YOUR NEW FAVORITE SOCCER SHOW: GoalLess with Russell Howard and Chris Wittyngham

Speaker 1 Will Arnett here with some huge news. Look, everyone knows the world of soccer has hundreds of leagues and competitions and etc.
But there's one that stands above them all. The Champions League.

Speaker 1 Oh, champions!

Speaker 1 You know the bets better.

Speaker 1 Anyway, join our newest smartless media podcast called Goalless, where the hilarious and football-obsessed British comedian Russell Howard partners up with soccer-obsessed Champions League announcer Chris Whittingham to highlight the passion, personalities, and on-pitch drama that make soccer beautiful and hilarious.

Speaker 1 Built by fans for fans.

Speaker 1 So whether you're a fan of Liverpool, like you should be, Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, or Young Boys, no, no, which is an actual Swiss team called Young Boys, that's their name, we have got you covered.

Speaker 1 Every Monday and Thursday, the guys kick around the biggest stories from the Champions League, featuring analysis and laughs and stars who love the game. What's the goal? You tell us.

Speaker 1 But why should you listen to me? I'll hand it over to the experts. Here's the show trailer.

Speaker 2 Hello, I'm Chris Wittingham. I'm a commentator for CBS and Paramount Plus on the UEFA Champions League.

Speaker 3 And I'm Russell Howard, a stand-up comedian from Great Britain. Welcome to Goallas.
Of all the unimportant things in life, we're here for the most important football.

Speaker 2 He means soccer. Each week, we'll kick around the biggest stories, predictions, and results from the Champions League.

Speaker 2 We'll talk with players, comedians, and actors who share our love and passion for the game, plus news from the wider world of soccer.

Speaker 1 It's football!

Speaker 3 For the best goals to the funniest player trolls, disastrous decisions to disastrous haircuts, goalless is your new favorite football show by fans for fans.

Speaker 2 Well, okay, actually, I do have a slight history lesson for you here.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 The word soccer is actually an English word. If you go back...
down the years, you watched some BBC broadcasts in the 1970s and 1980s, they're calling it soccer.

Speaker 3 Things evolve, my friend. We need a new word specifically for the podcast so that we can get through it.

Speaker 1 How about footka?

Speaker 3 Sockball.

Speaker 1 Sockball. That could work.
Sockball?

Speaker 2 That's not it. Now, Russell, one of the biggest things for viewers to get used to in this year's Champions League is it's a completely different format.

Speaker 2 One 36-team league table where not everyone is playing each other home and away, eight different opponents for every team.

Speaker 2 Realistically, I think the biggest thing for viewers to get used to is that every week there are going to be games between big teams. And that used to not be the case.

Speaker 2 If you're not watching your own team, you're going to watch whatever the biggest game is. And there will be one of those almost every single day of this league stage.

Speaker 3 That's a really good point, actually, isn't it? Because it means we don't have to wait to the quarterfinals for those kind of red-hot games. So the fact that Liverpool, like we've got Real Madrid.

Speaker 3 So already I'm so excited. The idea that Bellingham and Bappé, Vinicius Jr., I'll get to see them live.
I met Bellingham. How cool is this, right? Okay.
It was such an insane moment.

Speaker 3 He saw me at Heathrow Airport and he asked me for a photo because when he was young, he was a fan of my TV show and it just blew my mind.

Speaker 3 But my phone was going through the security, so I didn't get the opportunity to also have my photo with Jude Bellingham. So I told my friends and none of them believed me.

Speaker 2 So you've got to get in touch with Jude Bellingham to get that picture off him.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but it was, you know, one of those moments where you meet somebody so impressive and it just happens in a, in a kind of a blur. And I kind of got very formal.

Speaker 3 And when I met his mum, I was like, you know, I said, I think I said. Mrs.

Speaker 2 Bellingham, lovely to meet you?

Speaker 3 I think I did. I went, Mrs.
Bellingham, your son is an absolutely phenomenal footballer. He should be very proud.

Speaker 3 I kind of, maybe that's what ruined it. Maybe he was like, I think he's cracking onto my mum, which I wasn't in any way.

Speaker 3 Any footballer who would you like to meet?

Speaker 2 Zlatan. I would kind of love to meet Zlatan, even though he would absolutely overwhelm overwhelm me.
I work for our Syria coverage at Paramount Plus.

Speaker 2 And he went up to the desk and straight away was like, oh, this is the B team. What happened to the A team that does the Champions League? And it was like, just what an absolute savage this man is.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I could really speak to him. Yeah.
It would be weird.

Speaker 3 He's a terrifying guy. He's really funny as well.
And he also has the look of a man who could break into a zoo and fight a gorilla.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Well, okay, he could talk his way into doing that and then probably not farewell against the gorilla, I would imagine.

Speaker 3 Again, it's a challenge. So we need to get a photo from Dude Bellingham and we need to find a way.
Slatan, he's not busy, he's not playing. Let's get him into a zoo.

Speaker 3 Let's get the right gorilla and let's make that happen.

Speaker 2 Riccardo Calafiore stole Europe's hearts this summer because of his wonderful haircut. The Italians usually bring the hair to the competition.
Germans as well.

Speaker 2 Do you feel like we will have better hairstyle in the Champions League because it's Italy and Germany, maybe not England, that is getting the extra spot in the Champions League?

Speaker 3 Do you know, I've never thought about the locks of my nation, but you're right. I think

Speaker 3 Italian men have the best hair.

Speaker 2 Go down the ears. Pirlo, Nesta, Maldini.

Speaker 2 And now, I mean, Calafiore, if you had said to Arsenal fans before the Euros, hey, we're going to sign Ricardo Calafiore in the so- you wouldn't have heard of him.

Speaker 2 But all of a sudden you see his hair and you think, this is the best defender that we've ever seen.

Speaker 3 Our teeth are bad. That's what the English are known for.

Speaker 1 We have bad teeth.

Speaker 3 But is it our hair as well? Is that what America thinks of us, that we have bad hair?

Speaker 2 Jack Greglish.

Speaker 1 Jack Greenish is good.

Speaker 2 Jack Grealish has wonderful hair. Wonderful hair.
But also, I do think Wayne Rooney was not the best diplomat in this regard.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he's probably fair. I was just thinking then: some of our great footballers, except for Beckham, do look like they were kind of

Speaker 3 something happened in the laboratory with a potato.

Speaker 3 From Smartless Smartlist Media, Meadowlark Sirius and Paramount Plus, listen to Golus wherever you get your podcasts. The first episode premieres on September the 19th.

Speaker 2 Don't forget to follow Golus for new episodes right when they drop and join us on social at Goalis the Show.

Speaker 1 You can listen to Goalis anywhere you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Whether you're a longtime fan or new to the sport, Golus is the place to go to get information and have some laughs, which is nice for everybody. So what are you waiting for?

Speaker 1 Go and give Golis a follow. Golis is proudly sponsored by Paramount Plus, the home of the UEFA Champions League.