Finding Flow: 4 Powerful Ways to Heal the Fragmentation Gap w/ John R. Miles | EP 657

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

Imagine holding a mirror that's been shattered into pieces.

One shard shows your eyes, another...

just the outline of your jaw.

Each fragment is real, but none shows the whole.

And if you stare long enough at the pieces, you lose sight of who you really are.

That's how so many of us live today.

A self at work, a self with friends, a self online, a self in the quiet moments no one else gets to see.

Each one feels true in its own way, but together, they don't add up to a life that flows.

And that's what we're going to talk about today.

Welcome to Passion Struck.

Hi, I'm your host, John R.

Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck.

Hi friends, welcome back to Passion Struck and to episode 657, our final week in the Redefining Wellness series.

Whether this is your first time tuning in or you've been with us each week, thank you.

The fact that more than a third of you come back week after week tells me that this movement is striking a chord, and I don't take that lightly.

Over the past month, we've been rethinking wellness as a four-part journey, healing from the inside out.

We began the series discussing fuel, how we nourish the body.

I was joined by Dr.

Drew Ramsey and Dr.

Erika Schwartz, and I shared a solo episode on the absorption gap.

Then came Feel, how we regulate emotions and restore resilience.

I was joined by Wolfgang Linden and Dr.

Kevin Tracy, and I also did a solo on the exposure gap.

Last week, we covered Fulfill, how to find meaning in our work and purpose.

I was joined by Jennifer Toasty Karis, Christopher Wong Mickelson, and Teen So, and my solo episode focused on the fulfillment gap.

And now we arrive at the final pillar, FLOW, the spiritual integration of values, identity, and legacy.

Earlier this week, you heard from Dr.

Jody Blinko, who revealed how we can reframe our struggles into strength, turning hardship into resilience.

And yesterday, from Jay Vidiarthi, who showed us how to reclaim our attention and redesign our relationship with technology.

Together, I want to bring it all together.

Because if Fuel, Feel, and Fulfill are the instruments, Low is the symphony.

It's where the fragments of our lives cohere into something whole.

And before we dive in, I want to share something I'm especially excited about.

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Visit startmattering.com to check it out and be part of this growing community.

So let's get into it, because somewhere between the fragments we show and the whole life we long to live lies a hidden divide.

And in today's episode, we're going to uncover what it is and more importantly, how to close it.

Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

Now, let that journey begin.

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You know, Jodi Blenko knows what it's like to live a divided life.

On the surface, she was thriving.

To her colleagues, she looked confident and capable.

To her friends, she looked like someone who had it all together.

From the outside, her life checked all the boxes.

The career, the competence, the image of success.

But as she told me in our conversation from earlier this week, that wasn't the full story.

Behind the polished exterior, Jodi was battling high-functioning depression.

She could hit the deadlines, show up for others, and maintain the facade.

But inside, she was unraveling.

That paradox, appearing whole on the outside, but fractured on the inside, is more common than we'd like to admit.

And it's not just about mental health.

It's about why so many of us divide ourselves into pieces.

Think about it.

You might have a version of yourself at work, the buttoned-up professional who never lets them see you sweat, another version of you at home, the parent, the partner, the friend, and another still online, the curated self who you present to your followers.

And then there's the version very few people see at all, the quiet self, the one you carry with you in stillness when the masks come off.

Each of these selves is real.

Each reflects something true, but when they don't connect, when they pull apart instead of coming together, the result isn't wholeness, it's fragmentation.

And here's the problem.

When the distance between those selves grows too wide, something essential is lost.

You stop feeling like a unified being, and instead, you feel like an actor who's juggling roles.

It's exhausting.

It's disorienting.

And over time, it erodes not just your health, but your sense of who you really are.

This is what I call the fragmentation gap, gap, the hidden divide between the different selves we perform and the integrated life that flows when those selves come together.

You've probably felt this gap before.

It shows up in that subtle but gnawing sense that you're out of sync with yourself.

When you wake up and move through the motions, but can't remember the last time you truly felt whole.

When every part of your life has its own soundtrack, but none of them are playing in the same key.

And here's where this becomes more than just psychological.

It's profoundly spiritual.

Without integration, we lose coherence.

And without coherence, we lose connection to others, to meaning, to spirit.

That's why so many describe fragmentation as a kind of soul sickness.

You can be doing everything right on the surface, eating clean, exercising, chasing all the goals you want to achieve, and still feel profoundly empty.

Because your spirit knows the truth.

Wholeness is missing.

Before we go deeper, let me pause here.

If this idea of closing the fragmentation gap resonates with you, you know it's not just a concept, it's a movement.

That's why we've launched theignitedlife.net, our sub stack.

where every episode comes with tools, deeper dives, and workbooks to help you apply what you hear on this show into your own life.

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Welcome back.

Let's pick up where we left off.

Because if Jodi's story shows us what it looks like to live divided on the inside, Jay Vidiarthi shows us what happens when the outside world itself pulls us apart.

Jay knows what it's like to live with split identities.

Early in his life, he found himself living in two very different worlds.

On one side, a dedicated digital gamer who could lose himself for hours in digital universes.

On the other side, a meditator, someone who was seeking stillness, presence, and death.

At first, these identities felt like opposites to Jay.

One fueled stimulation, the other demanded silence.

And yet, both were teaching him about attention, how it can be scattered, and how it can be reclaimed.

In our conversation, Jay reminded me of something so simple, yet so profound.

Attention is life.

Where your attention goes, your life goes.

And in today's digital environment, our attention is being pulled in a thousand different directions.

A ding here, a scroll there, an endless feed of other people's lives asking us to perform.

to compare, to react.

The result, a fragmentation of spirit.

Think about it.

You might start your morning with quiet intention, maybe journaling, maybe prayer, maybe just a few deep breaths.

But then you check your phone.

10 minutes later, you're not in that quiet space anymore.

You're in an inbox filled with other people's demands.

You're in a newsfeed engineered for outrage.

You're in a digital slot machine.

swiping for the next dopamine hit.

And slowly, without even realizing it, your days begin to feel like shards of glass, sharp, scattered, and disconnected.

Jay calls this false urgency, the sense that everything online requires our immediate attention, even when it doesn't.

That email from a colleague, that trending post, that notification pinging you at 11 p.m., each one feels like it matters in the moment.

But when we take the opportunity to zoom out, we realize most of them don't.

They're just fragments, not the whole.

And here's the kicker.

Our nervous system doesn't know the difference.

Every ping, every scroll, every red bubble triggers the same stress response as if it was urgent.

Over time, we become accustomed to live in perpetual fragmentation.

Our focus is split.

Our nervous system is on high alert, and the coherence that we need to feel real flow slips further and further away.

This is why Jay argues that technology isn't neutral.

It's designed specifically to fragment us, to slice our attention into pieces, to keep us reacting, scrolling, and consuming.

And the more that we live in that cycle, the harder it becomes to access the deeper flow of life, the kind that comes when your body, mind, and spirit are integrated.

Now, don't get me wrong, Jay isn't anti-technology.

In fact, he believes that technology can be redesigned to support mindfulness instead of undermining it.

His work as a designer is all about building tools that give attention back instead of stealing it away.

But to do that, we first have to admit what's happening.

Our digital lives aren't just distracting us, they're fragmenting us.

And here's where Jay's perspective intersects with Jodi's.

For Jodi, fragmentation showed up in identity, wearing different masks until she could barely see herself at all.

For Jay, fragmentation showed up as attention, having his focus sliced up in so many different pieces that coherence was impossible.

Both stories point to the same truth.

When we live divided, we lose wholeness.

And here's the spiritual dimension.

Scattered attention isn't just a productivity problem.

It's a soul problem.

Because when your mind is constantly divided, you can't be fully present.

Not with yourself, not with others, not even with the larger meaning that you believe in.

And you have probably felt this too.

You sit down with your family, but keep glancing at your phone.

You try to pray.

but your mind keeps going to tomorrow's deadlines.

You're in a conversation, but half your brain is replaying the news stories you just saw.

Each time you're physically present, but spiritually absent, fragmented.

And this is why flow matters so much.

Flow isn't just about peak performance.

It's about coherence.

It's the state where your attention isn't scattered, where your inner and outer selves line up.

where presence is possible.

So here's the invitation from Jay's lens.

Start noticing where your attention fractures.

Start asking, is urgency real or is it manufactured?

And then begin to reclaim those shards, piece by piece, until the mirror begins to reflect its whole again.

Because here's the truth I want you to take away.

We can't live a flowing life on fractured attention.

So if fragmentation is the disease of our age, integration is the antidote.

But here's the thing.

Integration doesn't just happen.

It's built brick by brick by brick, choice by choice by choice.

Small, repeatable steps that slowly bring your roles, your attention, and your spirit back into alignment.

I call this four-step framework, notice name, nurture, navigate.

Step one, notice where your life is fractured.

We can't change what we refuse to see.

And most of us are so accustomed to fragmentation, it feels normal.

Think about your last 24 hours.

How many different times did you switch roles?

Maybe you were a parent when you first got up getting your kids ready for school, a manager by 9 a.m., a polished professional on Zoom by 10, a best friend over text at lunch.

and a quiet, exhausted self scrolling on your phone till you go to bed.

Each role was real, but if you ask yourself honestly, how connected were they to one another?

One listener recently told me that she felt like her life was a series of costume changes.

She had a closet full of outfits for different roles, but no single thread ran through them.

That realization for her didn't fix everything overnight, but it gave her the language for what she had been feeling.

And you can do the same.

Grab a notebook and write down the different roles that you experience in a given week.

Parent, partner, leader, employee, friend, caretaker, athlete, creator.

Then ask, where do I feel like myself?

Where do I feel like I'm acting?

Because noticing the fractures doesn't make them worse.

It makes them visible.

And what's visible can be healed.

Once you've noticed the fracture points, the next step is naming.

Here's the truth.

Not all roles deserve equal weight.

Some are masks that we wear out of pressure or obligation, and some values are really ours, while others are inherited or imposed.

This is where coherence begins.

Jay shared with me how his gaming and meditation identities once felt like they were contradictory until he named the deeper value that sat between both of them, attention.

Suddenly, the two selves weren't fighting anymore.

They were now informing each other.

You can do the same thing.

Start by writing down three of your values, especially the top ones that feel non-negotiable.

Perhaps it's creativity, family, service, authenticity, growing closer to God, growth.

Then hold them up against your roles.

Do your roles reflect those values?

Or do they compete with them?

For me, when I was at Catalina Marketing, The role of being an executive vice president of C-level and sitting on the board of directors looked successful on the outside.

But the value of mattering, which drives everything that I do now, was completely missing.

I could name the role, but I couldn't name the resonance.

And that gap, I have to admit, finally caught up with me.

Naming isn't about cutting everything that doesn't align.

It's all about clarity.

Because clarity is what allows you to move from fragmentation towards flow.

And this leads us to step three.

Nurture practices and rituals that align them.

This is exactly where theory becomes practice.

Once you've noticed those fractures and named your values, you now need anchors, daily rituals that tie it all together.

Otherwise, the demands of the world will scatter you again.

Think of rituals as glue.

They don't erase the fractures, but they hold the pieces together long enough for coherence to emerge.

For Jodi Blinko, healing began with small rituals, journaling, reframing struggles, creating spaces where she didn't have to perform.

Over time, those rituals became scaffolding for authenticity.

Yours might look different.

Maybe it's beginning each day with a grounding question.

How can I live one life today, not 10?

Maybe...

It's a weekly walk without your phone.

Maybe it's a digital Sabbath, one day where you resist the pull of false urgency.

Even small rituals matter.

Neuroscience shows that consistent practices like meditation, prayer, and journaling literally rewire the brain towards coherence.

So ask yourself, what daily practice could help me remember who I am across all my different roles?

Then start small because rituals compound.

And this leads us to the final step number four, navigate towards coherence through small steps.

Integration isn't a one-time act, and our journeys require navigation.

This step is all about momentum, using your awareness, values, and rituals in order to make small course corrections.

Here's the key.

Don't think of this in terms of perfection.

Think in terms of coherence.

Coherence doesn't mean that every role looks the same.

It means they don't contradict with each other.

It means you can recognize yourself in each one.

Sometimes that requires small shifts, saying no to a meeting that doesn't align with your values, choosing presence over multitasking, turning off the notifications that fracture your attention.

Other times it requires bigger moves, like renegotiating your roles, pursuing a new project.

or leaving an environment altogether that consistently fractures you.

But navigation is always iterative.

You check your compass, take a step, then check again.

That's how you move forward towards integration without being paralyzed by the journey that lays before you.

And here's the paradox.

The more you navigate towards coherence, the easier it gets, because flow is self-reinforcing.

When your roles align with your values, you gain energy.

instead of losing it.

And that energy fuels more alignment.

And over time, the fragmentation gap begins to close.

So let me ground all that we've talked about today in a few stories.

At the Dream Force conference put on by Salesforce each year, I once had the opportunity of watching Neil Young perform.

And this was in front of an audience of tech executives.

At first, watching Neil in front of that crowd felt out of place.

But as the music started playing, something clicked.

Neil Young wasn't performing a role.

He was simply being himself, artist, activist, and storyteller.

And that coherence that he showed cut through the corporate glass like nothing else could.

Flow isn't about context.

It's about congruence.

Then let's go back to Jay's gamer and meditator selves.

What once seemed fragmented became whole when Jay reframed them both.

around the value of attention.

Instead of living two lives, he realized he was living one life with two expressions.

That shift created flow in his life.

And Jodi's mask of pretense, her leap into chaos, wasn't about erasing her old self.

It was about weaving in her hidden pain into her authentic story.

The mask fell away, and the real person underneath could finally breathe.

All these stories share a common thread, coherence.

The integration of values, roles, and attention.

The shift from fragmentation to flow.

So this brings us to the truth of today's episode.

Flow is the everyday coherence of living one life instead of living a life of many fragments.

It's waking up and recognizing yourself across your roles.

It's bringing full attention to the moment instead of scattering it into a thousand false urgencies.

It's about honoring your spirit, not your schedule.

Closing the fragmentation gap isn't about being perfect.

It's about wholeness.

Living a life where your body, your mind, your purpose, your spirit are not at odds.

They're in harmony.

Because in the end, flow is coherence and coherence is wellness.

And that brings us to the close of today's conversation and this whole four-series arc on reclaiming wellness.

Over the past few weeks, we've been redefining wellness into something that's deeper and more holistic.

We've explored fuel, what we put in our body, food, rest, energy.

We've explored feel,

how we regulate our emotions and heal our nervous system.

We've explored fulfill, how we find meaning in our work and our purpose.

And this past week, we went through flow, the soul-level integration of values, identity, and legacy.

Each of these weeks built into the next.

Feel restores resilience.

Fulfill gives us meaning.

And flow ties it all together with coherence into living one life instead of fragments.

And that's the real lesson of this series.

Wellness isn't a checklist.

It's not just diet or exercise or self-care hacks.

Wellness is coherence.

It's integration.

It's the alignment of who you are across body, mind, purpose, and spirit.

When those pieces come together, life doesn't just work, it flows.

So here's my challenge to you as we wrap up this series.

Take one intentional step this week towards coherence.

Maybe it's noticing where you feel fragmented.

Maybe it's naming the values that matter most to you.

Maybe it's establishing a small ritual that ties them all together.

or maybe it's making a bigger move, a boundary, a shift, a choice that brings you closer to wholeness.

Because the real goal isn't just surviving.

It's living with flow.

It's living like you matter.

And that begins with integration.

Now, while this arc comes to a close, we're opening a brand new one here on Passion Struck next week.

It's called the science of being human.

In it, we're going to explore the deep layers of what makes us who we are.

our biology, our psychology, our trauma, our identity, our community, and the stories that we tell ourselves.

We're starting off the series with two incredible guests, Dr.

Bruce Miller and Dr.

Virginia Strum, both from the University of California, San Francisco.

Together, they'll show us how purpose and brain health are connected in so many ways that none of us even realized, and why meaning isn't just a philosophical idea.

It turns out it's a biological necessity.

If this Reclaiming Wellness series helped you to see your health through a wider lens, you won't want to miss what's coming next.

Because the science of being human is about nothing less than understanding ourselves at the deepest level.

As always, thank you so much for spending your time with me and for being part of the Passion Struck community.

If this episode today in this series resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it.

I've created a playlist for it on Spotify.

And if you haven't already, please consider leaving us a five-star rating and review.

They go such a long way in helping others discover the movement that we're creating.

Until next time, remember: wholeness is possible, integration is possible.

And when you live a life that flows, you live a life that truly matters.

Remember, you are passion-struck.