Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Speaker 2 Coming up next on Passion Struck.

Speaker 13 As soon as the parents don't feel enough worth, they're going to make their kids feel like that too, to make them work for approval, for praise, for love.

Speaker 13 And that's how the parents believe that the child can grow up to become quote unquote successful. But is success worth it if the person is not happy, not at peace?

Speaker 13 And those are more important questions to ask rather than can I be successful or not? Because then you have to really redefine what success means for you.

Speaker 13 And that's the point in which you can start to turn the tables and carve and pave a different path for yourself.

Speaker 17 Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R.

Speaker 17 Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

Speaker 17 Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

Speaker 17 We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

Speaker 17 Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to Passion Struck episode 614, the podcast that ignites change from the inside out.

Speaker 17 I'm John Miles, and I couldn't be more excited to kick things off today with some big news. We've just launched the Passion Struck clothing line, and and I absolutely love how it turned out.

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Speaker 17 Now, we're in the midst of Mental Health Awareness Month and we're focusing on how you move beyond just symptom management to deep, sustainable well-being.

Speaker 17 Last week, I released a solo episode on how to reframe your inner world when life feels like it's too much, where we talked about shifting our mindset and creating healthier thought patterns in times of overwhelm.

Speaker 17 Additionally, we had two powerful episodes last week. On Tuesday, I spoke with Dr.

Speaker 17 Zach Mercurio about his powerful new book, The Power of Mattering, which explored how small acts of recognition can transform cultures in individual lives.

Speaker 17 Then, on Thursday, I had the incredible Viette Simkin on the show. Her life story from addiction to meditation guru.
is nothing short of extraordinary.

Speaker 17 And in our conversation, we discussed the radical connection between meditation mattering and reclaiming your life and today we're shifting gears but staying on track let me ask you this what if the biggest thing standing between you and your true potential isn't your circumstances but the way you're thinking about them what if the very thoughts you're telling yourself are what's keeping you stuck That's exactly what today's guest, Joseph Wynne, the number one New York Times best-selling author of Don't Believe Everything You Think, is here to help us with.

Speaker 17 This is a book that has resonated deeply with millions of readers worldwide, and Joseph challenges us to rethink how we approach happiness, suffering, and the nature of our thoughts.

Speaker 17 His work has become a powerful guide for those looking to free themselves from the mental traps that keep themselves trapped in cycles of stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.

Speaker 17 This conversation is especially meaningful for me because Joseph's journey mirrors my own. A constant search for external success, achieving more, but still still feeling like it was never enough.

Speaker 17 He and I both tried everything. Therapy, breathwork, success strategies, but none of those things fixed the root issue.
So what actually works?

Speaker 17 In today's episode, we dive into why overthinking is one of the biggest barriers to human flourishing. How to break free from the cycle of chasing success and external validation.

Speaker 17 What it truly means to fight for your soul rather than against it. How to balance intentionality and purpose while letting go of the need for constant achievement.

Speaker 17 This episode is about shifting our inner dialogue, understanding the power of our thoughts, and learning how to truly be at peace with who we are.

Speaker 17 Now, let's dive in to this deep, transformative conversation with Joseph Wynn.

Speaker 17 Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Speaker 21 I am absolutely honored today to have Joseph Wynne on Passion Struck.

Speaker 23 Welcome, Joseph.

Speaker 13 Thank you you so much, John. It's an honor to be here.

Speaker 27 When you guys reached out to me, I have to say the honor was mine because your book has touched so many people around the world.

Speaker 20 And if people don't know what I'm talking about, the name of Joseph's book is Don't Believe Everything You Think.

Speaker 20 And it has become a global phenomenon.

Speaker 32 So congratulations.

Speaker 13 Thank you so much. It means a lot.
And to me, I was more so just sharing my own journey and just all the mental and emotional suffering that that I was personally going through and what helped me.

Speaker 13 And so I'm just very grateful that it resonates with other people and it confirms that I'm also human and other people are too, and that we're not really alone. So it's a blessing.

Speaker 26 I remember one time I was having a discussion with Rory Vaden.

Speaker 33 Not sure if you know who he is.

Speaker 8 I do.

Speaker 30 But Rory said to me as I was trying to think through

Speaker 30 what I was trying to do with Passion Struck and everything.

Speaker 35 And he said, John, you're best positioned to serve the person who you once were.

Speaker 32 And Joseph, I have to say, reading your story, it felt like I was actually looking into a mirror.

Speaker 38 I know personally what it's like to reach that point where on paper, everything looks great, but inside you're in a complete downward spiral.

Speaker 33 I have never felt so much numbness in my entire life.

Speaker 20 And I too chased external validation.

Speaker 30 I was, in my case, climbing the corporate ladder.

Speaker 16 I was trying to build and build and constantly striving for more.

Speaker 30 But no matter what I achieved, I just never felt like it was enough.

Speaker 21 I was caught in what I now call chasing the mirage.

Speaker 42 So after reading your book, it so deeply resonated with me.

Speaker 33 And I thought I would share that with you.

Speaker 13 That's such a beautiful story.

Speaker 13 And thank you so much for opening up about that, because I feel like many people do reach that point where they set out certain goals for themselves, achieve it and then just quickly forget about the goal that they used to have and all that they're focusing on now is how

Speaker 13 unfulfilled they are and they don't really want to admit that after achieving what they wanted it was nothing that they had imagined and it's probably worse off than before they started which was my case specifically and that's very hard to share because you can just go into the comparison cycle and say, oh, there's so many more people that are way worse off.

Speaker 13 even with not even talking about third world countries but within the same country like there are so many different people that don't have as much as i do or we do and who am i to complain about where i am so i think there's a lot of this suppression of this lack of fulfillment and resentment and anger and anxiety that a lot of us don't want to share and it's quite difficult to share because then everyone starts attacking each other and saying i have it worse than you but i think if we are able to have the courage to open up then and come from a place of non-judgment and more so compassion versus comparison, then I think most people would be able to find a little bit more peace in their lives and be able to support each other.

Speaker 16 Yeah, sometimes we don't think about the bigger things that are happening in the world.

Speaker 45 And when you start thinking about that there are two billion people in the world who don't have clean water, a billion people in the world who don't know where they're getting their next meal from, or even the fact that 99% of us now are breathing contaminated air, it gives you a lot of things to think about.

Speaker 21 And my favorite way that I've heard it explained is when I talk to astronauts and they discuss the overview effect.

Speaker 47 And one of my really good friends is an astronaut, and I always remember him telling me this story that he's on the ISS.

Speaker 36 He's flying over New York.

Speaker 30 He's looking down. He's picturing himself.

Speaker 48 It's rush hour,

Speaker 19 how agitated the people are.

Speaker 37 They're giving each other the finger. They're in a hurry to get from here and there.

Speaker 21 And he's just said, I'm sitting up here looking down, realizing that none of that matters.

Speaker 23 And why can't we live in a world where we see the bigger issues that need to be solved and how we can come together to solve them?

Speaker 36 So

Speaker 21 I think that is my favorite way of thinking about the problem.

Speaker 17 Yeah, that's beautiful.

Speaker 13 And we, luckily, we don't have to go into a spaceship and go to ISS, you know, in orbit to be able to have a similar effect. We can just do that within our minds, which is quite nice.

Speaker 16 So, as I was going through your journey, both of us tried so many different modalities to fix ourselves.

Speaker 34 We both did therapy.

Speaker 23 We both tried breath work.

Speaker 41 We both did productivity hacks.

Speaker 23 We both did personal growth success type of strategies.

Speaker 50 But similar to you, I found that all of those were good temporarily, but that the suffering I was going through didn't end.

Speaker 34 So for you, and then I'll describe my own path, if all those approaches failed, what actually worked?

Speaker 13 Yeah, this is a great question. There's a couple of ways that I look at this.
Number one is I believe that most people have to try a myriad of different things before they

Speaker 13 come across certain things that really click for them.

Speaker 13 So in that regard, I always encourage people to keep trying, to keep going, because it's usually not in just one modality that you find what you're looking for. It's actually a combination of things.

Speaker 13 And that's actually what creativity is, right? There's very few things are actually original in this world. They're mostly just a remix of each other.
Even us as humans, our DNA is not original.

Speaker 13 It's from our parents that combined and then created us, which looks unique on the surface, but then it's really, you can look at the source and see that it's, oh, it's from somewhere else.

Speaker 13 In the same way, I think that's how we can come to our own solutions and discovering something that works for us in terms of finding peace and more joy.

Speaker 13 For me in my journey, I tried a lot of different things like you were mentioning. So CBT, like cognitive behavioral therapy.
I tried energy work, Reiki. I tried doing a lot of shadow work.

Speaker 13 So like Jungen, things like that.

Speaker 13 I did acupuncture, went into like more of the Eastern side. I started studying Zen Buddhism and Western philosophies as well, philosophers and like Stoicism.

Speaker 13 All those things were like absolutely amazing and definitely were like stepping stones in my journey. Then Then I even studied Dr.

Speaker 13 Joe Dispenza, went into a meditation retreat for seven days in Cancun, which was phenomenal as well.

Speaker 13 And what's interesting is that even after I came back after the seven day retreat, we were meditating for three, four, five hours a day, right? Waking up at 4 a.m. meditating on the beach.

Speaker 13 What's so interesting is during those meditations, I felt pure bliss. So it was amazing.

Speaker 13 But then as soon as I opened my eyes and came back into the real world, so to speak, had to go to work or start work on my business, whatever it was at the time, all the anxiety came flooding back.

Speaker 13 So I would just relapse back into that constant state of fight or flight.

Speaker 13 So that was very odd for me. And it wasn't until I started to question, like, what is it in those modalities?

Speaker 13 Because almost every single one of them worked to a certain extent, and then they stopped working.

Speaker 13 So basically the life span, or at least the benefits of the modality, only worked while I was practicing it.

Speaker 13 So that's when I asked myself the question of what about the modalities allowed me to feel that sense of peace. And then is it possible to feel that beyond the modality?

Speaker 13 And that's when I realized that it was more so rooted in my mind than anything else.

Speaker 13 Once I was isolated, like I always say this too, I think it's relatively simpler to find peace if you become a monk and go into the middle of the mountains in a dark cave and no one's bothering you and you're completely isolated from the external world.

Speaker 13 It's probably a little bit easier to find peace there. But the real challenge is, can you find that same same level of peace when you're in rush hour in New York, right?

Speaker 13 Or when you're talking with your family and they don't understand your decisions and you're constantly trying to defend yourself.

Speaker 13 Those are the moments where you're really tested. That will prove to you whether the modality works or not.

Speaker 13 So for me, it was more so questioning: what is it in my mind that's causing me to go back into this vicious cycle of overthinking and anxiety and suffering?

Speaker 13 That's when I was able to find out that the constant judgment of my own thoughts thoughts and the events and circumstances that I'm going through was the root of all of the anxiety that I had.

Speaker 13 Although some of the events were, you could say, and label as painful, that won't change.

Speaker 13 But the emotional suffering tied to that event after it happened is something that I was doing to myself after the fact, the ruminating on what happened, wishing it were different, or being angry at someone for doing something back then.

Speaker 13 Anything that happens post-event, that becomes a creation of our mind through the judgment of ourselves, others, or the world. That particular

Speaker 13 observation was what broke me free and allowed me to just see it as it is

Speaker 13 instead of constantly narrating what's going on and being okay with, okay, this is what happened. Is this thinking actually helping me in the moment? Is it useful?

Speaker 13 And I just never realized that I could just stop thinking about it.

Speaker 13 That just never occurred to me. It was just, I always thought I had to solve it before it would go away, but you can't solve the past.
That's the issue.

Speaker 13 And so once I realized that and I could let it go and then come from a place of groundedness and more so love, that's what I can do in the present moment.

Speaker 13 And that can then, therefore, change my future. But that's always through the present moment.
But that's what broke it for me. And I'm so grateful that it happened.

Speaker 13 And now a lot of through the book, that's exactly what I explained.

Speaker 13 And a lot of people are able to now break through the mirage, as you you would say, and find a little bit more peace from the incessant chatter.

Speaker 32 I just interviewed Ethan Cross, and I remember when his book came out titled Chatter, and that was eye-opening to understand the science behind our inner voice as well.

Speaker 22 And the role he has a new book out called Shift that kind of goes into the emotional ramifications of that.

Speaker 23 But as you talk about in the book, the root cause of all suffering is this belief in a negative thought.

Speaker 31 And

Speaker 30 this, when I was coming back from the same place as you, was a massive shift for me because for so long, I too blamed my circumstances, my past, my struggles, even external expectations for my unhappiness.

Speaker 41 And I think what people don't realize

Speaker 30 is when they've reached this point of stuckness, they're thinking that there's a quick fix.

Speaker 41 And what I have found, I'm not sure if it's the same case as you, but there was a journey to you feeling like you were becoming invisible, like you weren't mattering.

Speaker 28 And there is a journey out of it as well, because in many ways you have to learn who you are again.

Speaker 33 And I remember as I was going through this, one of the most important things

Speaker 25 that I had to realize is there was so much that had to be fixed, but I needed to fix it to find a starting point.

Speaker 30 And for me, that was getting through the the stuck points from some past trauma that if I didn't deal with that past, the negative voices were never going to go away.

Speaker 44 And so when I learned how to rethink about them and that it wasn't my fault, it opened the door for me to emerge as a much stronger new version of myself.

Speaker 45 Does that resonate with you?

Speaker 17 Yeah, that's beautiful.

Speaker 13 And when you were revisiting those past traumas, what happened within yourself that allowed you to let that go?

Speaker 13 Because it sounds like it was a little bit of compassion and a little bit of forgiveness, but I wasn't sure of who and how that worked for you.

Speaker 17 Yeah, so similar to you, I did cognitive processing therapy.

Speaker 19 I did EMDR, I did Reiki, I did yoga, I did all these things.

Speaker 30 I did tons of long walks.

Speaker 16 I tried podcasts, I tried personal growth books.

Speaker 30 I guess what it finally was is I went through prolonged exposure therapy and I had a really bad, I guess, traumatic event that it's hard because I've had many, but I decided to just focus on one because I figured if I could start dealing with this story, I could then figure out a way to deal with the others.

Speaker 42 But it was tough because I'd have to go into these sessions.

Speaker 46 and do them time and time again.

Speaker 42 And it was almost as if, I guess, the way that they do it is that the therapist treats it as if they've never heard it before.

Speaker 21 So you've got to go through the whole experience again and again.

Speaker 32 Yeah, reliving it.

Speaker 45 The more I told it, the more I started to see

Speaker 42 different sides of it and how I was really

Speaker 36 creating these mental barriers that I was allowing myself to self-destruct over.

Speaker 16 And I refer to this all the time.

Speaker 30 as something that I call we become a visionary arsonist to our dreams.

Speaker 16 And I was arsoning the very things I wanted to accomplish because I couldn't get out of my own way.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 13 And so that prolonged exposure therapy just allowed you to almost zoom out and go to like space almost and see it from different vantage points.

Speaker 13 And I'm assuming it became a little bit more separated from yourself, less personal. And you're able to let go of it at that point to then see what surfaced.

Speaker 13 I mean, I'm curious, like, what surfaced for you after you were able to reconcile it?

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Speaker 50 Well, I had been given a calling a long time ago, probably around, I don't know, 2008, 2009, that I was supposed to be helping this group of people that the message in my head was the helpless, the hopeless, the lonely, the bored, the broken of the world.

Speaker 46 And at the time, I'm a senior executive in a Fortune 50 company, and I have no idea what this message is or how I was trying to help them.

Speaker 43 And my initial thought was: I'm supposed to go and help people at St.

Speaker 13 Vincent de Paul or the people who are out there who are homeless.

Speaker 30 I went and I did work in cold shelters and other things.

Speaker 30 And those people are extremely needy.

Speaker 56 But the further I got into this, what I started to realize is the people that I've been called to serve aren't just them.

Speaker 40 There are billions of people right now who are lost.

Speaker 25 And I started to see that this

Speaker 21 lost person that I was, who was caught up in this societal conditioning and believing the myth or the lie that we're taught to believe, was just that, a lie.

Speaker 31 And that

Speaker 25 all the things that I thought were going to bring me fulfillment, success, happiness were driving me further away from it.

Speaker 40 And I came to the conclusion that I now was here

Speaker 30 to talk more authentically about this because, as Rory said, I think once we've gone through this and we've felt it and the pain of it, the last thing you want to do is have another person feel the pain that you felt.

Speaker 46 So, that for me was then my switch to now that I've figured out a way for myself to get through this, how do I start helping other people start getting through it?

Speaker 13 That's absolutely beautiful. And it's so interesting.
That's exactly what happens when we're able to overcome a lot of the things that we've gone through in the past. For you,

Speaker 13 what was that? Where did that calling come from?

Speaker 13 Who, what would you say gave you the calling, or if anything?

Speaker 17 Well, it depends on what your spirituality is.

Speaker 55 I would have said it came from God.

Speaker 30 Other people would say it came from the source, from the universe.

Speaker 27 But let's just say it came from the source.

Speaker 18 I tried to steer away from going down the path of dealing with it, and it became like a biblical tale of scorpions and floods and

Speaker 36 termites and rodents and bed bugs.

Speaker 55 And I can't even tell you how many times I was hit over the head before I woke up.

Speaker 31 And

Speaker 54 people laugh about it when they hear the story, but I think if you really think about it,

Speaker 33 We all have our own journey of the story.

Speaker 20 Mine had more biblical elements to it, but I think a lot of people are given the message and they choose to ignore it.

Speaker 23 What's your thought?

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 13 So was it actually like literal scorpions and bed bugs or was it something like literally like literally

Speaker 36 standing metaphorically in the shower and my eyes closed and all of a sudden feeling this stinging sensation and looking up and seeing scorpions falling from the ceiling.

Speaker 43 Yes.

Speaker 13 That, and how did you know that was related to your calling?

Speaker 46 Well, I didn't at the time but then

Speaker 25 when they came back then when termites destroyed half my house then when my house was flooded in a storm then when my kids had bed bugs then it was just like this

Speaker 30 this series of unfortunate events that just kept getting worse and worse and the more i leaned into

Speaker 13 steering myself away from it the more painful it became yeah you you went through like the whole exodus that is like the locus and everything until you finally heated the call.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Well, I

Speaker 56 recently I was at the service and Christian-based church, and it reminded me during the service of this verse from Matthew.

Speaker 39 It's Matthew 16, 26, and it reads, what do you benefit if you gain the whole world, but you lose your own soul?

Speaker 59 Is there anything more?

Speaker 18 than your soul.

Speaker 31 And

Speaker 42 it got me to thinking about it as I was was at these lowest points.

Speaker 43 That's really what I was doing.

Speaker 36 If you think about it from a biblical standpoint, is I was really fighting for my soul.

Speaker 20 And did you ever have that feeling?

Speaker 23 What does it truly mean to fight for your soul rather than against it?

Speaker 13 Oh, that's, I would argue, that's worse than most physical pain. It transcends the body and goes into an energetic level that you can't escape from.

Speaker 13 It actually will sleep into, you can't even sleep it away.

Speaker 13 It'll sleep into your dreams, turn into nightmares and every single thing that you do person you interact with reminds you of this inner civil war so to speak for your own soul

Speaker 39 it does and one of the things i loved about your book is how many amazing quotable sections that there are i'm writing a book now and i'm going to use some of them One of them is, you write that the mind is like a projector and the world is the screen.

Speaker 42 And that reminds me of this whole topic of fighting for your soul, because we become the prisoners of the stories we tell ourselves.

Speaker 40 And

Speaker 52 it really comes down to how do you recognize that you're trapped in a projection of your own suffering?

Speaker 23 Because I think that's what people don't wake up to.

Speaker 13 The simplest way to know if you're trapped in that projection or the mirage is,

Speaker 13 Are we suffering emotionally?

Speaker 13 There isn't, like I was saying before, there's a separation between going through a quite painful event and then post-event. Is there still emotional suffering beyond that?

Speaker 13 And if there is, then that's likely a projection that's occurring.

Speaker 13 And most of the time when we are having quite a bit of anxiety, depression, resentment, anger, all of these things, they are after something has happened or in anticipation of something that will happen, very rarely in the present moment.

Speaker 13 And if it is in the present moment, that's something totally different. And that's something that we just have to go through and is unavoidable.

Speaker 13 But the majority of the time, it isn't in the actual present.

Speaker 13 And even if it is in the present, if we go through it without the constant mental chatter, the incessant judgment of whatever's going on, then we can move through it with a little bit more ease and grace.

Speaker 13 It still might be difficult, but it's manageable. And you'll probably see how you're growing from it, if anything.
But to me, I always use emotional suffering as a reminder, right?

Speaker 13 Not a trigger, but a reminder that I'm thinking about this event and labeling it and judging it in a certain way that's not serving me or anyone else involved.

Speaker 13 And a reminder that I can let that go at any moment, that I don't have to think about it in this negative way. And that's hard.

Speaker 13 It's not easy because most of our lives, we've been conditioned and trained to believe that we need to think about these events in certain ways and to have an opinion about everything.

Speaker 13 But that's just not true. And all opinions do is just create separation from you and what's happening, from you and the other person.

Speaker 13 That's what creates wars and all sorts of conflict between husband, wife, families, countries. But if we're able to suspend our opinions, then we can actually find truth.

Speaker 13 And that's where we find peace.

Speaker 40 One of the things I know you wanted to explore, and I think it fits into here, Joseph, is when we're going through this battle, we often

Speaker 58 are caught between

Speaker 30 logic, how we think the world works, and the intuition that's pulling us in a different direction.

Speaker 31 And

Speaker 16 they're opposite at times, they're complementary at times,

Speaker 21 and sometimes they're completely something else when we're making life decisions.

Speaker 4 What are your thoughts on that?

Speaker 13 We touched on it when you were discussing your calling.

Speaker 13 that's something that i would label as intuition

Speaker 13 god source

Speaker 13 higher self anything that is beyond the fight or flight fearful mind another way to describe it is your heart your soul that still quiet small voice like in the back of your mind or kind of centered within your heart that voice is always there always guiding you

Speaker 13 And that's something that I love to discuss that most people don't simply because

Speaker 13 the predominant kind of chatter in the mind is from the mind versus the heart.

Speaker 13 And most of us pay more attention to that fight or flight mind because it's louder, because it's seemingly more alarming, it's urgent. While the

Speaker 13 still quiet voice is just that, it's very quiet. You don't really notice it.
It's in the background. gently nudging you in the direction that you know you want to go.
And it's never urgent.

Speaker 13 That's the thing. It never uses scare tactics or anything like that.
It doesn't try to coerce you into any actions, but it will gently guide at all times and is there when you need it.

Speaker 13 So that intuition is some concrete examples would be it's that voice that told you to go ask this person out that eventually became your lifelong partner.

Speaker 13 It's that voice that told you to move to this place. And then when you move there, miraculously you found your dream job or your best friend or something like that.

Speaker 13 It told you to go to college or leave college, to leave a marriage, to start a marriage. That voice is anything but logic.

Speaker 13 Every time we make one of those major life decisions, if you think back to some of the biggest decisions you ever made in your life that radically changed it for the better, that was probably not logical.

Speaker 13 Everyone said you shouldn't do it. Your parents said you shouldn't do it.
Even your friends said you shouldn't do it. Yet you did it anyway.
And that's exactly what you wanted.

Speaker 13 And it yielded some miraculous things that you couldn't even have anticipated. That's intuition, because it operates in the land of the unknown.

Speaker 13 Logic operates in the land of the known, which is which can only use the past to predict what it thinks it can happen in the future, but it can't just go completely into the unknown.

Speaker 13 But it's only in the unknown that something different can happen instead of what's already happened in the past, and it's just a repeat of that.

Speaker 13 So, that's where logic and intuition will look like that they are opposing forces.

Speaker 13 And some people, I always got this confused too, because sometimes you'll think logic is just like thinking about something rationally and objectively, but those are a little bit different. But

Speaker 13 in any case, at the end of the day, we're trying to operate our lives and optimize for joy, peace, and love, all of which are not really logical.

Speaker 13 What's logical is making a life for yourself, getting a good job, rising through the ranks, making good money, starting a family, and then just retire, and that's it.

Speaker 32 That's logical.

Speaker 13 But how many times when we follow that path are we actually fulfilled?

Speaker 13 Doing what society says, doing what our parents says, doing what our community wants us to do, becoming the person that everyone else wants us to be, but we know that we're not, living up to the, and trying to uphold those expectations and opinions about ourselves from other people, that very rarely creates a life that we love.

Speaker 13 And if anything, suffocates who we really are. But as soon as we let all that go, we discover

Speaker 13 this deep sense of peace. and start to peel back the layers of who we're not to find out who we are.
And that really starts with following your intuition and going against the grain, so to speak.

Speaker 32 But

Speaker 13 following your intuition is really the path to peace. And everyone has to pave their own path in that regard.

Speaker 13 We can't follow someone else and expect it to be the exact same as them because we don't want the same things as them.

Speaker 13 So that's what I discovered between logic and intuition and really following our hearts. More times than not, that's going to yield a much more joyful life.

Speaker 13 Even if others don't understand.

Speaker 45 So Joseph, I'm going to have to send you a copy of my book since I read yours because the whole opening

Speaker 22 introduction of the book is exactly what you just talked about.

Speaker 16 And I actually go through and I have in there, here's the formula that we're typically given in life.

Speaker 42 And it typically leads to the opposite of what we want inside.

Speaker 21 And I use that as a starting point of how you have to.

Speaker 30 create an intentional life if you want one that matters and start focusing on things that truly matter to you instead of the things that aren't going to move the needle.

Speaker 27 And I'm just going to tie in a personal story for you because before I started Passionstruck and I was just talking about the idea to some people, I was getting so much pushback.

Speaker 52 I remember, I'm not going to give his name, but I was talking to a really successful person in Tampa.

Speaker 36 This person had just had a major exit, had made hundreds of millions of dollars from it. And I was talking to him about what I was hoping to do.

Speaker 41 And he said, John, do you you know how many people have told me to do that and how difficult what you're saying it is to actually accomplish?

Speaker 24 He goes, I want you to think about it because look at what you're leaving behind.

Speaker 21 And

Speaker 30 you are going to struggle so hard and you have no idea if that struggle is going to lead anywhere.

Speaker 21 And then early on in the journey when I decided to do it, I was talking to Jordan Harbinger.

Speaker 27 I'm not sure if you've been on his show or not, but I was talking to Jordan, who's been doing podcasting almost since the beginning.

Speaker 36 And I said, what would be your advice for going down this medium?

Speaker 56 And he said, my best advice would be never to start.

Speaker 40 And I understand why he said it now.

Speaker 56 And he told me a couple of years into it that if I was the type of person who heard him say that, got the warning and still persevered, that was the type of person who needs to do it.

Speaker 21 But the fact is, there are tons of unknown.

Speaker 36 You don't know what's going to happen. You don't know if something's going to take hold.
You don't know when you self-publish a book, what's going to happen to it, just like you did.

Speaker 27 But I really firmly believe that if your intuition is really calling you to do something, I really think it's that greater power that's telling you that you were put here on earth to do something.

Speaker 21 You were supposed to serve people in a way that only you can do through the inherent talents that you've been given.

Speaker 30 And you're supposed to help people flourish.

Speaker 28 And when we struggle against that, I think it's when we have the roughest patches in our lives, like I experienced, like you experience.

Speaker 26 But when we're leaning more into it, I think the gates open up and we find ourselves more on a glide path because we're doing what we've been called to do.

Speaker 29 And that's how I have learned to realize it, because when I started out, I wasn't trying to impact millions.

Speaker 47 I now am.

Speaker 36 But all I thought is podcasting was great because I get to have a conversation with one person who might be listening and perhaps they were that person I once were.

Speaker 39 And if I can make them start thinking about their life in a different way and take it in a more positive trajectory, well, then I'm winning the battle.

Speaker 34 That's the whole point of doing this.

Speaker 47 And I have to remind myself of that fact that you never realize, like this discussion we're having here today, Jesse, if you never realize what struggles someone is going through, could be someone dealing with cancer, could be someone who is facing mental struggles so deeply that they're willing,

Speaker 21 they're thinking about ending their life.

Speaker 28 It could be someone

Speaker 21 who faced deep deaths of despair from sexual abuse or something else.

Speaker 22 And hopefully we can give them guidance to take them out of their despair.

Speaker 8 That's how I look at it.

Speaker 13 And it only takes one person to hear that message for it to be worth it.

Speaker 51 Right.

Speaker 13 A lot of times we kind of scare ourselves out of doing something simply because we don't think we can make it that big or that successful or anything like that.

Speaker 13 But to me, the way I approached writing my book was, if it helped me, then it already is worth it because I can be that person that I can help.

Speaker 13 And if I can help just one other person, then that would be worth all the struggle because you never really know what the impact of one person is. It could be the next person that cures cancer.

Speaker 13 It could be the next person that finds and facilitates world peace. We never know.
And the impact of one person is so great.

Speaker 13 It's seemingly infinite because every person in our lives knows it around a thousand people or something like that. A thousand people knowing another thousand people, like it just magnifies.

Speaker 13 And you're really ever a couple of degrees away from the whole world. So I never take one soul very lightly.
That's a huge deal. And it's always worth it.

Speaker 8 Well, I completely agree with you there.

Speaker 18 Joseph, I wanted to switch the discussion a little bit to do a little bit of talking on something that I've deeply been researching, which is mattering.

Speaker 20 It's basically what I've been trying to look at:

Speaker 45 why are people feeling so invisible or like they're not enough?

Speaker 22 And I think a lot of it is what we've been talking about.

Speaker 23 They attach their worth to their achievements.

Speaker 29 And the whole premise of your book is your thoughts don't define you.

Speaker 12 And it's become a radical idea, but it's not really radical.

Speaker 30 It's really how do you detach your identity from your thoughts, especially when the world constantly pressures you to be something?

Speaker 22 And I think we get get so focused on that be

Speaker 50 that

Speaker 41 we forget the you

Speaker 4 that started the whole journey to begin with.

Speaker 40 And where I wanted to go with this is I think one of the biggest

Speaker 30 groups of people who are being trained to think like this are kids today.

Speaker 26 Because they're seeing parents like I was who are modeling this behavior.

Speaker 18 And then

Speaker 24 now the kid is thinking,

Speaker 24 if I get all A's, that's the key to success.

Speaker 25 If I get into the best college, that's the key to success.

Speaker 20 If I do all the things, et cetera.

Speaker 49 In your mind, if that is where it starts, how do we start breaking this cycle?

Speaker 13 So the question of how do we help the next generation

Speaker 13 always begins with ourselves. It's odd because you would think to go directly to the kids, and that's where we can have a lot of the impact.
But

Speaker 13 in actuality, who we become like who we are surrounded by the most, which the kids are around their parents the most, and how they learn best is modeling. So, when we're discussing this,

Speaker 13 actually, the best way to help the next generation is actually to help the parents and to help the parents that are looking for these answers that

Speaker 13 want to create a better future, not only for themselves, but for their children, and of course, therefore, the world.

Speaker 13 And so, I always try to focus there because it ripples very quickly, if that's the case. And it really begins with questioning the mind, like we've been talking about this whole entire time.

Speaker 13 Once the parents are able to learn how to emotionally regulate and calm the nervous system, they're able to become so much more better or significantly better parents.

Speaker 13 And they're able to raise their kids with compassion, with love, with understanding. And when they're able to show that to their kids, the kids are then able to show that to other people.

Speaker 13 And when they grow up, then they're most likely going to have a lot less trauma to have to work through. And therefore, the world becomes better because of that.

Speaker 13 But it's true that the rising generation is going to feel the brunt of this. And the reason why the kids are being raised to feel this way is from the parents.

Speaker 13 So if we can work with the parents who are a little bit more cognitively developed, have the capacity to be able to understand these things, that's where it can all start.

Speaker 13 Kids honestly are innately born with

Speaker 13 not really caring about what other people think. They'll just go run around in the backyard, play with their imagination and wear all sorts of crazy things, dress up and have all sorts of dreams.

Speaker 13 And it isn't until that they grow up that those things are beaten out of them. And that's because of the adults.
So that's where I think the source of it is.

Speaker 13 I think actually new parents are probably a fantastic focus because they're probably the most open.

Speaker 13 They're looking for ways to raise their kids, looking for better ways, at least, than the previous parents and the previous generations. So that would be a fantastic place to begin.

Speaker 13 And I think you're doing a fantastic job of that by giving people this information that is quite literally life-changing when when heated.

Speaker 45 Yeah, maybe I need to write a book right there, because I'll tell you, when I became a parent, there was no book and I still haven't

Speaker 10 told you how

Speaker 5 difficult it is.

Speaker 13 It really is. And that's the point in which the best time for someone to change is when things are already changing.
So when someone becomes a parent, everything's flipped.

Speaker 13 Their routines are out of order. There's pure chaos.
There's no order. They're looking for a footing.
They're looking for a foundation.

Speaker 13 This is when they're not really looking at themselves as much anymore, but looking after someone else. And so they're constantly learning and trying to figure this out.

Speaker 13 But it is really hard as a new parent, especially in this world, right? Do you give your kid the iPad or not? And how do you entertain them without any technology and all these things?

Speaker 13 So that would be a pivotal point for sure. That's the future right there.

Speaker 5 It definitely is.

Speaker 40 I had Jennifer Wallace on the show a long time ago.

Speaker 21 I don't know if you know who Jennifer is, but she wrote a bestseller called Never Enough.

Speaker 21 And she was really going into the achievement culture, the high achievement culture that's affecting so many kids.

Speaker 59 And one of the things I remember that she told me was

Speaker 25 the issue is it becomes this endless loop.

Speaker 49 So you've got these kids who are seeing their parents modeling this.

Speaker 29 And then the parents are the ones who've got to steer the ship, but the parents themselves aren't getting

Speaker 21 the feeling that they matter. They're going into work and they're doing things that aren't inspiring them.

Speaker 30 They're not getting positive feedback.

Speaker 18 They're burned out.

Speaker 50 They come home completely empty and then

Speaker 20 they have nothing left to give to the kids.

Speaker 21 And to me, it's counterintuitive, but you,

Speaker 30 in order to help the kids, you have to help the parents start feeling like they're engaged again.

Speaker 13 That's exactly it. Because again, like with the exposure from the kids, they're just going to model the parents.

Speaker 13 So even if we teach the kids, there's such a strong force from the parents that it's very difficult to undo unless you start from the source there. But it's a fantastic opportunity for parents.

Speaker 13 I became a new parent recently, so that's why I'm speaking to it more specifically.

Speaker 32 Congratulations. Thank you.

Speaker 13 But,

Speaker 13 and one of the ways that I'm approaching it is

Speaker 13 when we have a new child, we can approach it with a lens of this is the opportunity for me to parent in the way that I wish I was parented. right?

Speaker 13 Undo all those past traumas, giving myself the things that I wish I had, but now to my child.

Speaker 13 And that in itself is healing my own inner child while giving our child now exactly what they need, hopefully at least, right?

Speaker 13 And I'm sure that's going to be a lot better than the alternatives, but it starts there and seeing that

Speaker 13 and like creating a whole new belief system that we inherently have worth, that we don't really have to do anything to earn that. Just it's simply because.
we exist, that we're human.

Speaker 13 Anything that exists has that inherent value in it. And you don't have to do anything to earn it.
And giving them that, that's essentially what unconditional love is.

Speaker 13 And if a a child grows up in that environment, they'll flourish because they're not trying to do things to earn your own approval, to earn your praise, to earn your love.

Speaker 13 And when a child isn't optimizing for those things, they can truly be themselves and not be afraid that if they mess up, that you won't love them anymore.

Speaker 13 Or if you don't listen, if they don't listen to you, then they won't have food on the table or something like that.

Speaker 13 So making the child feel safe, which in turn will make you feel safe because that's all you really care about in this moment, will start to heal everyone. And it's a powerful position to have.

Speaker 13 And you have a lot more influence than you think as a parent and to your child as well. So it really starts there and undoing all of that.

Speaker 13 So that's what I'm hoping to be able to transfer to mine, right?

Speaker 13 The unconditional love and allowing them to explore completely unfiltered without any restraints, as long as it's not really like life threatening, which most things aren't.

Speaker 13 If they look too silly, if they're embarrassing me, like that doesn't matter anymore. I'd rather them be kids for as long as possible and for me not to pry all of that out of them.

Speaker 13 And I think doing less is probably going to be doing a lot more in this case.

Speaker 22 I was just talking to another guest near IL.

Speaker 53 Yes, I know.

Speaker 25 We were talking about how he was raising his daughter.

Speaker 30 I think she's 14-ish, and how they homeschool.

Speaker 36 And we were getting into this whole,

Speaker 25 I guess, line of thought that we aren't giving, as you were just explaining, kids the space to become themselves.

Speaker 41 And I grew up, I love my parents, they're very supportive, but I was held to such high expectations, both by them and my grandparents.

Speaker 12 And I didn't feel like I could go to them with any weakness or any screw-up because of how much I felt I would get judged.

Speaker 42 And then on top of that, I was sent to parochial schools.

Speaker 20 So I'm in this very Catholic environment being raised by a very Catholic family, an even more Catholic set of grandparents.

Speaker 30 I had one grandmother who went to church every single day

Speaker 39 and conditioned that you're constantly sinning and you're going to go to the other place and you can't make mistakes.

Speaker 40 For me, I then, instead of going down this path where I was going to go to a civilian college, I ended up going to the Naval Academy.

Speaker 33 So I brought even more conditioning on me.

Speaker 8 So I tell people that it wasn't like until I was 30 when I got out of the military when I stopped being conditioned to be someone else.

Speaker 26 But I think we, so many of us grow up wearing these masks.

Speaker 53 And when you have this mask that you're pretending to be someone you're not, it is horrible because you're not letting the true you

Speaker 21 come out in any way.

Speaker 27 And is that how you ever felt?

Speaker 13 Well, I was to give you some context. I was born and raised Catholic as well and went to a Catholic school for a little bit.
And my dad wanted to be a Catholic priest. And then he met my mom.

Speaker 13 And I even at one point wanted to be you totally get it.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 13 I visited like the seminary. I was there bunking with the priests.
Like it was deep. It was deep.

Speaker 13 My parents are still Catholic. I don't particularly identify with any particular religion, but I deeply honor and respect every single one of them and learn.

Speaker 13 a universe of information through each and every single one of them. So I absolutely love them and think that they're all trying to help people, right?

Speaker 13 They're all just different roads to the same destination. Long story short, yes, like I, I definitely know that.
It was definitely, I was raised in more of a fear-based environment because of that.

Speaker 13 Catholicism is a little bit more fear-based than other Christian faiths. Yeah, like you can't sin.
And if you do sin, you have to go confess.

Speaker 13 And then even if you do confess, you're still a sinner anyway. You still have to earn your worth and prove yourself that you can get to heaven doing these certain things.

Speaker 13 And kind of like, no matter how much you do it, you still have to do more. So that's a lot for a child, right? To have to grow up in.

Speaker 13 And it's like, then you start to internalize, like, no matter what I do, I'm not enough. That's how the the child learns it because the parents learn that.

Speaker 13 Because the parents are still going through that same thing of I still have to do way more than what I'm doing now to earn my place in heaven or in society or wherever it is.

Speaker 13 As soon as the parents don't feel enough worth, they're going to make their kids feel like that too, to make them work for approval, for praise, for love.

Speaker 13 And that's how the parents believe the child can grow up to become quote-unquote successful. But is success worth it if the person is not happy, not at peace?

Speaker 13 And those are more important questions to ask rather than can i be successful or not because then you have to really redefine what success means for you and that's the point in which you can start to turn the tables and carve and pave a different path for yourself but yeah like a lot of parents it's really difficult but parents can start to not try to live their dreams through their child I think that that'll probably help a lot in allowing the child to become who they want to be rather than what you want them to be, even if you think it's the best for them, right?

Speaker 13 Ultimately, we don't know what's best for ourselves or we don't know what's best for other people, but we do have an idea of what would create a more joyful and abundant life for ourselves.

Speaker 13 But to try to impose it on someone else would be taking away their own autonomy, including if that's our own kids. But that's something that I would want to do.

Speaker 13 And if they, if my kids grow up and they're like, I want to do something completely different than what you want me to do, then I've done my job as a parent, right?

Speaker 13 I taught them to question things, to think for themselves, to trailblaze. And if that's completely something completely different from me, then that's perfect.

Speaker 13 And that's for me to work through on my own, but not for my kids to have to work through.

Speaker 38 I remember my son, he's now 26, but at the time he was three or four. And I remember

Speaker 22 I just was parenting just like I had been parented, which is obviously common.

Speaker 28 And I remember I just made this decision that he's going to be totally screwed up like I was if I don't switch the pattern now.

Speaker 41 And it was really tough.

Speaker 2 But I learned that I had to let go.

Speaker 39 And so luckily with both the kids, I just realized that it's much better if they screw up royally when they're young than they don't do it, than doing it when they get older, when the consequences become much more severe.

Speaker 30 And I think it's allowed them to be able to come to us and talk about things, my son more than my daughter.

Speaker 41 But I'm glad I made that pivot because I feel like they have the space.

Speaker 30 that they feel that they can come to us and have real conversations.

Speaker 17 And that's what you want as a parent, right?

Speaker 13 To just be closer to your kids. But the more that we try to control them, the less that they want to open up.
So it's a very interesting paradox, but it is, that is exactly how it is.

Speaker 13 The more you let go, the closer that they'll feel to you and you to them. And that's because you're allowing them to be who they are.
And that's beautiful.

Speaker 13 And you've already created that change in one generation. So, you know, now that they have a great example for when they have kids.

Speaker 13 Sure isn't easy for those who are listening.

Speaker 51 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 54 So speaking about the listeners, Joseph,

Speaker 40 people might be listening to our discussion and thinking, everything John and Joseph are talking about sounds really nice, but here I am and I just can't turn off my thoughts.

Speaker 25 How do I actually create that space when you're stuck in the mental loop that we often find ourselves in?

Speaker 43 What would be your advice to that person?

Speaker 13 Yeah, I'll give a quick example and then go through a framework that can help. And that's what I've personally used.

Speaker 13 And then a lot of people who have read the book, hundreds of thousands of people at this point have to be able to find a little bit more peace in their lives.

Speaker 13 The first thing is to realize and ask yourself the question, how often has overthinking helped or even solved the situation that I'm going through right now? Is this thinking actually useful?

Speaker 13 And once you start asking yourself that question, you'll start to realize that

Speaker 13 it's almost never helped and actually has made things significantly worse.

Speaker 13 And so understanding that will allow you to make a mental note for yourself that whatever I'm doing now is the overthinking, the constant belief and the anxious thoughts. These things

Speaker 13 are just holding me back from being able to find what I want in life, which is more peace and joy.

Speaker 13 And I also love asking the question of when you are the most stressed out in your life, how much thinking is going on in that moment? It's probably a lot.

Speaker 13 And if you flip the question, When you are the happiest, think about a time that you were your happiest or in a state of flow,

Speaker 13 how much thinking was going on during that time?

Speaker 13 How much mental chatter or judgment? It's probably none or very little.

Speaker 13 And just from those two questions alone, that helped me realize that it is my thinking, my judgment of whatever I'm going through or even my own thoughts or myself is what's causing my suffering.

Speaker 13 So just understanding that alone will... it gives us the sort of permission and reassurance that we can let this go because it hasn't been helpful at all.

Speaker 13 And that the times that we were happiest in our lives were when we weren't thinking or thinking very little. Then it kicks the question of how do you navigate life if you're not thinking.

Speaker 13 So when I just, when I say thinking, I specifically define it as the negative judgment of anything, negative judgment of our thoughts, ourselves, other people, events, situations.

Speaker 13 That negative judgment of whatever it is is the root cause of suffering. And to suspend that is to create space for peace.

Speaker 13 Because most of the time, like 80, 90% of all the stuff that's going in our minds is this negative judgment. And that's the story that we keep reliving.

Speaker 13 So understanding that gives you that opportunity. And so now we can get into the framework of how to actually let go of this thinking.
And this framework is called pause.

Speaker 13 So that's also in the book as well. And this is an acronym.
So the first letter is P, which is pause and take deep breaths.

Speaker 13 And what this allows you to do is to ground yourself into the present moment because you can't take a deep breath in the past. You can't take a deep breath in the the future.

Speaker 13 You can only take it in the present moment. And that's where peace resides.
It doesn't reside in the past or the future. Anxiety lives in the future and resentment lives in the past.

Speaker 13 So pause and take deep breaths and

Speaker 13 try to breathe with your whole body. Most of us have very shallow breaths because we're in a hyperactive, overstimulated state, fight or flight mode.
And so our breaths are very shallow.

Speaker 13 And when we go through a lot of anxiety, our breath gets shallower and shallower.

Speaker 13 When people are going through panic attacks, the breath gets very short but the first thing they say when someone's going through a panic attack is what take deep breaths so this is the process that we can go through this is like somatic therapy so take deep breaths the next letter in the acronym is a which is ask yourself is this thinking useful

Speaker 13 if it isn't

Speaker 13 then the next letter is you which is understand that you can let it go that you don't have to continue overthinking and that you have the choice and the agency and autonomy to say, I no longer want to think in this way.

Speaker 13 I no longer want to negatively judge these things. And I choose to let it go.
And that's you. That's P-A-U.
And then S is say and repeat the mantra. You can use any mantra.

Speaker 13 I specifically love the mantra of thinking is the root cause of suffering.

Speaker 13 And you can use something else like I let go and choose peace as a mantra.

Speaker 13 But you can use anything that allows you to feel more grounded.

Speaker 13 And it needs to be rooted in some sort of truth so that when when you're saying it in your own mind, not only are you focusing the mind on the mantra specifically, but you're also anchoring yourself in some sort of truth.

Speaker 13 It could be anything, right? But truth is what matters. So in that case, that's going to be S.
And then just repeat that mantra for about however long that you need. And the next letter is

Speaker 13 E, which is E, which is experience. your emotions fully without resistance.
And a lot of times people think that when you let go of your thinking, you're bypassing your emotions. And that's not true.

Speaker 13 What this does is it allows you to experience your emotions without judgment.

Speaker 13 When you allow your emotions to be there and take up space and to be seen without being judged, labeled as something negative, then it actually passes a lot more quickly than you anticipate.

Speaker 13 What we resist persists. And what we let be will inevitably leave.
And this is specifically for our emotions.

Speaker 13 So most of us us believe that quote unquote negative emotions are bad, but they're actually not bad. They are all messengers and trying to teach us something.

Speaker 13 All emotions are doorways to the present moment.

Speaker 13 And that's how I use them is every time I experience some sort of quote unquote negative emotion, I use it as a little kind of like reminder that I'm not in the present.

Speaker 13 I'm thinking in the future or in the past, I'm judging, I'm labeling something. I'm negatively, I have a negative opinion about this thing.

Speaker 13 So that's what I use to come back into the present moment and to release that judgment. And that's how I'm able to go through this whole entire process.
But that process is very specific.

Speaker 13 And just try that. If anything, if that's a lot to remember, just repeat the mantra and take deep breaths and try that whenever you are experiencing any sort of negative emotion.

Speaker 13 And you don't even have to believe anything that I'm saying at all. The best way to see for yourself is to try it.
and to experiment and to see if it works for you.

Speaker 13 And just try it for the next seven days. Try to suspend negative judgments.

Speaker 13 And whenever you do experience any negative emotions, repeat some sort of mantra like thinking is the root cause of suffering or I let go and choose peace until you're able to regulate your emotions, come back to center, and then see how you feel.

Speaker 13 And if it doesn't work, not a problem. You can go and try to find another modality and keep searching until you find that perfect combination of things that works for you.

Speaker 13 And if it does work, that's amazing. And just prolong the experiment for yourself.
and see how it goes. But seven days is more than enough for you to be able to see the effects.

Speaker 17 Joseph, thanks for going through that.

Speaker 27 So pause, ask yourself, understand,

Speaker 33 say, and experience.

Speaker 40 I wanted to ask you, have you created a workbook that I might be able to share with the audience about this process that I could include in the show notes?

Speaker 13 So that'll be in

Speaker 13 there's a part of a notebook within the expanded edition of the book, which is available on Amazon or most bookstores now in the U.S.

Speaker 13 But there is another workbook that I have separately. I think that's called Healing Anxiety and Overthinking.
And that's on Amazon Amazon as well.

Speaker 13 It doesn't, I don't think it goes through the exact pause framework, but it goes through something very similar.

Speaker 13 I just made it into a pause framework in the expanded edition to make it a little bit simpler and easier for people to remember.

Speaker 32 Okay.

Speaker 46 And then lastly, I wanted to take people through a situation.

Speaker 24 I had a listener contact me yesterday, and she had this job that she loved for a person that she loved working for.

Speaker 30 And unfortunately, that relationship became toxic, and she lost her job.

Speaker 41 And her initial thought was,

Speaker 16 this is because of me. This is because of my actions.

Speaker 33 Everyone around me now is going to start judging me.

Speaker 20 I'm never going to be able to recover from this.

Speaker 25 It's so unfair.

Speaker 30 What do I do to take care of my kids, et cetera?

Speaker 43 Using your book and your framework, what would be your advice to someone like that who's going through a similar situation?

Speaker 13 That's a great question. One of the things that I would say is to really examine what the predominant thinking is.
There's a lot of thinking that's going on, right?

Speaker 13 Like blaming ourselves, blaming the boss, blaming other people. What is the one that feels most visceral?

Speaker 13 And then we can tackle it from there because it's very difficult when you're swarmed with a thousand different thoughts at the same moment. And then figure out where that comes from.

Speaker 13 Like, why are you believing this particular thought? And is that particular thought helping you in this moment? What would happen if you suspended that judgment for a few moments?

Speaker 13 What would happen to the story? How does the story change if you suspend the judgment? What questions can you ask yourself and the other person to find out something a little bit closer to the truth?

Speaker 13 Because whenever there's a story, there's multiple sides. So we only know one side, which is her story right now.
We don't know the boss's side. We don't know the coworker's side or anything.

Speaker 13 We have no idea. But becoming a lot more curious than fearful or resentful is probably going to help a lot more.

Speaker 13 That's where I would start and then go through the framework from there and doing some deep breathing.

Speaker 50 And if there was one last thought of inspiration you would like to leave a listener with or take away from the book that you would like to end this conversation on, what might it be?

Speaker 13 I would say be very aware of your judgments.

Speaker 13 particularly the ones that destroy you most.

Speaker 13 And actually, what I started to realize too, when I started to inquire about my own thoughts is that the judgments that we place on ourselves or even on other people in the world aren't even our own.

Speaker 13 It usually comes from other people, mainly our parents, our friends, our coworkers, people we were closest with.

Speaker 13 And the mental chatter that we say to ourselves that really beat ourselves up and create the suffering, all those things are most likely things that someone has said to us before.

Speaker 13 And we just replay them in our own minds. So the thoughts that we think are ours aren't even really ours.

Speaker 13 It's just a broken record that we've been hanging on to for years and years. And as soon as you begin to become aware of that, of what is actually someone else's thoughts and what is mine?

Speaker 13 And do I even need to keep any of these things and to believe in them? Then you can start to break some of the shackles and the grip that it has on our lives.

Speaker 13 And that is very empowering to understand that we don't have to believe everything we think anymore, that we don't have to continually overthink, and that we, at any moment, we have the power to let that go and to come back into our hearts.

Speaker 13 That is the most freeing thing that we can experience. And it doesn't require changing anything external.
It actually just requires letting go. We don't even have to change ourselves for that matter.

Speaker 13 But once we start to have a little bit more compassion for ourselves, then we inevitably change.

Speaker 13 as a byproduct and shed all these layers and walls that we've been putting up to protect ourselves after all these years.

Speaker 13 And then a little bit of our own light starts to break through some of those cracks. And that's a source of joy.
And that's what I found in my life.

Speaker 13 And readers have been able to find that for themselves as well so that's what i would say is to become very cautious of very skeptical of our own judgments in our own mind joseph it was such a honor to have you on the show congratulations again on the book and the input and the impact that it's having i've found today to be one of the most inspirational podcasts i've done in a while so thank you so much Thank you so much for saying that, John.

Speaker 13 It's truly, again, such an honor of being here. And thank you for sharing your story and opening up.
And I think that created a lot of space for a lot of people to do the same.

Speaker 13 I mean, they've clearly done so by the person writing to you and things like that. So thank you for all you do and for sharing your light with the world.

Speaker 17 And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Joseph Wynn.

Speaker 17 His insights on how our thoughts shape our reality and the powerful idea that suffering isn't by circumstances, but by how we think about them are nothing short of transformative.

Speaker 17 Joseph's journey reminds us that our inner dialogue holds the key to our well-being. It's not about fixing our external circumstances.
It's about changing the way we engage with our thoughts.

Speaker 17 The true path to peace and purpose lies in releasing the need for external validation and instead learning to live from our soul.

Speaker 17 As we close out today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. How can you begin to detach your happiness from external circumstances?

Speaker 17 What would it look like if you stopped chasing success and started chasing alignment with your true self?

Speaker 17 And how can you create a space for stillness and reflection in your life to break free from the cycle of overthinking and self-doubt?

Speaker 17 If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support the show and help us bring these conversations to more people.

Speaker 17 And if you know someone who could benefit from Joseph's wisdom, share this episode with them. A single conversation has the power to change a life.

Speaker 17 For all the resources we discussed, including Joseph's book, Don't Believe Everything You Think, visit the show notes at passionstock.com.

Speaker 17 And if this mission resonates with you, I'd love to bring it to your stage. I'm now booking speaking engagements for 2025 2025 and 2026.

Speaker 17 Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn how I can support your organization's journey to purpose and performance.

Speaker 17 You can also join the Ignition Room, subscribe to the Ignited Life newsletter, and catch full video episodes and bonus content on our YouTube channels.

Speaker 17 Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever wondered how vulnerability and authenticity can transform your life and career?

Speaker 17 In my upcoming episode, I sit down with the incredible Janet Edelie, a leader in personal growth and empowerment to explore how embracing our true selves unlocks extraordinary potential.

Speaker 17 From overcoming life's toughest challenges to creating meaningful connections and leading with purpose, Janet's journey is a testament to the power of vulnerability and creating lasting change.

Speaker 60 I also think that to the degree we are self-absorption, which is to being so self-absorbed, whereas in the Buddhist teachings that I've studied, and granted, there are different schools that have Buddhism.

Speaker 60 The one I'm most familiar with is the Tibetan Buddhist teachings. That's all about the intention to benefit others.
And I'm sure you've experienced this.

Speaker 60 When you have to benefit someone else and you see that joy, or you just are aware of how that benefit has been meaningful to somebody else, that gets you.

Speaker 60 That I think serves that purpose that you were saying these people are missing.

Speaker 17 Until then, live boldly, lead with purpose, and as always, live life passion-struck.

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