SmartLess Presents ClueLess! 101 - It’s A Numbers Game

Speaker 0 Smartless

Speaker 0 Media

Speaker 1 Sean Hayes and Smartless Media are excited to announce the birth of an all-new baby podcast. The podcast weighs in at a healthy 10 to 12 minutes.
Sean Hayes is resting comfortably. This is Clueless.

Speaker 1 I'm Clueless.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 Welcome to episode one of Smartless Presents Clueless, a brand new podcast where you, the listener, try to solve puzzles faster than Sean Hayes.

Speaker 1 My name is Elliot Kalen, and I'll be your host because Sean Hayes can't just ask himself the questions, can he? It would be unethical.

Speaker 1 And with me on every episode of this show is the man who loves games more than is really healthy, Mr. Sean Hayes.
Sean, how excited are you for this new podcast on a scale from 9 to 10?

Speaker 2 You know, I'm at a 10, but you pick up the slack with your energy, Elliot.

Speaker 3 It's really infectious.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 And listeners, by the way, this is Elliot Kalen, who you may know was the head writer for Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, co-host of the bad movie podcast, The Flop House, and now he's hosting this show for us.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.
Now, Sean, we should explain to the listener.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 What is this show all about? Each episode, you'll be playing a different main game, and it might be a word puzzle, we're identifying a song, we're choosing the odd one out.

Speaker 1 That game is called Odd One Out, but it won't just be you competing alone. You'll also be bringing on a selection of your funny friends and family to play along.
Who do we have with us today?

Speaker 2 It's Will Arnett and Jason Bateman, everybody. Hi.

Speaker 2 We're excited. I was trying to harmonize.

Speaker 1 Will, Jason, welcome to the show. How does it feel to be Sean's funny friends and family?

Speaker 2 Jason, your family.

Speaker 4 I'm family.

Speaker 2 I'm funny friend. You're funny friend.

Speaker 1 Before we begin, I have to know one thing. Jason and Will, what is your Sean Hayes gaming experience up to this point? Has he ever asked you to do it in public before?

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. No,

Speaker 4 let's keep it clean, okay, Alien.

Speaker 4 We used to gather over at his house for

Speaker 4 game night.

Speaker 2 Sean has been with us.

Speaker 4 We used to play a lot of poker together. I mean,

Speaker 4 he's a gifted gamer.

Speaker 2 Let me just say that I got passed over a little bit on the game

Speaker 2 on the game stuff.

Speaker 2 You did. And have I forgiven him?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't remember you being a person. Because I'm a big person.

Speaker 4 I don't remember you being a part of the group at the moment.

Speaker 2 No, I wasn't. I wasn't a part of the group.
And it's a big

Speaker 2 station. You were always here.
Yeah, I was on your mind.

Speaker 4 The trip to Istanbul and stuff, was that before or after game night at your place?

Speaker 2 Istanbul was after,

Speaker 2 but Venice was before.

Speaker 2 But Venice didn't go very well. No.

Speaker 2 And here we are. Well, now we're new beginnings.
But now we're here at New Beginnings, Elliot. Now you've really unearthed some of the things.

Speaker 4 This will stitch us back together. Maybe it'll launch a podcast of the three of us to begin.

Speaker 2 But we're very

Speaker 2 excited, and I know Sean's love of games is deep. Very deep.
He loves it. I like it.
It's fun. It's fun.

Speaker 1 Sean is a master gamer. I love getting that peek inside of your relationship.
It briefly turned into a James Bond movie with all the international locations that got thrown into the mix.

Speaker 1 Sean, Will, Jason, enough talking about the past. Let's look ahead to the present.
Today's main event, it's a numbers game TV show edition. Cue the theme song.

Speaker 2 I keep forgetting there's a band right behind me.

Speaker 2 Because I saw them load in and

Speaker 2 I saw the weed. Yeah, you did.

Speaker 2 It's a numbers game.

Speaker 2 It's so good. All right, let's begin.

Speaker 1 This game is built around TV shows with numbers in their titles.

Speaker 1 You are going to be tested on your very useful knowledge of television shows and also your very useless knowledge of basic elementary school math.

Speaker 4 227.

Speaker 2 227.

Speaker 1 I like that you were so ready with a number right off the bat.

Speaker 4 It will be a winner in one of these questions.

Speaker 1 Each question will take the form of a simple math equation, only instead of numbers, I'm going to tell you a TV show title that has had the number removed from it.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to recognize the show, understand the number, and then solve the equation using the missing numbers.

Speaker 1 And you can get a bonus point as a group for responding with an answer in the form of a TV show title. So I'm going to give you an example.
This is is just a practice one.

Speaker 1 This doesn't count to your score. Let's try this out.
If I said day fiancé minus for 30, what would the answer be? And you can talk it out too, work it out between yourselves.

Speaker 2 90-day fiancé 30 for 30. So it would be 60.

Speaker 1 Yep, you got that right. And if you wanted that extra point, what is there as a show title with 60 minutes?

Speaker 1 60 minutes. You got it.
60 minutes.

Speaker 1 You could have also said Studio 60 or any of the millions of TV shows that have 60 in their titles. Yeah.
Okay, then let's play. It's a numbers game.
TV show edition.

Speaker 1 The first question is:

Speaker 1 million-dollar man divided by Stooges.

Speaker 2 $6 million man

Speaker 2 divided by

Speaker 2 three Stooges.

Speaker 2 Six divided by three is two.

Speaker 2 Oh, two. And then you got to do a show with two in it.

Speaker 4 Two, two, seven.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 2 You got it. Perfect.
Two points.

Speaker 2 Fucking use it. You receive it right away.

Speaker 1 I feel like I should give you double extra points because there's two twos in that name.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would like it. I'll take it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's three points total for that first question.

Speaker 1 You're getting more points than you're supposed to.

Speaker 1 Question two is Reno 9 plus

Speaker 1 and a half men.

Speaker 2 14.

Speaker 4 Reno 911, 3.5 men.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. 2.1.

Speaker 2 Fucking dummies. 13.
Hang on. Hang on.

Speaker 2 And Reno 911 could be 11

Speaker 2 21s.

Speaker 2 I think we got to go with 11. I think we have to go with 11.
Okay, 11. And then what do you think?

Speaker 2 Plus, plus 2 and a half

Speaker 2 is 13. And 13 reasons why.

Speaker 2 Yep, you got it. That's great.

Speaker 2 What's 13? What's 13 reasons why?

Speaker 4 Oh, it's a YA vehicle on Netflix.

Speaker 2 It can be seen massively successful.

Speaker 4 Young people love it.

Speaker 1 Young people love it.

Speaker 2 It sucks.

Speaker 2 And I can give you 14 reasons why.

Speaker 1 Let's go to question three. This one might be a little more difficult.
I'm going to try to enunciate as much as I can. This is

Speaker 2 heaven

Speaker 1 times

Speaker 1 company.

Speaker 4 Seventh heaven. Seventh heaven times three's company.

Speaker 2 21.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, 21 Jump Street.

Speaker 2 That's right. You got it.

Speaker 4 I thought you said something different on the second show. I thought it was six something.

Speaker 1 It could have been sixes.

Speaker 2 Who's your cable provider? Because you're in different shows.

Speaker 1 Three and a half men, six's company.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was very fast, very impressive. You guys are blazing through this game.
Let's continue it to number four. This question is:

Speaker 1 Beverly Hills 0210 minus

Speaker 1 is enough.

Speaker 2 One.

Speaker 4 Beverly Hills 90210. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But we got to think of the show. Minus eight.
Oh, one.

Speaker 2 Murder one.

Speaker 4 Murder one. Very good, Will.

Speaker 2 Yeah, very good.

Speaker 2 You got it.

Speaker 1 Murder one, that's two full points. It's just fantastic.

Speaker 4 Sean, by the way, you suck at this game. I haven't heard one answer.

Speaker 2 No, I got the first one. Why are you going to put it in your hand? What are you doing? I'm writing the numbers down.

Speaker 2 It's obviously helping.

Speaker 1 Question five. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Things I hate about you minus Babylon.

Speaker 2 What is it? 10 things I hate about you? Or what is it? What's

Speaker 2 that one? Yeah, is it 10 things? Is it 10, Elliot? I think it's 10 things I hate about you. Mine is Babylon.

Speaker 2 5? Babylon 5. Babylon 5.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so it's

Speaker 2 Party of 5.

Speaker 2 Great. You got it.
Wow. Wow.
That was good. That was good.
Party of 5. Incredible, Will.

Speaker 1 You all have such unique strengths that come together as a team. Jason with the numbers.
Will with the TV shows. Sean, with the writing down the numbers, which is good for record keeping for later.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 Would you consider it a compliment if he says your strength is writing stuff down?

Speaker 2 Yes. That's all he can get.
I think

Speaker 2 anything I can get. Is there in the Marvel, sorry, in the MCU, is there a character? Is there a superhero

Speaker 2 whose superpowers

Speaker 2 was writing stuff down?

Speaker 2 The stenographer.

Speaker 2 He was the stenographer.

Speaker 1 Okay, that was a great game. You guys played an amazing game, but just because you're done with the game does not mean the game is done with you.
There's also the matter of this episode's Mega Clue.

Speaker 2 Mega Clue question.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. This is a final question made out of the answers of all the previous questions.
So I'm going to remind you what those answers were.

Speaker 1 I would tell everyone, except Sean doesn't need to know this because he already has it.

Speaker 1 Everyone, take a moment to get a pen, something to write on, so I can remind you of what the correct answers are.

Speaker 2 I take it back on Sean writing it down. That turns out that was smart.

Speaker 4 If you're driving, lodge your knees just underneath the steering wheel.

Speaker 2 Grab a pen.

Speaker 4 Keep your eyes on the road somewhat.

Speaker 2 If you have a candle on your dashboard, careful.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Elliot. There are some.
No, that's good. There are some Easter eggs here.

Speaker 1 No, but it's a good point. Set aside the rotisserie chicken that you're picking at with your non-driving hand so you can put a pad there so you can work during that time.

Speaker 1 Okay, here are the numbers that you have already had as your answers: two,

Speaker 1 thirteen,

Speaker 1 twenty-one,

Speaker 3 one,

Speaker 1 and five. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you again: 2,

Speaker 1 13, 21, 1, and 5. Now I want you to add those numbers together.

Speaker 2 42.

Speaker 1 And then subtract from that number.

Speaker 2 That was great. Then subtract from.
I don't even have a pen with me, and I did that in my... Oh, man.
Amazing. Talk about your superpower, Math.
Mr. Math Man.
Hey, algebra.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Now add those numbers together, 42. And then subtract the number of monkeys in the title of a television adaptation of a 1990s science fiction film.

Speaker 1 And then tell me, can you think of a show with that number in the title?

Speaker 2 It'd be 12 months.

Speaker 2 34, but it's 34.

Speaker 2 Wait, 12 monkeys or 8 monkeys? 12, 12 months.

Speaker 4 12, 30, 30, something. Is it 30? 30-something.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, what? 42 minus 12, 12 monkeys for 30. And then I was hoping that someone would say 30-something because it's the rare television show where they spelled out the number.

Speaker 2 They didn't just put it in. They spelled out 30, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 And for one final, absolutely last question, take that last number, and I want you to add it.

Speaker 2 I'll just get up. Yep.

Speaker 4 That's the way we'd end things on Smartless.

Speaker 1 Take that last number, add it to 9,970, and can you tell me the name of any pyramids that are worth that much money?

Speaker 4 Ah, $10,000.

Speaker 2 $10,000.

Speaker 2 $10, $100,000.

Speaker 4 Elliot, I put you and this show on the top of a million-dollar pyramid. It's so damn good.

Speaker 2 Yep. Thanks.

Speaker 2 Elliot, you're brilliant. It's a lot of fun.
It's a lot of fun. You know, it's a hoot, you guys.
Clueless.

Speaker 1 Listeners at home, did you do better or worse than these actual 100% authentic famous people? If you did better, maybe you should be famous. Your mom keeps telling me how talented you are.

Speaker 1 Think about it. Sean, Will, Jason, thank you so much for being with us today.
I'll be very sad to see you go.

Speaker 1 So it's a good thing the show's not over yet because every episode of Clueless ends with the cliffhanger puzzle.

Speaker 3 Sting music. there it is.

Speaker 1 You wanted more stink music? You got it.

Speaker 4 Heavy bass line.

Speaker 1 The cliffhanger puzzle is just a little bit of extra puzzle. We put it in a tupperware for you to take home and pick at it until the next episode.
And today's puzzle takes the form.

Speaker 1 Today's puzzle takes the form of a little story.

Speaker 1 It seems that the Energy Drink Prime Hydration has been so successful that the company celebrated by creating two solid gold prime bottles. The gold bottles are an appropriate vessel for the drink.

Speaker 1 Silver bottles would also be appropriate, but iron or tin bottles would not be. Why is that the case? That's for you to noodle over until our next episode.

Speaker 1 Sean, Will, Jason, are you guys going to get any sleep between now and the moment you learn the answer to this puzzle?

Speaker 4 Not if I get all hopped up on prime beverage.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm going to sleep great. I'm going to sleep.
I'm going to be on the movie.

Speaker 2 Maybe even better. Maybe even a little better.

Speaker 2 I mean, Elliot, I got to say, just the very end of your question, I was just entering REM.

Speaker 1 We'll reveal the answer to today's cliffhanger puzzle at the top of our next episode, which guess what? You can listen to right now.

Speaker 1 Just click the link in this episode description to follow us on Apple Podcasts or search for Smartless Presents Clueless in your podcast app of choice.

Speaker 1 Make sure to follow, subscribe, rate, review, all the things that you can do to let us know you love this show. And with that, this first episode of Clueless must come to an end.

Speaker 1 Will, Jason, thank you so much for joining us. Sean, thank you for being Sean Hayes.
Somebody has to.

Speaker 2 I'm glad you took the burden on it. Exhausting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And as long as I'm just handing out thank yous, why don't I toss one of the audiences away as well? Thank you, audience, for listening to this show. This has been Clueless.

Speaker 1 We'll be back next episode with more puzzles and more Sean Hayes, not necessarily in that order.

Speaker 1 I've been your host, Elliot Kalen, reminding you to join us next time because if you give us less than 24 hours' notice, we still have to charge you for the appointment.

Speaker 2 Goodbye.

Speaker 2 Yay! Very nice.

Speaker 2 Thank you, guys. Thank you, Elliot.
Clueless.

Speaker 3 You have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a smartless media production in association with SiriusXM. Your host is Elliot Kalen, who also writes our scripts.

Speaker 3 Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who is 5'11. Your producer, editor, and engineer is Devin Torrey Bryant, who is me.
I also write all the music and sound effects.

Speaker 3 Assistant Engineer, Kyle McGraw. Today's puzzles were written by Matt Broussard and Josh Richmond.
Talent producer is Ann Harris. Associate producer Maddie McCam.
Social media producer Tommy Galgano.

Speaker 3 Executive producers are Elliot Cameron, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Ernie Kaminski.

Speaker 3 Remember to follow, subscribe, rate, and review the show. It really helps.

Speaker 1 That's all for now.

Speaker 3 We will see you again for more.

Speaker 2 Clueless.

Speaker 2 Clueless.

Speaker 2 I'm Clueless.

Speaker 2 Smartless.

Speaker 2 me.