"Jim Gaffigan"

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Speaker 1 Hey guys, I got a mouthful of English muffin with a glass full of of apple juice here on the rocks. Thank you very much.
And I'm here with my surprised guest today, who is a clapping sea lion.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. This is, by the way, before Jason and Willard.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Smartlet. Smart.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 Crazy. I can't see surprise guest yet.
Maybe your camera is off.

Speaker 1 Wait, how does it work? You're not supposed to.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 he won't stop clap.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got a live one?

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Might want to just get right to this guest and do our chat afterwards. Some folding work going on over here.
We had, by the way, what a wonderful dinner we had last night.

Speaker 1 We had a nice dinner, didn't we? The three of us.

Speaker 1 We really did. Listener, you know, the three of us don't really get a chance to have just a three-top.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it's very early. It's 130s.
Yeah. It went really well.
Sean generously picked up the bill. I know.
Kind of sneaky-like. Very sneaky.

Speaker 1 I got to be. I enjoy doing it.
I know. I know it's nice to do, but consider this sometimes.
And again, I don't want this to seem like I'm being ungrateful because it was very nice of you.

Speaker 1 So thank you.

Speaker 1 This is all dressed up in a thank you. Yeah.
But keep in mind, I got a heart out in five minutes. Other people

Speaker 1 might want to have the opportunity to do that as well. I know.

Speaker 1 So you don't want to take away from other people the ability to save it. Will's got about the fucking shortest fucking T-Rex arms you'll ever find at a dinner table.
This fucking guy,

Speaker 1 you could fucking could drop a check on fire in front of him and he wouldn't bat it out he wouldn't touch it

Speaker 1 he just let it catch his fucking pants on fire before he touched a burning check that is that is so untrue that is patently untrue

Speaker 1 one of the crew members just walked through yeah a bear just walked through your living room a bear crew member

Speaker 1 um i'm talking of uh livestock,

Speaker 1 we ate a lot of cooked cow last night. And I woke up at 2.30 in the morning and had to chug Pepto-Bismol because your body

Speaker 1 stomach is so unused to...

Speaker 1 It was like a four-pound steak.

Speaker 1 Wasn't that so good going down, though? Oh, yeah, it was great.

Speaker 1 It was so good. Actually, you know what, Sean? After you left us, we went and tried.

Speaker 1 We were both stuffed.

Speaker 1 As we know, we only went five more blocks. We had a fucking steak sandwich.
We live at Bradley's house and he's got his steaks. You know, he's opening a

Speaker 1 steak sandwich shop in the Lower East side. Yeah, so good.
By the way, he made them for all of them.

Speaker 1 Danny and Coops, something like that? I think that's right. Is it Danny and Coops? Check it out.
I think it's on Avenue A, he said. Yeah, in the Lower East Side, it's got makes just so good.

Speaker 1 I think, what did he, Jamie, did he say on the menu? It's just steak sandwiches. Just steak sandwiches.
Yeah. Either with cheese or without, period.
No, with onions or without. Oh, God.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 It's going to be be huge. So, Sean,

Speaker 1 so after that menu, after that, that meal we had last night, Jason, I go over there, and then Bradley's literally cooking these up in his house, and he goes, here we go.

Speaker 1 And he's got his kids there and a bunch of other people. And he's like, here you go.
And we're like, no, man,

Speaker 1 we just had an absolute feast. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then within 20 minutes, JB gets up. Yeah.
And has one? Well, no wonder you got up at 2.30 in the morning.

Speaker 1 Well, but because he walked me through the whole process of how he got the recipe from this guy who makes the best steak sandwiches in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, Bradley like perfected it over like a year because he just loved these sandwiches so much.

Speaker 1 And he taught himself how to cook them and then approached the guy to open up an annex at some, you know, basically. Don't you remember he made them for us like, I don't know,

Speaker 1 eight, nine months ago. But it was so good.
Yes, I do remember. Anyway, it was really, and I ended up having one too, and they were absolutely delicious.
Yeah. But, but how about I walked back?

Speaker 1 Because.

Speaker 1 First of all, I got two things to say about it.

Speaker 1 So when we got it from the, no, remember one, when we got it from the table last night at dinner, Jason, you pulled aside and said, I got to run in the bathroom real quick.

Speaker 1 So me and Will went outside and waited for you. I should have thrown it all up at that point.
I should have taken it all out of me.

Speaker 1 And then we're standing there, and then you come out, and both Will and I are like, wait a minute, who's this fucking guy coming up talking to us out of the blue? He's like, well, you said that.

Speaker 1 And I thought

Speaker 1 JB. Yeah.
I'm like, I'm thinking. And he's kind of like, who's this Twink?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I told you.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what a Twink is. Is that good or a bad?

Speaker 1 No, you're a Twink.

Speaker 1 So listener, they're talking about because

Speaker 1 I've had my, I've looked like Jesus Christ for the last nine months, basically, because I'm playing this guy with long hair and long beard and all that stuff. And I just cut it all off

Speaker 1 because we came to the end of the thing. The number of people, and Sean, you're probably the same, who have come up to me

Speaker 1 as if I'm your wife over the last six months, go, hey, or texted me. People have gone so far and going, hey, what's up with Jason? How come his hair is so long? And I'm like, he's an actor.

Speaker 1 What do you think?

Speaker 1 But they all assume. I love it.

Speaker 1 I love that nobody assumes that I would be doing it for any sort of acting part. Everybody thinks you're in trouble.

Speaker 1 Everybody thinks I'm in trouble. They go there instead of like, well, he's not much of a thespian.
He's not going to change his love for a part.

Speaker 1 He must have just hit fuck it and we got to send him some money.

Speaker 1 Why did Marty Bird

Speaker 1 grow his hair?

Speaker 1 And then you dropped me off. And then we said, I went, I'm like, Will, where's uptown? Because I'm so lost downtown.
Like, I don't understand. And you go, just go that way.

Speaker 1 I was walking for like 20 minutes. I'm like, I don't know.
He was a half a block from Eighth Avenue. And he walked all the way into the Hudson River.

Speaker 1 I was, I had no idea where I was. I was scared out of my mind.

Speaker 1 And I, and then I asked these four people, I'm like, do you know where like uptown, like which direction uptown is?

Speaker 1 First, give us your wallet.

Speaker 1 You got mugged. And then

Speaker 1 you ask people which direction direction up to i know

Speaker 1 and it was it was a young married couple and then in-laws and the married couple was like yeah you go that way and then the mom of the in-laws goes oh my god willing grace and then the and then the two young married couples like oh my god smartless and then the dad goes just to make sure to keep me real he goes i don't know who the hell you are right

Speaker 1 and i go

Speaker 1 it's the funniest it's isn't that the funniest instinct that people have i've had people come up and go like hey my friends want to pick i have no idea you i want to know pick you out of a lineup of one yeah you're not zero to me yeah you're zero that's basically but anyway they want to get a pick and you're like okay well thanks for telling me man i didn't ask anyway um let's get into our guest he's been waiting long enough

Speaker 1 like honestly

Speaker 1 i feel like why are you crying

Speaker 1 This is anyway, we've unearthed. Okay, let's not get into it.

Speaker 1 Okay, this guy makes me laugh so hard. I love this guy.
We've got a a lot in common. Both mid-Western boys, large Irish families.
Interesting fact, he's been in over 200 commercials.

Speaker 1 He's performed for the Pope. I think that means stand-up.
And how 200 commercials. That's amazing.

Speaker 1 And how when he was eight, he stood in line for two hours to meet Jimmy Walker from Good Times just to have him sign Dynamite.

Speaker 1 Well, today, we get the other explosive Jimmy guys. It's the brilliant, the prolific, the funny, the lovable Jim Gaffigan, who we love.
Jim Gaffigan?

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Hello there. I'm a big fan of yours.
Shucks, Jeez. You know, it was so weird.

Speaker 1 You guys went to dinner last night, and I don't know why. And I think the listeners should know this: that you made me be the waiter, which I thought was strange.

Speaker 1 Well, just as a rehearsal,

Speaker 1 hear us out, Jim. We just figured that you, we know how real you like to keep it.
Yeah. I mean, a lot of people should know that Sean Hayes does not tip at all.

Speaker 1 Not financially.

Speaker 1 I said, is this it? Do you need change? And he said, I need you to change your attitude. And I was like, all right.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 Jim, do you still have

Speaker 1 that autograph that says dynamite from Jimmy Walker? No. No, I

Speaker 1 love that. I only remember that because I saw a photo of it because I had a dynamite hat.
Yeah. I'm probably older than all you guys, but like

Speaker 1 there was a big, I mean, Will looks the oldest, but like the big issue is that. Wait a second.
Do I? No, I think it's Will could be like, well, I think Will would be.

Speaker 1 There is a lot of people don't know. He's doing a movie where he's playing Gavin Newsom's dad.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is the Arnett roast. Will, we didn't want to tell you before we got started.

Speaker 1 You know, Will, I just do that because I'm scared. Why? Frankly, I'm a little scared.
I'm intimidated.

Speaker 1 Three buddies. I'm the new kid.
I don't know how to fit in. You're so safe here.

Speaker 1 You're already fitting in beautifully. The dirty little secret about this podcast is it really doesn't matter who we have on as a guest because we don't let them talk anyway.

Speaker 1 We just like to hear ourselves talk. You're on cruise control for the next hour.
Right. So 45.
Jim, we don't know each other well, but you came up very kindly to Canada and did that

Speaker 1 hospital benefit. Do you remember that? Was that right? Or did you block it out? No, I remember it.
I remember it very clearly.

Speaker 1 You were hilarious. He absolutely crushed.
Always is. And you always crush.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know, because you've been doing it. He never pushes.
Never pushes. Just trying to get my dad to like me.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if it's going to work.

Speaker 1 Is dad still with us? No, he's been dead for like 20 years. Oh, you're waiting for a message.
He's right over here.

Speaker 1 He's just off camera.

Speaker 1 When you're here. Wake up.
I've been telling every morning I'm like, wake up. He's really tired.
He's really tired. You just put new ice on him every day

Speaker 1 yeah he's just hey well how did you get how how are you how did you get to be in 200 commercials i'm i'm i'm actually envious of that i was on this show silver spoons no

Speaker 1 that was james i

Speaker 1 no there was an era in the 90s

Speaker 1 where they really loved the idea of the dumb white guy in every commercial yeah and i was like i'll do that sean wasn't available i did those too. I did a ton of them.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of dumb white guy work. And I immediately started thinking, oh, wait, this is one of those guys that's got one of those campaigns.
It's like,

Speaker 1 you know, like the jack-in-a-box guy. The progressive girls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 It would add up quickly. Yes.
I would do, I did Rolling Rock and

Speaker 1 Saturn, which was a car company.

Speaker 1 And this is back in the days when they would pay, right? You could get about

Speaker 1 30 grandchildren. By the time a national commercial commercial is done with its cycle, right? Wasn't it about that you could count on about $30,000?

Speaker 1 Absolutely. How many brands did you sink, do you think?

Speaker 1 I would say Rolling Rock for one, Saturn for two.

Speaker 1 Wait, Jimmy, so you were born in Elgin, Illinois. Is it Jimmy? Yeah, yes, it is.

Speaker 1 When I was a little kid, I was Jimmy. Now, where are you from, Sean? Glen Ellen.
So it's like 20 minutes from Elgin. Yeah.
Well, we moved pretty quickly to

Speaker 1 Northwest Indiana. I mean, when I was eight, I guess.
And you wanted to be a farmer? I did. What kind of, what did you want to farm?

Speaker 1 You know, I think corn. I just,

Speaker 1 it's weird. I pretty big.

Speaker 1 And not soybeans.

Speaker 1 Not something sexy like soybeans or rye, but like corn, you know, like a normal plant.

Speaker 1 No, I

Speaker 1 did want to be a farmer. And then, but I also wanted to be an actor.

Speaker 1 I know, like early on, like, and your dad was the CEO of the Mercantile National Bank of Indiana. Yes, so crazy.
And then you wanted to be, and what did he think of you wanting to be an actor?

Speaker 1 He thought it was

Speaker 1 pretty fucking stupid. Sure.

Speaker 1 No, you know, it was, my parents were children of,

Speaker 1 you know, like their parents went through the Depression. So like the whole objective was to seek security.

Speaker 1 And I think my family had been in the country and my father was the first one to go to college. But before that, everyone was coal miners.

Speaker 1 So it was just like, we finally got to the middle class and you want to become a show person. It was just absurd.
It was like, why throw it away?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's interesting because this happens all the time. We talk about this all the time.
You're the youngest of six. I'm the youngest of five.

Speaker 1 And it seems to be like a lot of people we talk to, the youngest in the family always wants to be the actor or the performer or the attention seeker, I guess. Isn't that weird?

Speaker 1 Well, the alcoholism was so significant by the time we were teenagers. Yeah, same.

Speaker 1 Were you close with your dad?

Speaker 1 My dad was this huge influence on me, but it was weird. I think it was mostly trying to make my mom laugh.
But,

Speaker 1 you know, the whole father relationship is so complex. And again, I think, I don't know about with you, there was such a parental fatigue that had hit by the time I was a teenager.

Speaker 1 My dad was like, I didn't even sign up for any of this. You know what I mean? And having children myself, I'm kind of like,

Speaker 1 can they go to boarding school and middle school? Can they do that? It's just, it's exhausting, right? And you say you do have children yourself?

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. I have five.
I have five. Oh my God.
Wow. No, that's a lot of people.
I'm a very fertile guy.

Speaker 1 How old is your youngest, Jim?

Speaker 1 He He just turned 12. Oh, wow.
Wow. And I feel like with every kid, there was a reason for me to like them.
You're like, all right, this one likes me so much. I like him.

Speaker 1 And then my youngest one looks like me. And so I'm like, all right, I got a mini me.
I got to

Speaker 1 be excited about that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is amazing, right? Like how you have, you develop these different relationships with the kids based on completely different stuff.

Speaker 1 I mean, I know you're kind of making a half a joke, but like there is something to be said for like, well, the initial bond started because

Speaker 1 that, that little thing that couldn't speak or do anything yet has an attraction to me. And there's a, it's almost like a puppy.
Like kids are like puppies before they could,

Speaker 1 of course. Right.
It's like, oh, they're, they jump on my lap all the time. And so, well, I like you too.
And now you're my favorite pet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then you, then your role changes.
Yeah. And you're like, okay, I'm the peacekeeper between, because daughters and mothers go through some weird crap.

Speaker 1 And now I'm kind of Boutros, Boutros, golly here, you know, trying to keep some peace.

Speaker 1 And then there's just different ones where you're like, all right, I'm the evil cop that, you know, has to be the disciplinarian. Yeah.
Or the one kid's actually

Speaker 1 less like a puppy, much more like a cat. So they're, they're difficult.
Like they, they don't give you the time of day. So you end up being very drawn to that one.

Speaker 1 You know, I got to win that one over, right? Independently.

Speaker 1 You've got almost a half a dozen there. It must be.
Yeah. My relationship with my kids is so good.
I don't have to worry about rules. We just kind of click.
Oh, man. Sorry.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to just click, click, click. Hey, Jim, you don't really think I look older than the other guys, do you? No, no.
Let's double back a little bit.

Speaker 1 Now, Jim, where are you? Are you in Los Angeles, New York? I'm in New York. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 That's cool. Have you been in New York a long time? I've been here for 35 years.
I've done some time in,

Speaker 1 you know, when I was on a show, I would be in LA for six months or six weeks. I did pilot season.
Oh, yeah, every year.

Speaker 1 Now, your time in Los Angeles, is this something you kind of, you know, hold your nose and kind of get through it, or do you like it out there?

Speaker 1 I don't have anything against Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not a fan of sunlight, but I'm very much...

Speaker 1 Too much show business is not good for

Speaker 1 my mental health. Like, I that's what I like about New York that like you have friends that are not in the business and you can kind of separate yourself from it if that makes sense yeah

Speaker 1 and we will be right back

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Speaker 1 And now, back to the show.

Speaker 1 Do you ever worry that, like, by having that healthy kind of distance from show business and the pursuit of it and all that stuff that

Speaker 1 you run the risk of not going to the places that you want to go career-wise?

Speaker 1 I ask because these guys always keep me in check and give me proper ridicule about how sort of on my keeping my eye on the ball I am about like what's happening in the business tree and and what should I be doing next and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 I can't help it, but I envy those that have a healthy distance from. You also grew up in it, so that's a little different in that way.
I know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like I've definitely,

Speaker 1 I think my career might be completely different if I lived in L.A. I mean, it is 99% of the business,

Speaker 1 but it's also.

Speaker 1 I don't want to sound like the person, you know, like there's a, you know, like,

Speaker 1 I'm not like Sam Shepard said, I'm on a farm in Virginia. Right.

Speaker 1 You can fax fax me only. You know what I mean? It's like, I wish I could be that guy.
I mean, I definitely care. I'm definitely the guy who's, you know,

Speaker 1 works really, I'm the guy who does his homework. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't even know. I don't even know my agent's name.
No, yeah. You've been able to stay so relevant for so long.
You've had this really long career and yet

Speaker 1 you've been able to, you know,

Speaker 1 live outside of it to a certain extent. Yeah.
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's admirable.

Speaker 1 Jim, how many years,

Speaker 1 what was your first break and how many years have you been doing stand-up?

Speaker 1 I've been doing it for like 35 years.

Speaker 1 And was it always stand-up first or it was an actor first and then you wanted it? You know, it was

Speaker 1 a little bit of both, but it was.

Speaker 1 I would say, yeah, it was, you know, stand-up was something I always did, but I always wanted to act. And,

Speaker 1 but they're such fantastic actors in New York. Yeah, but the Jim Jim Gaffigan show was hilarious.

Speaker 1 I want to give the stand-up. I want to show you.
First of all, how did you, what was the first night? What was the first time you were like in the middle of the day? The first time I was so,

Speaker 1 you know, there's such an audacity necessary to go into this business, right? But and also with stand-up to go on stage that

Speaker 1 I waited till someone dared me. I had a fear of public speaking, so I took an improv class.
This is way before UCB existed.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 in the improv class, someone was like, there's a stand-up seminar. This is in 1990, 1991.
Is this New York or Chicago? New York.

Speaker 1 And then so I did stand-up for the first time.

Speaker 1 And it was, I fell in love immediately. And then

Speaker 1 kind of bombed for six months. And

Speaker 1 did you write jokes that first time or did you just kind of wing it? What did you do? Oh, yeah. No, it was, I did this.
It was kind of like a seminar thing.

Speaker 1 It was like someone really holding your hand.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it was, yeah, it wasn't like me and my buddies went to a club and I got on stage and it was magic, you know. Do you still like what is your oldest joke that you still have in your rotation?

Speaker 1 Like, still one from that, from the early years?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's, it's, I, I, you know, at this point,

Speaker 1 I, you know, I haven't done jokes from

Speaker 1 back then

Speaker 1 for at least a decade. And sometimes I'll write a joke and I'll think, oh, this is great.
And then

Speaker 1 my wife will be like, you know, that was on your third special, that joke. I'm like, oh, all right.
You know, like, I don't even remember that I had done a joke.

Speaker 1 You already complained about your kids that way.

Speaker 1 Does she dabble in our industry as well? Yes. Yeah.
So she was the, she did directing and she also like was the showrunner

Speaker 1 of the Jim Gaffigan show. And when we were

Speaker 1 but you know, initially when it was stand-up, we used to totally

Speaker 1 once we had a, once we were married, we wrote together. And then with five kids, it's, you know, you're lucky to have a conversation with, you know, your partner.

Speaker 1 Wait, so she's showrunner for Jim Gaffigan Show. So

Speaker 1 what, you had an overall with the network or with the studio? And yeah, that was, you know, before cable completely fell apart or even though i guess it's coming back

Speaker 1 uh we had a deal at cbs we did two rounds of pilots they were committed to single camera comedies and then they they weren't all right and so they released us and we

Speaker 1 were we had an offer

Speaker 1 from a you know a couple cable things, but like the most attractive offer came from TV Land. TV Land was going to do this massive rebranding thing.

Speaker 1 And of course, we were like, all right, yeah, great. And then we went over there.
And then like a month before the show started airing, they, yeah, we're not going to do a massive rebranding.

Speaker 1 Shawnee did some TV land work. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We did, we produced.

Speaker 1 With Betty White. Hot in Cleveland.
Yeah, wait a minute. Were you on, was Teachers you guys? No, that was Melissa, I think.
Hot in Cleveland with Betty White.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was the first, I think that was the first show that launched TV Land. Yeah, I think that was the big, that was part of the big TV land relaunch.
Yeah, we got lucky.

Speaker 1 Wait, so what network was Jim Gavkin show on that? I forget? It was on TB Land. Yeah, it was.
It was on TV Land. So you and your wife write the pilot together, or she writes the pilot?

Speaker 1 I wrote the pilot with Peter Tolan. Oh, yeah, and then really funny.
Yeah. The great man.

Speaker 1 He was under a Sony deal, and so he couldn't go when we went to TB Land. I mean, sometimes they re-aired every episode on Comedy Central, so that's where people would end up seeing it.
Yes. So wait,

Speaker 1 so, God, so much I want to talk about.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, by the way, we, I heard you love to go to Steakhouse after each stand-up thing. I love steak.
Yeah. We just had, we just went to a steakhouse last night.
Great steak last night.

Speaker 1 You ever been to Strip Steakhouse? Strip Strip. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. And so do you guys try, how often do you guys get together and pretend to like each other?

Speaker 1 Yeah, not very that often too hard yeah we're not that good at acting no we have we have dinner quite we have dinner when we're on town like once a week but it's with everybody and family and just the three of us is a rare thing yeah yeah i mean that's what's also so great about whenever i do podcasts is like it forces you to have these conversations with your friends because things can spin out of control and and it's like getting paid to hang around your friends is not bad yeah that's how this started i know you guys donate all your money.

Speaker 1 A lot of people don't know that. Yes, yes.
All the money is donated. Wait, are you worried? Which is amazing.

Speaker 1 Are you worried, though?

Speaker 1 I do think about because I love steakhouse, too. Like in LA.

Speaker 1 Sean's still at the steak. Sorry.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't wait to hear what Jim might be worried about in the steakhouse industry.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I mean, sure, jump in if you want.

Speaker 1 But I love...

Speaker 1 He's finished this. I like the simplicity of the menu.
There's like six things. Because Because remember Jerry's Deli in Los Angeles? Remember Jerry's Deli? You sit down.

Speaker 1 I bet Cheesecake Factory must really piss you off. Cheesecake Factory, too.
It's a book, and it's like 200. And I almost have to get up because of my anxiety.

Speaker 1 Like, if there's too many choices, I can't do it. But a steakhouse, it's like there's four things here, and there's four sides.
What do you want?

Speaker 1 There's sauces that get me pissed off at a steakhouse, though. I never know which way to go.
That's why I always do ketchup. I always do ketchup with my steak.

Speaker 1 You are Midwestern. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like it at a steakhouse when they kind of show you the meat or they show you a potato. We got a potato.
We got this lobster flown in from Maine. It's just like...

Speaker 1 It's like so dumb guy-ish, like, hey, you're a dumb guy. This is a potato.
We can cook it for you. I love it.
Now, I know I'm jumping all around, but

Speaker 1 I want to go back to your career. Jimmy, when you first did Beyond the Pale, that was your first stand-up special, and you had, I don't know how many after.

Speaker 1 And what blew my mind is how many Grammys you've been nominated for. Oh, thanks.
Like,

Speaker 1 how many times have you been nominated? I think seven times. But, you know, I'm never going to win one.
But, like, that's

Speaker 1 crazy. It's amazing.
Well, because some of it is like, I'm just so thrilled that the Grammys even include, you know, stand-up comedy. And in the end, there's always, you know, some.

Speaker 1 very important, newsworthy comedic event that's occurred, you know, whether it be,

Speaker 1 you know, Chappelle doing anything or like, you know, one year it was Weird Al Yankovic

Speaker 1 did the first comedy album in 25 years. It's like, obviously, he's going to win.
You know what I mean? Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, but I don't know.
I think it's pretty.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. You're never going to win.

Speaker 1 Which is the award with the circle that

Speaker 1 spins around? Is that the Tony

Speaker 1 Sean?

Speaker 1 Does it spin? It does spin. It does.
Wait, do you have it there or is it in LA? It's in L.A. Oh, all right.
The Grammy's the one with the horn. Yep.
By the way, it's so funny. It's a gravophone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 With the horn. It's funny.
Jim, sometimes just sit back and just

Speaker 1 marvel.

Speaker 1 You just point the pointer, and these two little kitties, they just go all over the group, all over the road. And you just point the pointer.

Speaker 1 Do you have

Speaker 1 all a yarn? I usually ask people if they have any crazy theater stories, but in this case, do you have any crazy like fan stories that you have that like any kind of insane out of all of the um

Speaker 1 well out of all the touring you've done for sure but of the specials or the tour or just somebody insane didn't ever stop yeah no there's i mean there's definitely you guys were talking about

Speaker 1 i i feel like i'm so goofy looking so like i'm i'm very recognizable if you know who i am you look like john america that that's what you look like but but like a pale version of it so it's like i'm either the guy that you know, shovels your driveway or I'm Jim Gaffigan, right?

Speaker 1 So there is,

Speaker 1 so I could be, and I have horrible vision. So, but because I'm pale and goofy looking, people can see me from far away.
They're like, oh, is that, hey, is that Jim Gaffigan?

Speaker 1 And I can't see who they are because I'm blind. But

Speaker 1 you've been, you've been, you've been loved and on television or some form of media for so long.

Speaker 1 You, you must not be able to walk down the street often without getting stopped or going, hey, hey, that's,

Speaker 1 hey,

Speaker 1 yeah, do you get a lot of that? Yeah, a lot, you know, like I'm playing, I'm, you know, I've provided them a riddle. You know what I mean? Like, hey, do I,

Speaker 1 how am I supposed to know you? And you're like, you catch a lot of people just staring at you from across the room, trying to, trying to figure it out. Especially in strip clubs.
They're always

Speaker 1 too dark in there.

Speaker 1 You've got five kids. What are you doing here?

Speaker 1 You got a six kit.

Speaker 1 They take their phone out, click.

Speaker 1 No, but you were maybe going to tell us, go down the street. Oh, yeah.
You know what I would say is the,

Speaker 1 you know, there is a theater story. I did that championship season on Broadway, and it was

Speaker 1 the amount of testosterone in the cast was absolutely insane. It was me, Kiefer Sutherland, Brian Cox, Chris Noth, and Jason Patrick, whose dad wrote the play.

Speaker 1 And so it's a great play. And it was, but like, so like when you talk about theater stories, we went, I mean, it's also like this, this last,

Speaker 1 I think of like, there's this last generation of people that,

Speaker 1 and there's a segment of this generation that drink like our parents did. And those guys are those guys.
And so every night we would, every night was like a, it was, the stamina is just bizarre.

Speaker 1 Like these guys can throw it away and then get up and do a matinee. And I was just like, I can barely walk.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 yeah, but I wonder how that's.

Speaker 1 I'd love to check in on those fellas now and see how it's, see how it's aging, you know, because at some point you do, you do pay the bill. Yeah.
You know, you just, the stamina isn't forever.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm sure they're all doing, but like they were, it was so bizarre to go out on stage because I always had this vision of Broadway being, oh my, you know, like people in top hats and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 And it's like people would walk out and people are like, 24 is section this, you know, it was just bizarre how it was. Right.

Speaker 1 It was that people were going to so they could see Mr. Big.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right, right, right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people really, really like it.

Speaker 1 But your earlier stand-up stuff, do you,

Speaker 1 when you were first starting, is there

Speaker 1 you tend to remember the good performances more than the bad ones?

Speaker 1 I try to block out some really humiliating things.

Speaker 1 But I did a show on

Speaker 1 Long Island at Governor's. And,

Speaker 1 you know, Long Island is

Speaker 1 great, but like parts of Long Island, you know, it can be not necessarily combative, but just kind of. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I would walk on stage you when i started you know looking like the farm boy that i wanted to be and these you know like these new yorkers would be like look at this guy you know what i mean and so like early 90s comedy was very combat driven like this guy is just a pussy you know what i mean and so i remember i was i i was on stage it was a late show at Governor's and I got on stage and someone in the audience was mooing.

Speaker 1 They were actually mooing. Moo,

Speaker 1 moo.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, this is great. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, because I'm from Indiana, they're mooing. And so then I have, I tried to, you know, deal with the heckler.
And

Speaker 1 normally, you know,

Speaker 1 you have a microphone, you have an advantage, but it didn't really work. And so then eventually there was enough slack on the microphone.

Speaker 1 So I walked into the audience to find out who this mooing person was.

Speaker 1 And there was somebody severely handicapped, lying in a hospital bed, who could only articulate,

Speaker 1 only communicate by going, moo. No.

Speaker 1 So I had spent a good 20 minutes tearing into this, severely disabled. Like they had like the keyboard and everything.
And I'm just like, but the crowd had known.

Speaker 1 And I was like, all right, I'm just going to kill myself. And they, you know, they were very forgiving.
And the person, you know, loved the attention. But that was probably

Speaker 1 one of the more brutal stories.

Speaker 1 That's quite a story. Sean, have you learned your lesson? Never ask that question again.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, do you have a do you have a clear? I'm sorry if you've answered this question a million times, but do you have a clear preference between stand-up and acting? Because you've done tons of both.

Speaker 1 You know, one, the words come beforehand, the other, the words come after.

Speaker 1 I love doing both of them because I think that stand-up is

Speaker 1 such a bizarre existence at night and stuff like, and it's so solitary and it can,

Speaker 1 whereas the collaborative thing of acting is so amazing. But I think

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 process of getting acting jobs is so maddening

Speaker 1 that I would totally lose my mind if I

Speaker 1 had to rely just on that emotionally. Yeah, I mean, some of us, yeah, it's job security to have created an audience.

Speaker 1 And you can control in one lane of your career, you, you're fully in control of that. You can sit down and write some great stuff.
You can get the creative fulfillment. Whereas,

Speaker 1 you know, I've been, I've done a lot of dramas, but to this day, I had a meeting two days ago and I've done tons of dramas and people are always, they all have the idea, what if we put Jim Gaffigan in a drama?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, all right.

Speaker 1 I mean, I, I mean, most of them have been indies, but like, I'm like, and you want to be polite and go, yeah, sure, that would be great, even though like I've done it, I've been doing that for a long time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1 and now back to the show

Speaker 1 do any of your uh any of your kids uh share the the biz the business tree passion yeah i think you know my i've toured doing stand-up with my 18-year-old son he's really funny oh no way so like he opens for you or closes for you or two yeah he's done yeah you know oh really that's cool it's you know it lasts a couple spring breaks we've done that but it's such a weird business it's like and my my oldest daughter who's 20 has really loves acting and I'm like you know there's no jobs right there's just right you want to and so I'm like if you want to you have to create your own jobs so I'm like I'll pay for film school but like there's no you know right like it used to be yeah it's it is a tough thing because you can't walk around with that diploma and and sort of uh guarantee yourself at least an entry-level position

Speaker 1 it's so cruel but it's even different from it used to be like you talked about pilot season like i yeah and commercials you could have been able to commercials you did commercials like when i was a young actor it was i supported myself doing voiceovers i did a ton of voiceovers in and around new york and then every year by about january for a few years i would fly out to california

Speaker 1 uh and well not every year sometimes i would go for like a month and sometimes but you'd have pilot at least pilots auditions couple a day here in new york and you do you do the circuit right you go to all the places and then they'd fly you out And there was like, there was a good chance once you kind of got in the mix, there was a good chance you'd get a job.

Speaker 1 You'd get a pilot. And wasn't the arrested development year like the last year you were going to do this goddamn pilgrimage out to Los Angeles for pilot season? No,

Speaker 1 I got fired the year before and I wasn't going to do it. And I didn't audition for anybody.
But Deb Berilsky reached out and said, oh, come on, Will, please just put yourself on TV or something.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile,

Speaker 1 I was like, I'm not going to do the TV industry. They're really going to feel the pain of me not being around.

Speaker 1 Wait till I show them. Right.
I think arrested development, I tested for that. Or I was, or

Speaker 1 maybe not a network test, but a studio test. What part?

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 the David Cross one. Yeah.
Okay. But

Speaker 1 I think that...

Speaker 1 No, it's even worse than that. It was.

Speaker 1 Because there's also during pilot season, there's like, do you want to commit to this pilot? Do you want them in first position? Yes. Yes.
And I think I had been

Speaker 1 offered a pilot to be in first position. And I was like, all right, fine.
You know, yeah, let's do that first position. It was, you know, it was garbage.
But I'm like, all right, fine.

Speaker 1 I just want to act. Yeah.
And then.

Speaker 1 Because I had worked with Mitch Hurwitz the year before on Ellen DeGeneres' sitcom. And he's like, hey, why don't you come in and audition for this part?

Speaker 1 Because I had been schmoozing him to get a part on it. Because, you Obviously, he's brilliant, right? Yeah.
And so,

Speaker 1 but I, and then I, and then he was like, Yeah, you're in first position, and this is a low-budget thing. We can't have anyone in because we're going to do it.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because remember, the premise was like that they were going to do it in a different way.

Speaker 1 Remember, it was written. Remember, he wrote that cover letter on it? Yeah,

Speaker 1 if you want a dressing room larger than a honey wagon, this job's not for you. Don't even bother auditioning.

Speaker 1 Mike Terry, who works on our show,

Speaker 1 whom you met,

Speaker 1 he

Speaker 1 sent me, his wife worked in the cat, worked for Deborilsky, I think it was. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He sent me recently the list of people, and my name's on it, of people who were sent, you know, because I eventually put myself on tape here in New York.

Speaker 1 I was doing a play in New York, and I was so bummed about being fired from this show the year before that I was like, I'm not going to do another. I'm done.
Fuck, fuck sitcoms. I don't do that.

Speaker 1 It's beneath me. Like, I kind of tried to flip it in my mind that I'm above it because I'd been fired.
And

Speaker 1 anyway, so I went and I read for Deborah's game, but Mike just sent me, I've got it in my office at home. Wow.
Of, yeah, of the sign-in sheet or whatever.

Speaker 1 Mitch sent me the videotape of my actual audition for Michael Bluth. I've got it on my computer.
Wow. And that was the last day you ate, right? Like, that's why you stuck eating.

Speaker 1 I've been swimming ever since.

Speaker 1 You just looked too puffy. Jim, I forgot that you were on

Speaker 1 that Ellen show with Mitch that year before. I remember that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Martin Moll was on that show. That was so.

Speaker 1 We loved Martin Moll. It was so...
I mean, he was such a sweet guy.

Speaker 1 He was such a sweet guy.

Speaker 1 And it was so bizarre to see this guy that I had watched on Fernwood Tonight. Yeah, Fernwood Tonight was great.
I mean, it was just, and, you know.

Speaker 1 I mean, I know I'm older than you guys, but like, you have to understand that was this, that was the bizarre, him and Fred Willard.

Speaker 1 That was like my first exposure to like bizarre comedy and and they they did like cutting edge super racy yeah it was so clever because it was

Speaker 1 i love that show well also i i had no idea that martin mole was this brilliant painter like he went to art school to be a painter And then he would just tell stories about Steve Martin, which was amazing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jason, is that a mole behind you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a mole right there.
A mole. I got this one cheap.

Speaker 1 um jim tell me about like unusual jobs before you got all this work when you were starting i started off uh well i studied finance but then that's wild you went to school

Speaker 1 i was i was a copywriter in an advertising agency and really um

Speaker 1 i i think it was really helpful in learning some you know some word economy and efficiency of writing. But it was, I was the weird guy in the corporate setting.
Like, Jim's crazy.

Speaker 1 You know, like he's napping in his room. Meanwhile, I, you know, I got like three hours of sleep the night before.

Speaker 1 But yeah, there was,

Speaker 1 I was definitely, I was the last of my friends to have a day job because I think the remnants of that retaining security had really stayed with me. And I also

Speaker 1 knew that I didn't want to.

Speaker 1 just do some horrible bar gigs. And

Speaker 1 I tried to limit some of the humiliation.

Speaker 1 or do you keep up with financing like is that still like kind of like a hobby of yours or i did i didn't really i still i don't know anything about finance and it's like i went to college and i even joke around about that in my uh news special it's like

Speaker 1 it's really sad i mean i have middle schoolers and i look at their math and i'm like are

Speaker 1 Did they introduce new numbers? Because I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 And so, and also, like, if I looked at the Wall Street Journal financial section, I wouldn't know. And I probably, you know, passed a class in it.
Right. Yeah.
Got it.

Speaker 1 But speaking of your special, it's called The Skinny. It's on Hulu right now.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 And so this is number 11. This is the 11th special.
Good Lord. Isn't that amazing? That's crazy.
And I'm only 22.

Speaker 1 That's pretty impressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 What did she say? It's the 11th of 22. You've decided to do it.
I'm only 22 years old. No, he's only 22 years old.
Oh, oh.

Speaker 1 Where do you see? I mean,

Speaker 1 as a performer, do you see yourself as you sort of get older that you want to keep making specials?

Speaker 1 Do you like the process of making specials or do you get a thing you're like, I just want to act more because the specials, I've kind of, I've done 11 of them and I don't, or does it, where does the fire live?

Speaker 1 It's all self-assignment, right? Like every aspect of this business, right?

Speaker 1 There's like we have this notion that someone's in a sitting at a counter at a soda shop and someone comes up. It's like you have to like steer it.
You have to sit there and go, I want to do this.

Speaker 1 And, but what I love about writing stand-up is

Speaker 1 that it's something I have control over. So it's like, look, I would, you know, I would love it if I didn't have time.
to do it as much as I do. But,

Speaker 1 and I have turned down

Speaker 1 a fair amount of, I mean, I love just complex characters. And,

Speaker 1 you know, so if it's a good acting role, I'd love to do it. But like, if it's, you know, some kind of silly comedy where I would have fun doing it, but it wouldn't be something great.

Speaker 1 You know, I try not to,

Speaker 1 and also I have kids, so I have to be very selective on why I'm being out of town, why I'm going out of town, meaning I got to make money, you know, but I do a lot of indies where I make nothing.

Speaker 1 Do you still go, do you still go and like jump on stage of the comedy cellar and places like that absolutely i try you know i that's why we're still in new york city i mean i wanted my kids to be new yorkers but also

Speaker 1 i you know it's so great i can just go and do a show at you know goth or you know the new york comedy club and then i can be home and you know try and tear the screens away from the kids you know yeah yeah your life sounds freaking perfect i i want to come back as jim gaff again

Speaker 1 it's far from it, but thank you.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite non-comedy or non-business thing? I know you love gardening. Yes, I do love gardening.
Where do you get a chance to do that? Downtown?

Speaker 1 During the pandemic, we got a place in Westchester. Okay.
And so,

Speaker 1 and they had some raised beds there, and I love that. But I love gardening.
And

Speaker 1 during the pandemic, I got into bourbon. I just, if I'm talking to like three people in the entertainment industry, I assume two of you don't drink any longer, you know, but like,

Speaker 1 but like, so I was like a beer guy. And then during the pandemic, I kind of got into bourbon.
And then, I mean, we've all probably been approached.

Speaker 1 Maybe you guys have a celebrity spirit, but I didn't want to do that.

Speaker 1 So, but I have a buddy from Louisville and I was like, can't, because it's some of them are just so bad. So I was like, can't we just pick our own and do this?

Speaker 1 And he's like, you might just end up with a bunch of barrels of a bunch of bottles of bourbon. And I'm like, that's fine.

Speaker 1 So I'm doing that until I go until I eventually join AA, I guess, in three years. I don't know.
Turn a profit first. Yeah.
That's right. Like saying I went from beard and then I got into bourbon.

Speaker 1 It's like saying, I used to do Coke and then I got into crack because I was like, you know, it's just

Speaker 1 ketamine is great. It's just a starting point.

Speaker 1 Well, they always say I'm drinking bourbon in the morning, but it's actual apple juice on the rocks. Oh, there you go.
Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 By the way, every step of the way, Jim, Sean will out Midwest you in every respect. You can't believe how from the fucking...

Speaker 1 Do you see how excited he was when he was like, and you're from Oakmont, right? You're wherever.

Speaker 1 I'm from 20 minutes away from there. And we're always like, isn't that fucking crazy? People are from places.

Speaker 1 I'm always fascinated that people get out of the place they live to pursue their dreams in other places. Sean, really quick, lunch today, Sean, really quick.
What's on the menu? Quickly.

Speaker 1 Got it, what's for lunch? Mac and cheese? He's chopping celery for the egg salad right now. Yeah, I think

Speaker 1 it's gonna be, I think it's gonna be craft mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 So you can still eat like you're in third grade and

Speaker 1 great. A little bit.
Wow. I've always got a cookie pouch.
Show them the cookie pouch. I got a cookie pouch.
There it is. Here it comes.

Speaker 1 Oh, there you go. That's it.
That's my cookie pouch. No, I thought it was growing up in the Midwest.

Speaker 1 I was, I used to look around and be like, I mean, I know I wanted to be a farmer and everything, but like,

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, I think there's, I used to, oh, there's been a mistake. I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm supposed to be in New York. And

Speaker 1 then I got to New York and I was like, oh, well, I'm finally home. And they're like, you're the most Midwestern looking guy I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 So I realized. how Midwestern I was when I because we look plain we look plain we look plain we blend in we and it's a sexiness right like when people think Midwestern they think sexy sexy is you know

Speaker 1 you know tim walls sexy you know snap the overalls and let's get after it

Speaker 1 sean be honest how how long between now and when are you have you started looking at rascals online are you like what speed am i gonna get yeah yeah i'm looking are you just eating your way into a rascal right now is that is that the end goal you put special tires on that mags or anything spinners yeah yeah

Speaker 1 jim you're the greatest oh with

Speaker 1 for being here today. Such a funny deal.
Yeah, very nice of you to spend some time with us.

Speaker 1 We're all big fans of you. Yeah, you're such a conservative.
The next steak dinner,

Speaker 1 you know, when I wait, you know, your table, please tip. You know what I mean? Some of it's for the bus boys.
And we'll act like Will's going to pick it up next time.

Speaker 1 I pick it up all the time.

Speaker 1 Would you, if we're ever here in New York again and we say, hey, we're going to go to Strip House, would you join us? I would totally do that.

Speaker 1 I'd love to see a set

Speaker 1 at Gotham first. No, I love it because there's certain excuses.
Like when I go out with Seinfeld, I'm like, it's like Jerry wants me to have pizza. And my wife's like, I understand.

Speaker 1 But if I'm just, you know, hanging out, you know, there has to be a reason behind it. And you guys are, you know, very high status.
Wow. Sure.
Yeah. We're worth the cholesterol.
I love it. Wow.

Speaker 1 Jimmy, the skinny. The skinny.
The skinny on Hulu. Thanks for being here, pal.
We love you. And thanks for making us laugh for so many 75 years.
Thanks, dude yeah thanks jim thanks jim see you bud

Speaker 1 will i think you look 12.

Speaker 1 okay thank you that's my opinion i can't believe he said that i really found it very hurtful and you know what and he started kim kicked the door down with it didn't he started right out with it you know why i think he's got a crush on me yeah you are a little intense

Speaker 1 you know that's the way i gotta i gotta frame it I'm proud of you for working right through that.

Speaker 1 That could have wrecked the whole interview, but no, you didn't let it happen. I love that he, I love that he doubled down on it.

Speaker 1 He's still over and over to Gavin Newsome. It's my kind of joke.
It's my kind of joke. I love a new song.
Gavin Newsom's dad. Dad.

Speaker 1 Mr. Newsome.
Mr. Newsome.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's doing a new sitcom called Mr. Newsome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, you should send your headshot to Lauren Michaels if Newsom makes a run at it on the next

Speaker 1 election cycle.

Speaker 1 He's one of those guys when you watch him doing a special, like you said, Jason, he's so

Speaker 1 calm.

Speaker 1 He's not like a loud in your face kind of, right? Yeah, you see him. You just kind of start with a grin.
He doesn't even need to, he doesn't even need to be talking yet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's authentic and he's, and he's such a nice guy, too. Oh, my God.
I love him. He's so nice.
Yeah, I love him. Huge, huge fan.
I'm glad we had him. I'm trying to think of a buy.
Okay. And I looked up

Speaker 1 seeing your honesty. Finally, by the the way, look at this photo that just got sent.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Is that Ricky?

Speaker 1 Wait, so you looked up synonyms

Speaker 1 or cinnamon treats? I cut you off.

Speaker 1 I have two tabs open. Okay.

Speaker 1 Cinnamon's near me.

Speaker 1 By the way, that sounds so good. Right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love that. Well, just off your mac and cheese, you guys can jump in a cab.
Yeah, I love mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 So there's like, there's via, there's through, there's across, there's a long, there's near, there's, there's a beyond, there's also

Speaker 1 synonyms to buy. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Like, well, but what you did is you spelt it wrong.
Oh, you need to, the prompt needs to be B-Y-E. I didn't spell it wrong.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Ready? So there's Adu.

Speaker 1 Take your time, Sean. Arrivederci, our raw off-eater thing.

Speaker 1 There's Cheerio. No, but we need, sorry, you're not understanding the concept.
You need to put the word buy into the buy. We don't need a synonym.
A Rivaderchi is not going to help you get into a buy.

Speaker 1 We've been doing it so long. Yeah.
Right. I want to blow the brains out.
Yeah, well, you want to blow your brain out. So, whatever we come up with, fine.

Speaker 1 But for our audience, we just got to make sure that they buy it. Buy it.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, that snuck off. Buy it.

Speaker 1 That was good. That was really good.
Smart.

Speaker 1 Less.

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