Christian Laettner + RIP To The AAF

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Twin Peaks is the best in the game. Here, historic rivalries tip off with shareable bites and every shot you take is a game winner.
I mean, where else can you pair wall-to-wall hoops with hard-to-find whiskey. Only at Twin Peaks, the number one sports bar.

On today's part of my take, we have the hated Christian Laettner.

Actually, awesome interview, though.

I don't, his voice is so soothing, I don't hate him anymore.

And he, we talk about Duke, the NCAA tournament, the Dream Team.

Really good interview with Christian Laettner. We also have an RIP to the AAF, Hot Seat Cool Throne, Guys on Chicks, and a lot more.
Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat. Ariat work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold-stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out Ariat in your local workwear retailer or visit ariat.com work to get 10 off your first order when you sign up for email and weather whatever in Ariat work gear okay let's go Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of stuff work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't leave all on the sun Oh no, We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by Cash App, our new presenting sponsor.
Today is Wednesday, April 3rd, and the AAF is dead. D-E-A-D, dead.
Yeah, so... It's a real shame.
That one weekend in February after the Super Bowl, we will always have that. This is what we warned you about.
This is exactly what happened with the XFL. It just died, and we all got excited, and then it died.
It served a purpose, though. It got us through the dog days of February.
That one weekend. Between the Super Bowl and the Combine, and then Johnny Manziel ate nachos on the sidelines.
That was kind of cool again. Steve Spurrier, all-time winning as coach.
Did you see, actually, that he said he wants the championship? I hope that they do. What team is he? He was Orlando.
Orlando. I hope they do maybe a Disney World parade.
Yeah. You know what? Give it to UCF.
Yeah. Or Georgia.
Just hand it to him. So Steve Spurrier, all-time winningest coach.
Trent Richardson, all-time rushing touchdown leader. 11.
The AF. What went wrong? So Tom, is his name Tom Dun-Dun? Tom Dun-Dun.
First of all, if you're going to bail out from a guy named Dun-Dun-Dun, your league's not in good shape. Nope.
He came in and pledged something like $200 million after week four. $250.
$250. He ended up paying $70 million to the league and just losing that.
Can I just stop you for a second? I love rich guy finances because it never makes sense.

They never really pay for what they say they're going to pay for.

But it's kind of like NFL contracts when the first number comes out.

It's like $120 million contract.

Oh, it's only $6 million of it's guaranteed.

They can cut them after four months.

Turns out the entire league just failed their piss test.

Yeah, every time a rich guy throws up money, it's like this guy put in $250 million.

Oh, wait, he was paying week to week and he shut it down four weeks in. Okay weeks in okay cool yeah so i have to wonder what kind of arbitrage is at play here because rich guys don't typically just throw away 70 million dollars yeah so what i what i understand from from the little reading that i did was tom dundon uh came in and he wanted to accelerate the relationship with the nfl and thePA to basically make it a minor league system.
Charlie Ebersole and Bill Pullian, the founders of the AAF, did not want to do that. They had a three-year plan to just not pay anyone, I guess.
Can I just say, hope it lasted? Real quick, Bill Pullian, khaki all-star. Yeah.
If we're talking about the face of the khaki pant, it's like him, Harbaugh, Eric Clapton, and trying to think who the fourth would be. Me, at the Las Vegas Championship.
There we go. After the Caps won the Stanley Cup.
Also, third team all dad sweater. Big time quarter zip sweater.
Usually a blue sweater. But yeah, so the league fell apart because a guy basically, basically the original owners didn't have money they needed a rich guy to save them and the rich guy was like fuck this i'm not going to keep burning money so we're out and then albert breer said that the speculation was that he bought that dun dun bought the league just to get access to their gambling app that they were building so 70 million dollars for a like a shrewd investment.
But then again, this guy bought a hockey team in North Carolina. So that tells you a little bit something about Tom Dundon.
But yeah, it's a shame because I was looking forward to waking up hungover on my couch on at least two more Saturdays at some point this spring in seeing football on TV. Yeah, so Manziel would have been fun.
He was fun. Did he play? Yeah, he played a little bit.
I stopped watching after the first week. He played a little bit.
The most electric thing he did was he ate nachos on the sidelines. What part did we have in the failure of the AAF because we stopped talking about it after the first week? I think we tried.
We did our best. We tried, but we also...
Listen, we're a Prove It podcast.

Yeah.

Okay?

I also found out that they were paying influencers, but not us.

So I was like, fuck that.

Yeah, fuck that.

We're not influencers.

You can pay...

Listen, you can buy me, but if you don't buy me, I ain't doing it.

No dice.

No dice.

I am to be bought at any time.

Okay, there are some very easy steps they could have taken to save the league.

One, pay us.

Pay us. Two, have Spurrier mic steps they could have taken to save the league.
One, pay us.

Two, have Spurrier mic'd up on live television every single game.

Three, let you kick field goals and not hold.

Yeah.

Four, play the games up in Canada so it's snow football for every game.

Yep.

Five, more scoring.

Yeah.

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I bet the over in the first weekend I lost every bet. Six.
That's your fault. Six vortex footballs instead.
That's actually, but listen, a vortex league where every game is guaranteed to go over. Huge.
So you can just bet it and you always win. Yeah.
Now we're talking. Huge.
Think about that, Hank. Also.
No one loses. A no-lose gambling league.
Who wouldn't do that? Who wouldn't do that? Vegas, maybe. Who cares? Vegas would have a problem with it.
No, but fuck them. It would take them a while to catch up to that.
They also could have had one designated asshole per team that has to play a certain amount of snaps at running back. Example, Martin Shkreli has to play for Memphis, has to take at least six handoffs, and just get obliterated.
Just like the National Catharsis Football League. So, I feel like the ending was very imminent.
We not only had Dun Dun by the league, but we also had Hackenberg actually be like a focal point of the league. I think that's where it went off the rails was when he got hurt.
It's tough to recover from losing your stars. Eminem was the smartest guy in the AAF boardroom,

and he wasn't even in the boardroom.

So I feel like this is not a shock.

It's still sad because we'll remember it

that one weekend again in February.

And now we have the XFL to look forward to,

which this is, again, a we-can-be-bought situation.

We have a friend who works in the XFL.

He showed us some of the new rules and the scrimmages.

It looks cool.

It looks fucking awesome.

It looks good.

We'll be bought situation. We have a friend who works in the XFL.
He showed us some of the new rules and the scrimmages. It looks cool.
It looks fucking awesome. It looks good.
And we have no problem. I think it's okay to admit when you're biased, if you just say it out front, like we actually have a friend and we're rooting for him.
Yep. So we're going to be rooting hard for the XFL.
We're rooting hard for the XFL. We have no friends in the AF.
We would root harder if there if there was a little cash coming through. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Listen, you want to pay us? We'll pretend that we love anything.
Listen, you give me enough money, I'll get an XFL tattoo. I said enough.
What's enough? I would do it for 200 grand. 200 grand? Yeah.
Jesus Christ. I'm not talking about one on my inner thigh like an asshole.
What about a face? A face tattoo. That would be a lot of money.
How much? I don't think my face would be bought. What about an asshole one? One on my asshole? Inside your asshole.
So that way you get a real nice close look at it when Christian Yelich wins the home run derby? Right up front. Yeah.
On interior ass cheek, $ damn man that's too much i feel like hank would do it for 200 bucks yeah well that's hank no okay uh i had to throw it out there what about what about dick tattoo you know what i get i get one right underneath like on the top side of the sack so when i when i pee or yeah that would hurt that would hurt a lot yeah you ever nick yourself or shaving that's like oh no your manscape yeah dude you have to have to do a little bit why what do you mean wait hank you're full bush yeah oh bush well bush 70s hank just rocking it out you're gonna wear maybe put on a speedo and just let that fucking shit fly no i get it waxed the bottom line is we miss the idea that football is on television. Yeah, there's really nothing else that we're going to miss because we're already into NHL playoffs and NBA playoffs.
Yeah. It served its purpose.
Cool. Good job.
Yeah. You know what it was? I already forgot the name of it.
The AFL. It's the AF.
AAF. That was the biggest, actually, problem.
They didn't have an L. Yeah, and you know what? Two vowels at the start of your league? Yes.
Listen, these are things that we could have solved. Wait, how many A's? The first time I said it, I was like, why is there no L? I don't know it's a league.
Yeah. It's a federation? What is football? Alliance of American Football.
There's not even... It's not even a federation.
It's an alliance. Yes.
It was just like a loose agreement between friends to play football. Yeah.
If you've watched the Survivor or the Challenge, alliances are always falling apart. Yeah.
But here's the purpose that it served. It was like the cocktail hour after a wedding ceremony and before reception got started.
Right? So you're done with the ceremony. That part's over.
You're just going to be standing around for like an hour and a half making small talk with people that sucks waiting for march madness to start see i disagree and so you have you have a little cocktail you have a bar that's opened up you you know you drink the groom's cocktail maybe you sample the bride's cocktail next thing you know you're sitting down at your table and the hot bread's already coming out see i disagree i think it was actually the cold pizza that uh they buy like 50 pizzas at the end of a wedding when the music stops and everyone's sweaty and drunk and like oh i'm gonna be really hung over tomorrow and then there's that like you know maybe like mcdonald's or cold pizza in the corner like hey we got you this yeah that's what the af was but you know party was over you stick around and you finish that pizza though because you're drunk oh of. Oh, of course.
But the party was over. But we didn't finish this pizza.

Yeah, it gives you your stomachache.

But the next party that's coming up, we've got playoffs in two major sports.

Then we've got an action-packed summer.

Baseball and Women's World Cup.

Baseball and Women's World Cup.

Fuck yes.

And then it's football again.

And then it's football again.

And then it's XFL.

That's in 2020.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

After next football season, we have more football.

Right.

Once we start football again, football will never stop.

Kind of.

This is the spring league that's going to get it right.

Right.

All right.

The other story that we had, it was kind of a slow news day, but Coach Calipari has gotten

a deal for life.

Yeah.

So now that would still put him on the hot seat, right? Because no one, everyone dies. Bigger hot seat.
Right, everyone dies. Now he's forced to confront his own mortality.
Right. Like he used to be like, hey, you know, if things don't work out, I can move on.
Wrong. Only way you're getting out of this one, buddy, is going six feet under.
This also, I think, proves that we were right all along by saying Cal's on the hot seat because you don't give a lifetime deal if a guy's not on a hot seat you know what i mean you just let it ride out because you're like it's fine he's got a contract it's good everything's going well to do this drastic deal for life that feels like they're trying to get in front of the hot seat that probably was very very hot yeah no he is he's received has received a lifetime appointment. He's essentially a Supreme Court justice right now.
That'd be awesome if you just coached in the black robe with the little white lace at the top, just teasing you a little bit. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was on his staff.
Yeah, Notorious C.A.L. Yeah, that'd be nice.
I think it's a win-win for Cal in the state of Kentucky because now you don't have to worry about what you're going to do to replace Cal after he leaves because it's not getting any better than Cal. Where's the other win? For Cal.
Oh. You don't have to move again.
Oh, I was going to say the win is that more guys are going to get drafted in the NBA. Yeah.
No, just listen. There's nothing worse in life than moving.
Yeah. I'm listening to offers right now.
If any company wants to give me a lifetime job job i don't care where it is i'm listening to it yeah just because i know i will not have to move i'd agree it's the absolute worst uh so yeah he's got a lifetime deal good news is no contract in college athletics has ever been broken one way or the other it never has happened oh wait you know what i'm so dumb that it just dawned on me that yeah, they signed him to a lifetime contract. That's just from Kentucky's standpoint.
Right. Cal's going to be the UCLA coach in like three years.
He's going to the NBA. Pretty much.
It still chaps his ass that he wasn't able to succeed at that level. He's still going to chase that dragon.
Let's do hot seat, cool thrown. Hank, you want to get us started? Sure.
Hank, I got to say, man, you look like you got a nice pep in your step today. Thank you.
You have such a great attitude. You really turned it around from your terrible performance on Monday.
I appreciate that, Dan. My hot seat is human workers.
Yeah. So there's a few things.
There's a video tweeted out today of an Amazon blimp descending over a city and then a million drones came out

from under the blimp, which I guess

was a test to show that drones are delivering packages.

So that was scary

and that would take out all our postal workers.

And then more importantly,

the US Open tweeted that

they're going to add puppies as ball boys

coming up.

That was April Fool's joke.

Oh, really?

The Plimeral 3rd? You got blimp i was just looking at the news got it yeah so the blimp thing was kind of scary it looked very scary it looked like a fish swimming through the ocean just like shooting out its seed onto like a pile of fish eggs that's how fish have babies um it looked very very eerie to me like seeing this giant thing with drones flying out of it but they'll probably like it's kind of like um when you're sitting in a like a basketball game and they have the little blimp come out and they drop free t-shirts if those are t-shirts in those drones i'm in yeah i mean no one love i mean look free t-shirts if you get a free t-shirt from a t-shirt cannon or from the fucking blimp, that's the coolest thing you can do as a fan. Yeah.
They should just line up artillery at the borders of all our cities and just fill them up with t-shirts. T-shirts, yeah.
And launch t-shirts halfway through the city. That'd be amazing.
I will stop worrying about the drone apocalypse if you just make all the drones carry free t-shirts. They could steal ...
A drone could come come down from this amazon blimp scan my retina steal all my my you know my id and stuff and everything and then hand me like a medium uh mcdonald's t-shirt and i'd be like that's pretty sweet deal also if you were one of the people that was getting your package delivered this way it would look awesome so to everybody in the city you're like oh no this is dystopian this is weird But if one of those is meant for you and it flies directly to you and gives you your package, that's fucking awesome. It gives you your package of toilet paper that you order on Amazon because it's cheaper.
Yeah, you're like, this is what technology is meant to be. This is great.
Yeah, sign me up. All right, what else, Hank? My cool throne is the rest of the NFL because Tom Brady is retiring.
Also an April Fool's joke. I know.
I just got that one. Yeah, I was a little rattled from that puppies one.
Not going to lie. Yeah.
That puppy one's got you a little bit, a little, little hezy. It's tough to be the guy who doesn't get the April Fool's joke a full day after April Fool's.
Well, I'm pretty sure it was on Barstool just as a regular blog. Oh, yeah.
We're never wrong. Yeah.
Nope. Never been.
And if we are, $50 gift card. And then my real cool throne was teasers and trailers.
So Avengers came out with a big teaser trailer, like footage from their new movie. And then Game of Thrones has dropped multiple teasers in the past few days, which you guys can't talk about.
Explain it to Big Cat. Avengers.
It's a bunch of superheroes. Which kinds? Ant-Man.
The super ones. But which...
Aren't there like...

You can't cross Spider-Man.

Yep.

Batman.

Wait, Spider-Man's dead?

So it's not all the superheroes.

Explain it to Big Cat.

There's the DCU and the MCU.

I don't know enough about comics.

I'm sure.

They sound like spring football leagues.

I know which ones are in which ones.

But I don't know much more than that.

Thor. Yep.
He's a superhero know much more than that. Thor.

Yep.

He's a superhero?

He's an Avengers.

Okay.

Green Lantern.

Nope.

Anyone from the Batman universe is not in it.

Remember Justice League, the TV show?

Superman.

No.

Two-Face.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Nope.

Thor the Explorer.

Nope. Blue's Clues.
Oh, it's coming back with a new guy. Oh, yeah, and the Avengers.
Yeah, but Steve is not there anymore. Oh, yeah, he was problematic, right? No, I don't think so.
Was he? I'm just going to go with Steve was problematic. What'd he do? I forget what.
Okay, someone tell me. Someone look it up.
What did Steve do? Shit. That's a lot.
The Flintstones. Which ones were they? Steve from Pop.
I don't think he's problematic, guys. Okay, go ahead.
I'm pretty sure they found a kid in his backyard. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Like buried underground. Yeah, he got replaced during Blue's Clues.
Yeah, it was quick. I thought he was problematic just because he wore the same stupid green shirt every day.
He's like Aunt Viv getting replaced after one season. Oh, he lost his hair.
Wait, there's other stuff though, right? I don't think so. I think he's...
Pretty sure they found a kid somewhere. Yeah.
I'll find it. Okay.
All right, you go ahead, PFT. All right, my hot seat is Tom Izzo.
Because he's really good? No, because Tom Izzo himself is on board the Tom Izzo is overrated bandwagon. Nice.
He said that he needs another title to validate his time there as a head coach. No, every head coach needs two titles to be like all-time great.
Okay, so I'm going to consider that a win for myself. And if he wins this year, then guess what? I'm taking him off my overrated list.
Got it. How about that? Yeah.
My other hot seat is LeBron James, because a study just came out that a weekly bottle of wine is as bad as smoking 10 cigarettes. And we'll actually get to more LeBron in segments.
We will in a little bit. He's got stinky ass.
But that's tough. Also, for LeBron, that's like 70 cigarettes, because he drinks a bottle every night.
Yes. And his kids do, too.
My cool throne is saying things with the new Fyre Fest. Yes.
So Ultra, the music festival happened last week and there was like a minor transportation snafu where like 60,000 people were temporarily stranded. Yeah, that's not great, but they were calling it the next Fyre Fest.
So now everything, everything that sucks. Every minor inconvenience is now the new Firefest.
It's really fun to say.

You go to Chick-fil-A, they don't give you Polynesian sauce.

Chick-fil-A is the new Firefest.

My personal Firefest.

That is my Firefest.

Yes.

My train was delayed today.

That's my personal Firefest.

Yeah, trains are the new Firefest.

Hank's on a vacation again.

Hank's the new Firefest.

Our show gets better usually, so.

Don't be mean to Hank.

We said we were going to be nice to him.

Yeah, that's right. Did you find the Beluscoos the blues clues okay no that was a pouty face from Hank that was my other cool throne I'm sorry Hank is the Washington Bullets because they finally fired Ernie Grunfeld what were you doing hiring a guy named Grunfeld to begin with? Or Ernie.
Or Ernie. Either way, it's a double whammy.
Yes. So, yeah, they finally got rid of him.
They're thinking about firing Scott Brooks. So, actually, you know, being an NBA GM is a sweet, sweet gig.
Well. Like, the Bullets are going to be, they're not going to fire you if they hire you as the Bullets GM for the next, like, four years.
Right. Because it takes time.
To build. You can say, like, we're doing a process thing.
And you're saddled with with John Wall's super max, which like what that wasn't my fault. Yeah, that's actually a dream job right now for an NBA GM.
Just get in there and suck for a while and then just accumulate draft picks and hope you don't get fired like they did up in Philadelphia. I actually that segues perfectly into my hot seat is Gar Foreman and John Paxson because now they are the idiots in the room.
So it's like you never want to be the last to leave a party. They are the dum-dums.
And you could always say, well, it's not Ernie Grunfeld. Well, guess what? Now Ernie Grunfeld's gone, so you are on the hot seat.
That's probably also the Wizards' only trading partner was the Bulls. They would just call each other.
Hey, what do you think about this deal? By the way, I looked it up. Here's the blues clues.
Ready? He said he could not make a lifelong career out of being a children's host. And he said, I knew I wasn't going to be doing children's television all my life, mostly because I refused to lose my hair on a kid's TV show, and it was happening fast.
So that was why he was problematic. Male pattern baldness.
Okay. I was close.

Oh, wait.

Oh, hold on.

Hold on.

The rumor will surround me has always been really strange.

Some of these claims included death from a heroin overdose, being killed in a car accident,

and what was rumored to have happened to Paul McCartney in 1966, him having been replaced

with a lookalike.

This is all a lot for Blue's Clues.

Yeah.

Okay. So I guess he wasn't

problematic? I think we can say he

wasn't problematic. Alright, yet.
Yet.

Yet. I've got my eye on you.
My

cool throne is

Jay Cutler because today

is the 10-year anniversary of the Bears traded for Jay Cutler

and I think we can all look

back and say that was a great success. I think the Bears

won that trade. I remember vividly driving

in my car, the Avalon

RIP, and listening

to Waddle and Sylvie on the radio because they were

I'm sorry. back and say that was a great success.
I think the Bears won that trade. I remember vividly driving in my car, the Avalon RIP, and listening to Waddle and Sylvie on the radio because they were midday, and I was like, the Bears are probably going to win two Super Bowls from Jay Cutler.
That was the Josh McDaniels bloodletting, right? Yes. Yeah, so it was...
He needed his guys. He needed his Tebow.
And Kyle Orton, who... We've got to get Kyle Orton on the show.
I tried to follow him on Instagram the other day. He's got a protected account.
That's so Kyle. And he wouldn't do it.
He wouldn't play ball. I would love to have Kyle Orton on the show.
Ball security. Yeah, so I definitely, all my takes were great when the Bears traded for them.
Yeah, you said that they were going to be great. Two Super Bowls.
Two Super Bowls at least? At least. I mean, the defense was still good and you added a franchise quarterback.
They should have made the Super Bowl that one year. Yeah.
Except Jay Cutler's knee. Yeah.
Yeah. So good job by my brain.
But you know what? This is one of those circumstances where if you're not going to go to a Super Bowl, you might as well have an entertaining quarterback. Like somebody that gives you stuff to talk about.
And he sure did. And he sure did.
He gave you – he's still paying returns on that. He sure did.
In fact, I would submit that part of my take might not exist today if Jay Cutler hadn't been traded to the Bears. Sliding doors.
Yeah. Yeah.
He gave you a lot to talk about. He gave me a life.
Yeah. I owe my life to him.
All right. Isn't it weird, like, the shittiest people that we owe our lives to? Like, I think I probably wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for Rogerger goodell yeah probably not so thank you roger thank you roger thank you who would you not be here today because of god god okay shout out god that is true god oh no actually rob gronkowski because on your original resume didn't you do didn't you uh quote your rob gronkowski hype video i made a rob gronkowski video called gronk the world i want to see that dude hank's resume is maybe the greatest thing i've ever seen in my life and now he's the producer of the number one sports podcast that's why he's the best i mean that honestly we love you hank i love you hank i'm sorry that i was mean to you even if you are fire fest no you're not my fire fest you're my rescue from fire fest you're my dick sucking guy you suck my dick wait no yeah no yeah wait if someone was like hey part of my take's gone would you Andy King us for us? Yes, definitely.
Okay.

So you don't actually have to do it.

You just have to be ready to do it.

You just have to say it on a Netflix documentary that you were going to.

But it's actually a meme.

You would become the new meme.

So it would be a picture of your face everywhere.

Yeah.

But part of my take would still live on.

Right.

Then yes.

Whatever it takes.

All right.

You're the dick sucking guy.

Let's do our interview with Christian Layton.ton we're gonna get right back to the show hear that it's spring fest savings calling your name only at lowe's right now get a free select ego 56 volt battery when you buy a select ego trimmer blower or mower plus get your choice of any two bags of Miracle-Gro organic soil mix for only $16.

Shop these can't-miss deals in-store or online today.

Lowe's. We help.
You save.

Valid through 4-2. Selection varies by location.

While supplies last. Exclude to white.

All right, back to part of my take.

We're going to get right back to the show. Lowe's knows that your deadlines don't change, even when your job does.
But with Lowe's Buy Online, Pick Up in Store, we'll help you adjust on the fly. And when you absolutely can't leave the project, we can deliver to your job site as soon as same day.
Lowe's knows pros. We help you save.

Valid on eligible in-stock orders and select zip codes

placed by 2 p.m.

for same-day delivery by 8 p.m.

Subject to driver availability.

Fees vary based on purchase.

More terms apply.

See lows.com

slash same-day delivery

for details.

All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, here he is,

Christian Laettner.

Okay, we now welcome on

a very special guest. It is the greatest college basketball player of all time, Duke legend, Christian Laettner.
He's here with Land O'Lakes. So Land O'Lakes is doing a really cool competition out in Minneapolis for the Final Four this weekend.
They have bots, robots, doing a shooting contest. And I guess, so are you going to be shooting against the robots? No, the robots will have a horse competition between themselves.
Okay, so that's all from Land O'Lakes. I think we're actually going to be there, so we'll see you there as well.
I heard that Wisconsin, where I went to college, is actually in the Final Four, so that's nice that we're back in the Final Four. It feels good.
Maybe we won't lose this time. The robot competition? Where are you from in Wisconsin? I went to Madison.
Oh, but you're not from there. No, no, no.
Well, that's nice that we're back in the final four feels good maybe we won't the robot where you're from where you're from in wisconsin yeah i went to madison oh but you're not from there no no because i'm up there all the time yeah we gotta bring about we gotta talk about muskies too because those fish are if anyone's ever been to a lake in the midwest it's like those things are they're basically dinosaurs yeah and we'll get to that but uh so thank you for joining us we appreciate it and uh i guess I wanted to start with the current Duke team that just got bounced. Do you still root hard for Duke when they're in the tournament? Or do you get disappointed when they lose, when they get bounced? Of course I do.
We're all in the Duke family. And I have a son now who's 13 years old, and when he does something good on the court, my heart gets warm.
When he loses, I get a little sad, and I feel the same exact way for the kids that play at Duke nowadays. I don't know if that's weird, but I love the program so much, and I'm so old now, I'm 50, that these kids literally could be my offspring because I have two daughters.
One's 22, one's 20. So that's right in the age group.
So I'm very involved, and I get depressed when they lose, and I'm very happy when they win, and I'm sad that they're not going to be at the Final Four. I'm sad that the Duke planet, Duke Nation, is not going to be in Minneapolis with me.
Do you get the feeling at the start of every season? Can you tell whether or not this this is a Duke team that's got where it takes you all the way, or if this might be like a year that, you know, we'll be good if we make the Sweet 16 or Elite 8? I think every year I'm expecting them to be good, like the whole world is, I think. I think that's one of the hard things about going to Duke and playing for Duke, and it's also one of the fun things about playing for Duke is that there's high expectations on you.
So coach K is still there and they're still getting great players. So I think every year at the beginning, November of every year, I think they're going to do great.
I think they're going to do well in the tournament. I hope they make the final four every year.
I want them to win every year, but you can't. Sometimes you run across a michigan state team that's as physical and have maybe a little more junior and senior leadership than we had and and that makes a huge difference in the tournament if you have some upperclassmen that give you some experience yeah that that seems to be kind of the mo with duke now because they've you know coach k has done so well with the one and done era and getting some of the top recruits but you see a team like michigan state who they don't have any lottery picks on that team but they play as a team so do you think that uh like have you talked to coach k or anyone in college basketball about that like i haven't i haven't i have i haven't said to coach k hey you better start getting some jun four-year guys.
Some JUCO transfers. No, I haven't said that, but I'll tell you what.
I loved when Anthony Goldwire was on the court for them this year because he's a senior, he has some experience, and I think their best team was when he was out there. He's great defensively.
he kept good space on the offensive end and kind of gave rj and zion their room on the offensive end so i loved when goldwire was on the court but part of the reason i loved when he was out there because he's like the only upperclassman with lots of experience and i mean i was i was 50 times better when I was a senior compared to when I was a freshman so coach K is doing a good job in this era with the one and dones and everything's freshman freshman he's doing a good job but it's a hard game because as soon as you get in the tournament and you run across some of these veteran laden teams it's hard to beat those guys yeah yeah I know it's not Mountmore season. We typically save Mount Rushmore for the summertime.
But if you were making your Mount Rushmore Duke players, who's on there? Johnny Dawkins is on there because Johnny Dawkins. He started it all, right? He was, you know, the biggest face for Duke basketball between 84 and 86, and that's when I was 15 years old, and that's when I fell in love with Duke basketball.
So I think Johnny Dawkins has got to be on there. I would say Grant Hill would be on there, and then you can put anyone you want after those two.
So yourself and Wojo. Maybe, maybe, but there's a lot of players out there, and I don't get caught up in the who's the best and is Zion the best and is Leitner the best and is Grant Hill the best, but I do love telling people that the whole reason I went to Duke was because of Johnny Dawkins and Tommy Amaker and Mark Gallery and Jay Billis and all those guys that made me love the Duke basketball program, and that's why I went there.
That sounds like the confidence of someone who knows they were the best. So you were the best, Duke player.
It's crazy looking at the stats. The fact that you played in 23 out of 24 potential tournament games is insane.
Some guys are lucky to get to a Sweet 16, Elite 8, and you played in four straight Final Fours. When you talk about getting tougher and being better your senior year, what was that? Was that Coach K or was that your teammates toughening you up? What progressed in those four years? It's a combination of both of those things.
It's definitely getting tougher. It's being more of a man, being more physically mature, but it's also knowing the system better.
Like when I walked into Duke,

Coach K said you're not going to play

unless you do what we want on the defensive end first.

Slap the floor.

Slap the floor, play good defense.

Then once you are caught up to speed on the defensive end with us,

then we'll let you maybe play a little bit

and play on the offensive end.

So it takes a year or two just to learn the system so you're not making any little mistakes um and when when it's all freshmen out there they're still making little mistakes defensively he saw it at the end of the game against michigan state that end up costing you the game so um he does a good job with it and sure there's other coaches doing a good job with it like Calipari he has a lot of kids that are doing one and done and it's hard doing that and it's watered down the game a little bit yeah and then everyone leaving early for the NBA I think waters down the NBA a little bit but it's hard to stop kids from pursuing their dream if they have been dreaming of being an NBA player it's hard to tell them no, you can't go. You always played with kind of a chip on your shoulder.
I thought you were a great competitor. My dad called you a jerk, by the way.
So if you have anything you'd like to say to him, in 1991 he said Christian Leighton is a jerk. And then he wet that shot in his face.
Where does he live? Northern Virginia. Yeah, so maybe he was just pissed off that you went to ACC country.
Big rivalry. But so you always play with kind of a chip on your shoulder.
You know, there's that 30 for 30, I hate Christian Leighton. There are a lot of people that didn't like the way you played, but you were a competitor.
But that edge had to come from somewhere. Where did you start being like this super hyper competitive dude? Did you have a chip on your shoulder from somewhere?

Did somebody slight you? I had an older brother who was four years older. So he was always beating me up and beating me in games.
And when he beat me at a game, he'd rub my nose in it. And the game could be something like shooting our paper ball into that basket.
And when he was 12 and I was 8, if if he made more than me then he'd run over and grab my face and rub my nose in it and um like a dog like literally like a dog and i i've heard a lot of stories like this over the years from athletes who would say you know i had a brother who was three years older and beating me at everything and dragging me to every game to make me play against older players that were better and it's a combination of all those things i had a father who was a coach very good basketball coach coach's son coach's son that that's part of it i had an older brother who was better than me at everything so that gets you competitive and then he would rub my nose and everything when he

beat me and then I also had a mother who was very competitive and we would play Monopoly at the table and she would you know throw things at me if I beat her so it's just part of our makeup but it mostly comes from I think my older brother trying to beat me at everything and trying to get me to catch up to his level

so he didn't beat me

at everything. When we played

Street High trying to beat me at everything and trying to get me to catch up to his level. So he didn't beat me at everything.
When we played street hockey in Buffalo, New York, he didn't want to win the game 10-0. He wanted it to be a little closer.
So he'd hit me in the face and say, get better. And that's where the competitiveness comes from.
Okay. What about the first time you ever beat him? Well, his favorite story to tell is that when he was 18 he went off to college and i was 14 and he came back like two months later for fall break and he went to wrestle me and stuff me between the bed and the wall you know like you do when you're brothers and and he couldn't do that anymore so that that was when all the wrestling and all the fighting started the torch has has been passed.
Yeah, then he stopped. The torch has been passed.
He left you alone after that. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. So PFD mentioned, obviously, the documentary, I Hate Christian Langer.
By the way, did that title bother you? The title bothered me until I called my mother. And then I called my ma and I said, can you believe this? And she said, don't be stupid.
Use your brain. And I'm like, well, what like well what do you mean and she says well they don't want only the duke lovers and the leitner lovers to watch this show they want everyone across the board to watch it carolina fans kentucky fans uconn fans so what other way to draw those people in than to say you know than to name it i hate christian Leitner because now it's universal.
Everyone's going to want to watch it and see what's up and what's going on. And I totally agree because it's such a provocative title that it just drew everybody in.
It's also interesting that they can put something out like that 25 years later, I Hate Christian Laettner, and everyone's like, ooh. You saw people be like, yeah, I really did hate Christian Laettner, which it might be different for you because you lived through it and you had people truly hate you.
But I'd have to think that having that over people, even to this day, where you can still make people mad is kind of a cool feeling. Like you know that you beat everyone so bad.
Yes, but we don't want to let everyone know that.

Okay.

All right.

So let them know.

Did it ever, though, get to a point where – because we actually had J.J. Redick on the podcast.

He's a friend of ours.

And we talked about how his years at Duke – and sometimes it actually got to him a little bit.

And it made him a different person that he wanted to be because the hate and the constant fans going after him and his family. Was there ever a point there where you're like this is kind of getting to me a little bit you know we want to keep that quiet okay but the funny thing is that i don't understand why people don't realize that i still have that power over them if they choose to hate me like just let it go yeah how can you ever let anyone have that power over you even for a second or if you think about duke basketball i mean oh i hate duke basketball like i wouldn't i i there's no one in the world that i hate right now because i would never let anyone have that power over me even for a second in my life so you're smarter than everyone No, not not no no no just more simple more simple yeah i i want a slow paced life and i want a simple life and to think about everyone else and what they're doing and their hate and how good they are or how bad they are that's just it's letting other people occupy your mind and i don't have time for that so what was the second part of your question did it ever bother me yeah did it ever get to you like while you were at duke where it did i can't why does everyone hate me so much i'm just being myself i'm just competing two things um the first is that It did get to me once at LSU when the whole crowd was yelling homosexual or something like, and that was in the 30 for 30 J.
You could see when I'm at the foul line at that one scene where like I'm kind of flinching around because I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to shoot my shot or to give them the finger or to just laugh because, you know, the there too so you got to be careful so a little rattled there um and then the other thing is that i can only hope to be loved by my fans by people who like duke i don't expect the carolina fans to appreciate me or to love me because i'm trying to beat them every game.
So I don't understand the dichotomy of that, of how can you worry about the opposing team's fans? Because I think they should hate me because I'm there to try to beat their team. And I've never seen a basketball player be universally loved.
I mean, LeBron gets booed places he goes, and Dr. J still used to get booed in Boston at some times, and he was my favorite player of all time practically.
Zion comes pretty close. Zion was close.
But I think part of the reason why some rival fans were able to cheer for Zion is because they're like, thank God he's not going to be here next year. True.
With you, it's like he'll probably be here seven years from now. And you had the four Final Fours in a row where people got tired of seeing me.
When you're on the national stage, everyone's like, damn, is this guy still in college? How is he still in college? And from March 1st until April 10th, it was like for four years in a row. So, yeah, that can happen um it's just part of the game yeah why did you um besides you know you you watched Johnny Dawkins what was there about Duke that made you want to go there you're from western New York so I'm sure that Syracuse was in play for you at the time right why'd you decide Duke instead of Syracuse well I thought the ACC was the best form of basketball best style of basketball for game.
If you remember in 82, 83, that was when Ralph Sampson was dominating at Virginia, and they went to like three Final Fours in three and four years or something like that. So when I started watching college basketball on TV, it was Ralph Sampson and the ACC.
Then it was like the Big East and Georgetown years. You know what I mean? And then I started to see North Carolina and the way they played, and I love North Carolina too.
Then I started to hear about Duke and how they played motion offense and they let their big guys be outside a little bit. At Georgetown and Syracuse, it's like the centers had to be in the lane the whole time.
So I thought the ACC style of play fit my game the best. And then Duke, the thing about Duke was they had never won.
Coach K was the hottest coach in the nation right around then. He was just blowing up in 86, 87.
So I wanted to be a part of something that had never been done before. They had already won a championship at Carolina, and I only made three visits.
It was all ACC schools, Carolina, Duke, and Virginia. If I didn't go to Duke, I would have went to Carolina, but I went to Duke because I loved their nickname and the colors and the blue and white and the Adidas and the Adidas top tens they were wearing, and I just loved everything about it and then the the clinching factor is coach k yeah do you think you think you get hated the same amount if you were at north carolina or virginia it's like a chicken and the egg if we were at north carolina and we went to four straight final fours and three national championship games and two titles maybe yes it is chicken and the egg because if you go somewhere else, Duke probably doesn't win those two titles, and now the hatred for Duke isn't the same level.
You kind of started it all. You're patient zero.
Maybe. Maybe.
Yeah, if you go to Maryland, everybody hates Maryland to this day. Well, you guys are – We would hate Juan Dixon.
We would hate Steve Blake. You're being a little nice now.
Because I don't know if I go to Maryland, if we win more at Maryland just because of me. It's not an individual sport.
It's a team sport. You need very good players around you like Bobby Hurley and Grant Hill and Thomas Hill.
My buddy Thomas Hill who's up here in New York City. Yeah.
Did you ever get angry when a new Duke player comes along like a J.J. Reddick or Grayson Allen and everyone's like, this guy's the most hated Duke guy.
You're like, wait, hold on. I'm still here.
No, I love that. If some of the hatred gets taken, even though I don't hinge my happiness on it, if it happens naturally where some of the hate gets taken away from me, I don't mind.
Yeah. Now you're kind of, it's actually probably nice to be like in a fraternity of hate instead of just the soul hated guy you're the founder like yeah you're just like a group of they rattle off a bunch of names now you're right it's much better to be included in a group of three or four and and i didn't mind when grayson was hated a little bit i didn't like him to see him make a little mistakes and you know a a tripping there.
I didn't like to see that, but it doesn't hurt to be grouped in a bigger group than just one. So you know that Duke gets all the calls, right? But I have a theory behind why the refs always cheat in favor of Duke for you guys.
It's because you're so diligent about doing that little teamwork huddle after every single break in the action. And I'm convinced you guys don't even say anything to each other in that little what could you say after every like foul shot after every little whistle but the refs see that and they're like these guys are disciplined they would never commit an intentional foul i totally agree with you and the funniest thing that i saw on facebook after the ucf game yep i don't know if you guys saw it but these guys acted like they were the producers for CBS, and they were like, okay, we can't let Duke win.
We can't let Duke lose. As soon as this guy takes the shot for UCF, I'm going to push the button, and the rim's going to move.
That actually happened. That did happen.
But then we got to do it twice because the rebound came over. Well, how do you explain in 2015 in the national title game when Wisconsin had like two fouls in the first half and then 13 in the second half.
Other than, you know, want Duke to win. You know, sometimes the powers that be want the product that is the best product.
Oh, okay. I'm scared.
I think my dad was right. Yeah.
But seriously, what do you guys say in those little group huddle meetings? We say, come on, and let's do better, and maybe— Coach K won't let us wear our jerseys to practice. Maybe Bobby Hurley and I would say different things than they say to each other now.
But they encourage each other. They say what they're going to do on defense.
They say what play they're going to run on offense. So there is a purpose to it.
Yeah. All right.
So Duke, obviously, like I said, I introduced you as one of the best college basketball players of all time. Four straight final fours.
Which I think is crazy. Really? The best college players of all time are Pete Maravich and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Lou Alcindor, the first. And then maybe Pete Maravich.
But you're in the conversation. Most prolific.
No, I'm in the kind of, I don't know what the word is, decorated or prolific, maybe successful in terms of just getting to the final fours in championship, but not even close to the best because I only averaged 22 points maybe at my best. Oh yeah, only 22.
But there's been way better players. When I go to bed at night, I might say to myself, okay, success.
We had some success because we went to four straight Final Fours and three championship games, blah, blah, blah. But I don't ever think about best in college history, and I don't need to hang my hat on it because it's not true.

Okay, so here is something that you did.

You were the only college player who was on the Dream Team, which is the greatest collection of basketball players of all time. Do you ever sit back and think, like, holy shit, that was wild? I do.
That's exactly what I say. I say, oh, my God, I can't believe I was a part of that.
And it was like I was a kid on a roller coaster just hanging by the seat of my pants, having the greatest time, laughing, giggling, playing against all these guys that I looked up to. Right.
All these guys that I tried to make my game like theirs. You know, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson were the first guys I ever saw, 6'9", 6'10", bringing the ball up, having guard skills.
So to be on a team with them was just awesome. What team were you on for the greatest practice ever? Now, this is the 92 Dream Team, and they had, it's like the most famous practice of all time, basically the best collection of players, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Charles Barkley, all these guys.
Which side were you on for that?

I can't recall.

I'd have to watch the film, but I think I was on Jordan's team,

and we might have lost.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

I would have to watch it.

I would have to watch it again.

Were the guys nice to you?

I mean, you were obviously so much younger than a lot of them and hadn't accomplished anything in the NBA yet.

You know, they were totally awesome after the first practice.

Once they realized that I wasn't too much of a prima donna

and we'll see you next time. and hadn't accomplished anything in the NBA yet.
You know, they were totally awesome after the first practice. Once they realized that I wasn't too much of a prima donna, and once they realized that I could take an elbow from Patrick Ewing and not cry about it, they were awesome to me.
They just wanted pro athletes for rookies to act like rookies. Get their cigars, carry their laundry, get them orange juice if they want orange juice.
And I was very willing to do that. So once they saw that I was willing to act and behave like a rookie, they accepted me and they were all awesome to me.
Yeah. What were those games like? Were players keyed up to play in them? Were they focused or were they just like, hey, we're going to dominate this country because they've never played basketball? They were super keyed up.
They knew they were going to dominate.

But the world in 1992 was starting to say, oh, we got good players in Europe and we got good players in Germany and all this other stuff in Spain. And the guys on the team really wanted to show the rest of the world that we were still by far the best.
and I heard them say things like we want to win by 40 50 points in the locker room um because they started to get mad that the rest of the world thought they were catching up with us most impressive stat i think you guys didn't use a single timeout that entire tournament and it was the greatest thing ever yeah it was it was domination yeah did you play one-on-one against uh any of the guys that's the greatest thing you know besides representing your country and winning a gold medal in the olympics the greatest thing for me was that i got to play one-on-one with all those guys every single one did you beat anyone excuse me i don't think i played with magic because he was always doing media stuff right see we would play one-on-one once practice was over and the media would come in and magic and michael would have to go there and then me and chris mullen who no one wanted to talk to chris mullen didn't want to talk to no one wanted to talk to me chris mullen didn't want to talk to him to the media so we would go play but i don't think i played against magic because he was always doing media requests. I don't think I played it.
Oh, I did play against Larry. And I think I only got one turn against Michael.
Did you win any of them? No, of course not. It's so fucking awesome.
I know. Your dad would have enjoyed it.
Yeah, he would have. That would have been a sweet release for him.
Hell yes. Were you out with Charles Barkley when he threw that guy through the window?

He did that during the Dream Team?

I thought so. I don't think so.
He got into a fight in Barcelona. Yeah.
I wasn't out with him there, but we did go out in Portland. We had the Tournament of the Americas in Portland, and he and I went out a few times for dinner and Chris Mullen, and it was just awesome times.
But I can't believe how I'm still shocked to this day on how good they treated me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know why. Even Jordan, you know, he was a Carolina guy, but he was awesome to me too.
They were all awesome. And then you actually – you had a very successful career in the pros.
How long did you play for, like 13 years, 14 years? 13 years. 13 years.
You averaged, what, like 12 points a game, something like that. What was the big transition? Was there a point where you get to the NBA and you're like, hey, this is a business now.
It's no longer, you know, like all the fun I was having back at Duke. I have to change the way I do a certain thing.
Well, that's part of the not fun about the NBA is that it does turn into a business a little bit. You wish it could just be basketball, but even in college, it's not just basketball.
It's school and some other parts of life and basketball. You always wish it could just be basketball, but it's not.
And in the NBA, there's a lot of other factors going on. But I loved every second of it.
Even when I was on losing teams, you love every second of it. I mean, it's the best life in the world.
You're playing at the highest level. You're getting paid some money.
Everything's five-star, five-star travel, five-star hotels. So it's just the greatest life, and I'd give anything to be 25 and be able to go play again.
So I was listening to an interview that you did not too long ago. And you basically said that you said like the NBA was the best and it was so much fun.
Now, though, today's day, it feels like a lot of guys aren't having fun day to day. And like there's a lot of guys that are unhappy with their situation.
It's been kind of a story about this NBA season, Anthony Davis, Kawhi in San Antonio, all that stuff. What do you think starts that? Is it social media? Is it that everyone's a hyper celebrity now? Why aren't guys seem to be having more fun in the NBA? Well, when you start saying, I want to go to this team and that team, then people think you're unhappy.
So then the whole dialogue of they're not as happy as they used to be starts going in an infinite circle. And that's why I never said, I don't like this team.
I want to be on another team or I demand to be traded. I never did that.
I don't think people should do that because a whole new whirlwind starts right anthony davis might just want to be on the lakers because he might want to win a championship or have a better chance to win a championship but once you say it and you say you want to leave your your team bad things can happen and bad things happen to me and i never even said i wanted to leave my team. And I think it's the greatest honor in the world to be on one team for your whole career because that means they want you, you're good enough, and they never want to give you up.
So I wanted to stay on the Timberwolves forever. Is that where you had the most fun playing? That's where I started.
I had a lot of fun there, but I had the most fun you can possibly imagine every step along the way, every day, playing in the NBA.

It doesn't matter where I was, Washington, Minnesota, Atlanta.

Every day is the best.

Yeah.

That's a good attitude to have.

Yeah.

All right.

I had two last questions.

What's the biggest muskie you've caught? A 54-and- incher out of Lake Bemidji in Minnesota. If people listening don't know what a muskie is, go just Google it.
They're prehistoric fishes. They will eat a dog.
They will eat a small dog if your little poodle jumps into the lake. They're enormous.
They're the biggest, baddest fish in the freshwater, and they're a lot of fun they're ugly as hell they just slowly go around they'll be swimming around and they're they're crazy muskies are crazy what do they what do they taste like you don't eat them we will kill you if you eat a muskie really you must put it back and let someone else catch it let it keep getting bigger and bigger that's it so they're just a bunch of fish that have been caught before. They're like dinosaurs.
Yeah. And they don't remember that they got caught.
Yeah. Well, they're not smart.
And once you hook up to a big one, like a 50-incher, it's like having your fishing line caught up on a bull. It's just bucking all over the place and jumping out of the water and going out under the boat, and it's just a lot of fun.
If you enjoy fishing, they're the funnest fish to catch. Hell, yeah.
And then my other last question was uh what is your favorite wing place in buffalo oh my god there's too many there's too many but my favorite wings were my mother just passed away well two years ago but she would make the best chicken wings she'd fry them like everyone else would and then she'd put her sauce on them but then she'd put them in the oven and dry them up a little bit.

They were just awesome.

But in Buffalo, New York, you can't go wrong really any place.

Yeah.

Okay.

Gabriel's Gate and Bar Bill.

Those are our two favorite places up there.

For sure.

My last question, your middle name's Don.

Donald, yes.

That's a cool – like Don Leitner would have been a better name.

Yeah, if you had just gone with Don, I think people would be like,

this guy kicks ass. Donnie Laettner?

My dad would have been like, I love Donnie.

Donnie's on TV. Look at Donnie Laettner slapping the floor.

He's cool.

Don's better.

If you're ever in need of a rebrand.

It's not too late for me to change my name legally.

Don Laettner also sounds just like a good salesperson name.

Yeah, that is.

Hey, I'm Don Laettner.

Can I show you this used car? Don Laettner, how the hell are you? This Western New York Don Leitner. Yeah.
Oh, actually, also, Coach K, how much does he dye his hair? I don't know, but he's got a little bit. We are Duke haters, admitted Duke haters, but I actually think when we were talking about earlier how you can't let the hate like people you can't let the that other people have the power over you i think part of the hate is what makes sports fun like i despise duke and i have fun with it and it's a little ingest and it's a little it's a little tongue tongue in cheek and i realize all that and i don't mind it and a lot of time people walk up to me in the airport and they say i freaking you, but they pat me on the back.
It's just kind of like that. Right.
And there's also like you have iconic moments that they remember that are part of their life and part of their sports watching life. So I think there is that where it's like, I hate Christian Laettner.
But he also has – I have memories of him that are cool memories. It's in jest and a little tongue-in-cheek.
I'm sure Kentucky fans actually hate you. And UConn.
When they say they hate you, they really hate you. Yes, but I go to Kentucky to musky fish all the time.
I have two last questions. First is, how much did Coach K pay you? Not a dime.
Not a dime. So more than a dime.
Someone else. A lot more than a dime.
A lot more than a dime. Okay.
My second question is actually kind of serious because you are one of the best or most clutch athletes, I think, in the last 30, 40 years. It's like you, Vinatieri, Jordan.
There are some other names up there. Tom Brady, I guess.
Jay Cutler. If you're going to make me.
Jay Cutler. Danny Woodhead.
All these names come to mind. But for you, was it something where the game slowed down in these situations where it was at the end of the UNLV game, at the end of the Kentucky game? Or did you get more calm? What was being in that moment like for you, and why do you think you were so successful? I don't know if things slowed down, but it just feels like you've been here before and we've done this.
And especially with me. Now, when I was a sophomore and I hit the shot against UConn, that was a little bit of a frenzy and like a quick hitter.
When we came out of the timeout, I was supposed to throw the ball to Phil Henderson. And then right at the last second, Coach K changed the play.
So that was kind of like a new thing, a really quick hitter thing. But we still handled it well because Coach K trains us in those situations.
At the end of practice every day, he'll say, okay, the starters are down two points with eight seconds left. Let's see who wins.
So he trains you at that. And then so things do not slow down, but you feel like you've been in this situation before and then what was the second part of your question is your mindset more my mindset i want to stick it to these guys no my mindset came from a purer place than that my mindset is i don't want to lose for the duke family i don't want to let down the Duke program or the Duke family.
So I think that's like the purest thought you could have. Because if you say to yourself, I want to hit a last-second shot.
I want to hit a last-second shot. That's a little selfish in my opinion.
So in my mind, in my soul, in my heart, before the kentucky shot i'm thinking i don't want to let the duke people down so i think that comes from a purer place i think it frees you up a little bit clutch gene maybe no you got the clutch gene that's what we're really getting at there's no such thing real no not real at all are you are you a bud Buddhist? No, I'm not Buddhist, but I've been told that a few times before in the past, over the last 20 years, where some of the things you say or think is a little Buddhist. I think it's your way, you talk in a very soothing manner.
But it just frees you up. If you think I want to do this, I want to do this, it just makes it a little too selfish.
If you say, gee, I don't want to lose for the Duke team or I don't want to see Coach K disappointed in me, then it just comes from a pure place. Okay.
So the clutch gene exists. It's okay to say.
Every time, like, I don't want Coach K to be disappointed in me. What Christian just did for all the listeners, he knows he has the clutch gene, but if he says he has the clutch gene, then someone like Elon Musk is going to harvest his organs to try to find the clutch gene.
He's going to synthesize it. So it's smart of you to just deny that the clutch gene exists.
Yes, I don't want to be put in a laboratory. He'll get you in there.
All right, Christian, thank you so much. Land O'Lakes, appreciate it.
We'll see you on Sunday. Awesome.
We're going to be there. We're going to watch the bots shoot uh play some horse and you guys will be there yeah we'll be there is awesome dynamics competing in this do they have one of their robot dogs that's shooting bad balls yet i hope not i actually might see you friday too i think you're coming bring your recording device we'll do a little show okay perfect thanks christian thanks fellas thanks don the barstool golf time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.
Stop searching all over Google for your next tee time. Start searching multiple courses in your area from one app.
It's annoying to have to create accounts for each individual course to book online. Just make one account with us at barstool golf time and book all of your tee times.
Plus the new reservation sharing option allows you to take control and book tee times for your entire group. Earn golf time rewards every time you book or leave course reviews.
And then you can redeem those rewards for free Barstool Golf Merch in our store. Download the Barstool Golf Time app now.
Start earning those rewards and booking those tee times. Barstool Golf Time app now.
The interview is also brought to you by MeUndies. There are two types of dudes in the world.
Those that go through the gate and those that go over the fence. Well, after years of research and countless experiments with seasoned underwear scientists, MeUndies now has an option for both with their new boxer briefs with a fly.
It took a while, but now men from both sides of the aisle can enjoy the world's softest undies. They're so soft, they make Bob Ross' voice sound like Gilbert Gottfried.
They use the coveted micromodal fabric. It's a full three times softer than cotton.
Not only will you feel like your loins are being hugged by joy itself, but MeUndies gives you multiple style options for both men and women. Men can try the new boxer brief with the fly.
It's the same great cut as boxer briefs, just with a hole now for going number one. MeUndies is also the go-to for the softest loungewear on the planet.
Hang out in their super comfy lounge pants and onesies. Yes, they make onesies, and they're incredible.
MeUndies has a great offer for my listeners. For any first-time purchasers, when you order any MeUndies, you get 15% off and free shipping.
Get 15% off a pair of the most comfortable undies you will ever put on. To get your 15% off, free shipping, and 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to MeUndies.com.
That's MeUndies.com. Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have a shoe roast for the NFL's new draft hats. The NFL came out with their draft hats today, and I don't really understand what they're doing.
Well, it's the NFL doing the NFL. This is what Roger Goodell is really, really good at, and that's just finding a one-off occasion and then selling a bunch of shit on top of it.

So they designed all 32 teams brand-new hats. They tried to incorporate some of the state flags into them.
So this is basically the NBA city jerseys, right? Yeah, most of them just ended up looking like a dog crapped out of Jackson Pollock painting and said, here's your new hat. It's going to be $39.99.
A couple good ones, but the Chiefs one I don't understand. That one makes no sense.
The Steelers one looks like

Like you're driving

Old yellow A couple good ones, but the Chiefs one I don't understand. That one makes no sense.
The Steelers one looks like you're driving an old yellow cab. Yeah, it looks like you're in a ska band.
Yeah. And the Chargers one looks awesome.
I like the Chargers one. Yes.
It's very suddew. The Bears is just the Bears.
They literally are just the Bears. The Raiders one looks like a Blue Lives Matter flag a little bit.
It's got the American flag and then the Raiders shield on it. Either way, good job, NFL, because you got us talking about your hats.
We are talking. Literally, we fell right into the trap.
Basically, they put a big piece of cheese out in the middle of the floor, and we're like, ooh, that cheese looks good. Snap.
You're talking about the NFL in the middle of April. This is the nail in the coffin for the AAF.
This is what did it.

It's a flex.

Yeah, no, well, it came out before the AAF folded,

and they were like, you know what?

We can't compete with draft night hats.

Right.

We don't even have hats for game day.

You can't even pay your players,

and people are going fucking crazy,

for a draft hat that looks like shit.

Yeah.

And people buy it.

They're going to buy them.

Oh, yeah.

The Giants one looks like it's got a barbed wire tattoo around the entire hat, which is very appropriate for the fan base. Jaguars looks okay.
Dolphins looks okay. The Saints one just looks like they just got lazy.
That's a major Louisiana who cares hat right there. There's still more.
It's just three fleur-de-lis on there instead of one. Yes.
All right. Next up, we have a LeBron.
What do we even call this? Just LeBron stinks, literally? Yeah. LeBron stinks, literally.
New segment alert, Hank. LeBron stinks, literally.
Channing Frye did an interview on a podcast, and he said about LeBron, there's three things that he tells everyone. Number one, he has smelly breath.
Smelly breath. That was number one.
So it's got to be really smelly. Number two, he was a freak of nature.
And then number three, Kyle Korver and I fixed his jumper for one year. So LeBron James has stinky breath, which shouldn't surprise anyone.
Yeah. I am not shocked at all.
Not just because of the wine, but because LeBron definitely is surrounded by yes men. And he probably just does his halitosis breath in everyone's face.
You think Maverick Carter's going to be like, hey, Bron, how about a fucking piece of trident? Yeah. Hey, Rich Paul, does my breath smell? No, King.
Hey, King, how about an Altoid? No one's saying that. As a matter of fact, the King's breath is actually the best breath, right? Yes.
If you were to go back to old times, the king's foot, that was a unit of measurement of the ideal foot. Yes.
So, yeah. LeBron, your breath smells perfect, king.
Yeah. And you know what? This obviously shouldn't matter for someone of LeBron's stature, but definitely if someone tells you you have bad breath, it's very unsettling.
Because you wonder, first of all, how long have I had bad breath? Has my mouth just smelled like a poopy diaper for a really long time? I don't know. I've been talking to people all the time.
And you start questioning everything. So LeBron, LeBron's definitely sitting at home right now doing the, oh yeah.
That thing. Bad breath is the great equalizer.
Everybody can have bad breath. And when you do, I don't care if you're the biggest star on the planet or you're a guy that's selling hot dogs at the game.
You're like, fuck. Yeah, if you go, oof, your breath, you could have a billion dollars, look great, be the king of the world, you're going to feel very self-conscious in that moment.
How much wine do you think he's going to drink to get rid of that bad breath? A lot. A lot, a lot.
He's probably going to come out with a mouthwash slash wine combo. Yeah, Listerquil.
Oh, hey. That's what he needs.
Listerquil. Actually, knock him out for the entire playoffs.
Perfect. He'll go zero dark 30.
Perfect segue. We have a new drunk idea from both Liam and Hank.
Very excited for this. Listerquil was the last one, which was, the fact it's not made yet is crazy.
You can make your own. All you just need is a bottle of each.
I wouldn't recommend it. And then a third bottle to mix it in.
Be careful. Yeah.
Yeah. But Bubba, why don't you start with your drunk idea? This is the producer's drunk idea.
I'm very excited for this. Okay.
So when everybody's looking for a new restaurant they go to yelp but the majority of people especially like around my age yeah only care about how it looks on instagram so we need an app where you just rate it based on like how instagram worthy it is instagram so we've got that matcha shop on the corner and i'm convinced that all matcha shops were just designed for Instagram. They're like pink and green and very friendly to taking pictures of your, it's actually like a baby poop colored drink, but for whatever reason you throw the right filter on there, it pops on IG.
Liam, may I add to the idea? Yes. Okay.
I love it, but here's what we do. You go to a restaurant and whatever you order the waiter then they send the restaurant sends you a text message with an awesome picture of what you ordered so it's like a professional photo of what you ordered so you can put it on instagram well because even like the food could be good but if it doesn't if it's not like presented well then people don't care right so it doesn't roasted so you know if you come to my restaurant, you know you're going to get a very grammable picture.
And we do different pictures, different angles, so it's not all the same. So we have like 100 different pictures of the tomato soup.
Why not also just have your servers trained in photography? That works too. So they come out and they take the picture for you at your table.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So you've got the whole setup setup there and it's like a photo shoot at every single table.
Also, I feel like there's a lot of shaming going on recently of people taking pictures of the food before the eaters. Oh yeah, because it's utterly ridiculous and stupid.
Yeah, so in this case, Yeah, I'll shame that. this is an unshamable restaurant.
This is for the people that are sick of being shamed. Yes.
But you're still going to shame you. Unshameable.
Yeah. Unshameless.
Shameless. Yeah.
Boom. Done.
And William H. Macy's there.
Yeah. Feeding his son's college resume into a wood chipper.
Mm-hmm. Hank.
I like that idea. That's a six and a half out of ten.
I give it three balls. Ooh.
All right. I'm going to keep it short, see if you guys click, and then I'll explain more.
Okay. A podcast about commercials.
Okay, you have my attention. I like that.
So, I mean, you guys know we watch a lot of TV on the weekends. Part of me hates commercials, but part of me, like, you know, when it's a March Madness game, you know you're going to stick through the commercials and watch them all.
Some of them I like. Some of them you go to hate.
Some of them, they grow on you, and some of them you get sick of. So this podcast would just be talk, you know, talk about your favorite ads.
We could get some of the writers. Like I'd be interested in hearing from like the Geico commercial writers, like maybe the progressive writers see how much they hate that girl.
Like I think there's a whole. This was born for Darren Revell.
I was going to say. This is right in his wheelhouse.
This is perfect. So you need him, but then you need someone that's like a more likable version of him to actually do the show.
Jenna Jameson. Jenna Jameson and Darren Ravelle teaming up at last.
And they fuck at the end of everyone. And we get to watch Darren.
We get to hear Darren fuck. Who's the person that you'd least like to see a sex tape from? Forced to watch.
I think we should breed a new Darren Ravelle and just get him out of here. Our own Darren Ravel.
I don't think you can beat this Darren Ravel. He doesn't sleep.
He's old. He's only 40.
He's a man. We could get someone younger.
Younger and hungrier. I don't know.
There's no one who's hungrier than him. He fucking eats like one bite of everything.
Everybody knows the rules. That's a good idea.
We'll put that in the idea for the

podcast. Hank, I like that idea.
Why don't we

just do a commercial of the week on this

show? We can.

That's kind of where it started. I was like, oh, we should talk about commercials.

Then I was like, wait, that sounds like the most boring

segment ever. But, you know, it's more of a

niche podcast, niche audience. But I think

if we reviewed a commercial a week, it would kind of

be funny if it was a ridiculous commercial.

Yeah, I mean, that's where it depends. That's NCAA commercials, for example.
Great commercial. Orange Vanilla Coke, you hated it, but now it's like it kind of gets stuck in my head.
I like them. I bought Orange Vanilla Coke.
The Sonic commercials, I originally hated them, but now they're on so consistently that you just kind of like them. Progressive commercials are the worst.
Wait, you like the Sonic guys, but you don't like Flow? Hey, Flo. Flo has 20 times the range of the Sonic guys.
Oh, what about that guy? That other guy sucks. The fucking orange head guy who's trying to be the new Flo? Oh, yeah.
The guy that sings? Fuck him. Yes.
Yes, see, we need to, like, get our anger out on him. And then the Geico commercials are funny.
Like, those are, like, well-written. Yeah, the old ones that they're bringing back are great.
Yep. Hmm.
Okay, commercial a week. And everyone watches TV, so the market is already there.
Or, how about this? How about we write our own commercial for a product that has a shitty commercial on television right now? Well, that would be part of the commercial of the week segment. We fix it.
We tweak it. Yeah, we fix it.
Yeah. But now, here's the last question about this.
Would this be not relatable to all the cord cutters listening? No. I mean, how do you watch March Madness? There's commercials even on illegal Reddit streams.
Yeah. So we could have little pop-up ads for horny singles in your area.
We could review those too. Pop-up ad of the week for the millennials.
I like that. Okay.
Yeah, ads you click that you think are adjunct, oh, shit. I am horny and singler in my area.
Does it ever just blow your mind? Do you want this, baby? Does it blow your mind how many horny singles there are in your area all the time? It's the new fucking animation that's really the porn animation that all the ads are. Play this game and see how long you can last.
Well, yeah, I don't really come while I'm playing video games. It's crazy.
It's too much. Come right before and then right after.
All right, last up we have, I like that, Hank. We'll do commercial of the week.
We're going to try it out on Friday's show. All right.
I'm just saying, I think there's, you know. Everyone think about what commercial they want to do.
It should be called Brand New Segment. Brand New Segment.
Meow, meow, meow. Here we go.
All right, last up before we get to guys on chicks.

Protect the shield.

We're going to protect Patrick Reed's shield because Patrick Reed, his mom got upset. My computer might blow up, by the way, if anyone's hearing that.
Okay. So should we be worried? No, I just wanted to put that on the record in case it does.
Okay. That's fair.
so Patrick Reed

Jeff Shackelford wrote a

April Fool's joke column

where he said that Patrick Reed is consulting with Guy Fieri for the Masters dinner, which is actually not... That's an April Fool's joke.
You're flying a little too close to reality. Yeah.
Fucking who would believe that? Yeah. Well, actually, the Guy Fieri idea and the puppies at the U.S.
Open idea, those are just great.

Yeah, those are just great.

Yeah, April Fool's joke shouldn't be good ideas.

Yeah, that just pisses me off.

Yeah, so...

Like the casino zoo idea that we put into the song Who Cares It's Louisiana?

Yeah.

That's a...

We made that up.

Right.

But after I wrote it down, I was like, fuck, I would go seven days a week to the zoo casino.

Absolutely.

You drop your kids off at the zoo? No, I was going to say the casino, and then I go to the zoo. The zoo, yeah.
So then Patrick Reed's mom replied to Jeff Shackelford saying it was a joke. It's April 1st.
Saying, of course, I'm just going to say it's G-off, because that's how you always pronounce the Jeff with a G. A joke at someone else's expense.
Obviously, you can tell the importance of one's job when they have to stoop to such low levels. Hashtag funny not funny, Geoff.
Funny not funny is a great hashtag, too. Now, here's a couple questions.
One is, how could you be offended by this? Two is, I'm pretty sure Patrick Reed has divorced from his parents. Remember that story? So, is Patrick Reed's mom still going to bat for Patrick Reed on Twitter to try to get

him back?

I think quite the contrary.

I think Patrick Reed's mom's going to bat for Guy Fieri.

I think she was pissed off that he was making fun of Guy Fieri.

That makes sense.

By saying, like, my shithead son has such bad taste that you would think that he would

hire Guy Fieri, when in reality, Guy Fieri should be reserved for the upper echelon of flavor pellets. Yes, I'd agree.
So that's what it is. So she's mad at, okay, so she's mad at Guy Fieri slander.
I can get behind that too. Yeah.
Don't bring Guy Fieri down to that level. Funny not, hashtag funny not funny, Geoff.
Mm-hmm. Let's just quickly, I'm just going to quickly just do a quick hashtag search.
How many? Oh, that's the only one ever. That's the only one ever, yeah.
Funny Not Funny, Geoff. What were some of the menu items on Guy Fieri's? Let's see.
Fried bacon mashed potatoes. Something definitely would have been like out of bounds.
What was it? You had it? Oh, it was probably donkey sauce and stuff like that, yeah. Yeah.
Guy and I chatted at length about the menu, and we were pleased to welcome him to the team. He's going to ensure Patrick stays on his current diet while all the former champions get something better than what the club wanted Patrick to serve.
No idea about menu, so Jeff Gioff didn't go far enough. That's the only thing that you should do if you're doing this.
Yeah, just do a fake menu and be like, hey, here it is. There actually was a fake Patrick Creed menu that went viral a few months ago.
Yeah, what was on it? It was basically... It was a shit sandwich.
Yeah, it was basically like hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Yeah, it's a fuck you grilled cheese.
Yeah, pretty much. I'm still your...
Look for your wallet. Oh, wait, it's gone.
Yeah. Burger.
You can't pay for anything. So nobody eats.
All right, Hank. Guys on checks, let's do it.
Senoras y chicas. Sup, boys.
Especially Dad Cat. I've started doing this thing where when I'm hungover and I go pee in the morning, I'll pee once, wash my hands, then immediately pee again.
What is wrong with me? Wait, say it again. Pee in the morning.
I'm hungover and I go to pee in the morning. I'll pee once, wash my hands, then immediately pee again.
That's a good... You just...
Bladder infection. I feel like when you're hungover, all bets are off.
Like, whatever you gotta do to make the hangover go away... I'd agree.
It's fair game. I'd agree.
Yeah. Straight up.
I mean, there are times where I'll wake up in the morning, I'll just sit down on the toilet and just... I'll pee, and then I'll wait so long that I'm so hungover that I'll just pee again.
That's true. So she's good.
Or bladder infection. That's actually true.
If you drank more before you went to bed, you'd have to pee harder when you got up and you'd get rid of all the dregs. I drank a lot of water before I went to bed.
Sup guys, except Heartless Hank. Oh! My boyfriend recently made a burner account on Twitter and has become completely obsessed with trolling online.
It's really corny to me and I just don't get it. But he has completely stopped all other social media and engulfed himself with this.
Every tweet he sends, he makes him seem less and less attractive to me and I don't know how to confront him about it. What do I do? It's important to have hobbies.
What a loser. Hank, as a former troll yourself, do you want to explain? I mean, this guy's a loser.
I don't think there's anything you've got to break up with him. Just get him out of your life.
I get, like, so the mind of an internet troll, it's a complex thing. But at the end of the day, I just, all I can think back to is, like, eventually that person's going to grow up and be like, what was I doing? Yeah, I also think there's there's degrees to trolling yeah so trolling can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people like is he just is he making fun of people is he like dropping like racial epithets because once you once you cross a certain line then it's no longer trolling right you're just being a complete asshole but just think about it like every troll has grown up and just given up trolling at some point yeah Yeah.
So just think of phase. If you're in the phase of trolling, just realize that you're going to grow up and grow out of it and maybe just accelerate that a little bit.
No, what you got to do is dox them. Yeah.
Dox them. Dox your boyfriend.
End it. Yes.
End it right now. Hey, PMT boys.
Just wondering, is it normal for you to look at remnants on the toilet paper after you poop? Yes. I figured that was the only way to know if you need to keep wiping or not, but now I'm starting to doubt the normalcy of that.
Thanks for your name. Yeah, how else do you know how to stop? Always.
Always. Do you guys look at a Kleenex after you sneeze? Also, there's 50% of the time there's blood.
That's true. What about the times where you wipe and then you're done wiping and then you do one for safety and then it's like full again? It's restart, yeah.
I was like, did I just poop? I don't know. You did.
You did. Yeah, I got some issues.
Hey, boys, especially Hank. Did your voice just crack? Yep.
Thank God you didn't have to get a cat. Oh, thank you.
I just started dating this guy and so far he seems pretty perfect. The one thing turning me off, he has really, really tiny hands.
Like, really tiny. How concerned

should I be about this? Slash, if this

is a big deal, do I wait it out and make sure this is

the only thing wrong with him, or do I end things right away?

PFT, you want to take this? Yeah, Rhea, that's a good

question that you have. I think

that his hands are just fine the way they are.

He's good at pressing record and pressing

stop button, and there's nothing

to complain about there. Well, as someone who has

over 9-inch hands and can be in the NFL, unlike my co-hosts. Mine are exactly 9 inches by the way.
I measured them and they weren't. You took a 5'10", 5'9", 5'8", floating scale.
But yeah, just see if he can grip a football. If he can't, then dump him.
Hey boys, especially the cat that Hank killed. Yes.
I miss you. Well, that cat can't even say anything because it's dead.
It's a ghost cat. Boo.
My boyfriend never lets me use his phone, even though I've looked through it while he was sleeping slash showering and haven't found anything suspicious or concerning. Why is that? You never know what's going to pop up.
There are things, when you have a phone, there are things that could pop up there that are totally outside your control. It could even just be as simple as like a bookie being like, hey, here's how much you lost.
There's little things or like jokes. Jokes on your group text chain that you like.
Here's the thing. He could probably be doing something nefarious, but he also could very much well just being like, I don't want to explain all the inside jokes all the time.
Because that is, when you have to explain an inside joke that you have running with your friends, it immediately becomes not funny. He also probably doesn't want you to know what's on his recommended playlist on Spotify.
Yeah. He probably has just shitty taste in music.
Yeah. Hey, boys, especially Kat.
My fiance and I started talking about having kids, and now I'm scared to have good sex. I feel like if really good sex makes my baby, I'm going to feel weird about it and think about it every time I see my kid.
That's true. Do all parents think about the actual sex that made their kids? Yeah.
I don't think so. Well, here's a quick example.
If you have sex doggy style, you're more likely to have twins. That's a fact.
If she's on top, you're more likely to have a girl. If a guy's on top, you're more likely to have a dude because you're dominant.
If you're 69ing, you could have anything. And you can't get pregnant in a jacuzzi.
Yeah, and if it's pre-cum, then it's going to be a soccer player. Can't get pregnant in a jacuzzi.
Pre-cum is a soccer player. All these are facts.
These are just stone-cold facts. I think that you should just never have good sex before you get married.
That way, there's no disappointment whatsoever. Yeah, I think you should just never have good sex ever, because if you do, then the next time you're going to have to have good sex again, and that's a lot.
That's a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure.
Keep that bar low. Don't ever have good sex.
No. Just be happy with the sex.
Get your nut and count your blessings. Yeah.
Hey, if you come, it's cool. Yeah, I did my job.
All right, last one. Speaking of come.
Uh-oh. Sup, fellas.
I've always wondered why semen is chunky. Parentheses, chunky.
Sometimes in... This is too much.
I've always wondered where I seem as chunky sometimes and super watery. Other times, my boyfriend always wants to come in my mouth when I blow him.
Sometimes it's like drinking chili through a straw. Okay.
Is there anything he can do to fix this or do I just need to power through? Drink more water. Yeah.
That's my answer for everything. Just drink more water.
I think it's like poops. You just never know.

Eat less tapioca pudding. If he's eating a ton of

tapioca, then it's going to come out chunky.

That's all I know. I think, yeah, you

can also do pineapple, I think, I've heard.

Mango. Yep.

Hot sauce. Asparagus.

Really, guys, if you

tell a guy that there's something out there

that will make his cum taste better, that

news will travel around the world so fast.

Combos. Guys are so easy to share that

Thank you. Really, guys, if you tell a guy that there's something out there that will make his cum taste better, that news will travel around the world so fast.
Combos? Guys are so easy to share that information. Pepperoni pizza combos? Uh-huh.
Heard those make cum taste delicious. Buffalo Wild Wings? Delicious.
Uh-huh. Spicy garlic sauce? You should do a cum tasting.
No. I think you should.
We'll eat different things. Uh-huh.
This is terrible. This is bad.
This is a terrible end of the show. Chili through a straw, huh? I'm sorry, everyone.
Yeah, this is a terrible end of the show. Hank, end us with something lighthearted.
Those puppies would have been awesome. To do the tennis ball thing? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. That would have been sick.
Yeah, and they would have known if it was yellow or green. But the problem, like, you'd have to give it back.
I swear to God that I saw, like, pictures of it being done in other places. You know what it was? It was a corgi, I think, in the picture.
That's how you know it's not true. Corgis don't do anything.
No, it's that all breeds are welcome. Oh.
Well, then you definitely know it's not true. Leroy would suck at chasing tennis balls.
Stella doesn't give the tennis ball back. Fucking's blind.
Hubs. Oh, Hubs did it.
There we go. All right, there we go.
So let's end it with that. Do you have another guys on chicks question? No, let's just end with tennis balls and dogs.
Okay. Awesome.
Love it. I picked my entire mascot for March Madness based on school color mascot teams and got three out of four Final Fours right.
Why do guys get so butthurt about this? Also, why don't guys just start randomly picking teams to win since it obviously works so well?

So you picked a Cavalier, a Red Raider, a War Eagle, or a Tiger.

We learned that it was Tiger.

Yeah, you got this.

And a Spartan were the coolest.

I call bullshit on that because none of those, objectively speaking,

are cool mascots.

You would have picked the Waffled.

Red Raiders sounds bad.

Well, I'll so much shitty college basketball in January and February, and I have no idea what I'm picking. But I feel like I do, and then I get humbled by someone who did this.
It sucks. Egos are important to men.
You've got to stroke them and make them large. Yes, and then after they're soft again, tell them how smooth and not chunky it was how it wasn't that fast all right love you guys I'm not ready to find you Shine it away I'll be coming for your love of grief Love of grief I'll be coming, I'll be coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come Take on me Take me on I'll be gone you It's Pardon My Take presented by Ballstool Sports.