Christian Laettner + RIP To The AAF

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we have the hated Christian Leitner. Actually, awesome interview, though.
I don't... His voice is so soothing, I don't hate him anymore.

Speaker 1 And we talk about Duke, the NCAA tournament, the dream team, really good interview with Christian Leitner. We also have

Speaker 1 an RIP to the AAF, hot seat, cool throne,

Speaker 1 guys on chicks, and a lot more.

Speaker 3 When Cool Creamy Ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating, McDonald's. Okay,

Speaker 1 let's

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence,

Speaker 1 and then a lot of some work to be done.

Speaker 1 Looks behind a low washing,

Speaker 1 and then I can't blame all on the sun.

Speaker 1 Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue,

Speaker 1 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna run down to Elite Track Avenue. It's part of my take presented by

Speaker 4 School Sports.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by Cash App, our new presenting sponsor. Today is Wednesday, April 3rd, and the AAF is dead.
D-E-A-D dead. Yeah, so

Speaker 1 that one weekend in February after the Super Bowl, we will always have that. This is what we warned you about.
This is exactly what happened with the XFL.

Speaker 1 It just died, and we all got excited, and then it died. It served a purpose, though.
It got us through the dog days of February. That one weekend.
Between the Super Bowl and the Combine.

Speaker 1 And then Johnny Manzeli ate Nacho's on the sidelines. That was kind of cool again.
Steve Spurrier, all-time winning as coach. Did you see actually that he said he wants the championship?

Speaker 1 I hope that they do. What team is he? He was Orlando.
Orlando. I hope they do maybe a Disney World parade.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? Give it to UCF. Yeah.
Or George.

Speaker 5 So Steve Spurrier, all-time winningest coach, Trent Richardson, all-time rushing touchdown leader, 11.

Speaker 1 The AF. What went wrong? So Tom, is his name Tom Dundun? Tom Dundun.
First of all, if you're going to bail out from a guy named Dun Dun Dun,

Speaker 1 your league's not in good shape. Nope.

Speaker 1 He came in and pledged something like $200 million after week four.

Speaker 6 250.

Speaker 1 250. He ended up paying $70 million

Speaker 1 to the league. I like losing that.
Kibble, can I just stop you for a second? I love rich guy finances because it never makes sense. They never really pay for what they say they're going to pay for.

Speaker 1 But it's kind of like NFL contracts when the first number comes out and like $120 million contract. Oh, it's only $6 million of its guaranteed.
And they can cut them after four months.

Speaker 1 Or does the entire league just fail their piss tests? Yeah, every time a rich guy throws up money, it's like this guy put in $250 million.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, he was paying week to week and he shut it down four weeks in? Okay, cool. Yeah, so I have to wonder what kind of arbitrage is at play here.

Speaker 1 Because rich guys don't typically just throw away $70 million.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So

Speaker 1 what I understand from the little reading that I did was Tom Dundon came in and he wanted to accelerate the relationship with the NFL and the NFL PA to basically make it a minor league system.

Speaker 1 Charlie Ebersoll and Bill Pollion, the founders of the AAF, did not want to do that. They had a three-year plan to just not pay anyone, I guess.
Can I just say hope it lasted?

Speaker 1 Real quick, Bill Pollion, khaki all-star. Yeah.
If we're talking about the face of the khaki pant, it's like him, Harbaugh, Eric Clapton, and trying to think who the fourth would be.

Speaker 1 Me at the Las Vegas Championship. There we go.
Caps on the Sailing. Also, third-team all-dad sweater.

Speaker 1 Big-time quarter zip sweater, usually a blue sweater. But yeah, so the league fell apart because a guy basically

Speaker 1 the original owners didn't have money. They needed a rich guy to save them.
And the rich guy was like, fuck this. I'm not going to keep burning money.

Speaker 6 So we're out.

Speaker 1 And then Albert Breer said that the speculation was that he bought, that Dundan bought the league just to get access to their gambling app that they were building.

Speaker 1 So $70 million for a gambling app seems like a shrewd investment. But then again, this guy

Speaker 1 bought a hockey team

Speaker 1 in North Carolina.

Speaker 1 So that tells you a little bit something about Tom Dundan.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's a shame because I was looking forward to waking up, hungover on my couch on at least two more Saturdays at some point this spring and seeing football on TV.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I mean, Manzel would have been fun. He was fun.
Did he play?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he played a little bit. He stopped watching after the first week.
He played a little bit. The most electric thing he did was he ate nachos on the sidelines.

Speaker 1 What part did we have in the failure of the AAF because we stopped talking about it after the first week? I think we tried. We did our best.
We tried, but we also.

Speaker 1 Listen, we're a Prove-It podcast. Yeah.
Okay. I also found out that they

Speaker 1 were paying influencers, but not us. I was like, fuck that.
Yeah, fuck that. We're not influencing.

Speaker 1 Listen, you can buy me, but if you don't buy me, I ain't doing it. No dice.
No dice. I am to be bought at any time.
Okay, there are some very easy steps they could have taken to save the league. One,

Speaker 1 pay us. Two, have Spurrier mic'd up on live television every single game.
Three,

Speaker 1 let you kick field goals and not hold. Yeah.
Four, play the games up in Canada so it's snow football for every game. Yep.
Five,

Speaker 8 more scoring.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I bet the over in like the first weekend, I lost every bet. Six.
That's your fault. Six vortex footballs instead.

Speaker 1 That's actually, but listen, a vortex league where every game is guaranteed to go over. Huge.

Speaker 1 So you can just bet it and you always win? Yeah. Now we're talking huge.
Think about that, Hank.

Speaker 1 No one loses. A no-lose gambling league.
Who wouldn't do that? Who wouldn't do that? Also. Vegas, maybe? Yeah, Vegas would have a problem with it.
No, but fuck them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it would take him a while to catch up to that. They also could have had one designated asshole per team that has to play a certain amount of snaps at running back.

Speaker 1 Example, Martin Shkrelli has to play for Memphis, has to take at least six handoffs, and just get obliterated. Yes.
Just like the National Catharsis Football League. So

Speaker 1 I feel like the ending was very imminent. We not only had done done by the league, but we also had Hackenberg actually be like a focal point of the league.

Speaker 1 I think that's where it went off the rails was when he got hurt.

Speaker 1 It's tough to recover from losing your stars. Eminem was the smartest guy in the AAF boardroom, and he wasn't even in the boardroom.

Speaker 1 So I feel like this is not a shock. It's still sad because we'll remember it that one weekend again in February.

Speaker 1 And now we have the XFL look forward to, which this is, again, a we can be bought situation. We have a friend who works in the XFL.
He showed us some of the new rules and like the scrimmages.

Speaker 1 It looks cool. It looks fucking awesome.
It looks good. And we have no problem.
I think it's okay to admit

Speaker 1 when you're biased, if you just say it out front, like we actually have a friend and we're rooting for him. Yep.
So we're going to be rooting hard for the XFL. We're rooting hard for the ZFL.

Speaker 1 We have no friends now.

Speaker 1 We would root harder if there was a little cash coming through. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Listen, you want to pay us? We'll pretend that we love anything. Listen, you give me enough money, I'll get an XFL tattoo.

Speaker 1 I said enough. What's enough?

Speaker 1 I would do it for 200 grand. 200 200 grand? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jesus. No problem.
I'm not talking about one on my inner thigh like an asshole. What about a face? A face tattoo.
No,

Speaker 1 that would be a lot of money. I don't think I might have to be able to get a piece of paper.
Okay, what about

Speaker 1 it? What about an asshole one? One on my asshole. One inside your asshole.
So that way you get a real nice close look at it when Christian Yellis wins the home run derby. Right up front.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 On inside, interior ass cheek,

Speaker 1 $100,000. Damn, man.
That's too much. I feel like Hank would do it for for 200 bucks.
Yeah, well, that's Hank. No.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I had to throw it out there.

Speaker 1 What about dick tattoo? You know what?

Speaker 1 I get one right underneath, like on the top side of the sack. So when I pee or yeah, that would hurt.
That would hurt a lot. Yeah.
Ever nick yourself or shaving? That's like. Oh, no.
You manscape?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, you have to. You have to do a little bit.
Why? What do you mean? Wait, Hank, you're full bush? Yeah. Oh, full bush a lot.
70s Hank.

Speaker 1 Just rocking it out. You're going to maybe put on a speed-off and just let that fucking shit fly?

Speaker 7 No, I got it waxed.

Speaker 1 The bottom line is we're going to miss the idea that football is on television. Yeah, there's really nothing else that we're going to miss because we're already into NHL playoffs and NBA playoffs.
And

Speaker 1 yeah. It served its purpose.
Cool. Good job.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what it was?

Speaker 6 The AAA, I already forgot the name of it.

Speaker 1 The AFL? It is the AF. AAF.
That was the biggest actually problem.

Speaker 6 You didn't have an L.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you know what? Two vowels at the start of your league? Yes.
Listen, these are things that we could have solved for the A's. Wait, how many A's?

Speaker 1 For the first time I said it, I was like, why is there no L? I don't know it's a league. Yeah.
It's a federation?

Speaker 1 What is football? Alliance of American Football. There's not even

Speaker 1 a federation. It's an alliance.
Yes. It was just like a loose agreement between friends to play football.
Yeah, if you've watched the Survivor or the Challenge, alliances are always falling apart.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but here's the purpose that it served. It was like the cocktail hour after a wedding ceremony and before a reception got started.
Right? So you're done with the ceremony. That part's over.

Speaker 1 You're just going to be standing around for like an hour and a half making small talk with people. That sucks, waiting for March Madden to start.
See, I disagree. And so you have a little cocktail.

Speaker 1 You have a bar that's opened up.

Speaker 1 You drink the groom's cocktail. Maybe you sample the bride's cocktail.
Next thing you know, you're sitting down at your table and the hot bread's already coming out. See, I disagree.

Speaker 1 I think it was actually the cold pizza that they buy like 50 pizzas at the end of a wedding when the music stops and everyone's sweaty and drunk and like, oh, I'm going to be really hungover tomorrow.

Speaker 1 And then there's that like, you know, maybe like McDonald's or cold pizza in the corner, like, hey, we got you this. Yeah, but that's what the AAF was.
But you know, the party was over.

Speaker 1 You stick around and you finish that pizza, though, because you're drunk. Oh, of course.
But the party was over. But we didn't finish this pizza.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it gives you a stomach.

Speaker 1 But the next party that's coming up, we've got playoffs in two major sports. Then we've got an action-packed summer.
Baseball and women's baseball and women's World Cup. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 And then it's football again. And then it's football again.
And then it's XFL. That's in 2020.
Yeah, I know. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. After next football season, we have more football.

Speaker 1 Once we're in the middle of the football adjustment, football will never stop.

Speaker 1 Kind of. This is the spring league that's going to get it right.
Right.

Speaker 1 All right. The other story that we had, it was kind of a slow news day, but Coach Calapari has gotten a deal for life.
Yeah. So now that would still put him on the hot seat, right? Because no one...

Speaker 1 Everyone dies. Bigger hot seat.
Right, everyone dies. Now he's forced to confront his own mortality.
Right. Like, he used to be like, hey, you know, if things don't work out, I can move on.
Wrong.

Speaker 1 Only way you're getting out of this one, buddy, is going six feet under.

Speaker 1 This also, I think, proves that we were right all along by saying Cal's on the hot seat because you don't give a lifetime deal if a guy's not on a hot seat. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You just let it ride out because you're like, it's fine. He's got a contract.
It's good. Everything's going well.

Speaker 1 To do this drastic deal for life, that feels like they're trying to get in front of the hot seat that probably was very, very hot. Yeah.
No,

Speaker 1 he has received a lifetime appointment. He's essentially a Supreme Court justice right now.
That'd be awesome if you just coached in the black robe with the little white lace at the top. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like just teasing you a little bit. Luthor Bader Ginsburg was on his staff.
Yeah, notorious CAL.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'd be nice.

Speaker 1 I think it's a win-win for Cal in the state of Kentucky because now you don't have to worry about what you're going to do to replace Cal after he leaves because it's not getting any better than Cal.

Speaker 1 Where's the the other win? For Cal. Oh.
You don't have to move again. Oh, I was going to say the win is that more guys are going to get drafted in the NBA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, just listen, there's nothing worse in life than moving. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm listening to offers right now. If any company wants to give me a lifetime job, I don't care where it is.
I'm listening to it just because I know I will not have to move.

Speaker 1 I'd agree. It's absolute worst.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, he's got a lifetime deal. Good news is no contract in college athletics has ever been broken, one way or the other.
It never has happened. Oh, wait, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm so dumb that it just dawned on me that, yeah, they signed him to a lifetime contract. That's just from Kentucky's standpoint.
Right. Like, Cal's going to be the UCL.
He's going to the MP.

Speaker 1 He's three years. He's going to the MPL.
Yeah, pretty much. It still chaps his ass that he wasn't able to succeed at that level.
So he'll be. He's still going to chase that dragon.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do hot seat cool throne. Hank, you want to get us started? Sure.
Hank, I got to say, man, you look like you got a nice pep in your step today. Thank you.

Speaker 1 You have such a great attitude. You've really turned it around from your terrible performance on Monday.

Speaker 7 I appreciate that, Dan.

Speaker 7 My hot seat is human workers. Yeah.
So there's a few things.

Speaker 7 There's a video tweeted out today of an Amazon blimp descending over a city, and then like a million drones came out from under the blimp, which I guess was a test to show that drones delivering packages.

Speaker 7 So that was scary, and that would take out all our postal workers. And then more importantly, the U.S.
Open tweeted that they're going to add puppies as ball boys coming coming up.

Speaker 1 That was April 4th joke. Oh, really? Puppies won't you? I got fooled thing.

Speaker 1 April 3rd, you got fooled? The blimp thing was.

Speaker 7 I was just looking at the news.

Speaker 1 Got it. Yeah, so the blimp thing was kind of scary.

Speaker 1 Very scary. It looked like a fish swimming through the ocean, just like shooting out its seed onto a pile of fish eggs.
That's how fish have babies.

Speaker 1 It looked very, very eerie to me, like seeing this giant thing with drones flying out of it.

Speaker 1 But they'll probably, like, it's kind of like when you're sitting in a like a basketball game and they have the little blimp come out and they drop free t-shirts.

Speaker 1 If those were t-shirts and those drones, I'm in. Yeah, I mean, no one loves.

Speaker 1 I mean, look, free t-shirts, if you get a free t-shirt from a t-shirt cannon or from the fucking blimp, that's the coolest thing you can do as a fan. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they should just like line up artillery at the borders of all our cities and just fill them up with t-shirts

Speaker 1 and launch t-shirts like halfway through the city.

Speaker 1 I will stop worrying about the drone apocalypse if you just make all the drones carry free t-shirts. They could steal,

Speaker 1 like a drone could come down from this Amazon blimp, scan my retina, steal all my,

Speaker 1 you know, my ID and stuff and everything, and then hand me like a medium McDonald's t-shirt. And I'd be like, that's a pretty sweet deal.

Speaker 1 Also, if you were one of the people that was getting your package delivered this way, it would look awesome. So to everybody in the city, you're like, oh, no, this is dystopian.
This is weird.

Speaker 1 But if one of those is meant for you and it flies directly to you and gives you your package, that's fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 It gives you your package of toilet paper that you order on Amazon because it's cheaper. Yeah, you're like, this is what technology is meant to be.
This is great. Yeah, sign me up.

Speaker 1 All right, what else, Hank?

Speaker 7 My cool throne is the rest of the NFL because Tom Brady is retiring.

Speaker 1 Also, an April Fool's joke. I know.

Speaker 1 You got that one?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I was a little rattled from that puppy's one, not gonna lie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that puppy one's got you a little bit, little, little hezzy. It's tough to be the guy who doesn't get the April Fool's joke a full day after April Fool's.

Speaker 7 Well, I'm pretty sure it was on Barcelona just as a regular blog.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, we're never wrong. Yeah, nope, never been.

Speaker 1 And if we are, $50 gift card.

Speaker 7 And then my real cool throne was teasers and trailers. So Avengers came out with a big teaser trailer, like footage from their new movie.

Speaker 7 And then Game of Thrones has dropped multiple teasers in the past few days, which you guys can't talk about.

Speaker 1 Explain it to Big Cat. Avengers.

Speaker 7 It's a bunch of superheroes.

Speaker 1 Which kinds?

Speaker 7 Ant-Man. The super ones.

Speaker 1 But which aren't there like you can't cross Spider-Man? Yep. Batman.
Wait, Spider-Man's dead? So it's not all the superheroes. Explain it to Big Cat.

Speaker 7 There's the DCU and the MCU.

Speaker 7 I don't know enough about Spring Football League.

Speaker 1 It'll sound like Spring Football League.

Speaker 7 I know which ones are in which ones, but I don't know much more than that.

Speaker 1 Thor. Yep.
He's a superhero? He's an Avengers. Okay.

Speaker 1 Green Lantern. Nope.

Speaker 7 Anyone from the Batman universe is not in it. Remember Justice League?

Speaker 1 Superman.

Speaker 7 Robin. Remember Justice League, the TV show? Superman.

Speaker 1 No. He's

Speaker 1 Teenage Mutiny Turtles. Nope.

Speaker 1 Door the Explorer. Nope.

Speaker 8 Blues Clues.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's coming back with a new guy. Oh, yeah, and the Avengers.
Yeah, but Steve is not there anymore. Oh, yeah, he was problematic, right? No, I don't think so.
Was he?

Speaker 1 I'm just going to go with Steve was problematic. What did he do?

Speaker 1 I forget what. Okay, someone tell me.
Someone look it up. What did Steve do? Shit.
That's a lot. The Flintstones, which ones were they? Steve from Plop.

Speaker 1 I don't think he's problematic, guys.

Speaker 1 Okay, good. Pretty sure they found like a kid in his backyard.
Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 7 Yeah, he got replaced during blues clues.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I thought he was problematic just because he wore the same stupid green shirt.
Sure, Aunt Viv getting replaced after one season. Oh, he lost his hair.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Wait, there's other stuff, though, right?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. I think he's.

Speaker 1 Pretty sure they found a kid somewhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 I'll find it.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
You go ahead, PFT. All right.
My hot seat is Tom Izzo.

Speaker 1 He's really good? No, because Tom Izzo himself is on board that Tom Izzo is overrated bandwagon. Nice.
He said that he needs another title to validate his time there as a head coach.

Speaker 1 No, every head coach needs two titles to be like all-time great. Okay, so I'm going to consider that a win for myself.

Speaker 1 And if he wins this year, then guess what? I'm taking him off my overrated list. Got it.
How about that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 My other hot seat is LeBron James because a study just came out that a weekly bottle of wine is as bad as smoking 10 cigarettes.

Speaker 1 And we'll actually get to more LeBron

Speaker 1 in a little bit. He's got stinky ass.
But that's tough. Also, for LeBron, that's like 70 cigarettes because he drinks a bottle every night.
Yes. And his kids do too.

Speaker 1 My Cool Throne is saying things of the new Fire Fest.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So Ultra, the music festival happened last week, and there was like a minor transportation snafu where like 60,000 people were temporarily stranded.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not great, but they were calling it the next Fire Fest. So now everything, everything that sucks,

Speaker 1 every minor inconvenience is now the new Fire Fest. It's really fun to say.
Like, you go to Chick-fil-A, they don't give you Polynesian sauce. Chick-fil-A is a fairy sauce.

Speaker 1 That's my personal firefest. That is my Fire Fest.
Yes, my train was delayed today, but that's my personal Fire Fest. Trains are the new Fire Fest.
Hank's on a vacation again. That's

Speaker 1 Hank's the new Fire Fest. Our show gets better usually, so don't be mean to Hank.
We said we were going to be nice to him. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 6 Did you find the blue sku?

Speaker 1 Okay, no. That was a pouty face from Hank.
That was. um

Speaker 1 my other cool throne

Speaker 1 i'm sorry hank is the washington bullets yeah because they finally fired Ernie Grunfeld yes what were you doing hiring a guy named Grunfeld to begin with or Ernie or Ernie or Ernie it's a it's a double whammy yes so yeah they finally got rid of him they're thinking about firing Scott Brooks so um actually you know being an NBA GM is a sweet sweet gig well like the bullets are going to be they're not going to fire you if they hire you as the bullets GM for the next four years because it takes time to build.

Speaker 1 You can say, like, we're doing a process. And you're saddled with John Walls, Supermax, which, like, that wasn't my fault.
Yeah, that's actually a dream job right now for an NBA GM.

Speaker 1 Just get in there and suck for a while and then just accumulate draft picks and hope you don't get fired like they did up in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 I actually, that segues perfectly into my hot seat, is Garf Foreman and John Paxson because now they are the idiots in the room. So it's like, you don't never want to be the last to leave a party.

Speaker 1 They are the dumb-dums. And you could always say, well, it's not Ernie Grunfeld.
Well, guess what? Now Ernie Grunfeld's gone, so you are on the hot seats.

Speaker 1 That's probably also the wizard's only trading partner, was the Bulls. They would just call each other.
Hey, what do you think about this deal? By the way, I looked it up. Here's the blues clues.

Speaker 1 Ready? He said he could not make a lifelong career out of being a children's host.

Speaker 1 And he said, I knew I wasn't going to be doing children's television all my life mostly because I refused to lose my hair on a kid's TV show, and it was happening fast.

Speaker 1 So that was was why he was problematic. Male pattern baldness.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I was close. Oh, wait.
Oh, hold on. Hold on.
The rumor of male surrounding me has always been really strange.

Speaker 1 Some of these claims included death from a heroin overdose, being killed in a car accident, and like what was rumored to have happened to Paul McCartney in 1966, him having been replaced with a look-alike.

Speaker 1 This is all a lot for blues clues. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I guess he wasn't problematic. I think we can say he wasn't problematic.
All right, yet. Yet.
Yet. I've got my eye on you.
My cool throne is

Speaker 1 Jay Cutler because today is the 10-year anniversary the Bears traded for Jay Cutler, and I think we can all look back and say that was a great success. I think the Bears won that trade.

Speaker 1 I remember vividly driving in my car, the Avalon RIP, and listening to Waddle and Sylvie on the radio because they were afternoon that, or they were midday, and I was like, the Bears are probably going to win two Super Bowls from Jay Cutler.

Speaker 1 That was the Josh McDaniels bloodletting, right?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
So it was. He needed his guys.
He needed his Tebows. And Kyle Orton, who we got to get Kyle Orton on the show.
I tried to follow him on Instagram the other day.

Speaker 6 He's got a protected account.

Speaker 1 That's so Kyle. And he wouldn't do it.
He wouldn't pay ball. I would love to have Kyle Orton.
Paul Security.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I definitely, all my takes were great

Speaker 1 when the Bears traded for the.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you said that they were going to be great. Two Super Bowls.
Two Super Bowls, at least. At least.
I mean, the defense was still good, and you added a franchise quarterback.

Speaker 1 They should have made the Super Bowl that one year.

Speaker 5 Yeah, except Jay Culler's knee. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So, good job, buddy.
But you know what?

Speaker 1 This is one of those circumstances where

Speaker 1 if you're not going to go to a Super Bowl, you might as well have an entertaining quarterback, like somebody that gives you stuff to talk about. And he sure.
And he sure did. He gave you.

Speaker 1 He's still paying returns on that. In fact,

Speaker 1 I would submit that part of my take might not exist today if Jay Cutler hadn't been traded to the Barrels. Sliding doors.
Yeah. Yeah.
He gave you a lot to talk about. He gave me a life.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I owe my life to him.

Speaker 1 All right. Isn't it weird? Like the shittiest people that we owe our lives to? Like, I think I probably wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for Roger Goodell.
Yeah, probably not.

Speaker 1 So thank you, Roger. Thank you, Roger.
Thank you, Jake. Who would you not be here today because of?

Speaker 7 God.

Speaker 1 God. Okay, shout out God.
That is true. God.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, actually, Rob Gronkowski. Because on your original resume,

Speaker 1 didn't you quote your Rob Gronkowski hype video?

Speaker 7 I made a Rob Gronkowski hype video called Gronk the World.

Speaker 1 I want to see that. Dude, Hank's resume is maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.
And now he's the producer of the number one sports podcast.

Speaker 6 That's why he's the best.

Speaker 1 I mean, that honestly.

Speaker 6 We love you, Hank.

Speaker 1 I love you, Hank. I'm sorry that I was mean to you.

Speaker 1 Even if you are Firefest. No, you're not my Fire Fest.

Speaker 1 You're my rescue from Fire Fest.

Speaker 1 You're my dick-sucking guy. You suck my dick.
Wait. No.
No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, yeah. You're my ant.
Wait.

Speaker 1 If someone was like, hey, part of my take's gone,

Speaker 1 would you Andy King us for us?

Speaker 7 Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 Okay. So you don't actually have to do it.
You just have to be ready to do it. You just have to say it on a Netflix documentary that you were going to.
But it's actually a meme.

Speaker 1 You would become the new meme. So it'd be a picture of your face everywhere.
Yeah. But part of my take would still live on.
Right. Then, yes, whatever it takes.
All right. All right.
Dick sucking guy.

Speaker 1 Let's do our interview with Christian Layton. Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boar's Head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Speaker 1 What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here, making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance? You ask?

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Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. It is the greatest college basketball player of all time, Duke Legend, Christian Leitner.
He's here with Landa Lakes.

Speaker 1 So Landa Lakes is doing a really cool competition out in Minneapolis for the Final Four this weekend. They have bots, robots, doing

Speaker 1 a shooting contest. And I guess, so are you going to be shooting against the robots?

Speaker 8 No, the robots will have a horse competition between themselves.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's all from Landa Lakes. I think we're actually going to be there, so we'll see you there as well.

Speaker 1 I heard that Wisconsin, where I went to college, is actually in the Final Four. So, that's nice that we're back in the Final Four.
Feels good. Maybe we won't.
At the Robot Company,

Speaker 5 where you're from in Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 I went to Madison. Oh, but you're in Wisconsin.
No, no, no.

Speaker 8 Because I'm up there all the time. Yeah, Musk can.

Speaker 1 We've got to talk about muskies, too, because those fish are, if anyone's ever been to a lake in the Midwest, it's like those things are basically dinosaurs. And we'll get to that.

Speaker 1 But so thank you for joining us. We appreciate it.
And I guess I wanted to start with, let's start with the current Duke team that just got bounced.

Speaker 1 Do you still root hard for Duke when they're in the tournament? Or do you get disappointed when they lose, when they get bounced? Of course I do.

Speaker 8 We're all in the Duke family. And I have a son now who's 13 years old.
And when he does something good on the court, my heart gets warm. When he loses, I get a little sad.

Speaker 8 And I feel the same exact way for the kids that play at Duke nowadays. And I don't know if that's weird, but I love the program so much.

Speaker 8 And I'm so old now, I'm 50, that these kids literally could be my offspring because I have two daughters. One's 22, one's 20.
So that's right in the age group.

Speaker 8 And so I'm very involved, and I get depressed when they lose, and I'm very happy when they win. And I'm sad that they're not going to be at the Final Four.

Speaker 8 I'm sad that the Duke planet, Duke Nation's not going to be in Minneapolis with me.

Speaker 1 Do you get the feeling at the start of every season?

Speaker 1 Like, can you tell whether or not this is a Duke team that Scott Wood takes you all the way, or if this might be like a year that we'll be good if we make the Sweet 16 or Elite Eight?

Speaker 8 I think every year I'm expecting them to be good, like the whole world is, I think.

Speaker 8 I think that's one of the hard things about going to Duke and playing for Duke, and it's also one of the fun things about playing for Duke is that there's high expectations on you. So

Speaker 8 Coach K is still there, and they're still getting great players. So I think every year at the beginning, in November of every year, I think they're going to do great.

Speaker 8 I think they're going to do well in the tournament. I hope they make the final four every year.
I want them to win every year, but you can't.

Speaker 8 Sometimes you run across a Michigan State team that's as physical and have maybe a little more junior and senior leadership than we had.

Speaker 8 And that makes a huge difference in the tournament if you have some upperclassmen that give you some experience.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that seems to be kind of the M.O.

Speaker 1 with Duke now because they've, you know, Coach K has done so well with the one and done era in getting some of the top recruits, but you see a team like Michigan State who they don't have any lottery picks on that team,

Speaker 1 but they play as a team. So do you think that

Speaker 1 have you talked to Coach K or anyone in college basketball about that?

Speaker 1 I have.

Speaker 8 I haven't said to Coach K, hey, you better start getting some Juco.

Speaker 1 Get some four-year guys. Yeah.
Yeah. Some Juco transfers.

Speaker 8 No, I haven't said that, but I'll tell you what. I loved when Anthony Goldwire was on the court for them this year because he's a senior.
He has some experience. And

Speaker 8 I think their best team was when he was out there.

Speaker 8 He's great defensively. He kept good space on the offensive end and kind of gave RJ and Zion their room on the offensive end.
So I loved when Goldwire was on the court.

Speaker 8 But part of the reason I loved when he was out there is because he's like the only upperclassman with lots of experience. And, I mean, I was...

Speaker 8 I was 50 times better when I was a senior compared to when I was a freshman. So Coach K is doing a good good job in this era with the one and dones, and everything's freshman, freshman.

Speaker 8 He's doing a good job, but it's a hard game because as soon as you get in the tournament and you run across some of these veteran-laden teams, it's hard to beat those guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know it's not Mount Rushmore season. We typically save Mount Rushmores for the summertime.
But if you were making your Mount Rushmore Duke players, who's on there?

Speaker 8 Johnny Dawkins is on there because Johnny Dawkins...

Speaker 1 He likes to start it all, right?

Speaker 8 He was, you know, the biggest face for Duke basketball between 84 and 86, and that's when I was 15 years old, and that's when I fell in love with Duke basketball.

Speaker 8 So I think Johnny Dawkins has got to be on there. I would say Grant Hill would be on there.

Speaker 8 And then you can put anyone you want after those two.

Speaker 1 Yourself? Yourself and Wojo.

Speaker 8 Maybe, maybe, but there's a lot of players out there. And I don't get caught up in the who's the best, and is Zion the best, and is Leitner the best, and is Gran Hill the best.

Speaker 8 But I do love telling people that the whole reason I went to Duke was because of Johnny Dawkins and Tommy Amaker and Mark Gallery and Jay Billis and all those guys that made me love the Duke basketball program, and that's why I went there.

Speaker 1 That sounds like the confidence of someone who knows they were the best. So you were the best, Duke player.
It's crazy looking at the stats.

Speaker 1 The fact that you played in 23 out of 24 potential tournament games is insane.

Speaker 1 Like some guys don't, you know, are lucky to get to a Sweet 16, Elite Eight, and you played in four straight straight Final Fours.

Speaker 1 Was it when you, when you talk about getting tougher and being better your senior year, what was that? Was that Coach K or was that your teammates toughening you up?

Speaker 1 Like, what progressed in those four years?

Speaker 8 It's a combination of both of those things. It's definitely getting tougher.
It's being more of a man, being more physically mature. But it's also knowing the system better.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 8 when I walked into Duke, Coach K said, you're not going to play unless you do what we want on the defensive end first.

Speaker 1 Slap the floor.

Speaker 8 Slap the floor, play good defense. Then once you are caught up to speed on the defensive end with us, then we'll let you maybe play a little bit and play on the offensive end.
So

Speaker 8 it takes a year or two just to learn the system so you're not making any little mistakes.

Speaker 8 And when it's all freshmen out there, they're still making little mistakes defensively.

Speaker 1 We saw it at the end of the game against Michigan State.

Speaker 8 That end up costing you the game. so um

Speaker 8 he does a good job with it and sure there's other coaches doing a good job with it like caliperi he has a lot of kids that are doing one and done

Speaker 8 and it's hard doing that um and it's watered down the game a little bit yeah and then everyone leaving early for the nba i think waters down the nba a little bit but It's hard to stop kids from pursuing their dream.

Speaker 8 If they have been dreaming of being an NBA player, it's hard to tell them, no, you can't go.

Speaker 1 Right, right. So you always played with kind of a chip on your shoulder.
I thought you were a great competitor. My dad called you a jerk, by the way.

Speaker 1 So, if you have anything you'd like to say to him, in 1991, he said, Christian Leighton is a jerk. And then you wet that shot in his face.

Speaker 6 Where did his father?

Speaker 1 He was like, ha ha, dad.

Speaker 1 Where does he live?

Speaker 1 Northern Virginia. Northern Virginia.
Yeah, so maybe he was just pissed off that you went to ACC country. Yeah, ACC country.
Big rivalry.

Speaker 1 But so you always played with kind of a chip on your shoulder. You know, there's that 30 for 30.
I hate Christian Leighton.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of people that didn't like the way you played, but you were a competitor. But that edge had to come from somewhere.

Speaker 1 Where did you start being like this super hyper-competitive dude? Did you have a chip on your shoulder from somewhere? Did somebody slight you?

Speaker 8 I had an older brother who was four years older, so he was always beating me up and

Speaker 8 beating me in games. And when he beat me at a game, he'd rub my nose in it.
And the game could be something like shooting our paper ball into that basket.

Speaker 8 And when he was 12 and I was eight,

Speaker 8 if he made more than me, then he'd run over and grab my face and rub my nose in it.

Speaker 1 Like a dog, like literally.

Speaker 8 Like a dog.

Speaker 8 And I've heard a lot of stories like this over the years from athletes who would say, you know, I had a brother who was three years older and beating me at everything and dragging me to every game to make me play against older players that were better.

Speaker 8 And it's a combination of all those things. I had a father who was a coach.
very good basketball coach.

Speaker 1 Coach's son.

Speaker 8 Coach's son, that's part of it.

Speaker 8 I had an older brother who was better than me at everything, so that gets you competitive, and then he would rub my nose and everything when he beat me.

Speaker 8 And then I also had a mother who was very competitive, and we would play Monopoly at the table, and she would, you know, throw things at me if I beat her.

Speaker 8 So it's just part of our makeup, but it mostly comes from, I think, my older brother

Speaker 8 trying to beat me at everything and trying to get me to catch up to his level so so he didn't beat me at everything.

Speaker 8 When we played street hockey in Buffalo, New York, he didn't want to win the game 10-0.

Speaker 8 He wanted it to be a little closer, so he'd hit me in the face and say, get better.

Speaker 8 And that's where the competitiveness comes from. Okay.

Speaker 1 What about the first time you ever beat him?

Speaker 8 Well, his favorite story to tell is that when he was 18, he went off to college and I was 14.

Speaker 8 And he came back like two months later for fall break and he went to wrestle me and stuff me between the bed and the wall, you know, like you do when you're brothers. And he couldn't do that anymore.

Speaker 8 So that was when all the wrestling and all the fighting started.

Speaker 1 The torch has been fighting. Yeah, then he stopped.
The torch has been fine. He left you alone after this.
Yeah, yeah. So PFD mentioned, obviously, the documentary, I Hate Christian Later.

Speaker 1 By the way, did that title bother you?

Speaker 8 The title bothered me until I called my mother. And then I called my ma, and I said, can you believe this? And she said, don't be stupid.

Speaker 6 Use your brain.

Speaker 8 And I'm like, well, what do you mean? And she says, well,

Speaker 8 they don't want only the Duke lovers and the Leightner lovers to watch this show.

Speaker 8 They want everyone across the board to watch it. Carolina fans, Kentucky fans, UConn fans.
So what other way to draw those people in than to say, you know, than to name it I Hate Christian Leitner?

Speaker 8 Because now it's universal. Everyone's going to want to watch it and see what's up and what's going on.

Speaker 8 And I totally agreed because it's such a provocative title that it just drew everybody in.

Speaker 1 It's also interesting that they can put something out like that 25 years later. I hate Christian Leitner.
And everyone's like, ooh,

Speaker 1 you saw people be like, yeah, I really did hate Christian Leitner, which

Speaker 1 it might be different for you because you lived through it and you had people truly hate you. But I'd have to think that having that over people, even to this day, where

Speaker 1 you can still make people mad is kind of a cool feeling. Like

Speaker 1 you know that you beat everyone.

Speaker 8 But we don't want to let everyone know that. Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 So let them know. Did it ever, though, get to a point where, because we actually had J.J.
Reddick on the podcast.

Speaker 1 He's a friend of ours, and we talked about how, you know, his years at Duke, and sometimes it actually got to him a little bit, and it made him a different person that he wanted to be because the hate and the constant, like, fans going after him and his family.

Speaker 1 Was there ever a point there where you're like, this is kind of getting to me a little bit?

Speaker 8 You know, we want to keep that quiet.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 8 But the funny thing is that I don't understand why people don't realize that I still have that power over them if they choose to hate me. Like, just let it go.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 How can you ever let anyone have that power over you, even for a second?

Speaker 1 Or if you think about Duke basketball, I mean, oh, I hate Duke basketball. Like, I wouldn't, I would, I,

Speaker 8 there's no one in the world that I hate right now because I would never let anyone have that power over me, even for a second, in my life. So,

Speaker 1 you're smarter than everyone, I'm not sure.

Speaker 8 No, not smarter,

Speaker 1 not just

Speaker 8 no, no, no, just

Speaker 8 don't more simple more simple yeah i i i want a slow-paced life and i want a simple life and to think about everyone else and what they're doing and their hate and how good they are or how bad they are that's just it's letting other people occupy your mind and i don't have time for that so what was the second part of your question did it ever bother me yeah did it ever get to you like while you were at duke where man i can't why does everyone hate me so much i'm just being myself i'm just competing

Speaker 1 Two things.

Speaker 8 The first is that it did get to me once at LSU when the whole crowd was yelling homosexual or something like, and that was in the 30 for 30 Jay Billett.

Speaker 8 You could see when I'm at the foul line at that one scene where I'm kind of flinching around because I don't know what to do.

Speaker 8 I don't know whether to shoot my shot or to give them the finger or to just laugh. Because you know the camera's there too, so you got to be careful.
So

Speaker 8 a little rattled there.

Speaker 8 And then the other thing is that

Speaker 8 I can only hope to be loved by my fans, by people who like Duke.

Speaker 8 I don't expect the Carolina fans to appreciate me or to love me because I'm trying to beat them every game. So I don't understand the dichotomy of that of how

Speaker 8 can you worry about the opposing teams fans because I think they should hate me because I'm there to try to beat their team.

Speaker 8 And I've never seen a basketball player be universally loved. I mean, LeBron gets booed places he goes, and Dr.

Speaker 8 J still used to get booed in Boston at some times, and he was my favorite player of all time, practically.

Speaker 1 Zion comes pretty close. Zion was close.
But I think part of the reason

Speaker 1 why some rival fans were able to cheer for Zion is because they're like, thank God he's not going to be here next year. True.

Speaker 1 With you, it's like, he'll probably be here seven years.

Speaker 1 Four final fours in a row where people

Speaker 1 see me. Yes.
When you're on a national stage, everyone's like, damn, why is this, is this guy still in college? How is he still in college?

Speaker 8 And every from March 1st until April 10th, it was like Christian Leighton or Month. For four years in a row.
So, yeah, that can happen.

Speaker 8 It's just part of the game.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Why'd you,

Speaker 1 besides, you know, you watched Johnny Dawkins, what was there about Duke that made you want to go there? You're from Western New York, so I'm sure that Syracuse was in play for you at the time, right?

Speaker 1 Why did you decide Duke instead of Syracuse?

Speaker 8 Well, I thought the ACC was the best form of basketball, best style of basketball for my game.

Speaker 8 If you remember, in 82, 83, that was when Ralph Sampson was dominating at Virginia, and they went to like three Final Fours in

Speaker 8 four years or something like that.

Speaker 8 So when I started watching college basketball on TV, it was

Speaker 8 Ralph Sampson and the ACC. Then it was like the Big East and Georgetown years, you know what I mean?

Speaker 8 And then I started to see North Carolina and the way they played, and I love North Carolina too. Then I started to hear about Duke and how they

Speaker 8 played motion offense and they let their big guys be outside a little bit. And

Speaker 8 at Georgetown and Syracuse, it's like the centers had to be in the lane the whole time. So I thought the ACC style of play fit my game the best.

Speaker 8 And then Duke, the thing about Duke was they had never won. Coach K was the hottest coach in the nation right around then.
He was just blowing up in 86, 87.

Speaker 8 So I wanted to be a part of something that had never been done before. They had already won a championship at Carolina.
And I only made three visits.

Speaker 8 It was all ACC schools, Carolina, Duke, and Virginia. If I didn't go to Duke, I would have gone to Carolina.

Speaker 8 But I went to Duke because I loved their nickname and the colors and the blue and white and the Adidas and the Adidas top tens they were wearing. And I just loved everything about it.

Speaker 8 And then the clinching factor is Coach K.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you think you think you get hated the same amount if you were at north carolina or virginia

Speaker 1 it's like a chicken and the egg kind of thing if we were at north carolina and we went to four straight final scores and three national championship games and two titles maybe yes it is chicken and the egg because if you go somewhere else duke probably doesn't win you know those two titles and now the hatred for duke isn't the same level yeah so you kind of started it all you're patient zero yeah maybe

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 yeah if you go to Maryland, everybody hates Maryland

Speaker 1 to this day.

Speaker 8 Well, you guys are.

Speaker 1 We would hate Juan Dixon.

Speaker 8 You're being a little nice now because I don't know if I go to Maryland, if we win more at Maryland just because of me. It's not an individual sport, it's a team sport.

Speaker 8 You need very good players around you, like Bobby Hurley and Grant Hill and Thomas Hill. My buddy Thomas Hill, who's up here in New York City.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you ever get angry when a new Duke player comes along like a J.J. Redick or Grayson Allen? Everyone's like, this guy's the most hated Duke guy.
You're like, wait, hold on. I'm still here.

Speaker 8 No, I love that.

Speaker 8 If some of the hatred gets taken, even though I don't hinge my happiness on it,

Speaker 8 if it happens naturally where some of the hate gets taken away from me, I don't mind.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now you're kind of, it's actually probably nice to be in a fraternity of hate instead of just the soul-hated guy. You're the founder.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, you're just like a group of, they rattle off a bunch of names now.

Speaker 8 You're right. It's much better to be included in a group of three or four.

Speaker 8 And I didn't mind when Grayson was hated a little bit. I didn't like to see him make little mistakes and a kicking or tripping there.
I didn't like to see that.

Speaker 8 But it doesn't hurt to be grouped in a bigger group

Speaker 8 than just one.

Speaker 1 So you know that Duke gets all the calls, right? But I have a theory behind why the refs always cheat in favor of Duke for you guys.

Speaker 1 It's because you're so diligent about doing that little teamwork huddle after every single break. in the action.
And I'm convinced that you guys don't even say anything to each other in that little...

Speaker 1 What could you say after every foul shot, after every little whistle? But the refs see that and they're like, these guys are disciplined. They would never commit an intentional foul.

Speaker 8 I totally agree with you. And the funniest thing that I saw on Facebook after the UCF game.
Yep.

Speaker 8 I don't know if you guys saw it, but these guys acted like they were the producers for CBS and they were like, okay, we can't let Duke win. We can't let Duke lose.

Speaker 8 As soon as this guy takes the shot for UCF, I'm going to push the button and the rim's going to move.

Speaker 1 That actually happened. That did happen.

Speaker 8 But then we got to do it twice because the rebound came.

Speaker 1 Well, how do you explain in 2015 in the national title game when Wisconsin had like two fouls in the first half and then 13 in the second half? Other than

Speaker 1 they want Duke to win. You know,

Speaker 8 sometimes the powers that be want the product that is the best product.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Okay.
Now,

Speaker 1 my dad was right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But seriously, what do you guys say in those little group huddle meetings?

Speaker 8 We say,

Speaker 8 come on, and let's do better.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 Coach K won't let us wear our jersey.

Speaker 8 Maybe Bobby Hurley and I would say different things than they say to each other now.

Speaker 1 But they encourage each other.

Speaker 8 They say what they're going to do on defense. They say what play they're going to run on offense.
So there is a purpose to it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So, Duke, obviously, like I said, I introduced you as one of the best college basketball players of all time, four straight finals.

Speaker 8 Which I think is crazy.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 8 The best college players of all time are Pete Maravich and Kareem Abdul-Jabray or

Speaker 8 Lou Al Cinder the first, and then maybe Pete Maravich.

Speaker 1 You're in the conversation.

Speaker 6 Most prolific.

Speaker 8 No, I'm in the, I don't know what the word is, decorated or

Speaker 8 prolific, maybe successful in terms of just getting to the final fours and championship, but not even close to the best because I only averaged 22 points. Maybe at 22.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, only 22.

Speaker 8 But there's been way better players.

Speaker 8 When I go to bed at night, I might say to myself, okay, success. We had some success because we went to four straight Final Fours and three championship games, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 8 But I don't ever think about best in college history, and I don't need to hang my hat on it because it's not true.

Speaker 1 Okay, so here is something that you did. You were the only college player who was on the dream team, which is the greatest collection of basketball players of all time.

Speaker 1 Do you ever sit back and think like, holy shit, that was wild?

Speaker 8 I do. That's exactly what I say.
I say, oh, my God, I can't believe I was a part of that.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 8 it was like I was a kid on a roller coaster just hanging by the seat of my pants, having the greatest time, laughing, giggling, playing against all these guys that I looked up to. Right.

Speaker 8 All these guys that I tried to

Speaker 8 make my game like theirs. You know, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson were the first guys I ever saw, 6'9, 6'10, bringing the ball up, having guard skills.
So to be on a team with them was just awesome.

Speaker 1 What team were you on for the greatest practice ever? Now, this is the 92 Dream team, and they had, it's like the most famous practice of all time.

Speaker 1 Basically, the best collection of players, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Charles Barkley, all these guys. Which side were you on for that?

Speaker 8 I can't recall. I'd have to watch the film, but I think I was on Jordan's team, and we might have lost.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't remember.

Speaker 8 I would have to watch it. I would have to watch it again.

Speaker 1 Were the guys nice to you? I mean, you were obviously so much younger than a lot of them and hadn't accomplished anything in the NBA yet.

Speaker 8 You know, they were totally awesome after the first practice.

Speaker 8 Once they realized that I wasn't too much of a prima donna and once they realized that I could take an elbow from Patrick Ewing and not cry about it, they were awesome to me. They just wanted

Speaker 8 pro athletes like for rookies to act like rookies, you know, get their cigars, carry their laundry.

Speaker 8 Get them orange juice if they want orange juice. And I was very willing to do that.

Speaker 8 So once they saw that that I was willing to act and behave like a rookie, they accepted me and they were all awesome to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what were those games like?

Speaker 1 Were players keyed up to playing them? Were they focused or were they just like, hey, we're going to dominate this country? They were just never played basketball.

Speaker 8 They were super keyed up. They knew they were going to dominate.

Speaker 8 But the world in 1992 was starting to say, oh, we got good players in Europe and we got good players in Germany and all this other stuff in Spain.

Speaker 8 And the guys on the team really wanted to show the rest of the world that we were still by far the best. And

Speaker 8 I heard them say things like, we want to win by 40, 50 points in the locker room

Speaker 8 because they started to get mad that the rest of the world thought they were catching up with us.

Speaker 1 Most impressive stat, I think. You guys didn't use a single timeout that entire tournament.

Speaker 8 And it was the greatest thing ever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was. It was domination.
Yeah. Did you play one-on-one against any of the guys?

Speaker 8 That's the greatest thing. You know, besides representing your country and winning a gold medal in the Olympics, the greatest thing for me was that I got to play one-on-one with all those guys.

Speaker 1 Every single one?

Speaker 1 Did you beat anyone?

Speaker 8 Excuse me.

Speaker 8 I don't think I played with Magic because he was always doing media stuff.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 8 See, we would play one-on-one once practice was over and the media would come in and Magic and Michael would have to go there.

Speaker 8 And then me and Chris Mullin, who no one wanted to talk to, and Chris Mullen didn't want to talk to, no one wanted to talk to me.

Speaker 8 Chris Mullin didn't want to talk to him, to the media, so we would go play. But I don't think I played against Magic because he was always doing media requests.
I don't think I played it.

Speaker 8 Oh, I did play against Larry. And I think I only got one turn against Michael lately.
Did you win?

Speaker 1 One exchange. No, of course not.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking awesome.

Speaker 8 You know,

Speaker 8 your dad would have enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he would have. That would have been sweet release for him.

Speaker 1 Were you out with Charles Barkley when he threw that guy through the window?

Speaker 8 He did that during the Dream Team?

Speaker 1 I thought so. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 He got into a fight in Barcelona. Yeah.

Speaker 8 I wasn't out with him there, but we did go out in Portland.

Speaker 8 We had the Tournament of the Americas in Portland, and he and I went out a few times for dinner and Chris Mullen, and it's just awesome times. But

Speaker 8 I can't believe how I'm still shocked to this day on how

Speaker 8 good they treated me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 I don't know why. Even Jordan, you know, he was a Carolina guy, but he was awesome to me, too.
They were all awesome.

Speaker 6 And then you actually, actually, you had a very successful career in the pros.

Speaker 1 How long did you play for, like, 13 years? 14 years? 13 years? 13 years.

Speaker 1 You averaged, what, like,

Speaker 1 12 points a game, something like that. What was the big transition? Was there a point where you get to the NBA and you're like, hey, this is a business now.

Speaker 1 It's no longer, you know, like all the fun I was having back at Duke. I have to change the way I do a certain thing.

Speaker 8 Well, that's that's part of the not fun about the NBA is that it does turn into a business a little bit. You wish it could just be basketball, but even in college it's not just basketball.

Speaker 8 It's school and some other parts of life and basketball.

Speaker 8 You always wish it could just be basketball, but it's not. And in the NBA there's a lot of other factors going on,

Speaker 8 but I loved every second of it. Even when I was on losing teams,

Speaker 8 you love every second of it. I mean, it's the best life in the world.
You're playing at the highest level. You're getting paid some money.
Everything's five-star, five-star travel, five-star hotels.

Speaker 8 So it's just the greatest life, and I'd give anything to be 25 and be able to go play again.

Speaker 1 So I was listening to an interview that you did not too long ago, and you basically said that. You said, like, the NBA was the best, and it was so much fun.

Speaker 1 Now, though, today's day, it feels like a lot of guys aren't having fun day to day. And like, there's a lot of guys that are unhappy with their situation.

Speaker 1 It's been kind of a story about this NBA season, Anthony Davis, you know, Kawhi in San Antonio, all that stuff.

Speaker 1 What do you think

Speaker 1 starts that? Is it social media? Is it that everyone's a hyper-celebrity now? Why aren't guys seem to be having more fun in the NBA?

Speaker 8 Well, when you start saying, I want to go to this team and that team, then people think you're unhappy. So then the whole dialogue of they're not as happy as they used to be, you know, starts.

Speaker 8 going in an infinite circle.

Speaker 8 And that's why I never said,

Speaker 8 I don't like this team, I want to be on another team, or I demand to be traded. I never did that.

Speaker 8 I don't think people should do that because a whole new whirlwind starts.

Speaker 8 Anthony Davis might just want to be on the Lakers because he might want to win a championship or have a better chance to win a championship.

Speaker 8 But once you say it and you say you want to leave your team, bad things can happen.

Speaker 8 Bad things happened to me, and I never even said I wanted to leave my team.

Speaker 8 And I think it's the greatest honor in the world to be on one team for your whole career because that means they want you, you're good enough, and they never want to give you up. So

Speaker 8 I wanted to stay on the Timberwolves forever.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that where you had the most fun playing?

Speaker 8 That's where I started. I had a lot of fun there, but I had

Speaker 8 the most fun you can possibly imagine every step along the way, every day playing in the NBA. That's great.

Speaker 8 It doesn't matter where I was, Washington, Minnesota, Atlanta.

Speaker 8 Every day is the best. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good attitude to have. Yeah.
All right. I had two last questions.
What's the biggest muskie you've caught?

Speaker 8 A 54.5 incher out of Lake Bemidji in Minnesota.

Speaker 1 If people listening don't know what a muskie is, go just Google it. It is,

Speaker 1 they're prehistoric fishes. They will eat a dog.
They will eat a small dog if your little poodle jumps into the lake. They are enormous.

Speaker 8 They're the biggest, baddest fish in the freshwater, and they're a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 They're ugly as hell.

Speaker 1 They just slowly go around. They'll They'll be swimming around and

Speaker 1 they're crazy.

Speaker 6 Muskies are crazy.

Speaker 1 What do they taste like?

Speaker 8 You don't eat them. We will kill you if you eat a muskie.
Really? You must put it back and let someone else catch it.

Speaker 1 Let it keep getting bigger and bigger. That's it.
So they're just a bunch of fish that have been caught there.

Speaker 6 They're like dinosaurs, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they don't remember that they got caught. Yeah, well, they're not smart.

Speaker 8 And once you hook up to a big one, like a 50-incher, it's like having your fishing line caught up on a bull.

Speaker 8 It's just bucking all over the place and jumping out of the water and going out under the boat, and it's just a lot of fun. If you enjoy fishing, they're the funnest fish to catch.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. And then my other last question was, what is your favorite wing place in Buffalo?

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 8 There's too many. There's too many.
But my favorite wings were my mother just passed away, well, two years ago, but she would make the best chicken wings. She'd fry them like everyone else would.

Speaker 8 And then she'd put her sauce on them, but then she'd put them in the oven and dry them up a little bit. They were just awesome.
But in Buffalo, New York, you can't go wrong really any place.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
We're what Gabriel's Gate. Gabriel's Gate.

Speaker 7 Gabriel's Gate and Barbill.

Speaker 1 Those are our two favorite places up there. For sure.
My last question. Your middle name's Don.

Speaker 1 Donald, yes. That's a cool, like Don Leitner.
That would have been a better name

Speaker 1 if you had just gone with Don. I think people would be this guy kicking.
Donnie Leitner. My dad would have been like, I love Donnie.
Oh, Donnie's on TV. Look at him.

Speaker 1 Look at Donnie Leitner slapping the floor. He's cool.

Speaker 8 Don's better.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Don's better.

Speaker 1 If you're ever in need of a rebrand, it's not too late for me to change my name legally. No, Don Leitner.
Also sounds just like a good salesperson name. Yeah, that is.
Hey, I'm Don Leitner.

Speaker 1 Don Leiner. I'm going to show you.
Don't use Carl. Don Leitner.
How the hell are you? Yeah. This Western New York Don Leitner.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, actually, also, Coach K, how much does he dye his hair?

Speaker 8 I don't know, but he's got a little bit.

Speaker 1 We are Duke haters, admitted Duke haters, but I actually think when we were talking about earlier how you can't let the hate, like people, you can't let other people have the power over you.

Speaker 1 I think part of the hate is what makes sports fun. Like, I despise Duke, and I have fun with it.

Speaker 8 And it's a little ingest, and it's a little tongue-in-cheek, and I realize all that, and I don't mind it.

Speaker 8 And a lot of times, people walk up to me in the airport and they say, I fucking hate you, but they pat me on the back.

Speaker 1 You know, it's just kind of like that. Right, and there's also like they, you have iconic moments that they remember that are part of their life and part of their sports watching life.

Speaker 1 So, I think there is that where it's like, I hate Christian Leitner, but he also has, I have memories of him that are cool memories.

Speaker 8 It's in jest. And

Speaker 1 a little tongue and

Speaker 1 UConn and UConn.

Speaker 1 They actually, like, when they say they hate you, they really hate you.

Speaker 8 Yes. But I go to Kentucky to musky fish all the time.

Speaker 1 I have two last questions.

Speaker 1 First is, how much did Coach K pay you?

Speaker 8 Not a dime. Not a dime.

Speaker 1 So more than someone else.

Speaker 1 A lot more than a dime. A lot more than a dime.
Okay. My second question is actually kind of serious because you are one of the the best or most clutch athletes, I think, in the last 30, 40 years.

Speaker 1 It's like you, Vineteri, Jordan. There are some other names up there.
Tom Brady, I guess. Jay Cutler.
If you're going to make it, Jay Cutler, Danny Woodhead, all these names come to mind.

Speaker 1 But for you, was it something where the game slowed down in these situations where it was at the end of the UNLV game, at the end of the Kentucky game? Or did you get more calm?

Speaker 1 What was being in that moment like for you, and why do you think you were so successful?

Speaker 8 I don't know if things slow down, but it just feels like, you know, you've been here before and we've done this.

Speaker 8 And especially with me. Now, when I was a sophomore and I hit the shot against UConn, that was a little bit of a frenzy and like a quick hitter.
And

Speaker 8 when we came out of the timeout, I was supposed to throw the ball to Phil Henderson. And then right at the last second, Coach K changed the play.

Speaker 8 So that was kind of like a new thing, a really quick hitter thing.

Speaker 8 But we still handled it well because Coach Coach K trains us in those situations. Okay, he, at the end of practice, every day he'll say, okay, the starters are down two points with eight seconds left.

Speaker 8 Let's see who wins. So he trains you at that.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 8 so things do

Speaker 8 not slow down, but you feel like you've been in this situation before. And then what was the second part of your question?

Speaker 1 Well, is your mindset more

Speaker 1 sticky to these guys?

Speaker 8 No, my mindset came from a purer place than that. My mindset is I don't want to lose for the Duke family.

Speaker 8 I don't want to let down the Duke program or the Duke family. So I think that's like the purest thought you could have.
Because if you say to yourself, I want to hit a last-second shot,

Speaker 8 I want to hit a last-second shot, that's a little selfish, in my opinion. So in my mind, in my soul, in my heart, before the Kentucky shot, I'm thinking, I don't want to let the Duke people down.

Speaker 8 So I think that comes from a purer place. I think it frees you up a little bit.

Speaker 1 Clutch gene.

Speaker 8 Maybe a no.

Speaker 6 You got the clutch gene.

Speaker 1 That's what we're really getting. I do not.
There's no real reality. Is the clutch gene real?

Speaker 8 No, not real at all.

Speaker 1 Are you Buddhist?

Speaker 8 No, I'm not Buddhist, but I've been told that a few times before in the past, over the last 20 years, where they're like, some of the things you say or think is a little Buddhist.

Speaker 1 I think it's your way, you talk in a very soothing manner. But it just just

Speaker 8 frees you up. If you think,

Speaker 8 I want to do this, I want to do this, it just makes it a little too selfish.

Speaker 8 If you say, gee, I don't want to lose for the Duke team, or I don't want to see Coach K disappointed in me, then it just comes from a pure place.

Speaker 1 Okay, I like it. So the clutch gene exists.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's okay to say every time, like, I don't want Coach K to be disappointed in me.

Speaker 1 What Christian just did for all the listeners, he knows he has the clutch gene, but if he says he has the clutch gene, then someone like Elon Musk is going to harvest his organs to try to find the clutch gene.

Speaker 1 So it's smart of you to just deny that the clutch gene exists.

Speaker 8 Yes, I don't want to be put in a laboratory.

Speaker 1 He'll get you in there.

Speaker 1 All right, Christian, thank you so much. Landa Lakes, appreciate it.
We'll see you on Sunday. Awesome.
We're going to be there. We're going to watch the bots shoot, play some horse.

Speaker 1 You guys will be there. Yeah, we'll be there.
Is Monthly Dynamics competing in this? Do they have one of their robot dogs that's shooting back?

Speaker 1 I hope not. I actually might see you Friday, too.
I think they're coming on.

Speaker 8 Bring your recording device. We'll do a little show.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Thanks, Christian.

Speaker 8 Thanks, fellas.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Don.

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Speaker 11 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game, Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 11 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have a shoe roast for the NFL's new draft hats.
The NFL came out with their draft hats today, and

Speaker 1 I don't really understand what they're doing. Well, it's the NFL doing the NFL.

Speaker 1 This is what Roger Goodell is really, really good at, and that's just finding a one-off occasion and then selling a bunch of shit on top of it. So they designed all 32 teams' brand new hats.

Speaker 1 They tried to incorporate some of the state flags into them. So this basically most of the EA city jerseys, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, most of them just ended up looking like a dog crapped out of Jackson Pollock painting and said, here's here's your new hat. It's going to be $39.99.

Speaker 1 Couple good ones, but like the Chiefs one, I don't understand. That one makes no sense.

Speaker 1 The Steelers one looks like

Speaker 1 you're driving an old yellow cab. Yeah, it looks like you're in a ska band.
Yeah. And the Chargers one looks awesome.
I like the Chargers one. Yes.
It's very subdued. The Bears is just the Bears.

Speaker 1 They literally are just the Bears. The Raiders one looks like a Blue Lives Matter flag a little bit.
It's got the American flag and then the Raiders shield on it.

Speaker 1 Either way, good job, NFL, because you got us talking about your hats. We are talking about.
It literally, like, we fell right into the trap.

Speaker 1 It basically, they put a big piece of cheese out in the middle of the floor, and we're like, ooh, that cheese looks good. Snap.
You're talking about the NFL in the middle of April.

Speaker 1 This is the nail in the coffin for the AAF. This is what did it.
So flex. Yeah, no, well, it came out before the AAF folded, and they were like, you know what? We can't compete with draft night hats.

Speaker 1 We don't even have hats for game day. You can't even pay your players, and people are going fucking crazy for a draft hat that looks like shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And people buy it. They're going to buy them.
Oh, yeah. The Giants one looks like it's got a barbed wire tattoo around the entire hat, which is very appropriate for the fan base.

Speaker 1 Jaguars looks okay. Dolphins look okay.
The Saints one just looks like

Speaker 1 they just got lazy. That's a major Louisiana Who Cares hat right there.
There's still more. It's just three Florida Lee's on there instead of one.
Yes.

Speaker 1 All right. Next up, we have a

Speaker 1 LeBron. What are we even going call this? Just

Speaker 1 LeBron Stinks, literally? Yeah. LeBron Stinks, literally, news segment Lord Inc.

Speaker 1 LeBron Stinks, literally. Channing Fry did an interview on a podcast, and he said about LeBron, there's three things that he tells everyone.
Number one, he has smelly breath, smelly breath.

Speaker 1 That was number one. So it's got to be really smelly.
Number two, he was a freak of nature. And then number three, Kyle Corver and I fixed his jumper for one year.

Speaker 1 So LeBron James has stinky breath, which shouldn't surprise anyone. Yeah.
No, I am not shocked at all.

Speaker 1 Not just because of the wine, but because LeBron definitely is surrounded by yes men, and he probably just does his halitosis breath in everyone's face.

Speaker 1 You think Maverick Carter's going to be like, hey, Bron, how about a fucking piece of trident? Yeah. Hey, Rich Paul, does my breath smell? Yeah, hey,

Speaker 1 no king. Hey, King, how about an altoid?

Speaker 6 No one's saying that.

Speaker 1 As a matter of fact, the king's breath is actually the best breath, right? Yes.

Speaker 1 If you were to go back to old times, the king's foot, that was a size of, that was a unit of measurement of the ideal foot. Yes, so yeah, LeBron, your breath smells perfect, King.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he this is this is so, and you know what, like this obviously shouldn't matter for someone of LeBron's stature, but it definitely if someone says you have bad breath, it's very like unsettling because you wonder, first of all, how long have I had bad breath?

Speaker 1 That, like, has my mouth just smelled like a poopy diaper for a really long time? I don't know. I've been talking to people all the time, and you start questioning everything.

Speaker 1 So, LeBron, LeBron's definitely sitting at home right now doing the

Speaker 1 oh yeah

Speaker 1 that thing.

Speaker 1 Bad breath is the great equalizer. Everybody can have bad breath and when you do, I don't care if you're the biggest star on the planet or you're a guy that's selling hot dogs at the game.

Speaker 1 You're like, fuck. Yeah, if you go, oof, your breath,

Speaker 1 you could have a billion dollars, look great, be the king of the world, you're going to feel very self-conscious in that moment.

Speaker 1 How much wine do you think he's going to drink to get rid of that bad breath? A lot. A lot, a lot.
A A lot. He's probably going to come out with like a mouthwash/slash wine combo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's Lister Quill. Lister Quill.
Oh, Hank. That's what he needs.
ListerQuill. Actually, knock him out for the entire playoffs.
Perfect. Lego Zero Dark 30.
Perfect segue.

Speaker 1 We have a new drunk idea from both Liam and Hank.

Speaker 6 Very excited for this.

Speaker 1 ListerQuill was the last one, which was the fact it's not made yet is crazy. You can make your own.

Speaker 1 All you just need is a bottle of recommended and then a third bottle to mix it up. Be careful.
Yeah. Yeah.
But,

Speaker 1 Bubba, why don't you start with your drunk idea? This is the producer's drunk idea. I'm very excited for this.

Speaker 12 Okay, so when everybody's looking for a new restaurant, they go to Yelp.

Speaker 12 But the majority of people, especially like around my age,

Speaker 12 only care about how it looks on Instagram.

Speaker 12 So we need an app where you just rate it based on like how Instagram worthy it is.

Speaker 1 Instagramable. So we've got that matcha shop on the corner.
And I'm convinced that all matcha shops were just designed for Instagram.

Speaker 1 They're like pink and green and very friendly to taking pictures of your it's actually like a baby poop colored drink but for whatever reason you throw the right filter on there it pops on IG.

Speaker 1 Liam may I add to the idea? Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 I love it but here's what we do you go to a restaurant and whatever you order the waiter then they send the restaurant sends you a text message with an awesome picture of what you ordered.

Speaker 1 So it's like a professional photo of what you ordered so you can put it on Instagram.

Speaker 1 Well, because even like the food could be good, but if it doesn't, if it's not presented well, then people don't care. Right, so it doesn't roast it.

Speaker 1 So you know, if you come to my restaurant, you know you're going to get a very grammable picture. And we do different pictures, different angles, so it's not all the same.

Speaker 1 So we have like a hundred different pictures of the tomato soup. Why not also just have your servers trained in photography? That works.
So they come out and they take the picture for you.

Speaker 1 Or someone walks around with a big light. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So you've got the whole set up there, and it's like a photo shoot at every single table.

Speaker 1 Also, I feel like there's a lot of shaming going on recently of people taking pictures of the food before the game. It's utterly ridiculous.
Yeah, stupid. Yeah, so in this case.

Speaker 1 This is an unshamable restaurant. This is for the people that are sick of being shamed.
Yes. But you're still going to shame you.
Unshamable. Yeah.
Unshamable. Shameless.
Shameless. Yeah.
Boom. Done.

Speaker 1 And William H. Macy's there.
Yeah. Feeding his son's college resume into a wood chipper.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Hank.

Speaker 1 I like that idea. That's a

Speaker 1 six and a half out of ten. I give it three three balls.
Ooh.

Speaker 7 All right, I'm going to keep it short, see if you guys click, and then I'll explain more. Okay.
A podcast about commercials.

Speaker 1 Okay. You have my attention.
I like that.

Speaker 7 So I mean, you guys know

Speaker 7 we watch a lot of TV on the weekends.

Speaker 7 And like, I part of me hates commercials, but part of me, like, you know, it's a March Madness game, you know, you're going to stick through the commercials and watch them all. Some of them I like.

Speaker 7 Some of them you're going to hate.

Speaker 1 Some of you grow.

Speaker 7 They grow on you, and some of them you get sick of. So this podcast would just be talk, you know, talk about your favorite ads.
We could get some of the writers.

Speaker 7 Like, I'd be interested in hearing from, like, the Geico commercial writers, like, maybe the progressive writers, see how much they hate that girl.

Speaker 6 Like, I think there's a whole...

Speaker 1 This was born for Darren Revelle. I was going to say.
This is right in his wheelhouse. This is perfect.

Speaker 1 So you need him, but then you need someone that's a more likable version of him to actually do the show. Jenna Jameson.
Jenna Jamison and Darren Revelle teaming up.

Speaker 1 We fuck at the end. of everyone.
And we get to watch Darren. We get to hear Darren fuck.
Who's the person that you'd least like to see a sex tape from?

Speaker 6 Forced to watch.

Speaker 7 I think we should breed a new Darren Revelle and just get him out of here.

Speaker 1 Our own Darren Revelle.

Speaker 1 I don't think you can beat this Darren Revelle. Oh, yeah.
He doesn't sleep. He's old.

Speaker 1 He's only 440. Yeah, he's only 40.
We could see someone. He's a man younger.
Younger and hungrier. I don't know.
There's no one who's hungrier than him. He fucking eats like one bite of everything.

Speaker 1 Everybody knows. That's good.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Hank, I like that idea. Why don't we just do a commercial of the week on this show?

Speaker 7 We can. That's kind of where it started.
I was like, oh, we should talk about commercials. Then I was like, wait, that sounds like the most boring segment ever.

Speaker 7 But, you know, it's more of a niche podcast, niche audience.

Speaker 1 But I think if we reviewed a commercial a week, it would kind of be funny if it was a ridiculous commercial.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I mean, that's where it depends.

Speaker 7 That's what. Like, the NCAA commercials, for example, like.

Speaker 1 Great commercial.

Speaker 7 Orange Vanilla Coke, you hated it, but now it's like I kind of get stuck in my head. I like them.

Speaker 1 I thought orange.

Speaker 7 And Sonic commercials, like, I originally hated them, but now they're on so consistently that you just kind of like them. Progressive commercials are the worst.
Like you just like them.

Speaker 6 Wait, you know what?

Speaker 1 You like the Sonic guys, but you don't like Flow? Flo.

Speaker 1 Flow has 20 times the range of Sonic. Oh, what about that guy? What are that other guy sucks? The fucking orange head guy who's trying to be the new Flow?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That guy that sings. Fuck him.
Yes. Yeah.
See, we need to get our anger out on him.

Speaker 7 And then the Geico commercials are funny. Like, those are well-written.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the old ones that they're bringing back are great. Yep.
Hmm. Okay.
Commercial a week.

Speaker 7 And everyone watches TV, so the market is already there.

Speaker 1 Or, how about this? How about we write our own commercial for a product that has a shitty commercial on television right now? Well, that would be part of the commercial of the week segment.

Speaker 1 We tweak it. Yeah, we fix it.
Yeah. But now, here's the last question about this.
Would this be not relatable to all the cord cutters listening?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 7 I mean.

Speaker 7 How do you watch Marsh Madness? There's commercials even on cord crews.

Speaker 1 Even illegal Reddit streams. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we could have little pop-up ads for horny singles in your area. We could pop out of the week.
Pop-up out of the week for the millennials. I like that.
Okay.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Ads you click that you think are adjective.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 It's a cartoon song. I am.
It's a cartoon porn actor.

Speaker 1 Does it ever just blow your mind?

Speaker 1 Does it blow your mind how many horny singles there are in your area all the time? No,

Speaker 1 it's the new fucking animation that's really the porn animation that all the ads are. Play this game and see how long you can last.
Well, yeah, I don't really come while I'm playing video games.

Speaker 1 It's too much. You can't come right before

Speaker 1 and and then right after.

Speaker 1 All right, last up, we have. I like that, Hank.
We'll do commercial of the week. We're going to try it out on Friday's show.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 7 I'm just saying, I think there's a lot of things.

Speaker 1 Everyone think about what commercial they want to do. It should be called brand new segment.
Brand new segment.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 All right, last up before we get to guys on chicks, protect the shield. We're going to protect Patrick Reed's shield because Patrick Reed,

Speaker 1 his mom, got a shot.

Speaker 7 My computer might blow up, by the way, if anyone's hearing that.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 1 So should we be worried?

Speaker 7 No, I just wanted to put that on the record in case it does.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 1 So, Patrick Reed, someone, Jeff Shackleford wrote an April Fool's joke column where he said that Patrick Reed is consulting with Guy Fieri for the Masters dinner,

Speaker 5 which is actually not.

Speaker 1 That's an April Fool's joke. You're flying a little too close to reality.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who would believe that? Yeah. Well, actually, like, the Guy Fieri idea and the puppies at the U.S.
Open idea, those are just great.

Speaker 6 Yeah, those are just great ideas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, April Fool's joke shouldn't be good ideas. Yeah, that just pisses me off.
Yeah, so

Speaker 1 like the casino zoo idea that we put into the song, Who Cares It's Louisiana? Yeah. That's that's a we made that up.
Right.

Speaker 1 But after I wrote it down, I was like, fuck, I would go seven days a week to the zoo casino. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You drop your kids off at

Speaker 1 the zoo. No, I was going to say

Speaker 1 the casino, and then I go to the zoo.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So then Patrick Reed's mom replied to Jeff Shackelford saying it was a joke.

Speaker 1 It's April 1st, saying, of course, I'm just going to say it's G off because that's how you always pronounce the Jeff with the joke. A joke at someone else's expense.

Speaker 1 Obviously, you can tell the importance of one's job when they have to stoop to such low levels. Hashtag funny, not funny, geoff.
Funny, not funny is a great hashtag.

Speaker 6 Now, here's a couple questions.

Speaker 1 One is, how could you be offended by this? Two is,

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure Patrick Reed has divorced from his parents. Remember that story?

Speaker 1 So is Patrick Reed's mom still going to bat for Patrick Reed on the Twitter to try to get him back? I think, quite the contrary. I think Patrick Reed's mom's going to bat for Guy Fieri.

Speaker 1 I think she was pissed off that he was making fun of Guy Fieri. That makes sense.

Speaker 1 By saying, like, my shithead son has such bad taste that you would think that he would hire a Guy Fieri, when in reality, Guy Fieri should be reserved for the upper echelon of flavor palettes.

Speaker 1 Yes, I'd agree. So, that's what it is.
So, she's mad at. Okay.
So, she's mad at

Speaker 1 behind that, too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't bring Guy Fieri down to that level. Funny, not hashtag funny, not funny, Geoff.
Let's just quickly. I'm just going to quickly just do a quick hashtag search.
How many...

Speaker 1 Oh, that's the only one ever. That's the only one ever.
Yeah. Funny not funny.

Speaker 1 What were some of the menu items on Guy Fieri's?

Speaker 6 Let's see.

Speaker 7 Fried bacon mashed potatoes.

Speaker 1 Something definitely would have been like out of bounds.

Speaker 1 What was it? You had it? Oh, it was probably donkey sauce and stuff like that.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Guy and I chatted at length about the menu, and we were pleased to welcome him to the team.

Speaker 1 He's going to ensure Patrick stays on his current diet while all the former champions get something better than what the club wanted Patrick to serve.

Speaker 1 No idea about menu. So, Jeff Geoff didn't go far enough.
That's the only thing that you should do if you're doing this. Yeah, just do a fake menu and be like, hey, here it is.

Speaker 1 There actually was a fake Patrick Reed menu that went viral a few months ago. Yeah, what was on it? It was basically shit sandwich.
Yeah, it was basically like hot dogs and like macaroni and cheese.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a fuck you grilled cheese. Yeah, pretty much.
I'll steal your what look for your wallet. Oh, Oh, it's gone.
Yeah. Burger.
You can't pay for anything. So nobody eats.

Speaker 1 Alright, Hank, guys on checks. Let's do it.
Señora si chicas.

Speaker 7 What's up, boys, especially dad cat. I've started doing this thing where when I'm hungover and I go pee in the morning, I'll pee once, wash my hands, then immediately pee again.
What is wrong with me?

Speaker 1 Wait, say it again.

Speaker 6 Pee in the morning.

Speaker 7 I'm hungover and I go to pee in the morning, I'll pee once, wash my hands, then immediately pee again.

Speaker 1 That's a good you just bladder inflection. I feel feel like when you're hungover, all bets are off.

Speaker 7 Whatever you got to do to make the hangover go away,

Speaker 1 I'd agree. It's a fair game.

Speaker 7 I'd agree.

Speaker 1 Yeah, straight up.

Speaker 1 I mean, there are times where I'll wake up in the morning, I'll just sit down on the toilet, and just I'll pee, and then I'll wait so long that I'm so hungover that I'll just pee again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 So she's good. So she's good, you're fine.
You're more bladder infection. Yeah, drink more.
That's actually true.

Speaker 1 If you drank more before you went to bed, you have to pee harder when you got up and you get rid of all the dregs.

Speaker 7 I drank a lot of water before i go to bed yeah what's up guys except heartless hank oh oh no my boyfriend recently made a burner account on twitter and has become completely obsessed with trolling online it's really corny to me and i just don't get it but he has completely stopped all other social media and engulfed himself with this every tweet he sends he makes him seem less and less attractive to me and i don't know how to confront him about it what do i do it's important to have hobbies what a loser hank uh as a former troll yourself you want to explain i mean this guy's a loser i i I don't think there's anything.

Speaker 7 You got to break up with him. Just get him out of your life.

Speaker 1 I get like, so the mind of an internet troll,

Speaker 1 it's a complex thing, but at the end of the day, I just,

Speaker 1 all I can think back to is like, eventually that person's going to grow up and be like, what was I doing?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I also think there's degrees to trolling.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So trolling can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people.
Like, is he just, is he making fun of people? Is he like dropping like racial effects?

Speaker 1 Because once you cross a certain line, then it's no longer trolling.

Speaker 1 You're just being a complete asshole. But just think about it.
Like, every troll has grown up and just given up trolling at some point. Yeah.
So just think of phase.

Speaker 1 If you're in the phase of trolling, just realize that you're going to grow up and grow out of it and maybe just accelerate that a little bit. No, what you got to do is dox them.
Yeah. Dox them.

Speaker 1 Dox your boyfriend. End it.
Yes. End it right now.

Speaker 7 Hey, PMT boys. Just wondering.
Is it normal for you to look at remnants on the toilet paper after you poop?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 7 I figured that was the only way to know if you need to keep wiping or not, but now I'm starting to doubt the normalcy of that.

Speaker 1 Thanks for your interview. Yeah, how else do you know how to stop? Always.
Always. Do you guys look at a Kleenex after you sneeze? Also, there's 50% of the time there's blood.
That's true.

Speaker 1 What about the times where you wipe and then you're done wiping and then you do one for safety and then it's like full again? It's a free start. It's like, did I just poop? I don't know.
You did.

Speaker 1 You did. Yeah, I got some issues.

Speaker 7 Hey, boys, especially Hank.

Speaker 1 Did your voice describe? Yep.

Speaker 7 Thank God you didn't have to get a cat. Thank you.
I just started dating this guy, and so far he seems pretty perfect. The one thing turning me off, he has really, really tiny hands.

Speaker 7 Like, really tiny.

Speaker 1 How concerned should I be about this?

Speaker 7 Slash, if this is a big deal, do I wait it out and make sure this is the only thing wrong with him, or do I end things right away? PFT, do you want to take this?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Rio, that's a good question that you have.

Speaker 1 I think that his hands are just fine the way they are. He's good at pressing record and pressing stop button, and there's nothing to complain about that.

Speaker 1 Well, as someone who has over nine-inch hands and can be in the NFL, not unlike my co-hosts.

Speaker 1 Mine are exactly nine-inch, by the way. I measured them and they weren't.

Speaker 1 You took a nat to five shots.

Speaker 1 Floating scale.

Speaker 7 No, five.

Speaker 1 But yeah, just see if he can grip a football. If he can't, then dump them.

Speaker 7 Hey, boys, especially the cat that Hank killed.

Speaker 1 Hey!

Speaker 1 I miss you.

Speaker 5 Well, that cat can't even say anything because it's dead.

Speaker 1 As a ghost cat.

Speaker 1 Boo.

Speaker 7 My boyfriend never lets me use his phone, even though I've looked through it while he was sleeping/slash slash showering and haven't found anything suspicious or concerning.

Speaker 1 Why is that? You never know what's going to pop up. There are things, when you have a phone, there are things that could pop up there that are totally outside your control.

Speaker 1 It could even just be as simple as like a bookie being like, hey, here's how much you lost.

Speaker 1 There's little things or like jokes, jokes on your group text chain that you like,

Speaker 1 here's the thing.

Speaker 1 He could probably be doing something nefarious, but he also could very much well just be in like, I don't want to explain all the inside jokes all the time.

Speaker 1 Because that is, when you have to explain an inside joke that you have running with your friends, it immediately becomes not funny.

Speaker 1 He also probably doesn't want you to know what's on his recommended playlist on Spotify. Yeah.
He probably has just shitty taste in music. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Hey, boys, especially Kat. My fiancé and I started talking about having kids, and now I'm scared to have good sex.

Speaker 7 I feel like if really good sex makes my baby, I'm going to feel weird about it and think about it every time I see my kid.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 7 Do all parents think about the actual sex that made their kids?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think so. Well, here's a quick example.

Speaker 1 If you have sex doggy style, you're more likely to have twins. That's a fact.
If she's on top, you're more likely to have a girl.

Speaker 1 If a guy's on top, you're more likely to have a dude because you're dominant. If you're 69ing,

Speaker 1 you could have anything.

Speaker 7 And you can't get pregnant in jacuzzi.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And if it's pre-come, then it's going to be a soccer player.

Speaker 1 Can't get pregnant in jacuzzi. Pre-come is a soccer player.
All these are facts. These are just stone-cold facts.

Speaker 1 I think that you should just never have good sex before you get married. That way, there's no disappointment whatsoever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you should just never have good sex ever because if you do, then the next time you're going to have to have good sex again, and that's a lot. It's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1 Keep that bar low. Don't ever have good sex.
No.

Speaker 1 Just be happy with the sex.

Speaker 1 Get your nut and count your blessings. Yeah.
Hey, if you come, it's cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did my job.

Speaker 7 All right, last one. Speaking of come.
Uh-oh. Subfellas, I've always wondered why semen is chunky.
Parentheses, chunky.

Speaker 7 Sometimes and

Speaker 7 I've always wondered why semen is chunky sometimes and super watery, other times. My boyfriend always wants to come in my mouth when I blow him.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's like drinking chili through a straw.

Speaker 7 Is there anything he can do to fix this or

Speaker 7 do I just need to power through?

Speaker 1 Drink more water.

Speaker 1 That's my answer for everything. Just drink more water.

Speaker 7 I think it's like poops. You just never know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Eat less tapioca pudding.

Speaker 1 If he's eating a ton of tapioca, then it's going to come out chunky. That's all I know.
I think, yeah, you can also do pineapple, I think, I've heard. Mango.
Yep. Hot sauce.
Mm-hmm. Asparagus.

Speaker 1 Really, really, guys, will

Speaker 1 if you tell a guy that there's something out there that will make his cum taste better, that news will travel around the world so fast. Combos? Guys are so easy to share that information.

Speaker 1 Pepperoni pizza combos. Uh-huh.
Heard those makeup. Buffalo Wild Wings.
Delicious. Uh-huh.
Spicy garlic sauce.

Speaker 1 You should do a cum tasting.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 Hank, you should.

Speaker 1 We'll eat different things. Uh-huh.
This is terrible. This is bad.
This is terrible, terrible end of the show. Chili through a straw, huh? I'm sorry, everyone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is a terrible end of the show. Hank, end us with something lighthearted.

Speaker 1 Those puppies would have been awesome. To do the tennis ball thing? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. That would have been sick.
Yeah. And they would have known if it was yellow or green.
But the problem,

Speaker 1 like, you'd have to puppy.

Speaker 7 I swear to God that I saw pictures of it being done in other places.

Speaker 1 You know what it was? It was a corgi, I think, in the picture. That's how you know it's not true.
Corgis don't do anything.

Speaker 7 No, it's that all breeds are welcome.

Speaker 1 Oh. Well, then

Speaker 1 I know it's not true. Yeah.
Leroy would suck at chasing tennis balls. Stella doesn't give the tennis ball puffs.
He's blind. Hubs.
Oh, hubs did it. There you go.
All right, there we go.

Speaker 1 So we get, so let's end it with that. Do you have another guys on chicks question besides the no, let's just end with tennis balls and dogs? Okay.
Awesome.

Speaker 7 Love it. I picked my my entire mascot for March Madness based on school color mascot teams and got three out of four final fours right.
Why do guys get so butthurt about this?

Speaker 7 Also, why don't guys just start randomly picking teams to win since it obviously works so well?

Speaker 1 So you picked a cat. You thought that a Cavalier, a Red Raider,

Speaker 1 a

Speaker 1 War Eagle or a Tiger. We learned that it was Tiger.
You got this. And a Spartan were the coolest mascot.
I call bullshit on that because none of those are, objectively speaking, are cool mascots.

Speaker 7 You You would have picked the Wofford.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You would have picked Wofford if you were picking cool mascots.

Speaker 1 The answer to the question, though, is we spend so much fucking time wasting our lives watching sports to then be humbled to the point of not knowing anything.

Speaker 1 It really hurts every single march because you're like, I watched so much shitty college basketball in January and February, and I have no idea what I'm picking, but I feel like I do, and then I get humbled by someone who did this.

Speaker 1 It sucks. Egos are important to men.
You got to stroke them and make them large. Yes.
And then, after they're soft again, tell them how smooth and that chunky they are. How it wasn't that fast.

Speaker 1 Don't worry. All right.
Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Love of tree.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming, coming, coming, coming, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come,

Speaker 1 come.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone.

Speaker 1 It's pardon my tape presented by Ball School Sports.