Brand New Dungeons And Dragons Campaign With Timm Woods And Nick Turani

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On today's part of my take, it's Dungeons and Dragons time.

Our guy Tim Woods is back with us.

It is a week off at Barstow HQ.

We will have a show on Wednesday with some updating of NBA Free Agency.

But we have two and a half hours of Dungeons and Dragons with Tim Woods.

Great, great episode.

We love having Tim Woods.

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Today is Monday, June 30th, and it's Dungeons and Dragons time.

So let's kick it in studio with our guy, Tim Woods.

Okay, we are back.

Dungeons and Dragons special 4th of July episode.

Yes.

Oh, who is that?

It's pretty, bitch.

Okay, so we are in the studio.

We have Tim Woods here in Chicago.

Good to be here.

We have a very special edition in Zach.

Tim, first of all, how are you?

I'm doing fantastic.

Absolutely great.

How are you doing?

I'm great, by the way.

Look at that merch.

Absolutely.

T-shirts have just dropped and they're on my website.

Thank you very much.

I was doing

a photo shoot.

I was doing a photo shoot this morning with Stella and Tim absolutely Stella.

I was like, hey, this is my dog, Stella.

And he goes, absolutely, Stella.

I didn't even notice I did that.

I wanted to make sure that Stella got the branding.

No, no, no.

You absolutely the dog.

Absolutely.

If I had said, hey, Stella, Stella would have gotten me the cock head.

Like, that's not what I want, though.

No, you absolutely dare.

That's how Tim said hello to me this morning.

He just goes, absolutely.

And then Ice Cube came in.

Did you absolutely Ice Cube?

I don't think I did.

I think I got too nervous, unfortunately.

That would have been an old time, absolutely.

Ringo Star just lost his mustache.

I lost my mustache.

Well, I am Ringo Star today, but I'm Ringo Star as a bicyclist.

And also, Zach thought that Ringo Star meant the guy with the star over his eye and kiss.

So it's kind of like a three-way costume, which is fun.

Yeah, so I I don't want to be rude, but now that the mustache is off, it basically just looks like you put on face paint.

Because you could wear that outfit.

Yeah.

That is something you'd wear.

If you're walking around the office with that outfit on, no one would bat an eye.

No, Alex is wise.

That's PFT with kind of a star on it.

All right, so let's go around the room.

So, PFT, you are Ringo Star.

Ringo star from Kiss.

Ringo star from Kiss, who also rides a bike.

Ringo star from both cap.

Yeah, and I have a gun and an axe.

So, I mean, your basic DD outfit.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Yeah, absolutely.

Nick?

I'm infant newborn Pikachu with a Tommy gun.

It's just dawning on me that my little yellow penis is going to be on the biggest sports podcast in America.

Okay.

Zach?

I'm a Wolverine Claus Tuck today.

Okay.

You have a great costume.

Yeah, you did really well.

I was one to pivot with anyone on Wolverine, but you guys look great as well.

I think

we've got costumes.

Who do you think costumes?

Yes, we got costumes.

Who do you think looks the best?

I really like the Britney, and I really like the Ringo Star with the bicyclist Glock.

And

I did think the shoulder pads would sell more as the overlord of DD.

They didn't sell as much as I thought they would.

No, these didn't do anything.

Okay, Hank.

Is the aff or

going to get it taken down?

I am Britney Spears.

Zach said he didn't realize Britney Spears got me a woman's costume until after he bought it.

So I got bell bottoms and a wig.

Actually, I think I look hot.

Yeah, you look pretty good.

Yeah.

I like the bounty.

You kind of look like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

A little bit.

Dog it.

Yeah, say go with Christ, bro.

Go with Christ, brah.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

All right, and I am Snorlax.

You're Snorlax.

I'm Snorlax.

On brand.

But I was.

Oh, that was brutal.

Does that mean?

That was fucked up.

I was Snorlax.

What does he do?

Sleep songs.

Oh, Pokemon.

Fuck it.

Hey.

No, I wasn't going to be Snorlax.

Zach, initially, my costume was just simply these shoulder pads, these leather shoulder pads.

He bought me about 8% of a costume.

But you had a helmet, too.

I did have a helmet.

So yeah, like maybe 12% of a costume.

You probably had the best costume.

And a sword.

With the 12% of the costume.

12% of the costume.

My 12% was incredible.

It just only was 12%.

I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

So I pivoted to Snorlax with the 12%.

And then also I got a glock as well you have a glock a sworder you can pivot to if you'd like to as well okay yeah yeah yeah all right so tim let's let's get it going good job zach on uh well no

job job job

uh you got us something that made us look a little different than our normal clothes job attempted

yeah you can hang your hat on job not executed no not at all a solid eight on a d20 oh no yeah absolutely oh on a d20 on a d20 yeah

it was like maybe a two on a d20 okay Okay.

It wasn't a one.

It was not a natural one.

There we go.

There we go.

Appreciate it, Tim.

Tim, let's get into it.

Whatever you want to go.

I want to, first of all, say that we need a character for Zach.

So I'll just go around and just remind us, of course, Big Cat, you are going to be Norm the Human Barbarian joining the team once again.

We've got PFT as Wayne, our Hildworth Bard.

We've got Hank as our gnome warlock Ehrlich.

And we've got Nick returning as Greg the Human Paladin, Greg with two G's.

I think that's just making sure.

Absolutely.

Now, I heard that, Zach, you're a fan of doing some heels with a little bit of DPS on the side.

Is that correct?

I am a fan of main heels, yes.

Absolutely.

Marvel Rivals.

In Marvel Rivals, I am aware that Zach is a fan of doing mainly heels, but also some DPS kind of as a secondary role.

So I found the perfect character for Zach.

This is a human cleric of the storm.

What that means is.

Tom, can I just ask a question real quick?

You play a video game and you're the nurse?

We run two roles.

So I'm doing heals and damage.

So I'm doubling.

I'm looking out for the team.

You're just running around, not killing anyone, just trying to save other people.

I'm making sure the boys are good.

Yeah, like, my God, you're a water boy in a fake life.

Support.

Gotta have team support.

Look, if you get, you gotta have heals.

You gotta have the team needs water, the team needs water slices.

We gotta keep the boys healthy, keep the boys good.

And I do a little bit of damage as well as Invisible Woman.

Okay, okay.

It's a noble cause, 100%.

I would also say

In DD, the cleric's role is to pray to their God and get healing magic to give to their friends.

So again, mainly a support role.

But as a storm cleric, you also have lightning and thunder magic that you can use to deal damage as well.

The only problem, Zach, is unfortunately, and I'm not riffing here, this is actually the case, I only had level two characters.

So as long as you're okay with it, you are going to be playing with a bunch of people who are higher level than you who are descending down in order to play alongside you.

I hope that that's not an issue or anything.

We might call these maybe smurfs, possibly, people who are going to be a little bit ganging up on you potentially.

They have about three times as much power as you do, unfortunately.

So you're just going to need to kind of level yourself up to get to the level that the others are at.

Apologies.

I'm so sorry I didn't have level six sheet to hook you up with, unfortunately.

You've turned me into everything I hate.

I'm so sorry.

But I'm here to do it for you, Tim.

100%.

I'm going to do it for you.

I know you will 100%.

So you got 15 hit points to work with.

The others are closer to the 40s and 50s right now.

So we do need

Zach alive because he's our healer.

And without him, we don't have any healing magic.

So just a heads up, everyone.

Of course, we're all on the same team, as we always know.

Obviously, you can betray each other in DD, but I don't think anyone out here would do that.

So 100%, absolutely.

Now, this adventure I'm very excited about because it is number one at Tim Woods original.

Normally, I've been running like canned adventures, like the classics, as it were, that I've been like growing up with.

I've run out of classics for you guys.

So, at this point, we're in Tim Woods original adventures.

I just made this one up for the AWLs.

And at this point, I actually went into my records to check this.

I have run this adventure in particular for 45 different groups of AWLs over the course of the last year.

And that is a total of 274 AWLs who are out there.

They are listening right now, and they are judging your every move.

I told them that they probably are going to do a better job than we'll do today.

So, obviously, you're the ones who can set the record straight on that.

Yeah, do you, sorry, I didn't mean to point the gun at you.

We've never done a Tim Woods original.

No, most of the adventures we've done have just been sort of me improving within a structure of one of the published adventures.

This will be an original, 100%.

This is you.

Absolutely.

This is all.

I'm excited.

Absolutely.

What's the name of this adventure?

The name of this adventure, as I call it, is the Dragon of Mount Speartop.

And as you can imagine, this is your classic D ⁇ D adventure.

There is a dragon attacking the local towns and villages, a red fire-breathing dragon.

And we are going to need to go to Mount Speartop to slay this dragon, maybe with some guns, possibly.

Do you want to call these D D parties?

Hmm?

Is this a D D party?

This would be a D ⁇ D adventure.

Okay,

just oil.

No one gets oiled up.

No, I mean, it depends on what you're doing.

Where exactly you're going for

the party.

I mean, you can resolve the challenge in whatever way you want.

Some people use dice, some people use other methods, perhaps, but 100%.

And so our adventure is going to begin in one of the major locations of the D ⁇ D world of Faroon.

We're going to be starting this adventure at the White House.

April Fool's just kidding.

I'm so sorry.

We are not going to be starting the adventure at the White House.

We are going to be starting this adventure in a famous D ⁇ D location called Baldur's Gate.

Baldur's Gate is a major hub of adventure.

It's so popular that some video games have been set in the world of Baldur's Gate, and they are very good.

So, the big city of Baldur's Gate is generally very well protected from dragons.

It has a big army, big walls, big ballistas, just like Game of Thrones for defending against dragons.

But we're out in the villages and towns outside of the big city where they have put together a fund for whatever group of adventurers is willing to take on the challenge of slaying this dragon.

And that is, in theory, us assembling to take on this quest.

All we know is that this dragon has been going back to the tallest of the Cloud Peak mountains, Mount Speartop.

Other than that, we don't know exactly where its layer is.

So I will throw out there that we can spend as much time as we want in town gathering information or supplies if we think that that's necessary.

Or we could just say, F it, let's go straight to the mountain and start trying to find this dragon the hard way.

Whatever we'd like to do.

So we can do anything.

We can do whatever we want.

The possibilities are endless.

The possibilities are endless, 100%.

Should we do a mini-golf tournament?

There are several beautiful rolling hills around the towns and villages.

And I will just throw out there in D ⁇ D world.

I think it's Hobbits who created the sport of golf.

Well, I think for, you know, if we're going to have to slay a dragon, we're probably going to have to train.

Yeah.

And we should probably measure, you know.

How we train up against each other.

We have to do dragon-killing golf mushrooms.

Yeah, but yeah.

Absolutely.

I like that.

I like that.

Now to see who goes first, I would ask everyone to do our first D20 roll of the day.

If you can grab a D20 and roll it, whoever rolls the highest on this is going to get to go first.

Is it poor form in the Dungeon ⁇ Dragons community to make your box like...

You basically moved into your box?

Like, Hank has just moved all this stuff into my box.

I mean, generally, sometimes people share dice with me.

Sometimes they don't.

Some people get very protective of their dice.

Like, don't roll my dice is actually a rule for some people in D ⁇ D.

If you roll my dice, you're going to give it your luck.

I don't want your luck.

I want my luck.

Yeah, he's got his coffee in here.

He's got his, he just moved all his stuff into my box.

You don't come in another man's box.

It's box of the year.

Box of the year.

Okay.

Look at, what is this?

Like, you just, it's just traffic.

That's on mine.

That is.

That is.

Yeah.

Food self is going to influence your role.

It's into my box.

All right.

It's our box.

I understand, but

you could take half of it, but you took all of it.

Sorry.

You're starting to piss me off.

I'm starting to think about killing humans.

I think you should put a conservatorship on that box.

Sexist.

PFD really does.

Classic, classic bar stool.

You forget about KFC.

Keep looking at him.

It's just face paint.

Oh my God.

Ringo star?

That's me.

All right, so we're all rolling.

Absolutely.

Everyone can roll a D20.

We'll be adding your dexterity modifier to see when in an issue you're going to go.

So some of us have a boost to this.

Go ahead.

Most of us don't.

Hank roll

18 with an extra plus two.

That's a dirty 20 right there for

Ehrlich.

Oh, then this week went to the pub 19 19 for you yeah 19

you have a plus two

so actually you got a 21 total going just ahead of Ehrlich absolutely so norm first followed by Ehrlich and how the rest of us are doing

everyone can roll 1d20 sorry boom

Three three I'm sorry to say Greg you're probably gonna be going at the end of initiative

17 17 absolutely now you have a plus two on this I believe believe.

So that'll put you into initiative on a 19 for Wayne our Bard.

Absolutely.

And our, oh, Zach, let me ask an important question.

What is the name of your cleric character?

The name of my cleric character is.

I'll go.

You can cook on this if you need time.

No, no, we want it right now.

He's got it.

He's got it.

Five seconds.

Five seconds.

Four.

Count me down.

Got you.

Two, two, one.

Treywind will be mine.

Trade.

Ooh, that goes hard.

So I want to point out that Chris With a story on the human.

That's the name of a boat.

Not only do you follow

it, actually.

That's kind of a pirate name, 100%.

Play Trained Wind or Trade Wind?

Traywind?

I'll go with Trade Wind.

Trade Wind.

Trade Wind.

I kind of like

Trainwind.

Train Wind.

Train Wind.

We can pivot to Train Wind if you'd like.

Train Wind.

Train Wind.

We can do that.

Absolutely.

I love training.

We can do train wind.

I'll also ask you one other question, Zach.

Not to put you on the spot, but you follow a god of storms.

That could be Zeus, that could be Thor, that could be anybody, or you can make up your own storm god.

Make up your own

storm.

Let's go.

Five,

four.

We're doing storm gods, right?

Storm gods.

Okay, we'll just go with a storm god

three,

two,

one.

No wrong answer.

You can pick the mutant storm

if you want.

Absolutely.

100%.

Pound found the storm god.

100% done.

Absolutely.

Good job, Zach.

I will say that you have been led to this location, Tradewind, by visions from Pound Found telling you that this dragon has not only upset the balance of the land, causing forest fires, it's also affecting the skies and the storms.

Smoke filling the skies is no good for Pound found god of storms.

And in fact, your temple to pound found has been attacked by this dragon very recently, it seems.

And so you need to get your vengeance and the rest of us need to make some moolah, some money sling

100%.

But Zach, go ahead and roll me a D20 plus zero to see when

Train Wind is going to go.

So I've rolled a 10 freezer.

10, okay, with a 10.

Absolutely.

Train wind, you're going to be going right after Wayne's turn in that case.

Could stuff.

So we're starting with norm today.

We'll point out that, in theory, if you're starting in town,

other people have really good persuasion skills.

The barbarian tends to just want to focus on attacking stuff.

There's not a lot of stuff to attack in town, but you can do whatever you want in town.

There's places that sell potions.

There's the tavern where you can get information and stuff.

Whatever you might want to do in town, totally up to you.

Okay.

Hmm.

We're going to arm up.

Oh, should we arm up?

In theory, arming up would not be a bad idea.

Okay, I'd like to.

100%.

Arm up, and then

could I also, do I have a secondary action?

You do, 100%.

Absolutely.

So let's arm up my primary action.

I do want to point out that at the end of our last adventure, we had defeated a different dragon and claimed from its horde a magic axe.

So when I asked at the end of the adventure, we said we were sharing the axe.

I want it.

Okay, absolutely.

I mean, it is probably best in the hands of a barbarian.

I'm the strongest guy here.

No one's challenging you on that.

You have a magic plus two great axe.

Okay.

Sure.

That'd be great.

Take my axe.

It's me axe.

Oh, this is a real axe.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, me axe.

Absolutely.

Ringo, where's your axe?

With the magic axe, you are in theory pretty well equipped.

You could try to find an even better magic axe, or you could just simply arm up on that one, and you still have more stuff you can do on your turn for sure.

Let me just make this magic axe even better.

Can I do that?

You certainly are.

Okay, yeah, 100% So if you go to the weapon smith outside of balder's gate, you notice there's like a dwarf and a half orc who are like running this weapon shop.

They have an enchantment table for improving your axe.

There's also a really nice axe on display.

It's kind of like in Comic-Con where the stuff is hung up really high, but you can see it on display.

You know that it's chained to the backboard of this weapon stand as it were and it looks like a really nice well-enchanted axe or you could ask them to enchant your axe even more than yeah it looks enchant my axe absolutely go ahead and just roll me a d20 for a persuasion check you have a plus zero on this 20 oh it's a natural 20 natural 20

100

d20 and they ask you a very important question first of all they say what well you've already got the pretty nice axe going on there the dwarf says and the half orc agrees i mean that's pretty impressive you want something nicer than that what for and they're wondering what quest you are on right now do you tell them about the quest yeah i'm gonna kill this dragon.

When they hear that, they say, well, we're in danger.

This dragon might attack us at any moment.

We would more than love to hook you up with an enchantment.

In fact, they go up to this axe and they bring it down off the stand and you see them do some magic.

The rune on the axe disappears

and they turn to your axe and they start hammering it.

The rune from that axe goes on to your axe instead.

And they hand it back to you and say, now you don't have a magic great axe.

You have what is called the great axe of the chill.

This weapon, if you speak the magic word, will cover itself with ice and deal ice damage to your enemies, including fire dragons.

Wow.

Okay.

So you got a great axe of the chill now.

Congratulations.

That's a D6 of extra cold damage every time you hit a dragon with it.

Now that would be your action to negotiate this out of them.

Right now you could ask them one more question or for one more minor thing or do something else.

I'll just just do one minor thing.

I would like to open a limited edition set of Pokemon cards.

100%.

They do say every weapon purchase and upgrade comes with one free pack of Pokemon cards.

You open it up inside.

Just roll a D20 for me.

The higher you roll, the better a Pokemon you'll get.

You'll do this.

19.

With a 19.

Name your Pokemon and get whatever Pokemon you want.

Holograph Charizard.

Holograph Charizard.

Get a holographic.

You got a holographic.

He's out of action.

He

Charizard's out of actions.

And because you can't eat it just yet

if you want to.

Also, in this world, these are magic Pokemon cards where if you throw it on the ground like Gambit, it will turn into that Pokemon as it ends up.

So you've got a holographic Charizard and then a bunch of random commons at that point.

Still, Holographic Charizard goes hard.

Huge pull.

In theory, that's going to be pretty weird for the fire-breathing dragon when a Charizard shows up and he has no idea what the fuck he's looking at.

I'm going to eat that Charizard.

Absolutely, Charizard.

That's right.

I'm going to eat the Charizard.

Norm, amazing turn.

Well done.

That was a huge glow for Norm.

Ehrlich, we are up to you right now.

And Ehrlich, I will just say that your patron has been whispering little secrets in your ear and stuff about the mountain, but we'll get into that a little bit later.

I just want one last thing.

I will say that we are a team, and my holograph Charizard, I will happily give it to anyone else

for a certain amount of kisses.

why do i always have to be gay

everything if anyone

for a holographic charts are

kiss it up and you can maybe get it you're a widower now i am i am an adventure so yeah my husband's dead absolutely yeah

single newly single

uh i would like

Let's do a history.

Let's find out.

Let's figure out some details in this dragon.

Absolutely.

100%.

Roll me a history check.

I believe you have a plus five on that.

D20.

Yep.

Or plus six, actually.

That would be two.

Two.

I'm sorry to say offhand, you don't know any facts about the dragon, but that was a free action.

Just see what you know.

You could try to do research, but I'll point out that would be kind of talking to people or maybe hitting up a library in Baldur's case.

You want to go to a library?

Know what that is?

Nah, we're not doing that.

You do have a much better charisma than intellect.

Can he just watch like a couple of YouTube videos and do his own research?

Do you see a TikTok?

That would probably be the equivalent of picking up rumors in the tavern, as it were.

Just seeing what people are talking about.

Yeah, what else could I do?

You could go to the tavern, you could talk to people, try to talk about it.

Let's carve a couple truly 100%.

The moment you walk in the tavern, you notice that there is your classic human bartender, apron, brown beard.

He's cleaning a glass, nods at you, you enter.

You also see a bunch of humans primarily, but two tables of Dorvin miners.

I must emphasize mine workers, people who work in mines, who are allowed to be here.

And they are drinking and eating their dinner.

There's a table full of Hobbits, a whole multi-generational Hobbit family in the back room who seem like they're celebrating something right now.

Who would you like to talk to?

I'm sorry to say you don't see any gnomes around like yourself.

Let's go to the Hobbit boys.

Absolutely.

You go to this Hobbit table in the back.

It sounds like they're talking about a recent dragon attack where their barn got burned down.

Would you like to sort of chat them up right now?

Yes, please.

Absolutely.

Are you mentioning anything about what you're doing here?

What are you saying to them as you go to talk to them?

You guys come here often?

Absolutely.

Just roll me one to 20 with a plus six on this.

Nice, dude.

Ah, that'll be another two.

No,

I'm sorry to say that with an eight, they go, I mean, yeah, we do hang out here a lot, especially after our barn's been burned down by the dragon.

But actually, we're just celebrating with the family right now.

They notice your robes and like your various magical amulets.

They know you're a warlock, and that's making them a little bit nervous right now.

I don't think they see Lola, because Lola, your imp, can turn invisible, but at the same time, they're nervous that you might have a demon of some kind with you.

You can say whatever you want to them.

You might be able to earn advantage on this check, but it depends on what you say to them exactly.

They're almost dismissing you at the moment.

So what happened to the dragon?

The moment you mention the dragon, they start to talk more.

Roll one more time.

You just earned advantage.

Three.

Three.

I'm sorry to say, with a nine total, all you hear them mention is that the dragon did indeed burn down their barn.

It seems like the dragon took all of their food that was stockpiled in the barn as it was burning down somehow.

And the old Hobbit is mentioning that he got a good look at this dragon.

There is some sort of hobbit grandpa here at the head of the table, and he's talking about how he used his spyglass to watch the dragon as it was going going back to the mountain.

Uh, you have heard of spyglasses before, but they are a recent invention in the world of Fairune.

They don't use magic at all, they're like crystal balls, but they allow you to see far away things.

You think spyglasses are worth like a thousand gold pieces if you were to get your hands on one of those, just so you know.

Unfortunately, you've used your action and you're trying to get into this conversation with these hobbits, it's not going so well.

Would you like to try anything else with your bonus action?

No, I think we got to just find a way to get the spyglass ready.

Absolutely.

He patted a bag on the back of his chair when he mentioned his spyglass, but that's all you know for sure.

Ehrlich, good stuff.

That will bring us to Wayne.

Pretty big waste of a turn.

I mean, the solid steel rolls were bad.

Seven bad rolls.

Not much you can do with those rolls.

Oh, you can roll better.

Absolutely.

Oh, sorry, Hank.

One thing I did want to give you: since we're celebrating your birthday today, you have the one and only instance of DM's inspiration.

It is worth one free re-roll today for your dice or somebody else's dice.

You could use it now or you could save it for when you really need it.

What happened?

Your birthday.

Your birthday wish.

Absolutely.

Okay, so it's my turn?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

So Hank is in the tavern right now.

Yes, correct.

Where is Big Cat?

Currently, he's at the weapon stand just outside of Baldur's Gate in the marketplace.

Hanging with my holograph charizard.

Absolutely.

What other stores what other uh shops do we have around the town there is a potion shop and several temples temples are a great place to get healing potions and blessings potion shops are where you could get maybe even more powerful potions yeah healing potions but also like invisibility potions fire resistance potions i think that sort of thing i think the healing shop would be great for zach for trade wind but i'm going to go to the potion shop absolutely you can go to the potion shop 100 when you get to the potion shop it's one of the few structures that just outside

speak up hank not a drug guy It's a potion.

I'm a potion guy.

Absolutely.

What a huge reset.

And as soon as you go into this potion shop, a little bell rings.

There is a gnomish couple, just like our warlock here.

There is a pair of gnomes.

It seems like they're a married couple.

The wife is an artificer with goggles on.

The husband is a wizard with like the moon and star, like wizard hat, classic look.

And you realize the wife has like invented these special shoes for them.

They each press a button the moment you enter, and they're like moon shoes.

There's suddenly it's like renter clank, reintern clank, and they are now dwarven height as you walk in and they go, ah, greetings.

And they're kind of like walking on little stilts a little bit so they can be your height.

And they say, please, how can we be of help to you right now?

We are very interested in selling you some potions.

What are you looking for?

Can I ask them, do you guys like to party?

Ooh, roll me a persuasion check on them real quick.

Okay.

18.

18.

And you have a plus six on your persuasion, I believe, with the 24.

They look at each other and they give some sort of special signal to each other.

Canonically, this is a swinger couple.

And every time I've run this adventure, I know they said, Hey, we noticed you across the room and we elevated our shoes so we could look you dead in the eyes.

And we just were kind of like wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight.

We're not doing anything.

We were planning on partying, actually.

And they indicate that what they are brewing right now is some special potion.

Special potion.

I like that.

Absolutely.

Is there a weird chair that's in the corner of the shop?

100%.

There is a chair.

But they would say, but I mean, you could get involved if you really want to.

Yeah, as long as there's consent, right, Tim?

Absolutely.

You get consent from them.

Do you then ask for consent after you have it?

After I have consent, I definitely ask for consent because there's nothing hotter.

They lose their goddamn minds as you ask for consent the second time.

They go, wow, nothing sexier than that.

It's like, he's teasing us, says the wife.

And immediately,

I mean, it goes late into the night, but you are afterward.

Oh, actually, sorry, roll me a constitution saving throw just to see how everything went.

Okay.

That's a 12.

12, but you have help.

Roll one more time.

You're getting advantage.

15.

Couple with a 15 plus whatever your constitution saving throw is.

It's hours later that the camera returns to us and the couple is exhausted.

They say that was the craziest night we've had in a really long time.

Please let us set you up with some potions for the road.

What do you need?

They're willing to set you up with healing potions, invisibility potions, or fire resistance potions.

Well, we're going to see a dragon, right?

I feel like fire resistance might be a good thing to have.

Are we certain it's fire breathing?

It's red.

Yeah, because it burned down the hobbits.

Yeah.

Oh,

100%.

Next guy's listening ears on.

Absolutely.

I don't know.

What do you guys think?

Fire?

Fire resistance seems good.

Okay, we'll go fire resistance.

They do indicate that's a pretty expensive potion but they would be willing to give you for the performance you just did tonight

three of them okay not enough for everybody unfortunately they tell you that's like 500 gold pieces per potion though so you're getting a good deal these are free potions do you hold on to all three of these potions or do you start doling them out to your teammates uh you know what i'm gonna give one I'll give one to Norm.

Okay.

Norm's got the magic axe.

He's gonna be out there.

Thank you, bro.

I'm gonna give one to

Greg.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Huge.

One left.

Big decision.

And then one left.

Zach.

No, trade winds.

Trade wind?

Train wind?

Trade windows.

I think the lowest hit points of all of us, so you might need it the most.

Yeah, I think I'm going to give it to Trade Wind.

I want Tradewind sticking to it.

So you're not keeping one for yourself, is that right?

I'm a benevolent man.

100%.

It does seem like the Nobish couple is hoping you will return again, but they are going to be keeping the store shut for today because they're too exhausted.

You did a fantastic turn.

You still have your bonus action, I would say, in case you want to inspire one of your teammates.

So for bonus action, I think I would like to inspire Trade Wind.

Nice.

Absolutely.

What do you say to

or play?

You can either play music or say something inspiring to him to give him inspiration.

I think I just tell him like, hey, Train Wind,

you did a great job.

You did a job buying costumes today.

And you should feel good about doing a job.

You had a job today.

And the job accomplished.

I feel very inspired.

Okay.

That was a great speech.

All right.

Absolutely.

100%.

Getting all the armor for the team.

100%.

And Wayne, great turn.

That is going to bring us to Trainwind now, followed by Greg.

Trainwind, what would you like to do?

I want to highlight that as a storm cleric, you have good intimidation.

So you can go around and try to kind of be stern and serious with people, trying to get information out of them, or you can just be kind of friendly with them and try to use your your persuasion, but you're not quite as good at that because of your history as a sailor.

You're used to like yelling orders at people and stuff like that.

That's if you want to talk to people.

You can do whatever you want in town, including go to your local temple to Pound Found, the Scott of Storms.

I'd like to check out the temple to see what Pound Found's got going on.

I absolutely would 100%.

You go to the local temple of Pound Found, and sure enough, do you think Pound Found is a good, evil, or neutral deity?

Seems as if he could be neutral.

Storm gods would tend to be neutral.

It's true.

So, when you go there, first of all, they are very upset.

The whole statue to Pound Found that was built there with like gemstones in its eyes got knocked over.

Someone ripped the gemstones out of the eyes and took them with them.

All the priests of Pound Found are going around trying to rebuild, and they're doing an okay job, but they really want you to get vengeance upon this dragon.

Are you trying to get information out of them or supplies or anything like that?

What are you saying to them?

I would like to know, you know, where so where we could find this dragon you know a little bit more more information and where he can be so we can get those those stones back we gotta get this statue back 100 please roll me a d20 and this would be a persuasion bonus for you i think you have a plus two on this if you're being nice to them if you're being very serious with them then it would be a plus four actually are you being intimidating that's high risk high reward uh but uh you could also just be friendly with them and and that would be a plus two on the persuasion check i'll go with friendly this time i did do a six absolutely 100 Because it's your temple, you get to roll two times and take the higher numbers.

So roll one more time.

We got a strong four on that one.

Ooh, okay, so we'll take the six at the very least.

With the, you're being nice to them, so a plus two, that's an eight.

Unfortunately, with an eight, all they're able to tell you right now is that the dragon definitely went back to Mount Speartop.

They thought they saw it land somewhere about halfway up the mountain, but they don't know more information than that, unfortunately.

Now, you could try one more time with one roll as your bonus action, or you could do something else with your bonus action.

I can bank the bonus action.

The bonus action is not something you could bank.

You could do something else with this,

or you could try to talk to them.

Okay, I would like to.

I would like to, you know, talk to them a little bit.

Like, see if we could further this conversation.

I know they're saying mid-mountain.

Was there a guy that maybe saw something the others didn't see?

Absolutely.

Roll one more time.

And now, at this point, are you being stern with them or just sticking with the plus two, still being nice to them?

As of right now, we're cordial.

We're just trying to get away.

Being cordial.

11.

11 plus 2.

With a 13, you're getting some good information.

You notice that they said

the dragon definitely landed halfway up the mountain, specifically landed at a cave entrance, and there were one, two, three different cave entrances, almost like this dragon picked an area where there are three different caves, and two of them almost seemed like decoy caves.

This priest lets you know for certain the dragon went into the middle of the three possible caves.

And now I will ask Trade and Wind: Do you share this information with your teammates?

I would love to share it with the team.

Absolutely, 100%.

So, a valuable clue.

You know, if we had followed the trail of the dragon, we would have gotten to these cave entrances and not known which one the dragon went into.

Apparently, the dragon landed on this climbing wall, a 20-foot climbing wall, about halfway up the mountain, and climbed into the cave entrance.

They also say he climbed in in a weird way, but they didn't see more than that.

So there's still a little bit of a mystery there right now with only a 13.

So Trainwind, very successful turn there.

The priests beg you to slay this dragon, but wish you very well.

And that will bring us to Greg's turn next.

Is there a baker in town?

There is a baker.

I'd like to go to the bakery, please.

100%.

You go to the bakery.

Absolutely.

The bakery is going to be run by a no one's gone to a bakery in this adventure.

It's a Hobbit.

A Hobbit runs this bakery.

100%.

I would like to ask for 12 donuts.

Absolutely.

100%.

Roll a D20 just to see how good these donuts are.

Seven.

Seven.

But with your persuasion bonus, I think you have a plus four under skills per plus six.

Plus six.

With a 13 total.

They're not magical donuts, but they're pretty high quality, to be honest.

These are fresh donuts.

They just made him this morning.

Does Greg have any gluten sensitivities?

Roll to see if you have a gluten sensitivity or not.

As long as you get a seven or higher

seven or higher, you don't have gluten sensitivity.

19.

I'm sorry.

In the world of DND,

maybe you had it when you were born, but there are clerics who can be like, cure gluten intolerance.

And you've been healed at a very young age in this magical scent.

Absolutely.

Thanks, Max.

Good job, Max.

100%.

So you have beaten gluten intolerance.

Congratulations, 100%.

And now you can chow down on these donuts if you wish.

Can I ask if there's any of these people in the bakery do art?

Ooh, yes.

I'm going to roll to see if there's already any visible.

Hmm, you ask around.

No artists in this bakery right now, but they do indicate there are artists in town.

What are you looking for?

I want a picture of Joe Buck with a big forehead.

Absolutely.

There are some caricature artists that they are able to hook you up with with that role.

And they send you towards this elven woman who starts like drawing exactly what you are looking for.

How big do you want this?

A little small pocket size or like a big like mural on someone's wall?

75 inches.

Huge.

Like big TV size.

You commission this painting absolutely.

And then let me just see how this goes.

Fantastic.

She tells you you must be careful.

Because one of the things that dragons love to steal is anything of value.

And she says that this painting would would be worth hundreds of gold pieces to the right buyer but that means that if the dragon spots it the dragon might want to grab this painting and add it to its horde so as you're trying to move this tv sized painting you're kind of like uh i gotta move quickly or looking to the skies you're trying to get it from place to place without this dragon trying to swoop in and grab it probably give it to one of the strongest people on the team so who are you giving the painting oh no he's overencumbered he has a lot on him i mean it's a big thing to get you could strap it to your back for sure but so you've got this huge painting right here.

12 doughnuts.

And 12 donuts.

Sounds like you're holding on to all those for right now.

It's past noon.

Okay.

100%.

You're able to get all those.

Was there anything else you were trying to get?

Do I have much action left?

I would say the donuts were a bonus action.

To be fair, commissioning the painting was most of your action.

If there was anything else you wanted to commission from that artist, you could, but otherwise, your turn would be done.

I'm okay.

okay, I'm done.

100%, absolute

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And now, back to our good friend, Tim Woods.

That'll bring us back around again to Norm, then, in that case.

Norm, so far we got some information about this dragon.

I think, boys, we got to get going.

We have our stuff.

We just mount up.

Absolutely.

We have everything.

Before we mount up,

this is going to be a long trek up this mountain, right?

It certainly is, yes.

Should I carry anyone's stuff just because i don't want anyone to get tired so does anyone have any things they want me to carry

you don't have anything right you have anything train wind no none you need do you have anything ringo star i gave away my potions yeah okay do you have anything

you want me to carry i have a big painting of joe buck oh okay i'll carry that

for him let me get that for him all right do you hold on to it or hand it off i'll just remind you i'm asking for collateral you have a giant moth who is the size of a horse by the way don't forget i believe its name was Lil Shredder.

Is that right?

Yeah,

that does seem right.

100%.

And

yeah, so Lil Shredder could carry the painting.

No, we're a team.

We all trust each other.

I'll give the painting up.

Okay.

And I won't

kill you with my axe.

That's really nice of you.

Thank you.

That's good collaboration.

100%.

100%.

You strap this painting to your back.

Is that right?

Yeah,

I put it in my pocket next to my Charizard.

Okay.

It's It's pretty big to fit in a pocket, so I'll say you can.

I'm a big guy.

Okay, I mean, fair enough, 100%.

I'd say you kind of like have it strapped to the side of your pocket, maybe.

As long as they don't critical hit Norm at any point, the painting will be safe.

All right, so let's get going.

Absolutely.

So, Norm, to get to the mountain, I would like you to please roll a survival check.

Could I ask on your sheet, does it say what your survival skill bonus is?

I think you have a plus three.

Unless I'm

is that it right there?

I think it might be right in front of Hank on the ground.

Unless I'm mistaken.

Maybe a mess

Oh, no, that's norm, 100%.

Yes.

Survival

plus.

Roll me a D20 plus 4 to see how far you make it.

19 plus 4.

19 plus 4.

Now we're all on high.

Is 19 your lowest roll box for so far?

He's eating all body.

Good luck.

I love it.

Absolutely.

You are with a 19 plus 4, not only making it safely to the mountain, you're noticing two things that you would have not noticed with a lower roll.

First of all, you can clearly see little lizard footprints, way too tiny to be a dragon's, and they're going toward the center of three caves, straight ahead of you.

You see this cliff that's about 20 feet tall in this clearing.

There are handholds leading up to one, two, three different caves.

We were already told middle cave.

And you notice the footprints are in fact going to the middle cave.

You also notice that in a bush just at the foot of that middle cave's climbing wall, wall, you are hearing two little creatures arguing with each other.

I'm sorry to say, whatever language they're speaking, you don't speak that language, Norm, unfortunately, but they sound like,

like they're yelling at each other in a little whisper fight.

Let me ask you a question.

Do they speak axe?

They probably, everything speaks axe, 100%.

Absolutely.

You could easily charge out right now and attack this guy and still rage.

Is there anybody we know that is familiar with pointing pointing out lizard people?

Oh, like identifying different types of lizards?

Yeah, something like that.

We used to have a guy.

We did used to have a guy.

Whitney?

Okay, so what do you guys think?

Should I take these lizards?

Should I grab them?

Should I we need them?

They're going to lead us, right?

I think.

If we're taking my moth, can we have these lizard people on the flight?

Do moths eat lizards?

I don't know.

Okay.

Giant moths might.

Yeah, it might be useful.

The size of a whole moth.

These guys don't sound big.

Yeah,

we need to scoop them up and just kidnap them.

Yeah, yeah.

Why not?

We'll lizard nap them.

Why not use your axe?

Yeah, you know what?

Tell them they're coming with us and they got to start talking axe.

Absolutely.

So it sounds like you're charging out of your hiding spot right now.

You're going right up to the bush and you're getting ready to whale on them with your axe.

Is that right?

Yeah, and I'm like, I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to threaten them.

100%.

So what I will ask is, it's your action to attack them.

It's your bonus action to rage if you want to rage, and you could sacrifice either one of them to instead do an intimidation

to scare them.

What would you like to do on your turn?

You can do two of those.

I want to intimidate them.

I want to be like, I'm going to kill you guys.

Absolutely.

Otherwise, you got to start talking our language and you're coming with us.

100%.

Would you like to save the other part of your turn to rage or attack?

The other part of my turn, I'd like to save to eat all the donuts.

Okay, 100%.

So you're not raging or attacking.

You're going to run out and then hopefully get to eat donuts, assuming this goes well with these creatures.

As you come charging out, you hear them start to go, ah, ah, da-da-da-da-da!

They are obviously aware a huge barbarian is rushing towards them right now.

You almost like kick the bush to the side, it goes flying through the air after being uprooted by you.

And you're standing over two types of creatures that you actually recognize.

You have fought them before.

These are puny little kobolds, little lizard people.

You've met different kobolds before, and in fact, one of these kobolds is familiar to you.

A long time ago, years ago, we met a kobold named Meepo, and sure enough, you are seeing the kobold Meepo, this little lizard creature.

You almost ran over another random kobold, and they are looking up at you in utter fear.

You know that right now, you don't have advantage yet, unless you rage as a bonus action.

But if you rage as a bonus action, you do not unfortunately get to eat any donuts on

okay.

All right, so what am I doing now?

I'm rolling.

You could roll an intimidation check.

Roll me 1d20 plus whatever your intimidation skill is.

Oh, that's only a six.

Ooh, I'm sorry to say.

And what's your bonus on intimidation on your sheet?

Is it a plus four?

Because if it's a plus four, it's a plus one.

Plus one, I'm sorry to say with the seven, I'm not even rolling.

They look up at you and they are scared.

They're so scared, they want to run away.

Okay, so now I'm going to up the stairs.

We're going to get rid of the donuts.

We're not going to eat the donuts.

We're going to use the other thing to be like, no, get over here.

Okay, so you want to use that bone action to intimidate them again, attack them, or do something else?

Intimidate them again.

Absolutely.

Roll intimidation one more time.

That's a nine.

Nine plus one is a 10.

I will roll.

And if either of them gets a one, then they will surrender to you.

First one does not.

He grabs Meepo's hand and starts running for the climbing handholds to get up to the middle cave.

The other one gets a little more scared.

Meepo the kobold is scared, but he's also like, I think I know this guy in common.

And he is running with the other kobold to get closer to the mountain.

I'm sorry to say.

Norm, that's your action move and bonus.

So you can't attack them even if you wanted to.

My bad, guys.

We would be up to Ehrlich's turn now.

And the kobolds, I already rolled for them, will be going after Wayne's turn.

So Ehrlich and then Wayne, and then if the kobolds are still alive and running, at the very least, they're going to shout as loud as they can.

And it's clear that they're trying to get back to someone or something inside that cave.

All right, I'd like to do...

Can I use my charm?

You can, 100%.

Let's charm and we'll do a haha JK.

Yep.

He's not actually trying to capture.

There's a guy back there videotaping it.

Yeah.

100%.

You actually have the

wine.

Yeah.

There's an Elk Boy.

Absolutely.

I believe you have the

deception skill.

Is that right?

I think on your sheets.

I do not.

You do not.

Sorry, I thought you.

Is it on your sheet?

Do you have persuasion?

I do have persuasion.

Persuasion.

What's your persuasion bonus?

So messy.

I hate being roommates with Hank.

Plus three.

Plus three.

Okay.

Roll me a D20 plus three.

10.

10.

10.

Let's see.

With a 13.

I will see if they believe you, as long as you don't roll super high on this.

Meepo the kobold does.

The other kobold

also kind of does.

100%.

They hesitate and they look at you, Ehrlich, and they go, wait, wait, is prank?

Is prank?

And what do you tell them?

Haha, JK, that's my friend over there.

That's just kind of, that's how he flirts.

But he actually really likes you.

He's into you.

They freeze and they look at you.

Sorry about my friend.

They look up at Norm and they go, you know, Hurt Kobolds?

No, absolutely not.

We love kobolds.

We be friends, and Meepo seems very optimistic.

The other kobold does not seem super optimistic, but is cautiously stopping running or shouting or anything like that.

You've used your bonus action.

You still have your action if there's anything you'd like to do.

If you were to attack them now, it'd be like, ha ha, surprise, and you'd have advantage on this.

Or you could try to get information out of them with your action.

Are they dangerous?

Do they spitfire?

Roll me and actually, no, you fought kobolds before.

You don't need to roll anything.

Kobolds are extremely weak and puny.

They're They're scary in groups, but they don't have any powers except like stabbing people with little daggers and stuff.

All right, let's take them out.

Absolutely.

You certainly can.

Right now, if you were to hit one of them with a spell, you'd have advantage on that.

Would you like to use your eldritch blast?

That's a cantrip that never runs out, and you definitely take out one of them probably with that attack.

Or you could burn up one of your spell slots and do a burning hand spell and cook both of them

with pain.

Double cook.

Absolutely.

So you're burning up one of your valuable spell slots.

You really only have three of those, just so you know.

Are you okay with doing that?

Yeah, okay.

So, you're using up one of your spell slots.

Go ahead and please roll for me five D6s worth of damage.

You're gonna roll the cube-shaped die, the D6, three times, sorry, five times, add them up, and that's gonna be your total damage.

Three times, three times.

Sorry, five times, five times in all.

Two, okay, six so far, four, ten,

Six.

Oh, sixteen.

Six.

Six.

22 damage.

The one kobold does not duck out of the way and is instantly incinerated by 22 damage.

The other kobold dives behind a rock.

The fire flows around, but he only takes half damage, 11 damage, which is still enough to kill him.

Congratulations.

You cook both Nepo and the other kobold.

They are both slain.

Congratulations, Ehrlich.

That was very successful, but you are down to two of your spell slots left for this adventure.

Those guys are going to stay.

They were in this.

They were loud and complicit.

Yes, they were.

100%.

Set your action, move, and bonus, Erlik.

And that is going to bring us to Wayne's turn now.

Wayne, what would you like to do?

The kobolds are no longer a threat.

They're dead.

Who's got the donuts?

Right now, I believe the donuts are in the hands of our paladin, Greg.

You guys have eaten a single one?

I don't.

Uh, that's not true.

I think you've managed to eat at least roll me.

Actually, did you try to eat the maximum number of donuts you could?

No, no, because I want to give them to the group.

Absolutely, 100%.

Did you eat one?

That's one.

Absolutely.

He's still got 11 donuts left.

11 donuts.

Abs.

If you're hungry, too, just we do have the Charizard card.

We do have that, yeah.

Yeah.

He just got him for the picture.

Can I do it actually?

Can I do

bestow curse on Greg and give him gluten sensitivity?

You absolutely could.

Gluten sensitivity is now officially one of the curves.

And it will suddenly become a huge problem if he gets gluten immunity right now.

He's already in too deep.

So I would like you to please make a wisdom saving throw to avoid gluten immunity.

Good thing that's intolerance.

20.

20.

D20.

18.

18.

You easily shake off this curse because you have an amazing bonus to your constitution and wisdom saving throws.

Actually, so you attempt to give him gluten intolerance, but he is too strong.

Technically, also, paladins are immune to a lot of diseases.

I probably would have not rolled a curse counted as that, but nonetheless, it makes sense that you would be able to shuck that off quite easily.

Well done.

Okay, so valiant attempt.

So we see the footprints that are going up to the middle opening.

Yes.

And that's where we think this dragon.

That's where we were told the dragon was going up.

The dragon spits fire.

And it breathes fire, and it spits fire 100%.

And it also did a weird climb to get into the entrance for some reason.

That's all we really learned about that.

Okay.

I think I want to just go up into that entrance.

Absolutely.

100%.

I want to check it out.

That's going to be an athletics check.

Now, you don't have athletics, I don't think, is one of your skills.

So you'll just be rolling a D20 plus zero.

All you need to get is an eight or higher.

That's it to climb up successfully.

That is an eight.

Eight, absolutely.

An eight on the dot is just enough.

It's a little touch and go for a moment there.

One of the hand holds starts to crumble a little bit because you're bigger than a kobold, apparently, and mostly it's kobolds using this, but it's also a dragon who definitely was on here at some point.

So you manage to keep your grip just barely, climb up the rest of the way.

And now you are noticing that there is a tunnel winding ahead.

It seems to bend a little bit to the left and then correct itself.

But around that corner, you can see a fire coming around the corner, like someone's cooking.

you can smell meat being cooked and a lot of kobolds chattering in the next room okay you've still got your action and bonus action what would you oh sorry your action was used on doing bestow curse so you got your bonus action you can inspire somebody or do some other minor thing like a perception check or something like that uh Can I do a perception check on this room of kobolds to see what they can tell us?

100%.

If you do a perception check, that'll tell you like how many kobolds there are, what else is in the room, that sort of thing.

100%.

What is that?

Three.

That's a three.

I am sorry to say, whatever your perception bonus is, it just sounds like at least maybe a dozen kobolds in that room, but you can't pinpoint exactly how many there are.

And you can whisper this down to everybody who's about 20 feet below you right now, that you are aware of some kobolds up ahead, but that is it right now.

So, Wayne, well done.

That is going to bring us to the kobold turn since you climbed up there's no kobolds shouting or anything like that but the kobolds who are in that next room might become aware of somebody ahead luckily you hear one of them say something and draconic their native language the language of dragons and one of them said hey i thought i heard something no one listened to that guy he doesn't go check it out at the main entrance you're completely safe right now well done and that'll bring us to train winds turn now the kobolds have we have not lost the element of surprise yet what we like to do.

And in theory, you're here at the action with all the rest of us right now, Trainwind.

We'd love to stay sneaky if we haven't been quite yet pointed out.

Is that possible?

Yes, but I will warn you, as somebody who wears heavy armor, you are one of our least sneaky characters, unfortunately.

At the same time, if you don't climb up now, you might be falling behind other people who do climb up.

We've got to climb up.

100%.

Now, you have, I think, pretty good athletics also.

If you look at the center column of your sheet under skills, I think you have a plus five athletics.

Is that right?

Under skills?

It is correct.

Yes, absolutely.

Roll me a D20 plus five.

All you need is a total of an eight or higher.

So we got 11 there.

So we'll take that.

That is enough that you are climbing and you are climbing pretty quietly as well, I would say.

You are avoiding making more noise than you absolutely need to.

As you climb up, you can see the tunnel going ahead.

You can hear a lot of kobolds and get at least a little confirmation that there's something like a dozen of them what would you like to do with your bonus action and action i'd like to confirm how many kobolds there were if possible roll me one perception check

seven seven uh what oh what's your do you have the perception skill by any chance under skills i got plus five perceptions five with a 12 you not only can pinpoint there are actually exactly 10 kobolds and one of them sounds like he's in charge of the other kobolds in fact, he sounds so big and beefy, you know exactly what this is.

This is no ordinary kobold.

This is what we would canonically call a swobold.

He's more powerful than all the other kobolds.

He is strong and beefy.

I'm not even making that up.

A third-party group made something called a swobold and gave stats to it and artwork and everything.

This is a big, beefy dude

for a kobold.

At the same time, he's only about this tall really because that's tall for a kobold.

So he's like a big chonker, basically.

But this kobold you know is in charge of all the other nine kobolds in that room they're also talking about somebody they refer to him as boss man but they're talking about somebody else called the master and somebody else called little man they talk about the master with awe they talk to boss man like he's in charge but when they refer to the little man it's like with annoyance and they're keeping their voice low like they're afraid little man will hear them and get angry at them but they don't like little man, you think.

So that is what you are aware of up ahead.

You've still got your action if there's anything else you want to do.

Can we bank the action?

Actually, yes, you could.

You can ready an action and say, I'm going to do an attack or a spell, but not yet.

I'm going to ready it.

And then if you don't do it, you lose it.

That's all.

I'd like to ready it.

Absolutely.

What do you want to ready?

There's two things I can think of that you could ready.

You could ready to run in and bonk somebody with your hammer because you have a big hammer as a storm cleric.

You also have spells like Thunder Wave.

Thunder Wave would hit a whole room full of kobolds, potentially, or at least a good chunk of the room.

It would hit multiple kobolds, potentially at least half of the kobolds in that room up ahead.

So you could ready Thunder Wave.

That would be extremely loud.

Or a single hammer strike against one kobold.

Or you could ready something else completely.

I'd like to ready the thunder.

I have a question, Tim.

Yes.

What benefit is there to getting an action ready as opposed to just doing the action?

100%.

In theory, in this situation, readying an action is a great move to do because we haven't lost the element of surprise yet.

So if he readies his action, every one of us could just keep readying actions until it's time to execute

on a plan.

Oh, my God.

Absolutely.

Everyone's like waiting around the corner, guns ready, and then we all fire simultaneously, basically.

And then we take out Fat Man and Little Boy.

Absolutely.

100%.

Yes, absolutely.

And I didn't even think of recommending that.

So, Zach has a game or of course you stumbled into this amazing strategy.

Good cost.

I knew it was ready to banking for a reason.

I'm looking forward to readying up with you guys.

Train wind, I'm going to mark you down as readying.

Was it a hammer strike or was it a thunder wave?

I would like to ready the thunder wave if possible.

That's a great move to ready.

100%.

So with a thunder wave, that's some mass DPS, like crowd control DPS.

Well done.

That's good.

And Train Wind, that's your ready to action then.

Greg, what would you like to do?

I mean,

do we want to wipe these guys?

We already?

Or do you want to?

I feel like we should capture Little Man.

Capture Little Man?

He seems like a snitch.

Yeah, because they don't like Little Man.

You could try to capture.

And if shit goes bad, we've got a ready to go.

We got it ready.

We got Thunderwind.

And if we capture them.

Capture behind a door right now?

They are not behind a door.

We think that this tunnel goes straight ahead.

It turns to the left and then a little to the right.

That's why we can't see straight into the room, but there's no door.

How are their senses of like smell?

Not great.

Okay, but they've got a big like cook fire going so they're smelling dinner right now the big concern is will they hear our armor clanking you two are the loudest characters so far so good

okay i think if we capture little man they'll actually like us because they hate they live in fear of little man

yeah i don't know

does anybody have poisons with them

You want to poison a donut and roll it down the hall?

Ooh.

Somebody could concoct a poison, I would say.

Honestly, I'm looking right now at my Charizard card.

I think if you eat it, you'd probably get pretty sick.

Probably full of like ink and other stuff, like right?

Yeah, 100%.

A lot of magical components go into poison drawing.

Strategically, I don't really see that making sense.

Okay.

No, no.

Do you want to stuff the Charizard in a donut?

Probably makes sense.

We need the Charizard to fight the dragon.

We have a dragon.

Driver's fire?

Yeah.

Good coin.

Yeah.

We might have benefited from a water Pokemon there.

Yeah, some poison donuts.

We're going to poison a donut and roll it down the the hall.

Absolutely.

What I would like you to do is please roll to see if you can concoct a poison.

We'll just call this a D20.

That's a three.

A three.

Whatever steel I was going to use does not matter, unfortunately.

And if you would like to swap out for a different D20 at any point, anywhere, feel free to swap around.

But 100%, I'm sorry to say, you try to concoct a poison and you're like, nah,

this is just gluten.

You accidentally just made gluten instead of poison that would would work on the kobold.

Fuck it.

I'm rolling a regular donut.

A regular, yeah.

I mean, with that roll, I would kind of say you're like, don't worry, I've got it poisoned.

You roll it in, you hear them eat it.

One of them gets a little bit of a stomach ache, and they seem otherwise completely fine.

Oh, you know what?

I'll unroll, see if they get a one.

They did not have gluten intolerance.

I'm sorry to say.

They're doing just fine.

They're just eating.

I mean, you only put out one donut, so they're not even really getting that bad a tummy ache.

They're fighting over the donut, it sounds like, but that's about it.

The swobl, the boss man, does end up eating the donuts just to be clear

it's clear that he gets all the good stuff he says i will maybe give the sprinkles to the master but i need this donut and how close would you say we are to these guys uh pretty close they're a uh if you climb up to the end sorry i should have asked you to do this already roll me one athletic check just to make sure you get up there to the tunnel in which case you're 30 feet away from the cold 18 18 you climb oh and not only do you climb up easily you can carry one other person up with you.

So far, we got two people who have climbed up successfully, and you are the third person two people have not climbed up yet you could bring up norm or ehrlich so if i bring up if i split them up that means one person of the group's left behind correct oh my god

i want to take big cat what's your name norm norm absolutely you got

on your back and like this the charizard is in his pocket but the painting is sort of sandwiched between the two of you as you are being carried up to this level both of you land on this level at which point i would just like you to roll a d20 for me real quick.

14.

Okay, with a 14, you're all doing fine right now.

It seems like no one has alerted anybody.

The kobolds all seem like they're just talking to each other at the moment.

So as you climbed up, you rolled a donut forward with a bonus action.

You still got an action right now.

You could ready an attack, or you could do something else.

Sure.

Can I...

There is the...

Can I cast a zone of truth to the nearest kobolds?

You certainly could throw a zone of truth into that room.

Yes, they wouldn't know that you've cast it.

Yeah.

And then they would all start speaking the truth as long as they're going to do that.

Yeah, 100%.

So you drop a zone of truth in there.

I'm going to roll a saving throw for all the kobolds combined and then a separate one for the boss man.

Okay.

Oh, the kobolds are not.

Well, actually.

With a minus two, does it say what your spell save DC is?

Actually, I can calculate it.

15 would probably be the number, in which case with a 14, they just barely failed.

And then the boss man also fails with a total of a three.

So all of them start speaking the truth.

Let me roll just to see how, yeah.

One of them says, well, this kobold slept with this guy's wife.

And they start shouting and roaring at each other.

Drama is happening.

And it's spinning out.

Somebody else starts to admit that he saw somebody else grab a piece of the donut and shove it in his mouth.

Boss man starts getting mad and he starts being like, well, I don't even like donuts i just wanted to eat them so no one else could have them oops and he blurted that out all the kobolds are getting mad at each other now you can tell

a lot like a beach house absolutely 100 it's just total drama right now happening there and nikki smokes one take the fire resistance you do figure out one of the kobolds the the swobold has been hooking up with all the other kobolds in like the workplace and it's like becoming a problem at this point.

The dragon had apparently told him to stop sleeping with them and like it's unclear whether he has or not.

So they're doing their best right now to keep things together.

It's falling apart now, it seems like.

Greg, your zone of truth, I have never seen a zone of truth used so aggressively, so well, or offensively, so successfully.

Well done.

Thank you.

Norm, that is going to bring us back around to you.

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All right.

What do we think, boys?

Are we going to try?

Do we do?

I mean,

I'm the strongest.

I'm not even with you guys, so good luck.

Should we get him up?

We got to get him up the mountain, right?

Should we get him up?

Safety and numbers?

Yeah.

Are you going to piece?

So far, everyone else has made it up.

I have two actions.

And ironically, you had perfectly good athletics.

He did not.

So I would have maybe

do you want me to come get you or you want me to I'm having trouble getting up.

All right, so can I grab him?

I have two actions, right?

Yes, 100%.

I'd say with your bonus action, you can almost hang down from the ledge, reach down, and let me grab him.

Absolutely.

Roll me one athletics check to hoist him up.

Are you raging before you do that hoisting?

That'll eat up your whole turn then in action.

No, I don't want to rage.

100%.

You're not raging yet.

So just one roll.

Seven.

Seven plus five.

Oh, athletics, I'm a plus seven.

Plus seven now with a 14.

That is just barely enough to hoist up a...

Anyone else would need to have 15, but a gnome, you're able to get him up there with a 14.

You bring up Ehrlich in an incredible teamwork move, 100%.

Okay, his Erlick.

And land him safely on the ledge right next to you.

Is that right?

Yeah, he's next to me.

And now, Tim, for my second action, I would like to ready...

uh like mega rage attack yes 100 now the issue is you can either ready to rage or ready to attack i presume the attacking is what you want You should be raging unfortunately.

You know what?

Roll me 1d20.

If you can roll well enough, then I'll say you're able to sandwich both of these in.

That was a one sound.

I'm sorry to say you'll you'll I assume be ready in an attack, but not a rage.

Is that right?

Yeah, we're ready an attack.

100% ready.

You got attacks readied in that case.

Well done, Norm.

And Ehrlich, you are safe and sound on the ledge now.

Well done.

What would you like to do?

So far, we've got two people with ready to actions.

You can see an axe ready from Norm, and we've got a Thunder Wave ready from Trainwind.

Is Ehrlich really grumpy and hungry since he just got up?

I'll leave that up to you.

No, I feel good.

I had a burrito.

Absolutely.

I would like to, I don't know which

skill is best for this.

I would like to either use stealth or investigation just to get it, just to get eyes on this guy.

Because I feel like the little man might be one of those, like, he's not actually little, he's massive.

100%.

You can use either one of those skills.

Stealth would be, I'm scouting ahead putting myself at risk but if i succeed no one sees me and i can see all of them peeking around the corner into the room if you do investigation then you're keeping your distance and figuring out clues just spy almost like just barely peeking around the corner a little let's go stealth absolutely go ahead and roll me 1d20

plus your stealth do you have the stealth skill by any chance i do 13 plus 5 okay with a 13 plus 5 18 is enough that you know you're being perfectly silent.

But here's the problem: as you get about halfway down that tunnel thinking, I've never been more quiet in my life.

I'm absolutely gonna succeed on this stealth check, you're getting a little distracted because you're focusing on being quiet, not on investigating.

And that's why, unfortunately, when you stumble into the tripwire that has been set by the kobolds,

you are not noticing until after you have already broken this little piece of twine that it was attached to the wall, you see the twine start to go

through this little pulley system.

It's going up to the ceiling, it's going up to something above you.

You see a clay pot hurtling down towards your head.

Ehrlich, I'm going to need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

I'm sorry, I want to say just because we're a team, I want to take ownership for this.

I'm the one who brought this fucking idiot up here.

My bad.

What's a dexterity throw?

Dexterity saving throw is going to be a d20 plus three for you, unfortunately.

Since you don't have training in it, that's a four.

A four.

Four plus three is going to be a seven.

I'm sorry to say, Ehrlich.

The clay pot is shattering on your head and you are getting covered with acid.

Now, let you roll a D20.

Let me see how much damage is.

Is it really smelly acid, too?

It's pretty smelly.

It's cobalt acid.

I'm sure they made it out of like bodily fluids and stuff, unfortunately.

14

plus another

13.

Did he get in his eyes?

It definitely got into your hair, beard, eyes, everything.

Did it get into his butt?

Let's seep down to his butt.

Roll a D20 to see where it got first.

What's the whole thing you roll the

nine?

Nine.

It did get in your hair, beard.

I would say it went down your back, not into your butt.

I mean, I put it forward.

It's in there.

It's racing.

Yeah, you took a back shot, unfortunately.

Not a full-on cream five.

With 27 damage, I am so sorry to say, Ehrlich, that's about half your health.

You have 45 health normally.

You've taken 27 points of damage.

This is where a healer might be very helpful, but that's a good idea.

I got a question.

So he lost half his health?

He lost half.

At what point is it like we just got to put him out of his misery?

I mean, once you drop down to zero HP, you're not dead.

You're just unconscious, but you can't.

So he's close to like helpless.

So he's in.

But like, a lot of healing is touching him.

I don't want to get come on my hand.

Good point.

The weakest healing magic is long distance.

The strongest healing magic would involve physical contact, for better or worse.

So that would be our cleric's decision to make, obviously, or anyone else who has healing magic, including our pilot and Greg as well.

Yeah, but

all these dudes know that we're here.

So let me get one more D20 roll.

The higher you roll on this, the more you resist shouting and the quieter it was.

18.

18.

Here's the thing: the acid dripping all over you, sizzling away, boiling at your skin like xenomorph blood, but you go,

and you're not screaming or shouting at all with that stealth check.

I am going to roll

roll super high on this.

None of the kobolds have noticed that you just got hit by that trap yet.

Congratulations, Ehrlich.

You did set off the trap.

It's set off now.

There's no further trap, you think, and it did not sound off the alarm.

At this point, with the rest of your stealth check being very successful,

you're able to peek around the corner now with your 18, you see sure enough, 10 kobolds, one of whom is a beefy swobold.

The swobold has a spear and a shield.

The shield has red dragon scales embedded into it.

He has a sick wooden mask to make his head look more like a dragon.

And he's got three things on his belt, which is just a rope and a loincloth.

It's like a whip of some kind and two belt pouches.

One definitely has jangling coins in it.

One has some other object in it.

And then there's like a kobold cook cook cooking some rats.

There's like a young kobold, a bunch of kobold archers scattered around here.

Any checks?

There are several female kobolds, in fact.

It seems like they're all warriors.

Yeah, you're covered in goop.

Absolutely.

And you also know that there is a statue in this room.

This statue is a statue of the dragon.

It looks very derpy, very like Trogdor vibes.

It's clear that the kobolds tried to put together a bunch of rocks, tie them together with strings, paint them red, probably with blood.

But there are a pair of gemstones in the dragon's eyes.

And you

recognize where they come from, but somebody here would.

They are storm gems that are in the dragon's eyes.

And you notice there are two doors.

One goes further into the mountain to the north, straight ahead, but that door has a lock on it.

There's another door to the east that does not have a lock on it.

Now, at this point, you could sneak back to your team and let them know everything you just saw.

Or you could stay right here.

What would you like to do?

I'm going to stay right there.

I feel like if I go back, it's a classic case.

If I go back and tell them everything I know, then they have no more use for me.

Oh, you're embarrassed.

We're going to make fun of you if you come back.

We're going to be like, who's thinking?

Oh, I brought you up.

I got to hold this information.

They can't know this information yet because otherwise I'm useless.

All right.

First selfish move of the game.

Yeah.

I will point out one other thing.

Don't forget that you have Lola the imp who can do something right now if you want.

Famously, Lola can turn invisible also.

So Lola could be invisible right now and you could have her do something in this room if you want.

Can I send her through one of the doors?

You could send her through one of the doors, obviously, unless you have the key.

It might be like she could try to pick the lock to get through that northern door, but she doesn't have thieves, tools, or proficiency or anything like that.

Can she just wait out someone going in one?

Well, then just follow it in?

Yeah, absolutely.

100%.

You could wait for the door to open or you could go through one of the doors.

The problem is the door to the north is locked, door to the east is not.

But you could wait for somebody to open the doors or just go through the eastern door right now.

If you go through the eastern door right now, since you'd be opening and shutting it, she would have to make a stealth check, but she'd have advantage because she's invisible.

I mean, the one that's locked has got to be the door we need, right?

I guess we'll find out.

Let's go through the east.

Absolutely.

You're going through the eastern door

by a.

I successfully stopped them from you guys getting trapped.

That's called being a a team player.

I'm ready to rage.

Yeah, and now you won't have to worry about getting trapped.

You're welcome.

Okay.

Roll me two D20s and take the higher number for Lola the Imp.

20 bit.

20.

You don't need to roll any more than that.

Lola the Import.

That's what she says, right?

Absolutely.

And your minion, Lola the Imp, is waiting for the exact right moment.

When all the kobolds are yelling at each other over their various dalliances and stuff, you are able to slip in quite easily into the next room.

Lola telepathically reports back to you that she's looking at a dead end.

It's a forge, and the forge seems like it's in complete disrepair.

It's clear that there was like a bunch of knights who like built a monster hunting lodge up here and that the dragon moved in after it got abandoned and had all its kobolds living here.

There's nobody in this room except the furnace, the smelter is running right now.

There is a fire roaring in it and a little figure is huddled in the fire who looks up at Lola with little horns and little wings and a scorpion tail just like Lola.

This is another

imp

that you have not seen before.

What would you like Lola to do?

The imp looks around and then just looks down because you rolled so well on your stealth.

This imp has no idea.

He thought like, did someone just come in the room?

Huh?

I guess not.

Just because he can turn invisible too doesn't mean he can see invisibility so he's not aware of lola's presence what would you like lola to do anything or

i think i i think i think she should come back she comes back and she reports everything back to you that you already telepathically told you but confirms that she's able to make it back to you with that critical hit no problem she's now perched on your shoulder and she remains invisible well done earlier good turn that will bring us now getting this other door absolutely wayne's turn

what would you like to do is the swobold is he the one that has the keys and the sack uh yes 100 the swobold the strong one is the one with the key

it seems like he had two belt pouches we knew one was full of coins we didn't know what was in the other one okay uh i can disguise myself yes

yes should i disguise myself as the swobold and then try to get the army of kobolds to lead us somewhere

that's not a bad idea at all should i disguise myself as the drummer of the Beatles?

As the drummer of the Beatles?

Can I paint a star on my face?

Do I know what Little Man looks like?

You do not yet, unless you make a perception trek and try to listen to the kobolds for more clues.

Could Little Man potentially be the imp?

Oh, the imp that's in the

in charge of the furnace?

We got to get our hands on these keys.

We have to get in through the if I disguise myself as the Swobold, do I also get the bag with the keys that he carries?

You would not necessarily gain the same possessions he has.

And actually, that's part of the problem with the disguises.

You would look like the Swo Bold, but you wouldn't have his mask, his shield, his spear belt pouches, any of his equipment.

Okay, so here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to disguise myself as the Swole Bold.

Absolutely.

And then I'm going to use my

sleight of hand

to steal the key.

From the other Swole Bold and be like, I'm the real Swole Bold.

Absolutely.

Okay, I see now where you're going.

I have

As the real Swobold, I wouldn't have this key if I wasn't actually him.

You turn into the Swobold, you go to enter the room and try to walk right over to the other Swole Bolt and grab his key before starting to talk to the others and being like, We got an imposter here.

Is that right?

100%.

So you walk in, people are like looking up, and then as they're almost doing, you're already halfway across the room and they start doing double takes.

Like, wait, but he's there, and he's there.

Wait, what's going on?

As Romia, a side of hand check, no advantage, no disadvantage on this

this one saw yeah for sure it's a five oh and what's your bonus on sleight of hand skill okay with a 10 i'm gonna see first of all did the swobold notice that you did that

he just barely did

then the other kobolds

Also did

you come in, grab the key from this kobold and then start to be like, hey, everybody.

And the Swobold goes, who is this?

What's going on?

And the other kobolds go, I don't know.

I don't know.

And they are speaking to each other in Draconic, which you understand and can also speak.

What do you do or say at this point with your bonus action?

Can I cast a spell?

I would let you try, yeah.

What spell were you thinking of casting?

I'll let you know if you can roll to cast it.

Hypnotic pattern.

I'll let you roll to cast that one.

That's normally in action.

You've already done an action this turn.

Roll.

And if you can get like a 15 or higher, you can try to quickly cast a hypnotic pattern.

Wait, did we do counter-charm?

Me and all allies get advantage on saving throws against...

I guess we're not being charmed.

You're not being charmed.

If they had counter-charm, then you'd have a problem.

But hypnotic pattern is you doing a charm on them.

So I roll 20?

100%.

If you can get a 16 or higher.

19.

19.

Amazing.

You're able to pop off a hypnotic pattern spell.

It fills the whole room.

Every one of these kobolds needs to make a saving throw.

So first of all, the Swobold.

First and most importantly, now hypnotic pattern is if they fall under this charm, they will be staring up like it's fireworks going on over their head.

Jaw dropped, they drop their weapons to the ground.

They're like, uh,

what is the hypnotic pattern you create?

You can create any image that you want, any image can be like looping like a gif.

It can be like a scintillating kaleidoscope, whatever you want.

I think I'd like to put Joe Buck's face on the ceiling.

100%

make this like animated face of Joe Buck that is talking to them and hypnotizing them.

And they they start to stare and they're just listening to what Joe Buck is saying to them.

And the Swobold will roll first.

He is

not a Joe Buck fan.

He rolled really well with an 18 on this.

He's beating the spell.

However, there are nine other kobolds in this room.

Cold number one fails.

Number two fails.

Number three, fails.

Number four

just barely fails.

Number five just barely fails again.

Number six, number six is the first one who passes.

So that's one other kobold and the leader.

And that was number six.

Number seven fails.

Number eight

fails just barely.

No, that's a success just barely.

So that's two kobolds.

And then I think one more, number nine fails.

So of all the kobolds in the room, the Swobold leader and two other kobolds are still fighting right now.

The rest of them are just just listening to Joe Buck and talking to each other about what he's saying to them right now.

100%.

We'll get back to Tim Woods and D ⁇ D in a second.

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And now, here's more Dungeons and Dragons.

Great turn, Wayne, and that is going to bring us to the kobold turn next.

Immediately, I'm going to roll to see how smart these kobolds are.

These kobolds have just barely not figured out.

They can shake their companions to wake them up.

Instead, they're going after you to try to attack the imposter right now.

And as they rush in to attack, that is when I'm going to ask if anyone is rushing in with their readied actions.

Starting with Trainwind.

Trainwind, just as three people start to run over to him and gather around him.

Do you want to to jump forward with your Thunder Wave by any chance?

There's three of them coming out of my mind.

Three of them.

100%.

We're ready to upgrade a Thunder Wave on the family.

Absolutely.

Thunderwave will catch all three of them and just barely avoid hitting your companion.

As long as just roll me a D20 and don't get a one and you don't accidentally mix him up with one of the enemies.

Oh, you still look like the Swobold.

Exactly right.

That's why I'm having it.

You might just kind of hang out.

Trained when don't get a...

A five.

A five?

Just you almost hit all four of the kobolds rushing your way.

And then luckily, one of the kobolds goes It's me It's me and you're like oh shit.

That's Wayne the bard and so luckily you exclude him from the spell you blast the leader of the kobolds and the two others with a thunder wave is that right?

That is correct.

The leader of the kobold.

Now, please roll the d8 die two times and add it up.

That is how much damage you do with your thunder wave

So we got a six.

Six nice and a one and a one seven damage is what they're saving against the first minion kobold, who's rushing forward, fails the saving throw, takes seven points of damage.

He's yeeted backwards by your thunder wave into the cookfire, and he's dead.

Well done.

Second kobold,

unfortunately, got a 21 total and only takes half of that seven damage.

That kobold takes three points of damage, is not yeeted through the air, and so he's at two out of five HP left as he crouched down behind the kobold who got thrown through the air and kind of like some rocks hit him but that's about it then most importantly the swobold

swobold ooh had a plus two that's a 14 he needed to get a 13 or higher so I'm sorry to say that's just barely a success the kobold leader takes three points of damage and that means that he is down now to

11 out of 14 HP left.

This Swobold has almost as many hit points as you, but not quite.

And now he's down to 11.

Well done.

That was your Thunder Wave.

At which point, before the Kobolds get to do their attacks, we have one other person who ready to action.

Norm, would you like to charge forward and hit one of the kobolds with your axe?

I think I got to.

Absolutely.

There is one minion and the swolebold.

Now, when you charge in after this guy, you aren't raged yet, unfortunately, but you could still go reckless if you wanted to.

With reckless, you get an advantage on your attack roll, and everybody who attacks you gets advantage against you.

Are you okay with that?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I'm marking you down as reckless, but certainly always worth it.

That's by the way, I don't know if you know this, but Norm, when people that I run games for among the AWLs, I ask them if they're going reckless, they always say, Of course, like Norm, I gotta go reckless

because they look up to Norm, I think, 100%.

You gotta always go reckless,

no risk it, no biscuit.

Absolutely.

So we're all two times on this attack roll.

100%.

11.

Seven.

Seven.

So we'll take the 11.

You have, I believe, a plus six to hit with your great axe normally, but you're not wielding a normal great axe.

You're wielding your magic plus two great axe of the chill, which is a plus eight.

That's a 19 to hit the swing bold, and that's a solid hit.

Go ahead and roll your damage with the great axe of the chill, which is 1d12

plus, let's see, 4 for your strength.

You're not raging, so then it's 2 for the magic.

So, d12 plus 6.

7.

All right, 7 plus 6 is going to be 13.

That is a kill.

How do you kill the Swobold leader?

What does it look like?

I'm going to drop a...

I'm going to drop a full plate from the gym on his head.

Absolutely.

100%.

You kind of like pull a full plate from the gym out of your bag.

You load it up onto your axe and you bring it down on it.

You like serve it up like a pizza almost and tilt your axe and drop it on his head.

He is crushed.

He tries to like squat with it.

No.

He grabs it.

Not so swole now.

Not so swole now.

100%.

He uses kobold size weights.

You gave him human-sized weights.

He was crushed immediately for skipping leg day.

You do notice he was all up in the Swobold artwork.

their legs are skinny and their inner body is like completely what's built

crushed immediately legs first

nba had a boat

on the west coast yep norm you still have one more attack right you can't run a mile fast no absolutely oh and now we have his keys right

you notice his belt pouches fall to the ground coins fall out of one a key falls out of the other one and you still have one more attack you can do with your ready to action there is one more pretty scared looking kobold who still looks like he might be brave enough to attack you.

Do you want to finish him off with your last attack?

Actually,

roll me two more D20s.

As long as you hit him, he's guaranteed dead.

Oh, no.

Uh-oh.

I usually don't count if it falls on the floor.

We don't count.

Three, that's not good.

One.

Ooh, luckily, you get to take the three, but with a three plus eight and eleven, ironically, you're only missing by one

but it is still a miss.

Your birthday wish.

Sorry to say.

Save him with your birthday wish.

Hank, you could use the birthday wish to kill this kobold now if you think it is worthwhile to do so.

Do you think we need to kill this kobold?

I think we should try and get some information from this kobold.

All right, yeah, he's almost dead.

There's only one left.

All right.

We don't know anything about this.

We're not trying to use that re-roll to kill him because you want to keep him alive for information.

Is that right?

Absolutely.

Then it is this kobold's turn.

I'm going to roll for his bravery, first of all.

That's just enough.

He is going to stick around and try to stab the one person he has advantage on.

Norm, I'm sorry to say he has advantage on you.

Then he's going to try to run away.

Not worrying.

Ooh, I'm sorry to say, Norm.

He had like, he grabs a butcher knife from where the cook had dropped it as he had started staring up at Jim Buck in the sky.

He grabs a butcher knife, hits you right in the leg with it with a 19 plus four.

That's a 23 to hit your armor class, I'm sorry to say, because you had advantage.

That's fine.

You're not raging yet, so he is dealing a total of four damage to you.

Not bad at all.

You have 59 normally.

I mean, come on.

It is a little annoying.

It hits you like, I said the leg, but let me say like kind of right in the kidney.

It feels like a kidney stone.

Yeah, not God.

Overall annoyance, maybe.

But you've been hit by so many kobolds collectively as a group of four that you're kind of used to this, I would say, at this point.

I swear to kobolds out of my dick.

Yeah, I got this.

Absolutely.

I would also just like to take it this moment to just thank Ralph Rich is an AWL out there, and every six months I have a call with Ralph Rich where he reviews the last six months.

Kidney Stones was one of them, and I got to work it in.

Thank you so much,

appreciate it.

But, Ralph, thank you so much.

Ralph is my hero, he is the one behind the scenes writing all my materials.

Shout out, Ralph Rich.

Ralph Rich, what a god.

I love that.

And absolutely.

Norm, the kobold got you for four points of damage.

I am so sorry to say.

No, don't apologize.

That is going to be.

I mean, I'm the type of guy I need to get hit to really feel like I'm in the game.

100%.

Barbarians almost get stronger when they take a few hits.

Exactly.

And now I'm awake.

Now I'm pissed.

And speaking of which, the kobold then tries to run away, and he's heading for one of the two doors as though to alert more people.

But because he's running away from you, you get an attack of opportunity against him, Norm.

Go ahead and roll one more time.

You don't have advantage on his roll, but one more attack.

I have the key.

No, I'm saying the

nine.

Nine plus eight is a 17.

You kill this kobold as he is trying to run away.

All the remaining kobolds, like all six of them, are just staring up at the sky right now, helpless.

And all the kobolds who are fighting us are now dead.

Thank you.

I hope it was worth the four points of damage you did to me, Kobold.

29.

He could have gotten away safely, and because he rolled just brave enough, or let's say foolish enough,

he was dooming himself inadvertently.

Well done.

So kobold turn is now done.

The rest of the kobolds don't do anything.

In fact, I don't think they even get saving throws until you end your turn, which if Wayne gets hurt, the spell might end automatically if you fail a concentration check.

So you might want to keep Wayne safe.

But he's right now keeping all of the kobolds incapacitated with like a Jim Buck podcast right now.

And Trainwind, that is going to bring us to you

next.

Come on, Trainwind.

Okay, how do we feel about everybody's life points?

I know we took some damages here.

Nope.

There was like some Asagin thrown earlier.

Do you think we need to maybe a medium heal spell from a pretty close distance to get our boy back healthy?

Who, me?

Norm is banged up pretty much.

We need Norman 50, right?

No, we need fighter.

We need Norm at 100.

We need Norm at 100%.

You could help me.

It's like a Gatorade bottle.

Yeah, like ionic on the side.

My kidney stone did suck.

But you have like 50, right?

Right, but oh i had 59 now i only have 55 so maybe get me back up to 59

and then what is uh britney's health or uh

don't worry about that britney is down to 18 out of 45 left remember brittany didn't tell us any of the secrets britney learned do you think if we if we heal britney brittany's still gonna hold him out yeah for sure that's not true oh you're not no you're gonna tell us everything if if our nurse heals you yeah i don't really trust brittany no do

we don't trust brittany as a collective

i actually think Brittany's kind of high.

We have history with Britney now that she's kind of half crazy right now.

Doesn't boost morale, though?

Yeah.

Keep the hot partner around?

Yeah.

I like her just the way she is right now.

I think

here's the thing.

If you're fighting a war and you've got a tank and your tank is missing a tread, and then there's like one guy over in the corner that hasn't done shit, hasn't killed anybody, and he's like, got the flu.

Are you going to spend your time fixing the guy that's got the flu or the tank that's missing a tread?

Our tank.

He only lost four points.

I'm not tread.

Our tank pissed off the Cobalt Stone quick, though.

He said it was only four points.

Well, I am a beast, but like

that.

We got to keep him focused and healthy.

I don't know.

Do you feel focused and healthy right now?

I feel a little under the weather.

Yeah, oh no.

You think that will go in passing or need heals for that?

I feel like I need a heal.

And you have how many points?

I've lost more than half my points.

And you have lost

over three points.

But his hit points are more valuable to us than they have.

Are you going to be forthcoming about the information?

Yes.

We don't want to tiff with your nomads.

You promise?

I promise.

That doesn't feel.

Okay,

we'll heel tank.

Thank you, yes.

He was not going to be forthcoming.

I wasn't sure if he was going to get it.

I didn't feel like it was going to come at all.

I had to ask.

I can tell Zach plays support because you'd never give it away for free.

Like, you could be shooting and stuff right now.

If the team needs heels, then you've got to make sure that the team is going to do what you want them to do.

You're going to do that.

You've seen the pop thing.

Oh,

I'll give you the Charizard card, but you gotta eat it.

I have to eat it.

I have to eat it.

If you keep it, will you maybe summon it?

Yeah, okay, maybe.

So you keep it.

How strong, maybe?

Part of the deal.

No,

it's a pretty strong.

If I take it, I have to eat it.

No, no, if you take it, you have to eat it, but I'll keep it.

I'll maybe summon it.

I'll take it, think about eating it, and then you take it, maybe summon it, maybe eat it.

Okay.

Deal.

Deal.

Pretty good deal.

So I'll take it.

Think about summoning.

Then you're giving it back, right?

Yeah, he took it, thought about eating it, then gave it back to me.

Now I'm thinking about eating slash summoning.

Fair deal.

Now, if you do heal the barbarian, I just want to let you know that'll be your second spell slot of the day.

You only have three of those.

Are you okay with that?

You know what?

Don't heal me.

Don't heal anything.

Don't heal, take the card.

No card.

No heal.

Let's just go fuck.

Let's go.

Let's go finish this.

Okay, let's fight this dragon.

Let's find the one.

I'm gonna heal you.

Let's get to the dragon.

So do you do DPS and support?

It's always a conflict of like, do I have to heal right now?

No, you don't love to do DPS and support.

So bank those other two for when we go because the dragon might be messing us up correctly I got and you can deal live with the four and I appreciate you it's the offer that counts and you're sliding me the card I'm not sliding you the card I can heal you

you can but you're not getting anything okay except a kiss okay

okay so let's go

let's go let's ride absolutely so right now in theory you know there's two different ways to go we just found a key to go through the northern door we know the eastern door is a dead end uh well actually i don't know that we know much about the eastern door at all.

So, there is an eastern door that's unlocked.

There is a locked northern door, but we think we found a key for that.

Assuming, Norm, did you point out the key to other people?

Oh, yeah, I let my boys know.

I always let my boys know.

Do you hold on to the key or give it to somebody?

I'll give it to them.

That's fine.

Absolutely.

You got a key now.

The key was from

getting that lock open here.

It was on the swole ball.

Also,

this is when you also notice there are gemstones, gemstones you recognize in the eyes of their dragon statue, just a heads up.

Does the key from the swole bowl, the guy that was like banging everybody in the beach house, does it have residue on it?

Let me roll for residue.

Oof, yeah, this is

a pretty slippery key.

Absolutely.

Let me lick it.

I'm going to lick it before I give it to you.

Let me just put it a little on my gums.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Keep you right.

Okay.

Take this key.

I got all I needed out of this key.

Okay.

I got the key on us.

And we're looking to go to the business.

Who do you think should win the MVP in the NFL this year?

MVP in the NFL this year?

I think Josh Josh Allen.

I would like to see Baker Mayfield win the MVP in the middle of the year.

Josh Allen, though.

I'd like to see Baker win it, but Josh Allen's a good picker.

But Josh Allen, like Josh Allen would be.

We're just going to talk about Josh Allen.

It'd be incredible.

Shout out to Josh Allen.

All right, yeah.

Shout out, Josh Allen.

You think he ever gets a

last year?

Oh, yeah.

And it was exciting.

No, I'm talking about you think he ever gets a Super Bowl.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

You think so?

Yeah, yeah.

Shout out to you.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Probably multiple Super Bowls.

What he thinks?

Okay.

Absolutely.

And so are you grabbing the key to open the northern door?

They slimmed me the key.

We're looking to go up, right?

We've got this mountain.

In theory, no.

In theory, you don't know which, you know, what's behind either of these doors, but we do know we've been going north into the mountains.

So we would surmise continuing north would probably be deeper into the mountains.

I think we'll rip the key to the north door.

That's cool, dear.

Absolutely.

100%.

You unlock the northern door.

You open it up.

Is that right?

Immediately you explode.

No, I'm just kidding, Zach.

You're doing fine right now.

You do see a long barracks in front of you.

Whatever knights, like Witcher-style knights, lived in the mountains here hunting giants and minotaurs a long time ago, they must have built these stone bed frames.

The mattresses and straw have rotted away a long time ago.

You're also noticing there is another change in this room since it was once occupied before the dragon moved in.

There is a crack in the floor where there is lava shining up through.

It's kind of like

very bright, so it's kind of like a yellowish, orangish, the color of cheese.

If you picture the color of cheese then it would be that that would be uh the the lava flowing through and so say orange

or yellow

and you also are aware that there is a staircase at the other end of the hall going down there was clearly once upon a time a door and a door frame but it has been pulled off the hinges a long time ago by some big creature going into and out of that staircase many, many times repetitively.

And you do not see any enemies in this room, just a lot of stone bed frames and then a lava river flowing through the middle of the room.

What would you like to do?

You haven't used up, you still have movement, your action, and your bonus action to do whatever you want.

Can I test a staircase for everyone?

You certainly could go up to the staircase 100%.

So first, you notice as you're going to this river of lava, it's blocking the middle of the room.

It shouldn't be hard to jump over.

With your athletics of plus five, all you need is a five or higher.

So this should be an automatic success for you as long long as you don't get a one to jump over.

There's also a little wooden bridge that you think the kobolds would use and you could walk across the bridge instead to get to that staircase.

What would you want to do?

Cross the bridge or just jump across?

I think we're going to jump to get to the stairs.

Easy.

Easy for you.

You've done this a lot on ships and stuff.

So go ahead and roll 1d20.

Just don't get a one and you're fine.

We got a four.

Four.

It's close, but with a nine total, you jump over, a little bit of the ground crumbles behind you and a little bit of ground crumbles where you land just behind your feet, but otherwise you're fine.

You can now walk over to, and let me just make sure I did put something cool.

You then can walk over to the top of the stairs and start looking down and maybe testing out the stairs.

Is that what you want to do?

Yes, I'd like to make sure the stairs are good for everybody else.

Absolutely.

As you get to the top of the stairs, right before you start going down the stairs, you notice something first.

There is at the foot of the stairs the biggest pile of treasure you have ever seen in your life.

However, there's something blocking or like a shadow over part, like some of it's shiny, and then a lot of it is obscured by something.

That something

seems to be letting out a loud...

Max.

It is snoring and whatever it is, it is very big, you think.

Do we think it has maybe wings?

It does seem like now that you mention it, there are wings spread out over this treasure pile.

100%.

You've still got your bonus action and your action.

And so far, this thing is not woken up.

So we won't wait the dragon.

We're good.

You could go down the stairs and test out the stairs, but I warn you right now, that probably

would ready something if you want to.

I would like to ready.

That's what I would do.

100%.

What would you like to ready?

Would you like to ready another attack spell, a hammer strike, something else?

Thunderwave would hit for 2d8 damage.

Do you have any other first level spells under first level spells either at the bottom right of your sheet or on the second page, the back side of your sheet, wherever it says first level spells?

I've got a fog cloud thunder wave.

Thunderwave.

No other ones?

Is that right?

Even on the second page?

Wrath of Storm and then...

Oh, I forgot Wrath of the Storm is really good.

So if you do a Thunder Wave, that sounds like it might be your best attack spell.

And as long as you don't have Guiding Bolt, that's the only one I can think of that would be better.

But if you have Thunder Wave, then not only will it deal 2d8 damage to the dragon if you hit, you can do your Wrath of the Storm ability to maximize that to just 16 automatic damage against this dragon.

Do you want to ready a Thunder Wave?

Is there anything I could ready that if we go in with the bigger attacks that would heal them up?

Like, do I have anything I can ready to, like, if they go in with the big hits because they're higher levels,

when they're in with the dragon, I could make sure they stay up.

You could anticipate that the dragon's going to hurt somebody, and so you could have a healing spell ready as the dragon.

I'd like to ready that if that's cool.

Absolutely.

I'm going to have you readying a heal spell 100%.

That's a great move.

100%.

I'm going to let you hold my card for five seconds.

Okay.

100%.

I appreciate the card.

Absolutely.

You got it.

So, Trainwind, you've got a heal spell ready.

That's going to bring us to Greg next.

We got to fuck this dragon.

Yeah, I mean, it's harder.

It's throwing all this wealth.

It's time.

It's been live.

It's like 27 rings.

It's time.

It's time.

Okay.

I'm healing too, though.

So should I ready a heal and you guys?

I'm going to go crazy.

The minute it comes back to my turn, I'm fucking this dragon up.

I like that.

So whatever we want to do to plan that out, we're ready to go.

So I have an aura of protection now.

Yes.

And do I need to cast that or is it always happening to you?

Anyone who's close to you gets a bonus to their saving throws.

Okay.

Which means that if everyone's surrounding you and the dragon attacks with, let's say, a breath weapon, everybody gets a bonus their saving throws against that breath weapon.

I think I'm going to

lay my hands

to heal.

Can I do one hand on each?

Yes, I allow that as a house rule.

You have two hands.

You should be able to heal two people at the same time with your healing hands abilities.

Yeah, absolutely.

Lay his hands on me right now?

One hand.

One hand on you, and then one hand on who?

Ehrlich?

Unfortunately.

You could go two hands on Ehrlich

on the chest.

Two hands on Ehrlich's chest?

Yeah.

Oh.

On each one.

Are you good with the four?

I just said I got hard when you put your hand on me.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

But that's okay.

Guys can get hurt.

Two balls.

Stop.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, I'll stay.

I'll stay.

And then just one hand on the breast of Ehrlich.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

100%.

You can decide how many of the 10 hit points.

Sorry.

No, you have like 30.

I have 30 to give.

Yes.

So you can spend as many as you want on the two of them.

Do you get him back up to full with four points?

No, I'm going to give him three.

Three.

So he has that chip on his chest.

I love one point of damage i love it absolutely and that's three you still have 27 if you want to give all of it to him he would be back up to full are you gonna afford this you could save some of it always helps out one in reserve just in case but let's give him the rest absolutely all of the rest a true daily double all right let's go betting it all as it were 100

Ehrlich, you are back up to full hit points.

All the acid damage is wiped away.

Congratulations.

That's huge.

And that will bring us from your turn, Greg.

Well, that's your action.

Anything with your bonus or move?

Can I ready my lance to throw?

Unfortunately, lay on hands is your action.

I'll let you roll a d20 to see if you're able to squeeze in maybe a javelin throw into it.

It's four again.

Or I'm sorry to say you're not a time to

get ready

javelin strike, unfortunately.

Yeah.

But you could move so that you're right next to our cleric, or you could stay safe back here.

So I think I should be closer to everybody since I have the aura of protection.

That makes sense, 100%.

Now, ironically, right now, they're all not caught up, but they might be about to run up to where our cleric is.

Yeah, let's go to like the thinnest area, the bottleneck kind of at the top of the steps.

It does make sense at the top of the steps is the bottleneck, 100%.

So you're going to go there with anticipation that other people will be joining you there.

How do you want to get out over the lava?

Jump over it or take the bridge?

I don't think I'm at that athletic.

I think your athletics bonus is maybe.

Oh, you might not have an athletics.

That means it's a plus three for you with your natural strength.

And you need a five or higher, which means as long as you get a one, you should be fine.

Yeah, you can just.

In fact, sorry, it's a six now because some of it has crumbled away at this point.

But let's just do it.

I'm jumping.

Yeah, 100%.

This should be easy.

Just don't get a one or a two.

On the 20?

On the D20.

Exactly right.

100%.

Let's see which one.

I just rolled an 18 with that one.

You got to go white.

You got to go sweeze it up.

You got to go squeeze it up.

I know it's weird.

Usually you just announce while other people do the athletic stuff.

Don't fall in.

Use a white one.

Oh, there you go.

20.

Absolutely.

No cloak, no disadvantage.

That's the trick for doing it.

Absolutely.

And so with your athletics check, critical hit, you jump over no problem.

In fact, I'm going to say you were able to do that with the critical hit extra quiet.

So I'm going to roll for the dragon two times.

The dragon does not wake up.

You are so quiet.

Even in heavy armor, armor, you land and you are able to walk right over to here.

You've done your action.

You've done your move and your bonus in that case.

Well done.

And so great work.

Greg, you are now right next to Trainwind looking down at the sleeping dragon.

Norm, we are up to

Steel Team 6 shit.

By the way, I want to just say, Greg, that was really cool of you to save both of us.

I'll remember that.

Some people...

You pointed a gun at me.

Well, some people have healing powers and they didn't heal us on their turn.

So, appreciate you doing that.

Yeah, and I actually have none left.

I gave you everything.

I didn't even need to have as far as I know.

Other people just didn't do shit.

All right.

Fair.

Go, Tom.

Let's do it.

Let's fuck it up.

Norm, we are up to you.

Right now, you know, there is a stream of lava blocking your way to the dragon.

Otherwise, you're getting the signal from these two.

Like, it's here.

That's an easy thing to communicate.

Yep.

So, let's go.

Absolutely.

I want to rage.

The moment that you rage, you are filled with fury, power, and energy.

It is as though Josh Allen just won MVP.

The energy just pulsing and coursing your heart's beating on this chest right now.

Pupils dilating.

Give me a second.

Absolutely.

When you start grinding your teeth, you're just like, are you so many good ideas right now?

And you absolutely can roll with advantage to jump over the river of lava.

Does he have to roll to see if his sniffles wake up the dragon?

Yeah, we're definitely going to roll eight to jump over.

Eight 100% is enough, no problem.

And then I would like you to roll one time just to see how much like your teeth grinding and your sniffles and snorting are kind of like.

Only a three.

Only a three.

Probably got to go back to that.

Unfortunately, we're looking for a high roll there.

So let me

see is the dragon.

And that with an 18 is the moment when the dragon's eyes fly open.

And he's looking up and sees

our paladin, Greg.

He is seeing Trainwind and he is seeing you, Norm, and he goes, ah, treasure hunters do we have?

Well then, you're going to regret coming to my house.

And begins to climb off his treasure pile.

You still got your action right now.

And I'm going for him.

Do you want to ready for this dragon to come up the stairs or do you want to just jump down the stairs and attack immediately?

I'm going for it.

I got a hundred dragon.

I want to go for it.

Don't be able to do it.

I don't trust your plan.

I don't trust his plan.

What's your plan?

I'm going to fuck this dragon up.

If I die doing it, then my boys are going to live and I want to make sure only you, Train Wynn, can get the Charizard.

If I die.

This is crazy.

And can you write a will?

Yeah, my will is you get the Charizard.

Ringo, you get my PS5.

Fuck yeah.

That's huge.

You get the Joe Buck painting.

Wonderful.

Yep.

Brittany,

you get me haunching you from the afterlife.

Not bad.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Not a bad deal.

There's my will.

That's toxic.

Norm, please roll two times to see as you jump down the stairs.

Are you going to get another advantage on this attack roll?

What am I looking at?

Assuming, are you just running down the stairs or do you want to risk jumping?

Oh, I want to jump.

I want to roll.

Absolutely, you're doing what?

Absolutely.

Just mid-air, jump down this 20-foot staircase.

Let's see if you stick the landing.

Three, that was.

Three.

Well, do you get the higher two rolls since you are raging now?

19.

19.

Amazing.

With the 20 or higher as you are jumping down with the axe, the chill in the air.

Very God of war style.

You're bringing the axe down.

If you you go reckless, you already have advantage, but if you sorry, if you go, if you already have advantage, if you go reckless, you have double advantage now and can roll three times.

Are you going reckless on these attacks?

Absolutely, you know the answer to that.

Three times, you're looking for that critical hit if you can get it.

14.

Okay.

One, that was bad.

Okay.

Four.

14.

14.

Plus eight is going to be a solid hit on this dragon.

A 20 or higher is easily a hit.

And so you are going to get one D12 plus 4 for your strength, 2 for the magic, and 2 for rage.

That's D12 plus 8 in that case.

Okay, so I'm rolling D12.

Bingo.

Four.

Four plus eight is going to be 12 damage on this dragon.

That is so far the first damage this dragon has taken.

And that's huge news.

The bad news is he's not nearly halfway dead.

That's nearly dead as we're dead.

Yeah, I'm sorry to say.

We're going to fuck him up.

At which point, I want to just say, did anyone else have a ready to action?

No, I have a ready to heal, it looks like, but nobody else had a ready to action.

And you healed as well, but you had a ready to heal train wind.

So, no, ready to attacks against the dragon right now, Ehrlich.

That is going to bring us to you.

It is not the dragon's turn just yet.

All right, so I got a plan.

Absolutely.

I would like to go into the East Wing.

Yes.

100%.

And create a minor illusion to distract the dragon.

You know.

Now.

Can I send an illusion up

the whatever chimney?

So, first of all, you are in the room right now where all the kobolds are staring up at the sky.

The east door, you know, you are the one person who knows, is where the other imp is in that room.

And then to the north, you know now is where the dragon is.

But isn't there a chimney in the east wing?

Yeah, but you're assuming that it goes into the dragon layer.

Yeah.

It has to go into the dragon layer.

The chimney has to go into the dragon layer.

It has to go up.

Chimneys go up.

Straight up.

All right, never mind.

I've never seen a chimney.

Well, I thought it was like sending heat up to the dragon.

That is an interesting idea.

You think that the dragon generates its own heat, for better or worse, unfortunately.

Apparently, the fire was roaring in there so that the imp who's immune to fire could just sit in it like a bathtub and be protected, basically, from anyone ever touching him.

So he seemed to be the one who was enjoying there.

The moment you open the eastern door, by the way, you don't see anybody in that room.

It's empty, apparently.

This was your plan?

I thought it was a good plan.

I no longer do.

You haven't used up any of your turn yet.

You just looked in the eastern door.

Let's see.

All right, let's go over the dragon.

Let's eldrich blast the dragon.

Yes, let's go.

100%.

You run over.

If you're jumping over the lava, just roll me a d20, or are you taking the bridge?

Lava.

11.

11 is enough.

You are able to jump over the lava, no problem.

Let's go.

As you run to the top of the stairs, are you doing a hex on the dragon before you do an eldritch blast?

If you do a bonus action hex, he'll take more damage than your eldritch blast.

Absolutely.

This is your second spell slot you're using up.

You also get to pick one of his six ability scores.

You could hex him with weakness.

You could hex him with clumsiness.

You could hex him with like indigestion, basically.

You can make him stupid, unwise, foolish, or low charisma.

What would you like to do?

Just weaken him.

Let's just take that.

You're affecting his strength.

You give him a curse of weakness in that case with the hex.

And now you're going to deal more damage if you hit him.

Roll me 1d20 plus 6, I think.

12.

12 plus 6 is enough with an 18.

You are hitting him for your LG Blast damage, which is 1d10 plus 4, I believe.

Oh, that's a D12, unfortunately.

The D10 might be higher than that.

Is this the D10?

This is the D10.

It's kind of shaped like a top a little bit, but fatter than the D8.

The dreidel.

There you go.

Bingo.

Exactly.

Looks kind of like a five-sided dreidel.

That's the right one.

Yep.

Oh, the dreidel shape.

Five.

Five.

So five plus four should be nine more damage on this dragon.

But roll me a d6 for your hex now.

The cube die.

Five.

Yet more on top of that is 14 more damage.

The dragon already took 12 from norm.

So I

And that is going to bring him up to 26

in that case.

Absolutely.

Norm, I'm so sorry.

And I was partially reminded by the fact that you held this over him.

You should have gotten two attacks, Norm, not one.

Oh, so

I'm gonna go ahead and real quick.

Just roll me with it three times, one more time.

Kill the dragon.

Actually, one, two, two times, just two times, not three.

13.

Already a hit.

12.

12.

So you hit.

Roll me another D12 plus 8.

Happily.

Not 6.

6 plus 8 is going to be another 14, which is the damage he just dealt.

And that'll bring him up to an even 40 at 40.

Did you hear that?

I did 26 of damage.

You did 14.

Yeah, you're right.

Absolutely.

And you have dealt 40 collective damage.

The dragon is closer to halfway dead, but still not halfway dead just yet.

I'm sorry to say.

Well done, though, Ehrlich.

And luckily, it's not the dragon's turn yet.

However, it's not Wayne's turn either.

Suddenly,

we see, or rather hear, okay, first we see the door to the forge, which you had opened up.

Did you close it behind you after you like peeked in?

And when you were running over to the dragon, did you open it up?

You shut it behind you.

Is that right?

You're lying.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna honor the fact that you could have shut it.

However, it is just opening again, and we don't see anything emerge, but we see it only opened a few inches, and we hear a bat or something fly into the room.

But none of us see anything in the kobold room.

We just hear what sounds like a bat flying around, and then it sort of giggles a little bit and flies into the room where the dragon is waking up.

You hear it fly over you, the two of you, down the stairs to where Norm is.

And you,

no, I'm going to say we don't, none of us hear anything being said to us just yet, but you feel something land on your shoulder, Norm, and suddenly there is a stinger you feel like trying to sink into your neck, I am sorry to say.

And sure enough, the imp

critical hits you, I am sorry to say, with a natural 20.

And that means that you are taking a total of

four plus three is going to be seven damage.

However, you're raging now.

That's only three points of damage against you, bringing you up to four.

Then the poison damage courses through your veins.

Please roll two times on a constitution saving throw.

I'm giving you disadvantage because this was a critical hit.

Would this have happened if that door wasn't opened?

It would not have made a difference if the door was open or shut, to be fair.

Is it good manners to close a door door after you walk out of it?

Probably is.

I think so, maybe.

You can close the fucking door.

No, no, no, no, no.

This was his plan.

What am I rolling?

Roll me

two D20s.

Take the lower number because it's a Constitution saving throw.

18.

18.

10.

10.

Okay, so we take the 10.

Sorry, Norm, on your sheet, does it say what your Constitution saving throw is?

Let's see.

You would have a plus 2 and then a plus 3, so you'd have a plus 5.

What did you get on your your roll again i got a 10 10 plus five that is enough you're gonna take half damage from the poison then in that case well done and so you are gonna be taking all of this but then half of it at least

uh okay so that's gonna be would have been max just looked at the actual door

12 17 20 24 29 damage is what you would have taken you're taking half of that because you passed the saving throw.

And so that's 14 more damage brings you up to 18 norm.

And I would like you, suddenly, it's no longer invisible.

You see this imp on your shoulder and it's like running around trying to like hide in your fur, as it were, and stuff your Snorlax fur.

I would like you to please roll me a d20 to see if you notice something.

11.

11.

With an 11, that's just barely not enough.

You don't know if this imp is Lola or not.

You hardly ever see Lola because Lola is usually invisible.

So for all you know, Lola might be attacking you right now.

Lola's the only imp you've ever seen in your whole adventuring career, just to be clear.

Okay.

So Norm, that is what's happening on imp turn.

And at the end of Imp turn, it is now Wayne's turn.

Wayne, what would you like to do?

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And now, more DD.

If I do Fireball, is that weaker against a dragon?

Unfortunately, you know for sure Fireball would deal zero damage to this dragon, unfortunately.

And to the imp, probably, too.

Probably to the imp, yeah.

The imp was sitting in fire, we think.

All right, for my first, the first thing I do, can I close the door?

You certainly could.

Yeah, you go to where the imp flew out of and you just shut this door.

In case there's anything that's really kind of a good thing.

It's one of my nights where someone doors open, and I'm like, we're not heating up the whole neighborhood.

Absolutely, 100%.

Yeah.

Well done.

Absolutely.

Okay, so

I need to get in this fight.

I got to have my boys back.

If you have any spells that might be able to...

A lot of your spells tend to be like charming and stuff like that.

To be fair, Dissonant Whispers deals 3d6 damage if you if they fail their wisdom saving throw as you whisper horrible secrets of the universe into their mind a painful melody into an enemy's mind could i could i sing imagine Dragons?

Yes, 100%.

Absolutely.

And he goes, No, not that.

Because as a dragon, he hears that all the time.

As you do some dissonant whispers into his mind, he needs to make a saving throw.

Okay,

he has just barely failed that saving throw.

If you cast it at first level, that would be 3d6 damage.

If you cast it at second level, it would be 4d6.

And if you did it at third level,

then that would be 5.6.

That is your last

that spell slot, then absolutely.

So you have no third-level spell slots left, but you use up your last one for five D6's worth of damage.

He's going to take all of that damage.

Nice.

That's a six.

A six is already great.

A six.

Just amazing.

One.

Twelve.

Thirteen.

Two more.

Sixer.

One.

Falker.

Okay, 14.

Sixer.

Three.

Falker.

seventeen more damage brings him up to 57

and at 57 now at long last you can tell the dragon is just

barely halfway dead.

Well done, absolutely.

And so with that spell, there's one other effect that he gets.

He immediately hearing imagined dragons coursing through his head, he goes, no, no, get it away, get it away, and he begins charging away from Norm.

Norm immediately gets one free attack against this dragon.

Norm will one more D20 against him.

13.

13 plus 8 is going to be a dirty 21.

Let's go into

D12

plus

8.

10.

10 plus 8 is 18 more damage, bringing him up to 75 now 100

he looks like he is three quarters of a way dead

well done

absolutely it might be a nice even round number

i'd say he's roughly 75 dead maybe and so you are absolutely clobbering him he runs and he is cowering in the corner underneath all these statues and sarcophagi of all these ancient knights.

Well done, Wayne.

That was a good fastball special, as it were, a combo where you hurt him, and then Norm gets to hurt him.

And that, and he also looks at you and goes, The Swobold betrays me.

And he thinks it's just Swobold right now.

Absolutely.

He thinks he's been betrayed.

Now, at this point, just as you are making him think he got betrayed, that is when he shouts, Pets!

Pets, protect me.

And we are just coming up to the initiative count where just before Trainwind goes, his minions would go.

And from out of the lava, a pair of fire snakes, serpents made of pure flame, begin to coil themselves out of the fire and slither towards two of us.

The people at the top of the stairs are you three, so I'm going to roll to see who the first fire snake goes after.

I am so sorry to say, Trainwind, we've got one fire snake going after you right now.

It lashes out to bite you.

And as it does, Trainwind, you have a ready to heal right now.

I just want to check.

Did you use that on Norm at all when he took damage?

He's down to 14 damage.

Oh, he used it last round.

He didn't use it yet.

Okay, so you've got it if you need it.

And it looks like you might end up needing it.

So let's see.

First attack roll against you is a miss, I'm happy to report, with a total of a nine.

Misses your armor class.

Then he tries to whip you with this tail attack.

He lashes out trying to bite you.

And then his fiery tail is going to be a total of a 12 but what's your armor class at the top center of your sheet

all shields

armor all shields armor class armor class my bad it's gonna be right top center top center just below character name

oh 16 18 with shields you're doing fine with your 18 with your shield up you are absolutely blocking this attack and the fire snake fighting you is done with his turn then the other fire snake is going after our bard Wayne.

Wayne, this is dangerous because if you get hit, you might lose the spell that's keeping the kobolds hypnotized.

So, ooh, first attack against you is a 15.

Can I ask, what's your armor class on your sheet?

17.

17

misses you just barely.

Well done.

And then the second attack also just barely misses you.

Well done.

With a 10 total.

We are available.

avoiding all the attacks from the two fire snakes.

Huge.

The kobolds remain hypnotized.

that means on their turn and i'm so sorry to say this is when the dragon would be going now right before your turn train win how much health do you have left it is how much health do you have left like half the dragon is marching right up to your

norm and i'm sorry to say tim i can deliver cutting words when an enemy tries a dice roll uh interesting okay so here's the thing he doesn't roll a d20 for this okay but i would say that your cutting words can be used to raise the saving throw for everybody in your group because it's affecting him at the source.

Do you want to do cutting words on him right now?

I want to insult the fly.

I want to roast this dragon.

What do you say to roast this dragon?

He's got some terrible furniture.

Absolutely.

100%.

And I'm like, dude, come on.

Like, get a job.

Absolutely.

You see that?

You live like this?

He goes, I have collected the best furniture from these knights.

You see some like tackboard IKEA furniture fall apart in the background.

There's like a a sarcophagus just falls apart.

Dude, like a slob.

He is absolutely embarrassed.

Please roll a d8 against him.

The d8 is

right here.

It's a prism.

It looks like a platonic solid.

It is the one that looks like a dreidel, ironically.

And so with an eight, it's a plus eight to everyone's saving throw.

And to take half damage from this fire, you only need to get a 15 or higher.

So a plus eight is actually huge.

So, first of all, I'm going to now roll to see how much fire damage we are taking in all.

I will let you know when I am done rolling.

Okay, two for starters, two points of damage.

Then another six is going to be eight points of damage.

Then another eight is going to be sixteen points of damage.

Then, oh, another 12 is going to be 28 points of damage.

Two more.

It's going to be six, and that's going to be 34.

So, 34 damage is getting unleashed from the dragon's mouth.

He is marching right up to Norm to hit Norm with this 34 damage first.

However, the fire is going up the stairs, and it is going to hit everybody at the top of the stairs, which is everyone else who is at the top of the stairs right now, which is all of us.

So Norm, since you're front and center, please roll me your dexterity saving throw.

You have a plus two from your own stats and a plus eight, so you have a total of a plus 10 on this.

You need to get a 15 or a higher to take 17 instead of 34 damage.

220.

Bingo.

15.

15.

Now you also had advantage on this due to something called danger sense.

So just roll one more time just to see if you critical hit, but that's going to be enough.

Four.

Four.

So, you are going to take that initial roll.

17 damage.

You had 14 on you currently.

17 fire damage is going to bring you up to

31.

He also has a fire potion.

Oh, and you would have drank your fire potion before going to this dungeon.

That means you are not taking 17.

You are only going to be taking eight points of damage.

That takes you up to just 22 damage out of your 50s.

Nobody has a heal ready for this.

Nope.

We do have someone with a heal ready.

I'm going to see how much damage everybody takes, and you will roll yours last to see if you want to heal or save it for yourself.

And if Wayne takes damage, all those kobolds are going to come down the steps.

That's true, 100%.

In fact, all the more reason, Wayne, roll next on your saving throw.

Roll me a D20.

I believe you have a plus three on this.

15.

15 plus the eight is going to be plenty.

You are also going to be taking half damage, but you don't have fire resistance.

So that's 17.

I gave him away.

You gave him away.

I'm sorry to say.

17 damage coming your way means I'm going to need you roll a d20.

I didn't think that.

I didn't think that Tradewind was going to take it when I offered him.

I was just doing it to be nice, and he was like, can I slide you back?

No, it's already yours.

It's done.

You would have needed to drink it technically before you even went into this.

It was a test.

It would get helpful now.

Did you drink it at all, Tradewind?

I didn't return it to him.

Yeah, I fucked it up.

Yeah, I shouldn't have taken the potion.

I thought he was like, hey, you want a potion?

I said, yeah, I shouldn't have said yes.

Trade wind, you do have the least hit points, so I will just say this might come in handy here.

But Wayne, roll me a d20 just to see if we lost the spell on the kobolds.

13.

13, you hold on to the spell on the kobolds.

They remain hypnotized.

Good stuff.

You're taking 17 points of damage, but you have 51 health in all.

Usually you're fine.

Absolutely.

And then the next person,

Wayne, Ehrlich, let's roll a D20 plus two for you.

You need

five.

Plus two is seven.

And then with a plus eight from our bard, that's going to be a 15.

Just barely enough to take half damage.

That's 17 damage coming your way, Ehrlich.

And you were at full hit points.

So now you're just 17 hit points down.

Well done.

And then...

Greg, please roll me a D20 plus your dexterity, which I'm pretty sure is a plus zero, unfortunately.

But you have a plus eight on this.

It's a two.

Now, here's the thing: no one else needed your aura of courage, but you might end up needing your aura of courage.

So, right now, you have a plus zero from dexterity saving throw.

You're getting a plus eight from the bard, and so that's a 10 total.

Then, your aura of protection gives you a plus what?

Or your, yeah, aura of courage or aura of protection.

What does it add to all saving throws?

Is it a plus three?

Is that right?

I do not.

Plus three.

Plus three, that would get it up to a 13.

I am desperately trying to think of anything.

No, that's strange.

Let's play one.

But it sounds like you are missing the saving throw by just one point.

And luckily for you, you have fire resistance.

So you would have been taking 34 points of damage.

Instead, you are now taking just 17 with fire resistance.

So you got that going for you?

and that's huge because now you are not halfway dead you have 52 normally good stuff however now the most important role train wind right now can i ask how many hit points do you have top center top center uh hit points uh 15 15 that's what i wanted to make sure because right now you only have 15 level two i'm low lower level

two kind of all nerves in his game yeah oh man so you know that right now if you were to pass the saving throw with fireball with fire resistance,

then you would only take eight damage.

But if you fail the saving throw, fire resistance is not necessarily going to save you.

You'd still be taking 17 points.

Did you accidentally buy a children's fire resistance potion?

I did, yeah.

That's embarrassing.

It was like the Fisher Price one, my first fire resistance, yeah.

Okay, so it's not quite as effective.

Is that right?

I'm sorry to say, you might be taking

more than half damage, unfortunately.

So I'm going to need to see a really good roll on this

for you to be alive at the end of your turn.

Off to D20?

That would be a D20.

Bingo.

You got a 10.

A 10.

And you do not have any bonus on this, I am sorry to say.

However, you're getting a plus 8.

So that is an 18 total.

And that would be enough.

However, you're going to take a little bit more than 8 damage.

Since it's not a full strength fire resistance potion, you are taking 14 points of damage.

You said you had 15 hit points?

15 hits.

You got one hit point left, that means, right now.

Dragon spit out like a tornado of fire.

Oh,

sharknado.

That's right.

Let me roll to see how much wind might be going.

And I meant to say, you, as a storm cleric, kind of command the sharknado.

So here's the thing.

Let me let you know if there is a sharknado happening.

There is a sharknado.

Would you like to use your storm magic to try to end the sharknado before it can start?

Can that sharknado take out other people in the game?

It It could potentially.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got to take that out.

I don't want you guys to get hit by that.

Absolutely.

100%.

That's an air of effect, as you know all too well.

Please.

Can you say you would never use a sharknado?

But if it's going to take out the team, I got to get rid of it.

Okay.

I don't think I'm using it.

I think I'm getting rid of the NATO.

I believe so.

Am I misunderstanding?

You could end the NATO, or if you roll really well, you could maybe try to take control of it if you're willing to compromise your principles.

Even if I roll well, can I not take control and still make sure these guys don't get taken out?

Agreed.

100%.

Right now, the number you need to beat is an 11

one roll 100 this is huge

nice

did you get out of 11 we rolled a one we rolled a one

and with that i am sorry to say the shark nado which is filled with fiery sharks is heading right towards you and deals another

i'm gonna say 46 damage to you.

As long, you're down to one, as long as you don't roll 16 on these four dice, you're not dead, you're just unconscious.

As long as you don't roll 16 on these four dice.

As long as you don't roll a 16 or higher.

And I just rolled

a 7 plus 7 is a 14.

You're unconscious, but you are not dead, Trainwind.

But I'm sorry to say with that natural one, you tried to take control of the Sharknado, and I'm afraid to say the Sharknado took control of you instead.

And it is just flipping you through the air right now.

Jesus

Christ, you've been here before.

Been here before.

But it's not a good place to be.

No.

Absolutely.

You think the dragon starts laughing like he's GG easy in the chat.

Unfortunately.

And he says, I love to spam this.

He even admits he spams it all the time.

I'm recording it.

And he also says, he says that he's talking to the, like, he says, my uncle works at Marvel Rock.

And he's not gonna nerf it he's actually gonna make it stronger

he's gonna buff it 100

but zach just said he reported it oh you reported it i reported him yeah roll the report him real quick you you telepathically speak to uh pound found your god and you're like could you report this guy i'd like him nerfed please

16 16 is great uh pound found said we are aware of the imbalancing issues he puts out a little erratic and he says we're not doing any updates on it just yet we want everyone to have a good time and you could tell they're just favoring the players who like to use exploits like that, unfortunately, right now.

So Pound Found is unfortunately just playing to the Smurfs right now, it seems like.

And you would have needed a critical hit, I will admit.

And it's unfortunate you got that high roll.

So you at least got an answer, but it's not to your satisfaction.

But valiant turn right there.

That is going to bring us from the dragon's turn now after he takes you out with the Sharknado and hits all the rest of us.

I believe everyone's now been hit officially by the breath weapon that is going to bring us to train wind next now train wind here's the thing you had a ready to heal going so i want to give you this chance first you had been driven into what did i roll again 14 you were at one you're at negative 13 right now if not great you can use your ready to heal right now if you're unconscious then i know exactly what happens you roll a death saving throw and you might make it up to do a turn if you roll a natural 20.

However, I'm going to give you one chance.

You had a ready to heal.

Would you have used it to heal somebody else or to try to keep yourself alive, in which case you are desperately rolling for 14 or more hit points restored?

Otherwise, it doesn't save you.

I can't defeat the dragon.

We got to keep some of these bigger guys up to defeat the dragon.

So we need to heal some of the tanks.

So we got to heal Brittany.

We got to heal Greg.

What are life points looking like here, boys?

I'd like you to save yourself.

I've lost 17 points.

I'd like to win this.

We're a sick team.

Save yourself.

But if we all win without you, then we didn't really win a round.

Correct.

But the dragon's dead.

No man left behind.

Save yourself.

You guys think we can make it another round?

Save yourself.

Yes.

But we need you.

We need you.

He's got a bunch of people.

Every time we play this game, we make sure all of us remain tightness.

We've never lost a man.

He's got heals too, though.

Save yourself.

Yeah.

This is about you.

You got to, for once, think about yourself.

Save yourself.

The objective is to defeat this dragon, right?

Save yourself.

And the game of D and D is your decision how much you cooperate and how much you betray each other in your call.

Can I ask you one more qualifying question?

When we defeat the dragon, what's the end game there?

What goes to win?

In theory, I will point out the treasure in theory gets split up.

We go back to town and we receive our accolades.

So

we want to split up this treasure.

We don't want to be going back to town and being like, hey, where'd Trainwind go?

What about the accolades, too?

I can't believe it.

We split it up amongst the five.

Certainly, yes.

That is

the theory, the idea.

We split the heels up amongst five.

Heal yourself.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry to say no.

You would need to heal one heels.

Heal yourself.

Save yourself.

You're dead.

You're dead.

Save it.

I'll be uncon.

I'll be uncon.

You get uncon.

And then he got heals, maybe.

Heal yourself.

I'll heal the boys.

No.

Heal yourself.

So we're not going to kill the dragon.

Then we're all good.

Yeah, we are.

Yes, we are.

Okay, fine.

I'll heal.

All right.

All right.

Fine.

I can do that.

I can't believe he heals yourself.

You're healing.

You're so selfish.

What the fuck?

No, I'm not going to heal me.

I'm going to heal the body.

No, you got to heal yourself.

You got to heal yourself.

I can't heal me.

Do it work.

My level's too low.

Train wind.

Look at me in the eyes.

Heal yourself.

I do not want to win with one of us dying.

How How many life points do you have?

More than enough.

Mr.

Tim, how many life points?

He's down by 22, it looks like to you.

22?

Out of 59.

That's out of 59.

We're resident boys.

We're resident boys.

My God, he's a healing.

Who are you going to heal?

Right now, the human barbarian is down by 22.

Most other people are down by 17.

Yeah, everyone else is pretty much down by 17.

All right?

Yeah.

Except for you, you're about to be unconscious.

Don't go unconscious.

So we'll do it.

17, 17, 17, and 22 okay so we'll do he's going to try to dodge the heals i got only one only one heals

to be fair also i'll point this out you readied and your most powerful healing spell would be the one that you can touch people with norm's down the stairs everybody else is upstairs with you so technically it would be one of these three that you could heal with your most powerful spell if you heal norm it's a weaker spell in that case and you've got this spell on all the cobalts to make sure they don't pull up on it on the on the team right i do have that but my my birthday wish would be that you saved yourself.

Sorry, do we have a second birthday?

No, I'm saying my birthday wish would be

how many heals you got left for the team,

bro.

I'm taking this dragon.

I think he used up all of his healing, Greg.

Plenty.

I'm taking this dragon out in the next turn.

I'm going to rage.

I actually don't want to beat the dragon if we're getting artificially healed from you.

It's like that's asterisks.

PEDs.

That's a Mickey Mouse dragon.

Yeah, that's not a Mickey game.

It's a bubble dragon.

It can't be a bubble game.

Heal yourself.

Do it.

I'll heal.

We gotta keep the spell up, so I'll heal you.

Ooh,

absolutely.

Final decision.

I don't want it.

Okay.

You don't want it?

No.

No, I don't want it.

Who's got the biggest swing to kill a dragon?

Ooh.

Arguably.

Greg, because paladins can smite with their spell slots.

Are you thinking about maybe doing that, Greg?

You can deal 25 damage.

I have 22 total hit points.

I only lost 17.

I'm chilling.

I'm doing fine.

Those fire resistance potions got us pretty fine.

I'm actually feeling pretty good being a little bit of a chicken.

I'm thinking I might kill you if you don't heal yourself.

You'll kill me if you don't heal yourself.

You'll take me out the game?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll heal the big man.

No, I'm going to kill you if you don't heal yourself.

You could kill me on the team?

Yes.

And you mean that?

I'm going to kill you.

But you gave me the card, right?

No, I have the card.

I got the card.

I have the card.

The five seconds.

I didn't give it back.

Yeah, I did.

I took it right back.

We'll check the tapes.

I took it back.

All right, if you took it back, I will kill you.

I will kill you.

And the minute you heal me, I will kill you.

What if you gave his lineage the Pokemon card?

Deal.

If he heals himself.

Deal.

Then can my lineage use the Pokemon card whenever?

Yeah.

Theory, yeah.

Yeah.

Like I say.

Okay.

Well, we'll, we've got to beat the dragon, so we'll heal the biggest 54 level.

So you're giving Norm the spell, is that right?

I think.

Nope.

Would you defeat the dragon?

Yeah.

Did you ever give us the info from earlier?

No.

You can't actually.

Okay, that's.

Oh, okay.

That's fair.

Man left the door open.

All right, Hill, I'll go with the,

and you said you only lost 17, right?

I lost 17.

As someone who plays a cleric in my family game, this makes me very happy because it's like, yeah, who was nice to me and who did what?

Absolutely.

You only give me the card for five seconds, which is fine.

I appreciate looking at the card.

We got to kill this dragon, so we'll go norm.

No, wait, okay, we'll go.

You have the spell.

We'll go Ringo.

Wait, our best guy's not getting it?

Doesn't he have enough to make it through the dragon?

Dragon's a 75% right temple.

He is the closest to him.

75% dead.

Yeah.

Yeah.

25%.

So 25 points?

Probably.

I'm not good at math.

I'm not good at math.

How many points is his hit go?

Like, if he hits out the dragon, huh?

He hits the dragon for like around 12 to 16 each hit, and he gets two hits.

If you lose him,

nobody beats the dragon.

I'm killing this dragon on the next turn.

But I'm going to kill the dragon on the next turn.

If it gets hurt, those cobalts are gonna wake up, and then we're fucked up.

We have to go several more turns.

No, we take kobolds, Tim or no.

Is that we take kobolds or no?

We're taking them down, right?

The kobolds are down.

I think the kobolds are pretty puny.

It would be annoying if they would break free of the spell and come after us.

We shouldn't be healing.

Just fucking move on.

Just heal yourself and move on.

Fine, okay, fine.

We can do that.

Thank Christ.

Heal yourself?

I'm going to heal the Tim.

The most selfish player award goes to Zach.

Absolutely.

Zach, if you're healing yourself, you need to get at least 14.

Otherwise, your healing is for naught and you are still in time.

At least I've healed you,

they updated the healing spell and used the healing.

One D8 plus three

now games are 2d8 plus 3.

So, if you roll well, you could pull this off.

Or even for the new D8 plus 3, you need to get an 11 or higher.

We need tea time.

He's here.

So, 11 or higher on these colours.

It's not enough.

You're not not going to get enough.

You won't want it time.

They're all bad.

One at a time for the drama.

100%.

How many numbers are?

I mean, it's.

Total.

You need essentially, since it's a plus three and you need a 14 or higher, you need to get a combined 11 on these two decks.

Seven.

That's a great roll.

Okay, that's a great roll.

You need to get

four or higher on the second roll.

This is fun.

Let's stick around.

Three.

No.

After all of the debate,

you try to heal yourself with your ready to action.

You almost keep yourself standing, but the rate of attrition and DPS is higher than your rate of heals.

And unfortunately, they get you below your minimum healing.

And so you fall unconscious nonetheless.

It's crazy because if you had healed any of us, we probably would have beaten the dragon.

We're all fucked up.

Live and die by the dice, Kim, right?

Live and and die by the dice.

Exactly right.

100%.

That was ironically the cruelest role I could have imagined, but also arguably the most entertaining role I could have imagined as well after all the debating.

So, Trainwind, I consider that a fantastic turn narratively.

But you are unconscious now.

Please roll me a D20 to see if you are slipping closer to death on your turn or slipping closer to life on your turn.

What's death?

20?

Death would be a one.

If you get a 20, you actually wake up right now and you get a whole turn after all that.

Totally according to the rules.

A 20 means a four.

Sorry to say.

That means that Trainwind has failed one death saving throw.

If you fail three death saving throws before you get healed, then you are dead for good Trainwind.

I'm sorry to say.

So Trainwind, amazing turn.

That is going to bring us to Greg's turn now.

Absolutely.

Snakes are still around.

The snakes are still around and they are in melee with you and Trainwind.

It looks like one snake, because they're animals and they're dumb, is doing the thing where he's like, I should be attacking these other standing people, but this guy looks kind of delicious and I might just munch on him while he's unconscious, in which case that would kill Trainwind.

So if you go after the dragon, you'll provoke an attack of opportunity from at least one of the snakes, the snake right next to you.

Or you could take down the snake instead and then do maybe a second attack against the dragon or something like that.

Because you get two attacks.

All right,

I'm going to go for the snakes.

Absolutely, 100%.

If you take out the snake, you might be able to go for the dragon for another blow.

A 10.

A 10 plus 6.

That is enough to hit the snake for sure.

Now, the question is: do you want to burn up one of your smell slots to smite?

If you just attack with your lance against the snake, you have two lances, no?

You have, in theory,

multiple javelins, but just one lance in theory.

The lance is like the knightly, like,

a jousting weapon.

Sure, cool.

I think it's 1d10 plus 4 damage for the lance.

Is that lance plus plus 3?

1d10 plus 3.

1d10.

1d12 plus 3?

Oh, 1d12!

My bad.

I forgot it goes up to that now.

So a d12 plus 3 is probably your best weapon.

However, if you smite with a spell slot, you get an extra 2d8.

You don't know how many hit points this snake has, but you got plenty of smites.

Let's smite.

Let's smite.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll 2d8 plus 1d12.

4 and 2.

Okay, and is that all three of the dice?

No, no, that is just the 8.

Which one's the

and seven?

Six plus seven is 13 plus another three you said to the d12.

So you said, sorry, the 13 plus three.

Is that right?

16.

16 is enough to injure the fire snake, but not kill him.

I apologize.

I should have let you know.

You could have done a higher level smite, though.

Would you have done a second level smite, which would have been an extra D8, or a third level?

Or sorry, you only have second level.

I only have second level.

No, I'm holding on to my smite.

Should I, I'm holding on to my smite.

You're holding on to your more powerful smite for the dragon maybe 100 so the snake is unfortunately still alive hanging on with six hp left do you want to attack him again or go after the dragon with your second and last attack

i i'm gonna i'm gonna let norm finish the dragon i'm killing the snake you kill the snake 100 roll another d20 plus i think you said like eight against this uh it's whatever is six plus six absolutely 13 13 plus six is enough that your minimum death well yeah because you deal a d12 plus 3.

Yes.

He's got 6 left.

Are you smiting on this one?

I probably shouldn't, right?

He's going to kill him anyway.

Probably going to kill him anyway.

Roll me a d12 plus 3 just to make sure.

8.

Eight plus 3 is enough.

With 11 damage, you take out one of the two fire snakes.

There's one standing over Trainwind's body, but you've killed one right next to you, parting the way to the dragon.

You could end your turn charging down at the dragon, so the dragon is tangling with two people at least.

Or you could just end your turn.

But let's uh let's do that absolutely now can i do a compelled duel on the dragon to make him get an attack as a bonus action you can do compelled duel the problem is all that does it doesn't give him a free attack it means that the dragon gets disadvantaged attacking anyone except you okay like you and me are fighting one by one i'll do it absolutely you do a compelled duel let's see if he's affected by it do you insult the dragon while doing it this dragon's very proud yeah i just do this towards him absolutely 100 he's gonna roll with disadvantage then.

Yes.

And he immediately falls under the compelled duel.

He will have to attack you.

And he doesn't necessarily get to do his breath weapon.

I have to roll a d6 to see if he gets to do a breath weapon or not on his next turn.

But if he can, he's going to be focusing that breath weapon on you.

If he's clawing and biting, he's going to definitely do it against you because he has disadvantage against everyone else.

Greg, amazing turn.

Thank you.

That's going to bring us to Norm's turn now.

Norm, what would you do?

Just finish him off.

Absolutely.

Finish him off.

If you're right next to this dragon, he's got, we think, 25 health left.

Are you going reckless on this attack?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Roll two times.

Oh, boys.

Take the hug.

Let's go, boys.

The drums.

Drums in the deep.

All right, here we go.

Five.

Ooh, not a hit.

You get two on this attack.

16.

16 plus your attack bonus is easily enough to hit for one D12 plus eight damage.

Okay, so what on d12?

The d12 plus eight.

He's got 25 left.

Five.

Five plus eight is 13.

Okay.

With 13, he is down to 12 HP left.

If you hit him again, he's almost definitely dead.

Let's hit him again.

Absolutely.

Should we let the birthday boy kill the dragon?

You want us roll?

Sure.

All right, roll.

Birthday boy.

Now, hold on.

Are you, is he rolling your attack?

Yeah.

This is highly unconventional.

I'm going to allow this for the birthday boy.

100%.

Five.

Five.

He has advantage.

He has advantage.

If you're rolling for Norm right now.

15.

15.

Now, I'm going to ask you right now, Ehrlich, since you're the one who has control over this attack, do you want it to be a hit?

Or do you want that to turn into a miss instead?

What do you think, Zach?

I think you take out the dragon, right?

What'd you think?

PFT?

Should we?

What are the options here?

Well, you could either hit the dragon or you could miss the dragon.

I think there might be some advantages to missing the dragon, though.

Yeah, there has to be some sort of hidden perk.

True.

Let's attack the dragon.

Absolutely.

I feel like there was a weight between betrayal and like wanting to play golf.

So I'm very much liking the morals.

Absolutely.

I would have had to.

It's too late now.

That is a hit.

All you need to get on the D12 to kill this dragon is a four or higher.

So fuck us.

10, 10, 100%

is enough.

The dragon is slain.

Congratulations.

Zach is unconscious.

Would we then try to save Zach after we killed the dragon?

No,

he didn't heal anybody.

Everyone.

It's kind of selfish, I guess.

Absolutely.

The only person he did heal was himself.

100%.

No one's bringing Trainwind back at the end of the battle.

So it sounds like four of us successfully defeated the dragon and are claiming the treasure and splitting it four ways.

Is that right?

Yeah, yeah.

I will also just say, and this is a moment of truth.

Hank, the imp in front of everyone turns to you, the imp that was on Norm's shoulder and goes, what are we doing?

And you have an option.

You can either use this imp to betray everyone, because as I told you, this imp is secretly on your side as your birthday gift.

Or you can betray this imp in turn and save your teammates from the imp.

No, these guys always have my back.

They always have my best interests in mind.

I'm going to save my teammates.

Yeah.

And the best part is imps do this to each other.

They're just lookout for me when I needed it.

And imps do this to each other all the time.

And don't think I didn't have up my sleeve the possibility of this imp, even after I told you for your birthday aside, that this imp was going to be on your team, the imp might, if you took its side, have whispered...

Bing-bong into your ear and betrayed you potentially.

So you did the right move.

You went with your teammates.

Imps betray each other all the time.

He goes, damn it, I should have known.

And you use your imp to kill the enemy imp.

Let's go.

The kobolds are under our control.

The dragon is slain.

The imp is dead.

And the fire, the last fire snake slithers back into the lava.

Congratulations, we lost

the adventure, the dragon of Mount Speartop.

And I have to eat my words because we did accomplish the adventure.

And all those 274 AWLs, I told

I didn't know if you would do it or not.

And just for the record, the imp, the bing-bong imp, he's dead now.

He's dead.

So his wife is single.

Oh, yes.

Absolutely.

Kind of a well-known actress.

Do you know where she is, where she lives?

You could certainly try to find her.

You do know where she lives.

Okay, we'll do that later.

But for the record, I think the important thing about today is we went out as a foursome, and we had a great time for about four hours.

That's right.

And what else can you ask for?

That's right.

All right, real quick, before we end, rollback question, RHO, BACK.com, promo code, take 20% off your first purchase.

Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.

Tim, you're the best.

Where can people find you to sign up for a game?

Absolutely.

If you go to Timwoods.com, that's Tim with TwoMs, woods.com, that's where you can book games with me.

Got my t-shirts on there.

And I will kind of be doing a little bit of a tour this summer.

I'm going to be next week in Columbus, Ohio for a convention.

I'm going to be in Orlando.

Shout out to my Orlando group who pants each other's and measures each other's dicks in-game, just to be clear.

Also, shout out to the Rockhardt Doom Raiders.

Honestly, that shout-out covers about six different groups right there.

So you all can get credit for that 100%.

So I'll be in Orlando for about a month.

And then beginning of August, I will be in Indianapolis for Gen Con.

So please.

I'll be running games there if you're going to be at Gen Con or if you're not and want to go to Indianapolis, I'm going to be at that convention.

So, see you there.

Thank you so much, Tim.

We love you next time.

Absolutely.

Okay, that was Dungeon and Dragons.

Reminder, Wednesday, we have a show, long show, and then no show Friday for the 4th of July numbers.

Three.

I was laughing.

That was Hank, right?

99.

Six.

Show Wednesday, long show Wednesday, no-show Friday.

11.

You said it's so smooth.

What did you say, memes?

I'm gonna go 21 because Shane's under.

I'm taking his number.

All right, I'll go Vulture

52.

Say your numbers again, real three, three, three, nine.

Come on, what were you saying?

11 one time.

11.

Come on, 11.

Snake Eyes.

Come on, Zach.

83.

83.

I was going to pick 83, too.

Love you guys.