917. Q&AF: Too Late At 38?, Motivating People Through Resistance & Feeling Behind

Yeah, when we're sleeping on the floor, now my jury box froze.

Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove, counted millions in a cold.

Bad bitch, booted swole.

Got her own bank rope.

Can't fold, just a no.

Headshot, case close, close, close.

What is up, guys?

It's Andy for Sella and this is the show for the realists.

Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society.

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All right.

What's up?

What's going on, brother?

Nothing, dude.

What's up with you?

Oh, you know, it's been a great day.

Just getting shit done.

I rode a little Yamaha for the first time.

Which one?

Logan's.

Logan's.

Yeah, you got that bike.

Yeah.

Oh, is it?

It's all right.

It's in one piece still.

Yeah.

Almost didn't come back.

Yeah.

That thing's smaller than what you used to do.

It is, but that thing's fast, man.

Oh, yeah.

Those like little street bikes are different.

I'm used to the hogs.

Yep.

Yep.

I know you are.

Anyway.

Yeah.

Them big white hogs you like to ride.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway,

so people are probably wondering why we're having Q and AF in the middle of the week.

That's because

it is time for all of you to start participating in the revolution, which is the revolution and the rebellion of personal excellence.

We have to understand that if we as humans are going to thrive and even survive at this point, we have to become everything

they don't want us to become.

They want us to be fat.

We have to become fit.

They want us to be stupid.

We have to become intelligent.

They want us to be dependent.

We have to become independent.

They want us to hate each other.

We have to work together.

These are things that are required for humanity to progress.

And your story, your outcome, what you do on a daily basis is the revolution.

And you have to understand that we all play a part in that.

There is no opting out.

There is no, oh, well, I don't have a big following.

This doesn't have shit to do with your following.

This has to do with the example that you set.

This has to do with what the people around you observe.

This has to do with what they see so they can know that certain things are possible for them.

And we, as humans, have an obligation to set that standard.

And that obligation and that duty has been forgotten by a lot of people, especially here in America.

So,

with that being said, we are going to focus much more on personal development, at least giving you guys a couple shows a week of that until we get this new podcast launched, which

is imminent.

So,

yeah,

yeah, what yeah, man, dude.

Yeah, dude, you got me.

You know what, Andy?

I'm ready to punch through a wall, bro.

Oh, yeah, let's make some people better.

Yeah, let's uh, you know, like I said, punching holes through drywall.

We have a Kyle.

Cool.

We're gonna get on the phone.

Let's go.

Let's give Kyle a call.

Here we go.

Hello, Kyle.

What's up, dude?

Oh, what's up, DJ?

What's going on, bro?

How are you?

I'm all right.

Let me get to an area that's not so damn noisy.

How are you good?

Caught me on the roof.

On the roof,

you on the roof?

Yes, sir.

Can you hear me?

Okay, yeah, don't jump.

Don't do it.

It ain't that bad, bro.

I'm thinking about it, bro.

Yeah, it ain't that bad.

how's it going fellas doing good kyle how you doing bro

i'm good man good

actually got some some rain up here in washington state right now dude we're not nice isn't it i think it's isn't it always raining up there

yeah i usually get probably two weeks in the spring and two weeks in the fall that's actually like comfortable weather for me to work the rest is either hot as or below 12.

Oh, no, that sounds pleasant.

Yeah, get while you're on the roof.

Yeah.

So that's why you're on the roof.

Yeah.

All right.

So what can we help you with, brother?

So,

I forget what I wrote.

I imagine it had something to do with changing direction on my life, though, because

I'm at that point now at 38.

I've done this for 20 years of my life.

Six of the most rash entrepreneur when I was real young and stupid.

Lost my business during the recession.

But

when my wife had her boy, her kidneys failed.

So I had to get, you know, a good job with, you know, awesome health benefits.

So went to the Union Roofers and been doing that for the last 13 years.

And now she's finally got her transplant.

So we're able to have a little bit more freedom and figure out like what we want to do because

in all honesty, I am just bored of roofing, man.

And

I got a few things lined up, but the problem is it's going to be a pay cut right off the bat until I work my way up.

And at 38, giving my family the lifestyle, you know, I'm coaching my boy right now.

This is the last year I get to coach him until he goes to high school.

Do I just suck it up and keep doing what I'm doing, giving them the lifestyle they become accustomed to, or

figure out something else?

And is it too late at 38 to start from somewhere, a whole new industry, and work my way up?

Well, look, man,

that's a lot.

And I think a lot of people get to be the age that you're at.

and they start to consider these things that you're considering.

Is this really what I want to do?

Is this really what I want my life to be?

Um,

you're it's not too late, all right.

So let's just get that out of the way, uh, especially with the technology that's available today.

The scale at which someone can enter a business, build a business, and bear fruit with that business

is much quicker than it used to be.

Um, it's significantly quicker than what it was when you were uh, uh you know doing this shit back in 2008 all right

so

the reality of the situation that you have to deal with right now is

do i want to take a step back

for three years

to take a step forward for the next 50

and if you think about it like that it's the answer is very obvious okay and a lot of people ruin their lives because they don't want to take a step back

when they have to to move forward.

And the reality of success is that at points in time along our journey, we have to take steps back.

And sometimes that looks like for an entrepreneur, that would look like not getting paid for a year or two.

I've gone through a number of phases like that in my entrepreneurial journey where I don't get paid from the companies in order to let that money work for me in other ways.

For, you know, an employee, for someone else, that might look like, you know, downsizing your car, downsizing your apartment, downsizing your house, you know.

But I think it's important, dude, to think about this in a scale of decades, not in a scale of the immediate...

discomfort that it might cause you or your family.

Let's be real, bro.

Material shit, as cool as it is, house, car,

lifestyle, it's really not that important.

And once you've experienced any of it,

it's not a huge deal.

Being satisfied with where you are, what you do, what you accomplish, and fulfilled with what you do with your life is far more important than taking a step back

financially for a few years while you figure something out.

Now, with that all being said, it's very important that you know where you're going to go from here and don't just say, hey, I'm going to jump off this cliff because I don't want to fucking do this thing anymore

and then not know what to do because that will end up in a place that's not very good.

So

my advice, bro, is like if you were my brother and I was saying, hey, Kyle, look, man,

You fucking hate what you do.

Okay.

You don't like it.

You're over it.

You've already done it.

do you think you could do it for another 30 years

what what's your answer

no okay physically i mean well no you can't bro mentally or physically let's say you could do it physically for another 30 years you know what you're gonna think at the end of 30 years

fuck

i could have done so much other shit You know what I'm saying?

And like, bro, I can hear it in your voice, bro.

This path for you is exhausted.

It's going to require you to make some changes.

But at the end of the day, brother, you know,

I think you already know what you need to do.

Yeah, I just, the issue is I spent 20 years

becoming a master at what I do, right?

And that's, you know, roofing construction,

whatever.

Right.

All my other skill sets, like I'm good with computers.

I got great discipline, work ethic, all that.

That's, that's all well and good.

But I have no other marketable skills besides what I put on my resume resume for the last 20 years i can't go into a different industry just say yeah i'm disciplined i got grit and fortitude but in the spades

is there not how do i market that's where it's not you know half of what i it depends on what you're trying to do what do you what do you want to do what are your when you said you had other things to do what were they

Well, I got one option at longshoreman and five, six years, becoming a captain of boat and the other is pretty much entrepreneurship that's really my only other options you don't think that you've learned enough skill about construction and roofing to do your own thing as an entrepreneur in that in that lane

oh yeah i just got to find the money to do it well i mean bro that's everybody's problem Right.

Everybody's problem is they got to find the money to do it.

Like, you're going to have to back the fuck up off your financial obligations and reinvest and start small.

That's that's what it takes, dude.

Listen, at the end of the day,

here's what it is: you can either continue, you can continue to do what you do.

You already said you don't like it, you already said you're tired of it.

Okay, yeah, you can go be a longshoreman, like you said.

That sounds pretty cool.

I think that'd be fun, but I bet if you did that for five, six years, you're going to say, I don't like this either.

Okay.

It sounds cool because it's new.

And at the end of the day, you've already started a business.

It failed.

That doesn't mean that you're a bad entrepreneur.

Most entrepreneurs go through failure after failure after failure, but you got to understand that that comes with a different level of anxiety, stress.

You know, it's just a different life, man.

And I can't tell you what life you're going to be the happiest to live.

But what I can tell you is that if you're thinking what you're thinking now, in two years, it's going to be worse.

In four years, it's going to be worse.

In eight years, it's going to be worse.

And you're going to have to decide and make a decision, brother, and then just stick with it.

Because at your age,

you know, this is probably, we're getting to the point where, you know,

just talking real.

You probably only got one chance to redo your life at this age.

So it's not like you're going to have another one at 60.

you know what i mean um and that's where i'm at yeah absolutely yeah so it's important that you think you know decades ahead bro where what do you want to say about your life when you are 60 what do you want to say when you're 70 do you want to say i spent my whole life doing roofing even though i hated it or do you want to say

i

had the balls to change something up and I did whatever the fuck it takes to work.

I can tell you this, dude.

If you're not all in on making whatever decision that you want to make from here work no matter what,

you shouldn't make any moves because you'll end up flat on your face.

But you already said you have discipline, grit, this, that, the other.

You know, you ask how to market that.

I mean,

marketing that comes from your own

displaying of results of what you've already created.

So,

I mean, bro,

I can't tell you what to do with your life, but I can tell you that if you continue down the same path that you're on, you're going to have regrets.

And

most people don't want that.

Oh, you're absolutely right.

And yeah, you're right earlier.

I do know what I need to do.

Yeah, bro.

I know you do.

You're not, you already do know.

It's just, it's uncomfortable.

And you got to realize, bro, that most people will fucking stay in that uncomfortable situation their entire lives and then fucking just eat the regret later and say, oh, I had a good life.

And dude, if we're being real, that's bitch shit.

That's bitch ass shit.

That's pussy shit.

Okay.

You're not a, you're, you haven't.

You got to have the courage to be.

Look, man, if you don't have the courage to become what it is you want to do or become what it is you want to become it's going to be you that has to fucking go in the hole and with the regret so it's all about what you want to deal with for me

you know

i i don't want to have to fucking wonder if i went hard i don't want to have to wonder if i had courage i don't want to have to wonder if i was just being afraid And for me, when I start to feel like I need to make a move or make a decision or move forward, I just fucking do it.

Because the minute I start thinking about it, I know about myself.

It's just going to grow and grow and grow and grow and grow until it gets so uncomfortable that I have to move anyway.

So,

bro, I understand where you're at and I understand your hesitancy because real consequences ride on it.

And that's okay, dude.

You could say, hey, I want to stay in this another year and then I'm going to do this.

I'm going to wait until my son gets out of high school and then I'm going to do this.

But I just don't want you to go for another 30 years bro and be like fuck

i wish i had done something different that's all i'm saying

well i appreciate it man thank you guys yeah i mean what do you think bro

no i mean you said it i it's exactly what i got to do i mean

I'm going to regret it either way.

I spent my life, my entire working career working my balls off and being uncomfortable as it is.

So I'm either uncomfortable doing this or uncomfortable making a change for the better.

There you go.

Bro, and on top of it, man, like those skills that you learned are valuable skills.

They're going to be more valuable the next three or four years anyway, because so much technology is going to replace these pencil pusher jobs.

You know, there's an opportunity for you right now to move into as a roofing entrepreneur and innovate the roofing space.

I mean, right now, like right now is the perfect time for it.

There's going to be new technology.

There's going to be new equipment.

There's going to be new ways to do things.

And these older guys, they're not going to adjust.

They're going to say, just like everything that happens, you know, we don't need cars because we got horses.

And that's going to be, that's going to be a major opportunity in construction.

People who start construction companies or start blue-collar tradesmen jobs who are willing to innovate.

and build businesses off of the technology available are going to beat these older guys who, you know, we, dude, look, I grew up around construction too.

We all know the kind of guys that do it.

They're like this.

Hey, that's not how we used to do it.

We did it like this, and that's how we're going to do it.

And we're going to do it like that until fucking the wheels fall off.

They're not very open to evolution.

And if you can be, you know, that's where your, that's where your lane is.

You know the shit.

You, you, you are already keeping up with technology.

You said you're good with computers.

Pour yourself a little bit more into that.

Start thinking about how you can innovate the roofing business and work towards something like that, dude.

Like that way you can look back and say, well, you know,

I didn't waste my life.

I went to school for 20 years for this.

That makes me a fucking expert, you know?

So, dude, I personally see lots of options for you.

I just think

you've got to push past that

playing the middle, right?

Like the playing of the middle, the uncertainty, that's what exhausts people.

That's what wears people out.

And,

you know, you just got to decide, hey, this is my plan.

This is what I'm going to do.

And you got to go do it.

If you waffle, it'll fucking fail.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

Guys,

I can't thank you enough.

I appreciate your

time and what you do for everybody.

Well, look, man, you're going through a natural part of life, and I think you got a great opportunity in front of you.

It's just about making that commitment and going and making it work.

Well, thank you again, man.

I appreciate it, brother.

All right.

See you, Kyle.

Thanks, bro.

All right.

See you.

Dude, something I was thinking about during that conversation, and you pointed this out to me years ago, but just on the

idea of just being a little uncomfortable,

it actually helps propel you forward.

It keeps that drive alive almost, right?

Hold on, man.

You can't win without it.

Yeah.

You can't win without it.

This is something that people have to understand.

In the beginning, it's very easy to

move forward because you don't have an option.

All right.

When you're broke and you don't have shit going on for you,

you have to eat.

You got to pay your bills.

So you have to go do things.

When you get in a situation like Kyle's in, where he's making a decent living, he's working hard, he's getting paid, he's taking care of his family.

That allows him a certain level of comfort, which makes it harder to make the decision.

All right.

So the pressure, I call it zero options mentality, is required to succeed.

And a lot of people, they will say, well, if this doesn't work, then I'll do this.

Well, if that doesn't work, then I'll do this.

And they make all these contingencies.

And because they have these contingencies, they don't go all in on the initial plan, which is what's required for it to work.

And the real trick.

is that whenever you start to become successful and you start to build some, you know, means, means you can afford dinner and a decent car and a nice house and you're not starving that's where it becomes extremely important for you to leverage inside of your own mind the idea that you don't have any other choice but to do it and that may require you fabricating a story or taking extra responsibility for the people that work for you, right?

Like, I know that I'm not legitimately responsible for everybody's life, but the story I tell myself so that I get out of bed and go hard is that if I don't get out of bed and go hard, these motherfuckers are going to starve.

And so

that's not acceptable to me.

So that's a zero option mentality that I'm developing.

You see what I'm saying?

Absolutely.

And so in the beginning, it's easy because you actually have zero options.

But where you're, where Kyle is, you know, now you have options.

So it's like really hard to fucking move.

And it's especially hard when you've worked so hard to have stability to take a little bit of that off the table to move forward on what you actually want to do.

And sometimes for some people, the right move is to stay right where the fuck you are because you're not going to fully commit to anything else.

So that's why it's such a hard question for me to answer for him because I'm not him.

You know what I'm saying?

If I were him, knowing how I am, I would absolutely do what I I said.

I would stay in it.

And while I'm in it, I would fucking start fabricating a plan around how we're going to innovate the roofing business, something I know a lot of everything about.

I'm a master, like in his words.

How are we going to do this with technology?

How are we going to do this with the changes that are coming?

What's the roofing industry going to look like in five years?

How can I get there before everybody else?

And that's where I'm working if I'm him.

Yeah, absolutely, dude.

Come down on the fucking gas station to ketos a little bit.

Start saving up.

Bro, a little goes a long way.

You know, it's like what fucking Ramsey says, you know, fucking no Starbies.

Yeah, that's right.

You know what I'm saying?

So, I mean, dude, you know, a lot of people tease Dave Ramsey, but like Dave Ramsey

gives a lot of really good practical advice for people to free up

their income.

And their debt to be free at something later.

And I actually agree with them.

I think most people live beyond their means.

They get caught up in this fucking bullshit rat race.

They have way more shit than they actually need to be happy.

It's short-lived and it puts them in a financial buy-in that enslaves them for their entire life.

And the truth of the matter is, is like the good shit that you really want, that requires passing on the fucking Jordans.

That requires passing on

the

five-series beamer or whatever the fuck you're trying to flex in front of your neighbors with.

Like Dave Ramsey's selling a 15 million dollar fucking mansion in nashville right now it's badass but he didn't get there by you know uh stretching himself thin up until that point right so you have to understand like you know you can have these little luxuries but these little luxuries that you're stretching to have keep the big life that you want from happening yeah and there's a lot of truth to that yeah bro there's a fine line of like being able to tread right now once you get enough offense going and you're fucking just you're you know you're you're printing that's a different thing right but like when you first start getting started and you're trying to work out of where kyle is that's required it's it's what it is and a lot of people will trap themselves their whole life because their ego won't allow them to take a couple steps back they don't want to be seen driving a used car they don't want to downsize their house because they're afraid of what their fucking friends will say You know what I'm saying?

You shouldn't be worried about that.

You should be thinking about what they're going to say when you roll up in your fucking brand new fucking roles because you innovated the roofing business.

Right.

That's real shit, man.

Yeah.

That's real.

I love it, man.

But guys, let's get question number two going.

We have a write-in.

Question number two.

Good morning, Andy and DJ.

A little background on myself.

I'm a 47-year-old mom, wife, veteran, deputy, rancher, and all-time follower of your content.

I'm on my fourth 75 hard and seek mental toughness and control on the daily.

My question for your expertise, knowing your mindset and experience.

I have adult sons and other friends and family that I know for a fact need 75 hard in their life.

One son struggles with weight and has attempted 75 hard two times, but when failing makes excuses to get back on board.

I find myself having a zero empathetic attitude towards the people that refuse to do the work to help themselves.

How do you help and support people that you care for when you know what they need to do to help themselves, but they refuse to do it?

I find myself biting my tongue in so many conversations to basically save my relationship with them, but it stresses me out because I want to just be real with them.

And I'm sure I would not come across the right way.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this and hopes that you have ideas on how to approach it.

Have a kick-ass day.

Here, I'll solve it to you in three words.

Tell the truth.

If the fucker's fat, tell him he's fucking fat.

When I was 350 pounds, none of my friends told me I was fat.

And you know what?

I wish they had.

I had to listen to the internet tell me fat.

And when the internet was telling me I was fat, I was like, fuck, I guess I'm fat.

And I lost 100 motherfucking pounds.

Okay.

So my answer to you is probably not the answer that you would like.

And it's probably not the socially accepted answer.

But I would bully the fuck out of them until they stopped putting food in their fucking mouth and get off their fat ass and started fucking working.

If you really care about about them, if you really care about them.

Okay.

Here's the thing.

They're never going to do it by you just saying, oh, I really would like to see you do that.

That is not enough pressure.

It's not enough pressure.

They have to feel like shit about themselves.

They have to look in the mirror and say, fuck.

I'm a fat, fucking lazy slob.

And however you can facilitate them learning to

observe that on their own, the quicker they will change.

And that's just reality.

And people don't like that.

They say it's mean.

They say it might be mean.

But you know what's meaner than that?

Allowing someone to be a fat piece of shit who fucking won't do the work, who constantly complains about being fat and unhealthy and doesn't, you know, know what to do.

That you say you love and care for.

Yeah, that you say you love and care for, but you keep, you know,

babying them.

And, and, you know, like,

hurt their feelings.

It's not, you don't have to.

I'm just telling you how I would do it.

I'm not saying how you need to do it, but that's how I would do it.

I'd make fun of them until they fucking stopped.

I mean, how much weight are you down?

I'm down 45 pounds.

Yeah.

And it's because I call you a fat fuck every single day.

It's part of it.

So do these guys.

Yeah.

Well, it's mainly if Madat does it all.

Listen, dude, if you really care about people, you tell them the truth.

Otherwise, it's fake care.

You care about yourself.

Okay.

If you don't want to offend people with the truth, it's because you lack the courage or the care that you claim to have to actually deliver the truth in a meaningful way.

I have zero empathy for people like that as well.

And the reason that I have zero empathy for people like that as well is because I have conquered that problem for myself.

And I realize that if I can conquer that problem for myself, so can anybody.

So I totally agree with you.

And I think you're putting too much weight into being

quote-unquote nice or whatever you think that is but i i just see things different bro i see i see kindness and niceness

pretty much different than what everybody else sees it as like i see kindness and niceness as the truth i think if you actually care about someone you will tell them the truth i i think if you actually want someone to be happy and you know what they need to change, you will tell them the truth.

And I think people that don't

are full of shit.

Yeah.

I think, too, like, it's also important too to make, like, to continue to be that example for them.

They'll say, oh, yeah.

I mean, that's, that's.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Because, like, I mean, that's a big one.

What did you say?

It was his kids.

It's her sons.

Yeah.

How old are they?

I didn't say she's she's 47.

So they're probably 20.

Yeah, somewhere in there.

Yeah.

So,

yeah, they're old enough to fucking

take it.

Here's the reality, too.

They should realize, like, look, dude, if you're overweight

in a significant way, your life experience is completely different than what it would be if you were in shit.

Completely different.

So, people who are fit, people who are healthy, people who take care of themselves send a message to everybody in every situation, whether it be the people they work for, whether it be their potential mates in a relationship, whether it be their friend group.

anybody, their kids, they are sending a completely different message, which brings back a completely different quality of life.

And when I was 350 pounds, I would have argued that.

And I did argue that.

I said, hey, you know what?

I'm a great entrepreneur.

You know how much better I got when I lost 100 fucking pounds?

You know how much more money I made?

You know how much more opportunity I got?

Like, it's not comparable.

And

if you want the best for your sons, you should probably explain to them.

like things that are going to matter to them.

You know, like, hey,

do you like girls?

It's very simple.

I mean, seriously, that's real.

Do you like girls?

Yeah, I like girls.

Well, do you know why you're not getting any?

Because you can't see your own dick.

Okay.

And, like, that's the truth.

Yeah.

Listen, if you're fat, you're going to have a limited selection of women unless you are insanely hilarious, like Shane Gillis.

That's real.

Okay.

That's real.

But you're no, no girls want to

when they're that age, they don't, or or any age, they don't want to fucking.

I know there's chubby chasers and shit, but like, I'm just saying in general, your opportunities are going to be limited in every, in every area.

Yeah, or during the wintertime when it's colder out, they need a little bit more warmth.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah.

I mean, that's something that I told myself when I was fat.

It's real, man.

You know, it's real.

I just don't think,

you know,

I think if someone had sat down and explained it to me when I was 20 years old and said, if you don't get in shape, you're not going to make money and you're not going to meet girls, I would take it serious because that's what I cared about at 20.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, just tie it to something they actually cared about.

Yeah.

That's real, man.

You know what?

I want to ask you this because I feel like a common thing out there, too.

But also remember, 75 Hard isn't for fucking fitness.

It's a fucking mental transformation program.

So also you should be explaining to them in a very real way that

if you don't learn how to follow through on your plans, you're never going to be successful at anything.

And that's what that program fucking solves.

It solves the problem of adherence.

And when people can't adhere to any plan, they can't be successful in anything.

So we have to build our discipline and our toughness and our grit and our fortitude, everything that contributes to our ability to follow through on the plans that we set forth for ourselves in order for us to have a fulfilling, successful life.

If you can't adhere to very simple things, such as I'm not going to put X in my fucking mouth and I'm going to get off the couch and walk for an hour.

Like if you can't do these things,

you can't do anything.

You understand?

Absolutely, man.

You can't do anything.

So you have to fix the problem of adherence before you start saying, oh, I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that or I'm going to do this.

You ain't doing shit.

Cause you can't even control what goes in in your fucking mouth.

You know, you know what I'm saying?

Absolutely.

Like a lot of people are like, oh, well, this program's better.

For what?

There's not a better program in the world to teach fucking discipline.

That's why there's billions of fucking hashtags all over the goddamn internet.

I love it, man.

Well, I just get tired of it.

I love it.

Yeah.

I mean, broke.

Do your kids want to be fat or do they not?

Do your kids want to be broke or do they not?

Do your kids want to fucking get pussy or do they not?

I'm sure they want to say yes to all of those things.

Whether your mom tells you, probably not, you know, that's probably not what they want to hear.

Yeah.

Hey, boys, you want to get some, want to get some pussy?

Boy.

Bro, it's the truth.

It's the truth.

People don't like the truth.

You just say it like this.

No, I'm going to say it like I say it.

Fucking be miserable or fucking fix it.

I love it, man.

You either are or you aren't.

It is or it isn't.

They're either doing it or they're not doing it.

Like,

that's it.

And I don't know like how to soft, hand-feed somebody the truth to where it's going to affect them in a way.

Like, have you ever, has anybody ever fucking ever, ever, ever?

I want everybody to fucking think about it.

Have you ever had a polite conversation with someone and then they completely fucking changed your behavior?

Do you, have you ever seen a football coach walk on the fucking field with a bunch of grown men and say, hey, guys, I'd really really appreciate it if you went out there and you execute the play.

And I really appreciate that you did it perfectly.

And have you ever seen a coach that does it like that win?

Okay.

So the truth of the matter is, is this is what people respond to.

People respond to confrontation.

They respond to directness.

They respond to truth.

And they respond to it in a, when you present it in a way like, hey, man,

I fucking care about you, but you're a turd.

okay?

And you need to fucking fix it.

And that's what I've found works the best, whether it be in a team or whether it be as an individual.

I've never had a team, and I've never had an individual, as much as they've cried about sometimes the way that the message is delivered, I've never had someone respond properly to,

I really would like to see you be a little more healthy.

I've never seen it.

No,

there's a reason that when you go to fucking boot camp, camp they say get your ass on that motherfucking spot right now and it's because most people are so pussy and so soft that they that's the only thing they can respond to is the the the fear that something might actually happen to them if they don't yeah yeah that's real well i think too it's like you know ultimately man you can't want it more than somebody else wants it for themselves yeah that comes in time you know um

They got to want it, man.

Yeah, well, I mean, bring your fucking kids up here.

I'll fucking tell them the truth.

I'm just being real.

Most of y'all parents, no offense to this lady that wrote this in, but most of y'all parents, the reason your kids suck is because you suck.

You won't have real conversations with them.

You won't hold the line.

You don't live a life that you think they should live.

And then you expect them to just magically sprout into these amazing individuals.

It's not going to fucking happen, bro.

So.

It's real, man.

That's real.

Let's get caller number uh two question number three let's knock this out uh we got john

let's get john on the phone

hello this is john hey john what's going on man dj what's going on buddy i can't call it just another day you know just a squirrel trying to find a nut what's going on with you

Oh, just checking boxes, man.

Working away.

Yeah, where are you calling from?

North Idaho.

North idaho we got we got all right we got washington now we got idaho all right idah

lane all right that's sick man yep yeah

but we got the big dog here how can we help

oh boy andy how you doing i'm doing good brother how are you good man

good good i got one for you today i uh Something that I maybe I should give you a little backstory on.

Four years in business um

and uh doing construction excavation work stuff like that and uh

you know you see guys come and go new businesses then you see guys that end up you know sticking around and uh you get a little competitive with them seeing them you know scoring jobs or landing jobs you've bid on or wanted and you know whether it pisses you off and fuels the fire a little bit.

I always thought that was normal, but

a buddy of mine started doing the same thing.

And at first I was kind of helping him out and you know teaching him tricks to trade and whatnot and

I found myself getting you know starting to get annoyed when he was landing jobs

it seems like you know everyone and his mother knows everybody that's looking for the kind of work we do and it started kind of making me feel like shit am I am I piece of shit for thinking this way or you know is it okay to think this way should I just use it to be more competitive and try harder?

Or, you know, I'm kind of just don't know what to do with it.

You mean negative feelings?

Yeah.

You know, or just, you know, he'll get a, you know, oh, my, my uncle's buddy's building five houses and he's got all this work for me.

And I'm just like,

motherfucker, are you kidding me?

So, this is this was your best friend that started the same business as you.

You helped him, and now

got it.

Yep.

Well, I mean,

why is he doing better than you?

Well,

I've asked myself that and it, you know,

it honestly, it feels like it just comes down that he just knows more people.

Well, you know, I feel like I go out grinding and knocking doors and calling, dropping off flyers, and then he'll call me up and be like, oh, yeah, my uncle's brother's got...

got this property for me to do all this work on and then it's just like all the time well first of all is it true

Is what he's saying true?

Second of all,

it doesn't matter, but I mean, these are questions that you should ask yourself.

One,

is he full of shit?

Okay, because I have a lot of people that, that, you know, and by the way, a lot of you know their names because they happen to be pretty famous on the internet who tell me all kinds of shit they're doing.

And they're usually full of shit and it never materializes and I never see it.

And, you know, we're doing this and we're doing that.

And we got this, this, and this and this, and this valuation and that.

And then nothing ever changes in their life.

So that's a natural thing amongst people who want to be competitive is that people will flat out lie to you to make you feel like shit.

Secondly,

if it is true,

why is it true?

Well, you answered the question.

It seems like he knows more people than me.

So

if that's the problem, then what you have is an awareness problem.

You need more people to know who the fuck you are.

So, what are you going to do to make that happen?

How are you going to solve that problem?

Because

if it's just as simple as more people know him or he knows more people, then you have you know exactly what it's going to take to get business.

You, you, I mean, assuming that's what it is, okay?

Uh,

I don't know if that's what it is.

I don't know, I don't know if

he's actually having more work.

I don't know if he's full of shit.

I don't know if the real problem is that he knows more people.

But I think deep down, you

probably know exactly why he's doing more than you.

And I think you need to be honest with yourself about what that is and then address that problem.

Because if I was blessed enough, to be able to recognize where I was

failing, then I would put my attention into that area so that that would get my business on the level of where I would want it to be.

But at the same time,

like your goal, what is your goal?

Your goal isn't to like

outdo this guy, right?

Like that's not, that's not a real goal.

Your real goal should be your goal.

And your goal should be so fucking big that you're consumed with how well you have to execute to achieve that goal.

All right.

And like I say all the time,

there's so many people that waste their time and their energy when our time and our energy are our most valuable resource.

We only get limited amounts of it every single day on a 24-hour period.

All right.

And if we spend it watching, you know, Steve's business and Steve's business

fucking is doing all these things and we're getting jealous and we're getting that feeling in our stomach where everything's on fire and this and that.

We don't have the energy to work on our own shit.

And what I do to handle these things is I make sure that I have a massive plan that I need to work on.

And then I make sure that when I do

get competitive or I do get jealous or I do start to get aggravated at other people's shit, that the minute I feel that coming on, I go to my plan and start executing on my plan and I think that productivity pivot is one of the most valuable things anybody can learn how to do because one we're no longer looking over here we're focused on our own thing number two I don't care what anybody says the most valuable energy that we get is the dark side negative energy.

So I would say the fact that you're getting pissed off is pretty good.

I think that's a great asset.

I would much rather work with someone who felt that way than someone who just like, oh, well, you know, fuck Steve's, Steve's doing it and I'm just happy for him.

I would much rather work for the guy who says, I'm going to fucking stomp on Steve's motherfucking throat with how successful I'm going to be.

Those people win.

Yeah.

And

the reason that those people win is because eventually they figure out how to harness the attention and the energy and the attention in the right right way.

So, you know, don't think that, I don't think there's anything wrong with you, bro.

Like, if you and I were partners, I'd be like, fuck yeah, bro.

I love the John fucking, John's got that fire in him, bro.

I love that shit, dude.

Like, that, not many people have that dog, bro.

And when you have it, you got to figure out how to use it because you will hear people say things like this.

Well, that negativity will burn you down if you're not careful, says the guy with no money in his bank account.

All right.

The reality is, dude, is being a competitor is part of being successful in business.

And you're obviously a competitor because, right or wrong, it bothers you when other people win.

There's this famous saying in the movie, No Country for Old Men, where

is it No Country?

No, it's There Will Be Blood.

The movie, There Will Be Blood.

He says,

He's, you ever seen that movie?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, you know what?

The part, there's a part in the movie where

the main character, Daniel

Day Lewis, goes, it's not just that I want to win.

I want everybody else to fucking lose.

I don't want anybody to have anything.

And like, bro, that's the extreme nature of a competitor.

And while they may not mean that literally, like, I really don't want people to starve, but, you know, I want to fucking win, bro.

Like, I'm trying to fucking win.

And yeah, that's the mindset.

Yeah, bro.

That's a healthy way to think when you're in business and other people depend on you.

I mean, that's a great way to be.

And these other fucking people on the internet writing all this feel-good, you know, fucking

bullshit gets our minds fucked up.

Like, we're competitors.

That's what we're supposed to do.

You don't fucking talk to a gladiator right before he's going out into the fucking arena and say, hey, I hope you have a peaceful journey, my son.

Like, no, you're going to be like, hey, motherfucker, you better swing that axe as hard as you fucking can and cut that dude's fucking head off.

Like, are you going to die?

You know what I'm saying?

Like, literally.

Yeah.

Like, this is just something that most people aren't cut out for, which is why the most of the advice out here is so fucking off from what it should be.

So anyway, to summarize my little rant here, bro, one, I think it's awesome that

you burn hot.

Number two, all you got to do is harness that into your own shit.

It doesn't matter if your buddy's doing it for real or not, but just remember, he's probably lying or exaggerating at least half as much.

And for me, I have to, I have to agree, yeah.

Yeah, bro, I have to remember that because DJ knows this.

I'll get so fucking pissed off, dude, that like, and then I have to remind myself, well, they're probably lying at least half of it's lie.

So, you know,

take that energy, pour it into your mission, create your mission that's so big, so fucking powerful that it's going to take your whole entire life to do it.

And you won't have time to worry about what the fuck that's doing.

And the pro the thing you got to be careful of right here is that you want to make sure that you don't become beholden to this guy's limits by continuing to compete with this guy who doesn't really have a big plan a lot of people will really fuck up their lives by competing with the wrong person because the wrong person isn't committed to like a big vision so like

You know, like, is it really a win beating someone who's really not got that big of a thing going?

That's not really a win.

So, you know, let's get clear about

what's a win for John.

What's John trying to do?

And then focus on those things.

And then

when you get jealous and you get mad and you get angry, like we all do, anybody who says they don't, they're liars.

Take that energy and focus it on your plan, bro.

And before you know it, you'll be so far ahead of everybody else who used to piss you off.

You'll forget that they used to piss you off because a whole new group of people will piss you off.

Yeah, it's the truth.

Like, I used to get mad at like local people that would do stuff, right?

And then it would be like national people.

And now, like, I look at fucking people that I honestly shouldn't be looking at at this point.

And I'm like, fuck that guy.

Yeah, right, right.

You know, like,

but while he's still on the phone, I'm going to ask you this answer.

How should he be handling his best friend?

Like, I mean, does he keep it cordial with him?

Yeah, I mean, look, bro, I'd make fun of him.

I'm like, oh, yeah, fucking five houses.

All right, yeah.

I know you got all the connections, connections bro okay donald trump you know like i'd fucking make fun of them but like you know yeah dude i got friends that are full of shit we all got friends that are full of shit

part part of being friends with people is how good a full of shit they are like do they tell a good story like can they make you laugh or are they good people like the dude fish fish stories you know like they they caught the bigger one yeah bro it's it's fucking it's as old as time like you're not gonna you're not gonna change people's,

you know, like I like people like that.

I like people that are a little full of shit.

They got funny stories.

You know, you can't really take them too serious.

You know, and then when they start exaggerating their shit, you know, you got to call them on it.

And I think that's what makes good friendships.

Yeah.

You know, yeah.

So.

Yeah, that's true.

That's good shit, man.

Yeah.

And, bro, also, I think there's more to that, too.

Like, a real winner, like a real fucking winner, they want to be friends with other people that are winning, even though it pisses you off, right?

People will say i want all my other friends to win yeah you do but not because you want them to win it's because you've learned about yourself that when other

win that are in your vicinity you are so competitive that you know you will step up to compete with that person so like my friends good to have those people my friends the people i associate with are all successful people but do not think for a fucking second that i'm not trying to fucking beat them you know what i'm saying like it's and they know that.

And I know that about them.

It's understood.

Yeah.

That's understood.

But they're also the same people that if I called and I said, hey, man,

I need to fucking borrow, you know,

money because I'm low on cash.

They'd all be like, all right, how much you need?

You know what I mean?

Right.

Yeah.

So, you know, it's, it's just about learning where you fit in the game.

how to navigate these different personalities.

And then, you know, most importantly, how to harness our own fire in the right direction.

And, And, bro, I don't think you're a bad guy for thinking that.

I think, you know, I think you're an honest guy for thinking that.

And I think there's very few honest people that will communicate what you just did here on the show and what I did back to you.

But I know for a fucking fact,

all the names, all the people that you look up to and maybe watch on social media, they're all the same.

They just don't say it on the internet.

They're all competitive.

They all want to win.

They all fucking hate when other people win.

And then they act nice about it.

Right.

Like, it's bullshit.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Like, I will straight up tell them.

Like, I'll be like, hey, I'm going to fucking beat you, bro.

Like, I'm going to beat your ass.

And they'll be like, oh, you think so.

I'm like, yeah, I really do.

And then we'll smoke a cigar.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, so

it's all good, bro.

You know, the best friends you're ever going to have are the people you compete with.

That's the truth.

The best friends in the world that I've developed over the course of 25 years in business are

people that I've competed with because there's a natural fucking respect

that you have that's mutual.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

I haven't thought of that before.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

So, how old are you, bro?

Just turned 32.

Oh, bro.

Yeah.

I didn't figure most of this shit out until I was like after 40.

So like, you're way ahead, bro.

You're doing good.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Love it, man.

All right, John.

Hey, man.

Get a little swim in that lake for us up there.

It's a beautiful spot you're at.

I will.

Absolutely.

All right, brother.

Well, hey, man,

keep the fire going, dude.

That'll take you places.

Take you a lot further than

take you a lot further than having inner peace.

Crystals and shops.

I'm going to learn how to use that dark energy you've been talking about.

I think it's 80% of most of the successful people's energy is dark energy.

They just don't fucking admit it.

So

that's my experience from being around people behind the scenes.

Love it, man.

Yeah.

I heard it from the first time from your show a couple years ago.

Yeah.

Talking about it.

It was badass.

I've listened to it a few times.

Well, that means you're one of us.

So,

so, yeah.

And if you're fucked up, so am I.

So we're getting fucked up together.

So.

That's what it takes.

Yeah, that's right.

All right, brother.

Well, hey, man, I appreciate you calling in, dude.

And appreciate all the good work you're doing up there and the hard work you're doing.

Keep it up.

You know, we need that in the world.

We will.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

All right, brother.

We'll talk to you soon.

All right.

See ya.

See you, DJ.

See you, brother.

Yeah, I just wanted to ask that friend question, man, because I feel like some people are like, well, all right, well, fuck that guy.

I won't ever talk to him again.

Nah.

But to your point,

you can use that person.

Not only that.

Why would I not want to talk to him if he's giving me all kinds of good energy to use?

Sometimes you got to piss yourself off on purpose.

Fuck, man.

Yeah.

Like, bro, when you're really good,

like there's stories about Michael Jordan doing this.

Yeah.

Michael Jordan, when Michael Jordan was at the peak of his career, nobody was talking shit on Jordan.

Nobody was coming out saying, bro, I'm going to hold Jordan to fucking eight points.

It's not fucking happening, bro.

So because everybody talks shit and everybody respects him so much, he started telling himself stories.

He fucking would make up stories about what people said about him and then go out on the court and look at the motherfucker in the eye and be like, I fucking heard what you said about me.

And the guy's like, what?

Michael.

Yeah.

And he's like, I fucking heard it.

I saw it in the paper.

I read it.

Like, there's nothing in the paper.

You know, like, but this is the psychotic nature of ultra competitors, bro.

Like, you have to figure out how to flip the switches on internally to get the result that you want.

And sometimes that requires a fucking paranoia imagination.

Like, where you're making shit up.

Like, man, these motherfuckers, they all think they can fucking come take my shit.

And like, you know, I might go talk to them.

And they were like, fuck, dude, I never even thought about that.

Like, I was actually going to quit my business.

You know, like, like, dude, like, you just, it's just part of being competitive, bro.

So, like, we have to fucking understand that,

you know,

that, that is, that's part of it, dude.

You know, sometimes you got, it goes back to what we were saying about zero options.

Sometimes.

you, you have to manufacture that intensity and that urgency and that competitiveness, especially when you're dominant.

Like when you're beating the fuck out of everybody and everybody knows it.

Now you got to make something up to prove.

You know what I mean?

But what I said is the truth, bro.

There's never been a fucking, there's never

this polite niceness and courtesy shit that everybody types on the internet that doesn't win.

It's impractical advice.

It's written by people who've never won.

It's idealistic.

It sounds good.

Listen, DJ.

I'm just telling you,

it's written by people who have never won.

And the only motherfuckers who have ever won doing it are these therapists who promise this idealistic bullshit and purposefully victimize people and keep them trapped in their little business cycle.

That's the only motherfuckers that win with idealism.

Everybody else wins with reality.

They win with, like, hey, you either do that or you're going to lose all your shit.

I mean, bro, I was just writing this fucking

Instagram post a day or two ago.

I haven't posted it yet.

But the truth of the matter is

most people aren't afraid enough of losing.

Most people haven't taken the time to consider what their life will look like if they don't change it.

And if they could zoom into the future 10, 20, 30 years from now and like just live one day in the life of what their current habits are creating, they would change instantly.

They would change fucking yesterday but because they can't feel it and because they can't notice it and because it's progressive and slow and imperceptible people just ride it out not realizing that it's going to cost them fucking everything down the road okay

People should be terrified of losing.

If you don't have anything going for you right now, you should be fucking terrified.

It is not just going to work out.

It is not, this magic magic fucking fairy is not going to fly down and hand you an inheritance or get you your shit together.

Like, you should be afraid.

And enough, and people aren't.

They're told every day, it's going to be okay.

No, it's not.

It's not going to be okay unless you make it okay.

And that's what the world needs to understand.

That's what people need to understand.

And if the, if people were properly afraid of what their life was going to look like, by continuing on the path they're on, then they would do something about it today.

And that's my point of that question, too, with the two

sons.

The two sons.

If they knew what their life was going to look like at 25, at 30, at 35, at 40, at 45, because they're unwilling to change now versus what their life could look like,

they would fucking change.

But, you know, who's going to tell them?

Mom's not going to tell them because she doesn't want to hurt their fucking feelings.

You know what?

Sometimes people need their fucking feelings hurt.

That's the reality.

That's real, man.

Guys, that's a little midweek pickup right there, man.

Yep.

I love it, man.

Go get better.

Yeah.

All right, guys.

Don't be a hoe.

Share the show.

Yeah.

Ripple sleeping on the floor.

Now my druid box froze.

Fuck up bowl.

Fuck up stove.

Counted millions in a cold.

Bad bitch.

Booted swole.

Got her on bank rope.

Can't fold.

That's a no.

Head shot.

Case close.