"Steve Martin & Martin Short"

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Hey, did you guys know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die?

No.

Is that correct?

Yeah, they dilate.

Oh, that's incredible. You know the last thing to go through a bug's mind

before he hits your windshield?

What?

His asshole.

Welcome to Smartless.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart. Smart.
Less. So, Will, you have expressed that you're not in a great mood today.
But it is surprising because it is our 200th, so it is cause for celebration. I'd sing you both happy birthday, but it's not a birthday, really.
It's just a 200 celebration. I thought it is 200 celebration.
You know what? It's a great day for us, and I've got to remember, I had an okay start, and then you have grumpy moments, and I just remember this thing, which is like, just because you have a grumpy start doesn't mean you can't have a great finish. That's right.
We don't need a bumper sticker or anything right here, Will. Okay? What about you just tell us what the problem is and then we'll tell you how silly you are.
Your current look with your beanies and your beard look like you've got a million bumper stickers and a lot of them say co-exist with different... Does my beanie and my beard put you in a deeper bad mood and my Sally Jesse Raphael glasses? Yeah, you know why? Because it puts you deeper into Vermont, okay, for me.
No, it looks like you're from Seattle. Oh, God, if you could smell my patchouli right now.
Willie, what's wrong? Yeah, tell us what happened. No, nothing, nothing.
Can we guess? It's just been a lot of admin. And admin stuff gets me pissed.
And because as you both know. Domestic administration.
No, not domestic. Just work admin.
And I have a certain way I like doing things. And then when people fuck it up, I'm like, my patience for stuff is like, I go, I go, whew, fucking, what? You've just, things got more.
Why didn't stuff just go the way? If you let me, I, my, I thought. So this is relatable complaints about having too much work? Is that what it is? Getting a lot of sympathy from the.
No, no. These are relatable things about that.
Everybody has with just life. When life gets away and you just go like, you know what I mean? I know.
Anyway. I get that way too.
I get that way too when people can't like get inside your head. I'll walk into a room and I'll go, I don't know why she said that.
And Scotty goes, you have to catch me way up. Yeah.
Like that's the first thing I'll say. Yeah.
Because I'm so far ahead in my brain. And you just assume that everybody's in your brain.
Yeah. And everybody's treated as you.
All caught up. Can't they just read your mind?

That's right.

Anyway, this is wonderful.

It is.

It's a great...

Yeah, this is supposed to be a day of celebration.

Can you believe we've done 200 of these?

Yes!

200 episodes.

I can't believe 200 episodes.

Does that mean that it's been 200 weeks since we debuted?

Kind of.

Is it clean math like that?

I think it's a pretty clean math once a week, yeah.

Does it feel like it's been 200?

It does not.

It does not.

It feels like we've been doing it two weeks.

It feels like 2,000.

Okay, yeah, two weeks.

Sorry.

2,000, sorry.

2,000, sorry.

So the math is tough for me,

but that sort of correlates to what, four years?

Well, if it's one a week, right?

Yeah.

That's 52.

And we've done 200, right?

Yeah, it's four years.

It's 200 weeks, right?

Yeah. Do you want me to keep saying right? Is that not four years? Well, 208.
208, right? Would it be four years? So in two more months, it'll be four years. Right.
So like, we're less than smart. No, because 52 times four is 90.
What? No. Oh, no.
You're really getting stumped on this. Wait, what's 52 times 4? Oh, my God.
8. 5 times 4.
What have I done? What have I done? Yeah. It's 208, man! Yeah, yeah.
So we're not there yet, but soon it'll be 4 years. So not 4 years, but we're 200.
Jason, sorry, just real quick sidebar. With you spending so much time away from home, you must be really building up a little stockpile of crusty socks, am I right? Oh, yeah.
No, I've got them all standing up. I've turned them into little side tables.
Sure. Yeah.
It's quite a collection. You get off your socks.
By the way, have we already discussed... We don't need to get need to get too blue, but I didn't know what the sock, I didn't

know about the sock

method until, I mean,

I'm 54 years old.

I didn't know about it

until like two years

ago.

Okay.

But that you use a sock

instead of Kleenex or

something?

Yeah.

It's just genius.

It's just, I can't

believe.

Wait, I didn't know

which way you were

going with that.

I didn't either.

I thought he was

about to go, it's just

Thank you. genius.
Wait, I didn't know which way you were going with that.

Honestly, Sean, didn't you think?

I thought he was about to go, it's just disgusting knowing that.

I wish I could go back in time.

You can toss it in the one.

Oh, I would have saved so much.

I guess for you, this is your answer

to if you could turn back time, right?

If I could turn back time,

my masturbation technique would just be so fantastic. What a bird of a time machine use.
I was watching Oprah decades ago, and they did this piece. Did she cover this? She did.
No, no, she didn't. And she did this piece on this college kid, and they took her whole crew there, and they went inside the college kid's dorm, and with no irony or joking around, they were interviewing this kid and his roommates were like, yeah, and he's got this and this.
And look, and they opened up his side drawer right next to his pillow and there was tons of Kleenex in there. No.
Used Kleenex. And they go, and the guy goes, yeah, he gets sick all the time.
He's always sick every night. Yeah.
And I was like sitting at home going, they actually believe that this kid gets sick. Oh, bless it.
Well, he does. He doesn't get, but his dick barfs, you know? Hey, now, Will.
That's an old school. He sneezes.
Shawnee, what's your mood like today on our 200th? I'm better now, by the way. I feel much better now than I'm so dressed.
You just need a little sunshine from your buddies. I know.
It's true. I'm good.
I'm getting my teeth clean later today. You're getting your teeth cleaned, so that's a joyous day for you? It is.
I like getting my teeth cleaned. So what happens? You just FedEx them off, and then they return them a couple days later? How does that work? You just click those out and put in the weekday set.
Do they come to your house, or is there a drop box near you? you? Speaking up, I forgot to put them back in. Oh, yeah, make sure to get your speech impediment.
You don't need to put those in just for an hour. Keep them out.
No, no, I got to leave them in all the time. Abel was late getting in the car.
This is this morning. Fucking teenagers.
It was part of the thing. I got into this thing because the kids, I wake them up and then they're like, no, and then I'm like, we got to go.
And I know we have a recorder. I can't drive to the Valley.
I love the way they fall back asleep. They fall back asleep.
And I'm like, what are you doing? You're gonna be late for school. You're gonna be late for school and I'm not, and Uber is expensive.
I'm trying to like make them feel bad. And I'm like, you gotta get going.
Abel goes inside and I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, backing out. He comes around and out and he goes, and I go, what did he say? I had to get my rubber ranch.
He's got the Invisalign's like, you're shining. He's like, I had to get my rubber bands because I got my new rubber bands.
And I was like, oh my God. What is happening? Are they dealing with the wax too? They got to put the wax over the hot spots? Archie has to do because Archie has the old school ones and then Abe's got the Invisalign.
They got to choose. Well, yeah.
Mine's not called, mine's the same thing, but they put those permanent things on the back of your teeth that they hook onto. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So is headgear no longer a thing? Is this the new headgear? It can be. I'll still wear it.
It's still a thing, yeah. You have headgear as well? Oh, no, that's for a different thing.
He's thinking of a different headgear, sorry. It's more like a ball that's attached to it.
Sean, I don't want to speak for you. No, no, no, you got it.
That's right. There you go.
That's right. Is there a harness at all involved in this? But it's fun.
Of course. It's fun.
On the outside, it says Chicago Cubs. Like, he tries to make it kind of homey.
I heart the Cubs. Okay.
It's enough because we got fancy guests. Let's go.
Let's go. So let's tighten it up.
It's, you know, I figured since it was the 200th episode and just happened to be my turn for a guest, I figured, you know, if it's 200, we need two guests, right? I guess, yeah. It's not 100.
It's 200. You double the power here.
We had to give Sean more math. You were killing it.
What's 100 times two? And it's not just two guests. It is a duo.
This is a duo that... Cap and Tennille.
Well, very close. And it's not Sonny and Cher either.
But we're getting closer. And they're so fancy.
And they're so accomplished. There's so many awards.

There's so many credits.

There's so many things that I didn't even,

this is the first guest I've not written an intro for

because it just would be too long, longer than this bullshit.

So here they come, guys.

Uh-oh.

Steve Martin and Martin Short.

Shut the fuck up.

Guys, right?

Now, what's the mood like now,ie it's a little bit better it's a little bit better oh this is wonderful hi everyone hi it's too much first of all i have to just jump you gotta go and say yeah i gotta go to jump in and say how great it was to hear you guys try to figure out what 200 was. And the closest thing...
It is 4 times 50, right? The closest thing I can come up with is that you think 200 is 208. And I'm thinking that you ought to contact NASA and give them this new information.

Well, you know, we're not trying to trick anyone to thinking we're smart.

We put it right there in the title.

You know, we're smart less.

Which makes me think, how can we all the...

Oh, I get it.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, Marty finally gets it.

Yeah.

But, you know...

And by the way, four times 52 is like 85.

It's 80.

It's in the 80s.

Okay, okay.

But, you know, it struck me with all the brilliant titles you guys have had, have you ever thought about doing Steve Martin short? It's, and I don't mean this negatively. This is going to hurt.
No, it's not going to hurt. It's so obvious.

Right.

We've been reviewed that way so many times that we expect more from our audience.

Every day I get an email,

hey, what about Steve Martin Short?

And then I'd see it on any Twitter thing I'm on.

What about that?

What Marty should know that it's so obvious

is also Jason's title of his memoir.

So that's why it was taken.

No, we've had many different titles.

One of my favorite was Two for the Price of Three.

Depending on your seat.

But what about these titles?

An Evening You will forget for the rest

of your life. Genius.

Now you see them soon you won't.

The funniest show in town at the

moment. You won't believe what

they look like today.

And number one

is walking. Steve's new

book is

for Tracy. That's what

they call them. It's two years old.
Is it? Why do they say new? You know, Wikipedia is just not what it used to be. Yeah, really.
Yeah, I know. Also, your dreams are not as informative as it was worth.
Marty, do you have excellent lighting or is that new work? You know what? Have you ever heard of the word combo? Marty, you must admit, I look, I, you know, I am so, I'm so angry by the press when they keep saying the word timeless. And I think I have to live up to it on some level.
Yeah, sure, sure. The great thing about Marty is he has it all done at once.
Right. The hair, the eyes, the nose, the teeth.
It's true. And you heal all at once.
You heal six weeks and it's over. Well, you know, I didn't get much from that book about Liberace, but I got a few pointers.
I would say that the last time I saw Marty was at the opening of Sean, your play, and I was walking, I think I told this, and I was walking by the bar to go upstairs, and he he was like 50 people away from me and he yelled across everybody. Why can't you have talent like that? I have to add a line from your earlier conversation about Kleenex because Lenny Bruce had a line, it's like the mother and she goes in her son's room and picks up and she goes, oh, look, Sonny blew his nose on the Playboy magazine again.
Oh, is that funny? Good. Wait a minute.
You know, guys, you know, Selena was on. Selena Gomez was on our show a while ago.
And she said, Steve, she brought you up, and she said that, you know, I always wonder if we're going to keep doing more seasons. And Steve says, I want to do the show.
We're standing on the set, and Steve goes, I want to do this show forever. When do we get out of here today? Uh-huh.
First of all, we pay our compliments to Selena. She's lovely to work with.
We love Selena. And, you know, she doesn't mind us.
Oh, that's Marty. Marty, Marty.
Do you need to get the door? You're such a pro. You know what? This is going to ring ten times.
Because it's like having a little... Well, it's a good location for your audio stuff.

You know what?

We should have removed it.

Uh-huh.

Is there a little cuckoo bird that's going to come out at the end?

No, no, no.

But keep talking.

But just remember, it's not nine o'clock.

It's ten.

So this incredible duo started with the three amigos, yes? Yes. Is Wikipedia correct on that? Correct.
Yes. Mostly correct.
Now, were you aware of each other at all beforehand? Who was in a better position career-wise at that point? Well, Steve was, remember, a major star. Yes.
And I was still in the ninth grade. Wait, wait, wait.
Did you say was? Yeah. Wow.
You've still got room to go back. Still rolling, Marty.
Yeah. Wow.
No, Steve, as you know, is a big, big star. There you go.
And, but even then. No, I remember being aware of Steve.
I met Steve quickly backstage of the new show, and he was hosting it. Lauren's show, January 84, it started.
It was just one season. And the new show was kind of the idea of SNL in primetime.
Really? And Lauren was the host, and Catherine O'Hara was on, too. Wait a second.
Lauren Michaels was the host? No, no, no. He was the executive producer.
Yes. Steve was the host.
Gotcha. Thank you.
And so Catherine O'Hara was on too. Wait a second.
Lorne Michaels was the host on camera. No, no, no.
He was executive producer. Yes.
Steve was the host. Gotcha.
And so Catherine O'Hara was also on the show, and we were friends with Catherine, so Nancy and I went and visited Catherine, and Steve came into his dressing room, doing quick change, and was very friendly in that kind of icy way that is so Steve. Icy.
It was friendly as far as I can go. Yeah.
You maxed out. But I first met Marty at my house, and he came over to get a copy of the script for Three Amigos.
Really? That's when I first met him. And I, of course, knew who he was and I loved...
Since then, you know, I learned more because I always enjoyed him, but I also watched him do specials and create new characters. And I realized that his characters are so bizarre.
They have nothing to do with humanity. They have to do with aliens coming down and saying, I think this is the way they act.
Well, thank you. Right, it's like human behavior done by somebody who's never seen humans behave.
Exactly. So was that part of the thinking, Steve? Was that, you know, this is a fella that mixed in with what I'm doing and what John would be doing, that it would be a great third element creating a sort of red, blue, green.
Here's exactly what I thought. I gave Marty the script, and I said, now look, when you read this script and you come across Rick Moranis' name, just cross it out and write yours in.
Unavailable. No, no, I was definitely the cheap amigo.
I was the, you know, carrot top had said, let me think about it. Wait, what about, and then Chevy was what? Well, no, it was going to be Steve and Chevy.
They were the, I think the original, wasn't it John Candy? I think it was John Belushi. Yeah.
Oh, wow. I think it was John Belushi.
And then it went to John Candy. I think you kind of know what we were going for there.
But anyway, both were unavailable. And then the name martin short martin short came up you know that's right we said you know and after there was a pause and then chevy was last no chevy was in okay me and chevy were definitely in it's actually chevy and i but whatever marty what was that speaking of doing your, you know, Steve was talking about characters,

I never knew, like, obviously I was such

a huge fan of SNL then and now,

but your character Jackie

somebody with the blonde or the white wig.

Jackie Rogers Jr.

I've never known who that is or was

and I just...

I'll tell you exactly who he was.

I had done a piece

on SCTV called the idea that Jackie Rogers Sr. had been killed shooting a special called Old Mother Nature, She Loves Me.
And he was attacked by a cougar and killed. And it had been on the show for 11 years.
And then they were going to air it. But at the end, I needed someone to pop on and say, I miss my dad.
I hope you won't. Thursdays at 7.
And I'd seen a picture of Mickey Rooney Jr. who looked albino.
So I made him albino. Okay, got it.
So wait, Jackson. I love that you have a character backstory.
Like you're Marlon Brando. What's your backstory? Really funny.
Uncle sold cigars. What was the name of Mother Nature? What? Old Mother Nature, she loves me.
And was killed by a rogue cougar. Yeah, there'd be a scene with me singing to a squirrel, pardon me, miss, but I've never done this with a real live squirrel.
But then you saw a cougar lurking, and he attacked me and killed me. Marty, tell them the title of your TV special that I love so much.
I, Martin Short, Goes Hollywood. But that reminded me of something I read years ago of this funniest book title I ever read.
And then I thought, oh, I wish I had thought of that.

And then I researched it, and there is no book called that.

And I thought, maybe I did think of it.

But it was kind of a comedy biography of a fictitious actor called I, a Actor.

I, a Actor?

I, a Actor.

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This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly work collaboration? Or did that just kind of grow on its own? No, I mean, I think it happens when you're working together.
I mean, sometimes, as we all know, you do, you know, you're in Romania with a group of people for three months and you make a film and then you never, ever see them again. But with Steve, I thought, no, I want to keep this going.
You know, I want to, I want to. So we would do Amigo at Dinners.
And go ahead. Can you see me raising my hand? Yeah, go for Steve.
No, I was just saying that you're right. You usually work with somebody, then you never see them again.
But in this case, we continued to work together kind of coincidentally through Father of the Bride movies. And did we do another movie together? Yeah, we did.
But that's not, I think the point of it is. What was it? No, no.
We did Prince of Egypt. Father of the Bride, too.
Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah.
And the scenes that were cut from Schindler's. No.
That you were not supposed to talk about, Marty. You know you're not supposed to mention it.
Just tonally, tonally it was not. It was a swang.
No, no, no, but Steve, Steve, Father of the Bride was five years after Three Amigos. We continued to be great friends.
Yes, that's true. It's like you guys.
You're constantly riffing off each other. It's fun.
And when you work together, you start doing that all the time and then you develop a kind of a, not only a kinship, but a style. And you guys had, and you guys also, right, you have a style and you have, socially, you have a lot of friends, right, in common.
So you're sort of in the same circles. You're kind of in each other's orbits and on a lot of levels, right? Well, let me add something.
Only Marty has friends. Right.

That's my problem with these two.

I benefit from his friends.

Yeah, that's not true.

But he's very social.

Everybody wants to be with Marty.

And I've told this before.

I say, you know, if we're, for example,

or someone is plotting a dinner party in Hollywood,

and you invite these people, and you invite Marty,

and if Marty can't come, you cancel the party. Yeah.
Because everyone else is going to fall off. Marty party.
Marty's party. But back then and certainly after the success of Three Amigos, you guys could have, if you wanted to, start to generate your own sort of two-hander kind of vehicles, much like you guys are doing today with your live stuff.
That didn't really, did you think about it? Did that start? No, I, you know, Steve was a massive movie star and I was just kind of there, you know? Right. So he was, while he was doing Roxanne, I was, you know, doing the Love Boat reunion or something.
So it wasn't always equal. Right.
And I think it was, as Steve said, it just so happened that we were both cast in Father of the Bride and the Father of Bride 2 and then other things. But it wasn't until around 2011 that we were asked to interview each other on stage for the closing of the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Chicago.

And that was successful.

And that evolved into our live show.

So that was the impetus for this whole other thing that you guys have created.

But I have to add something.

And Jason said, after the success of Three Amigos, dot, dot, dot,

you really mean 20 years after the success,

the Three Amigos, did it become a success? It was a minor success at the time, and then it had accumulation. It accrued value.
And then I remember like 10 years ago, a magazine from the UK, I think it was called Empire Magazine. They called it, we want to put you,

Chevy and Marty on the cover.

And I said, why?

And they said,

well, it's the 25th anniversary

of Three Amigos.

And it's a huge hit.

You mean, somebody cares?

I didn't think anybody

even ever thought about it.

Wow.

Yeah, but the next year

they did the cover of

25 years later from Ishtar.

It's a magazine of flops yeah i see now now um for a couple of fellas that usually with your level of success um want to do the last thing they want to do is start bopping around the country on the frequency that you guys are, staying in hotels, going up live every night. It's a big thing that you guys are doing all the time, massive success, and you could probably do a million more shows.
When you put it that way, geez. But I mean, I just think it's just incredible that you guys are...
Is it getting... Is it tiring? are you sorry that you've got so much momentum built up with this and all the fans that you would disappoint if you stopped i mean you're screwed now well the truth is if i i enjoy working with marty and i think it's vice versa so we actually enjoy it and all that other you know? You get six hours a day and you're just, you know, down the street.
Well, I mean, that's a good idea. No, you know, it seems like way more work than it is.
It really is. Because we'll do maybe four shows and then we won't do it again for two weeks.
Right. And they are fun.
And then we, I mean, Steve and I will then, you know, have a glass of wine afterwards and discuss the show. And everyone kind of loves each other because we have the Steep Canyon Rangers and we have Jeff Babco, my piano guy.
And everyone and the stage manager, it's all become very close. So it's fun there are no pricks allowed our max is six maybe seven shows a month okay so it's not you know i i couldn't do it because i got a family and you know i yeah love being home you know yeah no me too steve is it true years and years ago steve that you i've always heard this i've never i've never had the fortunate opportunity to have one.
But did you used to have cards made when people came up to you, asked for a photo or an autograph, and you would just hand a card that said you've met Steve Martin? I thought it was funny. This was in the 70s when I was getting asked for a lot of autographs.
And so I made up a card and it said, because I thought, what do people really want when they get an autograph? They want to say that they met you. That's the main thing.
And what was he like? Yeah. In, you know, like the 12 seconds that they met you, what was he like? So I wrote, this certifies that you met me and found me warm, charming, intelligent, and funny.
And then I had a printed signature on it. And then I found I'd give the cards out thinking it was hilarious, and then they'd say, could you sign this? No way.
Yeah. So I thought, well, that's over.
Oh, wow. This, when you guys come together and you think up another show, because how many of the live tours have you guys done? It's four, five, six? Well, you mean different titles.
I mean, but we keep changing the material all the time. We always...
Well, in fairness, it's slowly evolving. We never throw everything out and then bring everything new in.
It would be impossible. So it just slowly evolves.
Yeah, like what is that process like? Would it be like what the process would be process would be? I'm assuming for standup where you've got to spend a bunch of weeks or months accruing brand new material observations, jokes, et cetera, and shape that into a set that's that, that you're, that you like. Um, is that the same process you guys go through or no, you saying it's sort of the same core, and then you just kind of update it, yeah? Yeah, we change things one line at a time.
And then every once in a while we'll come up with a new idea and we'll put it in whole. And is there a formal process when you guys will get together and write? Or you do it via Zoom? Will you just sit there? Zoom.
We'll do Zoom. Yeah.
We'll do Zoom and we'll have a bunch of material in front of us and we'll, but, you know, we'll do that at the beginning of a tour if we have a lot of new material to go over. Would you guys consider doing like Google Spaces or Microsoft Teams? Oh, we've done that.
I don't want to fuck with your process, your creative process. I'm just saying.
Now, Marty, is it true, Marty, that you originally saw yourself more as a singer and an actor? And if so, at what point did you feel it was a safe pivot to go into straight-up comedy, screw the singing, screw the I'm-not-going-to-be-a-character? And do you. And do you regret it? And what were you thinking?

No, I think it wasn't until I joined

Second City in Toronto that I

started to develop characters

and realized that I could

improvise and all that stuff. But up until

then, I thought I wanted to be Sinatra.

Frank Jr., oddly enough.

Not the father. And I wanted to...

And I used to, you know, I used to do musicals and I would do plays. But I'm sure you must have been, you must have had some comedic success in high school, right? Junior high, college.
Well, no, no, I was funny in the class. I heard you killed in St.
Catharines. I heard that you would kill in Hamilton in St.
Catharines true? Oh yeah, you know, the hungry lion in Hamilton. No, I grew up in a very funny family.
My brother Michael has won many Emmys and awards for writing everything from SCTV to Schitt's Creek. So he was the eldest and it was a very funny family.
My father was funny. So it was kind of natural to be funny, but I never thought of it as something I would do until later on.
And as you know, Marty is an incredible singer. Yes, amazing.
I listen to him on stage every night. He's never flat.
He's never sharp. And curiously, he's never on the note.
But, no, he's incredible. He never misses.
He has a beautiful tone. Is he a better singer than you are a banjo player? Absolutely.
Is he? That's high praise because you know what you're doing on that thing, right? Well, oh, Steve's good. I do in a way.
There could be some Grammys there. In fact, whenever Steve Steve plays the banjo I've won Grammys playing the banjo You've won many Grammys Steve Yeah that's what I'm saying Playing the banjo Hell yeah Whenever Steve plays the banjo I like to just close my eyes and pretend I'm on hold with Cracker Barrel Do you guys do a bit of a singing slash banjo playing piece in the live shows? We don't actually sing and play together.
We do some songs, but we use piano and we use our orchestra, but we don't have a banjo number. Jason, have you not seen it? No, I've never been invited.
It's so good. It's so funny and so, it's hysterical.
With the show? I've never, I haven't seen it either. I've been busy.
I've been, in my defense, I'm very busy. Yeah, I know you've mentioned, I hear, I listen to Sportless all the time and I always hear, you've said many times, I'm busy.
I'm very busy. I'm just not sure at what.
Yeah, busy. In what country.
Wait, wait, Steve, I want to ask actually, you mentioned Grammys, and you've won Grammys for your banjo playing, but you've also won many Grammys for stand-up over the years. And do you, I don't know if you do any stand-up anymore at all, ever.
The only stand-up I do is in our show. Yeah.
I call it stand-up with Marty, but we each have a section in our show, and I just sort of do monologue jokes and introduce a song on the banjo and play it. But I love doing it.
And it took me as long, as much time to work out that 10 minutes as it used to take to work out 10 minutes. You realize you're three years into this and you've got one little area that's weak and you're trying to fix it.
And now it's feeling really good now that it's old and overexposed. Is there, what is the oldest joke that you still include in your set? Like the one that just never fails.
It goes all the way back to Carson, perhaps. You know, appearances there.
No? Anything? I don't. I don't.
No. I mean, there's jokes that, you know, for example, when we did our Netflix special, then we really started trying to change things out.
And then three years later, we're talking, we're going, you know what? I missed that one joke. Right.
Blah, blah, blah. And then we really started trying to change things out and then three years later we're talking we're going you know what i missed that one joke right blah blah blah and then we would put it back in and then no one knew or cared marty you're you're famous for the for really loving preparing uh uh very deeply for uh for talk show i thought you were gonna say marty you're famous for using the same old joke Which one is your favorite? Which one of the three?

How is it to deeply prepare using old material? But you enjoy, did I hear this right, that you enjoy preparing for talk show appearances whereas some of us... Well, I just have a philosophy about it.
I mean, I just kind of, it's like it's work and you've got to prepare. I just don't want to go out and fail and feel it was my fault.
So if I send in, you know, 15 pages, and then I go out with Kimmel or Letterman or Fallon or whoever, and they're off or I'm a little off. But if I go out gunning for bear i feel like whatever happens

i can still toast myself because i did everything i could do i i feel the exact same way um how is it going today for you did you prepare today i did and it's none of it is working you should toast yourself because you you did your best you should toast yourself you know what i should i I should. I mean, I got the lighting.

Again, this is sort of the portion of the interview, hashtag relatable, talking about talk show appearances, I find that I get, I start to feel sad and like I'm losing my soul as I start to like the two weeks before the talk show appearance, I start to really try to log things in my life. Oh, this would be good to talk about, or this would be good.
And they're like deeply personal, cute moments, like with your children or whatever. And you think, well, fuck, why am I logging this for a talk show? I should be really interested.
Yeah, but it all works out, Jason. I should save this for a movie.
I should save it for a TV show. No, no, but it works out because, no, really, you're working, you're feeling you're losing your soul, you feel sad and depressed.
And then when you do it, that's what the audience feels. So it's a full journey.
You transferred to the audience. Yes.
I'm not sure what you mean. You mean you feel like you're giving away your private life to do a talk show anecdote? No, I feel like I more present in my in my moment with my children or whatever instead of thinking oh this is funny what she's doing i'm going to talk to camel about this like that that's just no you're doing the right thing you're doing the right thing yeah but don't you it's interesting marty we've talked about this before yeah where people don't realize those kinds of on-camera interviews on those talk shows are kind of performances.
And it's like we've all seen them and all witnessed them so we know what the good ones look like. Every single person in show business.
The first talk show I ever did was in 1982 on Letterman. And I kept thinking, what do I do? Like, same thing you're saying, Jason.
What do I talk about? What do I think about? And oh i get it it's you've got to it's like being at a dinner party where everyone's had some drinks and you're kind of on and telling stories but somehow you have to lift that six minutes because you don't have an hour and a half ramp or the booze yeah you know what i can't stand though is when people go on who are funny like considered funny people in the business and they just like to talk about something serious and people at home are judging them and they go, oh, I saw them on Letterman or Fallon or whatever or Kimmel. They're not that funny.
They're not that funny. Yet, yet a dramatic actor goes on and says one funny thing.
People at home go, and they can do comedy. It's amazing.
Yeah. I used to really resent having to.
We're so bitter. Yeah.
I know. I was when i was young and dumb and and really super duper full of myself i used to think oh i you know i'm going on this talk show like they're lucky to have me i don't have to prepare anything fuck that you know and and they're not paying me to write and of course you know the appearances were terrible and and i would see them and i'm just like oh my god you you punk and then as I got older and wiser as we all do, then you start really working on stuff.
And that pre-interview with the producer for Tracy, a lot of this stuff is talked about beforehand so that there is a cohesive six minutes where you're gonna get to a few questions and not that the answers are prepared, but you've got sort of an angle that might be entertaining for the audience.

But all the hosts vary.

I mean, you know, sometimes you go...

But when I would do Letterman,

I swear he would hit one quarter of what I'd prepared.

Right.

One time he said, tell the Tony Randall story.

And I said, I was on two months ago and told the Tony Randall story, Dave.

He said, I don't care.

Tell it again.

I have a secret fantasy, which is to go on a talk show totally unprepared and just to see what happens.

But you could do that.

And there are certain hosts that could definitely do that and not need them. Because sometimes the notes are really almost there more for them.
Right. But a lot of them, like Kimmel, for instance, you can just go on there and you can just go right off the questions.
You sit down, how are you doing? Great. And you guys are just both riffing.
You're having a conversation like we're having. I mean, we're barely prepared.
I'm certainly barely prepared. What's my next question here? I want to talk about Only Murders.
Did you guys, when you, first a conversation like we're having i mean we're barely prepared i'm certainly barely prepared what's my next question here i don't know i want to talk about only murders did you guys when you first of all we we share a mutual friend john hoffman who i love yes the bright he's always cheery always sweet always kind would kill it and then he stabs you in the back yeah um did you guys know when you were developing it together not of i hate that question you know it was going to work, but did you have a sense that with the writing and you guys and like the first table reads and the first kind of days of shooting, like, yeah, this is, we have something here, or were you still kind of unsure until the season was wrapped? Didn't know a thing. Didn't know a thing.
You just write it according to the premise. Yeah.
And then when when it started to hit the air the air and you started to get back word that by the way it's the biggest debut that ever and you know that sort of thing i don't know how accurate that is yeah it's huge and that's when you start to get excited but you don't change anything because of that you just oh and uh and then even a year and a half later, you start to go, what is this? Yeah. Right.
Yeah. We'll be right back.
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Now, there's word that you guys are going to be going to Los Angeles with it.

Is the whole show switching to Los Angeles or no?

Well, that's one of those news stories,

because we're shooting two days in Los Angeles,

that it's mistaken for, they're moving to the entire season, you know.

No, it's just, it's like a location shoot.

I gotcha. But it is shot in New York.
Right. Yes.
Do you both live in New York? Steve lives in New York. I rent in New York.
But you, no, you rent while we're shooting. You don't live in New York.
That is correct. That is correct, sir.
Would you guys like for it to be shot in Los Angeles 100% of the time? That was my, you know, when I had the idea for the show, I pitched it to them, to the producers, Dan Fogelman and Jess Rosenthal, based on, I wasn't even in it. I said, I think this is a good idea.
And we liked it. And then they called me and said, would you do it? And I said, well, I can't.
I could only do it if it's shot in New York. Right.
And then that's what, you know, that's why it was shot. And also it's a New York show, which it makes.
Well, I mean, that's the thing. It's great that it's shot in New York.
It feels 100 percent like a New York show. And you just added Molly Shannon, I read.
Molly Shannon. Yes.
That's super fun. You have a great cast of people on that show.
So fantastic. Yeah.
And that's what, when we get somebody that we can, you know, like, we worked with Matthew Broderick, it was like so easy, and the comedy is so good. It's like you've worked together all, you know, your whole lives.
Yeah, Matthew's great. I love him.
But talk about an out-of-the-box piece of casting with Selena Gomez. It just obviously seems incredibly genius now.
But the two of you with her is so unexpected. How did that come about? It came about after the fact because I had originally pitched it as three older people who have a lot of time on their hands.
And we were busy. And then I think the studio suggested,

what about Selena, actually?

What about Selena?

And we met her on Zoom.

They actually cast her.

And we met her on Zoom.

And Marty and I, after the Zoom, we called each other. We go, she's perfect.

Yeah.

Wow.

She's so sweet.

Well, I still wasn't sure.

I was saying, okay, maybe a female. but what about Kathie Lee Gifford? She's a local hire.
You've always been a champion of her. You pull out names from an old hat.
From the Harry Potter sorting hat. Now, talk about another thing that you would think would be unexpected.

Steve, you've lived a very private life.

It's very, very cool, very mysterious.

I love that about you.

You don't seek attention, Marty.

And yet you've got this.

But there's this documentary coming out that is covering you from soup to nuts or already out. And was that pulling teeth to get you to be a participant? No, no.
Morgan Neville as the director would probably be a huge draw for you. Yes, Morgan Neville.
I'm so glad. What's it called? It's called Steve! Okay.
Yeah, Steve! And I got a call from Morgan Neville about this documentary. And his credits are Won't You Be My Neighbor and 20 Feet from Stardom.
Yeah. So many.
He did a thing called Cool School. Yeah.
And I met him when we got along.

And, you know, when you do a documentary,

you have to open up, first of all, your archives,

which I happen to have.

They told me, they said, you have a lot of archives.

And I didn't realize I had a lot of archives.

So they went, prowled through my archives

for months and months and months and found things.

They found...

Like an old sock? photo a photo of an old sock he kept the photo not the subject i love too that you didn't know you had archives you were just like who was saving them it was a it was a cherished sock anyway um they found a photo of my father in Germany in 1943 doing a USO show. Oh, thank God.
That could have gone a different direction. That could have gone a different direction.
Wait, Steve, Steve, let me ask you. did you have, did you start archiving years ago, hire one of these people to do that? I did not archive, I saved things.
And I realized later, I would take things like, oh, I'm on a magazine cover, I'll save it. And I'd throw it in a thing.
I was saving all the wrong stuff. I should have saved photos, which, you know, photos were hard to come by then.
You just didn't snap it. You had the photo that was sent it in, and the thing was, you know, change film, the whole thing.
So, but when I wrote my autobiography, I did have one little plastic box where I just threw things in, And that had things like a receipt from a hotel in Salt Lake City in 1971. So you knew where you were at that date.
And you could research. You remember her name, though.
It was like archaeological because as it went down,

you would go past time, go through time.

Speaking about receipts, when Marty's biography came out,

he didn't send me one, so I went to the bookstore, bought it,

and while I was at the cash register, put the book and the receipt,

took a photo of it, emailed him and said, that's okay, I got it. Oh, Lord.
Very good. By the way, you can buy Marty's book on Amazon.
Yeah. I mean, you won't.
Right. If you needed it, it's there.
Marty, what about a documentary biography for you? like a documentary can't make his deal no there's going to be one oh really? Lawrence Kasdan the legendary director is doing it for Imagine really? wow great when does that have you been shooting it? no no no they're just again accum, that's going to take years. Yeah, they're making the final decision on who it's about.
Yeah. They're trying to decide the ending.
Yeah. How long are you in town, Marty? Are you in...
I go to New York in about two weeks for, you know, we start shooting. All right.
And is it that... Are you in the middle of production, or...
We don't start shooting for two weeks. Yeah.
A new season I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll start we'll shoot a couple days in LA and then the bulk of it in New York.
Okay, got it. And how are you guys enjoying that the process of being you know locked onto a show that lasts I mean how long is your season to shoot? Four, five, six months? Yeah, four.
It's about four months, and I actually love it. It's, you know, the studio's 20 minutes from my house.
Yeah. And also, you're working with two other co-stars.
Yeah. And so you're not shooting every day.
And when we work together, it's really fun. Yeah.
And I would say that it is definitely Steve's philosophy, my philosophy, and it turned out, luckily, Selena's philosophy, to make the set as much fun and joyful as it can be. So there are no pricks allowed.
And so it's fun to go to work. It's just stunning, right, how people don't enforce that rule commonly on a set because the hours that you work, the cast and the crew, many more hours than you spend with your family so why would you tolerate anything short of a family dynamic on a set right jb you've always been good about that you're a crew guy and you've always had that rule no pricks on set but me and you've you've adhered to it you've stuck by it and you've always you've never deviated and there's the only one I've said this on the podcast before but any job I get the very first day I say out loud to everybody is if you look around and you can't find out who the asshole is it's probably you yeah it's true well you guys have been very very nice to help us celebrate our 200 I mean this is a very significant booking what a thrill if What a thrill.
If we added up our ages, it'd probably be around that. What a thrill.
It'd be close. I worked with Jason in 2004, you know.
And what? And Will. Oh, Unrested, yeah.
Unrested. Unrested.
Played a character, a rich fella that had lost the use of his legs with a weightlifting accident. and he was so wealthy that he, and hated wheelchairs, he hired a big meathead, a big heavy fella to carry him around like a little baby.
That was hilarious. Marty would bark directions at him, you know.
Shoot me! Yeah, shoot me, take me this way, To the nuts! And he'd have to dip him down to grab a handful of nuts.

And they did a flashback of the actual

accident where he's lifting

up a barbell, he puts it over his head

and he just says, too much!

And then his legs snapped underneath

him. And then we cut back

to the present time.

The funniest joke of that, though, was

when I'm being carried by Dragon, his name was, and I say to the present time. No, but the funniest joke of that, though, was when I'm being carried by Dragon, his name was, and I say, to the nuts! To the nuts! And he puts me at Jason's crotch.
Yeah. And I, against his crotch, I'm going, Bridge Mix! I want Bridge Mix! Where did Mitch, was that your joke or was it Mitch's? Mitch, the great Mitch Hurwitz.
I think it mustitz it must be Mitch's oh my god the crap he'd come up with the great Mitch Hurwitz I remember doing Maya and Marty the Maya and Marty show with Marty you and we were rehearsing something in the hallway and I said should we just like should we just kiss after that line he said said, yeah, let's do it. And he goes, let's rehearse it.
And you just grab me and kiss me. There you go.
Oh, he uses that a lot. I love that.
Then I had to give you one note. I just said, you know, it's a comedic kiss.
We don't need the tongue. It was great.
I mean, you know, times in your in one's life where you get to meet the people that inspired you and and that moment has not come yet and you guys are the two reasons you got into this business I was literally going to tease you. I was going to joke and say, don't you start crying.
You're literally crying. Yeah, because a lot of the times you don't have these moments.
Yeah. I hear you.
We're very, very fortunate. I'm with you.
We get to meet some real heroes on this show. Hands down, you two are the two reasons.
You're serious, aren't you? He is deadly serious. He's very soft and chewy on the inside.
That's true. Thank you, Sean.
You guys are incredible and incredibly generous to say yes to doing this today. So thank you.
Thank you. I love your show.
I love when you're joking around. It just feels like you're with three friends, you know.
Not you guys. I'm sure it's what you guys enjoy working together all these years.
We certainly feel that way. And I remember I was on one of the early shows, and you didn't even have a title yet.
That's correct. And I suggested the Maguire sisters.
You did. Didn't clear.
We got so close. We got so close with that.
Sorry for getting choked up there, but I meant it. No, it's so lovely, Sean.
That's why you are so lovely, because you are 100% human being. Well, thanks.
Likewise. And he's got great taste.
You guys are the best. Thanks, you guys.
You guys are the best. It is such a thrill for us.
Thank you for having us. Thank you, guys.
We loved it. Yeah.
And I'll give you the address for the check. This will never air.
This will never air, by the way. This will never air.
It can't. No, it can't.
There's nothing usable. There's nothing.
You guys. We'll punch it up later.
The great Martin Short and Steve Martin. My gosh, thank you guys for doing our 200th episode.
What an honor. Thank you.
Brilliant show. Love.
Have heard every word Love your show. Thank you.
Bye-bye. Love you, love you.
Bye, guys. Thank you, guys.
Bye. Thank you.
Bye-bye. So I'm going to say this.
I was at this dinner at our friend Ted's house. Yeah.
And he had about 30 or 40 of the funniest people in his business. And I was fortunate enough to be there.
And Dave Chappelle stands up and he gives this incredible speech about how everybody in that room means something to him and has meant something to him. And it was just incredible.
I was blown away by his speech. And I thought, good on him for making that speech in the moment while it's happening and so

i had this conversation with myself i'm like do i say do i say it do i wait till we're done and i say it to you guys and it's like yeah no embrace the fear of saying that the thing that you feel in front of the people you want to say it to of course and and so i seized the moment and it's just so lovely And I guarantee you that just drilled them right in their heart and probably meant the world to them. Because I guarantee you they feel at least half of that going back to you.
You know what, I will say this too, and I'm with you, that those two guys have had,

are two people that I as well have as a sort of comedic actor, if you will.

I don't consider myself a comedian, but as a performer,

two guys that I look up to as being at the sort of the pinnacle,

again, gold standards of people that I think are funny,

who have created funny things over the funny characters. For years.
For for years they have been relevant at the top of their game forever and so the idea that I'm in a conversation with them that they're doing our podcast to me is not the novelty of that has not rubbed right and I hope it never does right and I never want to right and I never want to get to ever get to a place in my life where I don't recognize things like that and I take them for granted. Because we've all been in this business for fucking 100 years and you don't want to just pass moments by where you're like, oh yeah, there's so-and-so or there's so-and-so.
It's like you know them. And it just takes a beat to go, wow, how did I get here? And those two guys.
As soon as a novelty wears off, you stop enjoying and appreciating

how fortunate you are. I still remember, I think I was like, I don't know, 13 or 14 or something.

And I'd been going for a couple of years. And one of my buddies at school said, well,

what's the most famous person you've ever met? And I forget what I said, but I remember there

was like one person, you know, that I thought, well, this would the most famous person you've ever met? And I forget what I said, but I remember there was like one person,

you know, that I thought,

well, this would be a great answer.

I still remember that like it was yesterday.

And I think about it all the time on this show

because we are so fortunate to be able to talk to people

at the zenith of this business.

And I feel, I mean, my pits are sweating right now. They sweat every time we record this show because we're talking to someone that I don't feel like I really have a right to have on my show, our show.
Like, what am I doing hosting a show that they would be a guest on? It's just bizarre to me. JB, I played this thing yesterday, you know, that thing that you couldn't be at.
And one of the guys I played with said to me, he said, oh man, that Bono, when you guys had Bono on last year, and he knows Bono, he was like, that was such a great interview. And Bono had such a great time.
And he really felt really comfortable with you guys. And he really had such a great experience.
And I'm thinking like, Bono told you that about hanging out with us fucking morons?

Like what?

Yeah.

Well,

none of this is lost

on us clearly.

No.

And then...

We're lucky.

We're fortunate.

We're not lucky,

but we're really fortunate.

And we,

as much joking as we do

about our lives

and all that kind of stuff,

that we get to do it,

that we get the opportunities

to do it,

and that we get to do it together.

Yes.

And now that we're talking about

Thank you. Toking as we do about our lives and all that kind of stuff, that we get to do it, that we get the opportunities to do it, and that we get to do it together.
Yes, and now that we're talking about all this stuff on another level, that we get to do it together. And that I admire you guys and love you guys just like I did them.
It's really cool how those two guys, we were talking about it, that's why they're bopping around together because they just love being with one another. Yeah, yeah.
Just like, you know, we love being together and how this whole thing started. It's so funny, you know, doing this thing and, you know, we do it together and people have opinions on it and opinions on our relationships and people come up to us and say stuff and whatever.
And it's odd, right? It's very kind of revealing sometimes. It was part of it that I never expected.
They talk about which one's the best, which one's the funniest. No, but they talk about like what we do.
And it's very, it's exposing in a way, right? In a way that I didn't anticipate before. Yeah.
About being so open. And I feel very lucky, like you were saying, Sean,

that I get to do it with you guys.

I feel very safe doing it with you guys.

And I love you guys a lot.

And we, like anybody, we have moments that are tough as well.

And we do stuff because we're friends and we're in business together and we do stuff.

But I think of you guys as um my for real brothers and friends and i love you guys a lot i love you and that we're doing this 200th episode it's fucking crazy right it's crazy it's fucking crazy dude the other cool thing is that while we do hang out with each other away from this um This is not 50%, but it's, let's say, 35% of the time we spend with one another. And we share this relationship, basically.
We share 35% of our friendship with the people who are listening. Yeah, I know.
That's what I mean. Thank you guys for listening.
Yeah, thank you guys. And thank you for being a part

of whatever this three-headed beast is.

You see and you live with us 35% of our friendship,

which is kind of cool.

It's been a podcast called 35%.

Willie, you started this podcast today kind of down.

How do you feel now? I feel a lot better now. Good.
It always works. Yeah, you do.
Yeah, right? It always does work. It always works.
It's wild. You better fucking show up with the right attitude next time.
No. I'm going to show up as me every time.
It's true. Wherever I'm at.
I don't try to flip a switch at all, right? We just open up the computer and away we go. Yeah.
You're at where you're're at and it's true, like I even said, I anticipated that you start here and you can always end up up here. Always.
And that any day, any given day doesn't have to be a bad day or a good day. You can have lots of different things on every day and that's just the color of life.
Yeah, you know, people come and go, you say hello, you say... Bye.
Bye. You say goodbye.
You say goodbye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Boy, I wish we had some of those recommendations for buys right now. Right now.
Will, are you trying to Google one right now? We went to... We went before we were just going to say a bi.

Like,

I feel like there's something

we could do like

in a bicentennial

type of thing

because it's 200 years.

Oh, yeah.

Let's do it, Jay.

It's our bicentennial.

Do it.

It is our,

it's our,

this is happy,

happy bi.

Bi.

Bicentennial.

Is it really bicentennial?

Yes.

Smart.

Yes. Smart.
Less.

Smart.

Less.

Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarf.

Smart. Less.
Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant-Terry, and Rob Armjarf. Hey friends, Jason here.
We're so excited the Smart List has officially joined the SiriusXM family. We can't wait to announce new surprise guests who we know that you'll love.
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