Reverse Funeral // RegulationPigeon.com [69]

At Blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments.

It's about you, your style, your space, your way.

Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.

From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows.

Because at blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you.

Visit blinds.com now for up to 50% off with minimum purchase plus a professional measure at no cost.

Rules and restrictions apply.

The time machine, we gotta figure this thing out.

Nick, Nick, hold it steady.

Nick, hold it steady.

Nick, we gotta let the people know that the break show, the break show, is this Monday.

It's on.

That's on the 8th, September 8th, at 3 p.m.

Central.

3 p.m.

Central Time.

Twitch.tv/slash the regulation part.

Nick!

Nick, you gotta hold it steady.

Nick, people have to know about this.

Nick, we're gonna leave it down.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Regulation Podcast.

This is episode 69.

My name is Jeff Ramsey.

With me, as always, Adrian Penn, Kevin Free, Eric Vandur, Nick Schwartz.

Apologies.

Sorry about that.

Why was it nice, Kevin?

I don't know.

I just felt the urge to say something about that.

He's just been hanging out with Ray too much, I think.

I was going over in my head: like, should I make a 69 sophomore joke or then, like, even make a joke about not making a joke at the intro?

And then I decided just to steamroll through it and ignore it, and that would probably be best bet.

But Gavin was here.

Well, I feel like I did, I did the volleyball handback last time,

and I thought, you know, I'd just step it up a little bit this time.

Spiked it.

I spiked it.

I spiked it onto our side, which is unfortunate, but still.

You did.

You slammed it right into the ground on our side and then just yelled at all of us, I spiked it.

And then it bounced up and hit me in the face.

Hey, can I ask you guys real quick?

Can I ask you guys a math question?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay, cool.

So I was watching the first episode of Alien Earth last night, which I really like, by the way.

I'm only about halfway through the first episode, but I thought it was really cool.

And right when it starts off, it starts off on a ship that has collected some samples and they're bringing them back to Earth, right?

And it says the year is 2120.

And I thought, oh, wow, that's, I'm not going to live to 2120, but that's crazy that I could almost be living in the alien universe, right?

So then right after that, it says, so you'll be able to check my math here with me, Andrew.

And right after that, it says they're on year 65 of their mission.

And there's a lot about like how they don't like being cryogenically frozen.

So I assumed that would mean the mission, if the mission began 65 years before 2020 or 2120, and they were all like 30,

if they were over 30 years old, then that would mean they're alive today right now.

The people on that ship are alive on Earth right now, assuming we're in the same universe.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they'd probably have been born, for sure.

Yeah, 2055, I guess.

If you're sort of like doing that math, then sure.

You went deep.

Alien crew, if you're listening to this, do not bring the samples back, no matter what Wayland Utani says.

Don't do it.

You're six years old right now, and it doesn't make sense to you, but please don't.

No, but I just think that that's cool because my entire life, Alien has been like a distant future sci-fi series.

And now I've grown.

I've lived long enough that I could theoretically share the planet with people who exist in that universe that I've been watching as a fan.

That is very funny.

Well, I think in that universe, they've already been on Earth for thousands of years, haven't they?

Like the engineers and stuff.

Yeah, Mira.

Are we doing a Prometheus?

All right, here we go.

I just think it's cool that I can watch a TV show about aliens crash landing, the alien crash landing on Earth, and the people that were on the ship that brought it here

share air with me.

I just, that's just wild to me.

It's definitely the most similar feeling story to like a current timeline, especially with

Ice Age being in it so much.

Or yet, Ray Romano.

I haven't gotten to the Ice Age part yet.

Oh, it's a big deal.

It's coming up.

I'm still with the the kids and stuff yeah i had three takeaways uh from it the first was uh i saw the your thing did the same thing you did jeff but i stopped at oh i'm dead i'm dead when this happened there's zero possibility in which i reached this year i am yeah just dead my second takeaway was

that guy from black mirror boy did i not realize all i'm ever going to think about when i see that actor is his episode of black mirror he has an unfortunate uh thing for me at least where like, no matter what character he plays, it's the only thing that sticks in my brain.

Which character is it?

The brother that

every time I see him, I just go, oh, that's the Black Mirror guy.

That's fucking.

I haven't seen that.

Is Timothy Oliphant in it yet?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Is he cool?

He's in it pretty early.

He's very cool.

He's weird.

He's weird.

That's cool.

I don't like him.

He's not cool yet.

He's a weird dude in general, I think.

I like that.

I like that he's kind of a weird guy.

I like that he doesn't, he's the opposite of a method actor that seems like he doesn't prepare for anything, shows up, and he goes, tell me where to stand, baby.

I'm going to need,

give me a script and 30 minutes to memorize.

It's a great show.

I'm excited to watch episode three.

Yeah, I'm excited to continue watching it.

Like I said, I only watched the first half of the first episode.

It just,

it just punches you right in the face with like, hey, this is, this is kind of near future now, which just blew me away.

Yeah, that's great.

That guy, the person, the showrunner of that, knows how to adapt things very well.

Same guy that did the Fargo show.

Great TV.

If you could go into cryogenic sleep, whatever they do, like hyper sleep.

Would like say you were going to sleep for 85 years.

Okay.

Would you have...

Would you want that to be a funeral for you?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Because everyone you know is going to be dead and no one alive will ever see you again.

Are you now in this scenario?

Who is attending your funeral?

Is it Meg?

Are you being cryogenically frozen 85 years in the future, but you're leaving your wife behind?

Like, are you saying goodbye to your parents and your grandparents?

I think that's the implication.

Oh, yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you mean?

Wait, wait, why were you caught off guard by that?

Why is that not the first thing in this hypothetical?

At no point in this, in the hypothetical, was it me doing it?

I just assumed I was putting the question out for anyone.

Yeah, I don't want to.

I don't want to do it.

Do you want to do it?

So you put out a hypothetical, not from the perspective of considering it for yourself, but a also hypothetical person.

It is a hypothetical scenario built around the hypothetical of a person.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Well, hypothetically speaking, yes or no.

No.

I don't want to do it.

I don't think so.

No.

I mean, I just, I can't get past the why I'm going into the cryogenic freeze.

Like, if I'm doing it as a future tourist, then I'm a real piece of shit to my daughter and my wife and my family for just leaving them behind unless I'm taking them with me.

And then, if I'm taking them with me, then I don't give a fuck if there's a funeral for me or not, because who, who do I care about, you know, that's left behind?

Uh, it's the classic sci-fi dilemma, though, isn't it?

It's like, it's like an interstellar.

He has to leave his whole family behind to see.

Well, I haven't seen each other.

So I had to be here.

But you didn't put any stakes attached to it.

You just made it, do you want to cryosleep for 85 years?

No,

the question, do you want to sleep?

It was, you have to sleep.

Would you want that to be a funeral?

No, you didn't say you have to sleep.

You said you're going to sleep.

Like, it's out of line.

I'm going if you're going to.

Like, maybe you have a disease like Franklin Richards, the Sue and Reed Richards kid, that can only be cured in the future.

So you're like cryogenically frozen or put in some sort of a stasis until they develop a cure for your disease.

Then I definitely wouldn't want my family to throw.

I'm answering your question.

That I definitely wouldn't.

Shut up.

I'm answering.

That I definitely wouldn't want my family to throw throw a funeral for me because that would be admitting defeat as if I had died.

But the whole point is that if I get cryogenically frozen to get cured down the road, then I'm living.

So if anything, I would want a celebration of life funeral.

There's a bomb in your penis.

It's using an explosive that has a half-life that's just like 85 years and then the bomb will be inactive.

But you have to.

You just

go to sleep for 85 years.

I've created the greatest porn parody of all time of speed in which somebody has to keep stroking at a certain amount or else the penis bomb explodes.

If your heart rate goes above 50,

the penis explodes.

You know what?

I'm going to turn this completely on its head, Gavin.

I don't want a funeral for me.

I want to make a funeral for everybody else that I like.

And I'm going to be the only survivor.

Reverse funeral.

Reverse funeral, because I'm going to be the one that has to grieve them.

They're not going to really grieve me.

Well, I guess I'll be gone in cry of sleep, but it's not like I'm dead.

What I think is going to to happen, that's going to have to be a two-way funeral

where everyone in the room is going to die for you and you're going to die for them.

And you just all have a nice little, it'd be like a new kind of event.

I think we might need to ban Gavin from hypotheticals for a little while.

He's on a little bit of a run of these.

All right.

Yeah.

I'll take a break.

I don't think I would tell people I was cryogenically frozen.

I think I would just tell them I was moving to Australia.

I only say that because yesterday, last night, Gavin floated to me, what if murder was legal, but it was just very expensive to do?

Like you had to buy a murder permit?

Like you can't do it.

Essentially,

but only for billionaire.

You can only use gold to kill people.

Oh, I mean, well, I mean,

that's kind of the world we live in.

Yeah.

I mean, you just described it.

Boys, I don't think you're going to like the answer to this one.

But Gavin pitched it in the sense of that the reason why murders occur now, like it was like he forgot it was currently illegal.

Like him him making, all he did was create a loophole for billionaires to kill people.

He didn't, he didn't solve crime.

Yeah, it's like bullets are so, bullets are so cheap.

What if they were, oh, it's, I guess, just only billionaires would murder whoever they want.

Terrible scenario.

Yeah, something that's definitely not happening now.

Something we don't definitely have to worry about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also, also earlier when Jeff was talking about the cryogenic thing, I thought he said, if I were to do this as a bit, I thought that's where he was going.

And I'm like, that's the funniest bit.

I'm about to pull a fast one.

85 years in the future.

It's a big gotcha.

We have an availability calendar and he's just like out from 2026 onward through

2115.

I'm very sad to report I hit a new milestone that

I never considered hitting on the weekend.

And I'd like to share it with you guys.

What's the milestone?

Yeah.

I'm trying to think of a sad milestone.

Yeah, what's that?

Well, I had to drop Millie off at college again for her sophomore year, which I assume that stops at some point, right?

Like, I don't, I don't, will I be, maybe I will be moving around for the rest of her life.

I don't know.

That's my only kid.

I don't know how it works.

But anyway, I moved her into college again and had a fucking amazing time.

Emily and I had a blast, whatever.

It was bonding and warming and it was sweet and it was wonderful and all that stuff.

But uh right before I went out of town to do it, I went for a big long bike ride.

I had a ton of work to get done to go out of town and I got it all done early.

And so I had some extra time and I did like a double bike ride, which I haven't done in a very long time.

I was awesome.

I felt super in fit and in shape and stuff.

Woke up the next morning to go to the airport.

The entire left side of my body was on fire.

Apparently I wrenched myself at some point on the bike ride.

And so I then had to go through airports and sit on planes and Ubers and check into hotels and carry heavy bags.

By the way, we're moving Millie back to college.

So she took three new

suitcases full of stuff from home to college that she forgot the freshman year.

So it was like, we had like nine fucking bags.

It was like when you see, it was like in the movies when you see those people go through the airport with like three carts full of stuff and you're like, and they're like,

it's going to be a long weekend.

Yeah, like the McAllister.

And

so I'm struggling with all that.

And my, the left side of my body is just on fire and I'm feeling super fucking old and lame.

And go to bed that night, get up at like four in the morning and take a piss, like a raging piss in a hotel.

You know, you're like fucking stumbling around, bumping into the walls.

It's completely black.

Couldn't find a light if I needed to to save my life.

If you told me, find a light in the next 15 seconds, I'll give you a million dollars.

I wouldn't even try.

And

I make my stumble my way to the toilet, walk into the bathroom and realize I'm going to shit hard, which is something that never happens to me.

Like I, you know, I may wake up and I may shit five times before noon, but my asshole knows when appropriate shitting time is and when appropriate shitting time it is not.

And I never, never, I don't know about you guys, but I never have to wake up in the middle of the night to get shit.

So I take a piss, I sit down, I take my piss, and my shit real fast, and it's just like a pretty bog standard shit.

And I'm trying to sleep through it, you know, because you don't want to wake up and I have a long day ahead of me.

And I wipe and flush the toilet.

And then here's the milestone.

I just stood up

and one inch off the toilet seat, I felt something snap in my back.

Oh, and

I pulled a muscle in my back shitting.

That's my milestone.

I'm now the kind of person who, if a conversation comes up and somebody says, have you ever thrown your back out taking a dump?

I have to raise my hand.

But I think that's kind of awesome.

I don't think this is a sad milestone.

Because here's the thing that makes it sad is it was just a bog standard shit.

But when you hear that somebody threw their back out shitting, you imagine something so much more impressive, yeah, like a dumb and dumber level of shit or something, but it wasn't at all, it was just a super normal shit.

I think what happened, and the reason I led up with the previous injury is I think it's kind of like Kevin Durant in game five in that Warriors finals, where he you're nursing another injury and it causes you to put too much strain on the other parts of your body, and so you end up with a much worse injury.

Because let me tell you, after I pulled my back out, my side I didn't give a fuck about anymore.

That was nothing.

So I'm at like six, I'm happy to report it's been six days i'm at 65

i uh

i can mostly stand up and sit down without a gun it's it's a really good thing that it was it was while you were getting up and not while you're actually trying to blast out that's true it is true it is true because that could have been a couch it could have been a stool i think that the fact that it was shitting was secondary And I will say that if you're going to throw your back out, to do it above a chair is pretty convenient as well.

You can just sit back down.

You're in the perfect position.

It's true.

If you pull something and you need to like recalibrate, you just go back down.

You're right.

So, if pulling your back caused you to shit yourself, you're also in the perfect spot.

There's so many positives to this story I didn't realize in the moment.

Yeah.

I'm so what I'm fascinated by is because I'm in the same boat as you.

I've never had to wake up to shit.

But are you saying, like, even during waking hours, you have a comfortable read of when you need to shit?

Yeah, I think maybe interesting.

Maybe it's

maybe it's because of my time in the military.

That would make sense.

But you get really good at scheduling your own shits, you know, because there's going to be periods of the day when it's just incredibly inconvenient for you to,

you know, to get into the shitting position with miles gear and guns and Kevlar and all that.

You know what I mean?

You're on a 20-mile hike or whatever.

So you get real good at like compartmental, compartmentalizing your shitting time.

And then, you know, I have the explosions because of my whole issues, but usually it's all done by, we're done by the end of breakfast.

You know, I'll knock three or four good ones out before like 11 a.m.

And then I'm pretty good the rest of the day.

That's just what I was going to say.

As somebody who also has IBS, that is a thing I encounter where it just, it, it will just come for you.

Like night, it will just appear.

And there are times where it's like, oh, I'm fine.

And then suddenly it is a stage 10 emergency.

So the fact that you seem to have the ability to lock down and time things out, I am both impressed by, and it gives me hope that I can

maybe future discipline and training can really lock in my shit.

Because

I was talking to Gavin about this recently.

I have strategic shitting with my IBS.

Like I know my body and what will happen in certain situations.

So I plan it.

But there are times where it just appears and there's no stopping it.

And I just have to.

I have to find the most immediate bathroom instantly.

I assume whenever you're four minutes late to a recording and you're just typing a Discord, you don't really be five minutes, it's because you're still stuck on the shit.

It's always an IBS issue if I'm late for a recording.

Are you

IBS medicated?

Are you taking medication to manage it?

Absolutely not.

That would probably help.

You see, that would probably help.

It never even occurred to me to ask for medication for it.

I've had it so long.

What?

So, you've had some of your colon removed, but I hadn't considered any medication.

Well, I got the colon removed.

Medicine be damned.

This is done.

I guess I don't see like TV ads for IBS.

Like I see Pepto-Bismal stuff, and I feel like that's general shitting.

It never occurred to me.

I guess I feel like I'm definitely 90% at fault for not asking, but I've also never been asked by a doctor, hey, do you need IBS meds for the stuff that's in your file?

You know, on a car, you can pick like all-terrain or if you, if you need like four-wheel drive, that's a road.

I just love the idea of you going on a toilet and you're just like no this is just general shitting it's just a box standard bog standard yeah

i'd love to just have bog standard shitting issues i just i just googled like medicines for ibs there's so many specific medicines for ibs that i've never even heard of you gotta get on them i do yeah dude you need to get some lens s or oh lens s on tv you need to get some lens s or some xyfaxan or some vibersal or some ametizza uh i don't know I don't know.

What if, Andrew, we put a TV in your toilet, right?

Not in the bowl, just in the room.

Okay.

Like HDMI going through the wall, a second mic that's going to your mixer.

So you could just seamlessly transition from toilet to desk while recording.

Andrew, maybe I need like a field mic.

Like I'm, I think a worse setup is funnier if it sounds like I'm in the field.

Oh, this is Andrew Panton reporting live in the field.

The field is always just six feet away and it's a toilet.

I wonder what's more disturbing for a stranger to witness.

A bathroom with a full recording setup or the most soundproofed walls in a shit?

Oh,

oh man, a fully soundproofed bathroom I think is terrifying.

Has anyone ever shat with zero echo?

Oh, interesting.

No.

I think I would genuinely leave.

Like, let's say

they go to a co-worker's party or, like, it's somebody I meet at some function, and I go to their house, and I go into the bathroom, and the bathroom is fully soundproofed.

I think I'm leaving and never talking to them again.

We can do this.

Jeff has a whole shit room at the regulation office.

It's the smallest bathroom.

We can just put a bunch of sound dampening everywhere.

I like the idea of...

hiring in like a home theater company to do it though.

Straight to the bathroom.

I just, if I go in there, it's immediately in my mind a kill room.

I'm not thinking of a podcast.

My mind went straight to kill room.

It's like, oh, what does he want to do in here that needs to be quiet?

Yeah.

Exactly.

This is organ removal is what this room is for.

I had a bathroom story alongside Jeff.

Not a milestone in any way, more an unfortunate, horrific accident.

In the most relaxing of times, I was in my bathtub.

The water's running.

I'm feeling great.

I'm just kind of looking at my phone, not really paying attention, kind of spaced out.

Water's filling up.

It's loud, not soundproofed.

And I'm going through my notifications.

And I click, I'm just like cycling out.

I don't need TikTok.

Don't need email.

Somebody, some random person sent me an Xbox party invite and I meant to swipe it, but instead I clicked on it.

And next thing I know, I'm in a party with a bunch of people that I don't know.

I'm just in their Xbox Live party.

Mic is on.

I can see the water from the tub is coming through the microphone and I'm just staring at it.

And I didn't, I was frozen in fear, but then I had the thought of, if I immediately leave, this somehow feels worse.

I'm just going to stay here and see what happens.

So I'm looking at the mic.

It's a full party of people I don't know.

It's going off.

I can see their mics doing things, but they're like, I can't, it's muted.

I can't hear them.

I do this for probably 20-ish seconds, and then I decide, okay, I need to hear them.

So I turn on the speaker on my phone.

Didn't realize that while I was doing this, I happened to be in a TikTok live that I didn't know I was in.

So then all of a sudden, the TikTok live just started talking.

And now that's getting picked up.

So it's the water running and this random person on TikTok live talking about stuff.

And

this lasted for two and a half minutes before I cleared out the entire party.

I stayed.

I held my ground.

Everybody else in the party left.

And so I just wanted to apologize.

I want to take a moment.

Whoever that was, I'm sorry that I ruined your part.

But I felt like I had to stay on my ground.

I felt like if I immediately left, then it was clearly a weird, like a mistake that I had made.

But if I stayed, it just, I became like a weird guy that was like, I was hoping they would think that I did it by accident, which I did, but that I didn't even know that this was occurring.

What is that thought process that you think you don't want to leave immediately because it would look like a mistake, but instead they're listening to what sounds like a TikTok in a waterfall.

Yes.

And that sounds like that was what you intended.

Well, I was, as I said, my main goal is I was hoping that they thought like somehow this went through his phone and he doesn't know.

As opposed to me just sitting there mortified in my tub, seeing I'm in this party chat all all of a sudden instantly just put me in with mic on crazy would you were you able to relax again in the tub after that or was that oh absolutely yeah once everybody left I was all good but just it was an unexpected moment of terror and complete relaxation I don't like that you can just do that via the app you're just like fumbling and opening channels left and right through the internet Yeah, I'm just like, I don't need this email, don't need this thing.

I think I clicked the Xbox thing thinking thinking it would open the app and then I could like reject it or I don't know what I was thinking.

I was spaced out, but I mean, that's certainly how it's.

I ended up instantly in the party, which is once again crazy.

I feel like you shouldn't just deploy somebody into the party chat by clicking.

I feel like there should be like a second approval window of some kind.

Remember that doctor's appointment?

That one you planned on booking, but then life got in the way?

Or that dental appointment you keep meaning to rebook since you canceled it before?

Why not book it today zock doc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now and it's all online you probably could have it booked before this ad ends i don't know about you guys but my social feed is filled with different health trends like cottage cheese is an entire nutrition plan or red light therapy can solve every skin problem i say we give these questionable trends a rest turn to irl healthcare professionals who can help you meet your health goals.

And with Zock Doc, it's easy.

You can find doctors that are right for you and instantly book an appointment.

ZockDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty.

With a range like that, you know you'll be covered.

We're talking from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more.

The range is incredible.

You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients.

Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings.

Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit.

With easy filtering, you won't have to worry about finding the specifications you need.

And with Zock Doc appointments, they happen fast.

The last thing you want is a long wait.

So typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking.

You can even score same-day appointments, which is so important.

If this is something I needed, I'd use ZocDoc.

Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/slash regulation to find an instantly booked top-rated doctor today.

That's zocdoc.com/slash regulation.

Zocdoc.com/slash regulation.

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for can't resolve much.

Which means you may have sunk a fortune into software that just bounces customer issues around but never actually solves them.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

With AI built into one platform, customers aren't mired in endless loops of automated indifference.

They get what they need when they need it.

Bad CRM was then.

This is ServiceNow.

Have you had any issues with the new cats in the tub, if any of them fallen in?

I've had, uh, yeah.

Uh,

yeah, the answer is, yeah.

They do a thing where when I'm in the tub, they like to investigate and they'll put their paw in and then they'll walk up and they'll kind of flick their paw because of the water and they'll spray me in the face with paw water.

Um,

yeah, classic cat tub thing.

There was a situation where while it was draining, investigations were being done.

And one, I, I don't know if they fell in or they went to investigate further, did not like it, immediately ran out.

Um, I'd say the most entertaining cat story i have was

it was i was recording something with gavin and i vanished suddenly how long would you say that i was gone for gavin oh like uh two minutes two minutes it was a very short period of time and i just came back and i went that was the chaos that just occurred you have no idea and he was shocked you sounded like you'd been you were like out of breath like you'd just been running so we had people coming over to repair things in in the place

and uh we put the cats in my room to uh just keep them away because they're going inside and outside and they're indoor cats it just was like the safest option was just to keep them in here uh so they're in my room and they're they're playing around one of them is trying to like get out a little bit so he's like playing with the door but it's whatever and i'm getting ready to recording this thing gavin And then all of a sudden, the door swings open.

Now, an important context to the story, I'm completely naked.

I have no clothes on.

I'm just sitting at my desk naked and the door swings open.

And so I thought like, oh no, they're gonna, they came in here by mistake.

So I'm getting prepared to tell a person like, ah,

um,

but it wasn't a person.

I guess the door wasn't fully closed and the cat put his paw under the door and yanked hard enough to get it open.

So he opened the door and immediately booked it out.

And then the second cat was getting ready to follow behind.

So I grabbed the bag of treats because I've kind of trained them that if you shake the treats, they come.

They love treats.

They're very food-driven.

So I grabbed the bag.

I go to shake the bag.

And much like Jeff's Bacon Bits, the bag was not sealed.

The beef treats fly everywhere out of the bag.

The whole floor is now covered in beef treat.

The one cat immediately comes back that really loves beef.

Super into it, happy about the incident.

The other cat just keeps going.

Then maybe 20 or 30 seconds later, I hear a high-pitched scream by one of the people that are in the place.

Because I guess it turns out that in their culture, black cats are like demonic and they didn't know to like anticipate a black cat.

So they're just doing stuff and they turn and then my dumb black cat walks in and scares them.

So it was just complete chaos.

There's nothing I can do about it.

I'm naked.

I can't run over the chase.

Can I ask one real quick question?

Yeah.

So you mentioned at the top of this that you were recording with Gavin and people were repairing stuff in the house.

Is that at the same time?

Yep.

Now, you are also naked during both of these occurrences.

So you're recording with, and you're not even Winnie the Pooh in it.

You're just birthday suiting it.

Yep.

Gavin, were you aware that you were recording with a naked Andrew?

I wasn't.

And now I'm wondering, how often is this the case?

Oh, yeah.

I'm naked right now.

What, really?

I just didn't put a shirt on.

But wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

So you're just wearing boxes?

No, not wearing nothing.

So I recently made the change to I used to fall asleep in boxers.

Now I'm just sleeping naked or with just a shirt on.

And then I typically will wake up and immediately start recording with you guys.

So you're...

So

like, I don't know, like maybe episode 80 or so of f ⁇ Face, we did a bottoms out episode where we all recorded with our dicks out and it was a big funny thing and we were all grossed out by it and the audience was grossed out by it and it it was a hilarious bit but what i'm hearing from you is that you're recording every episode of everything like that now most things oh i mean you knew the winny the pooing was occurring that's a winny poo i'm part of the winny the poo lifestyle once again i'm worried for your chair and the cleanliness of the chair it's like what it's like waking up and putting on the same pair of boxes every day

Oh, the chair is good.

I mean, I don't have to worry about the chair until like a month from now or like, I guess a week, right?

September?

Doesn't it typically break in September?

We're in chair season.

Yeah, you got a week or two before it really starts to work.

You got to be on chair on you.

Yeah, you surely don't want to be naked when the chair gives out next week.

I mean, he's naked when people are coming over to fix stuff in the house and the cats are running around.

I don't think it matters much.

I just love that in the middle of a recording, there was a moment in time where someone in your house was screaming, and your room was just a mess of beef and cock.

Yeah,

someone screamed, and I went, oh, that's not good, but I can't go help because I'm naked.

That's that's unfortunate.

What if, Andrew,

we're watching Alien Earth right now and reminded that aliens have acid blood, you know?

Yeah.

Which I think is one of the coolest features of any alien ever.

What if you have like really low-grade acid farts and it just takes about a year of your acid farts to break a chair down?

And it's actually

your alien-esque acid farts that are doing

just like corroding the bolt interest over time.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of like, I don't think I've had underwear where like the fabric and just the ass has slowly vanished because you don't wear it because you're never wearing it.

Oh, but I haven't always been Winnie the Pooh in it.

The Winnie the Pooh, like, all the time has been in the last few months.

What was the decision behind the shirt coming off eventually?

Uh,

sun's out, guns out.

No, okay, so this is there, there's a few factors to this.

One is if I need to do laundry, I just sometimes like, oh, I'll do it tomorrow.

If I don't plan on going out, then it's like, then it gets pushed and maybe I'll extend a day.

Other times, we've talked about how my bed slowly escapes from the wall and then pillow mountain goes into the hole.

Sometimes if I'm in bed and I'm like, you know what?

I could use a little bit of a head proppage.

I'll just pop the shirt off, turn that into a pillow.

You are.

You make shift buddy.

you've got eight or nine pillows and you're using your shirt well because all the pillows are down the pillow hole so it's like yeah but they're not actually serving a purpose down the hole you could just pick one up and use it can't you i'd have to fully get out of bed and then i'd have to but okay this is this is realistically what would occur to fix the the the gap I would have to get out of bed.

My partner would have to get out of bed.

All the pillows would have to get pulled from the pillow hole.

The bed would then need to get pushed back.

Then the mattress would need to get pushed back.

Then then the replacing of the pillows back into position.

What?

You're making it sound like the hole is opening up, eating the pillows, and then close.

Can't you just get it?

It is doing that because he hasn't installed the headboard yet.

Oh, right.

The headboard.

Where's the headboard, Andrew?

It's upstairs.

We have the solution.

We can fix all of it.

Well, the problem.

See, what you're forgetting, Gavin, is like, let's say I pull the pillow out of the hole, right?

Yeah.

Then I put it back into place.

It just immediately goes into the hole.

You need to fix the hole.

Do you have a mattress that is coated in butter?

Like, why can't you block down a pillow?

Holy butterboard.

It isn't fixed.

What was your question, Gavin?

Are you saying,

how does it slide?

How's it slipping straight back down there?

Do you have butter face and butter mattress?

Is it just shooting out?

It It shoots out because I like to lay against the wall.

Like, I like to, I prefer, I've always been like putting pressure into the wall type sleeper.

Right.

Yeah, you're like permanently sleep tackling the wall.

Have you considered maybe

just

like instead of wallpaper, just pillow paper the wall?

What if your wall was pillows?

We're just putting you in a padded room, aren't we?

Yeah, maybe if I ever have my own place, I can pillow paper the walls.

You know what?

Another perk of the cats is that I had a big whoopsie that I framed on the cats for a whole day, which was great.

I wasn't blamed for it at all.

I got the CPAP, and you know, you have a hose, Gavin.

I'm interested maybe in your strategy.

I used to just have the hose dangle off the bedside table, and it would go down to the floor and then up.

But because of that, I would feel like it was constantly yanking away from my face, just the natural tubing weight.

Like a slight pull.

So I have a large lamp on my thing.

So I've started running the hose up through the lamp.

So it's up high and it doesn't have the same pull.

Like if anything, it's because of gravity.

It's going to my face.

And it has been a nice change.

This has worked fantastically.

Andrew?

I do exactly that.

You do the same thing.

You run it through a lamp?

Yeah, I've got this lamp that's like, it's got like a swing arm on it.

And I just swing the lamp out.

I put the hose through the gap and i swing it back shut and it just kind of holds the hose above me so i've been doing that and i'm a back sleeper so it works fine but i tried to spice it up a little bit and sleep on my left side so i rolled over and it was fine i'm comfortable and then all of a sudden i hear whoa

and i've pulled the cpap machine off of the counter it is fallen between the the side of the bed and the end table itself and it's just it's gone it's it's down.

And I went, that's not great.

And my partner wakes up and they're like, oh, the cats.

I was like, yeah, the cats.

Crazy.

But I'm cozy and I think it, it has fallen and everything still works.

Things can't get worse.

This is fine.

I'll just continue to sleep.

Maybe five minutes later,

loud thud.

The lamp has now been pulled off with the thing.

I think the CPAP machine added the weight and was slowly pulling pulling it to the side of the bed.

So now the lamp is off to the side and my partner's like, those crazy cats.

I was like, yeah, yeah, oh boy, sons of bitches.

So I get up to like see what damage I've done.

Thankfully, everything is fine.

There's no damage.

Nothing broke.

And they're like, oh, the cats okay?

Did they break anything?

And I was like, no, all good.

All fine.

I put everything back.

And then I confess my crimes later, but I got away with it.

I wouldn't have got away with that before.

You know, I'm not convinced you're using the CPAP right.

Really?

Well, today, we did a little recording before this, and

you told me that you were using it without water.

And then you were like, weird, I woke up with a massive nosebleed for a start.

But also, if you're using a CPAP that's sloughed down the side of your nightstand and bed, isn't it just vacing up dust and shit?

Like, it's got an internet.

I guess, yeah.

I wasn't thinking about it in that time.

I'm never, like, I'm not doing that.

Like, it's always on the table.

But my thought while I was very tired was this can't get worse.

It's fallen.

It still works.

I'd rather just go back to sleep than roll over and wake up and adjust it.

And as you're huffing your

completely dry air dust.

Dry dust.

Yeah, I just didn't.

I need to get some more water for it.

And I thought, I'll just try because I went through an era of.

I was getting too much moisture in the tube and it was just blasting me in the face with water constantly.

So I spent...

What?

How are you getting actual water come out of there?

It's just meant to like...

Are you serious?

You've never had that happen?

I assumed that this was a thing.

Oh man, that's interesting.

No, it's just meant to be humid air.

The only time I'm actually getting liquid spray into my nose is if I've just washed the tube and I've got some like residual no.

So this is a process that you can have with a CPAP called rain out.

And it's where your moisture, like the settings aren't aligned.

Sometimes it can be like a difference between the temperature in the room and the temperature of the hose.

There's all sorts of different factors.

So when I was trying to play around with moisture levels, I got like that.

The worst time, it was like a super soaker was shooting out the hose on me.

Then there were a bunch of mild cases where like the tube was always wet and I knew I was having water blasted my nose, but it was so minuscule I didn't really notice.

So I kept adjusting moisture to a lower level to the point where I was at one and I'm currently at one, the least amount of moisture you can have in your air.

And then I have been just doing it without water because I just need to get more water.

And I've been totally fine.

Like I haven't noticed the difference.

I think that my moisture level was so low, no moisture and the amount of moisture I was using is not a noticeable difference.

Except for the nosebleed.

Except for the nosebleed, but I don't know if that was related to it or not because before.

Let's say if like I was at a high moisture and the thing would run out during the middle of the night, it would really bother my nose, the air pressure without any moisture in it.

But now, since I've been doing it on moisture one and I got used to that, like I've noticed no difference in that regard.

Hey, Eric.

Yeah, what's up?

Hey, man, if

do me a favor, if I ever go to the doctor and I get prescribed a CPAP as some sort of the necessary remedy, I want you to kill me.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I got you.

I got you.

No problem.

Firstly, you don't even have to ask.

I just, just so you know, if I ever hear that a doctor prescribed you, i'm gonna kill you yeah no i i appreciate it i can't imagine living this way so uh i'm with you man no no sweat it's really not bad cool yeah it sounds terrible this whole thing sounds cpap suicide pact yeah that was interesting right now sounds like a really cool problem to have suicide fits public sea

i guess it's like comparatively like i it doesn't bother me at all wearing the thing and not being tired all the time like the difference i've noticed since using it.

I don't fall asleep in the bathtub anymore.

I just thought I was comfortable, but in reality, it was just I was so sleep-deprived, I could fall asleep at any moment.

Essentially, have you ever thought about incorporating the CPAP into your tub time and like going underwater and seeing if it works?

No, I'm dying.

That would be the end of me.

I did have the thought once of like, what if I, if, because you can get portable CPAPs?

I was like, what would that be like?

And then I was convinced I'd sleep too well and I would drown.

Do you think you could slowly increase the moisture level over a period of time until you eventually become Aquaman and can just breathe underwater?

I've already done the first half of that and I never became Aquaman.

I just gained a tolerant.

It was like getting

water bottled.

Jesus.

Water boarded, but nostril only.

Yeah, you were waterboarding your sinus directly.

Yeah.

I still have some issues with the geography of your sleeping position because you're saying you're mainly like

lent into the wall with the pillows but also you're on your back so you like tackling the wall backwards so you like pushing in with the back of your head i used to be a side sleeper yeah and so when i was when i would do like side sleeping into the wall i'd have the pillow against the wall and imagine my neck being like l shaped like my head

My head would go up and then I would I would lay against it and I'd push that way, essentially.

Now

it's just like a chair where I make the pillow mountain and then I put my back on it and I push backwards.

Like I lay back like almost like a rocking chair.

Like I will I'll put all my weight back and then I'll fall asleep.

And then I'm sure I'd move around and like adjust at times, which influences the movement of the bed.

I think if your headboard, when you eventually put it on, if it has like four bolts, I think you need some extra security bolts.

I think you should go no less than eight.

Absolutely.

Because I think you're going to snap that shit off.

I probably will.

Yeah.

I definitely needs extra voltage for sure.

Like gorilla glue the bolts on too.

Well, that's been my life.

Joining random parties and then demon cats has been my week.

Does everyone else just sleep normal?

Just like normal horizontal flat pillow sort of stuff.

I close my eyes.

I lay down.

I close my eyes.

I open my eyes.

It is the next day.

Yeah, same.

Sometimes I'll roll to the left and sleep, and sometimes I'll roll to the right and sleep.

But either way, I'm going to sleep with eight seconds.

Interesting.

What about dreaming?

I don't dream.

It's pretty rare that I remember in my dreams these days.

Wow.

I used to a lot.

I think that part of my, I think that that amount of life got sucked out of me some at some point along the way.

I'm with you, bud.

Wow.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

Well, with the name Your Price Tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills.

Try it at Progressive.com.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates.

Price and coverage match limited by state law.

Not available in all states.

Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

From the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys.

Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with non-profits to serve its communities and do good for dogs.

Make your next cocktail with Tito's.

Distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas.

40% alcohol by volume.

Savor responsibly.

You guys,

you guys know Major League fan Jack, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You guys remember him?

Remember him?

Remember him?

Remember his bird?

So I'm glad you brought up the bird.

I was bored the other day at the airport, and

so I was thinking about ways to fuck with Jack.

And I could have like a little bit of a queue of, you know, things I can do to Jack if I ever need to.

And so I was trying to think of ways to add to the queue.

And which is actually kind of funny because I was thinking like if a brain is a gun, then ideas are bullets.

And there's nobody better to fire idea bullets at than Jack.

But anyway,

I was just thinking about his pigeon, his regular, his exotic pigeon.

Yeah.

And I was thinking about what a great photo it was and how wonderful it was that he shared with us that photo and how I kind of want to give back to Jack for the years of friendship and the years of support.

He was the first Major League fan.

He has been, you know, he's been a big supporter of us all along.

And then he gifted us this

imaging.

He gifted us this amazing exotic bird image, which we're turning into some merchandise.

And, you know, he was so kind to share it with us.

I wanted to to do something for him in return.

And I thought, how hard would it be to make it so that

if you look up the word pigeon on the internet, you get Jack's image.

Like Jack's pigeon becomes the regulation pigeon

globally.

Like Wikipedia's pigeon, Google pigeon.

Yeah.

So I looked into it.

I read up on SEO a little bit and things you got to do.

And a lot of it, it's just naming conventions.

It's metadata, getting people in chat rooms to post the image, you know, with the right keywords when, when it comes up naturally, that kind of thing.

You start seeding it into the world.

And one of the best ways to do that is with websites.

So I went ahead and bought and created this website, regulationpigeon.com.

Whoa.

So

if you go to it, it's just a, you know, It says this is a regulation pigeon.

This is a jumping off point for us.

Eric and I have been working behind the scenes on this a little bit.

I also have a list of other domains that I'm going to buy.

I haven't bought them yet, but I got some time because, you know, this doesn't come out for a bit.

I was going to see if you guys wanted to add to the list.

We're also going to acquire regulation.

We have regulationpigeon.com.

We're also going to acquire thisisapigeon.com.

Whatisapigeon.com.

Realpigeon.com.

PigeonPigeonPigeon.com.

And RegulationBird.com.

Yeah.

And it's just going to be this sort of what you see is this template website.

And I have a feeling this, this is just going to be, this is a regulation pigeon.

That's just what it it is.

There it is.

Also, Andrew, this is this website uses cookies.

I just want you to be aware of that.

Oh, I'm accepting right now.

So, you know, just throwing that out there to the audience and you guys as well, if you ever want to just swing by regulationpidgon.com, you see what a regulation pigeon is, take a look at it.

Feel free to copy the image and use it

yourself at any point.

Inform others about it.

Let people across the world know what a bog standard regulation right out of the package.

In every way, pigeon looks like.

It looks exactly like that exotic bird that Jack shared with us.

And alternatively, if you guys have any other ideas for domains and other ways that we can help get the word out, I want

the world to know Jack's pigeon.

That's incredible.

I love it.

This is fantastic.

I like that you said you wanted to give back to Jack, though.

Even though we paid him for the pigeon picture.

You gave him actual money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're giving back.

we paid him for the photo sure but i want to give back for the years and years of relationship and and support and it gives it so much bigger than the the money we threw his way we want to i think to me the thing that i'm really driving at here is the feeling that he had at that party when i called over every single person at the party individually to look at this picture i kind of want him to have that

all the time.

So this is sort of our way of finding it for him.

Yeah, I just, I love him.

And I love this bird.

And I think it would be interesting if we use the power of our community

to elevate this image to the annals of

perpetuity, let's say.

Do we want to show people the shirt that we're working on?

Oh, yeah, we do.

We're working on a shirt.

Do you have the press?

Why?

In fact, I do.

So people can know, have you seen this bird?

People can

have a look at that bird, bird, know if they've seen that bird, because on all of these websites and everywhere you Google, that's the bird you're going to see.

Yeah.

It's funny to me that we didn't even crop it.

Listen, why would you need to crop it?

That's the pigeon and his natural habits.

I mean, Jeff cropped it for the website.

I'll be honest with you.

No, I didn't crop it for the website.

The website cropped it for me, and I couldn't figure out how to uncrop it.

Dude, I don't know.

In 2025, I created a quick aside.

I created the first website for rooster teeth i created the first four online stores i created the first uh phpb board gus took over after that and did and did all the good stuff but i i created like the first three rooster teeth sites i used to understand how to make websites i may it took me an hour to make that have you seen this fucking pigeon website that i just made and i had no control over that image whatsoever i was i was just like i was just like slapping at the keyboard with my big dump paws just hoping something would fucking work that looked like a website by the end of it however moving back over to the t-shirt image, I did crop it.

I played around with it a lot.

I made it a horizontal.

I made it

letterboxed.

I made it a square.

And

it just didn't look right.

Okay, interesting.

It just looked weird in any other position other than its native format.

Yeah, I'm enjoying the negative space.

It's great.

I wonder if we should, like, maybe I could also try and give back to Jack, because I've known him for quite a long time.

I'm going to try maybe and get him the pigeon.

What do you mean?

Maybe I can catch this pigeon.

Okay, sure.

Oh, and then domesticate it and make it his friend.

Train it.

Have it just be like a living regulation pigeon.

Dude, you know what?

Then Jack and the pigeon can start a podcast together.

You ready for my wacky summer comedy pitch?

You ready for this?

Yeah.

Jack gets the pigeon, becomes best friends with the pigeon pigeon escapes ends up at mike tyson's mike tyson takes the pigeon jack now needs to steal his pigeon back from mike tyson wow comedy ensues wow

i love it this is a great idea mike tyson just staring at the camera saying you got my bird

i do like the idea of other regulation listeners being able to see this in the wild though i feel like if you're if you're in the texas area just keep an eye out yeah that's true if you live in central texas there's a chance you could meet this pigeon if you if you keep your eyes up value like what's the range on a pigeon what's its territory great question that is a really interesting question oh yeah it would be fun to have a website in which people can submit photos of potentially seeing jack's pigeon oh that it literally is like having identifiers it's like people providing evidence people could submit their photos yeah and then there could be like a map that like shows you all of the pigeon photos locations that people think they may have seen them.

We've just recreated the milk carton system of the 80s

for pigeon.

For this pigeon.

I like the idea of this picture of the pigeon on the website being like one of question mark.

It could be more in the future.

Anyway, if anybody comes up with any ideas for more domains and additional ways, like Gavin is going to find the pigeon, I think that's great.

This is my

pitch to you all.

I think that we should, as an homage to Jack and to give back for his many, many years of friendship and support, we should make sure that the seven and a half to eight billion people on earth know about this exotic bird.

I want to find someone who genuinely doesn't know what it is.

That would also be fun.

Maybe when the shirt goes on sale, we temporarily redirect Regulation Pigeon to the shirt.

That's a great idea.

Oh, yeah, we could do that.

We could definitely do that.

Sure.

Great idea.

Wow.

That's a a great idea if one of you knows how to do it.

Yeah.

I am not our webmaster, just so we just so we're clear.

I could help you out.

I think if this goes well and this becomes the internet's regulation pigeon, like it's the picture on Wikipedia and stuff, potentially we could try next to work on bird.

Yeah.

Like it's just the bird.

It's just like the first regulation.

Oh, I see.

Like it gets broad.

Okay.

I get it gets like broader.

I do I do think that while we're doing this for complete

like friendship reasons, right?

Like we're doing this because of our extreme love and friendship and desire to support and send up and let the world know what we think of Jack and how much he means to us.

But I do think this is kind of like what regulation can do in some ways.

I mean, that's kind of what we're set up to do is as the arbiters of what is a regulation, we should be able to decide what the regulation, whatever is and then seed it out into the world and hopefully it would be uh adopted at some point you know like maybe this is the first of many forays into to to this idea that we have just like worldwide regulating yeah

would you eat a pigeon

i think i'd eat a pigeon okay like there are certain like animals and stuff where like i feel like oh that would be even though like culturally culturally it might be accepted in a not where i live is just like a little bit of a mental hurdle for me to get by.

Pigeon, I'd have no problem.

I got no feelings towards that bird.

I feel like if it was a country pigeon, I probably wouldn't want to do like a Trafalgar Square pigeon.

You think the location that the pigeon exists in is influencing your

drinking out of puddles by the underground and it's just like, I don't know.

Yeah.

You want to eat that?

I'm reading here, while technically edible, feral city pigeons can be tough and might carry mites and ticks.

So

be sure to cook them thoroughly.

Yeah.

I was just thinking like a pigeon burger.

Cooking them until they fall off the bone is recommended to kill potential city parasites.

Yeah.

Interesting.

We got to get some country pigeons.

We got to get

some country pigeons.

Farm-raised pigeons right here.

Meat for culinary purposes typically sourced from young farm-raised pigeons.

I was just thinking for the burger count.

Like, I would have a pigeon.

I would eat a pigeon burger.

God's sake.

A patty of pigeon?

I would eat a patty of pigeon.

How many quails would it take to get a solid patty?

Oh, that's a that's a really good question.

It's got to be

fucking city quails or country quails.

What if pigeons are burgers and quails are sliders?

Well, then it would take three quails for one burger.

Yep.

One quail yields approximately three ounces of meat after processing.

So how many ounces of meat is a burger?

Three ounces of meat.

Eight ounce?

It's about so three three three

there you go.

They're sliders.

Yeah, that's sliders.

Quail is the slider of birds.

Quail's a slider.

It's a definite slider situation.

I wouldn't eat a dove.

I'm just going through birds in my head.

I wouldn't eat a parrot.

Wait, what?

You would eat a pigeon, but not a dove?

Yeah, I don't know.

Like, I understand.

Like, I feel like they're essentially the same.

Isn't it the same thing?

I mean, they're essentially the same.

Essentially the same, but there's something more majestic about the dove that, like, they're the PR that the doves have done as a whole.

It must have, because, again, a dove is a type of pigeon.

Yeah, it's that goddamn bot.

It's that soap.

Oh, yeah.

If it was called pigeon soap, you would, you would eat a dove.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'd eat an owl.

I wouldn't eat a pair.

Absolutely.

I'd eat a blue jay.

Hummingbird.

Okay, hang on.

Cardinal.

Oh, I'd eat a cardinal.

Okay, Oriole.

Oreo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd eat an Oriole.

Should we draft edible birds?

Well, I think all birds are edible.

Should we draft bird draft?

Wait, wait.

Why don't we eat like roosters and stuff?

Well, I think you can.

I think they're just gamey or stringy.

Yeah, they're just not.

It's just easier to eat the chicken.

We just eat women.

When chicken is so plentiful, why would you eat

a lesser meated, less flavorful?

A stupid stringy rooster when you just have succulent plump chickens everywhere.

I'm going to put a bird in the chat right now.

Okay.

Imagine Thanksgiving dinner.

You sit down, table set.

The bird gets walked out.

Majestic, delicious,

glazed emu.

I think that would be a great

table.

I bet you can make emu steaks.

That's a lot of, that's a lot of emo.

That's a lot of bird.

Look at the L shape of its neck.

It's like how you sleep, Andrew.

It is.

Yeah.

Andrew's the emo, the emu of this podcast.

I have a distinct memory of being like six with my L-shaped sleep position going, this is not, this is probably not good, but I'm, this is comfy.

This shouldn't be.

But I like that.

You know,

the emu is like the light meat, and the cassowary is like the dark meat.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's always been a dark meat guy.

You know, like, I know the dark meat is better, but I

don't know.

Would you eat a Roadrunner?

Yeah, I'd eat a Roadrunner.

I'd eat a Roadrunner, but I'd have to catch it out of respect to the coyote.

Yeah, you'd have to catch it.

You could, like, paint.

And I know, I just, I want to let you know,

you just need to go catch it.

You can't paint a big black hole on a wall and expect that to work.

It's not going to work.

That should be the rule.

It should be legal to eat them, but you have to catch them cartoon style.

Yes.

Yeah.

Like a big net.

You have to put rockets on roller skates

try to drop a giant rock on one they have to run into a cliff that's painted like a road yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

would you would you eat a woodcock oh wow

some would say that's the easiest bird to eat

because it flies so slowly because it flies my ball

look at look at how oh look he's so sad that you're gonna eat him andrew if i took a bite out of a Woodcock, I'd expect it to taste like chocolate.

That just looks like a chocolate wrap.

You're insane.

What do you mean?

Do you not understand what I mean?

Well, like a Cadri's Easter bunny style.

Yeah, like that bird looks like it should be chocolate underneath it.

That looks like a chocolate bird.

It does.

Not in any way say chocolate to me.

No, it's dudes chocolate bird.

No, it's a corndog.

That's the corndog of birds.

That looks like you're supposed to hold it by its beak like it's a stick and eat it like a corndog let me let me get let me figure out exactly where my brand it's pulling from somewhere okay well while you figure that out um i actually have news yeah well what's what what's your fucking news

i have the high score oh no

oh no

i have the high score 6.649 million yep oh shit Wait, who's at?

I took the picture and it was the wrong time because it was flashing.

Baby, it's rat.

It's rat.

Gotcha.

Oh, it's like not lighting up at the same time.

My hat's.

I have the high score on your pinball machine.

I'm a leave this.

Did you get that today?

Yes, I did.

I gotta get back to the office.

Really?

Right before we recorded.

I thought I was gonna be late.

I'm not stopping.

I'm not stopping.

I have to get this.

Dude, congratulations, D.

That's an awesome score.

You must have been going for a while.

How many miles did you get on the freeway?

Oh, like 48 or something.

Like, it's like an insane.

Yeah, that's the real key, man.

You get those freeway multipliers.

Yeah, I might try and go to the office next week just to kick the shit out of you.

Yeah, you can try.

I'm going to share my screen.

This is going to date this a little bit.

Like, this won't mean anything to the people that listen to this live.

Get ready to look at my screen.

Okay.

On Monday, I told you guys I have a stream idea.

Okay.

Get ready.

Uh, fuck.

Sorry.

I'm gavening this.

I don't don't have to.

You are.

You're gavening.

Would you mind getting ready?

Yeah, I do need to get ready.

This is so crazy that I just wasn't prepared for it.

Okay.

Let me hop back into my Discord app, share screen.

This is what the stream is today that you guys didn't know was coming.

Okay.

Are we letting right now what it is?

I realized that in pinball FX,

Earthshaker is an available machine.

And the stream today was me.

I was going to ask you guys, what's the high score?

I want to set the high score in the office pinball machine.

Well, now, now you know.

Now you know.

Now I know.

It's perfect.

It's serendipitous.

Wow.

So you can pop in and you can play it.

We talked about doing this once on

Small Face.

We talked about doing this, I think.

This is it, man.

This is full on.

This is the machine, dude.

Yeah.

So that will be.

Oh, it's the sand.

It's got the music and everything.

Yeah, it's an exact pull.

So we're doing a pinball stream today where I want to set the office high score and then i got a bunch of other tables we can check out too so cool that's andrew that's awesome i'm very excited about doing that and just amazing time and the happen the fact that you happen that first of all we're recording this on a friday which is unusual and that you set the record on the day and brought it up in the recording it's all perfect i can't wait for this stream later on real that's what

I was thinking earlier in the week, like trying to hook up some like internet control buttons so you could actually play our machine.

This is much easier.

We did talk about that.

I was like, I wonder, because I know you guys had mentioned Earthshaker is kind of an obscure cabinet, but I was like, I wonder if there's a virtual version of it anywhere.

And it happened to be added to this game like six months ago.

It was a relatively short

TLC pack.

Yeah.

So.

Yeah, apparently it was really popular for its time.

It's just not really highly sought after now for some reason.

It will be now.

We're changing landscape.

That's a regulation pinball machine right there, my friend.

What's also really cool about this pinball machine in this game is that you can do like an updated version of it, like a virtual.

So if I hit B,

you get like a little

earthquake like shaker machine.

You got him in the car on the left.

Like

there's some different styling.

So you can like cycle between what it actually looks like.

It changes the topography between California and Nevada up top.

That's so cool.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

So that'll be the stream.

I didn't plan on showing this clearly because I didn't have it prepped, prepped, but just when you brought up that score, I was like, I got to show this to you guys.

This is crazy.

That is fucking awesome.

I'm really excited for the stream today.

Yeah, it's going to be fun.

I can't wait to show the other tables as well.

Hopefully get the score.

And then 6.6 is high.

I wonder where that is.

Let me look at the virtual leaderboard for Earthshaker.

Oh, I bet.

It's

it has to be like

20 million million million

154 million.

Yeah, there you go.

Oh, yeah.

I'd like to see him do it on the actual other.

Yeah, but let's scroll down.

Like, 6 million is not an insignificant score.

6 million is just scratching the computer starting

number.

Like, you can see that second place at 6.5.

That is like the default high score.

But think about it this way.

If we look at the weekly,

you are

fifth place?

What, sixth?

You're sixth.

You mean sixth place this week.

I mean, it's way higher than Gavin's score.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know if it's way high.

Way higher.

No, I think so.

Hey, Nick.

What day does this episode come out?

What day are people listening to this?

This comes out on the 3rd of

September.

Yep.

Oh, okay.

Why?

What's up?

I was just going to say,

I think we may have already had the break show at this point.

Really?

Oh, wow.

Maybe, because I was going to try to do it next week, but we have our thing next week.

So maybe we'll do it like the first or the second.

But I was just going to bring up, I finally got to the post office the other day and uh went to pick up our mail.

The lady brought out a shopping cart full of boxes.

Oh, yeah, that people had sent in.

And so I need, we just need to get the ball rolling on that.

Thank you so much for all this stuff you guys sent us.

And seeing a lot of disparity in the address on some of the packages.

So I figured I could read it real fast just to make sure that everybody knows what our address actually is.

I think having a readout and maybe like a pop-out and the video's not a bad idea.

The address is regulation company, P.O.

Box13146,

111 East 17th Street, Austin, Texas, 78701.

Sometimes the street address got missed somehow.

Interesting.

So with the new The Break Show coming back, is that also just going to be like where you open fan mail and stuff?

Is it all sort of one umbrella?

Because before

I think, I think it's,

you know, we'll feel it out in the, in the production as we're going, but in my head, it's kind of a cross between Awu and the break show, you know?

Yeah, okay.

I was even thinking about calling the regulation closet, and we just open up the closet and just pull stuff out of it, whatever it is.

So it's like, you know, half audience submitted, half, you know, weird oddities that I find.

So are you just going to go live one day with it, or are we going to like announce it and figure all that out?

That's a great question.

We should probably figure that out.

I want to be there there.

Well, I'm definitely going to let you know ahead of time.

I'll just go live with them and be like, Gavin, get here.

We're live.

I just see the notification that you're live and I just have to get into an Uber.

Yeah, we'll announce some sort of a test show probably.

And I doubt we would do it as a surprise.

But I was trying to, I was just going to give people the note on the address, but then I was trying to decide if it's already come out or not.

We're really close to starting it, and it just keeps getting pushed for other projects.

I feel like every time we went into that room, we'd be like okay well we still need this and then we'd order some stuff and then we'd put it in and now we're at the point where we're just like standing looking at everything just like i think this is it yeah i think it's it i think it's it's just going to require us all to be in the room for 45 minutes to

you know just polish everything and make sure it works in obs yeah I don't want to make this too sausagey, but maybe the first video is like announcing what the format of the break show will be going forward and you opening a few of the things and then like displaying.

Because I think there are a lot lot of people that don't even know that we have a po box so i think having a little content piece to like really drive to it and also promote the start of the break show would be pretty cool i think that's a great idea maybe uh let's uh let's table that discussion for uh often since it's probably not the most entertaining thing to hear but anyway for sure just let the audience know we do have uh the po box it's open if you did have something you wanted to send us uh it's now okay to send it to us And we will be opening stuff that you send sooner than later.

So thank you for all your support and your attention on this matter.

Have you ever opened up any of those like little basketball guy line boxes, Jeff?

Like the little ball that you open up.

It's got like a tiny rubber basketball.

Yeah, I've opened it.

I think a couple ballers.

I've opened up a few.

Yeah.

I got a Luca one somewhere in my bedroom.

Oh, that's awesome.

Or in my closet.

Closet?

Like, what?

In my office.

You got that.

Oh, I'm looking at him right now.

He's up.

He's next to Puss Puss on the wall.

Oh, Puss Puss and Luca.

It's Puss Puss, Luca, and the Pocket

wrist pocket.

Fantastic.

Do you guys remember when we made a wrist pocket?

Yeah.

10 years ago?

Absolutely.

It does.

Do you still have my freaking

nice to three you, thrice to meet you glove thing?

Yeah, I have it.

Okay.

It's in my closet.

As long as we've still got it.

Yeah, I'll bring it to the office.

I have a bunch of stuff like that that's like...

souvenir-y type shit that we could display.

Can I serve up maybe some quail sliders on the first break show?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you ever cooked sliders generally?

Would this be your first slider?

Have you ever cooked quail ever?

Nope.

Is it difficult to get?

I imagine.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I don't think it'd be difficult.

In the U.S., I don't think it would be difficult in the slides.

All right, good luck.

Just buy it off of a website.

Texas Quail Farms raised.

It's they buy it HEB.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There you go.

Okay.

I'll work some recipes.

Here's.

Maybe the first burger and everyone's count is a quail burger.

Well, as we discussed, we'd have to eat three for it to count.

Right.

That's, yeah, that's true.

Oh, am I cooking 12 quails?

It's a lot of quails.

Especially difficult when squirrels own your grill.

Yeah.

I need to clear that thing out.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah, if you're going to be making quail burgers, you better.

Oh, dude, maybe you should make squirrel burgers.

Ah, see, that's that's probably not advised.

It's a quick way to clear it out.

See, that's an interesting one.

Where if the squirrel was alive, I couldn't sentence the squirrel to death.

But if I showed up and there was squirrel barbecued meat already there, then I'd be willing to eat it.

What wouldn't you eat at this point?

You just want to eat everything.

No, that's not true.

I wouldn't eat a dove.

I wouldn't order a squirrel off of a menu.

Pigeon, yes.

Dove, no.

Squirrel, yes.

Squirrel, if it's free at a party, but he's never going to go out of his way to eat it.

Yeah, like the...

I don't want the squirrel blood on my hands, but if it's on someone else's hands and I just happen to be there, I'd be willing to eat it.

You'd have like a few sticks of quirrel.

Quirrel?

What's that there?

I love a quirl guy.

Voldemort head.

Like a squirrel satay.

What?

I don't even know.

Chicken satay sticks.

What?

I'm so confused.

You said Voldemort head, and I just can't.

Well, it's a quirl by accident.

Oh.

I got to go.

Oh,

God.

Yeah, guys.

He said Quarrel.

Yeah.

Is that the name from the guy in Philosopher's Stone that had the Voldemort head?

Was he Quirrell?

Yeah.

Crazy.

Troll in the dungeon.

Bye.

Every opportunity to wrap this up.

It is petered out like three or four times.

In the chat, in the chat, I just keep going, yeah, wrap it up.

Let's wrap it up.

Seems like no place to wrap it up.

If he doesn't allow it to pee in the edit, surely.

Now I will.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's really going to get in there and clean this up.

Nick, use your editing wizardry.

Put all of your skills

laser focused on this episode to make it the best episode of Regulation podcast that has ever released.

And why wouldn't it be?

Because this was our 69th episode, as Gaffin Gaffin so sophomorically

intoned early on in the episode.

Thank you for listening to the previous 68.

Thank you for listening to the next 68.

Thank you for listening to the next hundred thousand episodes.

We're going to, at some point, I'm thinking, kind of like Alien Earth style, we'll take our consciousness and we'll implant it into younger, hotter bodies.

And then we'll have superpowers that will allow us to continue to podcast into

infinity.

So we'll see you next time.

And then every time, forever, always.

Bye-bye.

Bye now.

Bye.