Back on the Pap // Low Stakes Blame [57]

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hello Hello, and welcome to another episode of the regulation podcast this is number 57 and going by our 2025 nicknames i am baby pepsi with me as always gassy goo gizmo the mechanic and little ricky b hello everybody how are we doing i've made a mistake i'm great

i messed up what was your mistake what did she do

Well, I've been having a bit of a cold, right?

And then

I haven't been able to use the old pap

because my nose been running but then i thought the sleep i'm getting is just dog shit like the other day

i fell asleep at like 6 a.m because i couldn't sleep all night so i thought last night get back on the pap

and um

nose i guess started running in the night with the pap pushing all the mucus back into my face down my throat and i woke up today with a mouthful of

it kind of looked like the gumpler it was it was a melted gumpler throat you leaf lowered yourself with mucus essentially

Yeah, I'd done the the old mucus backwash backpipe horrendous

That's uh so that's rough.

Yeah, you don't sound good.

It sound like it seems to me that the CPAP is at best a dangerous machine to use you gotta you gotta pick your pick your battles with it.

Uh, I would say that Gavin's experience is not

the average, I would say.

I feel like you have had a lot of problems that at least half of I have not encountered.

It's my first cold with it.

It is a bad combo, the cold and the CPAP, for sure.

Yeah.

I'm surprised that you...

How long have you been up for?

Today?

Yeah, today.

20 minutes?

Okay, never mind.

That checks.

That reads.

Wait, you're...

I thought you were like an early morning guy, but then you're just all fucked up from this thing.

Yeah, usually I'm up at seven or eight.

That was the end of the sentence.

Yeah, I thought there was the tone in which you delivered that really felt like you're going to expand.

You really, you ended it up as it was something to follow.

I'm going to need you to be up at least 30 minutes before any recording going forward.

You want to take 10 minutes to gather yourself and we'll just vamp?

No, I'm right.

I mean, I've experienced what Gavin's gone through, but it's typically if I use the machine without putting water in it, and then there's probably a rough like 30 minutes to the start of the day, so you should be almost done.

Maybe I'll maybe I'll set up the next 10 minutes, that'll be nice.

Can I ask what you did with the gumpler that was in your mouth when you woke up?

Oh, god,

okay, I was just checking.

Man, I just kind of want to see what kind of guy you were.

Uh, well, I went for a tissue immediately, and I thought this tissue is not built for this.

Well, it's not,

it's always a risky gamble,

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I feel that for you.

Have you done like a full nose blow?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Find some down the sink.

Fuck.

What percentage would you say you're at right now?

Ooh,

70.

Wow.

What were you at yesterday when we were in the office?

85.

Yeah, you sounded great from what I could tell, at least comparatively to this.

I felt so much better yesterday because I got good sleep the night before.

And then I thought, you know, now's the time to go back on the pap.

Yeah.

Big mistake.

Yeah, so you re-papped a little early, you think, maybe?

Yeah, I re-papped too early.

I'm going to wait probably an extra day next time.

There should be a way to do a reverse pap where everything blows out.

You somehow have a way to go off.

Is that like a stomach pump?

I guess, yeah.

I don't know where the point of

entrance would be.

I always heard about my friends when I was at school getting a stomach pump because they drank too much.

But it always seemed like it was quite traumatic, and I never asked how they actually do it.

Did you say always?

Was this a common thing?

Kids getting their stomach pumped where you grew up?

Yeah, I grew up in England.

Yeah, I had one friend who had like four stomach pumps, I think.

What?

That's hell.

He would just get too bed up.

He'd have like a ninth pint, and he'd be like, oh, that was too many.

More than what?

He'd just walk himself to the emergency room to get pumped.

Yeah, but I just don't know.

Is it just a hose down the throat?

I guess if you've done it like once

and you're okay with it, there's no barrier at that point.

Has anyone here gotten their stomach pumped?

Never.

Never, ever.

And I grew up in Alabama where people did dumb shit to themselves and each other all fucking day long.

And I knew one girl in high school who got her stomach pumped for taking too many aspirin, I think.

But like, that was it.

Yeah, like, I can't, I can't think of anyone that I know that got their stomach pumped other than like Rod Stewart.

And, like, that's it.

I, I not only have never had my stomach pumped, it has never crossed my mind that that would be a solution to whatever ails me at any point in my life.

It has never been a consideration.

Four stomach pumps.

Is there like a stomach pump specialist over there for you?

Is there like a a pumper?

I think it's just like one of the machines they have behind the reception desk.

It's like, oh, come on.

It's like how you can go into the store and get the like the liquid IV hydration or whatever.

You just like you go, the other stall is stomach pump.

Oh, my God.

That's crazy.

That was really funny, Eric.

Thanks, man.

I felt really good.

I felt really good about the rodster.

That was so fucking funny.

You had it out.

You had it out so much faster than I was just forming the idea, and it was, I was, I started to laugh at you.

That's not your first thought when you hear stomach pump.

Yeah, it just wasn't that fast on the update.

He said stomach pump minutes ago, and I'm like, all right, we gotta, we gotta walk this road for a little while before I can get this one out.

Jesus Christ.

It's apparently just really common in England, you know, for you drinking too much of anything.

Yeah, my friend, my friend Steph, she had a few.

Yeah, well, a pint of what?

Yeah.

Nine pints a huh?

Just booze.

Well, pints are bigger there, though.

I would like to hear, this would be a perfect tote in the whole situation because I want somebody from where Gavin's from to just say, no, what are you talking?

Like, it's, this is something very specific to Gavin's friend group and is not nearly as wide as he's acting like it is.

Well, can I invite the friends I've not spoken to in 25 years to toe to that?

I think they just validate your point.

I mean, you can do whatever you want, but like, as as far as somehow changing that narrative, I think like I believe it.

It's not that I disagree with what you're saying.

It's that I would just love to hear somebody else's perspective, not in your circle, and just be like, no, this is, that's horrifying.

Yeah, they all said it so casually.

I'd love to hear from the kid who got his stomach pumped four times because in the last 20 years, you figure he's good for another five or six, right?

Yeah.

He was an absolute machine.

He could easily put away eight pints.

It sounds like he couldn't keep them away, though.

Yeah.

I think it was the ninth and tenth that usually did him in, but he would easily be stood there at Waitrose on, you know, 7 a.m.

stacking the salad, just kind of swaying on eight pints.

And he would somehow manage to be there on time every week.

And he had a punch card for fucking stomach pumping.

I've never really thought about it.

I don't know how any of this works.

Like when I imagine someone getting stomach pumped, I imagine that mini-game in Mario Party where you got to inflate the giant Bowser balloon.

Like that is sort of the visual.

I don't know.

Two doctors thumping a button.

Yeah, it's a definite thump situation in my head.

There's like maybe one of those,

you know, like foot pumps that is mashing their foot over and over again, getting the pump going.

I'd love to know who was the first person that required the stomach pump.

Probably someone who got poisoned.

You think so?

I guess.

That would make sense.

I could see that.

First person to get just the idea of being like, oh, you know what, we need stomach pump for this.

Fuck.

That's not invented yet.

Well, yeah, but like, it's not even, it's not even crazy because when you think about like how, like, where surgeries came from and like all this stuff or whatever, sometimes it's like, wow, how did they even get started with this?

This is just something is in there.

We have to get it out.

Shove a tube down to get it.

It was probably like turn them upside down.

at first and then they figured out suction but like that's not probably too far off from like how it started to where it is now.

Just technology is doing the pumping instead of a guy on one end siphoning it out like

a gas tank.

Would you guys like to guess what year the if anybody can guess the year, and you're not cheating, I'll give you a vinyl for 1810?

I think here the stomach pump was invented.

Damn, I was going to say 1810.

God damn,

I got an 1850 from Gavin, 1810 from Eric.

No, mine was 15, 1815.

I'll change, I'm going to change mine to 1799.

Okay.

All right.

Interesting.

Nick and Andrew?

Big part of you.

1910.

I'm going to say 1905.

Gavin was the closest.

Alexander Monroe, a Scottish physician, invented the stomach pump in 1767.

Wow.

Okay.

So

Gavin wasn't the closest.

Oh, sorry.

Eric was the closest.

Whoever said...

You guys are right neck.

You know what?

You know what?

Closest Closest doesn't get you a vinyl, only exactly.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man.

Nick, did you say 1910?

Yeah.

Well, there's a thumbnail for this week.

Visual of a stomach pump.

Horrifying.

You think the stomach pump didn't exist during Red Dead Redemption 2?

What?

Seems recent.

You think a stomach pump didn't exist during Expedition 33?

I hope they didn't keep that thing in the same drawer as the horse inseminator.

Oh, never too damn close.

And you know they didn't know about washing shit back then either.

Speaking of old surgery stuff, there is no thing less created for me than the show The Nick.

As somebody who

struggles with surgery stuff, like that is i hear it's fantastic i can never watch it impossible dude i got a worse one for you my wife watches this show the pit fuck me that is the grossest most gore filled show i've ever seen in my entire life it's like eli rock directs every episode oh jesus

i don't like that I don't like, I enjoy, you know what, but that's good TikTok content.

I want to see the TikTok of the guy stuck in cement that they can't fix for exactly 45 seconds, and then I'm good.

That's all I need.

I've only seen the pit on TikTok, so it is great TikTok content.

That's fake ER, right?

The pit?

Yes, it is.

Yeah, it's like the spiritual successor to ER.

Michael Crichton's estate is furious, but it's helpful.

Yeah, HBO is doing well.

Were you bummed, Andrew, that you didn't come close to passing out in the autopsy simulator video?

I was pretty tingly.

Like, it wasn't, I didn't have symptoms, but I had, I got enough out of it to not be disappointed.

It'd be funnier if it was worse, but like, I was happy.

Well, happy maybe isn't the right word, but I was glad that.

How much further would you take it, or is that it?

Oh, no, I'd love to do it again.

We just haven't had time on the schedule.

I'd love to do another part.

I want to see what's going on.

They're ghosts or something.

I don't know.

You guys couldn't hear the audio when we did it.

Got demonetized.

I don't care.

Whatever.

We got to get those bodies.

We got to open them up.

Yeah.

See what's inside.

There's a spirit.

Jeff, we played a surgery game in there.

We think there's a ghost.

It's tough to read.

I watched probably like seven or eight minutes of it, and I was confused because I was bouncing around, and you'd just be like doing a normal autopsy, and then there'd be a cutscene of skulls or something.

And then it was weird.

Yeah, it's

a game I'm excited to play more of, but

surgery stuff.

No thanks.

Hey, speaking of games, should we mention that we had a bit of a milestone yesterday?

We went into the office and I know it's so weird, right?

Because we record a little bit ahead.

So it's been weeks since we have had an office at this point.

But in the real, in our recording time, it's only been about a week since we did the stream.

And so

we went in yesterday and we recorded our first gameplay from the computers in the office and

fucked it up, but it was fun.

It looked fun.

It was fun.

Yeah, it just didn't sound fun.

Yeah, we learned some stuff.

It's got some audio

channels to fix and reroute.

But other than that,

I think we're in business.

Also, we finished filming or we filmed the next part of the Gumpler saga, which I'm really excited about the audience getting to see.

That's one thing I'm enjoying about the new office is that we're already into sagas where it's like, oh, this didn't work.

But, you know, we're not done.

Let's not spoil too much of the videos here.

But all right, yeah, it's a we've decided there'll be there'll be more Gumpler videos for sure.

I was sad to have missed everything, but I was in the dentist, and it brought me joy while laying in the chair and pain knowing that you guys were in an office in Austin figuring out how the Gumpler works.

I was very happy.

That was the one thing I had going for me.

Oh, man.

It was sad looking over to the dead eyes of the little robot.

Yeah.

How are you?

How are you doing, Andrew?

You were still pretty rough yesterday when we were talking.

What, uh, would you say you're like, no pain today?

You're totally no pain, totally good.

It's funny because I came when I got home, when I came back home, I realized just leaving I came by itself.

Terrible idea.

When I came home, I opened the thing to be like, oh, I wonder if they're still there.

What's going on?

And you guys were just starting your test.

And I really wanted to roll in and just be like, ah, but I was, I was too, I was out.

I was done.

That just took a lot out of me.

Did not have the energy for it, but I popped out later.

Like emotionally or physically, did he take a lot of teeth out of you?

Emotionally and also just like I, my, half my face was numb.

So just like rolling up and going, ah, really wasn't, just didn't have it in me in that moment.

And plus you guys all had headphones on and there is nothing I thought would be more disappointing than to go through it and you guys not noticed at all.

So I was like, it's just not, it's not worth it.

I'll come back later.

I'll recover a little bit.

When you texted that you were at the dentist and in pain, I almost cried.

I have such dental anxiety that I'm transferring it to other people now.

And I felt so, all I could think about last night was you and the dentist.

I'm so glad you're feeling better today.

I learned that apparently if you have like a tooth crack, they can't easily detect that via their x-rays.

So you got to vocalize it, which I'm glad I did.

Really?

I guess like the perspective in which cracks usually occur and the like angle that they get like it lines up so it's hard to tell if there's a crack in it like the tooth will visually look fine but obviously upon specific new it was cracked though yeah I had a feeling because I had I had cracked it two days before I had an appointment for something else and I thought oh maybe you know like I just ate something the wrong way like I jammed in my gum or something and then I could feel my tongue and I was like I think that's the I think I split that's not great.

Yeah.

So then, yeah, I had to go in, and they're like, okay, so we're going to do this.

And I had to go, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, one second.

I think I have a crack.

And they're like, oh, this tooth.

And I said, no, that, that one, that's what I was supposed to come here to work on.

And then I said, the one next to it.

And they went, oh, this one.

And it hurts so goddamn much.

They like put their fingers.

Ah, they're like, okay, yeah, it's that one.

Let's figure this out.

How long were you there for?

a little over two hours

yeah yeah that felt like about a two hour one as you were describing it that sucks yeah oh the only positive what's nice about those experiences is i've never had a tooth crack but not like fully detached from the rest of the tooth so when they said like okay we got to extract this cracked part i was like oh boy that that sounds that could be bad and uh they pulled it without me even realizing the the process had begun they like did the numbing stuff and then they went in and I was like, okay, I guess they're like kind of going to size this up.

And then they said, okay, so we've extracted the crack part.

And I was like, oh, that is great.

Fantastic.

I was kind of worried about that.

Not love resistance there.

Yeah.

Just instantly, instantly gone.

It's overall good.

Feel a lot better today.

Excited to be doing stuff.

I was glad to hear that.

I missed it.

You sound great today.

I was also happy that Gavin got good kip, which is a word he used.

I think it's the first time Gavin's ever said anything to me that I then had to Google to try to figure out what it meant.

Oh, really?

Oh, sorry.

Kip is nap, right?

Yeah, it's like sleep.

It's like good quality sleep.

Sleep.

I appreciate it.

It's a good word.

Got some good kip.

I like kip.

Are you going to start using it?

I think I will.

For some reason, my head, it resonates as like dog food is the imagery I imagine when I hear kip.

Like, like kibble?

Yeah, I like kibble, like some dry-ass dog food.

But I like the term.

Well, that's what my throat feels like.

Dog food.

Dry-ass dog food.

Try and get some kibbutz.

Oh, Christ.

Kip it out.

I looked at my file from the test yesterday

and I noticed that my audio was there and everyone's audio was in it.

And I thought, oh, well, you know, Nick was in a rush

when he set up my routing through the GoX LR all that stuff.

And then I listened to someone else's audio and everything was there.

And I listened to everyone's audio and everyone's audio was on everyone's file.

I appreciate that, though.

We're not losing any audio at that point.

We got so much coverage.

Everyone has everyone's backups.

And we established that it was

a test, so it's very low-stakes blame.

But I feel like I think Nick really messed it all up.

He sounds like you really want to assign blame.

Nick, defend yourself.

Gavin kept taking my mouse.

Gavin did keep taking his mouse, which I will say has nothing to do with how we ended up with all the audio on all the tracks but that is something that did happen but i couldn't monitor my audio as a result well there we go suck on that eric that's a great defense there i thought nick you were just doing the classic routine of you're gonna say something i did wrong i'm gonna say something you did wrong now we're both equally wrong but there's a whole there's logic behind What you just did.

He couldn't monitor his audio.

Eric ordered three mice.

You can only order three mice at a time on Amazon and it goes, hey, you want to order more mice?

You actually can't do that.

And I think Jeff had the same problem

with Xboxes.

And Xboxes and mice are not the same because one is $30.

Give me 10 mice.

Who cares?

Oddly, it let me buy five capture cards all at once the other day.

No, no problem at all.

How are you going to use those without your mice and your Xboxes?

Could be like a three-blind mice rule.

there's no four blind mice okay okay so

can't go below three

what the

the three

blind mice rule oh they don't got eyes

and the limits they can't see if they don't have eyes on what you're using the mice for they're gonna limit you to three This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV insurance.

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The cool thing about the office, if we're still talking about it a little bit, is Gavin has done some technical wizardry where our download speed and upload speed is out of control.

It's so we downloaded Grand Theft Auto in like four minutes.

It took so long to install, but the download was so fast, it was like, it made my head spin.

It was maxed like 980 down, 980 megs down or so.

It's less to do with anything I did.

It was just more about the internet that you ordered.

Well, there you go.

When I ordered the internet, the guy was like, why do you need this much speed?

And I went, oh, we're going to be like doing business out of here or whatever.

And he's like, okay, I mean, usually I just tell my customers you probably don't need this much and i went i i appreciate it but we do so we'll take it this guy's never had four people downloading gta all at a gigabit at the same time right and then he's also he's also never had them all record their audio on one track in one place for a test but that's here neither here nor there we were pulling like four gigabits just on gta yesterday Gavin says it has nothing to do with him, but the second the internet got installed, he went in, uninstalled the modem and and the router that they gave us, put his own in, brought in some sort of a rack system with

green and blue lights going that indicate things that I don't understand.

That's way more complicated than anything I've ever seen.

He's got Ethernet cables running to our

system where these cable, it's the smallest cable I've ever seen in my entire life.

It's thinner than like an iPhone headphone cable.

And it.

I don't recognize any of the technology that Gavin used.

And

there's no way it's not

all on Google.

Gavin, you did some work there, yeah.

I did some research, it's actually the same sort of stuff that we had at Rooster Teeth, but it just means that we can remotely fix problems without having to go there.

Also, our internet was never that good at Rooster Teeth, so once again, oh no, it was all like limited and

yeah, we're unlimited here at our office, and now and now we have a place to put all of our files, so like it doesn't even, it makes even less sense for you to have strikes now, right?

Yay!

Well, I was gonna say,

I uh, yeah, I had that was maybe the best laugh I had yesterday, Unexpected laugh was Gavin in the Slack posted a giant thing about how he optimized uploading.

And of all the people to optimize uploading, I thought that was hilarious.

And that made me really happy.

I've read this very technical long thing of like, yeah, now we can upload from home.

It is great.

It's like, okay, we upload it all.

But first, let's just get a basic upload going.

The next phase of it is I'm going to set everyone's capture folder to be like watch folders for the raid.

So it just sucks everything onto it without you having to press anything.

Crazy.

I

am imagining with everybody's track, everyone having everything in every track.

I think it's always so cool when somebody deconstructs a song, like a music producer, like only plays the drums.

That would not translate to what you guys just did.

Just listening to like Gavin's track and be like, okay, now let's just zone in on this.

Let's see what's going on here.

Let's isolate this.

I really doesn't add anything to that setup.

The same way with music.

I think that's so cool.

Anytime there's isolation of a song, especially with like hip-hop of like learning what the

tracks are being pulled from.

It's awesome.

Doesn't apply to Leslies.

There was that documentary series.

that Rick Rubin did with Paul McCartney, where he isolated tracks and instruments and and stuff on Beatles songs.

And it was the wildest thing I've ever heard.

It was really fascinating.

Definitely wouldn't get that from anything we do.

I wonder if you could tell what video game was being played.

How long that would, maybe that's like a competition we could do at some point where it's games that we've all played and then how long it takes each of us to register what that game is and if it's accurate.

Or maybe we do like a blind let's play someday where the it's just audio and we don't say what the game is and the audience has to figure figure it out and if they get it right we'll give them something let the audience do the work yeah yeah

well gavin and i were talking about this recently of that humans are uh terrible at recognizing what things sound like based on movies and tv like i feel like i'll see like a horse walking in a show and then you'll see what they used and it's like cabbage pushed against the garbage can lid like nothing sounds like it should like the the ability to recognize what these things actually are.

It'd be fun for us maybe to do that.

Maybe do our own sound effect type work.

Our own foley work?

Our own foley work.

Yeah, like

I don't know.

I want to see a show where a guy walks out of a saloon and hops onto some cabbage and back.

Well, the sound they use for him hopping on cabbage, actually cactus getting hit by baseball bats.

Completely different.

I had a weird thought the other night.

But do you think?

Yeah, in bed.

It was specifically in bed.

It was a bed thought.

I was thinking, if somebody stole your cheeks while you were sleeping, your butt cheeks, how long do you think it would take for you to nut?

Instantly.

Really?

Instantly.

You'd roll over onto your butt and it'd be gone.

No, no, no, no.

They Indiana Jones it.

So they steal your cheeks, put other cheeks in.

I don't think I would notice.

Wait, you talk about your face?

No, butt cheeks.

Face cheeks, I would notice, because I see my face regularly.

I was thinking about how rarely I look at my butt, and I don't think I notice a feel difference.

If somebody like kind of tried to Indiana Jones it, like obviously if it was completely different, then I think I would notice.

But if it was relatively the same.

I noticed my butt way before my face.

You shitting me?

Really?

Yeah, I sit down more than I look in the mirror.

Yeah, but you've got new butt cheeks.

They're just different butt cheeks.

I don't think think like the butt cheek experience changes all that much.

I think the second I touched my butt, I would know.

I would know that that wasn't my butt.

Because everyone has different firmness of butt.

How often are you touching your butt?

I mean, I don't know, at least once a day.

I get, yeah, I guess, yeah, but I feel like there's so much other stuff going on with like a wiping situation.

Like I'm just sitting on my butt right now.

And I'm aware of my butt and all kinds of stuff about my butt.

But I just don't think it would be that different if i sat anywhere too long and thought about it i'd be like well this seat's uncomfortable why does the seat feel weird it feels different than it did yesterday and i what everything's a little different and then you start touching and you're like holy this is somebody else's ass i i know my butt in so many different ways like i know it's level of cushioning i know how it clenches i feel like if i was to like swap butts with nick i would be able to know immediately because nick's someone who does way more exercise Interesting.

Yeah, plus like the second I took a dump, I'd know.

I, yeah.

Like if you poop through a different butt, you're going to know.

And I spent a lot of time on the toilet doing that, you know?

But the anus would be the same.

Yeah, it would.

I don't think it would be as different as you feel.

Yeah, but the vessel's different, man.

The thing you're sitting on, it's going to, there's going to be subtle differences.

And the toilet is an exacting and harsh thing to sit on.

You're going to feel the difference immediately.

It would have like a different

sleep number.

Yeah, exactly.

You think so?

Your butt would have a different sleep number.

That's the problem.

I've never sat with another man's cheeks, but I feel like the experience is probably pretty similar.

I don't think there's a wide range of feeling.

I think maybe size and shape, there could be a difference.

But as far as like sitting, I imagine sitting is kind of a universal feeling.

I could be wrong.

But if you swapped with someone who had a different sized butt, it would feel different.

I guess.

I also just think that like even the angle of your sit would be different because the butt would be subtly different.

there'd be you'd be you'd feel like you're on the piss all the time like everything would just be a little skew you know like it wouldn't it wouldn't quite fit in the same way maybe this is a specific to me issue because i think i would just realize like things would be slightly off and then i just i wouldn't really flag it but i would start adjusting and then i'd just have a new way to sit and i would have gone unnoticed so you would just sit differently before you investigated your butt any further and think maybe i've got a different butt Yes.

My initial response to a problem typically is let's solve this problem and not necessarily what's the cause of it.

I think I'd solve it, then I would move on and then maybe like a calendar year later somehow go, oh,

what happened?

When did this happen?

Yeah, you're like a patch the holes kind of guy as opposed to a.

Totally.

Well let's figure the source of the problem.

I get, yeah, like as long as I don't, as long as this is a scenario in which the problem isn't going to get worse by whatever I'm patching,

if it's a this doesn't actually solve it, then that'll change my approach to it.

But if it's like a thing of discomfort, then yeah, I just adjust.

I wouldn't think about it.

If you and I swapped butts, I would be texting you within 20 seconds, being like, Hey, do you have my butt?

And it sounds like you would wait at least a year before saying anything.

I think I'd be like, I don't know, do I?

I guess I do.

I don't notice.

Oh, I'm shitting totally differently.

This is crazy.

I definitely do.

Farts would probably sound different.

That would probably be the weirdest thing.

Oh, my God.

Definitely.

Definitely.

I guess that would maybe be the giveaway.

I think the reason my farts are so shit is that all of my fart takes place at the anus and none of it takes place in the cheeks.

Where I feel like if you've got like a, if you've got more fleshy ass,

it's also working through

through the cheeks to give some reverb and some

maybe some bass on each fart

i feel like the sound is diffused through multiple layers of hair with you as well yeah oh there's definitely a muffled effect yeah jeff imagine how happy you would be if we had like mr potato head bodies where you just pop things in and out that you could go out and get an ass just for farting the optimal fart ass

dude i would like an ass for long bicycle rides that's the ass I want.

Like, what you just proposition, Andrew, sounds like to me more than anyone else.

That would be like Jeff's dream is just like, let me pop these ears off.

Get my eyes going.

I'm doing like, I'm doing like crazy mouth today.

Like, I think Jeff, I think Jeff will be loving it.

Oh, yeah.

Are you kidding?

I can imagine picking up all Jeff's shit off the floor and putting it on my body and then just being in pain.

Oh, this rookie shit.

What's this spine about?

Oh, it hurts.

There's a lot of pain wrapped around this 49-year-old body.

Oh, God.

Hey, speaking of pain, can I tell you guys a dumb thing I did?

Please.

Yeah.

You guys remember a couple of years ago when I was in my smoothie era, I unintentionally created something called the Purple Nightmare.

It actually made it into our...

uh face cookbook, which is still available to this day digitally on our Patreon or for free if you sign up, right?

Like it's a, I think it's a, it's a gimme.

That's right.

If you're a paid member, was the Purple Nightmare the one that you spilled everywhere?

Was that the initial one, or was that a different smoothie?

No, that's the one.

It was the smoothie that I was making for Millie that it just fell out of my hands.

And when it hit the ground, it exploded and it was on the ceiling and the walls and behind the curtains and on the other side of the like it went outside like a like a fucking James McAvoy bullet and it went outside and took a turn and came back and got splattered on the other side of the window somehow.

I'm referencing that movie Wanted, obviously.

and uh

anyway i i i i unintentionally for 2025 updated the recipe and i was and i'm a little bummed about it because it is uh annoying the other night i opened my fridge just to get a a verner's a diet verner's soda and when i shut the fridge it like pushed back on me for a second and i heard a crack And a little

and I thought, that's weird.

And I opened it back up.

And I guess what had happened, see, what had happened was somehow a big canister of bacon bits got dislodged from the door

and it fell.

You know, like the bacon bits that are hard and crunchy and that are like kind of like an impossible color of red to be real fussy.

Kind of a purple, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, bacon bits, right?

Thank you, Nick.

And

it was about three quarters full.

And so it got when I shut the door, it fell and it landed just as such that the door cracked it and it exploded.

Bacon bits.

And it was a nightmare.

My entire fridge was instantly covered in bacon bit glitter.

It was

unbelievably,

unbelievably destructive, right?

So I open it up and I'm just kind of looking at it and there's bacon bits all over the ground.

And I'm just like, oh, I can't fucking believe this.

And Millie and her boyfriend and Emily are in the kitchen laughing at me, going like, what happened?

And I'm like, I don't, I don't know.

It was a bacon bit explosion.

And so I grab a broom and I start just trying to sweep up the bacon bits off the ground and I put them into a pile.

And then I look and I realize they're on every shelf, right?

So I just start taking stuff out and putting it on the kitchen counter and cleaning out the shelves.

And the worst concentration of bacon bits is obviously at the bottom, right?

Because of gravity.

So

I go to take the bottom, like the veggie crisper out.

And in this fucking fridge that I don't own because I rent, it does not come out.

It's the only one that doesn't come out.

But it's also, it's a veggie crisper, right?

So it's clear plastic.

So you can see right through it to the bottom and back of the fridge, where all there are is like 1,000 bacon bits.

It is hideous and it's disgusting.

And I'm like fighting with it and wrestling.

I think, like, I'm just, I'll just break it and put a new one in.

And like, that's I'm not going to do that.

And then

Emily or Millie or somebody said, it's too bad you don't have a way to blow it out.

And I thought, oh,

I do have a way to blow it out.

And this is where I made a tactical error.

I went into the backyard and I grabbed my leaf blower.

It's the first thing I thought of.

So I stuck the leaf blower in the bottom of the fridge in the corner of the fridge and I ram jammed it, right?

There's nothing tactical.

There's nothing tactical about this.

And

it worked too well because I got hit with stinging bacon bits in the face and I hear Millie coughing in the background going,

and I turn around and Millie and her boyfriend and Emily and the kitchen counter and the rest of the house are now covered in bacon bits.

I tattooed the house with bacon bits just from that quick little two-second pump from the leaf blower.

And it didn't entirely get all the bacon bits out of the fridge.

I still had about 20 minutes of work there getting the rest of the bacon bits out of the fridge.

But now, now there are just bacon bits all over my house.

Like all day long, I step on a bacon bit or I move a pot and there's bacon bits behind it or

there's a bacon bit on the Xbox controller in the other room.

Like, how did that happen?

I somehow

put

uh, I put uh, I don't know, a hundred thousand bacon bits into play in my house, the first floor of my house, and uh, realized that may be one of the dumber things I've done in the last decade or so.

I bet taking the bottle and just drop kicking it in the kitchen would have made less mess.

Yeah, I mean, it was it was a mess in that was at least contained to the the floor and the fridge until I brought the

leaf blower in to the mix.

Why did they suggest a blow instead of a suck?

They did suggest a suck, maybe or a blow.

I don't know.

They were just like, it's been a way to get, maybe, I don't remember.

They might have said like a, but we don't have like a, like a shop vac or anything.

And I thought, I'll just blow it out the edge.

And it was just in the heat of the B, Gavin.

B-Day was occurring and he just had to respond.

This to me sounds like the greatest thing that's ever happened to Albert.

Albert's just going to be walking around that house getting free bacon all day.

He's getting his little bits.

Yeah,

I assume that anything from like bulldog neck down in the house is clean, but

I'm finding bacon bits everywhere, dude.

They're like in the cracks of the sofa.

It's like,

they went airborne and just covered the house.

I think.

Of all the bits, of all the meat bits, I think bacon is the best one that could have occurred with.

So we have that going for you.

Bacon bits are so overrated.

They sound so much better than they are.

Oh, I disagree.

Yeah.

I disagree as well.

I love bacon.

I just don't, I don't appreciate the bits format for bacon.

They just go everywhere.

On a baked potato?

They do.

They go everywhere, everywhere.

If you sprinkle 100 bits in a sandwich, you're getting like 80 bits in the sandwich.

Why are you putting bits in a sandwich?

Why did you put bacon bits on a sandwich, you lunatic?

They're for salad and baked potatoes.

I'm trying to think of where I've had bacon bits before.

I was coming in to agree with Gavin, then he said that, and now I don't really feel like agreeing with Gavin.

So wait, they're never used in sandwiches?

No.

No.

What?

No, bacon is used in sandwiches.

I swear that's where I've seen them.

How would you eat?

That's bacon.

It'd be like a salad or like on mashed potatoes or something.

Like you'd throw them on stuff where they would like hang out.

I'm just imagining somebody pouring bacon bits onto a sit like into a sandwich that they're making.

And there's nothing I think more psychotic you could do in the sandwich making realm.

Just covering it in bits.

I swear I've had that at a restaurant.

I much prefer a full slice of bacon.

I'm a, you know, bacon, big bacon, butty guy.

Yeah.

I think that was just a shit restaurant.

I don't think you could blame the bits on that.

I think that's user error.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's on you.

Maybe we should all make salads around Jeff's fridge, and then he should blast the bits

out into the room and see who gets the most bits.

Okay, well, we have an office.

Yeah, I was about to say I don't want to do this because it's not at Jeff's house anymore.

It's at our office.

I don't know.

I feel like maybe we need Jeff's CRISPR specifically for the

dynamic.

I agree with Gavin again.

I do like the idea of inventing a tool to,

I don't know, improve bacon bit distribution, like a bacon blaster.

Oh, bacon bit blaster?

Bacon bit blaster that we could blast onto our salads and our baked potatoes and stuff?

Like maybe we could get into the lab and invent whatever that is.

You know those salt guns that like

bug assault.

Yeah, yeah.

I wonder if we made bacon bits small enough, we could do that

and then put bacon bits inside of the bug assault gun.

Something's going to get real gummed up.

We should definitely do this.

Yes, we got to go.

Okay.

Jeff, do you want me to put it on the idea thing or do you want to?

No, if you wouldn't mind.

Yeah, I could put bacon.

I'm just going to bacon bits bug assault.

And yeah, we got it.

Can I also try and make my own bacon blaster?

Absolutely.

Gavin, I would be offended if you didn't.

Yeah.

I think

mine's going to involve a paintball gun and a very sharp

grid of wire at the end.

You need a sharp grid of wire.

Like in the Resident Evil movie?

Yeah, yeah.

It's going to like Colin Salmon the bacon.

Oh, I was thinking like bacon retrieval.

Like you blast the bacon out, and then you could pull it back in somehow.

And then you fire again.

You know, we can make that grid pretty easily.

Pull the bacon back in.

I thought it was like the wire was connected to the bit, and so you shoot the bit, and then you retract the wire back to the gun.

So you have an incident

luring people.

Like a taste.

You try to chase a piece of bacon.

Tricking men and dogs.

The women are fine though they'll ignore the bacon yeah they know it's a trick they know it's a trick they're smarter than that women don't fall for bacon

oh man it's too bad that doom just came out because this is you send them an idea they have the bfg now they got the bbb yeah this we'll get a mod going for the new doom to put bake the bacon bit blaster in it but then also we need someone to mod all the milfs into last of us too We already have two mods.

Who knew that in 2025, regulation was going to need a professional modder on staff?

Can you imagine you're sitting at like a fancy-ish kind of restaurant?

You order a dish.

It has a baked potato.

And then they say, Would you like bacon bits on it?

You say yes.

And they pull out a gun and just start blasting your potato.

Chunks of potatoes flying everywhere.

Oh, grabs a shotgun with one hand.

Fucking cocked and locked.

How many blasts would you like, madam?

I'll take two blasts, please.

Load me up, six shooter.

Let's go

maybe i think a potato is a great example of the bits there's no way all of the bits are staying on the spud well they go in man you open yeah you put you the

one

had a baked potato before yeah but there's no way do you think okay so if i gave you a baked potato jack of potato yeah and you and i said put 100 bits on that you would get all of them just to stay on the potato I don't know if I'd use 100 bits.

I mean, I'd probably get like 90 of them in there.

Yeah, you, you, for me, cut open the baked potato, mush it around a little bit, throw some

air of ice cream if you're fucking weird.

I'm not, you know, throw some chives in and then dump in the bacon bits and they're in the potato bowl that you've created.

I would even sometimes mix with the bits already in.

So you put the bits in and then you start mixing it all around because it's

massage it in.

Is there a way we can change our Twitch bits icon to bacon?

I don't know.

Bits?

I don't think we can.

It would just have to be our currency, like our

business points.

I don't think we can do it.

We can call them bacon bits.

Why don't we just start calling them bacon bits?

Yeah, I mean, I got no problem with that.

I really, this conversation has led to me thinking about a novelty restaurant that shoots everything with weapons at you, but doesn't advertise they do that at all.

So like the premise of like, you want bacon bits?

That is the scariest restaurant.

Oh my God.

Do you want, someone orders a a salad you want cracked pepper on this and it's like yeah sure and they pull out like a chain gun to crack it and just unload on the salad just everything is shot at the food oh that'd be great

what a terrible idea oh food guns

condiments just bouncing off your plate like a super soaker it would be cool if there was a restaurant that had just like a constant

Like imagine a ketchup gun and it would just shoot ketchup across the restaurant into like a catchment bucket.

And if you wanted ketchup, you just had to lift your food up and take one of the ketchup hits.

Oh.

Isn't that like

when you put your hand, there's like some restaurant where you like put your hand up and like they throw rolls to you from like across the restaurant?

So it's kind of like that.

That's fun.

I was more imagining with what Gavin is saying.

You know how they're like Japanese restaurants with conveyor belts.

It's like that.

It's almost like a rainforest cafe, but there's a river that runs by every table, and they just rotate out what condiment is going down the river.

So it's like a Wonka factory style.

Like it could just be like a ketchup river.

Exactly.

So like if it's ketchup, you want some ketchup, you just dip your fries in the river as it's going by.

I just wouldn't want to be at the end of the river.

What if it's a river of water that moves, but there's little boats on the river and there's different condiments in the boats that go by and you can like dip your nugget in the boat as it goes by.

You're gonna, you're gonna capsize the boat, though.

That's gonna be

watery condiments.

Yeah, maybe.

And I don't want to take a bread roll from a boat.

Why not?

You'd rather have somebody throw it to your hand from a customer?

I mean, it's a revolving sushi concept, right?

But it's little boats.

Yeah.

And it's ketchup.

Oh, there you go.

Of course it exists.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it's just revolving sushi, but on a boat.

And then, yeah.

That, but mustard.

I think rolls are the most catchable food that you would have in a restaurant.

Somebody threw it at you.

Well, I think for the little tiny river, I think hot dogs would be the perfect food for that.

Because it's quite skinny.

It could be quite a thin river.

Oh, yeah.

Like, they just float the hot dog on down to you?

Yeah, like buns going by.

So you'd be okay with a hot dog bun going down the river, but not a roll going down the river.

I would like my bun to be wrapped in foil.

Okay.

I assumed it was a wet bread issue, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would be the worst food to catch at a restaurant?

All right, yeah, soup would be tough because you couldn't, mashed potatoes would be tough because it would just go ash chili would be a motherfucker.

Chili is a yeah, yeah, I don't think you can even do liquids, like that would be that's too crazy.

Like, it has to be solid in some form.

Um, spaghetti

spaghetti would be real tough, but maybe you could like wrap the spaghetti around a meatball to like kind of

taint it.

Spaghetti ball kind of situation.

Yeah.

Has anyone ever had meatballs completely yarn balled by spaghetti?

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Like a reverse spaghetti and meatballs.

Yeah, but it's just like each one is a complete bite of spaghetti

completely encasing a meatball.

I think it's probably really tough to do it.

Has anybody ever done the opposite and hollowed out a meatball and filled it with spaghetti and then closed it back up?

I feel like that'd be easier.

That would definitely be easier.

Because I don't know how you should make it

too.

Stick with the roll, the spaghetti.

I feel like it would just untangle.

Dude, no way.

Oh my god.

Everything's real.

I feel like that's a lazy.

That's a lazy boulevy on though.

I can see the meatball.

Yeah, I agree.

There's also the kind of the other way, I think.

That's similar, but not as good as what I was thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think what you're thinking, Jeff.

Yeah.

Around here.

Ah, damn it.

It's a giant meatball

with

an innard of spaghetti.

It's called

Inside Out Spaghetti.

These are all interesting looking gimmicks that I assume are going to be not as good as just a bowl of spaghetti.

No, definitely not.

But I do like the the idea of a restaurant where when you go in they give you a baseball glove to catch your food everyone's got gloves on food glove could the glove be bread so you can eat it after yeah

imagine a baseball mitt of why not bread you imagine how gross that would be though to eat that bread after you put your hand in it and caught things no it's gonna have all the swaves and all the food no yeah your hand oh god it's gross it'd be perfect if you still had taste buds on your fingers though there's a bad throw and you catch somebody else's meal that's just free for you.

And they still got to make the meal for the other person.

But any food you catch that isn't yours, it's a fair game.

You just get an additional dish.

I bet a beef Wellington would be good to catch.

Oh, yes.

Anything that's like really nicely contained with all the ingredients.

Yeah.

Do you think you could eat your way out of a bread helmet?

Not for me, no.

Yeah.

How thick is the helmet?

And are we talking like a Spartan helmet?

Are we talking like a fully encased head helmet?

I like that I say helmet, and you immediately go to spot.

Well, I'm thinking that's to me the first helmet I think of.

Are we talking like an astronaut type?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

Somebody says helmet.

That's the first helmet I think of is the Spartan helmet.

God damn it.

Someone says that's a red helmet.

God damn.

Check the YouTube or video version on Patreon for this.

Oh, my God.

I would argue that what that person is wearing is not a bread helmet, but is actually the start of a Katamari ball that they are just part of.

Yeah.

That's like a bread roof.

That's more like bread shingles.

Oh.

That's sort of a bread helmet.

That's a bread almost.

Definitely a bread helmet.

Yeah.

No, but you don't think...

What's the helmet you think of immediately immediately when somebody says helmet?

Oh, interesting.

There you go.

Football.

I think of an Army Kevlar helmet.

Yeah, I'm just thinking more of like a

sports helmet.

So you don't even have a helmet in mind.

You're coming at me for my Spartan helmet.

I just.

If someone said, quick, put on a helmet, I wouldn't try looking for a Spartan one.

I wouldn't look for one because I don't have one, but that's the first imagery that I think of.

All those fancy Zack Snyder shots of people in Spartan helmets.

Yeah.

Imagine that, but a loaf.

Speaking of helmets, Nick's wearing the musk.

Yeah, Nick's definitely wearing the mask.

Yeah, it's pretty fucking clear.

We got him.

I didn't think we'd ever win this game.

Yep, yep.

We got you, and we got the monkey.

We got the monkey.

Uku, we got him.

I can't believe

I'm so mad right now.

I was like, 10 minutes, 10 minutes.

I texted the group

10 minutes into the episode.

I think Nick is wearing the mask.

Nick, you become a different person with the mask on.

You were in monkey mode the whole time.

And that was the, and I just kept having to ask you to repeat yourself because you were so far away.

And I thought, I never have to do that one, Nick.

This is weird.

I feel like when I was asking him about the audio things,

I originally was on your side, Eric, and then I thought he answered that pretty clearly, but then I thought maybe he's like pushing his mouth to the front of the mask to try and

and then I figured towards the end

no one would know better than Eric.

Why didn't you just open the mouth and talk normal?

I've been told that that's cheating.

That is cheating.

Yeah.

Then that's great that you didn't do that.

Yeah.

For me, it was the quiet answering sort of, like the way that you were, you sounded far from like the microphone, but

way more ooze and yeah like this you were in 100% eat mode.

Yeah, voiced by my own petard

100% caught

now

Back when I made my great GTA mistake,

I am locked in now when we do this podcast, so I didn't immediately notice the Eric text until quite a bit later and me trying to catch up on what happened.

And I felt like such a fucking idiot after doing that because there's a point i felt like and this is a very specific restaurant reference tom sandoval in the traders where they had they set up a way to like catch a traitor and then he just fucks it up by like explaining for them out of it where jeff was like nick could you repeat that and i answered for nick and understanding the context of what jeff was doing at that point i was like i'm a fucking i ruined you for trying to get more

you're the top

of this podcast no i don't don't put that on me but it was uh

I've thought of that in the Traders where I just through not being part of the loop.

In his case, he's just a fucking idiot, but I didn't know what we were doing.

Yeah, there was a lot of extra like,

what if I swapped asses with Nick?

Hey, Nick, what was wrong with that audio?

I do love that.

There's a whole sec, there's a whole conversation going on throughout the entire podcast of us texting

that Andrew finally caught on to.

Halfway through, though, Gavin's like, I'm not convinced.

And it's like, what would convince some of that?

It's obvious, man.

Like, I felt like it was very obvious.

I got deconvinced after he was talking about the audio because I thought, oh, I can hear this pretty well.

Well, Nick, we got you.

You got got.

I got got.

I can't believe it.

What does this mean now?

I don't know.

I was about to say that.

Oh, I have no idea.

Oh, I don't know.

Did we win 2025?

Yes, yeah.

There was a prize for it, I think.

I didn't get a prize ever.

I think the audience didn't.

No?

well the audience will let us know if there's a prize yeah if they're they remember they will know i'm i just can't believe i didn't think we'd ever win this game so we're good till 2026 yeah we don't have to worry about the the watch is ended we can all stand down yeah yeah we can all stand down thank god damn eric that was phenomenal work thank you yeah it was just i run two companies with this guy i know when he's in monkey mode baby also hell of a hell of a try nick really appreciate how bold you are yeah well i thought you hadn't heard me in it yet No, I thought you'd say goodbye.

Yeah.

Tough stuff, dude.

Tough stuff.

I'm so disappointed.

Also, way to play it off.

Had no idea you were onto me.

Yeah.

Just getting that text going.

I'm like, oh, should we slack?

I'm like, they're not going to see it if we're slacking.

It had to be a text.

And then, man, I just felt like I'm like, oh, we're on top of this.

We got this guy.

We got this fucking monkey right here.

We're like Lorenz and Lorenz local lawyers.

We're on top of it.

I was so sure that I had you that I was rolling on me the whole time.

i knew within 10 minutes that's just a lot of footage we just we decided to wait until the end of the episode god you really got my hopes up the thing that surprised me most is that this is the beginning of a text conversation with everyone except nick and i thought that would have existed already but it didn't it does

uh it may it doesn't for me so maybe it was a Maybe it's a text conversation without Jeff and Nick.

Nope.

It's

it's the four.

It's the four of us.

And I have tech, I have a bunch of texts from.

Well, now Nick's going to feel left out.

To me, it starts with, I think Nick is wearing the mask.

These are all from like 2024.

When we were

2023.

Yeah.

Like a lot of stuff.

What?

It's not a lot.

Whatever he's saying, it's not a lot, Nick.

Good lord.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't.

Listen, I don't get trying to not make Nick feel bad.

It's not one way or the other.

I'm telling you that there's a bunch of texts from this group.

Why can't I see them?

I don't know.

I'm just telling you what I have.

Yeah, I don't know.

Sounds fake.

Oh, it might be because of Jeff's broken ass RCS.

It might have been in a different thread for me.

Might be.

There's pictures of,

there's like an iguana jumping and eating a French fry.

There's

video from like people, like, I guess me dancing at Jeff's wedding.

And

yeah, there's like a bunch of stuff.

You just didn't want Nick to know?

Huh?

Who's are you talking about me?

Yeah,

the guy who didn't text those things?

Sure.

Yeah, I didn't want Nick to know about the stuff you guys texted to me.

Absolutely.

It was great when Jeff's phone was fucked up because I would text something in one group text and then it would reply in a completely different text.

It would be a completely different conversation.

That's crazy.

And I wouldn't get any of it.

And we would be making decisions about the company that I didn't know anything about.

And then I'd have to figure it out from context clues later when I'm like, did we decide to do that?

We just shouldn't talk about work outside of Slack.

Yeah.

It is the work platform.

Is that the slogan?

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, absolutely.

They got dicks in every direction, and it's your work platform.

I know why we sometimes talk on a text chain without Nick.

It's because we're planning a thing.

There you go.

Yeah.

What the fuck does that mean?

Well, it's clearly about you.

That's all you can't.

The prank that you were talking about.

Well, we should probably wrap this one up so that way we can do another.

We're doing two this week again.

FYI for everyone.

So we should probably wrap this one up so we can get into the next one.

How do you guys feel about that?

I feel great about it.

Let's do it.

I just feel great that we can relax now for the rest of the year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's put our feet up and just pure joy.

Easy peasy podcast now.

I feel like shit.

What I love about this game

being the last man in the rotation is I'm never really playing.

It's a game that we either win or lose without me having any impact at all.

It's great.

I just get to observe, even though I'm on the team.

All right.

It looks like 2026, we're waiting for Andrew's sort of go, and we'll see if he's on the watch.

We'll see how it goes.

Very interesting.

Very, very interesting.

But you don't have to wait till 2026 to hear us be idiots again because we'll be doing it next week right here on Regulation Podcast episode 58.

Hope to see or hear you there.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Man.