The Office’s Brian Baumgartner, Pitt QB Kenny Pickett, MNF And A Special Wednesday Reading

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we got a twofer for the people. We have recurring guest, Brian Baumgartner.
I don't know if I say his name correctly every time because it's Madison Baumgartner. So I kind of- Brian Baumgartner.
Kevin from The Office. guest.
In person. Awesome to have him in here.
We also have Kenny Pickett. Pitt quarterback.
Maybe, potentially, top 10 pick. He's climbing up the draft boards.
This is, I don't want to say the G word, but it is our grooming process here. We're getting in with Kenny Pickett before Kenny Pickett blows up.
Why don't we change how we phrase that? We're baiting him. Yeah, we're becoming friends with him early on enough that when he becomes the starting quarterback for an NFL franchise next year, we can be like, that's our guy.
And then after three years, we make him give us 10% of his contract. Josh Allen.
Josh Allen. All right, we're going to talk Monday Night Football, talk some college football, hot seat, cool throne, and then a special Wednesday reading because we're going to do it Monday, but we ran long because it's football Mondays.
We're going to get right back to the show. Lowe's is the destination for Ego outdoor power equipment this spring.
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All right, back to part of my take. Okay, let's go.
Boys! Boys! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang A little washing And then I can't blame All on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Irony And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Irony It's a part of my take presented by Marshall Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by Tostitos.
Go right now to Tostitos.com slash Romo to get a chance to win Romo in your ear. Today is Wednesday, November 17th.
And PFT, I have a question. Are we sure the Rams are good? I don't know i think that odell beckham has found himself in a situation that odell beckham doesn't deserve friend i think that we need to have an honest conversation about whether or not the rams are doing enough to put enough pieces around odell beckham there was a moment uh during monday night football where they zoomed in odell beckham and i don't i don't think this is what he was thinking, but I could see someone in his spot thinking this, being like, damn, maybe it is me.
That moment where you're like, maybe I'm the reason for all these toxic relationships. No, definitely not.
I can guarantee you 100% that's not what Odell Beckham was thinking. No, I know, but the face- That's what I would have been thinking.
Yeah, his face in that moment was like, a reasonable person would be like, is it me? Right. Am I the one here? Right.
Like, if hypothetically I had an old show on Sirius that only lasted for one episode, and then after that I had a show on ESPN2 that lasted for one episode. Only it's me.
Maybe I would start to think it's me. I know I have that sort of self-awareness.
Odell Beckham doesn't. But I think in reality, what last night just kind of confirmed for us, which we're so fucking dumb that we haven't realized this yet after – how many years have you been watching football? Like 30? All my life.
I've been watching football for probably like 32 years. Yeah.
Actually, my son for the first time yesterday or Saturday said, Dad, I have football. And I was like, that's it.
I love that. I'm done.
He's a football guy. I figured it out.
But but he didn't want to actually watch but he just acknowledged the fact that that's all i do yeah i think he just associates it with like data sits there and he watches football that's all he needs to know in life yeah he's already probably a better gambler than you are yeah so i would everyone is i would think that um after all this time spent watching football we'd finally understand that like even good teams suck in the NFL. The amount of parity that there is, there are like three teams that usually are better than the bad teams, but then three weeks a year, those three good teams are actually much worse than even the worst teams.
Okay, so I agree with you, and it's true. There's always these clunkers.
You saw the Cowboys last week lose to the Broncos. I think the Cowboys are a good team.
We talked many times about the Packers and what happened week one against the Saints. The Rams, though, I think the Rams, we got a little fooled from that week three win against the Bucs.
So if you actually look at the Rams, and I think there's a little bit of a, oh, Sean McVay and Matt Stafford, whatord what a great story they have Aaron Donald the Rams passed the test of random team you don't root for that you can name a ton of guys from yeah so the random team that you don't root for that you know a bunch of guys on the roster will always seem better in your brain because you're like well yeah Aaron Donald Jalen Ramsey you know all those guys Matt Stafford Whitworth you can just start listing all these guys. They're not your team, so you think they're good.
But I look back, right? The Rams, if you take out the Bucs' win, which was phenomenal, it goes back to Hank when the Patriots were at their peak of their dynasty, and you guys would always make fun of teams that won a big game in September. You'd be like, well, they won the Week 3 Super Bowl.
The Rams won the Week 3 Super Bowl. They beat the Bucs.
They beat them very, very soundly at home. The rest of the Rams' resume at this point, they have not beaten another team over .500.
They have beaten a combined, so every team that they've beaten, the best team they've beaten besides the Bucs is the Indianapolis Colts. Their record for the rest of their schedule, if you take out the Bucs win, is 15-39-1.
They have beaten the Lions, the Texans, the Bears, the Geno Seahawks, and the Giants. These are teams that you wouldn't be saying these are the best teams in the NFL, and they've had tests against the Cardinals got smashed, tests against the Titans get smashed, and then go into a Monday Night Football game where, I know Billy said it was a clowning, it was not a clowning, it was a whooping, and it was man football, and we had a sad field goal at the end by Sean McVay, who then did it on a side game.
It was a whooping. It was a whooping, not quite a whooping.
Well, the difference between these two teams is the Los Angeles Rams are like a basketball team playing football. The Niners are like a football team playing basketball.
Or they're both basketball teams, but the Rams are playing with point guards and the Niners are playing with power forwards. No, the Niners are a football team playing basketball.

Yeah, with the power forwards.

They're just running you over.

George Kittle on Vaughn Miller.

Yeah.

That was incredible.

Be careful, Big Cat, because we have a truther.

We have a highlight truther in the house.

And, of course, it's Hank, our resident hater on all of our friends.

Do you already hate Kenny Pickett?

This is because I care about our recurring guests.

I don't know if you guys remember.

Vaughn Miller has been on this show multiple times, had some hilarious moments. Yeah, that's true.
His dad, he called his dad. So they don't kiss.
I'm confused by your statement. You're right.
Actually, you're right. And if you watch the video, I love George Kittle probably more than you guys.
He won me money. I bet him to score the first touchdown in that hit.
No, I love him so much. I told him some honest truths when I said National Tight End Day has become too commercialized.
It's like the Hallmark holiday now. We need to get back to the ride.
That's his holiday and you're hating on it, so you're a hater. I'm just saying, honestly, it's a great holiday.
If you make a holiday, why wouldn't you commercialize it? That's the fucking point. I love because it dilutes the meaning of the holiday, Hank.
I love him so much. That's what holidays are.
Do you love Valentine's Day? Is Christmas too commercialized? Do you think Valentine's Day is still a lot of fun when you can't get a reservation anywhere? No, I don't anymore. No, I don't.
Oh, damn. Shit.
Sorry. Got you there.
I love George Kittle so much, I bet him shoes on Iowa, Wisconsin, and I thought for a second I wasn't going to make him pay, but then I'm going to make him pay. But that's how much I love him.
Anyway, I watched the video, clicked the video, it's like George Kittle, Pancake Block, And you can just see the fullback run full speed into Von Miller, and that's what tipped him over. I love George Kittle.
I think he would agree. I think if he called him right now.
No, his hand placed, but it was perfect on the block. If you watch it, it is very clear that they're going back and forth.
The, what do you call it? What's it called, Billy? The chip block? The chip block was very clearly what tipped Von Miller over. No, no.
The chip block pushed him off to the side. But are we going to take that out on Kyle Dushak for fulfilling his assignment now? No, I'm not.
I'm just saying people are clowning Von Miller unnecessarily. It's not fair to our recurring guest.
No, that's 49ers football. They're doing the things that they always do.
It's a perfectly executed chip block. Okay, so yes.
The 49ers always do this, where they have all their players, their wide receivers, their

running backs, their tight ends.

Everybody plays in that offense at times like they're an offensive lineman.

And it's a beautiful thing to watch when the running game is working like that.

And that's what we saw last night.

The fullback helped, but this was like George Kittle got his hands at the perfect place

and drove him through Vaughn Miller.

100%.

I just think it'd be a lot different.

I would speak differently about it if it was a one versus one. It was a one and a half versus one.
We'll settle this. But you know what? He's such a good guy.
He's probably going to give credit to his phone. 9.30 local time.
I already texted him this morning because I need those shoes. I gotta resell them.
No, I'm just kidding. Is your phone on? Oh, your speaker sorry hey hello hey we're we're taping part of my take right now hey greg hey that was pft hey greg um we're talking about monday night football and hank is hank's taking credit away from the von miller block he's saying it was more the fullback than you um well it was monday night.
That means it's Monday Night Raw, so we were just out there tag teaming for this. Thank you.
Thank you. So you're going to give – but would you say when we pop in the film, that was also a perfect block from you? I agree with that.
Yeah, I'll take that. Okay.
Greg, wasn't your hand placement perfect on that block? My outside hand was – my inside hand was a little outside little outside, but as long as you keep your feet running and moving vertically, they're not going to call holding. Last question.
If you played a game of pickup basketball tomorrow and we gave you 10 fouls and then you're fouled out, how quickly would you foul out? 10 possessions. Okay, perfect.
All right, thank you. All right, love you.
Goodbye. Yeah, see you guys.
All right, see you. Bye, Greg.
All right, so we settled that settled both arguments really yeah we both we all were right everyone's right as usual on the show that's some analysis you don't get everywhere else never been wrong damn never been owned online nope alright but yeah I think the Rams have a real problem I don't. I've been the person who has talked the most about Matt Stafford's legacy and the numbers that he's going to amass, but Matt Stafford, and it sucks for the Lions because they keep getting ricochet shots, but when he plays poorly, it's Lions Matt Stafford, and you had the bonus of him running five yards past the line of scrimmage last night, strafing like he's in Call of Duty, and then trying to throw a pass.
Well, he ran backwards. Yeah, well, he went up forward, backwards, and he strafed.
Yeah, he pulled a psych and tried to go backwards. And then Phillip Rivers was like, that is...
It was perfect that Phillip Rivers was on the Manicast at that point, because that is a play that Phillip Rivers would make. That's like right out of his playbook.
Yeah, I don't know. Matt Stafford might be – he didn't look healthy last night.
Oh, you're going to do that for him? Yeah, I think that I might be the first to do that. I mean, if you saw his throws, though, he didn't look like the Matt Stafford that we know.
Part of that is because they don't have Robert Woods anymore, and Odell Beckham – Every team's got injuries, PFT. Odell Beckham is not Robert Woods.
Every team's got injuries. Odell Beckham does not deserve to play on a team without Robert Woods.
If he knew that Robert Woods would not be on that team, Odell Beckham never would have signed that contract. I'm just saying.
Free Odell. My point is, we anointed the Rams very quickly because we love it.
We love the story. We love Matt Stafford.
We love McVay. What can he do? He's unleashing.
We love the fact that they dominated the Bucs week three.

Looking at what they've done, and the nice thing about the NFL is we get to prove it all

because they play against the Packers in a week after their bye week.

But I am officially moving the Rams off of a team that I feel strongly about that could go to the Super Bowl.

Okay, so they might not go to the Super Bowl, but we also should have seen this coming a little bit

because this happens, I feel like, every year. Like Kyle Shanahan, if there's one coach that he owns, it's Sean McVay.
Yeah. So the Niners stink at home.
This is the Titans' loss, too. They haven't, yeah, but I'm saying Kyle Shanahan has not won a game at home in the last, I think, two, I think he's 0-8.
It was 0-8 in the last eight. In the last eight, with the exception of when he plays Sean McVay at home, and he's 2-0 at that point.
I think that we can't overreact the other way and be like, the Rams stink, throw them out of here, they're awful. No, no, they don't stink.
Because we're going to see them play. Wait, they don't stink.
But what I'm saying is this is not just last night. It's the Titans game too.
The Titans did the same thing to them. And then I looked back and I was like why why do I keep thinking the Rams are a Super Bowl contender and then I looked at their schedule I'm like what has what have they done besides that week three win that shows me that they're elite team and there's you're right there's a lot of teams that can be you know it's any given Sunday but I think the Cowboys and the Packers and the NFC I feel confident about and I'd in the Bucs just because you'd never count out Tom Brady.
And the AFC, I would say the Titans, the Ravens, and the Patriots. And if you want to throw in the Chiefs.
Oh, yeah, the Bills. We keep forgetting about the Bills.
They lost to the Jaguars. That was a bit.
We're just doing a bit with the Bills right now. But I think I am officially taking the Rams out of my feel confident I could see a world where they get to the Super Bowl.
Well, because they're soft. They are.
The Rams are soft. They're a basketball team playing football.
And we know all their names. And they'll be, yeah, they'll be able, every like five years we need to have a reminder in our brains that whatever coach is now starting to put together dream team like situations, just assembling all the good old players like it's fantasy football, we just need to remind ourselves that as good as it looks sometimes, that it's not actually a good way to build a team for the long term no there's never been a team that's had like a prolonged to like a successful you know three or four seasons based off just signing every free agent correct and collecting everybody else what are you gonna say hank i'm not a math guy or a nerd but the odds you know there's never a home team super bowl until last year the odds of it happening two years in a row have to be pretty fucking high.
There's zero. No, I'm saying the odds of it happening two years in a row have to be crazy.
Yeah. Yeah.
I agree. It's zero because it's never happened.
Right. Two years in a row.
Back to back. Yeah, no, that's how it is.
No, if something's never happened, it will never happen. Yeah, 0%.
That's how we do all of our gambling. Got it.
Yeah. I just, yeah, I know the overreacting, but I am taking them away from my top three teams in the NFC because we've just thrown them in.
Cardinals are better than the Rams right now. They've dealt with a bunch of injuries.
Let's play a game called Who's Harder because we've already established that the Rams are soft at times. The cardinals kind of have that softish vibe to them sometimes but they can kind of run the ball sometimes are the cardinals harder i think the cardinals are harder than the rams i think they are too i would say i would say that the seahawks might be harder than the rams yeah they might be you're right they might be the softest team in the West.
The Buccaneers, harder, softer.

Harder.

Absolutely.

When their defense is playing, like, their defense has a shitload of injuries,

but I just think of what they did to the Chiefs and, like, how hard they hit everyone.

And their team, when they're playing, when their defense is clicking,

they're a team where I start to, like, actually worry about the other team's health.

Saints.

Saints are harder than the—absolutely.

The Saints are no longer—the Saints used to be the soft team of the soft good team of the NFL. That is completely thrown out the window.
They're hard as fuck. Yeah, I think the Giants are harder than the Rams.
Yes. Yes.
Easily. So who's softer? Texans.
Texans are softer. Well, I'm just talking strictly NFC teams.
Okay, strictly NFC. Out of all the good NFC teams, they're the softest.
Yeah. Yes.
Mystery solved. Alright, let's talk some...
Oh, we also had, speaking of the Cowboys, the monkey butt game. We knew, we called it, that Mike McCarthy was going to get into his bag of tricks passing around monkey butt.
It was red ass week in Dallas. It was red ass, so he handed out calamine lotion and talcum powder.
Credit to Mike McCarthy. He's kind of realized that X's and O's and timeouts are not his thing.
So motivation has to be. Yeah.
No, he's doing a great job. He's pulling out all the stops.
This is officially Mike McCarthy going like leaning in 100% to the stuff that Jerry Jones will never tell him how to do. Mike McCarthy is essentially just PJ Fleck of the NFL now.
Yeah. He's like, I'm going to build this program.
Yeah. Guess what we're going to do? We're going to have a word of the day every day.
And then I want somebody to do something, a practice that reminds me of that word. Yes.
We're reaching just like motivational quotes on the wall, Mike McCarthy. Yeah.
And Billy, you had something that you were going to say about monkey butt and about red ass week. I remember when I told you about red ass week, you were saying like something about the ingredients in the monkey butt formula oh monkey butt's actually like great for chafing oh nice it's just like an actual great product i just love that free ad that's simply some monkey butt yeah i love that that what is i honestly don't know a monkey so it's like gold bond right yeah it's like it's like a a liquid-ish Gold Bond type thing.
So the Cowboys got their ass kicked so bad by the

Broncos that he declared that it was

red ass week around Dallas. He needs some monkey

butt around here. So he put up pictures of

baboons with their giant buttholes.

Those red giant buttholes everywhere.

And he's like, put this on your butt

so it doesn't get chafed. Yeah.
You got your

butt smashed. It's next level football

stuff. Uh-huh.
Yeah. And what

happened? I'm fired up. They came out and won.

They came out and killed the Falcons. Due to supply chain issues, Joe Biden hasn't been providing enough watermelons in supermarkets.
So Mike McArthur's like, I can't smash anything. Might as well get some monkey butt.
Plan B, monkey butt. Okay.
I'm a full-on believer in the Cowboys now. Yeah, no, I've been for the majority of the year.
When they're clicking, they have every piece that you need to play with the top teams. This is 100% what you need Mike McCarthy to be doing to optimize success for your team.
It's keeping him away from all the actual play design and play calling. It's also, and now I'm going to knock on wood for the Cowboys fans out there because I don't want to jinx it, but it is nice because the Cowboys have always felt like the team that every single year it's like they had all the talent and then people got hurt.
And now you're actually seeing all the talent on the field. Michael Gallup coming back, which is crazy that a team with this many offensive weapons just adds Michael Gallup.
They have everything. I also think it'd be fair to say that if Mike McCarthy wins a Super Bowl in Dallas, you can pretty clearly point to the fact that Aaron Rodgers is a system quarterback and only won his national championship with Mike McCarthy as his head coach.
And that would be the first head coach to win with two teams? I'm pretty sure. Probably.
Let's see. I think it would be the first NFL head coach to win a Super Bowl with two different teams.
Did Belichick win one with the Browns? With two different teams. Don't quote me on that, but I'm pretty sure that's correct.
Huh. Who would have won with two different teams? There's either a very obvious one I'm completely missing, and I'm going to sound like a total fucking idiot or I am absolutely correct and I

pulled this one out of my monkey butt. Andy Reid came close.
Pulled this one out of my monkey butt.

Jake? I'm looking. There are six coaches who have taken different teams.
Yep. But one with two

different teams. I don't think so.
I think I'm correct. I don't think so.
I think you just

Google has a coach ever won a Super Bowl with two different teams?

Yeah, it's just this article.

And if I Google it, Jake?

Vince Lombardi.

No.

Who are the coaches?

The coach for Denver.

Don Shula.

John Fox lost both.

Yep.

Yep.

Nope.

Mike Shanahan.

Mike Shanahan.

No.

No.

Bill Parcells went 2-1.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope. Nope.
Nope. Nope.
Yep. Haven't done it.
Don Sh nope nope nope nope nope haven't done it haven't done it so far no coach has ever won a Super Bowl with two different franchises there we go so Mike McCarthy would technically be the greatest coach of all time well he would be a very good coach and it would also diminish Aaron Rodgers' legacies of course of course absolutely anything and Skip Bay. Of course.
Absolutely. Anything.
And Skip Bayless would be so happy. Hot seat, cool throw, when we talk about legacies and institutional chaos.
I want to see Skip Bayless just happy for once in his life. Yeah.
I want to see him just experience pure joy. Well, no.
Saturday night date night with Ernestine when they sleep in the same bed. Yeah.
Well, it's in the same room. Same room.
They push the beds together. Yes.
All right. Let's do some college football talk.
We're're getting down to it Two weeks left in the regular season I think Cincinnati fans You are now officially in We will get totally totally screwed Zone because Oklahoma's loss Was enormous for Cincinnati And the way it's shaping up I think Cincinnati could Actually do this I think they could actually do this I think there's enough losses out there that they could actually do this. I still think they wouldn't get over a one-loss Power 5 team, but I think they could do it because I think there's enough losses to be spread around that they could actually get in.
And they haven't done anything on the field to actually make us be more confident in it. It's more than everyone else.
Right. Even their wins haven't been that impressive.
No, they haven't covered the spread in forever. I still think it's going to be so a Big Ten team's going to get in.
And we're going to have to wait. We're recording this right now before the rankings come out.
But we can tell just from what they've done in the past that they do not like poor schools. They do not like non-Power Five schools.
Correct. I think the rankings will...
They're looking for an excuse to keep Cincinnati out. The only way that Cincinnati would have a chance, in my mind, to get in is if they had just absolutely dominated for the last three weeks, which they haven't done.
No, so I've been crunching the numbers, looking at everything. They obviously need Oregon to lose, which could very well happen in Utah this weekend.
They need Alabama to lose to Georgia, and they need basically Oklahoma and Oklahoma State to play to a tie because that's how the Big 12 is most likely going to work out is if Oklahoma State beats Oklahoma they then rematch in the Big 12 championship game. So Oklahoma State could run the table and maybe get in but it would be against the same team they won two games in a row and people would at its side eye being like, well, what does it prove? It just proves that they're better than Oklahoma State twice.
I still think what's going to end up happening, and it will be very funny to see, is the SEC Championship game, Georgia-Alabama. It's like 40-38.
Georgia wins, and they keep Alabama as a two-loss team in the top four. So the problem is— They might even put them at No.
3. Yeah, they couldn't put them at four.
So that they wouldn't have them play each other again one week after the other. If there are multiple losses that go down the lines, I could see it happening.
If there's multiple one-loss teams in Cincinnati, I don't think they would do it. They've never put a two-loss team in the the playoff and that tricky spot of do you put Alabama at four and make them rematch again so I was having this debate people are saying well Alabama's at two so that if they lose they would just drop to four I actually think it's the reverse way I think Alabama's at two so if Georgia loses they drop to three not four so you avoid the rematch that that's how it's probably happens too yeah but I also think that if Georgia loses, they drop to three, not four.
So you avoid the rematch.

That's how it's set up.

That probably happens too.

Yeah.

But I also think that if Alabama loses in a very close game,

they might just drop to number three.

What I thought you were going to say,

and which would be very, very funny and very college football.

I think I know what you're about to say.

It would be Notre Dame sneaking in over Cincinnati,

which would be the most wrong thing of all time,

but also would be the funniest thing of all time.

So it'd be hilarious because obviously Cincinnati beat Notre

Thank you. over Cincinnati, which would be the most wrong thing of all time, but also would be the funniest thing of all time.
So it would be hilarious because, obviously, Cincinnati beat Notre Dame. At Notre Dame, yeah.
But Notre Dame gets in because, again, they're not poor. And they keep winning.
And they get to, hypothetically, No. 4.
They play Georgia and get beat by 60. That would be the most hilarious possible outcome.

That's what I'm rooting for.

Either way, we're going to have some fun last two weeks of the college football season.

I do think, I still am inclined to think they're going to try to find a way to fuck over Cincinnati, but looking at it, I think Cincinnati is almost like,

just by the fact that everyone's going to lose to everyone, they're going to find a way.

It's going to get to a point where the committee will, in a Wizard of Oz moment, they will have to either reveal themselves of being like, if everyone had four losses, Cincinnati still wouldn't get in, or they'll just have to let Cincinnati in. I don't think they have to reveal anything.
Because if you have everyone catching two losses and you still keep them out, then everyone's like, what's going on here? I think the committee's just going to be like, hey, we're a made-up group of trolls that live in a room, and we can do whatever the fuck we want because we have no actual accountability. So here's your final four.
You're going to talk about it, and you're going to enjoy it, America. I do think that in terms of the rankings that are going to be released later on tonight, I think that's probably going to stay status quo in the top six, knowing that the committee can just bump Michigan over Cincinnati if they do beat Ohio State.
They might move them to five because they beat Penn State, but it's going to be essentially the same six, top six, in whatever order. And Georgia also just keeps destroying everyone.
Yeah, unless there's a transparent formula, they never have to actually explain themselves about anything. They can come up with whatever stat that they have to justify the order that they want to put these schools in anyways.
Yes, I'm officially done ever thinking that anyone can score on Georgia. That first drive by Tennessee, they should put it in the Hall of Fame at Tennessee.
That first drive was fantastic. We've got a blueprint, Big Cat.
All you have to do is you have to play the entire game plays like they played that first drive and the most of the first quarter was not bad for tennessee but there's just no way that you can keep up with that alabama defense for that long tennessee i would file tennessee under a team that is uh now competent at a lot of things which is a good step in the right direction yeah we're like there they can cut they there was no moments in that game where it was like, oh my God, what is Tennessee doing? It was just Georgia was better. Yeah.
For Tennessee fans, you have a great offseason ahead of you. You have an offseason of actual anticipation because you've got a lot of stuff that you've built up right now.
So you can look forward to next season as that's our year where we're actually going to be good. Yes.
Also just going to throw out one last thing. Just throwing it out there, Michigan beating Ohio State and then Wisconsin beating Michigan in the Big Ten championship game.
The maximum chaos. You probably got to let Wisconsin in.
And Notre Dame. And Notre Dame.
All right, should we do hot seat, cool throw, any other college football notes? Yeah, justice for UTSA. Yeah, I've had them in my top ten the last three weeks.
They're getting boned. UTSA needs to be...
Just put them in the top ten. You can not ever think to include them in the final four in the playoff when it comes down to it, but just let people that went to school at UTSA look at their logo on television for a while.
Can you imagine if you're a UTSA alum, when is the last time you get to see your full logo prominently displayed on ESPN? Probably never. I heard that the committee is keeping them out of the top 10 because a certain grad refuses to get creamed.
That's what I heard. Michelle Beadle? That's what I heard.
That's all I heard.

Maybe shave the beard, chaps.

Also, UTSA, we often talk about watching one game and being like, oh my God, this guy is incredible

and then sticking with it forever.

UTSA, number four on UTSA, their wide receiver,

is Calvin Johnson.

And now obviously he's not.

But when he played against UTEP and I watched that entire game, the whole time I was like, this guy is unstoppable. He's incredible.
How is he not a top five pick? Put him in the top ten, committee. Put him in the top ten.
Ole Miss. Lane Kiffin just is a fucking maniac.
Dude, I'm so... I love Lane Kiffin, but god damn it, man.
Someone has to explain to him that it is okay every now and then to kick a field goal. No.
No. Lane is just like, fuck it.
Seven is more than three, Big Cat. Look it up.
Every time. Every time.
There was that... In that fourth quarter, they should have been up by two scores and they did a fake field goal after also passing up a field goal from the five-yard line.
It's just basic math that like, hey, man, you don't have – and again, I think it also is demoralizing for your defense. I think it's demoralizing for your team when you fail on fourth downs repeatedly and you have to trot back out there and be like, fuck, well, we could have had three points.
Not every time you've got to kick a field goal, but he's gone all the way to the other end where he's allergic to kicking field goals. Yeah.
It's fun to watch sometimes, but it's also very confusing because when I'm watching, sometimes Lane Kiffin makes me feel like I'm really dumb, that I actually don't know how football math works. But he actually has learned so much about football math that he's chosen to forget all of it.
That's when you know that you master something. Yes.
All right, let's do Hot Seat, Cool Throne. Hank, you want to start with Hot Seat, Cool Throne? Yeah, my hot seat is Danny Ricardo slash everyone in the F1.
It's coming down to it. Three races left.
It is coming down to it. Push, push.
Push, push. Great race on Sunday by Lewis.
Can't wait to watch it on Netflix. I really enjoy, yeah, I don't watch races either, but I like to go into the Instagram comment section of official F1 and just the people get really upset.
Hating Verstappen, hating Lewis Hamilton. It's very, very funny.
Passionate. Yeah, very passionate.
But we released our Muggsy Grand Prix video. Yeah.
It came out yesterday. So it's out now on part of my TikTok.
We raced... We did a race, me, you, and PFT.
Yeah. It came out yesterday, so it's out now on part of my TikTok YouTube.
We did a race, Miu and PFT, racing in recliners. What do you think Daniel Ricciardo would say about the fact that you just cheated? Spoiler.
I was looking for an advantage. I didn't cheat, but I did have the best driving.
That was a non-driving part aspect. Oh, skipping a lap? Well, you cheated off the bat.
You literally cheated. They said not to bump into people, and you literally started by ramming your car directly into mine and spinning me out.
Hank turned to me and said, are you going to try to run me off the road to start? And I said, yes. After they had a safety meeting where they're like, make sure one rule do not run, we all agreed to not.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And then Hank asked me.
At the safety meeting, we all agreed not to run into each other. Yep.
But that's not a rule. Right.
That was us agreeing not to do it. In front of the safety guy.
I was going to run into Hank if Big Cat didn't. Big Cat took him out.
And I see daylight. I push.
And also, I never said a lie. I said in front of the safety guys, because we had to do it so we'd get in the car.
They were freaking out. That was so stupid, how anal they were.
Hank looked at me before the race. He said, are you going to try to ram me at the start? And I said, yes, I am.
And then I did. Even if you lied to him, that's not cheating.
It's lying. I was very honest.
I was very honest to him. There's a difference between lying and cheating.
We'll get to Dan Orlovsky later. Absolute dirtbag move.
Anyway, but my driving was so superior that I came all the way back. I had some trouble after that, which I was forced to look for any edge I could get.
That's besides the point. Including subtracting laps.
Did we tape that four years ago? It feels like it. It was hot out.
It was hot. It was very hot.
I was sweating my sack off. Either way, move of the day, drive of the day.
Make your own decision, but that's just a fact. So go watch that video now.
My cool throne. Oh boy, what the fuck? I don't have anything written down.
I forget. Okay.
Billy. You got an extra one.
Throw me something. Throw him an extra one.
NFTs. Billy's got his NFTs.
He's releasing as an experiment. That actually was what I had.
NFTs. NFTs are dope.
It was an experiment. I didn't want to plug that.
You've ruined the experiment. Oh, really? Yeah.
It was like a joke. I want people to pay me money as a joke.
The 2016 part of my take NFT collection is coming out soon. Yes.
But also you have your personal NFTs as an experiment. No, the personal NFTs.
No, it's a bit. We're supposed to scale.
It's a bit. I was trying to see how well those would.
Much money you can take from our listeners. As an experiment.
It's an investment for the listeners. It's a test.
It's a travel. Marshall Henderson.
He's presenting an investment opportunity. I like this art.
The way he phrased it was so funny. This is an experiment.
The money is real that you're going to have to pay for it. But the idea is an experiment.
I'm experimenting with light fraud. Okay, it's not fraud.
It's art. I'm selling a little art.
I'm dabbling in fraud. Let's do an experiment.
How many of our listeners can mail us a $100 bill? It's an experiment. All right.
Good cool throne. Thank you.
This happened last week. I'm going to remember mine soon enough.
PFT. My hot seat is my own investments.
Oh. You bought a frog? No, I'm not talking about the frog.
I would never buy a frog. I'm talking about my financial stake that I own in the Green Bay Packers.
Yes. Because, number one, shares are being diluted today.
They're selling, I think, 300,000 shares of them for $300. Again, that's not fraud.
Yep. And also, not only are they being diluted, but there's apparently fine print on them now that says, by buying these, you're not allowed to criticize roger goodell the nfl or any of the teams in the nfl and the punishment is up to a 500 000 fine yes now i don't think i've ever criticized roger goodell or any teams in the nfl is that real i don't know if it says it on the thing i know that if you buy a shareholder agreement technically roger goodell like if you bought it and committed a crime, Roger Goodell could fine you $500,000.
Yeah, personally. Yeah.
Roger Goodell can fuck your wife if you own a share of stock in the Green Bay Packers. The Packers stock, which I like to make fun of, it's now been ruined because the man who shall not be named wrote an article about how these stocks mean nothing and they don't actually gain any money the man obviously being dan revell uh he for a brief moment made me actually side with the packers no because i was like i we like to make fun of packers fans but i would say 99.9 percent of packers fans who buy this the stock no it doesn't actually mean anything or any chance of increasing value.
It's just to feel part of a team.

Reveal... Packers fans who buy the stock.
No, it doesn't actually mean anything or any chance of increasing value. It's just to feel part of a team.
Ravel had to explain that and tell them how it was actually a bad financial decision. You ruined it for everyone else.
You fucking nerd. Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm not going to go selling my personal share of the stock anytime soon because stocks always go up and I feel like, but I did short it today. I shorted the stock because of those reasons and also because those motherfuckers cut blake bortles yes they released him yesterday and it's bullshit they used him they used his body they used his brain they used his playbook that he brought over from the seahawks a curse on the green bay packers yes um your cool throne my cool throne well let's see i was going to drop Mike McCarthy on you guys, but instead, I'll just say cool throne is Hank's spare time.
NFTs. Oh, yeah.
NFTs. Billy's doing an experiment.
Cool throne is Hank's spare time because Tom Brady has his Man in the Arena show coming out. Oh.
And a new Halo dropped. I forgot.
We should have mentioned that to Kittle. Oh, yeah.
Yeah yeah so not only is there the man in the arena the show but there's also a post show with like teddy brewski talking about the show they just watched a lot of show and then there's a post post show talking about the post show and then there's also a podcast about the show that's coming out so hank is hank. When do you guys want to do recaps? Wednesday or Friday? Yeah, right after Succession.
We're waiting for a Succession recap. People talk in a room.
That's my Succession recap. The deal almost gets made, then it doesn't.
Tune in next week. I haven't even seen this next week's podcast.
That's every single week. Kendall is sober, but he's acting like he's fucked up.
What will the shareholders think about this? Let's stand in a really nice house or conference room and almost get the deal done. That's our succession recap.
They wear a lot of black Tony Romo-style plain baseball caps in this one. For the 10th episode in a row, Shiv thinks that her dad actually takes her seriously.
Logan uses the F word. Oh, man.
Actually, my cool throne is the Washington Bullets because they're in first place. No, I don't care about the Washington Bullets.
Overall? First place in the East. If the season ended today, they would be the one seed in the Eastern Conference.
Four in a row. They're pretty good.
They beat the Bucs. The Bulls are two.
Yeah, Bulls are two. Bulls just waxed the fucking Lakers.
As a rule. And Caruso got a sick fucking video for him.
Yeah, speaking of NFTs. Last night was a perfect encapsulation of how LeBron is just an absolute fraud.
The story came out that the Lakers basically asked Caruso to take less money because they had had to pay the luxury tax which is a crazy ass to ask a player no why would you ever do that when you're just trying to make as much money as you can you don't give a fuck about the team being in salary cap problems but lebron is the gm everyone knows this it's true he could easily have been like we need caruso we need caruso we need caruso didn't and then it's all over him like hugging him social media like love you bro love you bro yeah maybe he's a bad team Maybe he's just happy that Caruso, we need Caruso, we need Caruso. Didn't, and then it's all over him, like hugging him, social media, like love you, bro, love you, bro, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Maybe he's a bad teammate. Maybe he's just happy that Caruso's getting paid more money.
I guess. Bulls are good.
Caruso, I love Caruso. Say what you want about Lonzo Ball.
I'm a big baller. I'm unironically become a huge big baller.
I've been on the ball train since the beginning. That's actually Kuzma.
But I never thought I would be a huge Lonzo ball fan. I followed Kuzma closely because he was best friends with Lonzo when they were rookies, and he was funny.
He's fun to root for. He's kind of a clown, but he's got that irrational confidence you need if you're going to be a superstar, and he's kind of playing like that.
You need the confidence. Confidence comes first.
Then the skill comes second. If the playoffs started today, Wizards one seed, Bulls two seed.
Wow. Celtics.
Who would have thought Celtics would be the out of the playoffs? No, they play the playing game. Yeah, the ninth seed, right? They play the tenth seed.
They're the nine? Then they would play the eighth seed. Okay.
God damn it. That shit makes me so mad.
Yeah, but the Bullets. Just let everyone in the playoffs.
I've said that I don't care about the Bullets, but I reserve all rights to become a massive hypocrite in case they finish in the top four. I care very much about the Bulls.
It's very fun to watch them, although West Coast basketball I can't stay up for. I just can't.
I watched the first quarter last night and then went to sleep. Speaking of, I'll do my cool throne first.
The Bucs, who are outside of the playoffs right now. And the real cool throne is the rest of the league because Giannis is already planting the seeds to maybe leave Milwaukee.

What do you do?

He said in his GQ article, he said,

one challenge was to bring a championship here, and we did.

It was very hard, but we did.

Very, very hard.

I just love challenges.

What's the next challenge?

The next challenge might not be here. Me and my family chose to stay in this city that we all love and has taken care of us for now.
In two years, that might change. I'm being totally honest with you.
I mean, winning a championship for the Milwaukee Bucks is a pretty fucking big challenge. I don't know if he could win a championship, an NBA championship for the New Zealanders That would be much more difficult I just This is a cool throne For everyone who Is a fan of Off season NBA More than Regular season NBA So you got You got your wish Giannis might become A free agent Or demand a trade Where else would he go That would be more of a challenge Than Milwaukee LA trying to play with LeB trying to coexist.
Yeah, with LeBron and that shining star that's always on him because it has to be on him. All right, my hot seat is Duke.
Duke. Institutional chaos, Duke.
If you missed the report, Coach K's grandson, who's on the team, nepotism much, and their best player. Would you say it's their best player? Yes, Palo Ben Carroll.
their best player got dwi's uh well i don't even know when it was last night night before i think it was sunday morning so saturday night and coach k kept the lid on this yeah he was he was putting pressure on the police department sounds like for the last couple days coach k should retire right now if he had any backbone and stood for anything that he says that he stands for you can't have this or at the very least remove the letters d u and i from his grandson's duke university sweatshirt yes uh removing bias for a second here big cat because i just want to you know since this is this situation will apply to any person who gets in any type of driving trouble going forward yep would you not say that this is a possible coaching moment that he could use to help

these players grow as humans?

I do think it's a coaching moment. He should say,

guys, I've failed you. I'm retiring

right now. That would be a great

coaching moment. So that's what all coaches should do.

Anytime one of their players gets in trouble

driving or off the court,

they should just retire.

College kids should go to college to do college,

not to drink. They're under 21, driving a should go to college to do college, not to drink.

They're under 21, driving a vehicle. Disgusting.
I would also take, I told you this before the show, Hank, I would also take Coach K if he doesn't want to go to jail or retire if he wanted to give his grandson to Pete Gaudette like he did all those losses in 1995. I would take that as well.
If he literally changed legally,

Pete Gaudet became his grandson's, the DUI

grandson's grandfather.

DWI.

I thought it was DUI. It's DWI.

What's the difference? Under? Wow.

He was

.08, but he's under 21.

So wait, is his grandson

or his

minutes per game higher than his blood alcohol?

Let's find out. I'd say probably no.
Probably not. All I'm saying, Big Cat, is I think that if you call yourself a major college basketball program, you shouldn't have any sort of motor vehicle incidents, and you certainly shouldn't have any nepotism on your team.
I agree. And you know what? Let me just say this.
Maybe the athletic department will come down on this kid. Maybe.
Maybe. Who's the assistant athletic department? Also Coach K.
Oh, no. Coach K's daughter.
Oh, okay. The grandson's mom.
Okay. Okay.
So maybe she'll come down. Do you think she'll maybe give him a spank on the butt? That's probably much worse.
Here's what I was saying. Did he slap the ground before he walked on the line? Actually, there was a Duke fan who was like, this is Tiki-Tak.
He was .08. So they have Gardner-Webb, Lafayette, and the Citadel.
Oh, that's great. And then Gonzaga, Ohio State.
Yeah, three-game suspension. I'm sure it'd be three games.
If it happens three games from now, he would be suspended for Gonzaga. Actually, we should do a reverse suspension.
Everyone knows DWIs equals three games. It should be a reverse suspension.
The grandson should have to play 40 minutes against Gonzaga. That would be funny.
Yeah, that would be funny. Just watch him out there.
There's both of them. Either way, I'm disgusted.
How do you get a DWI if you're not driving? Riddle me that. So it's aiding a betting DUI.
So if you're a passenger in North Carolina Carolina, while somebody's driving under the influence who is under the age of 21, you both get in trouble for it, especially if it's your car. So if they're driving your car, then it's like you gave them the keys.
I just assume they're so young and so drunk that one of them was doing the pedals and one of them was doing the wheel. I think that's good teamwork.
They're aiding and abetting each other 24 hours a day, whether it be in a car while you're hammered or on the basketball court. Go ahead, Billy.
The one time I heard about two people in the same car getting in DWI, they tried to switch seats. Maybe that's what happened.
Do you think the grandson said, do you know who my grandfather is? So like hypothetically. Yeah, I mean, you should never drink and drive him.
It's bad. He should be punished for it.
But I would like to know where this cop went to school. Where did he get arrested? Durham.
Was it in Durham? Oh. UNC grad.
Shout out. You got to ask the question.
I don't know. I, for one, respect our police officers, Hank.
Yeah. Me too.
You should never drink and drive. Coach K, step down right now.
Institutional chaos. Before someone gets hurt, really, step down.
What a gift that the grandson gave him for his retirement tour. Beautiful.
He'd go pop-pop. What do you think he calls him? Pop-pop.
Just calls him coach? He calls him pop-pop in the huddle? He's definitely been called Coach since he was a baby. Just like, this is my son, Coach.
He just always tells everybody what to do. You think Coach K met with the police officers afterwards? It was like, hey, I just want to say thank you.
You did a great job tonight. Leaned in and then really gave them a piece of his mind.
But it was under the auspice of like, I want to teach you how to be a leader in this community.

Good for Banchero that he has Coach K's

grandson to lead all the headlines.

That's the one spin zone for him.

True. We can all make those jokes.

Also if you're from Italy, you should

be allowed to drink under 21 in the United States.

Agreed.

This is on Coach K's family.

And it's Italian discrimination. The most discriminated class in America.
The entire Krzyzewski family should take credit for this. Yes.
They're Polish. Nobody discriminates against Polacks.
Never. No jokes.
Michael Savarino, he played four minutes against Gardner-Webb. Do you have any? Or whoever he had last.
Is that the people we did the... Yeah.
The Polish jokes? Those are funny. I would never make a Polish...
Screen door on a sub. Yeah.
The Polish Navy has tried to install a screen door on their submarine. They sent a rocket to the moon during the day.
All right. Jake, hot seat, cool throne.
Hot seat's the Mets. Ooh.
They lost Noah Syndergaard, and the fan base doesn't seem too happy about it.

Wait, they lost him?

Like they can't find him?

Yeah.

Missing.

Find my friends isn't working.

No, he's off to the Angels.

Oh, interesting.

Jacob deGrom, of course, coming off the injury.

Now Thor's gone, and Mets fans are...

I'm sure they'll take this rationally.

Exactly.

My cool throne is Abu Dhabi.

They're hosting two NBA preseason games next season. Now, redemption for Fight Island, maybe.
Put the court on the beach. Ooh.
Also, Jake, pre-notification, because I'll want to bet on that, and it'll probably be at a really random time. Okay.
So make sure you mark that. Mid-October, I'll write it down.
That's definitely going to be like a Tuesday. We're just walking around the office.
You take the Nets or the Knicks? I just like how Adam Silver is once again standing up for human rights. He's the best commissioner we got.
Thank you, Adam. Best commissioner we got.
Alright, Billy. My hot seat is Mac Jones.
Mac Jones has sort of gotten the some people are calling him the Grayson Allen of the NFL, and to add to sort of his whole aura. Because he always gets DUIs? Well, because he's a tripper.
He did not. If he was a tripper, he would have gotten fine.
He was. Fact.
Or fiction. It's now coming out that Mac Jones was a child actor and child model, and just really sort of making everyone be like, yep, exactly.
I saw some of the pictures of Mac Jones. He doesn't not look like Billy Football as a child.
Ah. You hate the one you look like, huh? What's wrong with being a child actor? I'm just saying people are sort of, he's kind of almost like a Duke athlete, Grayson Allen type that may be sort of taking liberties that he's shown on the football field.
Can I give you a piece of advice real quick? The way that it's going with Mac Jones, his career arc and how the Patriots look right now, we're going to have more than enough time to hate him. Let's not force it.
It's going to come naturally because he's probably going to win like five Super Bowls with Bill Belichick. So

let's not like the trivial stuff

will look foolish when we hate him for

winning five Super Bowls. We're like, remember we tried to

hate him for being a child actor. It's going to

come. Don't worry.
We have more than enough

time where Hank is just shoving it down everyone's

throat here. Other

hot seat, Rex Ryan. He does not want to be

associated

with Robert Salah. And then Robert Salah

said, you know where to find me if you have an issue

with it. Which he wasn't and then he became Thank you Rex.
I wasn't going to associate him at all. Did he say something about it? Talk about irrational confidence that guy is.
Hank, the man has the highest score ever in terms of problem solving and logic in the state of Maryland. Stuart Feiner, our good friend Stu Feiner, put it best.
Shout out, you fucking fat slobs. Suck my wife's fucking down.
There it is. That's his message to Rex Ryan.
I just think of every time that Rex Ryan comes up. But yeah, Rex Ryan basically made...
No one was talking about him. Then everyone was talking about him because he was talking about it being like, don't talk about me.
Okay. I won't.
I'll stop Rex. By the way, where do you go to get tested for that? If you're just in Maryland, do they have, is there like a building that adults can go to and be like, Hey, I want to, I want to get tested for my logic and problem solving.
Buddy Ryan definitely did that as like a dig on Rob. He was like, Rob was acting out.
And so he was like, Rex here, fill out your name. Boom.
You're the best. Yeah.
Just, he took him to a nondescript building, handed them a piece of paper, he printed up himself. Yes.
I was like, wow, Rex, you're really smart. Your logic is incredible.
Rob, you piece of shit. Fuck you.
And your cool throne? Jimbo Fisher's time in Texas A&M. He said, we're going to recruit an unbelievable class this year, so I'm the dumbest human being on God's earth to recruit all these guys to A&M so I can go across over there and go play against them.
Okay. So not leaving for LSU.
All right, so or maybe not leaving for LSU or put it through the college football translator. Put it through the little thing.
He's saying, LSU, you've got to pay me a lot more than that. That's what he's saying.
He's also saying, oh, LSU, your first offer was $12 million. How about $15 million? He's also saying to every single kid that he's recruiting right now, you guys are awesome players.
I love you very much. Look how much I'm talking about you right now and how great you are.
I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere whatsoever.
Trust me, I'm staying here. That's a nice hedge by him.
In the event that I do go, just letting you know, I still think that you're think that you're great you can just come to lsu yeah yes because i have all this much more money now yeah um all right let's get to our interviews we got brian bomb gunner they say right at that time bomb gartner you'll find out okay we'll find out and kevin from the office and then kenny pickett before we do that better help go to betterhelp slash PMT for 10% off your first month. The best way to think about therapy is through a bunch of analogies like, hey, you get your car tuned up to prevent bigger issues down the road.
You get your annual checkups and you go to the gym to maintain physical wellness and prevent injury and disease. Well, how about you do that with your mental health? You got to go to therapy so that you can have routine maintenance on your mental and emotional health, wellness to prevent bigger issues down the road.
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Go to BetterHelp.com slash PMT, B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash PMT. Okay.
We now welcome on a recurring guest. Recurring.
In person, it's Brian Baumgartner. He's got a new book out.
It's called Welcome to Dunder Mifflin, the Ultimate Oral History of the Office. Yes.
We were mid-conversation, so let's just pick it up. You were noticing how beautiful this studio is.
Yes. No, for anyone who sees pictures or watches this place, it is as disappointing as you would expect it to be.
Well, really, it's a very clean studio. Clean? Yeah, no, like 20 hours a day, it's clean.
And then before we have a guest, we have Billy just come in here and fuck everything up. Oh, okay.
So it looks messy. It's like a bit that we do.
We actually are very tidy people. We've learned through the years that if we try to clean ourselves up, then people will start taking us seriously.

And that's a disaster.

No, that's not your brand.

Yeah, because if you walked in, are you doing the rounds today?

Oh, I'm doing the rounds.

Did you do Good Morning America?

Today Show.

Today Show.

Okay.

Are those interchangeable?

Yeah, they are.

We interchange them.

Because I always ask, yeah.

And I always get it wrong.

I'm like, oh, for my life asking a guest.

I typically am.

But today I'm aware.

Okay, so the Today Show, you did it.

It's beautiful.

It looks like a It's clean. Yeah.
And then you come in here, and we get you to bring down your feelers. Like, these guys are just...
Are we even taping anything? It's relaxed. Yeah.
This is relaxed, though. I appreciate that.
So just a couple guys talking here. What's the biggest sex scandal in the history of The Office? We're not even taping.
Yeah, this is basically just locker rooms. On camera or off camera? One of both.
Well, no, the on camera, that's known, right? That's Dwight, yeah. There was a cuckold, right? Yeah.
I mean, Andy was the cuckold. Cuckolder? He got cucked.
Cucky. Yeah, he got cucked.
He did, for sure. That would be it.
Who do you hate the most? On the show? Yeah, off camera. Off camera, who do I hate the most? He did the today's show, and this is just...
I mean, there's dip, spit, there's coffee cups. Like, you can just say it.
Yeah, probably Carell. Okay.
Yeah. He's a diva? Just, he's...
No. Did anyone become a diva? No, that's the crazy thing.
And I think, actually, I don't know, is this like Barstool or something? I don't know. We were just a bunch of idiots, like, unknown show they're looking for unknown people right and so we get on and and even people forget like corral the little movie 40 year old virgin that wasn't until season two so it was like nobody was known no one had that attitude and i think it was all of us kind of, like, coming up together.

Yeah.

It would be like your brother or something.

It would be like, shut up.

You're not going to act like that.

Yeah.

There was none of that. You guys all became more famous together.

But what about at the end?

Was the end?

I've always wondered this about The Office because one of my favorite shows of all time.

And most hardcore fans say, oh, the end, you know, when Steve Carell leaves, I think actually there's some very funny moments when he left, after he left. But the ending of it, was it, it's time to go, this is good, or were there a lot of people who were like, why can't we just keep going? Really, honestly, it really was like it's time to be done.
And here's why. There's actually a very specific reason.
Because there was conversation, we talk about this in the book, Welcome to Dunder Mifflin, available at bookstores today. No, that it could have, like, I called it ER.
We could have ER'd it. Yes.
Right? Like Clooney leaves. You bring in whoever came on to ER.
I don't know. But, like, it went 20 years ER did.
So it could have done that. John Krasinski could have gone and become Jack Ryan or whatever.
And different people could have left. Some could have stayed.
But Greg Daniels had an idea of the end of the show from the very beginning, which was the documentary has to air, right? So this thing that they've been shooting, we've been shooting for nine years, has to eventually air. And once it airs, it's almost like a commentary on reality television, actually, right? Because once you see yourself on television, everything changes.
So the show couldn't really exist in the same form once everybody would have to be aware of how they were perceived which we explore a little bit at the end of the show so the idea just to wrap up that point was basically we want as many of the original people to be like mindy kaling had gone to do the mindy project and and uh and and but most of the original people were there. And so to tell that story, those people had to be there to sort of see the ramifications of their idiocy over the years.
To maybe watch some of them. If it had been extended, some of them probably would have become more diva-like than they even were because like you said, they're seeing themselves on TV.
That's right. You don't act the same in front of a camera after you're already watching yourself on TV.
Right, unless you work for Barstool. Yes.
And then you all just act like the idiots you are. Well, again, none of these are on right now.
It just exists. Dave built this office just as a shrine to him.
No actual content is going out. Oh, okay.
I thought I'd seen some stuff, but maybe not. It would be funny if you did another season where it was post everyone realizing that their star is kind of like a real housewives when everyone just season two everyone gets divorced right and they have this fate this little bit of you know famous and they latch on to it right that would actually be a very funny spinoff show of everyone being like yeah yeah now i'm a bit yeah kevins and that's that's right yeah so there's i don't i can't remember if we've ever talked about this before but um i try to avoid reddit at all costs and going down the the reddit the reddit uh the dark hole of reddit but there's apparently the and i've seen the the chains um that kevin malone is a secret genius Have you heard this before? Yes.
Yes. Yes.
So the basis for the, and this gets into your point slightly, but the basis of this, and people pull evidence, like minute little glances to camera from early on. Like, he's a gambler, and then he gets fired, and suddenly he owns a bar a bar so that is unaired storyline how he has the bar i'm gonna fill you in on this it's gonna blow your mind okay ready so the idea is that once the documentary airs kevin malone becomes the fan favorite of people watching i have in my office at home, like my face as a cartoon

and like Kevin rocks

and all this stuff, right?

So there became this movement

of Kevin Malone being a fan favorite

and partly based on my own experience

in the world,

I can't go into a bar

and not be offered a drink.

They want to have a drink

with Kevin Malone.

So the storyline is shot,

but not aired,

that Kevin Malone goes into bars

I'm going to go ahead and get started. They want to have a drink with Kevin Malone.
So the storyline is shot but not aired that Kevin Malone goes into bars. Everybody wants to buy him a drink.
There's a particular bar in Scranton, Pennsylvania that he goes in all the time. And he has accumulated such a credit at that bar from people buying him drinks that he uses that as leverage to own the bar.
That is a true written story that was shot. And the finale was like an hour and 45 minutes already.
And they're like, all right, we have to cut that. It still makes sense.
But that's it. I really was wondering, how did you end up owning that bar? You own poor Richards, the place the watering hole everybody used to go.
And I do kind of subscribe to the Kevin Malone is, I don't think a secret genius. I think he is a genius.
I think he's a savant because, yes, he was a terrible accountant, but he was also a great gambler at times when it came to doing certain percentages with cards. You can't be dumb and be a great poker player.
So was it just that, in your mind, Kevin Malone, was that unengaged at work that he just didn't give a shit in part but also like there's a there's a there's the whole phrase is idiot savant right so like here's the great here's the greatest i didn't hear i didn't hear about this for years right i think the idea of this with kevin started the basketball episode i played basketball those were that was not edited that was real live that was actually one take two of me making i don't know 13 15 feet uh footers three free throw line extended but so that there were like weird skills that he had yeah the poker series bracelet so here's the greatest insider writer's joke of all time they chose the writers didn't even tell me they chose scrantonicity a police cover band to be his band and specifically chose him to be the lead

singer and drummer of this band.

I didn't know this.

I'm not that I am not a musical genius,

but apparently in the police,

there's the beat,

but the singing occurs off of the beat from where the normal drum beat is. So you would have to be a musical savant to be able to play drums and sing at the same time.
Yeah, because the singing, the vocals were based around Sting, who was playing the bass. That's incredible.
So it would be around, it would be something that he could sing easily. What's his name?

Copeland was playing on the drums.

I'd never thought about that.

I love it.

I love it.

I didn't even know, but yes, so he was also a musical savant.

That's incredible.

I mean, that's just a testament, too, to people being diehard fans of the show

and loving the show so much that they then watch it again and watch it again

until they find out some storyline that maybe is real. Right.
That you're saying might be real. Right.
But they perceive it. I think it's great that they've got, it's kind of, it goes to show you what a well-crafted show it was overall, that the writers were having so much fun that they were thinking about these little extra jokes that they could put in there.
Oh, yeah. It really adds to the fullness of the show and makes everything else like there's an entire world that they created for themselves.
So the book, how long did it take you to write this book? I don't know. Should I say like 10 years? Yeah, say 10 years.
Yeah, 10 years. No, I mean, it's been essentially two years since the beginning to today.
I don't know when people are hearing this, but today. Today.
Today. No, tomorrow.
Tomorrow, today, yesterday, whatever. It's freaking out.
I actually just found out I signed like 7,000 books. We just sold out today of the seven copies of books.
Oh, wow. Yes.
Okay. You should say that you wrote it during the pandemic, like how we got King Lear and Shakespeare during the Black Plague.
Yeah. Now we got Welcome to Dunder Mifflin.
Yeah. That's right.
Honestly, this was, you know, the show was big when it was on, right? And there's fans who watch it was it was a rabid kind of cult following though right like it wasn't like friends when it was out in terms of just like mass media production whatever um and then the numbers started coming out about the streaming stuff and i started walking into restaurants again and airports and going like, this feels different than it ever has. And the basic gist is, so this was two years ago, so seven years since we have filmed anything.
It's the most watched show on television, right? I was just heard the other day, people talking about Squid Game, Succession, more people are watching The Office now. Now it's been eight years since we filmed anything than anything else on television and for me it was like why what the fuck happened like how is it like what what happened like how is this possible it's i'll tell you how it's tremendously rewatchable like it is i i watched it when the pandemic happened i watched it again full start to finish and i still will pop like it is the perfect show that and i think a lot of tv watchers fall into this trap now where you have anxiety of what am i going to watch what am i going to watch like what do i want to invest two hours of my night into and the office is like well let's put on the office and we'll figure out after one episode and then it becomes like 10 episodes you're watching the office right that's just what you're watching right well let me ask you a question do you think does the office bring you comfort yes definitely except for the volume of the intro song which i i think i talked to you about that last time did you get to chat with anybody i have over at netflix no i haven't like three bars it's so loud The rest of it's great though yeah it does it's um like big cat said it reduces anxiety watching it it also i think it brings comfort um now i a little less now because this job at barstool is you know for the most part a joke we have a lot of fun all the time but i think a lot of people i remember when i first watched it i was in college still and i remember being like i wish i could just find a job where it seems like people have fun you know what i mean and obviously you guys you know it's a tv show but i think there is that comfort to it too like the like making corporate america or the job that you might not love trivializing it and being like, look, you can have fun.

Yeah.

So I think that's probably where some of the comfort comes from. I think so too.

And not to go too deep, but I think that there's also like,

there's like the surface thing, right?

Which is like Michael Scott says horribly inappropriate things.

There can be some snideness.

It's kind of subversive in a way, which I think is why partially it appeals to younger people that sort of subversive thing um but i think also and this is part of reading the book and talking to we talked to 44 people and recorded over 100 hours of interviews with people about this but one of the things i think is that in the end it's it's kind of about love and creating a family right and whether it's the barstool family or the what wherever it is and that search for people when they're going through a heart and this I asked you that question because this is what when I'm out and about and people will not just come up to me to like say it randomly but they have this like intense need to tell me about a really bad time in their life that they watched the show and it made them feel better yeah and i think in the end that feeling of of love i don't know if love is the right word but like kindness family building togetherness and like being in an office together and like caring about your co-workers absolutely yeah absolutely it didn't matter which character it was but there would always be a time when when somebody would have something serious going on in their life and there would be jokes all around written around the episode but like in in the storyline for kevin when he was worried about the skin cancer and he was waiting to get the call back there's ridiculous stuff going you're like at the ice skating rink michael like, you know, flying around out there. Right.
Acting like a fool. But then you see there's always like a few shots of everybody rallying around that person, making sure they're okay.
It happened with every character, even the characters that were probably the least likable to their coworkers, like Dwight. There were times when people like lined up behind him.
Right. Like Pam and Dwight, that relationship between the two of them, weirdly, that they bonded.
Yeah, no, totally. I think it's a lot about just understanding that even if you're in a very boring job, where your job is to literally sell paper and count paper, the most boring thing that you can possibly sell, probably, there's a reason why you can still have moments of joy, and you can find family and relationships inside that office.
I think everyone goes through that. Yes, absolutely.
So in the book, you talk about how every morning you guys had to method act your job. Yeah, so this is actually, and it was one of those things where someone, when I started talking to people, someone reminded me and I was like, oh yeah, because it had been a really long time.
But is like think about you know network monolith corporation money bottom line so the first season right um we would all show up so having to show up to work earlier than we would ever be used on camera everybody get ready and then at say 7 a.m generally we would go into the office and the cameras would just walk around for 30 minutes and film us and you just work like just like we're working fake work fake phone calls going to the copier doing copies like a lot of the a lot of the images actually in the credits so like kevin on the adding machine and dwight with the shredder and like the copier going and stuff like that were kind of pulled and used but like very not 30 minutes a day and i had this conversation with ken kwapas who directed the pilot and he said look so many pilots first shows everybody's trying to get to each other. We're trying to introduce this whole story and everything's happening and it feels new.
And he was like, this has to feel like everyone has been working here for decades. Yeah.
Or at least a decade or whatever. That this is where you, that your chair has your body imprint in it already, right? There's no, where is the phone? There's no newness.
newness and so that like we would just work truly like fake sales calls passing notes passing papers walking through and i think just that time and all of us not just for that but all the other time i mean this is a hugely unique thing right which was there were i'm not going to count right now and we know i can't 12 actors that were in the main bullpen of the office in there all the time there's no fake walls right they would shut the doors there'd be two camera guys one sound guy and all of us in the room so like in terms of him you know improv-ing off of each other working off each other learning from each other different. Oh, if I say this to him, this is a layup.
All of that stuff happened because we were just together all the time. That's awesome.
I also have to wonder how that would have gone if you had all been established actors at the start of the show and the director's like, hey, can you come in an extra two, three hours early and just hang out and pretend that you're in an office for a while? I wonder the fact that you guys were all kind of new and starting something together, if you were more receptive to doing that. Probably.
Yeah. I mean, probably because everybody was on board.
There was no like, I truly don't remember any questioning or anybody saying, I don't want to do that. Nothing like that.

Did Ricky Gervais ever show up after?

I know he's executive producer in certain times.

Was he actually involved in the creation of any storylines or anything like that?

So he made an appearance on the show as an actor.

He would show up occasionally.

He and Ricky wrote an episode.

This is like scratching the cobwebs of my brain I think it was the convict um episode which is shortly after the you know Andy Bernard and they came over and we were eliminating actors one by one once the branches merged um so yeah I mean they were around some uh uh Stephen Merchant ended up directing one or two as well, but largely no. And they actually, for the book, I interviewed Stephen Merchant, and he talked about he thought, because what was happening at this period of time is that British shows that were brought over were all failing, right? They were all failing.
And Stephen said he thought the smartest thing that he and ricky did was leave it alone like we shouldn't pretend to know the cultural references that are funny or whatever uh in the united states like let's let them do it and they feel like them staying out of it actually um helped yeah make it more purely america. I believe that.
All right. So I know you got to do a couple other interviews.
Is this a gimp back here in the closet? Like what is the, do you hear that banging? Oh, yeah. That's the pipes.
Yeah, yeah. There's air in the pipes.
Oh, okay. It's sad to, again, you're, you know.
We built a studio. We haven't even turned on the cameras yet.
On the pipes. Yeah.
All right. So my last question, you go to Roback, R-H-O-B-A-C-K, use code PFT for 20% off your first purchase.
Performance Q-Zips, polos, everything at Roback.com, best stuff out there. Do you think Aaron Rodgers should be in jail or prison for holding a super spreader event every Sunday and willfully lying to the public about his vaccination status.
Thoughts? And should he have to strip his Super Bowl away? Oh, strip his Super Bowl away from 2010? Yes. 11? Yes.
Yeah, probably. Okay, good.
All right, so we're on the same page. Would you like, as a Packers, are you an owner as well or just a fan? I am just a fan.
You could buy some stock today. Is it today? You want me to buy you a share? Yes, buy me a share right now.
Yeah. Right now, right now.
I'll buy you a share if you disavow the Packers for cutting Blake Bortles. Why did you do that to Blake? He's our friend.
I like Blake. Yeah, I know Blake.
I like Blake. No, you don't.
Yeah, I do. Well, then you would stop rooting for the Packers.
Listen to me. I'm worried.
Worried about what? So Aaron Rodgers just tortured me. Yeah, no, I know.
And I'm worried. They're great, by the way, the Bears.
They're so good. They're so fun to watch.
They're so fun to watch, too. Justin Fields versus Jordan Love for the next 20 years.
Sign me up for that. I'm worried.
I think the Packers are actually going to win the Super Bowl this year. I do, too.
I do, too. You heard it here first.
It's actually a lock. It's a lock.
No, now you're trying to jinx. No, I'm not.
No, I saw it in your eyes. No, I'm a great gambler.
Everyone knows my locks never lose. I'm 1-0 in Game of the Years this year.
That's not that good. 1-0? You can't be better than 1-0.
Game of the Year? How many Game of the Years? 5-0 is significantly better than 1-0. How can you have five Game of the Years? Oh.
I'm 1-0. Everybody has a Game of the Year every other week.
Does everyone win their Game of the Year? No, I'm saying every other week. What was your Game of the Year? It was Pitt versus UNC last Thursday night.
No big deal. Easy winner.
Took overtime and also like a monsoon to show up at the perfect time for it to win. But yes.
Okay. So I win all my locks.
The Packers are a lock to win the Super Bowl. I really like the way that they – I mean, I believe you discount the game that Aaron missed, which I know you can't do.

But if you set that aside and you acknowledge, as I think now it's hard not to, that the first game of the year was an aberration.

Right.

So you're setting aside the Chiefs game.

You're setting aside the fact that Aaron Rodgers didn't get vaccinated and lied to everyone.

You're setting those things aside.

Yeah.

And I'm saying that they have looked the best team in the NFL this year. I'd agree.
Their defense is just what sets them apart from old Packers teams. The defense is Super Bowl level at this point.
I would buy you a share of the stock. Unfortunately, it says that it's non-transferable.
So if I buy it, I can't then give it to you. You can't give it to me? I can't give it to you.
Once you're in, blood in, blood out. You can't put it in my name? Nope.
Nope. Maybe there's a curse on the Packers now.
What else? Any other NFL thoughts? Actually, that would be a great story. I became an owner, and they won the Super Bowl.
That's a good story. For who? For you personally.

It's a great story for you.

It's a great story for me.

Let's do story time. You become an owner,

Aaron Rodgers gets hit by a bus.

That's a great story for me.

Personally.

Now you're pushing it. I went with you at first.

I didn't tell you the injuries yet.

What were your injuries? He can never walk again. No, I think the Packers are very, very good this year.
I saw a stat that was like the last time. The only times they've ever been top three in defense, and it was a list of all the times they've won the Super Bowl.
They've won more than three. No, I'm saying top three in defense in that year right 2010

96 and then it was whenever

you know when I mean those are fake Super Bowls anyway

one and two or whatever okay yeah

actually no they don't count yeah

but yeah they're very very good

I assume you're enjoying every moment

of this season I really really

really am and in fact I posted

the director was

there I had a

movie I had a festival

movie thing come out and i went to the this was the arizona game i went oh i went to the red carpet and i took pictures and i said hello to everyone and then the screening happened and i went and walked back out went to the bar that was next door i appreciate that watch. And then the game was over, and I went in and did a Q&A.
I appreciate that so much. I feel like a lot of actors kind of lose their fans, but it's like not, I want to watch every game fans.
Right. And I love that you're an every game fan.
And that was a big game. Yeah.
And that was, I mean, Devontae out, that was a crazy win.

It was an impressive win.

Great win.

Are you going to go to the Super Bowl?

In Los Angeles if the Packers are in it?

Yes.

That's an easy answer.

We'll see you there.

Yeah, we'll see you there.

If not, then I don't know.

I mean, they'll win.

It depends on what they do. Aaron Rodgers doesn't lose NFC Championship games? Shut up.
It's all I have. It's all I have.
It's all I have. Oh, the Bears are so good this year.
They're getting better, okay? Are they? They're in the hunt. Are they getting better? Justin Fields is getting better.
That's all that I'm compartmentalizing the entire season. See, I'm jaded against him, by the way.
Why? I'm jaded against him. Why? He doesn't know this, and not really.
I'm fake jaded. I grew up in Atlanta.
Okay. So I'm a University of Georgia fan.
A dog, yeah, a former dog. He couldn't wait his turn.
Oh, so you're going to win the national championship and the Super Bowl this year? Sick'em. Look at that.
Whoa. And the World Series.
Yeah, but I can't take credit for that. And I've had people now say, well, you can take credit for that.
No, because I can't enjoy it because I'm a huge baseball fan. Yeah.
And I get shit i don't well i'll ask you your opinion about this a huge baseball fan i did theater for years and years traveled around tbs the braves run tbs i'm a brace found from it i mean i was hardcore braves fan then i moved to southern california and said i'm not leaving southern california and i and at that point This was like in between TBS and when you could watch every game on the planet, now on the MLB thing. I couldn't watch.
I couldn't watch the game. I'm like, am I going to go back? My parents moved away from Atlanta.
My sister moves away. I'm like, I can't.
What am I going to do? And I love baseball. First thing I did is I got tickets at Chavez Ravine, and I became a Dodgers fan.
And I was like, I want to go, and I'm going to invest in the team. You're a seam head.
I'm going to root for the team. Yeah.
I'm a what? Seam head. It's an expression for a giant baseball fan.
Oh, yes. But I'm a Dodgers guy now.
So, yeah, you can't take credit. That's fair.
Yeah, so I can't take credit for the Braves. Yeah.
But you are going to win. Not credit.
You're going to win. The Bulldogs are going to win, and the Packers are going to win.
You also don't. You get to wear the same G on everything you.

Isn't that workout?

Yeah, our producer, Bubba, who is colorblind, wouldn't know which team,

which day of the week it was.

You don't know which one this is?

You wouldn't know which day of the week it was,

depending on what hat you're wearing.

It's gray.

They're always gray.

It's all gray.

All right.

Well, Brian, thank you so much.

We appreciate it. Everyone go by.
Welcome to Dunder Mifflin, the ultimate, thank you so much. We appreciate it.

Everyone go by.

Welcome to Dunder Mifflin, the ultimate oral history of The Office. We love the show.
This is like the perfect holiday present. It is.
Do you guys plan that? It is. No.
Well, two things. One, I'll tell you this because I think this is what is cool about actual books.
Because people are like, books? Yeah. No, that's what we say.
We went through, I went through thousands and thousands of pictures that were like in the basement collecting dust. Oh, picture book.
And so there are over a hundred pictures in the book that have never been seen anywhere before. You should have said that from the start.
Yeah. It's a picture book.
It's pictures. There's a coloring page.
It's a picture book. Guys, you like pictures? It also has, I'll say this right now, very big text.
The pages, you can read a lot of pages quickly. I'm just going to say right now, that is the perfect bathroom book.
Bathroom book? This book was meant to be read in the bathroom. I love it.
Yeah, thank you. That's a compliment.
Thank you. It's the only place that I read.
Thank you. That actually is the highest of compliments.
It's the only place that I read. Yes.
Thank you. Yeah.
So it's the highest of compliments. Yes.
There it is. Go buy it, though.
Thank you. You're always welcome back.
Thank you. It's nice to be in here.
Now I'll have better expectations next time about what my surroundings will be. I think, actually, the nice part about doing this car wash here is the studios get cleaner and cleaner as you go so this is the worst it's going to get i love it yeah you're just going to keep going up from here there is by the way guys just to be clear can we zoom in on that there is a stack of laundry oh yeah just dirty clothes no it's not this is the thing well you caught us in my i just want to say this this is what i'm when i talk about the studio it doesn't have to be fancy i'm looking at there's just dust bunnies everywhere i mean just everywhere to say this.
When I talk about the studio, it doesn't have to be fancy. I'm looking at, there's just

dust bunnies everywhere.

I mean, just everywhere. Sounds like you're judging.

There's dirty clothes. Sounds like you're judging.

There is a stack of cables

unplugged into anything.

Those are very important.

You never know. You never know.
These smell clean.

Yep. They look clean.

That one smelled clean.

I need to get some barstool gear before I leave. We got you.
Thank you so much. Thanks, guys.
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And now, here's pick quarterback. Can you pick it? And now now for something completely different okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is starting quarterback for the pittsburgh panthers kenny pickett also winner of my game of the year so thank you i know you probably can't talk gambling but did you know that you won my game? Do you know afterwards? Like, I know beating UNC is big, but winning me the game of the year was a lot more important.
Oh, yeah. I mean, I knew before the game.
I had somebody send me, actually, that we were the game of the year. You know, my friends are pretty ruthless, so they had to make sure that I knew about that before the game started.
And then I saw some of your tweets during the game, and I had to send you one. I was you on the uh the game of the year so it was a win-win all around yeah it was a great great game great season so far i was very very nervous but um i think i i are we in the trust tree right now we're in the trust tree absolutely i think the two gloves make me nervous man the two gloves make me nervous can you talk to us why you two-glove quarterback? I think that you're a very, very good quarterback, and I've watched a lot of Pitt football this year, and you guys have been playing very well, and that Clemson game was great.
But for some reason, two-glove quarterbacks always make me nervous in big moments. In big moments? Yeah.
Where's the translation in that? I don't know. I think it's like you just can't feel like what happened the ball sticks to the hand yeah something like yeah you're gonna do like a tuck rule almost at the worst possible time i think it i don't know i just have a better grip with it it's been it was something i did when i was younger got away from it and it came back in college actually against unc two years ago um was think the second time I did it in college,

but after that game I stuck with it.

It's been working ever since, so I'm just going to ride it out.

Okay.

All right, so if you're comfortable, I'm comfortable,

but I just had to get that out there because I don't know what it is.

I think PFT nailed it.

It's like at the worst possible time, boom, you try to throw

and it just sticks to it.

I just always assume that if a quarterback's got a glove

on his throwing hand. First of all, I don't know if I've ever seen a quarterback with two gloves win a Super Bowl.
We'll have to do some deep numbers on that but I'm pretty sure it hasn't happened. But I just always assume that the small touch passes.
There's just like that fraction of an inch between your skin and the ball. I like skin on skin and so I feel like you're losing some of the sensation that you might feel in your fingertip against the skin of the football when you throw it.
Right. Right.
That all definitely adds up and makes sense. I haven't run into that issue yet.
But if I bump into it, I'll probably take the gloves off. The other thing is the long hair, which, listen, I love it.
I love long hair. I personally have long hair.
I think it's a good look. But it's another thing that we've talked about on the show probably too much is that long hair quarterback Super Bowl is that whole thing.
Are you going to continue to grow it out or are you going to trim it up once you get drafted? So the long hair is good or not good? From a visual standpoint, it's good. From a me thinking you can win a Super Bowl standpoint, not so good.
What if we send a trend of it being good? We could start it here on the show. I'd be down for that or cut into a mullet.
Have you considered the mullet? It's been enough for discussion. I think there's a lot of people in my family, especially my girlfriend, that would not be a fan of it.
But I think we could definitely talk about that after the season going into next year. So this year's been great.
I think you're an awesome story because like what happens every year in the draft, you get guys who kind of come out of nowhere a little bit later, late bloomers. Has there been a moment in the last year or so where you're like, oh, I'm actually now going to be a high draft pick? Because I know for the majority of your career in college, it was like, yeah, Kenny Pickett might get drafted, but he's not going to be a first-rounder.
Now it looks like you're going to be a first-rounder. Have you had that light bulb? Oh, fuck, this is getting really real.
I'd say so. It's built week by week.
It's just gotten bigger and bigger, that was the reason I came back. The whole goal was, you know, to be able to win a championship and come back and go in that first round.
I think a lot of guys have that kind of goal when they do this. I don't think I'm the first to obviously, you know, forego the draft and come back.
And, you know, I'm excited the way it's going. I just hope we can finish it, finish it the right way.
So when you were making the decision to come back,

what did agents and everyone tell you?

Like, what did they say, what round you would most likely go in

if you went to the draft last year?

Yeah, I mean, everything I was hearing from agents, coaches,

you know, some NFL personnel and, you know, ex-players.

And, I mean, obviously, I mean, Peyton Manning gave me some advice

and he got some information for me. And everything I hearing was was four or five round four or five and then um you know then maybe come back Peyton was just like you know do you see yourself as that kind of player and the easy answer was no um I just wanted to bet on myself and come back for one more that's awesome and it's it's it's a it was a great bet because obviously you're having a great season but I think it's it's a lot of times guys being like, fuck it.
I want to just go to the NFL or I don't really trust that people are analyzing me correctly. I'm going to be a second round guy.
And you're like, no, I'm going to bet on myself at college football and see where this takes me. Yeah.
I mean, that's the thing. I think guys, like it's such an emotional decision.
I think the best thing that I did with the decision was kind of take the emotion out of it and look at it as a business standpoint. Like, you know, I'm here, but this – okay, so everyone has me here.
I got to come back and play at a higher level in order to even be in that discussion where I feel like I should be. So once I kind of sat down and kind of looked at it as a number standpoint and what makes sense and what's the best for my career, you know, and family and that was that was kind of an easy decision so i want to go back a little bit to your childhood growing up playing sports because i read that you you started out playing soccer when you were a kid um might be a red flag some people might say but you had to you had to quit soccer because you were too physical is that true that that was true i had It it was like an indoor soccer league um we had this like bubble like 10 15 minutes from my house it's like a rec league um and definitely got you know so i had to sit out a couple games um the soccer career was short lived so i hope that is the one red flag there and so so then obviously you progress playing football and you become friends with peyton manning that's pretty cool that you get to be like, yeah, Peyton's just, wait, I got to take this.
It's Peyton. Uh, did you go to the, to the Manning Academy? Did you go to his camps? Yeah.
Yeah. I went there twice.
Uh, so that's kind of how the relationship started. Um, and I was there this past summer.
Um, you know, and I, I kind of, I know his dad, Archie, and we, we text once in a while, send me some stuff. So it's, it's a really cool relationship.
So I bring up his name because our friend Billy Football here, he just texted the group and said, good news, Peyton Manning won a Super Bowl wearing two gloves. Oh, yeah, in the rain.
Was it in the rain or was it – no, probably not in the rain one. That was the Seattle one.
It was probably the one in – He definitely lost that one. Yeah, but in the – against – The Panthers? The Panthers? That wasn't the rain, though.
No, the rain was obviously against the Bears, but I'm saying, when did he... He was wearing it because of his neck surgery.
The Broncos? Yeah, he did become a two-glove guy. I mean, Roethlisberger's been a two-glove guy at times.
Brady's been a two-glove guy at times. So, yeah, we can...
I just was always... I've always just been nervous that the ball is going to get stuck and you're going to be standing there like, fuck, the ball's stuck in my hand at the worst possible time.
Do you think God was involved in that game against UNC? Because I do. I was when I got off to the sideline.
Yes. And I was sitting on the bench.
I looked at, you know, the other quarterbacks. And I was was just like thank god we had the ball first like it was actually insane as soon as they got like we finished up there was you know it was coming down pretty hard but not nothing like it was when they got the ball yeah it was it was ridiculous the wind shifted it was like you couldn't get a read on the wind it was it was unreal i i wish i had known god was gonna it was like a tag team i tagged god in at the end um i would have made it the game of a life a lifetime if I had known God was going to – it was like a tag team.
I tagged God in at the end. I would have made it the game of a lifetime if I had known God was going to get involved.
But shout out the big man upstairs for helping me out in overtime. It's got to be so annoying when you throw a pick, right? I mean, we've got to at least address it.
I knew this is what I was waiting for. I knew the last name was going to come up in this discussion.
I mean, come on. When you guys had Chris Blewett and Kenny Pickett, you're Blewett, you're a kicker, and Kenny Pickett, you're a quarterback.
I think it's lame at this point, but have you gotten to a point where it's like maybe I'll just change my name? Maybe I'll be something else? I mean, the good news about the Blewett and my last name, we weren't here together. We were kind of – so all Pitt fans had Blewett for four and they had me for four.
So I guess they were blessed with eight years of unfortunate names at certain positions. But, no, no, I'm going to keep the name and hopefully throw as, you know, less – minimum interceptions I possibly can to kind of, you know, limit the – I'm sure Twitter goes nuts about it too.
Yeah. That probably has an impact, like a small impact on your decision-making is like my last name is people are going to absolutely roast me if I throw an interception.
So I'd better be careful. Yeah.
It's definitely something to think about. You should do like one of your big first ad deals that you do when you go to the NFL is like, just legally change your name to Kenny touchdown and you can get it you know well I'll sponsor I don't know what we'd sponsor there or just change your middle name yeah so you'll never yeah ah that's good that's a good loop that's really good uh I got a very important question I ask you so you played behind Ben DiN James Madison University legend, when he was at Pittsburgh.
How much did you learn from Ben, and have you been in touch with Ben about his burgeoning NFL career? Yeah, I learned a lot from Ben. I had Ben and Max Brown, actually.
When I was a true freshman, they both were here. Max starred.
He ended up getting injured. Ben came in, and I came in at the end of the year too.
So I had two, you know, older guys that were here to kind of learn from. And I took a lot from both of their games.
And, you know, obviously then Ben went on to James Madison. Now he's in the league doing good things.
So, yeah, he's definitely a great guy to learn from. I feel like quarterbacks that stick around at Pitt, they develop in a different way from quarterbacks that might just play like one or two seasons elsewhere.
Because in your home stadium, there's just so much weird shit that happens there between the wind, the turf by the end of the field. Is it more of an advantage for you, like knowing where the wind's coming from in the stadium or which sections of the turf are going to be absolutely chewed up from Big Ben by the end of September? I mean, I'd say both.
The wind is tough i mean i would say it's it's tough for kickers um but i definitely the field is i think it's an advantage i think teams come in i always watch them in warm-ups kind of like walk every inch of the field um like somehow i think that's they think that's going to help them i mean you just gotta know it's just not a great surface and you just gotta play you just haven't had to know that when you're making making your cuts and everything but I think it definitely gets gets in their heads when they're walking around pregame is Dan Marino a mentor of yours I wouldn't say mentor I mean we we've talked you know every once in a while you know coming on visits as a as a high school recruit that's the guy that you chase when you see all the records on the wall and stuff so now that you know I'm starting to see my name next to his it's an unbelievable feeling I know know he was on part of my take, right? Yeah, no, he was on part of my take. Yeah, he was in the van.
He loved – he had a great time. He was a lot of – I heard, yeah.
I had to watch that one. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, he was totally – Now, this is something I always think about when I think about college football and handicapping games, the color schemes and the jerseys. When did you guys officially make the switch to the blue and the yellow scheme you have right now? Because it's a classic.
I don't know why Pitt ever went away from it. Was that just this year that you did it consistently? No, no, I agree.
So it started in 2019, and we started to wear throwbacks in 2016 when I was getting recruited. I think the first year they started to mix it in.
But I absolutely, I mean, it's kind of like no one has these colors. Yes.
So when you see these colors, like that's Pitt, you know, Pitt's playing. So I think it's something pretty special.
It's awesome. I mean, I would imagine you guys play better in the jersey.
You've only worn this jersey color this year, right? Yes. And we have like these Steel city uniforms that i'm not a huge fan of i mean it looks like army it looks like it's just not us you know i don't i don't i think it was a good idea um you know everyone's hearts were in the right place but i think we just stick with these colors will be all right yeah those colors the colors that pit has are like some of the best color combinations in all of college football it drove me insane when when you'd wear the dark navy and, like, the gold.
I thought that was just the worst. So you're on the right path.
Do you use the word yins? Yins. We'll, like, mess around.
Guys who aren't from here will mess around and say it. My roommate's Australian.
We'll try and throw it in there a little bit. But I have a bunch of Pittsburgh friends, and they say it, and it just kind of rolls off the tongue for them regularly.
Yeah, I feel like if you're playing for Pitt, you're allowed to use the word yins, or you're from the Pittsburgh area. But you can't say it as an outsider.
No, and I feel like I can't go back to Jersey and say it. No one would have any idea what I'm saying.
Yeah. Yeah.
Does Dave Wonstad ever call you up? No call you up? No, no, I never, I never had a chance to talk to coach, but, um, he's actually been like a pretty big supporter, um, you know, on TV, on Twitter. So definitely appreciate him.
Wait. So from Jersey playing a pit, uh, have you changed your allegiance to sheets? Um, I mean, I'm not a huge, I mean, why was, why was good? I'm not a, I don't have an allegiance to either one of one of them, honestly.
I don't spend – I don't really go there. If I want, like, a nice sandwich at home, like there's delis that are just way better.
Oh, wow. So I stick with the local spots.
You pissed some people off with that. What's your hand size? I can't give you a legit number.
I'll wait till – So big? It's so big it can't be measured? We could go with that. Would you say that – Start that narrative.
Start that narrative for me going into the draft day. That would be great.
We don't have the ability to measure his hands. They're so big.
Would you say they're on the bigger or smaller side? In the middle. Okay.
That makes me think small. You know know you can get You can get massages

There are different exercises you can do

To actually make your hand

Your hand span longer

Have you done those?

Thumb to pinky

No I've never done it

I'm sure I'll be getting involved with them

As soon as the season's over

But I know that's a huge concern for everyone

You know

If the past 45 yards on a rope

And I throw 45 yards on a rope

It doesn't say like from a small hand

Thank you. over but i know that's a huge concern for everyone um you know if the past 45 yards on a rope and i throw 45 yards on a rope it doesn't say like from a small hand yeah are you sure yeah the weirdest thing it is but that's just draft nerds are the weirdest people in the world it's yeah it's it's so odd the things i get tagged in and then like it says like draft expert and you look it's like 105 followers what are we doing why are you but yeah it is what it is how uh how far can you throw football far uh probably 65 okay that's not bad what's your projected 40 people think i'm slow but i think i'm gonna be in like the low four sixes high four fives yeah no i don't think you're slow i think you actually actually have, like, it's probably the two gloves is what makes people think you're slow if we're actually breaking the top.
Are you talking about sneaky? You're going to say sneaky fast? No, but I'm thinking about it like we found out that there are Super Bowl winners who have worn two gloves. I can guarantee you that there's no fast guys that have worn two gloves.
Yeah, I don't think – I'm trying to think of some. Yeah.
No, it's what but big ben did and that's back when big ben had i would say not fast big ben has functional athleticism that's what you should like you're you're almost too fast to have functional athleticism you have deceptive speed at this point you're in like the justin herbert range yeah i mean i could i live with that i'll take that if mike vick wore two two gloves i'm out of the discussion that's for sure um definitely not in that category all right so my last question uh which is the most important question because you're going to get drafted in the first round congratulations on that how much do you want to pay us to be kenny pickett defenders now we've done this for other people we've done done it for Josh Allen, Blake Bortles, Baker Mayfield. We have a whole resume.
Binders full of quarterbacks that we will defend and never bash. Certain teams that haven't won a game in the NFL this year, notice we have never said a bad word about the quarterback there because he's a good friend and we would never do that.
So we can be bought. Just think about how much you want to pay us.
All right. Yeah, I'll definitely think about it.
All I need is like a part of my take shirt or hat or something. I think we can make that happen.
We'd love some merch. Rock some merch.
We'd definitely get a deal going. Done.
Okay. Sold.
We will defend you. We will defend you against everyone.
I mean, listen, you know I was going to defend you anyway because you won my game of the year. So I am forever indebted to you because there's nothing better than winning a game of the year and being like 1-0 in game of the years.
I have another question. Yeah.
Will there be another game of the year? I heard there's rumors going around that there may be another game of the year. There might be because winning a game of the year is a great thrill because everyone just compliments you about your game of the year.
And to go 2-0 on game of the years would be pretty incredible. First time ever, probably.
There might be. You know what? I might wait until you guys see where you guys play a bowl game, maybe ACC championship game might be a rollover game of the year the Kenny Pickett Memorial not that you're dead game of the year I like what I was saying if it's awesome you go Tuno that's great but if you lose and you pick somebody else that makes us look probably like 100% better in your eyes if I were you Big Cat I would bet on somebody else for your second game of the year that way he can leave college as being the only person that's undefeated in Big Cat games of the year.
That's true. Good point.
Good point. Yeah.
A lot of good ideas. Scouts will like that.
Scouts will like that a lot. Do you know who the scouts are in the stands? Do you know where they sit? And you're like, I got to make sure that I look really good when they're watching me.
No. I mean, they come to practice.
And it's funny because we do like center quarterback exchange, we call, and then I'll throw like 10 yards, and there's like at the UNC game, there's like 15 or 20 of them standing there. I'm just curious as to how much they can get out of the 10-yard like warm-up toss.
Nothing. Yeah, they're there for a reason, so they're getting some kind of information.
One last question. So this is more about the Manning Academy stuff.
Is there something tangible that you've learned that they, like, fixed in you where you go to the camp and then they watch you throw and, like, Peyton Manning gives you a piece of advice and is like, hey, I've noticed that you do this. You should change it.
And then you've adopted that? That's a great question. I would say it's never medical stuff.
They do a lot. I mean, we have a chance to ask them questions for like an hour and we go over like you know their off-season routine how they prepare for games that was kind of the biggest thing that I took from it my the first time I went and I kept that same notebook and I brought it back the second time and I was able to add to that and that's kind of really taken my like preparation week by week I'd say to the level, just listen to how Peyton and Eli prepared in the NFL.
I love it. Well, Kenny, best of luck.
I just love the idea of a professional quarterback named Kenny. I think it's fucking awesome.
Kenny Stabler, obviously, Snake. So best of luck.
Thank you again for winning my game of the year. Actually, you got to come back and come in person after the Heisman ceremony.
You'll be here in New York. Let's go.
Yes. You better get invited.
Kenny Pickett, if we can figure out a way to do a hashtag or stuff some ballots, Kenny Pickett to New York has to happen. All the battles.
Do you have a Heisman moment yet?

Yeah, my game of the year.

I was having the fall question.

Yeah, that was it.

That was the game of the year.

Kenny Heisman.

Yeah, Kenny Heisman, game of the year.

It is.

All right, man.

Thanks so much.

Best of luck.

Thanks, guys.

Appreciate it for having me on.

See you, man.

Kenny Pickett was brought to you by our very, very good friends over at Coors Light. Love Coors Light.
Love drinking it. Mountains were blue last night.
Billy and I went out for some Korean barbecue. The mountains were very blue at the barbecue station.
It's delicious. It's always good.
It's the official beer of college football, the official beer of part of my take, and it's the official beer of chilling out. When everything's go, go go go go it's non-stop hustle all the time you got work friends family a million pressing social issues you have to be on 24 7 sometimes you have to chill Coors Light is made to chill we love Coors Light I love you know what I really love to do with Coors Light it's about that time of year put it outside leave the case outside.
Let nature turn the mountains blue. It's God's refrigerator out there.
Love Coors Light. Love it especially when you're pulling out of the snow.
Love it when you're watching college football, when you're watching NFL football. No matter what, Coors Light is mountain cold refreshment and it's always made to chill.
It's the one that I choose when I need to unwind. So when you want to hit reset, reach for the beer that's made to chill.
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Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado.
Okay, we're going to wrap up the show with a little Wednesday reading. We've alluded to it.
It is from our friend Dan Orlovsky.

He dropped this blog.

Now, I like Dan.

This isn't supposed to be mean towards Dan.

I actually think that because we're going to bust his balls here,

that means he's a friend of ours.

But I still don't really understand where.

It came out of left field, and it would be –

we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't talk about it. Yeah, it would honestly be omission.
People would be like, why haven't you talked about the Dan Orlovsky blog yet? And frankly, I'll talk about any Dan Orlovsky blog. If he wants to write up a blog telling me about maybe why certain quarterbacks in the NFL are overrated this year, I'll read that.
I also like the fact that Dan Orlovsky thinks Matt Nagy is being criminal towards Justin Fields. So he will always have a special place in my heart.
And he's always, you know what, we'll extend because we're going to bust them up a good one. Just guys just busting each other up.
I'll officially extend the offer if Dan Orlovsky wants to come on and talk quarterbacks and also how to not she on your wife. Or jack off.
Or jack off. And you know what? We can present a counterpoint article.
Four ways to jack off on the road in hotels. Yes, to him.
So when he comes on, we will tell him how we play offense by jerking off all the time. So it's four ways to avoid temptation.
First of all, right off the bat, guys love lists. So he has my attention.
Oh, right off the bat, not only do guys love lists, but guys love analogies. So we start with, in the NFL, I skipped the first part, but in the NFL, while defense is important, you won't win if you never score.
And it's always easier to score while you're on offense. Well, that's true.
With temptation being on offense. Unless Dan Orlovsky is playing quarterback on the other team.
True, true. We had to get that one in there.
Sorry, Dan. He actually handles it well now.
I think there was a moment in time where it bothered him, but I think he's on the other side of that. He's like, I got to own it.
Well, you can easily own it by being like, I was in the NFL. Right.
Like that's kind of the trump card on all losers on Twitter being like, well, I got played to play football. I played for 11 years in the NFL.
Yeah. So yeah, that's the Trump card.
So with temptation being on offense is about avoiding temptation. How can you avoid temptation rather than put yourself in a position to have to resist it? Here are four ways to avoid temptation.
Number one, focus on knowing yourself. I found that if I know my biggest struggles, I'm more likely to avoid them.

What do you struggle with most?

Whether it's temptation to get more money, more power, or more sex, it's important to

be honest with yourself about it.

Okay?

All right.

My only qualm with this is that if you take knowing yourself in the biblical sense, like

Adam knew Eve, et cetera, he's just talking about jacking off.

Yes.

It's important to know each other, which I agree with, Dan.

He's a talking about jacking off. Yes.
It's important to know each other, which I agree with, Dan. I do too.
I also, it's a little, again, this came out of left field, this blog. So I have to just say like the only temptations he listed were money, power, and sex.
Yeah. What's on your mind, Dan? Well, money, power, sex, those are like the hierarchy of needs.
Yeah. That's.
If it's the food pyramid, that's the good part. That's the sweets, oils, and fats, baby.
Oh, Jesus. I didn't even realize this.
So this is probably going to be a recurring segment now because there's a hyperlink on more sex. So it's money, power, or more sex.
Hyperlink more sex. It goes to an article that says,

10 practical ways to battle your sexual temptations. No, I've been clicking all the-

One, jerk off.

Yeah, I've been clicking all the hyperlinks already.

I pre-clicked them, and some of them link to more all pro dad articles.

Got it.

Not by Dan, though, by other people.

Got it.

So that's not a Dan take.

Quick, 10 practical ways to battle your sexual temptations.

One, jerk off.

Two, get so fat that your testosterone is limited and you don't even want to move. I would say three, fall asleep after jerking off.
Yes. Four, smoke some weed.
Yeah, that's a good one. Because then you'll just probably be too lazy.
Two, have sex or jerk off. Five, blog.
Six. Become a full-time blogger.
Six, bet the over on a game. Yep.
That's just like jerking off if you hit it. Seven, just don't jerk off.
Eight, listen to part of my take. Yep.
Nine. I think that's it.
Those are the only ways to avoid temptation. Nine.
Nine. Oh, wet dream.
Nine. Okay.
Wet dream. Good job.
Hand job from God. Yep.
Ten, grow your hair out really long and don't shave for a while. It's really easy to avoid.
No one will even come close to jerking you off. It's really easy to avoid sexual temptation that way.
All right, so we're back to the regular article, the main article. If you know what you struggle with, you're better equipped to avoid it.
I don't personally struggle with pornography. Again, I'm just going to throw a flag.
Dan, you just wrote this blog out of nowhere, and you said you don't struggle with pornography I'm sorry but you're a porn guy well who struggles with pornography pornography is the easiest thing to not struggle with what if you're if no if your Wi-Fi is not strong enough and it's like the the actual videos not loading you don't get the preview yeah it's not buffering correct so it's of blurry. That's a struggle with pornography.
I don't think porn works on Wi-Fi. I always go no Wi-Fi.
Interesting. I respectfully disagree.
I've had this problem where I'm like, it's buffering. I'm like, it's fucking Wi-Fi.
They don't want me to, so I just get off the Wi-Fi. Here's a struggle with pornography that I have.
I've had this conspiracy for a while. Sometimes when the thumbnail is different than what the actual video is, and you're like, I was sold a weird bill of goods here.
That's a struggle. That's a big one.
Sometimes when you click on something, and then it's like stepbrother and stepsister. It's like, wait, I didn't sign up for that.
Yes. But they're just hammering that into us these days.
Oh, when occasionally I'll struggle where they change the angle of the scene at a inopportune time to what you're doing you know where it's like hey now it's just everyone's asshole or it's the guy i'm like about you know i'm almost there dan the old school porn it was the guy's face when he was popping yeah yeah i don't need that close there are struggles so there are struggles another big struggle with pornography that i i've seen a couple times um are my friends have told me about uh from them watching porn is there's a kind of out there where a girl just gets like stuck in a window she's very obviously not stuck in a window but she's pretending that like her hands are stuck and then a guy comes in she's naked she's like oh get me unstuck right there's a whole unstuck thing unstuck yeah but uh and the best videos are at the bottom but they're not even videos yeah that's true that's another struggle but this is uh again it's just a little weird to be like hey guys just wanted to drop this blog out of nowhere saying i don't struggle with pornography but here we are it's me dan orlovsky do you also have problems with the try not to come challenge yeah okay you don't struggle with pornography all right but he said i but I know a lot of guys who do. Us, we just listed all the ways.

If you're one of them, be honest with yourself about your wandering eyes so you can fight that battle.

I don't think porn is a wandering eye thing.

No, my eyes are locked in one location.

Yeah.

Also, is it cheating on your wife if you watch porn?

Yes.

If you know the woman that's in the porn. If you've ever bought her something from her Amazon gift list, then that's cheating.
If you own her lower body in a sex doll form. If you've ever paid money to Skype with her.
Yes. Then those are all cheating.
All right. But he says, I know a lot of guys did.
If you're one of them, be honest with yourself about your wandering eyes so you can fight that battle. Remember, you don't get points for having temptation.
You win by avoiding it. I'm going to politely disagree on this one.
I think watching porn is totally normal. Also, if you're in a committed relationship and you are challenged with temptation and you overcome it, aren't you running up the score against temptation at that point?

Yeah.

Like, if you're afraid of temptation, you're like, you don't want to play against them.

Right.

They're saying anytime, anywhere.

Right.

And you're ducking temptation.

So, stiff breeze and temptation shows up.

Yeah, exactly.

You're scheduling cupcakes if you're not going up against temptation.

Do you think Dan is like, when he slips up with the porn thing, he's like, listen, honey,

I want to talk to you about something serious. He calls her.
I went on UGIS last night. Like, all right, well, we'll have to do some counseling over this.
Do we have any Catholics in the room? Billy? I've always wondered how confession goes. If you have to confess your sins, do you have to give the priest the entire rundown of like well first i went to yougiz.com so there's a website called blacked but then i left because the only they didn't have i've already seen all the eighth street latina videos on the front page so then i went over to porn hub and uh and that was that's really what did the trick or can you just say i've been Billy lies in confession.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know why.
This is practice for lying. Breeze is like, you know you don't have to lie, Billy.
He's like, oh, shit. Billy, have you done confession recently? Not in a long time.
Okay. Was that a lie? No.
Okay. All right.
Number two, focus on staying busy. I travel most weeks for work while i'm on the road i will purposely leave work to do while i'm in my hotel room so he leaves himself some extra work during these times i'm intentionally guarding against having idle time i know myself so i'm guarding against the temptation to lay around doing nothing and allowing my mind to wander to a place that it shouldn't.
Again, this is like, dude, the best part about being on the road is you can just lay in your hotel bed, jerk off and get room service. That's awesome.
Falling asleep after jacking off in a hotel room is maybe the best feeling ever. There's a reason why every hotel room has lotion.
No, no one has lotion. Hotel rooms have lotion.
I don't think I've ever purchased lotion in my life. No.
Hotel rooms are basically, it's like a mini jerk-off station. They're like, here it is.
Yeah, it's a private DIY. It's a do-it-yourself amusement park.
Yeah. Alright, so I try to do stuff related to my family.
I'll busy myself with reviewing my kids' schedule, scroll through old photos of my wife and kids on my phone, or even order flowers for my wife. The point is to keep your focus.
Sometimes keeping your focus is simple as staying busy. Now, I'll defend Dan on this.
When I am on the road, I will oftentimes look at old pictures of my family just because I miss them. But that also doesn't stop.
It's not temptation driven. It's just I love my family and I wish I was with them.
It's not like, oh, I'm thinking about option one, I'm going to go fuck some random person or option two, look at pictures of my kids. I just look at pictures of my kids because I love my kids.
Right. Dan is basically saying that if I'm left to my own devices in a hotel room, I'm going to do something bad.
If I don't have pictures of my kids. He's constantly guarding.
He has to remind himself that he has a family the entire time to not be tempted. Like I'm saying, Dan, sometimes you've got to meet temptation head on, know that you can conquer it.
Oklahoma drill with temptation. Yeah, me versus you, hat on a hat.
And then the next sentence he says, you've got to focus on a hobby, or maybe you can just take a a walk outside I'm just imagining Dan in a hotel room Just sweating Just like shaking because he's got this urge To just touch himself He's like I need to take a cool down walk outside He's just always pacing Every single trip I've ever taken On the road for work is basically the exact same thing Show up to the hotel, clog the toilet Have to call down, tell them to unclog the toilet lay in my bed for a while maybe with a dip in be like text you guys being like where should we get dinner go get dinner go back to my hotel watch whatever game i'm gambling on fall asleep jerk off fall asleep that's it that's the exact playbook that's there's never a moment where i'm like where's the strange I feel like most middle-aged men would look at that as the best vacation.

I do not need to stay busy.

I actually love not being busy when I'm on the road.

Yeah, so he says, take a walk.

If you don't want the temptation to follow you around, don't act as if you're interested in being tempted all the time.

The dad who stays busy will win over the dad who's teetering on the edge of temptation all day.

I also, I will, Dan Orlovsky from afar seems like a very, very good dad.

I think he coaches his kids. So that's nice that he's throwing that out there.
Although I always wonder, do you think his kids one day will read this and be like, what's going on here? Yeah, maybe. And the part where he changes it up.
So this started out as a battle, like you're playing a football game against temptation and it's changed in this last section it's now the dad who stays busy will win over the dad who's teetering on the edge of temptation which again are you teetering dan because you you you offered this so he's saying he's saying that now it's a dad against dad competition right he who go who abstains the longest without coming is actually the better dad. Yes.
I don't know if that's necessarily true. Philip Rivers would probably beg to differ with that.
Yes, absolutely. All right.
So number three, focus on being in a community. When I'm traveling, I'm usually on the road with a group of people.
Even in the studio, there are lots of people around. So I'll often go out with a group to enjoy dinner rather than be alone.
We'll tour a stadium or finish more preparation for work.

And when I say I'm with a group, I mean group.

John Kitna, noted porn PSA guy.

Oh, no, that was Josh McCown.

John Kitna taught me to never be one-on-one with a female.

That's how you know that we're getting into the real meat of the take.

Once the word female makes its first appearance.

You can't be alone with a female because you'll probably fuck.

Yeah, these hoes crazy is what Dan's saying.

Do you think he's been one-on-one with a female and been like, I need to excuse myself?

It's the Mike Pence rule.

Yeah.

If mother's not around, I cannot dine with you.

I'm sorry.

I actually think it's a pretty normal thing to be one-on-one with a female.

Essentially cutting out 50% of the people that you can interact with if you have this rule.

And most normal people, when they're hanging out with a female, aren't thinking,

this is a bad thing that I shouldn't be doing.

We're about to fuck.

Because if you think it's a bad thing to be hanging out with a girl,

in reality, you're acknowledging the fact that the girl is just a complete source of temptation for you.

And not just like, hey, I'm talking with a girl.

You acknowledge that penis goes in vagina yeah yeah that's pretty much what it's boiling down that's the subtext of any time dan is talking with a girl it's like you know like physically we could it fits it does yeah these pieces go together dan should have gone to purdue that should have been the whole blog i should have attended Purdue. Yeah, these pieces go together.
Dan should have gone to Purdue.

That should have been the whole blog.

I should have attended Purdue.

Never alone with a girl there.

All right, so sorry if you're a Purdue fan, if you thought you weren't going to get a shot randomly.

Here it is.

All right, so four, focus on your family.

Often I'm in my hotel.

Oh, no, wait.

There's more to three.

Sorry. The point is the less time I have alone, the better, and that's true for all of us.
Most guys I talk to fall into temptation when they're alone. The key might be spending your time around more people who will build you up.
Find a group that has similar interests and spend time with them. You'll keep busy and be in a community.
Double win. There is a double win.
Okay. Well, it's also he's saying that you fall into temptation when you're alone, but you can't go out.
And if you leave your hotel room and on your walk, you see a woman who's also taking a walk. Well, that's outside.
Yeah, but you're still alone with a woman walking. No, then you're with God.
Okay, got it. Because God lives outside.
But if you step in the hallway, there's a woman in the hallway. That's a problem.
Do you sprint back in the room? Go back in. But then you're alone.
Take the stairs. But then you're alone.
Yeah. No, I see what you're saying.
It's tough. Box yourself in.
It's tough out there with these females. Yes.
All right. Number four, focus on your family.
Often, if I'm in my hotel just hanging out while traveling, in addition to what I already mentioned, I have a habit of FaceTiming with my wife and kids. I'll call while they're watching TV, playing a game, or hanging out at the house.
I'll simply hold the phone and watch them. It's like I'm in the house with them.
It's a small way to connect with the people most important in my life and to hold myself accountable. I actually have no problem with this paragraph.
That's totally normal. I do similar things.
That one plays. It's nice.
The only thing is it could also be read that Dan, whenever he is really feeling the urge, that's when he FaceTimes. And so you know when you're getting the call from Dan, it's like a personal alcoholic service calling the sponsor.
It's like, Dan's got a boner again. Yeah.
What's going on here? All right. So whether you travel for work or not, how are you keeping your focus on your family? You can say your family is important, but how do you show it? How are you connecting with them? Avoiding temptation comes down to a battle of your mind and thoughts.
So why not focus on your family family the more time your mind is on something other than your temptation the better so um yeah again i this was really random it came out of nowhere it came out of it felt like uh hey guys i'm having i'm having some thoughts about watching some porn i need to get this off my chest chest so I don't. I actually think that most of what

he says is harmless.

It sounds like he's being a

good dad and a good father

and just trying to be a good person.

But I think a lot of us out there,

Dan, when I woke up at least last

week on, I think it was Tuesday morning,

I was not asking

myself, how does Dan avoid jacking off

in hotel rooms? But now, I'm always going to be wondering that Like when he's on the road, when they send Dan on assignments, I'm going to be wondering, like, how much time is Dan spending alone? Dan, if you ever need to talk to anybody on the road, you can tweet at us. We'll have a conversation with you.
If you're experiencing temptation, we'll walk you through it. We'll give you some of our advice about how to avoid feeling horny.
Yes. Just call us.
of my take yeah you can FaceTime us yeah if you listen to part of my take you'll never want to fuck again it's a fact it is absolutely it's the anti-testosterone drug just skip guys on chicks yeah but Dan we will this is our official invitation for Dan to come on and we can give him tips on how to jerk off better. That will be, and then we'll break down some film.
We'll really give you tips about how to de-stigmatize jacking off to the point where it's not even a sexual thing. Yes.
It's just like a, just a thing that you do to pass the time. Also, I noticed, I noticed Dan, you didn't, you didn't list, just watch the all 22.
That's pretty, there's a lot of all 22, is there not? That's probably why he does, Yeah. There's a ton of all 22, not enough hours of all 22.
That's his problem with pornography is it doesn't show enough of the actual sex that's going on. You just get the closeups and you're like, Oh, I could do that.
But then when you see the entire room, you've got the cameraman, you've got the gaffers, all this stuff, the lighting guy. And it's actually a lot more difficult to participate in porn once you see the whole field.
I would like to actually know maybe a little rating in the bottom right of Dan's breakdown of all 22. How horny was he when he was breaking that down? Carson Wentz.
Scaled to 1 to 10. 11 out of 10.
11 out of 10, yes. Alright, that is our show.
Should we do numbers? Anything else, Billy? There's a chimpanzee in Spain that's addicted to watching pornography. Really? Of the humankind.
Get him this fucking blog. I'll send it to her.
Her! All right. Look at that.
My toxic masculinity showing. Wow.
I respect that. It's actually a good point.
Why didn't Dan write this to women, too? Yeah. They want to jerk off all the time.
Should we play Brotherhood Bingo? What number? What do we got for numbers? I want to play Monkey Butt. 97.
18. 23 is out.
How many numbers we got left, Jake? 6, 20, 22, 26, 27, 29, 49, 51, 76, 78, 81, 88, 97.

How many is that?

13.

13.

97.

I'm still going to get 97.

Are we?

87.

Remember when you stole the ball?

88.

87.

88.

46.

That feels like a million times.

We've had that.

Feels like a million times.

You're confusing it with 47, which is the seven-time champ.

46 is now the fourth time, though.

Got it.

Got it.

Love you guys. Thank you.
Needless to say, I'm upset and it's about peace. Still a little late, telling them life is okay.

Say after me, it's better to be safe and sorry.

Take on me, take me young.