Create the Awe Map: How to Design a Life Worth Living w/ John R. Miles | EP 642

To you, my darling.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, your time is your life, and how you spend it is how you live.

That's what John Caput-Zinn told me back in episode 619.

And it's a line I keep returning to because maybe the problem isn't that we're short on time.

Maybe we're short of alignment with it.

In today's solo episode, we're flipping the script on productivity.

Not how to get more done, but how to feel more alive while you're doing it.

We'll talk about ah, limits, purpose, and why stillness might be your most powerful time tool.

Because time isn't something to fill, it's something to feel.

Welcome to Passion Struck.

Hi, I'm your host, John R.

Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

Now, let's go out there and become passion struck.

Welcome to Passionstruck.

I'm your host, John Miles, and this is episode 642.

This week, I spoke to two extraordinary guests.

On Tuesday, I sat down with Oliver Berkman, best-selling author of 4,000 weeks, who exposes the illusion of control and shows us why we'll never get it all done.

Then on Thursday, I was joined by astronaut Susan Kilrane, one of the very few women ever to fly a space shuttle, who reframes discipline as a pathway to awe, not away from it.

As I reflected on those conversations, I noticed a deeper theme.

Last week, I stood on the rocks in Acadia National Park in Maine as the sun spilled gold across the Atlantic.

No phone signal, no pings, just the wind, the waves, the quiet hum.

of the stillness.

And in that moment, I felt something that I hadn't felt in a while.

Not just peace, presence.

And that presence reminded me of something that I often forget.

We're taught to optimize our time, but we're rarely taught how to feel it.

We mistake motion for meaning, busyness for purpose, structure for soul.

But what if presence is the real performance enhancer?

Today, we're diving into a different way of living, not just checking boxes, but designing a life you want to remember.

Here's what we're unpacking.

Why your relationship with time shapes everything.

What awe, limits, and clarity reveal about the kind of life you're truly after.

And how to stop outsourcing your time to urgency and start protecting what actually moves you.

And if this message resonates and you want to go deeper, watch this solo episode on our Passionstruck YouTube channel.

Download the companion guide and prompts on our Ignited Life sub stack.

Explore our starter packs, curated playlists for purpose, clarity, and growth.

You can find them also at theignitedlife.net.

Whether you're leading a team, raising a family, or simply just trying to breathe more deeply inside, this episode is for you because you don't need to do more.

You need to remember what matters while you're still living it.

Let's begin.

Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

Now, let that journey begin.

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I want to start today's episode out with a simple question.

Why does a slow walk in the woods feel longer, more alive than a full week of back-to-back meetings?

A few days ago, I was standing on the edge of Sebago Lake in Maine on my birthday.

The air was crisp for mid-July.

The water was still and open.

No emails, no alarms.

Just the soft weight of time, unstructured and fully mined.

That morning, time didn't feel like something to outrun or organize.

It just felt like it was something I was part of.

But back in the routine, calendar alerts, stacked meetings, deadlines packed.

into 30-minute blocks.

Everything felt thinner, like the day sped up without permission, like I was living on fast forward.

Same number of hours, but one version of time was wild and full, the other, tight, fleeting.

That's the paradox that we rarely talk about.

The more that we try to hold on to time, the faster it slips through.

But the more we loosen our grip, the more time opens.

Oliver Berkman, who joined me earlier this week, has spent years studying this tension.

His book puts a number to it, the average human lifespan, 4,000 weeks.

That's not a scare tactic.

It's an invitation.

Because once you face that number, everything changes.

You stop assuming.

You get to it later.

You start asking the harder, better questions about what's worth doing now.

In our conversation, Oliver said something that stayed with me.

You're never going to get it all done.

That's the trap.

Time management is often just a coping mechanism for existential overwhelm.

And he's right.

We chase systems and schedules because they promise control.

But what they really give us at best is structure.

And structure without clarity, that's just a busy cage.

We treat time like a problem to solve.

as if the right app, the perfect planner, the optimized morning routine will finally make us feel caught up.

But that caught up feeling, it never comes because the list grows as fast as we check it off.

So maybe the problem isn't time at all.

Maybe the problem is our relationship to it.

When I stood by the lake that morning, nothing got done, no boxes checked, but I felt more awake, more alive than I had in months.

Why?

Because time wasn't something to survive.

It was something to inhabit.

And that's the shift this episode invites you to make, from measuring your life in minutes to noticing it in moments, from running your days like a race, to letting them unfold like a story.

Because this moment right now isn't just a stepping stone to later.

It's your life.

So let me leave you with a question.

Is your relationship with time helping you fill your life or just fill it?

Because time isn't a resource.

It's a signal.

Where you spend it reveals what you value.

Where you protect it reveals who you are.

And where it vanishes unnoticed, that's often where meaning is trying to get your attention.

Let's stop thinking in hours.

And let's start thinking in presence.

Because a life well lived isn't one where you do it all.

It's the kind of life where you don't miss the moments that mattered most.

Are you living a life that looks good or one that actually feels good?

That's the question Karen Solmanson asked me when we spoke in episode 632, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Because if you've ever chased a curated life that looks successful from the outside but feels hollow on the inside, then you already know the answer.

You can build a beautiful life on paper and still feel miles away from yourself.

You can cross every goal off the list and still wonder why you feel disconnected, depleted, off.

That's not a failure of planning.

It's not a lack of discipline.

It's a disconnection from what's real, from what's true.

Last week, my wife Corey and I were walking through the foggy woods of Acadia.

As we hiked, I could feel the hush of pine needles underfoot and the wind moving in the branches above us.

And in that silence, I felt something shift.

It wasn't dramatic, but it was honest.

For the first time, I felt like me.

No roles, no deadlines, no to-do lists.

Now, contrast that with my usual workday.

Color-coded calendar, back-to-back Zooms, deadlines chasing each other like dominoes.

Efficient, productive, and yet it often doesn't feel like my life.

It feels like I'm performing one obligation at a time.

And that's the trap.

When we become good at managing time, we forget to actually live it.

Oliver Berkman in our conversation said something I want to echo here.

We act like we're immortal while quietly panicking that we're not.

We race through our days like we have all the time in the world while carrying the subtle fear.

that we're wasting the time that we do have.

So we fill our calendars, we check the boxes, not because we're clear, but because we're afraid, afraid of being left behind, afraid of not mattering, afraid of what might surface if we ever slowed down enough to actually feel what's real.

But here's the deeper truth.

Your time is your truth.

Where you spend it is who you become.

Look at your calendar, not just your plans, your priorities, not what you say matters, what you're actually living.

Because your schedule doesn't lie.

It reflects your values, whether you've named them or not.

And most of us, we spend our best energy responding to urgency, not living with intention.

We say yes to too much.

We give our attention to what's loud, not what's meaningful.

And we wonder why life feels like a blur.

So let me ask you gently but clearly, where are you spending time out of obligation?

Where do you feel most like yourself?

Write it down.

Track it.

Not just your tasks, your truth.

Because time is more than motion.

Time is identity in action.

And if how you are spending your time doesn't match who you want to be, that is not just a scheduling problem.

That's soul level misalignment.

And it's fixable, not by adding more, but by coming home to what truly matters.

So let's talk about discipline, not the rigid kind, not the kind that cracks the whip and squeezes the breath out of your calendar.

I'm talking about the kind that opens you, that sharpens your attention and steadies your pace.

The kind that makes awe possible, because you've cleared enough noise to actually notice it.

Discipline without purpose is pressure.

But discipline in the service of wonder, that's how astronauts are born.

That's what Susan Kilrane taught me.

As a Navy fighter pilot and one of the few women to pilot a space shuttle, Susan knows the cost of chaos and the power of precision.

But what struck me wasn't just her skill, it was her clarity, her reverence for the mission.

You don't panic when you know what matters, she told me.

You train for it, you focus,

and then you can enjoy the ride.

And I knew exactly what she meant because I had just lived my version of that clarity a few days before we spoke.

Before we continue, if you're finding value in this conversation, if it's sparking in something that you want to bring to your team, your company, your event, I'd love to speak with you directly.

I work with organizations that want to shift culture.

deepen purpose and help people live more intentional lives.

You can find out more at johnrmiles.com slash speaking or just reach out.

And now a quick break from our sponsors who make the show possible.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

We have been exploring what it means to live with presence.

How awe and discipline aren't opposites, but partners.

Now let's take that even further.

Let's talk about what it really means to design a life that feels like yours.

On July 15th, my birthday, I started with a summit hike above Sebago Lake.

Just me and my friend Mark.

No phones, no rush, just air in our lungs and time on our side.

Later that afternoon, we drifted across the lake with our wives.

No plans, no signal, just movement and conversation.

That night, we lit a bonfire.

The sky broke open with stars.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt completely unhurried.

Not because I cleared my schedule, but because that moment was enough.

And that's the shift.

We tend to think of awe as a lightning boat, random, rare, but most of the time, it's just sitting quietly behind a simple no.

No to the meeting, no to the scroll.

no to the performance of productivity.

And what science is now telling us, especially through the work of Daker Keltner, is that awe doesn't just feel good.

It literally alters our perception of time.

In his research, he discovered that people who experienced awe felt like they had more time.

They became less impatient, more generous, more grounded.

Awe didn't make them more efficient.

It made them more present.

And that's what I felt sitting around that fire at night.

The sky cracked open with stars above Sebago Lake.

Not a bigger life, a braver one.

Braver because I was willing to stop, to pay attention, to let time unfold, not as a series of tasks to complete, but as a moment to belong to.

That's the difference between the time we track and the time that touches us.

You can lose a whole week in back-to-back meetings.

and remember nothing.

You can spend one slow afternoon in the woods and feel like your entire system rebooted.

Clock time is linear.

Emotional time is felt.

It's the conversation that stays with you, the night sky you keep replaying in your head, the silence that finally made space for your own voice.

And that's what Susan Kilrane understands better than most.

She didn't just train for the technical parts of her mission to space.

She trained to be present for them, to meet each moment fully.

Here's what Susan taught me and what I think most of us need to hear.

You can have high standards without chasing perfection.

You can be structured without being strangled by your own systems.

And you can lead without losing sight of the wonder that got you started in the first place.

She told me this.

I always think of the word no.

as a challenge to find another way.

That line stayed with me because it flips the script.

We think no is about shutting doors, but sometimes no is how you protect your real life from being overrun by your resume.

So let's reframe it.

Discipline can protect your joy, not just your outcomes.

Awe isn't a detour from greatness.

It's the reason for it, and time doesn't have to feel scarce when you're spending it.

on what matters.

Wonder doesn't demand hours.

It just needs a crack in the noise, a pause wide enough to notice that you're alive.

We end up designing everything, our homes, our phones, even our food orders.

But ask someone what they want their time to feel like, and you usually get a blank stare.

But when was the last time you stopped and asked?

What does it mean to actually design a life?

that feels like living?

That's the question that struck me throughout my time in Maine.

Not in the postcard moments, but in the quiet ones.

The stillness of Sebago Lake at sunrise, the slow drift of the boat, the sound of fire catching under a star-streaked sky.

None of it was impressive, but all of it felt alive.

And here's the part that changed my own perception of time.

Awe doesn't just come from the extraordinary.

It hides in the ordinary.

A tree canopy, a child's unfiltered laugh, a line in a book that lands right when you need it.

As Keltner puts it, awe is triggered when we encounter vastness and we struggle to make sense of it.

In other words, awe invites us to stop grasping for control and start receiving the moment.

Awe isn't found, it's allowed, and often it's designed, not by adding more into your day.

but by making space within it.

And throughout my career, I was taught to optimize time.

But what if the real work isn't about optimization?

It's about orientation.

Let me show you what I mean with something I now call the awe map.

Not as a theory, but as a pattern, a rhythm, a way back to yourself.

First, pause.

Most of us move too fast to notice our own disconnection.

We're productive, sure.

but not present.

So pause, not forever, just long enough to feel again.

Sit on the porch for five minutes.

Don't fill the silence.

Let it speak.

That pause may be the first honest conversation you've had with yourself all week.

Then prioritize.

Ask yourself, what actually matters here?

Not what looks good, not what wins praise.

What feels true?

What gives you the subtle signal, that's what I'm here for?

It might be time with your kids or making music or just going for a walk without a podcast playing.

Those quiet cues, that's your compass.

Third, protect.

Here's the hard truth.

If you don't guard your awe, the world will take it from you.

Busyness will always try to bulldoze what matters.

So say no, even to good things, so you can say yes to the right things.

Your stillness is not a weakness.

It's your will.

And last, Practice.

Awe isn't a lightning bolt.

It's a habit.

An hour a day, That's all.

An hour where you unplug from noise and plug back into presence.

Maybe it's a walk.

Maybe it's writing.

Maybe it's looking at the stars.

Not for results.

Not for productivity.

Just to fill your life again.

That's the awe map.

Pause.

Prioritize.

Protect.

Practice.

It's not a fix.

It's a frame, away from remembering what matters before the world tells you you what's urgent.

The truth is people don't burn out from doing too much.

They burn out from doing too little of what brings them back to life.

Not enough beauty, not enough breath, not enough belonging, not to the world, but to themselves.

You don't need a reinvention.

You need a realignment.

One hour at a time.

One yes that actually means yes.

One no that frees you.

Because the moments that shape us aren't the ones where we check every box.

They're the ones where we remember who we are.

A few days after my birthday, I found myself standing on the cliffside at Acadia National Park.

The ocean stretched wide in front of me.

Pine trees lined the edge.

Wind was howling through the silence.

And I thought, this is what time feels like when it's not crammed, when it's not managed or measured or optimized.

Just still.

And the stillness wasn't empty.

It was full.

Full of breath, of presence, of the kind of meaning you don't chase, you receive.

We talk about freedom like it's the absence of limits.

But maybe limits are the shapes that freedom takes.

Just like the coastline gives shape to the ocean, time gives shape to our lives.

If time was infinite, it would be meaningless.

It's the fact that it ends that gives it power.

And that power isn't in how much we get done.

It's in how we fully show up in the minutes we're given.

That's what I want to leave you with.

Not urgency, but reverence.

Because when time is just a list, it slips away.

But when time is rooted in purpose, it slows.

Purpose turns routine into ritual.

Brushing your kids' hair before school, lighting a candle before you write, taking a walk without a destination.

Meaning isn't something you find at the end of a long path.

It's made right here in the middle of an ordinary life.

When you stop outsourcing your time to other people's urgency, when you start choosing moments that reflect your own values, you begin to remember who you are.

And here's what's most surprising.

Designing a life that feels like yours often means saying no more often than yes.

No to the invite.

No to the extra meeting.

No to the performance of always being on.

Because every no you speak creates space for a deeper yes.

And here's a question I want you to hold on to.

What do I want to remember from this season of my life?

Not just what I want to get done.

That answer is your North Star.

Thank you so much for being here.

Doing the work of reclaiming your time or aligning it with who you really are isn't a surface level shift.

It's an act of self-respect, of sovereignty, of becoming.

So here's your next step.

Simple, doable, transformational.

For the next 24 hours, track where your time goes.

But more importantly, track where your attention feels most alive.

Where do you feel yourself return to yourself?

Where does time stretch instead of shrink?

That's the voice of your life trying to speak because your time is your life and every minute you spend is a quiet vote for the world you want to live in.

So let's stop trying to fill time.

Let's start feeling it.

Let's build lives that don't just look good, but feel true.

And if today's message stirred something in you, share it with someone who's ready to start designing their time.

not just managing it.

And don't forget, if you want the companion workbook to this episode, reflection prompts, and tools like the AHMAP, it's all waiting for you inside our substack at theignitedlife.net, or you can also find it by going to passionstruck.com.

Now, don't miss our next episode.

I'm sitting down with Helen Yee Plen, transformational coach, artist, and energy leader.

We talk about intuitive intelligence, the link between creativity and healing.

and how to access flow states that don't just spark ideas, but reconnect you to yourself.

The first exercise I will ask people is if you already have a billion dollars in your bank account, you don't worry about money, you don't worry about a thing, you're healthy, happy, everything, what would you do?

Were you still doing this exact thing that you do today?

I will still meditate no matter how much money I have.

I still will tell people they should go meditate.

Same thing.

If you can answer that question with clarity, like that's really close to what you're here to do.

i will still do painting no matter my painting sells or not i'm still painting so that's like you know that you are in alignment with your soul's purpose until then keep noticing keep aligning keep becoming live life passion struck