some you can pay some and we can because i think it was like seven grand a year or something like that it was pay what you get yeah yeah exactly and i said it's the cheapest out-of-state school and it was the closest i could get to california because i couldn't afford california and they knew i kind of wanted to go to california or new york right i definitely couldn't fucking afford new york but i thought if i can get to california i can live real dirty and cheap in la and so i went to i went and visited his cousin and she hated us she was a cool freshman and we were fucking annoying juniors or seniors at the time and this dude she was hooking up with you know was like what do you guys need to go away and I was like well we just don't know anything we need to be showing around or somebody needs to tell us where to go and he's like I'll give you 20 bucks and I'll give you mushrooms.
And will you walk away from the dorm? And I was like, yeah. So we dipped mushrooms in peanut butter and ate them and then had a fucking, one of the best nights of my life.
And we sat smoking a cigarette on the back of what would be my future dorm, PV Main, which is not, well, it's there, but it's different now. It, now that college has dope-ass brand-new shit.

Dude, it was a fucking dump.

It was a dump.

And now all these kids have like, they live in nice apartments now.

Yeah.

We lived in a fucking dorm that was a quarter of the size of this room with four people.

It was nuts.

And shared a bathroom, four dudes, one fucking bathroom.

They ain't like that anymore.

But we sat on the back of old PV Main smoking a cigarette, looking at the stadium uh and we both were like we gotta go to school here and sure enough we fucking we did i went home i was like i gotta go to school he's like dad we're going to asu my dad was my parents were a little like whatever about it you might end up in porn yeah porn or prison or porn prison you never know golden handcuffs but yeah we but we by the way, that was so much fun back then. The Cardinals used to play at that stadium.
Yeah. So our backyard was, it was heaven, dude.
It was college and pro football. And it was dirt fucking cheap.
I think students back then, it was a $15 ticket for an NFL game. It was nuts.
I mean. Our guy, Jake Plummer.
Dude, the man. Jake the snake.
We went out and interviewed him in Colorado. He's got a mushroom farm now.
Seriously? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking awesome.
Yeah, it's exactly what you'd expect Jake Plummer to be doing. I met Ryan Leaf in the parking lot.
I'll tell you a quick story real fast. I was blacked out.
Jenna Jameson used to have a bar in Scottsdale called like... Okay.
Dude, Arizona State doesn't seem like a real place. It's not.
You started the story with Jenna Jameson had a bar. Jenna Jameson had a bar nightclub in Scottsdale I don't remember the name of it it's like Spike TV had a city that's exactly what it was do you like tits and beer in Arizona State punch your friends get a DUI we went out to this bar and I got shit faced and the girl that I was seeing at the time was livid because I ditched her and her friends to go out with these other idiots I knew yeah we're college we're idiots you know and I I was like being a dick to her for no reason and she's like you're fucked up and you promise you go to this thing with me and I'm coming to get you you asshole I'm coming to get you and I was like fuck I was like bummed my boys were like I'm not dealing with that shit she's gonna kill you and she she was nuts she threw a knife at me one time but I'm sitting in the parking lot and I was smoking a cigarette and I was fucking hammered and these two dudes these men I mean these two like big boys come out it's it's it's a big big white dude two big black dudes with him but kind of lagging and a bunch of super fucking hot And I'm sitting alone, smoking a cigarette.
I'm sitting on, I'm literally sitting on a, uh, on a, on a parking ledge. And, um, this, this dude goes, Hey, you got a lighter? And I go, yeah, man.
I look up and I'm like, Holy fucking shit. Who do you play for? I mean, he was huge.
So I give him the, I give him the lighter and he goes, take, take a photo of us. And I grab his phone and I start taking pictures of just the girls and he's like this motherfucker's smart ass and then I'm doing me with the girls I'm ready to get punched for no reason I'm just having fun and the one guy's like this motherfucker's funny and I'm joking around and then I look at the white dude I didn't even look at him and I was like you know who you look like and he goes who and I go you look like Ryan fucking leaf and and he goes yeah that's because i'm ryan fucking leaf and then i go oh no shit and he goes yeah you got something to say and i was like no no no no i don't at all but it's so funny all these things ran through my mind about ryan leaf that i was like whoa this is actually ryan and no disrespect to ryan but like if you know sports and you know his story it's a wild fucking story.
Yeah. But I imagine the reason he said you got something to say was because I think people run their fucking mouth.
Oh, yeah. And this was also 2000.
What? This was. This was Pete.
I don't know what year I was. I don't know what year I was.
Yeah. This.
Yeah. This was when I'm sure he heard.
He heard it. You know what I mean? And so I just could feel his vibe.
I was like, no, no, no like no no no no dude I have nothing to say I'm just I didn't know it was you and he goes all right cool and the one dude this one of the black dudes was cool as shit and he goes you want to come you want to come get fucked up with us and I was like I do but I this girl is gonna absolutely fucking murder me and I just and he's like well you're you're missing an opportunity and did. I fucked up.
I could have gotten fucked up with Leaf, but I had to bail, dude. I couldn't do it.
Also, those guys are probably going to use me for a punching bag or something by the end of the night. You would have said something about Ryan Leaf eventually.
Yeah, exactly. You'd be like, actually, I do have something to say.
I got nothing bad to say. He was cool.
He was a cool dude. He was a nice fucking dude to me.
But his initial reaction was like. Well, that means, yeah, I mean, that that has to suck to be, we've had him on the show before, like just in that timeframe when it was going really bad, just walking around being like, everyone wants to talk shit to me.
That sucks. That sucks.
So bad. Like what, what Zach Wilson's going through, right? Oh yeah.
Oh yeah. He can't show up anywhere.
And even people who aren't talking shit, they're thinking about it. And he knows that they're thinking about it.
Right. It's so funny.
And that stuff does does wash away with time if you're a good dude and the time passes and people don't get people get over it people grow up is what i'm saying before it's like you grow up right you get over the whole like but it's a bummer to have your first reaction be like yeah you got i am fucking you got something to say yeah and you're like dude you're four times myself what am i gonna say to you but i imagine the biggest loudmouths are the smallest assholes oh of course they think you're not gonna fight me dude right you know i just get to talk shit because i'm a you know i'm a couch coach and i think i'm the fucking man yeah there was one tweet that went viral a while ago about uh this girl that used to go out with her boyfriend who was like five four and he would just get into fights everywhere and then he'd be like oh it's my birthday what are you gonna do punch me i'm the little birthday boy and then nobody would punch him and then he just goes to the next fight i'm the little birthday boy i'm just a little birthday boy don't mind me that's i'm using that from now on some dude's like i'm gonna fuck you up i'm like i'm just a birthday boy baby come on little boy birthday i'm a little boy um all right so i had one one last question. Everyone do check out Cheeseburger.
This has been awesome. Please go watch it on Netflix.
Yes, watch it on Netflix. So I wish, you know how the NBA has like, the off season is almost better sometimes than the season because of the drama and everything? Oh, yeah.
I wish we had someone who was reporting on the comedy scene. Would there be just...
Oh, that's interesting. Because I know that there's cliques that I don't understand and people who don't like other people and people who think other people are.

So is it as clicky as it comes across from us watching from afar?

It is to a degree, right?

And then you get, again, this is me keep going back to the same cliche phrase,

but it's like then you get older and those things dissipate a little bit.

In the sense that the drama kind of starts when you're young. Right.
And you, you, you kind of are, are jockeying for position and there's politics involved and who do you kick it with and who's your crew and blah, blah, blah. And then when you achieve some success, um, you know, you, you, you, you don't have a choice, but to like open up a little bit cause you want to meet other people and you want to like stretch the you know you want to stretch your reach of who you know in the business and you know there's guys that we wouldn't probably be friends with in the real world but like i love their shit right and so you kind of want to be a part of that too but when you're young man yeah yeah you're it's cutthroat yeah because a part of the assumption when you're a young comic is if you take out someone that's bigger than you you'll have a spot right you there's this weird like.
Seat at the table. Like a lion.
Yeah. Yeah.
If I take out. Yeah.
It's like if I take out your legs, you know, QB3 might fucking sneak in there. Right.
That's the vibe is like, how can I get up? That's obviously not the fucking way. But when you're young, you do kind of have that vibe of like it's dog eat dog.
And look, we're all selfish. Comics are inherently narcissistic, selfish people.
Your level of narcissism and selfish, selfishness is it varies, but we're all for us. Our whole gig is listen to me.
Right. I'm the funniest.
Look at me, please. So nobody in comedy isn't a selfish, narcissistic person.
You're a liar. If you say you're not, but you learn how to balance that and, and embrace other people, even though they're not, you know, it may not be like, there's people I know that their comedy or my comedy to them may not be the favorite, but we love each other as people, right? You know? And so you, that changes, but the clicks, the drama, all that stuff, that's all there, but it happens more when you're young on it.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's like a Twitch streamer that breaks it yeah it should be fascinating no there i mean you know like there there is always there is always inside drama and bullshit uh but but also the more successful you get um the further away from the drama you want because the thing is hard enough right comedy isn't it's an this is a nightmare yeah you know and that's why it's like you do want to have more love in it. So as you go on, you're like, like coming out here.
I was just with Bobby Kelly yesterday. He was like one of my favorite people.
I mean, he's so fucking funny. It's like he's so warm and funny and fuck around that we barely knew each other.
But the moment we met, we started talking shit. And so we knew.
I was like, we're good. Right.
So that's more the thing that i think is great is when you see people that do what you do and it's almost like athletes they meet each other and they both know what they both have to do to get to where they get to so there's a weird level of respect even though we don't know each other at all right yeah i think seinfeld said that one time he's like i could be in airport or halfway around the world in the language i don't speak but if i know that a guy's a comic you know i can be like hey yeah fucking yeah like they have the same thing yeah look at us yeah yeah i think we asked uh stavi this when he was on the couch my boy dude i love that guy so funny so funny man um he because he was talking about some of the same stuff about like you know comics and what what's in your mindset and you go you know you have to go show to show and just wait for people to laugh at your jokes and tell you how fun you are sometimes there's an ego element that's of course in it uh would you do a uh a nationwide tour at the same venues that you're doing right now if you sold everyone out but nobody laughed at all at any of your jokes so they loved you yeah but nobody laughed uh that's tough that's tough if you if you're doing shows and nobody's laughing like what you're saying is you're gonna get the same money and it's all gonna sell out but not a smile people will be like he's a very successful comedian but nobody at the actual shows laughs holy fuck i don't know man that's that's so tough i mean what you're talking about is like it's almost a nightmare yeah you know what i mean like you'd rather have a half-sold room that's like loving your shit than a full room that's like nope just not enjoying it also that's that's the most painful it'd be torture i think after the first night you'd have to you'd travel to the next city just knowing that nobody was going to laugh at your shit yeah yeah well i mean when you're young and you're on your come up yeah man you're struggling a lot and you're and you're doing rooms where you can't sell a lot of tickets. And they do a thing, what we call papering the room, which means they're giving away discounted tickets or two-for-ones and stuff like that when you're in city-to-city because they want to fill seats.
So you do papered rooms. You maybe sold 10 tickets.
And those are tough nights. Those are tough nights, not from an ego standpoint because you're not, you don't have any, you're not famous yet, but it's tough from like a, you just got to get through it because a half empty room is tough.
But if you can, if you can kill in those rooms, you know, you're in good, like Bill Burr said to me one time, it was very nice. I was at kind of a medium point in my career where I'm trying to get up and I'm trying to sell tickets and I'm doing okay, but it's not, you know, they're still papering and, you know, quarter sold rooms on a Thursday and I had to do six shows and it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
And Burr said to me one time, he's like, I bet you you're killing to the abyss. and I was like what do you mean he's like i bet you you're fucking working hard and you're crushing in these rooms of half sold papered but they love you they he's like afterwards they're you know they're like dude how fucking fun i wish more people knew who you were and he's like that's you're at a point where you're killing to the abyss you're crushing kind of to the emptiness and it feels like there's nothing coming back where you're like fuck when does this pay off man i'm ripping these rooms I'm doing six shows I'm working like a dog and I'm giving them my all for an hour and he's like just keep killing to the abyss and eventually it comes back like eventually it'll start to hone in and then it'll all start to build and make sense but he's like right now you feel like you're shouting to the void and you're doing well but it's just not reciprocating and i appreciated it because it was feeling like i was like yeah the fuck am i going to omaha nebraska right now yeah like i was you feel that way for a little money you're probably losing money sometimes on the hotel or the flight and you can't bring somebody because you can't afford to bring a friend so you're picking up whatever local guy is there and they might not like you or your vibe may not mesh so you sit in the green room bummed you know sipping on a fucking beer waiting to go on to 17 people he's like just keep killing to the abyss and you know thank god i did and it worked it probably gave you like a little boost almost like you did you were getting a break like something big was happening just having somebody like bill burr let you know know, hey, this is the right path.
Those moments feel good. But keep going.
Yeah, they feel good. Talent always wins.
At the end, dude, if you're working hard and not getting in your own way, your talent will win. There's a lot of people that their talent is great and they get in their own way.
Just work. If you work hard and you, you know, and I hope if you work hard, you, you, that it continues

to build.

So hopefully, you know, that's, that's how it goes.

All right.

So everyone check it out.

Netflix.

Netflix.

Cheeseburger.

Go watch it.

Please tell a friend, pass it around.

Tell everyone, even if you don't like comedy, just put it on and then leave your dog, let

your dog watch it.

Hey, comedy.

Turn the volume off.

Yeah.

Put that thing on.

I don't give a shit.

Just let it stream.

Yeah.

Over and over.

Loop it.

Yeah. And we appreciate you, man.
Appreciate you. Thank you.
This is great, man. Thanks that thing on.
I don't give a shit. Just let it stream over and over.
Loop it. Yeah, and we appreciate you, man.

Appreciate you.

Thank you.

This is great, man.

Thanks for coming in.

Thank you.

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Rocketmoney.com slash take. Okay, let's wrap up.
We have thank you to andrew santino go check out his new netflix

special out now uh really good time he's gonna be a recurring guest for sure could have talked forever uh let's do guys on chicks hi boys hey hank what's up my husband is supposed to go to one of his best friend's bachelor parties in may but we're pregnant with our first child and expecting around the same time. Am I am, asshole? That was them, not me.
Am I am, asshole, for telling him he isn't allowed to go on the trip if the baby hasn't arrived yet slash newly born? Thanks, I'll hang up and listen. Did you say first child or second child? First.
Yeah, that's right. I was going to say if it's the second, fuck it.
If it's the second, it's old hat right like the baby delivers itself at that point yeah so the i think it's a i think it's a month on either end unfortunately i think it's a month on either end for this guy it's a month no it's a month before the due date it's a month after the baby comes uh that you probably can't go and also your friend i mean the best... Best friends.
Best friend. I mean, this is a real excuse.
It's a real thing. Also, maybe if the bachelor party's close by, maybe you can go, but yeah, if you're a four-hour flight from home a week before your wife is due, you also would never forgive yourself if you missed the birth of your first child yeah and that depends where it is yes i'm telling you you're also you you're liable to find yourself in a position where you um you're under the influence of any number of substances at the time you get that call and then you have to figure out a way to get to the airport get home if you're far far away, and potentially miss the birth of your child because you're wasted on nine different drugs.
Yeah. That would be an issue.
You could maybe get three weeks before. Usually, I think there's a doctor's appointment that happens pretty regularly to say, like, hey, this is the progression, so maybe three weeks, but, man, this is, yeah, it's a tough one.
one well i mean child you go whenever yeah fuck it uh rg3 went to the the bowl game even though he knew his wife was about to give birth and she did give she gave birth correct like i'm sure she did i'm sure that it wasn't staged and she's the baby's here right i'm sure it's here big guy did you see how fast robert griffin had to run out of that when the camera happened to be on him? And it was a totally real call because the way he said, hey, guys, guys. Yeah, be quiet.
My wife is in labor. And then everyone was like, what are you doing on the phone, dude? We're on television.
His wife's been in labor for three weeks. Poor her.
You got to go to the hospital. Yeah.
So. That was crazy.
I mean, I felt lucky. That's the type of stuff that makes new year's football worth watching facts wait the baby was okay i know you guys were being facetious but the baby actually wasn't born when he did that i we don't know if the baby's been born yet we hope the baby is healthy seriously that's an honest you know like with childbirth is a traumatic thing baby's like you you don't fuck with that we just haven't seen the baby yet we're gonna wait and see what's up pmt squad quick question for you guys this sounds this smells like cap my cap detector is rampant right now i moved in with my boyfriend literally three days ago while i knew he had a snoring problem due to a deviated septum i never realized how bad it was how is that possible he keeps rolling over and snoring that was my commentary he keeps rolling over and snoring right in my ear on night two i'm already sleeping in the other room not sure how sustainable it is he's seen a doctor about it who said his deviated system was horrible he opted not to get surgery what are your guys thoughts can i make him get the surgery and what if i offer to pay for it felt like it might save our relationship thanks guys have you never slept with this guy before he moved in with him makes no fucking sense makes no sense and also billy is our deviated septum also i've gotten surgery for this oh you did fix my snoring according to sources i've never heard myself snore get him some nose so actually there's some really good nose pieces uh you can get that really open it up and honestly have changed like i've been sleeping so much better because because it's literally sleep happening.
You don't get into deep enough sleep. Also help with the snoring.
Yeah. I love that Jake dropped an unironic according to sources.
According to sources. He's such a journalist.
I mean, I was told it would help my nasality in broadcasting in college, and I got it in the middle, and I definitely noticed the difference. Okay.
So there you go. It's a surgery.
Does that of think something surgery i think since you did it for a nose job but like a different type yeah so i don't know it's only on the inside though like nose jobs are for the outside really bad snores um they they end up costing themselves like a lot of mental health later on in life because you're literally not sleeping and then the person that you're sleeping next to is also going to go insane because they're not going to be able to sleep so if you're a really bad snore you're basically committing you and your spouse to a lifetime of literally going insane yeah i actually bet there's a correlation between deviated septums and divorces probably or murder yeah yeah or murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Silent murder with the pillow. Okay, next up.
Hey, Overcat, Almost Dry, Jan, PFT, Slatty, Hank, One to Six, Jake, and Badass, Billy. I was dating a coworker for over a year.
Everyone knew it was all cordial. We got a cute dog together and named Herbie.
However, we just broke up, and neither of us wants to give the pup up. What should we do to decide who gets the dog? Coin flip.
Who bought the dog? You got to split it in half. That's usually how it goes.
Yeah, who's willing to see it die? Well, no, that's the, what is it? The Riddle of Solomon, I think. Solomon, yeah.
Like you go, if you want to get this dog, you'd be like, listen, you get the front half, I'll get the back half. And he's like, deal, then it's your dog.
Because you don't want to see this dog you'd be like listen you get you get the front half i'll get the back half and he's like deal then it's your dog because you don't want to see the dog hurt i think i think you just go to a football field have a neutral third party you go in one end zone he goes in the other end zone someone drops at the 50 yard line video it and send it to us yeah see who it goes to that's what happened in air bud abraham that would be intense um but if you

did the thing with the dog where like if you said you get the front i get the back then one person's

responsible for feeding it the other's responsible for cleaning up its shit yeah and the dog stays

alive true that's true okay uh last one last one hey fellas my husband and i have been together for

over 11 years now well that would be how marriage works so The way you say 11 there, they're married. Sounds like 12.
Sounds like 12 years. I'm just reading.
How could he be with someone for 11 years? No, you're reading too much into my lingo. Actually, if they're saying 11 years isn't that long.
I'm just reading the words. I'm already reading.
He has been someone who walks around naked

after a shower for quite a bit in the morning.

He will sit down and have breakfast,

watch a couple highlights, check emails, and then finally

put on socks. He has done this

our entire relationship. I asked him why

he does, and he responds, gotta let the

beanbags breathe to start the day.

Now, we've always had an apartment until about

five years ago. He does his normal routine.

Shower, walk around naked, breakfast, etc. We have big, beautiful windows in the front now, and since we've moved in, he has been standing in front of it with curtains drawn after breakfast.
I ask again why he's doing that. This time, it's the neighbor's got to know who I am.
Yeah. This can't be normal dude behavior.
No, but I like this guy. This is, it sounds to me like he's incorporated like the law of the jungle or at least the law of the dog park and incorporated it into like human life where he's trying to demonstrate that he's the most masculine in the neighborhood and um it's a little bit misguided but his heart's in the right place i think yeah i like this guy he's the alpha he owns that neighborhood everything the sun touches is his.
Was that Mufasa? No, what was the other one? Simba? No. Except for the elephant boneyard.
Scar is the bad one. Mufasa was the good one.
Yeah, it's Mufasa. Mufasa dies.
I had one last one. Hey guys, I hope you can settle this debate for me and my boyfriend.
He thinks that the perfect number is 10 and I think it's seven because it's good luck obviously i'm hoping you can help tell us what the perfect number is so that hank can finally get the number right yeah some stupid fucking math geek nerd ran some stats and uh they said that that's like a diehard fan of our show some stupid math geek nerd they said that it was more likely to get the number four more times than to not have gotten the number once wow you're that bad oh yeah you're that bad you're that bad just for wait possibly five or more wait have you gotten it no no oh didn't we do it 10 times damn what are you talking i did this math like like oh months ago and it was like 10 math geek geek 10 times You have not gotten this? Oh wow Why not just get it? I have some breaking moves Okay That was pathetic Hank I don't trust that this is breaking Well it is breaking news I don't trust it Until Hank does the cow noise I can't break the moves I did it. Well, it is breaking news.
I don't trust it. Until Hank does the cow noise, I can't break the moves.
Do it better. Yeah, that was better.
I'll take that. That's a little bit better.
The kicker from Ohio just committed to Wisconsin. Daniel Vaco.
I said nice things about him. Sent the game to overtime.
I thought you were talking about the kicker from Ohio State. No, I want the kicker from Wyoming.
Jesus Christ. Cut that.
No, don't cut that. The way you prefaced it was like, I'm not bad.
I warmed up with him and he gave me his cleats for the field goal that I did. Nathan Vakos.
Yeah, Nathan Vakos. Great kicker.
He's awesome. I think I know how to pronounce it.

He's on my team now.

You're right.

Nathan Vakos.

When he was on Ohio, he was Vakos.

Yes, exactly.

Name change.

Name change.

All right, so I'm ranking him as the number one kicker in the nation going into the next

year.

Facts.

Facts.

All right, so Hank.

17.

You've never gotten this?

Actually, six.

You've never gotten this?

I've never gotten it.

Okay.

17.

Oh, I got to get cash, by the way. I still haven't paid it.
Same. Oh, yeah.
I haven't paid. All I've never gotten it.
Okay, 17. Oh, I gotta get cash, by the way.

I still haven't paid it. Oh, yeah, I haven't paid...

Alright, that's fine. We'll figure it out.

84. Do you actually have a safe

memes? Yeah, he bought a safe.

18. PFT.
Because I'm bringing

two grand in.

75.

Hank, I hope you

picked it right this time.

What do you have? Six.

But he passed on Thank you. Hank, I hope you picked it right this time.

What do you have?

Six.

But he passed on 17.

He said 17, and then he didn't do it.

Oh, 49.

Hank, you stink at this.

Fifth time.

Second time in the last month.

Teacup pigs don't exist. They're just malnourished potbelly pigs love you guys I'm coming for your love, babe I've been coming for your love, babe Take me on me

Take me on me

Take me on me Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I need less to say. I'm upset.
But I need some left way. So I learn my life is okay.
Stay up to me. Place the benefit to the safe inside.
Place the benefit to the safe inside. Take off me.
Take off me. Take off me.
Take off me. Take off me.
Take the sea.

I am the sea.